I tried calling Lucas that day although it ached my heart to do that. It was all so damn hard and yet, I was so worried that I had to call him. I was so scared though. What if I would crumble the minute I would hear his voice? I literally felt like jell-o as I tapped at his contact on my phone.

One ring, two rings, three rings. He did not answer and all I got was his voicemail.

"Hey Broody, umm… I heard about Dan being back. I - uh - I just wanted to check on you, see how you were doing. I just hope you figure it out for you. Okay, bye," I said awkwardly.

I checked my phone all day that day for a response from him but got none, the next time I tried calling or texting him, they just wouldn't reach until I was certain that he had blocked my contact on his phone. My already broken heart was being refined to fine dust, I did not know if the atoms could break further down. I was already deep in the trenches, beyond the abyss. Why does love feel so good and so bad at the same time? When it works, it can make you feel like the Queen of the world, and when it doesn't, you're just left staggering.

'Hey Peyton, sorry for not responding to your calls earlier, but I heard about Lucas and Dan being back from Nathan. How is everything going? Any Progress?' I texted Peyton after a month of radio silence.

'Hey Brooke, finally! About Lucas, it's all still the same actually. Lots of red tape and Dan isn't making things easier. You don't worry though, he is living with the other Scotts so he is fine,' came her quick reply.

'But what if he runs into him in town. Peyton, you know first hand what Dan is capable of. You saw what he almost did to me and what he could have done to you! I am just so scared especially since it was I who sent him on a wild run,' I texted back.

'We are talking to lawyers. He suggests a restraining order but it is hard to sanction one without proof. Lucas has the marks to prove it, but it's all speculation. Unfortunately the system is broken. The lawyers are saying it could take weeks or months and with Dan's powers, there is no guarantee. Sorry Brooke.' she responded.

At this point, I just let go of my walls and called her up.

"Peyton, I need somebody to be with him at all times. Please, just don't let him wander around town alone. He will absolutely hate it, he is a brooder and loves his space. But I don't care. I cannot let something happen to him because I sent Dan to Seattle. I-I just can't let anything happen to him," I broke down.

"Oh, honey! Yeah, we will do that. I promise you, we will do our best to keep him safe. Is he talking to you though? He has become even more silent after you left and the whole Dan debacle. I didn't even think it was possible for him to get more silent and broody but that's where we are!" she attempted to make a joke to ease the thick tension that had settled between us.

"No. He- uh- he kinda sorta blocked me. Not that I blame him. It's fine," I answered meekly. "Also Pey, Luke has a ridiculous habit. He wakes up god awfully early, around 4 or 5 am and walks down to the River Court to play Basketball. I know that Nathan has a private Court in his yard, but he feels obligated enough, he is not going to start making dribble sounds that early and the River Court is his favourite place to think. I can bet on anything he has been going there every morning. I don't think Dan knows about it, but I need him to stop. I need him safe. Just please, promise me!"

"Okay Brooke. I will be there at the River Court tomorrow morning," she promised.

"Take Nathan or Jake or someone with you. I need you to be safe!" I yelled.

"Okay honey. I will," Peyton sighed. She could hear the worry in my voice and I knew that if I asked her to put Lucas in a crate and ship him to London, she would say yes to me. Best friends are the greatest.

"How have you been Brooke? How is school there? I miss you-" she asked but I cut her off.

"Wait, hold on!" I shouted as I ran to the bathroom, feeling a wave of nausea hit me. Dropping the phone on the cold tiles, I bent in front of the toilet as my body regurgitated. After five minutes of heaving and sweating and puking, I finally got up and walked to the sink to brush my teeth and wash my face. I was shocked to find Peyton was still on the line when I grabbed my phone from the floor.

"Oh God, sorry you had to hear that P. Sawyer!" I sighed as I rubbed my belly and walked to my was noon and I had decided to skip lunch as I felt sick, yet despite having an empty stomach, my body had somehow found a way to throw up.

"What's wrong B? You sounded terrible," she asked in a concerned tone.

"Uhh, I have just been sick. London doesn't suit me, apparently. I have the flu or something. All I know is that I keep needing to throw up all the damn time and I am so cranky about it. I hate it here so much!" I whined.

'Did you go to the school nurse or whoever?" she asked.

"No, the matron absolutely hates me. She will just think that I am using it as a tactic to get out of classes. Although, in her defence, I have given her plenty of reasons to believe so," I giggled.

"Brooke, sick is sick. I wish I was there to take care of you like I have been since, well forever!" she laughed.

"Yeah, you were more a mother to me than my own," I agreed.

"Yeah, I raised you since you were a little pup and I believe I did a stellar job at that!" she continued. "But seriously B, talk to the nurse- matron, whatever the chick is called. You're not a good patient at all. You would drive my mother to tears!"

FLASHBACK

I had been at school, coughing up a flury and burning with fever. The school had tried to get in touch with my parents, but they would have contacted BigFoot sooner than them. I did not know the number of the new nanny and nobody was home to answer the landline.

Somehow, Peyton had managed to get out of class and come to the Nurse's office.

"Oh, just call my mom, we take care of Brooke!" Peyton had sighed as she clasped my hand into hers.

"It's okay Brooke. I'm here and my mom will be here soon too. Then she will get you all better," the little blonde had said to me.

The school gave up and called Anna who picked up Peyton and I immediately and took me to get checked by a physician.

"Anna, I am not going to have that horrid medicine!" a nine-year old me had whined to the mother between a volley of coughs.

"Come on, Brooke, doesn't your throat hurt from coughing?" the gentle mother asked, keeping her patience.

"Yeah, but it will get better over time. This stuff is just so icky and it makes me feel sleepy. I want to watch cartoons! I don't want to sleep!" I had argued.

"Brooke, you will get better sooner with the medicine. Come on, girl! You have to take it. God, you're burning up even more!" she said, feeling my forehead.

"I said no!" I had yelled but that led me to cough so much that it was hard for me to breathe by the end of it.

"Brooke Penelope Davis. Stop this behaviour right now. You are going to lie in bed, have the medicine and then drink up every drop of the tomato soup I am sending up with Peyton. No ifs and definitely no buts!"

"I don't like it!" I whined and pouted.

"Good God, this child! Brooke! Come on, just open up a little or I'm gonna have to tickle you to open your mouth," she tried another tactic.

This obviously led me to seal my lips shut even tighter. So then she tickled me, leading me to giggle and cough. She rubbed my back to ease it and then stuck the spoon in once she knew I was alright.

I made a face feeling the bitterness on my tongue. Ten minutes later, she got a steaming bowl of tomato soup for me.

"Brooke, do you know where your nanny is? Nobody is still answering at your house," the mother asked me as she sat in bed with me to feed me the soup.

I lay my head on her chest, trying to get all the feelings of being loved and cared for by a real mom. "Nope, maybe she left too. It's okay. A new one will arrive eventually."

Anna didn't say anything but I felt her shiver and tremble underneath me. "Okay, let's feed you this soup and then I can read to you until you fall asleep. You can watch some TV after you wake up.

"Will- will you stay here with me please?" I asked, afraid of the rejection.

"Of course, little bug. Now come on, you have to eat it while it is hot," she said as she proceeded to feed me the tomato soup. Peyton sat in the room with us talking until I was fed and then she read to us until I was almost about to sleep.

"I'm proud of you Peyton, for getting the school to call me up. She needs us to look out for her," I heard the mother say before sleep overpowered my fatigued body.

END OF FLASHBACK

"Yeah, she was the greatest. Thanks for sharing her with me, P!" I smiled.

"Yeah, she used to go telling her friends that she had two daughters. She loved you just as much as she loved me, Brooke," Peyton said, her voice thick with emotion as we both missed Anna.

"So will you go show yourself to the nurse?"

"Uhh, no. Anyway, I should go. I am not technically supposed to have my phone and class will start soon. I just feel so tired from all the throwing up I've been doing these days. I just want to lie in bed and watch soaps, preferably with my head on your lap while you rub my back and make me your mother's tomato soup recipe," I sighed.

And that's when I broke her. Peyton began sobbing on the phone.

"Oh no no no no no! Peyton! God, I am sorry. Let's talk about something else, how's Jake? Oh God, I am going to be sick again! Sorry Pey, I will call you another time. You just take care of Lucas for me, I will be alright here!" I said in one breath while running to the bathroom again.

— — –

"That was what, the second time today?" Veronica asked as she saw me come out of the bathroom and grab a bottle of water. I was so dehydrated and tired.

"Third," I sighed while rolling my eyes. "I don't understand, I should not still be so sick. This has been going on for a few weeks now. There is something so wrong with the weather here, or maybe it is food poisoning. It might just be the food, maybe they are giving us old vegetables," I complained.

"Brooke, I know I am going to sound absolutely terrible but I have to ask you some questions," Veronica said as she got off her bed and sat on the edge of mine.

"Maybe after classes? We are already ten minutes late for the next one!" I said as I proceeded to move out of the bed and walk to the study to grab books to English Lit, Lucas' favourite subject. We were studying Dante, an author Lucas had read to me one night to help me fall asleep. I was in his arms while he was reading a book and I had asked him to read to me.

He had first laughed, thinking I was joking. But I kept staring at him, expecting him to go on.

'Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. A promise, like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. A belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision to ignore simply and rise above the pain in the past.'

I shook my head, trying to get rid of the memories and grab Veronica so that we would get into minimal trouble.

"We need to have this conversation, Brooke!" she tried to fight me.

"Vee, just after class. I finally think I got all the toxins out and I can concentrate. I just need an energy bar for the way," I said while picking one up. We were not allowed to eat in the hallways, but Veronica and I did little to follow rules. I had hated the uniforms, so using my tailoring and styling skills, I had given ours a bit of a modern makeover. The teachers were infurious, but I had read up the school code which did nothing to mention that a makeover of the dresses would not be permitted.

"Brooke, this is important!" she pressed on.

"Well, so is school. At least Lucas made it so for me. I personally never cared much for it until he came along. Besides, we have cut class way too often already. Come on V, you know how Hellswheel can get. She has Hell right there in her name!" I said, nudging her again.

"Fine, but you and I are talking after classes," she said as we walked out.

"Oh look, it's a miracle! Our American students finally found their way to the classroom, albeit 20 minutes late," Hellswheel complained as we entered the door and walked to the back where there were vacant seats. "Seriously girls, you literally tore off half the fabric on those uniforms and got away with it, now do you have something for your tardiness too?"

"Yeah, well Brooke could just not find the matching red thong that goes with the red lace bra she has on and we were busy looking for it in our bedroom. You know just how important it is to be in uniform. I did mention it to Brooke though, that the guidelines make no express mention that we need to have underwear on and she could totally come to class commando. However, she just insisted that we find it. It being laundry day and everything, the poor girl was struggling. Next time B, remember, if you can't find your underwear, it's okay, just get to class on time," Veronica winked.

I couldn't help but burst out laughing as I saw Hellswheel's cheeks turn red.

— — –-

"Brooke, come on. Our room, now," she said, pulling me out of the classroom the second the bell rang.

It was strange for me to see. We had been here for over a month and she never showed any care or concern whatsoever for anyone or anything. She had lots of friends on Instagram, but none who would call her as often as mine did, even though I was dodging all their calls and all my text responses were 'I'm fine.'

She sat me down on her bed and sat on it Indian style on the opposite side.

"Brooke, I have never had any real friends and frankly I have never really cared much for other people in general. However, you have been nothing but kind and sweet to me and I do consider you to be my friend. My first real friend, so please know that this comes out of a place of total love for me. Somebody has to ask you the hard questions because you are not," she said looking at me straight into my eyes.

Her seriousness scared me for a minute as I shook my body to ease the tension and concentrate on what she had to say, "Okay, ask away."

"Brooke, you have been feeling sick and throwing up ever since we got here, haven't you?" she began.

"Yeah, I told you, it's the weather or the food or something. This is not my habitat," I joked.

"But, you're only sick for some particular hours in the day right? You wake up nauseous and dizzy, right?" she continued.

"Yeah I mean, it must be a morning pollen thing. I don't even know. I'm pretty sure I will be fine in a few days. If I am not, I will talk to the matron, don't worry!" I defended myself.

"Brooke, when was your last period?" she asked me and that's when it hit me where she was directing this conversation.

My eyes widened as I felt myself get dizzy, but differently this time. This one was out of sheer fear.

"No! No! Just no! It can't be! I- I can't be!" I said, in complete denial.

She came over and hugged me as tears leaked from my eyes.

"No this can't be happening! I can't be - just no!" I wailed.

"Oh Brooke! This will be fine. You will be fine. We will deal with this," Veronica assured me. "First things first, we need you to do a test to know for sure if you really are - well…" she replied.

"Vee! We have no travel privileges. We lost them in like a day and never got them back. How are we going to get to town and get a test?" I asked her.

"We will steal a teacher's car! I don't care. We are going to take care of you," she answered. Veronica was a lot like Rachel. She had the capacity to love and care so deeply. She just didn't know better.

"I am so scared, Veronica!" I cried.

"I know. Trust me, I know. I have been there," she said, a single tear spilling from her own eye. "Tonight, once everyone sleeps. I will go to the teacher's lounge, I know that Mr. Wheeler hides a key to the lounge in the drawer of his classroom which is unlocked. I should be able to find at least one car key out there. We will drive to town and get you some tests. Then once we know for sure, we can talk about future steps, okay? I just need you to breathe for now. We could be wrong and it could be your pollen-flu-whatever thing. Just breathe and stay calm okay?"

"Thank You," I whispered as I tried to keep my tears and emotions at bay. I didn't even realise when my hands moved to my belly, it looked the same to me. How did I always find myself in a much bigger mess than the one I left?