Author's Note:
In the wake of Hurricane Irma coming towards my state soon in a matter of days, I have some guest reviews to answer...
"Can you include Marin from Link's Awakening? Hilda and Ravio from A Link Between Worlds? A small scene of Alisha interacting with Lucina and Clair from Fire Emblem Echoes? (Since all three are voiced by Alexis Tipton) Is Agria gonna give insult names to the Smash Mansion residents when she shows up? (Since she called Leia a pimple in the games) How soon will the Resident Evil and the other Tales characters appear? And finally, do you plan on doing something special for when Metroid: Samus Returns, Fire Emblem Warriors and when the Justice League movie comes out?"
Yes to Marin, Hilda, and Ravio. Maybe to the Lucina/Alisha/Clair scene. I'll have to think of some insulting names for Agria to dish out. Still working on the Resident Evil and other Tales characters. And while I've been planning something for the Justice League movie on the lowkey, I'll be also planning for Samus Returns (which is next week, I believe) and Fire Emblem Warriors. Next up is Keeby, or Keebeep:
"What are your mains and characters you hate battling?"
Great question! My main gal is Zelda, been maining her for a very long time. Palutena, Lucina, Falco, King Dedede, and Mr. Game and Watch are my secondary mains. I hate fighting against Bayonetta - you probably know why. Roydigs22 has returned, and with questions in mind:
"Could we maybe see Kirby and either ribbon from k64 or chuchu from Kirby's dreamland 3? And also maybe lucario, lopunny, gardevoir, and gallade?"
I could make some room for Ribbon and Chuchu. And when was the last time Lucario and the crew all appeared together? Must've been since chapters 77-78. I shall feature them in the next chapter.
Episode 90: Headhunt
Following seven months of April showers, May flowers, hot summer days, and cookouts under the sun, the greatest annual American tradition was back to claim its glory...football season. Although football season technically started in late August with college football, professional football was set to kick off that Thursday night, when the Super Bowl champions New England Patriots (a team Falco still greatly despised to this very day) played against the Kansas City Chiefs, a team that wasn't from Kansas, as the city name might imply. Shocker.
In order to get back into the football spirit, Mario wished to play a game of football in the mansion backyard. (He would play in his own backyard, but it was relatively small compared to the mansion's.) As much as the plumber wished to have a rematch against Sonic - a legit rematch, one without deflated balls and any other controversy - he knew Sonic couldn't be trusted, and so he challenged someone else to a game of football instead...his brother, Luigi.
Given Luigi's lanky and slender frame, one would assume the poor plumber would get mauled in any form of football that wasn't flag football. However, Luigi would make up for his lankiness with his tenacity and determination, both underrated qualities. He would love to go against Mario in a little brotherly competition - though things would be ten times sweeter if Luigi and his team came out with a victory.
The rules for the football game were as followed - seven players on each time, four downs, no punts, and all basic football rules were applied. Mario and Luigi spent most of their early afternoon recruiting players to their teams, having in mind who they believed would be a perfect fit.
"Corrin, for the last time...that guy is NOT Emperor Palpatine," Falco tried to tell Corrin, who was still convinced that the coach of the Patriots, Bill Belichick, was Emperor Palpatine, just because he wore a hoodie that portrayed him as some evil, calculating villain. Corrin was watching a press conference of the coach on the television in the living room, his eyes glues to the television screen. "Isn't Palpatine supposed to be ugly looking, just like Voldemort?"
"Like I told you before Falco, this is merely a human disguise Palpatine is using to keep his enemies at bay," explained Corrin, lecturing Falco like he was a college professor lecturing some ignorant college student. "It allows his enemies to keep scouring the entire earth for his whereabouts, while the Galactic Federation remains strong during Palpatine going incognito."
Falco: Yeah, you can say that I'm still bitter about the Super Bowl...but hey, today is the start of the new season. My team can redeem themselves, I'm confident they'll go on another great run, and cruise to the Super Bowl with easy and capture that Lombardi trophy! Lombardi... *looks to the distance, before shaking his head with a smile* ...what a great name that is.
"Okay then, why would 'Emperor Palpatine' disguise himself in a place like New England?" asked Falco, wanting to see how Corrin answered this question. "Why not go into hiding in desolate places, like Wyoming, Maine, or even Fresno, for crying out loud? Nobody gives a crap about Fresno!"
"Palpatine did it because he figured none of his enemies would suspect him to be in Boston," answered Corrin, affirmative that his theory was true and therefor not a theory at all. "Upon hearing the term 'New England', they would look throughout England, not knowing that New England is actually applied to the northern states of the United States."
"That's...that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say. Granted you've said stupider things, but you just took the cake right now - your own cake. Perhaps the worst cake of its kind!"
"Just so you know, Falco, 'stupider' isn't a word...I should know, I learned much from cosplaying Grand Admiral Thrawn once. Who knew cosplaying can be such a great learning experience?"
Unable to take anymore of Corrin's love for Star Wars and his obsession with Emperor Palpatine, Falco left the living room so he could take with someone who wasn't a deranged, delusional nitwit, someone that had the mental capacity to separate fantasy from reality. Given the conversation Falco had with Corrin, anyone will do.
Moments after he left the living room, Falco arrived at the foyer, and saw Luigi speaking with Wario. The avian pilot couldn't make out what the plumber and the fatso were discussing, but judging by the smile on Wario's face, and the nodding of his head, Luigi must be offering him a very enticing offer he simply couldn't refuse.
"You got yourself a deal, Luigi - I'll join your football team!" said Wario, shaking Luigi's hand. His strong grip must be crushing Luigi's hand to the bone. "But only if I get paid for my efforts! I refuse to win this football game empty-handed, without anything to show for my efforts!"
"I got-a you covered Wario - heck, I'll pay every one-a on the team!" stated Luigi; surely the plumber is gonna regret that soon. "Might even throw-a some things in, like free-a food, just to improve-a team performance and morale. Nobody turns down free-a food. Well, Wario, I'll-a be seeing you later!" Luigi and Wario would go their separate ways, with Wario returning to his room, and Luigi looking for teammates...when his eyes fell upon Falco." Ah, Falco! You wish-a to join my foot-a ball team?"
"If I do join your football team...do I get any incentives if we win?" asked Falco, resting his feathered hand belong his beak. Luigi, albeit with some reluctance, nodded his head with a nervous smile. "Well well well...in that, I demand that you hand feed me grapes, and give me a full-course meal, and provide me the greatest selection of desserts known to man! And that's only if I...erm, we win, so I better not see you try and throw the game away just to avoid fulfilling my wishes. Oh, and I also ask that Fox receives the same treatment I do. Capiche?"
"...I'll try and work-a some things out." First Wario's compensation request, and now Falco demanding that he and Fox be treated like kings if Luigi's team won. Luigi couldn't be a pushover for this long.
Falco: Do I feel wrong for asking Luigi to give me what I want for winning? Nope! In order to be like a winner, you have to feel like a winner, and Luigi will make sure of that. That man better not throw away the game, otherwise I'm giving his son away to Andross...provided he doesn't treat Charles like he's a morsel of some giant steak. Can't involve myself with infant cannibalism.
Luigi: Don't think I'm doing anything-a wrong by giving Wario and Falco benefits and-a or incentives - hard-a work pays off, and the effort they-a put into the football game-a will be worth it. Unless they don't-a play to their fullest, there will-a be some consequences... *sighs* ...but I'm not good-a at handing out punishments. Whenever Charles makes a mess-a on his table chair, I just frown-a and point at him sternly...and let-a Daisy take care of the rest.
Link was having a great first week with the deep fryer he got from Falco, after the avian pilot lost a bet to the Hylian concerning Toad's status as a drug lord. Apparently Toad wasn't a drug lord at all, meaning that his happiness and cheerful nature was genuine, rather than a facade for committing evil deeds. Perhaps he had other secrets we don't know about yet...what if, Toad was a mafia boss?! He was with a bunch of fellow Toads in the previous chapter, they could be all a part of a Toad mafia!
Whether Toad had any mafia ties will be explored sometime in the future, but for now Link enjoyed using the deep fryer, deep frying chicken, fish, fries, and other stuff in the kitchen- all at the same time! The deep fryer was everything Link thought of and more, and at some point the Hylian would fall in love with the appliance.
"Here's your fries, fish, and chicken combo, courtesy of yours truly!" exclaimed Link, as he handed his arch-nemesis Ganondorf a plate of the aforementioned food. The Demon Lord accepted the plate from the Hylian, surprised by how well done the food was.
"Gotta hand it to you Link, you're a far more superior cook than I've ever imagined..." remarked Ganondorf, as he took a fry and ate it, making some faces as he analyzed the taste, texture, and temperature of the fry before swallowing it. "...then again, it doesn't require that much skill to deep fry anyways - even Palutena would be an expert at that kind of stuff." Link gave Ganondorf an angry look - a look the Demon Lord didn't even find that intimidating. "Hey, I was just kidding, don't be so angry! I admit, you're a great cook, you should replace Palutena!"
"Heh, given Palutena's recent track record with her cooking, anyone would be a solid replacement over her," remarked Link, looking around to make sure Palutena wasn't around. "Did you have any of Palutena's vegetable soup on Wednesday? Found like three Pikmin in my soup, I almost ate them too!"
"You think that's bad? I found a fly in my soup..." That didn't sound so bad. "...and a severed human finger." Okay, now that sounded bad. "The finger in my soup makes me believe that Palutena is a lowkey serial killer." A goddess of light in Palutena being a serial killer might sound way more plausible than Toad ever being a drug lord, or a mafia boss for that matter.
"I think Viridi has a bigger claim to being a serial killer than Palutena - I mean, she hates humans, and talks about how humans are crap, and how humans take advantage of nature and how they deserve to be punished for their actions and whatnot. Thankfully I'm a Hylian, so I get to avoid Viridi's hatred."
"Aren't Hylians technically humans, but with pointed ears?" asked Ganondorf, and Link quickly thought over this. The Demon Lord had quite a valid point.
Soon Mario entered the kitchen, on the hunt for residents willing to join his football team. The plumber just recruited Touma, believing that his "tokusatsu training" would make him a great football player, despite Touma not receiving such training at all. But the idol's affinity for tokusatsu shows didn't prevent Mario from recruiting him.
"Foot-a ball season is upon-a us, boys!" Mario announced to Link and Ganondorf, who were expecting the plumber to be decked out in football gear from head to toe with a soda hat on his head. Would seem fitting. "And Luigi and I are-a having a football game in-a the backyard, to get us-a in the football spirit!"
"What do you possibly mean by 'us'?" Ganondorf raised an eyebrow, as he was eating his chicken. "You're not trying to recruit us on your team, are you?"
Ganondorf: With my immense size and strength, and raw power, I would be the perfect football player - I could play at any defensive position, whether it be linebacker, end, or safety. But in today's NFL, I would never last that long - that manicial doofus tyrant of a commissioner Roger Goodell would accuse me of not belonging because of my dark powers, and go on some crazy witch hunt to drive me out of the league, just to prove how powerful he is.
Link: Or he'll just kick out of the league altogether because you're an eyesore that turns the viewers away.
Ganondorf: *frowning* You're not insisting that I'm...ugly, are you?
Link: Eh, you may not be ugly at all...unless Rosalina is just seriously blind.
Ganondorf: *gritting his teeth* Why you little...
"Just a seven-a on seven football game, similar to the game-a Sonic and I played-a the Friday before-a the Super Bowl," replied Mario; Sonic was the last person Mario would recruit to his team. Only way the hedgehog would make it on the plumber's team was if all the residents except for him vanished, and Sonic was the only option Mario had left. "Me versus Luigi. I already recruited-a Touma to the team, and there's more-a spots open..."
While Link and Ganondorf mused over the offer, Jakob peered through the kitchen entrance, with his eyes narrowed. The butler had no business wanting to be on Mario's football team, but if this suspicious behavior was any indication, he wanted to have some role or capacity in the backyard football game. Whatever Jakob was plotting to do remained to be seen, but it kinda makes you wonder...
"I'll be on your team; I'll give you the strength and athleticism Luigi's team will surely lack," said Ganondorf, verbally agreeing to join Mario's team. He sure was confident in his own abilities.
"Spent too much time this week deep frying stuff, about time I get a break," said Link, suddenly finding the courage to walk away from his deep fryer. The Hylian's eyes were still very much on the large appliance, though. "So count me in Mario!"
"Excellent, I'll let you both-a know when the teams are-a full, then our foot-a ball game shall commence," stated Mario, as Jakob walked away from the kitchen, seemingly with a plan in mind.
For Crash and Coco Bandicoot, and maybe Aku, it was the first time they got to enjoy the wonderful sport of American football. Being from a remote island located near Australia, the bandicoots...and Aku...weren't really that much into sports, what with Crash being a dumb yet lovable goofball, and Coco being too much of a tech savvy chick to care about sports. But as Crash and Coco...and Aku...would learn, American Football was quite a big deal at the Smash Mansion, especially with the establishment being in a city rabid for the hometown team, the Seattle Seahawks.
The Seahawks' greatest running back, Marshawn Lynch, was a back known for breaking tackles and running over defenders, earning him the moniker "Beast Mode". Today, Crash would give his best beast mode impersonation, when Sonic gave the bandicoot a football (and no, it was given to him by Tails). As you will now see, many mansion residents would fall victim to Crash, who believed that he was Jim Brown in the flesh after touching pigskin for the first time.
"Come out come out, wherever you are, Brother Kuro!" shouted Pit, on the search for Dark Pit. Accompanying the 'broken' angel was Kirby, or as Pit would refer to him, "Senor Kirby". "Show yourself so I can finally DELETE you!"
"What about Flora, should we delete her as well for being associated with Dark Pit...uh, I mean, Brother Kuro?" asked Kirby, making sure to reaffirm what he said, otherwise he would be deleted himself! "Or should we use her as a tool, take her hostage until Brother Kuro accepts our demands?"
"That is very good thinking, Senor Kirby...but as our recent encounters have proven, Brother Kuro will not go down without a fight. It'll take more than just some silly maid to DELETE my brother, it'll also take..."
Before Pit could finish, the angel was aggressively knocked down to the floor by Crash, who was running through the hallways with his football in his hand. After shoulder-bumping Pit, Crash then bumped Akuma to the floor as he nonchalantly walked by, before running down the hall and taking out Alm, sending the prince of Valentia flying. Crash then bumped Doc Louis out of the way, making him drop his chocolate bar to the floor, as the bandicoot kept on running with the football. Once Crash left, Celica exited from a room, and gasped when she saw her husband Alm writhing on the floor, bleeding from his forehead.
"Alm!" Celica cried out as she ran over to her husband, kneeling down at his side. "Who did this to you? I demand names!"
"Crash came out of nowhere like a crazed maniac and knocked me to the floor..." replied Alm, as he rubbed his aching, bleeding forehead. "Had he spun me instead, I would have probably ended up in much worse state than now..."
"No, Susie, you're now contaminated!" cried Doc Louis, as he was consoling his chocolate bar, now infected by floor germs. The boxing trainer would hold the chocolate bar to his face, whispering to it softly, as Alm and Celica just looked at him with concerning looks.
Celicia: When we got that treasure of chocolates of Doc Louis, we expected his strange love for chocolate to be curbed dramatically, to the point where he wouldn't personify his chocolate anymore...but alas, he's still the same as we saw him the first time. Guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks...
No one had a tougher job at the mansion than Aku, who had the sole responsibility of watching over Crash and protecting him. When Crash was going bonkers, finding the bandicoot was like finding a lost child in a heavily wooded forest. With this habit occurring more often that not, Aku knew the feeling too well...and now the witchdoctor mask was looking for Crash right now.
"Crash, I don't know where you are, and I know you can't hear me right now...but you have to stop," said Aku, on the search for the orange-furred bandicoot. "You act like a child lost in a superstore when you go aloof like this, and I feel like a worrisome mother looking for said child...granted we've never been to a superstore in the first place because we lived at N. Sanity Island, but please, Crash, just show yourself! Following you around is my lone life duty...hopefully nobody was around to hear that. They would think that I have a very depressing life!"
Aku would soon be relieved to find Crash, when he saw the bandicoot speaking with Luigi in the middle of the hallway. Luigi must be recruiting Crash to his football team, and the bandicoot could give the green plumber the speed edge over Mario's team.
"I just saw-a how you just took-a K. Rool down with ease, and I believe that with your fast-a speed, and relent-a less nature, you could-a be a vital addition to my football team," Luigi said to Crash, who was sweating and panting from running too much. "You probably don't know-a much about American football...yet, but let me just-a tell you that it's kinda similar to Australian rules-a football...but with pads and-a more masculinity."
"What's this I hear about a football team?" a now curious Aku approached Luigi and Crash, requiring more details. Sounded like the mask had to be a chaperone of sorts for Crash, what with the bandicoot being a nigh unpredictable being. "Does this have anything to do with the actual football taking place soon, the one with the Seahawks? I'd love to see a Seahawk in real life, if they actually exist..."
"Unfortunately, Sea-a Hawks don't exist...it's just some-a fancy team name that suits-a the city. Mario and I are having a foot-a ball game in the mansion back-a yard, and we're recruiting six-a people to our team. I was-a thinking about adding your 'son' Crash to my..."
"No, no, and no - don't you even dare!" barked King K. Rool, who angrily approached Luigi and company with a black eye, and a broken nose. "You'll make a huge mistake if you add Crash to your team! Did you not see what that guy did to me earlier?! He could have very well killed me! And now you want him to kill everyone in the backyard - including his teammates?!"
"Ray Lewis allegedly killed a man-a prior to the Super Bowl-a and nobody gave a crap." Not unless you were a Pro Football Hall of Fame voter who took off-the-field matters seriously. "There'll be no harm-a done if Crash were to kill-a someone during the game...which I doubt-a will happen."
"Okay then, Mr. Luigi, I'll take your word for it...but if Crash does kill someone, whether it's from a serious injury or a fatal wound...then you're gonna have to take the blame for it, and admit that you're wrong!" Yet another offer Luigi was left with no choice but to agree to.
Sonic: So who's my pick to win the Super Bowl this season? Pfft, that's an easy one...it will obviously be the Patriots! Brady will win his sixth Super Bowl, because he has all the tools he needs to succeed - a great coach, a solid defense, and a smoking hot wife that will motivate him in every step of the way! But just to play devil's advocate here...if a 40-year old quarterback does win a Super Bowl, then all the young, up-and-coming quarterbacks should feel ashamed for themselves.
Hisui: Honestly, I have no clue who's going to win the Super Bowl - didn't even know there was another football season starting until I saw some NFL commercial on TV. If I had to choose a team though, it would have to be the Dallas Cowboys - everyone knows who the Cowboys are, even ignorant folks like myself!
Roy: Rooting for the Seahawks to go all the way. *holds up a Seahawks #25 jersey* Been repping the Seahawks colors loud and proud since February 2nd, 2014! *pauses* That was the day the Seahawks won their first Super Bowl, right? Or did they win one before?
Mario knew that if his team were to win, then he would have to enlist in the help of someone who knew how to strategize, and employ a game plan that would easily result in victory. Forming strategies was a special craft for the person Mario was looking for, and this person would be in the gaming room, doing what he did best...
"YES, NEW HIGH SCORE!" cheered Robin, as he was playing an arcade game. The mage was in the arcade room all day long, vowing to beat the high score of every arcade game there was. The game Robin just got a new high score in was Galaga, which, believe it or not, originated earlier than Pac-Man. "Did you see that Lucina, I just beat the high score at Galaga!" Robin turned to face his girlfriend Lucina, who was sitting on a stool in the far corner of the arcade room, reading the latest edition of Swordsman Weekly with her thick-rimmed glasses. The princess was only present so she could be a "witness". Frankly, Lucina had no idea what exactly she was supposed to be a witness of.
"Robin, Robin, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can..." Lucina chanted sardonically, before putting her magazine down and looking up at Robin. "Here's a little reminder that you should take to heart, Robin: You. Have. A LIFE. You can't possibly stay in the arcade room forever. This is kinda unlike you..."
"I'm very sorry, Lucina, but I gotta find my knack somehow - Cilan is known for his great cooking, the Flying Man is known for saving people, and Toad is known for...well, he's known for something. Nobody at this crummy mansion cares that I'm a great mage, so if I have to earn yself the reputation of being a great arcade player, then so be it!"
Lucina sighed and continued reading her magazine, as Robin went to the next arcade machine, Donkey Kong - a true classic. As Robin inserted a quarter into the arcade machine and started up a new game, Mario would enter the arcade room, on the search for a strategist - one that could lead the plumber's football team to victory.
"Red, is that-a you over there, may I speak-a with you?" Mario called out to Red the Pokemon Trainer, who was standing at a prize wall, over the counter. The plumber would make his way over to the thirty-year-old, passing by Robin. You thought Mario was going to recruit Robin, didn't you? "You do realize-a those prizes are for-a guests, right?"
"Yes, yes, that is true...but I really want that Poke Doll on that wall," said Red as he pointed at a doll on the prize doll, which resembled a Clefairy. "With that Poke Doll, I can end battles with wild Pokemon...and also stop any fight that I get into with others. Some guy tries to throw a left hook at me, then I show them that doll, and they'll surrender, and then we could go get some ice cream together or something like that. It's like a white flag that forces the other person to submit, rather than yourself."
"Okaaaaay...anyways, I was wondering if you-a wanted to be on my football team, for the foot-a ball game Luigi and I are-a playing later today. You played in the game-a two days before this-a year's Super Bowl, so I was thinking if-a me..."
"Say no more, sign me up!" Red happily shook Mario's hand, as Jakob was peering through the arcade room entrance. No, he wasn't looking at Robin, killing it at the Donkey Kong arcade game. He also wasn't looking at Lucina, admiring her good looks - the butler would certainly catch a fade from Robin if the mage caught him, if Robin even knew what a fade was. Jakob was looking at Mario, who had just added another person to his team in Red.
Jakob: Football is a game of teamwork, it helps build strong bonds with others, and teaches the important lessons of life, like hard work and determination, and all the other qualities Disney films have taught to children, rather than the parents teaching it to them. It is also a game where you can exploits vulnerabilities, find out who's the strongest and the weakest. I got my eyes peeled for the latter group...they'll be very useful for me in the long run, when the plans come to full fruition. *smirks evilly*
"Mario and Luigi will need some referring at their football game, to maintain a sense of peace in order while everyone is tackling each other to the ground," Jakob said to himself as he walked away from the arcade room, deep in thought. He would designate himself as the referee, but then he would interfere in his own "plans". "Wolf was a referee for Master Hand's crappy wrestling show, but refereeing in wrestling and football are two completely different realms...unless..."
Jakob would soon stop in his tracks, when someone flew down from the ceiling on a jetpack, leaving behind holes - or several holes, rather, since Jakob was on the first floor - as they landed on the ground with a thud. This person got up, rubbed their now aching head, and was accompanied by a floating mask named Uka. This person was none other than Dr. Neo Cortex, who returned to the mansion not only to fail in some capacity, but to destroy Crash once and for all...and then fail in some capacity. Failure was in Cortex's DNA.
"Dr. Neo Cortex, at your service, nice to meet you...whatever floats your boat," a slightly sooty Cortex held out his gloved hand to Jakob, who was skeptical of the mad scientist. Everything from the N on his head to the funny black hair was questionable about Cortex.
"Call me Jakob, very nice to meet you," Jakob reluctantly shook hands with Cortex, with Uka ticked off that Cortex didn't blast Jakob away with his laser gun. Unlike Uka, Cortex knew when to act evil and when to act civilized. "I heard Mario and Master Hand bring up your name in their conversations...both considered banning you from the mansion for good. But they said that it really wouldn't be worth it..."
"Well I can't say I blame them - I'm too good to be banned anyways," remarked Cortex, with a proud look, as Uka rolled his eyes. "If you don't know what I do for a living, then allow me to inform you...I'm a mad scientist, bent on destruction and committing acts of evil, and I enjoy building evil inventions and eating churros in my spare time!"
"Very lame evil inventions that don't work, I might add," said Uka, who has been a witness of Cortex's failures since his Warped days. Boy, did he wish he could trade those days for something far more meaningful.
"Oh, and this is a floating mask that follows me around, his name is Uka. He's very, very cynical - I cant even make a simple PB&J sandwich without having him critique me! So what if I put ketchup in my PB&J sandwich...southern people do the same thing with their grits!"
"Thankfully for you, I'm not the type of person that would judge others...to each their own, I would say. In case you may wondering what my profession is...I'm a butler, from a faraway kingdom called Nohr, and I left my butler position at Nohr so I could pursue a position here at the mansion. Master Hand granted me a lot of responsibilities Mario used to have before he moved out with his wife. Speaking of whom, Mario is having a football game with his brother Luigi, and I was thinking that maybe the famous brothers might need a referee..."
"Well you can count me out - Mario and Luigi probably dislike me very much after what I did with Luigi's son. I've tried being nice to Mario's wife, Peach, but he shut me off and slammed the door in my face when I tried to make an appeasement...and don't get me started on Princess Daisy, she'd kick my butt for sure!"
"What a shame...I was thinking about 'rigging' this football game, and needing some assistance from a referee to carry out my deeds. Not rig it in a sense that I would favor one team over the other...let's just say, that I've been thinking about making some heads roll...in a very painful way." Jakob flashed a smile of evil intent when he said this, and Cortex and Uka were able to notice this, right off the bat.
"Oh, do tell me the details..." Cortex gleamed, holding his hands together like an evil villain would. For once, Cortex was actually getting somewhere...
Professor Layton was outside on the porch, in a rocking chair, analyzing the pair of glasses Malva gave him in the previous episode. These glasses were round, and dusty to the point where it was hard to distinguish what color they were, and it was bugging Layton all week long. The man cut off his leisure time and social time with others, trying to figure out the significance of the glasses and what role they played in the ongoing investigation.
Luke: *looking at Layton through a window in the foyer* Layton has been up late every night studying those glasses...he believes those glasses are a seriously big clue - a clue that would break this investigation wide open, and perhaps reveal who the instigator of the whole hotel attack was. Hardly recall the last time Layton was ever asleep, though I did catch him dozing off several times. Being sleep-deprived is especially bad for a man his age.
Yes, not even the sounds of the Duck Hunt Dog barking, or Villager and Bowser Jr. playing a game of tag, or Cloud...being boring as heck as he chilled near a large tree - none of those sounds were able to distract Layton from figuring out what those glasses signified. He was obsessed with those glasses, much like how Doc Louis was obsessed with chocolate...just only in a less creepy sense.
"Tag, you're it!" exclaimed Villager, as he tagged Bowser Jr. in a game that was banned by multiple elementary schools throughout the state of Washington. That must mean Villager and Bowser Jr. are both lawbreakers!
"No, you're it!" exclaimed Bowser Jr., as he immediately tagged Villager right back. The two were now chasing each other around the tree Cloud was relaxing at, running in circles trying to tag each other and destroying Cloud's solitude in the process.
"Can't you two play tag somewhere else..." groaned Cloud, who was resting his eyes. But the noise level of Villager and Bowser Jr. was too much to handle, and so Cloud had to open his eyes. When the swordsman's eyes were opened, the first thing he saw was Layton, sitting on the porch looking at the glasses. It disturbed Cloud...seeing someone more isolated and less sociable than him. Okay, it didn't disturb Cloud, but seeing Layton so immersed in his studies made Cloud feel concerned, and the swordsman wished to do something about it. But R.O.B. would beat him to the punch, bursting through the front door with a tray of lemonade.
"LUKE WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU LAYTON...SO I BROUGHT YOU SOME PINK LEMONADE..." R.O.B. said to the detective, holding out the tray of beverages. But Layton didn't take a single glass, leaving R.O.B. concerned.
"I appreciate the offer R.O.B., but it'll be a no thanks from me, I'm very busy at the moment," Layton would say to the robot, before returning to the glasses. "These glasses, they look oddly familiar, like I'm supposed to know them from somewhere...or someone..."
"LET ME HAVE A LOOK AT THE GLASSES...I CAN FIND OUT WHO THEY BELONG TO..." R.O.B. could really be useful for Layton, but again, Layton would turn the poor robot down, even if it had a bunch of forensics tools programmed into its body.
"Again, thank you for the offer, R.O.B. - but I got this. I can figure it out on my own. Malva gave me those glasses for a reason, for she's on to Team Flare like Luke and I are. A former Team Flare member, now skeptical about what her former group is doing...almost like Malva's an inside agent, without even being on anyone's side!"
"Hold up - Malva gave you those glasses?" asked Cloud, who was already on the porch, startling Layton. "When did she give you those glasses?"
"Gave them to me last week, after I ventured to the Chinatown district with Luke and the others," explained Layton, giving Cloud the glasses so he could look at the oculars himself. Cloud thought the glasses looked familiar - he just couldn't figure out who the glasses belong to. "They've been practically on my mind, I've been horribly consumed with them..."
"PERHAPS I CAN RUN A DNA SCAN ON THE GLASSES...JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO, DANG IT..." said R.O.B., slowly losing his patience with Layton. "AT LEAST TRY MY PINK LEMONADE, DIDN'T MAKE IT FOR NOTHING..."
R.O.B.: SOMETIMES I FEEL...SO UNLOVED...I SHOULD GO BACK TO THE METAL SCRAPPER...IF I HAD A METAL SCRAPPER EVEN GO BACK TO...
"You know what we should do, Professor Layton?" asked Cloud, as R.O.B. got all giddy inside... "We should give these glasses to Samus, and see if she can run a test on them, find out who they belong to." ...only for the robot to hold its head down in sadness. "Now would probably be a good time to ask her, since she'll be in a good mood and all."
"Yes, Samus is always so ticked off - makes me wonder if it's all an act," said Layton. Wouldn't say Samus's ticked off nature was act; just that the bounty hunter has a difficult time putting up with many eccentric personalities on a day-to-day basis. "But I'm really sure the two of us are exceptions."
So Layton and Cloud went back inside the mansion, to speak with Samus, leaving R.O.B. behind in the dust. The robot felt like a third wheel, desperately trying to fit in and be helpful - only to be ignored and neglected.
"WAIT UP YOU GUYS...DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING..." R.O.B. would chase after Cloud and Layton, while the front door was still open.
For Mario's football team to feel complete, the plumber would need a speedster on his squad, one that could break tackles with ease and zip past defenders like it was absolutely nothing. Obviously Mario didn't want to want Sonic, unless he was brutally desperate, and after Luigi informed him that Falco was on his team, Mario couldn't have Fox on his own team - it would cause unwanted friction between the Star Fox pilots. That meant there was one speedster that Mario could ask...and his name was Captain Falcon.
"Captain Falcon, my main-a man!" Mario would greet the racer in his room, addressing him as a "main man" even though he and Falcon weren't that tight. Just trying to sway the racer over, how pathetic... "You ready for the foot-a ball season?"
"You bet I am - even built myself a mini man cave, just for myself!" replied Captain Falcon, opening his closet and revealing to Mario a small TV, a chair, and some unopened snacks littered on the floor. What an underwhelming "man cave" it was. "Granted I could have done much better, but I had to make the small space work somehow...weren't any small couches that I could squeeze in. Probably the only major problem I had..."
"Well it sure ain't-a nothing compared to the man-a cave Luigi has. Luigi and I are having a football-a game in the backyard, and I've recruited-a Touma, Lucario, Red, Ganondorf, and-a Link to my team. How would you like-a to be the seventh man?"
"Hey, Captain Falcon, your girlfriend Nowi is at the front door, and she wants to speak with you," Mega Man poked his head through Falcon's doorway to alert the racer, who grew nervous about why Nowi came to the mansion. "She looks visibility upset...hopefully it has nothing to do with that club thing."
And that was what Captain Falcon was hoping for, as he nervously exited his room and headed down to the foyer, with Mario tagging along to see what was up. The racer and the plumber would soon find Nowi, at the front door, and she looked visibility upset, with her arms folded.
"Nowi, babe, why are you here, what's going on?" Captain Falcon asked the half-Manakete as he approached her...only for Nowi to slap the racer silly, with enough strength to nearly knock his helmet off. Mario just stood there dumbfounded, covering his mouth with his hand.
"You know exactly what's going on!" frowned Nowi, now on the verge of tears as Captain Falcon readjusted his helmet. "How dare you dance with that skank Malva! Bet you think she's way prettier than me, don't you?!"
"Nonsense, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on! I would never think any other woman on the face of this earth is more attractive then you'll ever be! You're my number one girl, and you'll always be that way, forever and ever!"
"Don't try and flatter me with your stupid words! I know you went to that club, dancing with Malva, and possibly starting an affair with her...are you starting an affair with Malva? Don't sugarcoat the truth and expect me to believe that everything is fine...tell me everything that I need to know!"
"Who even told you that I went to the club? Globox promised me that he wouldn't tell anyone...but I should've known better than to trust that guy. He's so dumb, he probably doesn't know where his belly button is!"
"Aha, so you DID go to the club, and you didn't want anyone informing ME about it! Well, Captain Falcon, you can go ahead and enjoy Malva for all I care, she's all yours now...BECAUSE WE'RE THROUGH!"
Nowi would finish things off by slapping Captain Falcon once more, before slamming the front door and running off in tears. Captain Falcon just stood there, despondent, feeling like a thousand truckloads of manure. The Captain Falcon-Nowi relationship was fun while it lasted; some people didn't expect them to last that long. Others thought both lovers were downright crazy!
Nowi: I guess this means... *sniffles* ...that Nah is going to remain fatherless forever... *sniffles* ...she won't have a father to love, and to call her own, and she'll just have me as a parent forever... *sniffles* ...Captain Falcon, you ruined everything... *breaks down in tears*
"So...you still want to join-a my team or not?" Mario asked the depressed Captain Falcon, who was hunched over as he walked away from the front door. Only Mario would ask such a question during a time like this.
"Sorry Mario, but I'm too heartbroken to give my best effort at anything," Captain Falcon said with a depressing sigh, looking down at the floor with sadness. He and Nowi had such a good thing going on...and now it was gone away. "I'm no longer interested in that football game of yours...I'll be in my room if you need me. Going to that club was such a huge mistake..."
As Captain Falcon left the foyer, another person would enter therein. It was a person Mario did not wish to deal with today, but after what just went down, the plumber was left with no choice. This person Mario would now have to ask to join his team...was Sonic, the hedgehog having witnessed the breakup between Captain Falcon and Nowi go down.
"Captain Falcon and Nowi broke up just like that, huh?" remarked the hedgehog, as he stood next to Mario. "Their relationship lasted for ten months, didn't it? Which means Knuckles now owes me ten bucks!"
"It was fun-a while it lasted, but I suppose some-a good things all have to come-a to an end," said Mario, too reluctant to add Sonic to his team. He couldn't risk the hedgehog deflating any footballs for the benefit of the team. "Falcon may never have-a another chance at love again..."
"Amen to that...moving on to more important matters - I've been hearing that you and Luigi are having a football game in the backyard, to kick off the new football season. Do you have any openings on your team, or do I have to..."
"...there's one-a spot left, you can join if you-a want," Mario deeply sighed, with a defeated look on his face. Sonic was overjoyed, as he shouted "WAHOO" and gave Mario a hug, before kissing him on the cheek. Mario maintained the same facial deposition, looking like he just got divorced from Peach, during Sonic's moment.
"Knew you would give me a chance even after that whole deflated football scandal back in February! You're the man, Mario, you rock! Two thumbs up! Now when does the football game begin?"
"Just show up at the back-a yard around four-a o' clock..." Mario would heave yet another sigh, as Sonic gave him a thumbs up and walked away. On the plus side, Mario did get the speedster he was looking for...
Luigi already found a speedster for him team in Crash (it'll be interesting seeing Crash and Sonic go against one another), and now the green plumber was looking to round out his team. So far he recruited Wario, Falco, Crash, King Dedede, and the Flying Man, and now he was recruiting the last person...which, to many, might seem like a very odd and interesting choice.
"Do you think I may be a little too...small to be playing football?" Olimar asked Luigi, who approached the astronaut in the mansion's gardens. Olimar didn't have an official height, but he was much shorter than Mario, which was saying something.
"True, but you do throw-a your Pikmin like you're throwing a spiral in those-a Smash matches of yours," said Luigi, doing his best to entice the skeptical Olimar. "When I see-a you throw your Pikmin, it brings me to my-a memory images of Peyton-a Manning, slinging the football with-a ease and grace...you remind-a me of Peyton Manning, and Peyton Manning reminds me very much-a of you." Yup, Luigi was totally phoning it in...but he did make Olimar blush.
Olimar: Many of my fellow brawlers chastise me to this day for using my Pikmin in battle, but in all honesty, I see nothing wrong with it - the Pikmin are what propels me to victory. Not to mention that I've yet to hear a single complaint from my Pikmin whatsoever! Of course, it's because they don't have mouths, but their silence speaks volumes...besides, I feel like a bad man whenever my Pikmin follow me around - I feel like a pimp, strutting my stuff, with my Pikmin trailing behind me! Got a ho train following me wherever I go like a bunch of groupies! *pauses* Hopefully my children won't hear that in the near future...
"Okay then, consider me in!" said the no longer skeptical, and now motivated Olimar, as he shook hands with Luigi. "I guarantee you that I'll be the greatest passer to have ever lived! You can put all your trust in me!"
"See you at the back-a yard, soldier!" said Luigi, before saluting Olimar. The astronaut would salute right back, and Luigi would exit the gardens and head back inside the mansion, sporting a confident smile. For once in a good while, he could actually beat Mario at something!
Mario, the oldest twin brother, would dominate Luigi at almost any sport possible. Whether it was basketball, baseball, tennis, golf, volleyball, or even wife carrying (and that was a complete disaster, both Peach and Daisy nearly broke their hips), Mario would always have Luigi's number - but today would be the day the littlest brother turned the tables. It was now Luigi's time, and he picked the (seemingly) perfect team to win and guarantee him sweet, sweet victory.
"Mr. Luigi, may I have a quick word with you, it has much to do with your football game!" Jakob called out to Luigi from behind, making the plumber stop and turn around so he could face the butler. "In order to maintain a sense of order and peace in the backyard football game, I thought that maybe you and Mario could use a referee to officiate the game...and so I found this guy."
Luigi did his best to remain optimistic, but all that optimism would soon drain away, as Luigi's face completely sank when Cortex showed up on cue, wearing a referee shirt donning the black-and-white stripes. Good thing for him, he didn't have to change his black pants - though the yellow gloves had to go. Jakob believed the yellow gloves were a bit unprofessional.
"Man, do I look good in zebra stripes, I should wear this short more often!" exclaimed Cortex, as Luigi looked on in disgust. Of all the guys Jakob could have picked from, and it had to be Cortex?! "Why don't we do a test run?" Cortex took out his whistle, and blew into it, making Luigi and Jakob's ears ring as they covered their ears and flinched. Cortex then took out a yellow penalty flag, and threw it, nearly hitting Luigi in the eye.
"Jakob are-a you sure Cortex would-a be a great referee?" asked Luigi, rubbing the place where Cortex did hit him with the yellow flag, the bridge of his nose. "I mean, he nearly caused-a me to go blind by throwing that penalty flag! That flag-a hitting my eye could've resulted in blindness!"
"Pretty sure they just tell referees stuff like that just to prevent them from throwing flags all willy-nilly. And besides, Cortex is unarmed - he has no ray gun with him, and he has no qualms about harming your son Charles...or his arch-nemesis, Crash. Is that right, Cortex?"
"Uh, I guess you could say that...I LOVE Crash, without him I'd be nothing!" Cortex nervously responded; with Crash being in the football game, Cortex would be tempted to make the bandicoot suffer.
Fox was pretty delighted when Falco informed him that he was participating in the backyard football game, and when Falco told him about all the incentives, he was even more than delighted. Feeling that the game would feel naked without any spectators, Fox was doing his best to drum up some interest around the mansion, starting with the Star Records employees, such as Tsubasa.
"Considering that you're from Japan, I bet you hardly know anything about American football - unless you watched that Eyeshield 21 anime," Fox conversed with Tsubasa, as they walked through the hallways. "Which is why you should attend the football game being played outside, so you can learn a thing or two about America's new pastime. But don't tell any old guy I said that."
Fox: Not interested in the upcoming football season - or not interested in how my football team does, rather. Won't mention who my team is, but apparently they're going in full tank mode; they'll suck on purpose just for the long-term benefit of the team. Sucks knowing that before the season even begins, your team is bound to suck, and they'll probably suck for years to come, and all you have to do is "trust the process", as the Philadelphia 76ers once preached. Falco's Falcons will at least make it to the playoffs again...and choke yet again in the big game. Gonna need the Heimlich maneuver for the choking they're gonna do!
"Actually, Japan does have a national football team - and a football league called the X-League," Tsubasa informed Fox, who was left impressed and shocked. Though he wasn't very fond of the X-League name. "Been around since 1971, and it has promotion and regulation rules, just like the soccer leagues throughout England."
"Not digging the X-League name...sounds too close to the XFL. That was quite a travesty - single-handedly proved that regular sports and sports entertainment should never mix. Custom jerseys were the only good thing to come from that league. As well as the cheerleaders!"
Fox and Tsubasa would walk past the workshop, where Cloud and Layton would come to the aid of Samus and . The bounty hunter and the NetNavi were tasked with finding out who the glasses belong to, and Samus was quick to notice the minor detail that Layton sort of neglected, a minor detail that kept getting in his way.
"Professor Layton, have you tried cleaning off the glasses?" Samus would ask the detective, cleaning off the glasses with a red cloth. The color of the glasses were revealed, showing a bright blue tint.
"Those glasses definitely look like they belong to someone," remarked .EXE, analyzing the glasses with a finger underneath his chin. The oculars looked like they could be a trademark of someone - a person who would be indistinguishable without them on. "Reminds me of some evil villain, a guy that was once at the mansion, possibly last year.."
Cloud, Layton, Samus, and .EXE...the four of them all thought together, thinking of who the owner of the glasses was. Like .EXE said, the glasses looked like they belonged to some villain, and this villain was present last year, before Layton arrived - so Layton shouldn't even be thinking right now. Just when it seemed like neither person knew who the person of interest was, R.O.B. poked his head through the workshop door, and saw the glasses, and with his robot eyes, he scanned the oculars, running tests and whatnot...
...before widening its eyes, knowing who the proud owner of the glasses was.
"THOSE BLUE GLASSES...BELONG TO DR. ROBOTNIK EGGMAN..." the robot said to Cloud and company, as the four looked up at the robot with stunned faces. Was it true, was it really true?
With Mario and Luigi's teams now full at seven players, it was time for the backyard football game to begin. Only a sparse crowd showed up, and it was mostly composed of several mansion residents. All that hyping Fox did clearly did not work.
Before the game begin, Mario and Luigi had to meet with their respective teams and discuss a strategy, while Jakob was going over rules and procedures with Cortex. Mario, like Luigi, was against Cortex as a referee, and did not want him anywhere near the mansion for that matter, but since Cortex being referee was Jakob's decision, Mario had to let things stand.
"Midna is fully certain that you'll wind up dying during the game, so she's not spectating because she doesn't feel like, and I quote, 'witnessing the obviousness take place,'" Zelda would say to Link, before the team meeting began. "So I'll be the only one rooting for you...and Ganondorf, if I can bring myself to it."
"You cheered for the man when he won that stuffed animal for Rosalina at the carnival game at Disney Land; I think you'll be fine," replied Link; Zelda smiled and gave Link a kiss on the cheek as the two Hylians went their separate ways, with Link meeting up with his teammates - Mario, Ganondorf, Red, Touma, Sonic, and Lucario. For whatever reason, Sonic brought a boombox to the meeting, leading his teammates to exchanged confused looks with one another.
"Felt like we needed a fight song to get us pumped, a team anthem our supporters could get behind," explained Sonic, placing the boombox on the ground. "It may not top the University of Tennessee's 'Rocky Top', but it's still up there..."
So Sonic pressed the play button, as the boombox played the "fight song" which was, oddly enough, entirely in Japanese! Well, except for the chorus...
Hey hey let's go kenka suru
Taisetsu no mono protect my balls!
Boku ga warui so let's fighting...
Let's fighting love!
Let's fighting love!
Sonic: Lemme tell ya, finding the perfect fight song was a hard task in itself. I had to find a song that would easily make anyone pumped up, a song that would make the average listener appreciate football on a very high scale...and that's when I found the song, "Let's Fighting Love". It perfectly embodies the meaning of hard work, and fighting until the end, and most importantly...love. Makes up for the song being in Japanese!
"Sonic, please tell us that some South Park song isn't our 'fight song', just because it mentioned balls, and we're playing in a football game where we use a football," said Touma, not amused by the song choice like the others. The lack of amusement on everyone's faces made Sonic very ticked.
"A sicko like you would think I picked this song because it mentioned the word 'balls'!" Sonic pointed at Touma, who smirked a little. He was finding Sonic's anger more amusing than the song selection itself. "I picked the song because it teaches things like hard work and love, and playing with all the strength you got! You're from Japan, therefore you should appreciate the song!"
"Technically I'm from Japan too, but that doesn't mean I have to like the song," said Lucario, raising his hand so he could be recognized. "An anime song parody isn't exactly going to get us pumped for the game, Sonic." Apparently Sonic didn't understand that...
On the other side of the backyard, Luigi was going over the game, informing his teammates what position they'll be playing on both offense and defense. The Flying Man, who was large in stature, would play as an offensive lineman and a defensive end. Olimar, on the other hand, would play as a cornerback...and quarterback.
"Olimar here will-a be the quarterback for our team," Luigi would inform his team; Luigi's teammates looked down at Olimar, before bursting into a collective laughing fit. Even the Flying Man was laughing at Olimar!
"That little pipsqueak is going to carry us to victory?" snorted Wario, destroying Olimar's confidence as the astronaut solemnly looked down at the ground. "I knew our team would be done for once I saw this guy, but now...oh man, we're screwed!"
"Make me the quarterback Luigi - I could at least throw a spiral over the opponents' heads!" volunteered the Flying Man, giving Luigi a very valid reason for why he should be quarterback over Olimar. But alas, Luigi was adamant Olimar would get the job done, despite Olimar's short height.
"I've already made-a my decision, and we're sticking to-a it - Olimar will-a be our quarterback," affirmed Luigi, as his teammates sans Olimar groaned in disgust.
Going over the rules and procedures of refereeing with Cortex, who was reffing for the first time. Now it was quite odd for Jakob to be telling Cortex about his duties, since he was from a kingdom that hardly knew much about American football - it should be the other way around. But Jakob was actually telling some demands to Cortex that he must follow...
"Throughout the game, I want you to give orders to the players...tell them to hit each other in the head, and do so with much power and aggression," Jakob ordered to Cortex, talking very sternly to him. "Kill the head, the body will die...keep that in your head until you blow the last whistle."
"Will there be any bounties placed on anyone?" asked Cortex, to which Jakob shook his head no. What was the butler's endgame here? "So it will be just for fun? I love the way you think, Jakob! I won't let you down!"
"I'll be standing along the sidelines to make sure you maintain that promise." And on that remark, Jakob walked away, as Uka rejoined with Cortex. He saw the mad scientist rubbing his hands together evilly, and then saw Jakob walking away, wondering what was going on.
Uka: Just returned from my daily scheduled break from Cortex, which is always needed...what did I miss?
Cloud, Layton, Samus, MegaMan .EXE, and R.O.B. all looked at Eggman's glasses, which were resting on the desk in the workshop. Was Dr. Eggman the culprit responsible for the hotel attack? If so, since when did he enlist in Lysandre and Team Flare? Why did Eggman carry out the attack in the first place? These were some of the questions that were running through the heads of the four.
"Ha, you're still it, catch me if you can!" shouted Villager, as he and Bowser Jr. ran inside the workshop. Apparently their game of tag went from outside to the workshop, and now the two youngins were running about, nearly knocking things over.
"This is why I hate kids sometimes..." sighed Cloud, as he ran over to readjust a shelf Villager and Bowser Jr. nearly knocked over. However, the two did knock over the desk, knocking the glasses off and sending them to the floor, the oculars cracking in the process.
"Nice going, you two, you broke the glasses!" scolded Layton, causing Bowser Jr. and Villager to stop in place as the detective picked up the glasses. There weren't as many cracks as he expected. "This is a major clue in the ongoing wedding investigation..." Layton would clean off the glasses, but paused when he saw that something was up - there was blue paint on his fingers! "Well I'd be...these glasses are actually red! Meaning that they're not Dr. Eggman's glasses at all!"
"Or maybe Dr. Eggman just paints all his glasses blue," theorized Bowser Jr, getting weird looks from everyone. Hard to see through painted glasses.
"HOW DID I NOT DETECT THAT THOSE GLASSES WEREN'T DR. EGGMAN'S...I'M SUCH A SUCKY ROBOT..." lamented R.O.B, holding its head down in sadness. But Cloud would walk over to the robot, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Don't be so down on yourself R.O.B., we all mess up - even robots like yourself," said the swordsman, in a rare act of compassion. "That was just one little error you made, don't get so down on yourself. This only means that the investigation just took a very interesting turn...
It was now time for the football game between Team Mario and Team Luigi to begin, a game in which the spectators were ready for, and after a coin flip that Cortex messed up (twice), Mario's team elected to receive the ball. With both teams standing on opposite sides of the backyard, Olimar had to kick things off by throwing the football to the other team, and so the astronaut threw the pigskin, as far as he could, throwing a perfect spiral...
...which landed on the ground only a few meters away from his feet. Mario and company just awkwardly looked at the football, before Mario went to pick up the football, only to be tackled to the ground by the Flying Man.
"I may be your courage Mario but in this game, I am your enemy!" the Flying Man said to Mario, leaving the plumber to get up on his own, as Cortex blew his whistle to signify the end of the play. Time for Team Mario to go on offense.
Daisy: Do I have any predictions for the game's final score? Hmm...how does 13-10 sound to you?
Lloyd: I'm a simple man - when I watch a football game, I expect high-scoring to take place. 49-45 is my prediction. If this game gets defensive, then I'm heading back inside!
Yoshi: Bump predictions, I just came here to watch a great game, nothing more and nothing less!...What, is that not good enough for you?
Mario got under center, his hands unfortunately placed under Ganondorf's buttocks, with Lucario behind him, and Touma and Sonic as the plumber's receivers. Interestingly enough, Sonic was going up against Crash, from Team Luigi.
"May the best team win," Sonic would shake hands with Crash, prior to Ganondorf snapping the ball to Mario. With the pigskin now in his hands, Mario analyzed the field, before throwing a spiral to Sonic, who caught the ball and tried to make a run for it, only to be tackled by Crash. The crowd cheered and Cortex blew the whistle, as Sonic and Crash both got up. When Crash headed over to the team huddle, he was stopped by Cortex, his arch-nemesis.
"Nice play Crash, nice job at stopping Sonic!" commended the mad scientist, before looking around to see if anyone was eavesdropping. "But if you really want to stop Sonic, then you gotta go for the head. Take him out of the game!"
With Cortex's advice intact in his mind, Crash would join the team huddle, before breaking for the next play. The next play was a running play; Mario would hand off the ball to Lucario, who had to run past Wario, King Dedede, and the Flying Man with Ganondorf, Red, and Link blocking for him. Sonic was going to block for Lucario, but was blindsighted by Crash, who headbutted the hedgehog and sent him to the ground. Lucario would soon be tackled by Wario, but everyone's attention was focused on Sonic, who was out cold.
"Nurse, we need a nurse over here!" Jakob called out from the sidelines, and so Leia went over to check on Sonic. Mario checked on Sonic too, kneeling down at the hedgehog's side, while Cortex was speaking with Lucario in secret...
"Crash, are you still-a there, speak-a to me man!" Mario said to Sonic, and after a few seconds...Sonic opened his eyes, and saw Mario, and Mario only. Apparently Leia wasn't that important of a person for Sonic to look at.
"I think I'm done for Mario, my head is starting to kill me..." moaned Sonic, feeling light-headed and dizzy. Common symptoms of having a concussion. "Sorry Mario, but I think you're gonna have to sub me out for the entire game."
"THERE'S ONLY SEVEN-A OF US, THERE WON'T-A BE ANY SUBSTITUTIONS!" Now now, Mario, no need to yell at a concussed person! "...Leia, just take-a Sonic away, we got a game-a to finish."
Once Sonic was escorted off the field, the football game resumed, with Lucario carrying the ball for Team Mario yet again. For this play, the aura Pokemon was aggressive, punching Wario square in the face and knocking him out cold. This resulted in Lucario receiving jeers from the crowd once the play was over.
"What, dude kept grabbing my leg, I had to do something!" Lucario said to the jeering crowd, as Cortex was now speaking with Crash yet again. Coco, who was in attendance, saw this, and looked on inquisitively, her eyes squinted...
Wario was taken off the field, and Team Mario ran another pass play, with Link and now Touma being Mario's receiving options. So Mario would throw the ball to Link...only for the ball to be intercepted by Team Luigi's Crash, who headbutted Link as he ran down the field, before Touma tackled him to the ground. Another Team Mario player was out, and yet not a single flag was thrown by Cortex.
"Aw, come on, that should've been a flag!" Jacky yelled at Cortex, who remained mum, tuning out Jacky as tiptoed over to Ganondorf, speaking with the Demon Lord. Some very shoddy refereeing was taking place...
Jacky: Got $20 riding on this football game. Promised Akira I'd give his twenty back, and I'll get the twenty if Mario's team wins. Otherwise, I'll be known to Akira as the biggest liar in existence...
Team Luigi was now on offense for the first time, and Olimar was at quarterback. The astronaut, after snapping the ball, threw a short pass to his running back, Falco, who ran into Ganondorf, who then grabbed the avian pilot and slammed him unto the ground, head-first. The crowd gasped, as Falco just lied there on the ground, as Ganondorf walked away like he did nothing wrong.
"FAAAAAALCOOOOOOOO!" Fox cried out as he ran to his buddy (stopping and checking his cellphone for notifications along the way) to see if he was okay. He knelt down at Falco's side, and picked up the pilots head, as he opened his eyes, slowly.
"Guess this is the end, Fox..." Falco whispered to Fox, who tried not to shed a tear, but shed one anyways. "No full-course meal...no desserts...no Luigi hand-feeding me grapes...I've let the team down..." Falco fell into a state of unconsciousness, his tongue hanging out of his beak.
"No...no...it, it can't be...I WANTED TO BE HAND-FED GRAPES TOO!" Fox cried out to the heavens, as Leia looked on, with her arms folded and her impatient foot tapping ever so quickly.
"So melodramatic..." the nurse shook her head, as Cortex was speaking with King Dedede. Kill the head, the body will die...that was the mantra Cortex kept in his head.
For the next six plays, someone was taken out of the game because of a head injury, in each individual play. First, Red was taken out by King Dedede. Then Dedede was taken out Ganondorf. Then Ganondorf was taken out by Crash. Then Crash was taken out by Lucario. Then Lucario was taken out by the Flying Man. Then the Flying Man was taken out by...well, he took his own self out, as amazing as it sounded.
Only two players from both teams were remaining...Mario and Touma, and Luigi and Olimar. Following a timeout from Mario, both he and Luigi mutually agreed that with so many injured players, the game would have to be cut short; so whoever was the first to score would win. Team Luigi was now on offense, with Olimar running the two-man offense.
"We got this-a in the bag Touma - apply what you've learned-a from your tokusatsu training and we'll be-a just fine!" Mario, in the linebacker position, said to Touma, giving the redhead a thumbs up.
"I've never had such training to begin with..." stated Touma, who was lined up behind Mario. Standing behind his center Luigi was Olimar, whose legs were shaking as the pressure was now on him.
"Take a deep-a breath if you need-a to, and don't rush-a the play," advised Luigi, as Olimar nodded his head. The astronaut wouldn't feel so nervous if he and Luigi weren't the only players on their team.
Olimar would do the snap count, and Luigi would snap the ball to him, as he ran down the field. Olimar saw that Luigi had to do battle with not only Mario, but Touma as well, and while Luigi had a height advantage over Mario, the same couldn't be said for Touma. Olimar had to throw the ball when the time was right, when Luigi was open, and when he felt like the time arrived, Olimar threw the ball downfield. The spiral flew in the air, the suspense palpating in the backyard, as everyone watched the spiral spin through the air, the pigskin eventually landing in the hands of Luigi, the plumber being tackled by both Mario and Touma, as he fell to the ground, the football held close to his chest...
...as he landed in the endzone. Luigi, shaking off Mario and Touma, got up, and saw that he was in the endzone, which was marked off by a white line, and raised his fists in victory, as the crowd cheered on.
"YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" shouted Roy, screaming at the top of his lungs. At any other place or occasion, people would think the redhead was a crazed maniac.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Jacky, falling to his knees, as the $20 from his bet was now gone. But who cared about that - Luigi actually beat Mario at something, and he did it in the most dramatic way possible!
Jacky: Welp, there goes the $20...Akira is really gonna hate me until I pay up...why'd I spend all my car dealership money on Wanderlust...
"Good-a game, bro!" Luigi held out his hand to Mario, who got up with his dirty overalls, expecting a handshake. Would Mario shake his little brother's hand? You know he would.
"Good-a game indeed!" exclaimed Mario as he shook Luigi's hand, and right on cue, folks such as Roy, Shulk, Lloyd, Zero, and Dark Pit went over to Luigi and Olimar, and hoisted the two on their shoulders, and paraded them through the backyard. Only thing music would be some congratulatory music.
"Can't wait until I tell my wife and kids about this!" Olimar said to Luigi, who smiled in return. Luigi would be sure to tell Charles about the game, once his son reached an age where he could comprehend stories.
Since Team Luigi won, Luigi had to hand-feed grapes to Falco, as part of the negotiated deal. So the plumber found himself hand-feeding grapes to the avian pilot, who was recuperating in the fitness center with the other injured players.
"Thanks for the sweet cash Luigi!" Wario thanked the plumber, as he was counting the bucks Luigi had given to him and the rest of Team Luigi. "Don't know why you gave us free money, but thanks anyways!" Like he had promised earlier, Luigi had to pay his teammates if he won, and he held up his end of the bargain well. Good thing Crash didn't kill anyone; Rool would have forced Luigi to take the blame for it.
"Is it fine if I go over what Fox and I expect for our full-course meal?" asked Falco, digging into his pocket and pulling out a list...before making a funny face when he saw said list. "Huh, I don't remember writing any of this stuff down...Fox must've did it for me."
"I believe-a that you're suffering from a case-a of memory loss," said Luigi, daunted by how long Falco's list was. It nearly touched the floor! "You tend to lose-a brain cells from head-a injuries such as concussions, and with-a that comes a loss of memory. I'm afraid Wario has lost-a some of his memory himself..."
Watching the injured men from the doorway was Jakob, who had a sly smirk on his face. The butler instructed Cortex to have the players hurt one another, and the N head did exactly what his job entailed. Jakob would depart from the fitness center, and once in the hallway he saw Layton and Mario walk by, with Layton holding the red glasses.
"Given these specs, I would believe that they belong to someone from Team Flare - all Team Flare members, save for Lysandre, wears glasses," Layton said to Mario, as Jakob watched and listened closely. "I'll have Coco run tests on the glasses and find out who they belong to, since R.O.B. lost his confidence, apparently..."
After Mario and Layton walked by, Jakob continued on his way, before being stopped by Cortex and Uka. Cortex was holding out his referee shirt, which was neatly folded to perfection, to Jakob.
"Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a referee Jakob, it was a fun learning experience!" thanked Cortex, expecting something in return for his efforts. "Witnessing Crash being clocked by Lucario will go down as a highlight of my life...as sad as it may sound."
"You're welcome, Dr. Neo Cortex..." said Jakob, accepting the shirt from Cortex. "...but I'm afraid you've used up all your usefulness." The way Jakob said this, it sounded like something bad was coming towards Cortex's way.
"Ha, even Jakob thinks you suck, face the facts Cortex!" Uka poked fun at Cortex, before making a questionable face at Jakob. "...whaddaya mean, Cortex used up all his usefulness, why not use him further?"
"He's expendable...everyone in this establishment is expandable. Even the visitors that frequent this mansion...like you two."
Suddenly, Jakob would grab Cortex and Uka, and forcibly drag the two (well, only Cortex was being dragged) outside, where the garbage bin was located. The butler then opened up the garbage pin, and threw Cortex and Uka inside, were heaps of junk and trash existed.
"I'll be sure to thank you two when the time comes, whenever that happens," Jakob said to Cortex and Uka, checking to see that they were both submerged in the garbage so nobody would find them. "Got some other matters to attend to. Take care..." And with that, Jakob closed the garbage bin, dusted his hands off, and walked away, whistling like everything was okay...
...although it was becoming the exact opposite.
