Episode 23: Arachnophobia
As a strong safety protocol, one must always keep the front door locked and shut at all times - whether you're at home, or shopping at the mall with your boo (if you even have one, that is). This is to prevent intruders from entering your beloved household and raiding your home of precious belongings, like your television set, your wardrobe, and even your pet(s).
One particular brawler who undervalues the use of front doors is Sonic. He thinks that having the door closed creates unwanted problems - what if someone is knocking on the door, and nobody is able to answer it? The person knocking would eventually lose any patience they have building up, and leave the premises for good. For this reason and more, Sonic has decided to remove the front door of the Smash Mansion - without consent from anyone.
"Put this in the garage, will ya?" Sonic handed Lloyd Irving the front door after taking it off the hinges. If Master Hand sees what the hedgehog is doing, Sonic may never hear the end of the giant hand's bickering...
"But we don't even have a garage!" Lloyd pointed out. The reasoning behind Master Hand not getting a garage is that it will "devalue" the use of the driveway, where Jacky's, Sonic's, and Link's vehicles are parked at.
"Oh, there is one, you just gotta...believe," Sonic said doing some hand motion to create an imaginary rainbow, and Lloyd bought it, as indicated by his mindless nodding. The naive swordsman walked off to put away the front door in the imaginary garage, wherever it may be.
Sonic: Lloyd can be so easy to manipulate sometimes...well, all the time. It's like taking candy from a baby - except the baby lets you take the candy like it's nothing.
"Sonic what-a are you doing man?!" Mario approached the hedgehog, furious as ever. "You're taking the front-a door down!"
"I'm just eliminating all of your problems!" defended Sonic. A giant huntsman spider unsuspectingly crawled inside the through the front door entrance, and scurried off - yeah, Sonic is really eliminating a lot of problems with his rationale. "With the front door taken down, visitors and delivery boys alike can enter the mansion at free will, and not have to wait for someone to answer the door! As for us brawlers, we can continue our activities without interruptions like opening the front door!"
"Has Master Hand approved of this?" Mario folded his arms, dismayed by Sonic's intentions.
"Yeah he was, he was all like, 'Oh yeah, Sonic, removing the front door sounds like a wicked awesome idea, this is why you're the smartest person in this household, eons smarter than Samus will ever be'!" Smartest person in the household? More like the most intolerable person, and aside from Wario and Lloyd, there's not that much competition.
"I'm gonna go ask Master Hand about this!" Mario stormed off to Master Hand's room to have a word with the Smash Universe creator. Sonic sped off, ready to perform more dastardly deeds.
"LINK COME HERE QUICK A SPIDER IS IN THE LIVING ROOM!"
Zelda yelled this as loud as she could, her voice resonating throughout the entire mansion. Remember the giant huntsman spider that sneakily made its way inside the mansion through where the front door was? It's now in the living room terrorizing Zelda and Peach, who were doing each other's hair in peace. Gotta get that hair ready for the wedding!
"What's up?" Link arrived in the living room, and saw the giant huntsman spider, near the sofa. Zelda and Peach were huddled together at a corner. "Oh cool, a giant huntsman spider." Link said this calmly, not seeing what the all the hullabaloo was about.
"Link, you must kill that spider immediately, it's so frightening to look at!" Peach told the Hylian. Like most people in these situations, she was hyperventilating, breathing in and out like her life was in danger.
Peach: Spiders are so darn creepy, with their long legs, and their eight eyes, and just the way they crawl, it's just so...
Young Link: *holds up fake spider in front of Peach, causing her to shriek and smack Young Link in the face by accident*
Peach: Oh I'm so sorry, Young Link, are you okay?
Young Link: Eh, I've taken worse shots to the face...from Epona, at least. I'd rather not get into detail.
"Why not spare the spider's life, and release it from the mansion?" suggested Link, really wanting to continue his drab, boring day. "Then we won't have to go through all the trouble of finding methods to kill it..."
"Release the spider?!" panicked Peach. Clearly she is going against Link's idea, and would have been more supportive of it had he mentioned words like "kill", "destroy", or "murder", instead of or in addition to release. "That spider might have babies, and it can bring in her young to attack us!"
"Now Peach, don't make this such a big deal," Zelda consoled Peach, sitting her down in a chair. The Mushroom Kingdom princess had to inspect the chair first, to ensure there weren't any baby spiders crawling on it. Baby spiders love to live in small cracks of hardwood furniture, and that is an unproven fact. "Link will eradicate the spider, isn't that right Link?"
"I do believe I got some stuff to take care of..." Link inched away, looking behind himself for some adequate running room.
"RIGHT, Link?" Zelda said again, this time raising her voice. When your girlfriend raises her voice, you oughta do what she demands if you want to suffer the consequences.
"I won't let you down!" This shouldn't be a problem for Link, he has faced far more tougher challenges than slaying large spiders.
"Nothing like a great cool-down period to ease the stress of a daily workout!" exclaimed Ryu, sounding more like a televised fitness guru with each waking day. Ryu was walking through the hallways, cooling off from yet another intense workout that involved sit-ups, squats, jumping jacks, weight lifting, and even planking, which he tried out for the first time. You wouldn't believe how dismayed he was when he saw no muscle growth in his upper body. The kung fu fighter just so happened to walk past the Mario Bros' room, when he overheard Luigi sobbing like a baby. Not that much of a surprise, since Luigi can sometimes act like a baby. No offense.
"Isabelle is-a right, I am-a but a regular bum..." the plumber sobbed his eyes out. Of all the things to be crying over...
Geno: Just told Luigi about Isabelle's comments...he had to know sooner or later. Best to get all of his wimpy emotions out before the wedding.
"Crying a week before your wedding?" Ryu barged into the room, walked up to Luigi, and slapped him silly, effectively ending his sobbing. "How shameful of you! Grown men don't cry over a wedding, they should save that crying for the birth of their newborn child! Be a man for once!"
"But I'm-a just a regular bum..." admitted Luigi. Is he seriously going to let Isabelle's comments get the best of him?
"A regular bum you are not! You're a man, a mighty man, one of the greatest men to have ever lived! So what if you're a scaredy cat, and so what if you always take a backseat to your older twin brother? You're still the man, and I will bring out every manly trait from you today, starting NOW!"
"Where are you-a taking me?" Luigi questioned as Ryu grabbed the plumber's arm and ran out of the room. They would soon arrive outside, in the front lawn. Yes, today Luigi will bring out his masculine qualities in the front lawn of the mansion. So manly...
"Drop down and give me twenty, and don't stop until I tell you to!" ordered Ryu, acting like a drill instructor. He has the looks and the swagger, so it all works out perfectly. Luigi did as he was told, dropping to the ground and vigorously performing push-up after push-up. Sweat rolled down the plumber's face as he neared the point of exhaustion.
"I think...I passed...twenty push-ups..." stated Luigi, still giving it his all despite passing the limit.
"You fool, I told you to do just twenty push-ups, and yet you broke the limit! How can you call yourself a man now if you can't follow simple instructions?!"
"You said-a to not stop until you told-a me to!" Aside from physical workouts, Luigi is acting more manly now, growing angrier by the minute.
"Exactly, and I told you specifically to do twenty! I would have told you to stop before you reached the twenty mark, but I didn't, and you went passed the limit I imposed on you! As your punishment, you must run laps throughout the mansion, without taking a water break or a breather! Can you handle that?"
"And you'll-a tell me to stop if I have-a to, right?"
"Indeed, I shall! Now go inside the mansion, and run like your life depends on it!"
Pit: Viridi and I are getting along quite well, a lot better than I expected. We discuss things such as favorite things, current events, and all that good stuff. It's getting to the point where we're almost inseparable!
Pit and Viridi were in the gaming room, playing a board game, when Viridi was approached by Tails. The fox is serving as the ring bearer of the wedding, likely due to his young age, and he has a question to ask Viridi regarding her role in the wedding.
"Are you nervous about being the flower girl?" asked Tails. The duties of the flower girl aren't that drastic - you just walk down the aisle scattering flowers. Worst case scenario is that you trip and fall, and the wedding guests will have a recollection of you tripping at a wedding in their memory banks.
"What's there to be nervous about, it's the easiest job in the world!" Viridi replied confidently. "I was literally born to be a flower girl!"
"So you're not really a goddess of nature?" inquired Pit, somehow getting the titles "goddess of nature" and "flower girl" mixed up. One may be wondering how this was even possible.
"Silly buns, I am a goddess of nature, but I'm also a flower girl as well - at Luigi's wedding, that is! I've always wanted to perform the flower girl duties!"
"In that case...how about I become the first ever flower boy? It can work, we'll walk side by side and scatter flowers all over the place!"
"Actually Pit, Mario and Luigi have already flexed Villager to serve as the flower boy," stated Tails. Reason behind Villager being the flower boy was that he's relatively small, and will compensate for Viridi's height. Pit, being much taller than Viridi, would make him and Viridi walking down the aisle look...slightly weird. "But if you want, you can be an assistant to King Dedede, who is the wedding cameraman..."
"Bump that, I don't wanna be some lousy photographer! Why not make me an assistant flower boy?" Hoo boy, Pit is getting desperate now...
"No such thing exists ever...one flower boy is enough, no need for two!"
Tails: Why couldn't Villager and I switch roles? Do you realize how nerve-wracking it would be for me to walk down the aisle, carrying the ring in my hands? What if, I drop the ring, and it falls in some hole and nobody can retrieve it? Everybody would absolutely hate me...except for Bowser, he'd ridicule me for the rest of my miserable life and discuss the incident on his social media pages, such as Facebook and Tumblr...isn't he a bit too old to be even using Tumblr?
"Fine then, how about I be the kid that picks up the flowers after the wedding commences?" suggested Pit. This suggestion oozes of bitter desperation; picking up flowers is the janitor's job, given a janitor is present at a wedding.
"Sorry Pit but all the roles are filled up," apologized Tails, angering Pit. "You'll just have to be a normal guest at the wedding. But you know, we all can't have nice things..."
And with that remark, Tails departed, and Pit was still dying to participate in some capacity at the wedding - just as long as he gets to spend time with his girl.
"Stay right here Viridi, gotta go take care of some business!" Pit told his girlfriend as he got up and left the gaming room. What business does he supposedly have to take care of? And whatever happened to him and Viridi being "inseparable"?
"Hurry back soon!" Viridi called after Pit, wanting to finish the board game (which Pit is losing miserably at, in case you may have been wondering).
Back to Link, who is killing the giant huntsman spider...or at least trying to. He has the spider quarantined, surrounding it with furniture. Only thing left to to is figure out the most effective way to dispatch the spider, and restore peace to the mansion, although the peace isn't that much disturbed.
"Hey Link, Rool somehow got himself stuck in the washing machine again, I tried to pry him out, but to no..." Cloud walked into the living room, and saw the bizarre arrangement before his eyes. "...avail? You haven't killed the spider yet?"
"It's a process, I tell you!" Link arose from a bunch of couch cushions piled together. Underneath his cushions, he was devising a plan - a plan that has yet to come to any fruition. "Just give me some time!"
Link: A great, effective way to kill off the giant huntsman spider would be to use bug spray on it. Spray the surrounding vicinity, and watch sadistically as the spider dies a cruel, painful death. Apparently Fox and Falco enticed Master Hand to take all the bug spray bottles out of the mansion, saying that using it to kill insects and spiders is "too mainstream", and that there should be other methods of killing. Nowadays, whenever a cockroach is present, the Star Fox pilots have to rely on their blasters to kill it. Which always result in a 1/150 chance of the roach's eradication.
"So you can kill giant spiders on your wild adventures inside dungeons, but you can't kill a huntsman spider in a living room?" Cloud shook his head at Link. "How very sad..."
"Like you can kill this thing..." frowned Link. Dude always hates it when Cloud puts him down. Can't carry a flatscreen television up the stairs? Cloud will think of you as weak. Don't know how to repair a computer? Cloud will seriously doubt your technological acumen. Unable to use a bathroom? Let's hope Link is capable of urinating and bowel movements, and if he didn't...
"The most popular way to kill spiders would be to use a fly swatter. Just how big is the giant huntsman spider?" By the sign of Link's hands, the spider is as big as a dinner plate. Imagine seeing a spider of that size in your room in the middle of the night. "Yeah, a fly swatter would be seriously out of the question...Have you tried using your Master Sword?"
"My Master Sword is only delegated to vanquishing monstrosities...but go ahead, kill the spider with your Buster Sword if you wish, it will be your loss." Link also uses the Master Sword to perform tasks such as cutting the grass and unclogging the toilet (though only as an emergency option, in the event Wario breaks it because of reasons that may or may not be obvious), so the sword does have plenty of other uses - Link just doesn't want to waste his beloved sword on a non-monstrous spider.
"My 'loss' will be your gain," Cloud pulled out his Buster Sword, and readied himself. He removed the furniture, and eyed his target, the giant huntsman spider...which crawled to Cloud's foot and then on his shoe, before crawling up his pants. And like most people in this given situation... "GET THIS SPIDER OFF OF ME!" Cloud was frantically trying to get the spider out of his clothes. He danced around as the spider crawled all over his body, looking for the right spot to bite the swordsman and thereby subjecting him to an endless amount of time spent nursing the bite.
"Stay where you are!" Link ran out of the living room, and came back with Donkey Kong, who was holding a banana in his hand. He saw Cloud moving about like a maniac, and found himself chuckling a little.
"Let me guess: giant huntsman spider?" he asked Link; the Hylian nodded his head. Donkey Kong stretched his fingers, and did the near-unthinkable - he grabbed Cloud, and put him in a massive bear hug, hoping to kill off the spider in the process. However, the spider scurried out of Cloud's pants, and retreated.
"Don't you EVER do that again," Cloud warned Donkey Kong as the gorilla placed the swordsman back on his feet. Same goes for you Cloud, don't be breaking out of character and screaming and all that stuff.
Back to Sonic, where he's doing more dastardly deeds - like washing the brawlers' clothes in the kitchen sink. He was washing Corrin's garments, and Corrin, being the sheltered prince that he is, was down with Sonic's method.
"Who knew using laundry detergent in a kitchen sink would be so effective!" remarked the prince of Nohr, letting his blind ignorance subdue him.
Sonic: You're probably wondering why I washed clothes in the kitchen sink, aren't you? It's simple - I'm destroying every common folkway used in daily life, and reconstructing newer ones! In addition to folkways, I will be also reconstructing social norms! First thing on the list, start a socially conservative punk rock band! Haven't seen one of those in existence!
"Sonic are you seriously washing my parka?" Nana approached the hedgehog, having to wear her "backup parka", only used for emergency situations such as a numskull hedgehog washing your clothes like they're unclean dishes or something.
"Just doing ya a huge solid!" Sonic responded cheerfully. "And besides, who wears a parka inside when summer is coming up?" Sonic has a valid point, it would be insane for the Ice Climbers to continue wearing their parkas during the summer, both inside and outside.
"IT'S A SAFETY PRECAUTION!" The Ice Climbers hate it when people question their lackadaisical fashion sense. No matter where they go, they are constantly mocked and questioned to the nth degree.
"Becoming warm and hot inside a parka during the summer days is a safety precaution?" Corrin raised an eyebrow, confused by Nana's logic. To be honest, anyone else, even Pit or Lloyd, would be confused too. "Whatever works for you..."
"Says the guy who once slept outside in the wild for an entire week..."
"Sonic we have to talk!" Master Hand showed up, angry as he ever was. Thankfully no one is able to see Master Hand's visible anger, for that would be a frightening sight. "Mario has told me about you removing the front door, and look at the problem that you caused! Random intruders are trespassing inside the mansion, and stealing my precious vases! You won't believe how much money I spent on them, and now they're gone forever!"
"Um, how was I supposed to know we're having intruders?" questioned Sonic, obviously unaware of the disadvantages of removing the front door. "I was just trying to solve our problems! That man Mario is such a snitch!"
"There's a fine line between snitching on others and and reprimanding others of wrongdoing. You sir, fall under the latter!"
"Pfft, yeah right," snorted Sonic, believing that he's above every law known to man. That kind of mentality is the embodiment of pride and arrogance, and Sonic is making himself out to be quite the arrogant fellow. "I'm gonna reinvent social norms, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"
"We'll just see about that..." Sonic is messing with the wrong guy! Or hand...
Mario was walking from Master Hand's bedroom when he was suddenly encountered by Fox and Falco, who were just dying to ask the plumber a question concerning the wedding. This question would very well alter the wedding's overall framework, and get the guests involved.
"Do you mind if we...reenact the JK Wedding Entrance at Luigi's wedding?" proposed Fox. The JK Wedding Entrance is one of the most viral videos on the web, and single-handedly made Chris Brown one of the hottest commodities in the music industry. If you follow Brown, you're probably familiar with his somewhat tragic downfall.
Falco: Every wedding in history must have a entrance similar to the one from the JK wedding video! Why would you waste your precious time watching the groomsmen and bridesmaids walk down the aisle like a bunch of losers, when they should be dancing and engaging the wedding guests in some fun!
Fox: The wedding's gonna take place in an outside venue...we can be the first individuals to perform the wedding entrance outside! Wonder if it will ever show up in a Guinness Book of World Records...they're quite picky...so I doubt it.
"You're gonna have-a to speak with Marth about it," stated Mario. The Hero-King, who is in charge of the ceremony practices, is taking a backseat to several brawlers during the final week of wedding planning: Akira Yuki is getting the wedding license, Pac-Man is giving out directions to the venue to the wedding guests, Yoshi is writing out the vows, and Wario is buying a wedding dress for Daisy. Watch as Wario buys a cheap-looking dress as a putrid way to save money.
"Screw that feminine jerk, we're just trying to spice up the wedding!" frowned Falco. "Bet Marth has never seen a wedding with groomsmen and bridesmaids dancing down the aisle!"
"Maybe that's-a because that didn't exist-a during Marth's time..." Dancing of any sort at any Altean wedding would be greatly frowned upon, since it wasn't the norm back in the day.
"Altea flat out sucks, that dumb country is always getting attacked!"
"Excuse me?!" Marth approached Fox and Falco from behind, startling them both. In the Hero-King's hands was the wedding presents for Luigi and Daisy. At this point, he has enough presents to fill up the mansion's kitchen.
"Falco didn't really mean it, Atlea is an awesome country, the United States pales in comparison to your home country!" Fox did his best to cover Falco's behind. "Ain't that right Falco?"
"Oh yeah, I was just joking around!" replied the avian pilot, chuckling nervously. However, Marth didn't buy it one bit.
"You don't have to pander to me like that, I've met several people who share the same sentiments about Altea as you do," stated Marth, holding his head down. "Every week there's always an invasion in Altea, and I don't think the country can survive much longer..."
"Heh, with a name like Altea for a country, I don't blame ya," remarked Fox. Marth would glare down Fox, but he knew he was partially right, so instead he let out a huge sigh.
Link and Cloud were determined to eradicate the giant huntsman spider, and they relied on the Inklings to lend them a little assistance.
"This paint should do the trick!" the female Inkling held up a bucket of boiling paint. "It's strong enough to melt the flesh of living things, down to the bone!" Understandably, Link and Cloud glanced looks of concern with each other. "...We don't use this paint in our paint battles for obvious reasons."
Female Inkling: Judd used to use this paint on cheaters, making them pay for their actions, but he had to stop after finally realizing how inhumane using it was.
Male Inkling: Inhumane? We're Inklings, not human beings?
Female Inkling: Must you be so technical...
"The paint won't burn up the carpet or anything like that, will it?" asked Link, very cautious about using the paint. Judd is a crazed maniac for even creating the paint to begin with.
"Nope, it will only burn flesh!" replied the male Inkling, sounding somewhat giddy. Perhaps the glimpse of seeing someone's flesh burned alive is satisfying to him...if that's the case, then he and Judd are on the same level of sociopathy. "Let's do this!"
The male Inkling grabbed the can of paint, and threw it at the spider's direction. The spider sensed the paint, and ran out of the way, leaving behind a giant stain on the living room carpet. Mr. Game & Watch will have that fixed in no time.
"Please tell me there's still some paint left," Cloud asked the male Inkling, as the paint on the carpet started to sizzle. The Inkling chuckled nervously, indicating that all the paint is now gone, and it will take yet another method to kill the giant huntsman spider.
"Unfortunately that was our only can of the paint, all the other paint cans are banned from usage," stated the female Inkling.
"So why did you even have that paint in the first place?!"
"Mainly for disposing of Lloyd...but Master Hand wouldn't allow us to satisfy our grudges."
Speaking of Lloyd, the naive swordsman was busy looking for the garage - the garage that never existed in the first place - to place the front door in. He searched for the imaginary garage in the most unlikeliest of places - a bathroom, the fitness center, and even in the basement, where Yuffie and Greninja were waiting on for Sheik to join them.
"Care to join us in a game of Cards Against Humanity?" Yuffie asked Lloyd, holding up the box containing the cards for Lloyd to see. For those of you who might be unfamiliar, Cards Against Humanity is very much like the Apples to Apples party game, except it's only for "horrible people". Not the kind of game you would want to be playing with your grandparents.
Yuffie: Sheik...erm, Zelda...better hurry up and finish Peach's hair already! Does she not realize how boring and drab it is to play Cards Against Humanity between only two people?! We need a minimum of three people, otherwise the game won't be demented enough! I mean, just look at these cards...Ghost of Marlon Brando? Shaquille ONeal's acting career? Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug playing a saxophone?! How do you make these things up? I hardly know any of the people I just said...except maybe for Clinton, he's pretty cool, I suppose.
"I would absolutely love to play, but I must place this front door in the garage, wherever it may be," replied Lloyd. Yuffie and even Greninja were both chuckling at Lloyd, and the swordsman didn't seem to understand why. The one true disadvantage of pure naivety.
"This mansion never had a garage to begin with," stated Yuffie. The ninja has only frequented the Smash Mansion for a few months, and she knows more about the ins and outs of the residence. Lloyd should feel pretty ashamed of himself.
"Yes it does, Sonic said so! He told me to believe..." Lloyd did the same hand motion Sonic had used on him. "...and I will find the garage. So far, I'm still believing! That garage is around here, I just know it!"
"Is it possible to be this naive?" Yuffie asked Greninja, who shrugged while shaking his head. A wise Pokemon like Greninja doesn't even have an answer. "Look Lloyd, contrary to what Sonic might have told you, there is NO garage in the mansion. And that's because of Master Hand, he's boring like that. But, if you like, you can put the door here, and be done with it. Also, why do you even have that door in the first place?"
"Sonic wanted to remove it so we won't have to worry about answering the door again. Sounds like a genius idea to me." Only a fool like yourself would think that, Lloyd.
"Does he not realize that...ugh, just tell me where Sonic is."
Marth met with Wario, Akira, and Pac-Man in his room to make sure each individual has fulfilled their task regarding the wedding. If any one of them goofed up, then the wedding might be screwed over.
"As you are hopefully all aware, I assigned each one of you with a wedding task to fulfill," stated Marth. Fox and Falco both pitched their JK Wedding Dance idea to the Hero-King, and Marth has told them he shall muse over their suggestion for much of the weekend. "Akira, did you get the marriage license?"
"Sure did!" Akira held up the marriage license for Marth to see. It was just a certificate with Luigi and Daisy's name on it, nothing much to see here. "The people that gave out the license were great people, they saved themselves from a karate chop to the head!"
"Don't know why you would even attempt that...Wario, did you purchases a fine wedding dress for Daisy?"
How does this look?" Wario held up an elegant, white wedding dress with flowers on it. Flowers are Daisy's motif, and she loves flowers; if you were to put a flower on a trash bag and give it to Daisy, she would fall in love with it in an instant.
Wario: Dumb wedding dress cost me almost $650 dollars! I could have spent a lot of valuable stuff with that much money, like a bunch of magazines with hot babes in it! Or even a week's worth supply of doughnuts! But no, Marth wants me to waste my hard-earned money on wasteless crap, like a worthless wedding dress. Was I marrying Daisy, the dress wouldn't be that worthless at all!
"And Pac-Man, did you send out the directions to the Olympic Sculpture Park to the wedding guests?" asked Marth. (Olympic Sculpture Park is the site of the wedding, it's somewhere in Seattle.) Pac-Man scratched the back of his head nervously, indicating that he may not have done his task, or he was unable to fulfill it.
"Thing about it is, not everyone had a cellphone, so only a few people got the directions via text message," he stated. His response was enough to make Marth twitch his eyebrow. It's integral that the guests receive directions to the park prior to the end of the week. The Olympic Sculpture Park officials may be stingy about attendance, especially if guests arrive late.
"Couldn't you just mail out the directions, that's the most common way to do it! What's the purpose of texting the guests the directions when you don't even have every person's contact information?"
"Just so you know, I would mail out the directions, but I was unsure about when the guests might receive them. So I opted to text them instead. The guests who received the text message can pass it to others...so I hope."
"If we don't have a full house at the wedding, this will be all your fault..." Or it might be Marth's fault for giving the task to Pac-Man in the first place.
Back to Link and Cloud, still determined to kill the giant huntsman spider in the living room at any cost. The spider is now atop the living room ceiling, and the swordsmen didn't want to go through all the hassle of getting a ladder and using it to reach the spider. So instead, they relied on a particular Pokemon to get the job done...
"Pika pika?" Pikachu pointed at the giant huntsman spider, unsure about killing it. The mouse Pokemon has no qualms about hurting other Pokemon, but an innocent spider unrelated to Ariados or Galvantula? He can't bring himself to do it.
"Link already inquired about safely taking the spider out of the mansion and leaving it in one peace, but Peach was strongly against the idea," explained Cloud. "She wants the huntsman spider to be dead before the end of the day. Think of it as the time that lizard infiltrated the house, and Peach tried to severe its head."
Pikachu: *shakes his head in dismay*
"We're not asking much from you, just use Thunderbolt on the spider, and we can put this whole thing to rest," stated Link. How relieved the Hylian will be once the spider has been disposed of.
"Pika..." Pikachu started to charge up electricity, with his signature red cheeks generating static...until the static died down, and the electricity was gone. The mouse Pokemon clearly has second doubts about the spider's eradication. What if he narrowly misses, and leaves behind soot on the ceiling? Of course, the consequences will be few; Mr. Game & Watch will patch it up quickly, but he'll give Pikachu an earful with a tirade consisting of beeping sounds (but not the kind of beeping sounds used for censorship, obviously).
"You hurt Pokemon most of the time in battles, is that correct?" Cloud is trying to sway Pikachu's emotions. "And you have given us brawlers plenty of licks in the matches we have together. So what's so wrong with taking out that spider?"
"Perhaps Pikachu isn't used to killing living things," said Link. Good pointed - Pikachu sure can knock out Pokemon and brawlers, but killing living things is something that he's not accustomed to. Unless he's Mewtwo, that is.
"But it's a freaking spider, there's no harm in that!"
This resulted in an ensuing argument between Link and Cloud. Pikachu, seeing this, quietly exited the living room, returning to the Pokemon sanctuary. Hardly any arguing or disagreement there, thanks to the Pokemon who are incapable of speech aside from uttering their own names all day long.
"And this right here is a king salmon! It's not that big, but it's better than the usual bass that I keep catching!"
Villager was showing off this fish mount and plenty of other mounts to Kirby in his room. The pink puffball clapped for every mount Villager showed him.
Villager: About time someone around here appreciates the fish mounts I hang up on the wall! Kirby is the only person interested - everyone else looks down upon me and tells me I need more hobbies. I do the Shrunk Funk Shuffle in my spare time, is that not enough?!...You have video evidence of me doing the dance? Please don't show the others, I beg of you...
You're probably wondering why Kirby is hanging out with Villager, interested in seeing the boy's fish mounts. It's all a part of Pit's devious plan to become the flower boy at the wedding. What does the angel have in store to fulfill his master plan? Just you wait and see...
"You know, I've always wanted to catch a small shark and place it up here as a fishing mount," Villager placed the king salmon mount back on the lovely wall of mounts. Villager can make this wall a Fishing Mount Hall of Fame with the numerous mounts he owns. "Tired of catching the same ol' fish over and over again, takes the fun out of fishing..."
"Hiyah!" Pit randomly barged into the room, karate kicking Villager in the head and sending him to the floor. The angel stuck a perfect landing, and posed for his buddy Kirby, who was applauding Pit's actions. Lousy puffball would clap for a raging fire on a stove while the mansion burns down in flames.
"Ow, my aching head..." Villager lifted his head up, massaging it to soothe the pain. Needless to say, his massaging did absolutely nothing.
"Flower boy at the wedding, here I come!" Pit enacted an Usain Bolt-esque pose, pointing at who-knows-what with both hands while imitating a trademark grin. "But first, we gotta take Villager to the fitness center. Hopefully he will be incapacitated and unable to serve the flower boy role at the wedding!" Where on earth is Pit getting all of these vocabulary words from?!
"Yes, it's finally finished!" Wolf cheered in the computer room after finally finishing his stupendous horror movie, which is really anything but. The title of his beloved movie is "Stuck in the Mansion" - not the best horror movie title out there, but it's a working title! Four to five weeks of adding special effects, adjusting scenes, and even altering the voices of the characters is now all paid off, and Wolf is now planning on showing the brawlers his beloved work sometime after the wedding.
But before the Star Wolf pilot can show it to the brawlers as a whole, he must first preview his movie to select brawlers. He has to get some reception and feedback before giving the film an official premiere. Ness was the first brawler to get a sneak peak of the film, and boy was he scared...
"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!" Wolf frowned as Ness laughed his butt off at the movie. Laughing at a horror film is not a good sign, unless that horror film was made back in the 1930s and has been burdened with poor production quality.
"I'm sorry..." Ness replied, wiping away the tears that poured down his eyes from laughing so hard. You're not sorry, Ness, you don't have to gesture in front of Wolf like that.
Ness: Lucina speaking with that ghetto accent was too funny...and what was up with Pit's get-up? Looks more like a wannabe cowboy posing as Batman with a cape on than the Undertaker...
"What's so funny?" Rosalina (and Luma) just so happened to walk past by when they saw Ness, still laughing from the awesome horror movie he just witnessed. Rosalina found it quite peculiar that a horror movie is able to make a person like Ness laugh, so she requested to Wolf that she gets a sneak peek for herself. She found the film very amusing...though not in a good way, much to the chagrin of Wolf.
"I would greatly appreciate some constructive criticism since you find my film so amusing," Wolf folded his arms as he glared at Rosalina, who was fanning herself with her hand to prevent her face from turning to red from laughter. Wolf's movie was able to make a stoic Rosalina laugh - that alone is an accomplishment in itself.
"Well, to be fair and brutally honest...it would be for the best if you got rid of this movie altogether."
Wolf's eye began to twitch, and he cracked a smile that indicated that he might go off on Rosalina, Ness, or both. This is the side of Wolf O'Donnell that nobody wants to see.
"Get rid of the movie, you say..." Wolf inhaled and exhaled, extremely reluctant to throw all the hard work he inputted in the movie in the trash. Rosalina, Luma, and Ness cautiously exited the computer room, staying well weary of an about-to-blow Wolf.
Link and Cloud are now scrapping the bottom of the barrel to dispatch the ever-persistent giant huntsman spider. Who is possibly helping them out now?
"I...am...your...courage!" the Flying Man shouted in-between attempts to take out the spider on the ceiling, flying about with a giant fly swatter. Only the Flying Man owns the swatter; nobody else is allowed to even lay a finger on it.
"This is so disappointing," Cloud facepalmed, disgusted that he and Link had to go seek assistance from the Flying Man of all people. The beast's annoying catchphrase of "I am your courage!" must have been the main reason for the swordsmen asking him in the first place. Or because he's one of the few residents possessing the ability to fly at will. With a catchprhase like "I am your courage!", the Flying Man is capable to doing anything, right? WRONG!
Flying Man: Bugs, spiders, ticks - they are absolutely no match for the mighty Flying Man! *flexes muscles, kisses them* With a splat on any surface, with the swift flick of the wrist, I obliterate my multiple-legged foes with perfect precision and timing!
Link: *from afar* Hey Flying Dork, quit posturing in front of the camera and get your scrawny butt back in the living room! That spider can't kill itself!
Flying Man: Duty is still calling! *flies off to the living room*
"I'll be right back, gotta go see if Mario's busy," Cloud walked off, leaving poor Link behind with the Flying Man. "The spider better be gone by the time I get back." Seeing how the Flying Man is struggling, Cloud should be preparing himself for some disappointment.
"Have I ever told you that I am your courage?" the Flying Man randomly asked Link after yet another missed attempt at killing the spider.
"You tell me that every time we see each other..." stated an annoyed Link. "Why can't you use a new catchphrase for once in your life..."
Luigi is done. He's finally done! He conquered Ryu's grueling training session in order to become a man, and now he's ready to partake in the wedding ceremony with a strong sense of confidence and swagger.
However, there is one challenge the plumber must fulfill before he passes Ryu's session of sorts. And it involves eight-legged freaks.
"Peach and Zelda have spoken of a giant huntsman spider lurking about in the living room," explained Ryu. "They were discussing this in the beauty salon, and I thought it would be a great idea if you kill off the spider for good!" Ryu wasn't lurking around the salon, was he?
Ryu: Those lovely ladies at the salon were greatly violating my freedom of assembly! I was just resting near the salon while Luigi ran laps throughout the mansion, when I overheard the situation regarding the spider. Before I could alert Luigi about this, Rosalina caught me and then her and the ladies berated me for standing near the salon, like I'm some sort of creeper! How does standing near a salon make me a creeper? Do they not know how the First Amendment works?
"But I'm-a afraid of spiders, what if the spider eats-a me?" panicked Luigi, too afraid to realize that giant huntsman spiders are not gigantic beasts and are reluctant when it comes to biting human flesh.
"Listen to me, Luigi!" Ryu placed his hands on Luigi's shoulders, speaking to him like a life coach. "This is your one and only chance to prove to the brawlers that you're a man, and not the the scaredy cat that they're well accustomed to. Are you willing to change things and show the people what you're made of?"
"Yes," nodded Luigi, unnerving Ryu with how soft spoken he was. According to Ryu, in order to be a man, you have to speak in a manly tone and act macho everywhere you go. Nothing but silly gender generalizations.
"I can't hear you..." Luigi better speak up, or Ryu will sucker punch him through a wall...
"I said YES!" Luigi shouted at the top of his lungs, greatly pleasing Ryu. The kung fu fighter nodded his head with assurance, for his work is nearly complete.
Sonic continued in his quest to break social norms and create new folkways...such as setting up a Christmas tree in the living room. The hedgehog carried the tree through the hallway, and he was doing it by himself, since understandably no one even bothered to lend a helping hand.
"Not sure if you're already aware about this, but nobody sets up a Christmas tree near the end of May," Meta Knight told Sonic as the hedgehog walked right past by. He's right, this is the time to be gathering food items for a Memorial Day cookout. Dunban and Robin (yikes) are currently shopping at the nearby supermarket for some glorious cookout food.
"Well I'm gonna change that!" Sonic proclaimed defiantly. "Starting today, we are going to start preparing for Christmas, and we'll do that by setting up the Christmas tree!" It would be funny to see Sonic be the only person to put in the work towards holiday preparation. Perhaps the most realistic thing he could do is save up some money to purchase Christmas gifts.
"There you are, Sonic!" Yuffie approached the hedgehog, accompanied by Greninja and Lloyd. "Lloyd spoke about you removing the front door of the mansion...do you really want random intruders to be roaming around here?!"
"Ugh, you and Master Hand are so difficult! Honestly I had no intention of letting intruders inside the household - I'm just 'revolutionizing' things to improve society."
Sonic: Like Knuckles' ever-fluctuating relationship status with Rouge the Bat, our entire world is subject to change. Everyone here on this planet possess the ability to make and bring worth change. And that is exactly what I'm enacting!
"Your 'revolutionizing' is going to screw over the mansion one of these days," stated Yuffie. "So you best stop what you're doing, or somebody's gonna pay!"
"Pay what?" snorted Sonic, continuing on his merry way. "You're just making a huge deal out of nothing..."
"ALL OF MY PRECIOUS VASES ARE GONE!" Master Hand's voice boomed throughout the mansion. Evidently and ironically Sonic is the one who's gonna have to pay. "NOW THE ENTRANCE OF MY MANSION LOOKS BASIC AND DRAB! NICE GOING, SONIC!"
"See what I mean? Master Hand is overvaluing his vases; he can go the cheap route and buy new ones off of Amazon! That's how I got my new flatscreen TV...although it hardly works that much anymore."
Yuffie glared down Sonic as the hedgehog exited the hallway with the Christmas tree.
"Wii Fit Trainer, we have an issue on our hands!" Pit rushed into the fitness center, with Kirby tagging along holding an unconscious Villager in his puny arms. They looked everywhere for the trainer, but she was nowhere to be found.
"You called?" Wii Fit Trainer showed up, having just returned from the beauty salon. Why does a woman with pallor like Wii Fit Trainer frequent the beauty salon in the first place. "I've noticed how fast you were running, certainly you can exert all of that speed on treadmills! So what seems to be the problem?"
"It's Villager, he suffered a head injury and Kirby and I are unsure about how serious it is!" Pit is doing an awfully good job at making the situation feel genuine, downplaying the fact that he injured Villager in the first place.
"Oh my goodness! Lay him on the patient bed this instant!" Pit and Kirby did as they were told, resting Villager on a bed suitable for his size. "So how did this happen?"
"Alright, so Kirby and I, we were in Villager's room, and Villager was showing us his fish mounts, and then suddenly...WHAM! A mount fell off of the wall and hit Villager on the head, thereby giving injuring his head and possibly his brain."
Pit: So how long did it take me to come with up an alibi? I'd say less than three to five minutes. In order to test out my alibi and ensure that it's legit, I told not only to Kirby, but Lemmy as well, and they both bought the alibi! If it works on them, then it can work on just about anyone!
"Impossible, the fish mounts only weigh so little, so it couldn't have given Villager the head injury," stated Wii Fit Trainer, making Pit feel a bit nervous. "Surely you didn't give Villager the head injury yourself, did you?"
"Me injuring Villager?" chuckled Pit, downplaying his actions to the best of his abilities. "Why I wouldn't do such a thing, I'm an angel, I'm purely innocent!"
"Oh you don't say...no ulterior motives, like replacing Villager as the flower boy at the wedding?" Uh oh Pit, she's getting unto you!
"Heh heh, what makes you think that?" Just keep your poise Pit, and Wii Fit Trainer may never suspect another thing.
"Tails spoke about you desiring to be a flower boy at the wedding, just so you can be with Viridi. Now don't tell me that's not true..." Time for Pit to fess up.
"Fine, it was me. I was the one who karate kicked Villager in the head, and gave him that head injury. My plan was to have him incapacitated so he'll be unable to serve as the flower boy at the wedding, and I can just take his duties so I'll be with Viridi. Please don't tell Lady Palutena, I can't afford to get grounded! I have a life, you know!"
"I promise not to tell Palutena about your actions, but only under one condition...you'll never hurt or injure another person here ever again. I'll do my best to heal Villager, and we'll just pretend that his injury never took place."
"Thank you, Wii Fit Trainer!" Pit gave the trainer a hug. Wii Fit smiled and let Pit hug her for a few more seconds, before repelling him.
"I understand that you had to go through all of that trouble just to be walking side-by-side with Viridi at the wedding, but let me tell you one thing..." Wii Fit Trainer got down on one knee and faced Pit. This is the position one must usually take when tell someone some life advice. "Just because Viridi is your love interest, doesn't mean that you have to spend every waking minute of your life with her. If you do, that will make you weird and obsessive. Do you want to be weird and obsessive?"
"I already got the weird part down pact." Gotta stay modest whenever possible. "But as for being obsessive - that's something I definitely don't wanna be. So if I don't get to become a flower boy at the wedding, then so be it. There's plenty of other times I can be with Viridi."
"Yeah, that's the spirit! Now I do believe that Viridi is waiting for you to return...can't leave her waiting for so long!"
Determined to prove doubters that his beloved movie is not as crappy as it seems, Wolf brought his laptop around, showing the movie off to select brawlers. His anger would increase with each and every time a brawler laughs at his film. The latest brawler to ridicule Wolf was Wario, who was busy taking Daisy's wedding dress to the laundry room before Wolf showed him the film.
"Please tell me it's like one of those parody horror flicks!" the fatso told an angered Wolf. Surprisingly Wolf hasn't snapped on anyone yet, he's really keeping his cool!
Wolf: Not only did Ness and Rosalina laugh at my movie, but Roy, Doc Louis, and Isabelle also laughed as well! Freaking Isabelle was laughing at me! Oy, how low can I possibly go?
Dark Pit: *walking by* At least you're not the resident joke of the mansion yet...
Wolf: Shut up kid, you were a part of my movie, you have no room to talk...
"It's hopeless, nobody will be scared by this piece of crap," Wolf, admitting defeat, laid his laptop on the floor and crossed his arms, sulking. Luigi just so happened to be walking towards Wolf's and Wario's direction, walking like he was a tough guy, when he saw the laptop lying on the floor playing Wolf's horror film. The scene involving Pit and Dark Pit playing as the Undertaker and Kane respectively was playing, and Luigi did what he does best...
"Aaaaaiiiiieeee!" he shrieked like a little girl and ran off, running past Wolf and Wario. So much for being manly...
In the living room, Link and Cloud both allowed Mario, who was taken to the living room under Cloud's consent, to do the near impossible - he brought in Diddy Kong and made him shoot down the giant huntsman spider with his trusty Peanut Popgun.
From a realistic standpoint, this seems like a great idea. The peanuts that Diddy uses as ammo are strong enough to take down any foe. However, one must realize that Diddy has arachnophobia due to Villager's pranking, and his phobia is taking a large toll on the spidermonkey's accuracy.
"Why...won't you...stay still?!" Diddy said in-between shot attempts. The spider moved out of the way with every shot the spidermonkey fired. Sweat was coursing down his face with every movement the spider made.
"It's a win-a win situation," Mario explained to Link and Cloud, who were both looking at him inquisitively. "Diddy takes-a care of the spider, and he cures his phobia!" At the rate Diddy's going, his arachnophobia might become worse...
While Diddy Kong was doing his thing...or at least attempting to, Sonic whistled as he entered the kitchen and sat the Christmas tree down. The tip of the tree was close to the spider.
"Um Sonic, we should be preparing for Memorial Day, not setting up Christmas trees," Link told the hedgehog. Like he did with everyone else, Sonic shook his head at the Hylian, discontent that not a single person is on his side.
"When the holiday season arrives, and everyone is all panicky and stuff as they usually are, don't even come crying to me!" responded Sonic. The hedgehog departed from the living room, looking for a star to place atop the tree. After he led, a loud voice from Master Hand was heard, and the hand was scolding Sonic and demanding that the hedgehog purchase new vases for the foyer. Serves that dude right...
Cloud: You're seriously asking me if I ever celebrate Christmas? To be honest with you, I never could really get in the Christmas spirit, just the whole idea of trees, elves, and even Santa Claus just never got to me. Speaking of Santa Claus, I told Pit straight to his face that he never existed, and Palutena scolded me for making Pit cry his eyes out and spend a day or two in his room, feeling miserable. Kid's gotta learn sooner or later...
Luigi, still shrieking like a girl, ran into the living room, and jumped on the Christmas tree, clinging onto it and taking a breather for the oh-so-scary scene he just witnessed from Wolf's film (although it was the complete opposite of that). He looked up, and saw the giant huntsman spider. His heart was pounding as he stared at the eight-legged freak in fright and horror.
"Take-a out the spider!" Luigi's brother Mario called out. Luigi was unsure about what to do - should he go for the spider, or just let someone else like Diddy kill it? Diddy is a lost cause at this point, so it's time for him to take affirmative action...the plumber climbed up the tree, nearing the spider, and with a swift motion, he grabbed it!
"Yes, he finally did it!" cheered Link, glad that the situation is nearing a resolution. If only Cloud shared the same feelings... "Now kill it already so I won't have to hear Zelda's mouth!"
Knowing Luigi, he's not the one to kill animals or spiders. So he climbed down the Christmas tree, and went to where the front door was in the foyer - now deprived of vases - and placed it on the doorstep.
"Out-a you go, little fella," Luigi nudged the spider forward, and just like that, the spider crawled down the doorstep and through the walkway...where it will eventually cross the street and get squashed by an incoming car. But fortunately that didn't happen.
"Thank-a you for getting rid-a of that spider," thanked Mario, standing next to Luigi at the doorway. "Link and Cloud weren't-a that much help, what with-a relying on other brawlers to solve-a their problems..."
"There's some-a things plumbers can-a do that a swordsman can't," replied Luigi. He looked behind him, and saw Ryu, who smiled while giving a thumbs up. Luigi is now more of a man than he ever was, and it's all thanks to Ryu.
Safe to say that the mustached plumber is ready for his rather eventful wedding.
