When she wakes her from the beautiful slumber she was in, his arms still wrapped around her waist, her head on his chest, listenting to the strong beating of his heart. His smell mingled with hers, their legs tangled, their fingers curled beneath her chin. Did they really sleep like this? A smile blossoms on her lips, not that they really slept much, her body aching in all the right places, her skin overly sensitive from his touches, she can still feel him all over her body as if they just fell asleep. Hm. Maybe they did. Maybe that's why they're still tangled like this.
Mm. It feels so right. She takes in his beautiful features, barely illuminated by the city's night lights, the deep creases and worry lines are gone, he looks peaceful and happy now. Slowly, she lets her head rest over his heart again, closes her eyes and drifts back to sleep.
Right on the edge of sleep, her phone vibrates with a new message. Ugh, sometimes she hates her job. Without even opening her eyes, she reaches for her phone, cracking one eye open to see what keeps her from her sleep.
Saw you leaving with her. Can I take that as a yes that you got her out of your system and are coming down to sign the offer today? x P
She blinks. What? It's five in the morning, her eyes are heavy with sleep. It takes her a moment to realize that it was not her phone that woke her with an incoming message but Castle's. And that she just read his message. Get her out of his system?
Her heart stops, her whole body aches in all the wrong ways. No. No way. This can't be. He didn't sleep with her to ... to leave? To add her to his lists of conquests so he can move on? To check her off his fuck list?
Panic floods through her veins. Gosh, she was so stupid. Of course, he's that playboy! He's still signing chests and flirting with other women. How could she trick her mind into thinking that there was more to it? That he actually cared about her? Get her out of his system. Damnit, Kate.
She jumps out of his bed, frantically searches for her clothes, stifles her feelings. She can't deal with that right now, she'd break if she did.
"Kate?" His voice is rough with sleep, sexy, and despite everything sends shivers down her spine. "Kate, what's wrong?" He sits up in his bed, turning the light on, and rubs his eyes, squeezes and squints them until he can see her clearer.
"Are you leaving?" She still hasn't said a word. Doesn't know how, doesn't know what, doesn't know if she can trust her voice. "Kate?" He's fully awake now and climbs out of his bed, closes the distance between them.
"Don't!" Her voice is harsher, colder, and sharper than she thought it would be. Raw from the edges of pain, that she was stupid enough to think that this would be more for him than a one-time thing. That he wanted more with her. Gosh, she's just a simple cop with an apartment as big as his bedroom. What could he even want from her? She's nothing like the celebutants he normally dates. No model, no starlet. Just a simple cop with a dead mother she's trying to get justice for. That's all she is. Tears are pricking in her eyes and she has to blink multiple times to get rid of them.
"Kate?" He stops and looks worried, concerned, hurt. Hurt? She tries to ignore that. No, no, her mind is playing tricks.
"This" she gesticulates wildly between them, the bed and the whole room "never happened. You don't say a word or I'll shoot you and I mean it. It never happened."
"Kate ..." He frowns puzzled. "What's wrong? What happened?" She ignores him, quickly slips into her underwear and the dress. Gosh, her mothers dress. It was supposed to be something special, she wanted to impress him, stun him ... but now it'll always be connected to this humiliation. Why was she so stupid?
"Kate, please, stay, let's talk. I don't want you to leave." He's almost pleading now, his voice makes her eyes fill with tears she doesn't want to shed.
"No. There is nothing to talk about. It never happened." She turns away, leaves his bedroom, but he catches her elbow and holds her back, his grip is almost hard enough to bruise her. The determination and desperation on his face take her off balance, make waver in her decision. Why does he even care?
"No, Kate Beckett. It did happen. I'm not going to ignore or forget it! It meant too much for me to do that." Now he's angry. It only takes a smooth move, almost unconsciously because it's so engraved in her system from her training to get rid of his hand, to twist it on his back and push him away.
"It. Never. Happened. Or you are a dead man, Richard Castle." She growls trying to hide the rough hurt in her voice, averts her eyes trying to hide the tears.
"Kate, please. Don't leave. Don't do this." But she had already closed the door behind her and tries now to run faster from Castle than the tears down her cheeks.
Beckett beats the hell out of the punching bag as soon as she arrives at the precinct. She was too wired, too angry to shower at home so she just grabbed her clothes and drove directly to work to go to the gym and work off her anger. Castle has been trying to reach her for the last two-ish hours since she left his loft. Left him. Why can't he just let her be? He's leaving today, accepting the offer and she'll never see him again.
She doesn't need to hear his "It was great, thank you. Maybe I could give you a call when I'm in town again? See you" No, she definitely doesn't want to hear it. Why is everybody always leaving her? She hits the bag again with full force but loses her balance and falls to ground. She's exhausted. She barely slept last night, her body feels already sore from all the wonderful things Castle did to her. At least it was the best sex she's ever had. His smell still lingers on her skin, envelops her, bruises her heart even more. Yet she feels not ready to wash him away. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. She curses herself for the tears that prick her eyes again. No, she will not cry over this. She will not.
Shaky-legged she lifts herself off the floor, grabs her towel and her water bottle and heads directly to the locker room only to walk into Espo.
"Yo, Beckett. Castle blew our case wide open. The landlord just called and wanted to know if he can rent out the apartment again although it has been paid until Friday."
She sighs, brushes the back of her hand over her forehead. She smells like sweat and Castle and she just wants to hide in the shower to pity herself for a few minutes.
"So?" Creases marr her forehead, her impatience visible.
"The place is being paid weekly. Our victim died on Thursday. She couldn't have paid it last Friday. So we asked the landlord about it and he said that he received an envelope with the money for the rent and if it's not Melanie it's probably her friend, a blonde woman who comes everyday to grab her mail."
"A blonde woman? The wife?"
"That's what Castle thought, too. What if she knew about the affair? Maybe sent an angry letter she now tries to get back? The blonde always shows up around noon. You and Castle wanna do that to close your last case?" His words are like a stab right in her heart. Castle is leaving. His last case. He used her to get her out of his system.
"No, you and Ryan can do it. Castle is probably too busy signing his contract and preparing the book tour and everything, he said he has a lot of meetings today. He doesn't want to sit in a car all day to wait for the wife to show." Esposito frowns, looks at her as if he can read her like an open book. She knows he can't, not as good as Castle. He's the only one who's ever been able to look right through her. But Espo's still a detective, one of New Yorks finest and he's known her for years. He knows that somethings up.
"You sure, Boss?"
"Yeah. Let me shower real quick, then I'll meet you downstairs." She almost runs away from her colleague so he won't see the tears filling up in her eyes.
When she's crossing the bull pen ten minutes later Castle sits in his chair with a coffee in his hand, another travel cup already waiting for her on her desk. Her heart makes a treacherous leap in her chest. Maybe ... Maybe it was more for him than a fling. Maybe he didn't want to get her out of his system. Why would he try to call her for hours and then show up with her coffee earlier than he's ever been here with her? Even though he has a full day ahead of him. But then there's the other voice in her head again, the voice that reminds her of all the articles about him on page 6, his parties, his celebutants, his luxurious lifestyle telling her that he'd never would honestly be interested in a simple cop, despite someone with as much baggage as she got.
"Kate!" A voice startles her before she can even reach her desk. Demming shows up in the door of the break room, two cups of coffee in his hands. He used Castle's coffee machine a lot in the last couple of days since their case together. She sees Castle jumping to his feet at the sound of her name so she quickly averts her eyes to look at the other man who is trying so hard to get her attention. If only he knew that it's a lost cause.
"Tom, hey. What are you doing up here?" She smiles at him, it's not honest, it feels stained by everything that's going on but he doesn't seem to notice. Of course not. Nobody ever does but Castle. Tom extends one of the cups to her. No, this feels wrong.
"Brought you coffee. Heard that you came in early. Thought you could use a fresh cup of coffee." She feels Castles eyes on her, he's watching so she takes the cup, fake-smiles even brigther at Tom.
"Wow, thank you. That's exactely what I need right now. So thoughtful of you." She takes a sip and tries not to grimace. Tom definitely doesn't know how to make coffee and especially not how she likes it. And coffee is hers and Castle's thing. The perfect coffee is waiting on her desk for her. Tom beams. He's handsome, kind and interested in her. He's a great guy, she's certain.
"Hey, Kate, I wanted to ask you something ..." Oh, no. Why is he doing this now and right here for everyone to see and especially right in front of Castle? The man who she imagines she can still smell on her skin and in her hair even though she just showered. Maybe that's the reason – it's a stupid rivalry. He wants to prove Castle that he can get his girl. Not that she is Castle's girl.
"Kate?"
"Huh?" She didn't listen to him, so lost in her thoughts that she didn't register that Demming is coming nearer, invading her personal space - crossing lines that she forbids everybody. He's too close to her. She can smell his too herb, too musky aftershave, the coffee and toothpaste in his breath.
Run, is all her mind tells her. But then he raises his hand to brush one of her freshly dried strands behind her ears and she freezes, fights the urge to swat his hand away in front of everybody.
Out of her eyes corners, she can see how Castle's vibrating with rage and jealousy and suddenly she enjoys the proximity. Not because of Tom, but because Castle is clearly jealous. She licks her lips unconsciously, her heart is dancing in her chest because this is making Castle jealous, because there seems to be more between them than a one-off.
She lifts her head to meet Tom's eyes, opens her mouth to tell him kindly value her personal space, but he misinterprets her actions and leans forward to press his lips on hers, before she registeres what happens. And it feels so wrong. She takes a second too long to push him away and when she finally does, Castle's gone.
The only thing left of him is the steaming travel cup on her desk.
