"Well, howdy there, little fella! You must be Corteyaz!" The tall white muscle man called out, the very second Cortez stepped out of the vehicle, in the thickest Southern accent on God's Green Earth. Sadly, all Cortez heard was "I just got home from my Klan meeting!"
Cortez didn't think of himself as a judgmental person… but he immediately wanted nothing more than to punch this man in the face. And yet, the man shook Cortez's hand with a little too much enthusiasm and pulled the boy into an aggressive bear-hug that Cortez couldn't wait to get out of.
"Yer ma's being goin' on about you fer months," the man continued, "The name's Lionel. Mighty fine to meet ya, son! We're gonna have the best dang summer since the time I bought the gun of my dreams!"
Of course he's obsessed with guns… Cortez thought to himself as Lionel eagerly guided him into the house, Allison following suit.
"Kids! He's here! Come meet your future step-brother!"
"Eh?!" Cortez quickly looked back at his mother, who smiled sheepishly at him and hustled over to pull Lionel off him. Cortez hadn't a second to process this bomb that was so casually dropped on him before two teenagers close to his age - one boy and one girl, and each one thinner and blonder than the last - came trotting down the stairs. The boy looked at Cortez with a huge, fake smile, and ran up to him with a very unsolicited hug.
"Oh my God! Hi! It's SO nice to meet you, I'm Kris! I can't WAIT to be groomsmen together!"
Kris had that high-pitched voice and twink-ish look to him that, combined with the fake smile, told Cortez that this was one of those mean and catty gays that like the ones in his drama club, and Cortez was just surprised that this guy's father hadn't thrown him out onto the street already.
"Whoa whoa WHOA. Slow down, people! Groomsmen, Step-brother? Literally any kids at ALL?" Cortez finally had to speak up, pushing Kris off him and forcing eye-contact with Allison. "Mom, what is going ON here? Who are these people?"
An awkward silence ensued, as this new and unfamiliar family began to realize that Cortez didn't know about anything. All eyes fell onto Allison as she glanced apologetically at Lionel, and then back at Cortez. Lionel was the first one to speak.
"Baby doll, did you not tell him about us?"
Allison cleared her throat. "I hadn't… quite gotten to that part yet. Cortez, sweetie? This is the Rodman family. These are Lionel's kids, Kris and Paige," the girl, Paige, stood behind Kris and waved at Cortez with a shy smile, as Allison continued; "I actually live with them, and we're getting married on August 19."
The Rodman family's faces lit up again, smiling encouragingly at Cortez, who was at least 95% certain that he was going to pass out in the next five seconds.
After those five extremely long seconds passed, and Cortez shockingly found himself not fainting, he came to the bitter conclusion that there was nothing better to do than to inhale sharply and attempt to put on a genuine smile (which actually looked terrifyingly unconvincing) and simply blurt out;
"... GREAT! AWESOME! I love that for you!"
Now, you see, a more observant person would have immediately called B.S. and noticed the boy lying through his (painfully clenched) teeth, but Lionel was not an observant person at all. And the second Cortez was finished talking, the older man let out a hearty laugh and pulled him into another bear-hug while talking about how oh-so-happy everyone was to have Cortez this summer and how oh-so-thrilled they were to have him as a part of their family.
And Cortez thought he was going to puke all over Lionel's flannel jacket.
Fortunately, there was one person who did not feel like puking. Levi had settled into his room for the summer, and how nice it was! It sat on the very top floor of Pappous' surprisingly large house, with a window that gave him a beautiful view of the beach and the entire village below. It was a perfect spot for him to sit on the windowsill and read a nice book, which is exactly what he was currently doing. He had just finished reading the second scene of Shakespeare's As You Like It when he heard some commotion down below.
Peering down at the lavish garden below, he saw two men in their twenties doing yard work. Levi recognized them as two of the many, many cousins that Pappous had introduced him to earlier that day. Except they weren't just working. They were arguing with Pappous about… something. Deciding he could use a little break from reading, and also letting his curiosity get the better of him, Levi set the book down and scurried down the stairs to see what the commotion was about. He slowed himself down to give lovies to each of the six dogs on his way down, but it was worth it.
Finally making it outside, he approached the three men just as one of his cousins was rolling his eyes at Pappous and letting out an exasperated sigh.
"Is everything okay?" Levi asked innocently. All three men ceased their arguing and faced him, and one of the cousins slapped a hand on Levi's shoulder.
"Levi," he began, "Your timing is most perfect. Perhaps you can talk some sense into dis old windbag? He is being too picky about the garden, wants it so… how do you say… specific."
"Nikolaos, you have no respect? Dis garden is a TREASURE!" Pappous bellyached. "It is to be a birthday present for my most beautiful wife! Your grandmother! It must look perfect! Do you not agree, Levi?"
Suddenly, Levi wasn't so sure what he had gotten himself into. He glanced at his cousins, then at Pappous, and then at the garden, which looked to him like it was coming along nicely. And he knew Yia Yia to be a very low-maintenance woman, so he knew she didn't need it to look a certain way. Still… if he completely sided against Pappous, then nothing would be accomplished anyway.
"Well…" Levi tried with all of his little might to sound as diplomatic as he could. "I think as long as it looks nice and organized, Yia Yia will probably love it." Just in case that wasn't diplomatic enough and Pappous wouldn't be appeased, Levi's mind acted quickly and he added a quick little offer. "Uh, here. Maybe I can help? Maybe we can all four work on it together?"
Pappous, Nikolaos, and the other cousin, Andreas, wasted no time laughing in a sudden, strangely rude, sense of newfound unity.
"Oh, poor little Levi!" Andreas proclaimed. "You are not made to handle such hard work! Boys like you are meant to sit inside and make nice clothing!" Levi knew Andreas was not referring to his slim frame. Oh no. And before the boy had a chance to be offended, Nikolaos, the one who was already next to him, gently took Levi's hand and stroked his palm.
"And look at your hands," Nikolaos added. "They are so soft to the touch! Smooth like silk! Would you not hate to dirty dem up?" Levi was going to inform these ill-informed men that he did heavy lifting several times while helping to build sets for Cortez's plays, but he did not even get a chance to say a word in protest before Nikolaos wrapped an arm around Levi's shoulder and continued.
"No, my little cousin! You enjoy your vacation and we shall find you a good man for the perfect summer romance! Your little heart will sing to the heavens!" Pappous jovially clapped his hands in agreement, and Levi stood there with wide eyes, completely dumbfounded as to how Greek families could be so supportive and so homophobic at the same time.
Supportive homophobia… now there's an oxymoron… Levi thought, genuinely unsure if this was better or worse than old-fashioned, in-your-face, malicious, American homophobia. Well… at least he wasn't in danger of being murdered.
His thoughts were interrupted as someone walked past their house, and made direct eye contact with Levi. This someone was a boy, probably two-ish years older than Levi. He had a phenomenal tan, jet-black hair, and was probably about a head taller than Levi, who stared in awe at this vision of pure male beauty before him. The other boy smiled at Levi, ignoring the dirty looks that the boy's family sent his way. As soon as this mystery boy walked off and vanished, Nikolaos shook Levi in protest.
"No, little cousin! Not dat one! He is no good! He is a filthy Dounas!" Pappous and Andreas loudly agreed with Nikolaos, saying the first frantic words that came to their minds to discourage the boy from seeing that glorified Greek god.
"...What's a Dounas?" Levi asked absentmindedly, a little surprised at the vitriol at that random person.
Pappous shook his head violently. "The Dounas are a wretched family of liars, thieves, and barbarians! A little angel like you deserves FAR better than the spawn of those evil monsters! Your grandmother would simply die if her special little boy were to be seduced by de likes of dem!"
Levi leaned slightly back in his standing position, just a little bewildered at the turn this conversation took. His eyes wide with shock, darting between Pappous, Nikolaos, and Andreas, for a very confusingly awkward ten-ish seconds before he finally just squeaked out the only thing there was to say: "...Okay then."
Bridge, meanwhile, was feeling no qualms whatsoever about who he spoke to.
He'd ended up in the same group as his two new friends, David and Malik, which worked out nicely since the head counselor had told all of the boys to stick with their teams. However, Bridge had something else on his mind. It was not even Day 3 at camp, and Bridge was already gushing to his new buddies about the gorgeous Latina coach that, sadly for him, was not assigned to his team. Day 1, he made his first impression during team assignments, and yesterday, during their first practice, he made sure to make direct eye contact with her and send her a wink every time he did something particularly impressive. He even flexed a couple of times while conveniently standing in her line of vision. Which was definitely by accident. Yep. Pure coincidence. No agenda whatsoever.
"You're a little glutton for punishment, ain't you?" Malik said at one point.
Bridge had a tough time denying it. At the time, he just laughed and stuck his tongue out playfully. But when Bridge lay in bed last night, he thought about Malik's comment and realized that he was probably… well… not wrong.
And today, Bridge was right back at it, with no self-reflection whatsoever. There was a massive pool at the camp, big enough for every team to occupy at once. And the very second Bridge saw his coach goddess, his legs found themselves abruptly moving away from his friends and all the way around the pool to meet her on the other side.
"...Is he trying to get himself kicked out?" David wondered out-loud, knowing exactly why Bridge had ditched them so abruptly.
"Seems like it," said Malik. "Not our problem, honey. Can't say we didn't warn him."
Bridge waded through all the people crowding the pool, his eyes barely leaving the spot where his object of desire sat, minding her own business. Today, he was determined to strike up a conversation with her and that was final. As he gradually made his way over to her, he imagined what her voice might sound like, how old she was, if she was into him as well, and so on and so forth.
Finally, he reached her. She sat on a chair, reading a book, and didn't appear to notice him approaching. Ever the gentleman and not wanting to scare her off, he greeted her in a tone that sounded both friendly and flirtatious at the same time. Bridge always fancied himself good at mixing the two.
"Hey, I'm Bridge Vreeland. Heard about me?"
She looked up at him in response, smiling politely but appearing very detached at the same time. For one thing, her face immediately went right back into her book throughout the entire conversation.
"Ariel Richman. Your high school won Nationals, so I've been told."
Bridge's face lit up. So she has heard about him! There was no way he was letting her slip through his fingers now. He put his right hand in a fist and tapped it against his heart, taking great pride in the sentence he was about to boast.
"You're talking to the MVP! I play forward!"
"I've noticed," Ariel replied, without missing a single beat or looking up from her book.
Bridge brushed off her remark with a cocky grin.
"So, I heard you go to Columbia. I'm thinking of applying there."
Ariel raised an eyebrow. "Are you now?"
Bridge quickly thought of a way to make himself seem older.
"Yep. I'm 18, and I just graduated. Taking a gap year to work and save up money."
As you, the reader, have probably gathered, he was lying through his teeth.
"Maybe I'll see you around if I end up there? Keep an eye out for me."
And after dropping that last comment, Bridge flashed her one last cocky-yet-flirtatious smile, turned right back around, and walked off before he could overstay his welcome. He strutted off, holding his head up high as he made his way back around the pool to rejoin his friends.
See, Toby? He thought. It's not hard to talk to girls. I'll have to give you lessons when I get back. Despite looking back at Ariel (he didn't want to look desperate), he still had a very good feeling that she was making eyes at him as he left. Possibly wishful thinking, but he didn't believe it was.
For better or for worse, he was correct.
Toby, however, was not concerned with meeting a girl at this time. Rather, he was wallowing in the slow and agonizing death he believed to be experiencing at Wallman's. And goodness gracious, how agonizing it was indeed.
It was only his fourth day on the job, and Toby already wanted to murder half of the customers who came in. Then, he remembered that he was a Black teenage boy in a mostly Caucasian town, and jail did not sound very appealing to him. Or juvie, or wherever.
Still, all week it had been Karen after Karen, complaining about the most mundane non-issues all day. He already dropped his "customer service voice" by now and ceased trying to be nice to half of them.
Eat a damn Snickers or something, he thought, after the fifth insufferable customer that day finally left him alone.
One of the most frequent customers he was seeing, in just these four days, was an overly precocious little boy who had to be about 12. The kid had been coming into Wallman's each day, usually not even buying anything, and just talking to random people. Toby was honestly baffled by this child's existence. Where were his parents? Why was he talking to all these random people? Was he never told to avoid strangers? And why on God's Green Earth was he always talking to Toby? Toby didn't want to talk to this little turd. Toby just wanted to collect his paychecks and buy some new equipment.
This kid wouldn't even smile and say "hi" like a normal person. (Granted, Toby rarely smiled and said hi to people himself, but he also didn't like talking to people). This kid would just walk up to you with a blank look on his face, and immediately just… ask you what you were doing. And why you were doing it. And when did you get off work. And why were you wearing that uniform. And why did you have a price sticker on your forehead (long story). And what were you going to do when you got home. And when was the last time you took a crap.
…Okay, he didn't ask that last question. But he might as well have.
This irritating little boy never even introduced himself, so Toby just called him "Turd." And the kid found it funny. Go figure.
Today, Turd was following poor Toby around the aisles as the teen desperately tried to ignore him and focus on his job. Toby hadn't the foggiest idea why this little White brat was so fascinated with him, but here they were. They were in aisle two, and Toby was trying to stack up canned food. Naturally, Turd was asking him why he was stacking up canned food, inciting an exasperated groan from Toby, who prayed to God for kids to someday come with mute buttons.
"Because, Turd," Toby snarked through clenched teeth. "I don't feel like getting fired in my first week on the damn job." Toby had just turned to glare at Turd while giving his answer, when Turd began rubbing his forehead with an uncomfortable groan.
Before Toby could backpedal on his snippy remark, Turd was collapsing face-first onto the ground and taking some cans of chicken noodle soup down with him.
"Holy sh-" Toby blurted out in shock, catching himself before cussing on the job. It all happened so fast that he didn't even have a chance to run over and keep the little boy from slumping into the chicken noodle soup cans as he fell; it looked like a dramatic scene from a Lifetime movie. For about five seconds, Toby simply stood there, mouth gaping open, frozen in bewilderment, as the fallen cans rolled around the newly unconscious Turd, who lay motionless on his tiny stomach.
Finally, still unable to shake off the sensation that he was watching a movie instead of literally being there, Toby ran over to the boy in a panic, whispering curse words under his breath as he struggled to figure out what to do. He turned little Turd over onto his back, attempting to at least cradle him, and recoiled when he noticed that Turd had already wet his pants.
Good God, I swear this kid is dead. I just killed a 12-year-old boy. Great job, Toby, he thought to himself, despite the clear fact that Turd was still breathing.
Finally, Toby remembered his headset. Then he cursed himself for having no idea how the heck it worked. "Hello? HELLO! For God's sake, can someone hear me on this thing?!" he called into it, pressing various random buttons and finding no results whatsoever.
He gently lay Turd back on the floor, and scrambled onto his feet, making a mad dash to the front checkout. "We have an emergency in aisle two! You gotta call an ambulance," he ordered. This was easily the first time any of his coworkers saw him NOT being moody or sarcastic. "There's a kid in aisle two who's out cold, and we don't know what's happened to him!"
As his coworker made the call, Toby rushed back to aisle two to check up on Turd, who was still lying there, not moving an inch. Toby took the kid's hand and checked for a pulse. Okay, thank God, he was alive. Toby didn't pay attention to the kid breathing earlier. He was too busy panicking. Carefully avoiding the… wet spots, so to speak, Toby searched for a wallet.
But wait… weren't you not supposed to touch anything until the police showed up? Wait, no, that's if someone's been murdered. And, y'know, they're actually dead. Toby was getting mis murder mystery shows mixed up with his hospital shows. Not to self, he thought. Don't watch ER or Grey's Anatomy again for a WHILE. He was certain he was going to get PTSD after this.
Anyway, he did in fact find Turd's wallet. His parents, whoever they were, would probably want to know what happened to their son. But he didn't find anything useful. A library card, a stupid horoscope… thing, a cute cat picture, three one-dollar bills, aaaaaaaaand… that was it. Nothing useful; no phone number, nothing to even identify this kid. Guess Toby would have to keep calling him "Turd." At least it fit.
He put the wallet back just as the EMS guys arrived. Before Toby knew it, they were carrying Turd out of the store on a stretcher, with one of them bringing Toby outside to ask him questions. The EMS guy was… not very friendly at first.
"So what happened, son? Did you see?"
"Uh, he was just… following me around the store for some reason, and then he just… fell. I guess he fainted or something."
"Did you do anything to him?"
"...'Scuse me?"
"What did you do when he fainted? Security cameras can incriminate you real quick, kiddo."
"I didn't DO anything. I looked through his wallet to find a phone number."
"You take anything from his wallet?"
"NO. I wanted to call his parents and tell them what happened."
Finally, the EMS man's eyes softened a little. "How about you sit tight for a minute. The hospital will take care of contacting his parents."
Suddenly, a familiar car pulled into the driveway, and Toby recognized the car as… one of his dads? Why were his dads strolling into his workplace?
Papa Rollins, his actual name being Henry, stepped out of the car with something in his hand, and looked at the scene with a shocked look on his face as he rushed over to Toby.
"Oh my God," Henry exclaimed, "What's happening? Toby, honey, are you okay?"
"...Pops? What are you doing here?" Toby asked, extremely puzzled and slightly embarrassed. He wanted to at least feel like a grown-up, but also… Now was very much not the time for his dads' random smothering.
"You had a package from Levi come in, I thought you'd want to see it," Henry replied, a very motherly tone in his voice.
Toby sighed. "You could just wait till I get home… I'm kinda busy right now." He gestured towards the ambulance that Turd was being carried into. "A kid fainted. I'm fine."
The EMS guy butted in. "Sir, are you this boy's father? He did good, helping the boy. Might not have made it if your son wasn't there."
Before Toby's father could make this any more cringe, he mindlessly blurted out; "Can I come to the hospital too?" He had no idea why he said that. Maybe he just wanted to get out of this super awkward scene with his dad. Maybe he was concerned about Turd waking up surrounded by creepy EMS dudes. Maybe he just wanted a good excuse to leave work. Either way, the question was thrown out into the universe and felt some sort of odd comfort at the thought of poor little Turd having someone to hold his hand.
Dear Toby,
I took good care of the Pants, but I can't say anything exciting has happened yet. My family members here in Greece are… interesting. Let me put it that way. I haven't gotten a good read on them yet. I can tell they're good people, but they're also pretty set in their ways. There's this other family that they hate for some reason, but they haven't told me why.
Still, I gotta say, Greece is so, so beautiful. I kind of regret NOT visiting sooner. The town is so lively, and the weather is perfect. I feel like I'm in a movie, reading outside here by the docks.
…A really boring movie.
Still, all I can think of is how much fun the four of us would have together here. Even you'd like it, and you hate the outdoors! God, I miss you guys. The group chat is fun, love all the memes, but it's not the same.
Welp, I hope these Pants bring you more excitement than they've brought me. All I've had so far is making eye contact with a cute guy from the family Pappous and Yia Yia hate.
Love you so, SO much!
-Levi
