I didn't hear from my parents after that unless you called an email from their secretary about my flight details hearing from them. I was to fly from North Carolina to JFK where I would meet the girl who was being shipped off with me. From there, it was a direct flight to Heathrow.
The house was doing splendidly in the market and from what I could tell, there were a bunch of offers for it. It broke my heart to say goodbye, I loved this place, it was home. Even though I was all alone out there, it was still a place I could rely on to give me space and freedom. Stupid me, to think I would always be the girl behind the red door.
I did hear a fair share from my friends though. It baffled me why they just wouldn't give up.
"Brooke! Just stop! Stop it and look at me!" Peyton yelled as she tried to grab my hands and stop me from pacing around the room.
"Peyton, I have a tonne to pack and very little time to do it," I said in a monotone voice. I could have sworn that a corpse seemed to have more life than me in that given moment.
"Brooke! Let's figure something out!" she cried.
"There is literally nothing to figure out Peyton. I am going and that's where the book ends, unfortunately," I reasoned with her while continuing to throw random things into storage boxes or my suitcase.
"Brooke, you stopped coming to school!" Haley had chastised me one morning as she tried to drag my ass to school.
"Yeah well, I have to go to a new one soon anyway. So I don't really get the point of attending this one right now. What's even the point? I'd much rather stay in bed, thank you!" I had responded while burying myself deeper into the covers. "Also! Who is letting you guys into the house!"
"Lucas and Peyton both had keys and Nathan and I just made copies of them. We are worried about you Brooke! I know this is tough, moving is terrible, but it's only for some time. You will be back for the summers and everything!"
"And where will I live? What if my parents decide otherwise? What if you all forget me and move on?" I let my insecurities come to the surface as I covered my face with the duvet.
"Oh, Brooke! That won't happen, you're being ridiculous," Haley tried to rationalise.
"Just like how it's ridiculous to ship your daughter off for personal gains so that you get a promotion. Just like it is absolutely ridiculous that you can treat your child like a commodity or how it is inexplicable that the only time you call or visit her is to push her even further away!" I cried.
"Brooke, it's gonna be okay," Nathan had reassured me.
"How can you even say that, Nate? I am leaving, nothing can change it. You will all continue to be together while I will be alone in boarding school in another continent," I told him, completely exasperated.
And then there was Lucas. "Brooke, we can make it work. We will do long distance."
"Don't act ridiculous, Luke. I-I just can't with you. Please, don't make this any harder than it already is," I had said to him. I was trying so hard to avoid breaking down in front of him.
"Please, Brooke! Brooke we can text, call, all of those things," he suggested.
"Broody, one, the Time difference. Two, I actually went on the school website. They take away our phones and only give them to us to use on the weekends. We have to use the school public phone to call our parents. Like that is happening. And three, You guys will be busy doing stuff and very soon a weekly phone call will become a monthly thing which will become a birthday thing until even that fades. You deserve to be with someone who is present for you. You deserve it, Luke. I, as much as it truly kills me, I want that for you. We are gonna fade Luke, right now or later. It is better if we spare ourselves the future heartache and just let fate win this round," I said to him.
"Brooke, no! We won't let fate win. I refuse to believe that," he reasoned. "I love you, dammit!"
"And that gets me nowhere, unfortunately. I think love is stupid and useless and pointless. So just go, please," I begged.
After that, I just sat there hugging myself as I tried to console the broken girl who was losing all sense of familiarity, I was crushed and my parents were crumbling me to dust.
Then once, all three of them showed up together.
"Brooke, it is going to be fine. People move all the time. This is going to be absolutely fine," they had said to me.
I knew that I was being way too emotional, way too hysterical and way too melancholic. However, for me, my life was spiralling. I was very well aware that people uprooted their lives and moved every day. I knew that technology existed for me to be able to be in touch with my friends, even if it was just on the weekends. Regardless, I had never felt as lost and scared and alone as I did at that moment. It was almost like I was born into bad news and no matter what or however hard I tried, I just couldn't seem to get rid of it.
My friends on the other hand simply refused to understand and when their reasoning got too much, I became downright violent.
"I said, leave me the hell alone!" I yelled while throwing one of the mini chandelier lamps that were on my dresser. Nathan had pulled Haley away and Lucas had ducked as the crystals made contact with the wall behind them, breaking into a thousand particles.
Then I ran and locked myself in the bathroom feeling so guilty about the fact that I had almost hurt them.
This was just way too hard. Everything hurt so much! The rejection from my parents was severing my already broken heart. Was I really that unloveable? Was I that bad a kid that they didn't want to know me? I knew my mom never wanted children. She just found out too late that she was pregnant and she couldn't do much to help it. Was that it? Did she resent me? It seemed so.
I knew I was destined to be alone. I always had been and it was stupid to think I would ever not be. It was time I learnt that. Brooke Davis would always be on her own, all alone. Another vehement sob escaped my shaking body as I curled into a ball on the cold bathroom floor, trying to make peace with my misery.
I had told my friends that my flight was three days away when in fact it was the next day. Seeing them only made it that much harder to leave and that much more real that while they moved on with their lives together, I would just be stuck, in a void, all alone. So I fled, like a thief in the night. I booked my cab to the airport and said goodbye, without looking back at the house with the red door.
—- —- —
"Hey, Veronica right? I'm Brooke," I said to the girl who walked in at our terminal a little too late and a little too tipsy. Just one look at her and I could tell, she was the me of California.
"Heyyy! So are you the new babysitter?" she asked as she flung her arms around me for an embrace. She was very clearly drunk, but at the same time, she had lived a very similar life to what I had. At Least it seemed that way to me in our brief one minute encounter.
"No. I am only a faultless and nameless casualty in your big life whom you don't give a rat's ass about," I answered, rolling my eyes at her, not that she could tell from the big sunglasses perched up her nose or her drunken stupor.
"Who pissed in your coffee," she tried to joke as she pulled herself on one of the plastic chairs while we waited for our boarding announcement. "I'm just so mad at my parents, they are sending me far away and all they did was book me first class. I wanted to charter! They are so horrible!"
"Dude, seriously! Your biggest issue is that you get first class instead of a private jet! I hate you! I had a good life, I had friends who were like family and I had to just give up all of that because you got knocked up and had to go to a finishing school!" I yelled a little too loudly. The entire airport was staring at me now, but I really didn't care. That girl better apologise to me for having to throw everything I love into a hellfire.
"Hey hey hey! Atleast im not throwing a pity party. When life gives lemons, make lemonade!" she clearly felt no remorse. I gave up the futile attempt to get any empathy out of her. There was a good chance she wouldn't even remember any of this in a couple of hours.
"Well, I'm missing some sugar," I said, holding my temples as I sat on the vacant chair beside her.
"Well, there's some! She said, bringing out a bottle of tequila. She had clearly just purchased it from one of the duty free stores.
I stared at her for a moment, wondering whether the girl was bonkers. 'What the heck, doI really wanna be in my senses for this ride?' I thought to myself after another minute of contemplation.
I unscrewed the bottle and took a large gulp, not caring that my passport clearly indicated that I was only sixteen years old. Then I went and took three more.
"See, now that's a party!" Veronica yelled loudly. She really had no sense of space and time. I giggled, already feeling the strong effect of whatever I had just consumed. It didn't help that I hadn't eaten for days. I shared some with her before taking a few more sips. I don't even know how we managed to make it to our flight or find our seats, but the next coherent memory I had was when we were making our way into the car that was to drive us to our school.
It was raining. Well, it always rained there. The weather was chilly and humid and dark. The sun was hiding despite it being daytime. I looked out of the window while Veronica was passed out beside me. Everyone there seemed to be in a hurry to get to places. They had their trench coats on and umbrellas out while they rushed past one another.
The school was an old stone structure, probably built in the 1500's like the rest of Britain.
"Oh look, Americans!" the lady in the office said to us once we had entered the promises while giving us a condescending look. "The Principal is expecting you. Just go, and don't talk back to her."
"That chick needs to get seriously laid," Veronica joked as we walked to the door she had pointed at.
I laughed as we entered the door to meet a stern lady in a ridiculously tight dress sitting at her desk. "Oh good. The two of you made it. Hope you had a good flight," said said. She didn't wait for any response as she continued her speech."Now I run a fine institution out here. We pride ourselves for producing girls with grace and character. You must abide by the rules at all times. No rule breaking will be tolerated. If you are found breaking disciplines or slacking off with your schoolwork, you will lose your weekend phone privileges, you might be asked to live alone and not exit your room, which obviously means no going out on Sundays. You might even have to do community services for the school. Do not take my warnings lightly. There is a scheduled time for everything and you must reach where you have to be precisely, not even a minute late. Punctuality is best learned early on. We don't talk back or bully the juniors-"
"Look Lady, you might be stuck in the 16th century, but we sure the hell are not. Right, Brenda?" Veronica interjected.
"My name is Brooke," I whispered to her.
"Right, Brooke and I. As I was saying, this is not how the world works and it is surely not how we work. We are not your lab rats, we are independent women and we deserve to have respect and opinions and the freedom of choice." she continued. Had the principal not begun fuming, I would have been impressed that she was a feminist.
"Detention, one week, both of you. I know exactly how to treat the likes of you. You think you are so entitled because you're so pretty and popular and rich. Well, looks fade and popularity is only until you graduate. Then when you get to the real world, -" she seethed.
"Is this your childhood trauma that you're deflecting towards us? Because it sure sounds that way. Besides, if my ass begins to get fat like yours, I will just buy a new one like my mom did," Veronica said nonchalantly.
I couldn't help but burst out laughing. This girl was me but ten times worse. Maybe we could end up being friends. As much as I hated her for upending my life, her quips were very very Brooke Davis worthy.
"Let's go Britney. Lady, can you show us to our room? I am so jetlagged. Come on, we don't know the place!" she continued, not giving the Principal any time to react.
"My name is still Brooke," I corrected her for a second time as she grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the office, not even waiting for the Principal to say anything.
"You're up for wreaking havoc and doing some demolition to this place right?" Veronica asked as the lady in the office asked some younger girls to take us to our room. Our luggage had already been hauled there by the groundskeeper.
"I have nothing to lose," I smiled.
— — –
The next week went terribly. Veronica kept getting the two of us into trouble, our detentions were just piling. We gave dummy phones instead of our real ones to the matron so that was a relief. The girl had been smart enough to carry a couple of old spare ones. We were supposed to turn them off and hand them over anyway, so it wasn't like they would check.
We had lost all our phone and travel privileges but honestly, none of it mattered anyway. I had no intentions to be happy. I still felt miserable. Veronica and I had gotten closer as we shared a room. She did live with her parents, they were constantly around, but they never butted into her life. She never cared to get serious with anyone, but had a couple of flings. Nobody took her seriously and nobody expected her to be tied down, so all the guys that came in her life were only those who were looking to get laid. She did however dodge the getting knocked up subject like the plague and I never pushed it.
Without giving much away, I had told her that I had some incredible friends back home in Tree Hill and I had had a serious relationship. She wanted to know all about it, the idea of tying down to one guy seemed ludicrous to her.
"So then you just stopped sleeping around, and did it with the same guy every time?" she had asked shell-shocked.
"That's how it works, V!" I laughed as I unpacked my basic essentials.
"But don't you miss it? The other great sex that you would miss out on?" she asked, raising her arms in the air for exaggeration.
"Not when that is the greatest sex of your life. Besides, I think it's sweet to commit. I love you and only you and I am giving myself to you completely - body, heart and soul. It feels great, until you have to just walk out with no control or choice. Then, it absolutely and completely just sucks!" I answered honestly.
"Did you actually say it to each other? The L word, I mean," she asked me, cringing at the thought of it.
"Yeah, because we did. In fact we both still do…. Love each other," I replied, facing her so that she knew I was being dead serious.
"How can you say it with such conviction? I mean, how can you know for sure? Maybe it is a trap, maybe he is with other girls? Maybe it's all just an elaborate ruse to get the hot girl in bed?" she suggested.
"I don't know how to explain it. It is all in the eyes. When he says I love you to me, his eyes are just watery soft and he is looking at me, but he is piercing within, as if he is looking directly into my soul. You can't say I love you while looking at the person that way without meaning it and my body just tingles all over every time I hear him say it. It's like electrocutes just charging up my body and leaving me a little out of breath. You can't get the same reaction to the same words every single time unless you mean them too," I explained.
"Seems so Romeo and Juliet. Maybe he will come rescue you from this tower. Wait, that's Rapunzel. No it was in both. God, books are just so cliche," she blabbered.
"Lucas loved to read. I never saw him go even a day without reading. It was his ritual, his escape. Oh look, right on time," I said as I felt my phone vibrate.
It was a new voicecall. I had been getting one everyday from some or the other one of them. I had been listening to them all, but I had not replied to any of them. It was just too painful to respond. I could not even get through them without crying.
I picked up my phone and went into the bathroom attached to the room. Locking the door behind me, I held the phone up to my ear to hear what they had to say this time. It was Nathan today.
"Hey Brooke. I really wish you would just pick up the stupid phone, especially today. Things have just gotten worse. Dan is back. Lucas came clean about everything, about the abuse and how you helped him out by sending Dan away to Seattle on a wild goose chase. We already had an idea that you were living together from the night you almost stupidly drowned. You should also know that I did know about it, Penny. You know how Lucas and I stopped talking in what, Middle School? It was because I saw what was happening and I tried to talk to him about it, I told him to go talk to my mom, that she would help them. It scared him, that he would lose his mom in the mess or that it would get much much worse. So, he took out his frustration on the next best outlet, me. Anyway, now that he has come clean, he has actual support. We spoke to my parents about it. Apparently my mom knew. She is the one who helped Karen escape. Karen is living wherever because my mom still transfers her share of the cafe profits into a bank account for her. It's so messed up how all of us knew all about it and did nothing, just let the guy be there and get beaten up, just because all of us were afraid of Dan. We were so scared that he would come after us too. Anyway, Luke is getting emancipated though it is hard to explain it to the judge. He works for my dad now on a much more formal basis and he has moved in with us. Anyway, please call us. Especially Luke. He is really broken and hurt and he is already going through so much, maybe you can make him feel better. Dan is just so terrifying. I wish we could do something about it. We are trying our hardest. Anyway, love you Penny. I hope you're safe." the voicemail said.
"Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God! Dan is back! Oh God! Dan is going to kill him, Oh God!" I kept whispering to myself.
'It's a shame. You're so beautiful. I would hate to ruin that perfect face. Girls like you are so rare to come by,' I heard him say in my mind as horrible memories of the time he attacked me flooded my brain.
'Maybe I should just have my way with you. I mean, just look at you! That ought to teach you a lesson too!' His menacing voice boomed even more loudly in my brain. I could phantom feel his hand on my top and how he had jerked it off of me. I could almost feel his fingers tracing my exposed flesh like spiders crawling. I remembered the fear I felt in that moment, the way his eyes had widened and he had licked his lips when he got a complete view. I remembered how my heart had sunk, certain that this could not end well in anyway, that I would either be raped and beaten and left to die, or he would finish the job. I remembered that feeling of utter helplessness and the trepidation that came with it.
Before I knew it, I had worked myself up so hard that I felt sick. The nausea hit me so strongly that I ran to throw up all the contents of my stomach.
