Episode 17: Horror Part 1

Horror films are the best kind of the films, the cream of the crop in the movie industry. This genre was inspired by the works of Edgar Allen Poe - the Baltimore writer whose most famous work The Raven was so immensely legendary his hometown just had to name their professional football team after the work - and Mary Shelley - the very woman who wrote Frankenstein, which inspired many unoriginal Halloween costumes.

Over the years, the genre has developed and took many different turns as time passed. What began as Nosferatu, a prominent adaption of the Dracula story, would evolve into Paranormal Activity, the granddaddy of found footage films. So much reshaping and alterations, it's hard to keep up!

And now today, famed space bounty hunter Wolf O'Donnell is about to take a crack at the horror genre, by filming a horror film. Why is Wolf of all people is doing this, you might ask? Well let's just say that he lost a bet to Panther Caroso, a member of Star Wolf, not so long ago, and filming the film is the only way to own up to the bet. Only problem is, Wolf is naturally unfamiliar with the horror genre in general.

Wolf: To be brutally honest with you, I have never watched a single horror film in my lifetime - prior to analyzing them - which may or may not come as a surprise to many. The closest thing to a horror flick I've ever watched was Scooby-Doo. No, I'm not talking about the classic Scooby-Doo films, I had watched those wack straight-to-DVD films that were...gimmicky at the very least. Then there's that dumb mutt's catchphrase..."SCOOBY DOOBY DOOOOO!" *shudders* Wish Warner Bros could put that dog out of his misery and retire him already, but alas, you can't end what's already been broken...just look at Mario Party.

The hardest part about planning a horror film is trying to gather the right cast. You must have individuals that will blend in with the movie and make it feel more authentic. So far, Wolf has recruited Lucina, Ludwig, and Donkey Kong to star in his movie, but he still has some room for more actors.

"You're all probably wondering why I have gathered you here," Wolf said to the cast, gathered together in the meeting room.

"Bet you want us to get Fox hospitalized so you can be with Krystal," assumed Lucina, filing her nails. Believe it or not, Wolf has a thing for Krystal, and he's all butthurt about the fact that the vixen is dating Fox. The wolf has vowed to sever their relationship so he can be with Krystal, but his plans have never came into fruition.

"This has nothing to do with Krystal!" Wolf angrily stomped his foot. "Rather, this has something to do with...some horror..."

"Aw man, are you trying to show us those magazines Wario gave you?" asked Ludwig, feeling worried. You might know about the subject matter of these magazines...and if you don't, just know that Master Hand tried to ban these magazines ever since Wario acquired them.

"No, no, no...who do you think I am, some kind of pervert?!" Well you still harbor a crush on Krystal, and she's in a relationship, so... "I need you guys to be a part of a horror film I'm shooting. Now I don't really know much about horror in general, but I watched some recent horror movies as of late, and I..."

"Why are you so interested in filming a horror movie to begin with?" implored Donkey Kong.

"I had lost a bet to Panther Caroso, and now I have to own up to it - it was either shoot a horror film, or spend the rest of the week at the mansion in yoga pants." Wolf O'Donnell in yoga pants?! Now THAT'S a real horror right there!

"Pretty sure nobody would mind you walking around the mansion in yoga pants, especially Wii Fit Trainer, she's a fan of those," stated Lucina.

Lucina: Yoga pants, to me, are not that fashionable. Especially when they show your butt out in the public...objectification is destroying this country.

"Now I must assign you all roles," Wolf whipped out a list of acting roles, which will indicate who is playing who. What's truly important is how effective each person will be in their role, especially with the few number of cast members as of right now. "Ludwig you're Vincent, the main character and the smart aleck of the main trio."

"Suits me just fine..." Ludwig rubbed his hands together in a non-evil way, but in a way that suggests such a way...hopefully you understand.

"Donkey Kong, you'll be Neal - the strongest of the group, and also the dumbest."

"Not fair, the strong guys are always dummies!" Donkey Kong shook his head in disgust. He has a strong point, most strong dudes are depicted as slow in fiction. Why can't there be a strong guy that's intelligent? Is that so hard to ask for?!

"Lucina, you'll be playing as Shaniqua, the lead female character and..."

"Woah, woah, woah - no way I'm playing as someone named 'Shaniqua'," frowned Lucina. Shaniqua. Did Wolf find that name off of the Internet or something? "Sounds too stereotypical for my tastes."

"C'mon Lucina, you gotta expand your horizons every now and then, get accustomed to new things and whatnot!" Lucina still didn't budge; she simply folded her arms and looked the other way. Playing as a stereotypical black woman is way out of her league. "I know what you're thinking, you don't think that Shaniqua is a real name, right? Well I can prove it to you..."

"Wolf, you don't get it, don't you? I could care less about if 'Shaniqua' is a real name or not. What I do care, however, is that you're forcing me to play as a woman, who's presumably from some inner city, who acts like some kind of diva, and has some dumb weave in her hair for no reason whatsoever...I don't want to do it! You couldn't even pay me a million dollars to do your crap, I absolutely refuse to be a part of your crappy movie under these conditions!"

Wolf, Ludwig, and Donkey Kong all looked at Lucina with surprised looks. A woman as serious as Lucina rarely goes off on tangents - like the one the three men had just witnessed. Nevertheless, Wolf was somewhat pleased with Lucina's rant!

"And THAT'S what I want to see!" the wolf gleamed. "Thank you Lucina, for showing us that you're fully capable of playing the part! Glad I asked you instead of Peach, she would be giggling too much..."

Animosity started to brew within Lucina. Wolf better hope this doesn't unleash upon him...it certainly wouldn't be pretty.


Marth and Luigi were in the mansion's new dancing room, which was originally the dark room where Viridi was at a candle-lit table, and before that a room for paddling. The very reason Master Hand greatly regretted giving Mario authority over the mansion.

"Why-a are we here?" asked Luigi, feeling nervous. He was told by Marth to wear his dancing shoes, and meet him in the dancing room...the idea of Marth dancing is what scared Luigi the most. "Aren't we supposed to be working on the website for the wedding."

"Samus has it all covered, I'm sure of it," assured Marth. He's not that familiar with technology, so he lumped all the work on Samus, a technology whiz. Because you know the rule; if it anything to do with technology, Samus is always the friendliest person to ask!

Samus: *face in her hands* Of course I would say yes to creating some dumb website for Luigi's wedding...why can't they just annul the wedding anyway? It's not like Luigi deserves to get married anyway, he wouldn't last through the entire wedding ceremony without fainting!

"We are here to perfect your dancing abilities for the wedding after-party, and we'll do it by dancing to some songs that are mostly played at wedding after-parties," explained Marth, with a strong tint of doubt and regret in his voice. Eventually you'll see why...

"But my dancing abilities are-a on point, nothing needs-a to be worked on!" attested Luigi. Sure he did an accidental split - at his fiance's birthday party of all occasions - but that doesn't diminish his awesome dancing prowess.

"Today we will be dancing to...'Watch Me', by Silento." Marth had sighed deeply when saying the latter part of the sentence. Unless you have been have living under a rock, or if you're living on a faraway planet like Mars, "Watch Me" was one of the top songs of 2015, partly because of how vastly overplayed it was. Everyone did the whip and nae-nae - the very bread and butter of the song and the reason why it was played at sporting events (and thankfully not at a restaurant or a supermarket or anything like that) - including Rae Sremmurd, Odell Beckham Jr, Steph Curry, Steph Curry's daughter, Jimmy Fallon, some sap in a Bugs Bunny costume, another sap in a Mr. Incredible suit at Disney World, a bunch of other saps in Disney costumes, presidential candidate Hilary Clinton...the list goes on and on. Zero even considered it "the biggest epidemic since the swine flu". Don't even get him started on the dab.

Marth: To be brutally honest with you, I felt kind of bad for learning the dance moves of the song. In fact, they're not even dance moves to begin with, they're just...simplistic body movements...

"Let's just get this over with..." Marth reluctantly walked over to a boombox and hit the play button. The worst for Marth was just starting, as "Watch Me" began blaring from the boombox.

"You already know what it is!" the song blasted out of the boombox, filling the dancing room. Marth and Luigi got into position, ready to do some dance moves that require little to no skill. After the buildup of the song was through, it was now time for the dancing. "Now watch me whip..." Marth did the whip correctly; Luigi just threw out his fist like he was some karate instructor. "Now watch me nae-nae..." Marth did the nae-nae exactly how it's done; Luigi looked like he was waving to Mario as if he running away from the mansion, living forever as a hobo and vowing never to return. Rinse and repeat three times until dry.

"You gotta see this awesome breakdancing move I learned the other day, it's legit!" the male Inkling told his female counterpart as the two entered the dancing room, greeted by the horror they saw before them. Marth and Luigi were both freestyling - Marth doing the shimmy, and Luigi...it's very hard to describe what the heck he's doing.

"Do the stanky leg..." Marth did the stanky leg to perfection, making the Inklings giggle since they never saw the Hero-King ever dance like that before. Luigi's stanky leg, on the other hand, was stiffer than a big toe with Hallus Rigidus. It's a disorder that makes the big toe extremely hard to move...you could almost imagine how awful Luigi's maneuver looks.

"...What is happening?" wondered the female Inkling, feeling bewildered and concerned for her well-being. Marth and Luigi dancing to a pop song has to be reported to Master Hand immediately!

"Now break your legs..." Marth did the whole breaking legs dance, which looked very awkward. Luigi...did nothing, he just stood there like a lump on a log.

"Luigi why aren't you dancing?!" frowned Marth, pausing the song. The dancing lesson wasn't done yet, only one more step remained - the dreaded bop - and Marth would be free of doing any more "simplistic body movements".

"I can't break-a my legs...we don't-a have any insurance," stated Luigi. The plumber is right; he'll still break his legs, even if he did the dance or if he actually broke his legs for real.

The Inklings, who were idly standing by watching the whole dancing sequence unfold, couldn't contain their laughter any longer. The two fell on the floor, laughing and pointing at Marth and Luigi. Both men should be thankful all the other brawlers saw their dancing, it would rank with every terrible American Idol in terms of overall humiliation and embarrassment.

Male Inkling: Witnessing Marth and Luigi dance to "Watch Me" will go down as one of the funniest things ever in my life. That, Captain Falcon robbing himself of his manhood in that epic paintball battle. Even funnier because he challenged me to the paintball game just so he can prove to the ladies just how "awesome" he is...instead he just proved that he's medically unable to have biological kids.

"Get out of here!" a red-faced Marth threw the Inklings out of the dancing room. He may have taken care of them, but he can't take care of the fact that the Inklings will tell the news of Marth's dancing to everyone else. "Sadly our little dancing sequence must end...hopefully you're already prepared for the wedding after-party..."

"Is having an after-a party even necessary?" asked Luigi, prompting Marth to facepalm. If there is no after-party, then the dancing was all for naught...Marth will have to live with that burden forever.


"Mario, Link, you gotta see this!" Ness ran into the lounge, where the plumber and the Hylian were hanging out. Normally they would be spending time with their girlfriends, but Peach and Zelda are having yet another tea party. You know they have to have their tea parties. "I found these old games in the closet somewhere."

"What old games?" Link, who was reading the latest edition of Swordsman Weekly, looked up from the magazine. He saw that Ness was holding old video games in his hands, and when he saw the covers, he immediately feared for the worst.

"Bring-a them over here and let-a us see," ordered Mario, who was sitting not so far from Link getting his feet massaged by Isabelle. Poor dog has to scrub his back AND massage his feet too?! The horrendous life of an assistant...

Ness laid the games out in front of Mario and Link, and the two video game icon's eyes bulged out. Ness had brought copies of Hotel Mario and Link: The Faces of Evil, both CD-i made by Philips Interactive Media. Both games are infamous in their own right - Hotel Mario for its strange door-closing gameplay and cheesy Flash animation cutscenes, and Link: The Faces of Evil with terrible graphics and lackluster cutscenes that made the game nowhere to be found in the canon Zelda timeline.

Mario: I put-a those games in the closet for a reason...so no one-a would ever play them! How on-a earth did Ness discover the games?!
Link: Would have helped to put them in a secret chest where they can't be found...
Mario: *slaps Link* We're-a not in a dungeon, mind-a you! Secret chests are for-a insecure people with-a privacy issues!

(Gil, who is in the background of the talking head segment with a chest in his hands, drops said chest and runs away crying)

"What appears to be the matter, Sir Mario?" Isabelle asked the plumber, whose eyes were almost wider than King Dedede's. She hasn't seen Mario this frightened ever since he accidentally waltzed into Peach's room while she was changing. Remarkably, their relationship hasn't been hindered in spite of that incident.

"Do you not-a see the atrocities before-a you?!" Mario grabbed his canine assistant and shook her silly. "What you see-a here are the worst games-a known to mankind!"

"Eh, they don't look that bad," shrugged Ness, oblivious to how negatively received both games are. Funny how they had mixed to critical reception back when they were released in 1994, now everybody refuses to acknowledge their existence. "They might be better than that Big Rigs racing game..."


Speaking of which, Lloyd Irving was in the computer room, playing Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing. Like Hotel Mario and Link: The Faces of Evil, the game was negatively received, though it had more universal criticism. But Lloyd didn't seem to care at all.

"Aw what, I lost again?" the swordsman moaned as his truck drove up to the finish line, where the other trucks were present. "Story of my life..." Whenever he plays this game and gets close to beating the race, those three dastardly trucks are always there. Lloyd decided to cross the finish line, just to see what would happen, and then, when he crossed the finish line...

"YOU'RE WINNER!" the message, as well as a three-handled gold trophy, popped up on the screen after Lloyd had crossed the finish line. Lloyd may have finished in last place - happens all the time in this game - but now he was deemed a winner.

"I don't believe it..." the swordsman just looked at the monitor in disbelief. "I'M WINNER! I'M WINNER!" And now for the waterworks, as tears rushed down Lloyd's face. His face was in his arms as he sobbed away, for he finally won at something for once in his life.


...now back to the scene in the lounge.

"Take these games to Master Hand and tell him to destroy them!" Link handed the CD-i games to Isabelle. He simply couldn't bear to look at them anymore.

"Can I at least play them, to see if they're as terrible as you're making them out to be?" asked Ness. Mario and Link were too distraught to pay any attention to Ness.

"I think I know a better solution to dispose of these games..." stated Isabelle. She doesn't know a particular solution at the top of her head, but she's just buying some time to think of a valid one. Destroying the CD-i games would be pointless, even though they suck so much. "Just follow me!"

"Right after-a ya!" Mario said as he and Link followed Isabelle out of the lounge, heading to who-knows-where. Ness just scratched the back of his head, wondering what had gotten into the two. Are those CD-i games that awful?

Isabelle: Did I pander to Mario and Link? Yes, yes I did. But having Master Hand wiping the games from existence would be pointless - after all, more and more copies are abound, all of them at thrift shops I assume. The goal is to put the games in a safe place, where Mario and Link will never, ever find them...


King Dedede and Mr. Game & Watch guided Master Hand to the hallway closet where the Waddle Dee family resided. This family is the best kept secret right now in the mansion, for only Dedede, Game & Watch, Pit, and Kirby know about their residence, and now it was Master Hand's turn to be in the know.

"So yeah, I've been taking real good care of this family, I think I deserve a Caretaker of the Year award for my awesome efforts..." King Dedede folded his arms, sporting swagger and a confident smile. But Master Hand evidently didn't buy it, not one bit.

"Tell the truth, Dedede..." ordered the giant hand. Master Hand is one of the few - correction, many - individuals in the mansion that can easily see through the penguin's facade.

"...Only thing I did for the family was provide water," King Dedede held his head in shame. There's nothing to be shameful of, providing water is one of the best things he could do for the Waddle Dee family.

King Dedede: No more doing the bare minimum! From this day forth, I will be doing more than just providing water...I'll start providing water enhancers, so their water can taste great! Regular water is the most disgusting liquid on earth!

"You two can only do so much for this family, and not to mention all the other important things you have to do," stated Master Hand. "What with you, Mr. Game & Watch, having to do maintainence of the entire mansion, and King Dedede, ruling over the Waddle Dees and keeping them in check...if only there is someone more than willing enough to take care of..."

Suddenly Master Hand's nonexistent eyes soon caught Cloud, who was walking through the hallways minding his business. Cloud seemed like the right person to ask, he would gladly foster the Waddle Dee family without question. So the creator of the Smash Universe approached the swordsman, hoping Cloud would agree with the question he's ready to ask.

"Hey Cloud, you got a minute?" Master Hand asked the blonde. Cloud's always up for anything, whether he truly likes it or not, so he always has a minute.

"Sure man, what's up?" replied Cloud, hoping whatever Master Hand has in store for him is short and sweet. Prepare to see Master Hand give the swordsman's hopes up entirely.

"Oh nothing, totally like I need you to watch over a family of Waddle Dees or anything..." Master Hand tried his best to play it cool, developing a visage that would win over Cloud.

"What's in it for me?" Certainly there must be some sort of benefit from what Master Hand is asking of from the swordsman, it's not that often the creator of the Smash universe hands you an important task (as long as it doesn't involve plunging toilets).

"Name me one person here at this mansion that ticks you off, a person that no matter what, is always getting on your nerves. I'll pay that person to leave you alone, and they'll never bother you again!"

"Hmm..." Cloud stroked his chin, musing over Master Hand's offer. Only a few select people are on Cloud's non-annoyance list - Peach, Zelda, Isabelle, Ness, and Lucario, just to name a few. However, a lot of people are on the swordsman's annoyance list - and one particular person is at the top. "Yoshi is pretty bothersome, maybe you can pay him to not write any more dumb fanfiction stories. It would help out not only for me, but everyone else involved."

"Yoshi's fanfiction isn't that bad, I've read them before and it's legit!" defended King Dedede, garnering inquisitive looks from Cloud, Mr. Game & Watch, and even Master Hand, despite his lack of eyes.

Master Hand: Remind me to have King Dedede's brain check ASAP. Not even a brainless monkey would enjoy Yoshi's fanfic stories, those horrendous stories are an insult to every writer in existence!

"Alright then, it's a deal!" Master Hand shook hands with Cloud. "I am entrusting you to take good care of this Waddle Dee family, and ensure that they are not harmed in any way. Now if you excuse me, I have to attend my hand massaging session. Sonic only has one more day until his punishment is fulfilled!"

And with that, Master Hand departed, and King Dedede and Mr. Game & Watch both followed suit. Cloud sat near the Waddle Dee family, hoping to get to know them a little better. It will be a hard process, due to the fact that they can't communicate through the lovely use of language, but it's worth a shot!

"How do you guys consume that stuff?" Cloud pointed at the water bottles and boxes of food, all lined up in the closet. The closet has a wide amount of space, which means the family has enough room to put in a television if they wanted to. One of the Waddle Dees gave Cloud a gift of sorts - a small umbrella. "Um, thanks..." Cloud would dispose of the umbrella, since it was very small and not big enough to protect Cloud from the rain, but he'll save face and accept it.


Wolf went to one of the rooms of the mansion, where the knitting club was held. Inside the room he found Yoshi, Ashley, Toad, and the newest member, Pac-Man, knitting away making new quilts.

"Howdy!" Yoshi waved to Wolf, greeting him. But Wolf wasn't here to greet Yoshi.

"Care to join us?" asked Toad, the presumed drug lord. But Wolf wasn't here to join some lousy knitting club.

"Save me..." Pac-Man pleaded to Wolf with pleading eyes. But Wolf wasn't here to save Pac-Man from this torture.

Instead, Wolf's here for one person, and one person only - Ashley, who, as an introvert, felt slightly unnerved when Wolf was standing over the young witch.

Wolf: Ashley is an absolutely perfect fit for my horror movie! I have noticed a common element in most of the horror movies I analyzed - a creepy girl goes about, killing random people and doing some exorcism stuff! Ashley has the looks, attitude and hotspur to do all of those things and more!

"Make this short, sweet, and to the point," demanded Ashley. Wolf was invading the young witch's personal space...an extremely small personal space, almost nonexistent even.

"How would you...like to star...in a horror movie?" Wolf proposed to the witch. Ashley mused over the thought of starring in a movie, until the thought of others seeing it frightened her.

"Thanks, but no thanks, I'll just stick to watching them." Ashley continued her knitting, and Wolf grudgingly walked out of the knitting room. Ashley in a horror movie would have boded very well..


Afar from the room, Donkey Kong, Lucina, and Ludwig were reading over the lines Wolf had given to them. Lucina, who had the role of playing as Shaniqua, a strong independent black woman who don't need no man, was clearly exasperated by her lines. She has to use terms like "dope", "shorty", and perhaps her least favorite word of all, "booty". Reviewing over these lines was Lucina's loving father, Chrom.

"I don't know Lucina, this looks way beyond your league..." said the prince of Ylisse. "Is there a way you can talk Wolf out of doing the part?"

"He's proven to be quite stubborn, especially since he's recruiting new people, so I highly doubt it," Lucina replied assuredly. If she can't talk Wolf out of it, Chrom will be there to back her up. That's what good, protective fathers do, they stick up for their kids even if they don't need it. Lucina should feel great that she has such a great and caring father. Same can't be said for Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings...

"Are you three rehearsing your lines?" Wolf approached the three actors, still quite angry that his recruiting ploy with Ashley fell flat. "Hopefully you'll be ready when I find a good video camera!" Dude doesn't even have a viable recording device on him...you know the movie's gonna suck now!

"Wolf, we need to talk," Chrom confronted Wolf. "You have Lucina playing as a ghetto woman from the hood, and she's clearly unsuitable for the role. I demand that you give her another character to play as at once!"

"Don't tell me what to do! Unless you want to get whipped again by my belt..."

Donkey Kong: Chrom got whipped by Wolf?! And the guy wonders why he'll never find another girlfriend in his life, getting whipped by some lousy wolf with a mohawk...
Ludwig: Yeah like you're the one to talk, dating some gorilla that looks like Nikki Minaj...
Donkey Kong: Boy if you don't... *chases after Ludwig*

"Hey guys what's going on?" Pit popped up in the scene with Viridi, holding hands with the goddess of nature. When you're in a romantic relationship, you gotta hold hands, it's romantic protocol.

"We're filming a horror movie, care to join?" offered Wolf, hoping either Pit, Viridi, or both join the movie.

"What do you think Viridi? I would be awesome in a horror movie - I can be the Undertaker, the wrestler, and you can be...the Undertaker's wife!"

"Sounds like a good idea, I suppose..." Viridi smiled nervously, too afraid to tell the angel that his idea is beyond bonkers.

Viridi: Apparently Pit is unaware that wrestling is kayfabe, or fake...to this day, he still thinks the Undertaker is an actual undertaker in real life, and that Randy Orton delivers random RKOs to random civilians outside of wrestling, and that Goldust wears his freaky face painting out in public...would it destroy our relationship if I told him it's all scripted?

"Can I be the Undertaker?!" pleaded Pit. "Can I, can I?!" The way he was pleading, he was acting like a dog, demanding his owner for more bacon.

"Sure kiddo, you being the Undertaker would be perfect, since you can be the villain and all," replied Wolf. The Undertaker is rarely known as a villain within wrestling, but Wolf here is more than willing to make it work for his movie - whatever it is about. "What role would you like Viridi?"

"She can be the Undertaker's wife!" Pit is assuming that the Undertaker's wife is some hag working at a funeral home, when in actuality it's a former WWE diva. As Viridi stated in the talking head segment, Pit is unaware of wrestling being fake or scripted - whichever one floats your boat - so he's unfamiliar with all the stuff that happens outside of the wrestling ring.

"I prefer to be a witch, one that can make potions!" stated Viridi. So basically she wants to be like Ashley...would have been a lot easier if she just said that.

"And I want to be the apprentice to the witch!" Sonic randomly showed up, running at the speed of light to the scene.

"Sonic aren't you supposed to be massaging Master Hand's...hand?" asked Wolf. Indeed, the hedgehog is supposed to be doing the hand massage for Master Hand, as punishment for throwing a celebration for Zelda that was all for naught.

"Well I was supposed to, until I paid off Tails to sedate Master Hand for me, so until further notice, I'm a free man!" But if Master Hand wakes up from his slumber, he'll severely punish Sonic - and Tails as well, for following up the hedgehog's ludicrous plan.

"Well since you're already here, I suppose we can include you in the horror movie..."

"Aw sweet I'm gonna star in a horror movie?" Sonic was getting all giddy, and his ignorance greatly concerned Wolf. Viridi playing as a witch should have been a strong context clue. "And here I thought you were making a romantic teen movie, like Twilight!"

"Witches are very uncommon in romance films...and teen movies in general...you know what, just forget about it."


Knuckles had finally done - he finished recording his first rap mixtape - entitled Chaotix, gotta keep it short and simple for a first record - and now all that was left to do was publish it. First he needed a good mixtape cover...

"If you're looking for the perfect mixtape cover, we're your guys," Fox said to Knuckles in the Star Records room, on behalf of him and Falco.

Falco: Got any idea who you're looking at? You're look at one of the best photographers in the mansion, the best of his kind in any generation! *strikes a pose* Now people may not know this, but I'm a master photographer, and I'm more than willing to take the right photo for Knuckles, a photo that will...Yes, yes, I'm aware he needs an mixtape cover, but...what, Photoshop?! Ew, no, Photoshop is for losers who toy around with their own images of themselves, just to make themselves look better than they're supposed to be!

(Behind the talking head segment is Gil, who is seen running away in tears)

"Thanks a bunch, you guys," thanked Knuckles. The echidna had put a heavy amount of trust in the Star Fox pilots - in fact, Fox even gave one of Knuckles' rap songs a name, "Crystal Beings", which was named for obvious reasons. "I can't seem to think of a great mixtape cover, especially with the name and all. I'm a bit low on suggestions..."

"What's this about an mixtape cover?"

Knuckles saw behind him Yuffie Kisaragi, and her ninja pals Greninja and Sheik. The echidna shrieked like a little girl as he leaped into the arms of Little Mac, who happened to walk inside the room

"I cannot begin to describe how weird and awkward this feels right now," the boxer stated. Falco took a picture of this on his phone - another visual relic for the memories.

"W-What do you guys want?!" asked Knuckles, still ticked at Yuffie for scaring him like that. Knuckles is always trying to promote the visage of a tough guy, a guy who is rarely frightened. And Yuffie just tarnished his countenance and swagger.

"Just here to see how you're handling things, in the room you and your scrawny friends stole from us!" replied Yuffie. Apparently she's still bitter about the events that transpired in episode 14; the basement isn't enough to suffice her anger. "I take it you finally finished your lame rap mixtape?"

"First of all, it's not lame, it's straight fire!" A lot of up-and-coming rappers - mostly the youngins - say their mixtape is straight fire, Knuckles isn't really helping his chances in impressing the ninjas. "And secondly, it's not really finished, I must have a finese mixtape cover so it will look legit when it hits the music stores!"

"Selling it online instead would be much easier," stated Sheik. She knows this from experience - she sold some of her needles online for no price, and an acupuncture massager bought these needles for a whopping $1,000! Hiding this cash from Wario proved to be a tough task for Sheik.

"I would, but Fox and Falco both told me that putting my mixtape up online has become too mainstream, so I'm doing it the old fashioned way."

Sheik shook her head, facepalming. The Star Fox pilots' "too mainstream" logic was clearly getting inside Knuckles' head.

Knuckles: I wouldn't even put my mixtape up online in the first place, a lot of people on the Internet you can't simply trust. Like Dr. Eggman for example, with those belly-dancing video he keeps sending to me, Sonic, and Tails...no matter how many times I change my e-mail and IP address, that dumb fatso is still finding new, inventive ways to send me those videos...sooner or later he's gonna hack the system and send them to EVERYONE...*scratches his chin* Hmm, why not forward the videos to Amy, she would definitely like them!

"Ate...too much...chocolate..." Doc Louis entered the room, puking into poor Big Top. The boxing trainer had ate one too many chocolate bars, and his stomach evidently had enough of the savory sweets. So in a brutal act of rebellion, it caused Doc to feel nauseous, and vomit into the giant hat that is Big Top. Given his nature, the talking hat seemed to enjoy his gross punishment...

"Yeah, keep it coming!" he exclaimed, inadvertently making everyone else in the room sick. Everyone except for Knuckles, that is.

"I think I got it now!" the echidna exclaimed. "Everyone, follow me to the computer room, this mixtape cover idea is gonna be SICK!"

"He means that in a non-disgusting way, right?" Yuffie asked the others, fearful that Doc Louis throwing up might have given Knuckles a pretty gruesome idea.


Marth walked through the mansion, feeling slightly humiliated after the Inklings had witnessed his dancing. His humiliation would soon rise another level, when he saw the female Inkling showing Heihachi Mishima a video on her cellphone...a video of Marth and Luigi dancing! How did she manage to record the two without being caught?! Being a squid can really heighten your stealth skills!

"Wa wa wa! Marusu wa kanzen'na dōke no yō ni maimasu!" laughed Heihachi. "Kanzen ni kare o mite kekkonshiki de jibun jishin o komara seru tanoshīkoto, kare wa dansufuroa o utsu yō ni kanjite teikyō sa remasu!"

"How dare you record me without me knowing!" Marth confronted the female Inkling. He would call her by name, but he can't because (1) the Inkling has no given name, and (2) giving her a name would be terribly awkward. "I demand that you delete that video at once!"

"I'd rather see you try!" the female Inkling retorted before sticking her tongue out at Marth. The Hero-King chased after the female Inkling, and Heihachi just watched. The video of Marth and Luigi dancing was know ingrained in his head - darn shame he can't tell anyone else about it since he only speaks Japanese.

Heihachi Mishima: Nioi ashi o ya~tsuMarusu wa deddopūru-iri eiga no yōna monodesu: Anata wa sore ga okoru koto o nozonde ita, anata wa okoru koto wanaidarou okufukaku shitte iruga, dō iu wake ka, soreha okorimashita.

Marth chased the female Inkling through the hallways, and managed to corner her in the computer room, where Knuckles was working on his mixtape cover on Photoshop. Flanking him were the dudes from Star Records (Big Top included) and the three ninja pals - Yuffie, Sheik, and Greninja.

"You sure this is such a good idea?" Yuffie asked Knuckles, who's mixtape was was apparently a mesh of bright and vivid colors. The inspiration for this, you might ask? The color of the Doc Louis' vomit. You can't possibly make this stuff up, can you?

"It's different, which what makes it so great!" remarked Knuckles, while Marth chased the female Inkling around the computer room. Samus just entered the computer room after a short coffee break, and the computer she was using was thankfully still on, despite the chaos that was happening. She caught the female Inkling, and grabbed her by the shirt.

"Did you get any videos for me?" she asked the Inkling. The female Inkling gave the bounty hunter her phone, showing her the video of Marth's and Luigi's spectacular dancing - so spectacular, it made Samus laugh! Marth, Knuckles, and everyone else looked at Samus in bewilderment, for Samus laughing is a once in a blue moon type of thing.

Heihachi Mishima: Kanren nōto de, Samusu warai wa Marusu ga kusai ashi o yatte yōna monodesu - anata mo, anata ga pointo o eru... Anata wa sore ga okoru koto wa arimasen shitte iru, sore ga okoru shitai to omoimasu.

"I'm so adding this to the wedding website!" snorted Samus. Marth's eyes grew big in worry - if the video gets uploaded to the website, then everyone that visits it will see him and Luigi dancing, in all of their glory...he can't let it happen.

"You think that video is so funny, huh?" the Hero-King marched up to Samus, swiping the phone away from her. Then Yuffie swiped the phone away from Marth, and played the video, laughing at the dancing she had seen.

"Oh man, this is too funny!" Yuffie was literally crying tears of laughter. Knuckles grabbed the phone from Knuckles while Yuffie was enjoying herself...laughing. He would show the others the video, and they were laughing just like Yuffie. Even Sheik was laughing! If she and Samus laughed, then the video would work wonders on Cloud...

"You know what, screw the mixtape cover, I gotta show this to everyone else!" Knuckles ran out of the room, leaving Marth in a state of panic. Only a few brawlers saw the video, and if everyone else sees it, his and Luigi's reputations would be ruined!

"No, don't do it!" the Hero-King did what was right, and chased after the echidna. His dignity has never been more on the line.

"I needed that video to complete the wedding website..." groaned Samus; the website was 95% complete, and that video would be the icing on the cake. "Can one of you guys get back that phone?"

Nobody bothered to listen, since they were too busy laughing after watching that video. Samus sighed and exited the computer room. Take to take matters into her own hands...


Peach sat in a room, a room where she and Zelda usually hold their tea parties. The tea party was still going on, but without Zelda - the princess of Hyrule told Peach that she had to use the bathroom. Unless you weren't paying attention, Zelda secretly reverted to her Sheik persona, and went to attend the tea party in the basement with Yuffie and Greninja. Peach is still waiting patiently for Zelda's return...

Peach: It's been hours, and Zelda has yet to return from the bathroom...I told her not to eat those refried beans, especially since Wario bought them. He makes sure he gets the..."explosive" ones, and for a good reason...

"Hey Peach, you wanna hear a wicked fart?" Wario approached the princess. The fatso was holding in a very toxic fart - so toxic that it could result in an atomic bomb after-effect - and holding it in much longer would cause his stomach to reject him, just like how Doc Louis' stomach rejected him for eating a liberal amount of chocolate. Peach was the perfect candidate for the act of flatulence he's about to perform.

"No thank you, Wario, my nostrils deserve your mercy," replied Peach, trying to come off as nice so she wouldn't offend Wario. But sadly for her it didn't work.

"You ain't got no choice! Time to let it rip!"

Peach braced herself, as Wario was ready to pass some wicked gas. But before he could, he was knocked over by Link, accompanied by Mario and Isabelle. The fatso ran into a window and fell out of it, and when he landed, a giant farting sound was heard, releasing a giant wave of toxic fumes.

"Aw man, my nose feels numb!" Corrin yelled from outside, after smelling the terrible stench that was Wario's fart. A fart cloud enveloped the surrounding area, making it unsafe to go outside, ever.

"Are you sure Peach can obliterate these games?" Link asked Isabelle. The dog had led Mario and Link throughout the mansion, searching for a viable way to "destroy" Hotel Mario and Link: The Faces of Evil - games so infamously bad, the two Nintendo icons refused to even look at them.

"Um, yes, she can, uh..." Isabelle struggled to think of a good reason. Mario and Link are very tough cookies to crack! "...she can pour tea on the video game discs and destroy them forever!"

Mario and Link both pondered over Isabelle's idea. Was pouring great tea on two video game discs really worth it?

"That sounds-a like a great idea!" exclaimed Mario. Isabelle let out a sigh of relief; their little goose chase was finally over... "Peach, mind-a if I borrow the teapot?" ...Looks like Mario and Link are dead serious about ridding those games from existence.

"Go ahead, I don't see anything..." Peach said, before she was cut off by Mario grabbing the teapot, taking the CD-i games out of their cases, and pouring hot tea over them, in hopes of destroying them. Peach and Isabelle just looked on in horror, was Link was encouraging Mario.

"No more! No more!" Mario was now turning into a crazed maniac, bent on eradicating the CD-i games forever.

"You know Mario, an easier way of getting rid of those games is to sell them to a thrift store..." Peach stated, trying to be the voice of reason.

"Or we can just throw them at a wall!" Link grabbed both CD-i discs and threw them against a wall, breaking them in the process. "Crisis averted...can't believe we did all that walking around the mansion for nothing!"

"Tell-a me about it!" said Mario, grateful that those dastardly games are gone forever. However, he and Link have become ignorant to one important thing...

"You do both realize there are plenty other copies of those games, right?" asked Isabelle. Mario and Link both sported worried facial expressions, having realized that their biggest fear has come.

Link: I thought you said all the copies of Hotel Mario and Link: The Faces of Evil were all destroyed! Did you not?
Mario: Hmm, maybe my petition to the U.S.-a government didn't fall through. But no matter, we'll-a handle this situation ourselves!

"Well what are we waiting for?" asked Link. "Let's gather all copies in Washington, and destroy them! And after that, we'll continue around the country until there's no copy in existence!"

"Good-a idea!" nodded Mario. The plumber and the Hylian exited the room, sticking to their rather oddball quest.

"Care for some tea?" Peach asked Isabelle. Seems like the dog isn't up for a tea party, especially in her current mood.


Cloud was still taking care of the Waddle Dee family, and he was doing it all alone. In fact, he seemed to enjoy being by himself - no hindrances or annoyances are present to distract him...until Yoshi decided to show up.

"Go away," the swordsman rudely told Yoshi before the dinosaur could even say anything. He saw that Yoshi was carrying a notepad - used for his fanfiction writing - and that made Cloud nervous about who he's gonna be paired up with next.

"Don't worry, it won't be long, just a quick chit-chat, and I'll leave you at peace," stated Yoshi. Cloud groaned; maybe Yoshi will be less annoying this time. "So I've been doing some brainstorming lately, and while I was brainstorming, I was observing you and Lucina, and how..."

"Okay, that's enough, go away and leave me alone." A Cloud-Lucina pairing? The blonde swordsman doesn't approve, not one bit!

"Shh I'm not done yet! Anyway, I've been observing you and Lucina, taking note of how serious you two are, and then I thought...why not put you in a love triangle with Little Mac included?"

"Yep you're seriously off your rocker this time, leave me alone or I'll have to use force."

"It was worth a shot..." Yoshi held his head in sadness and walked away. Time for him to start over from scratch...

Yoshi: Perhaps I should experiment with Pokemon...yeah, a Pikachu-Jigglypuff-Lucario love triangle would sound legit! Only thing I would have to do is ask Jigglypuff if she's a girl...

"How's it going?" Meta Knight checked on Cloud, after King Dedede told him the story of the Waddle Dee family, while exaggerating how much work he has done to ensure they're in the right shape. "Looks like you don't need any assistance..."

"It's not as hard as it looks," replied Cloud. "Though I kinda wish this family would live somewhere else..." Cloud certainly didn't mean this in a bad way - like he wanted the family to go away so he can resume his usual activities of thinking about life - he just felt that the mansion isn't suitable enough for the Waddle Dees, and that they deserve their own place of residence.

"I feel ya," Meta Knight took a seat next to Cloud. Why?...is probably what Cloud is thinking. "Maybe we can build a house for them, a small one adjacent to the mansion. Mr. Game & Watch is a master carpenter, he can build a house without breaking a sweat!"

"We can ask him to build a house for the Waddle Dee family, and they won't have to worry about me having to take care of them! Sounds like a great idea! Though we'll probably have to ask Master Hand for permission..."

"You know how Master Hand can be, he won't even let you use the fax machine without his consent. Let's go speak to him now!"


With Yoshi momentarily watching over the Waddle Dee family (a great time to perfect his fanfiction craft, Cloud and Meta Knight went to Master Hand's room, and found the giant hand lying atop his bed - a bed he rarely uses. Why does he even have one...

"He must be asleep," assumed Cloud, noticing the hand restless and not moving a single inch. The swordsman took upon the risk of waking up Master Hand - a strong chance of Master Hand going off on Cloud persists - by lightly tapping the giant hand's index finger. Master Hand didn't budge.

"Touching him won't work at all," stated Meta Knight, pushing Cloud aside. "What will work is some pain!" He drove his sword into Master Hand, hoping to wake him up. Still nothing happened. What gives?

"I don't think he's responding..." Cloud began to fear for the worst - Master Hand, the creator of the Smash Universe, was now seemingly unresponsive. "What should we do?!"

"We must carry him down to the fitness center. Wii Fit Trainer is a qualified nurse, she can help us in some capacity..."


Wolf was back in the meeting room, this time with an even bigger cast. Donkey Kong, Ludwig, Lucina, Pit, Viridi, and Sonic were all gathered inside, ready to start filming...if everyone was on the same page.

"Man, you look ridiculous!" Sonic pointed and laughed at Pit, who was dressed like the Undertaker. The angel had on an Undertaker cloak, an Undertaker hat, and was even wearing eye liner.

"Leave my precious Pit alone, he looks great!" defended Viridi, always sticking up for her man whenever she needed to.

"Can I PLEASE change my name from Shaniqua?!" Lucina pleaded to Wolf. "I refuse to carry such a name!"

Lucina: A complete revamp of the character I'm playing as is what I'm actually demanding...but I have to start with some baby steps. Convincing Wolf will prove to be a very slow process.

"ENOUGH!" Wolf yelled at the top of his lungs. It was now silent in the room. "Now that I have your attention, it's about time we start filming the horror movie. Has everyone memorized their scripts?"

"Yes!" everyone replied, with Viridi having to speak up for Pit, and you know why she had to.

"Donkey Kong, is the camera fully working?"

"Works as good as new!" Donkey Kong gave Wolf a thumbs up. "Lenses are clearer than the Pacific Ocean! And the recording features are...

"Okay, I get the point now, I don't need any more figurative expressions."

"Wolf may I use the bathroom?" Pit quickly raised his hand. Wolf sighed; Pit's bladder problems were ruining his plans.

"If you must..." Pit hurriedly got out of his seat and headed straight towards the bathroom. A few seconds later, he came right back.

"Turns out I didn't have to use it, my bladder was just messing with me." The angel sat back down, and Wolf was angry at him for nearly wasting his precious time.

"I take that everyone is ready?" The actors all nodded their heads. "Excellent. This horror movie is going to be epic..."