At last, he was at Clyde's house and Lincoln is always happy to see his best friend, who is also the brother he always wanted in his life. He stopped by his friends' house so that he can return the comic book he borrowed from him for a few days.
When he rang the bell, he was greeted by both of Clyde's fathers
"Ah, Lincoln." said Harold. "Always nice to see you here, kiddo. I bet you're here to see our son, right?" he smiled. His husband, Howard, who was taller and white and more slim than Harold, was right next to him.
"Yep. Always."
"Ah, that's always the reason." said Howard.
"Come on in, we just made sugar-free brownies as a snack." said Harold.
"Ooh! brownies." said Lincoln. He walked inside to see Clyde interacting with his two cats. "Hey Clyde!"
His best friend smiled to see Lincoln and walked up to him. "Hey buddy!" he then noticed the bag of ice on his stomach. "What's with the ice?" he asked
"Huh? Oh, that." Lincoln said, looking at his stomach. "I was mugged by three scumbags."
"mugged?" Howard.
"Are you ok?" Harold asked
"I'm fine. They just gave me a punch in the stomach. But I was saved by someone."
Clyde sighed in relief. "That's good. Was it the police?"
"Well... not really the police." Lincoln admitted. He didn't want to put Loona in danger and thought of a way to protect her secret. "It was a cool girl named Loona and she... turned them over to the authorities after beating them up."
"Your sister?" asked Clyde
"No this is a different Loona. She's a bad girl."
"Bad?" said Harold
"Like, the new sense of the word. You know, like bad in a good way?"
The three Mcbrides understood what the kid meant now. "What's she like?" asked Clyde
"Well... she prefers to keep her life discreet." Lincoln lied to them. "Yeah, she doesn't like so much attention. She kinda stays out of the spotlight most of the time."
"Oh. We understand." said Howard. "Not a lot of people want to be famous for something."
"I'll say." said Harold. "We're just glad you're ok, Lincoln."
"Me too." the white-haired boy agreed.
"She must have been really brave to take on armed muggers by herself." said Howard
"She was." Clyde added. "You sure you're ok?"
"Uh-huh."
Lincopn managed to return the device to his own best friend and was happy.. Coming back home, Lincoln saw that his house was as chaotic and rowdy, which was normal in this household. The white-haired boy was quite used to the shenanigans that happened in this place, and from his own family.
He still felt the soreness in his chest after that hard punch. "Yep, just another day here in the Loud house." he said to himself.
"Bro there you are," said Luna coming to give him the Flipee that she promised to give him. "I saw you weren't home and I saved the flippee in the freezer for you."
"Oh yeah, thanks Luna." said Lincoln. he happily took the flippee from her and took a few sips from it.
"Don't mention it, dude. So i-" the noticed the bag of ice on his stomach and asked: "whoa, Linc, what happened?"
"Oh this? three guys tried to mug me."
"What? someone tried to mug you?"
"Mug?" the sisters heard what Luna blurted, immediately coming to check on their brother.
"Are you hurt?" asked Leni
"I'll get rid of those muggers for you." Lynn cracked her knuckles.
"Guys, guys calm down. I'm fine. They didn't take my money and they didn't hurt me... much."
"Much?" said Lori
"Well the leader punched me in the stomach once."
"Poor Lincoln." said Lucy. "That must have been traumatizing for you."
"No, it wasn't that big a deal. Someone saved me from those guys anyway."
"Who?" asked Lola
"Well she's a cool girl, somewhere in her twenties, but saved me and took out those guys."
The sisters sounded interested and impressed at whoever this stranger was to them.
"Who's the girl?" asked Lana
"Her name is Loona."
"Like my name?" said she
"Yes, but she's... different. She's a really cool girl and you would like her if you meet her."
"Where is she?" Luna asked
"Oh, um... her dad had to call her to her office in... Hazeltucky! Yep, she's from Hazeltucky."
Lynn made a look of disgust in her mouth. "Never trust a person from Hazeltucky, Lincoln. They can't be trusted."
"Lynn, you hold too much of a grudge on them," said Lisa.
"Yeah they are not like the sports team." Luna added. They all looked at Lincoln again and she asked. "Anything we can get you?"
"Nah, I'm good."
"I think he needs CPR." said Lisa, holding the shocking cuffs and rubbing them together to shock her brother.
"CPR? come on, Lis." Lincoln said. "Not again! I don't need."
"Clear!"
They all chased him to supposedly try to "help" him out.
Poor Lincoln was screaming and running away from them so he wouldn't have to get shocked by Lisa.
Sure, the sisters mean well most of times, but their help is not always very helpful at all.
The parents had to come intervene to stop the sisters from trying to help Lincoln with his boo boo. As soon as the sisters stopped their overprotectiveness, Lincoln sighed in relief.
"Well, at least my sisters mean well." he said to the audience. "Still better than having ten brothers in your life." then he remembered to give his father the juice he needed and Lynn Sr was happy to have gotten this from his son.
"Thanks, sport." said Lynn Sr. "This is the kind of juice i ding-dang love."
"You're welcome, dad." said Lincoln with his smile.
Later on in the day, somewhere around three hours after the horrific CPR attempt, and he was looking at some comic books.
Despite reading many pages in the Ace Savvy, he still couldn't stop thinking about that Loona lady.
Deep down, he wondered if a new friendship had formed between him and her.
He thought if demons, especially hellhounds, can have human emotions. He probably wondered if meeting her was even real at all.
"Lincoln," Rita called. "I'm going to take your sisters shopping at the mall. You wanna come?"
"No thanks, mom. I'm not that big of a shopping fanatic like they are."
"We heard that!" said Lola
"Come on, Lincoln!" said Lori.
"There's nothing wrong worth shopping!" Leni added
"Well, your father is at work." said Rita. "Will you be ok by yourself? and with the pets?"
"I'll be fine, mom." Lincoln said.
"OK." Rita said. It felt good for Lincoln to be the man of the whole house for a little while, like he was the king of this castle (for now).
He was watching TV and keeping an eye on the pets to make sure they are well-fed and having enough water. At least pets wouldn't really fight over pizza or dibs like Lincolns' sisters would do if given the chance.
The doorbell rang and he went to answer it. To his surprise, he was face-to-face with the same lady that saved her from those evil muggers. "Hey." said Loona, with a small smile.
"Hi Loona." said the boy, not really knowing what to say to her at first. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what brings you here?"
"Well... I just wanted to see how you were doing. Plus, Blitzo wants to meet you."
"Blitzo?"
"Yeah, that's my foster father... on paper. I mean, you hard that phone call earlier between me and him, right?"
"Oh. I thought that you might have called him dad."
"Please." Loona scoffed. "I wouldn't even caught being raped calling him dad."
"But, am I in trouble?" Lincoln asked
"No, if you were, he would let you know you are. Trust me on this."
"So he just wants to meet me?"
"Yep."
"So how did you find me all the way here?"
Loona didn't day anything in return, but she tapped on her nose three times.
"Oh yeah, right, your sense of smell."
"So, are your parents and sister here?"
"Dad's at work, but my mom is taking my sisters to the mall... again. My pets are here, but that's it."
"Well, in that case," Loona magically transformed into her true hellhound form again. "So what do you say? Blitzo is dying to meet you."
"But I don't want to burn to death in Hell."
"No, that's a fucking misconception." said Loona. Suddenly, Charles caught sight of her and fell in love with her. He tried running up to her, but Loona gave the dog a really scary glare at him, making him run away like he had seen a ghost. "Anyway, what you hear about people getting sent there to burn for eternity or have their scrotum painfully by demons over and over again, are just fucking lies."
"Lies?"
"Yep. It's just another world where sinners go to. It's nothing like what Christians or Muslims, Buddhists, or Jewish people would imagine. It's like Earth... but more lawless."
"Oh."
"You will be a little surprised to see what Hell really looks like." Loona continued explaining. "But I feel a little thirsty."
"Here, I'll get you some cola if you want." Lincoln calmly offered to her.
"Got any vodka or whiskey or wine or gin?"
"Sorry, but my parents never allow alcohol in the house. Never trust Lily, my youngest sister with a bottle of beer or other drinks like that."
Loona let out a small laugh. "Are they really that chaotic?"
"If you meet them, Loona," said Lincoln, "you'd understand why I want a break from them sometimes. So Loona, are there water parks in Hell? can you do whatever you want down there? Or can you steal without people-?"
"I'm not answering all that shit, Lincoln." Loona flatly said, gently clasping his lips with two fingers. "I'm not a teacher or a guru."
"Sorry." Lincoln muffled as he felt Loona release his lips. "You want some coffee or some apple juice, or lemonade? We got plenty of drinks here."
"I guess some lemonade would be good, or whatever."
The boy did just that and got his new friend the drink she requested. "It's my dad special lemonade. He's the best chef in Royal Woods."
They decided to sit on the couch and have a little conversation with one another. "Not a bad place you got here, kiddo."
"You think it looks nice?"
"No, Lucifers' castle looks nice. This place just doesn't make me want to throw up."
"Well... thank you for your honesty." The kid looked a little uncomfortable. "So what's Blitzo like?"
"I don't think that would go over too well." the hellhound admitted. "he is a very weird fucker. Believe me, he can be obnoxious."
"Now you're just making me want to avoid him." said Lincoln.
Loona sighed and said; "don't tell him I said this, but: he's not so bad."
"OK. I believe you. And my lips are sealed." Lincoln promised.
"Alright, alright, I can trust you with this. No need to swear on your mother's grave."
She opened the portal with a grimwoir from behind her and she walked up in front of it. "Come on, I'll show you around the place."
Looking a little unsure, Lincoln slowly walked with Loona into what appeared to be a business kind of building.
"Welcome to hell." Loona said in a monotonous voice as if she was trying to sound happy and cheerful.
"So Hell is just a cubical work environment?"
"No. But if it was, it would be true torture."
"Loony?" said a male voice. "Loona is that you out there? Have you got the kid?"
"Yeah yeah, Blitzo. He's right here, dumbass." Loona sounded annoyed.
From the main office came an imp with long curved horns like a scimitar-horned oryx, but wider, and a tail with a pointy tip. He looked rather like a stereotypical demon that one would see in cartoons.
This guy was also wearing a business suit and one of his eyes has a scar over it. "Ah, there you are, sweetie." he said to Loona. Then he looked at Lincoln, who looked a little confused. "Ah, so this is the twerp whose ass you saved earlier."
He went up to Lincoln, who was a little taller than the kid, and got a closer look at him. "Blitzo, get off him." Loona sounded annoyed. "You always invade another person's personal space for fuck sake."
"What? I'm curious." said Blitzo. He looked at Lincoln again and asked: "has your hair always been white, little man?"
"Well, I get it from my pop pop."
"Ah. So kid, Loona saved you from muggers, right?"
"Yes. Otherwise those guys would have killed me."
"I see."
"Sir," said another male voice. "I got those documents you wanted me to-" there was another imp who was with a female imp that looked like his wife.
The male was white-haired and had horns that were shorter than the lead imp, and he was a little shorter in stature himself, probably a few inches taller than Lincoln.
As for the female; she had black hair that touched her shoulders and had bucked teeth on her. Lincoln looked a little nervous but these demons didn't look like they were going to poke him with branding irons from Satans' orders.
"Ahhhh!" the female one looked at Lincoln and went up to him. "Aren't you just the cutest, most adorable human boy I've ever seen!" she had a southern accent.
This imp began squeezing Lincoln's face like a puppy.
"Just look at his adorable, round face, that wittle baby face!"
"Millie, Millie!" said the male one. "We've been over this, sweetie."
"ah, Moxxie, Millie, just in time." said Blitzo. "This is the human that Loona saved."
"Wait, you brought him here?" said the male imp. "Are you crazy? Hell is too dangerous for him! And on top of that, we'll get in trouble for exposing him to Hell." he looked at Lincoln again. "Not saying i have anything against you," then back to Blitzo, "but we can get in serious trouble."
"Look, look, calm down, Moxxie." said Blitzo. "He is saved by my own daughter."
"figures, this would be Loona's fault, since she has no work ethic."
"Shut the fuck up, Moxxie." Loona rolled her eyes.
"Don't talk to my husband like that you shitty slut!" the female imp shouted at the hellhound.
"OK! ok!" Blitzo said. "Calm down. You guys are scaring the kid for fuck sake."
"No, I'm used to people fighting each other." Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Especially if it's between all my ten sisters."
"Ten sisters?" said the other male imp.
"Well, sounds like a full house, honey." the female one added.
"Look, if it makes you feel any better, I'll just be going back to my home to save you guys the trouble."
"no no no, you're not causing anything." said Moxxie. "I'm just saying not to show you to other demons around here."
"Oh."
"Well, my name is Blitzo. the O is silent."
"What O?"
"Perfect!" Blitzo exclaimed.
"I'm Moxxie." said the male imp.
"And I'm Millie, Moxxie's husband." said the female imp."
"Well, I'm Lincoln. Lincoln Loud."
"Loud?" aaid Moxxie.
"Yeah, I know, it's funny name." said Loona. "But he said his family is a chaotic one."
"Well, there's no such thing as a perfect family. Especially our family." he pulled in his daughter and two coworkers for a hug.
"Sir, we're not a family, how many times do I have to tell you that?" said Moxxie.
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Blitzo flicked Moxxie's nose as an added response. After he broke his hug, Blitzo said: "look, Lincoln, come with me. In my office."
"Am I in trouble?" asked the kid
"No, if you were, I would be glaring at you with a furrowed brow, and I would have one of my guns pointed at you."
Lincoln looked at Loona and nodded to him, telling him that he will be alright. "Ok." he sat in front of Blitzos' dest and got himself comfortable in it.
"So Lincoln, my Loona says that she likes you a little bit. Not like like you, but as a friend."
"Really?"
"Yes, but kinda likes you."
"Oh."
"So anyone who is a friend of my daughter is a friend of mine."
Lincoln made ah uncomfortable smile as Blitzo violently shook Lincoln's right hand.
"But!" Blitzo added, "don't even think about hitting on her."
"hitting on her? i just met her." said Lincoln
"Good. Very well, Lincoln, you're free to go."
As Lincoln stepped out of the office, he was greeted by Loona. "Should I take you home now?"
"Yeah that would be good." said Lincoln. "My sisters and mom won't come home for another few hours from the mall anyway."
"Got it. Told you there was nothing to worry about."
"Yeah, I thought it would be like Hades and Persephone for a moment." Lincoln admitted.
"You mean the one with the pomegranate?" said Bltizo. "Come on, those laws don't apply down here."
"Yeah, that's just Greek mythology." Loona added. "Not real."
"Oh."
"But come on, I'll take you home." said Loona, holding the grimwoir.
"Cool."
So the portal opened again and Lincoln set foot into his living room. "I'll catch up with you fuckwads." said Loona. "I might as well tell the kid what is going on here to help him understand."
"You're going out in the living world again?" said Blitzo.
"Shut up, dipshit. You know I'm a big girl."
"OK, ok. I'm sorry." Blitzo sighed in defeat.
"Whatever." she walked through the portal and the pets looked curious at her again.
"Go away." she said to them flatly.
"they're just curious." said Lincoln.
"You know what they said about curiosity, Lincoln?" asked Loona. She unsheathed her right claws on her hand, "that it can kill the cat."
The pets immediately looked very afraid and backed away from the intimidating hellhound. "Wow, you are intimidating." said Lincoln.
"Yep. I have to be intimidating so people know when to fuck off."
"Well, it doesn't hurt to have at least one friend in your life."
Loona was silent, and finally said after a seven second pause, she said: "I do have a friend at least. His name is Vortex, and he's a hellhound like me."
"What's he like?"
"He is one of the nicest guys you'd ever wanna meet, kid." Loona smirked. "He's like a gentle giant kind of character."
"Wow." Lincoln sounded a little amazed.
"Yeah."
"So Loona, your dad is... kind of weird."
The hellhound let out a chuckle. "Weird? that's an understatement. He's a fucking creepy piece of shit."
"You hate him?"
"I hate a lot of things." Loona said. she sheathed her claws. "But Blitzo is my adopted father... on paper." she sat down next to him.
Lincoln didn't really know what to say, but he finally said: "I know i didn't see it outside, but Hell isn't what I thought it was after all. Not a lake of fire where scream lasts forever."
"Blame it on religion, Lincoln. Always blame it on religion."
Letting out a small laugh, the boy said: "Got it. So, i hope I didn't curse myself while in Hell. Like Hades and Persephone."
"No, you're fine." Loona sang. "And, let me tell you something, Linc."
"Yeah?'
"Many people get Hades wrong. He's more of a good God. I mean, he loved Persephone and treated her right, and never cheated on her, unlike Zeus and Poseidon."
"Oh."
"Yeah I know, many people compare to Hell or the Underworld as evil and unholy, but there's more than meets the eye."
"Right. I get you. So, thanks for saving me again and I'm glad to have you as a friend."
"Friend?" said Loona. "Whoa whoa whoa, back it up. You're not my friend, ok? You're just an alright person to me. That's all."
Lincoln frowned. "Oh." was all he can say.
"Look, it's nothing personal. I'm a lone wolf, or lone Hellhound. But I need to get going Lincoln. I'll see you later, I guess."
"I understand."
"Bye."
Then the female hellhound opened the portal back and when it vanished, she smiled back at where the portal once was.
