Author's Note:
Some guest reviews I have to answer right away, first one from an anonymous reviewer:
"Dude,no offence or anything but are you a robot or something?Like,you are making a funny and long chapters with only a week break!Usually it takes ages for someone to write a good tell me your secret:3"
First off, I'm not a robot...I attend college, I'm a computer science/engineering major, I watch sports, I play video games in my spare time, I have plenty of friends, some of which I play Super Smash Bros with occasionally...so no, I'm not a robot by any means. And I seldom take week-long breaks - what I do is, after I publish a chapter, I take the rest of the day off, and the next day (Saturday), I go back to work and begin the next chapter, and work on it throughout the week until the day I publish it. So yeah, I guess that's my secret. For those of you who were under the assumption that I write one long chapter all in one day, sorry if I blew your mind. Got another anonymous reviewer question:
"Yeah it wasn't a practice date it was actually a practice break up. Sorry"
Thanks for clearing that out. Moving on...
"Can u do one [chapter] where bowser is super mad at sonic for bailing"
I don't think I can pull that one off, but I can address Bowser's anger with Sonic in this chapter. One more anonymous reviewer:
"Hey, um... So I really like this fanfic, it's always so fun to read... Also, Link's weird song XDDDDDD sometimes I remember that chapter where Mario and Link freaked out because of the CD-i games... I wanna see them go bonkers over the Mario and Zelda cartoon XDDD"
Ooh...the infamous Mario and Zelda cartoon...definitely gonna plan for that one. As for the song Link was singing, for those who may not know, it was from the show "Rick and Morty". Please don't send me any Rick and Morty-related suggestions, I hardly know that much about the show and have only watched various clips online. Next up we have T3mmi3:
"I know someone already said this, but... Could we see Axl from Megaman X? He's so precious 3"
No one suggested Axl, at least to my knowledge, but I'll see what I can do with him. Already have so many Mega Man character requests...might have one huge chapter with only Mega Man characters, who knows. Finally we have Kirby 123:
"Could you at least make dark meta knight appear in like a mirror world story and add galacta knight in a different chapter?"
That sounds somewhat feasible. I'll brainstorm some ideas, and we'll go from there.
Episode 39: Knighthood
With the wonderful assistance of Pac-Man, Mario has managed to make very important and necessary steps towards his wedding day, June 23rd. First, he settled on a budget that will compensate for the entire wedding. Then he narrowed down his guest list, although we never explicitly saw him do that in Smash Life. And more recently, he booked the Seattle Mariners' home stadium, Safeco Field, as the venue for the wedding. So what's next on the wedding plan checklist? Sending out cards, and starting up a website for the wedding. It is highly imperative that Mario and Pac-Man get the word out as soon as possible.
"While I work on the website, you'll do the save-the-date cards and send them out to everyone," Pac-Man explained to Mario in the plumber's room, where Aerith was present; the eater of ghosts will be working away on his personal laptop, a device he keeps away from insolent teenagers (i.e. Pit) and individuals who would even eat a giant beanstalk whole (i.e. Kirby).
"Why can't-a we just do the website-a only, we can spread-a the word to the invitees!" said Mario. The plumber will be having a lot more guests at his wedding than Luigi's because, sadly, people care more about Mario, and would actually pay attention to him. It would take Mario the entire day to write all the cards, provided he doesn't get sidetracked.
"Mario we can't only do the website, not all of our guests have access to the internet, like Shovel Knight for instance. Him trying to use a computer or laptop or just about anything with a functioning monitor is like an isolated Pokemon like Greninja trying out a Pokemon dating service. The lack of inexperience would kill him."
And would you know it, a certain knight in blue armor, with horns at the side of his helmet, who also happened to carry a shovel in his hands, approached Mario and Pac-Man in Mario's room, and belted out the following with a loud, hearty voice:
"Mario, Pac-Man, what a pleasure and an honor to see two icons like thyselves in this wonderful mansion, a fine good day to both!" the knight none other than Shovel Knight exclaimed from the top of his lungs, catching Mario and Pac-Man off-guard.
"Looks like we have some company," Aerith smiled as she braided her hair. Shovel Knight, inside the Smash Mansion. Who would have ever thought of such a thing?
Shovel Knight: My stay at the Smash Mansion has not gone without paying any dues - I was brought here by Master Hand to fix the mansion's overlooked plumbing problem, mainly caused by none other than Wario. (Mario or Luigi would have done it, but they're "unofficially" retired from plumbing, at least that's what Master Hand had told me.) With the use of mighty shovel, I unclogged all the toilets Wario had abused with his grotesque and infrequent bowel movements, and fixed the pipes so they would function well and smoothly like they should; my duties have earned me much grammercy. And while I was at it, I also fixed the dishwasher, which was suffering from a bit of a termite problem. It was in that kitchen that I met the lovely Peach in person...
"After a hard day's work of fixing the persisting plumbing issues in the mansion, I wanted to pay you two chums a quick visit before heading back to my previous destination!" stated Shovel Knight, holding his shovel over his shoulder. "Mario, thou art the plumber 'tis due for a wedding next summer, aye? Let me be the one to wish thou a huge congratulations for finally receiving the chance to marry the woman of thy dreams, Princess Peach Toadstool! I take it there won't be a change in surname fine for the pretty blonde maiden?"
"No there-a won't, not for us," smiled Mario, who has been lacking an official surname since his inception. He's above needing a surname, anyways. "I take it that-a Peach treated you well, due-a to your nobility?"
"Aye, the brawlers have treated me well for the most part, but Miss Toadstool was the sweetest of all! Her hand felt so smooth as she touched my armor, and the feeling of her lips, it was just so..."
"Are-a you implying that you KISSED my-a precious Peach?!" Mario got up, filled with rage. Pac-Man and Aerith looked on with uneasy caution. "No one kisses-a Peach and expects-a to get away with it!"
"N'er would I kiss a nonpareil to be wedded anywhere but her lips - verily I tell you Mario, I wouldn't do such a thing, wherefore would thou make these assumptions?!" Shovel Knight shuddered in fear, holding his shovel in front of him, as Mario grew in anger, his face turning red with fury. "Perchance I might have been a bit too descriptive in my response..."
"Leave the premises at-a once, and don't come back-a here ever again!" Shovel Knight did as Mario had told him, scurrying away with his shovel in hand, wondering what had gotten into the plumber. Is it now illegal to mention or talk about Peach in a positive light or something? Has Mario become a male yandere?!
"Mario that was highly uncalled for, you scared the living daylights out of poor Shovel Knight," Aerith scolded Mario, as the plumber calmed down by inhaling and exhaling. "Are you even listening to me, Mario? What has gotten into you today, I've never seen you this angry before!"
"Aerith, you finish-a up the save-the-date cards," ordered Mario, after cooling down. "I'm afraid I have some important business to attend to..." And that 'important business" must obviously involve Shovel Knight, in some sort.
Chrom stood in front of a mirror, tidying his tie, as he was prepping himself for his slightly eventful date with Raven, whom he had met online. He has been preparing for his date for the longest now, and all that preparation can now be put to work, once and for all.
Lucina: Father had decided to go on a date for two reasons - one, because he's tired of being single, and two, so he can prove to everyone that he's not a huge dork as they make him out to be. But he'll forever remain a huge dork in my heart, no matter how love may change him...
After he was finished with his tie, Chrom, wearing the suit he had wore to Luigi's wedding, exited his room, and saw the Ice Climbers working away on an ice sculpture of Mario and Peach, which shall be kept frozen until wedding day. Why the Ice Climbers are working on this ice sculpture so early, we may never know...
"I see you're already working on that sculpture," Chrom said what may have been on your minds right now. "What's the occasion, couldn't wait until next year to start working?" That would've been the most logical thing to do - after all, where would the Ice Climbers store the sculpture at? The Pokemon sanctuary has a freezer section, but Nana nor Popo can't afford the Ice-type Pokemon to break the sculpture, having to start over again.
"Apparently Popo wanted to start on the sculpture right away so we could 'show off our artistic talents and abilities' to our peers," Nana explained as she worked away on the ice sculpture. "In case you couldn't tell, he has been in over his head as of late..."
"I'm not 'in over my head', I just want the residents to know that there's more to us than climbing up ice mountains and wearing parkas all day long," Popo stated, feeling somewhat heartfelt. "When will you understand, Nana, we have other talents too! Why do you think we made those sundaes? How do you explain that? We had mode those sundaes, to prove something about ourselves!"
"Or maybe it was because to keep the brawlers cool during the summer." This was obviously the most logical reasoning, but Popo didn't accept it, as he and Nana would begin bickering over trivial things like sundaes, climbing mountains, vegetables, having been left out of Super Smash Bros 4, et cetera and et cetera. Not wanting to see the Ice Climbers' quarrel come to a peaceful end, Chrom continued on his merry way, making his way down to the foyer.
"Looking good, Chrom my man!" King K. Rool, who was strangely present at the foyer, gave the prince of Yliesse a thumbs up. His thumb was still held out as Chrom breezed right past the Kremling, not even bothering to look him in the eye.
"Nice try Rool, talk all you want but it won't get you anywhere," the prince said as he exited the mansion...and Rool's thumb was still held out.
King K. Rool: Chrom's date, Raven, is one smoking hot babe! And how I know this? Lucina and Robin were talking about her one day, talking about how Chrom met this woman on some dating site, and so I went on the site and checked her out and then I thought...if things between her and Chrom don't work out, then Raven can always have a backup plan...a green, burly backup plan! *flexes his biceps and kisses them*
Once outside, Chrom headed over to Link, who was standing next to his truck. Poor Chrom is about to go on his first date, and yet he still can't operate a moving vehicle. Or a cellphone for that matter; Lucina and Mega Man are still showing him the ropes.
"About time you came Chrom," Link said to the prince, holding out his hand. Chrom, believing that Link wants some dap for whatever reason, gave the Hylian some dap, but Link didn't retract his hand. "It'll take more than just the touch of your hand to drive me to the restaurant..."
"Look, Link, I'm not going to pay you just to take me to the restaurant, I want a peaceful ride to my destination, with little to no distractions," pleaded Chrom. Link is the prince's only mode of transportation; Sonic and Jacky Bryant would be very irritating to ride with. "So please, don't regret me having to ask you to take me to the venue, Jacky is my last resort and I refuse to ride with a man who would have the audacity to play Tokyo Mirage Sessions while driving. (It's a really good game, I'll admit that, mainly because I'm in it.) Point of the matter is, I want a smooth ride, that's really all I'm asking for."
"Eh, you can pay me another time, I won't budge right now...just hop inside." Chrom did as he was told, getting in the passenger seat of Link's truck, as the Hylian got inside his rocking vehicle and turned on the ignition, driving down the driveway and off to the Japanese restaurant. On his way to said restaurant, Link and Chrom were met with some company...
"Chrom I have something super duper important to tell you!" Yoshi ran alongside Link's moving truck, huffing and puffing, but not enough to blow some little piggy's house down. Chrom hesitantly rolled down his window, instantly fearing for the worst. "I put you in a new pairing for my latest fanfic - you and Aerith are now an item!"
"That's great Yoshi, I would offer you my critique of this 'pairing', but I'm heading off to a Japanese restaurant, where my date shall take place," Chrom said to the green dinosaur, greatly devastating him. "Oh, and in case you weren't aware, Cloud and Aerith are both in love with one another. Sorry if I had to burst your bubble..."
Link sped off as Yoshi came to a running halt, falling down on his knees as cried into the heavens before sobbing into his hands. Time for the green fanfiction writer to heavily consider early retirement?
"Wonder what kind of stuff Viridi is doing in the gardens today!" said Pit as he and his best bud Kirby walked to the gardens, so the angel could see his girlfriend. Viridi is the mansion's gardener, despite her young age (but she's a goddess, so who cares about how old she is), and she works tirelessly on a weekly basis to ensure the gardens are in top-shape, everything from the flowers to the soil to even the seeds, scattered about on the ground.
Pit: Viridi is the goddess of nature, and understandably she cares a lot about nature. For that reason, she hates the entire human race for "taking advantage of nature"...so why does she insist on living in the mansion, heavily populated by humans? Maybe there's an underlying reason for her doing so, and it might be me... *grins* ...always knew she had a thing for me.
Pit and Kirby arrived at the mansion's gardens, and saw that Viridi wasn't present. Instead, it was strangely Snake, who was planting and growing plants with the assistance of the young witch Ashley. This had left Pit and Kirby perplexed - is Ashley taking over the gardening duties for Viridi? And if so, why is Snake showing her how it's done, gardening isn't his strong suit!
"Keeping on watering those plants so we can make more..." Snake had told Ashley, before trailing off when he turned around and saw Pit and Kirby, suddenly looking afraid. What is that old coot up to...
"Hey Snake, have you seen Viridi anywhere?" Pit asked the former FOXHOUND spy, unaware and oblivious to the fact that the plants Snake and Ashley were tending to have never been in the gardens before. "I had promised to pay her a visit, before Kirby and I play some Street Fighter." A bit one-sided against Kirby's favor, don't you think? Kirby doesn't even have any fingers or opposable thumbs! "Also, what the heck are you and Ashley growing?"
"I can't say I've seen Viridi at all today, or at least after breakfast," replied Snake. "Me and Ashley have been growing these...these, um..." Snake quickly looked back at Ashley, who was doing some hand motion to relay some message to Snake, likely as a way to bail him out. "...sugar plants, yeah!" This was worthy of a facepalm, executed by Ashley. "We have been growing them during Viridi's absence.
"Sugar canes is what Snake had meant to say," corrected Ashley. "You boys can help us grow these sugarcanes, if you're interested." Pit weighed his options and priorities; he does want to play Street Fighter, but every time he and his buddy play the game, it's always the same outcome - Pit wins easily, either by a landslide, or by default. Kirby didn't need to weigh his options and priorities, because he's Kirby; the only option and priority he has is being happy.
"Four heads are better than two!" exclaimed Pit, putting his originals plans to the side. "So where do Kirby and I start?"
Knuckles was feeling absolutely livid today, even more so than he typically does. The echidna was angrily marching back and forth in the recording studio, acting like how a spoiled little child would when they don't get want they want. Except this time, Knuckles wasn't angry because he didn't get what he want - he was angry because he just got dissed on a diss track, only a couple of months after his rap career officially began.
"How can they disrespect me like that, what have I done to them?" the echidna said out loud as questions ran through his head like an endless stream of water. "Hasn't even been a year yet since I started my rap career, and I already have a diss track aimed at me?! What is this blatant sorcery?!"
Knuckles: In wake of having a diss track directed at me, I wrote down a list of individuals who may have been responsible for the track, since the person singing had an extremely indistinguishable voice. First on the list is Little Mac, dude's been jealous of me since day 1, and it shows. Then it's Bowser, perhaps he released the diss track as his last prank before retiring his title as the "Prank King". My third choice is a little...out there, and his name is Big the Cat. Yes, I know what you're thinking, "Knuckles why would an unlovable oaf like Big the Cat direct a diss track at you, his best friend is a freaking frog that runs away from him all the time!" Well I can say is, you can expect much from the unexpected, and out of these three men, Big may very well be the odd man out...in a good or bad way.
"Everything alright Knuckles, you wanna take a seat somewhere?" Fox entered the recording studio, stepping inside the recording booth, before Knuckles punched the pilot square in the stomach, sending him to the floor in pain. "I'll take that as a no..." Fox wheezed, clutching the place where Knuckles had punch him. The echidna is relatively well-known for his strong punches, and Fox just learned how strong those punches are.
"I won't sit down until I find out who the artist of that diss track is!" vowed Knuckles. Walking back and forth won't solve anything, so Knuckles may never sit down again unless the correct artist's name comes to him. "I'm the last person deserving of a diss track, I mean, what do I possibly do that warrants a diss track on the first place?!" Knuckles angrily punched a wall, leaving behind a hole as he exhaled heavily with a giant frown written on his face.
"Temper tantrums might be a reason for this diss track," suggested Fox, lifting himself up to raise his finger as a way to point his suggestion out, before falling back on the floor due to the pain. Falco walked inside the recording studio, and saw his friend doubled over on the floor inside the booth.
"Fox what's the matter bro, you feeling constipated again?" the avian pilot went to go check on his furry pal, turning him on his back. "Did those laxatives work at all? I guess not...oh well, more for me!" Falco pulled out a bag of laxatives, and ate them like they were candy as he exited the studio. He's bound to be in for an extremely rude awakening...
"Why don't you play the diss track for us, Falco and I will be the judge of how diss-worthy it is," Fox suggested as he propped himself up on a nearby rolling chair, which rolled against the wall when the pilot sat down, hanging his head against said wall. "...none of you didn't see that, by the way."
So Knuckles pressed a button on the music board in the booth, as the diss song in question began playing. Fox and Falco (still eating the laxatives, apparently) listened closely to the song, paying close attention to the lyrics and the voice of the person singing the song. For them, it was an absolute cringefest.
"Man, these bars are so freaking booty," Falco was the first to offer his critique. "'Knuckles is a fake and a phony, his raps are pure bologna'? Like what does that even mean?! Even worse is that those lines are the only intelligible lines so far!"
"Not to mention that the dude's voice is lower than Morgan Freeman's and Darth Vader's combined!" Fox had to say about this atrocious diss track. "I can't believe you let this track get to you like that Knuckles! Do you even know who produced this crap?"
"Some overly pathetic loser named 'G Hunnid the Big Thang," replied Knuckles. Fox and Falco glanced at one another before bursting out into tears of laughter, with Falco on the floor banging his fist and Fox sitting against the wall laughing hysterically.
Falco: "G Hunnid the Big Thang"... *does his best to stifle his laughter* Well, Soulja Boy can now sleep well tonight and forever more, knowing that he no longer has the worst rapper name of all time...same goes for Waka Flocka Flame...and Fetty Wap...and Vanilla Ice...and 2 Chainz...and Young Thug...and Flo Rida...am I missing anyone?
"We're not gonna let this 'G Hunnid' loser get the best of you, you're gonna produce a diss track about this man that'll go so hard, you'll make him want to end his career!" Fox said to Knuckles. With a name like "G Hunnid the Big Thang", you should already want to end your career on the spot. "And we're not gonna let you outta here until you make a joint that'll blow the roof!"
"Thanks Fox, but I don't really have any good material," stated Knuckles. "I've been having a writer's block as of late, no ideas have been coming to my head and I just don't know what to write down!"
"In that case, why don't Falco and I...speed up your creative juices a little?" And how does Fox plan on doing that?
"Sonic you bumbling idiot, how could you have possibly left me for waste in the basement and let me get beat up?" Bowser frowned at the blue hedgehog in particular, who was making his way over to Luigi's home. The koopa king wasn't hurt that badly - he suffered a few scrapes from Chrom's Falchion, but that's pretty much it.
"Because I strongly value my health and well-being, thank you very much," Sonic replied, finally reaching the front door of Luigi's house. "And besides, I'm sure you've been through far worse predicaments before, if Super Mario Galaxy is any indication. Now if you excuse me, I have some important matters to attend to with Luigi." Bowser angrily walked away as Sonic opened the front door and stepped inside Luigi's home. First thing the hedgehog saw when he was inside? Robin and Lucina on the couch, getting all romantic and cozy with one another.
"Oh hey there Sonic, we didn't see you there," Robin looked up and saw the hedgehog looking at the mage and his girlfriend inquisitively; Lucina stopped what she was doing and looked up as well. "Honestly we were hoping nobody would come in and see us, um...doing our thing..."
"You two seriously need to get a room, just because you started getting all lovey-dovey doesn't mean you get to snuggle everywhere you want," Sonic remarked as he continued on his way, entering the kitchen and approaching Yuffie, who was spooning herself with some chocolate syrup, with the fridge door open. Sonic tapped the ninja girl on her shoulder; Yuffie shrieked as she threw the syrup bottle and spoon up in the air, the syrup landing on Sonic and pouring all over him. The spoon also landed on his head with a small thud.
"Sonic don't scare me like that, at least give me a warning or something..." Yuffie started of scolding Sonic, before he saw the hedgehog with an angry facial expression, the chocolate syrup pouring down his face and laughed. "You look so ridiculous! I'm so sorry, but...oh, I wish I could snap a picture of this!"
Yuffie: No, I don't feel bad about eating plain chocolate syrup...in fact, I practically do the same thing during nighttime hours, when Luigi and Daisy are in the bed, and Polterpup is napping away. Besides, Luigi and Daisy have far better food options than the mansion - Mario only buys the basic stuff, like saltine crackers and salt-free mustard.
"Have you seen Luigi anywhere, I owe that many twenty bucks," Sonic asked Yuffie as he wiped himself off with a couple of paper towels. "It's for a wicked-awesome haircut I had given him on Wednesday, and apparently he said he 'wants his money back'." The haircut may have been wicked-awesome for Luigi, or wicked-awful. Considering this was Sonic's first time giving someone a haircut, we shall definitely go with the latter.
"Luigi's upstairs with Daisy but I don't think...if...he wants...to see you..." Yuffie trailed off when Sonic sped upstairs to see Luigi after he finished wiping himself off. Sonic arrived upstairs, and saw Luigi...cradling Rotom in his arms, like it's a baby. Daisy, with a more bloated stomach, watched this very closely.
"You're a good-a boy, yes you are, yes-a you are!" Luigi cuddled the Rotom in his arms, speaking to it as if it was his newborn child. And that's exactly the point of Luigi doing this, to prove to Daisy that he bond perfectly with his baby boy, or girl.
"You're treating that Rotom like it's a baby?" Sonic raised an eyebrow. "That's...that's retarded." The hedgehog caught the attention of Luigi and Daisy, who gave Sonic dubious looks. Who is he to judge their tactics, it's not like he has a baby coming on the way! "Also, you're doing it all wrong, you're talking to that Rotom like it's a dog - here's how a professional would do it!" The hedgehog snatched Rotom from Luigi, and proceeded to give it a noogie, much to the concern of Luigi and Daisy.
"Sonic cut it out this instant, that's no way to treat a poor Pokemon!" frowned an exasperated Daisy, although Sonic refused to listen. When does he ever listen to begin with?
"No, no, this is all good, this is how you prepare your son or daughter for the real world if they ever have to deal with bullying, nothing like a good noogie to set them up for immediate success!" The only "immediate success" that would result from this noogie tactic would be child abuse at a very young age.
At this point, Rotom was tired of Sonic's shenanigans. So once the plasma Pokemon had reached his boiling point, he shocked the blue hedgehog with a wicked Thunderbolt attack, electrocuting Sonic in the process. The speedster fell to the floor with a thud, and he laid there...and he didn't move a single inch. Not a movement of a finger, or a blink of an eye. Sonic just laid there on the floor, with Luigi and Daisy anticipating the moment Sonic got up...but he never did.
"Sonic are you-a okay, did Rotom terribly shock-a you?" Luigi knelt down at the hedgehog, turning him on his back. He checked his pulse, but detected nothing. "I can't-a detect a single pulse, that means...Sonic must be-a DEAD!"
Luigi: Sonic isn't breathing, and no pulse-a has yet to be found...all those signs may-a mean that Sonic could possibly be a dead man!...or hedgehog. But the furry mammal-a that we know and love may very well-a be deceased, and that will be very hard-a to address the others...
Daisy: It might be even harder addressing the fact that a relatively innocent and peaceful Pokemon was responsible for Sonic's death...Rotom isn't like some dangerous legendary Darkrai that can kill people in their sleep!
"So I've been thinking about saving up all my money to buy the newest Pokemon game coming this November, but I don't know what version I should buy," Alph discussed with Cloud in the lounge; the apathetic swordsman had his arms folded. "I want to buy the Sun version, the ultra beast in that version looks legit, but the Moon version might have better version-exclusive Pokemon, I can't make up my mind..."
"Go with Pokemon Moon, it has a less steep learning curve," Cloud apathetically replied. He doesn't really know much about Pokemon Sun or Moon - he just wanted Alph to leave him alone. Soon his wish would be granted, when Mario frantically came up to him.
"Cloud we have-a an emergency on our hands, follow me!" the plumber said. Before Cloud could give an answer, Mario grabbed the swordsman's hand, and took him to the gaming room, showing Cloud Shovel Knight, in the far corner of the room, petting Rosalina's hand. Much to Mario's chagrin, Rosalina enjoyed this treatment very much.
"Thou art a very pretty and lovely maiden, thy silk is softer than a spider's web, and thy smile is a beauteous joy," ShovelSupe Knight complimented Rosalina. "Not to mention that your Luma is a dear companion, the greatest companion of all, verily it is so."
"SHOVEL KNIGHT IS SEXUALLY-A HARASSING ROSALINA, WE MUST STOP-A HIM AT ONCE!" Mario accusingly pointed at the knight, grabbing the attention of everyone in the gaming room. Cloud just looked on, wondering why he was brought here in the first place.
"Nonsense, Mario, Shovel Knight doesn't mean much harm, he's just petting my hand that's all," Rosalina smiled, but Mario didn't buy her "excuse" one bit. "Run along now Mario, nothing to see here..."
"Petting a lady's hand-a must count as sexual harassment from-a where Shovel Knight is from, is that correct?" Mario looked around at everyone in the gaming room; no one bothered to answer his question, resulting in an awkward silence. You'd be hard-pressed to find a single soul that would have an answer. "Therefore Shovel Knight deserves-a to be jailed for his heinous crime!"
Cloud: Just as I figured, Mario appears to be somewhat jealous of Shovel Knight. He may have even been the factor as to way Shovel Knight didn't even make it to Super Smash Bros 4, Yacht Club Games aside. Around the end of 2015, the time I was confirmed for Super Smash Bros, Shovel Knight gained a lot of attention and popularity, partly because of how his games are 8-bit platformers, and Mario probably didn't like it...the whole kickstarter thing too may also be a factor of Mario's jealousy, if I'm not mistaken.
"Silly Mario, I would n'er harass a lady, it's simply not in my being!" Shovel Knight exclaimed; Mario somehow interpreted the knight's jovial manner as a way to cover up any heinous acts the noble knight has done in the past. "Rosalina, she's too pure of a maiden to be corrupted by this idea of 'sexual harassment', she's pure in every sense of the word!"
"Just let it go Mario, Shovel Knight is practically harmless and you should leave him alone at once," Cloud warned Mario.
"We'll leave-a him alone...for now," Mario grabbed the blonde swordsman's hand and walked out of the gaming room. "He shall-a pay for what he has-a done..." Is he seriously still bitter about the whole Shovel Knight-Peach incident? When is he gonna learn to let things go?
"'Look at me, my name is G Hunnid the Big Thang or whatever, and I'm nothing but a fat loser that writes sorry songs and expect the masses to enjoy them!" said Doc Louis, posing as the rapper in question in the recording studio. "'I'm like Kevin Federline, but fatter and more stupid!'" This is all just a ploy by Fox and Falco to give Knuckles - still in the recording booth - some ideas for a diss track.
"Let us know if this tactic is working or not," Fox called out to Knuckles, standing next to Falco; the echidna gave the pilots an empathetic thumbs down, dismaying the both of them. "What are we possibly doing wrong? The insults we hurled at Knuckles didn't work, sardonically criticizing the 'diss track' didn't work either, and what we're doing with Doc Louis isn't working either. What gives?"
"Perhaps we were too harsh with Knuckles' mom with our last insult, and it gave Knuckles a very bad mood," assumed Falco. Why would they go after Knuckles' mom, that's like begging a burly bodybuilder to beat you up to a pulp!
"Hey dudes, what's happening?" Little Mac asked his compadres as he entered the recording studio, and saw a frustrated Knuckles trying to record a diss track. "Oh, Knuckles, you're already working on your first album? Thought you said you were having a writer's block!"
"Knuckles had a diss track sent to him, so he wants to return the favor!" Doc Louis had to explain for his young protege. "Man can't hold the L forever, he has to fire back real quick or else the humiliation will drag him down!"
Doc Louis: Diss tracks are one of the many aspects of why I hate this genre of rap! Cowards would hurl rap songs of insults at one another, instead of going down to the studio and throwing dukes at each other like real men! The latest beef involving diss tracks was downright implorable - on one side, you got this brother from Philly who raps as if he's calling out to his mama named Meek Mill, and on the other side you have this fake brother who is actually mixed but fronts like a thug named Drake, and these two were putting each other down with their crappy diss tracks, all because this Meek fellow was ticked that Drake didn't tweet his newest release! A single non-tweet started the whole hullabaloo! Just when I thought the initial cause of this "beef" was bad enough, Little Mac had the gall to show me Meek's diss track, and once the Undertaker's theme sounded... *shudders*
"The track was dropped by some sap named 'G Hunnid the Big Thang'," stated Falco; the name sounds more hilarious and pathetic to the avian pilot the more he says it. "Fox and I listened to his diss track, and we both felt that..."
"Hey I know that guy, he sent me a diss track as well!" Little Mac exclaimed out of coincidence. "I can show it to you all if you want, but you'll be cleaning your ears out after the song is through." Everyone in the studio braced themselves as Little mac pressed a button on the music board in the recording booth, and the diss track directed at him began playing. Fox and company listened closely to the song, paying attention to the lyrics, melody, beat, and everything else that makes a rap song a rap song (well, if you want to consider the song being played a rap song...)
"Wow, I don't believe it..." Fox said in shock and awe after the diss track was over. "...that diss track was even worse than the one about Knuckles! How on earth is that even possible?!"
"Honestly I don't know how this G Hunnid dude does it, but he deserves to be put in his place, and we can't do it just by ourselves," replied Little Mac, walking up to Knuckles and resting his elbow on the echidna's shoulder. The boxer was about to propose something that has never been done in music, ever. "Why don't we take out this G Hunnid dude...with a diss duet? You like the sound of that, Knuckles?"
"Fine by me, let's do it..." snarled Knuckles, who now experienced a rush of ideas flowing in his head. G Hunnid the Big Thang, or whatever you want to call him, is about to meet his match...
"Goodness, what a fine, exquisite stone, I've n'er seen anything like this!" Shovel Knight marveled, holding a Lucarionite in his hands as he walked with Lucario through the hallways. "The texture and design, it's unlike anything I've ever seen!"
"And it's yours to keep," Lucario smiled. The aura Pokemon has an abundance of Lucarionite mega stones, and he offered to give one of the stones away to a trusted guest, like Shovel Knight. "Remember to keep the Lucarionite out of harm's way, it would dishearten me if someone were to..."
"Hiyah!" that someone by the name of Mario jumped out of nowhere and grabbed Shovel Knight's Lucarionite, throwing in on the floor and breaking it in the process, before stepping on the remains.
"...break it," Lucario heaved a heavy sigh; this wasn't the only time one of his mega stones broke.
Mario: I would have-a tried to be friends-a with Shovel Knight...but he-a kissed my woman, and I can't let-a that go by any means. So until I extract-a my revenge, this means war...
"I destroyed-a your precious stone, whatcha gonna do about-a it?" Mario taunted Shovel Knight, expecting the nobleman to attack him for the act he has done. "You don't like-a what I did, come and face-a me like a man!" Shovel Knight, the ever peaceful fellow, decided against fighting with Mario.
"Mario, hast thou gone practically insane?" the knight questioned the plumber. "Thy sanity hast gone dreadfully downhill since our meeting, makes me wonder how thy fellow brawlers subsist your antics!"
"You have NO idea what it's like sometimes..." Lucario folded his arms and looked the other way, the memories of Mario going muy loco coming to the aura Pokemon's head.
"Let me apologize for Mario's actions today, he's developing a bit of a brain tumor and it's making him act more zany than usual," Cloud apologized to Shovel Knight as he infiltrated the scene, grabbing Mario and carrying him away. "Please excuse Mario and his antics, he'll get that tumor removed very soon." The plumber dragged Mario away, taking him behind a wall. "Give it up already Mario, there's no point in antagonizing against someone as peaceful as Shovel Knight, you're getting nowhere."
"But Cloud, Shovel Knight-a kissed my fiance, and I can't let him-a get away with it!" said Mario, refusing to let his beef with Shovel Knight go. "As far as-a I'm concerned, he's innocent until proven-a guilty." An idea was suddenly envisioned by Mario, as evidenced by the snap of the plumber's fingers. "And I know just-a the thing to make-a him pay..." Mario rubbed his hands together in a relatively evil and devious manner; this is a side of Mario Cloud has never seen before. That's what happens with someone's fiance gets involved in the grand scheme of things.
"This better be the end of it..." said Cloud, hoping to continue the rest of his day in peace.
Robin: Isn't Chrom on his date with Raven right now? I believe today is the date his date is supposed to take place. I wish Chrom the best, and I hope things turn out well for him and Raven. Of course, I wouldn't be saying these kind words had he not interrupted my moment with Lucina...but my moment happened, and Chrom is fully content with me and Lucina's romance. Like I was going to let one failed attempt (or two failed attempts) to kiss Lucina bastardize my friendship with Chrom... *laughs slightly*
Speaking of Chrom's date, taking place in the Japanese restaurant, it was going far better than the prince of Yliesse could ever imagine. The prince's conversations with Raven were fruitful, in the sense that they learned a lot from each other, like their interests, hobbies, pet peeves, and plenty of other aspects.
"Ganondorf is in love...with Rosalina, of all people?" Raven snickered as the date went on; Chrom had filled the female mage in on the Demon Lord's lowkey but presumably continuing romance with Rosalina. "Never would have imagined the king of evil falling in love..."
"You never know the deep depths of your comrades when you get to know them better at the mansion," remarked Chrom. "Maybe one day, you can join us, if you're interested..." You would have to be an extremely tolerant person if you wanna live there.
"No, I'll take my chances at the motels I stay at, at least nobody there has flatulence issues..." Chrom couldn't help but laugh at Raven's response, and Raven herself laughed along with him. This is the kind of camaraderie Chrom had expected from his date.
"Not every person at the mansion passes gas controllably and uncontrollably like Wario does. You got famous guys like Mario, Link, and Donkey Kong, and you have outgoing people like Sonic the Hedgehog and Pit, so not everyone is a walking gas tank, just waiting to explode."
"...still taking my chances at the motels," Raven smiled, taking a sip from her drink. Chrom smirked in defeat, he knows Raven will come around one day. One day.
Sitting at a table afar from Chrom and Raven was Link, who was observing the two while jotting down notes on a notepad. The Hylian has yet to ask out his girlfriend Zelda on a date, so he'll take what he learned from Chrom's date and apply it to his own, when the time comes.
"Hi Link, funny seeing you at this restaurant!" the purple cat known as Big greeted the Hylian, taking a seat at the table. Link was caught off-guard when the unlovable cat uttered his name. "Always thought you were a Golden Corral kind of guy..." Where did Big come to this wild assumption?
"I never ate at Golden Corral, thank you very much..." Link angrily replied...before writing the restaurant's name at the bottom of his list of notes. "...but I may eat there sometime in the future, when the time comes."
Link: Can't go on a date with Zelda just yet...gotta take some pointers from Chrom's date before I weigh out my options. The inexperience may doom me, and I can't let that happen. Think how disastrous a bad date would be, it might lead to the end of my relationship with Zelda! Zelda is the perfect one for me, there's no girl like her...No, I don't like that creepy Agitha girl, her bugs are her boyfriends for all I care, that polyandric freak! *folds his arms and frowns* I'm deeply offended that you even asked that...
"Would you do me a solid and take me to the Smash Mansion, so I can see Sonic?" Big implored of Link, against the Hylian's will. "I owe him a few bucks, so he can fully pay back someone. In case you weren't aware, I'm Sonic's number one fan - I follow him on all my social media pages, and whenever something arises about Sonic, whether it be a news report or a false rumor, I must be in on the scoop at once!" And with that, Link finally grasped one of the main reasons as to why hardly any Sonic fans appreciate Big the Cat. "So will you take me to the Smash Mansion please?"
"Sure, but once my friend's date is over," Link replied in a mildly uninterested tone. He likens Big to Waluigi - only difference is that Waluigi is somewhat tolerable.
"Prepare-a to meet your-a match, Shovel Knight..." Mario smiled deviously as he poured a white substance of sorts into Shovel Knight's satchel, which the knight had brought along for his plumbing duties. Yes, nights do bring handbags with them, there's no rule in the knighthood creed that disallows them from doing so.
"Just called the police, they're on their way," Cloud came to notify Mario, only enlisting in the plumber's shenanigans just so he could put this whole Shovel Knight situation behind him. "Once they arrive, we'll show them the white substance in the satchel, convincing to the officers that it's cocaine, and tell them that the satchel belongs to Shovel Knight, and Shovel Knight will be arrested and busted for good."
"Excellent, sounds-a like a fail-a proof plan!" Once Mario finished pouring the substance inside the satchel, he had a very interesting question to ask about it... "Where did-a you even get this-a substance from?"
"Funny you should mention that..."
"Pour the sugar in this container," Ashley instructed Kirby, as the pink puffball poured the sugar he gained from the sugarcanes he grew into a container Ashley was holding. "Make sure you fill it all the way to the top." Kirby did as he was told, and once the task was done, Ashley placed the container with a pile of other containers, all neatly stacked atop one another.
"Here's some more containers of sugar Ashley!" Pit stacked two containers of sugar on the pile, before heading back to tend to the sugarcanes he and Kirby are tasked with growing. Ike and Geno watched from inside, detecting some foul play going on...
Ike: Those plants Pit, Kirby, and Ashley are growing in the gardens? *scoffs* They aren't sugarcanes, if my knowledge of botany serves me right.
Geno: Literally anyone with more than half a brain knows that sugarcanes are supposed to be rod-like in structure, with stems at the top. The plants grown in the garden, they have leaves...so that goes out to prove that Pit has a half-functioning brain, and Kirby likely has no brain to begin with. Wonder what Viridi would think of this...
"See you guys have been piling a lot of containers," Ike approached Ashley, feeling that he has seen enough. "What are you gonna do with them?"
"Sell them to some people on the street - it'll be like a lemonade stand, but very much different," explained Ashley. Who would buy sugar off of the street. "Easy way to make a profit."
"Aw sweet, we're selling the sugar?" exclaimed Pit; the angel's ignorance only did nothing but raise Ike's suspicions. "What a great idea Ashley!"
"That's all I wanted to ask you about," Ike said as he departed. "You guys keep up the good work!" The swordsman gave Ashley and her workers a thumbs up as he headed back inside to talk to Geno, who had seen the entire conversation. "Yeah, they're definitely planning something, but I don't know what..."
"Let's wait it out and see what happens," suggested Geno. "I know the stuff in that containers isn't sugar, and besides, no one would willingly buy sugar off the street..." Geno's eyes suddenly grew in realization, and the realization was rationalized fear. "Unless..."
Peach happily hummed to herself as she walked to Mario's room, to see how her future husband and Pac-Man are coming along in their wedding planning. But when she stopped by the room and opened the door, she found Aerith at Mario's desk, working away on the save-the-date cards. Pac-Man was sitting on Mario's bed, putting on the finishing touches on the wedding website. And Mario was nowhere to be found.
"Have you seen Mario anywhere?" Peach asked Pac-Man and Aerith out of intrigue and worry. Whenever Mario goes missing, the Mushroom Kingdom princess always detects foul play, usually at the hands of Bowser. "I thought he was working on those cards!"
"He was supposed to, but Shovel Knight was talking about your...um, lips, leading Mario to assume that he kissed you...on the lips," Aerith had to explain for Peach, albeit awkwardly. "So now he wants Shovel Knight to suffer for something that he may or may not have done!"
"Shovel Knight never kissed me...it was I who kissed him, and it was just a slight peck on the side of his helmet!" Peach frowned and shook her head disapprovingly, baffled by Mario's behavior. She obviously expected better from him. "Ooh, I just hate it when Mario blows things out of proportion! Guess I have to explain the whole story of what happened..."
Link: *driving his truck* The date is over, which means that Chrom and I are heading back to the mansion. Raven is coming along, so Chrom can prove to her that the mansion isn't that bad of a place to live in, contrary to what others make think. And she's not the only guest invited...
Big: *looking out the passenger seat window* Look at the water, it's oh so pretty, look at how it glistens! Did you know that can easily drown in water? It's one of the things he's known for!
Chrom: Surely it's easy for practically anyone to drown in water, Sonic is no exception...
Raven: How long is the ride supposed to last? That giant cat is already on my last nerve...
A couple of minutes later, Link and company would arrive at the Smash Mansion. Link pulled up into the driveway, and everyone got out of the truck. Big was holding a ziplock bag of some white stuff in his hand as he got out...we shall see what's inside the bag later on. But for now, it's time for Robin, who eagerly ran out of Luigi's home, to greet Chrom and ask him how the date went.
"Name's Robin, nice to meet you," the mage introduced himself to Raven as he sheepishly shook his female counterpart's hand. You'd be acting like him too if you ever met your gender-opposite counterpart. "I take it that your date with Chrom went especially well?"
"Sure did, it was a fun experience for the both of us," Raven smiled, and Chrom smiled as well. "Learned a lot from each other, and our conversations were quite amusing. We would go on another date, if the time comes..."
"I'm glad to hear that." After saying this, Robin suddenly looked behind him, then looked back, needing to address something to Link and Chrom. "Not sure how I should explain this, but earlier today I went upstairs to check on Luigi and Daisy, and there I found Sonic, and Sonic...was dead..."
"SONIC'S DEAD?!" Big exclaimed. "Where is his body, I have to see!" Robin pointed at Luigi's home; Big knocked the mage out of the way as he came running towards the plumber's home. It was perhaps the fastest the big fella has ever ran in his life. "Don't worry Sonic, I'm coming for you!"
"I do believe we have time for me to show you around the mansion," Chrom smiled at Raven, who rolled her eyes in disgust. The prince took the female mage's hand as he guided her inside the mansion. Link grabbed Robin - writhing on the ground - by the arm and dragged him inside, looking at Luigi's home with unease.
Inside Luigi's home, Luigi, Daisy, Yuffie, Lucina, Rotom, Polterpup, and now Big were huddled around Sonic's body in the living room, all presuming the hedgehog to be dead. Luigi had explained the story behind Sonic's presumed death to Yuffie, Robin, Lucina, and Big, and now he nor the others in the living room know what to do.
"None of the life-saving methods we used on Sonic worked...so could this really mean that Sonic's actually dead?" asked Lucina, in bitter disbelief she was even asking this question. "How would the others react when we tell them?"
"The Sonic I know would never die, he's practically invincible!" Big said defiantly. When Sonic goes into Super SoMnic, he may be invincible, but the same can't be said when the hedgehog doesn't have those Chaos Emeralds in his possession. "Maybe this stuff will do the trick!" Big pulled out the ziplock bag and took out its contents, holding it up to Sonic's nose. In what may have seemed like a miracle, Sonic sniffed the bag's contents and coughed, his head rising up. Everyone let out a sigh of relief, Sonic was not dead - but what was that substance Big used to revive the hedgehog in the first place?
Big: This stuff inside this bag... *holds up ziplock bag for camera to see* ...is top secret, nobody knows what's inside but me and the person I bought it from. Don't remember the person's name, but I will admit, his eyepatch looked kinda cool...
"Sonic, you're okay!" Daisy happily hugged Sonic, glad that the hedgehog is alive and well. Sonic himself was taken back by the hug, he never expected this act of kindness from Daisy. "For the longest we thought that you were dead!"
"You all thought I was dead?" Sonic snickered, confusing Daisy and the others. "I was never even dead to begin with! After Rotom had shocked me, I played dead on the floor, just to mess with you and Luigi, and you and the others seriously thought I died for real! Just a little something I learned from Bowser! Ha ha ha, suckers!"
Sonic's laughs of joy and humor soon turned into laughs of nervousness and fright when Luigi, Daisy, Yuffie, Lucina, Rotom, and Polterpup were glaring at him, ticked off that the hedgehog had played them like a fiddle. Big tip-toed to the front door, not wanting to see his role model pay the consequences.
There was a knock at the front door of the Smash Mansion, and Zelda was the one to answer. She opened the door, and saw a few police officers standing by. The princess looked in confusion, wondering who was getting arrested.
"We have been told about a strong presence of cocaine from this residence, and we are here to find the culprit," the lead officer said to Zelda. "Do you have any intel regarding the situation?" The very sight of the officers was intimidating enough for Zelda, and she even fidgeted a little just looking at them.
"Uh, no sir, I had no idea there was even cocaine here to begin with before you asked me about it," replied Zelda. The princess is probably thinking, "Who in earth smokes cocaine at the mansion, and why has this person never been caught?"
"I was the one who called you about the cocaine, we can show you where it is if you like," Cloud came to the front door to tell the officers. Zelda looked at Cloud questionably when he said "we", why is she coming along, she doesn't even know what's going on! "Just follow us and we'll show you." So the swordsman and the princess, against her will, led the police officers inside to reveal to them the very presence of the cocaine in question. Snake appeared in the foyer, and when he saw the police officers with Cloud and Zelda, he gritted his teeth and backed away, and went to go look for a hiding spot. Something is clearly going on...
Snake: Crap the police officers are here, somebody must have snitched on me, bet it was Akira...might as well hide in this closet until the coast is clear...
Knuckles and Little Mac had done it, they had finished the first-ever diss rap duet song, and all that there was left to do is ensure that G Hunnid the Big Thang (if you can, control your laughter) hears it. Fox and Falco had to hear the song first before it can be approved, and they both felt favorably of the song. The song didn't even contain a single curse word - that's a major accomplishment, at least in the rap game.
"We gotta find this G Hunnid punk and show this song to him, and he'll HAVE to end his rap career, on the spot!" Falco said as he downloaded the song unto his phone for convenience. "Sucks that we don't know who he is, or what he looks like..."
"Judging by his rapper name, he's obviously a big fella," said Doc Louis. The name may be misleading - G Hunnid the Big Thang could very well be a skinny white boy attempting rap to make himself cool, and is coming after Knuckles and Little Mac to increase his nonexistent street cred. "Why don't we give the song to a disc jockey in Seattle, and they can play the song and the G Hunnid fella can hear it?"
"It's worth a shot," said Fox. "To the Landmaster!"
Cloud and Zelda guided the police officers to a room where Shovel Knight's satchel was present. Inside this room was Mario, Shovel Knight, Dark Pit, and Jacky Bryant, who was holding Shovel Knight's arms behind his back so the knight wouldn't try and escape. Dark Pit had the knight's shovel in his possession.
"Alright we're here - show us where the cocaine is at so we can find out who to arrest," the lead officer said to Mario. Shovel Knight tried to break from from Jacky's grasp, but to no avail.
"It-a was HIM!" Mario accusingly pointed at Shovel Knight. "He had came-a over here to fix-a our plumbing situation, and he brought this-a satchel full of-a cocaine with him!" Mario held up the satchel for the officers to see, with the white substance inside. "Arrest-a him, boys!"
"I n'er brought any cocaine with me, I n'er doest drugs, ever!" Shovel Knight pleaded one of the officers pulled out their handcuffs. "Please officers, hearerth out my case, I'm innocent!"
Snake: You know, since we're inside this closet, we can talk about some private matters...like who's in love with who...heard that Isabelle likes that funky dog with the guitar...can't really say I'm surprised though. Girls are always suckers for dudes with guitars, I've noticed...
"Officers, please don't arrest Shovel Knight, he has done nothing wrong!" Peach arrived at the scene, just in time before Shovel Knight could be arrested. "This is all just a big huge misunderstanding! You see, this all started because Mario here thought that Shovel Knight kissed me on the lips, when in actually I kissed him on the side of his helmet. But Mario had to blow things out of proportion, and so he antagonized against poor Shovel Knight the whole day, and sadly it had led up to this moment, with Shovel Knight at risk of being arrested. Isn't that right, Cloud?"
"That's...that's exactly what transpired," replied Cloud, surprised that Peach was able to recollect everything that happened up to this point. That's why you should never doubt blondes. "Mario apparently wanted you officers to arrest Shovel Knight, all because he was under the assumption that he had kissed his fiance. I had to help him get Shovel Knight arrested, although I didn't want to."
"Hmm, seems fair..." the lead officer stroked his chin. "Well then, looks like we're calling this whole thing off. Shovel Knight, you are free to go." Shovel Knight sighed happily as Jacky released the knight and Dark Pit gave the knight back his shovel; both brawlers walked out of the room, bitter that Mario had wasted their precious time. "We'll need to inspect the satchel though, to see if it's really cocaine." Zelda took the satchel from Mario, and gave it to the officers for inspection.
"Mario, I can't believest thou, I'm simply in the utmost disbelief..." Shovel Knight shook his head at Mario; the plumber held his head down in shame, reflecting on his past actions. To say he was acting uncharacteristic would be an understatement. "I hast expected far better from thou..."
"I know, Shovel-a Knight, I'm terribly sorry for attempting-a to frame you, I should-a have known better," Mario responded, looking down at the floor. "Please forgive-a me for the trouble-a that I..."
"It's not about the framing, chum - I cannot believe that thou would have the gall to waste the officers' time like that! Why, they could have been doing their jobs, catching criminals on the run, but thou had to ruin their day! Shameful, absolutely shameful!"
The sudden respect that Mario was about to have for Shovel Knight quickly died down following the knight's response. The respect will be brought back up, eventually.
Snake: Heat's getting kinda hot in this closet, could be because of this spy suit I'm wearing...I'm an old man, why do I still wear this thing around the mansion anyways? My espionage days are long behind me...
"Wait just a blistering second, this stuff inside the satchel - it really is cocaine!" the lead officer exclaimed after inspecting the substance inside. "This case isn't over just yet, we must find the real culprit behind this!"
"Cloud, were you the one that filled the satchel with cocaine?" Zelda asked the swordsman, being that Cloud had a role in Mario's shenanigans. "Where did you even get the cocaine from, tell us immediately!"
"Instead of telling you...how about I show you instead?" offered Cloud. Time to see who the real culprit is...
"Ashley why can't we smell the sugar, is it because sugar has no smell whatsoever?" Pit asked the young witch as he and Kirby were stacking the containers of sugar.
"Um, yes, that's way, no point in smelling something that has no smell!" Ashley responded on the spot, as she was watering the sugarcanes - but keep in mind that the plants aren't sugarcanes, as revealed in Ike's and Geno's talking head segment, for the plants have leaves. Ashley turned around, and feared for the worst, when she saw the police officers at the front of the gardens with Cloud, Mario, Peach, Zelda, and Shovel Knight. Uh oh...
"I got the cocaine from those plants," Cloud pointed at the sugarcanes - which are actually coca plants, the number one source of cocaine in the world! Snake and Ashley were growing and tending coca plants to produce cocaine this whole time, and they had enlisted in Pit's and Kirby's help...scandalous!
"Little girl, were you and your friends making cocaine throughout the day?" the lead officer interrogated Ashley, who was visibly undeterred. Most kids her age would be daunted by a police officer speaking to them, getting all up in their grill, but Ashley retained the slightly emotionless persona she's known for.
"Yes sir, we were making cocaine..." replied Ashley. "...but I was forced to do so, by a man named Snake, though you may know him." The officers were taken back, and Mario and company gasped in shock. "He brought some coca plant seeds and planted them in the garden without anyone knowing, and he forced me to help grow them so he could make cocaine and sell them to others. He never revealed the true purpose as to why..."
"No, no, that's all, we have heard enough." The lead officer faced his fellow officers. "You boys go through the mansion and find Snake, and arrest him at once." The officers nodded as they exited the gardens, in search for the former spy. "Now tell me little girl, whom did you sell the cocaine to?"
Snake: Not gonna lie, I kinda like it in here...sure it's hot, but there's no annoying people irritating me, and it's very peaceful, I wouldn't mind being stuck here to be honest with you... *closet door opens, revealing a police officer*
Officer: *holding out his gun* Identify yourself, sir!
Snake: *scoffs* I ain't telling you a thing, stinking poser... *officer notices cocaine residue on Snake's shoulder*
Officer: Come with me sir, you're now under arrest! *grabs Snake and drags him out of the closet while Snake resists*
Fox and company were heading down to the foyer, when Little Mac bumped into Big, still holding his bag of stuff, in the hallway. The boxer fell to the floor, and Doc Louis offered to help his protege up.
"Well whaddaya know, it's Big the Cat!" Falco said after seeing the purple cat. "What's good, my man?"
"Nothing much, just wanted to stop by the mansion and see what's up," responded Big. "I'm afraid my role model is in big trouble, he played dead at Luigi's and Daisy's home, and tricked them into thinking he was dead for real! Hope he's okay..." If Sonic got an actual beatdown, you'd have to admit the beatdown was long overdue. "So what are you fellas up to?"
"We're going to a radio station to deliver this diss track to a disc jockey," explained Knuckles. "Little Mac and I worked on it together, after some dude named G Hunnid the Big Thang sent us individual diss tracks."
"What a coincidence, I'M G Hunnid the Big Thang!" Big chuckled as Knuckles and company looked at the cat with astonished looks - were they hearing this right, has Big become a rapper?! But why him of all people?!
"You started a rap career and you sent us diss tracks?" Little Mac asked in bewilderment, shaking his head. "What have we ever done to you?"
"Oh nothing, I came after you guys just to boost my rap credibility. Funny thing is, I didn't consider rapping, until I bought several bags of cocaine I got from some old guy which I never smoked, like this bag for instance..." Big held up the ziplock bag for everyone to see. "...and sold the cocaine to some music producer on the street for cash! The producer promised me he'd make me a rap star, and so we got to work, and then I released those diss tracks and sent it to you two, and the rest is history!"
"That's all I needed to hear..." said a police officer, pointing his gun at Big, still holding the bag of what was now revealed to be cocaine in the air. Big held up his hands, now knowing that he may be heading to the slammer.
"So what did you make of that wonderful tour, did you enjoy what you had seen?" Chrom asked Raven outside the mansion, after his tour was over.
"Yes I did, the mansion was far better than advertised," replied Raven. The mage and Chrom watched as the police officers escorted Snake and Big, both wearing handcuffs, into police cars. Sonic walked by, sporting a myriad of bruises and scars he suffered at the hands of Luigi, Daisy, and others for his playing dead prank, and saw Snake and Big entering the police car.
"Thanks for the money Big, it'll definitely cover for my injuries!" Sonic called out to Big as he entered the mansion; Big had to give the money he received from the rap producer (whom we don't know, at least not yet that is) to Sonic, as punishment by the officers for giving cocaine to the producer in the first place. The police cars drove away, taking Snake and Big with them, and Chrom and Raven watched.
"Despite what I just said, I'm still sticking to the motels," Raven said to Chrom. "I might change my mind, who knows. Well, it's getting pretty late, I gotta now. Until we see each other again!"
"I'll be looking forward to it," Chrom grinned. "Goodbye, for now." Chrom waved to Raven, and Raven waved back, as the mage departed from the mansion.
What an eventful day it has been...
