Episode 5: Romance

Little Mac has never had a girlfriend in his life. That much is a fact.

Though a lot of factors contribute to this. He spends too much time training. He spends too much time hanging out with this boxing trainer and presumed life coach Doc Louis. He spends too much time gesturing in front of the mirror, thinking he's the white Floyd Mayweather Jr.

But all of that was about to change. Little Mac has finally found himself a girl, and as he enters the Smash Mansion and makes his way to the gaming room, he hopes that the announcement he plans to make will make shock waves throughout the mansion.

Little Mac: Just got myself a girlfriend to call my own, and now I'm gonna tell the others about it! I've already shared this information with Doc Louis, and he promised that he won't let Wario or Captain Falcon find out. But why do they matter anyway, it's not like some lady is gonna fall for them...

"Guys, I got some awesome news!" the boxer exclaimed as he entered the gaming room. Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing and gave Little Mac their uninvited attention.

"You're joining the knitting club?" asked Yoshi. He, Toad, and their newest member, Ashley, are a part of the knitting club, and the green dinosaur would greatly appreciate it if an athlete like Little Mac would join them.

"Yeah right, like I want to be associated with a bunch of losers and their dumb quilts."

Yoshi hang his head in sadness. But at least he tried...

"So what's the big news, home dawg?" asked K.K. Slider.

"I got a girlfriend...her name...is Fiora!"

Complete and utter silence. Little Mac was grinning, expecting some huge wave of euphoria. But nothing happened.

"Oh...you don't say?" K.K. Slider said nervously as he looked around for Shulk. Fiora is Shulk's best lady friend, and if Shulk heard about Little Mac and Fiora going out...

"How long have you two been going out?" Meta Knight asked, attempting to soothe the awkwardness that resulted from Little Mac's announcement.

"Just for a couple of days," replied Little Mac. "I must say, she's quite the gal!"

Wolf: Little Mac doesn't deserve a girlfriend anyways, he spends too much time with his worthless training to have any room for love! In fact, he's practically infatuated with himself!

"Great to hear that you're finally in love," said Marth, as he rested his hand on Little Mac's shoulder. "Why not go out and buy some presents for Fiora?"

"Good thinking, Marth!" replied Little Mac. "Even though you never had a girlfriend, you always know what is best for a woman!"

"I did have a girlfriend...in fact, I'm actually married..."

"Ha ha, you're also a great comedian as well! Let's go shopping, shall we?"

So Little Mac and Marth headed out the gaming room to get Fiora some presents. Fiora is a excellent cook, some cooking supplies might be the best thing to get her.

"Marth is keeping Little Mac away from Shulk, isn't he?" Mega Man X asked Ganondorf.

"As far has he can..." replied Ganondorf. He knew that this situation will turn out pretty ugly...


"And that's why Red the Pokemon Trainer doesn't have any real friends!" Sonic said as he was in his room talking on his cellphone...with Roll.

"He usually talks to his Pokemon?" asked Roll. Sonic was telling her about Red, and how he seldom talks to anyone, lest they want to challenge him to a Pokemon battle (which rarely occurs).

Sonic: Talking to Roll has been great! She's very friendly, and dare I say it, she might be as smart as Tails. But when I ask her if Dr. Light is dating or engaged, she would always say that he's not interested in love. I would keep telling her to help Dr. Light out and find a girlfriend for his Santa Claus-looking self, but she never obliges. Perhaps I should stop referring to Dr. Light as Santa Claus...that should help!

"Yo, Sonic, who are you talking to?" Falco asked as he passed by the hedgehog's room. "Got yourself a new girlfriend?"

"Nah, me and Amy, we're still going strong...sort of," replied Sonic. His relationship with Amy Rose is very one-sided - Amy is always telling Sonic how much she loves him, and would constantly send him cards through the mail, though Sonic hardly returns the favor. Same thing with Knuckles' and Rogue's relationship.

"Well who are you talking to then?"

"Mega Man's sister, Roll."

"Sonic what is going on?" asked Roll, as her conversation with Sonic was being interrupted.

"Bruh give me her digits!" Falco entered the room and pulled out his cellphone.

"Sure thing man!" Sonic gave Falco Roll's phone number. Falco isn't that familiar with Roll - only thing he knows about her is that she's related to Mega Man, and that she's a blonde - but it can't hurt to learn more about a person.

"Thanks fam!" Falco gave Sonic some dap and left the room.

"No prob!" Sonic gave Falco a thumbs up as the raptor headed out the room.

"Who was that, Sonic?" asked Roll.

"Just a good acquaintance of mine..."


Also in his room was Pit, who was grounded until Jacky Bryant is able to afford another car. The race car driver had spent all his hard-earned cash on coconut bars (all gobbled up by Peach) and his other source of income, Link, spent every single one of his rupees on - wait for it - another tunic. One could easily tell that he did this on purpose so no one would ask him for rupees.

But at least Palutena had a familiar face to watch over Pit...

"I am your courage!" the Flying Man proclaimed for a nth time. Pit did not respond; he lied on his bed, miserably. This was absolute torture for him.

Flying Man: My civic duty here is to encourage other brawlers, and make them feel content! Therefore, it is my objective to turn Pit's negative into a resounding positive!

"Sup loser?" Dark Pit greeted his counterpart as he entered the room. "Still grounded for being the delinquent you are?"

"I'm not a delinquent," mumbled Pit. His beef with Dark Pit grows with every time he speaks with him.

"And that dumb bird is back, too? Oh man, this is hilarious!"

"Take him away, please..."

"Why would you want to get rid of me?" asked the Flying Man as he pulled out a guitar. Oh boy... "I can sing songs for you!"

"Please don't..."

Too late. The Flying Man played his guitar as he sang a countrified version of a familiar hip hop tune:

I'm a Flying Man
You can be mean when you look this clean, I'm a Flying Man
Callin' on me like a young O.G, I'm a Flying Man
Your needs get met by the street, elegant old-fashioned man
Yeah, baby, I'm a Flying Man

"That song does not describe you in any way..." mumbled Pit. He would rather listen to Peach than the Flying Man's horrendous singing.

"It may not be accurate, but you must agree that I am a magnificent singer!" said the Flying Man. Like Pit was gonna follow up this fib...

"Goodbye for now, Pit," said Dark Pit as he left the room. "While you're stuck in here, I'll spend some time with your best bud Kirby!"

Pit definitely wasn't feeling it at this very moment.


Speaking of feeling it...Shulk and Link were annoying Doc Louis in the mansion's cafe, begging the boxing trainer to spit a few bars for them.

"How many times I gotta tell y'all, I was never a rapper!" Doc attested before taking a sip of his coffee. Sipping caffeine is not going to help your mood, Doc.

Link: How do you know if someone is hiding the truth? Good question - the more they deny something, the more likely that they did it!
Shulk: Just look at NBA superstar Kevin Durant - he's been denying that he took performance enhancing drugs, and once that denial reached a boiling point, it was soon revealed that he's been doping since middle school! His reputation has since took a major hit, and he's never been the same ever again!

"Look, Doc, we'll stop annoying you, but only if you spit a couple of rhymes for us," said Link.

"And if you don't want to do that...you can just write 'em!" Shulk pulled out a pen and paper, and gave it to Doc. The trainer just gave the two swordsmen a crazy look; either they're that gullible and desperate, or they're very, very persistent. Probably both...

"Fine, if you want some rhymes, then you're gonna get some!" Doc Louis accepted the pen and paper and wrote furiously on a coffee table. The way he was writing, so intensively...you have a feeling that Doc's rhymes were gonna be straight fire. But when he handed Shulk the paper, there were only four lines. All that intensity, and he just wrote four measly lines?!

"Roses are red, violets are blue..." Shulk read Doc's bars. "...Wario is dumb, just like you."

"Now that's a rap!" exclaimed Link, proving that he still knows nothing about the genre. "Best thing I've heard all day!"

Doc Louis: What is WRONG with these dudes?! Bowser got them thinking love poems can be considered a rap song!

"Thank you for your service Doc!" Shulk thanked Doc as he and Link departed. Doc swiped the sweat off his forehead and let out a sigh of relief; he can now continue the rest of his day in peace.


Mario shuffled through bills and whatnot, with Geno assisting him. Since the plumber is taking over the mansion while Master Hand is away on his "indefinite vacation", he has to fulfill some of Master Hand's tasks, and paying the bills was one of them.

"Water bill, utility bill, light bill..." Mario shuffled through the many bills as he threw them on a pile after reading them. Hopefully Mario will pay for these bills, unless he wants to face some rather dire consequences...

"Um, Mario..." Geno called out the plumber's name, after reading a government letter. The tone of his voice screamed nervousness and concern.

"What-a is it, Geno? Did Wario order another one-a of those perverted magazines? I thought-a I told him to throw-a them out!"

"Wario's pervisions is the least of concern right now..." Geno handed Mario the letter, and his eyes bulged out as he read it.

"Tax-a evasion?!" he exclaimed. He saw that the letter was specifically addressed to him.

Mario: How-a can this be possible?! I don't-a even pay taxes, for-a crying out loud! This must-a be Snake's doing...

"What shall we do?" asked Geno. He didn't want to get caught up in this mess, so ditching Mario at the last minute would be the way to go in order to keep his reputation and his dignity.

"I think I-a have a plan..." Mario stroked his chin.


Cloud rested in a hammock, away from the others. After all that happened at the mansion, the blonde felt like he needed some quiet and solitude to ease himself.

But that quiet and solitude came to an end when Mario and Geno approached him.

"Can't you see I'm busy?" Cloud frowned as he took off his sunglasses. "It's not that often I get a chance to relax, you know."

"You have-a money, am I correct?" asked Mario.

"Got an ample amount of munny in my wallet." Cloud hoped that his munny will be able to help Mario in whatever he needed to accomplish. "What's the hitch?"

"We need you to pay the taxes before the government gets to Mario," explained Geno as Mario handed Cloud the letter. Cloud read it, and gave it back to Mario.

"You're-a not gonna help-a us?" questioned Mario. Cloud was apparently his one and only hope.

"Get Wario to pay the taxes for you, he's filthy rich," remarked Cloud, putting his sunglasses back on and went back to his relaxing. "Besides, this is your problem, and not mine."

"Wario would-a be harder to convince! And I don't-a have any money at this-a very moment!" So much for paying those bills...Mario is about to get it now.

Geno: In terms of overall desperation, Mario ranks first among the brawlers. He would have someone like Ness write love letters to Peach, since he's too "conflicted" to write them himself.

"Please, oh-a please, help me, just-a this once..." Mario was literally on his knees begging Cloud to help him with this tax evasion thing. The blonde sighed and gave in to Mario's incentives, but only if he will stop pestering him.

"You got a deal," said Cloud, getting off the hammock and grabbed the letter from Mario. "I'll see what I can do..."

"Why do you trust Cloud of all people?" asked Geno, as Cloud walked away. "He's not necessarily a guy who cares about paying taxes."

"You'll see, Geno..." vowed Mario. "You-a will see..."


Since his pal Pit is grounded, Kirby thought that now would be the perfect time to hang out with the other brawlers. He was spending time with Villager near the lake fishing; Villager reeled in a Magikarp and threw it back in the water like it was trash. But in all seriousness and obviousness, Magikarp is trash.

"See if you can reel in anything good!" Villager asked Kirby. The pink puffball threw his fishing line in the water, and reeled in...a Gyarados!

"Ooh!" Kirby looked amazed as he gazed at the Atrocious Pokemon. Let's just hope that the Gyarados is a friendly one and won't think about consuming Kirby.

"Aw, you got a Gyarados? No fair!"

Villager: Thank goodness Red the Pokemon Trainer didn't go fishing with us, otherwise he would have developed a newfound hatred for Kirby. He never catches a good Pokemon; all he gets is Feebas, which looks like Wario in Magikarp form.

"Got any room for another fisherman?" Dark Pit appeared, holding a fishing rod. Actually, the fishing rod is his staff, but with a fishing line attached to it. Better than anything he has...

"Wanna join us?" asked Villager. Dark Pit has a ghetto fishing rod, and he asked if there's any room for another fisherman. What should that tell you? C'mon, Villager...

"Of course I do, I think I know a trick that will knock your socks off!"

Dark Pit got near the lake and threw his fishing line in the water. Light surrounded the angel, and immediately the legendary Pokemon Kyogre popped up out of the water.

"Woah how did you do that?!" questioned Villager. You can't help but feel that he's feeling a little salty right about now.

"Power of Pandora, baby!" Dark Pit grinned as Kyogre appeared before him. The clouds gathered and grew darker as thunder and lightning rocked the skies and the rain poured down on Earth's luscious greens.

Dark Pit: One of the powers I absorbed from Pandora was the ability to summon those that can create chaos and havoc - hence the reason why I was able to draw Kyogre out of the water. I only use this power only for "special purposes".

"Dark Pit calm Kyogre down this instant!" Palutena showed up, likely in response to the severe weather.

"How did you know it was me?" asked Dark Pit.

"I'm not dumb..."

Dark Pit sighed and snapped his fingers in disgust. He could probably get past Pit, who is kinda slow and gullible, but there was absolutely no getting past Palutena. The angel knelt in front of Kyogre, and petted him, which caused the dark clouds to disperse and the rain, thunder, and lightning to stop.

"Can we keep him PLEASE?" Dark Pit asked Palutena.

"Only for today," replied Palutena. "But he better be gone by tomorrow!"


"This is gonna be all sorts of messed up..." Falco snickered as he hid in the closet, dialing Roll's number on his cell phone. Judging by his current candor, the avian pilot is about to engage in some wacky prank-calling.

"Hello who is this?" Roll answered the phone. Here we go...

"Hey girl, How you doin', my name is Charile, last name Wilson..."

"..."

"I was wonderin' if I could take you out, show you a good time, invite you to my house..."

"..."

"Come meet my mother, girl you can call always me...and don't forget it baby, the name is Charlie..."

"'Come meet my mother'?" Viridi opened the closet door after overhearing Falco's entire song.

Falco: The mother line is a nice touch if you ask me, it relates perfectly to the previous line and...Fox put me up to this, okay?!

"Shh!" Falco shushed the Goddess of Nature. No way Viridi was interrupting this perfect prank call.

"Give me that!" Too late. Viridi snatched Falco's cell phone, and saw that it was Roll, making her feel a little worried about the robot's innocence. "Hello?"

"Hi there!" greeted Roll. "You must be Charlie Wilson's mother!"

"You bet I am," Viridi replied while glaring intensively at Falco. Roll suspecting Viridi to be Mrs. Wilson wasn't exactly what Falco had in mind.

"Your son sounds like a very charming man. When may I come over to his house?"

"His house is not ready for any visitors or anything, Charlie is...studying for a college test. He's attending ITT."

"Girl if you don't get..." Falco reached for his cell phone, but Viridi repelled him to the best of her ability.

"Oh, I see..." said Roll, sounding slighlty sad. Why? "Well I hope he does well on his test. Hope we get to talk to each other again in the future!"

"Same here, bye bye!" Viridi promptly ended the call, and handed Falco back his cell phone. "Maybe this will teach you to never again prank call people you're not familiar with!" The Goddess of Nature left the closet.

"I am familiar with Roll!" Falco called out.

"What color is her hair?"

"She's a brunette!"

"BLONDE!"

"...Close enough!"

"So how did it go?" Fox - the conspirator of the prank call - poked his head through the closet.

"Viridi just got us in hot water..." Falco sighed.


Marth and Little Mac returned from their shopping, both carrying shopping bags full of stuff.

"Can't wait to wrap this stuff up and give it to Fiora!" said an antsy Little Mac.

"Fiora the Homs?" asked Zelda, who present in the foyer.

"That's right! She's the perfect girlfriend! Darn shame Marth never had a girlfriend..."

"I'm married to Caeda..." Marth grumbled. The prince absolutely despises it when people forget that he's happily married.

"Do you mind if I speak with you for a minute?" Zelda grabbed Marth's hand and took him to a room, where they could discuss in private. "Does Shulk know anything about Fiora going out with Little Mac?"

"Not sure, at least to my knowledge."

Marth: While we were shopping, I was trying to persuade Little Mac into ending his relationship with Fiora, but he kept preaching all this nonsense about finding love and getting married. He's already married...to himself.

"Hey guys what's up?" Shulk came into the room, wondering what Zelda and Marth were discussing. "Did you know that Fidel Castro sold bedroom slippers to make a living before he became prime minister of Cuba?" Apparently Bowser is still feeding him more lies...

"We...never...knew that," responded Zelda, fearful of what horrible things Bowser could be doing to Link.

"The more you know, the more you know...so what are you guys talking about?"

"We're talking about how Little Mac is going out with..." Marth began before Zelda caught him by covering his mouth. One mere mention of Fiora might send Shulk off his rocker.

"Little Mac is going out with who?"

"He's going out with...with...um..." Marth struggled to think of a name.

"...With Cynthia!" Zelda blurted out, citing the Sinnoh League Champion's name. Let's see if Shulk will buy into it...

"Never knew Cynthia was the romantic type," Shulk remarked. "I wish Little Mac and Cynthia the best in their relationship!"

Shulk continued on his way, humming happily to himself. Good thing Zelda stopped Marth just in time, otherwise things would have gotten ugly...

"Thank you, Zelda," thanked Marth. "Had you not covered my mouth, I would have spilled the beans about Little Mac dating Fiora..."

"Little Mac is dating WHO?!" Shulk yelled after overhearing this bit of information. He then embarked on a search for the boxer, and make him pay for stealing his woman.


Cloud sat in the coffee room and looked over the tax evasion letter, wondering what the heck he was getting himself into. He's simply not cut out for anything like this.

"Why did I agree to this crap..." he shook his head.

"Hey Cloud, wanna hear a funny story?" Iggy Koopa asked the frustrated swordsman.

"Leave me alone..."

"Greetings Cloud, why the long face?" Corrin greeted Cloud.

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" Cloud was ready to grab his Buster Sword and knock some fools out with it.

"But I did nothing wrong..." Corrin held his head in sadness as he left Cloud alone.

Corrin: My adopted siblings never treated me like this...Why can't I go live in Hoshido, it's peaceful and quiet, and full of such good people! *sobs*

Iggy: Corrin is such a schlub, bothering Cloud even though he's busy. Guess Garon, the king of Nohr, didn't raise him right, unlike my father!

Iggy left Cloud alone as the swordsman worked tirelessly to get this thing all figured out. Getting Mario out of this tax evasion thing will take a lot of hard work.

"Dumb taxes, why couldn't Mario handle this stuff..." Cloud put his face in his hands, becoming more stressed out. Now he knows what taxpayers go through - the burden is quite strong.

"Paying the taxes, huh?" Wario sat in a chair across from Wario. "Been there, done that..."

"What do you possibly know about paying taxes?"

"Taxes was the only thing I would have to pay! But then I won the lottery, and I didn't want to waste my winnings on some wasteless financial charges!"

"Wasteless financial charges that get you jailed if you refuse to pay them?"

"Lemme tell you something kid..." Wario motioned Cloud to bring his head over, so he could tell him a life story, like he actually needed one from Wario of all people. "This tax thing is all a part of the federal system, and the federal system is absolute garbage! Always cheating you out of your well-earned money...somebody oughta teach those fools a thing or two."

"And just who do you think this 'somebody' might be?"

"I think I know just the gal..."


"So you want to be called Alph?" Samus asked Alph as she helped the astronaut set up his profile on a dating site. Astronauts gotta love too, you know!

"No, An OG Named Alph," interjected Alph, believing that such a name title would boost his cred. Anyone with OG in their name would have an insurmountable amount of cred, regardless of status and appearance.

"We're still going with Alph."

"No, An OG Named Alph. Like A Tribe Called Quest, you say the whole thing; An OG Named Alph!"

"Can't we just use Alph for short?"

Alph: Samus is either insane, delusional, or both. How does she expect me to find the perfect woman if I don't have anything to put me over with the ladies? Using a title like Original Gangster will do plenty of leaps and bounds!

"Hey hot stuff..."

Samus looked behind her, and just as she suspected, it was Wario, accompanied by Cloud. Only a creeper like Wario would have the gall to call Samus "hot stuff".

"In case you can't see, I'm kinda busy at the moment," said Samus. Involving herself in Wario's shenanigans would eventually lead to even more shenanigans - the type of shenanigans that deals with a certain fatso asking a certain bounty hunter out on a date, which fails 100% of the time.

"Mario has been convicted of tax evasion, and we need you to solve this mess," said Cloud. Samus was instantly convinced.

"You can take over from here, right?" she asked Alph.

"Don't worry about a thing, I got this," assured Alph. Now that Samus is no longer guiding him, he can finally use his OG name...


"Hey loser, guess what I did today?" Dark Pit asked Pit as he entered the room, holding his makeshift fishing rod.

"I don't care..." mumbled Pit, who was laying face first on his bed. The Flying Man was giving him a back massage; Pit would tell him to stop, but he was too distraught to speak up.

"I caught Kyogre with my awesome fishing rod!" Dark Pit is sure to boast about this feat to the others.

"Your dumb fishing rod can't do crap."

"If that's the case, then how did I make Kyogre appear?"

"He just...wanted to show up, that's all."

Flying Man: Pit has been one very sour tomato. I've thought that some storytelling might uplift his spirits, but my story of Waluigi streaking at a soccer match was unable to turn his frown upside down. At this point, nothing can cheer up Pit, not even a bowl of Palutena's chicken curry!
Pit: *mumbling* Her chicken curry sucks to begin with...
Flying Man: Pit, say that again about Palutena's cooking, and I will have Captain Falcon paddle you to no end!
Pit: I'd like to see that happen...

"Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna spend more time with your buddy," Dark Pit headed out the door. "Have fun being the loser you are!"

Pit grumbled. He knew he should have rode Wario's bike instead.


Shulk and Link met in the usual room where Bowser teaches them false stuff. Shulk was really extremely salty; after finding out that Little Mac was dating his woman, he searched for the boxer, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Man, you like quite mad," said Link, stating the obvious. "Did someone pee in your cheerios or something?"

"Little Mac peed in my cheerios..." Shulk frowned, with his arms crossed. He was probably thinking of some of the dastardly things he plans to do to Little Mac.

"Aw man, Little Mac peed in your cheerios?!...Did you eat it?"

"Not yet..." Shulk replied, causing Link to grimaced. Way to divert a figure of speech out of context, Shulk.

Link: I once peed in Lloyd Irving's oatmeal the other day...all the bathrooms were taken, and I simply couldn't hold it any longer. I would have urinated in the microwave, but that would make a mess. So Lloyd's oatmeal was the only route...

Lloyd: ...I'm NEVER eating Palutena's oatmeal again. Never. Nuh uh!

"Today we're doing something a little different," Bowser said as he inserted a table inside the room. "Instead of me teaching you guys, I'm gonna have someone else teach you!"

"What is the purpose of this?" asked Link. Bowser must be pulling a prank...

"No reason, I've been teaching for far too long; a good teacher deserves a well-rested break.

"So who's the teacher then?"

"Alright, rookie, come on in!"

Doc Louis entered the room - accompanied by none other than Little Mac. Shulk began to seethe as the boxer took a seat next to his trainer.

Shulk: Little Mac...your termination is near...

"Now if you excuse me, I have some important matters to take care of," said Bowser as he left the room.

"Well, well, well, didn't expect to teach you boys," chuckled Doc. Earlier today, Shulk and Link were bothering him, and now he's in charge of teaching them. Funny how this day has been...

"What's first on the agenda, coach?" asked Little Mac.

"The first thing we'll be learning about is the human body - but mainly the heart. Can you tell these boys about the heart, Little Mac?"

"Sure can do: the heart is the most crucial organ in the human body, and it provides oxygen and nutrients..."

"Shut up about the heart..." interrupted Shulk, sounding very ticked. "Shut up about THE HEART!" The Homs slammed his fists on the table, momentarily freaking everyone out, before calming himself down.

"Moving on to the next organ..." stated Doc. He realized that discussing about the heart isn't the best when Shulk is in the same room with Mr. Steal Yo Girl Little Mac, so he decided to discuss about the stomach instead.


"Enjoying your cup of tea?" Zelda asked Takamaru, who was a part of Peach's and Zelda's tea party.

"This tea good!" Takamaru eagerly replied with his Engrish-speaking self.

Takamaru: Peach tea taste so good! Wish I had year's supply of her tea, would be best year ever!

"Peach, there's something I've been needing to tell you..." Bowser approached the princess of Mushroom Kingdom, and he felt a little discontent.

"What could it possibly be Bowser?" asked Peach.

"MARIO AND LUIGI PLAY ON THE SWINGS!"

Bowser laughed hysterically while Peach, Zelda, and even Takamaru exchanged blank stares. Bowser is evidently quite persistent about ruining the Mario Bros' reputation.

"I'll be right back..." Peach got up from her seat and left the tea party. Bowser was still laughing like an uncontrollable maniac.


Peach searched around the mansion for Mario, and found the plumber huddled near a flower pot in a cradle position, sucking his thumb. The Duck Hunt Dog was comforting him.

"I'm a good-a boy, I'm a good-a boy, I'm a good-a boy..." he would repeat over and over again. Clearly he's not feeling quite himself.

"Anything bothering you?" Peach knelt down at Mario.

"Bothering me?" Mario chuckled, getting out of his fetal position. "Ho ho, let's-a not jump to conclusions now, Peach..."

"Have you paid the taxes yet?"

Mario looked around for answers, but couldn't find any. He's now stuck in a giant hole that he can't get himself out of.

"I may-a have..." he replied, "...and I may-a have not."

Peach didn't buy this either way.

"Show me the letter," she ordered. She was on to Mario!

"Letter? What-a letter?" Mario began to sweat nervously. "It's not-a like I gave it to Cloud!"

Mario covered his mouth.

Dunk Hunt Dog: *laughs*

"Mario you're better than this!" frowned Peach. "You know Cloud can't handle this situation!"

"You don't-a even know what's going in!" Mario retorted in a lame attempt at deflecting any guilt or suspicion.

"Of course I know what's going on...you didn't pay the taxes because you didn't have any money."

Mario held his head in sadness, and let out a sigh. Peach knew the whole thing.

"Wario was-a supposed to take-a care of the taxes, but he's-a so concerned about his-a money to care," explained Mario. "I had Cloud to take-a care of this whole issue."

"Taxes are beyond Cloud, you should know better than to leave the tax paying in his hands," said Peach.

Peach: After all Cloud has done and been through here, I doubt he would want to pay taxes. It just seems so...so...uncharacteristic of him, and very out of place.

"Why did you put Cloud up to the task in the first place?"

"He-a wouldn't care about-a doing it," explained Mario. "He's pretty chill..."

"His demeanor doesn't entail that he would enjoy handling certain things. Sure he may be relaxed most, or all of the time, but that shouldn't mean he has to take care of everything."

"You're-a right...hopefully the Turks can-a see this through..."

"Th-The Turks?!" Peach's eyes widened. Unless you play Final Fantasy, you'll probably know who the Turks are.


Inside the gaming room, Falco sat on a couch, and as he was getting adjusted, a pocket dial happened as his cell phone dialed a number. And guess who it was?

"Hello, Charlie Wilson!" Roll's voice emitted from the cell phone, which was conveniently on speakerphone (not convenient for Falco, though). The avian got his cell phone and fiddled around with it before it went out of his hands into some else's hands...Heihachi Mishima. He did what any other rational person would do in this situation - answer the cellphone and see who it was. Because who wouldn't?

"Kon'nichiwa dare ga koredesu?" Heihachi said into the cellphone.

"Oh, you must be Charlie Wilson's father, Mr. Wilson!" Where does Roll get these assumptions from?! "I must say, your son is quite the ladies man!"

Heihachi Mishima: Mazu, naze farukochārī U~Iruson wa arimasu ka? Daini ni, dono yō ni kono on'nanoko wa watashi ga chichioyada to katei shimashita ka. Watashi wa ōgoe de nai tame ni mo kekkon shimasen yo!

"Watashi wa anata ga misutāu~iruson yobidasu kono hito inai yo, gārī, watashi wa anata ni kore o oshiete mimashou," Heihachi explained. "Soshite, chārī U~Iruson? Kare wa jissai ni farukodesu!"

"...Wait, so Charlie Wilson is some persona adopted by Falco Lombardi?" Roll asked, feeling a little saddened for some apparent reason.

"Kare wa anata ni kono zentai no jikan o hatashite imasu!"

"Gimme my phone back!" Falco ran up to Heihachi and wrestled with him over his cellphone, getting it back eventually. "Don't listen to him, babe, he's just trying to mess with your head!"

"I have heard enough!" Roll was beginning to sound very angry... "No longer will I be played by some dumb bird!"

"Who are you calling dumb?!" Falco was getting hot-headed, as usual. It is, after all, his typical behavior.

"Roll who is that?" Dr. Light's voice was overheard on the phone, signaling that things could get rather ugly. "I hear Falco's voice...Let me see the caller ID...Charlie Wilson?! The R&B singer?! This is definitely a prank caller, and it's all Falco's doing!"

Falco: What does an old geezer like Dr. Light know about R&B...Sonic must have fed him some knowledge he gained from Knuckles.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Light, I didn't know..." apologized Roll.

"Enough!" boomed Dr. Light. "From now on, I'm cutting every phone line to the Smash Mansion! Falco Lombardi, considered yourself screwed! Good day, sir!"

And with that, the robot inventor ended the call. Falco become overridden with guilt - what if Mega Man finds out about this?

"Daremoga yōkyū shita baai, watashi wa koko ni imasendeshita," Heihachi quietly left the gaming room. Fox approached Falco.

"How did it go?" he asked a mortified Falco.

"We're done for..." Falco muttered. He knew Fox would have done a better job at this prank-calling thing.

"Oh man, I've been trying to call Roll, but her number's blocked!" panicked Sonic, who was in a far part of the gaming room. "This must be Dr. Light's doing! That Santa Claus-looking, non-romantic beardface is gonna pay!"

"Yeah we're definitely done for..." remarked Fox. Should have stopped the prank-calling charades while there was a chance...


Little Mac was in the dressing room, wearing a suit and bowtie. He was about to go on a date with Fiora; Rosalina and Lucina were patching him up.

"My goodness, Little Mac, you look more dapper than a manikin displayed at a clothing store past midnight!" remarked Doc Louis. Not sure what he means by that.

"Uh, thanks Doc," thanked Little Mac. The boxer was feeling nervous; he's never been on a date before.

Little Mac: Many embarrassing things can happen during my first date. Like wetting myself, accidentally spilling food over Fiora, or making a funny noise that humiliates me in front of everyone. Out of all these things, I hope I would only wet myself, since no one would ever suspect a thing (at least for the moment being).

"Are you sure you still want to go on your date?" asked Lucina. "Shulk is still bitter about..."

"Speaking of Shulk, he has been very salty as of late," Little Mac interrupted. "I remember when Doc Louis was teaching him and Link some stuff, and I was present, and every time I looked at Shulk, he was seething at me..."

"Leave him alone Mac, he's just mad he don't got a girlfriend," stated Doc Louis. No matter the situation, Doc will always be behind Little Mac's back.

"...Or maybe he's mad that a certain someone stole his lover from him," Rosalina pointed out.

"Somebody stole Shulk's girlfriend?! Who could do such a thing?!"

Rosalina and Lucina both facepalmed. Little Mac is sure to catch some hands from Shulk.


Once he was finished being tidied up, Little Mac confidently walked through the hallways, giving people random smirks, as Doc Louis followed after him.

"You da man Mac, show these folks what's up!" said the boxing trainer. Had he not got into boxing, Doc would have made for an excellent hype man (and not an underground rapper, as Bowser convinced Link and Shulk he was).

"Don't you look like the handsome lad," Bayonetta remarked as Little Mac gave her a cheesy grin.

"Tonight is the night I go out on my first date!" explained Little Mac. "Still got the butterflies in my stomach..."

"Them butterflies shouldn't be in your stomach, they need to be floatin'!" exclaimed Doc. "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!" Little Mac isn't in a boxing ring, Doc...

"Cheeky..." smiled Bayonetta. "Funny I should mention this, but I'm going out on my first date as well! And it's at the French restaurant down the street!"

Bayonetta: It's been a long time in the making, but my boyfriend, Luka Redgrave, has finally asked me out on a date. Though he showed more confidence and poise than Fox did when he asked Krystal out...

"That French restaurant owned by the guy with the funny mustache?" asked Little Mac. "My date is there as well! What a coincidence!"

"If you like, Bayonetta, I can drive you there," offered Doc. Despite his serious visage, Doc can be quite the gentleman.

"That would be lovely..." Bayonetta obliged.


Mr. Game & Watch was busy adjusting a vase on a hallway dresser when he saw Shulk walk past him, his head drooping. He looks a little...defeated, to say the least.

"It's hopeless..." the Homs sighed. "Fiora doesn't love me anymore...she loves that loser Little Mac instead..."

Mr. Game & Watch overheard this and gave Shulk a comforting pat on the back.

"...How come she don't love me, man!" Shulk wailed, prompting Mr. Game & Watch to give the Homs a comforting, sympathetic hug. He really needed one right now.


"Mario, I need to speak with you for a second," Cloud went inside the plumber's room, and found Mario on his bed sipping a cup of tea. Wario and Samus were accompanying Cloud.

"Have-a you done what I've asked?" asked Mario. After speaking with Peach, he decided to rest in his room and relieve himself. This whole tax evasion thing was starting to get inside his head.

"Not quite yet. Wario and Samus here are going to help me work this tax evasion thing out."

"Two Turks from-a the federal agency are-a supposed to meet you at the French-a restaurant. That's-a where they want-a to handle the issue, and find a solution."

Cloud: Did Mario just say...Turks? He can't mean what I think he's trying to say...

"The restaurant is just down the street, right?" asked Samus.

"Precisely," Mario nodded. "You can't-a miss it!"

"Can't wait to spend all my money on their grub!" Wario smiled evilly, rubbing his hands together like a prototypical villain. This fatso is willing to help Mario get out of this tax evasion fiasco, and he wants to spend money on French cuisine. His priorities are clearly out of wack.

"Also while-a you're there, tell the restaurant owner he-a owes me twenty bucks!"

"Twenty bucks? For what?"

"For-a 'accidentally' giving me a plate of salad-a dressing, when I-a wanted chicken salad!"

"Should have just given that plate to me..."

Wario: A regular plate of salad isn't really that appetizing to me. But a plate of salad dressing?! Now that would hit the spot!


As they waited for Bayonetta to finish changing our clothes - which shouldn't take long, considering she wears a suit - Little Mac and Doc Louis were chilling in the foyer. Little Mac was feeling anxious about his first date - so anxious, he was pacing back and forth, hoping he won't mess things up.

"Why you gotta worry yourself Mac, it's just your first date!" Doc tried to cool Little Mac down. Although Doc never went on a date in his life, he didn't want his protege to stress himself out.

"Key word: first," stated Little Mac. "I've never been on a date before! It could be the best experience of my life, or an absolute blunder..."

"Dang Mac, you like mighty sharp!" King K. Rool said to Little Mac. "Just a reminder, be on the lookout for Shulk. He's still ticked at you for stealing his..."

"...His wallet!" Snake answered as he covered Rool's mouth from spilling any information. "One more peep, and you're toast..." the former agent whispered in the Kremling's ear.

King K. Rool: Little Mac has got to know sooner or later! Otherwise Shulk might perform a sneak attack on him, and seriously injure him! But on the plus side, it would be able to humble him...

Bayonetta came down the stairs, wearing a rather flirtatious skirt. Little Mac, Doc Louis, King K. Rool, and Snake were all gazing at her.

"You can look...but you can't touch," the Umbra Witch remarked. Rool fainted on the floor; no one bothered to save him (because who would want to save a villain?).

"Ready to go?" asked Doc, checking Bayonetta out.

"Ready as you are..."

So Mac, Doc, and Bayonetta headed out the front door, and to Doc's car.

"Why is Bayonetta going with them?" Yoshi asked Snake.

"She appears to be going on a date with some guy," explained Snake. "Luka Redgrave, I think his name is..."

"NOOOOO! My fanfic stories pairing you and Bayonetta, all wasted!" Yoshi began to sob, and it was the pettiest reason for sobbing.

"Get a life man..." Snake walked away, before his codec went off. "It's Snake...I'm here..."

"It's-a me, Mario..." a certain Italian voice emitted from the codec. "I have a favor to ask-a of you..."


"Got some great news for you, Pit!" Palutena poked her head through Pit's door. The angel was half-asleep. "MegaMan .EXE's creator, Yuichiro Hikari, afforded Jacky Bryant another car - which is just like his old one - which means you're now off the hook! You're no longer grounded!"

"I'M FREE!" Pit awoke from his half-sleep and shouted from the top of his lungs. "So long, Flying Man!" The angel ran past out of his room and past Palutena.

"See you around, dear lad!" said the Flying Man as he cut his toenails with a toenail clipper. Since he's a bird, it was a bit of a struggle for him.

Pit raced through the hallways, acting like a crazed maniac who was released from his prison cell, until he ran into his doppelganger, Dark Pit.

"Sneaking out of your room, huh?" smirked Dark Pit.

"I'M NO LONGER GROUNDED!" Pit shook Dark Pit silly, until his doppelganger stopped him.

Dark Pit: Mr. Hikari just had to afford Jacky another car...I was running the show around here while Pit was on punishment! Flirted with the ladies, played ping-pong with the Donkey and Diddy Kong, fishing with Kirby and Villager and catching freaking Kyogre...Pit could never accomplish any of those things!

"Whoop-pee-do..." said Dark Pit. Why couldn't Pit be grounded for a few months? Life at the mansion without him was becoming bearable.

"Where's Kyogre?!" Pit asked excitedly. "I wanna see Kyogre! Show me!"

"I can show Kyogre to you, but only on one condition..."


Little Mac, Doc Louis, and Bayonetta arrived at the French restaurant. Once inside, Bayonetta saw her boyfriend, Luka Redgrave, seated at a table motioning to her.

"Enjoy your time, Little Mac...while I enjoy mine," Bayonetta said to Mac as she headed towards the table Luka was sitting at. Mac was sweating more than usual; the nerves are getting to him!

"No need to sweat, Mac, it's just a date!" Doc comforted him. "Just remember your training and everything I taught you, and apply it here on your date!"

"Where is Fiora anyway?" Little Mac searched for the Homs, and found her, wearing a red dress, seated at a far table.

"Go to her Mac, go to her!" Doc pushed Mac forward. "Remember your training!"

Everyone in the restaurant gave Doc a weird look. Why was he yelling at Mac like that in an establishment like this?

Also present at the restaurant was Cloud, Wario, and Samus. Cloud had the tax evasion letter rested on the table. He hoped that he can work this whole situation out as soon as possible so he could return to his solitude. The wait was finally over for the three when two familiar Turks - Reno and Rude took a seat at the table. What were they doing here? Are they federal agents?

"Reno? Rude?" Cloud glanced at the two Turks, just as perplexed as Wario and Samus were. "So you guys work for the federal government now?"

"Yes, but only momentarily," answered Rude, who rarely says anything at all, making this a near-accomplishment. "It's a long story..." Another line! Rude is on a roll here.

Reno: Rude and I are working for the federal government part-time so we could get a paycheck. Veld "claims" he didn't feel like giving us one, so we joined the federal government so we can earn a paycheck there.

"Now let's see what you got here..." Reno grabbed the letter and read it. "Tax evasion, eh?"

"Mario has been convicted of attempting to avoid paying taxes," explained Wario. "And we want you to put an end to this mess!"

"Well...I can see what me and Rude can do."

Back to Little Mac. After using the restroom to relieve himself...from worry and fear, Little Mac finally went to the table Fiora was sitting at, and sat down across from the Homs.

"Hello there, Fiora," he greeted, taking note of Fiora's visage. "You look quite desolate; anything wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong, I'm fine," assured Fiora. "I'm just...thinking about some things." You're on a date woman, there's no time for thinking!

"Whatever things you're thinking about will have to wait. Right now, tonight's the night for our...date with destiny."

This caused Fiora to smile a little. Doc Louis, who was watching from afar like a creep, couldn't help but grin.

Doc Louis: Ah, I remember when Mac encountered Fiora at a shopping mall, on that very day...She said she wanted to go out, and Mac quickly obliged! He gave the right hook of love, and he absolutely delivered! Proud of that boy...


Watching the negotiations with the Turks was Snake and Mega Man, who were hiding in the ceiling. Mario had asked of Snake to investigate the negotiations, in case Reno or Rude tried to pull something funny. The former spy had Mega Man to tag along.

Snake: To think Mario wanted me to come over to his room and play chess with him...turns out he wanted me to spy on the Turks! How many times to I have to tell that man I'm retired?!

Mega Man: Every passing day Snake acts more like a cranky old man that berates everyone. Accelerated age must be such a terrible procedure. Thanks goodness I'm a robot...

Also in the ceiling was Toon Link and Pichu. They were tasked to keep a lookout for Shulk, in the event he ambushes the restaurant and throws some hands at Little Mac.

"Keep your eyes peeled, Pichu," Toon Link looked at Little Mac and Fiora conversing through his binoculars. "Shulk might strike at any minute, when we least expect it..."

"Pichu pichu!" Pichu tugged Toon Link's tunic and pointed at a waiter, who had white hair, clammy skin, and a mustache.

"Why does that guy look so familiar..."


"So how's the journalism thing coming along?" Bayonetta asked Luka. Luka is not only a journalist, but an escape artist as well! Must be grueling to juggle between those two.

"Not so good," Luka grunted. "Rodin's still having me deliver flyers. I keep telling him that it's a waste of my time, but the guy just won't listen..."

Luka: In order to receive new information, I have to deliver those dumb flyers. Being an escape artist, I would try to wiggle myself out of his predicament, though I'm not in the business of taking huge risks. Leave that stuff to Bayonetta!

"How may I help you two today?" the clammy-skinned waiter arrived at Bayonetta's and Luka's table.

"Give me the finest steak you have!" ordered Bayonetta.

"Just give me some tenderloins," ordered Luka. He's still trying to work this whole date thing out.

"I will be right back with your order," the waiter departed, and headed to Cloud's table. "Do any of you care to eat?"

"No thank you, we're here to discuss some important business," replied Samus. "We're not really hungry at the moment."

"Gimme the most expensive thing you got!" Wario handed the waiter his credit card. Priorities aren't a thing to this fatso when it comes to food.

"Very well then," the waiter accepted the card. "I'll be back shortly..." the waiter walked away.

"Wario, we have no time to dine here!" scolded Cloud. Wario was on the verge of losing Cloud's patience.

"But my stomach, it needs food!" Wario complained, acting like he has never ate a day in his life.

"Ahem," Reno cleared his throat, garnering the attention of everyone at the table. "We have come to a conclusion. This tax evasion...is a fraud!"

"A fraud?" Cloud raised an eyebrow. "So someone was purposely setting up Mario?"

"Seems like it. The only thing we need to do know is find out the culprit..."

"Sorry, everyone, but I'm afraid you all have to leave," the waiter returned to Cloud's table.

"I haven't even got my food yet!" complained Wario. No way was he leaving without some grub.

"You're little discussion is proving to be quite a distraction for the other restaurant goers, so I need you all to...

"Freeze!" Snake dropped down from the ceiling and landed on the floor, perfectly and unscathed. Mega Man...not so much. The robot was rubbing his bosom as he slowly got up from the floor. Toon Link and Pichu followed suit, and leaped down from the ceiling.

"What are you folks doing here?" frowned Doc Louis. "Tryna ruin Mac's date?!"

Toon Link: Doc is too invested into Little Mac. Whether it's taking a driving test, or playing against Falco in Space Invaders, the man has to be involved in every aspect of Mac's life.

"We are not here to ruin dates," stated Snake. "This man..." he pointed at the waiter, "...is a culprit!"

"You got me..." the waiter smiled evilly as he took off his mustache and pulled his hair down in the front, revealing himself to be...

"Ghirahim?!" exclaimed Toon Link. "I knew it was you!"

"Don't think you can ruin my date and get away with it!" Little Mac got up and quickly got on the offensive. He can't have the Demon Lord ruin his perfect night, not during a time like this.

"You know this creep?" asked Fiora.

"Know him? He screwed me out of like, two matches! He definitely owes me one!"

"Two lousy matches...?"

"Things are getting rather cheeky up in here..." remarked Bayonetta. Didn't expect a guy like Ghirahim to make a scene at a fine-dining, French restaurant, but she'll take it either way.

"Uh, I should probably go now," Luka got up and exited the restaurant while he could, not wanting to partake in whatever's about to happen.

"Tell us the truth!" demanded Snake. "You were the one who set up Mario for tax evasion!"

"Someone here simply knows too much, don't they?" Ghirahim snarled. "The tax fraud ploy was a prank to get back at Mario for spilling drink all over me and throwing a tantrum about not getting his chicken salad!"

"...That's what this is all about?" Samus looked slightly dumbfounded. Certainly there has to be more to this story than just chicken salad and spilling liquid and having a tantrum.

"Yes, this prank has a very petty reason behind it...But that blasted plumber embarrassed me in front of the whole restaurant! Ever since I've been brought back to life after the defeat of Demise, I've been doomed to forever work as a lonesome waiter, while making a useless appearance as a summon every now and then, for the rest of my miserable life! But once I revive my master, the whole world shall bow down to the Demon Lord - and the Demon King!"

"Not if we have anything to do about it!" Toon Link fired his arrows at Ghirahim, but the Demon Lord teleported to dodge every attack. Everyone in the restaurant save for the brawlers and Fiora screamed and ran out. The restaurant owner ran out as well...but only to chase after his customers and reel them back in.

"I'm gonna need some backup!" Mega Man pulled out his phone (why would he even need one?) and called Dr. Light - but the call was blocked. "Dr. Light has my number blocked?! What for?! How am I supposed to call out Beat now?!"

Snake: We're up against the Demon Lord Ghirahim, and Mega Man wants to call out Beat...dumb bird would die in an instant.
Mega Man: DON'T THINK I HEARD THAT!

Suddenly the roof of the restaurant broke off. Who was responsible for this, you might ask? Kyogre, who was floating above the establishment, with Pit and Dark Pit on top of him.

"Yahoo!" screamed Pit. "This is awesome!"

"Quit acting like a little child!" scolded Dark Pit. "We have no time for your silliness!"

"About time you got here!" Wario called out to Dark Pit.

Wario: I was present outside when I saw Dark Pit catch that Kyogre, and after I heard about Mario's tax evasion dealio, I thought, "Why not take this legendary Pokemon out for a spin and find out if there's an underlying culprit behind this case?" My plan worked out perfectly...Mario and the others can never take my intelligence for granted again!

"Ooh, some legendary Pokemon is going to stop me!" Ghirahim sarcastically acted scared and frightened. "I'm sooo scared!"

"Kyogre..." said Pit, "...Hydro Pump."

The Sea Basin Pokemon let out a squirted a ginormous stream of water out of his mouth at Ghirahim, and the force of the stream was strong enough to knock the Demon Lord far, far away.

"Don't think this is the last you'll see me!" Ghirahim's voice echoed from afar. "I will be back!"

"Thank goodness he's gone," remarked Cloud. "And thank you two for helping us sort that tax thing out," he thanked Reno and Rude.

"We are glad that we could be of assistance," said Rude. He actually said another line! This one's for the record books!

"See ya around," Reno said as he and Rude left the French restaurant. Though rivals, Cloud and the Turks get along pretty nicely.

"Do you still want to continue the date?" Little Mac asked Fiora as he sat back down.

"Yeah, um..." Fiora tersely replied, indicating she might have a load to say. "Remember back at the mall when we met, and we were talking with one another, and I mentioned something about wanting to go out?"

"Well duh, I said yes the next second!"

"You never let me finish...I said I wanted to go out...with Shulk."

Little Mac had a very dumbfounded expression written on his face. Now he knows why Shulk was so angry with him today.

"Oh, I see..." the boxer said. "We can still be friends, right?"

"Of course we can still be friends. Once you get back to the mansion, tell Shulk I'm waiting for our date. Can you do that for me?"

"Heard ya loud and clear," Little Mac gave a resounding thumbs up.

"Guess I should be going home now...good night, Little Mac."

"And good night to you...friend."

Fiora smiled as she left the restaurant. Doc Louis came up to Mac after witnessing what just transpired.

"So how did I do?" asked Mac.

"You did great, son..." replied Doc, proudly patting his protege on his back. "...You did great."