Things had been good, well as good as they can go when you're a sixteen-year-old teenager pregnant with twins. Lucas had been pulling his weight and he was just so happy because his mom was back. It was sweet to watch. Dan was pissed but kept his distance. I was at six months now and I did not know how I could possibly get any larger than I was.
Lucas on the other hand seemed to really enjoy it. He came to Peyton's every single night after dinner with whatever I was craving that day. He would see my belly grow bigger and bigger and give a smile. I knew that wasn't the only thing which was getting bigger that he was staring at. On occasions I'd catch him take a glance at my now huge breasts. I had managed to go up a size and I had always been gifted in that territory to begin with. I could see just how enticed he was and it made me laugh at how much of a sixteen (soon to be seventeen) year old guy he could be. But I was not having it, I had entrapped him enough. We did not need to be dating. He did not push me.
My doctor's appointments were happening more frequently now, at every two weeks. Since they were twins, they were more vigilant. Karen and Lucas had accompanied me to every single one of them with Karen waiting outside for the two of us to finish. Haley and Peyton had come to one as well.
"Luke finally! What took you so long?" I asked as I raised my arms out to him from the couch.
"Mom needed help closing up the cafe," he said, handing me the tub of chocolate fudge.
"I should be there doing it for her, but she insists I go home and rest." I said to him.
"Well, I agree with her. I can close up just fine," he answered genuinely.
"Actually, ice cream is making me feel sick right now. I don't want it," I complained as the sweet smell began to make me feel nauseous.
"You texted me 911, chocolate fudge," he said using air quotes for emphasis.
"Yes, but that was before I smelt it. Now it's making my stomach churn. Don't argue with me!" I yelled. We had been here before and Lucas was officially trained to not say anything back unless he wanted it to rain thunder on him. He simply took the tub from my hands and put it in the fridge.
"Where's Peyton?" he asked, taking a seat by my feet on the couch.
"Jake took her and Jenny to McDonalds. It's the only thing baby Jenny would agree to eat. Imagine what it's gonna be like with these two Rugrats!" I sighed, dreading the worst.
"They're going to eat all the green beans and broccoli and peas!" Lucas remarked, making me laugh instantly.
"We wish! If they are anything like us, they are going to raise hell!" I laughed.
"Hey you heathens, you better be good for us!" Lucas said, putting an arm on my belly and speaking to them.
"How do they always just settle when you talk to them? It's not fair," I pouted, making Lucas chuckle. "When I talk to them, all they want to do is kick me and jump on my organs!"
"So what are you doing?" he asked, putting my feet on his lap to rub. I couldn't help but moan as I felt his strong athletic arms rub them.
"Feels good, huh?" he asked, smiling at the reaction he was able to bring.
"Yeah, it really does. Thanks. I was just doing homework. God, when I got to know it was Haley who would be my tutor, I was happy, thinking that she was my friend and would go easy on me. Boy was I wrong! She is totally the Nazi! She literally gets me worked up and crying in a frenzy and then goes to serve a table as if nothing happened. Mrs. Adams, who comes by everyday for her tea, has been asking me whether you are the one who is making me so upset everyday!" I complained.
"Yeah, Haley is no softie. But you will be done in a month or so," he tried to make me see the light at the end of the tunnel.
"Luke, I'm bored," I said after a few moments of silence between us. "Take me out!"
"Okay, where do you want to go?" he asked me.
"I don't know. It's just that, I go to school and then I go to the cafe and then I come home. I want to go on a drive. A long one!" I said, my eyes widening with excitement.
"Should you though?" Lucas asked, being sceptical about me in a car. "I mean you need to pee every five minutes."
"I will ration the water and you will stop every five minutes if needed. Come on, help me up!" I ordered.
"Brooke, where are we even going?" he asked.
"Let's make it an adventure. Wherever we see a red car, we make the next turn. See where the universe takes us?" I suggested.
"Why red?" he asked.
"Because that's my colour and your mustang is red too," I stated matter of factly. "Also, I miss being the girl behind the red door."
"Okay, you go pee, I will bring the car out front," Lucas said to me.
When I got there, he opened the car door for me and helped me in, clicking my seatbelt in place. I saw he had brought out some water and snacks and before I knew it, we were out on the road. Being there in the car with him that way just reminded me of old times, when he would alway have a hand on my thigh or whenever we hit a speed bump, he would instantly hold me back. The memories were so visceral. Lucas seemed to be feeling the nostalgia as well. Five minutes into the ride, his hand simply fell onto my thigh as if it was the most natural thing to do.
"Sorry," he said, jerking his hand away.
"Hey it's okay. I mean, it's not anything wrong. Just habit. It didn't feel terrible to have it there, rather strangely familiar," I said which surprised me as well. Why was I telling him the truth? Eh, it was mommy brain.
Lucas blushed as his hand slowly found its way back to my thigh and held on. It felt good, there was music playing, but there was silence. It wasn't an awkward silence but a comfortable one. I looked out of the window, my head resting against the seat and I just took it all in. It just felt so calming. We would talk occasionally, he filled me up on my missing months, Nathan and Haley had almost broken u because of this musician named Chris Keller who had kissed Haley and wanted her to skip town and go on tour with him. Haley had almost gone, drawing a wedge between them, but chickened out last minute and they had worked it out.
"Oh look a red car," Lucas called out, ready to take the next turn. I smiled as he put on his indicator and turned left, continuing the steady speed we were maintaining.
"Are you comfortable?" he asked a few minutes later.
"Yaa, the babies seem to really like this. I think they have fallen asleep," I said, putting my hand on my belly. His hand moved from my thigh up to my inflated stomach as well. Since his eyes were still on the road, he didn't realise that while moving his hand, he was so close to mine. Our fingers met, and I just curled them with his. It just felt so natural to do that. All I wanted to do at that moment was tell him that I loved him and hear him say it back to me. I had no doubts that he would say it back to me, yet I doubted the Universe. I doubted our fate and our circumstances. Was it worth it? To take that risk and say it? I was just not ready, but I felt grace for the warmth, love and comfort that he was providing me with.
"Another red one! Time to turn!" I giggled as he slowly started pushing the brakes to slow down in order to turn.
"How long are we going to keep driving for?" Lucas asked me.
"Till I say so! Besides, it's Sunday tomorrow. I have a day off from the cafe and the endless school work. Just let me have it Luke!" I reasoned with him.
"As you say, Pretty Girl," he answered obediently.
"Hey, thanks for this. I just needed this, a moment of quiet and comfort. I mean I can't complain, all you people do is make me rest but I feel guilty about it, that I'm taking advantage of Peyron at hers and your mom and Deb at the cafe. This just feels nice. I appreciate it," I said, looking at him.
"Hey what about taking advantage of this poor guy? Who has been getting you food every night and has been carrying your books to class and getting you to all your classes! You make me make you wear your shoes!" he said in a funny tone.
"Can't take a compliment, can you?" I laughed, punching his shoulder. "Besides, you did this to me. So you suffer!"
"Last I checked, it takes two to make a baby," he continued our banter.
"Oh I am carrying them. I have done my part of the penance. Yours is just getting started," I warned him.
"Brooke, have you thought about how we are going to do it? I mean, once they are born. Do we split days between us? How is it going to work?" he asked, getting serious.
This immediately stiffened me up! I was more attached to the Rugrats than I was letting on. Nobody knew about this, but any spare second I was alone, I spoke to my belly, just telling both of them just how much I loved them and that they were wanted and loved and that they would be cared for. Every night before I slept, I prayed. I had never been religious or spiritual, now I found myself praying every night. Praying for their health, praying that they come out okay, praying that my mistakes don't cost them the incredible life that the two of them deserve. I already loved them so much that the mere thought of them being taken from me, even by Lucas was just gut-punching.
I had told everyone that I had not done any shopping for the kids yet because I didn't have a place or things planned, yet when I had gone to buy maternity clothes alone, I had stepped into the baby section and instantly been enamoured.
I couldn't help myself as I picked out a soft pale pink and a navy blue onesie with matching booties for the babies. Maybe I was still pretending that this wasn't real and this wasn't my life and shopping for the two would make it real. Yet in that store, I got the onesies. I even picked up a soft baby hippo and baby elephant plushie to give the children when they would be born. I had hidden the goods in the back of my closet so that nobody would find it.
"Uhh Lucas, actually I always just thought that they would live with me full time and you would just pop in and out whenever. I am going to go apartment hunting with Peyton next week and I will rent it out from next month for when I'm done with the additional tutoring.
"Brooke! I am not the fun uncle in their lives. I'm their father!" Lucas said, his fists clenching the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles had gone white.
"I am not going to give them away," I said softly yet coldly.
"Brooke, come on! We don't want to fight this. I am not going to do a custody battle, but I am going to be in their lives in an equal role to you," he said, thinking each word carefully. We were walking on a thin ice here.
"And I promise you that you won't be kept away from them and you will be in an equal role. I just don't think I could live away from them for the night if I had to give them up," I spoke honestly. "Can we just figure this out when they are born, please! I just can't right now. When they arrive and we get into a rhythm, we will work it out. We can make a promise though- I never stop you from seeing them and you don't take them away from me."
Lucas huffed out but then said, "Okay. I promise."
"Sorry," I said to him after twenty more minutes of silence. We had spotted three more red cars and made the appropriate turns.
"I get it. I just want to be involved," he said.
"You are and you always will be. Every decision, big or small, every day all day if you want it. I just would feel like the most horrible person and mother if I would walk away from them in a formal sense. I mean you can totally go with them to the park or shopping or whatever, like go be a dad with them, but I am already so afraid and coming from no family, I already don't have the wherewithal for what we are about to undertake which already makes me feel lousy and crappy. I just need the assurance that they won't be taken from me," I said. I wanted to tell him, I needed this just because my parents had walked away and fate had been cruel enough to take him away from me, I could not handle it if I had to let the children go too. I would turn to dust. I wanted to explain this so badly, but I bit my tongue.
"You promise? All the dad time. Whenever, how much ever? Day and night?" he asked.
"I promise," I assured. This made him smile as well.
"I think we will be okay, Brooke. We will be able to do this," he said to me.
"Well, too late to have cold feet now Broody. We are two-third cooked already!"
"Looks like we are headed towards Myrtle Beach!" Lucas spoke after another twfewenty minutes.
By this time I was yawning as my eyes felt droopy. With the babies settled and asleep, which was so rare at night (they really were my children, loving to party all night), I was finally feeling the peace and rest that my body craved. All I wanted to do was pass out right there in the car.
"Brooke?" Lucas asked me when I didn't give him an answer.
"Sorry, the kids are settled for the first time at night and I am so sleepy. Do you think we can just get a hotel room for the night in Charleston? Please?" I asked.
"Yeah, I don't think I want to drive back either. Can you search for a hotel near us?" he asked taking the next exit off the highway to enter the city. I navigated him until we were at a hotel.
Getting into the room, I straight walked to the giant bed, ready to crash for the night. Since we had skipped the motels and opted for a decent hotel, it actually had good clean bedspreads and a comfortable mattress. Lucas made sure to lock the door and drew the curtains before getting onto the couch in the corner of the room which was just too small for his athletic stature.
"Luke, don't be ridiculous. You will literally fall off that couch, just get into the bed. It's big enough to fit the four of us," I smiled.
"B, are you sure?" he asked, not wanting to make me feel uncomfortable.
"Yeah, I know that you're too good a guy to try anything," I laughed.
He pulled down his shirt and jeans before getting into the warm covers. Before I could logically think things, I had put my arms around him and cuddled to his side, my head comfortably snuggling into his chest. I was just like old times, yet different because of the large space occupied by protruding stomach. However, I still moulded perfectly into his body.
Lucas stroked my hair, just like he knew would put me to sleep.
"We love you, daddy," I mumbled on behalf of the twins before falling asleep in his comfortable, familiar and safe arms.
