"Luna, what the fuck's wrong with you?" Lily asked, confused. She lets go of Gee and she pried my hands off of her. Fuck. I went to far.
"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," I said as I pulled away. I took my cigarette container and I took out a very short roll of Mary Jane. I lit it up and I sat on my lips. I can't do this anymore. Fuck this. Fuck all of this. I don't want to go back. I can't go back. I can't. "I'll buy your bus tickets," I looked down.
"What the hell is with your thought process?" Lily asked confusedly. "First, you wake up from some eldritch nightmare and then you-" I cut her off.
"I'll get you your tickets, I'll take you to the station, but that's it. That'll be the last time you see me." I sighed. The smoke from the rollie was filling up the room. "I'm sorry."
"No, no. You promised you'll come with me. You fucking promised me you'd come Luna," Lily grabbed my shirt by the collar. "You fucking promised Luna! You can't just abandon your family!"
"I'm sorry, but I can't go with you." I said meekly as I took a long a smoke from the roll and threw the short butt into the ashtray. "I can't."
"You can't do this to me Luna! You fucking promised." She clenched her fists on my shirt tighter. "Look me in the fucking eyes Luna!" I can't. "You can't just..." I can.
"I- I'm sorry..." I looked down, the roll still on my lips.
"Fuck you, Luna!" She lets go of my shirt, and she ran out to the house. I didn't move. I couldn't. This is all my fault. Everything is my fault. I'm too fucking stupid. I don't deserve to go back home. I don't deserve to look at them in the eyes again. I'm sorry. I can't. It is for the better. It is better for everyone. Lily won't be involved with me. The family won't be involved with me. I'll just die quietly. Just one nightmare, and here I am. Undoing all the progress I did. Why the fuck did I say that?
I sat there on the couch. I can't do this anymore. I fucking can't. I can't do this anymore. I need a drink. Fuck. I laid back down on the couch, and I took another roll of something from the container. I don't give a shit about what I'm smoking, I just need something. I don't want to abandon Lily like that. That was a mistake. Fuck, I didn't mean to do that. I lit it up, and I inhaled it down my lungs. I fucking hate it. But I guess it is too late, she's probably not going to come back for some time. I don't want to run after her. It is better for her to leave me. Even though I actually liked her being around. Just as I was about to get up, the door knocked. I can't repeat what I did. I don't want to be alone anymore.
I got up and I ran to the door. I opened the door. Lily, fuck. Please. "Lily, I'm sorry-" it wasn't Lily at the door, it was Crown. Shit, I need to find her. Fuck. Fuck. I made a huge mistake. I can't just wait for her. I need to find her.
"Lily? I didn't know I look that young," Crown laughed. Fuck. He looked at my face, and I saw his smile fade. "Luna, are you alright?" He asked. "What's wrong?"
"Get out of the way, I need to find Lily." I said as I pushed him aside. I walked out of the door frame, but just as I started walking out, he grabbed my right arm.
"Luna, what's going on?"
"Let go of me Crown, I need to apologize to her,"
"What?" He exclaimed as I ripped my arm out of his grip, and I ran down the stairs. He chased after me.
I got out of the building and I looked around. The sky was still young. I ran down hill to the diner. Crown following me. I opened the glass diner door, and I looked at Emily. I panted. "Emily, have you seen Lily?!" I panted. Fuck, I haven't ran like that in a while.
"Lily? I saw her going 'round back. You alright Luna?" Emily said.
"Thanks," I ran back out and I went behind the diner. Lily. She's there, sitting on the ground. "Lily!" I yelled as I ran to her.
"Luna?" She looked at me. She stood up. "Back off Luna!"
"Lily, I'm sorry! I wasn't in my right mind this morning," I ran to her. She tried to run away from me, but I caught her. "Lily, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say what I said. I'm sorry." I hugged her tight. Fuck. "I'm sorry," I could hear Crown coming up to us. "I'm sorry,"
"Luna, why don't you want to come back home?" Lily suddenly asked mellowly. "You were open to that idea yesterday, why did you suddenly change?"
"I-" I couldn't even say anything.
"Forget it, I'm going back home alone," She pulled away and turned around. "Don't die," She sighed.
"Wait, Lily-" I wanted to reach for her, but she slapped me across my face.
"Luna, I don't want to hear it."
"I- I'm sorry." I hate myself. Why did I even choose this route? "I don't know how to face them..." I blurted out. I saw Lily's eyes jolt up from shock. But that shock became anger real quick.
"Luna, do you think I know how to face them with- with this?!" She pointed at her stomach. Sad to think that in 3 months or so, the person inside her will grow bigger. She's only 15. I suppose we both have troubles going on with the family. "I don't know what the fuck to do,"
"I don't know what's happening? You two are confusing." Crown asked confusedly.
"Mind your own fucking business," Me and Lily said in unison as we turned our heads to Crown.
"Okay, consider me not here," He backed away. Laughing.
"We're gonna get chewed the fuck out by them, especially you, but you need to get your fucking thoughts straight. Luna, we're both at fault. Both of us are. You were the one that talked me into going back home, don't you fucking dare back out of this shit." Lily hugged me. "You dumb piece of shit," She cried. "I'm sorry, I slapped you,"
"You two are psychotic," Crown yapped from behind. Laughing at the two's behavior. What he's laughing about I don't know.
"Shut it Crown," Lily blurted out. "Luna, we all make mistakes. Difference between mine and yours is that mine brings another poor soul into this universe, and yours burnt around 50 mil." She smiled. "Please Luna, I don't want to go back alone,"
In a bar, just a couple of miles in Wyoming.
"I DROVE MY SARACENS THROUGH YOUR GARDEN LAST NIGHT!" Lincoln screamed from the bar table loudly.
"SIGN UP THE RA!" the bar patrons yelled.
"I KICKED YOUR FRONT DOOR DOWN AROUND AT MIDNIGHT!"
"SIGN UP THE RA!"
"AND SOMETHING'S TELLING ME BOY, THAT YOU'RE AVOIDING ME!" Lincoln screamed in a overly done Dublin accent. "AND WHEN I FIND YOU, YOU WILL GO FOR YOUR TEA!"
"I'VE GOT A BRAND NEW SHINY HELMET AND A PAIR OF KINKY BOOTS!" Everyone screamed and hollered. "I'VE GOT A LOVELY NEW FLAK JACKET AND A LOVELY KHAKI SUIT!". The bar patrons threw their pork rinds up. "AND WHEN WE GO ON-"
"LINCOLN!" Lori suddenly kicked the bar door open. The bar went silent instantly.
"Oh hey, Lori, care to join us?" Lincoln jumps off the bar table.
"Are you forgetting the fact that we have a sister to find?" Lori pulled Lincoln's ear. "Why the fuck are you riling up the Republican Army in a bar?"
"And are you forgetting the fact that I've been driving for more than 12 hours?" Lincoln drunkenly pushed Lori off of him.
"FINE, I'll drive."
"Alright good," Lincoln took another sip of beer. He took his wallet out, took $1000 in cash out and gave it to the bartender. "$1000 on me! DRINK ON LADS!" He yelled before going out the door. The patrons cheered. "FAUGH A BALLAGH BOYS! FAUGH A BALLAGH!". Lori pulled Lincoln to the car. He couldn't see a skunk in front of him at this point.
"Since when did you speak Irish?" Lori dropped Lincoln in the passenger seat.
"Since 1916."
"Yeah right." She started the car.
"You're driving for the rest of the trip." Lincoln muttered as he tried to fall asleep in the seat.
"Asshole,"
"Right back at you,"
"Also, you drive slow Lincoln," Lori mocked.
"It's a new car,"
We got in the house, Crown followed us. Gee was sleeping on the couch when we entered. "So umm... Why is Deputy John Crown here again?" Lily asked. I shrugged. I didn't know shit. It wasn't really the time for asking questions then.
"Oh yeah, here, I got you guys some chocolate," He took 2 bars of chocolate from his pocket. "My cousin just got back from Belgium, and she got these. I figured that you two would like them," He smiled.
"Oh, thanks Crown..." I said. "I don't have anything to give you though, fuck." Shit. He's trying to be nice. I know. But fuck it. I don't want to lose anymore.
"How about a song?" He smiled. I don't want to play. I really don't. I looked at Lily's face, she was anticipating. I looked at Crown, he too was smiling in anticipation.
"Fuck." I sighed. Lily sat on the couch. Crown sat on the couch too. Fuck it. I grabbed my guitar from the master bedroom, and I sat on the coffee table. I took my cigarette container, I took a Mary Jane out and I sat it on my lips. I lit it up.
"Song?" I asked. I took the doobie out and placed it on the ashtray.
"Do you know November Rain?" Crown asked. I nodded. I took a deep breath. I really hate this.
A family court somewhere on the West Coast...
2 years ago...
Cameras flashed. Reporters horded. Microphones everywhere. It was chaos. I covered my face with my coat. I don't want this. All of them were asking the same fucking questions. The same bloody questions. "Do you regret abusing your wife, Samantha Sharp, the bassist of your band?". I never abused that woman. I loved her to death. I'd never hurt her. I'd die for her sake. But I suppose the story wasn't benefitting me at all. Every single aspect of the divorce was crafted with the finest of craftsmanship. One that would make her, the abused innocent wife of the lead singer and guitarist of a band look like a saintess among mankind. And I, as the devil who was her warden, the torturer sat in stone, one that was ordained by God to spend eternity in inferno. I suppose it was deserving. I couldn't cry that day. I couldn't even say anything. Because I knew, the game was rigged from the start.
I remember stepping down the stone steps of that court. I could feel all the sharp eyes of those vultures taunting me. I fucking hated it. But I deserved it. I didn't even have a car anymore. The properties we shared were all given to her. I wanted to die that day. I really wanted to die. But somehow, I didn't kill myself. The contracts I had with label companies, stripped and voided. I'm surprised I had the guts to fucking live.
"Ms Sharp! Do you have any words for your audiences at home?" I heard the reporters asked her. The moment they saw Sam, they ran to her. It was great. But seeing her and hearing her words weren't.
"Don't marry a person that would abandon their family, especially one that ignores their dying father." Sam said with fake tears rolling down her eyes. I did that, they finally left me. I know I was wrong. But I suppose I can't help but feel sorry for myself. She's right though, I did ignore dad.
"There's nothing for me here anymore." I said. This is my fault. If I weren't too caught up catching the neon lights, and the music notes, I won't be here. I should've just become an office drone. I should've went to college. I should've done better. Instead, I fucked up my own life. I thought that I'd go out in a blaze of glory, but no, I'm going out in a blaze of fury. One riddled with tabloids and cameras.
I couldn't help it.
The song ended. I could feel tears running down my face. I wiped it off.
"That was amazing, Luna," Crown said. I sat the guitar down. That's the first time in these two years that I played music for something that isn't money. I sighed. I looked at Lily, she's sleeping. Finally.
"Thanks..." I rubbed my arm. I don't like it. "Listen, I think I have to use a rain check on that excursion this Saturday... Fuck, I'm sorry." I looked down.
"Oh, what's wrong Luna?" I could feel his hand on my shoulder. I sighed. "Are you alright? You're crying." He gave me a pocket tissue.
"Nothing... It's just... Why aren't you disgusted by me. You know who I am, you must've seen what I did, Netflix made a fucking documentary on the divorce! Aren't you disgusted? Why do you even like me?" I asked him, I could feel more tears running down my face. But why? I don't feel sad. I don't feel angry. Why am I crying?
"Luna, do you really expect me to believe Netflix?" Crown asked. Smiling. "The moment I saw you at the gas station, I know that you're not some psycho clown bitch the way TV talked about you. Hell, even if TV said you were some abusive bitch, I wouldn't trust them." He continued, I could feel him getting closer to me.
"And how would you know that? I could be a psychopath," I pushed him. I smiled creepily. "I could be exactly what the media said about me, I could be worse." I don't want to get attached to anything. Not anymore. God please help me. "I could kill kittens at night with a dull butter knife, you don't know me." He looked at Gee sleeping on Lily's laps.
"But you're not." He grabbed my hands. He smiled.
"You don't know me,"
"I know you," He said. "You're trying to run away, you don't want to get attached. You want it to end. You see yourself as some sort of demon, some sort of evil being. Am I right?"
He got closer to me, I could feel his body temperature. Fuck. I need to go. I don't want this.
"Please Luna, you're not some demonic creature."
"You don't know me..." I said, holding back a dam. He pulled my chin up, and he gave me a kiss on the lips. What the fuck? No. Abort mission. ABORT THE FUCKING MISSION! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM! FUCK!
"But I do, I was like you until I found this town." He pulled back his head. "Minus the musical background and the messy divorce, I was like you." He hugged me. Fuck. NO. NO. I struggled, but I didn't move. I wanted to move, but my body won't. "I understand that pain you're feeling. Can you just give me some of that burden so that you can stand taller?" Fuck. "Luna, I think I love you." Fuck it.
"You shouldn't," I pulled away. He's nice. But I don't want to let someone feel that lost. He wanted to say something, but I said it first. "It's better for both of us, if we don't get together." I pushed him. "I like you too, but it's not, it's not right."
"What do you mean Luna?" Crown asked.
"You shouldn't waste your time with some whore like me, you're a good person, don't waste your time," I picked the house key up. I walked to the door. "I'm sorry,"
"Luna, you're not a whore. Stop degrading yourself." He grabbed my left hand.
"I'm not degrading myself, I'm talking facts."
"Facts that you made up," He said. "Luna, please tell me, what can I do to help convince yourself that you're not the bad things people talked of. You're a good person. Luna, you are," He said, he pulled a chair from the dining table and sat me down. "Luna, what you did, whatever drama you were involved with, that's all in the past." He knelt in front of me.
"It's not that Crown," I cried. Fuck. Why am I crying? AGAIN?! FUCK!
"Then what is it?"
"No, I can't tell you,"
"Luna, what's wrong?" I didn't notice the tears flowing down my face, it wasn't one or two, it was full on sobbing. He grabbed both of my hands.
"Fuck." I don't want to drag him into this. But I suppose, it would be effective at deterring him from coming closer from now on. "I don't have much time left,"
"What? What do you mean?"
"What do you think it meant? I'm fucking dying." I got up from the seat. I went to the master bedroom, and I opened the drawer. I took out a yellowing folded paper, and I threw it at him. "We can't be together. It's for the better."
Crown grabbed it, and opened it. His face was of sorrow when he looked back up. He stood up and walked up to me. He hugged me tight. "Luna, it's alright, there must be a way." I pushed him off. "Luna..."
"There is no way, there never was!" I raised my voice. The emotion didn't change.
"Luna, there's a way, there's always a way!"
"THAT WAY IS ME DYING OF CANCER ALONE SOMEWHERE ELSE! GIVE UP CROWN!"
"BUT WHAT IF THERE IS A WAY?!"
"THERE ISN'T!"
"YOU HAVEN'T TRIED!"
"WHY DO I NEED TO TRY?! WHAT FUCKING BENEFIT DO OTHERS GET IF I SURVIVE?! TELL ME CROWN! WHY DOES IT MATTER?! LOTS OF PEOPLE DIE EVERYDAY! WHY CAN'T I JUST FIND PEACE IN MY FINAL DAYS! I'LL JUST BECOME ANOTHER STATISTIC!" I yelled. "THERE'S NO HOPE FOR ME CROWN! JUST LEAVE ME! SPARE THE TEARS FOR SOMEONE ELSE! SOMEONE THAT'S ACTUALLY WORTH IT!" I can't. I don't want to hurt more people. I'm done with that. Fuck, my head hurts. "Don't fall for some dumb bitch with brain cancer, just don't,"
"What?" I turned my head around. Lily was standing there in front of the couch with Gee in her arms. I saw tears bubbling in her eyes. Fuck.
