Episode 13: Psychodramatic
Master Hand - the very name expels majesty and greatness. The giant hand, though he may not look like it to some, is the very creator of the universe. His partner is Crazy Hand, and nobody has ever heard from him, ever. Much of Master Hand's immense power comes from Master Core, though the relation between the two has never been explored.
Today, Master Hand is getting something unexpected coming to his mansion. No it wasn't maids and servants, which he dislikes for reasons unknown. Instead he he's getting...tourists? Rosalina alerted the hand of this while he was giving him a hand massage (the only massage he will ever tolerate), and so after the massage ended, Master Hand went about in the hallways to investigate. Everywhere he went, he saw tourists, either taking pictures or touching things they shouldn't touch, like Shulk's Monado blade, which he carries around on his back most of the time.
"So cool..." a young lad stroked the blade, acting like Golem from the Lord of the Rings. Where is this kid's parents? They're not looking to see if the mansion has a gift shop, are they?
"Scram kid, scram!" Master Hand swiped away at the boy with his hand, scaring him off. "All of you scram!" he then yelled at everyone in the hallway; they all ran off as well. "Shulk, why would you let that boy touch your precious blade?"
"It's all good, Master Hand, it's not like he didn't contaminate it or anything!" the Homs gave a thumbs up. Shulk was daunted by the concept of tourists visiting the Smash Mansion, because of his species - but the only main difference between humans and Homs is that Homs depend on Ether for survival, and there's no such Ether to be found (at least where the tourists can find it).
Shulk: To be brutally honest with you, I don't mind other people touching my Monado blade. Just as long as they don't get an...ahh...aahhh...ACHOOOO! *sparks fly out of Monado blade* Aw man, I sneezed on my blade! Gonna take me forever to whip it up back to shape!
Master Hand then went to the gaming room, and saw K.K. Slider and Jigglypuff performing for the tourists. They were the only two brawlers inside the room; apparently the tourists drove out all the others. Kudos to K.K. and Jigglypuff for maintaining their poise during these turbulent times.
"Jigg, Jigglypuff..." the balloon Pokemon sang for the tourists. None of them had a single clue what she's singing, but her vocal talents made up for that.
"Begone all of you!" Master Hand commanded. The tourists poured out of the gaming room in fear, and soon the room was empty. Just the way it should be. But where were all the brawlers? "Where did the brawlers go?" Master Hand asked K.K. Slider.
"Most of the bros and babes are hiding in the meeting room, to keep away from the tourists," replied K.K. The dog welcomed tourists, but only if they paid him $5 to watch his performances. As of right now, he's nearing a whopping $750. "All the others are still doing their usual activities, though they're keeping watch of the tourists going about."
"Do you know who might be behind this act of tourism?" Now Master Hand is treating the situation like it was something dangerous and diabolical.
"I'm not really sure, but if I were you, I would interrogate random people, and gather clues."
"Good thinking, K.K! Always knew you had the Scooby-Doo gene!"
K.K. shot the Master Hand with a questionable look. Him being a dog does not mean he has some Scooby-Doo gene. Though preferably he would want a Scrappy Doo gene - feisty and brave.
"Suggesting that you should gather clues as if you were on a mystery doesn't mean I have some Scooby-Doo gene..." K.K. pointed out. "Now if you excuse me, Jigglypuff and I will practice for our next performance, whenever that will happen."
So Master Hand left the gaming room, leaving K.K. and Jigglypuff be. It was time for the creator of the Smash universe to get down to the bottom of this case.
In the kitchen, Palutena was giving the tourists some cooking lessons. It was a great way to keep them entertained; forcing them out of the mansion (like Master Hand is plotting on doing) was the least of her worries. Right now she was on her third lesson.
"We will begin by gathering our ingredients," Palutena started the lesson. Vegetable soup is what she'll be making. "Pit, can you get the cans out of the cabinet?"
"Sure thing, Lady Palutena!" Pit, Palutena's cooking assistant, flew up to the cabinet, and grabbed two cans of corn and green beans. At first he was against cooking, stating that he has extremely important business to take care of with Kirby, such as "poking brawlers in real life as if they were on Facebook", but after Palutena explained that cooking can give Pit essential life skill that he can use in life (and boy does he need them), Pit obliged to give Palutena a helping hand.
Pit: Serving as Lady Palutena's assistant has been awesome so far! While she's explaining whatever the heck she's explaining to everyone, I just stuff some random food down my pants! Kirby has no idea what he's missing out on...perhaps I should save some food for him.
"Excuse me miss, but where can I find those wings that your apprentice has?" asked a tourist, while Pit rinsed off the cans. Rinsing off cans expels the many germs and bacteria living on it - if you're out cooking, then rinsing cans is one of the best methods to prepare. Do it, and you won't be sorry!
"Those wings of his are nowhere to be found," Palutena smiled as Pit handed her the cans. "They're genuine wings, you can't find them on Amazon or eBay or anywhere else."
"So that means I can't fly to Mars and live with the martians?" This guy's logic is completely flawed, he would burn up as soon as he exited to atmosphere.
"There hasn't been any evidence of martians on Mars, so your journey would be all for naught," Palutena stated this without having to insult the tourist's imperfect logic. His friend(s) will be there to tell him. "Now that we have our cans, we must open them. Pit, how do you open these cans?"
"Oh shoot, that's easy!" Pit grabbed one of the cans, and banged his head against it. Instead of opening the can, he opened his own skull...as if he couldn't get any more unintelligent.
"This is how you correctly open a can," Palutena took the can, and opened it with a can opener. Easiest way to open a can; a way better method than Pit's "bang-my-head-against-the-can" method. Palutena then did the same to the other can, and poured the contents into the pot.
"Stop right there, Lady Palutena!" yelled Robin, standing at the other side of the kitchen near the sink. He was wearing a cooking apron, and a chef hat. After the debacle involving Daisy's birthday cake (which Mario burdened upon him), the mage aspired to be a well-rounded cook, the best cook the mansion has ever seen.
"Must you take the attention away from me while I'm educating these tourists?" smiled Palutena. "A below average cook like yourself shouldn't be the one to spark a cooking war."
Robin: Who is Palutena to someone a "below average cook"?! Does she not remember the instance she overcooked the meat patties on the 4th of July? Every day - breakfast, lunch, and dinner - we have to suffer at the hands of Palutena! Every, single, DAY! But those days will soon be numbered...just you wait and see Palutena!
Ike: *from behind* Schizophrenic much? Palutena is nowhere around here...
Robin: Tell that to your imaginary friends!
Ike: MY FRIENDS ARE REAL! UGH!
"Don't mind her everyone, she's a terrible cook if you ask me, compared to a great one like myself!" stated Robin. A terrible cook like Palutena is already prepared, while a supposedly great cook like Robin is no where close to being prepared. Who will the tourists pay attention to?
"Let's take cooking lessons from the guy with the white hair, he looks cooler!" shouted a random tourist. All the other tourists nodded their head in agreement. Lousy tourists, only heeding cooking advice from Robin because he's "cooler"...by the end of the day, they'll be making waffles in the microwave, just like the mage does.
"Glad you all could give me your undivided attention, and not to that hag over there," remarked Robin. Palutena glared the mage down; she was far, far from a hag. Robin's remark was just fuel for the fire. "Instead of vegetable soup, which the hag is cooking for whatever reason, I will be making something that's more fun...such as cheeseburgers, with Pepper jack cheese!"
The tourists cheered and applauded. Finally, a cooking lesson revolving around junk food and not soup! 'Merica!
"Viridi like cheeseburgers!" stated Pit. Viridi...the moment the name popped in his head, the angel reflected to what occurred last week, when Gil outed Knuckles as the perpetrator behind making him love Viridi. He poured one of Ashley's love potion into his drink, and the potion caused Pit to fall in mad love with Viridi. But why would the echidna do this for? Pit needed answers, and he needed them now! "Lady Palutena, may I be dismissed?" Pit asked the goddess of light.
"Will you be back soon?" asked Palutena. She will need Pit in order to win back the tourists from Robin, it won't be an individual effort by any means.
"I certainly hope so..."
Mario whistled happily as he walked through the mansion halls. He's been feeling jovial lately - he finally set his date with Peach (at McDonalds of all places) and not a single tourist harassed him; only thing they wanted to do was take selfies with them. Harmless in nature, but if someone uploads an embarrassing and unflattering picture of Mario online, it can create a massive snowball effect.
When the plumber entered the meeting room, he was stunned to see several of his fellow brawlers inside. Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Rosalina and Luma, Falco (with Big Top), Ganondorf, Yoshi, Red the Pokemon Trainer, Pac-Man, Samus, Zelda, Little Mac, Luigi, Toad, Toon Link, Sonic, Roy, Bowser Jr, Lucario, Wario, Snake, Alph, R.O.B, Jacky Bryant, Meta Knight, Dark Pit, Mr. Game & Watch, Pikachu, the female Inkling, Ness, Villager, Wolf, and Dunban all gathered in the meeting room.
"You're holding a meeting wthout-a me?" frowned Mario. As the head of the Smash Mansion...or second-in-command to the head of the Smash Mansion rather, since Master Hand is back and all, Mario has to know about every meeting, and must always be present, regardless of how important or pointless it is.
"No we're not holding a meeting!" replied Wolf. "We're trying to hide from the tourists..."
Snake: Those tourists have been nothing but trouble! Especially those teenage girls, with their miniature iPads...
Samus: *sitting next to Snake, filing her nails* Rest of the world calls them iPhones...
Snake: ...And not only that, but they were wearing boxers, out in the public!
Samus: The "boxers" they're wearing are actually short shorts.
Snake: But then it got worse...they asked me if I want to take pictures with them! What do they think I am, a photographer?!
Samus: Maybe they wanted to take a picture of you, because they want to, you know...cherish the memories?
Snake: Bah! Memories are overrated! Which is why I'm losing mine...
Samus: You sad, old man... *shakes her head*
Snake: Who are you calling old, I'm a 43 year old man! And I use Just For Men!
Samus: Still don't see it...
"Waiting inside this room is too boring!" Sonic complained, folding his arms. Hedgehog always needs action any time, at any place. It's a part of his "super fast" nature. "Can't we do something fun?"
"You know, there's a game-a that I've always wanted-a to play..." Mario walked to one of the cabinets and opened it, pulling out a Monopoly board game box. The brawlers were confused - how are they going to pull of a Monopoly game with more than 30 players?
"Mario we-a play Monopoly game every two-a weeks or so," Luigi pointed out. As you might believe, Luigi loses every time. "Not to mention that..."
Mario lifted up the top of the Monopoly box, revealing a bunch of cards with different names on it. No one bothered to ask Mario where the game board and the pieces went; their biggest concern is why the plumber would stuff these cards in a board game box of all places.
"Care to explain why those cards are in there?" Dunban was the only person to voice his concern. He was the first to speak up in a vocal survival of the fittest...if Social Darwinism was ever applied to verbal communication.
"I had nowhere-a else to put them, this-a box was my last-a resort!" replied Mario. Zelda's jewelry was also up for consideration as a place to store the cards, but Mario knew better than to mess with a woman's items. Only a matter of time until Wario learns this lesson...
"What are you planning to do with those cards?" Pac-Man asked. He's supposed to be monitoring the arcade room, but the tourists were giving him a hard time, so he went to go hide in the meeting room. Arcade machines could be stolen without the Pac-Man's presence...
"With these-a cards, we'll be doing some-a...psychodrama," explained Mario, wiggling his fingers as if to add an intriguing effect meant to bolster the interest of the brawlers. The only person this worked on was Lloyd, for his naivety makes him vulnerable to just about anything.
"Ooh, are we gonna re-enact scenes from The Dark Knight?" Lloyd asked. "Psycho" and "drama" immediately popped up in his head, and when he tied the two words together, he somehow got "The Dark Knight". "Can I be the Joker? Please? PLEASE?!"
"We're not re-enacting scenes from-a The Dark Knight! Instead, we'll be doing some role-playing..."
"...I can still be the Joker, right?" Lloyd eagerly rubbed his hands together. Pretty obsessive, huh?
"I'm-a not so sure about that..."
Lloyd: Want to know why I'm a huge fan of the Joker? One day, Gilgamesh and I went to a local comic book store, and we were looking at comic books and stuff. A girl was standing in the same aisle as we were, and she approached me, asking a question. Her question was, "Who do you think the best DC superhero is?" I would tell her it was Superman, but the truth would set her free. So instead I told her it was the Green Lantern. The girl slaps me and calls me an idiot. I took the comic book she was holding in her hands and ran out of the store; she simply knew too much about me. When I got far from the store, I began reading the comic book she had, which was centered mainly around Batman, and I was vaguely intrigued by all the Joker scenes. My favoritism for the Joker started on that very day...
"Everyone grab a card," Mario walked around the room with the box, as each person grabbed a card. "Whoever name-a you pulled, you'll be playing as."
"Rudolph the Red-a Nosed Reindeer?" Luigi raised an eyebrow. Does this mean the plumber has to get down on all fours? Oh, the embarrassment that will ensue...
"Prime LeBron James..." Jacky read his card, smirking and stroking his chin. "I can definitely dig this!"
"LeBron James has a USDA beef rating?" questioned Yoshi, not knowing that "prime" in this context means LeBron James' finest years in the NBA. The green dinosaur may or may not be blindly promoting cannibalism.
"Anyone know who Bono is?" Snake asked, raising his card up in the air. Hopefully he won't have to do any singing, especially with his accelerated age taking a toll on his vocal cords.
"Pikachu and Mr. Game & Watch should not be playing this game, they both cannot speak!" Samus pointed out. Pikachu is role-playing as Drake, of all people...that can't possibly end well. Mr. Game & Watch is Shaquille O'Neal, and he's already at a height disadvantage. "And do I seriously have to play as a dude?!" Samus is role-playing as Billy the Kid, and Old West outlaw. Already she has a gun, so she has the part down pat. Gender problems, however, are the only issue.
"Quit-a crying!" responded Mario, who's not playing the game; instead he will critique each brawler's effort in role-playing the person that they drew. "Now that-a everyone has their card, I will now group-a you into eight groups of-a four. Group A is Ness, Rosalina and Luma, Bowser Jr, and the female Inkling. Group B is Wario, Luigi, Diddy Kong, and Little Mac. Group C is Ganondorf, Mr. Game & Watch, Pac-Man, and Red. Group D is Dunban, R.O.B, Samus, and Dark Pit. Group E is Geno, Wolf, Sonic, and Toon Link. Group F is Meta Knight, Roy, Zelda, and Pikachu. Group G is Jacky, Donkey Kong, Lucario, and Snake. And Group H is Falco, Yoshi, Alph, and Villager. Before I get-a any props, does anyone have-a any questions?"
"Will this be a competition?" asked Wario. "If so, will there be a prize?" In his mind, Wario is hoping the prize is a one-day trip to the downtown spa, where women mostly frequent. He'll have to make sure none of his group members get to go, for it'll be all for himself.
"Hey bub, I was about to say that!" growled Wolf. Social Darwinism does exist in verbal communication...this should be analyzed right away!
"As of right-a now, there's no prize," replied Mario. Wario and everyone else - but only Wario - was displeased. That spa trip may not come to fruition... "...but I'll try to think-a of one." Alright, so maybe there's hope for Wario and everyone else - still Wario only.
Being the hunky heartthrob that he is, Cloud was bound to accrue a lot of tourist fangirls with his dashing looks and chiseled build. But if those fangirls randomly kiss you on the cheek and make you take selfies with them, then it becomes a huge problem, a problem that cannot be resolved in due time. So in an effort to avoid the fangirls, Cloud hid in one of the mansion closets. He would hide in his room, but apparently the fangirls asked one of the brawlers were his room was - a raid of Cloud's room appears to be looming. The basement would be Cloud's other option...if Master Hand actually got the mansion a basement.
Cloud: Until all the tourists exit the mansion, I'll just be hanging out in this closet once the coast is clear. The fangirls are at literally every inch of the mansion, and it's hard to maneuver around the place without getting caught. Inside here, I'll be safe and...
Cloud's talking head segment abruptly ended when Link opened the closet door and ran inside. He tried to close it, but the apparent fangirls chasing him were trying to pry the door open. Link prevailed, and took a slight breather afterwards. Dude must have ran a marathon to get away from the fangirls.
"The many hindrances of being so good-looking," the hero of Hyrule chuckled. Never did Link receive any admiration for his looks, so the whole fangirl chase thing was relatively new to him. Took a lot of time getting used to as well. "How was your fare with the fangirling?"
"See this lip prints on my face?" Cloud pointed at his face, which was marked to the brim with lip prints of different colors. Another good reason to stay inside the closet until further notice.
"Wow man, they got you good...at least they didn't steal your sword."
"They stole your sword?" Cloud laughed, a rare instance in itself since he broke from his usual chill personality. He would sympathize for Link, but the fact that Link was deprived from his Master Sword - a weapon he is highly dependent on - was just too hilarious.
"It's not funny..." grumbled Link. "Without that sword, I'm useless..." He's right; Link carries the Master Sword with him at all times - to public restaurants, and even the bathroom. Who knows what dangers might be lurking!
"Cheer up Link, now would be a great time to see how well you can go about without your sword."
"No! I need my Master Sword back, it has to be wielded by the right person! Who knows whatever might be done to the sword..." The very thought of this caused Link to shiver. Every night, he has nightmares about this thought.
"Okay then, we'll go look for it. Let's see if the coast is clear..."
Cloud creaked the door open, and saw that the halls were empty. Perfect time for him and Link to make their run.
"Let's go!" Cloud said as he and Link ran out of the closet, and through the halls. The mission at hand: retrieve Link's Master Sword.
It was now time for Group A of the role-playing brawlers - Ness, Rosalina and Luma, Bowser Jr, and the female Inkling - to perform their little role-play skit. None of the groups have had any time to practice, so 90% of their skits will be mostly improvisation. Who knows what the other 10% is.
"Aaaaaaand...ACTION!" Mario, wearing a director's hat and sitting in a director's chair, yelled. Rosalina was up first; she was playing Ra, the Egyptian sun god. Luma served as the "sun" above her head. Gotta think of it, Ra is a male, so why isn't Rosalina complaining about playing as a male character?
Rosalina: Samus just loves to complain...why can't she just be happy with what she has? You don't see me complaining about playing as a male! Makes me wonder why Samus hasn't entertained the idea of moving out of the mansion...always has something to say about everyone, and everything!
"The great sun god Ra is in dire need of fine entertainment!" proclaimed Rosalina, trying to sound as macho as possible. Her knowledge of Egyptian culture is not that strong to help her with Ra's personification. "Who wishes to perform for me?"
"Guess this is my cue!" Bowser Jr appeared in the scene, holding a trumpet. His character? Dizzy Gillespie. This jazz musician was known for his cheeks puffing whenever he plays his trusty trumpet. Bowser Jr's cheeks are absolutely nothing compared to Dizzy's - he would have any puff effect all, but he'll make the most of it.
Also appearing in the scene was the female Inkling, donning a Greek warrior helmet and a staff. Her character was Athena, the Greek goddess of a lot of things...wisdom, courage, inspiration, strength, strategy, war, and strangely enough, olive oil. It'll be interesting to see how the Inkling can tie her character in with Bowser Jr's.
"Who are you, and what is your purpose of entertainment?" Nice effort, by Rosalina, staying true to Ra's personality and character.
"Call me Dizzy Gillespie!" said Bowser Jr. "Finest jazz musician in the land!"
"And I'm Athena, Greek goddess and daughter of Zeus!" said the Female Inkling. "Our radical duet will knock your socks off!"
Bowser Jr played the trumpet, and the female Inkling did some variant of opera singing - and boy was it horrid. Everyone, including Rosalina, was covering their ears, but that wasn't enough to save them from the atrocity reaching their precious ears.
"Is there such a thing as auditory cancer?" asked Zelda. Bowser Jr's trumpet playing and female Inkling's singing was that bad. But at least someone in the crowd is enjoying it, apparently...
"This is a nice song!" Yoshi was nodding his head, tapping his foot, and snapping his fingers to the beat. "Would definitely buy their mixtape if they ever release one!" His species doesn't have physically present ears, so he must be hearing something his peers aren't.
"My socks are not knocked off!" proclaimed Rosalina, unable to take any more of the performance. Now was the time to save everyone from their misery. "Begone with you, before I feed you to the lions!"
"Halt!" Ness showed up in front of Rosalina, wearing a white wig on his head and bracelets on his arms. "I won't let you hurt my friends!" Not a single person knew who Ness is playing as.
"And how the heck are you playing?" asked Meta Knight.
"You guys seriously don't know?!" Sonic stood up, greatly offended by everyone's ignorance. "Silver the Hedgehog? Has telekinetic powers? Traveled 200 years into the future? Works at a Pizza Hut store owned by Vector the Crocodile?"
"Yeah still doesn't ring a bell...
"Wait, Sonic, aren't you supposed to be working at Pizza Hut with Silver?" asked Ness, temporarily breaking out of character. Sonic sat back down, whistling innocently, choosing not to say anything else.
"Get away from me you creep!" This was one of the many responses Captain Falcon would receive whenever he tries to ask a female tourist out. The race car driver doesn't know what he's doing wrong - he has the looks, the style, the build, and the personality. What could he be possibly missing?
Captain Falcon: All the female tourists must be legally blind. How can they not be in awe...of THIS!*strikes a pose* Or THIS! *flexes his biceps* Or even...gah, I think I tore my biceps! Woe is definitely me...but no matter! I can just ask Ashley to make me a love potion, and I can give the potion to the girl of my dreams!
So Falcon headed over to Ashley's room, and saw that the door was locked. Ashley, as you probably know by now, is an introvert, and she's unable to stand the high amount of people frequenting the mansion. Hordes of strangers in one building - it was too much for her to fathom.
Ashley's assistant, on the other hand, didn't mind about the tourists - Red, the little red devil, exited the room carrying Ashley's clothes over his head.
"Sup Red, how's it goin'?" Captain Falcon asked. If he can be friendly with Red, then he can do the same with Ashley...though Red isn't that much of a hassle.
"Nothing much, just doing Ashley's laundry as usual," replied Red. His unwavering loyalty to Ashley forbids the devil to not follow the young witch's every command. "What brings you here?"
"Oh, I was just wondering if Ashley could whip me up another one of her love potions!"
"Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news...but Ashley is no longer interested in making such potions." Red shielded himself from Falcon after he said this, fearing that the race car driver would Falcon Punch him out of utter rage. But Falcon seemed somewhat content - and concerned.
"Did a person such as Wario throw the girl off her rocker?" Not hard for someone like Wario to tick anyone off.
"Wario didn't do anything to Ashley. Rather, Ashley's not doing love potions anymore because of Pit and Viridi."
"And Pit called Viridi a freak!" Captain Falcon laughed, reminiscing the time Pit said that. Red just stood there awkwardly, waiting for Falcon's needless laughing to end. "Does that mean I can't get my love potion?"
"I thought I made it clear not so long ago..."
"Aaaaaaand...ACTION!" Mario yelled. Next up for role-playing was Group B - Wario, Luigi, Diddy Kong, and Little Mac. Luigi and Diddy Kong started things off - Luigi was Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and Diddy Kong was a matador. Luigi, who was on all fours, rushed towards Diddy, wielding a red cape.
"Ole!" the spidermonkey chanted as he swung the red cape behind Luigi when the plumber passed him. This display of grace earned Diddy a decent amount of applause.
Then Diddy did the unthinkable - he hopped on Luigi's back, and rode on top of him like a horse. Everyone looked on in shock and surprise.
"Giddy up horsie!" Diddy exclaimed, waving his montera in the air as if he was a cowboy. Luigi appeared to be sweating profusely - either from Diddy's weight crushing his back, or the fact that he's moving about too much.
Diddy Kong: Reindeer can be classified as horses, right? They have hooves...and brown skin...
Donkey Kong: Going by your logic, rams can also be classified as horses!
Diddy Kong: *gasps* Are you serious?!
"Hold it right there!" Little Mac confronted Diddy, wearing a business suit. A rare sight of its own. "Why tarry on that reindeer, when you can afford a nifty car, like this?" Little Mac showed Diddy a red car...a red Fisher-Price car, that is.
"Ain't no way I'm driving that thing!" Diddy declined, toppling the car over. He then spat on it and kicked it multiple times. Little did he know that he was disrespecting Isabelle's car, which Bowser gave to her. The yellow dog immediately turned down this car, and for good reasons.
"You're doing it all wrong, let me show you how a professional does it!" Wario showed up, wearing a Wolverine superhero costume - he rocks a superhero outfit in battle as his Final Smash, so you shouldn't be that disturbed. The fatso used his makeshift claws to tear apart the toy car. Isabelle would give him a stern talking to...if she ever cared about the car to begin with.
Master Hand went on his merry way through the mansion, continuing forth the mission at hand - find out about this whole tourism thing and see if anybody is behind it.
"M-Master Hand?" Lucas said, startled by the giant hand's presence in the ball pit room. This room was Lucas's hotspot during the time of constant tourism; none of the tourists were around his age, which means he can enjoy his time in the ball pit without any distractions. "What brings you here?"
"This whole tourist thing appears to be very fishy," responded Master Hand. "I'm gathering some clues so I can know who's the perpetrator behind this scheme..."
Lucas: Not trying to spill any crucial information...but I was ordered to design a sign to place in front of the mansion, to attract the tourists and...*covers his mouth* I think I said too much!
"There might be clues within this ball pit!" Master Hand dug his hand inside the ball pit, searching the floor surface for any unsuspecting clues. Lucas just looked on in utter horror; what if Master Hand knocks off his shoe by accident? Searching for the shoe in-between the plastic balls would be an absolute nightmare! (at least for Lucas)
"Why not...go look in the bathrooms?" suggested Lucas. "You could find some clues there..."
"Brilliant idea Lucas!" exclaimed Master Hand. His voice was so majestic, it can be heard from all over the mansion. "I shall go inspect the bathrooms immediately!"
So Master Hand departed from the ball pit room, and Lucas breathed a sigh of relief. What is that boy up to...?
"Aaaaaaand...ACTION!" Mario exclaimed; time for Group C - Ganondorf, Mr. Game & Watch, Pac-Man, and Red the Pokemon Trainer - to do their thing. Mr. Game & Watch was up first, showing off his decent basketball handles. Since he's playing as Shaquille O'Neal, he had to stay in touch with his character...and he did just that by missing easy shots into a Nerf basketball net hanging on the wall.
"En garde!" Pac-Man jumped into the scene, striking the basketball with his sword. His character is based off of a cavalier from the English Civil. His attire includes a hat and a sword, as well as a beard. "Enough of this shilly-shallying with this putrid ball! No such activities will not be allowed under the king's watch!"
Soon Red - playing as King Charles II - entered the scene, adorned with a crown and a robe. His Pokemon - Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard - were following him around.
"I thought Red wasn't allowed to use this Pokemon in the skit," Geno, sitting close to Mario, whispered to the plumber.
"His constant-a whining became too overbearing..." Mario whispered back. Red was whining to Mario earlier, demanding that his Pokemon should be used in the skit so they can gain "real world comprehension". Not much comprehension there is to gain from acting out skits...
"This ball..." Red grabbed the basketball and held it up in the air. "This ball is pure EVIL! It must be disposed of quickly!" He shot the ball into the basketball net, and missed horribly. But hey, he's no athlete, so he shouldn't have expected to make the shot.
"It appears to be that you have some trouble shooting," Ganondorf approached Red, sounding monotone. He's also wearing glasses and a tie. "My name is Bill Gates, your Highness." Apparently the Demon Lord is trying to act as nerdy as possible.
Ganondorf: Bill Gates is technically a nerd, and I don't really know much about nerds in general, so I went online while Groups A and B were doing their skits to gain some knowledge, so to speak. According to my research, nerds are best described as very unfashionable...but how does that apply to Bill Gates? Do they not take into consideration the many suits he has? Probably has a closet larger than this mansion!
"Perhaps I can interest you...with this!" Ganondorf showed Red a pair of gloves...gloves that Falco could easily recognize.
"Aren't those Fox's gloves?" he asked. Falco is so great of a friend, he has exact memory of Fox's clothes and accessories...though it sounds creepy when you think about it.
"No they are not, you must be seeing things. Now then..." Ganondorf redirected his attention to Red. "Just put these gloves on, and you'll make every single basket without fail!"
"I don't need your gloves!" Red took the gloves and tried to rip them into pieces. Emphasis on "tried".
"It's the thought that counts!"
Pit found Viridi sitting by herself in her room, stroking her precious ponytail. Her relationship with Pit was a slight sham - she loved Pit, and Pit loved her, though Pit's love was seemingly created by a love potion. What's the point of continuing the relationship if Pit can't genuinely give love back?
"Hey Viridi, you wanna talk about something?" Pit took a seat next to the goddess of nature on her bed.
"Go away," Viridi uttered, her gazed fixated on the floor. Her depressed state made her unable to have any sort of discussion.
"If it's about the potion thing, then I can..."
"I said GO AWAY!" Viridi snapped on Pit. The angel has been down this road before, he's experienced Viridi's fits of anger and rage. He got up off the bed, and awkwardly walked away, exited the room. Viridi returned to her depressed mood, which no sense of hope in sight.
"Aaaaaaand...ACTION!" Seriously, how many times is Mario going to say that? Group D - Dunban, R.O.B, Samus, and Dark Pit - were ready to get things started. R.O.B was up first.
"YOU MAKE ME FEEL...SO YOUNG..." R.O.B said before he started playing "You Make Me Feel So Young" by Frank Sinatra, his character, out of his loudspeakers, wherever they may be. Good thing the robot came prepared.
"Why yes, this is a fine tune indeed!" Dunban entered the scene, wearing long white hair and a long white beard. He's playing Dumbledore, of all people. The homs was moving his magic wand to the beat.
Dunban: Ugh, Harry Potter...I could never really grasp the concept of it. You're telling me that the main character had no idea he was a wizard...until he was eleven years old?! What has he been doing in his life up until that point?!
Dark Pit: You do realize most of the readers are probably Harry Potter fans, right?
Dunban: And you do realize you just broke the fourth wall, right?
Dark Pit: Heh, from where I'm from, the fourth wall doesn't even exist...
"This song is so magnificent, it makes me want to cast out a spell..." Dunban readied his magic wand, closing his eyes as if doing so will make the spell even grander. "Summonous Jeffersonus...Thomassus!"
After chanting the presumably botched spell cast, Dark Pit flew down, wearing a Thomas Jefferson wig. The brawlers were laughing at the angel, the sight of him wearing a wig hilarious beyond words. Dark Pit was able to take the laughter and ridicule with stride, though.
"I have never been so invigorated in my life!" said Dark Pit, doing his best Jefferson impersonation. Is it even possible to do an exact impersonation of Thomas Jefferson? "Such a tune deserves to be the national anthem of our great nation! I must write into the constitution at once!"
"Not so fast, wig man," Samus appeared in the scene, wearing a cowboy hat and wielding a gun. "The town isn't big enough for the both of us..."
The brawlers looked on, not amused one bit. Samus was disgruntled by this, feeling that her rendition of Billy the Kid deserves some praise (although she was against it in the first place).
"Why do you guys look so bored?" she frowned. "Are you not entertained?! I hate you all..."
"Thanks a lot Samus," said Toon Link. How can you hate this lovable fella? He's one of the nicest people you'll ever know.
"Alright, I guess there are a few exceptions here and there..."
Link and Cloud reached the recording studio, and saw Knuckles dropping some bars in the recording booth. Not a single tourist dared to enter the studio, allowing Knuckles some much needed privacy. Only person allowed was Pichu, who sat in a chair listening to Knuckles' bars via headset. His privacy was soon intruded when the two swordsmen entered the recording studio.
"Can't you guys be best friends somewhere else, I'm trying to jump start my rap career here!" frowned Knuckles.
"We didn't mean to interrupt, but we're busy looking for Link's sword," explained Cloud, saying this in the nicest way possible. Knuckles glared down both swordsmen, his eye twitching. Of all the times he could be bothered, and it had to be now...
Knuckles: Calmness and patience...those are the most basic things a rapper needs if he ever wants to make it big. And I can't achieve them if dummies like Link and Cloud interrupt you during your recordings, all over some dumb sword! *slaps mic out of frustration, starts hyperventilating* Does anyone have a Snickers?
"Well does it look like a sword can be found here?" questioned Knuckles. He has more bars to drop, and in order to drop said bars, he has to keep his mind intact. Link and Cloud were making the echidna from doing the exact opposite.
"Can't hurt to look around," Link replied, inspecting every little inch of the recording studio. During his search, his eyes caught something shiny lying underneath the chair Pichu was sitting in, and saw...the Master Sword! But how did it get here? No matter; Link smiled holding the sword in his hands, acting as if he had seen it for the first time.
"Thought you said a tourist took your sword," said Cloud, just as surprised as Link.
"Yeah man, I thought the same thing, someone else must have taken it," Knuckles said. Cloud could detect a feeling in Knuckles' voice - and that feeling was guilt.
"You took Link's Master Sword, didn't you?!" Cloud has never sounded this angry since he went off on Corrin back in episode 5.
"Okay, fine, I confess!" Knuckles threw his arms up in the air, admitting defeat. "I paid someone to get the sword! I only wanted it so I could make some nifty sound effect in my rap song!"
"That's...it?" Link raised an eyebrow, perplexed by Knuckles rationale for stealing his sword. He expected a more believable excuse...but using the Master Sword for a song?
"It's just that...the sword, it makes an awesome clinging sound, and I thought that..."
"Woah, let's back it up for a minute," interjected Cloud. And yes, he's talking about the conversation at hand, and not whatever the heck might be going on in your mind right now. "A lot of swordsmen - like myself - have swords, couldn't you just ask them for permission to borrow their's?"
"Already tried with Ike, he thought I wasn't worthy enough to use his sword. Roy was a different story."
Roy: The Binding Blade is a very precious and powerful sword, and I am the only person with the divine right to wield it! What's more, this blade solely used for slaying dragons, nothing more and nothing else!...The brawlers don't count!
"So yeah, sorry about stealing your sword and all," apologized Knuckles. Second straight episode a character from the Sonic series apologized to Link! It's Tails' turn in the next episode.
"All is forgiven..." replied Link. "...as long as you didn't use my Master Sword for any other motives." Knuckles grinned nervously when Link said this.
"Motives like using the sword as a personal backscratcher?" the echidna chuckled. Link began to seethe, and then chased Knuckles out of the studio. Cloud just looked on, shaking his head.
"Some friend I have," he smiled faintly.
"ACTION!" Mario yelled yet again. Group 5's skit - Geno, Wolf, Sonic, and Toon Link - is rather interesting compared to the others that came before it...
"My name is Usain Bolt, and I go FAST!" Toon Link ran around the meeting room like a track runner. However, he's running at a moderate rate - not too fast and not too slow. Some Pegasus Boots could really help the kid out.
"Hello, Usain Bolt, sir!" Wolf stopped Toon Link in his tracks. His attire consists of a green top hat and tie, since his character is Yogi Bear. His voice is deep and silly, a striking characteristic of Yogi.
Wolf: Of all the people I could chose from, and I drew a freaking cartoon character...and it had to be the most overrated one at that! Yeah I said it! Yogi Bear was based off of a lousy celebrity at the time! Don't believe, go online and read it and weep for yourself!
Toon Link: *panting* Ran too much... *panting* ...in the skit... *panting* ...if only was... *panting* ...the Four Swords incarnation...
"May I interest you in some grub?" Wolf held up a picnic basket. Yogi Bear is infamous for raiding picnic baskets, and like Wario, he doesn't seem to gain any weight from constant eating. "In this here pic-a-nic basket is sandwiches galore!"
"I can do you one better!" Sonic appeared in the scene wearing a magician's hat and a cape. As you might can tell, he's a magician. "What if I can make a gourmet meal come out of the picnic basket?"
"Oooh, I love the sound of that!" exclaimed Toon Link, jogging in place. Gotta keep that momentum going!
"I do love a good old-fashioned magic trick!" added Wolf. Take away the Yogi Bear personality, and Wolf would be lying if he ever said that.
"Just hand the picnic basket to me, and I'll see what I can do!" said Sonic. Wolf handed the hedgehog the picnic basket, and Sonic did some funky hand motions over said basket, making it seem like he was doing an actual magic trick. Then he snapped his fingers, and opened up the lid of the picnic basket...and Geno sprung out, wearing an astronaut helmet.
"To infinity, and beyond!" he bellowed, making strange rocket sounds. Many of the brawlers were perplexed - not by the rocket sounds, but by who Geno is supposed to be playing.
Geno: "To infinity and beyond"...Neil Armstrong says that line, right?
"CUT!" Mario shouted. Usually the plumber just lets the skit play out until the end, but Geno's Freudian error prompted him to cut the skit short. "Geno, Geno, Geno...whose-a card did you draw?"
"Neil Armstrong?" answered Geno, wondering what he did wrong.
"Neil Armstrong was-a the one who said, "One step for man, one giant leap for mankind"! You were-a using Buzz-a Lightyear's line!"
"Wait so Buzz Lightyear wasn't an astronaut?"
Mario facepalmed, and some of the other brawlers shared his disdain. Geno's knowledge of movies is evidently not that great.
Back to the kitchen, were Palutena and Robin were having a full blown cook-off of epic proportions. Although it wasn't really that much of a cook-off - Palutena was cooking vegetable soup, while Robin was making fruit salad...and doing a couple of juggling tricks with the fruit to keep the tourists' attention.
Robin: Juggling is one of the most difficult things to do, but the greatest entertaining method there is! How else would the Ringling Brothers Circus stay in business for so long? PETA even forced the company to remove elephant acts - just to make room for more juggling!
Apparently Robin was juggling for so long, he hasn't done any actual work. But the tourists didn't care one bit, they came to see a grown man juggle fruit all day long. Who needs cooking lessons anyway?
"Hide me!" Knuckles ran inside the kitchen, and hid in one of the cabinets. Link ran inside as well, Master Sword in hand. The tourists were frightened by Link's sword, hoping the hero of Hyrule wouldn't slice and dice them to pieces (although Link would NEVER stoop down to that level).
"My my, Link, you look very irate!" remarked Robin. "But I cannot let your rage disrupt my cooking abilities!" Is this guy for real now?
"What cooking, you've been juggling this whole time!" frowned Palutena. Her vegetable soup was nearing competition, yet nobody paid her any mind. Silly entertainment trumps hard-earned work, sadly.
"Perhaps some fruit can cheer you up!" Robin threw his fruit at Link, and the swordsman sliced every fruit the mage threw at him. Scared tourists were shrieking as if they were sing an A Capella opera song, with each sliced fruit. Knuckles got off the cabinet, and ran away.
"Oh no you don't!" Link chased after the echidna, running out of the kitchen. All of this foolishness because Knuckles used his precious sword as a stinking backscratcher...
"ACTION!" Mario yelled for the nth time. Group F - Meta Knight, Roy, Zelda, and Pikachu - and instead of taking turns going into the scene, all four members were performing at once. Pikachu was singing "Hotline Bling" while doing the song's infamous dances with the instrumental playing, Meta Knight was walking around like a cowboy (he's supposed to be playing some cowboy from a Western flick), Roy was ranting on and on as George W. Bush, and Zelda, whose character is Red from the Wendy's advertisement, sat in the middle eating chicken nuggets peacefully. It was an absolute abomination - but Yoshi liked it, for some reason.
"Aw yeah, I totally dig this!" he grinned. His general interest in the skit made him oblivious to the fact the brawlers were giving the dinosaur very inquisitive looks.
"You should seriously get your eyes and ears checked," Red told Yoshi. Last time he felt concerned with the dinosaur was when he told him about his odd fanfiction pairing with Lucina, a pairing that thankfully never came to pass.
Yoshi: Hands down, Group F's skit was the greatest skit of them all! The skit embodied unity, and that's exactly why Mario had us doing this role-playing stuff! Think about it; hardly any of us never really get along, and Meta Knight, Roy, Zelda, and Pikachu showed to us how darn beautiful unity can truly be!
"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...you never gonna fool me again!" Roy would say during this time of chaos and disorderliness.
"CUT!" Mario yelled, cutting a second skit short. "Get-a off the stage!" Has Mario pulled his red card?! This is not good for Group F, though it's kinda good for everyone else except Yoshi. The poor dinosaur sadly moaned.
"But we weren't done yet!" frowned Roy. Like his element of fire, the swordsman was getting all feisty. "Pikachu hasn't even finished singing yet!"
"Let it go Roy, this is Mario's fault for not giving us time to prepare," Zelda guided Roy and her crew back to their seats. Roy continually glared down Mario, seething the more he looked at him.
Master Hand went to the bathrooms, inspecting each and every single one of them. His size and majesty scared the pants out of any tourists using the bathrooms, making them run away with their pants down. Hopefully they took care of their business...
"You look rather angry today," Chrom said to Master Hand while he was washing his hands. Hard to tell Master Hand's mood, but if your brawler like Chrom, it's all easy-peasy.
"Tourists are infiltrating my mansion!" bellowed Master Hand, mad as ever. "Somebody is behind it, I am fully certain about it! But who can it be?"
"A great bathroom break is what every great fighter needs!" Ryu remarked as he entered the bathroom. Master Hand looked at Ryu questionably, and posed this question to him:
"What do you know about this tourism thing?"
Ryu sweatdropped; inside his mind, he's probably thinking, "Just play it cool, and he won't notice..."
"I know nothing of this tourism that you speak of!" replied Ryu. The fact that he was sweating profusely didn't help the case he's presenting.
"So when you see the tourists about in the mansion, you pay them no mind whatsoever?"
"Yes sir, that is correct!" Now Ryu's acting all stiff. "A sign might have led them here..."
"Just spit it out Ryu, no need to hide it in any longer," said Chrom. He was just as annoyed as Master Hand is right now.
"I CONFESS!" Ryu shouted at the top of his lungs. "I brought tourists over here to raise money for Falco's record company! My master plan was to have Lucas make the sign (which he did in short notice) and have him be my fall guy! But now you know the truth..."
Ryu: Fall guys are the best guys you'll ever know. Just tell them what you want them to do, and they'll dilligently take all the blame! And if they're like Lucas, you can entice them with a offer, like, "Do this for me, and I'll find your mother for you!"...What do you mean it's tasteless, I tried the same thing with Chun-Chunky! Yes, that's right, I have a friend named Chunky, that nobody knows except I!
"Unless you want to be brutally punished, I would suggest that you round up all the tourists, and expel them out of the mansion at once," ordered Master Hand. "Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, Master Hand, I'll do it right away!" Ryu hurriedly nodded before bowing and running off. He may be all mighty and tough, but when it comes to Master Hand, he's frail like fine china.
"So what's this about Falco and some recording company?" Master Hand asked Chrom, hoping the swordsman might know a thing or two.
"ACTION!" Mario yelled once more. Group G - Jacky, Donkey Kong, Lucario, and Snake - started things off with Donkey Kong (Steve Irwin) inspecting Jacky Akira ("prime" LeBron James) and Snake (Bono of U2) as if they were wild animals.
"Here we have two rather intriguing specimens," narrated Donkey Kong, coming off as a calm-speaking crocodile hunter. "The first, a wondrous athlete, and the second, a lead singer of a prestigious American band."
Jacky did LeBron's famous pregame routine - pouring chalk into his hands, and throwing it up in the air. LeBron could just pour the chalk in his hands, and go on about his life. But no, he wants to make it all about himself, and throw the chalk in the air, thereby giving attention to himself. Arrogant jerk...
"Hey pal, wanna hear a song?" Snake approached Jacky, touching him on the shoulder. This caused Jacky to flop - he fell to the ground, acting like he was having a seizure attack. This generated some laughter from the brawlers...about time. LeBron used to do this flopping thing a lot, and for no one's advantage but his.
Snake: Jacky's flopping, as he called it, was strangely on point. I merely touched him, and he spazzes all over the place like he was having a seizure. Could you imagine if I actually punched him?
"Burn, baby, burn!" Lucario appeared in the scene, using his aura as fire to repel Jacky, Snake, and Donkey Kong. "Screw your wildlife television show, you stalkerish creep!" Lucario directed this at Donkey Kong - and perhaps to every wildlife show host out there.
Link chased Knuckles into the lounge. Present in this room was Fox, Peach, and Kirby. All three of them were comforting Viridi, who brought herself to the lounge to release herself of some...rather depressing thoughts.
"You don't necessarily need Pit, it's okay to be single especially at your age," Peach told the goddess of nature. The princess was discontent about the venue of her date with Mario - McDonald's, of all the restaurants out there - but she'll take what she gets.
"Peach's right, Pit's stupid anyways and highly undeserving of a love interest," added Fox. Kirby nudged the pilot; Viridi didn't need to hear that.
"Both of you are right..." Viridi replied while Link was chasing Knuckles around the lounge. "I'm too young to be falling in love...and Pit's not the sharpest tool in the shed...so why bother trying to win his heart..."
"Mommy!" Knuckles hid behind Viridi - shouting out words of mercy for presumably the first time ever - as Link leaped in the air, ready to do a sword strike...on Viridi, since she was in the way. She, Peach, Fox, and Kirby all looked up in fear...
...until a blue arrow was fired in Link's direction, sending the hero of Hyrule into a wall. Who fired this arrow, you might ask? Pit, standing at the doorway.
"Pit, you saved me!" exclaimed Viridi. All that depression built up inside of her dissipated and turned into genuine joy. "How can I possibly thank you?"
"Ah, don't mention it," replied Pit. "You should also be thanking Cloud, he alerted me about Link."
"Sure did," Cloud appeared at the doorway of the lounge, smirking at Link and shook his head. Link could only chuckle out of guilt - chasing Knuckles through the mansion like that was so unlike him.
"My hero!" Viridi ran up to Pit, and hugged him, and Pit was...blushing? How very interesting...Knuckles ran up to Pit as well, trying to join in on the hug - Pit saved his life too - but was pushed to the ground by Viridi. The others shared a laugh.
Knuckles: Ow, my aching head..for such a docile little girl, Viridi can sure pack a punch...or a shove...
"ACTION!" Mario yelled for the (thankfully) final time. It was now time for Group H - Falco, Yoshi, Alph, and Villager - to do their thing. And it was cringe-worthy; Falco, a hawk, and Alph, a pelican, were flapping their arms about, making bird calls. The brawlers were covering their ears, although one certain brawler was enjoying the sounds...
"Never have I heard more realistic bird calls in my lifetime, especially from Alph!" remarked Yoshi, standing from a short distance waiting his turn to join the scene. Seriously, this dude needs some help.
"I'm a tweety bird!" Big Top, worn atop Falco's head, shouted for no reason, perhaps attempting to keep in touch with the scene.
Then Villager entered the scene. Somehow, someway, he draw a card with no name on it...so he followed up on Falco and Alph in the whole acting-like-a-bird shtick. Like the skit couldn't possibly get any worse...
"This is music to my ears!" gleamed Yoshi. Okay Yoshi, you crossed the line right there. "...Oh man, I think that's my cue!" Yoshi entered the scene...and since he's supposed to be a hornet, he was making buzzing sounds while flapping his arms. How the four members ended up in the group with the cards they drew is beyond anyone's understanding.
"And-a scene!" said Mario, ending the skit. "Well-a folks, that's a wrap!"
"So who won, what's the prize?" asked Wario, excitedly rubbing his hands together. If his group didn't win, then him being involved in roleplay was all for naught.
"The prize...the prize is-a that you all bonded great!"
Mario was met with dull faces from every brawler save for Yoshi. The dinsoaur was the only one who knew about the true intention of these skits.
"Basically you wasted our time with this role-playing thing for absolutely nothing to gain," stated Roy, feeling disgruntled just like everyone else.
"Don't any of-a you get it? Role-a playing is a part of psychodrama, its means-a is to gain insight in-a our lives!"
Falco: I gained life insight by flapping my arms about like an idiot?
Ganondorf: If acting like buffoons gives you insight about life...then I don't know what to believe in anymore.
"What a bunch of balooney..." Jacky exited the meeting room, and everyone except for Mario and Yoshi followed suit. A few seconds later... "Hey, no more tourists! Freedom!" What followed was a bunch of cheers.
"Now I can finally run amok in the hallways naked again!" shouted Red. For the sake of everyone, Red, please don't do that.
"Not the tourists, who will enjoy my cooking skills?" Robin's voice was heard. Ryu did the tourists a major solid, saving them from Robin's ridicolous juggling that done him no work at all.
"You did great Mario," Yoshi gave Mario a resounding pat on the back. "...You did great." And with that, the green dinosaur departed from the meeting room, sporting a smile. At least Mario won over someone with his psychodrama tactics.
Just when Yoshi exited the meeting room, Master Hand entered. Like Chrom and any other brawler, Mario has the sixth sense to determine the giant hand's mood. Master Hand's mood as of right now was very curious in nature.
"Ryu has spoken of a record company Falco is the head of," the hand spoke to Mario. Even when he's calm, he still managed to intimidate the plumber. "Do you know anything about this?"
"All I know-a is that Fox and Falco plan-a to use the money gained-a to buy a crucial device for-a Isabelle," explained Mario, hoping he wouldn't anger Master Hand in any way.
"In that case...when shall we get started?"
