Chapter 28 – Dreams and Nightmares

Jack walked over to his room and Nathan looked at him.

"You okay?" Nathan asked.

"I think so." Jack said. "It was hard to jump today. I kept thinking of Laura. Then again when we were playing guitar. I have been here before without her, but for some reason, this time is really hard. Maybe because this charity event was something Laura and I always did together, it was one of the few times we competed together since there was a three year age difference. We did this event. I mean it isn't the first time I am jumping since, but it is the first time since I processed what happened ..."

"Laura." Nathan said. "That was your cousin that was injured."

"Yes." Jack said. "Officially, the story is that she was injured in a training accident. But the real story is that her live-in boyfriend at the time beat her, cracking her skull. She was found in the barn, everyone including the neighbor who found her, believes she was injured by a horse."

"So that is why you reacted so strongly to Elizabeth." Nathan said.

"I guess that is part of it." Jack said. "I think that I reacted so strongly being here might have something to do with Elizabeth being here and I expected that. I knew that it was going to be hard to be here with Elizabeth. She is the first girl to really stay in the house since Laura. I mean my other cousins have stayed the night, but nothing like this. I will say Laura isn't the only reason that I stepped in to help her."

"What is the other part?" Nathan asked as Jack changed for bed.

"I think part of it is …." Jack said. "Well. … I guess I don't like men and boys who think that they can treat women like objects. I especially have a dislike for spoiled rich brats like Kensington who think that because their family has money, that they can do whatever they want. I told you that I don't like Kensington. This is not the first time that we have crossed paths over a girl. Not a girlfriend, but still not the first time. We don't like each other and we both know it. Anyone with a brain can see that we don't like each other. Those that know the history just understand better. Like I said, I don't like spoiled brats, especially rich ones that think that they can do whatever they want."

Nathan just looked at Jack.

"Don't get me wrong." Jack said. "I get that most people think that I am spoiled because of who my family is, but I will tell you I am far from spoiled. Yes, I have been given material things, but I have also worked hard and earned all those ribbons and trophies that I won. I have mucked my share of stalls, done my share of dishes and many other chores. I am not afraid of hard work. Besides, I have enough money to have the chip on my shoulder that is there, others don't. I told you I work hard and I have earned what I have. I have never used my money just to show off."

"I can see that." Nathan said. "I saw the way that you were with the horses. That only comes from hard work. But I feel like there is something else."

"There is." Jack said. "I have told Elizabeth this, but I feel guilty that I wasn't able to save Laura. I had tried to convince the family that she was being hurt and they brushed me off when she wouldn't admit it. I always wondered if there was more that I could have done."

"You tried." Nathan said. "Besides, isn't Laura older than you?"

"Yes." Jack said. "But I still felt that I should have done more. I vowed that I would never let that happen again if I could prevent it."

"Jack." Nathan said.

Jack stopped and looked at him.

"Don't take this the wrong way." Nathan said. "But I have to ask."

"What?" Jack asked.

"Are you going to be okay walking away?" Nathan asked.

Jack knew exactly what he meant. Jack had thought about it and still didn't have a clear answer. Nathan stood up and went over to Jack. He put his hand on his shoulder and Jack looked at him.

"I don't know." Jack said. "Honestly, I just don't know. I felt a connection with Elizabeth the first time I saw her. It was more than just wanting to protect her, but when she ran to me and I was able to help her. … (sigh) … I don't know how to explain it."

"Sit." Nathan said. "Please try. I promise, I won't report this to your father or anyone else. I am just worried about you. I have seen this before where a guy rescues a girl and then falls for her. Only for her to reject him because he reminds her of the trauma that she went through."

"I have thought about that." Jack said. "That is why I have had a few hard conversations with Elizabeth. We have talked about taking things slow and making sure that she recovers from what happened. We both admit that we feel a connection for each other and have feelings for each other, but now is not the time to get into a relationship. As much as I want Elizabeth, I will always respect her boundaries. We both want a relationship and have agreed to wait, but I don't know how long I am going to be able to keep waiting. Don't get me wrong, I will always be a gentleman, but it is getting harder and harder every moment that we spend together. Right now I am grateful for cold showers and a separate room."

Nathan smiled as he knew what Jack was talking about. As a young man, he could completely understand. He decided to try and get Jack to talk about things a little more. As tired as they were, Nathan knew that Jack needed to talk.

"So tell me more about this connection." Nathan said.

Jack sighed, rubbed his face and then ran his hands through his hair. He took a couple of deep breaths. Nathan just waited until Jack was ready to speak.

"Okay." Jack said. "When Doug and I dropped Elizabeth off at her parents' place after Central Park, I looked at Doug and said I was going to marry Elizabeth. I didn't know how I knew, but I knew. Later when she called and was scared, it was like someone had put my heart in a vice grip. All I can explain is when she ran to me and grabbed my arm that first time, it was like I was finally whole. Like there was a part of my heart that was missing and suddenly had been returned. I have never felt what I feel before. I have dated a few girls, but I never saw a future with them, no matter how hard they or my mother pushed. I have never felt like this. She does things to me that I can't even describe. Don't get me wrong, I understand the physiology of what is going on. I mean at least as much as I can. I have taken health and biology classes. But what I am feeling and things I am experiencing, were things that they didn't talk about in those classes. I don't even think I have the words to describe what is going on."

Jack let out a harsh breath. Nathan just sat there and waited, he knew that Jack had more to say.

"It was like …." Jack continued. "It was like the moment Elizabeth touched me, I could finally see a future. I have been struggling for months about what to do. Everyone expects me to get a law degree and take over for my father. Since Christmas, I have realized that is not what I want, well actually much before that but even stronger since Christmas. I couldn't figure out what I wanted. Sitting with Elizabeth there in Central Park, everything suddenly became clear. She and I were meant to be together. We were meant to live here and take over for my grandparents. We would have children running around the backyard, learning to ride and enjoying life away from the city.

I have only really ever spent summers and jumping seasons here. I mean I have spent a few winter days here, but …. (sigh). Yet, in those moments at Central Park, I could see our family – mine and Elizabeth's, sitting around the Christmas tree here. This would be our main home, not something in the city. I have never felt that, as much as I want to make sure that Coal Creek continues. I never saw myself living here full time."

"So let me ask you again." Nathan said. "If Elizabeth tells us all to back off, are you going to be okay with that? Again, I am asking because I am worried about you. I don't want to see you get hurt, but at the same time, I can see how much you love her."

"Honestly." Jack said. "I just don't know. I guess I would have to find a way to be okay with her walking away from me. I have spent a lot of time praying since meeting Elizabeth. I trust that God wouldn't bring us together only to tear us apart. I need to believe that. I also know that I need to give Elizabeth time to heal. She has been through so much. It is just hard. When Doug drove my Jeep to drop off Elizabeth, her and I sat in the back and talked. It was like we had known each other for our entire lives, even though we just meant. We feel comfortable with each other, but I am very aware of the feelings that she stirs within me. I give you my word, that I will never act anything but honorable with her. Not only because of my Catholic upbringing, but because I am a man of my word."

"I believe you." Nathan said. "I have one more question for you."

"Shoot." Jack said.

"I know that you are a young male." Nathan said. "I also understand the Catholic Church's stance on sex. So my question is how are you doing? I understand as a young man it is hard, trust me I know. I have made mistakes in my past and I regret them."

"I will be honest." Jack said. "It is not easy. That first night, Elizabeth curled up next to me on the couch while we were watching TV. It was hard, and I know that there will be many cold showers in my future, but I made a vow a long time ago and I will not break it. I have had to walk away from her a couple times to get my feelings, emotions and body under control. It gets hard and harder each time we are close. Like I said, I am glad for cold showers and separate rooms."

"Good." Nathan said. "Just be careful. Things can get out of hand very quickly, even before you realize it. You think that you will be able to put the brakes on, but then in the moment, that is the last thing you are thinking of and one thing leads to another."

"Oh, I know." Jack said. "Not from personal experience, but I have known some guys at school, Catholic school no less, who have gotten carried away. Most of them didn't see it as a big deal, but I couldn't believe how they acted after sleeping with a girl. They acted like it was no big deal and that really made me think. I knew I could never treat a woman like that. It made me even more determined to treat women right. I wanted to be different then the guys I went to school with.

One of the guys on the lacrosse team got a girl pregnant. He tried to act like it was her fault and that she slept around. He ended up getting kicked off the team for breaking the rules, but more than that, he is now being forced to support this girl and the child even though she is with another guy. The two barely speak other than to share custody of the child. I feel bad for the little boy. That is the last thing that I want. As much as I want children, I also know that there is a proper order to things."

"Good." Nathan said.

"I have had a discussion with my Dad before." Jack said. "I think that is part of the reason that he hired you to protect us, but wanted you to be treated like you were one of my friends. I think he was hoping to cut down on the temptation of Elizabeth and I being alone together."

"Very understandable." Nathan said. "I am just worried about what happens when we go back to the city."

"Elizabeth and I have talked about that, sort of." Jack said. "I have said that I will be in my own apartment just down the hall when we get back. If she wants to stay, she is more than welcome to stay. I have offered her the one bedroom if she doesn't want the large apartment or I have also offered to let her best friend stay with her since they had planned on living together once school started."

"Okay." Nathan said. "Depending on what is still going on, you guys might still have security. I know that your dad talked about security for you this fall at school, especially if things haven't calmed down with the Kensingtons."

"I know." Jack said. "No offense, but I am not a huge fan of security. Don't get wrong, I know that there is a reason for it, but it can be hard."

"No offense taken." Nathan said. "I can see how basically having a full-time living shadow could be a pain. Understand it isn't always fun for us either. We can be in some pretty uncomfortable situations, but there is nothing that we can do, but try to think of something else while standing guard."

"Guess I didn't think about that either." Jack said. "I will say that other than Devin you are the first security that I have really liked. Don't get me wrong, there are others that I like, like Rob, Chris and Katie, but it took me a bit to warm up to them. You are really the first that I can see hanging out with even if you weren't security. I know that you have to maintain certain boundaries because you are working, but I hope that you can relax and really just be my friend most of the time. I miss having someone to jump with and talk to. Don't get me wrong, I can talk to Doug and Lee, but they only understand so much about jumping. There is just a different level of understanding when you are jumping with someone. If I forget to say it, I am really glad that you are here and I want you to stay."

Nathan blushed at Jack's comments. He cleared his throat, but kept his head down, despite it being pretty dark in their room.

"Enough talk for tonight." Nathan said. "We have a full day ahead of us tomorrow."

"Agreed." Jack said.

"Before you crawl in bed." Nathan said. "Your grandmother said something about a muscle rub. I think I better use some."

Jack turned a small light on to look for the rub.

"I will get it." Jack said. "Want to do my shoulders and I will do yours?"

"Sure." Nathan said.

Jack put some muscle rub on Nathan's shoulders and then Nathan did Jack's shoulders. Nathan also put some on his knee and hip. Jack turned out the lights and climbed up onto the top bunk. He still liked it much more than the bottom bunk even thought it was smaller. Nathan shook his head as he sprawled out on one of the larger lower bunks. Jack and Nathan had only been in bed about two hours when Nathan, who had always been a lighter sleeper, bolted awake. He swore he heard something. Pulling on the shirt he had shed earlier and looking around. It took him a moment to remember where he was.

When he got his bearings, he tried to figure out the sound and where it was coming from. Quickly grabbing the pistol and moving quietly to the door, Nathan opened the door and let his eyes adjust to the darkness. He looked around and didn't see anything. He moved against the wall and started down toward the other end of the hall. He got to Elizabeth's room and he realized what he was hearing – Elizabeth crying. Not wanting to startle her, Nathan went back to his room, holstered his pistol and put it back in his bag. He then jumped up on the bunk.

"Jack." Nathan said, shaking him.

"What?" Jack mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

"I woke to a noise." Nathan said. "I realized it was Elizabeth crying. I didn't want to startle her by going in. I think she might be better if you check on her."

Jack was instantly awake. He jumped down from the bunk without using the ladder. He quickly pulled on a pair of sweats over his boxer shorts. In a few short steps, Jack was at Elizabeth's door. He confirmed that it was Elizabeth crying. He knocked, but there was no answer. Jack turned to see Nathan right there.

"What can I do?" Nathan asked.

Jack took a deep breath and blew it out harshly while he was thinking.

"I hate to do it." Jack said. "But can you please go wake Gran."

"Say no more." Nathan said as he headed down the hallway.

It wasn't more than a few minutes and Nathan was back with Gran.

"Sorry, Gran." Jack said. "After everything that she has been through, I don't want to make it worse by going in there and scaring her."

"I got it." Gran said. "But stay close."

"I will be right here." Jack said.

Nathan put his hand on Jack's shoulder and gave it a squeeze before heading back to their room. Jack offered up a prayer as Gran headed into Elizabeth's room. Gran went in and saw that Elizabeth was having a nightmare. She gently put her hand on Elizabeth's shoulder.

"Elizabeth, dear." Gran said softly. "You are okay. No one will hurt. Please open your eyes."

Elizabeth had shrunk back at Gran's touch, but stilled a bit as Gran spoke. Gran could tell that Elizabeth was scared and needed to be comforted.

"Do you want me to get Jack?" Gran asked.

Elizabeth didn't open her eyes, but nodded her head.

"I will be right back." Gran said. "He is just in the hallway."

Gran went to the door and opened it to Jack.

"She needs you." Gran said.

Jack didn't need to be told twice. In a flash he was at Elizabeth's side. He gently laid his hand on her shoulder. He said a quick prayer before he spoke.

"Elizabeth." Jack said in a soft calming voice.

At first Elizabeth didn't move, but she didn't shrink back either.

"It is Jack." He said. "I am right here. You are fine, I won't let anything happen to you."

Elizabeth reached out to Jack and clung to him like she had a few days ago in Central Park. Jack lifted her up so she was sitting. He wrapped his arms around her and held her for a few minutes. Then he pulled back and tipped her face to his.

"Elizabeth." Jack said softly. "Please open your eyes. I need to see you are okay."

Slowly, Elizabeth opened her eyes and looked at Jack. When she looked at him, Jack could see the fear in her eyes. It broke his heart to see her so upset and broken. He wanted to fix it, but he also knew that there was little more that he could do to fix it. Jack knew that it would take time and work on Elizabeth's part for her to heal. The other thing that Jack saw in Elizabeth's eyes was desire. It took every ounce of control that he had to not kiss her right there in front of his grandmother.

"I am sorry." Elizabeth whispered.

"No need to be sorry." Jack said. "We weren't sure what was going on, but we were worried. Nathan woke to hear you crying. We decided to get Gran, because we didn't want to startle you. But we needed to make sure you were alright."

"Sorry for waking everyone." Elizabeth said.

"No problem." Jack said.