Disclaimer: The Peanuts characters belong to Peanuts Worldwide and remain the hallowed creations of Charles Monroe Schulz, even in the wake of his passing.
So, I always wanted to do a Charlie Brown x Peppermint Patty story because of how their dynamic in the comic strip. My main inspiration was two particular Peanuts strips: one on 10/14/1973 and another on 06/06/1976. Also, my main priority is for this story to be a light-hearted counterpoint to my more adult-orientated main work.
Anyhow, here's to you, dear reader. I hope you enjoy this work.
1. Mixed Signals
"Strike Two!"
Peppermint Patty's slider had bamboozled Charlie Brown. It wasn't as fast as her preferred fastball, so he thought about taking a swing and sending the ball into orbit. But of course…the ball dipped at the last moment just under his swing. And all Charlie Brown could do was sigh deeply at another failed attempt at glory.
His teammates groaned loudly at his swing and miss, more in familiarity with the act than in any sympathy. And if Charlie Brown's teammates on the bench offered him zero sympathy, Peppermint Patty offered even less.
"HA!" she exclaimed from the pitcher's mound. "How's it feel, Chuck? Seeing hope floating before your eyes, then watching it get yanked away!"
She wasn't wrong about the hope he was nurturing. Peppermint Patty had shown up to the game with a team of second-stringers, choosing to rest her A-team for worthier opponents. She seemed now to be regretting that decision. Charlie Brown and (more importantly) Linus threw some of their best pitches to restrict Patty's team to two runs after nine innings. Meanwhile, his batting line-up had experienced a perfect storm of circumstance and motivation.
Lucy, in her ceaseless bid to prove her worth to Schroeder, scored a home run that required ten minutes to retrieve the ball. Next, it was Linus's turn to shine, which he did with a fly ball that couldn't quite clear the fence, but which found a gap between the fielders and kept them occupied long enough for him to complete his round trip.
Back in the here and now, the bottom of the ninth, and the stakes could not be higher. Schroeder was on third, eighty-eight feet from glory. Charlie Brown, by contrast, was one strike away from ignominy. Similarly, Patricia Reichardt was one strike away from saving face.
"Do yourself a favor, Chuck!" she began another merciless round of sledging on Charlie Brown. "Swing hard and miss hard! That way, you can always say you went down fighting. No shame in that, is there, Chuck? It's the best you can hope for against me and my team!"
Patty's dugout laughed heartily at her verbal barbs. Charlie Brown's groaned; they reckoned the writing was on the wall in big neon characters. The young boy tried his best to contain his self-doubt, but it was a struggle. Patty was getting to him; he had to return the favor. He had an idea but was unsure whether it would work. What the hell, maybe it would. A rare win for his team might be worth the risk.
"WOOF!" he shouted back, to the surprise of everyone who heard him. Patricia winced at the outburst while the laughter and groans were replaced by uniform gasps of shock. Did Charlie Brown really go there with his destroyer on the mound?
"What was that, Chuck?" Patty shouted back. She was glaring at him now, seeming no longer to relish her advantage in the game. Her expression did little not to betray the anger seething beneath it. Even Lucy with her fearsome reputation was scared by what she was seeing. "That blockhead's done it now," she whispered to no one in particular, who nodded back in agreement.
"Did you decide now's the time to start growing a spine, Chuck!" Patty continued.
Charlie Brown was having none of that.
"Ha! You say I'm hopeless? This from someone who graduated from a dog school!"
The wincing intensified as both dugouts realized that Charlie Brown had gone there. He had violated the sacred, unwritten, unspoken rule. He had brought up Patty's tenure at the obedience school.
Patty was rendered speechless as she digested his words. Then in an instant, she wound up and pitched one of the fastest heaters anyone had seen. Only, she wasn't aiming for the strike zone; she was aiming for his head. Charlie Brown barely had the time to duck out of the way as the ball rocketed past him. The catcher was also caught off guard and had to stretch wide and high to catch the fastball. He tossed it back at his pitcher, who never took her glare off Charlie Brown as she caught the ball with an outstretched hand.
"Ball One!" the umpire cried out, more interested in calling the game than suffering anyone's personal drama.
"What was that all about?" Charlie Brown yelled at his opponent.
"You wanna poke the dog, Chuck?" replied Patty with a sinister smirk. "Just remember…this bitch has fangs!"
For some reason, maybe the sense of occasion at being on the cusp of an elusive victory, Charlie Brown felt up to the task of pushing Peppermint Patty's buttons some more. "What's the matter, Patty?" he called out while matching her smirk. "I thought you like it when I'm not so wishy-washy! Or do you only like someone when you can walk all over them."
On the sidelines, the other players had moved from being impressed by Charlie Brown's audacity, to wondering what had led to him suddenly developing a death wish. Snoopy seemed more concerned about his manager's well-being than most. In truth, he was more concerned about who would feed him in the wake of Charlie Brown's imminent passing. Least helpful was Sally, who yelled from the sidelines: "Hey, Big Brother! After she pounds you into pudding, can I have your room?"
Charlie Brown and Patricia Reichardt, however, were in their own combat zone, oblivious to all the comments and speculation aimed their way.
"That's a load of hooey and you know it!" Patty shouted at Charlie Brown as she stomped a foot in his direction. The boy with the wispy hair would not be intimidated and signaled his defiance with a step toward the hoyden.
"You could have fooled me!" he countered, taking another step.
"That's because it's a game, Chuck!" a now almost condescending Patty rebutted. "I do this to all my opponents, not just you! It's nothing personal, just gamesmanship!"
"And I just happen to be your favorite target, right? Good Ol' Charlie Brown, everyone's eternal punching bag!"
The exchange between pitcher and batter had become a screaming contest as the contestants became ever more vocal.
"That's because I can never get a rise out of you!" Patty fired back. "I've made way better players break down and cry where you're standing! You're always so calm and earnest and unflappable! Anywhere but here, I like you for that!"
"Wait, what was that about liking me?" a disbelieving Charlie Brown asked.
"That's right, Chuck," Patty confirmed loudly, though no less earnestly. "Common sense be damned, I LIKE YOU."
Yet another collective gasp issued from the fringes, this time threatening to cause a localized low-pressure environment. Something about Patty's tone suggested she might have been speaking sincerely, not indulging in trash talk. Linus this time had the fortitude for some brevity. "Well, if nothing else, the conversations at these games are never dull."
He received no acknowledgement for his comment, though his cohorts did concede to themselves that he had a valid point. Patty and Charlie's exchange remained the focus of their attention. By this point, the two main protagonists were within arm's length of each other, and they had an audience eagerly awaiting whatever new direction the exchange was about to take.
"KISS HER, YOU BLOCKHEAD!" Sally's voice resonated, more in anticipation than frustration; a million miles removed from her initial fatalistic tone.
Alas, the next words uttered came from the umpire.
"SAFE!"
All eyes shot toward her voice to find that Schroeder had used everyone's distraction to steal home. With that, he had won the game for Charlie Brown's team. Seeing that made the team forget about the tension between home plate and the pitcher's mound.
"We won?" they asked collectively in disbelief.
"They won?" their opposition asked with equal incredulity.
It took a good few seconds for the reality to sink in. And when it did…
"WE WON!", Charlie Brown's team whooped and hollered as they ran to The Beethoven-loving prodigy and showered him with adulation and appreciation. They went one further by hoisting him above their shoulders and loudly parading him around the field.
Meanwhile, Peppermint Patty's team glumly started packing up their equipment in a bid for as quick and as nondescript an exit as they could. That left Charlie Brown and Patricia Reichardt, still in place, staring blankly at one another. The boy looked more apologetic than celebratory. In all fairness, the sensation of victory was foreign to him. His situation wasn't improved by the perception that he might have deceived Patty in obtaining the victory.
The best response he could muster was: "Sorry, Patty."
"Chuck, how could you!" a visibly upset Patty fired back.
"Look, I didn't mean for it to happen like this!" Charlie Brown tried to explain. All for naught.
"Incredible! You can't beat me in a fair game, so you distract me by getting to open up with my feelings for you! Then you go back to your old wish washy self and pretend that you didn't mean it!"
In between the rant, Charlie Brown was trying desperately – and failing – to get a word in to protest his innocence. The best he could manage was: "Patty, listen—"
"You took advantage of my vulnerability! You know what it took me just to admit that I like you, Chuck!"
Now it was his turn for a rebuttal, but Patty's last words rendered him speechless. His mind was abuzz, first with his team's victory and now with Patty's declaration of affection. As he paused, he saw a tear trickling down Patty's cheek. And he knew that instant that her team's loss wasn't the thing upsetting her the most. He moved to place a hand on her shoulder for comfort, only for her to swat it away in anger and hurt.
"I hope you're happy, Chuck!" she spat at him. "You always wanted your stupid victory, now you can have it!"
With that, she stormed past him, forcibly shoving him out of the way. He watched in silence as she bitterly gathered her things and left for home. By then, he was joined by Linus, who noted that his best friend didn't seem as jubilant over the victory.
"What's the matter, Charlie Brown?" the Van Pelt boy asked. "You don't look too happy that we finally got a victory against Peppermint Patty and her team.
Charlie Brown kept looking at Peppermint Patty as she departed.
"Honestly, Linus?" he finally answered. "I don't feel like much of a winner."
And that will be it for this chapter. Thank you ever so much for making it this far. Kindly drop a review; I'd love to know your thoughts.
Anyway, my Tidal List for this chapter comprised:
Come Undone – Duran Duran
Frozen – Madonna
In Demand – Texas
Know By Now – Zoë Graham
And with that, I'll see you next chapter. Until then, be safe and take nothing for granted.
