Chapter 29 – Honesty

Jack motioned for Gran to come over again.

"Elizabeth." Gran said. "Are you alright now?"

"I think so." Elizabeth said. "I don't know what happened. I was fine when I went to bed."

"That is okay." Gran said. "These things happen. You don't have to feel bad about having nightmares. I remember what it was like to have them. Do you remember what it was about? I learned that talking about them when you remember would help."

"Sort of." Elizabeth said. "I just don't know if I can share."

"You are safe here." Gran said. "No one will fault you or judge you. If you don't want to share with me or JP, that is fine. But I know that you will need to talk to someone. I can make that happen if you want."

"Can I talk to you alone, Gran?" Elizabeth asked.

"Of course." Gran said.

She looked at Jack who looked hurt, but nodded.

"Elizabeth." Jack said. "I will just be down in my room. If you want me to come back, all you have to do is have Gran come get me."

Elizabeth nodded. Jack gave her one last hug before he stood and headed toward the door. Before Jack went through, he gave Elizabeth and Gran one last look.

"I have her." Gran said. "It will be fine."

Jack left, pulling the door shut after him. Gran waited a few moments before turning to Elizabeth.

"Alright." Gran said softly. "What is going on?"

"Are you sure Jack isn't listening?" Elizabeth said.

"I am sure." Gran said. "He knows I would tan his hide if he was."

Elizabeth nodded. She took a couple deep breaths before looking at Gran.

"It was about Jack." Elizabeth said. "That is why I didn't want to tell him."

"Do you want to tell me?" Gran asked.

"Not really?" Elizabeth said. "I don't want to upset you."

"I will be fine." Gran said. "I promise. After everything that we have been through with Laura, not to mention other things, even some JP doesn't know about."

"Okay." Elizabeth said.

Elizabeth scooted closer to Gran and she wrapped her arm around Elizabeth's shoulder to give her comfort.

"I will be here." Gran said. "Whenever you are ready."

Elizabeth let out a harsh breath.

"I dreamt about Jack jumping." Elizabeth said. "He was almost done with his run and he missed a jump and went head over heels over the horse. The crowd went silent and Jack didn't move. I ran to him, but was stopped by people. I kept crying his name, but there was no response. Finally, he was taken out off the field and I couldn't find him. When I finally got to him he was gone. That is how the nightmare ended. It started differently, but I don't really remember it. I have had similar nightmares before, but this is the first time that it ended like this. Normally, I would wake up before it got too bad. This one was so different from the others, not only in Jack dying, but how vivid it was. It was like I could even smell the sweat coming from the horses."

"Oh, Elizabeth." Gran said. "I can't promise you that he will never get hurt riding, but he is very, very good at it and he takes many safety precautions. Please try not to think the worst. Things will be okay."

"I don't know." Elizabeth said. "Jack told me that he gets distracted when I am around. I am afraid that he is going to be thinking about me and he will not be able to focus on what he needs to do. Maybe I should just go back to the city."

"Stop." Gran said. "JP wants you here. I want you here. You are good for him. I have seen him upset and angry before a competition and after James talked to him and they walked the course, JP was so focused it was scary. It will be fine. I will talk to him and I will have James talk to him, but I also suggest that you talk to him and let him know what you are afraid of. He will understand. I promise."

"I will think about it." Elizabeth said. "I don't want him to worry."

"Fine." Gran said. "Think about it. That is all I ask. He is going to worry no matter what."

Elizabeth nodded.

"Are you going to be okay going back to sleep?" Gran asked.

"I think so." Elizabeth said. "I might read on my phone for a bit."

"Okay." Gran said. "I will see you in the morning."

"Thank you." Elizabeth said.

Gran got to the door, but stopped. She turned and looked at Elizabeth who was still sitting on the bed.

"Elizabeth, dear." Gran said. "If you are not up to church in the morning, no one would fault you for wanting to stay home."

"We will see." Elizabeth said.

Gran didn't say anything else, she just opened the door and slipped out, pulling the door almost shut after her.

Jack left Elizabeth's room and for a moment thought about sitting outside the door and listening. Then he heard what his grandmother said. Jack decided that he wouldn't listen, but he also wouldn't go far. He went down the hall halfway to his room and slid down against the wall until he was sitting with his knees drawn up. Jack wrapped his arms around his head as he lowered them to his knees. While he sat there, he was hurt and confused. He wondered why Elizabeth didn't want to talk to him and then he realized that it might be one of two things – a woman problem or it involved him. Jack wasn't sure which would be worse. The last thing that he wanted to do was ever hurt Elizabeth, but he also knew that it would happen no matter how much he tried because they were human.

As Jack sat there, tears stung his eyes. He refused to cry. He hadn't cried since he sat at Laura's bedside in the hospital and he wasn't going to start now. He prided himself that he was able to control his emotions like his mother. He remembered her saying that 'tears didn't accomplish anything'. Jack took a deep breath and tried to calm his raging, confusing emotions, but was failing. Jack released his head and leaned back against the wall. Without thinking, Jack turned his eyes up toward the ceiling.

"Lord." Jack prayed quietly. "I don't know what is wrong with Elizabeth, but she needs You. I don't know where she is with her relationship with You, but she needs You more than anything right now. She is hurting and I don't know how to help her. I don't want to hurt her, but it hurts me to see her hurting. I don't know what to do. You know how I feel about her. I want a future with her, but I will also try to accept things if that isn't Your will. I will need Your help, either way. Please watch over us and keep us both close to You. Show me how to help Elizabeth while still being the gentleman that I need to be, that You say I need to be. Please heal Elizabeth's heart, so she can open it up to love, even if that isn't for me. Amen."

By that time the tears were falling and Jack couldn't stop them. He sat there silently praying for healing for both of them. Finally, Jack looked up when he heard Elizabeth's door open. He saw his grandmother step out. He looked at her and without saying anything, she motioned for him. Jack was quickly on his feet thinking that Elizabeth wanted him. He got to his grandmother and she motioned for him to follow her. They walked to the downstairs sitting area and she motioned to sit down.

"Talk to me." Gran said, leveling her gaze at Jack.

"What?" Jack said with a slight dimpled grin.

"John Parker." Gran said. "Don't start with me, it is too late. You know what I mean."

"Sorry." Jack said. "I am just worried about Elizabeth."

"I can see that." Gran said. "I can also see how much you care for her. You have never brought a girl up here before. Beyond her just needing to get out of the city, I suspect that you don't want to be too far from her. I see the looks that you give her. I also expect you to be a gentleman. She has been through a lot. I find out you are anything less than a perfect gentleman and it is me that you will have to deal with. You know what the rules in this house are about members of the opposite sex."

Jack didn't say anything, but just looked at the floor.

"JP." Gran said.

"What do you want me to say?" Jack questioned. "What you want me to tell you I love her and I can't imagine my life without her in it. For the first time in forever, I have a clear vision of the future and it includes her. And you know me, I would never force a woman to do anything."

"That is a start." Gran said. "What I want to know is how much of this is a reaction to what happened to Laura? And how much of it is the reaction of a red-blooded eighteen year old male. You forget that I raised sons and have several brothers."

"I will admit." Jack said. "Laura was part of the reason that Doug and I stepped in, but this is so much more. I will tell you what I told Nathan earlier when he asked me about Elizabeth. Because he wanted to know if I would be okay to walk away if she doesn't want any more help."

"And what is that?" Gran asked. "What did you tell Nathan?"

"I told him that when she ran to me." Jack said. "Well … (sigh) … it was like …."

"Spit it out John Parker." Gran said. "I have had a long day and it is getting very late."

Jack took a deep breath and looked at his grandmother.

"I told Nathan." Jack said. "All I can say is that when Elizabeth ran to me and grabbed my arm that first time, it was like I was finally whole. Like there was a part of my heart that was missing and suddenly had been returned. We both felt this instant connection that neither of us can explain. Even that doesn't do justice to what I am feeling. I wish I could explain it better, but it is like …."

"Your other half." Gran finished.

Jack looked at his grandmother and smiled.

"Yes." Jack said. "That is exactly it. Doug said soulmate, but the other half works as well. It is crazy. We both have January 4th birthdays, we have similar likes and dislikes, but are different enough that we wouldn't drive each other crazy. … She is like a piece of me that I never knew was missing all these years."

Gran nodded. Jack thought it looked like she wanted to say something, but she just closed her eyes for a moment. Jack knew that she was trying to find the right words to say to him. As much as Jack wanted to know what his grandmother thought, he also knew that she would speak when she was ready.

"JP." Gran said. "Slow down and think about things. I am not asking you to avoid Elizabeth, but I am asking that you really think about things. I don't want you to make a decision that you will regret. As much as I like Elizabeth, I am worried about you. You are young and have your whole life in front of you. That said, sometimes you just know when something is right. Although things are not always what they appear in the aftermath of a traumatic event. I also suggest that you speak to your mother and father before going any further. I don't want either of you to make a mistake that you can't recover from."

"Why?" Jack asked.

"Speak with your parents." Gran said.

With that, she stood, patted Jack on the shoulder and headed back upstairs. Jack sat back in his chair with his mind reeling. His grandmother had always been clear and honest with him, so he wondered why she was so cryptic in what she said. Jack started thinking about everything that he knew about Elizabeth and then about himself. It was like he was missing a huge piece and he couldn't figure out what it was. Jack looked up at the huge clock on the wall and saw that it was two in the morning. He wondered if he would get any more sleep trying to figure out what he was missing.

Finally getting up, Jack went back to his room. He didn't want to wake Nathan, but he also needed to do something. Jack went over to his desk and grabbed his phone. He knew it was late, but at least he could text. He pulled up Devin's contact information and sat down. He thought about what he was going to say. Finally deciding to keep it simple, he sent a text asking Devin for all information on Elizabeth and her family. He tried to assure Devin that everyone was fine, but he had a gut feeling that something was wrong and just needed to be sure. He explained he wasn't sure what he was looking for so he wanted everything that he could find. Satisfied that he did what he could, Jack climbed back up into bed.

"Are you okay?" Nathan asked as Jack laid down.

"I don't know." Jack said. "Gran said Elizabeth is okay, but wouldn't tell me what they talked about. Gran was also being cryptic, she is never like that. I think something is wrong, but I can't put my finger on it. I just sent a text to Devin. Gran said to talk to my parents, but I have no idea why."

"Well." Nathan said. "Then I would suggest that you talk to your parents. Go to sleep, we will deal with whatever in the morning. Say a prayer and go to sleep."

"Okay." Jack said softly.

Nathan was able to fall back asleep after talking to Jack, but Jack laid there for a bit wondering what was going on. He was so confused about Elizabeth and what he was feeling. He knew that they both needed to sort things out before they could move forward, but he wondered how they would even go about doing that. Jack realized that thinking about all the what ifs was getting him nowhere, so he rolled over and closed his eyes. Jack took Nathan's advice and said another prayer for clarity and strength. It took a little bit to calm his mind and body, but finally Jack was able to drift back off to sleep.

Jack wasn't the only one that had trouble getting back to sleep, Elizabeth was having her own trouble getting back to sleep. It wasn't so much the nightmare that was keeping her up, but the conversation that she heard between Jack and his grandmother. It wasn't like she was purposely listening to them, but she couldn't help it as their voices carried to her room. She had gotten up to fully close the door when she heard Jack say that he loved her. Elizabeth stood there in shock at what Jack was saying. She knew that he had feelings for her, but love? Wasn't it too soon to know that? Upon hearing that, Elizabeth felt frozen in her spot unable to move. She didn't want to listen to their private conversation, but at the same time, she couldn't move. When she heard Gran get up and leave Jack, she quickly and quietly went back to bed. She laid there thinking about what Gran had said. She wondered what she wasn't telling them. Elizabeth had sensed that there was something more to the story, but she had no idea what it was.

As Elizabeth lay there, she wondered if she could try and talk to Jack, but then she thought about how she would bring up the conversation without letting him know that she heard his conversation with his grandmother. Then Elizabeth thought about trying to talk to Gran, but again, how without revealing that she was eavesdropping. Elizabeth was conflicted, she wanted more information, but didn't know how to get it. Finally unable to sleep, Elizabeth got up and went over to the desk. She grabbed a piece of paper and started making lists. She wrote everything that she knew about Jack and his family. She then wrote a list about everything that she knew about her family. She knew that there was a clue there, but couldn't see it. She knew that there was a connection, but she couldn't find it. Tried and frustrated, Elizabeth set the lists aside and crawled back in bed. She knew that she would have to figure out a way to talk to both Jack and Gran, but she also knew that it could wait. She knew that she couldn't do anything when she was tired. Snuggling under the warm homemade quilt on the bed, Elizabeth was finally able to drift back off to sleep thinking about Jack.