Episode 4: Affliction
They say that a dog is a man's best friend, and that seemed to be the case for Mega Man, and his dog Rush.
The two would constantly spend time with each other, and Mega Man does a variety of activities normal dog owners would do with their dog, like Frisbee throwing, practicing obedience, and fighting the forces of evil - namely Dr. Wily. But that's if - and only if - Dr. Light calls upon him.
One day, Mega Man and Rush were playing outside in the backyard - the most typical place for dog owners to play with their canine buddy. Mega Man would throw a ball, and Rush would retrieve it and return to his master. Sonic, who has no experience with pets whatsoever, watched from the fence.
"Quick question: why can't you throw the ball a ridiculously long distance, and have Rush retrieve it using Rush Jet?" asked Sonic.
"Because Rush won't revert to jet form unless I'm riding on top of him," replied Mega Man before he threw the ball for a nth time. Since when did pet owners ride on their own pets? If the pet owner owned an animal like an ostrich, sure...but riding atop a dog seemed like such a foreign idea, at least to Sonic.
Sonic: Going by Mega Man's logic, would Shulk have to ride on his pet Riki in order for him to use his full capabilities?
Suddenly something wrong happened to Rush. After he gave the ball back to Mega Man, the robotic dog fell on his side on the ground. Like any other dog owner, Mega Man was concerned.
"Rush, are you okay boy?" the robot knelt down at his canine companion and tended to his needs. Rush was making those dog sounds that usually indicate that an ailment is afoot. "We have to call the veterinarian!"
"Veterinarians can't work with robot dogs - can they?" asked Sonic.
"Dr. Light knows a thing or two about robot illnesses. I must consult him immediately! But I don't have a ride..."
"Don't sweat it, Mega Man, for I can drive you there!"
"Aren't you supposed to be fifteen? How are you legally allowed to drive?"
"Nothing is legal when you're fast like me..."
Pit and Kirby were in the mansion library, eating loudly - except that they were doing it on purpose. Pit was chomping loudly on a head of cabbage with whipped cream on top (don't ask) while Kirby was slurping on a milkshake, through a straw.
"Could you two please cut that out?" Gilgamesh scolded the two. "People here are trying to read..."
"Whoever said we were reading?" questioned Wario, who was glancing through a magazine full of hot women. Why such a magazine exists in the library remains unknown.
Pit: Kirby and I are doing this thing some dudes on YouTube did - they went to a public library, and were eating loudly. So far our little prank is going along nicely, but unless we annoy someone to the point they send us to the hospital, the prank will have little to no significance.
Pit and Kirby ignored Gil and kept doing their thing. Several brawlers, such as Mega Man X, Tails, and Robin couldn't take it anymore, and had to leave the library.
"Don't you two have anything else better to do?" Villager asked Pit and Kirby. Pit thought over this for a while - Villager's question required much thought and understanding. The angel finally came to his concrete conclusion...
"Nope," he replied as he went back to eating the cabbage loudly. Villager sighed and left the library.
"Where are you going?!" worried Gil, who was acting like Mr. Krabs, even though he doesn't own a business. "You're gonna miss story time!"
The mere mention of story time peaked Kirby's interest. Kirby loves a good story, regardless of quality. So the Star Warrior dropped his milkshake on the floor - spilling it all over the carpet in the process - and joined Gil and the kids for story time.
"Aw, come on, Kirby, don't leave me all alone!" moaned Pit. "We were gonna do a lot of other awesome things together! Who else am I supposed to fart on other people with?"
"Why would you even do that in the first place?" questioned Rosalina, who was using a computer, likely for Luma research. "Sounds like a pretty stupid prank to me."
"I saw it online. This guy, he was walking through the hood, and he was farting on people with a fart machine, and he got bodied!"
"Are you telling me you want to be bodied as well?"
This prompted Pit to think over what he just said. Nobody wants to get bodied, not even a darling angel like Pit.
Being the gentlemen that he is, Mario offered to do Peach's laundry - because what boyfriend wouldn't? The plumber took Peach's clothes and placed them in a laundry basket. However, there was a muffled voice emitting from said basket.
"Who's-a in there?!" Mario pulled out his F.L.U.D.D. and directed it at the laundry basket. Dousing water on whatever creature was in the basket probably won't do anything, but you can't fault Mario for at least trying.
"It's me, Red!" the voice replied. Mario immediately knew who it was - it was Red, Ashley's loving assistant. The plumber dug through the clothes and pulled the imp out.
"Funny seeing you-a stuck in there. How'd-a you get in there in the first-a place?"
"Long story short, I got tired of doing Ashley's laundry, and I kinda took a nap inside the laundry basket."
Red: Glad King Dedede didn't see me in there...knowing him, he might have tried to eat me...
"Shouldn't Ashley be taking care of the laundry herself?" asked Mario.
"That's the thing, Ashley can be shy and lonely, and because of this, she doesn't want to be in the laundry room when people are present," explained Red.
Mario seemed to understand what Red was talking about; Ashley, though she has said before she wanted friends, can't stand to be in the vicinity of other people. Remember back when Cloud and the others were decorating the Christmas tree? Pac-Man had to literally beg Ashley to participate, and she did so just to make him shut up.
Mario: It is not a good-a sign when-a brawlers are lonely and shy. It's my duty to-a ensure that everyone gets involved and-a engaged!
"Take-a me to Ashley's room, I'll-a try and reason with-a her," said Mario.
Red led Mario to Ashley's room, where the young witch was busy making potions.
"Ashley may-a I speak with-a you for a second?" Mario asked kindly.
"What do you want?" asked Ashley. "Can't you see that I'm busy?" Even to genuine guys like Mario, Ashley is still apathetic and distant in terms of behavior.
"I know-a what you want," Mario sat next to Ashley on her bed. "You-a want friends!"
"Not anymore, I do," Ashley responded, not looking away from her potion-making.
"So you want to spend a huge bulk of your life making crappy potions and whatnot?"
Ashley stopped making potions and gave Mario a "watchu talkin' about?" look.
"There are a lot of brawlers living-a in this mansion, which-a means there's a lot-a of opportunities to make-a great friends!" Mario said gleefully.
"Don't expect me to believe in that fallacy," scoffed Ashley.
"It's not-a that hard as you think. Why-a not befriend your roommate?"
Then Mario suddenly remembered - Wario is Ashley's roommate. Nobody wants to be friends with that fat pervert, unless you're King Dedede.
"Alright-a then, how about Sonic? You two are the same-a age..."
"Too arrogant for my tastes," said Ashley.
"Diddy Kong?"
"Spends too much time with his uncle, and occasionally Olimar."
"Ice Climbers?"
"Like I want to be associated with those losers..."
"The Ice Climbers are-a not losers! Ain't that-a right, Red?"
Red chuckled nervously, not wanting to disagree with what Mario had said about the Ice Climbers. Saying the Ice Climbers were considered losers would be a big no-no to say in front of someone like Mario.
"You should-a try and be-a friends with the Ice Climbers," Mario said to Ashley. "Don't you think so?"
"Yeah that sounds like a great idea," agreed Ashley.
Ashley: Oh I'll be friends with the Ice Climbers alright...and once I've reeled them in, I'll bake them in my icy hot chicken stew. Sure it sounds a little demented, but the witch from Hansel and Gretel did the same thing to the two children, did she not?
"I've never had friends other than Red," said Ashley. "What are some activities I should do with the Ice Climbers?"
"Why not-a go on the swings?" suggested Mario.
"But I'm fifteen years of age...wouldn't that be awkward considering my age?"
"Absolutely not, Luigi and I still-a play on the swings in our-a spare time to-a this very day!"
Ashley gave Mario and inquisitive look. Mario and Luigi, two famed heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom in their adult age, playing on the swings? Bowser would have a field day with them if he ever found out about this information.
"Just-a don't tell Peach this," Mario warned Ashley. "That-a goes for you Red..."
Red was nowhere to be found.
Bowser was "culturing" Shulk in the room that they usually meet. Today's lesson? Hip hop and rap. What could possibly go wrong?
"Never knew Soulja Boy was the greatest rapper of all time!" exclaimed Shulk, who had just learned from Bowser that Nas was a horrible lyricist. "Knuckles has always said that he was hot trash!"
"Knuckles is just a lousy hater, don't ever listen to that guy," Bowser told the Homs. "He's always trying to be black, those dreadlocks are fake if you ask me."
Link entered this room, wanting to know what was going on. Shulk appeared to be learning a lot of stuff from Bowser - at least to the hero of Hyrule.
"What are you two discussing about?" asked Link.
"We're discussing hip hop, and who's the best and worst rappers are," replied Shulk. "Wanna join?"
Link thought this over. He has always wondered what the entertainment world was like apart from the Zora band that performs in central Hyrule Castle Town.
"Sure why not," Link shrugged as he took a seat next to Bowser.
Link: Zelda says that Bowser is a bad influence to just about anyone, but I'm not buying it. To me, he's only a bad influence to Mario, always taking L's just to impress Peach. I'd say Bowser likes her more than Mario does, since he goes through drastic measures to capture her all the time.
"Before we get you involved in this lesson, remember this," began Bowser. "Tupac Shakur, Snoop Dogg, and LL Cool J are all losers and trash. Got it memorized?"
"Gotcha," Link gave the Koopa King a thumbs up. Poor Link has no idea what he's getting himself into...
Luigi wasn't feeling quite himself today. He slowly began to notice that the brawlers are forgetting that the green-clad plumber exists. Often they walk pass him without looking at him or acknowledging him, and it is really hurting Luigi's self-esteem. Let's take a look at an example that happened today...
"Saw the Kansas City Chiefs shut out the Houston Texans the other day?" Robin was in a conversation with King Dedede in the vending machine room. What does Robin possibly know about football?
"Sure did, that man Brian Hoyer was awful!" replied King Dedede, as he munched down on a bag of Doritios, wasting crumbs all over the floor. Luigi just so happened to enter the room as the conversation continued.
King Dedede: I could have done a better job than Hoyer in that playoff game! And I can only throw for a measly five yards! Call me King Checkdown!
"How far do you think the Chiefs will go in the playoffs?"
Now was Luigi's time to shine. He was probably thinking, "I've waited for far too long for this moment..."
"The Chiefs will-a make it to the Super Bowl!" the plumber proclaimed.
But Robin nor King Dedede paid him any attention.
"Eh, the Patriots will care of the Chiefs," shrugged King Dedede.
Luigi was devastated. This was his only chance to offer his opinion on a sports-related topic not pertaining to the Los Angeles Clippers - it wasn't that he delivered, it's just that nobody cared to listen.
"I think so too," nodded Robin. "If only my Saints had a winning record and went to the postseason..." Robin is a Saints fan?! Since when?!
Feeling greatly disrespected, Luigi left the room, holding his head down in utter sadness.
But a light bulb dinged over his head, meaning he had an idea. An what an idea it was...
Sonic drove Mega Man and Rush to Dr. Light's laboratory in his sweet blue corvette - which he got Tails and Knuckles to pay for.
Sonic: My original plan was to have Jacky pay for my ride. But after finding out, he purposely spent all his hard-earned cash on coconut bars, which was kinda bad on his part, since Peach ate up the bars like she was Pac-Man, and got sick because she was allergic to coconuts. The fact that she didn't know they were coconut bars did not do any justice to blondes everywhere.
Mega Man held Rush in his lap, feeling a little sad. He just wasn't used to his trusty companion suffering from an illness.
"How about some tunes to keep your spirits up?" Sonic pressed a button on the radio as a song began playing. Sonic sang along with the lyrics...
"I don't need any song to cheer me up..." said Mega Man, but the hedgehog wouldn't listen.
"WE BE ALL NIGHT...LOOOOOOOVE...LOOOOOOOVE..."
"Sonic please stop, your singing is horrible..."
"WE BE ALL NIGHT...LOOOOOOOVE...LOOOOOOOVE..."
"For Pete's sake will you stop already?!"
Sonic stopped singing. Never did Mega Man angrily yell at anyone - unless they were named Lloyd Irving - and for him to yell at Sonic like that - the hedgehog was scared for his life!
Mega Man: Sonic can be infuriating at times to be around with. His personality and mannerisms can really rub off the other brawlers.
"Sorry, man, just wanted to see you happy..." apologized Sonic. "Ever since Rush got sick, you haven't been your usual self..."
Mega Man started to feel a little bad about himself. Sonic was just trying to turn his frown upside down, but he seemingly made things slightly worse.
"I'll stop singing, if it'll make you content," Sonic continued. "I'll leave the radio off as well."
Peace and quiet...exactly what Mega Man wanted right now.
The Ice Climbers - Nana and Popo - were in the kitchen, making vegetable soup for tonight's dinner. Palutena was originally in charge of making the soup, but the Ice Climbers, being the veggie experts they are, offered to take care of the task, giving Palutena a much-needed break from making dinner.
"Um, excuse me..." Ashley shyly entered the kitchen, standing near the entrance.
"Greetings!" Popo waved to the young witch while Nana was stirring away in the soup pot. "I take it that you're Ashley?" Ashley is so unsociable, that many of the brawlers usually forget that she exists.
"Yes, I'm Ashley...Do you, um...need any assistance with...the vegetable soup?"
"Any assistance is good assistance in our book!" replied Nana.
Nana: Ashley is finally coming out of her shell...how sweet!
Popo: Hold up, who is this Ashley girl again? Think I saw her before...
Nana: She lives here at the mansion...
Popo: Oh, I see...is she a newcomer just like Cloud and the others?
Nana: *sighs*
"Come and step up here on this stool," Nana pulled out a stool and placed it next to her. Ashley did as she was told and got on the stool. It was a little unnerving for her, since this was her first experience cooking with someone other than her assistant, Red.
"Say, Ashley, do you know any spells that could spice up the soup?" asked Popo.
"Why yes I do," replied Ashley. "Though it's bit of a high-risk, high-reward spell. It could make or break the soup."
"Chant this spell right now, I want the soup to be the greatest thing made by man! I wanna knock the brawlers' socks off with this soup!"
"Someone's really into it," chuckled Nana.
"Wario thinks our soup is gonna be terrible...but we're gonna prove him and the others wrong! Wrong, wrong, WRONG!"
"Wario can be such a bad influence to the others..." Nana shook her head.
Yoshi and Dark Pit were playing a regular game of chess, when all of a sudden...
"Help!" a voice shrieked. "Help-a me!"
"That must be Luigi!" fretted Yoshi. "He must be in dire trouble!"
"Nah, I don't think it's anything serious," Dark Pit remarked as he made his turn. "Luigi is calling out for help on purpose so he could get noticed."
Dark Pit: Outside of everyone in the Mario universe, and maybe Isabelle, nobody really cares that much about Luigi. Could be because he's an absolute dork - like Pit! Those two have much more in common than you think!
"My foot's-a hurt!" wailed Luigi. Wherever he was, he sounds like he needs some serious help.
"I can't bear to listen to his cries of help anymore!" Yoshi got up and ran out of the room in search for Luigi.
"Wait up, man, we haven't finished the chess match yet!" Dark Pit followed after Yoshi. Apparently to him, a chess game is nigh more important than the well-being and status of Luigi.
Yoshi and Dark Pit found Luigi sprawled on the floor in the hallway, his exposed left foot near a curling iron. The foot was burned pretty badly.
"Don't worry Luigi, we are here to save you!" proclaimed Yoshi.
"Who's 'we'?" Dark Pit wondered as Yoshi rushed towards Luigi and tended to his needs.
"How did this happen?"
"It-a was the curling iron!" wailed Luigi. "I stepped-a on it by-a accident and it was on!"
"Without your shoes on?"
"...Nothing wrong with walking around the mansion barefoot!"
"Then why do you have your shoes with you?"
Luigi was close to getting stumped. But he had the perfect reason...
"...So I wouldn't forget them when I put them back on!"
Alright, it may not have been the perfect reason, but it was better than nothing. At least Yoshi accepted it.
"We will carry you to your room!" said Yoshi as he lifted the plumber atop his back.
"Again, who's 'we'?" Dark Pit questioned yet again as Yoshi passed by him.
Yoshi: Luigi's foot is burnt pretty badly, and my intense chess game with Dark Pit (which I'm losing in at this very moment) has yet to end! Someone here must be willing to take care of Luigi during his hard times!
Outside the mansion, Pit was snooping around Jacky Bryant's new car, hoping to take it for a ride. The famed race car driver stood over his whip, cleaning the hood off.
"You're not taking that car out for a spin, are you?" Pit asked Jacky.
"Nah man," Jacky shook his head. "Me and Wanderlust, we've already taken one too many rides."
Pit: Jacky named his car Wanderlust?! Sounds both confusing and inappropriate at the same time! Brain Cheeks would be a more fitting name in my opinion!
Jacky: Wanderlust is the perfect name; it perfectly reflects and embodies how much I desire to travel. Master Hand won't let me travel far from this mansion, though...
"In that case...do you mind if I drive your car around the block?" asked Pit.
"You can if you wanna..." replied Jacky. "...but I have to see your ID first."
"My ID? Oh...um..." Pit fiddled around, looking for an ID card of some sort. Doing this would show that he actually might have one. Had he done nothing, he would make himself look rather suspicious, and lose his opportunity at riding Jacky's car in the process. It's an either-or situation for the angel.
"I don't have all day you know..." Jacky tapped his foot impatiently. He was starting to act like Sonic, in terms of personality - both are owned by Sega, so it kinda makes sense.
"Got it!" Pit pulled out an ID card - used for riding chariots - and gave it to Jacky. Let's see if it will make or break Pit's chances...
"Well, if you can ride chariots, then there's no reason why you can't operating a moving vehicle," said Jacky after scrutinizing Pit's ID card.
"Aw sweet!" Pit pumped his fist as he leaped into the air.
"Enjoy the ride, man!" Jacky tossed Pit his keys and walked towards the mansion. "Just try not to crash or anything!"
"I won't let you down!"
Fox and Falco were in the arcade room, playing Space Invaders. Falco was playing right now at the moment, and he lost.
"Boo, this game is rigged!" Falco jeered as he walked away, frustrated.
"Aw, Falco, don't be such a sore loser," said Fox.
Falco: Since when was I ever a sore loser? I just choose to win a lot, that's all! When I lose, I have to take out my anger and frustration on someone...LUCARIO GET YOUR SCRAWNY BUTT OVER HERE THIS INSTANT, MISTER!
Red, Ashley's lovely assistant, entered the arcade room and whispered the secret - the one about Mario and Luigi still playing on the swings despite their grown selves - into Fox's ear. The pilot's face turned red as he covered his mouth to prevent himself from laughing.
"What's so funny Fox?" questioned Falco. "Think my loss was the funniest thing ever?! Some pal you're supposed to be!"
"MARIO AND LUIGI STILL PLAY ON THE SWINGS!" Fox blurted out for everyone in the arcade room to hear as he began to laugh.
"Pfft, that's nothing, I stopped relying on the fastball years ago," Falco scoffed before he realized Fox wasn't talking about baseball. "Wait, Mario and Luigi still play on the swings?"
Fox nodded, still holding his mouth from laughing even more. One little peep, and he could startle everyone in the entire mansion.
"On the swing set in the back of the mansion that nobody uses?" asked Pac-Man, who was intrigued - and concerned - about Mario and Luigi's hobbies.
"Never saw anyone else use that swing set, so they could be the only ones..." replied Red.
"As funny as this bit of information may sound, we can't have Bowser learn about this. He'll bully the poor plumbers to death!"
"Forget to share that secret to Bowser! Thanks Pac-Man!"
The imp exited the arcade room. Pac-Man started to feel guilty; Mario and Luigi will have his head for sure!
"Me and my big mouth..." the yellow man uttered.
"Zelda guess what I learned today!" Link said as he stormed into Zelda's room.
"Well what is it?" asked Zelda. Most of the time Link only learns stuff from going on his little adventures, but him learning something new while at the mansion was a little more special.
"Did you know...that Doc Louis used to be an underground rapper before he began his boxing career?"
Zelda just gave Link a blank stare. The idea that Doc was a rapper, let alone before he got into boxing, was unbelievable and false in every sense of the word.
"Doc has said on numerous occasions that he never got into rap," explained Zelda. "Even if he was a rapper, he wouldn't be a good one at that."
Doc Louis: Rap is a genre invented by uneducated brothas trying to use poetry to make dough! Me, I made my dough through boxing! Ain't no way I'm gonna write some wack lines and show them to some so-called music producers to make an income! Nuh uh!
"Bowser says that Doc Louis was at the height of the underground world!" Link went on. His mind is all messed up now, thanks to you-know-who.
"Link, sit down please," ordered Zelda. Link took a seat next to Zelda. "Bowser was the one who told you all of this, is that correct?"
"Honestly I don't really know." Link was playing games with Zelda. It is unwise to play games with the princess.
"What do you mean by, 'you don't know'?"
"Bowser promised me and Shulk he would get us ice cream if we don't...oh crap."
"Ooh...Bowser is going to pay."
"Hey Zelda, can you help me with something?" Cloud entered the room.
"Does it involve plunging the toilet? Because there's no way I should be doing a task that Wario is responsible for."
"No, you won't have to plunge the toilet. Rather, it has much to do with caretaking..."
Cloud took Zelda to Luigi's room, and showed the plumber napping on the bed, with a cast on his left foot. Zelda gasped at the very sight of Luigi.
"Will he be okay?" Zelda asked Cloud.
"He'll be just fine," replied Cloud. "His injury could have been much worse, but it's nothing serious."
"How did he hurt himself?"
"By stepping on a hot curling iron - with his bare feet."
"Rosalina owns a curling iron...certainly she must be punished!"
Cloud: Luigi's foot injury looks a little suspicious to me...you can't tell me that the guy would just walk around here barefoot. And even if he was carrying his shoes so he won't forget them, he's not forgetful like Robin and Snake. Must be attempting to get some cheap attention...
Luigi awoke as he stretched out his arms and yawned. After a good nap, it was time for him to annoy those taking care of him, because what injured person lying in a bed wouldn't?
"Fetch-a me a cup-a of coffee!" demanded Luigi. A cup of coffee? Seriously?! "I need-a something to keep-a me awake!" Makes sense...
"If it makes things easier, I'll get the coffee maker and place it on your dresser so you won't have to worry about us doing the work for you," said Cloud.
"Splendid! Make sure you get as much cream as possible!"
So Cloud got the coffee maker, and placed it on Luigi's dresser. The plumber inched towards the appliance, and reached for one of the cups. He got a cup, but dropped it to the floor by accident.
"Could you get-a that for me please?" he asked Cloud. The swordsman sighed and grabbed the cup, giving it to Luigi. "Don't think I can-a reach for the dispenser..."
"Why didn't you say so?!" Cloud frowned as he grabbed the cup from Luigi and pressed a button on the coffee maker, making coffee pour into the cup. He then gave the cup back to Luigi, who took a sip before spitting the coffee out. The drink was brimmed to perfection, and was warm enough for consumption - what could possibly be wrong?
"Blegh, not enough cream!" the plumber grimaced. "Get me some more cream!" He handed the cup back to Cloud.
"You've got to be kidding me..." Cloud took the cup and put some cream in it, before giving it back to Luigi. The plumber took a sip once more, and spat out the coffee yet again. What's the matter this time?!
"Too much cream in this coffee! Take it out this instant!"
"I'm not sure if that's possible..."
"Well make it possible!"
"Um, don't mean to interrupt you, Luigi..." said Zelda, "...but is there any way I can help you?"
"You can massage my feet, if you like."
Zelda decided against this, but went along with it anyway. She sat at the end of the bed, and massaged Luigi's feet, shuddering with every little second.
Zelda: It's going to take me forever to desanitize these hands...Knew I should have borrowed Luigi's gloves, though be probably won't let me...
"Whaddaya mean, you don't-a have biological siblings?" Mario conversed with Corrin as the two entered the room.
"I've been told that I was...kid...napped..." Corrin replied, but trailed off when he saw Zelda massaging Luigi's burnt foot. Something was amiss here...
"Luigi! What-a happened to your foot?!"
"Oh, Mario, it's-a horrible!" wailed Luigi. "I stepped-a on a curling iron while-a it was on, and I burned-a my foot!"
"Say it isn't-a so!" Mario pushed Zelda out of the way and sat on the bed, inspecting Luigi's injured foot. "We need a professional foot massager right away!"
"For your information, Mario, I was already doing a great job..." said Zelda. But Mario completely ignored her. Apparently he needed a professional, not some amateur.
"Corrin, call Jacky Bryant!" ordered Mario. Does Corrin even know how to operate a phone?
"On it!" Corrin opened the window and called out Jacky's name. Corrin has obviously never used a cellular device, ever.
"Use-a my phone!" Mario took out his cell phone and threw it at Corrin, hitting the prince in the head.
"Ow!" Corrin winced, while wondering why Mario would throw his phone in the first place. "You didn't have to throw it at me!" The prince found Jacky Bryant's name under Mario's contact list, and pressed the call button.
Pit drove Jacky's car through a city near the Smash Mansion. Only thing was, he promised the race car driver he'd only take it for a ride around the block...Pit just played Jacky like a fiddle.
"Yeah, this is the life!" Pit grinned as he drove Jacky's car. His fun came to an abrupt end when several police cars were chasing him.
"Sir you're going too fast!" one of the police officers shouted. "Pull over this instant!"
"Yikes!" Pit exclaimed as he drove even faster, to get away from the police. But the flashing red and blue lights were gaining on him.
Then Mario's caller ID popped up. Jacky has a built-in cell phone in his car!
Jacky: Everyone knows a vehicle with a built-in phone is the in thing right now, so I built my own cell phone in my sweet ride! Making calls while on the road is legit! Easier then having to stand all the time when you're calling someone!
Pit pressed a button on the vehicle to answer the call. Now wasn't the right moment to be on the phone with someone.
"Hello? Is this Jacky Bryant?" Corrin's voice emitted from the speakers. Pit has never been more screwed than he is at this very moment.
"Pit here, Jacky let me drive his car..." replied Pit, sweating from nervousness.
"When you see Jacky, tell him to come over here and...are those sirens?"
"Sirens? What sirens? I don't hear anything..."
Pit couldn't hear anything else, at least for a while, as he crashed Jacky's car into a building, knocking himself out unconscious.
Sonic and Mega Man arrived at Dr. Light's laboratory. Mega Man grabbed Rush and hurried his way to the front door, with Sonic following after him. The robot knocked on the door three times - the third one to see if anyone would respond. A few seconds later, Roll answered the door.
"Hey Mega Man!" she greeted.
"Hi Roll," responded Mega Man. "Is Dr. Light here? Rush is a little under the weather, and I was wondering if..."
"Yo, Mega Man, that your girlfriend?" asked Sonic.
"She's my sister..." That hedgehog cannot be that dumb...
"You have a sister?! No way! Man I wish I had a sister! That would be legit!"
Sonic: How awesome would having a sister be?! Someone who you could share stuff with, and steal from them...if it were allowed, I would adopt my own self a sister!
"Come right in," Roll let Mega Man and Sonic inside the lab.
"Dr. Light, I'm here!" Mega Man called out. The scientist appeared, holding a flask in his hand.
"Oh my, if it isn't Mega Man!" Dr. Light smiled. "So good to see you again!"
"He looks like Santa Claus," Sonic whispered to Mega Man.
"Be respectful!" Mega Man whispered back.
"Just telling the truth!"
"Rush doesn't look so well...I take it that he's suffering from an illness?"
"He got sick while we were playing catch," Mega Man explained as he handed Rush to Dr. Light, who laid him on a makeshift medical bed.
"Hmmm..." Dr. Light inspected Rush, using methods such as robotic dissection to explore the insides of Rush's body. "I'm afraid Rush might have developed Roboneza..."
"Hey, Dr. Light, how are things going between you and Dr. Wily?" asked Sonic. He should know better than to ask a question like this during a time of peril.
"...Things between the both of us hasn't been going that well."
"Did something happened between you two?"
"...Let's just say Wily chose a path that followed his own accord."
"Dr. Wily got MARRIED?!" Where did Sonic draw this generalization from?! "How is it that he's married, and you're stuck here with some robot you created because you feel lonely inside!"
"Dr. Light, is it okay if I escort Sonic out of here?" Roll asked the scientist.
"Please do..." replied Dr. Light. Roll took Sonic's hand and took him to the front door.
"We'll have a little conversation about this issue!" Sonic called out to Dr. Light as Roll took him outside.
"Soup's almost ready!" announced Popo after taking a taste test. Thanks to Ashley's help, the Ice Climbers were close to finishing what might perhaps be the greatest soup they have ever made. Palutena just so happened to enter the kitchen when Popo made the announcement.
"Did you say the soup was almost ready?" she asked the Ice Climbers, before taking notice of Ashley. "And did you assist these two in the making of the soup?"
"Guess you could say that..." replied Ashley. She is so shy, she refuses to take any credit.
"Simply wonderful! I knew you had superb cooking skills!"
Palutena: I've always wanted Ashley to be my cooking assistant, but it was increasingly hard for her to take up the offer, because of how timid she was. Of course, I would have made Pit my assistant, but he refuses to cook any meat, and he knows how much meat the brawlers consume. Gotta think of it, Wario and King Dedede grow at least ten pounds whenever we eat meat for dinner...maybe I should cut back.
"Lady Palutena..." Knuckles entered the kitchen, with his head down. He was about to tell the goddess of light some news that will potentially concern her.
"Anything you wish to share with me?" asked Palutena.
"Pit...got in a...car accident."
The words Pit and car accident mentioned in the same breath instantly made Palutena furious.
"Did he ride Jacky's car without permission?!" she frowned. "I thought I told that boy not to go anywhere near that vehicle!"
Soon Pit showed up, flanked by Fox and Falco. He looked a little dizzy...
"Pit what were you thinking?! Driving Jacky's car and crashing his vehicle...what do you have to say for yourself, young man?!"
Pit took a huff as he said the following:
"What's yer name?"
Palutena looked very dumbfounded and worried. How could Pit not know her name? Was it because he suffered memory loss from the car crash?
"Pit, you already know who..." Palutena replied before she was cut off...
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!" by Pit.
"...As you can tell, Pit has underwent a major personality change," explained Knuckles. "Hopefully it's only temporary..."
"Fox, Falco, why are you here?" asked Nana, who was just as shocked as Palutena was.
"Because apparently Pit made us his lackeys," sighed Falco. "He's our leader of sorts." Being a servant of someone certainly wasn't cutting out for the two pilots.
Fox: Ever since Pit suffered from the car crash, his personality has become like that of The Rock. To say the least, it's becoming more and more unbearable every time he opens his mouth. A Larry King personality would be more tolerable.
"First and foremost, Falco, the term "leader" is really beneath The Pit," said Pit, sounding very macho for some odd reason. "The Pit feels like a more appropriate term would be better...ruler."
"Pit stop acting like this!" scolded Palutena. "I know your personality has been altered, but you don't have to..."
"Hold up, jabroni, before The Pit slaps the taste out of your mouth! You're up in here and you spit your little talk about how the Pit shouldn't act like this and all that nonsense. Well, I'll tell you what, lady, The Pit is gonna go out there tonight and do what do what he does best, and that's lay the smackdown on your roody-poo candy behinds! But that's for another time...let's go boys!"
Pit left the kitchen, with the two pilots following him. Palutena looked distraught, and you can't say you blame her.
Switching gears, Bowser took on a new subject with his lessons with Link and Shulk. Instead of rap and hip hop, the three were focusing on - wait for it - celebrity deaths. Bowser is sure to have a real dozy with this one.
"Stephen Merchant...is DEAD?!" exclaimed Shulk.
"He hasn't been that much relevant since The Office ended, so the media kinda swept his death under the rug," said Bowser.
"Dick Butkus too?" asked Link.
"Similar scenario; hasn't been heard of since his playing days, meaning that the media completely ignored his passing."
Bowser: Why haven't I covered celebrity deaths earlier?! Perhaps the easiest subject I have to "teach"!
"May I have your attention boys?" Lucina poked her head through the door. "Luigi wants to have a meeting, and he's asking for everyone to attend."
"Tell him Link's and Shulk's learning comes first," said Bowser.
"He's not going to buy it...anyway, this meeting has something to do with his injured foot."
"Luigi injured his foot? BWA HA HA HA!"
"He also plays on the swings with Mario!" said Red, who sneaked inside the room.
"He and Mario play on the swings too?! No wonder that swing set is still sitting outside!"
Lucina: Don't know what's so funny, I play on that swing set at times...it makes me feel...like a little kid. Sadly Robin doesn't understand...
"We will attend this dumb meeting...just to tell everyone the brothers' secret!" stated Bowser.
"I second that!" agreed Link.
"Yeah, that sounds like awesome idea!" Red agreed as well.
"Oh dear..." Lucina facepalmed. Mario's and Luigi's worst nightmare was quickly approaching - and it's all Red's fault.
Sonic stood outside Dr. Light's laboratory. He was being a nuisance towards the scientist, and Roll had to escort the hedgehog outside and watch over him. The blonde robot was back inside the lab - evidently Sonic irritated her to no end. Mega Man exited the lab, holding Rush in his hands.
"How did it go?" asked Sonic. "Rush is fully healed, right?"
"Not quite," replied Mega Man. "Dr. Light did as much as he could to get Rush back to full strength, but all his effort only got Rush at least half of his strength."
"Uh huh...in that case, I have some good news I wanna share with you."
"What 'good news' could it possibly be?"
"I got Roll's number!" Sonic waved a slip of paper in the air, which had Roll's phone number on it.
"You WHAT?!" Mega Man had shock written all over his face. Sonic must have done extensive begging and indulging to get Roll's number. Either that, or the classic puppy eyes trick.
Roll: Sonic threatened that if I didn't give him my cell phone number, he would have gotten himself stung by bees, jump into a nearby lake, and drown to his death. Granted, I knew he wouldn't enact any of those things, but I didn't want to take any chances...
"Let's just go back to the mansion..." Mega Man breezed past Sonic, heading to the car.
"I'll be calling your sis all day!" Sonic said as he caught up with the robot. He's not thinking about having Roll as a makeshift sibling, is he?
The brawlers gathered around in the meeting room. Luigi, sitting in a wheelchair with a cast on his injured foot, was at the front of the room, accompanied by Mario.
"Attention everyone!" exclaimed Mario. "We-a have a crisis here. Luigi has-a burnt his foot, after stepping on a curling iron which-a was on! Before we continue any further...who-a did it?!"
Everyone in the room looked at each other, wondering who the culprit was.
"First-a things first - who owns a curling iron?" asked Luigi.
"I do..." Rosalina raised her hand. "...But I didn't misplace it or anything. I was looking for it earlier today, but I couldn't find it."
Luigi nervously fiddled with his fingers. He was making himself look mighty suspicious.
Then Pit burst inside the meeting room, accompanied by Fox and Falco. He was licking a popsicle.
"Where-a have you been?" frowned Mario as he folded his arms.
"Who are you supposed to be?"
"I'm sorry?"
"You heard the Pit, who are you supposed to be?"
"Since you're still-a suffering from memory loss, my name's-a..."
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!"
Mario gaped. Pit sporting a Rock personality was hard for the plumber to process.
Pit: The Pit says this: Mario and Luigi think they're just going to have their way with The Pit; you think the Pit is just another roody-poo standing on the corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive? Well, The Pit says this- nobody cares about them! Mario and Luigi, it doesn't matter who they are, it doesn't matter what they are, it doesn't matter what they say; it just DOESN'T MATTER. But what matters is that the Pit will prove his point- they only care about ONE MAN being the best brawler, and here in the Smash Mansion, now aptly named Pit Mansion, they all feel The Pit's electricity. Many of The Pit's screaming fans, all in unison, all at the same time, they all chant The Pit's name!
Falco: No one is chanting your name...
Pit: Falco Lombardi, The Pit says this: you run your mouth, you little jabroni roody-poo! You run your mouth: *whines* Well, the sherriff's in town! The sherriff's back in town!
Falco:...
"Sit-a down this instant!" ordered Luigi.
"Sit down?" scoffed Pit. "Uh uh, absolutely not. The Pit is gonna layeth the smacketh down on all your candy behinds!"
"Candy behinds?" Yoshi rubbed his hands together rather creepily. "Sounds very delicious..."
"It's not what you think, you pervert," Diddy Kong told him.
"Awwww..."
"Anyway, back-a to the conversation," said Mario. "When-a did you notice your-a curling iron was missing, Rosalina?"
"When I entered my room and saw that it was gone," replied Rosalina. "Peach helped me look for it, but we were unable to find it!"
"So how-a did it get plugged up-a in the hallway?"
Luigi couldn't take it anymore. He had to get the truth out.
"I CONFESS!" he wailed. "IT-A WAS ME!"
The entire room gasped in unison at Luigi's confession. Turns out the plumber injured himself on his own accord.
"Why would you do such a thing, Luigi?" asked Peach.
"No one-a cared about me!" the plumber sobbed. "Injuring myself was a desperate attempt at-a gaining all our attention!"
"Oh, Luigi, you didn't have to do any of that to get attention. There are a lot of us here, meaning that it's hard for everyone to get noticed."
"You're-a right, Princess Peach..." Luigi held his head down in guilt. "I've should-a have known better than to injure myself for a petty reason..."
"Excuse me, everyone, but I have a confession as well," Bowser spoke up. "It's not really a confession, but...MARIO AND LUIGI BOTH PLAY ON THE SWING SET OUTSIDE!"
Not a single person reacted to this, angering Bowser. This was supposed to be his time to humiliate his arch-rivals. But he let out this secret at the worst opportunity possible.
Bowser: How dare the brawlers remain silent after that humiliating detail I told! I was expecting boatloads of hysterical laughter and whatnot...but all I get is SILENCE?!
Shulk: No worries, King Bowser! Pretty sure Mario and Luigi have some other secrets they refuse to share with anyone for you to tell!
Link: I bet they listen to Justin Bieber...not that I do the same thing!
"If there-a was a way to heal-a my foot..." Luigi sighed, looking down at his cast.
"Move aside, people!" Ashley and the Ice Climbers burst inside the meeting room with the pot of vegetable soup. "We have a way to cure your foot!"
"You think-a some soup is going to magically heal me? Fat-a chance..."
Ashley fixed Luigi a bowl of soup, and scarfed it down his mouth. The plumber was on the verge of choking.
"Did it work?" asked Mario, once Luigi swallowed down the soup.
"Only one way to find out..." Nana knelt down at Luigi's cast, and pulled it off. The burning was gone! Luigi's foot is healed!
"I'm okay! I'm okay!" the plumber leaped up, his arms raised in the air.
Ashley: The spell I chanted earlier...it gave the soup immense healing powers. Whoever eats the soup will instantly be healed. Works for just about anyone.
"The Pit does not think the soup is able to cure Luigi!" said Pit. "The Pit feels that..."
Ashley fixed another bowl of soup and forced it upon Pit to drink it. After a few seconds...
"Huh? Where am I? How did I get back here?" Pit looked around, feeling confused. Last time he remembered, he was driving Jacky's car, and crashed it.
"Pit, you're okay!" Palutena got up and hugged the angel.
"Uh, yeah, I'm feeling a lot better, and...oh man, Jacky's car! It's completely totaled!"
"Don't sweat it man, it's under Link's name," said Jacky. "He'll be the one paying for my sweet ride!"
"Why me?" whined Link.
"'Cause you got the rupees, man! You're the biggest monetary provider in this mansion!"
Link: Knew I should have spent all my rupees on Fyer's cannon ride...Would have set up a bank account, but that would be too confusing for me.
"We're back!" Sonic announced as he and Mega Man - still holding Rush in his arms - entered the meeting room.
"Where-a have you two-a been all day?" asked Mario. "And what's-a wrong with Rush?"
"Rush is suffering from roboneza..." explained Mega Man. "We went to Dr. Light's laboratory, and he only got Rush to half-strength..."
"Perhaps some soup will heal him!" Ashley fixed yet another bowl of soup and fed it to Rush. In an instant, Rush leaped out of Mega Man's arms and landed on his feet. He leaped into Mega Man arms, and the two were playing with each other - just like any regular dog owner and his pal would.
"I think-a I know who the hero of-a the day is," said Mario, turning his attention to Ashley; everyone else did the same. The young witch has never felt so humbled before, and the nervous looks on her face showed that.
Now that she felt more relaxed and comfortable than before, Ashley was hanging out in the arcade room, playing Space Invaders. Red, her assistant, would join, but he was grounded by Mario for telling his secret to the others.
"Wow! Over 100,000 points!" exclaimed Roy, after Ashley finished playing. "Not bad for a first try!"
"Eh, I could have done better," Ashley shrugged. She was confident that she could beat the score of 110,510 - the highest score in Space Invaders history - but she'll take what she gets.
"Mega Man wanted me to give you this," Proto Man approached Ashley, handing her a present.
"He couldn't give it to me himself?"
"Let's just say that...he's busy playing with a robot's best friend."
Ashley smiled, immediately knowing what Proto Man was referring to.
Proto Man: *sighs* Mega Man made me say that dumb, cheesy line. He's gonna pay for that, though.
Ashley unwrapped her present and opened the box, taken back at what was inside.
"A stuffed bunny?" she took the stuffed animal out of the box. "For me?" Her last stuffed bunny was eviscerated at the hands of the Dunk Hunt dog, and she has been pretty bitter about that incident.
"Looks better than the old one," remarked Roy, referring to the stuffed bunny.
"It's the same exact one..." Proto Man pointed out.
"What...but...how?" Ashley was at a loss for words.
"We helped Mega Man find the gift for you."
Ashley looked behind her, and saw the Ice Climbers.
"You did this...for me?" she asked. An act of kindness was a new thing for her.
"Anything for a friend!" Popo smiled, and Ashley did the same.
Maybe making friends isn't so bad after all.
