"Hi, Peyton!" I greeted once she opened the door.
"Hi! Look who two are back, that too in one piece!" She greeted us at the door and hugged me. "Jake, come look! They really came back in one piece!"
"Ha ha! Very funny," I said, rolling my eyes as we wheeled our bags into Peyton's LA home. "Where is baby Soph? I can't wait to see my kids! Why didn't anybody answer our calls!"
"Baby Soph isn't here," Peyton replied to me with her hands on her back. Her voice was straight and soft which meant she meant business.
"Okay, where is she?" I asked as Lucas got the last of our luggage inside.
"Out exploring LA," she said with a smile.
"Can you call her home because she isn't answering our calls? Meanwhile, can I have baby Anna!" I asked with a big wobbly smile.
"Baby Anna isn't home either," Peyton said with a big smile.
"Why!" I complained, sad that I wasn't getting the baby cuddles I was expecting.
"Because none of us was sure how you were going to return or if you two would even return together and what news you two would bring. That girl didn't eat last night and she slept between me and Jake because she was terrified of today. She got out with Anna the moment the sun came out," Peyton looped me in.
"I hate myself!" I groaned as my head hit the throw pillows on Peyton's couch. "But why does she have Anna? You trusted my baby with your baby?"
"I have a lot to say to that. One, you two had her at the age she is now and if you could keep her alive, how hard can it be? Two, she has been keeping you, yes you, Brooke, alive for the past two months, so yeah, I trust that she can handle a happy kid," Peyton remarked. Oooh, her disses burned. She had her claws out.
"I'm sorry Peyt. I know, I - Whatever I did was terrible," I sighed.
"I could have lost you, Brooke. I just had a baby! I don't know anything about it! You're the one with the most experience! I need my best friend to tell me I am not doing a shitty job and I need her to help me because she is the first person I call when I need help or advice. Don't tell Jake that," she said, hugging me.
"I love you P. Sawyer," I cried.
"Right back at you, B. Davis. I mean it. I really need you in my life. I've been so scared too! Gosh! I have been a klutz and a mess today because I was so scared to see you return the same way that you were when I saw you drop Sophia here. Brooke, god, I cannot see you that way! Don't you dare do that again! Don't you freaking dare because I will lose it!" she cried, making me cry as well.
"Oh P! I love you too!" I wailed.
"Okay, let's call our girls," she said, wiping the tears off her reddened eyes.
Peyton called Sophia and she answered at the first ring. Brooke felt a pang of jealousy at that. "Hey baby, they're here and they're better… Yes, they're in one piece… Yes, both of them… They seem good…. She's still wearing the ring. Yes, come home quickly,"
"What the hell," Brooke complained.
"Hey, you put us through the wringer. Especially those kids. They deserve to be the ones complaining, not you missy," Peyton yelled at her.
"I see you're not going to make this easy on me," I remarked.
"Good, you finally got it! But B, I need to tell you something in confidence that you will keep it a secret. I told Sophia that I would not rat her out but you deserve to know this. She cannot know that you know though. She will come and tell you at her time. She has promised me that she will but just to be precarious, I think you should know that during those two months, Sophia slept with Zack. They were safe. They used a condom. She said she is fine. Zack was not a douche. She wanted it because she wanted to feel taken care of which obviously wasn't happening at home. She wanted to start birth control so I took her and got her a prescription. She promised me that she would still always use a condom and not miss her pills. But yeah, your baby is not a baby anymore!" Peyton revealed.
"Oh my God, really?" Brooke felt a strange feeling erupt inside her.
"Yeah, please don't freak out," Peyton tried but knew how hard it was. She was still a little uncomfortable about Jenny being off at college doing God knows what.
"I think I need to lie down. I still expected Jamie and Madison to go all the way but not my baby. She is my baby! Plus, all this is my fault. Oh God, she did what I did. I slept with Nathan because my parents didn't care about me. She did the same thing! I failed her so badly, I became my parents!" Brooke cried.
"Brooke, no! She and Zack were thinking about it. You know that. She told me you knew," Peyton tried to appease the young mother.
"Yeah, but she told me that she was not ready and that she would come to me when she was," Brooke said so softly. "Is she really okay? Mentally? Physically?"
"Yes. She told me that it did hurt at first but then she began to like the feeling," Peyton assured her.
"She has always been my baby. Although her and Jamie are twins, Sophia was always baby Soph," I sighed.
"She is still your baby. She isn't any different. She's just growing and she is definitely acting smarter than her parents. But do not let her realise that you know. She will never trust me again if she comes to know I told you," Peyton repeated. "I have bullied and brainwashed her into coming clean to you. Lucas won't be able to handle it at all, so maybe he doesn't need to know."
"Yeah, you're right," Brooke agreed. Lucas would take a pitchfork and go to castrate the poor boy.
Sophia came to Peyton's fifteen minutes later with baby Anna.
"Daddy!" she screamed gleefully and ran to hug him.
"Hey little Princess, how are you doing?" he asked her, kissing her hair and cupping her cheeks as he looked at her with adoration only a dad could have for his daughter. Oh, he was going to Hulk out if he got to know his daughter had lost her virginity.
"I'm fine. Aunt Peyton and Uncle Jake are much cooler than you. They took me everywhere and Julian took me to Hollywood. We went to some film shoots! It was so awesome! Even Grandma was not a nazi which is more than a welcome joy. We met Grandpa Ted at his place in California for dinner one night. They still are deeply into each other, it was gross. They hate each other but the sexual tension is so high. They definitely want to be with each other!"
"Okay! Can we not talk about my parents that way? It's gross! Dad is back in California?" I asked her.
"Yup, it's hilarious how many house picks I have in LA! Mom, before we return, can we go to the ranch one weekend, please? After Jamie is back, of course!" she requested.
"Sure, honey! We can go," I smiled.
"So Dad, how was it out there?" she asked him, quickly diverting her attention back to her father. I didn't even get a welcome hug. I felt a little low but quickly distracted myself with the baby in the pram.
I walked to baby Anna and picked her up in my arms. All eyes lay on me as if waiting for a reaction. I took the sweet angel and placed her close to my chest, bouncing her a little. Anna seemed to like it as she let out an infectious giggle.
I smiled, inhaling her sweet baby scent. Everyone around me was still frozen as they watched. "What is it guys? I know how to handle kids! I won't drop her," she tried to get everyone off her back.
Peyton smiled and didn't say anything. She played with Anna until the baby fell asleep and then put her in her crib so she could sleep peacefully.
"Hey Brooke, Sophie wants to take me out to show me some spots, so we are heading there, okay?" he informed her.
"Oh, alright," Brooke replied and saw the father-daughter duo exit.
Peyton handed her a cup of coffee as she watched the two leave as well. Personally, she was glad that this was happening. Brooke needed to realise how good she had had it and she needed to fight for her family.
"Feeling lonely, B. Davis?" her best friend asked her.
"Yeah! Even I could have gone with them," she answered wistfully.
"Why didn't you ask them that?" Peyton asked her.
"They seemed so content with themselves. I didn't want to butt in." Brooke explained herself.
"Okay, now tell me, how are you really? How are things between you and Lucas?" she asked.
"Things are honestly better. Therapy helped me a lot. It made me regain sight of things that are still present in my life and what really matters. I feel alive and I don't feel guilty about it. The thought of my baby that I lost still makes my breath hitch, don't get me wrong. It will always be a wound that left its mark, but it's healing. I wish I could have done something for it, it deserved to be protected and safe but I am not doing any favours to my children who are alive," I answered honestly.
"Good, and things with Lucas?" she asked.
"Better. He kissed me really well when we were leaving. I felt it all the way to my toes. However, there is still so much to talk about and communicate," I replied.
"Is the wedding still on or is it delayed?" she asked.
"I want it to be on. I know Lucas is my past, my present and my future. Delaying it doesn't make a lot of sense. The clothes are my responsibility and the venue is mine too. Flowers and catering don't seem that difficult to figure out," I replied.
"I can see the old Brooke Davis is out," she smiled.
"My dad really met Sophia? This was what, their first time meeting and now he's into mom? What's going on there?" I asked.
"That you will have to directly ask Victoria. I do not butt into that. Call me a hypocrite, but I still hold a strong grudge against her for everything she has done to you, all the way from abandoning you as a baby in Tree Hill to abandoning you with babies in London," she seethed.
Peyton wasn't wrong but Victoria was improving and Love meant giving chances even when there were no more chances left to give.
"By the way, how is my son doing? Any idea?" I asked her.
"He has a family visit and a session with you to do their apologies and things coming up. He knows that the two of you will be there and he is looking forward to it. He isn't really allowed phone privileges either," Peyton said to me. "But, he is going to be done very soon."
"What soon? Our retreat was a week long. Rehab is thirty days. Thank God that they're on Summer break. Also, sorry if we're all being a bother. We'll all move to our place once Sophia and Lucas arrive," I said.
"Brooke, you're my best friend. You're not a bother to me. Sophia is using Jenny's room so you and Lucas can have the guest room if you want," she smiled.
"You really never let me live in my own house here! I really wonder why I purchased it and it's Hollywood Hills so it didn't come cheap!" Brooke laughed.
"I told you that you should sell it! You're living with me as long as I can have it that way!" she joked.
"We'll let baby Soph decide. Although I do want to go meet my mother and Julian," I answered.
"They have all been anxious about you. Go, visit them. You can take my car," Peyton smiled and said to me.
"You're way too good for me, Pey," she said and hugged the girl.
"Somebody has to take care of you. Hey, I'm glad that we had each other growing up. I wouldn't have lasted without you looking out for me either. Now, don't melt into your dad's words and fake promises," she smiled and handed me her car keys.
I walked to my home in Hollywood Hills and knocked on the door. Victoria opened the door and peered at my face. She stood there silently for a moment, just taking in my appearance.
"Hi, mom!" I greeted her with an uncomfortable wave.
"My darling daughter! You look well," she remarked, feeling satisfied with what appeared in front of her. Suddenly, I heard another sound coming from inside the house. "Vicky, what is taking so long? Who is at the door?"
Wait, that sound sounded familiar. Very familiar. "Is that Dad?" I asked her, trying to peer inside the house.
"Yes," she answered with a straight face but it was obvious that she was trying really hard to hide her embarrassment.
"What? When? How? Rather - WHY!" I hollered at her. That man had never been bothered before.
"Oh Brooke, stop being so serious and let a little loose. I'm just having a little fun while I'm in LA, that's all," she said authoritatively.
"But Dad, really?" I asked, scrunching my face up.
"Aren't you back with your ex-husband?" she asked, raising her eyebrow just the way I always raised mine.
"Touche," I remarked. "I heard that he met Sophia. How was that? How does she feel?"
"It went fine. They just had dinner. Ted was fascinated that she was practically an adult. He somehow expected her to still be little. He had purchased a Disney Princess Doll as a present for her that he soon realised that he needed to toss out. Sophia had a lot of questions so she did most of the asking. She didn't seem ready to forgive him for what he - we did to you but she got her curiosity sated. All in all, things were fine," she answered. "Do you want to meet him?"
"I don't know. I'm not sure," I replied. However, I did not get to decide because as soon as I said that, my dad walked to the door to check who was keeping my mom occupied.
"Oh, Pumpkin! You've grown," he greeted me. I always hated his nickname for me. He called me Pumpkin because I had chubby cheeks growing up and he thought that I couldn't be pretty unless I lost all that baby fat.
"Yeah, Dad. When you see somebody after seventeen years, that usually does result in a change of appearance," I said with a hint of irritation in my voice.
"Has it really been that long?" he asked casually as if it was water under the bridge.
"Yes Dad, it has. You met your granddaughter for the first time when she was sixteen and she and her brother were victims of a school shooting. You didn't even care to call, let alone show up!" I said to him. I was not going to forgive him that easily.
"I was in Europe at the time," he replied.
"Their grandmother, Karen was in New Zealand. That didn't stop her from flying in," I answered, folding my hands in front of me.
"Pumpkin-" he said as if that was enough.
"No, please don't call me that. I despise being called that. Look, you can have whatever this is with Mom because that's her choice and if the twins want to see you, I'm not going to stop them, but I don't need you in my life," I said, feeling no remorse.
"Hey, your mom wasn't there either. You forgave her," he replied.
"Yes, because she put in the effort. She started showing up consistently for me and the kids. She dropped work in New York and stayed here for the week for Sophia. You just happen to be here. There is a difference and until you realise that, I am not doing this. I am worth more. Thanks, Mom for taking care of Sophie. I really appreciate it. We might just stay at Peyton's for the next few weeks. I'm not really sure. Are you planning to stay here a little longer?" I asked.
"Yes, I did hope to see James at rehab on family day next week," she replied.
"Okay. You can obviously stay here as long as you like. I'll let you know tonight if we are moving in here too." Saying that I got up to leave.
"Uhh, I'd like to come too!" my dad chimed in just as I was opening the door.
"Okay. You can come but I'm really not holding my breath for you to show. Lord have mercy, I get in the way of our golf games," I said with an eye roll. "FYI, he's sixteen too."
"You had twins?" he asked me.
"Yes. When you disowned me in London and left me to fend for myself, I was pregnant with twins - James and Sophia," I answered bitterly.
"Well, it seems that you did a fine job with them," he appreciated me.
"Thanks. I knew exactly what I did not have to do thanks to you and Mom," I replied, staring at him sharply so that he knew I meant every word I said.
"I'm sorry Pump - Brooke," he said.
"Your apology doesn't really mean much, Dad. I had to fight you on Grandpa's will to support myself and my kids. You sent me to London against my will to get a promotion and then left me there because I realised that I was pregnant. You didn't even check on me once after that to see if I was okay and the reason you didn't was because you forgot I existed. I haven't forgiven Mom for my past either but I do acknowledge that she is trying in the present. Earlier, she was motivated by profits but being here is not profitable to her and yet, here she is and she hasn't brought work up even once. I am sure there are 300 fires that I am going to have to put out after the way everything has just been. We're in Hollywood, she could have me take meetings with celebrities who have their premieres soon and all she cared about was whether the kids and I were okay. It's the little things, Dad," I said.
"Mom, do you want to catch dinner with me tomorrow?" I asked her.
"Yes, I know just the place!" she smiled. "I'll text you."
I smiled and left the door. Oof, I couldn't believe that I had confronted my father. He was something. Both my parents were. I wondered whether I was right in being that mean to him. I had forgiven my mother. Yet, I felt like I needed to get all of that out of my system.
I just wanted to call Lucas at that moment and tell him about what had happened. I brought out my phone and called him. He didn't pick up. I sighed and drove to Julian's place. When he opened the door, he was happy to see me. He hugged me tightly before ushering me inside.
"Hey Julian, I am so sorry about your work. I know that you dropped your movie to be with Sophia and help me out. I really really appreciate it and there is no way that I can ever repay you. You saved my son's life and took care of my daughter when I couldn't. You helped me and Lucas get back on track despite your feelings. I am so sorry. You really are an incredible friend and I cannot explain how much what you did for us means to me," I expressed.
Julian looked at me and then at the floor for a few moments. He exhaled deeply and then gave me an understanding smile. "I love you Brooke and I do care about you. I will always be there for you and for your family. I meant what I said when I proposed to you. I care deeply about you and your family and will always treat them as an extension of mine."
"You're way too good for me and you're killing me. I am so sorry that I broke your heart. I just -"
"You just were in love with someone else," he cut me off.
"Yeah, I was - I am. We've been through so much together. We have experienced everything together. He understands me and knows me in a way nobody can ever come close to. I really never stopped loving him and neither did he. I hope you can forgive me," I prayed.
"Yeah, I already have forgiven you. I always knew, even while proposing. Yet, I was hoping that if I asked, you would say yes and that would be the reality check for you that you needed to move on. Guess, it was a reality check for me," he joked.
"What can I do to make it up to you?" I asked.
"Get it right this time! Don't let him go!" he laughed.
"Yeah, he and I still have this void between us though we are on the right track. It's a long uphill journey and I have to make up for a lot of grief I caused him. I was the one who always gave up on us. I never believed it. He always did and this time, he might be guarding his heart," I replied.
"Then it seems like it is your turn to do the believing for him. He held up the walls for you. Do the same for him. Keep showing up," he said with a laugh.
"Yeah, you're right. Umm, Jamie has a family visit allowed next week as a part of their step nine of the twelve-step programme. Since you were the one who found him, it is only befitting that you be there. Is it possible for you to come?" she asked.
"Hmm, I have been extremely free for the past few weeks suddenly. I guess I do have some time on hand," he joked.
"I really am sorry that you skipped the movie but Sophia had a blast with you, or so I believe. She has been buddy-buddy with her father and forgotten me," I wailed.
"That girl worships you secretly and you know it!" he laughed.
"Nah, Soph was a typical daddy's girl from day one. She would wail and cry and scream and throw tantrums around the house with me and one look at Daddy and she'd just stare at him with big blue eyes brimming with tears and he'd just have to hold her and she'd be okay. It didn't matter anymore that she fell or Jamie broke her toy or she didn't get her way. I miss them at that age with their squishy cheeks and large eyes. They were adorable!" I reminisced.
"I can see that rehab really did help. You can talk about children without the expression that the grim reaper is out to get you," he smiled.
"Yeah and guess what, I held Anna too and survived! Hmmm… we'll be okay but I really wish that baby would have survived. Lucas and I were both ready for more. We planned on having more after we were married but then Lindsey and I messed up my birth control and yeah.
"You and Lucas can still have more whenever you're ready," he said and pursed his lips for a weak smile.
"I just don't want that baby to feel like it was replaceable. It's so sad because it was so small, it's nameless. I didn't even know the gender to name it. It just still sucks," I sighed.
"You and Lucas could give a unisex name like Taylor or George or Peyton or something?" he suggested.
"Hmm, it just doesn't feel special enough. It's hard to connect. Maybe a nickname instead. I'll suggest it to Lucas and see what he thinks. Right now I can think of 'little star' for its nickname as I'm wondering what the baby would look like, its gender, everything and it's up above the world so high," I laughed.
"Little Star… it's cute," he smiled.
"Yeah, I connect with it. Thanks, Julian," I replied and looked down at my belly and rubbed it without realising it. "We are still here for the summer until Jamie is well and out of rehab. Can we keep seeing you?"
"I'd like that," he smiled. "It's really relieving to see you well and happy, B!"
"I'm trying my best," I smiled and hugged him. It was still hard. Nothing had been fixed magically regarding my lost baby but I did not want to kill myself that day and that was a different feeling in my books. I hugged him and let it linger a little longer than necessary because it felt like I was saying goodbye to him, not from my life, but from the relationship we had previously had. He had still kept hope and somehow waited for me as if expecting things with Lucas to go south again wherein I would accept his proposal. Now, he was realising that I was moving on, being where I knew I belonged with my real family.
"Friends?" I asked him after he let go of me.
"Friends," he replied with a nod of approval.
"So does that mean I have your permission to set you up with someone?" I asked.
"What!" he remarked with a chuckle.
"I mean you're young, hot and successful but just a little innocent and naive when it comes to your heart and women. You have to separate the ones that come for those three reasons alone from those who see them as bonuses. For example, how many times has Alex Dupre thrown herself at you?" I asked, allowing him to use my expertise.
"Wh- What do you mean?" he asked.
I rolled my eyes at him. Boys were just so dumb. "Nevermind. I am going to set you up on a blind date and you're going to fall in love with her and thank me at your wedding, maybe name your daughter after me, after all, Peyton and Haley did!" I flattered myself.
"Ever the modest one, aren't we?" he answered with his smouldering infectious grin.
"That grin should really be illegal! Nobody can think straight when you do that! Ughh, bye!" I said with a laugh and left. Julian and I would be fine.
I returned to Peyton's house and saw Jake feeding baby Anna her bottle while Peyton was preparing dinner in the kitchen.
"Where are my people?" I asked with a hint of sadness. Sophia really hadn't greeted me properly and I already missed Lucas. He had become such a presence in the past week, I didn't enjoy having to share him with the kids. Kids who only wanted to be with him!
"We're right here Brooke," Jake joked, making me turn red.
"Oh, you know what I mean!" I replied.
"Your fiance and daughter are at the mall as per Sophia's request. She wanted to do some shopping," he replied.
"Even I want to go," I whined.
"Then go!" Peyton laughed. "The mall isn't that far and you have my car silly! They took Jake's."
"They didn't even ask. They probably don't want me to invade," I continued to whine like a five-year-old.
"Oh B!" Peyton laughed taking in my grumpy face.
"No, I drew Lucas and the kids away and now they don't want to be with me!" I groaned.
"Brooke, do you want to go to the mall with me?" Peyton asked, still laughing at my hurt.
"Can we?" I asked with a smile. "Ooh! We'll make them so jealous! It will be good! We'll shop some too, get Anna some pretty outfits -"
"Oh, no more outfits for Anna! You have already filled Anna's closet to the brim and she outgrows everything! No more for her! Haley was right about you being a crazy godmother and not purchasing a thing!" Peyton said in a high-pitched voice with her eyes wide.
"Okay, fine. I just can't help myself! She's so cute! I see an outfit and I imagine her in it and then she can't not have it because she is the most adorable baby on the planet… after James and Sophia of course!" I responded.
Jake and Peyton both shake their heads. "Jakey, you coming too?" I asked.
"Yeah, why not! But I'm really hoping that you girls end up teaming off and Luke and I can check out the electronics store," he replied.
We got ready and took off. On the way, I filled them in about the reappearance of my dad and how Victoria and he were, yuck, together.
"I don't even like that you're giving Victoria a chance. I get that she stuck around LA and did come to visit Lizzie every day but that does not redeem her for what she did to you. She is 30 years too late and she better know it. When it comes to your father, I barely remember what he looks like! Imagine how long it has been that I can't even remember his face," she complained.
"Peyton, they're my parents," I said weakly. "You get it, didn't you jump at the chance to get to know Ellie? Weren't you curious? And I don't mean to sound rude, but you forgave her for giving you up."
"The difference was that she gave me up so that I could live a better life. She picked great parents for me. My mom and dad loved me. Yours..," she began but trailed off when she saw the sadness creep on my face. Mine didn't even care enough to sacrifice me, they simply abandoned me. Sometimes I wondered why my mother didn't just have an abortion. My dad had wanted a son more than anything and my mother had never wanted children. So my dad had not let her have an abortion in the hope that I would be a boy. Then when they got to know the sex, my mom had me to spite him and got her tubes tied so that she could never give him a son. I was literally born out of spite, not out of love.
I drew a long breath and tried to clear my thoughts but my face looked crushed.
"B, I'm sorry," Peyton said when she saw how upset I had gotten. "I'm really sorry."
"You don't have to be. It's not like you said anything wrong," I answered meekly.
"I really am sorry. I said it because I love you," she tried again to make me feel better.
"I know," I answered understandingly but still feeling hurt, not at her but at the circumstances I had been born into.
"We're here. Why don't we go find Liz and Lucas?" Jake announced feeling bad for me.
We walked in silence and entered the mall. It was large and busy but I knew my daughter and I knew my husband. They were geeks and were definitely holed up in the bookstore together. I asked Peyton to direct us to Barnes and Noble and as I predicted, the two were busy reading.
I cleared my throat in an attempt for them to look up but they didn't. Anna did the work for me as she began babbling to herself in a high-pitched voice.
"Oh, mom! Hi! What are you doing here?" my daughter asked me as she looked up from her story.
"Missing my family!" I answered comically. "You two ostracised me!"
"What no! When we returned from the park, you weren't there so Soph suggested some mall damage and I acquiesced," Lucas tried to explain.
"I would have agreed to come to the park too! Besides, I am a much better shopper than you!" I complained.
"It's nothing, Brooke. Soph and I just weren't sure whether you wanted to hang out with us," he answered but his voice hinted that there was something more to it than what he was letting on.
"Luke, can you and I grab a coffee or something?" I asked him because I wanted to clear the air. "Princess, is it okay? We'll meet you guys in 30 minutes."
Sophia actually looked relieved that I did not want to hang out with her and she easily made her way out of the bookstore with Peyton. Lucas and I walked into a Starbucks and I offered to get us coffee. Once they were ready, I walked up to him and stared at him intently, trying to read his mind.
"What is it?" I asked him when I was unable to read his expressions.
"What do you even mean?" he asked. "You got me here."
"You have been ignoring me since we left the retreat. Why?" I asked.
"It's not like that, Brooke. I was just hanging out with Sophia because I saw her after a week and she went through something traumatic too, remember? I wanted her to feel like a Princess because she deserves to be treated like one," he replied.
"No, we could have done that together. I am the one who tried to kill myself and I am the one she had to keep caring for and saving from my own self. Yet, you actively ignored me. I tried calling you and you didn't even answer the phone. I know when something is off, tell me," I requested.
Lucas huffed, "When we got back, I got scared. I got scared that being around people, being around our kids would sort of get you back to your old ways. We made so much progress at the retreat, I know, but we were so far away from our reality. We were alone and everything was just different. I felt anxious returning here where Jamie is in rehab, Soph is scared and depressed and we have our best friend's baby constantly in front of our eyes. I was worried that you would not be able to take it. I was worried that you would go back to your old ways and shut me out and leave me eventually where I would return to being a single dad."
I did not know what to say to that. He wasn't wrong. I did have flighty tendencies and I had repeated that pattern over and over for a really long time. I moved and held both his hands in mine and just bent forward, resting my head in his lap while my fingers were still curled into his. "I need you, Luke. I really do. You are the only way I get through, get past it. You're not wrong. I went to meet Julian to thank him and the dread of the loss resurfaced. It was bad but I tried to manage it on my own. I felt so disconnected from the world and disconnected from that child. It was like I was floating alone in limbo because I belonged in neither world, the baby's or ours and that feeling of not belonging is a root emotion from my childhood. Anyway, Julian helped me connect. He suggested naming the baby some unisex name so we got to ground our reality but it didn't feel right in my mind as we never got to lay our eyes on it. But I did get a nickname for it. I just called it Little Star from the nursery rhyme as the baby is so far from us in another world. It felt fitting and connecting."
"I'm sorry Brooke but it's hard for me to trust you. I'm scared that this is a facade and the next semi-bad thing happens and it's like the soda can pops open, spilling all its contents. I am scared to get close to you!" he said.
"Luke, what can I do to show you otherwise? That I'm in. Deeply in!" I asked, needing him to know that I wasn't going to run, needing my kids to know that I was there for the long haul.
Lucas leaned close to me as if he was leaning in for a kiss. I puckered my lips expecting one, but instead, he moved further ahead to my ear, "Prove me wrong, Brooke Davis. Prove me wrong before our Wedding Day!"
