"Brooke, what was that?" Peyton asked me as she entered my room with a strawberry milkshake once school was over.
"What was what?" I asked her, feigning oblivion.
"That fight with Lucas in the morning. You were being totally unreasonable!" she yelled.
"I was not!" I retaliated after taking a sip of the smoothie.
"Brooke, I get it, your hormones are all over the place but you basically insinuated that he wanted to take the kids away from you and he never said anything like that! He was just scared and you more or less put the words in his mouth. Brooke, I get it, things are tough, but they are tough on both of you. Could he have reacted better and not just walked away? Sure! But he is making an effort here and you are steamrolling him," she tried to make me see the light.
"I know, I was wrong," I acquiesced. "Stupid hormones! But, I don't know what to do instead?"
"How about apologising and having a civil conversation with him?" Peyton suggested.
"That's what I tried to have at school and then at the beach and he basically told me he hates me or that he just has to hate me. Either way, he wants nothing to do with me and isn't the trial soon anyway? Heck, I am so terrified of bumping into Dan I can't even imagine it for Luke," I shuddered.
"Brooke, that is just not good for either one of you! Luke was just miserable in school today. He asked me why you weren't there and when I told him the reason you weren't, he was heart-broken. He asked me to tell you that he is going to help you out financially, whatever it takes. Even though he himself is getting emancipated and becoming financially independent. Also personally, I do believe that you gotta stay away from Dan till the hearing. If he comes to know that you're pregnant with Lucas' children, it can swing Lucas' case about how he is going to be 16 in school and afford to keep himself afloat with two other dependents. So, just yeah, it's all really really messy." Peyton opined.
"Now I feel miserable!" I sighed before putting my head back and hitting the headboard.
"Enough to apologise?" she coaxed. "Brooke, he did not even know the genders of his children. Imagine the surprise when I just randomly reassured him by saying, 'Brooke is not going to keep you away from your son and daughter!' and how surprised he was to find out that you knew the sexes and that he was having one of each. If you don't give him all the details, that boy is going to have a heart attack,"
"Peyton, please don't say that! God, why would you say that! Fine, I will apologise and be civil. But, I don't want anything from him. He can decide how involved he wants to be. I am not looking for a paycheck from him. I am capable of doing this all on my own," I said, reassuring myself more than her.
"Well, it is a start… I'll take it. Now it's a good thing that you said that to me because Jake, Nathan and Haley are basically holding him hostage in my bedroom," she laughed. I rolled my eyes, surprised yet not surprised. These kinds of things swerve right up their alley.
"It's a good thing I need you for housing and future babysitting, otherwise I would have killed you for this and buried you in your own backyard!" I joked.
"Love you too. Now go talk to your baby daddy!" she said to me.
"But, do I have to? All I want to do is have one more milkshake!" I whined.
"Come on you little hippo, the sooner you get this over with, the faster the rest of us get to go back to normalcy!" she replied.
"Fine, but I don't like this," I said as I stretched my arms towards her for her to lift me up.
Lucas looked pissed at the three of them as they refused to let him leave. I couldn't help but laugh. When Broody pouted, he looked like a little toddler whose mother had refused him some candy. The second I walked, rather waddled into the bedroom, the others ran outside.
"Oh thank God! Finally! Took you long enough to convince her!" Haley said exasperatedly as she jumped off the bed to join the boys who were already halfway out.
"We're going to be right downstairs if you need us. Go have your chat, just try not to break anything," Peyton said before shutting the door behind her.
I stood there for a few moments, seeing if he would say anything first, or make a move. He continued to look down and brood.
"Hey, I'm sorry," I said as I sat on Peyton's bed deciding to give up waiting and take the first turn.
"I'm sorry too," Luke responded. "I guess we both reacted the most horribly we could. For the record, I would never take the children away from you."
"Yeah? Even if I end up being terrible at it?" I asked.
"You won't be," he answered simply.
"You don't know that..." I said. "But, Lucas, don't take this the wrong way. Just please hear me out. You can be in their lives. These are your son and daughter too. But, you have a free pass. I decided to keep them without even consulting you. You get to bail. You have an out. You're already neck deep in stuff, you don't need any more responsibilities that you already have."
"Brooke! I am not going to leave you pregnant and alone!" Lucas retaliated. I rolled my eyes when I heard that. He just always had to be the gentleman and do the right thing, even if it would ruin him.
"All I am saying is, I know the kind of chivalrous gentleman you can be, always trying to do the right thing. Here, for this, I won't judge. I promise you that I will harbour no ill will and I will also not keep them from you. You can be in their lives to the capacity that you choose," I said to him.
"I will be there full time," he said, making his mind up. God, the boy could be so oblivious to his entire reality when he chose to see from his horse-bridled view.
"Luke, for now how about you just focus on the trial and then we will figure the rest out after that. For now, just focus on getting your father in jail," I suggested.
"You know, you're beginning to sound like a broken record. Ever since the day your parents came in with the whole boarding school thing. Where is the Brooke Davis from before that? The bold Brooke Davis who was afraid of nothing and nobody. The Brooke Davis who would get whatever she wanted because she would make sure that she had it. The Brooke who was willing to admit her vulnerabilities to me. Who didn't push me away!" he said to me. "You think I don't see it? I have a constant target on my back and Dan has seen you. Now, there are two more innocent lives involved. Do you think that I have forgotten that? It has kept me up all night Brooke! It is more scary for me because I am the one who got all of you in this mess!" he said, letting out all of his pent up emotions.
"It is not your fault, at all. Please, don't go there, at all. But yes, there are two babies involved. But also, you have your whole entire life in front of you. You can go pro with college basketball or you can go to college and study literature. Hell, you can be a player in the NBA who gets his books published in the off season. I will not hold you back from living your life and dreams," I said truthfully. "And don't you dare give me that bullshit line about this, us being your dream because you did not even know about this until yesterday."
"Stop pushing me away! You are afraid that it won't work out. That you will love me and it will all be great because you know what it is like to lose it. You're so terrified of the loss that you don't even want to try. These are just your fears, Brooke! I have never gone anywhere, it has always been you who has pushed me away!" he howled.
How did this boy know me so darn well? I did not know how to answer that to him.
"Okay, how about you just concentrate on the trial for now and we reevaluate after that? I need to find myself an OBGYN here in Tree Hill anyway. We will go there together post trial if you feel like it," I suggested.
"I am going to be involved, Brooke," he warned me. I nodded my head, feeling a sense of relief and gratefulness, even though I would never show that to him. Was it bad that I kept needing him to say it to me, repeatedly? What was worse was that I trusted him, but I did not trust our fate. Anyway, civility felt good. Was I still going to do everything to ensure that I did not have to be dependent on anybody, definitely, but the relief I felt hearing him say that was unparalleled.
"So, friends?" he asked.
"Friends," I smiled back at him.
"Shall we go down and join the other?" He asked and I nodded my head. He tried to help me get up, but I told him I could do it on my own. We went down then to see the four of our friends eating pizza.
"Oh look, I won. They did come back in one piece!" Peyton said once we were in the living room. Everyone else moaned before handing Peyton twenty dollar bills.
"You two work it out?" Haley asked.
"Uhh.. baby steps. We are going to be civil and see where it goes," I responded.
"I can only see it going to one place… wedding bells!" Nathan joked. Lucas punched him in the side of his arm to shut him up.
"We are not dating," Lucas said clearly.
"Yet…" Jake chimed in.
"Oh! So where's Nikki, the wife? Did I miss her?" I asked sarcastically. "Not funny guys. We're just going to try to make this work hopefully, not sure."
They all rolled their eyes at us but I held my ground.
"Change your mind about coming back to school yet?" Haley asked me.
"I actually landed a job!" I smiled.
"What where?" they all asked.
"Uhh, well this is gonna sound bad but it's at Carl's Crab Shack. It's this dingy place at the Riverwalk. It's minimum wage, no benefits but he was the only one willing to hire me full time and that too after I told him repeatedly just how desperate I was. I do think that it had more to do with my looks than anything else, but whatever, I am needy and desperate, so I will take it," I explained.
"So you waitressing?" Peyton asked.
"Uhh, waitressing and something a little more towards PR, at least that's what he said to place smelled disgusting, so I was hoping to do more PR related work," I said.
"Well good for you Brooke. Maybe we will come visit once you get settled into the job," Jake smiled.
"I'm just glad to begin making some. I have a long road before I can pay you guys back and afford a house for the three of us and you know, all the expenses that come with them," I tried to laugh but it was all actually very serious stuff.
— — –
"Come get the crabs at Carl's Crab Shack. Crab cakes, crab steaks and creamy crab get the crabs at Carl's Crab Shack," I say repeatedly, trying to contain my embarrassment. I used to be the most popular and rich girl in high school. Now here I was making a fool of myself. It surprised me that I even managed to fit in that absolutely horrible sweaty suit.
"Carl, how does this mean PR? I thought I would be in an office, making calls, not wearing ridiculous polyester that gives me blisters and makes me stand on my feet all day!" I complained at the end of the work day.
"Hey, you signed up for this.I rotate between waitresses, so stop complaining. I will have you waitressing next week," he said as he began counting money to give me.
"That's it?" I asked him once he had handed me my money. "The eight most humiliating hours of my life and I made twenty dollars?!"
"I deducted the usual fee for costume rental and dry-cleaning," he smiled at me.
I couldn't help but gape at him, "That is a total racket! I busted my butt out there all day with one ten minute break. I should be getting hazard pay!"
"You need the money to pay for those children, don't you. You either shut your mouth and keep this job, earn another twenty tomorrow, or you can leave and learn just how cold the streets get at night," he said with a satisfaction that scared me out of my wits.
"Hey Brooke! How was work?" Peyton asked me, looking up from her creepy sketch of the day as she saw me enter the house. My feet ached so bad from standing all day and then walking back from the Riverwalk. Peyton genuinely seemed happy to see me which made it all even more worse.
"It was fine. Long, boring, quite basic. How was school? Tell me how school was? Is Rachel being a militant psycho as cheer captain?" I chuckled.
"God, you have no idea. I actually have been thinking of quitting the squad. It's just so boring without you and I mean I joined so that we could be together in the first place. Or rather, you never gave me the choice and I just did it with you. Besides, Rachel has no originality, she never did cheer camp like us because she moved around a lot. So, she actually sucks at her role," she confessed.
"Oh my God Peyton! You have to take over as cheer captain!" I said it like it was a light bulb moment!
"I had read about pregnant women being a little scatter-brained but have you completely lost your mind!" she laughed.
"Oh come on! I dragged you to all those cheer camps. You gave the perfect comebacks to Claire Young from Bear Creek and you aren't bad at it. Hence, Tiffany let you in on the Varsity squad with me our freshman year," I clarified.
"Please don't make me do this! Rachel can really have it," she stated.
"Oh, let me live my senior year vicariously through you, Prom Queen and everything!" I said wishfully.
"Brooke, you should be living your senior year, with me, in school right besides me!" she complained. "I hate this. If you want, I can get a part time job too, so that you don't need a full time one. And you and the twins can live here. I don't know how my dad will feel about that, but he is never around, so I mean, screw what he thinks. You are my best friend!"
"Peyton, you do not need to become an adult because of a mistake I made and I love Larry, but I am not putting him or you in that position. You are not going to screw up your senior year by working and giving me the cash! We are not having this conversation ever again," I made myself clear. "Now I'm going to rest up in my room. Bye."
I was always familiar with the adage, 'It takes a Village' and I was beginning to realise just how true it was. Yet, nobody ever spoke about how scary it was. I hated the payout and the help. It sucked that Peyton paid for my food and groceries and electricity and housing. I had already begun looking for apartments to rent online and I knew the going rates for a room in that neighbourhood. I couldn't afford much yet but I was getting there with each crappy day. Hopefully, I would be able to compensate her over time.
After that day, I avoided talking to her. It scared me to really engage. It hurt me to think that my mistakes were costing all the people I loved their lives. Especially the person I loved the absolute most. I felt shameful and small and helpless. It was not fair to them. It simply was not! They didn't deserve it and I loved them way too much to ever agree for them to give up anything. They meant the world to me, heck they were my world! Things were changing though, suddenly I felt new feelings creeping up which made me transition. Two other lives were slowly taking up all the space in my heart and becoming the centres of my world. What surprised me was that I never felt any less love for the people already in my life. I just felt my heart expanding and growing, even though all my priorities were changing. I hated going to work, I hated the pain in my feet from the work, yet I loved the two lives growing in my belly! They filled me up with so much love, yet I was missing joy. I felt love but I also felt fear. I was afraid of messing up, messing their lives, screwing it up majorly and also affecting my friends in the process.
So in typical Brooke Davis fashion, I disengaged. I always took my food up to the room, I never came down to greet Jake or Jenny if they were over, I never said anything for the days she would go out on a date with Jake. If Peyton tried to question me about work, I always responded in one word answers before walking up and locking myself in my room. It became easier to ignore Nathan and Haley's calls as well. I would always just text back saying that I was busy working and call it a day. Lucas was tricky but we had a system. Every morning and every night he would ask me whether I was fine and if I needed anything to which I would answer with a Fine and no. I simply went to work, came back and locked myself in my room.
