Author's Note:
No, the title that you see is NOT an anomaly. This chapter is a full-fledged clip show, consisting of some of the best moments of this story, handpicked by myself. I took a well-deserved week-long break after this story was last updated, and I did do any writing AT ALL. And now, I feel refreshed! Especially after playing MK8D (and to a lesser extent, Disgaea 5) on the Switch I got for Christmas. This chapter is a little something that I had been putting together, and should "compensate" for this week. The story will "resume" next week, in the new year. Before I sign off, some guest reviews:
"Can you include the characters from Fate/Extella: The Umbral Star? (Since it got a Switch port) have the characters from Arms shown up yet? A Pac-Man World 2 chapter or reference? A scene of Linkle getting lost while looking for the Smash Mansion? And finally, how soon will we see the Xenosaga and Xenoblade Chronicles X characters showing up?"
The Fate series got a Switch port? Yeah buddy! In that case, I will include Fate characters. No Arms characters have shown up yet. Would be open to doing a Pac-Man World 2 reference. This story could use some Linkle. And I've been planning to have the Xenoblade Chronicles X characters showing up sooner than later; I rented a copy of XC2, and it has been just as I expected. Lots of fun. Here's the second review from our anonymous fellow:
"Can you include the characters from Tales of the Tempest? Will we see any more Street Fighter or Tekken characters show up? Is Ada Wong going to have her Sally Cahill or Cortenay Taylor voice when she appears? And Finally, will more Tales characters show up for the New Year's Eve chapter? (If you plan to make one)"
Maybe. Expect more Street Fighter and Tekken characters to appear in future chapters. Ada Wong may have her Sally Cahill voice. And as you might infer from the chapter title...there's no New Year's Eve chapter, meaning no Tales characters. On to Derick Lindsey:
"is Yoshi still on the run from Birdo since you never stated if he made it back in time for the concert? Because that would be hilarious seeing Yoshi be punished because he couldn't attend the concert and as a result is stuck with Birdo for the next week or so."
You'll see in the next chapter. Next, we have PURPLEFOX:
"Can we have rabbids appear at one point? Maybe a chapter where they invade the mansion."
Rabbids are really the Minions of the video game industry...and a chapter full of Rabbids? I'll have to think about that one. On to Icarus:
"Can you make an episode where Greninja speaks English?"
Perhaps. Now J300 posted an earlier review that I unfortunately did not answer, and so I must answer it now before I forget:
1. Are Alm and Celica roommates because they are married?
2. What does Corrin think of The Last Jedi? Also, who would you think the mansion's resident MCU fan would be?
1. Precisely. That's why Berkut and Rinea will be roommates when they get married.
2. I never revealed Corrin's thoughts about The Last Jedi, did I? I should get to that. As for the mansion's resident MCU fan...that would be Master Hand, if chapter 30's any indication.
Now, to answer J300's most recent review:
1. Here's an idea about Yoshi: could Yoshi steal Bowser Jr.'s paintbrush, start drawing his pairing creations, and slowly the real Smash residents are kidnapped and replaced by the paint pairing replicas, but nobody notices until the end?
2. Will Master Hand teleport everyone to South Korea, or will that not work due to the lack of a Mario and Sonic game for this year?
3. Will Peach have a daughter? If so, will it be named in the same way as Charles? Also a question about Takamaru: is he a ninja? If so, should he be in the Ninja Club, or has he been on missions in Japan?
4. one last idea: Dr. Cortex, Link, and Dark Pit, after being reprimanded by the bu.y cops, rebel and demand a trial for the Links' misuse of power, which in turn leads to the public humiliation of Master Hand due to his support of the ultimate power the bu.y cops have?
1. That sounds like that would make for a very fun chapter.
2. No Mario and Sonic game for the 2018 Olympics? No matter, Master Hand's still taking everyone to South Korea anyways...or North Korea. Hehehe...
3. Haven't decided yet. And as for Takamaru, who I totally forget that he even existed in this story, he's actually a samurai!
4. Bu.y cops...who are the bu.y cops? Might need some clarification. Still, the idea of Link and company rebelling and causing public humiliation for Master Hand does sound funny..
Episode 106: Clipshow
Sonic: What's up, my awesome dudes? Sonic the Hedgehog here, bringing you yet another great episode of "Smash Life"! Now, you're probably wondering why I'm conducting this episode, and since you're kind enough to ask, I'll tell ya...you see, our two awesome producers - LeVar and Brad, who secretly give me chili dogs when we aren't filming - are on vacation, spending the New Year's with their family and friends. Those two won't be back until next week, when they resume filming. And with nobody to film the series, what did LeVar and Brad do? Give me the producing privileges for this episode, of course!
Because I have no clue how to operate a digital camera, I've decided to do a little clip show, to showcase everyone's favorite moments of this series so far - chosen by me! Asked Master if it was a good idea, and he said yes - his loud snoring was already a voice of confirmation. LeVar and Brad...well, let's just say I sent them a text, and they responded saying that my idea was a go. Brad left behind his laptop, which has all the footage of previous episodes. So, without further ado, let's get this clip show started with some fine moments...from yours truly!
Sonic drove Mega Man and Rush to Dr. Light's laboratory in his sweet blue corvette - which he got Tails and Knuckles to pay for.
Sonic: My original plan was to have Jacky pay for my ride. But after finding out, he purposely spent all his hard-earned cash on coconut bars, which was kinda bad on his part, since Peach ate up the bars like she was Pac-Man, and got sick because she was allergic to coconuts. The fact that she didn't know they were coconut bars did not do any justice to blondes everywhere.
Mega Man held Rush in his lap, feeling a little sad. He just wasn't used to his trusty companion suffering from an illness.
"How about some tunes to keep your spirits up?" Sonic pressed a button on the radio as a song began playing. Sonic sang along with the lyrics...
"I don't need any song to cheer me up..." said Mega Man, but the hedgehog wouldn't listen.
"WE BE ALL NIGHT...LOOOOOOOVE...LOOOOOOOVE..."
"Sonic please stop, your singing is horrible..."
"WE BE ALL NIGHT...LOOOOOOOVE...LOOOOOOOVE..."
"For Pete's sake will you stop already?!"
Sonic stopped singing. Never did Mega Man angrily yell at anyone - unless they were named Lloyd Irving - and for him to yell at Sonic like that - the hedgehog was scared for his life!
Mega Man: Sonic can be infuriating at times to be around with. His personality and mannerisms can really rub off the other brawlers.
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As you may know already, Sonic is serving a punishment for his actions in the previous episode (Heroic). His actions resulted in Fiora's apple strudel getting ruined, Diddy Kong's rocketbarrel pack malfunctioning, an invasion of Mr. Saturns, clones of Fox and Falco performing what they believe is parkour, Zelda and Aerith falling off of the roof of the mansion, Wario masquerading as Wario-Man, Mr. Game and Watch in a state of despair, and multitudes of Dragon Ball Z fans triggered all over Seattle, King county, and maybe even beyond. In order for Sonic to pay for the trouble he had caused and then some, Master Hand knew exactly what to do...
"Let me just say you're not exactly the best person to be stuck with, but you're more tolerable than Tails and Knuckles in certain aspects," Sonic said to Bowser, whom he was stuck with. Yes, the hedgehog is stuck to Bowser, wedged in between the spikes on his shell, in a way that he wouldn't be inflicted by said spikes with pain in any way. It might sound a little over the top, but then again, it's what Sonic deserved.
"Shut up man, you're killing my vibe," retorted Bowser, who was monitoring the trick-or-treaters (the Koopalings, Young Link, Toon Link, and Villager) as they were "practicing" a few days before the day of Halloween. The kids are at someone's house right now. "Better be glad Master Hand wouldn't let me put a hurting on you!"
"Of course, I'm way too precious and innocent anyways!" Take this time to laugh your butt of at Sonic's comment, if you will. "What person would want to harm the most fast thing on the planet?"
"Go ask an entire room of brawlers that question and I'll guarantee you everyone will raise their hand."
Bowser: My day was already rough, what with me having to monitor these dumb kids while they do their silly "practicing" for trick-or-treating, like they have some skills they need to hone on before Halloween, but when Master Hand told me that I must carry Sonic around on my shell as the hedgehog's punishment, that's when...
Sonic: *from behind* Um, Bowser, have you forgotten that I can still hear you? Don't you dare say anything negative about me, I may not be the most bearable person out there, but I still have feelings!
Bowser: And feelings are meant to be hurt...but since you're acting like a whiny little child, I'll let you off the hook!
"No, we don't want any candy sir, we're just rehearsing for Halloween so we won't experience any problems," Roy said to the man at the front door of the house the trick-or-treaters were at. Bowser kept watch from the sidewalk. "Halloween can become very hectic during the night hours..."
"Don't worry kiddo, I fully understand why you're all doing this, practice makes perfect!" the man gleamed. "I can always give you kids some homemade popcorn balls, how does that sound?" The trick-or-treaters all nodded their heads with glee. Sonic was suddenly feeling bored - looking at nothing but houses and people walking by while unable to move your arms or legs can make you bored as heck - and he needed something to keep him going.
"Hey Bowser, do you mind if I sing some Chance the Rapper to pass the time?" the hedgehog asked the Koopa King, who was more than quick to say no. "Got a song in my head and I need to sing it out..."
"You don't need to sing it out, why not hum it instead?" suggested Bowser, fearful that the man at the front door and those walking by would hear Sonic's endemic singing. You'd be hard-pressed to find any failed singer on American Idol that sings worse than the hedgehog. "It's just as effective as..."
"YOU DON'T WANT NO PROBLEM, WANT NO PROBLEM WITH ME, HUH! YOU DON'T WANT NO PROBLEM, WANT NO PROBLEM WITH ME!" Everyone from the Koopalings, to the two Links, to Villager, to the man at the front door, to those walking by, heard Sonic's terrible singing and all thought their eardrums were melting. That's how bad Sonic's singing is; Mega Man once had to subject himself to this torture when he had to ride with Sonic to Dr. Light's lab. Sonic's singing voice still rings in the robot's ears...or auditory canals...or auditory chips...or however the heck that robot's supposed to hear.
"My goodness, what is that horrid sound?" the man, holding a plate of popcorn balls, grimaced. "Sounds like my mother-in-law when she's crying! Don't think I can take this anymore, sorry kids!" Unable to take Sonic's singing anymore, the man rushed back inside his house, closing the door, locking it shut, and closed the curtains, as "Baba O'Reily" by The Who was blasted from inside the man's home, in an attempt to drown out Sonic's singing voice.
"Nice going father, we could have gotten some popcorn balls if not for you!" Bowser Jr. and his pals frowned at Bowser, who threw up his arms in the air. Sonic continued to sing, and it practically scared everyone on the block away.
"Yeah Bowser, for real man, way to be a jerk to your own kids, and to Young Link, Toon Link, and Villager as well!" Sonic momentarily stopped singing just to tell Bowser this, before resuming his singing. This is gonna be a long, awful day for the Koopa King...
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Luigi, Daisy, and the wedding guests were guided by the vendor to an outside venue for the cocktail party, after Luigi and Daisy's wedding. Everyone helped themselves to some appetizers, and engaged in some conversation. Sonic (in his flannel attire) was conversing with Reyn, a dear childhood friend of Shulk's.
"Do you ever listen to 'City Escape' from Sonic Adventure 2?" the hedgehog asked the Homs. "City Escape" is one of Sonic's favorite songs, and he is incessantly annoying people about it.
"No, and I don't plan on doing so," replied Reyn, grabbing his appetizers quickly so he can get away from the hedgehog and hang out with his Homs friends.
"Oh really? Then you're an idiot!" Sonic said before blowing his tongue and Reyn at stormed away angrily. Reyn just stood there with a blank face while Sonic went to go speak with his hedgehog friends, Shadow and Silver - although Shadow isn't that much of a friend to anyone.
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Snake entered the cafe, sipping his coffee, when he saw Sonic eating the donuts he received from Big for his birthday. The former spy wanted to have some donuts for himself; his old geezer body needs as much sweets as it can take.
"See somebody got you donuts," Snake smiled as he neared Sonic, trying to make his move.
"That's right, got me some donuts for my birthday!" exclaimed the hedgehog, chomping down on yet another donut. Donuts aren't exactly what Sonic had in mind, but he'll take them as a birthday gift of sorts.
"Today's your birthday? Happy birthday!" Sonic was nearly offended when Snake asked him if today was his birthday. Time to add the former spy to the growing list of people who don't know...
"You didn't even know today was my birthday, didn't you?" The hedgehog's joy and excitement is starting to dwindle, not even the sweetness of the donuts can cheer the guy up.
"Guess I forgot..." Snake simply shrugged, sincere in his response, but Sonic didn't buy his sincerity one bit.
"Well then I guess I forgot to give you a donut," Sonic rudely closed the donut box, and Snake had a disappointed look on his face. This was his one and only opportunity to grab a donut, and Sonic the birthday boy completely ruined his chances.
"C'mon now, Sonic, you don't have to be like that..." Sonic didn't bother to listen to Snake; he grumpily got up and left the cafe with his box of donuts.
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The bowling match between Team Mario and Team USA was off to a rolling start, with both teams tied in the early goings of the match. Trece would break the tie when a scored a strike on his first time heading to the lanes.
"Ten points, that's what's up!" Trece gleamed as he looked up at the scoreboard, ten points added to Team USA's point total. He walked back to his seat, passing by Sonic with his bowling high heels. "Try and beat that!" he would say to the hedgehog. Sonic cockily smirked as he grabbed a bowling ball, walked towards a lane, and did the unthinkable - he turned around, his back facing the bowling pins, and spread both of his legs wide.
"YOOOO!" the basketball team reacted to Sonic's extremely questionable bowling stance.
"SON PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU!" Coach yelled at Sonic at the top of his lungs, his face turned red, but it was too late - Sonic rolled the bowling ball through the opening of his legs, and the ball traveled down the lane, the suspense palpating in the bowling alley, until the bowling ball knocked down the pins. Kirby, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff, having been reduced to cheerleaders, cheered on for Sonic - and most of the members from Team Mario did the same - as the hedgehog walked back to his seat, giving his teammates high fives and whatnot.
"At least that method was highly effective," Aerith had to say about Sonic's bowling method, and she certainly wasn't wrong.
Sonic: *laughs* Oh man...I sure know how to crack myself up sometimes! Didn't know I was that funny! Also didn't know I was that talented of a singer...I continue to amaze myself, even to this day. But enough from me, let's shed some spotlight on a pairing in the mansion that has caught my attention: Pit and Viridi. Those two may be in love now, but before then, Pit was afraid of Viridi and her tsundere ways. Speaking of Pit, how about we let in and talk about Viridi's...tenacity? Everyone, welcome in Pit!
Pit: *enters screen left as Sonic claps* What is this supposed to be again?
Sonic: It's a clip show, where we show the best moments of "Smash Life"! And you have been chosen, to...
Pit: Hey, Sonic, can I make a shout-out? *faces camera screen* SONIA STRUMM IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS, I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT YOUR SINGING IS...
Sonic: Yeah, yeah, yeah, save the shout-outs for later... *pulls Pit away from camera* So Pit, you and Viridi didn't necessarily get along well in the past, for Viridi was going full-blown tsundere for you. Would you like to explain to us how that went?
Pit: Well Sonic, let's just say that I was afraid for my life at some times...and concerned for my well-being at other times. But I'm glad we're getting along pretty well now.
Sonic: That's good to hear, man. How about we give our viewers a trip down memory lane, and look back at Viridi's crazy ways?
Pit, recovering from a beatdown at the hands of Lucina, laid on Viridi's bed, with Viridi stroking Pit's forehead and Kirby just being there. Knuckles was watching, acting like the creepy old stranger who watches over someone to see if they're okay.
"How are you feeling Pit?" asked Viridi.
"Feeling a little better," replied Pit. He was still sore, but the soreness was not as strong as it once was.
Knuckles: Rogue never asked me if I was feeling better when I was hurt! It was always, "What did you do this time?", or "How long you're gonna be like this?" I tell you, that woman...
"Would you mind if I tell you a secret?" grinned Viridi. You know what's coming next.
"Oh, bother..." groaned Pit. He doesn't know...yet.
"I'm in love...with you." Viridi poked Pit's nose.
"WHY?!" Pit sprung up out of the bed like he was fine and ran out of the room.
"...We'll that was easier than I expected."
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"C'mon, Pit, ya gotta check out this new room, it's legit!" Knuckles said to Pit as he walked the angel through the halls. The echidna redesigned one of the mansion's rooms, and he wanted Pit to get a first-hand look.
"I'm not so sure about this..." Pit was growing concerned. Usually he would be the first to do things - the first to read Robin's egregious love poems, the first to serve as Lucario's living punching bag, and the first to taste test Palutena's absolutely stupendous carrot stew, which gave everyone including Pit explosive diarrhea. Instances like these always end up bad for Pit, and what Knuckles has in store won't be any different.
The two arrived at a door with a heart on it. Pit investigated this door, wondering what could be behind it.
"Isn't this the paddling room?" he asked. The location of the room and how the door looked seemed familiar to Pit...and for all the wrong reasons.
"Used to be," replied Knuckles. "Mario believed having a paddling room was a stupid and immature idea, and he forced the Black Knight to tear this room down. So then I thought, 'Why not renew the room and make it better?'. And I thought you would be the perfect guy to see what this room's all about!"
"Did Mario approve the Black Knight's idea of a paddling room?"
"You know how Mario can be; he flip-flops more than a pancake."
Knuckles opened the door to the room, which was dark. Pit had a frightened look on his face...he's not scared of the dark, is he?
"In ya go!" Knuckles shoved Pit into the room, and closed the door. In the room, Pit saw portraits of himself, hanging about, and in the center, he found a table with a red cover, a lit candle in the center...
...and Viridi sitting at the opposite end. Pit gulped nervously.
Knuckles: The dark room premise? Rouge's idea. A table with a lit candle? Rouge again. And the hanging portraits of Pit? Rouge once more. Darn girl did the same thing to me a long time ago, so I incorporated what she did into the room. Yep, I guess you can say that there's a lot you can learn from in a romantic relationship...
"Come take a seat, Pit..." Viridi smiled romantically, motioning to the empty chair. She has Pit where she wants him!
"I'm not your boyfriend!" Pit bolted for the door - but where was it? It's so dark, he has no idea where he's going!
"Now, now, my loving Pit, we have no time for your worrying. Just sit in this chair, and all will become clear..."
"I gotta get out of here! Kirby! Palutena! Where are you guys?!" Let's face it, Pit would not survive without the two people he mentioned. You know deep down it's true.
"Please, sit down Pit, and I'll explain everything that needs to explain."
Pit reluctantly headed to the dim-lit table, and took a seat. At any minute, when Viridi least expects it, the angel would bolt out of the room, and head for safety.
"So Pit, what qualities do you look for in a girl?" asked Viridi. A very simplistic question; Pit should have no issue answering this.
"Qualities such as what?" Pit raised an eyebrow, feeling panicked. "Girls shouldn't have any qualities, they're all perfect just the way they are!" What a profound statement by Pit! Strong enough to charm any lady, even Viridi.
"So you're saying I'M perfect?" Viridi gleamed at Pit's statement.
"...Yeah, sure, you're perfect in every sense of the word!" Pit's burying himself in a gigantic hole with every word that's coming out of his mouth.
"Does that mean...you'll be my boyfriend?"
"Heck no, you must be crazy!"
Viridi grabbed Pit by the collar and pulled him to her face, looking into his eyes lovingly AND angrily. The Goddess of Nature was turning full tsundere!
"Now you look here, you adorable little twit! I've devoted too much of my time to win your heart over, and I will not persist on stopping unless you do so! Either you decide to be my boyfriend, or I'll leave you to waste in the Reset Bomb Forest forever! Certainly you know how the reset bombs work, and what they are capable of..."
"Please, I beg of you, don't take me there!" Pit begged.
"Then choose to be my boyfriend!"
"Whatever you say..."
"Give me a definite answer!"
"Yes, yes, I'll be your boyfriend!"
"Good boy!" Viridi released her hold on Pit and tapped him on the head, and then kissing him on the cheek. Pit whimpered like a baby.
Pit: What have I gotten myself into...I'm simply not cut for this boyfriend thing! How come she never falls for Dark Pit, he's much more attractive than I am! Wait that didn't come out right...
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In order to keep his distance from Viridi, Pit was eating some ice cream in the cafe. He was eating a giant banana split, and his buddy Kirby was assisting him. Two heads are better than one.
"Pit, this potion really hits the bomb!" Viridi approached the Pit with a love potion in hir hand. "You gotta try it!"
"Not now Viridi I'm busy," responded Pit. He can't have the banana split melt; it would be a waste of money. He spent all the money Palutena had given to purchase the dessert, so now he doesn't have any money to do or buy anything...
"But it tastes better than that banana split, I guarantee you!"
"How about you drink some of that potion, so I'll know it's good?"
Should Viridi do it? Ashley never mentioned what may happen if the person giving the potion away drank it. Now's not the time to take any huge risks.
"Please, Pit, I'm begging you, just one sip, that's all I'm asking for!" Viridi got down on her knees and begged. Everyone in the cafe just watched as Viridi was making a scene.
"I'll do it, if it'll make you shut up," Pit grabbed the vial, and instead of taking a sip, which Viridi had told him to do...drunk the whole thing. Knuckles, who was watching from a distance, gaped as his jaw dropped on the floor. Ashley said some dire consequences could result from drinking the entire potion - what might happen to Pit?
Ashley: Drinking the entire potion will likely obliterate most of Pit's urinary system. The damage will either be partial, or very significant.
"Shoot, I gotta go to the restroom!" Pit's bladder began to act uncooperative. The angel got up from his seat and ran to the nearest restroom, and wetted himself along the way.
"What...just happened...?" Knuckles joined Viridi, as he just stared in bewilderment.
"Pit might have developed a case of urinary incontinence..." replied Viridi. How long will this incontinence last? Let's just hope it doesn't prolong for the rest of the trip...
Sonic: Unfortunately Pit left us...watching those clips of him and Viridi must've scared him away. Either that, or he just had to pee, like he had to in the last clip we viewed. While we're on the topic about romance, there was a man who was snakebitten when it came to finding love before meeting Nowi...and his name, is Captain Falcon. This man was desperately trying to find a suitable woman, but he kept failing each and every time. Let's take a look back at Falcon's many failures...
Sheik continued snooping around the mansion, searching for clues or evidence surrounding R.O.B's website. Her snooping led her to the vendor room - a room filled with vending machines - where Link, Dunban, and Mega Man .EXE were present. Sheik hid near the entrance of the room so she could eavesdrop on the men.
"Hey they mama, watcha doing all alone?" Captain Falcon approached Sheik; the ninja grabbed the racer by the neck and pressed on several pressure points, knocking him out unconscious and laying him on the ground.
Captain Falcon: Sheik is so fine man...the way she puts me in a chokehold and then puts me to sleep...on top of that she remains calm and collected, and acts like Princess Zelda, a dignified woman. I would pay to see those two meet each other...I say the same thing to my fellow brawlers, and they just point and laugh at me...why is that so?
"May I have this dance, ma'am?" a very wonky Captain Falcon asked as he woke up from his unconsciousness. Shiek pressed one of his pressure points, making him unconscious again.
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Many of the lady brawlers were chilling in a pool on the cruise with several other ladies, letting the water ease their troubles away. The women consisted of Lucina, Rosalina, Wii Fit Trainer, Samus, Bayonetta... and Wario and Captain Falcon? What business do they have here?!
"Care to ask this lovable hunk out on a date?" he asked the female brawlers.
"Lovable hunk?" scoffed Bayonetta. "Someone here is quite the comedian, I should say..."
"Get lost, you creeps, this is a women's only pool," frowned Samus. Captain Falcon and Wario just HAD to sign up for the cruise, did they?
"Being in a women's only with boatloads of hot women has been a dream of ours, and now it's coming true!" stated Wario. The female brawlers grimaced; a dream involving hot women and a gender-only pool shows you how strangely aberrant Captain Falcon and Wario are.
Captain Falcon: Practically the only reason I signed up to go on this cruise is to meet hot girls! But every girl I approached turned me down instantly...either they have poor taste, or this cruise sucks!
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"Surprised to see you in town," Captain Falcon said to Meryl Silverburgh, leaning his back against a wall during the wedding reception. Here comes yet another failed flirting attempt... "How about we go out and eat, while the others tarry at the lovely reception?"
"If I'm going out to eat with anyone, it's Johnny Sasaki, my husband," replied Meryl. This broke Falcon's heart - this whole time, he never knew Meryl was married, and this whole time, he was trying to get closer to Meryl...only for his efforts to end in failure yet again.
"It would be for the best if you just give up," Vincent Valentine approached Captain Falcon, who was whimpering like a baby, and rested his hand on his shoulder. "No point in coming up short every time."
Captain Falcon and Proto Man (against his will) were huddled together in the Olympic Village, inside the hotel. The two managed to sneak inside said hotel without being detected, and they did so for one purpose...
"Today is the day in which I'm gonna ask out a hot Olympian and put my romantic woes to an end!" Captain Falcon confidently said to Proto Man, who scoffed at the racer's ambition. Falcon can't even look at any of the female brawlers for ten seconds without warranting a complaint, what possibly makes him think he can ask out a female Olympian? "We'll just wait here until a smoking hot babe comes out of one of those doors..."
"Um, Captain Falcon, don't mean to rain on your parade...but are we on the wrong floor?" asked Proto Man, as he saw two basketball players - one dark-skinned, the other light-skinned - walking towards them, both conversing with one another. "This doesn't seem like the women's dorm..." We'll call the dark-skinned player Wayne, and his light-skinned teammate will go by Alexander, or Alex for short.
"Hey bro, you and your friend lost?" Wayne stopped and asked Captain Falcon this very question; Falcon flashed a confident smile, assuring Wayne and Alex that there was nothing wrong. "Also, how did you even get in here past the police?"
"No worries fellas, we aren't lost - we're the new janitors!" exclaimed the racer; Proto Man just had to facepalm and shake his head in dismay, what a poor answer on Captain Falcon's part. "We're looking for our new boss, wherever he may be!"
Captain Falcon: When you're snooping about in unwanted places, what is the first thing you say when people ask about your motives or whereabouts? Just tell them that you're a janitor, or someone looking for a job as a janitor, and they'll won't see you through! Everyone knows nobody cares about janitors, and that's what makes the whole trick even better!
Proto Man: Also makes the "trick" even worse, now you've gotten us in hot water...
Captain Falcon: Our janitor facade will last until I find that hot woman, so we have nothing to worry about!
Proto Man: So that means we'll be janitors forever...seems legit.
(also in that very same episode...)
Fresh off of an Olympic gymnastics performance which consisted of earning a gold medal and two silver medals, the female gymnast whom we shall call Rose strolled through the streets of Rio, possibly playing Pokemon Go on her phone like most people do nowadays when out of nowhere, Captain Falcon jumped out of nowhere, giving Rose a slight fright.
"Hey there, good lookin', you wanna be my girlfriend?" the race car driver asked Rose, who felt more concerned for her well-being in Rio than anything. Resident thugs, purse snatchers, heck, even the Zika virus - none of those deter the fearless gymnast. But nothing strikes fear in you more than a grown man in a racing suit and helmet popping out of nowhere and wanting you to be your girlfriend. The stuff of nightmares.
"Um, not sure if you knew this, but...I'm only twenty two," stated Rose, looking around for someone, preferably one of her gymnast teammates, to save her. But no one was there, and that only raised the nightmare fuel to exceeding amounts.
"Good, I like 'em young, like R. Kelly!" Captain Falcon rubbed his hands in a creepy manner, thereby making Rose even more nervous. "Once these Olympics are officially over, you're all mine..." The racer walked towards Rose, who slowly backed away, until Proto Man saved the day, running out of the bushes that Falcon instructed him to stay behind until further notice and restricting Falcon's movement.
"Quit it, Captain Falcon, she's well beyond your league!" Proto Man told the racer as he dragged him away from Rose. "Why can't you just put this whole finding a girlfriend thing to rest once and for all?"
Proto Man: Captain Falcon told me that we're not leaving Brazil at all, unless he can find an Olympian, Brazilian woman, tourist, or whatever, who can be a suitable girlfriend. Going by that logic, we might as well become full-fledged Brazil citizens...
"Save yourself before it's too late!" Proto Man yelled to Rose, dragging Captain Falcon away with the racer fighting back with all his might. Rose did as she was told.
Sonic: Oh, Captain Falcon...even when he's hopelessly looking for a girlfriend, he knows how to be funny. Just like me. He knows how to be hilarious. However, the same cannot be said for Lucina and Sazh Katzroy, who both did stand-up comedy and failed miserably at it. Who had the better comedic performance? I'll let you be the judge of that.
Lucina held her comedy rehearsal at the lounge, continuing to practice on the Pokemon (Greninja had left because he couldn't take it anymore) and Duck Hunt Dog. This time, Robin was also in attendance, listening attentively to Lucina's jokes. Let's see how the princess is doing...
"So the other day, when I was in the forest, I found some fog, and I tried to take a picture of it on my cellphone, but you won't believe what happened..." Lucina started off her joke.
"What happened?" asked Robin, nearly on the edge of the seat for whatever reason, it's not like the joke is ripe with suspense or anything.
"I tried to take a picture but...I mist!" Lucina followed this joke with her awfully fake laughter, and Robin was laughing along with Lucina (his laugh was genuine, unlike Lucina's), slapping his knee and wiping away a tear.
"Get it? She said she MIST!" Robin said this to the Pokemon and Duck Hunt Dog, before laughing for a few more seconds. Duck Hunt Dog faced the Pokemon, making a circling motion near the side of his head with his index finger and pointing at Robin to indicate that the mage may have completely lost it, and Pikachu, Pichu, and Jigglypuff all nodded in agreement. Ness happened to walk by, and Robin asked him, "Did you hear the joke Lucina just told?"
"Heard it from the couch I was sitting at," responded Ness. "Honestly that joke was..."
"I think that joke was great, two thumbs up, ten out of ten!" Clearly Robin is doing his all-time best to make Lucina feel more confident and comfortable about her material, but as you can see, the mage is trying a bit too hard.
(later in the episode...)
Sephiroth, on the hunt for Cloud, entered the gaming room, where Lucina's stand-up comedy gig came to a stop when the one-winged angel was in full focus.
Then the tension in the room soon began to build up, when Cloud stood up to face his arch-enemy. Sephiroth looked to his left, and saw Aerith, who was seated but slowly stood up to stand by Cloud's side when the one-winged angel gazed his eyes at her.
"Of all the days this could have happened, and it happened to be my birthday..." Ryu, the birthday man, facepalmed.
"ROUNDS!" Lloyd Irving excitedly got up just to say this, anticipating a battle between Cloud and Sephiroth. The two swordsmen and everyone else gave Lloyd a silly look, and the young lad slowly sat back down, feeling a bit humiliated. Nice job at interrupting a tense, suspenseful scene Lloyd.
King Dedede: Lloyd, Lloyd, Lloyd...always messing up the best things. He is such a party pooper - the worst kind of party pooper too.
"Cloud Strife, we meet again..." uttered Sephiroth, his glare on Cloud intensifying. "And I see you've been re-united with your one true love, Aerith...tell me Cloud, did you have to sell your soul just to be with her? Aerith told me about the doppelganger that I killed in the altar..."
"There is no doppelganger...you've been hoodwinked this whole time, and you never knew about it," stated Cloud, downplaying the fact that Aerith is technically from another universe - let's hope Lloyd doesn't spill the beans about that. Mario, who was calmly sitting in his seat while the tension built up, motioned to Lucina, letting her continue her stand-up comedy act.
"Well, don't know about you guys, but I got some jokes about unemployed people..." said Lucina, attempting to ease the tension. "I would use them...but none of them work."
"Wait, what?" Sephiroth looked towards Lucina, his ears trying to comprehend what he just heard. "What on earth was that?" Everyone was laughing at Lucina's crappy joke, and that unnerved the one-winged angel for whatever reason.
"And did you guys hear about the pirate that couldn't learn the alphabet?" Lucina grabbed the microphone off the mic stand, feeling and looking more confident now. "Turns out he was always lost at C!" The laughter went up another decibel, and Sephiroth had to cover his ears to avoid this auditory sound. "Also, that lion from The Lion King, I think his name was Simba - remember that scene when he was running through the desert? Someone should have told him to MUFASA!"
The hysterical laughter from the brawlers continued to rise in volume levels, and it was wracking Sephiroth's brain. The laughter was clearly too much for him to handle, he was nearing his breaking point...
Cloud: Cringe and laughter - mix these two together, and you got yourselves the perfect recipe to hinder Sephiroth and bring him down to his knees. Of course, the laughter wouldn't be possible if not for Lucina's audience...Mario had paid each audience member to laugh hysterically at Lucina's jokes, as suggested by Amy. What we would have done if not for that hedgehog...Sonic should be feeling truly grateful.
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Sazh: Can't keep the crowd waiting, time to go onstage...whatever happens onstage stays onstage, and if this goes down as the most humiliating experience of my life...then so be it. Good thing my son Dajh won't be here to see my embarrassment.
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, people of all ages..." Yashiro spoke into a microphone, dressed in a sparkling suit and standing on the lecture hall stage ready to call upon the attraction of the night. "Put your hands together for...the great Richard Pryor!" The crowd was cheering and applauding initially...and the cheers and applause would die down as Sazh walked onstage, waving to a crowd that was expecting Richard Pryor...it was in this very moment that the audience learned that Doc Louis (who thought Sazh was Richard Pryor reincarnated and told everyone about his "revival") was a delusional fool.
"City of Seattle, what's poppin'!" Sazh greeted the now dead silent crowd, glad they didn't have to pay any money. "How y'all feelin'? Feelin' alright?" Understandably, nobody bothered to answer the question...unless you were Lloyd Irving.
"Yeah, Richard Pryor in the house, let's go!" the naive swordsman cheered, whistling loudly for Sazh while others seated around him just looked at the guy like he was crazier than Doc Louis. Speaking of whom, Doc was seated next to Little Mac, wondering why Lloyd was the only person cheering.
"My guy right there, that's my guy!" Sazh pointed at Lloyd, who was clapping as he sat back in his seat. Earlier today Lloyd was convinced that Sazh was a wizard, and now he thinks the guy is Richard Pryor, like Doc Louis? "Boy let me tell y'all folks - you got no idea what it's like to be alive again! When I came back to life, one of the first things I did was go fishing with Skrillex - everyone knows him, right?" Nothing but dead silence. "Shame that our fishing trip didn't go so well...because that man Skrillex kept dropping the bass!" After this joke was uttered, K.K. Slider performed a "ba-dum-tiss" on his drum set...and got no reaction from the crowd. The hippie dog was now understanding the humiliation Sazh was going through...
Sonic: Yeah...gonna have to give the edge to Sazh over Lucina, just because he told fewer jokes. Thankfully, Corrin came to the lecture hall dressed up as Darth Vader and stopped the cringefest from continuing. Corrin has been obsessed with Star Wars since the start of the year, and his fascination with Star Wars has taken on a very peculiar journey. One his siblings in Nohr aren't fond of!
"Your total amount will be...$598.24," the cashier told Wario after tallying up all the prices, as the Romance Club...and Corrin...and Link...were grocery shopping. As you would might assume by the price, Marth made Corrin and Felicia buy a lot of stuff. "Do you have a Walmart savings card with you, good sir?"
"Knew we should have went to a self-checkout station, would have gotten away filthy rich..." Wario grumbled as he pulled out his wallet and whipped out his Walmart card. He looked up and saw a familiar face heading towards the exit. "Hey, look you guys, it's that Emperor Palpatine guy I was talking about not so long ago!" Wario pointed at the man in question, though Marth and company didn't bother to pay the man any mind...but Corrin was intrigued.
Corrin: Emperor Palpatine is one of my favorite Star Wars characters, unlike that horrendously hideous fool Jar Jar Binks. I love how he has a black hood over his head, which increases his mystique and makes him look somewhat polarizing. As much as I would want to wear a black hood like him around the mansion, I can't afford anyone to sound any false alarms and claim me to be one from the Organization XIII.
"Emperor Palpatine, is that really you?" Corrin broke away from the group to inspect the man that supposedly looked like the Star Wars characters. The man just looked questionably at the prince, who inspected his face and came to a wonderful conclusion... "It really is you Palpatine, what a good pleasure to see you in person, at a superstore of all places!" The man looked around pointing at himself, wondering how he looked like Emperor Palpatine to begin with. Corrin was already starting a scene, what with customers a many looking at him, but the prince would prolong the scene and embarrass his fellow brawlers in the process when he got down on one knee, kneeling before the man and said, "What is thy bidding, my master?"
"Corrin you buffoon, get back here this instant!" Marth yelled at the prince, acting like he was his mother. That was how it looked to some, Marth being a father figure to Corrin. "You're not Darth Vader, and that man is NOT Emperor Palpatine! He's just a regular guy!"
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Pit and Kamui arrived at Kamui's room, and once Kamui opened the door to her room, she saw Corrin sitting on the bunk bed, his eyes glued to the Smart TV. The television was paused, and both Pit and Kamui were figuring out what was up.
"Brother what seems to be the matter, why is the TV paused?" Kamui asked as she and Pit stepped inside the room. Corrin slowly turned his head towards the two, and had a crazed expression on his face, like he had made a very important discovery that should be documented at once.
"The man I met at Walmart last week whom I thought was Emperor Palpatine wasn't Emperor Palpatine..." uttered the prince of Nohr; anyone could have told him that much. "But this man, the man on the television, may be Emperor Palpatine...going incognito!" Corrin pointed at the television screen, and on the screen was a frowning man, in his sixties, wearing a Patriots hoodie with the hood concealed over his head. The way the man looked, it appeared as if he was ready to unleash a diabolical evil plan on the world at any given minute.
"Hey I know that guy, that's Bill Belichick, the coach of the New England Patriots!" exclaimed Pit. Hard not to mistake Belichick's unfriendliness and scorn. "Boy he sure looks ticked...then again, he looks like that all of the time."
"Yes, the name Bill Belichick is an alias Emperor Palpatine assumes when he's on Earth; he masquerades as the coach of New England, using his Earth job as a means to not only steal American money from the Patriots organization, but to devise evil plans to conquer and rule the Earth while quarterback Tom Brady deflects the attention (well, most of the attention) from him!" Corrin's crazy theory was enough to make Pit look at Kamui and circle his finger around the side of his head, indicating to the Nohrian princess that her twin brother had officially lost it.
"I believe that's enough television for one day, Corrin," Kamui took the remote control and unpaused the Smart TV, before turning the television off and putting the remote away in a place where Corrin won't be tempted to find it. The prince was apparently determined to prove his theory to others, no matter how many people will outright ridicule him.
(after "Emperor Palpatine" was saved later that day...)
"You're very welcome, Emperor Palpatine," replied Corrin, catching Grumps off-guard. Seriously Corrin?! "Since I saved you, you must pay me back in some way...why don't you take me to Naboo, where the Death Star is? Please, I beg of you..."
"Look kid, I appreciate the offer, but I'm not Emperor Palpatine. Thanks for noticing, though." Grumps walked away, but he would only walk a few feet before Corrin grabbed unto his leg, holding on for dear life. "For the last time, I'm not Emperor Palpatine, and I'm not taking you to some fictional place named Death Star!"
"But you're here Palpatine, so everything is now real to me!" replied Corrin, his body scraping against the floor as Grumps tried to walk away. At this point, not even Kamui could save her hapless twin brother from being himself.
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"Kamui have you seen-a Corrin anywhere, he's escaped-a from the men's restroom!" Mario, at a Star Wars convention with Luigi and rotom, said to the princess, who wasn't all surprised; even though Kamui knew Corrin was a naive fool, she also knew that the prince could craftily get out of certain situations when given the chance.
"Haven't seen Corrin anywhere, but I sure hope he stays away from that man," responded Kamui, still holding the Sphero BB-8 toy robot in her hands. She still wasn't giving up that $130 toy. "We cannot afford any trouble while we're at the convention..."
"Too bad for that - Corrin is now advancing towards the man that plays Emperor Palpatine in the Star Wars films!" Rotom spotted Corrin from afar, and Mario, Luigi, and Kamui all looked at the direction Rotom was looking, fearing for the worst...
There was Corrin, feet away from a man he believed was Emperor Palpatine. The man in question was busy signing the autographs of Star Wars fans that had been dying to see him, for the man was a famous actor who played Palpatine; we shall dub him Mac. Corrin, who was slowly inching towards Mac, couldn't wait any longer and literally barged through the multitude of Star Wars fans to reach Mac.
"Well hey there kid, how can I...help you?" Mac asked as he looked down...only to see Corrin hugging him, his arms wrapped around the actor's waist. A very embarrassing moment for Mario and company; it was good enough that they were as far away from Corrin as possible.
"I love you, Emperor Palpatine..." Corrin said happily, as he was stuck to Mac like glue. Nothing could take this moment away from him.
"Thanks kiddo, but I'm not really Emperor Palpatine - I'm just a guy who happens to play as him in the Star Wars movies."
"I love you, Emperor Palpatine..." Corrin said for a second time, in slight disbelief that he was in contact with whom he believed was the real Emperor Palpatine.
"Haha, I love you too kid...now can you let go please? Got more autographs to sign, can't leave these people disappointed."
"I love you, Emperor Palpatine..." Corrin said once more, this time allowing the words to permeate inside of Mac and soak into the very marrow of his soul.
"Security!" But Mac would let Corrin's finest moment come to an end, as he called for security guards to take Corrin away. Prying the prince off of the actor was not an easy task for security.
"No, please don't take me from Emperor Palpatine, I have yet to have a legit conversation with him! So many things to discuss, like the state of the Galactic Empire, for instance, or why the stormtroopers are in Orlando!" Lord help this dude...
Mac: Yes, I shouldn't have let that silver-haired boy hug me for that long, but sometimes when you deal with Star Wars fanatics, you gotta give them what they want. Most of my concerns hinge upon the fact that he believes I'm Emperor Palpatine, not the person who plays as Emperor Palaptine...sadly some folks can't tell fantasy apart from reality. It's like a mental disease.
Sonic: Corrin seriously hugged the man who played Emperor Palpatine in the films? What an obsessed weirdo...good thing he's nothing like my good friend, Knuckles, who is the hottest rapper on the scene. Knuckles loves rap, and he may think of himself as the best, but little does he know that there are other rappers out to claim his crown...
"Yo, Cloud Strife, what up dude!" Fox approached Cloud, a newcomer to the mansion.
"Yeah man, welcome to the big house!" said Falco, who was accompanying Fox.
"What do you two want?" grumbled Cloud.
"We're here to introduce ourselves!"
Fox: We would do a formal introduction and all, but that has become way too commonplace.
Falco: Which is why we're gonna introduce ourselves in an entirely different way!
So instead of a formal introduction, Fox decided to rap, with Falco in the background beat-boxing. Let's see how Fox's rap goes...
My name's Fox McCloud,
And this is Falco Lombardi!
When it comes to making an impact,
We're always never tardy!
Beating up brawlers,
Stomping their faces in the ground,
We're the best fighters,
Pound for pound!
We take no prisoners,
No need for mercy,
We've been topping tier lists,
No time for controversy!
If you wanna learn how to be great,
Just look up to us,
We smash through our competition
Like a speeding school bus!
Word!
"Booo!" Knuckles the Echidna booed the Star Fox pilots from a coffee table. He was playing cards with Pac-Man, Wario, and Ike.
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Little Mac of all people entered the recording studio, sporting a smirk. Accompanying him was Doc Louis, who was slightly disappointed. His protege was about to indulge in his least favorite thing ever.
"Do we really have to do this Mac?" asked a disgruntled Doc. When Little Mac said he wanted a side career, Doc was hoping that it would have something to do with the candy business (and he thought that for obvious reasons). But he never expected the boxer to pursue a rap career, of all things. Who does he think he is, the modern day Vanilla Ice?
"It is my destiny to be a rapper - the modern day Vanilla Ice!" proclaimed Little Mac, raising his fist in the air. Figures...
Little Mac: In order to beat the best, I have to be the best! Roy Jones Jr is one of the best boxers around, and he's a pretty decent rapper, if not a great one! It was his "secondary career", as I call it. A rap career will establish myself as one of the best!
Doc Louis: Mike Tyson was one of the best boxers at the time, and his secondary career was an actor! You can become an actor, right?
Little Mac: Nice try, Doc, but nothing will deter me from my rap exploits!
Doc Louis: Of all people, and it just had to be you...
Little Mac stepped inside the recording booth, ready to record some epic bars.
Uh, my name's Little Mac,
Got all my cash lined up in a stack,
Indefinite rhyme is what y'all lack,
Gon' catch a whole lotta flak,
Haters can't hold me back,
Go harder than a running back,
Some off y'all need to cut the slack,
Cause y'all nothin' but a bunch of HACKS!
Falco, Knuckles, and Doc Louis stared at Little Mac in bewilderment. Actually, Doc wasn't bewildered - he's still very disappointed about Mac's "secondary career" choice.
"That...was...HORRIBLE!" exclaimed Falco. His ears were trying to decipher what they just heard. "All he did was use the same rhyme over and over again! Blasphemous!"
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Heihachi had just finished singing the outro to Elvis Presley's "Return to Sender" at karaoke night, and received some nifty applause from the crowd. With Heihachi's turn up, the kung fu fighter had to hand the mic to someone else...and he had the perfect person in mind.
"Show everyone that you're more than just some tough fighter, Ryu!" said Heihachi as he tossed the microphone to Ryu. The Street Fighter veteran caught the mic with one hand, and walked confidently towards the stage as he assumed his position.
"Play me the freshest song you got!" Ryu said to DJ K.K., who immediately pulled up the song. Everyone's face would sank when the DJ started playing "Look At Me Now", by Chris Brown...Ryu wasn't gonna rap, was he? "Fast-forward to the Busta Rhymes part!" Oh dear...
"You got it!" said DJ K.K., as he fast-forwarded to the part. Ryu took a deep breath, before rapping...here's a gist of what he said...
Let's go!
'Cause I'm feeling like I'm running
And I'm feeling like I gotta get away, get away, get away
Better know that I don't and I won't ever stop
'Cause you know I gotta win everyday-day
See, they really really wanna pop me
Just know that you will never flop me
And I know that I can be a little cocky
You ain't never gonna stop me
Everytime I come, a playa gotta set it
Then I gotta go, and then I gotta get it
Then I gotta blow, and then I gotta show that
Any little thing that playa think that he be doing
'Cause it doesn't matter, 'cause I'm gonna da-da-da-da...
Almost everyone had a stunned look on their face during the entire rap. Ryu. Street Fighter's own Ryu. Literally rapping for everyone. Then there was the chorus...
Look at me now, look at me now (Oh)
I'm gettin' paper
Look at me now (Oh) look at me now (Yeah)
Fresher than your mother, word!
Ryu would direct the last line at Lucas, who as you know, had a deceased mother. Lucas started welling up with tears in his eyes, and Peach was quick to notice.
Heihachi: *stares dumbfoundedly at camera with mouth wide open*
Ryu: My rap performance, while surprising, was underwhelming...Chun-li being there would have made it ten times better. Regardless, seeing so many shocked faces in one kind of made it all the more worthwhile.
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"We are now ready to start the first ever Inkopolis Rap Battle!" Maria announced a massive crowd of Inklings at Inkopolis, on a large stage where Off the Hook would typically perform. On this stage was Mario and Pearl, both wearing gold chains fitting for the occasion, and Judd, serving as the judge. "In this corner, hailing from the Mushroom Kingdom, we have Mario!" Mario greeted the crowd, smiling as he waved his hand, receiving only cheers from the mansion residents in attendance. "And in this corner, we have one-half of Off the Hook, our very own...Pearl!" Pearl received an uproar of cheers from well near every Inkling in attendance, as Pearl gave a peace sign to the crowd. "Judd will serve as our judge, he will decide who wins."
"Mario is about to fail miserably, I can already tell..." Mega Man whispered to .EXE, who nodded his head in agreement. "You wanna go look around at Inkopolis while Mario's busy taking his L with dignity?"
"Don't think Mario will have any dignity once the rap battle is over with," replied .EXE, as he followed Mega Man and Rush away from the crowd. "Let's go see if the shops here have anything worth buying." As the robots left, a certain Inkling carrying a parosol saw them walk away...and quickly followed after them.
"Our homegirl Pearl will go first, so when you're ready Pearl, just do your thing!" said Marina, and Pearl got her microphone ready as the crowd cheered her on. Once the music started, Pearl faced Mario with her game face on, ready to drop some bars.
I'll be spittin' my bars, they'll be like a slap upside your head,
I'll be goin' off, and I'll leave you dead,
And while you'll be hating,
Your raps will be just imitating,
Me, I'm the real, the original,
I be bringin' the pain and all,
And there's nothing this little playa can do who thinks he's bigga
Than a certain gorilla but his rhymes don't even back up a figure of speech,
So just forfeit and take your owning with peace, in your sleep,
It sounds like you rap in your sleep anyway, counting sheep,
It's nonsense and intolerable crap,
I oughta slap the whack jack who tried to teach you to rap with a free app
"OOOOOOH!" the Inklings reacted; Mario, knowing what he was up against, nodded his head as he got into the groove. Once the crowd died down, and the music started playing again, it was now Mario's time to shine...
Girl you think instigating is the solution,
But to witness my rhymes you need a higher resolution
When I rap I rap faster than every trash rapper
That finishes last or gets in my way, I'm bigger than every
Playa pull the trigger to death of their raps you're wack,
Can't come back,
Steppin' all over on the sidewalk crack
Breakin' more than just your mama's back
I'll beat you in a stack
Cause I got the knack for whack
In slack wack rhymes from blacks
So don't even pretend to be on my level,
Call me mega, 'cause I rock the bass AND the treble
Word!
"OOOOOOH!" the Inklings reacted, as Mario left Pearl stunned. The mansion residents were even more stunned - who knew Mario had that much in him?!
Male Inkling: At first I thought Mario would be dead meat on the same stage as Pearl, but after his first verse...he might very well be an Inkopolis folk hero.
"Well then...that was very unexpected," chuckled Marina, while Pearl regained her composure. "Let's see if Pearl will bounce back!" The music played, and Pearl readied herself for another verbal manslaughter:
I've been creating raps, the sap, the gap,
Between us is like a trap, your rhymes are crap,
Never ever get your snap on,
You're coming on my hour, against my power,
When really you're as humble and weak as a flower,
You're sour, you need a trip to a shower,
At the end of my raps, all you'll do is cower,
How're you, gonna compete with me,
This is a breeze, do with ease, bring you all the way down to your knees,
And it's like I'm coming at you like a swarm of angry bees
So just quit, fore I spit quick rhymes with a bit more light
Than your about-to-quit crap that's not even chic,
I got all of it down, I'm always wearing the crown,
You frown, you should just leave town
"OOOOOOH!" the Inklings reacted once more, but Mario was undeterred, he wasn't going to let Pearl's verse bring him down. So the plumber got ready to fire back, and after the music started back up, he was ready to spit more fire:
I'm gonna wear your crown cause I'm gonna beat your sorry rapper self,
You make rhymes like you think you're one of Santa's elves,
They suck, they come from a factory you understand,
You can't handle the power of The Man,
I can't hear your raps without laughing,
But it's all the same cause I'll be blasting
Your raps out the sky, they're wounded birds,
You cringe at the awesomeness of my words
You can't take a playa so sweet at rappin all the time,
You only spit the crap words out your mouth that ain't worth a dime
I actually get hurt by your lame pathetic rap attempts
You'll go hide from me in the woods in your little tent
Now I got you frowning like one of Archie Manning's sons
Got this Octoling and her fan mob in some deep trouble...you all shook ones
"OOOOOOH!" the Inklings reacted yet again, as Mario dropped his mic and smugly grinned at Pearl's frowning face. Mario had this rap battle in the bag.
Mario: Last-a set of bars was improvised...but I gotta give-a credit where it's-a due. Kirby is far-a more competent than I give-a him credit for. Props goes-a to Pit, too, though I think Kirby did-a all the work...
"What an awesome comeback from Mario, he really brought his A game!" Marina said to a still raucous crowd, before noticing that Judd was waving his orange and blue flags around - orange for Pearl, and blue for Mario. "Uh oh folks, looks like Judd has already settled on a winner!"
Judd was moving his flags about, building up anticipation among the crowd, and he kept doing this until he held out one flag to the side...an orange flag, making the crowd gasp.
"Judd held up the orange flag, does this mean what I think it means?!" exclaimed Marina, with baited breath, as an appalled Mario looked on with his mouth agape.
"Mario performed a mic drop, which is against rap battling rules, meow," announced Judd, prompting Mario to throw his hat on the ground and stomp his foot in anger. "Therefore, your winner of the rap battle...Pearl!" The crowd cheered and chanted Pearl's name, as the Octoling happily waved and blew kisses and whatnot, while Mario remained enraged. Looks like Off the Hook is staying in Inkopolis!
"There's no rules-a in rap battles, this was rigged-a all along!" the plumber frowned, wanting to get retribution on Judd only to be held back by security and escorted off the stage. "I demand a rematch this instant! Where's my do-a over?!"
"Well there you have it folks, the winner of the first ever Inkopolis Rap Battle is our one and only, Pearl!" announced Marina, as the crowd continued to cheer on for the native Octoling. "Thank you everyone, for showing up, we really appreciate it. "Until next time...don't get cooked, stay off the hook!"
Sonic: So apparently dropping a mic constitutes as an automatic disqualification...man, you learn something new everyday. The fact that Pearl would've lost to Mario instantly makes Marina far more superior than her.
Cilan: *enters screen right* Ooh, what's going on here? Sonic are you hosting an online show, just like Mamori?
Sonic: No I am not...I am reliving the best moments of "Smash Life" for the fans, with our producers on vacation. Shouldn't you be in the kitchen cooking or something?
Cilan: I would, but the Koopalings were having a food fight, and I had to escape. I'll clean up their mess once they're through.
Sonic: Don't wanna stop them yourself? Wimp...but since you brought up the food fight, why don't we show our viewers the food fights we had on Thanksgiving?
Having stolen a turkey leg from the kitchen, the Duck Hunt Dog, turkey leg in his mouth, trotted to his doghouse...only to find it stuffed with leaves. As the mutt looked for the culprit, he found a unsuspecting white feather lying on the ground next to his doghouse, and instantly knew who the culprit may be...Pit.
Meanwhile, inside the mansion, the residents were enjoying a wonderful Thanksgiving feast together, enjoying peaceful conversations and discussing life, when a now salty Duck Hunt Dog entered the dining room, gritting his teeth with his turkey leg in his mouth.
"Look Pit, the Duck Hunt Dog wants to speak with you!" Viridi grabbed her boyfriend's attention, pointing at the angry dog. "But he looks pretty angry...does he have a turkey leg in his mouth?"
"Aha, so the Duck Hunt Dog had the missing turkey leg all along, I knew it would be him!" exclaimed Cilan, who was eating at the dinner table enjoying his food. Seems a bit nonchalant about the whole situation, don't you think?
"Hey Duck Hunt Dog, why are you looking at me like that?" Pit questioned the mutt, who was glaring angrily at him. Suddenly the Duck Hunt Dog threw his turkey leg at Pit, striking him square in the face. A turkey leg - or any food item for that matter - to the face could only mean one thing...
"FOOD FIGHT!" Shulk bellowed out at the top of his lungs, and after the battle cry was called, everyone at the table fought against one another in a food fight of epic Thanksgiving proportions. Raven poured a bowl of gravy down Ganondorf's pants, Knuckles pied Yoshi in the face with some coconut pie, King Dedede stuffed K.K. Slider's head in the turkey, and plenty of other things went down during the food fight.
"Please stop it you guys, this is not how the feast was supposed to go down!" cried out Peach, one of the few who refused to participate in the food fight. Other non-participants, such as Ashley, Isabelle, and X (who would have guessed) ditched the dining room when they could. Suddenly a pie was thrown at Peach, and the princess turned around and saw that it was Cranky Kong, on his wheelchair.
"Just because I get another chance to appear in this story again doesn't mean I'm forbidden to do whatever I want," was the elderly Kong's excuse. Too bad Peach can't seek retribution on the Kong, given his age.
Cranky Kong: *doing talking head segment as Lloyd and Silver dueled with one another with turkey legs as weapons in the background* I would make a joke that would involve me breaking the fourth wall, but I just can't seem to think of anything. Now where was I... *grabs a glazed carrot and jumps back in to the food fight, joining the duel between Lloyd and Silver*
"Ooh, a food fight, this is so much fun!" Nowi gleamed as she threw food about, not giving a single care in the world. Captain Falcon and Nah both hid behind chairs, pelting others with food from a close distance.
"Your mother is a very outgoing person, she's the perfect gal a man could ask for!" Falcon said to Nah. Oh how Nah wished to say "nah" to what Falcon had just said...speaking of which, how did the poor girl acquire the name "Nah" in the first place?!
"Yoo hoo, over here hedgehog guy!" Nowi called out to Shadow, who was about to throw a plate of dressing at Takamaru's head when his name was called. "How would you like to work with me, and prevail over the others and be the last one standing? We can share all the glory!" Any other time, Shadow would say "Nah" (hehehehe...), but sharing the glory with another person? Shadow wished he could have shared the same attention with Shaymin back in Sonic's room. Poor guy always feels neglected sometimes.
"I'd be more than glad to join forces with you..." the hedgehog answered Nowi's offer with the smile, and soon he and the half-Manakate would be working together, taking others down with food. And Shadow enjoyed every second of it, too.
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B.D. Joe, Pit, and Kirby entered the mansion, with a house key Palutena gave to Pit, and went to the kitchen. There was nobody in there, and so they went to the dining room, greeted by a great multitude of people gathered around the table. It was perhaps the largest Thanksgiving dinner B.D. Joe had ever seen; Pit and Kirby, they were used to these kinds of crowds.
"I'd just like to thank again the guests for coming to this feast, which I prepared under the jurisdiction of Master Hand," Rosalina thanked the guests, surveying the dining room along with Cilan. "Your presence is greatly appreciated!"
"Will there be any dessert after the feast is over?" Emil asked the mother of Lumas. What an idiotic question... "And if so, will there be any ice cream?" Always has to be about ice cream with that kid...
"Excuse me everyone, but may I have your attention?" yelled B.D Joe, as everyone turned to face the taxi driver. "For those of you who may not know me, I'm B.D. Joe - I'm the local taxi driver here. Anyways, I have this...bird creature, with me, and I want to give it...to everyone!" Pit and Kirby were confused, but not as confused as everyone else in the dining room. "Yes, this is my gift, from me, to all of you - my early Christmas gift!"
The Mandibuzz strolled around the dining room, staring everyone down with her intimidating glare. She would stop when she saw Toad, making note of his miniscule size. Toad was shaking to the bone, as Mandibuzz looked at his plate, saw a slice of ham, picked up the slice with her beak...and threw it into Toad's face.
And then...nothing happened. Nobody moved, nobody said a single word. Silence permeated throughout the dining room, as if time stood still.
"Whew, that was a close one," Rosalina would break the silence, wiping some droplets of sweat from her forehead. "For a second I thought that would've triggered a..."
"...FOOD FIGHT!" announced Dark Pit, and so it was on, as people grabbed food and threw it at one another. Sonic slammed Itsuki's face into a bowl of mashed potatoes. Emil grabbed the Black Knight's pitcher of tea and idiotically threw its contents around at everyone. And simply because he couldn't resist, Donkey Kong hurled his bananas at unsuspecting people, as the chaos went down.
"Mutiny, I say, mutiny!" declared Cortex, hurling the turkeys at random people. Berkut was on the table with Cortex, doing the same. "Wow, Berkut, we really make a great team together! Dynamic duo!"
"Shut up and keeping throwing!" ordered Berkut, effectively shutting Cortex's mouth shut. Yup, Berkut was most surely Cortex's guy...
"We would have a food fight before dessert in the second consecutive week, would we?" sighed Rosalina, shaking her head, before giving an intense glare at B.D. Joe. The taxi driver, seeing the glare, nervously chuckled, stepping back before bolting out of the dining room.
Sonic: So Cilan, which food fight was your favorite?
Cilan: Definitely the first one...since I got to stuff mashed potatoes down Olimar's mouth. Seeing him that ticked kinda made my day. Now if you excuse me, I must see if the Koopalings are done with their food fight. *leaves*
Sonic: See ya around, wimp! *chuckles* Although Cilan is a wimp, he makes up for it with his affable personality. Same can't be said for Cloud, who is distant and aloof, and acts like a grown emo dude. That hair of his can't possibly tell me otherwise. But Cloud does have some moments...some.
Once he arrived at the gaming room, Cloud saw K.K. Slider in the center on a pedestal, playing his guitar. Quite rare, considering K.K. usually performs on Saturdays. Jigglypuff was next to K.K. singing. Surprisingly no one has fallen asleep...yet.
"Could you...stop playing for a sec?" Cloud asked K.K. kindly. "Got something I have to do for everyone here..."
"Sure thing, dog," K.K. stopped playing his guitar, and Jigglypuff stopped singing. "You got the floor, now do your thing!"
Everyone in the room paid Cloud their undivided attention. Cloud gulped, and did the unthinkable...he dabbed! All the people in the gaming room (save for the ladies) went ballistic.
"HE HIT THE DAB!" Falco was going bonkers. "HE HIT THE DAB!"
"Don't know what's all the hubbub is about..." Lucina remarked, as she went back to reading her magazine. However, the noise level was too much for her to handle, so she left the room.
Knuckles: The best thing about the dab is whoever performs it. Black guy does the dab, nobody cares. White guy does the dab, suddenly it's the greatest thing since sliced bread!
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Trouble would soon come Shulk's way, when the Black Knight confronted the Homs in the gaming room. Behind that helmet of his was a face full of uncontrollable rage.
"Hey bub, you're sitting in my seat!" the knight raged. "If you know what's good for you, you better find somewhere else to sit!"
"I'm sorry Black Knight, but I thought these seats are open for everyone to sit in!" stated Shulk. When it comes to playing peacemaker, Shulk always goes ham. "Certainly there is another place you can sit at..."
"Wrong! This is the seat I always sit in all the time!" Do any of the other brawlers go through this treatment? "Don't make me use force on you!"
"Leave him alone Black Knight, let Shulk sits wherever he wants," Cloud stuck up for the Homs. "This is a free country, after all..."
"You stay out of this!" Black Knight yelled at Cloud before reverting his attention to Shulk, and pulling out his sword, causing a scene. "Give up the seat or else!"
"Enough!" Cloud angrily got up from his seat and showed the Black Knight out of the gaming room. "Begone with you!" The knight was grumbling to himself as he left the room. He will have his revenge one of these days. But now it was time for Cloud to bask in the glory he just brought upon himself. Everyone in the gaming room was cheering and applauding, and Cloud felt a bit humbled by it. Never has he received such reception, it's been a while.
"Thanks for saving me, Cloud!" Shulk got up and held out his hand. Saving a fellow brawler from trouble deserves a great handshake.
"Don't mention it buddy," Cloud replied as he walked back to the table. He saw Shulk's hand out...but chose not to shake it. Shulk grew sweaty and uncomfortable from Cloud's negligence - does the swordsman not know what he is doing?
"Um, Cloud, aren't you going to shake my hand?" Shulk grew sweatier by the second as his hand trembled. Unwritten Rule #1: when somebody holds out their hand for a handshake or some dap, you never leave them hanging. By violating this unwritten rule, Cloud was putting Shulk in an uncomfortable and compromising position.
"I don't see the point of doing so." Cloud you better shake the dude's hand, otherwise he'll be the butt of jokes for the rest of the week.
Many of the brawlers were watching attentively, as the drama and suspense raised in the gaming room; you could cut the building tension with a knife. Will Cloud shake Shulk's hand, or will he idly leave him in an compromising position? Brawlers were at the edge of their seats...including Lemmy, who accidentally fell out of his chair.
"Just shake Shulk's hand dude, it's not that serious," said Fox, who was playing pool with his buddy Falco. Cloud didn't listen to the fox; instead, he just walked away and departed from the gaming room, leaving Shulk there standing by himself trembling and embarrassed.
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Link and Cloud went to go speak with Sonic, who was giving Master Hand a hand massage, and the hedgehog told them that he last had the wedding rings at the jewelry store downtown. So the two swordsmen headed down there, and saw a bunch of burly black dudes flanked near the store.
"Sonic said he was talking to a bunch of burly guys," stated Cloud. "Those guys over there must be whom he was referring to." These dudes reminded Cloud of his pal Barret, who lowkey looks like Mr. T but with a flat top (at least in FF7).
Cloud: My street cred may not be on par, much to everyone's shock I would assume, but I gotta stay on my toes in order to avoid getting beat up. Sonic did say that the guys he was talking to are quite strong, so one bad move and I'm a goner...
"You go up to them and give them some dap," Cloud suggested to Link; the Hylian looked at his friend like he was insane. "We'll go from there."
"Why me, I would be beaten to a pulp!" complained Link. Compared to the burly dudes hanging near the jewelry store, the Hylian is a mere twig, toothpick, or whatever figure of speech you wish to use.
"Exactly, you'd make the perfect chew toy and guinea pig. Just go over there, and act as natural as possible!"
Cloud shoved Link forward to the burly men, and the men looked at the Hylian questionably. What happened next, you'll have to see to believe.
"Hey fam, what up, how you doin'?" Link walked up to each dude and gave them some dap, complete with the handshake and the pound hug, also saying things like "What's good, cuz?" or "Chillin' in the cut?". Cloud just looked at this mesmerized, wondering if some cool, thug dude infiltrated Link's body and make the Hylian act like this.
"How's it going," Cloud walked up to the men, and instead of giving some dap, the swordsman went with the classic fist bump, bumping fists with everyone. Inside his head, he's debating whether or not he would tell Link about his surprising level of street cred. Though it's a given that everyone at the mansion would want to hear about that!
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"Sup dudes how's it going?" Cloud, having been hit by a magical boomerang, barged in the room, acting all sorts of silly. He was giving a cheesy grin to Mario and company, and looked more fidgety than usual. "Hey you guys, guess what I can do!" The swordsman made farting noises with his armpit, and the sheer joy he displayed in doing so concerned and even frightened everyone in the room.
"Cloud you're-a honestly scaring me, you're acting like-a Pit..." Mario said nervously as Cloud was now blowing raspberries with his mouth. "...did you and-a Pit switch personalities?" Not a very strong argument for Mario - Pit wouldn't be silly enough to make farting sounds with his armpit or blow raspberries with his mouth. He may do the latter action if he ever wanted to.
"Me, change personalities with Pit?" Cloud pointed at himself, acting like a little child. "Why I would never do such a thing! But I would do this..." Cloud took off his shirt, and did something the Cloud we all know and love would never willingly do - he pinched his nipples with his fingers, and made a rather perverted smile, a kind of smile Wario would make if he ever found an album of hot Samus pictures on the internet. Yuffie and Aerith both looked down at the floor, unable to see Cloud in the state he was in.
Sonic: Woah, that was a lot more Cloud moments than I expected...wonder how that clip of Link being gangsta slipped into that montage. Speaking of Link, that pimping Hylian became infamous for singing this song...
"I could definitely kill for some music now..." Chrom, on a practice date with Robin, who was dressed up as Raven (please don't ask) looked over to the stage in the ballroom, and saw K.K. Slider and the three Links silently waiting for their cues although a cue was already given out. "I said, I could definitely KILL for some music now..."
"You want music, well you got it!" K.K. exclaimed as he played his guitar, and the three Links played their instruments. The melody was imperfect, the harmony was harrowing, and the rhythm was all over the place, and Chrom didn't like it one bit.
"Some singing would be awfully nice," the prince of Ylisse voiced his concerns with a frown. "The four of you together doesn't really sound that good..."
"Don't worry, I'm on it!" Link disappeared off of the stage, and came back on with a synthesizer. He pressed a button, and some techno music began playing, as the Hylian sang the following in a relatively low voice: "Oh yeah, you gotta get schwifty, gotta get schwifty in here, time to get schwifty, oh yeah you gotta get schwifty, take off your pants and your panties, and then you...poop on the floor..." Link was now getting low on the floor, a harrowing sight for anyone who's not used to Link dancing (and anyone in this sense means everyone). "...time to get schwifty in here, gotta poop on the floor..."
Cloud: After the whole Lucina-Robin stalking incident, I thought for a minute that Link's standards wouldn't fall any longer than they were. And now he just got low to the floor, real low, enough to the point where you would be in danger of turning in your man card. So it's safe to say that Link's low standards have now just been obliterated.
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"Alright, now that Pit finally got to live out to his favorite Christmas song, I think it's about time we do some karaoke!" exclaimed K.K. Slider, at a Christmas party, as he and Sonia got ready. "Play me a beat Sonia, and a good one too!"
"You got it!" Sonia gave K.K. a thumbs up, as she played some electric chords on her guitar, while K.K. played some techno music. Nobody bothered to sing along with the beat, until Link, recognizing the music, was getting all pumped up for no reason, as evidenced by the bobbing of his head. The Hylian grabbed a microphone, and got himself ready as Cloud and Zelda wearily looked on.
"Oh yeah, bringing back an old classic, gotta get schwifty..." Link sang in a low voice into the microphone as he danced along. Remember the song from episode 38? "We all getting schwifty in here, gotta take off your pants, and your panties, and poop on the floor, getting schwifty in here..." Just like he did in episode 38, Link got low to the floor, as Cloud, Zelda, and everyone else cringed at the hero of Hyrule.
"Uh, I'm not wearing any panties, so I can't be a participant in this song," said Carrington, raising his finger so he could be recognized.
"I'm not wearing pants nor panties, so I can't participate either!" added Donkey Kong, glad that he was disqualified from getting "schwifty", whatever the heck that was supposed to mean. DK thought it would be best not to figure out the meaning, given Link's strange dancing.
Young Link: Quick question: what does it really mean to "get schwifty" anyways? *makes disgusted face when cameraman tells him the answer* ...Ew, gross, are you serious?! Please tell me Link doesn't do that...So he was just singing a song? Whew...
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"Hi my name is Link I'm the hero and pimp of Hyrule and I want to know if you can do a duet with the likes of me!" Link greeted Joanne in the gaming room, goofily shaking the singer's hand but not in an endearingly goofy way. Zelda was watching from afar, feeling humiliated as she facepalmed.
"Um, I can't do a duet with you right now, I mean, I have to take a break and all, it's what's best for my vocal chords. But once the break is over, I suppose...we...can..." Joanne slowly watched as Link creeped his way over to K.K. Slider's unsuspecting keyboard. Clearly the Hylian wanted to sing, and he wanted to sing now!
"Link you idiotic buffoon, what in Hylia's name are you doing?!" growled Midna, her voice resonating from inside Link's body. "You're practically throwing the plan off the rails, stop this madness at once!"
"Sorry Midna, but I've waited since the beginning of the year to do this!" Link pressed a button on K.K. Slider's keyboard, and K.K. and others feared for the worst as a dreaded familiar techno tune played from the keyboard. All their fears were suddenly met when Link grabbed a microphone and began singing... "Oooooh yeaaaahh...you know what time it is...it's time to get schwifty...gotta get schwifty in here...you know what you gotta do...take off your pants, and your panties...poop on the floor...yeah, that's how you get schwifty..." Link was now getting low, and it was making Joanne cringe nonstop. Talk about leaving a lasting impression on a guest.
"This guy is the famed hero of Hyrule, he sure acts like a dork sometimes!" Hisui, with Kohaku now at his side, had to say about Link as he watched the Hylian do his thing. Zelda would go up to Hisui and defend her man, but at this point, Link was utterly indefensible.
Hisui: Whenever I think of someone who carries the moniker "hero of Hyrule", I think of someone who has all the qualities of a hero, like respect, honor, wisdom, and other traits...and on that stage in the gaming room, Link completely threw all those heroic qualities out the window with his strange singing and dancing ensemble. Sucks for me that his stupid song is now stuck in my head...
"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP?!" Joanne screamed, making Link stop whatever he was doing and turn the techno song off on K.K. Slider's keyboard. Everyone looked at Joanne, wondering what had gotten into her. "...what I'm trying to say is, your song is not as great as you seemingly make it out to be. And by the looks of everyone here, everyone is tired of hearing the song. Why don't you just do everyone a favor, and stop?"
"Yeah you're right, I have to admit I was a little flamboyant with the song," replied Link, understating how annoying his song was. The Hylian then decided to address those in the gaming room. "Guys, I'm afraid I have no other choice but to retire the schwifty song..." This announcement was met with cheers from the mansion residents. "...but the good news is, I have another song for you to enjoy!" And just like that, the cheers immediately turned into groans, as Joanne shook her head at Link in disdain. Link headed back to the keyboard, and played a different techno tune, a tune that made Doc Louis bob his head.
"Aw yeah, I can get behind this, this beat is slammin'!" the boxing trainer exclaimed as he made the ill-fated decision to join Link onstage. He was eating chocolate too, he can't go inside an elevator or even inside the bathroom without a chocolate bar in his hand.
"Alright! Uh huh, here we go! We got Jerome Doc Louis in the house, yeah! Drop to the beat, go the club, here we go, say it with me now..." Link sang. Brace yourselves for what he and Doc Louis are about to do. "Head bent over, raised up posterior...head bent over, raised up posterior...sing it with me now..." Yes, Link and Doc Louis were literally bending their heads over, and raising their butts up to the sky. What possibly convinced Link to sing this song was a mystery everyone had in mind.
Sonic: Head bent over, uh huh, raised up posterior...head bent over...raised up...crap, that song's stuck in my head now. Thanks a lot, Link...but enough about Link. How about we give the rest of our residents some love? Sit back and enjoy this awesome montage I put together of my lovely friends!
The first client arrived in Dr. Marios office, and it was the green dinosaur that we all know and love as Yoshi. Yoshi held a pen and sheet of paper in his hand, closing the door behind him, and when the dinosaur looked up, he saw Dr. Mario and company seated at the table, and looked confused as ever.
"Is this where the J.K. Rowling autograph signing takes place?" Yoshi would ask the four men. Was he at the right place, and also what was this about some J.K. Rowling autograph signing?
"No, this is where the interviews for the nursing job take place," Hisui kindly responded, and on that remark, Yoshi dropped his paper onto the floor and ran off, running down the hallways, past the vending machine room, heading down to the foyer, and ran out the front door, now on a mission - to get that Rowling autograph one way or another. Too bad he left his materials back at Dr. Mario's office.
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"Welcome everyone, to Little Mac's Motivation Seminar!" Little Mac began the seminar in the lecture hall. Everyone was in applause except for Mario, who seemed uninterested, and Ike, who is still bitter with Little Mac for "stealing his idea". "This is an awesome time for everybody here to feel great and confident about themselves!"
"Everybody except for me..." moaned Mario. He definitely wasn't feeling it - he's become the anti-Shulk...but with a mustache.
"First thing we need to to is feel happy about ourselves. How can we do that, you might ask? By laughing of course! Phase 1: Feeling Happy, commenced! C'mon, everyone, laugh!"
Nothing was heard but cricket chirps and occasional coughs.
"I don't think you guys are hearing me out, just laugh...HA HA HA HA! See I just did it...BWA HA HA HA! If I can do it...HA HA HA HA HA! You can do it too! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
Little Mac kept laughing hysterically, while the audience looked on, not amused at all.
"I gave up babysitting the Ordon kids for this?" groaned Link, who like everyone else wished for the seminar to end.
"Is everyone happy?" Little Mac asked the crowd. No one responded. "Excellent! Now it's time for Phase 2: Feeling Inspired!"
"Please be the last phase..." said Olimar. Ike would probably do a better job than Little Mac is doing right now.
Doc Louis brought a boombox on stage, and pressed the play button, as Fame by Irene Cara began playing. Little Mac put on an Irene Cara wig, and punched in the air like he was exercising.
"Anything is possible, just ask Kevin Garnett!" Little Mac said as he punched. "You can do it!"
"Get off the stage!" Mega Man jeered, as the spectators booed.
Mega Man: If I was stuck in an elevator with Hitler, bin Laden, Lloyd Irving, AND Little Mac...I would self-destruct on my own accord.
Once the chorus kicked in, Little Mac ran around the stage doing a victory lap, while the audience continued to boo.
"Everyone's booing!" observed Ike. "Now's my chance!" The swordsman leaped on stage, and attacked Little Mac with his sword. Doc Louis stopped the song and saved his protege, restraining Ike.
"This has been an absolute waste of my time," Dark Pit remarked as he left the lecture hall. One by one, everyone else did the same.
"Apologize for stealing my idea!" Ike said to Little Mac, his hands wrapped around the boxer's neck.
"Like you could have done any better!" Little Mac tried to push away Ike.
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"It's Microwave Idol Mamorin, with your fabulous hosts Ashley, Asuka, and myself, Mamori Minamoto!" Mamori started things off on her show, Microwave Idol Mamorin, standing in the kitchen with Ashley, Asuka, and the two guests, Peach and Lucario, the latter having been forced to do the show due to being in Mario's body. All five individuals were in front of the camera (operated by Dunban), wearing a chef hat and an apron. "We're gonna warm up your heart, with the press of a button!"
"Today on our show, we have arguably the most famous video game couple in history, both hailing from the Mushroom Kingdom...give it up for Mario and Princess Peach!" Asuka introduced Lucario (stuck in Mario's body)and Peach, as Dunban panned the camera to the two individuals.
"Such a wonderful pleasure to be on this great show!" Peach smiled as she waved to the camera; Lucario, who knew the damage he could deal by speaking, simply smiled and nodded his head, hoping that would compensate for his silence.
"Hasn't even been half a minute yet and I already want to die..." Lucario quietly whispered to Ashley, whom the aura Pokemon felt would share his sentiments; the young witch just stealthy shrugged and maintained her poise.
"So tell me, Mario and Peach, are you two feeling hungry?" asked Mamori; she would typically ask her guests this question, which would be a lead-in to introducing a dish of some sort, like a taiyaki or pork buns.
"Yes we are feeling hungry, haven't eaten a thing since breakfast!" replied Peach, not remembering chowing down on a mozzarella stick prior to Microwave Idol Mamorin. "Isn't that right, my darling fiance Mario?" Lucario again, not wanting to blow his cover, nodded his head, leaving Peach and the others dismayed.
"Well we sure got the right snack for you..." said Asuka as she showed Peach and Lucario a plate of... "...hot streaming Philly cheesesteaks, straight out of the microwave and ready to go down to your tummy!" Honest question: do people put Philly cheesestakes in their microwaves, aside from purposes other than heating it up for consumption?
"A Philly cheesesteak for Mario and I? Don't mind if we do!" Peach happily took the plate of cheesesteaks from Asuka, grabbing one cheesesteak before handing the other to Lucario. "Aren't you gonna take the cheesesteak Mario? I can guarantee you it will be delicious!" Lucario was now breathing heavily and hyperventilating, and also shaking as well, like he had enough. "...Mario?"
Asuka: No, we never had anything awry happen on Microwave Idol Mamorin, for the most part the only awry thing that would transpire would be the microwave smoking from microwaving certain foods at a higher temperature than usual. Learned that the hard way by microwaving sushi for two minutes and thirty seconds, I just wanted it to be warm...but I made it too warm. Other than that, everything's been normally swell...
"I CAN'T TAKE THIS STUPID CRAP ANYMORE!" Lucario screamed at the top of his lungs as he grabbed the cheesesteak from Peach and threw it on the ground along with the cheesesteak in his hand, before angrily stomping on both cheesesteaks like a rabid madman.
"Please Mario, calm yourself, you weren't acting like this before we started filming!" Dunban stepped away from the camera to confront Lucario, who angrily grabbed a nearby broom and whacked the Homs with it, bringing him to the floor. Dunban would cover his head with his hands as Lucario continued the senseless beating upon him, while Peach and company looked on with shock.
"Don't think that's the real Mario we're seeing..." stated Ashley, who knew this because she heard Lucario's voice come from the mouth of the plumber's body. "The Mario we know would beat up Dunban with a hammer instead of a broom." Well she ain't lying...
"SCREW THIS STUPID SHOW, SCREW THE CHEESESTEAKS, SCREW MY LIFE, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, SCREW EVERYONE!" bellowed Lucario as the beating on Dunban persisted. Lucario would shock the ladies more when he helped Dunban back to his feet, and suplexed him on the kitchen floor out of utter rage, likely dealing a serious injury to his head.
"Excuse us for a minute, Mario is just going through...some violent motions at the moment," Mamori said to the camera, while Peach and company tended to Dunban. "We'll be back very shortly to deliver for delicious goodness!" Mamori then added without a single shred of confidence in her.
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Lucas was chilling in the gaming room, minding his own business while sitting on a couch next to Rosalina playing his Nintendo 3DS, when Ganondorf confronted the PSI whiz, feeling some type of way. Looks like Lucas was sitting in the Demon Lord's spot, and he was about to make him angry! You wouldn't like Ganon when he's angry, for his anger is a volatile force that cannot be stopped by anyone other than Master Hand.
"Hey kid, you're sitting next to my woman, how about you scram if you know what's good for ya..." Ganondorf threatened Lucas. The "kid" is actually a teen, but let's let Lucas' cuteness mislead Ganondorf. It won't stop the PSI master from what he was about to do next.
"THAT'S MY PURSE, I DON'T KNOW YOU!" Lucas leaped from the couch and delivered a flying roundhouse kick to Ganondorf, striking him just below the belt. Ganondorf would wheeze in pain as he crippled on the floor, clutching his stomach. The pain was evidently too much for him to bear, it was one of the most painful sensations the Demon Lord has ever dealt with.
"Now Lucas, that wasn't very nice of you, apologize to Ganondorf at once!" scolded Rosalina, displeased with the actions Lucas took. This was definitely a side of Lucas she had never seen before.
"Sorry Ganondorf, I didn't mean to kick you that hard, it was only out of self-defense," Lucas apologized to the Demon Lord, who was in too much gut-wrenching pain to listen to Lucas' apology. "Hopefully it won't happen again." Lucas quietly left the gaming room, leaving Ganondorf still crippling on the floor, and as he walked out of the gaming room and into the hallway, he accidentally bumped into Takamaru, the ever-respectful samurai.
"Better watch out where you're going Lucas, you could easily hurt someone by not being cautious and well-aware of your surroundings!" Takamaru said to the teen, sporting a smile. Lucas perceived what Takamaru had said as a threat, and his smile as a facade for malice, so he did what he had to do...
"THAT'S MY PURSE, I DON'T KNOW YOU!" the PSI whiz kicked Takamaru in the crotch, claiming a second victim in the process. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and this instance was one of them.
"Of all the people, and it had to be me..." Takamaru squeaked as he clutched the place where Lucas struck him. Lucas, now feeling guilty about himself, ran away out of the fear of being reprimanded for his actions.
Takamaru: *reclined on a chair* This is only...a minor setback...the pain will go away shortly...or so I hope...
Wario: Hey bub, whatcha doin' on my new reclining chair?! Get off of it or else I'll call in Master Hand!
Takamaru: But I can barely move my legs...
Wario: Oh, so you're becoming a bit too adjusted to my chair, huh?
Takamaru: Well you see, what happened was...
Wario: I don't wanna hear it - stay right here while I get Master Hand, he'll take care of you!
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Phoenix kept on moping, thinking about how unfair his job and life was, when the sound of the doorbell was heard. Do the residents not have a house key to enter the mansion? Presumably not. Phoenix would get up from his hair, and trudge over to the front door, opening it with disgust written on his face...
...only for said disgust to go away completely, when he was standing eye-to-eye, face-to-face, mono e mono, with the great Professor Herschel Layton. The very man he once worked with in the past. Sure, Luke was also there, standing with Layton, but he was irrelevant now.
"Professor Layton..." Phoenix would utter the British detective's name, not knowing what to say other than his name. The words would soon come later. "It's, uh...hello, er...how are you...going?" Phoenix was happy and angry at the same time - happy to see his old colleague, but angry that said colleague was doing something he and Maya could have done themselves.
"Hello to you two, Phoenix Wright, so good to see you again, my friend," smiled Layton; the term "friend" irked Phoenix, for some reason. "Heard you would be at the mansion today. Now how about a handshake? Can't remember the last time we even shook hands!"
Phoenix looked down, and saw Layton's extended hand, the detective expecting a handshake. Phoenix would take his hand, and slowly brought it over to Layton's hand, before the two hands met in perfect harmony, held together as the shaking of the hands commenced.
But it wouldn't stop there, oh no...Phoenix would pull Layton in close, towards him, and patted him on the back. Layton, out of confusion, would do the same to Phoenix. Maya and Luke looked on with cringe, no doubt feeling bad for both Phoenix and Layton.
"Hoo boy, it's been a while..." remarked Phoenix, wiping the sweat off of his forehead, as his awkward handshake-turned-hug with Layton - the crowning moment of awkwardness - came to an end.
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"This is so mind-blowingly stupid..." Cloud said as he and Aerith walked through the mansion, wearing detector bracelets on their wrists as they participated in the prank war - Team Marie vs Team Callie. Cloud and Aerith's bracelets were pink, indicating that the lovebirds are on Team Callie. "Why is the entire mansion participating in this dumb prank war, what's the benefit of it all?"
"Maybe Master Hand just wants us to have fun!" Aerith assumed, holding a soda can in her hands. She saw Diddy Kong (Team Marie) out in the open, wielding a few banana peels. In Super Smash Bros 4, the spidermonkey is prohibited from carrying more than one banana peel, likely to restrict his stage control abilities, but since this is a prank war, it's all fair game. "Hello there, Diddy Kong, would you care for a drink?" Aerith approached the monkey, who momentarily stopped scanning the surrounding area when the flower girl approached him.
"Well all this surveying is making me pretty thirsty!" Diddy replied, accepting the drink. "Thanks Aerith!" The spidermonkey opened up the soda can...and a wicked burst of foamy soda erupted out of the can, launching in Diddy's face. Obviously Aerith came very well prepared...
"Diddy Kong is the first to be pranked!" Master Hand's voice boomed throughout the mansion, as Diddy Kong's green bracelet went off with a distinct alarm sound, indicating that he's out of the prank war. "I repeat, Diddy Kong is the first to be pranked! Carry on." And just like that, Master Hand's voice vanished in an instant.
"See, Cloud, it's all about having fun and enjoying yourselves, something that you hardly do that much," Aerith said to a slightly judgmental Cloud as Diddy stormed away, collecting whatever dignity the spidermonkey had left.
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(on a trip at Disney World...)
"Lucas just fell into the gorilla exhibit!" Gil alerted the others, as a horde of vacationers circled around the exhibit, seeing a timid Lucas by himself. "Somebody oughta go save him!" Why don't you do it Gil, you were the first person to see Lucas in his predicament!
"Don't worry, I shall save Lucas before he gets hurt!" Donkey Kong said heroically as he leaped into the exhibit. More and more folks were circling around the exhibit to see what was going on, and it was making Lucas rather nervous.
"Um, DK, I don't think you're the right person for the job..." Gil called out to Donkey Kong, but it was too late - instead of picking up Lucas and guiding him to safety, DK did the erroneous choice of dragging the teen across the water, causing many of the onlookers to scream in shock. It was in that moment the gorilla realized the mistake he had committed.
"LOOK YOU GUYS DONKEY KONG IS IN THE GORILLA ENCLOSURE AND HE'S PULLING A HARAMBE!" a random dude called out, bringing even more onlookers to the scene. Just wanted Donkey Kong and Lucas needed. "EVERYONE UNZIP YOUR PANTS RIGHT NOW!"
"By 'everyone' he only meant males, right?" Ema would ask Diddy Kong as a select group of males, mostly millennials for sure, unzipped their pants so they could reveal a certain body part that would be used as a sign of "respect" for Donkey Kong, only to be arrested and whisked away by the Disney World security. Shame on them for performing this action in the presence of minors!
Mewtwo: *shaking his head as the males behind him are whisked away by security* ...every day we stray further and further away from God's light.
"Stand back everyone, lemme take care of this gorilla!" a Disney World official arrived at the scene with a tranquilizer gun, and fired a tranquilizing dart at Donkey Kong in the butt. Seconds later, everything went dark for the iconic gorilla.
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"Waluigi is the bridesman?!" Diddy Kong exclaimed in utter disgust, attending a meeting in the meeting room with the other mansion residents. "Looks like the wedding is officially screwed..."
"Let's boycott the wedding until Waluigi is removed!" suggested Popo. Some of the other brawlers nodded their heads in agreement, for they cannot stand to have Waluigi be a part of anything at the wedding ceremony - even if he was a lanky ring bearer.
"I agree! Boycott the wedding! Boycott the wedding!" the male Inkling chanted. Soon enough, mostly everyone else was chanting the Inkling's chant simultaneously.
"Everyone settle down!" Mario yelled at the top of his lungs. Peace and solace found its way back inside the meeting room again. "We are not-a removing Waluigi. However, in the event Waluigi does-a something that might get him-a banned from the wedding - and that's a huge-a given - we'll need some-a one as a 'backup bridesman', and I know one particular person who can-a fulfill the job...Doc Louis?"
"I ain't doin' it," the boxing trainer shook his head while munching away on a chocolate bar. Chocolate is perhaps the only thing that man is capable of eating, anything else he's probably allergic to.
"C'mon Doc, it's a once-a in a lifetime opportunity..."
"Still ain't doing it..." Doc Louis started to tense up, and surrounding brawlers, including Little Mac, were getting very cautious...
"I'll throw-a in some cash if you're-a willing to..."
"FOR THE LAST TIME, I SAID I'M NOT GONNA DO IT! You already got your bridesman in Waluigi, just stick to him and leave me alone, ya hear!"
Mario, Luigi, Isabelle, and practically everyone in the meeting room gave Doc Louis an astonished look. Who knew he had that much in him? He went from a calm dude, eating chocolate like it's his life duty, to an absolute eruption of angry emotions, lashing out at Mario.
"My apologies for-a trying to ask," apologized Mario, his voice shaky. Doc's outburst really frightened the living daylights out of him. "Meeting adjourned..." The plumber nervously walked towards the door, too afraid to look in Doc's direction.
"Woah mister, only I dictate whether a meeting is over!" Master Hand frowned...if he ever had any eyebrows or even eyes to begin with.
"Are you okay, Mario?" asked Peach, feeling slightly sympathetic for her man.
"Yes, Peach, I'm just-a fine, don't worry about me..." replied Mario, looking down at the floor. Sonic, who was waiting outside the meeting room door, quickly ambushed the plumber, asking him a myriad of questions about the meeting and how boring it was.
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"Parkour, parkour, PARKOUR!" Fox ran inside the kitchen, doing his parkour thing - doing flips, jumping off of walls, opening and closing the microwave, etc. "I love me some parkour!" Fox accidentally kicked Fiora's apple strudel, sending the pastry treat to the floor. Fiora slowly began to tear up as Falco ran inside the kitchen to do some "parkour", before getting on top of Dunban and riding atop of him like a horse. Doc Louis filmed the avian pilot doing this, in-between filming himself eating chocolate.
"Wooo, parkour!" Falco shouted as he raised his fist in the air like a drunkard. Did he and Fox have a couple of drinks before doing their parkour endeavors?
"Get off of me, I say!" Dunban angrily yelled at Falco, and the pilot, not wanting anything to do with the Homs (never overlook a man who has only one working arm), listened to the command as he got off his back. Dunban stood up and dusted himself off.
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The Black Knight hosted a tea party with Bayonetta, Kohaku, and Geno, and everything was going swell...until Fox showed up, wearing some suit like he was a spy working for the government. The pilot, wearing some shades, was on the phone, keeping a close eye on the Black Knight and company.
"Got my eyes on the suspects..." Fox said to whoever was on the phone, while the tea party folk just looked on. "One suspect is wearing some extravagant black armor, like he's ready to go to some Lord of the Rings convention...the other suspect looks like some puppet, and there's no strings attached to him, makes him look even more suspicious..."
"Fox is something the matter, why are you all dressed up?" the Black Knight asked the pilot, who briefly looked at the armored knight before ignoring him completely. The pilot certainly looked like he was in a very busy mood; he had no time to entertain any questions from the "suspects".
"We also have two female suspects...one suspect has black hair, and large blue eyes, wearing white clothing...the other female suspect is wearing a sultry black bodysuit, has black hair, and also wears glasses...looks like a slut to me. Might even be a pole dancer, for all we know..."
"Was that supposed to be some kind of insult?!" frowned Bayonetta, as she angrily stood up, only for Kohaku to calmly sit the Umbra Witch back down. "You're gonna get what's coming to you, fox boy!" Fox would ignore Bayonetta, continuing on with his phone call.
"Yes, I do believe these four suspects are all working under the Venomian Army...I think we've been compromised, I need you to take the shot! I repeat, I need you to take the shot, right now!" Fox quickly moved out of the way, as red dots were all over Black Knight and company. The tea party folk, with the threat of assassination looming over them...did nothing, as they pressed on with the tea party. Almost seemed like they were comfortable with dying!
"Really bruh, that's how y'all are gonna be?!" frowned Falco, appearing out from his hiding spot holding a laser point rifle, letting the Black Knight and company feel his and Fox's anger. "What if a situation like this went down, and it was legit, and y'all were falsely accused culprits? 'Ooh, look, red dots all over our bodies, someone's gonna shoot us! Let's act like nothing is going on and allow ourselves to be killed because we're STUPID IDIOTS!'"
"The stupid idiots that I see are you and Fox, for thinking that some dumb prank with laser guns and some phone call and Fox dressed up as a government spy would do so well," remarked the Black Knight, pouring some tea for Rotom even though the plasma Pokemon couldn't even drink tea. "So how about you take your stupid pranks elsewhere, and leave us be?"
"Let's just go Falco - obviously these fools don't comprehend of the meaning of fun or know how to take a joke," said Fox, as he and Falco walked away from the tea party.
Sonic: Hope you all enjoyed that montage I put together! I may not have the camera skills, but when it comes to editing... *phone suddenly rings* Hold that thought everyone, got a call to answer, must be from the president. *speeds over to phone and picks it up* Hello? Oh, hey Brad, what's up?...Yeah you definitely left your laptop in the movie room, and your camera too, with all the footage you've recorded. Been using your device for a clip show...wait, what's that? I think you're breaking up...yup, love you too man, bye! *quickly hangs up phone and returns to original spot*
That was Brad on the phone - had to inform him that he left his laptop at the mansion, and also told him about how the clip show was coming along. Told me to stop and put away his laptop or something, he must have amnesia or something. He and LeVar did give me the jurisdiction to do the clip show. *smiles suspiciously* Must've been telling me to end the clip show on a high note, which I will do. So until the next clip show, stay fresh! *gives a thumbs up to the camera* Time to go munch on some chili dogs.. *exits screen*
