Episode 9: Crusin' Part 1
Mario gathered all the brawlers in the meeting room to discuss some important matters. Everyone was in attendance except for Bowser, Fox, and Falco, who were punished for their actions in the previous chapter. You'll see what Mario put them up to later.
Inside the meeting room, there was drama, and lots of it, too.
"My chair, sir!" Ike was fighting with Captain Falcon over a chair. Not a girlfriend, not a spot in a long line...but a chair.
"My helmet, sir!" Captain Falcon took off his helmet and handed it to Ike, hoping it would appease him.
"Why would I want your dumb helmet for?"
Okay, so it's not really any serious drama, but it's still drama nonetheless.
Peach: Whenever we have meetings in the meeting room, things get rather hectic. People fight over chairs, a lot of stuff is somehow wasted on the floor, Wario urinates in the corner of the room, hoping no one would see him...I bet you he's doing it right now!
Wario: Am not! *zips up his pants*
"Everyone get-a in a seat!" commanded Mario, yelling at the top of his lungs. The brawlers did as they were told. "Now that-a I have your attention, I'm afraid I have-a some great news."
"Now I know this might sound cheesy, but I feel great!" Sonic joked, laughing at his own corny joke while everyone stared at him. "Get it? Great? Grate?" The hedgehog is usually the clown at the meetings, cracking jokes at every opportune moment, but this joke was by no means necessary.
"Sonic, go-a sit in the corner."
So Sonic got up from his seat and went to a corner. But he immediately stopped when he saw a strange, yellow substance. Any idea what it is?
"Yuck, there's some urine over here!" grimaced Sonic.
"Go sit-a in the opposite corner then!" said Mario. Sonic did just that. "Now before I-a was so rudely interrupted, as-a you all know, Isabelle has-a diabetes."
"You never told us this, you fool!" frowned Snake, who's acting more of an old man with each passing day, as Mega Man alluded to.
"Snake you-a were one of the first to learn-a of this information! How is-a it that you forgot that-a quickly?"
"Must be the gray hairs," murmured Doc Louis. Guy was hardly paying attention; he was busy watching boxing videos on his cell phone.
"What gray hairs do you see, you obese jumpsuit man? I use Just For Men for crying out loud!"
Snake: The guy always wearing his helmet (I think his name is Captain Falcon) was kind enough to give me some Just For Men shampoo in order to rid myself of those dastardly gray hairs. Only problem is, Kirby keeps mistaking it for food, and Falcon has to keep providing me with extra bottles. It's becoming taxing on his money.
"In-a order to keep Isabelle's spirits-a up during her tough-a times, I've-a arranged a cruise in order to promote-a unity and bonding, and the arrangement came-a through! Since only a select-a number of us can go, I had the sign-up sheet-a in the foyer for those who wish to come along. Isabelle, the sign-up sheet, please?"
"Here you go, Sir Mario!" Isabelle handed the plumber the sign-up sheet. Originally she was against an idea of a cruise, being that she wanted a more mundane bonding type thing, but she decided to deal with it anyways.
"Let's see who's-a going...There's me and Isabelle, Pit, Link, Zelda, Cloud, Wolf, Sonic, Viridi, Wario, Corrin, Rosalina and Luma, Doc Louis, Wii Fit Trainer, Snake, Lucario, Samus, Donkey Kong, Peach, Shulk, Diddy Kong, Bayonetta, Ashley, K.K. Slider, Kirby, King K. Rool, Dark Pit, Captain Falcon, Lucina, Knuckles, Luigi, Little Mac, Pac-Man, Heihachi Mishima, the Ice Climbers...now why-a are Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde's names on this sheet?! All the spots-a are taken!"
"They put me up to it!" Pac-Man confessed. After hours of torturing the yellow man with their incessant and annoying noises, the ghosts got Pac-Man to cave in and add their names to the list. Everyone on the cruise better be wary of them...
"Is everyone-a packed?" Some whistling was heard within the meeting room, clearly meaning that the brawlers have some work left to do. "Well you all better get ready, we're leaving in an hour!"
"Lady Palutena why can't you replace Viridi in the cruise?" Pit asked the goddess of light as she was preparing lunch. Viridi is still intent on winning Pit's heart and making him her boyfriend, and she absolutely won't stop until she has fulfilled her task.
"Somebody has to cook breakfast and dinner for the brawlers, you know," smiled Palutena. Being the mansion's resident cook means that the goddess could seldom leave the residence.
"Robin can do both of those things. Right Robin?"
"I can cook a real mean grilled cheese sandwich!" replied Robin, who was playing checkers with Meta Knight.
Robin: Mario has me starting off in baby steps with my cooking. First lesson was grilled cheese sandwiches, which I was very unfamiliar with. But after five days of rigorous training, I made the perfect grilled cheese sandwich! Once Mario returns from the cruise, he'll teach me how to make a chili dog! Sonic has to stay within distance of the kitchen, though...
"Grilled cheese sandwiches won't be a filling meal for any dinner," Palutena stated. But what if it had to come down to having grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner? Or chili dogs for that matter?
"Doesn't matter, it's not like your cooking is that great anyways!" Pit retorted, too slow to realize who he was saying this remark to.
"Would you like to say that again?" Palutena's eye twitched. Robin and Meta Knight quietly left the kitchen, hoping Pit knows who he's dealing with.
"You do know how to use your cell phone, right?" Chrom asked Lucina as his daughter was finishing packing up things in her suitcase. Ever since Lucina signed up to partake in the cruise, Chrom, like any other caring father was all panicky, and signed him and Lucina up for a phone plan, just so he could keep in touch with his darling sweetheart. Mega Man had to show the two how to use their cellular devices.
"Yes, father, I already know the ins and outs about my phone," Lucina groaned. Her tone was a tone most daughters sound like when their caring father asks them rather unnecessary questions.
"One important bit of info I left out," Mega Man entered Chrom's and Lucina's room. "The plan you two are one is a beginner's plan, and it doesn't have a ton of data compared to other phone plans."
"Which means...?" Chrom raised an eyebrow.
"Which means that you can't call Lucina all the time while she's away. And Lucina, you can't call Chrom if you're ever seasick and longing for home."
"Oh well...that's...not good to hear..."
Lucina: Thank you Mega Man THANK YOU!
"But how will I ensure that Lucina's safe?" asked Chrom. His limited options were becoming, well, limited, until...
"Try texting her, it won't take up that much data," replied Mega Man, giving up whatever hopes Lucina had.
Lucina: Eh, I can always put my phone on silent.
"Definitely gonna miss you buddy!" Sonic was hugging Tails in their room. Tails eyed around the room, wondering when the hedgehog would let go.
"You're acting like you're leaving me forever," the fox said. How is it that Sonic would rather hug him...but not Amy? At least Amy is somewhat huggable...somewhat.
"This is my first time living away from the mansion, and apparently people like you refuse to come along!"
"Why are you of all people coming to the cruise? You get seasick easily! Forbid you getting wet as well..."
Tails: I really wanted to go with Sonic and Knuckles to the cruise, but one of the Ice Climbers beat me to the punch. Now I'm stuck here with the likes of the Koopalings...
"Anata ga nozonde itadake no yō ni, sukyūbagia o motte!" Heihachi Mishima came into the room with some scuba gear, and handed the gear to Sonic. "Dōitashimashite!"
"Scuba diving gear?" frowned Tails. "Seriously Sonic?!" Hey Tails, maybe Sonic wants to face his fear of swimming while on the cruise. Don't criticize the man.
"If I want to get over my fear of swimming, then now's the time to do it!" Sonic said confidently. Yeah, Sonic, that's the spirit!
While the cruise goers have finished packing up their belongings, three certain brawlers were being punished - Fox and Falco for trying to invade Isabelle's privacy on her laptop, and Bowser for planning to use the program to unveil to everyone Isabelle's secret about diabetes, which shouldn't have been kept a secret at all. Their punishment? Watching over and taking care of the Pokemon in the Pokemon Sanctuary.
On paper, this doesn't sound like a grueling punishment. A Pokemon caretaker is a dream job most gamers want to have. But when you take into consideration the different natures a Pokemon have - serious, hasty, lax, rash, quirky, and so forth and so on - it could make the job miserable. And that's how Fox, Falco, and Bowser were feeling.
"This is crap and baloney," Falco remarked as he fed a Hippowdon. Hippowdons have rather giant appetites (no pun intended), so Falco will be stuck with feeding this hippo Pokemon for much of his time in the sanctuary.
"Mario is such a jerk for putting us up to this!" Bowser frowned, feeding a few Poliwhirls some Pokemon food. Wait, do Poliwhirls even have mouths? How is it that a Poliwag evolves into a Pokemon that has no mouth, and a Poliwhirl involves into a Politoed, which does have a mouth? "Think about my kids!"
"What about your kids, you're not that great of a father," stated Fox. His task at hand was giving Snorlax a good belly rub. Doing so would keep the sleeping Pokemon asleep.
Fox: Bowser is the polar opposite of Chrom. While Chrom is caring, loving, and thoughtful towards Lucina, Bowser is neglectful, apathetic, and imprudent. The Koopalings ended up the way they are for a reason, and Bowser Jr managed to get off the hook.
"I'm the best father there is!" Bowser got on Fox's case real quick. "Check out this mug!" The Koopa King held up a "World's Best Dad" mug and showed it off to Fox, acting like the pilot was supposed to be amused. Fox just shook his head.
"I take it that Chrom gave you the mug?" asked Falco.
"It was only to soothe my aching soul," Bowser hung his head in sadness.
The thirty-seven cruise goers (thirty-eight if you want to count Luma) were all packed and ready to go. However, four particular ghosts were missing.
"The cruise has a no-ghost policy, according to their site," Pac-Man explained to Mario. "So no Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde!"
"Yes!" Mario did a fist pump. "No annoyances during-a our stay!"
"Bus is here!" exclaimed King K. Rool, as a bus rolled up to the front of the mansion. The bus door opened, and everyone was surprised to see Toad as the bus driver. A guy of his short stature shouldn't be driving vehicles unless they're the small vehicles from Mario Kart 8.
Toad: After finishing in last place in the most recent Mario Kart Grand Prix, Bowser convinced me that I would be a superb bus driver! At the time I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not, but I love trying new things, so I gave it a shot!
"Everyone hop on aboard!" said Toad. The brawlers reluctantly boarded the bus, and once Toad closed the bus door, it was off to the cruise.
Corrin: I've never been out of the mansion, let alone the kingdom of Nohr for that matter, so going on a cruise would be a new, fun experience for me. Can't wait to tell all about it to my siblings!
Wario: Your siblings are rich, right? Take me to your kingdom!
Corrin: You'll have to speak with my father first.
Wario: Why should I even have to speak with him? He seems like a distrustful guy! He doesn't even love you!
Bayonetta: A paid cruise in the Pacific Northwest? Cheeky...
Wolf: Not cheeky! I've never been on the sea before! Why did I sign up for this? Flying through space is where it's at!
Bayonetta: Have you had enough Lylat Cruises already?
Pit: Viridi, why are you sitting next to me?
Viridi: Because you're my boyfriend, silly. Boyfriends and girlfriends always stick together!
Pit: I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!
Viridi: You're so cute when you're in denial...
Link: Today marks the one-week anniversary of our relationship. And what a week it's been...
Zelda: We are practically meant for each other, Hylia had it planned all along. Link and I will be romantically intertwined forever, and no one, not even Ganondorf, will get in our way!
Peach: So Mario, when is that love letter coming?
Mario: Love-a letter? *looks around suspiciously* What love-a letter?
Peach: The one you promised you would write to me soon. You did say that you would no longer have Lucas and Ness do them for you, especially after that talk we had at K.K. Slider's recital!
Mario: Oh yes, I'm-a still formulating my thoughts...just give-a me some time!
"We're here!" Toad announced as the bus stopped in Seattle at the pier where the cruise - Carnival Cruise - was located. Isabelle saw under the Carnival Vista imprint "S.S. Isabelle", feeling slightly humbled. Mario had to be behind this, only a guy like him would name a cruise after his lovely assistant.
"Really Mario?" she asked the plumber. Mario simply shrugged, he was only doing Isabelle a huge favor.
The brawlers grabbed their suitcases and exited the bus, which was parked at a parking lot, and got in line. Each brawler was given a public health questionnaire, and Shulk thought that filling it out was asinine. Who cares if you have health problems? You're on a cruise, health is not that big of a concern! (at least to Shulk)
Shulk: Cruises should be a time of relaxation and having fun, but these dumb questionnaires are trying to take all of that away! Asking questions like, "Have you been sick the past 20 days?" Whether or not I was sick is irrelevant, and does not matter at all!
Security Guard: Sir if you don't fill out the questionnaire, I'll gonna have to ask you to leave. You don't want to be left behind, do you?
Shulk: *grumbles as he pulls out a pen*
Once they were finished with the questionnaires, the brawlers went through a tunnel, and boarded the ship. Some cruise officials took their suitcases so they could put them in the ship, in their rooms. Thirty-seven brawlers, inside a Carnival Cruise ship - a real special treat for all the ordinary people aboard.
"Hello sir, would you like to take a picture?" a photographer asked Mario. "Just you, your tall brother, and the princess together!"
"Me, Luigi, and-a Princess Peach?" repsonded Mario. "You got it!" Mario, Luigi and Peach posed for the camera, and the photographer snapped a photo of of the three. He probably wished Bowser was in the picture, but he'll take what he gets.
"How about you two?" the photographer then asked Zelda and Link.
"You got it!" Link replied. The photographer took a picture of Zelda kissing Link on the cheek, and Link giving a cheesy grin. You folks shipping Link and Zelda must be really excited right now.
"Now I gotta snap a picture of this lovely couple!" the photographer turned his attention to Pit and Viridi. But Pit wasn't having it.
"No mas!" Pit grabbed the camera and threw it on the floor, shocking everyone. The angel hasn't been on the ship for a full minute, and he's already giving himself a bad reputation.
"Eh, I'll just go fetch my other camera," the photographer went to get his backup camera.
"Dude that was so uncalled for," Cloud shook his head at Pit. His biggest concern about the going on the cruise is that his fellow brawlers (namely people like Pit) would embarrass him during his stay.
Cloud: I've already asked Mario if I could bunk with Link, and he quickly obliged. Rooming with Pit would be downright terrible. I have to stay away from him at all times; he can bunk with Kirby for all I care. Those two can be weird together - as long as they don't tick me off.
"Hey man where can I find chili dogs?" Sonic asked one of the coffee vendors. A lack of chili dogs on the cruise would break the hedgehog's heart.
"I don't believe we sell chili dogs here," replied the vendor, making Sonic very angry.
"This blows!" Sonic went to go sit in a chair and pout, his arms crossed. He gets very butthurt when no chili dogs are sold at any place. Therefore, he despises food chains such as McDonalds, Burger King, and the like - all because they don't serve chili dogs. A very petty and dumb reason.
While Isabelle was sipping from a cup of coffee she ordered, Mario approached his canine assistant. The way he was holding his hands behind his back indicated that he was about to tell her something important.
"Since I planned-a this cruise only for-a your benefit, I'm gonna let-a you off the hook," Mario told her. Isabelle panicked; he's not saying what she thinks he's saying, is he?
"You're going to fire me?!" Isabelle began to tear up. She's been Mario's assistant for the longest now, for the plumber to terminate her job would prove quite disastrous.
"No, I'm-a not gonna fire you! Rather I'm letting you-a take a vacation...of sorts. During our-a stay here, I won't allow-a you to assist or-a notify at all! I'll let Cloud handle-a your tasks for the time-a being!"
"You're joking, right?" Cloud confronted Mario. The swordsman wanted to relax and enjoy what the cruise has to offer, not serving as Mario's second-in-command.
"I'm only doing a solid-a for you Cloud. While you tried to give-a me moral advice for running my yard-a sale last week, I never bothered-a to listen, since I was too in-a over my head. Consider this a payback of-a sorts."
"Oh, well, uh, thanks, I guess..." Cloud decided to take on the role of temporary assistant. It's not like he had any other choice...
With their belongings already in their rooms, the brawlers decided to explore around the Carnival Cruise. But there's no point of doing that on an empty stomach! So they all made their way to the cafe so they could fill their stomachs with some grub...
"Kirby chill out man!" Pit was trying to stop Kirby from sucking up all the food. Since there was a buffet, the food was put on display for cruise goers, and Kirby apparently can't seem to handle this.
"Is everything okay?" one of the chefs checked on the situation at hand.
"Yes, everything is going just dandy!" Pit smiled as he held Kirby's mouth shut, preventing him from sucking in any more food. One slip of Pit's fingers and Kirby might spit out the food over the floor.
Chef: We made this food for everyone in the cruise, not for just one puffball! Sure he has a big appetite, but he must learn about self-control!
After the brawlers got their food, they each sat down at a circular table - three seats for each one. Wario and Viridi sat at table, and the third seat was open.
"Oh, Pitty, over here!" Viridi called out motioning to the available seat. Did she just call him Pitty?! Pit's gonna have to get used to this.
"Take my seat!" the angel said to Corrin as he ran off. Corrin shrugged; he honestly didn't care where he would sit at, he just didn't want his precious food to go to waste. So the prince of Nohr took the empty seat, sitting with Viridi and Wario, much to Viridi's chagrin.
"I'm just...keeping this seat warm for Pit," Corrin explained to an angry Viridi. "I do believe he has the runs..."
"Pit has diarrhea?!" Viridi said sarcastically. "Who knew?!" Why won't Pit just love Viridi? Poor goddess is doing all she can to make Pit return the love, but the angel refuses to cooperate. Knuckles, who promised to help Viridi in her exploits, can't help her forever!
"Please let me sit with you guys!" Pit said to Link and Zelda, who were sitting together at a table.
"Uh, sure Pit, just have a seat," replied Link. Pit sat down, and let out a sigh of relief. Viridi was evidently too much for Pit to handle.
"Pit, how come you don't love Viridi?" asked Zelda. "She's perfect for you in every way!"
"Yeah right," Pit scoffed. "I don't know what she sees in me anyway. I'm just a sorry, dumb loser who always sucks up to Lady Palutena all the time." At least he finally admits this.
"Perhaps she sees something in you that you don't. Like your selflessness and sense of justice!"
"Traits like those are supposed to attract girls how, exactly?"
"Suppose you were a girl, like Viridi. Would you want a guy who is selfish and always mistreats you?"
"Sure, why not, to each their own!"
Zelda sighed. Pit wasn't grasping the full concept of what Zelda was trying to say.
Zelda: Reasoning with Pit is not the easiest thing to do - after all, he's not exactly the sharpest needle in the haystack. It'll be hard for him to comprehend complex situations, which will make things very frustrating.
Mario was sitting at a table with Peach and Bayonetta. The Umbra Witch was inspecting Mario closely, watching how he communicates with Peach.
"This Greek salad is delicious!" Peach remarked as she ate her salad. Greek salads are always serve on cruises, why can't they serve burgers and hot dogs? Why does it have to be salad?!
"It sure-a is," agreed Mario. He was finished with his salad. "I'll-a be right back." He got up and headed to the salad bar, where Cloud was present.
"So how is it going with Peach?" asked Cloud. Mario would fill in the swordsman on his romantic exploits with Peach.
"It's not-a going as well as I-a hoped," Mario shook his head. "Just basic things and-a nothing else in particular..."
"Try talking about some of your past experiences. Tell Peach a story that will keep her entertained and at the edge of her seat!"
"Hmmm..." Mario stroked his chin as he pondered over this. There's so many intriguing stories he could tell to Peach, but picking the best one to tell would be a dire challenge for the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom.
"Excuse me, sir, but you're holding up the line!" a guy at the end of the line called out to Mario, still pondering. Mario came to his senses and got his salad, before rushing back to his seat.
"You were gone for an awfully long time," Bayonetta said to Mario.
"Cloud and I were-a having a great conversation while-a we were in line," replied Mario. Yeah, a great conversation about what you should talk about with your girlfriend. "So, Peach, did I ever tell-a you about the time-a I went manta ray surfing in the Loopdeloop Galaxy?"
Done with their lunch, Little Mac and Doc Louis went to go explore about the cruise. A cruise, to Doc Louis, was the only way you could sail the seas without getting wet. One thing that caught Mac's eye during the exploration was a water slide.
"We should go on the water slide!" he said to Doc Louis. The boxing trainer looked up at the slide and analyzed its zany construction - a lot of loops and curls. Not exactly his cup of tea...
"I'm sure there are other attractions on this cruise ship that we can mutually enjoy," Doc replied. Going up and down a water slide is last on his agenda.
Doc Louis: Water slides ain't no fun at all! You just go through a slide that is all wacky and stuff, and you get wet in the process! Gettin' wet ain't fun!
"Please, Doc, just this once?" Little Mac implored, nearly begging on his knees.
"Sure, kid," Doc Louis complied, sighing. Repeatedly saying no would make Little Mac whine even more.
"Yes! Let's go!" Little Mac grabbed Doc's hand, and the two went up the stairs leading to the water slide.
"Woah there!" a cruise official stopped the two in their tracks, just when they were about to enter the slide. "I can't let you to go down the slide in those attire."
"Not a problem!" Little Mac ripped off his T-shirt and boxing shorts - making it seamlessly easy - revealing a pair of swimming trunks. Doc Louis did the same thing...
...and revealed his briefs. The fact that these briefs had a red heart pattern on him didn't do the boxing trainer any justice.
"Eh, I guess it'll do," the official shrugged after looking at Doc inquisitively for a while. "Have fun!"
So Little Mac grabbed Doc's hand, and jumped down the slide. After many loops and curls and whatnot, the two reached the end of the slide and splashed into a pool filled with other cruise goers. Doc Louis was panicking; nobody ever told him he would wind up in a pool!
"Somebody get the lifeguards!" the boxing trainer was splashing all over the place. "I'm dyin' over here!"
"Is he okay?" a boy asked Little Mac, inquiring whether or not Doc Louis might have lost it.
"He is somewhat aquaphobic, don't worry about him," replied the boxer. Regardless of how major or minor Doc's aquaphobia is, Little Mac should have known better than to drag Doc with him down the water slide.
Little Mac: My master plan of ridding Doc Louis of whatever aquaphobia he has turned out to be a major failure. Doubt he will ever do anything fun again during the cruise...
Cruises are a perfect place to do romantic things, right? What romantic thing to do on a cruise would be better than stand at the railing of the ship together and watch the beautiful horizon? Sure it might some boring and vastly overdone, but that's what the two Hylian lovers, Link and Zelda, opted to do.
"If only we could spend the rest of our lifes doing this..." Zelda sighed lovingly. You would rather spend your life watching the horizon over anything else, per se...ruling over an entire kingdom? Whatever happened to priorities these days?!
"Link I need-a your help!" Mario rushed up to the hero of Hyrule, panting.
"I refuse to help if it's anything Peach-related," Link responded. "She's your problem, not mine."
Link: Mario's relationship with Peach will last for at least a month before both lovers reconcile with one another. Mario has too much guilt and anxiety inside of him to keep any romantic relationship going.
"Peach is-a in no way involved-a with this situation!" stated Mario. Nowadays when the plumber asks someone for help, that someone would usually inquire that Peach might have some correlation with whatever Mario needs to solve. "This situation...is about-a bragging rights!"
"That's cool," Link remarked, returning to his romantic session with Zelda. Bragging rights? Not much you can do to assist someone in that particular area.
"No you don't-a understand, I've been-a challenged to a basketball game!"
"A basketball game?" Link immediately returned to his conversation with Mario. What does that have to do with bragging rights?
"On this ship-a there is a fellow Italian who-a is proclaimed by many as the best-a streetballer in Europe. We met in the men's-a restroom, and he said that-a I was an inferior Italian compared-a to the likes of him. He then challenged-a me to a basketball game, and whoever wins-a is the most prominent Italian..."
"Wait a second," Zelda interjected. "Who is this Italian guy anyway?"
"Ooh, I forgot-a his name...but I do know-a what he looks like!"
"His facial appearance certainly isn't going to help..."
"You're not trying to recruit me to your basketball team...are you?" Link asked nervously. Mario gave him a sly grin...
Pit and Dark Pit were playing tennis on a tennis court, using poor Kirby as a tennis ball. (Kirby enjoys this, so it's all good.) It was a highly contested tennis match, with the tennis ball bouncing from one side to the next in rapid speed. No one could possibly lose this match!
"Um, not sure if you guys are aware of this, but we would like to play to!" said a guy wishing to play tennis with his friend. The angels were too into their tennis match to actually care.
Pit: In order to keep away from Viridi, I must stick with Kirby and Dark Pit as much as possible! Only thing is, she appreciates the both of them...why must I be affiliated with people she likes?!
"Help a plumber out!" Mario ran onto the court, halting the match.
"What gives?" frowned Dark Pit. He was literally moments away from scoring the first points in his tennis match against Pit. That's how greatly contested their match was.
"Basketball-a game..." Mario panted. He should have known better to run with that flab he has. "...Need a shooting-a guard...pronto..."
"Well, Pit, now's your chance! You could be the guy Mario needs!"
"Why can't you do it?" moaned Pit.
"Recreational sports is out of my league...I make my opponent look like wimps!"
"Such a liar..." Pit crossed his arms.
"Oh yeah, well how about I show you how great I am on the court?!"
"I don't-a have much time to lose!" Mario grabbed Dark Pit's hand and ran off. "I must recruit-a the rest of the team!"
"So, uh, how about that tennis match?" asked one of the guys waiting. They've been waiting for the longest now.
"Isn't this the life?" Shulk asked Isabelle and Wolf as they rested on the beach chairs, with the sunlight falling on their faces. But not literally though, since that would be completely impossible.
"Days like these should be more than warranted," replied Wolf, who was wearing sunglasses. Wouldn't that be a tad redundant, since he has an eye-patch and all?
"So Isabelle, how long were you diagnosed with diabetes?" Shulk asked the yellow dog. Isabelle sighed.
"Just a few months ago," she replied. Wolf, who was drinking some cold pink lemonade, spat out the contest after hearing Isabelle's response. She's been diagnosed with diabetes for months, and she decided against telling anyone?!
Isabelle: Who should I have told my health condition to? Dr. Mario is...well, a little overbearing. And guys like Wario and Bowser would mock me and make fun of my diabetes. And the princess would constantly coddle me to death if I ever told them...
Shulk: Isabelle had diabetes for that long and she was too reluctant to tell us...simply unbelievable! Bowser would probably have told me that diabetes isn't that serious, but I know for certain that diabetes is one of the worst things that could ever happen to anyone! Screw Bowser, I don't need that loser anyways!
"No secret should never be kept from us!" Wolf said to Isabelle, offering words of advice and encouragement. Quite rare, since he isn't the one to do such things. "I may be a space bounty hunter, but it's not like I would ridicule you for your medical condition!"
"He's right!" added Shulk. "Only sick individuals like Bowser would resort to such measures! Wonder how he's enjoying punishment..."
Bowser was still in the Pokemon sanctuary, where he was feeding a Wooper through a baby bottle. His task at hand isn't really punishing, but the Koopa King would love to get out of the sanctuary at any moment.
"How long do we have to do this?" Bowser asked Fox and Falco, who were dusting of a Flygon's wings.
"Until the end of Saturday tomorrow," replied Fox. The three have been at work since the beginning of the week, and have tended to nearly every Pokemon species in the sanctuary (legendary Pokemon notwithstanding).
Bowser: At the end of Saturday, at midnight, we will be freed from this wretched sanctuary, and hopefully we'll never have to work here again! Oh my poor children, they must be worried about me...
Larry: Father is still punished! Time to throw another huge party! Who has father's wallet?
Wendy: I got all the money his wallet!
Roy: And I took money out of his bank account!
Larry: This party is gonna be wicked awesome!
"Psst, Fox, I got an idea," Falco whispered to Fox. "How about we take this Flygon and use it to bust out of the mansion? We could join Mario and the others at the cruise!"
Fox stroked his chin, thinking over Falco's idea. A lot of risk was sure entailed to it.
"You think anyone would notice?" the fox asked. Even though Mario isn't present, the plumber had entrusted Ike to watch over things until he gets back.
"Not unless I have this..." Falco held up some smoke balls. One certain brawler has those.
"Do those belong to Sheik?!"
"Let's just say that these here smoke bombs...are incognizant gifts from an all-knowing ninja."
Many of the lady brawlers were chilling in a pool with several other ladies, letting the water ease their troubles away. The women consisted Lucina, Rosalina, Wii Fit Trainer, Samus, Bayonetta... and Wario and Captain Falcon? What business does they have here?!
"Care to ask this lovable hunk out on a date?" he asked the female brawlers.
"Lovable hunk?" scoffed Bayonetta. "Someone here is quite the comedian, I should say..."
"Get lost, you creeps, this is a women's only pool," frowned Samus. Captain Falcon and Wario just HAD to sign up for the cruise, did they?
"Being in a women's only with boatloads of hot women has been a dream of ours, and now it's coming true!" stated Wario. The female brawlers grimaced; a dream involving hot women and a gender-only pool shows you how strangely aberrant Captain Falcon and Wario are.
Captain Falcon: Practically the only reason I signed up to go on this cruise is to meet hot girls! But every girl I approached turned me down instantly...either they have poor taste, or this cruise sucks!
"Anata no josei ni sanka suru yō ni yorokonde," Heihachi Mishima, wearing a speedo, entered the pool, much to the chagrin of the ladies.
"Do you boys know anything about comprehension and common sense?" the Wii Fit Trainer asked, unnerved by Heihachi's rather interesting swimwear. Speedos are not his type. "This is a ladies only pool."
"Watashi wa danjo no bunri o shinjiru monode wa arimasen yo. Dansei to josei ga tanoshimu to onaji pūru de rirakkusu suru hitsuyō ga arimasu!"
"Does anyone know a single word he just said?" asked Lucina. If Tails was here, he might have translated as much of Heihachi's speech as he could.
"Let's just ignore him and see if he will leave," suggested Rosalina. The ladies went forth with Rosalina's plan, to see if it would drive the karate expert out of the pool.
"Watashi wa nihongo o hanasu koto shika dekimasen to iu riyū dake de, watashi wa eigo o rikai suru koto wa dekimasen to wa omoimasen! Watashi wa sore wa, Supeingo, furansugo, doitsugo, matawa hoka no dono gengodearu ka dō ka, nani demo rikai suru koto ga dekimasu yo! 1-Nichi - - anata wa watashi ga itsunohika, ima ittaga, yo ka rikai sa renai koto ga arimasuga manabimasu!"
"Crap it's not working..." groaned Samus. Better keep her mouth shut, unless she wants Heihachi to go on another pointless rant...
"At least you still have me to fawn over!" grinned Captain Falcon.
"Dare ga, anata wa, anata ni tsuite kawai kurīpu o ki ni? Sono herumetto no ushiro ni, anata wa ima made rēsu o suru mottomo heikin kakkō no otokodesu!"
"Thanks for the compliment, pal!"
Heihachi faceplamed as he sighed. If only Falcon - and anyone else - would understood what he's saying.
"You sure this is a good idea?" Knuckles asked Viridi; the two were in Ashley's room - Ashley refuses to go out of her room and socialize with others on the ship - and the young witch was making a love potion for Viridi. The potion, Ashley says, has some major consequences if consumed in a large amount.
"Can't hurt to try!" Viridi smiled, intent that the potion will work on her crush, Pit.
Viridi: This is the LAST straw! Pit must fall in love with me once he takes a sip of the potion! And if he doesn't, then he's more stupider than I would have ever imagine...he's the cutest idiot I've ever known.
"All done!" Ashley poured the concoction from her goblet into a vial, sealing it shut with a cap. "Once Pit takes a sip of this, he'll fall in love with the person who gave it to him." The witch handed the vial to Viridi.
"What if it doesn't go as planned?" asked Knuckles. Who knows how infuriated Viridi would be if her plan fails...Knuckles is even shuddering just thinking about it!
"No worries, I'll keep the concoction safe and sound in the goblet. So if the vial's contents are spilled, or if it breaks, I'm always here to supply you guys when needed."
"This cruise flat out sucks!" Sonic complained to Tails, who he was speaking with on the phone. The hedgehog was flying in his bed in his room, and refused to get out because of one lousy reason.
"Let me guess - there's no chili dogs?" Tails responded in an apathetic tone.
"Exactly! How can you call yourself one of the best cruise lines if you don't serve chili dogs!"
"I know right! That is like, so uncool!" Tails said very sarcastically. When Sonic called the fox, Tails was all happy, believing that the hedgehog would tell him how legit and fun the cruise was. But instead, all he was getting was complaints about the lack of chili dogs.
"Tell me about it..." Sonic was too ticked to detect the sarcasm in Tails's response.
Sonic: When I get back to the mansion I'm gonna start a petition demanding that every cruise, restaurant, and gas station in the United States serves chili dogs! Everyone in the Smash Mansion will be forced to sign the petition; whoever refuses to do so will be tortured with Big the Cat's singing!
Big the Cat: *holding a fishing rod* What? Sonic is on this ship?! And Knuckles as well?! *drops fishing rod and runs about like a maniac, scaring everyone away* Oh man! I simply can't believe it! Two of my biggest heroes, on the same cruise ship! It's like a birthday wish that came too late!
"Hey Sonic, you up for some rock climbing?" Lucario poked his head through the door. The aura Pokemon had received a Rock Climb HM from the ship's captain - similar to how Red the Pokemon Trainer received a Cut HM the same way in Pokemon FireRed - and wanted to test out the HM on some rock climbing wall. Sonic seemed like the most viable person to do such an activity with.
"No way man, I'm never leaving this room for the remainder of the cruise!" Sonic shook his head. All this because of a lack of chili dogs?
"Whoever reaches to the top of the wall gets free chili dogs!" Lucario made up this incentive to get Sonic intrigued - and it worked. The hedgehog sprung up on his feet.
"Let's go!" Sonic exclaimed as he and Lucario went to go on their rock climbing exploits.
"Sonic, you still there?" Tails was still on the phone. "Sonic...WHY IS THERE SMOKE COMING FROM THE BATHROOM?!"
Mario was still looking for brawlers to recruit to his basketball team when he ran into the man he was going up against. His name was Alessandro, and he was a tall, lanky Italian with medium-long black hair.
"So you're still looking for your crummy team members, eh?" he snarled. "Unlike you, my team is already set! Once we meet on the basketball court, I'll show you who the real greatest Italian is!"
"You talk a good-a game," said Mario. "But-a all that talking is gonna get-a you nowhere!"
"Midgets like you make me laugh..."
"Who are-a you calling a midget?!" Mario ran forth at Alessandro, but the Italian stopped him from moving any forward.
"We'll settle things on the court," he told the plumber as he walked past him. Mario began to seethe; he was letting this Alessandro guy get to him.
Mario: Alessandro better-a not take my basketball-a skills for granted; not only have-a I bested the likes-a of Donkey Kong, Waluigi, and even the Black-a Mage (not-a that impressive, I know), but I went toe-to-toe with NBA street-a ballers like LeBron James, Shaquille O'Neal, Steve Nash, and many others! Sure, Peach-a did all the work, but I earned the trust-a and respect of basketball legends - hence my name, The Jumpman!
"Hey, funny mustache guy!" a voice called out. Mario saw in front of him Snake, who appears to be steadily losing his memory. "Mario, right?"
"That's-a me," Mario sighed. How is it that Snake forgot the name of the most iconic video game character in existence? Memory loss is surely a terrible thing... "So what's-a up?"
"You know a guy by the name of Raiden?" Raiden is a Liberian mercenary working for FOXHOUND, and used to serve as a child soldier under the tutelage of Snake. He and Snake go way back. "I do believe I saw him somewhere on this ship..."
"Haven't seen-a him around here. Anyways, would-a you like to be a part of my basketball-a team?"
"You honestly think some old-looking guy like myself should be out playing basketball?" Snake chuckled. "Must be out of your mind...so have you recruited anyone to your lousy team?"
"Link, Dark Pit, Doc Louis, and Corrin have-a all been recruited. Now I-a need me some utility guys!"
"You won't be able to find a utility guy in me, my accelerated age is diminishing my physical prowess and activity. Wouldn't wish accelerated age on anyone..."
Snake: If anyone deserves accelerated age, it's Little Mac. Somebody oughta teach that cocky jerkface some humility.
In order to keep his distance from Viridi, Pit was eating some ice cream in the cafe. He was eating a giant banana split, and his buddy Kirby was assisting him. Two heads are better than one.
"Pit, this potion really hits the bomb!" Viridi approached the Pit with the vial in his hand. "You gotta try it!"
"Not now Viridi I'm busy," responded Pit. He can't have the banana split melt; it would be a waste of money. He spent all the money Palutena had given to purchase the dessert, so now he doesn't have any money to do or buy anything...
"But it tastes better than that banana split, I guarantee you!"
"How about you drink some of that potion, so I'll know it's good?"
Should Viridi do it? Ashley never mentioned what may happen if the person giving the potion away drank it. Now's not the time to take any huge risks.
"Please, Pit, I'm begging you, just one sip, that's all I'm asking for!" Viridi got down on his knees and begged. Everyone in the cafe just watched as Viridi was making a scene.
"I'll do it, if it'll make you shut up," Pit grabbed the vial, and instead of taking a sip, which Viridi had told him to do...drunk the whole thing. Knuckles, who was watching from a distance, gaped as his jaw dropped on the floor. Ashley said some dire consequences could result from drinking the entire potion - what might happen to Pit?
Ashley: Drinking the entire potion will likely obliterate most of Pit's urinary system. The damage will either be partial, or very significant.
"Shoot, I gotta go to the restroom!" Pit's bladder began to act uncooperative. The angel got up from his seat and ran to the nearest restroom, and wetted himself along the way.
"What...just happened...?" Knuckles joined Viridi, as he just stared in bewilderment.
"Pit might have developed a case of urinary incontinence..." replied Viridi. How long will this incontinence last? Let's just hope it doesn't prolong for the rest of the trip...
Cloud was enjoying himself, lying in a beach chair away from his fellow brawlers. All his cares and concerns melted away, as the sun shone on his face.
"Some assistant you-a are!" Mario angrily confronted Cloud. "No-a word from the mansion?"
Cloud, who was taking a nap with a magazine lying on his face, woke up from his slumber in alertness. He just remembered that Mario had designated him the role of an assistant, and he was slacking off on his duties.
"Everything is going pretty well, no major concerns," Cloud replied. He was intent that Mario would see this through, until the plumber's phone rang.
"Mario speaking, how-a may I help you?" he said into the phone.
"Mario, it's terrible!" Yoshi was screaming over the phone. "Smoke has filled up the mansion, and the Pokemon in the sanctuary are going absolutely bonkers! Not to mention that Fox and Falco escaped!"
Mario shot Cloud a death glare. Some assistant he is.
"Oh, and I came up with a new pairing for my newest fanfic - Lucina and Red the Pokemon Trainer! How does that sound? Sound good? Okay, bye!"
Yoshi hung up, and Mario continued to glare at Cloud.
"Guess who ordered some tropical smoothies?" Pac-Man entered the scene, carrying a plate of smoothies. These smoothies were all in assorted colors, and the straws...
"Go," Mario uttered, keeping his eyes fixated on a nervous Cloud. Pac-Man sighed and walked away.
Pac-Man: Whenever I try to do something nice for Mario, he always tells me off. There has to be some way to show him my appreciation!
Luigi: *walking towards Pac-Man* Ooh, are-a those smoothies? *reaches out his hand*
Pac-Man: *slaps Luigi's hand away* The smoothies are for Mario! Back, I say, back!
Luigi: How come nobody ever offers me anything... *walks away in sadness*
"The only way-a you can redeem yourself-a is joining my basketball team, as a utility guy, and helping me-a win," said Mario. "Be there...or be-a squared!"
Mario angrily marched away, searching for the final recruits for his basketball team. Cloud shrugged and went back to his nap. He's not really scared of Mario (it would be very concerning if he was), he straight up doesn't care.
At the deck of the cruise ship, K.K. Slider was playing some tunes for the cruise goers. The Kongs and the Ice Climbers, perhaps his biggest fans, were in attendance. Also present was King K. Rool and Isabelle, and Rool was planning on making the dog do something that she might later regret.
King K. Rool: Mario wants us to keep Isabelle's spirits up, right? What better way to do that than getting her to kiss K.K. Slider, on the cheek? She has said she's a fan of his, and to give him a kiss would absolutely make her day!
"So I want you to sneak up on K.K. Slider, and simply kiss on the cheek!" Rool explained to Isabelle. "But you gotta be quick, once you do it, run away as fast as you can!"
"I'm not sure if this is a good idea..." said Isabelle, evaluating her options. "I would do it, but not in front of a dozen people I don't know..."
"Pretty sure if you kiss K.K., the audience will be all 'Awwwwww...' and stuff. Even if you kissed the railing, they'll still react that way!"
Not even an exaggeration enticed Isabelle. She still looked hesitant, and Rool was getting ticked. His goal to lift up Isabelle's spirits wasn't going as planned, so he decided to take matters into his own hands. The Kremling grabbed Isabelle, and ran up to K.K. Slider - stopping his performance - and brought Isabelle towards K.K.'s cheek, effectively making her kiss him. The crowd was stunned.
"What? Nothing?" Rool looked confused. "Y'all are lame!"
Rool's attitude changed when a random guy stood up and clapped. And whenever a random person stands up and clap, you know everyone else would do the same, and that's exactly what happened. The Kongs, the Ice Climbers, and everyone else was clapping for Isabelle.
"If only that witch girl had the guts to kiss someone," Popo said to Nana. Nana rolled her eyes.
"See Isabelle? You did it!" Rool grinned. "Isabelle?"
The Kremling saw Isabelle running away, silently sobbing to herself.
"I wonder when Mario will overcome his nerves and write me that darn love letter," Peach conversed with Bayonetta and Lucina. The two were playing mini golf...actually, Peach was the only one playing. Bayonetta was there to keep her company, and Lucina was speaking with Chrom on her new cell phone.
"He will write it eventually, a man of his character isn't the one to procrastinate," replied Bayonetta. She's going to watch Mario very intensively until that letter is completed...
"Yes, father, I'm enjoying myself, nothing bad happened," Lucina said into the phone. "And yes, Captain Falcon was trying to flirt with me. Wait, he's how old?!"
"Pit get back here!" Viridi shouted from who-know-where. Pit ran onto the mini golf, searching for an available bathroom.
"No bathrooms here?" he looked around, and saw a nearby railing. He did the unthinkable - he got near the railing, squatted, and...yeah.
"Pit what are you thinking?!" Viridi finally caught up with Pit, who just relieved himself. "Why must you do that near other people?!"
"It's not like they care," retorted Pit, making Viridi more angry than she already is.
"Grraaah!" Now Viridi's pulling her hair out! "Why can't things go exactly as I plan?!"
The goddess of nature grabbed Pit, and dragged him away.
In his room of the ship, Alessandro, who Mario is going up against in the basketball game, was video chatting with someone on his laptop. Seems shady...but not Slim Shady.
"Cloud, Sonic, and Pac-Man are all on this ship," he said to the person he was speaking with. "And I've seen Mario plenty of times, too."
"What about the person you're supposed to kidnap?" asked the shadowy figure on the laptop monitor. An evil villain, perhaps?"
"Saw him chilling in the pool."
"You do remember his name, right?"
"Of course I do...Heihachi Mishima."
Heihachi, you better be on the lookout...because someone's coming for ya.
