TPATSD 4
"I am afraid it is all part of the journey." Dr McCartney told Alex when he made his rounds later that morning. "The journey of a preemie baby is one step forward and two steps back. A bradycardic episode is quite normal. In fact, Gabriella is extremely lucky to have not have one sooner. I would also like to discuss her weight. She is gaining weight steadily, and that is a good thing. But it's not quite as fast as we would like. I'd like you think about whether or not now is the time to be adding a thickener to her formula supplement to help her gain the weight she needs."
"The more weight she gains, the more stable she is?" Alex asked, not really following the point that the Neonatologist was saying.
"Not exactly." The doctor explained softly. "As she is no longer using the breast milk she had in storage, Gabriella is not getting the right amount of nutrients. I'd like to supplement her formula with a thickener. It comprises of some of the vitamins and minerals that she is lacking, as she no longer has breast milk at her disposal."
Well, that comment single handedly made Alex feel like a complete failure. "Oh." Alex said slightly, looking to Maggie for assistance. Possibly guidance whilst this old white doctor in a lab coat that looked like it had seen better days stood there, tapping his foot, waiting for Alex's response.
"Breast milk really is best for your little one and it's a shame she no longer has access to it. It really would be beneficial for her development." The doctor reiterated to him.
"I guess, we try the thickener." Alex conceded. He really hadn't thought he could possibly feel worse than how he had felt when Jo had called him this morning and told him about Gabriella's cardiac episode.
"Excellent." The doctor gleaned and quickly scribbled some notes in Gabriella's medical notes and left him be.
Once the doctor was gone, Alex let his tears fall. Today just felt like one failure after another. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Like everything he had done was wrong and he had no idea how to fix it. "That's it, Alex. Let it all out." Maggie said softly. Her blonde hair and her Irish accent soothing his raw and battered nerves. She was a calming presence for him though, in a roundabout way, she reminded him of his mom. "Breathe for me, that's it. One, two, three ... match my breathing."
He looked up at her, feeling like he had himself back under control. "Thanks." He said through his watery face, trying not to wipe his wet eyes against his hot hands.
"That's what we're here for." She smiled at him. "Oh, and Alex. What Doctor McCartney said about breast milk. That's a load of bollocks. Fed is best. Whether its bottle, breast or by any other method, as long as she is fed. It's ok. The thickener is good for weight gain, but it is your choice. Remember, you are her parent. You make the choices for her. Not the doctors."
"It's been a really long day, already." Alex sighed.
"Go, get yourself something to eat and some coffee." Maggie ordered him. "This afternoon will be better."
Sitting in the hospital cafe all by his lonesome, Alex pulled out his phone and quickly sent Henry a reply. He had appreciated the prince sending through the photos, and the effort he had put in chasing down Alex's number. When Henry had left yesterday, Alex had regretted forgetting to hand his number over.
When the woman called his number, he retrieved his food from her and returned to his seat. There on his paper coffee cup, was her name and number, written in pen. After everything that had happened today, he was as far from interested as he could be. His sister and Nora joined him, just as he was finishing up and they noticed the name and number on his cup. Teasing him mercifully, he let them get away with it.
The ding of an incoming text surprised him again. He had been expecting that his reply would be the end of the conversation between him and the young royal Prince.
'You're doing your best, Alex. That is all anyone can ask of you.'
As if Alex's heart didn't flip flop at Henry's written words. Quickly typing out his reply, but before he could send it, Henry sent another message to him.
'Do you think it would be ok if I stopped by again? I have a little something I would like to gift to her.'
Taken aback by Henry's question, Alex deleted his previous reply and typed out 'Yeah, sure.'
Saying goodbye to June and Nora was as heartbreaking as Alex had expected it to be. It was a grey, drizzly morning and the weather outside matched Alex's mood. Saying goodbye, he hugged them both tightly. He had been hoping that Gabriella would have been discharged before June and Nora went home, but no such luck.
The plus side was that when the telephone had rung at 6pm the night before and he had seen the caller ID as NICU, his heart had plummeted. Until he had taken the call and discovered that Gabriella's nurse Jo had been calling with good news instead of bad. It seemed that she had improved enough that she had come off all breathing support and she was maintaining her body temperature enough that she was moved into an open aired thermal cot.
That had been the only bright spark of his day. In that very moment, Alex had wanted to say stuff it, pack his stuff, gather his daughter and start a new life back in the States. Somewhere between where both of his parents lived, and where Nora and June lived. But right now, he had to put his big boy pants on and say goodbye to his sister, and her wife, who was still his best friend.
Alex stood on the sidewalk and watched as the taxi that contained June and Nora drove off down the street and turned the corner. As soon as they were out of sight, Alex cupped his nose and mouth with his face and willed his tears to stay in his eyes. He had gotten this far with June and Nora's support; he wasn't sure how he was supposed to continue on without them.
But he would. He knew he had to. He had to be strong for Gabriella. He was her father and that was his job.
Things with his work were tense and that had been a stressor for him in the last week. It had also been a secret he hadn't shared with anyone else. While they were happy, he was working shortened days, while Gabriella was in the NICU and Erica was with her. They weren't keen on the idea that Alex would now be the primary caregiver. When Alex had confronted the partner that had called him to enquire when he would be returning to work, the partner had all but implied that Alex had deliberately misled them. The fact that his fiancée had unexpectedly lost her life and he had found himself a single parent and widower of sorts meant nothing to them.
He hadn't even had the mental strength to confess to his sister today, that before he was due in the NICU today, he had been summoned to a meeting with all of the firm's partners. The subject of the meeting had been kept from him but based on his discussions with one of the partners a week ago, he could hazard a guess.
Dressing in one of his work suits and tie was strange for him, it had been seven weeks since he had worn one. Even though he had been working half days or working from home, he had foregone the suit, in favour of business casual. Double checking his appearance in the mirror, and giving his curls an extra scrunch, Alex grabbed his keys and wallet, before heading out of the house to the car.
Arriving at the small law firm he had been working for, for the last eighteen months, Alex mentally braced himself before letting himself inside. Andrea, the receptionist smiled at him and congratulated him on the birth of his daughter, before passing on her thoughts on parenthood. Thoughts which included why it wasn't for her. He went to his desk and looked over everything that sat atop it. It seemed that while he had been out of the office, it had become a dumping ground for files that the other lawyers were too lazy to file away themselves.
Huffing out in frustration somewhat, Alex sighed and began trying to sort out the unorganized chaos that was on top of his desk. He had a gut feeling that they were going to fire him today and he wanted to be able to clear his desk out, without having to worry if he left a personal item behind. Not that he had much personal items there. Just some pens, a small memento from Erica for luck, a photo of the two of them, a small cinnamon shaker and some coffee pods for the communal coffee machine that he had brought in from home with him because the office supplied pods made piss weak coffee that tastes like dirt.
"Thank you for coming in, Mr. Claremont." Randy, the most senior partner of the firm said, loitering at the doorway to his office. "When you've finished tidying up that mess, I and the other partners will be in Conference room two waiting for you. Tick Tock."
Alex gritted his teeth. He hated when his parents did that, referred to him by half a name. He hated when the media would do it, in reference to one of his parents. He hated when arrogant, old, rich, white men did it, trying to appear aloof, when they're really just being racist and disrespectful. "It's Claremont-Diaz, remember Mr. Whittaker?" Alex replied, as Randy turned his back to walk away. Alex let his tone be snarky. As much as this was his job, and overall, it was a good place to work, here was not where he was supposed to be right now. He was supposed to be at the hospital, with his daughter.
Alex picked up all the files off his desk, in a huge fell swoop and stormed down to the file room. Seeing the table in the room empty, he dumped them all on the table. Randy deliberately butchering his name had set him off and now he was in a disgustingly foul mood. Storming out of the file room, he went back to his desk and gathered his belongings, setting them aside in the empty desk drawer to his left. He was now positive; he would be leaving this meeting jobless.
Sure enough, when he finally stepped into the conference room and saw all of the partners looking at him, he knew. "I'm fired, aren't I?" He asked, giving up. Now he was glad he'd left that huge pile of unfiled files on the table in the filing room. Let it be someone else's problem.
"The level of commitment that we as a firm, expect from our employees is something you cannot give us at this present time in your life." Randy's wife, Justine, and fellow partner told him delicately. "Erica's passing has burdened you with a sick child and you cannot maintain your exceptional level of commitment to our firm, going forward. We wish you luck in the future."
"If you ever find yourself free of such burden, please contact us. We would be happy to look at rehiring you." Daniel Ludlow added. "But for now, Tom from security will escort you to your desk to collect your belongings and escort you off the premises."
Tom stepped into the room, summoned by name. He had a remorseful look on his face. The thing was, Alex and Tom were friends. Kind of. Tom's wife, Denise had worked with Erica, and the men had been a sort of kindred spirits, commiserating over being interior design spouses. Alex bit his tongue, he had wanted to mouth off, but he needed a good reference from them, so he bit his tongue. It was going to be hard to find another job with hours understanding of Gabriella and her care.
"It's horseshit, Alex." Tom huffed out in anger, as soon as they were safely behind the door of Alex's office. "Absolute horseshit! Your fiancée died for fuck's sake, and they fired you because you have a brand-new baby daughter in the hospital and didn't want to pay you your entitlements."
"Mate, I know." Alex sighed, "But what can you do? Lawyers are nothing but soul-sucking mosquitoes. They're all a bit too much like politicians, really."
"Aren't both of your parents pollies?" Tom retorted, as Alex opened the drawer and shoved everything into the leather satchel that he always took to and from work. Last minute, he remembered that he had his spare MacBook pro and iPad here, in the bottom drawer, that he had left them the morning Erica had called and her preterm labor had started.
"Yep." Alex answered, popping the p. "That's where and how I learnt that lesson, so early on in my life."
He thought deeply, as he sat in the London traffic at midday. He would be ok. The house they had paid the majority for in cash, when they purchased it. It was in one of the more affluent parts of London, if need be, he could downsize because it was only going to be him and Gabriella. Also, Erica had life insurance and he had received confirmation that it was going to be paid out at the end of the month, so that was a win too. Obviously, he could sell Erica's Mercedes AMG SL 63 S E, that was sitting in the garage. It was a luxury car and almost brand new, it would fetch a pretty penny on consignment. She had been driving the company car the day of the accident.
Erica also had a trust fund from her parents and sister, which she had left him the sole beneficiary of. But he wouldn't touch that. That was her family money, and it was only right that all of that went to Gabriella. He would be ok. Plus, he wouldn't be bored, he had plenty to do and definitely would be looking for a new job.
Finally reaching the hospital after 3pm, he was emotionally exhausted. But seeing his little daughter free from breathing tubes and in the thermal, open aired bassinet had made his heart soar. Maggie's warm and happy greeting made him relax, but he wasn't fooling her. She could feel the stress and tension rolling off him in waves.
"Relax Papi, Little Miss Gabriella has been waiting for her Papi all day." Maggie cooed, as she prepared Gabriella's bottle and got Alex settled in the large, overstuffed recliner. "Come on Miss Gabriella, time for you to be the bright spark in Papi's day. Cuddle time."
As soon as Gabriella was placed on Alex's chest, she started wriggling around and snuggling into him. She was making sucking motions with her mouth and tongue thrusting eagerly. She maneuvered her way down Alex's chest slightly towards his pecs. "Sorry sweetheart, there's no milk in those. Just wait a minute, Mija. I know you're hungry, your bottle is coming, mi amor."
"And I really wanted to see if there was milk in there. It would have been truly a medical marvel." Henry quipped from somewhere behind him with a small chuckle. Henry's smart remark made Alex let out a bellyache of a laugh. "I do apologise, my father's acting genes gave me a good sense of comedic timing. How are you both today?"
"We're both ok." Alex teased, laughing again. "Get here over here and take a seat, you knucklehead." It felt good for Alex to laugh at something so silly after the shitty morning and lunch he'd had. Even though he had managed to get his shit together in the car on his way over. He was still burning from the firing he'd just had.
"Oi, that's a blatant disrespect for the crown." Henry jests, pulling up into a seat beside Alex. Gabriella is still rooting around, trying to latch her mouth to Alex's pec, while she waits for the nurse, with her bottle. "I ought to throw you in the dungeons for that."
"Don't threaten me with a good time, baby." Alex retorted with a warm smile as Maggie handed him the bottle and he focused solely on Gabriella. Alex was wondering if he should apologise for not greeting him by his title, but seeing Henry looking genuinely happy, he decided to forgo it. He promised himself he'd mention it later to him.
"You look happier now, than when I walked in." Henry murmured, watching Gabriella from his vantage point beside Alex. "Glad I could cheer you up. Even if it was only for a minute."
"I needed that, after this morning." Alex admitted. Henry offered him the option to talk about it, but Alex fobbed him off and they settled in to discuss all things, Gabriella. Alex hadn't wrapped his head around the fact that he was fired yet. His mind was still processing and when it did, only then would he be able to discuss it. So, he hadn't told anyone and the only person who knew was Tom.
Once she was finished with her bottle and Alex was trying to wrangle a burp from his daughter, Henry went rummaging into the small canvas satchel he had in his hands. "I have a present for you, Gabriella." He told her, in the softest, sweetest little voice. He presented her with a small pink bear. Its material was made of the softest fabric Alex had ever touched when he reached out to take it from the prince. It was a mix between a feeling of mink and something else; something soft and delicate.
"Do you think we should say thank-you to Henry?" Alex asked Gabriella, noticing his daughter had her eyes open and it appeared as though she was focusing on him and his words. "Seriously, thank you."
"That's not all I have." Henry beamed and Alex wondered what else the prince had brought in his tiny satchel. "This." He said, handing Alex a small card, with a pendent pinned on it. "This is St. Nicholas, the patron of sick children. It was said that he was not just able to nurse sick children back to health; he could raise them from the dead. He died in 342 and is recognized today as the protector and patron of all children - sick or healthy. He is for her."
"I thought you royals were all about the Church of England. Look at you go with the catholic, Sunday school knowledge." Alex teased him. On a serious note, this was the last thing he ever expected Henry to give to Gabriella. He knew that his grandmother, the Queen of Britain was the head of the Church of England and that when his mom becomes Queen, she will be the new head of their church. "Have you been moonlighting as an altar boy in your spare time?"
"Well, Pez is catholic, and he may or may not have guided me on my hunt to find this particular gift." Henry explained hastily, before apologising. "Sorry if this is an overstep, but I was in the chapel and saw your father slipping into the room, last week. The prayer he recited, it sounded catholic. Based on your Mexican heritage, I felt it was safe to assume that you are too Catholic."
"Dad is practicing, ah, well kind of. June and I call it Lip Service Practice." Alex whispered, lowering his voice, as not to wake his daughter, who had just closed her eyes. "Meaning that Dad talks a big game about religion. My Abuelo and Abuela were devout, my Abuela less now that Abuelo has passed. But really for Dad, and I guess me and June. It's just holiday services, Christenings, communions, confirmations, weddings and funerals. You know, participate, play the part, but that's it. Lip service."
"Cute." Henry deadpanned. "My father was catholic too, before he converted so he could marry our mum. He liked to think that he parted a bit of his own beliefs on us, but realistically, Gran has always had far too many things to say about religion and unfortunately, most of it stuck."
"Like I said, Lip service." Alex said softly. "My sister June is gay and married to Nora. Her wife was my ex-girlfriend, a thousand years ago and current best friend. June likes to say she has been gay from the moment she discovered her own body. Nora's bi and no one batted an eyelid when June came out to, he and mom. She was like fourteen, maybe. By the time I came out as bi, mom, dad and June were like 'tell us something we don't know.' Yeah, dad has got both of his kids in the rainbow brigade, and he walks the streets of Sacramento, every pride week as an ally for his kids. Mom and Leo hit Austin pride, and mom and dad do Washington DC pride with their friend Raf. All in support of me, June and Raf. A devout catholic doesn't celebrate pride in two states."
"Lip Service." Henry smiled at Alex. "I like it. Go Oscar Diaz. A real-life LGBTQ hero."
Unfortunately, Henry's cellphone rang, and he excused himself away from Alex and Gabriella in the cubicle to answer it. Whomever had called him had sparked a heated response from him, before a defeated sigh escaped his lips and the call was disconnected.
Coming back, Alex asked him. "Is everything OK?"
"No." Henry's answer sounded harsh, and Alex did everything he could not to flinch at the angry tone from the prince. "I apologise Alex, but I have to cut our visit short. It seems apparently that I do not have strong time management skills."
"Yeah, says who?" Alex retorted, trying to make Henry laugh. A chuckle at least, anything to make the man feel better.
"My brother." Henry admitted in a low voice. "Seems apparently we had a meeting scheduled that was not on my itinerary. It's more like he was bored and decided he could get his kicks in, by tormenting me today."
Alex had not expected such a candid answer from the prince, especially about his own brother. His flesh and blood. "Your brother sounds like a dick."
"Next time I visit, I'll bring you one of our NDAs and then I can tell you how much he really is." Henry winked at him. "Bye-bye Gabriella." Henry whispered, stroking her back like Alex had shown him last time. "You have my number, Alex. Remember to use it, or I'll have to come back." He patted his shoulder, in comfort. Henry had been able to see that Alex was having a terrible day and he felt awful about cutting it short. But Philip was seething with palpable anger for their missed appointment.
"See ya later, Your Majesty." Alex called over his shoulder, seeing the prince smile once more. Before Henry rolled his eyes at Alex's antics.
Maggie could count on one hand, the number of times that the third in line to the throne, Prince Henry had ever accompanied anyone into their NICU. Usually on a royal visit the NICU wasn't visited to protect the babies and their families from any prying media that tended to follow them. But when Prince Henry and Princess Catherine visited the NICU, they had been on a media blackout and no media had even known about the visit. The royals had seemed like they were an acquaintance of Alex's, which was confirmed when she witnessed the future Queen of England chastise the poor young father for not calling her by her first name. Maggie figured they must be acquainted through Alex's parents, as she knew that both of them were well-known Senators in the US and his mother had previously run for president and lost. The young spare prince and Alex seemed to be roughly the same age and must have been introduced. A theory firmly supported by the way they had chatted to one another last time. Discussing their grief, like they were the only ones around. The prince had even championed Gabriella's wins for the day.
Today's visit was different, for a variety of reasons. The prince came to visit solo. He didn't greet any other patients, only the Claremont-Diaz family. He was dressed down in jeans, cross trainers and a blue hoodie. He carried a black bag and had gifted Gabriella a small bear and something else small, that Maggie hadn't quite seen. There were no stiff and formal greetings between the men. They carried on as if no time passed at all, discussing parents and religion. There was no formality between them. They spoke with candor between them, and there was a jovial tone towards one another.
So, when the prince suddenly left and he had been frank about the heir to throne and older brother, Maggie had been surprised when Alex had replied with his personal opinion on the future king. The parting shots at one another had been friendly. If they were any other young men, she would almost say flirtatious.
Whatever had upset Alex prior to his arrival at the hospital didn't seem to be bothering him as much now, and Maggie was thankful that the prince had managed to take his mind off it. "Ready to pop her back?" Maggie asked softly, approaching the father.
"Not just yet." Alex whispered. "I'll stay a bit later tonight. Appointments today had me holed up, away from the hospital all morning. Away from her and I missed out on morning cuddles."
"Alex, you need to sleep too. Gabriella will be heading home shortly. The doctors are talking about moving her down the line tomorrow or Friday. She is doing really well. After her next stop, it's Papi duty 24-7." Maggie told him softly. "She'll be in good hands with Jo overnight. Come on, go home. Grab some takeout and get an early night."
"Hey Maggie?" Alex yawned.
"Yeah, Papi?" She answered the father, cheekily.
"Thanks." He grinned at her, as she stepped up and resettled Gabriella in her thermal open aired bassinette.
"Hey, maybe give your family a call too. I am sure they're all worried about you." Maggie advised softly.
