Author's Note:

Received this review from a fan, called Kirby 1 2 3:

"Could you please add Kirby's enemies like Marx or zero maybe even magolor to show how op Kirby is"

I agree that Kirby is OP - in fact, I've been trying to main Kirby as of late in SSB4. I'd say he's one of my current mains, along with Zelda...and Lucina...and King Dedede...and Bowser Jr...and Wii Fit Trainer...and Zero Suit Samus...and Little Mac...but it's mostly Zelda and Lucina whom I main the most, out of those names mentioned, for I have been maining them for as long as I can remember.

I can make Marx, Zero, and Magolor appear in the next installment of Smash Life, but as for adding them to the story, as in keeping them around as supporting/recurring characters...we'll just have to see about that.


Episode 36: Bowling

How is it possible for a hand to be placed under house arrest? It's implacably impossible, for a hand is but a part of your body, it's used to grab things and point at stuff. And if you're Master Hand, you can not only do those things, but also rule the Smash Universe, fight against the bravest fighters, give unsuspecting brawlers wedgies, so forth and so on.

The giant hand can now give all the wedgies he wants, due to him being placed under house arrest. So why is he under house arrest to begin with? It all started when he sent the mansion residents to Rio, and while everyone was enjoying their time and watching the Olympic events, Master Hand conspired with Yuffie and Greninja to steal the cruise ship the United States men's basketball team were staying on. Yuffie and Greninja are also under house arrest, and Yuffie, who has no home to stay at, was ordered to remain at Luigi's home for the time being, after all the legal stuff was worked out. So much for her being a ninja and all.

"Due to the severity of your crime you, Yuffie, and Greninja will be under house arrest for at least two to three months," Isabelle explained to Master Hand, holding her clipboard. Who in their right mind thinks it would be a great idea to sentence a Pokemon to house arrest?

"Two to three months is too long for me, I have a life you know!" boomed Master Hand. To be fair, Master Hand doesn't really have that much of a life, he just stays at the mansion all day long messing everyone from Mario to Bayonetta. So the house arrest doesn't really affect him as much.

Isabelle: Yuffie could have served her house arrest at the mansion, but during her trial, she put Wario and Captain Falcon on blast, calling them out for the perverted men that they are. The judge did a background check on both men, and the details of their respective backgrounds are...not safe for work, to say the very least. Let's just say that they had more than just pictures of Samus and Palutena in bikinis...however, they now have to complete community hours for their rather disturbing histories.

"Sir Mario has informed me that he and the original twelve are going down to the bowling alley," Isabelle passed on this information to Master Hand. "They're going to be in a bowling competition vs the United States Olympic basketball team, as a way to make up for your cruise ship theft, and..."

"Mario bowling against a bunch of highly talented basketball players?" Master Hand snorted, his laughing sounding like bellows of joy. "Oh man, that has been the highlight of my day so far! And he expects Pikachu, Kirby, AND Jigglypuff to compete? Those three can't even lift the door of a toaster oven open, what makes Mario think they can even pick up a bowling ball?"

"Apparently he's very serious about this bowling match, he's been hyping it up for the entire week..." Nothing like a little hype to gain some support from the brawlers. What's so wrong with that?


"We are gonna kick-a those sorry basket-a ball players' behinds in bowling, just-a you wait and-a see!" Mario said to Fiora, the Homs ignoring the plumber to the best of her abilities as she surfed the web on a computer in the library. It was not an extremely easy thing to do. "They'll be-a crying to their mommies, too embarrassed to go-a bowling again!"

"I think you're taking this out of context, I highly doubt you and your pals can successfully beat a bunch of athletic basketball players in bowling by a huge margin, let alone even beating them at all," Fiora offered her take on the original twelve's chances at winning. "Surely they're talented in areas other than basketball too..."

"Talented in-a what, getting down-a at brothels and what-a not? Give me a break!" Either the players went to this brothel by accident, or they went there on purpose...and for various reasons. Who knows but them. "While they were-a playing basketball and bringing home-a the gold, I was refining my bowling-a skills so they'll-a be up to par!"

"Wow, I didn't know flirting and cuddling with Peach is considered 'refining your bowling skills'." Mario frowned at Fiora's response, and then he saw Peach entering the library and told Fiora to shush, as if the Homs was about to say more.

Fiora: The original twelve are going to be absolutely MURDERED by the basketball team in bowling. None of the twelve have practiced at all for the bowling match, and two or three of the members are physically incapable to bowl. Not to mention that Captain Falcon may or may not be doing community service, if what I heard from Jacky Bryant was correct.

"Hello Mario, are you all set for your incoming bowling match?" Peach approached a now grinning Mario, whose grin may be genuinely fake. "So I just spoke with Captain Falcon on the phone earlier, and he said that he's no longer serving community service hours! Turns out that the photos that were used during Yuffie's trial,Wario intentionally gave away the fact that he and Falcon owned a half of those photos, when in reality all of those photos belonged to Wario! With Captain Falcon now off the hook, he can go with us to the bowling alley...why are you looking at me like that?" Peach suddenly took notice of Mario's deranged grin, a grin so creepy-looking it would make one mistake him for a sociopath.

"Oh, nothing, I was too-a busy admiring your awfully good-a looks," responded Mario, suddenly snapping out of his trance. "Will-a you be at the bowling alley to support-a us, we need-a all the support we can get!"

"Of course, we will all be there to root for you guys!" Who is Peach referring to she when says "we"?


"Luigi you better get your scrawny butt down here this instant, otherwise the rest of the twelve will leave you behind!" Daisy called out to her husband from downstairs, grumpy as ever. "What is possibly taking him so long..." Luigi is typically a little afraid when going to public outings, but when he has to go to places he seldom frequents or never been to at all, his nervousness becomes tenfold. While Daisy was waiting for Luigi to come down, Cloud was in the living room with Yuffie, discussing things - like the electronic anklet Yuffie is forced to wear around her ankle.

"Word has it that you've been trying to take that anklet off of your leg," Cloud spoke with Yuffie, who was caressing Polterpup while sitting on the couch. "You do realize how much trouble you'll get into if you take it off, right?"

"Trouble, schmouble, what's the worst that can happen to me?" Yuffie confidently smirked. Clearly she is unfazed by the ramifications of the judicial system though that's not much of a surprise. "What are they gonna do to me, put me inside a cage and force to eat bread crumbs? I'm not scared..."

Yuffie: I've only been at this house for only a week, and I gotta say...Daisy has got to be THE most depressed woman ever. Every day she has to charm that sorry excuse of a man known as Luigi, day in and day out...I just don't know how she does it.

Before Daisy could yell for another time, her husband Luigi finally came down the steps, with a nervous disposition written on his face. He let out a huge sigh of worry as he trodded to the front door, walking past Daisy, Cloud, Yuffie, and even Polterpup as if they were nonexistent or imaginary. (Just like Ike's "friends"! Ayooou!)

"Everything okay sweetie, you certainly don't look like your typical self..." Daisy asked her husband, who held his head down. "Still a bit overwhelmed from the 'secret' I told you earlier this week? Thought you already got over it!"

"I don't-a wanna go to the bowling alley..." muttered Luigi. He's too afraid to go somewhere as harmless as a freaking bowling alley? Figures. "What if I make-a an embarrassment of myself?"

"Who are you trying to kid, you constantly make an embarrassment of yourself, regardless of your effort," stated Yuffie, garnering a glare from everyone not named Polterpup. The ghost dog is too jovial to comprehend the harsh words Yuffie directed at his faithful owner.

"What's more-a is that I'll have-a to compete against-a the United States basketball team, and I'm absolutely no-a match for them." Same could be said for the rest of the original twelve...except maybe for Falcon and Captain Falcon. The others are dead meat.

"Well if it will help cheer you up...why don't I come with you, and I can cheer you and the others on? How does that sound?"

Luigi carefully thought over this. With Daisy at his side cheering him on, the plumber would receive a huge confidence boost, and he'll remain content throughout the entire bowling match.

"You're more than-a welcome to come," replied Luigi. "Let me clean-a out the passenger seat for-a you." Luigi exited the home, while Cloud walked over to Daisy to ask her a very important question:

"What is this 'secret' that you speak of?" the swordsman whispered into the princess of Sarasaland's ear. Daisy happily whispered the secret back, and after taking it in, Cloud just stood there dumbfounded...before erupting into a uncharacteristic fit of hysterical laughter.


Toad: It's already been decided - I'll be the one driving the original twelve to the bowling alley via bus. Or rather, the original eleven - Luigi thinks he's so above us right now since he's married that he doesn't have to ride with his companions anymore! Lili de Rochefort is the one at fault, she's the one that bought that Dodge Charger for Luigi, she inadvertently gave him an ego! Dorks like Luigi don't deserve to have an ego...you are gonna cut that bit out, right?

The original twelve, sans Luigi, stood at the front of the Smash Mansion as Toad got the bus ready. Mario, Donkey Kong, Link, Kirby, Pikachu, Samus, Fox, Yoshi, Captain Falcon, Ness, and Jigglypuff were all gathered at the front, and for some reason, Pit was with them.

"Pit why are you here, you are not a part of the original twelve," Ness had to tell Pit. "I don't ever recall you appearing in the first Super Smash Bros game, and considering your appearance back then, I don't blame Nintendo for not including you..."

"B-B-But my franchise came out in 1986, the same year the first Legend of Zelda was released!" protested Pit, acting like a whiny crybaby. This tactic works on Palutena most of the time, but it certainly won't work on Mario and company. "How does that not make me a member of the original twelve?!"

"It was Nintendo's - well, Masahiro's Sakurai's - decision to exclude you," stated Donkey Kong. "If you feel so bitter about it, why don't you just fly over to Japan and complain about it to Sakurai, and have him screw up the history of Super Smash Bros canon by inserting you into the original twelve, thereby making the fans of the original game mad (since most Smash fans get angry over the silliest things, if you ask me). Pit didn't feel like having to fly all the way to Japan just to complain to Sakurai, so he took his dignity and angrily marched back inside the mansion, now feeling slightly envious of the original twelve.

"Good riddance, glad that he's gone," Yoshi remarked once Pit was back inside. "Pit would be an absolute cancer to our team; imagine him constantly complaining about not getting a strike - he'd go as far as suing the bowling alley if he knew how to do such a thing!" Even worse - what if Pit complains about having to wear bowling sneakers, and lets his complaints be heard? He refuses to wear anything that is not sandals, so exercising for him is a real struggle.

"Okay everybody, everyone hop on board!" Toad called out after opening the bus door. "The bus is all set to go!" So the eleven got inside the bus, and Toad drove away to the bowling alley; Luigi started up his engine and followed the bus.


After a thirty minute drive or so, the bus finally arrived at the bowling alley, and the eleven passengers hopped out. Luigi showed up in his Charger, taking the parking space next to the basketball team's bus. The plumber and his wife got out of the car, and for whatever reason, Luigi looked shaken.

"I thought Peach and the rest of our 'supporters' were coming," said Samus, either oblivious or apathetic towards Luigi's disposition. Knowing her, it's more than likely it's the latter. "Did she not say that they were coming, Mario?"

Samus: No one, and I mean NO ONE, can save us from the likely loss we're about to take to the basketball team. Not even the Michael Jordan of bowling could be our savior. Even if one of the players broke his ankle and is unable to play, and the others somehow contracted the Zika virus while in Rio and are too sick to even pick up a bowling ball, we would still find some magical way to lose, and it will mostly be Mario's fault. Hate putting the blame on him, but that's just the way it is.

"Something wrong-a bro, you don't look like-a your usual self..." Mario said to Luigi, who refused to look his own brother in the eye. Evidently the secret Daisy had told him is more impacting than it appears to be. "Wanna talk-a things about before our big-a game?"

"No thanks, I can't let-a my feelings deter us from-a accruing a win," replied Luigi, suddenly looking up with a brighter facial expression, though he may be doing that just to appease his brother. "I shall explain everything after the game."


The original twelve and Daisy entered the bowling alley, and talking among themselves near the bowling lanes was the United States men's basketball team - Kyam, Wayne, Andrew, Alex, Jim, Amir, Jamal, Hyland, Bryce, and Darrell, as well as two other players who weren't mentioned in the previous episode, Trece and K-Low. It's best if you don't ask why these two are given these monikers. Mario walked up to the front desk, with his teammates flanking him, to purchase some bowling shoes.

"Twelve-a bowling shoes, please," Mario told the person running the front desk. The man got pulled out some bowling shoes, and then looked at Mario's comrades, before his eyes fell on Pikachu, Kirby, and Jigglypuff.

"Those two pink things and that Pikachu aren't bowling, are they?" asked the man. Two pink things?! This dude's video game knowledge must not be that strong. "I'm afraid they're physically incapable to be bowling..."

"Now you look-a here buddy, I didn't come all the way-a here just to see three of-a my teammates 'physically incapable' to bowl, for reasons-a unknown!" The basketball team were now looking over at Mario, wondering what had gotten into the plumber...not a very good sign.

"Mario can you please cut it out, we don't need you starting a scene when we just got here..." frowned Daisy, and the others nodded, sharing the princess's sentiments.

"Stay out-a of this Daisy; same goes-a for the rest-a of you! I'm fighting for the rights-a of Kirby, Pikachu, and-a Jigglypuff, I know what-a I'm doing!" Someone from the original twelve should have told Mario about the ineffiencies of the three brawlers in question, would have saved them a lot of trouble.

"Sorry sir, but I can't get them any bowling shoes," the man at the front desk said, his response as calm as possible. "None of the shoes fit their size, and there are several other attributes that prevent them from bowling. I'll get your other friends their bowling shoes." So the man got Mario, Link, Donkey Kong, Samus, Fox, Yoshi, Luigi, Captain Falcon, and Ness their bowling shoes, and Mario grumpily folded his arms, feeling somewhat disrespected.

Fox: Last time I went out bowling, it was on a date with Krystal - and that date happened to take place the day after we returned from the Olympics in Rio. While we were bowling and I was showing off my awesome bowling skills, I had told Krystal about my win over Sonic in that race around the Carioca Arena 1...she didn't believe me until I told her about Rayman's lady friend Barbara holding him down.

After trying out and putting on their bowling shoes, the original twelve made their way to the bowling lanes, where they would meet and greet the basketball team (though Samus decided against speaking with any of the players, for obvious reasons). During this time, Mario thought over which three brawlers should replace Kirby, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff on the team, and as he was thinking, a certain 69 year old man approached the plumber...

"Greetings, Mario, really enjoyed seeing you at the closing ceremony of the Olympics!" Coach, the man who led the United States basketball team to their golden victory, greeted the plumber, taking a seat next to him. "It was quite amusing seeing you with that blue cat thing...my players did an awfully great job at convincing me that it was a cat. Looked like an alien to me..." Does Coach not know that the Mario in the closing ceremony wasn't the Mario he's talking to right now? The players should be able to convince to him that.

"I was-a never in the opening ceremony, don't know what-a you're talking about..." said Mario. He looked down at Coach's feet, and saw that he was wearing bowling shoes. "You're bowling-a as well?"

"Why of course; I may be nearing my seventies, but even at my old age, I still got it!" Most senior citizens, like Coach himself, carry this "I still got it" mantra with them wherever they go, and whatever they do, and it had Mario thinking...


Zelda, Aerith, Diddy Kong, Red the Pokemon Trainer, Lucas, the Flying Man, Meta Knight, Peach, Geno, Rosalina and Luma waited outside, while Falco was getting his Landmaster ready so he can take the individuals to the bowling alley, where they will cheer for the original twelve as they bow down and take their L to the basketball team, as expected. But don't tell Peach and company that, they're pretty optimistic about the twelve's chances.

"My ship should be all ready to go!" Falco announced as he hopped out of the cockpit of the Landmaster. Just when the avian pilot hopped out, his cellphone rang, and he saw that it was Mario. "Yo, Mario, what up my man?" he said after answering the call.

"Hey Falco, I'm afraid-a I have a dire situation on-a my hands," Mario's voice emitted from the cellphone. "I tried to get-a bowling shoes for Kirby, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff, but-a the man at the front-a desk told me he was unable-a to give them-a shoes!" Falco wasn't surprised by this, although he wished Mario had found out sooner. "So I'm going to need-a three...no wait, four...extra brawlers to come-a to the bowling alley..."

Falco: Yeah, I knew the bowling alley won't serve Kirby and those two Pokemon, it's not like they're people or anything (Kirby is technically a person, but not a "normal" person, if you catch my drift). I did my best to convince Mario they wouldn't be able to bowl, but apparently logic and reasoning evades the man when he needs them the most.

"Everything alright at the bowling alley, did something go down?" Peach asked Falco after the avian's phone call with Mario ended. "Did he get into a fight with one of the players, do we need to call 9-1-1 and send over an ambulance? Ooh, I thought I told Mario not to mess with the players, they're too big for him!" And too athletic, and too skilled, and too tough...and plenty of other adjectives.

"Mario isn't in any danger or anything like that, he needs some extra bodies to replace several members of the original twelve," explained Falco. "Good thing he already has in mind who he wants..."


Back at the bowling alley, Mario were waiting for the four new members of his bowling team, as well as Peach and company, to arrive. He sat at one of the tables, resting his chin on the palm of his hand, while Link was getting a drink of a vending machine. Or at least he would, if he wasn't fumbling around in his pockets looking for cash.

"Bruh you really need to hurry up, we don't have all day for this," frowned Amir, who was waiting behind Link. Amir is known by a majority of basketball fans for having a very short temper, and if Link doesn't hurry up, he'll have to face Amir's fury. "Our bowling match is gonna start soon, and we not gonna wait on you..."

"Not my fault this vending machine accepts rupees..." Link grumbled when he finally found a dollar, and inserted it into the dollar slot of the vending machine. Link then pressed "E6" on the machine, and a bottle of Pepsi began to dispense...until it somehow got stuck due to a bag of Doritos obstructing its path. And that was Link's only dollar too...

"Oh man your drink got stuck, that's gotta suck man!" Amir jeered at Link, pointing and laughing at the Hylian. "Yo, y'all come over here and see this, this dude's drink got stuck in the vending machine!"

"Vending machine got stuck or something?" Ness raised an eyebrow as he and several others came over to investigate. He and the others saw Link's precious bottle of Pepsi stuck, and they laughed and jeered at Link. Andrew even took a picture of it on his phone, much to the chagrin of Link.

Link: Hasn't even been an hour yet and my experience at the bowling alley has already gone down the drain...Zelda needs to hurry up and get here soon, she'll shut everybody up...Why can't I do it myself, you ask? Well, uh, you see...Zelda is a princess...and they'll listen to her because of her royalty, and whatnot...and no, I'm not insecure...

"Anyone care to spare me a dollar?" Link asked the crowd, walking away after they finished laughing and jeering at the Hylian's expense. "Someone? Anyone? You guys all suck so much!" Don't worry Link, maybe Zelda will provide you a dollar once she arrives.

Speaking of Zelda, the princess of Hyrule and the rest of the brawlers arrived at the bowling alley a while later, and they had a little meet-and-greet with the basketball team, getting to know the players a little better so the team they play for and the position they play aren't the only things they know about them. Unlike Samus, they weren't deciding against speaking to the players for their own personal reasons.

During this time, Mario was speaking to his bowling team, and it now consisted of four new members - Cloud, Sonic, Pac-Man, and Mr. Game & Watch, the latter brawler only needed to equal the men's basketball team, since they had Coach. Pac-Man was excited to bowl, Sonic was dying to give the basketball team a loss, Mr. Game & Watch was...well, moving around like he was having a seizure or something, and Cloud looked bummed out to even be here.

"Of all the people you could have chosen and I had to be one of them..." the blonde swordsman sighed. This is his first known bowling experience, an experience that may or may not change depending on Mario's antics.

"Quit-a your whining, it's not like you had-a anything else better to do!" retorted Mario. To be fair, the plumber does have a fair point; save for hanging out with Aerith, Cloud would be pretty bored without his main man Link. "Anyway, it is imperative that-a we kick the basketball-a team's butt in bowling, and we'll-a do so wearing these shirts!" Mario held up a blue shirt that read, "Best Bowling Team In The Land", and gave his bowling teammates individual copies of this shirt.

"I wouldn't wear this dumb shirt even if my life depended on it," Samus remarked after accepting the bowling t-shirt against her will. She would throw her shirt in a nearby trash can when Mario wasn't looking; it'll be game over for the bounty hunter if Mario finds that shirt in there.

"You're seriously gonna wear that?" Tails flew over to Sonic, the yellow fox also joined by Knuckles. "That shirt looks hideous!"

"Don't tell Mario that, he'll defend this shirt to death and say that it's the greatest thing since sliced bread!" said Sonic, holding the shirt up and checking it out. "Looks like the kind of shirt you'd find at a worn-down thrift store!"

"Can't be any worse than the bowling shoes on your feet," snickered Knuckles, pointing at Sonic's bowling shoes. In fact, they weren't bowling shoes...they were bowling high heels. Yikes!

Sonic: Since all the regular bowling shoes were out, I was left with no other choice but to wearing these bowling high heels. At first, they felt as uncomfortable as they looked, but now I think I got the hang of it... *walks away, stumbles and falls to the floor* That's the most far I've ever made it in these things, I'm making progress!

"We're ready to start when you are," Wayne said to Mario holding a bowling ball in his hand. Mario would intentionally scare Wayne and make him drop the bowling ball on his foot, but that would obviously be a very bad look. "Just give us the word and we'll begin our match."

"Our match-a shall start right-a now!" said an overly confident Mario. "Isn't that-a right, team?" the plumber then asked his team, who either shook their head, scratched their head, looked in another direction, or did nothing at all. "My team is-a ready - they're just-a too shy to show-a how they really feel!"

"Cool. May the best team win!" Wayne shook hands with Mario, and walked back to his squad.


Meanwhile, at the Smash Mansion, Master Hand floated throughout the mansion and couldn't help but notice that several of the residents, aside from the original twelve, were gone amiss. Aerith? Gone. Lucas? Nowhere to be found. Geno? Eh, who cares about the guy?

"A bubonic plague of epic proportions must have struck the mansion, it could explain why so many people have gone amiss!" assumed Master Hand. When a bunch of people living in a mansion have disappeared, always blame it on a plague - that's the Master Hand way! "There must be someone alive that can fully explain how impacting this plague was..." Master Hand's nonexistent eyes soon fell on Young Link, who was practicing his ocarina playing in front of a mirror. "Young Link, educate me my dear boy, where has everyone gone? Did the bubonic plague wipe everyone out?!"

"What are you talking about, Master Hand, not that many people left the mansion..." Young Link pointed out, trying to get on the giant hand's good side. "See, there goes Marth, right there behind you!" The young Hylian pointed at the hero-king, who was simply minding his own business when his name was called.

"Greetings, Master Hand, Young Link," Marth greeted both individuals. He would tip his hat to the both of them, but a medieval character like him wearing a fancy hat would disgrace the Fire Emblem creed. "I shall be going on my merry way then." With nothing else to say, the hero-king left, and Master Hand still wasn't convinced that a bubonic plague didn't strike the mansion.

"Marth's presence doesn't mean a thing, he could be one of the more fortunate ones who either survived the plague or has an immune system that makes them impervious to illnesses," stated the giant hand. That makes no sense; Marth became sick when that virus (sparked by none other than Bowser) ran rampant throughout the mansion. Master Hand is just trying to validate his assumptions, that's all.

Young Link: *sighs* Happens all the time...whenever a big group of people depart from the mansion without Master Hand having any knowledge of their leave, Master Hand instantly assumes that a deadly virus hit the mansion, seemingly killing everyone off. His first instincts are along the lines of Pit's, though Master Hand's instincts are somewhat more reasonable than Pit's.

"Peach and a number of others had left the mansion to go root for Mario and the gang at the bowling alley," Young Link to to explain for Master Hand...who burst into hysterical laughter. The kind of laughter that sends chills down your spine, due to how profoundly majestic it sounds.

"They all wanted to waste their time going to a bowling alley and watching Mario and the others LOSE?!" Master Hand laughed away, having to take a short breather or two to control himself. "What were they thinking?!"

Master Hand's joyous laughter soon died down when Young Link gave him a bucket list of those who had left the mansion, and this list concerned Master Hand greatly.

"No way Aerith is gone, who is going to tend to the flowers?!" the giant hand suddenly panicked. "And Red can't be gone as well, he's supposed to be cleaning up the Pokemon sanctuary, and keeping things in order! Also, Samus, who's going to order the food for us tonight with her absence?"

"You knew Samus would be gone, you should have planned ahead of time..." stated Young Link. Planning ahead of schedule is not one of Master Hand's strong suits.

"You're right, Young Link, I should have delegate the brawlers to accomplish the roles of the brawlers that are absent! Doc Louis will run Star Records in Fox's and Falco's absence, Olimar will tend to the garden, Pit will order us food for tonight, and Akira will motivate everyone like the Flying Man does!" Pit ordering food? Can he even order a cup of lemonade from a lemonade stand? "Yeah, that should cover everything!"

"We're so screwed..." Young Link looked down at the floor, shaking his head in dismay.


The bowling match between Team Mario and Team USA was off to a rolling start, with both teams tied in the early goings of the match. Trece would break the tie when a scored a strike on his first time heading to the lanes.

"Ten points, that's what's up!" Trece gleamed as he looked up at the scoreboard, ten points added to Team USA's point total. He walked back to his seat, passing by Sonic with his bowling high heels. "Try and beat that!" he would say to the hedgehog. Sonic cockily smirked as he grabbed a bowling ball, walked towards a lane, and did the unthinkable - he turned around, his back facing the bowling pins, and spread both of his legs wide.

"YOOOO!" the basketball team reacted to Sonic's extremely questionable bowling stance.

"SON PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU!" Coach yelled at Sonic at the top of his lungs, his face turned red, but it was too late - Sonic rolled the bowling ball through the opening of his legs, and the ball traveled down the lane, the suspense palpating in the bowling alley, until the bowling ball knocked down the pins. Kirby, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff, having been reduced to cheerleaders, cheered on for Sonic - and most of the members from Team Mario did the same - as the hedgehog walked back to his seat, giving his teammates high fives and whatnot.

"At least that method was highly effective," Aerith had to say about Sonic's bowling method, and she certainly wasn't wrong.

Alex: Sooo...we're not gonna talk about the fact that the Aerith chick, that girl from Final Fantasy VII, is somehow still alive? Didn't she get killed or something, am I missing some necessary details?

Next up to bowl for Team USA was Andrew, who is in strong favor of Coach - reason being that he played for Coach during his college days. Heck, you could even make an argument that he was added to the team due to him being a former pupil. While Andrew went out to bowl, Knuckles decided to mess with Alex, although Tails previously dissuaded the echinda from doing so.

"You're gonna pay for this..." the fox whispered to Knuckles, who threw a balled-up piece of paper at Alex. The shooting guard turned around at Knuckles and Tails, both of whom were pointing at each other. The classic example of the "He Did It" trope, if such a trope were to exist.

"Dude I know you threw that ball of paper at me, you don't have to hide it," Alex said peacefully to Knuckles. "I knew that it was you..."

"Why did you think it was me, it's because I'm black isn't it?!" Knuckles frowned, angrily getting up and causing a scene. There goes Knuckles, making a racial thing out of nothing... "You think, that because I'm black, I have to be blamed for every wrong thing? Do you not know the struggles of being BLACK?!"

"Well I'm mixed so technically I know half of the struggle..." Alex's response didn't appear to appease Knuckles, who marched towards the basketball player with a grudge. His eyes were twitching, and his fists were clenching with fury.

"Now, Knuckles, let's not have your angry emotions explode over a trivial matter, let's calm down..." Zelda did her best to soothe Knuckles, gently guiding him back to his seat. "Take some deep breaths, and you'll be fine..."

"What's up with that guy?" Andrew asked everyone after witnessing Knuckles' near-outburst of anger.


Pit spent his day in his room, conjuring of what the brawlers should have for dinner. He would have chosen pizza, but the brawlers have had pizza one too many times, and may be grown completely sick of it. Some Mexican food would be nice, but as you may know, Mario's stomach has a vendetta with refried beans, or anything else of Latin American culture. Poor Mario would be left out, and Pit can't possibly leave brawler behind.

Pit: At first, I thought getting the dinner for tonight would be the easiest thing ever. Just dial the phone, call in the order, and then wait for the delivery boy to come over...that was the plan, until Master Hand told me not to order pizza for the sake of everyone in the mansion. Now I'm a bit stumped...

"Hurry and make a decision already, you idiot, it'll be close to evening time sooner than you know it!" demanded Pit's roommate, Dark Pit. "Do you want to make Mario and the others mad when they come home, and they don't see any food on the table?"

"Give me some time man, I'll think of something soon!" retorted Pit. An imaginary light bulb dinged over his head, signaling a formulation of an idea. Brace yourselves... "Why not have Chinese food for dinner? Nah, that wouldn't work, not that many Chinese people in the mansion..." So going by that logic, wouldn't that mean Mario and Luigi are the only individuals allowed to consume pizza, because of its Italian roots?

"Wow, you're a special kind of stupid, though Master Hand is the stupider one for letting you decide what's for dinner in the first place. Then again, he could be very desperate. How about you go ask your silly girlfriend what we should have for dinner, she definitely would have better suggestions than yours!"

"Or how about I go ask Doc Louis for suggestions, he must have some very good ideas!" Pit ran out of the room, and Dark Pit facepalmed out of grief. Might as well have nothing but chocolate for dinner...


"Booyah!" Captain Falcon exclaimed after scoring a spare in bowling. Not exactly worth a "Booyah!", but Captain Falcon is a pretty excitable guy. "Did you see that Samus, did you see what I did there, wasn't it great?" Falcon asked Samus, who always remains apathetic to everything the racer does.

"Would've been 'greater' if you scared a strike instead," replied Samus, refusing to look up at Captain Falcon for obvious reasons. "But I suppose a spare will do...for now."

"Pfft, you're just being a lousy hater, learn to be more appreciative of greatness sometimes!" One measly spare and Captain Falcon thinks he's the greatest bowler of all time or something. That's what happens when you're filled to the brim with confidence like him.

Next up to bowl for Team USA was Jim - if he scores a strike, then Team USA will be in the lead. Team Mario wasn't going to have that, and Sonic plans on making that so...

"JIM WATCHES DISNEY JUNIOR BY HIMSELF!" Sonic called out, yelling at the top of his lungs. If he's attempting to distract Jim, then it may or may not work, depending on the first insult he hurled out at the basketball player.

Sonic: An underrated tactic that guarantees your team a win 90% of the time? Distractions. Distractions can be found at every sporting event - from the dudes that belly roll when someone from the opposing team is shooting a free throw, to the pitcher that constantly scratches his crotch while pitching, making the batter feel uncomfortable. By distracting the Team USA players while they're bowling, I can mess up their turn and gift-wrap me...um, my team...a win! It's absolutely genius!

"Really dude, is that seriously the best you got?" Jim smirked at Sonic, shaking his head before returning his attention to the bowling pins in front of him. "You gotta try way harder than that..." And that's exactly what Sonic plans on doing.

"JIM LIKES TO LURE LITTLE KIDS TO HIS VAN!" Sonic hurled this "insult" at Jim, ruining his concentration. Jim grunted as he tried to get back his concentration.

"Man you gotta cut that out, your heckling game is all out of wack," K-Low said to Sonic. "Just let the man bowl!" In spite of K-Low's remarks, Sonic was still adamant on heckling Jim, and he won't stop until he screws Jim over.

"JIM ONCE WENT TO A HIGH SCHOOL DANCE WITH HIS MOM, AND HIS MOM HAD TO HOLD HIS HAND THE ENTIRE TIME!"

At this point, Jim was fed up with Sonic's crappy insults, and he did what he had to do - he threw his bowling ball at Sonic, who dodged the ball. Meta Knight would be the one struck by the bowling ball, and his precious mask was now cracked.

"This is one of the many reasons I should have decided against coming here..." remarked the Star Warrior. What were the other reasons? And why did Meta Knight even come in the first place, to support Kirby? He barely even likes the little fella!


Olimar watered the many flowers and plants of the mansion's gardens, with Viridi assisting the space astronaut. Akira Yuki was present in the gardens, encouraging Olimar and Viridi to do their jobs.

"Yeah, you guys keep up the good work, let's go!" the kung fu fighter rooted for the two, vigorously clapping his hands. "No need to fear, for I am your courage! With me, you can do just about anything!"

"Akira you're beginning to make the Flying Man more pleasant than usual..." Olimar had to say about Akira's newfound gaiety. Was this a compliment or an insult? Considering the Flying Man's irritable nature, it may very well be an insult.

Olimar: Although it may not seem like it at times, I'm actually a pretty resourceful gardener. My time spent with the Pikmin has given me some pointers about flowers, particularly because of the Pikmin species being based around plants. I even had a book that was all about gardening and how gardening works...and alas, that book was lost in a mansion fire sparked by Alph of all people. Haven't forgiven him since...

Akira Yuki: The wonderful residents of this oh-so-lovely mansion need to be uplifted, they need to be encouraged and strengthened and always enjoy life to the fullest! They can do everything they want, anything they want, when they have me, because I am their courage! Let me repeat, I AM THEIR CORUAGE! *drops the happy facade* Flying Man, please make it back here as soon as possible, I don't think I can do this anymore!

"Viridi, are you busy by any chance?" Pit entered the garden, having to ask the goddess of nature this very question. "I want you to come with me to the Star Records so I can speak with Doc Louis; you'll serve as my punching bag!" Viridi was taken back at Pit's offer - why would a pretty, delicate girl like her want to be a punching bag? Attitude and xenophobia aside, she's one of the most innocent people you'll ever meet!

"Me, as a punching bag?!" the goddess of nature frowned. "Are you insane, why would I want to be your punching bag? Do you want Doc to beat me senselessly or something, have you forgotten about what he's capable of?!"

"I know what Doc is capable of, he's still pretty strong for his age. Only reason I want you as a punching bag is because Doc would think twice about punching you, because of how pretty you are! I'll just hold you up in front of him, and if or when he gets angry, he won't attack you...or me! Genius, isn't it?"

Viridi was still unsure of Pit's offer. There's no living proof as to whether or not Doc Louis actually punches little girls - but if there evidence of any sort, then Doc would go down as the most despised man in America, or at least in the state of Washington. However, Viridi can negotiate the offer with Pit regardless.

"It's not like you have any other choice Viridi, you might as well go with Pit and speak with Doc Louis, it is your mundane destiny!" Akira said to the goddess nature. "Even if things don't go the way you planned, just be rest assured, that I am your..."

"Oh, can it, you Tony Robbins wannabe!" Viridi snapped on Akira, putting the kung fu fighter in his place, before turning her attention to Pit. "I'll go with you to the Star Records room, if and only if you promise not to put me in harm's danger. Do we have a deal?"

"Deal accepted!" exclaimed Pit as he goofily shook Viridi's hand. Very awkward for a boyfriend to be shaking his girlfriend's hand, don't ya think? "We have no time to waste, let's go!" Pit grabbed the goddess of nature's hand, and ran out of the gardens, on the way to Star Records.


Meanwhile, at the bowling alley, Cloud had just scored a strike, and the threesome of Kirby, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff, as well as most of Team Mario and their supporters, cheered on for the blonde swordsman as he returned to his seat without saying a single word. That man just scored a strike, and he didn't even bother celebrating...such savagery cannot be contained by any means.

Cloud: Mario and the others wasted their time cheering for me...we all know were going to lose to the basketball team, it's pretty much inevitable. Not cynicism, just calling it as it is...

Next up to bowl for Team USA was Coach, rocking his fancy bowling shoes. He grabbed a bowling ball and rolled it down the lane, knocking down all the pins and scoring a strike. His players went absolutely bonkers, screaming and hollering at the top of their lungs and doing other silly stuff; you'd think they only do that when someone pulls off a 360 windmill dunk or something.

"Even at my old age, I still got it!" Coach smiled to himself as he returned to his seat. Next up to bowl for Team Mario was Mr. Game & Watch, who was added to the team to even up the score with Coach. He grabbed a bowling ball, exhaled for a little bit, and rolled the ball down the lane.

Only problem was, Mr. Game and Watch rolled the ball very slowly, due to his choppy and sluggish movement, and the ball consequently rolled slowly down the lane...veering left into the gutter and rolling all the way down to the lane. Team Mario and company were left in shock as Team USA applauded the 2-D man for messing up his team's chances at a win.

"This can't-a be good at all..." Mario shook his head in dismay. One more bad move, and it may be all over for Team Mario.


"Sorry, kiddos, but quite frankly I don't have any suggestions for dinner," Doc Louis said to Pit and Viridi, while his protege Little Mac quietly trained in the corner of the Star Records room punching away on a poor Sandbag. "Normally I would suggest chocolate, but no one ever really eats chocolate for dinner, so..."

"It's fine, Doc Louis, Viridi and I will try and think of something soon," Pit assured the boxing trainer as he and lover walked towards the door to the room. "And here I thought you would at least be somewhat helpful..."

"What you say son?!" Doc Louis angrily tore off his classic red-sleeved shirt, revealing his not-so-classic leopard shirt underneath. "You think I'm not that helpful?! Then how do you explain my progress with Little Mac, if that's not help, then what is?!" Pit got scared real quick, and grabbed Viridi and shielded her in front of him, using the goddess as a living shield.

"Pit I thought you promised me you wouldn't make me a punching bag for Doc Louis!" Viridi cried out to Pit, who is presumably wetting himself at this very moment.

"Promises are made to be broken!" was the angel's excuse. Little Mac had to stop his training the moment Doc Louis ripped off his shirt, and he had to restrain his easily angered mentor.

Pit: Do I feel any regret for breaking my promise with Viridi? Nah, not really...I have broken a bunch of other promises in the past that I've never even known about.

"Chill out Doc, Pit didn't inherently mean it!" Little Mac told Doc Louis as he dragged his trainer away from Pit, taking him to a chair and sitting him down in it. Doc Louis took a quick breather once he sat down, and wiped the sweat off of his forehead. "You really need to control your anger Doc, it's not good for your health..."

"May I have your attention everyone?" Olimar barged inside the Star Records room, holding dirt in his hand and grabbing everyone's attention. Did he come all the way up here just to find dirt, what's the fun in that?! "So Akira ordered me and my Pikmin to dig a hole in the garden to make room for some of the flowers and whatnot, and as the Pikmin were digging...they found these!" Olimar held up the dirt, which revealed coupons to a barbecue restaurant downtown - many of which were up to fifty percent off!

"Coupons buried in the mansion's gardens?" Doc Louis raised an eyebrow. "How did those coupons end up in the gardens of all places?" Not even Nostradamus could answer this very question.

"Beats me; my only guess is that Yuffie may be responsible for this. I'm afraid she has a hankering for coupons, in addition to food stamps..."

"Who cares, I already know what we're having for dinner!" Pit gently put Viridi down and grabbed the coupons from Olimar. "I'll go down to the Pokemon sanctuary, and have the water and flying type Pokemon make these coupons good as new! And while I'm down there, I'll clean up the entire sanctuary, like Red was supposed to."

"Alright then. I shall notify Master Hand about our dinner plans while you're doing that. I'll also call Mario and the others, and notify them as well."


It was now do-or-die time for Team Mario. The last bowler from Team USA, Hyland, missed all of his tries, seeing the bowling ball go down the gutter in Team USA's last attempt. (An insult to injury, especially since Hyland is also terrible at making free throws in basketball, it's the weakest point of his game.) That meant it was now up ot Link, the destined savior of Team Mario, to score a strike and give his team a win. He grabbed a bowling ball, let out a deep breath, and walked up to the lane, preparing his mind.

All of a sudden, Coach collapsed to the floor, leaving everyone but Link (too concentrated to pay attention) in utter shock. Everyone was fretting as Rosalina and the Flying Man came to Coach's aid, with Coach's players looking on with much worry.

"Someone bring over a medic, quickly!" ordered Rosalina; two medics came over to the scene to check on Coach. During this time of peril, Link, who blocked out all sounds and distractions, rolled the bowling ball down the lane with grace, and precision, and other things that make something mundane as rolling a bowling ball great, and the ball traveled down the lane...

...until it reached the bowling pins, knocking them all down. The word "WINNER" flashed on the scoreboard above, next to Team Mario's name, indicating that they have secured victory. Link gleamed as he looked up at the scoreboard, and he turned around and was greeted by cheers of joy from the crowd...but they weren't cheering for Link. Instead, they were cheering for Coach, who was now fine again, joyful that he hasn't met his end yet. His players were joyful as well, showing displays of camaraderie with their coach.

Link: Unbelievable, simply unbelievable...I scored a strike, and led my team to victory...and yet everyone insists on cheering on for some old man?! Whatever happened to priorities these days, why does an old geezer get praise?!

"Um, guys, we won the bowling match, I helped you guys win!" Link called out to Mario and company. "Do we even get a freaking trophy, what's the point of bowling when we don't get a trophy?!" Link's bickering was no use, Mario and company were too caught up in Coach's camaraderie. Only person that wasn't caught up was Zelda, who saw her boyfriend's frustrations from where she was standing.

"No need to get some angry Link, at least you won," Zelda walked towards Link, comforting her man. "You'll get the credit and respect you deserve one day." That day can't come soon enough for Link, can it?

"Hello, who is-a this?" Mario answered his cell phone after it rang, and the plumber went to another part of the bowling alley to get some peace and quiet. "Isabelle, is that-a you?...What's this about having-a barbecue for dinner?...Master Hand wants-a barbecue as well?...Okay, let me go tell the others..." Mario, ending his phone call without even telling Isabelle goodbye (what a jerk he is), returned to the bowling lanes to speak with his fellow brawlers. "Attention everyone; I just got off-a the phone with Isabelle; she said that we're-a having barbecue for-a dinner tonight!"

"Barbecue for dinner, huh?" Jamal smiled, stroking his chin. "Mind if we come over?"


So Mario invited the United States basketball team, as well as Luigi and Daisy, over to the mansion for dinner. There was certainly a lot going on - Coach bragging about his college basketball accomplishments, Wayne discussing video games with Pit, Link still complaining about the credit he deserves for winning, and all that good stuff.

Despite all that was going on, Mario suddenly noticed that Luigi was missing. The plumber got out of his seat, and headed outside, where he would find his brother sitting by himself at a lake.

"Barbecue will be gone-a sooner than you know it," Mario told Luigi, taking a seat next to his brother. He could tell that there's something on his twin brother's mind. "Something you wish to tell-a me bro?"

"No, nothing, nothing in-a particular," replied Luigi, looking away from Mario. But he knew that looking away will make him more suspicious, so he reverted his attention to his brother. "Would you be surprised-a if I tell you a secret?"

"That usually depends-a on the situation, but I'm-a all ears." What secret does Luigi possibly have?

"Would-a you be surprised if I told-a you Daisy...has been-a pregnant for at least-a two months?"

Mario didn't even say a word - he just looked at Luigi while making brief laughs, before going into hysterical laughter. Luigi hiding this bit of information from Mario and everyone else is one thing, but Luigi being a father - as well as Mario being an uncle - is an entirely different beast.

"Yo, Mario Bros, what are y'all doing back here?" Kyam approached the famous twin brothers, wondering where they were. Mario had to stifle his laughter. "Dinner's ain't the same without the both of y'all!"

Mario and Luigi then told Kyam about the Daisy situation, about the princess being pregnant and whatnot. Kyam was shocked, but not shocked to the point where he would erupt in laughter and laugh like an evil genius.

"Woah man, that's some pretty big stuff!" the basketball player remarked. And Luigi thought it would be a good idea to conceal it from everyone...and speaking of everyone... "Why don't we go tell the others, they gotta know as well!"

"I don't-a see why not..." Luigi shrugged as he nervously got up and followed Mario and Kyam back to the mansion.

To think, in a couple of months or so, the meek, fearful Luigi will be a full-fledged father...who would have ever imagined such a thing?