Author's Note:
This chapter is somewhat Sonic-oriented, with a couple of Sonic the Hedgehog characters making an appearance. You have been warned.
Also, time for some reviews to answer...
From that one guy...
"Can you maybe focus more on Ness and Lucas?"
Also from that one gamer...
"More Mega Man?"
Oy, so many character requests...I'll try and see if I can feature Ness, Lucas, and Mega Man in future installments, if possible.
In addition, I also got this lovely review that I should respond to, this one from a guest:
"...is there a chance we'll see the female version of Robin and Corrin and male version of [Wii Fit Trainer]?
These three characters will likely appear in the story - how they will appear will be the only trouble I'll have.
Episode 27: Ignorant
Throughout the entire series of Smash Life, Sonic the Hedgehog has constantly presented himself as a bit of a jerkface. Many of his habits and mannerisms have given him a bad reputation as of late, and consists of a bucket list of things like photobombing wedding photos, hiding cellphones, forging for food stamps, creating new folkways, and even attempting to commit suicide...the list goes on and on.
But today, the brawlers were hoping that Sonic will at the very least be tolerable, for today is the celebration of the Sonic franchise's 25th anniversary - and Sonic's birthday. Yup, the hedgehog is turning a year older, and despite how much he ages, the hedgehog may never change his ways.
"Please tell me you baked me a birthday cake for me!" Sonic said to Palutena as the goddess of nature made her way to the kitchen. She and Aerith will be the ones responsible for planning some sort of big get-together, and everyone else refused to take care of the duties for obvious reasons we shall explore later on.
"Don't worry Sonic, we have a cake for you, and fortunately it's not store-brought," Palutena assured, walking away from the hedgehog as fast as possible. "Just hold your horses!"
"So you didn't bake me a birthday cake? Then it must have been Dunban! I'll go ask him right now!" Sonic sped off to find the Homs, and Palutena breathed a sigh of relief. Even on his birthday, the hedgehog knows how to annoy his peers.
Sonic: Technically I'm turning sixteen today, which means that I should have a Sweet Sixteen birthday party! Where's my crown? Where's my formal attire? Where's the DJ that's supposed to be at my party?!...Ah, screw K.K. Slider, I want a professional!
Sonic would eventually find Dunban at Luigi's new home, and he was in the kitchen showing the green-clad plumber how to operate the kitchen. There will be times when Luigi has to be a man, and cook on his own, if any dire consequences or setbacks happen to Daisy.
"Now if you want to cook vegetable soup, or something like that, you use this crockpot," Dunban instructed as he showed Luigi a crockpot. The plumber nodded his head, although it's likely he'll forget this information in due time. "This crockpot is also great for serving..."
"Yo, Dunban, Luigi, you know what today is?" Sonic asked the two as he entered the house and closed the front door behind him. Inside the hedgehog was just dying that Dunban and Luigi would say yes, but instead...
"Today is...Thursday?" Luigi raised an eyebrow, wondering if Sonic forget what day of the week it was. "Glad-a if I could-a be of assistance, if-a any." Luigi did not assist Sonic at all, as the hedgehog sported a blank look on his face. Sonic then looked at Dunban, who simply shrugged while shaking his head. How is it that two of Sonic's fellow brawlers not know about the hedgehog's birthday? What is this sorcery?
"Did you at least bake a cake or anything? Palutena did mention something about a cake..."
"She was just playing with your tail, I don't believe that there is a cake present," stated Dunban, placing the crockpot in a cupboard. "But if there is a cake, then I'll make sure that you're the first to know!"
"Eh, forget you guys, I'm outta here..." a disappointed Sonic made his way towards the front door, in utter disbelief that Dunban nor Luigi know about his birthday. However, the hedgehog isn't giving up any hope - in fact, he has a question that might indicate if anyone knows about his birthday. So he turned around and asked... "Do you know if any of my friends are coming over today?"
"1, 2, 3...GO!" Red the Pokemon Trainer counted off, starting an arm wrestling match between Wario and Roy in the lounge. Wario had the upper hand, utilizing his large arm muscles to push Roy's hand down to the table.
But the swordsman would eventually fight back, mustering up all the strength he had to push against Wario's hand, and push it down to the table, prevailing in victory. Roy cheered as he pumped his fists in the air, while Wario looked on, dazed and confused. The fatso was in disbelief that he lost to a measly swordsman despite having more muscle mass in his arms; certainly the arm wrestling match was a complete mirage.
Wario: That arm wrestling match I had with Roy...it was rigged! Rigged, I tell you! Why in fact, it was rigged from the very beginning - Roy's been using steroids, and I bet Ike, and to a lesser extent Marth, have been using steroids as well! How can you explain those weenies going from skinny string beans to strong-bodied punks when they were announced for Super Smash Bros 4? I know deep down that they're using steroids, and one of these days, they'll be exposed in front of EVERYONE!
"I demand a rematch!" Wario angrily pointed at Roy, who was still celebrating. "I let you win just to show a little sympathy, but in this next match, I'll show you what I'm truly made of!"
"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, if it makes you feel any better," remarked Link, reading the latest edition of Swordsman Weekly. His girlfriend Zelda was off doing things - things that she refuses to describe to Link in full detail, though she said that it was for a "certain occassion", and his best friend Cloud is spending some alone time with Aerith, so the hero of Hyrule is all by himself for today.
"Um, excuse me...but do any of you...know where I can find Sonic?" a purple cat shyly entered the lounge, with social anxiety written all over her face. She dressed with a royal attire, like she was a princess or even a queen from who-knows-where, and she looks around the same age as the person of interest she's searching for, Sonic.
"You look like a high-ranking royal person from a faraway kingdom!" Wario said to the purple cat. Being the millionaire that he is, judging a person's wealth based off of their attire or appearance is a bit of a sixth sense of Wario's. You have seen it in the first episode, when Corrin was introduced to the brawlers. "Give me all your riches, and everything that you own!"
"Woah Wario, chill out, do you treat any person you meet like this?" questioned Roy, who ceased celebrating when the cat appeared. Something about this cat looked so intriguing, and her shrinking violet personality made it all the more intriguing.
"Only if the person that I meet wears formal clothing and/or speaks with a formal tone. Everyone else - the poor losers strapped with financial issues- usually get by, but only under certain circumstances."
"I don't...have that much money...or anything worth giving to you," the purple cat continued. "I'm...Blaze the Cat...by the way...in case you were wondering." Red's eyes bulged when Blaze uttered her name, and the cat was rather frightened, for she never seen anyone react as such when she introduced her name.
"You're Blaze the Cat?!" the Pokemon trainer made his way towards Blaze, and the cat was fearing for her life. Has Red mistaken her for a Pokemon, and is attempting to catch her? "Oh man, Sonic has been saying all sorts of things about you, always talking about how the two of you saved the world from Dr. Eggman! Though it's not really that big of an accomplishment, Eggman is similar to Bowser in terms of lousiness."
"Sonic has been talking about me at the mansion..." Blaze held her arm with her hand, looking down at the floor. "That's...nice, I suppose..."
Blaze: For the record, I was the one that saved the world from Dr. Eggman. I had to carry Sonic all the way through our adventure. But honestly he wasn't that bad of an accomplice, in my opinion - though Silver is slightly better.
"Last time I saw Sonic, he was bothering people about some cake," Link explained to Blaze. "He's quite the annoying presence here at the mansion; aside from Tails and Knuckles, nobody seems to stand that guy."
"I can hardly blame them - when I first met Sonic, he was acting so judgmental, like he thought I was some evil person," stated Blaze. Tails and Cream the Rabbit were accepting of the purple cat, but Sonic...not so much. "But he warmed up to me...eventually."
"I see that you're getting to know one of our guests, Blaze the Cat," Zelda appeared through the doorway, standing next to Blaze. "She's quite the shy one, I should say, but she'll warm up to you, just like how she warmed up to Sonic!"
"There's other guests present at the mansion?" Wario wondered, rubbing his hands together evilly. "Sure do hope they all have money..."
Mario whistled as he went down the stairs to the foyer, to see if anymore guests were coming to the mansion. When the plumber arrived at the foyer, he saw something that completely surprised him and caught him off-guard...
"Mama mia!" exclaimed Mario, looking at a gaping hole in the ceiling of the foyer. This hole was huge; if it were raining, and there was a serious downpour, the foyer would flood up in an instant! "Who could-a be behind this hole! I must-a investigate immediately!"
So Mario went to go fetch Isabelle, and the plumber and the shih tzu went to go look for the perpetrator behind the giant hole in the foyer. Soon they would find the culprit - Dr. Eggman, laughing as he was having a friendly conversation with Bowser, Ganondorf, King Dedede, King K. Rool, and Heihachi Mishima in the vending machine room.
"And then I said, 'How can you possibly call yourself a Gerudo, when you don't even have any abs?'" Ganondorf conversed with the fellow villains, resulting in collective hysterical laughter from the group. Sometimes it's great to see serious dudes like Ganondorf joke a bit with others on an occasional basis. However, such instances had to be put on hold when the villains took notice of Isabelle and Mario, who were standing at the doorway; the latter was tapping his foot and staring at Dr. Eggman.
"Couldn't have hurt-a to enter through the front-a door, huh?" Mario questioned Dr. Eggman while folding his arms scornfully.
"I would have went through the front door, but I figured that would have been too 'mainstream'," replied the mustached villain. Clearly Eggman has been familiarized Fox's and Falco's non-mainstream ways when he arrived at the mansion. Or have the Star Fox pilots had already taken their cues from the evil genius themselves?
Dr. Eggman: Us villains don't go through some lousy front doors, like the commoners do. Instead, we use a variety of other methods, like blasting holes through a ceiling with a missile and flying through said hole on an Egg Mobile when no one is looking for instance. It's villain protocol!
"Dokutā egguman no kōdō ni gimon o teishi shimasu. Kare wa jaakuna akuyakuda, kare wa kare ga yorokoba reru yō shimashou !" frowned Heihachi, sticking up for Dr. Eggman. That's what true villains do, defending the actions of one another, even if those actions may be perceived as morally wrong and downright demented in the eyes of others.
"...Anyways, Dr. Eggman, we would appreciate if you would enter the mansion in a less formal manner in the future," said Isabelle as Heihachi held his head in sadness, disappointed that the shih tzu didn't even bother to translate what he just said. "Mr. Game & Watch already has so much on his plate, and Master Hand will probably..."
"Ah, yes, Master Hand, I've been wanting to speak with him at the wedding reception!" exclaimed Dr. Eggman. "Unfortunately, that crazy companion of his Crazy Hand kept him occupied with his insanity. Where may I speak with Master Hand, given that he's not busy?" Eggman should be wise enough to not hold any conversation with the mighty Master Hand, for the hand being is majestic enough to make you wet your pants, regardless of how brave or courageous you are. He makes the most evil dudes like Ganondorf feel like wimps in his presence.
"Um, we'll-a see about that..." Mario replied nervously, unsure if Dr. Eggman speaking with Master Hand would be such a grand idea. He already knows what the giant hand is fully capable of - he could make Dr. Eggman a living coat hanging at the snap of his fingers!
"No, no, I insist, speaking with someone like Master Hand is one of the most finest opportunities in the entire universe! Either you let me speak with Master Hand...or I will spill the beans..." Dr. Eggman's eyebrows moved up and down when he said the latter part of his response. Does the evil inventor have actual beans he intends to spill, or is he withholding crucial information that Mario already knows?
"Follow me..." Mario sighed as he guided Dr. Eggman out of the vending machine room and to Master Hand's bedroom. The evil genius was rubbing his hands together evilly...what is that man plotting?
Inside the computer room, Wolf was showing Team Chaotix - Espio, Vector, and Charmy - his beloved horror movie, hoping that the three agents will see through the poor production quality and see the horror film as one of the finest films ever created by man. Once the trio were finished watching, they had to give Wolf their critique of the movie...
"Awesome movie, fully deserving of a sequel!" critiqued Vector, giving a resounding thumbs up.
"Perhaps the best horror film in recent memory, totally would recommend your movie to anyone!" critiqued Charmy, who has little friends aside from Vector and Espio (Sonic and his pals don't count).
"Ten out of ten, four stars," critiqued Espio, remaining somewhat terse with his critique for whatever reason.
Wolf: Ha, I knew Team Chaotix would enjoy my horror film, they have really good tastes. Sadly the same can't be said for some of the losers living here at this wretched place, they must think Shrek is the greatest horror film ever created.
"Thank you for your positives comments about my film, I've always knew that there would be someone out there that would appreciate the hard work I inputted into the film," Wolf thanked Vector, Espio, and Charmy. What hard work is he talking about, that movie of his made even Rosalina cry tears of laughter! "Off you go know, enjoy the rest of your day!"
So Team Chaotic exited the computer room, and when they made a considerable distance from the room, where Wolf cannot hear them...the three burst out laughing, after having to hold their laughter in from Wolf. It would absolutely devastate the man to have Team Chaotix laugh in his face and ridicule his movie for the lousy piece of crap it is.
"That loon Wolf thinks his crummy horror flick is the best thing ever created since sliced bread!" Vector chuckled, wiping away a tear from his eye. "And he made it to fulfill a bet too?! Hoo boy, can't wait to see how his Star Wolf buddies will react to that heap of trash!"
"Could have been worse; Wolf did say that his only other option was having to wear female yoga pants," added Espio. And what a sight Wolf in tight yoga pants would have been, everyone could have been scarred for life. "Thankfully he decided against doing that..."
"Ay, Team Chaotix, what up dudes?" Falco greeted the trio, accompanied by his best friend Fox. The two walked up to the trio and gave them some dap. "So what brought you awesome dudes here?"
"You know exactly why we came here," Espio responded sharply. He didn't intend his remark to be so sharp, but he expected Falco to be in the know, you know? "We still have to keep it under the wraps, just like everyone else."
"Precisely, any mere mention and Master Hand will have your head for sure!" stated Fox. "Master Hand is someone you definitely don't want to mess with!"
"We know, we heard all sorts of stories from the streets!" exclaimed Charmy. The young bee is but six years of age - the same age as Cream the Rabbit - and yet he's hanging out on the streets; Vector and Espio must be terrible caretakers. "So where are you two heading off to?"
"To Luigi's new home, to check out his new digs. Luigi doesn't mind having guests over; wanna come?"
"I don't see why not," Vector shrugged as his comrades followed Fox and Falco to Luigi's new home.
Pit: A lot of guests are coming over to the mansion, and so far Team Chaotix, Blaze, and even Dr. Eggman have showed up. Kinda makes me wonder who will be coming next...
Pit exited the bathroom, happily whistling to himself, making his way to the arcade room. When he arrived, he walked towards the Galaga arcade machine , only to be beaten to the punch by a black hedgehog.
"Hey bub, that arcade machine had my name written all over it!" pouted the angel. He should have known better than to take his time walking, he knows how hectic things can be at the arcade room. One arcade machine may be available for just ten seconds, and just when you're about to play it...BOOM! Somebody else beats you to the punch. It's an arcade game survival of the fittest; whoever is the quickest to react always wins (most of the time).
"Save your lousy crying for another time, you lived here for so long that you probably played this arcade machine enough times already," retorted the hedgehog, as he stuck a quarter inside the arcade machine and pressed the play button.
"Wait...that voice...I can recognize it from anywhere..." Pit raised up his arm and pointed at the black hedgehog, who was fixated at the screen. "You're Shadow the Hedgehog!" Yup, that's right - the anti-hero of the Sonic franchise and the rival of the titular character was indeed playing the Galaga arcade machine, and he doesn't give a single darn about what the Sonic fans, his critics, and even his fangirls think of him.
"Shut up, punk, I'm trying to keep it on the down low..." growled the hedgehog, which was obviously Shadow. (If you thought it was someone else other than Shadow, then you seriously need to slap yourself in the face...but if you thought it was Mephiles the Dark, you'll get a pass.) "I was literally dragged here to this mansion, and I'm only playing this arcade game to test out its...capabilities."
"Um, excuse me, but when will you be done with that machine?" Fiora approached the hedgehog, who was irritated to be in the presence of others. "This is the only arcade game I haven't played yet, and I would like to..."
"Stay away from me, you craven, I won't let you touch this thing unless I say so!" Shadow is becoming very possessive of the arcade machine - like the machine contains the soul of Maria Robotnik (his one true friend) and his duty is to ensure no one touches it.
"...so you'll call me once you're finished, right?" Shadow's eye twitched when Fiora said this, and appeared to be on the verge of losing it.
Shadow: Ever since my childhood friend, Maria Robotnik, was shot and killed, I saw human beings for who they are - selfish, cruel, and immoral living things that only pursue certain actions to fulfill their own goals...Huh? I was speaking with what was known as a "Homs"? Are they aliens in human disguise or something?...So they're a distinguishable human species, like those Hylians, I see...Are the Hylians not elves?!
"Let's take a chill pill buddy, just relax..." Gil came by and played peacemaker, gently escorting Shadow out of the arcade room. The hedgehog was glaring down Fiora, who was trying to figure out what she did wrong. All she just did was ask a simple question, no need for Shadow to hold a grudge against her.
"Looks like the arcade machine is available now," the Homs shrugged as she walked over to the machine and inserted a coin, before pressing the play button. Pit ran out of the arcade room, wanting to see where Gil was taking Shadow to.
Sonic at in the cafe, moping. Today was supposed to be his birthday, yet a majority of the brawlers have seemed to forgotten about it. Had he grew to be so irritating, that the brawlers would rather remember his antics more than his birthday? No, it can't be, there must be another reason for why they're so forgetful.
"Happy birthday, Sonic!" Big the Cat walked inside the cafe, carrying a box of donuts. Sonic sure was delighted when the words "happy birthday" came out of the cat's mouth. "I bought you these donuts; they're not chili dogs, but I hope you like them..."
"Thanks, buddy, you're the best pal a guy can ever ask for!" Sonic gleamed as he happily took the donuts from Big and sat them at the table he was sitting at. "If only the same could be said for Tails and Knuckles...neither of them knew today was my birthday!" Tails was working in the workshop, and Knuckles had just started working on his first album, so the hedgehog assumed that they were too busy to remember the occasion. "But hey, they'll know what today is eventually!"
"Yeah, that's the spirit! Now if you excuse me, I'm going fishing with that Villager kid near the lake! Wonder how he's able to fish with spoon hands..." This is a very interesting question, how come anyone hardly ever thought of this? "See ya later!" Big departed from the cafe, leaving Sonic behind eating his lovely donuts.
Big: I had wanted to bring Froggy, my best friend, to the mansion to go fishing, but I was told not to, because that girly princess named Peach is afraid of frogs! Which leads me to question...how did Mario come to existence without Peach having to kiss any frogs?
Snake entered the cafe, sipping his coffee, when he saw Sonic eating the donuts. The former spy wanted to have some donuts for himself; his old geezer body needs as much sweets as it can take.
"See somebody got you donuts," Snake smiled as he neared Sonic, trying to make his move.
"That's right, got me some donuts for my birthday!" exclaimed the hedgehog, chomping down on yet another donut. Donuts aren't exactly what Sonic had in mind, but he'll take them as a birthday gift of sorts.
"Today's your birthday? Happy birthday!" Sonic was nearly offended when Snake asked him if today was his birthday. Time to add the former spy to the growing list of people who don't know...
"You didn't even know today was my birthday, didn't you?" The hedgehog's joy and excitement is starting to dwindle, not even the sweetness of the donuts can cheer the guy up.
"Guess I forgot..." Snake simply shrugged, sincere in his response, but Sonic didn't buy his sincerity one bit.
"Well then I guess I forgot to give you a donut," Sonic rudely closed the donut box, and Snake had a disappointed look on his face. This was his one and only opportunity to grab a donut, and Sonic the birthday boy completely ruined his chances.
"C'mon now, Sonic, you don't have to be like that..." Sonic didn't bother to listen to Snake; he grumpily got up and left the cafe with his box of donuts.
Mario guided Dr. Eggman to Master Hand's room, and the giant hand was using a giant abacus. He wasn't using it for measurements or anything - he just liked moving the colored beads about on the strings. Surely you share the same sentiments as Master Hand, and did the same thing before.
"Master Hand, some-a one would like to speak with-a you..." Mario said nervously, unsure of how Master Hand would treat Dr. Eggman. The evil genius walked towards Master Hand, holding out his hand for a handshake.
"Pleasure to meet you in person, Master Hand," Dr. Eggman grinned, as Master Hand shook his hand. "Funny how our gloves are very much similar to one another, that factor alone would make us best friends!" Too bad Master Hand hardly has any friends to begin with, his joy in torturing others has hindered his ability to befriend others.
Master Hand: When performing a great handshake, one must exert the right amount of strength, and use the correct technique. Your handshake must be strong and firm, for it will tell the person whom you are shaking hands with that you mean business! They even offer classes surrounding the concept of handshakes at the community college downtown, and they're only three measly credit hours! I should perhaps send Lucas there so he can shed off some of his shyness...And yes, I'm aware he is but a teen, but mark my words, he'll be a hand-shaking prodigy soon before you know it!
"Likewise, my friend," responded Master Hand. "Now let's cut to the chase - why do you wish to see me for?" Is it money? Is it fame? Is it power? These are some of things villains craved and more, and what Dr. Eggman has in plan may or may not shock you...
"I was wondering if I could craft a statue of you in some way, shape or form," explained Dr. Eggman. Mario's jaw dropped to the floor when the evil genius said this; his intention was that Eggman was planning on teaming up with Master Hand to rule the world, or even the entire universe! But it didn't turn out to be that way. "The statue will embody your power, your majesty, your intrigue - everything that makes you who you are! We can build it and put it at the front of the mansion, or even in the middle of the city if you want!"
"Sounds very enticing..." Where is that giant chin to scratch when you need it? Master Hand could really use one in these given moments... "I'll give it some thought throughout the day, I'll let you know when I come to a consensus. Until then, enjoy the rest of your day!"
"Thank you for hearing me out, Master Hand. Apparently some people were being all judgmental before I could even propose my idea..." Dr. Eggman headed towards the door while glaring at Mario, who was glaring right back as the evil genius exited the room. Around the time Dr. Eggman exited the room, Gil ran inside to alert Master Hand.
"Master Hand, one of the guests - Shadow the Hedgehog - was about to go AWOL in the arcade room," said Gil. "I've quarantined him by placing him in Lloyd's room and locking the door shut, hopefully to teach him a lesson...a very painful lesson." Being stuck with Lloyd in his room, in an elevator, or just about anywhere is a death wish, for that man can literally annoy you to death.
"Bring him to the darkened room in the mansion, I will try and reason with this individual later. His anger management problems may pose to be a real issue in the plan going forward..."
Blaze casually walked through the mansion, soaking in everything in sight, and the often precarious Wario was following behind her like a stalker, watching the cat's each and every move. The fatso knows that Blaze is a princess hailing from a faraway kingdom, and that means that she has a rather royal amount of riches- no pun intended. Wario is intent on snatching those riches to increase his own wealth, and nobody is stopping him, not even...
"Wario I thought I told you not to be snooping around Blaze because she dresses fancy and stuff!" Link loudly whispered to Wario from afar. The fatso looked behind him and saw Link hiding behind a vase, scolding him.
Link: After Blaze had left the lounge, Wario openly expressed interest in robbing Blaze of her "riches", so he can add on to his already ginormous wealth. Boy I tell ya, greed is his middle name, and he wears it proudly. If there was a homeless man on the road, and it had a lottery ticket, Wario would steal the ticket from him and use it to win a million dollars - even if that ticket is fake or not. And trust me, Wario purchases oodles upon oodles of lottery tickets on a yearly basis, and he won't stop until he wins. A lose-lose situation, depending on how you look at it.
"But Link, she has money, money she can share with others!" Wario whispered back, hoping that Blaze - who was admiring a picture of Alph and his fellow captains, Charlie and Brittany, standing with Pikmin hanging on the wall - wouldn't overhear him. "And by others, I mean myself, and no one else!"
"Sounds kinda selfish, don't ya think?" questioned Link. Why is he reasoning with Wario of all people? Reasoning with him is like reasoning with ladybug - it's nigh impossible and won't yield fruitful results.
"Selfish is my middle name!" Wario said this proudly, like it was an accomplishment or something. Nothing to be proud of at all. "So ya better get used to it!"
"Here I thought 'greed' was your middle name. After all, it suits you a bit more in terms of personality."
"Eh, greed, selfish, I use both interchangeably. But that's what happens when you don't even have a last name...you don't have a great middle name to compliment it."
"Um, were you guys following me?" Blaze angrily approached Link and Wario after hearing Wario loudly profess "selfish" as his interchangeable middle name of sorts. "Just because I dress fancy and all doesn't mean I deserve an entourage..."
"It was his idea, blame him!" Wario accusingly pointed at Link as he made a run for it...only to fall on the floor due to his short legs, giant body mass or perhaps both. Blaze levitated towards the fatso, who was getting very afraid. "Don't hurt me, I have a family - sure I seldom see them that much, but they would be devastated if they found out about my death!"
"Whoever said I was going to kill you, I'm just reprimanding you for following me..." Link tried to walk away, but Blaze caught him in the act. "Stay where you are, I'm not finished with you!" The Hylian quickly returned to his original spot, and Blaze redirected her attention to Wario. "Also, what is this 'family' that you speak of?"
"My family, which consists of my mom and dad...and my oh-so-loving siblings!" Blaze and Link both looked inquiringly at Wario, not buying this story one bit. "What, you think that I don't have a family since they aren't featured in the Mario/Wario universe? There are some hidden depths about me that those scrubs at Nintendo refuse to uncover!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever...just quit following me and I'll leave you alone for the rest of the day. Capiche?" Wario earnestly nodded his head; he'll have to rethink his money-grubbing plan over again, so it will be flawless the next time he reenacts it. "Now begone with you, you obese vermin!" Wario scurried away from the scene, running as far as his chubby legs allowed him - leaving Blaze alone with Link. The purple cat approached the Hylian, who was afraid that she might wrongly reprimand him. "As for you...I want to show you something, it's something I'm planning on giving to Sonic."
Pac-Man: Daisy is reportedly moving in next week in time for the 4th of July (which we will be celebrating under Master Hand's orders, mainly because we're "walking on American soil", despite many of us not being naturalized citizens), and before that time comes, Luigi has to be ready to take on the responsibilities of being a husband. Yes, you can say that Luigi has been getting an excessive amount of help regarding marriage - first from Marth when planning the wedding (dude still thinks he's the only mansion resident married when Olimar and I have wives, sometimes Marth can be rather full of himself), and now myself showing him the ropes of life as a husband. But how can you expect a grown man who is afraid of the moon to handle things on his own?
While Luigi was setting up the television in the master bedroom, Pac-Man went down to the kitchen from upstairs (where the nursery lies, it's not a steep climb or anything) and found the Umbra Witch Bayonetta resting on the kitchen counter in a very sensual manner.
"Hard to believe that a nervous wreck like Luigi will be living without his dear twin brother, Mario..." she remarked, tinkering with a silver eating utensil. "Must be hard for him, after spending time in his brother's shadow and now having to face the grips of reality...ooh, that poor thing."
"Yeah, well, I got to clean off the counter and pretty much everything else in this kitchen before the big shindig begins, so if you would please, move out of the way so I can get the task done," replied Pac-Man, not comprehending a single word that came out of Bayonetta's mouth. "I'm only giving you just this one warning..."
"Fine then, have it your way..." Bayonetta scoffed, getting off the counter, and then kneeling down in front of Pac-Man. "Just so you know, your married life doesn't give you any jurisdiction to assist Luigi in any way, regardless of whether he needs help or not." Bayonetta rubbed her finger on Pac-Man's chin, and the yellow man was slightly sweating; Mrs. Pac-Man has never done stuff like this with him before! "But whatever floats your boat, I suppose..."
"Come on in you guys, Luigi certainly won't mind having us here," Fox let Falco and Team Chaotix in through the front door, and the five men stopped in their tracks when the saw what Bayonetta was doing to Pac-Man. Pac-Man was looking worried, hoping that these men weren't getting the wrong idea.
"Look you guys, it's totally not want you think, Bayonetta just came up on me without warning me!" the yellow man pleaded, but Fox, Falco, nor Team Chaotix bought his claim...or did they?
"Dang Pac, we didn't know you were a player like that," Falco finally built up the courage to say something during this rather awkward predicament. "Got ladies like Bayonetta stroking your face...now I see why Mrs. Pac-Man wanted to marry you!"
"Promise me you won't tell the others about this, I have a reputation you know!" If Fox and company dare to take pictures of this incident, then Pac-Man's begging will reach the nigh level of desperation. "I have to uphold it at all costs!"
"Pfft, what reputation do you speak of?" scoffed Falco. "Only thing you usually do around the mansion is knit sweaters with those knitting losers! Like, who would want to knit some lousy sweaters day in and day out, like they're old grannies at a retirement home?!"
Pac-Man: At times, I tried to leave the knitting club through a variety of different methods, but the three members have seen through my plans. This one week, I went to the bathroom, and I stayed in there until the coast was clear. I was in the bathroom for close to five hours, until Captain Falcon came in and dragged me out, returning me to the club. Apparently he said that Yoshi put him up to it, and that stupid dinosaur even threatened to vandalize the dude's Blue Falcon if he doesn't follow his command! Practically no one is safe from those losers...
Luigi just returned from the master bathroom after setting up the television set, and when he arrived in the kitchen, he saw Bayonetta knelt down next to Pac-Man, and the Star Fox pilots with Team Chaotix near the front door. All of these elements made the plumber rather confused...
"I'll...be...in-a the nursery room if-a you need me," was all Luigi could say as he inched away from the scene, before darting to the nursery room. Bayonetta stood up, and walked towards the front door, leaving Pac-Man in a trance. The powers of an Umbra Witch - using your beauty and attractiveness to make any male starstruck.
"Has anyone ever told you it's rude to stare at a lady?" the Umbra Witch said to Fox and company, who are just as starstruck as Pac-Man was. Vector even fainted - that's how powerful Bayonetta is! "Supposedly your mothers never taught you good manners..." Bayonetta exited Luigi's home, leaving the men in a bewildered state.
Shadow sat in a darkened room - the very room used for interrogating brawlers. He was sent to this room by order of Master Hand, after suffering the punishment of listening to Lloyd Irving's mouth while having to sit in the swordsman's room. Lloyd kept pestering Shadow, asking if the hedgehog was a tattoo artist, and if so, where his tattoo parlor was so he can get a smiley face tattoo on his arm. No, not a sleeve tattoo, a torso tattoo, nor even even a gang-related tattoo that would get the poor lad beat up if he was hanging in the slums of Los Angeles.
"Ah, Shadow the Hedgehog, how are you doing this fine afternoon?" Master Hand magically appeared in front of the hedgehog, who sat in a chair with his arms folded. Dude has been a part of time-wasting activities - such as saving Big the Cat from a tree without help from firefighters - but whatever Master Hand has in store for him may very well take the cake. "I have heard that you were plotting to unleash your anger on the innocent residents, you could have potentially hurt someone! Why can you never maintain control over your emotions?"
"I was actually doing my best to keep control of my emotions, that lousy girl - who is apparently not even a human - was distracting me," defended Shadow, wondering when this session will end. "The only reason I was getting angry was because my ship got destroyed."
"So basically what you're trying to tell me is that you flat out suck at Galaga, and you planned to take out your anger on Fiora and those around you. Seems legit." Shadow faceplamed, in utter disbelief that Master Hand (partially) bought his claim. There's a reason Shadow is the most misunderstood character in Sonic canon.
Master Hand: In response to Shadow's suckitude at Galaga, and his angry outburst that would have transpired, I will consider removing the arcade machine from the arcade machine, unless some developments arise. Pretty much everyone sucks at that game except for Wario, that man plays that machine like how butter plays toast. (Got that from a line Knuckles used in one of his songs, pretty tight if you ask me.) Not to mention that Link threw a hissy fit after losing last week. Calm individuals like Link shouldn't be throwing hissy fits, instead he should be throwing bombs at the delinquent children raiding the recycling bins at night! Scrapping for the food stamps Yuffie leaves behind? Please.
"Can you please let me go, I have a life to live," Shadow pleaded to Master Hand, but the giant hand refused to accept the hedgehog's offer. He instead entreated the hedgehog to some scones, as if it would keep him at a calm rate.
"Yes, I'm aware you have a life outside of throwing angry fits and holding vendettas against every person that you have ever known," said Master Hand; words cannot begin to describe how bothered Shadow was by this comment, it described him perfectly but he didn't want to hear it. "But you must understand that, whether you're being distracted or not, you can't let your emotions work you all up, for that would result in quite a debacle. Do you understand?"
"Eh, I suppose." Shadow didn't feel like understanding - he feels like leaving the room right away and going back to the arcade room, where the Galaga arcade machine is hopefully available.
"I'll take that as a resounding yes! Off ya go!" Master Hand opened the door to the room at the snap of his fingers, and Shadow quickly exited the room. Not exactly a huge waste of the hedgehog's time, but a pointless waste of time regardless.
As Shadow walked through the mansion, he happened to bump into an individual who used to be like him - emo-like, very moody at times, and has a great disdain for life - but know sees life differently now that his significant other has returned. This individual is none other than Cloud, who just returned from some quality time spent with Aerith.
"You must be Shadow the Hedgehog, Sonic's arch rival," said Cloud, not knowing what to say. Never did he think that he would ever meet Shadow in his lifetime. "From the looks of it, I can tell that you're kinda ticked off."
"And you must be Cloud Strife, the ex-SOLDIER everyone is mostly talking about," responded Shadow. Apparently he doesn't know what to say either. "And in case you were wondering, I am ticked - ticked at every single person that has never understood me."
"Yeah man, I feel ya, I used to feel like people didn't understand me either, maybe it was because of my demeanor and how I handle things. But sooner or later I warmed up to everyone a little, and now their perceptions have changed...I think I may know something that might change your mood, and change how you feel about others. Just follow me, I'll show you the way..."
A rather bitter Sonic sat in his room, eating the donuts Big had given him. Sadly, Big was the only person who remembered that today was the hedgehog's birthday.
Sonic: So it looks like the truth is finally out... *chomps on a donut* ...everybody hates me... *takes a bite out of the donut* ...thought it wasn't obvious before but now it is...
"Hey Sonic, what's up, how's it going?" Toon Link entered the room to greet the hedgehog. Sonic didn't pay him any mind or attention; he just looked off in the far distance, eating his donuts. "I see someone bought you some donuts, mind if I have some?"
"Only people who aren't jerks are allowed to have donuts," Sonic bitterly replied. So that means Big is the only person that isn't a jerk - when has it ever come to that? "Now go away and leave me at peace!"
"Oh, I see why you're so upset. Thankfully I know the remedy to your troubles! Just close your eyes, and I'll take you to your happy place!" Sonic looked at Toon quizzically, wondering why he would need to close his eyes to be taken to the "happy place". By the sounds of it, it seems like a well thought out prank.
"This so-called 'happy place' better be that all-you-can-eat chili dog buffet Tails promised me to take to," Sonic closed the donut box as he got up and closed his eyes, just as Toon Link instructed him to. It's either chili dog buffet or bust for Sonic, he won't accept anything less.
"Great. Now just move along, and prepare to be surprised..." Toon Link took Sonic and walked him out of the room, and to places unknown.
"I can already smell those chili dogs..." Sonic licked his lips in excitement. Whether or not there are chili dogs remains to be seen.
"Dr. Eggman, for what-a ever reason, wishes to build a statue-a of Master Hand in the front-a of the mansion," Mario explained to Isabelle, meeting up with the shih tzu in her room. "I have-a yet to see anything-a fruitful resulting from this..."
"He has an evil underlying motive behind this whole statue thing, I'm absolutely sure of it," stated Isabelle. Even though building a statue may sound harmless, the person who is responsible for building it is a highly important factor, and the fact that Dr. Eggman is responsible for the statue raises a ton of suspicion. "Inviting him over may become a terrible idea."
"Yo, Mario, I think it's about that time that we start the big shindig!" Captain Falcon stood at the doorway to Isabelle's room to alert the plumber. "Toon Link is already leading Sonic to the 'happy place', and everyone is just dying to drop the whole forgetting act, Sonic is getting all sorts of butthurt!"
Captain Falcon: The forgetting act? I can't really go into full detail about that, I not allowed to spoil anything. *looks around* But if you wanna, I can tell you what's going on...
Shulk: Captain Falcon, you're not telling the camera crew about the "secret plan", are you? Are you not aware of the consequences?
Captain Falcon: Oh, Shulk, you suspicious goose, I would never do such a thing! Nothing to worry about over here, run along now, no need to be noisy! *looks back at the camera, whispering* I'll tell you everything you need to know later on.
"Well off-a we go then," Mario exited the room, and Isabelle followed suit, as the two followed Captain Falcon. "We shall-a keep a close-a eye on Dr. Eggman at our location..."
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, spying on a villain at a practically harmless occasion," Captain Falcon shook his head at Mario and Isabelle, clearly ignorant to their intentions. Such ignorance is why he'll never secure a soulmate in his lifetime. "Leave Dr. Eggman alone, he's only here to have fun!"
"If you-a really think that..." Captain Falcon (or maybe even Mario, who knows) will be in for a rude awakening soon...
Blaze took Link to the basement of the mansion, and there the purple cat showed the Hylian a box she kept away. Of course, Blaze wouldn't just show off a box, for that would be very uninteresting, so she opened up said box, and showed the contents to Link.
"You seriously want to give those to Sonic?" Link asked after seeing what was inside the box, feeling a bit skeptical.
"Apparently this is the only thing that hedgehog wanted," Blaze shook her head, sharing some of Link's skepticism despite purchasing whatever she got for Sonic. "But it's better than nothing, I suppose..."
"There you guys are, it's about time," Corrin opened the door to the basement, and looked down at Link and Blaze, before instantly getting the wrong idea. "Link, are you cheating on Zelda with Blaze?! I understand that Blaze is still available, but you don't have to do Zelda like that..." Yeah, because we all know how a Hylian dating a cat would sound. It's appalling from a logical and biological perspective.
"Just because we're together in the basement, with no one watching, doesn't mean that I'm in love with Blaze or anything," assured Link. "Enough of your silly assumptions."
"We're finally here..." Toon Link took Sonic to a giant door, and the hedgehog's eyes were still closed. When Toon said those words, Sonic was getting all giddy, wondering if the chili dog scent is present. No chili dogs, no service!"
"Can I open my eyes now, the anticipation is killing me!" Sonic legs were moving up and down, making it seem like he was doing the pee-pee dance. Toon Link opened the giant door, and walked Sonic inside.
"You can open your eyes now." Sonic did as he was told, and to his ultimate surprise...
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONIC!" The mansion residents and several Sonic characters, such as Cream, Silver, Shadow, Big, Dr. Eggman, and Team Chaotix were all gathered inside the ballroom to wish the blue hedgehog happy birthday, surrounded by party decorations. Sonic was somewhat humbled by their jovial exclamation.
"I see you guys finally remembered at the exact same time," he remarked. In actuality, they knew it was Sonic's birthday - they just kept it a secret from him so they wouldn't spoil the surprise birthday party. Not everyone followed the code, however.
Villager: While I was fishing at the lake with Big, the cat ridiculed me for not telling happy birthday to Sonic, even though I wasn't allowed to say that to Sonic. Big himself was told not to say happy birthday prior to coming over here!...Gotta think of it, why was he invited here in the first place, it's not like he's the most relevant person in Sonic fandom...though I would really love to see him and Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars to go at it.
"We all knew today was your birthday Sonic," explained Aerith. "We pretended that we didn't know so we wouldn't ruin the surprise party."
"Ugh, why would you guys even do that for, surprise parties are lame and pointless!" complained Sonic. This is why the dude can never have nice things. "A kid could get depressed from some dumb 'surprise party', what with nobody wishing him happy birthday!"
"I take it you're not familiar with the entire dynamic of holding surprise birthday parties?" Aerith began to feel slightly bummed out, for she planned a majority of the party and Sonic didn't appear to like it.
"Leave him alone Aerith, this is perhaps the first time we threw any sort of party for Sonic, so he should be grateful," said Young Link. There would have been a birthday celebration for Sonic, but the hedgehog is quite the picky fellow, and meeting every single one of his demands would be tricky.
"Come here and have a seat," Silver walked...or floated...over to Sonic, taking him to a chair. "Just sit in this chair, it's about time we sing Happy Birthday!"
"Ooh will there be cake?" Sonic excitedly rubbed his hands together after sitting in a chair. A chili dog birthday cake would absolutely make the hedgehog's day.
"Yes, there will be cake...what kind of moronic question is that? First we need to bring the cake out..."
The Ice Climbers brought out a cake that looked reminiscent of a chili dog, and placed it in front of Sonic. The hedgehog wanted the cake to be entirely made out of chili dogs, but he'll take whatever he gets, no time to be all salty at a birthday party. Red the Pokemon Trainer placed sixteen birthday candles on the cake, and summoned Charizard to light said candles with his fire breath. After everyone sang happy birthday to Sonic (Sonic dozed off before it was his time to sing), the hedgehog blew out the candles, and then all of a sudden...
"Happy birthday Sonic!" Amy popped out of the cake and gave her boyfriend Sonic a big smooch on the cheek. Sonic was left traumatized...though it wasn't from the fact that his yandere girlfriend kissed him.
"YOU baked Amy inside a cake?!" Sonic yelled at Palutena and Dunban, who were likely the ones to bake the cake. "You monsters!" Palutena and Dunban both shared a chuckle, wondering what they did so that was so wrong.
"Silly Sonic, I wasn't baked inside the cake!" assured Amy, as Sonic breathed a sigh of relief. "I would tell you how I got inside, but I know that you're short attention span wouldn't be able to handle the details!" She pinched Sonic's cheek, and the blue hedgehog felt embarrassed, especially since his cheek was pinched in front of his peers.
Dunban: Jimmy Fallon. Seth Rogen. James Franco. YouTube those names, and prepare to be amazed (depending on what your levels of amazing are).
"So can we open the gifts now?" asked an impatient Sonic. Cream came with the first gift, holding out a present to Sonic.
"It's not much, but deep down I know you'll love it," the rabbit smiled as Sonic accepted the gift, and opened it, taking out whatever was inside.
"Seriously Cream, another toy light saber?" Sonic was particularly fond of his gift - only because he has plenty of light sabers in his possession already. "What, do you think I'm planning on forming some sort of hedgehog Jedi army? Like I'm gonna rage war against Emperor Palpatine in defeat him in battle? You must be out of your mind...NEXT!"
Bayonetta came forward with a gift, holding it behind her back. Just as she expected, all the single dudes were checking her out, paying close attention to the Umbra Witch's curves, physique, but mostly her curves.
"Found this in Luigi's new home," Bayonetta held out the gift and gave it to Sonic. "This was originally meant for Luigi, but I felt that it suits you more...consider it a gift from a fellow brawler...a yellow brawler that is." The brawler in question, Pac-Man, looked about nervously as Sonic unwrapped his gift, and pulled out a watch - a blue watch that is.
"Eh, I'll take it, better than that light saber," Sonic shrugged, placing the watch back inside the box. An impatient guy like Sonic could really use a watch; he's undervaluing how beneficial that watch can be for him.
"Why did-a you bother buying me a blue-a watch when blue isn't-a even my color motif?" Luigi asked Pac-Man, who whistled innocently while looking the other direction. Lesson of the day: never trust Pac-Man to buy you a gift, ever.
Next to give Sonic a gift was Shadow, who was accompanied by Cloud. The swordsman wanted Shadow to give out a gift, although there is a twist in this matter...
"I wanted to give you this, as a token of my gratitude," Shadow held out the gift to Sonic. "This gift was purchased with my own money..."
"You literally carry money with you?" Sonic looked astonished. "Where do you work at, bet you work at McDonald's don't you? Man, that place is totally out of your league!"
"He works at a tattoo parlor!" Lloyd yelled out to Sonic, certain that Shadow is a tattoo artist. He has the looks and the attitude, after all.
"Just...open it," Shadow seethed at Sonic, and the speeding hedgehog was quick to accept the gift and open it, for Shadow losing it at his birthday party would be no bueno. Inside the box was a lava lamp, and of course it was blue - an orange lava lamp would be greatly asinine.
Cloud: Didn't carry that much money with me, so I wasn't able to purchase Sonic a more extravagant gift, and I settled on getting him a lava lamp. And, as a way to make Shadow feel more grateful, I'll make him give the lava lamp to Sonic, and state that he was the one that bought the lamp. Let's see how things work out...
"Not a good gift, but not a bad gift either," remarked Sonic, placing the lava lamp back in the box. "Thanks anyway, Shadow, deep down I've always knew that you're a genuine guy!"
"Your plan was somewhat meaningless, but at least you tried..." Shadow quietly said to Cloud before returning to his original spot. Cloud shook his head and returned to his spot as well. His plan to transfigure Shadow's feelings about everyone through the gift of giving may not went as well as he envisioned - thanks to Sonic - but it was well worth the shot.
Suddenly Blaze, Link, and Corrin entered the ballroom, and Blaze held the box in her hands, walking towards Sonic. What does the cat have for the hedgehog, will Sonic greatly appreciate it?"
"I believe Link's cheating on you with Blaze," Corrin ran up to Zelda to whisper this in the princess' ear. "Might as well be on the lookout..."
"Please, Corrin, Yoshi must be feeding you with lies, I don't want to hear any of it," Zelda completely ignored the prince of Nohr, feeling that Yoshi told Corrin this false information in regards to his silly fanfics.
"Happy birthday Sonic, I know you'll enjoy this gift," Blaze smiled as she gave her gift to Sonic; the hedgehog ripped open the box, and his eyes bulged with excitement - what could it possibly be?
"New shoes!" the hedgehog exclaimed as he took out the red trademark shoes he usually wears out of the box. These shoes were new and fresh, and oh so sparkly. "Oh man, I can't thank you enough Blaze, this is the best gift I've received!"
"But he didn't even like the lava lamp..." Cloud shook his head with disdain; the chump change he spent on that lamp was all for naught.
"Is that all the gifts?" asked Master Hand. No one spoke up, which indicated a yes. "Excellent, now it's time to cut the cake! Kirby, fetch me a knife, and don't run with it like you did last time, we can't afford to have a brawler sent to the emergency room!"
While Kirby ran out of the ballroom to get a cutting knife, Dr. Eggman sneaked out, and Isabelle, seeing this, followed after the evil genius. The shih tzu followed Dr. Eggman outside, where the evil genius analyzed the front of the mansion, but particularly the front lawn.
"First, the Master Hand statue..." he rubbed his hands together evilly... "...and then Tabuu! Only time has the key..."
Isabelle, who watched this from the doorstep to the front door, immediately feared for the worst.
