Author's Note:
Not sure if most of you know about this...but there's a hurricane coming towards my home state of South Carolina, named Hurricane Florence. It's a Category 1 storm - originally was Category 4 - but it's pretty big, and might do a whole lot of flooding, which was a huge problem in my hometown three years ago. I don't know how bad the conditions will be, but I fear that I might lose power during the storm. A loss of power might affect me in regards to writing Smash Life and any other fanfiction projects, so I just wanted to give everyone a heads up in advance. This will be the fourth straight year I've dealt with a hurricane, so this isn't really nothing new to me. But enough talk about hurricanes, let's just answer some reviews...
"Will any Touhou characters show up? (Since they got two games on the Switch) Will any creatures from Doom (2016) or Skyrim show up? Will you give Velvet Crowe her sense of taste back? (Since she lost the abilty to taste food when she became Lord of Calamity) Will you include a scene or chapter of the Kong family visiting New Donk City? And finally, will the rest of the Xenoblade 2 cast appear when Torna The Golden Country comes out? (September 21 is the release date)"
I like Touhou (mainly Hakurei Reimu), so probably. Creatures from Doom and Skyrim may appear. Velvet Crow will get her sense of taste back. New Donk City won't be in this story, sadly. And the rest of the XC2 will appear in next week's chapter. What does this frequent requester have in their other review?
"Will you include a Starlink chapter in the future? (Since Star Fox is gonna be in it) are the Xenoblade 2 antagonists gonna cause trouble when they show up? Have Mario or Pauline mentioned the events of the Mario vs Donkey Kong games? Will KOS-MOS use her Bridget Hoffman or Luci Christian voice when she shows up? And finally, what are your thought on the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate collector's edition?"
There will be a Starlink chapter. Don't know if I'll feature any XC2 villains. No events from the Mario vs DK games have been mentioned yet. KOS-MOS will use her Luci Christian voice. And the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate collector's edition? It's too expensive. That's all I have to say about it. On to Ahron756:
"If Link is going to propose to zelda make him sing Besutiful in white by shane filan(I Know Link isn't the best singer in this fanfic but i want to see everyones reaction if Link sang this song to Zelda)"
I've...never heard of that song before. Or the artist, for that matter. Am I supposed to? Eh...Next is el pollo campero:
"G. Also, will you ever metió. The Captain N series in the future?"
We do have the original gang together - Simon, Pit, and Mega Man - so it could happen. Darkcol9 is last for today:
"is Shantae going to make an appearance, and for some reason(WW: DIY) know Wario?"
Back to the Shantae requests...Shantae will appear, and yes, she'll know Wario too. Didn't know there was a Shantae microgame...huh.
Episode 143: Manhunt
Life for Diddy Kong hasn't been quite the same, ever since he witnessed his uncle Donkey Kong dragged out of the mansion against his will by Maiko Shimazaki. Maiko, a former model who wished to restart Fortuna Entertainment, went to the Smash Mansion to take back her idol singers, only to be repelled by Fox and Falco's shenanigans. For a moment, it seemed like everything was going grim for Maiko's comeback tour...
...until Maiko got a taste of Donkey Kong's singing ability. In the Donkey Kong Country television series, that is.
Somehow convinced that the Donkey Kong present in the movie room and the Donkey Kong in the show were the same person, Maiko grabbed Donkey Kong and took him away, promising him a life of stardom as a singer in Japan. Yes, Diddy chased after Maiko, to retrieve his uncle, but unfortunately he came up short. And now, he was the lone Kong in the mansion, while Donkey Kong was up in Japan, likely being forced to record songs.
Diddy: It's been pretty tough living at the mansion without DK. Without him, I literally have nobody else to look up to! I have no father figure, to show me the ways I should go, and to tuck me in bed at night! Master Hand has tried his hardest to fill that void, but to no avail. I mean, it's hard to take advice from someone who constantly suggests to you that you should "pat girls on the backside", to let them know what you're all about. That ain't me.
While Diddy was separated from his uncle, that didn't stop him from calling him. In fact, the spidermonkey was calling Donkey Kong right now, standing in his room looking through his window.
"I had informed Cranky Kong that I was in Japan earlier this week," Donkey Kong said to Diddy, his voice emitting from Diddy's cellphone. "At first, he didn't believe me, and so I had to text him a picture, for confirmation. Didn't even respond for like three hours. Might've given him a heart attack..."
"Yeah it was definitely a heart attack, Cranky called me and put me on blast for not being there to help him recuperate," replied Diddy, massaging his ears after the loud scolding he received from Cranky. "That old coot will find any reason to yell at me..."
"Ain't that the truth...what with me being in Japan, that should keep me out of dodge from dealing with Cranky as much. He's gonna be your problem, I'm afraid, for the time being. So how are you handling things, with me away?"
"It's...it's going, just feels pretty lonesome, that's all. Pit, Peach, and Zelda have been spending more time with me, so I guess that's a plus. A blessing in disguise, if you will. How's your singing career coming along?"
"Not in the way that I hoped. I thought that maybe singing terribly on purpose would show Maiko that I'm not cut out for being a singer, but apparently that woman is making me use autotune, to mask my flaws. Clearly she's desperate."
"Definitely so, Fox and Falco weren't kidding..." Diddy paused, when he saw a taxi roll up to the mansion's driveway. The spidermonkey carefully observed this taxi, which was driven by B.D. Joe, and tried to make out the passenger.
"They weren't kidding for sure, Maiko is dead serious about pulling a comeback of sorts. But don't worry, I'll be back home sooner than you know it! Diddy?...Diddy?"
Diddy could respond, for his eyes widened when he saw who was B.D. Joe's passenger. It was a brunette, hair tied up in a ponytail, and she was dressed...like a tomb raider. Had the tank top, the cargo pants, and everything else necessary.
"IS THAT...IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?!" exclaimed Diddy, in great surprise. His eyes were even wider, as his mouth was left agape.
"Who is what you think it is?" questioned Donkey Kong, being left out of the loop. "Aren't you going to answer me, nephew? Hello, earth to Diddy!"
Mario received a boatload of crap by Peach (and deservedly so) for his actions last week, when he sabotaged Link out of spite because of the Eagles' Super Bowl victory. Somewhat justifiable in Mario's eyes, being that his team and Link's team were both bitter rivals. But what made Peach the angriest was that Mario forced Bowser Jr, Iggy, and Morton to assist him in sabotaging Link. Mario did fulfill his promise of doing something football related with the three Koopalings, so he did that at least.
Promising to make up his actions from last week, Mario had the Koopalings do something fun and engaging in his own house. He had them playing Dungeons and Dragons, while he was watering the plants with FLUDD, and Peach was seated in a sofa feeding Jennifer. Keep in mind, Mario had no idea how Dungeons and Dragons worked, nor did he know the max amount of players required, but on the plus side, the Koopalings were learning something new.
Mario: Now I may not-a be the most experienced Dungeons and-a Dragons player in the world, but make-a no mistake about it, that game can teach players of all-a ages meaningful life lessons. Like for the Koopalings, the game-a will teach them that regard-a less of the stake, hideous reptilian monsters will-a lose no matter what! *pauses, then makes a nervous face* ...but Dungeons and Dragons is always-a up for each person's interpretation. That's the beauty of-a the game.
"Prepare to shake and tremble, at the mighty hands of the leader of my army...MINOTAUR!" shouted Lemmy, as he picked up his game piece and defiantly placed it down on the game board, like he was declaring war. The koopa then folded his arms proudly, as his Koopalings looked on.
"I hate to break your bubble Lemmy, but nobody's shaking or trembling," stated Larry, as he looked around at his siblings. "Also, you forgot to roll the dice. Don't you know the rules?"
"Not my fault Mario didn't want to explain 'em...Mario secretly wants us all to fail." Lemmy took the blue dice, shook it up, and threw it out on the table...rolling a 2. So the Koopa blew on the dice, making both die roll over. Now it was a 12. Huge improvement.
"Lemmy cheated, Lemmy cheated!" Wendy pointed accusingly; she was the kind of person that always pointed out cheating whenever she first saw it. "Mario, isn't blowing on the dice considered cheating?" Wendy asked the plumber, who was still watering his plants .
"Beats-a me, try consulting the manual," replied Mario, staying on task and not even giving Wendy much of his attention. "It'll tell you every little-a thing you need to know. The manual knows-a all."
"Why don't you consult the manual, Mario?" questioned Peach; she understood Mario was busy, but the plumber simply couldn't leave the Koopalings hanging.
"So much-a for the youngins learning comprehension skills..." Mario gently placed FLUDD on the floor, as he went over to where the Koopalings were hanging out. By the time he reached their table, the doorbell rang.
"Impa, would you be a dear and answer the door for us?" Peach called out, as a loud sigh was heard from far away. Impa would exit her room, and trod to the front door, shooting a quick glare at Peach along the way.
"You do realize Lana has legs too, right?" the Sheikah said to the princess, before she reached the front door. Impa would place her hand on the doorknob and opened the door, expecting a door-to-door salesman or someone from the mansion...
...but instead, she was greeted by a brunette. The same brunette from before, that was riding in B.D. Joe's car. The same brunette Diddy saw from his room, that made the spidermonkey shook as ever.
"I don't...believe we've met before, have we?" the brunette asked Impa, surprised to see the Sheikah at Mario's house. "The name's Lara Croft...I'm a tomb raider and archaeologist, from Britain." The moment Mario and Peach heard the name "Lara", their ears perked up. So did the Koopalings'.
"Uh huh...and what in Hylia's name possibly brought you here?" questioned Impa, looking at Lara very inquisitively. That was no way to treat a guest, especially if said guest was Lara flipping Croft.
"Well, I just returned from my trip to Latin America...inadvertently set off a Mayan apocalypse there...and I've returned to Seattle, to pay Mario and Princess Peach a visit." Lara cocked her head to the side, seeing Peach seated in the sofa with Jennifer. "Hello, princess..." the tomb raider waved.
"Lara Croft!" exclaimed Mario, throwing the Dungeons and Dragons manual unto the floor as he ran to the front door. "Back in Seattle so-a soon? It's so nice-a to see your face again!"
"Likewise, Mario, likewise...and who might this be?" Lara was referring to Impa, who was more inquisitive of the tomb raider than before. Especially since Mario was so excited to see her again.
"That would be Impa, she's from-a the Sheikah tribe. She's been staying with-a us for a few months-a now. Don't mind her hostility, she's prone to waking up-a on the wrong side of the bed every morning."
"Well that's one way to put it..." mumbled Impa, as she looked to the side. If Mario and Peach were gonna have a Lara lovefest all day long, the Sheikah might as well leave altogether.
Impa: Of all the things one could do after a trip to South America, and paying a visit to an always unprepared plumber and a somewhat ditzy princess was at the very top of the list. Lara must not have that much friends in contact.
"Come-a on in, we have more than enough-a room for ya!" offered Mario, allowing Lara to step inside his house. Impa kept looking at Lara, as she closed the front door. Lara would take a seat in the sofa next to Peach, as Mario went to the kitchen.
"Welcome back to Seattle, Lara!" greeted Peach, super excited to see the tomb raider again. Though Impa couldn't understand why. "How was your trip to South America?"
"Aside from the whole Mayan apocalypse thing, it was...pretty well," replied Lara, taking note of Jennifer, the baby being cradled in Peach's hand. "Is that the baby?"
"Yup, it's her! Her name's Jennifer. I think Mario was the one who chose the name; we had a few to pick from. Would you like to hold Jennifer? Promise you she won't bite! Unless you rub her tummy, that is..."
"Thanks, but no thanks princess. I'll just let you feed her." Mario would soon return to the living room, with a cup of tea for Lara. Impa saw this and rolled her eyes, disgusted by the guest treatment Lara was receiving.
"One hot cup-a of tea, for our special guest!" Mario gave the cup of tea to Lara, who accepted it as the Koopalings were looking on. Some of them were smiling, for some reason.
"I didn't really ask for a cup of tea, but I'll take it..." Lara would sip her tea, as the Koopalings continued to watch attentively. Though Bowser Jr. was watching more attentively than his other siblings.
"Look you guys, it's our future mom!" the young koopa blurted out, and when Lara heard this, she spat out her tea and found herself choking. "Our future mom is here to visit us!"
"Future mom?!" questioned Lana, appearing out of nowhere as she poked her head out from side of the sofa Lara was seated in. Lara saw the blunette, and screamed in fright. "You're gonna be the mother of the Koopalings? That's so cool!"
"Mario, Peach, who is this?" asked Lara, as she pointed at Lana. It was only a matter of time until Lana interjected herself into what was going on.
"That would be Lana, a good-a friend of Impa's," replied Mario, as Impa gave the plumber a questionable look for his explanation. The Sheikah didn't consider herself a good friend of Lana; she thought "ally" was a much better term. "She too has been-a staying with us for a considerable time."
"Um...and what's this I hear about me being a 'future mom'?" Lara turned around, and saw the Koopalings staring at her, staring like they had came across a Great Fountain Fairy. "Can someone explain what's going on?"
"You're gonna be our mother in a few months or years, that's what's going on!" stated Bowser Jr, confident that Bowser would find a way to tie the knot with Lara. Despite the odds against him. "Ain't that right, you guys?" The Koopalings agreed with Bowser Jr, as Lara was left confused.
Bowser Jr: Before my dad got banished from the mansion, he promised me and my siblings that he'll marry Lara one day, regardless of what anyone has to say about his marriage. He already screwed up with Princess Peach, but then again Mario kinda got in the way. I think we have more than enough resources to kill Mario than before, in the event he tries to screw over a happy relationship.
"Me, being the father of Bowser's children?" questioned the still confused Lara, wondering where the Koopalings' rationale came from. "That just doesn't seem...right. I could be missing something. Speaking of Bowser...how is he?"
"Honestly none of us know, ever since he was..." Lana started, before her mouth was covered in the nick of time by Mario. Lara soon became suspicious, as she furrowed her brow at the plumber.
"...ever since he was infected-a by chronic kidney disease, yes," Mario would finish for Lana, hoping that Lara despite her intuition would buy this excuse. "Bowser has been a changed-a man the moment he was-a infected."
"Aw, poor Bowser..." Lana sympathized for the koopa, as the Koopalings wondered why Mario was too afraid to tell Lara the real truth. "...he's still at the mansion, isn't he? Do you mind if I pay him a visit?"
"I'm afraid-a you can not, for Bowser's kidney disease is, is...is very contagious! Come in contact with-a Bowser, and you might suffer from-a the worst symptoms known-a to man. I wouldn't take-a that risk."
"Funny - last time I checked, chronic kidney disease isn't even contagious," Impa pointed out, leaving Mario stumped. The plumber had nothing to say, as he eyed around the room. "Just tell her the truth already, Mario..."
"Truth? What truth?" Lara furrowed her brow once more, becoming yet again very suspicious. Mario had no other choice but to spill the beans to Lara.
"Bowser is...banned indefinitely from-a the mansion," Mario revealed to Lara, who was caught off by surprise. But considering that Bowser was a villain, the tomb raider shouldn't be that surprised to begin with.
"Banned indefinitely from the mansion for what?" Mario had Lara's full attention now, and the plumber had no choice but to feed the tomb raider the information she needed to hear. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
"For releasing a monstrosity called-a Calamity Ganon to the mansion, so it could-a be destroyed. He conspired heavily with Team-a Rocket, most notably Giovanni, their-a leader, to ensure everything went-a according to plan."
"What was even Bowser's motivation for doing that?" This, this was the part Mario was the most nervous about - he couldn't tell Lara straight up that Bowser tried to have the mansion destroyed because of her, because so many factors got in the way of Bowser winning over the tomb raider's heart.
"...let's just say that Bowser had went-a through some 'villain decay', and needed a big-a break to feel content again. Villain decay ain't-a nothing to mess with - Dr. Cortex claims he deals-a with it every day."
Cortex: Am I still dealing with villain decay? Unfortunately, I am. It doesn't help that I have this huge villain's block, which is preventing me from coming up with evil plans! But what's the point, all the great evil plans out there have already been taken, or done successfully! *sighs* I should just follow in the footsteps of my family, and become a circus clown...
"So he was banned from the mansion from doing that..." said Lara, feeling bad for Bowser. She was the only person in Smash Life capable of doing that. "...well, he should have known better. I'd really kill to see Bowser before I leave, though."
"REALLY?!" Mario blurted out in surprise, wondering what on earth was wrong with Lara. Lara looked up at the Mario with a curious look, and the plumber dropped his facial expression in a hurry. "I mean, I know you'd want-a to see Bowser again, but we just don't know-a where he is..."
"Then why don't you gather up your friends, and look for Bowser yourselves?" suggested Peach, as Mario looked at his wife all crazily. He would look at her for a few seconds, before bursting into laughter.
"Oh ho ho...Peach, you know more-a than I do that we don't do search-a parties without Master Hand's consent. Even then, he would't give-a us the green light, considering whom we're looking for."
"Then why don't you ask Master Hand for his consent? You're always acting like asking Master Hand is the hardest thing in the world. Can't you just stand up to him for once?" Mario mused over what Peach had said, evaluating his options.
"Bowser has been gone-a for a while now..." Mario kept on thinking, until he came to a final decision. "...now would be a good-a time to bring him back. If it'll make-a Lara feel happy."
"Pandering to your guests hardly ever goes well..." mumbled Impa, leaning coolly against the wall near the fireplace. For some reason, the Sheikah assumed the search mission for Bowser would be a disaster.
Ready to go forth with the search mission, Mario first had to ask Master Hand for permission first. He would find the giant hand in his room, painting what appeared to be Ken of Street Fighter fame. Mario told Master Hand about Lara coming back to town, and how she wished to see Bowser.
"Please tell me Lara is only here for a visit, and not just to see that ugly horned turtle demon," Master Hand said to Mario, as he was finishing up his Ken painting. "Doesn't Lara have some sick Asian friend she should be seeing?"
"Maybe Lara has already seen-a her, and is paying us a visit before-a heading back to London," assumed Mario, knowing that Master Hand didn't buy his assumption one bit. "But Lara's pretty adamant in seeing Bowser before she goes back home, and I wouldn't want to leave her unsatisfied..."
"That poor woman must've drank some very poisonous water in those South American lakes..." As Master Hand said this, he finished his painting of Ken, hoping to have it hung up in the hallway one day. "...nonetheless, we cannot disregard any request, no matter how moronic it is. Do you know if Bowser is still in town?"
"I was gonna ask-a you the same thing myself. Figured you of all-a people would know, since you claim-a to be the 'all-knowing one'..." Master Hand did not like Mario's response one bit, so he stuck his finger up at Mario's nose.
"Don't you sass me like that again, unless you want Peach to be a widow...only deadbeats like yourself would want your daughter to be fatherless, because daddy wanted to be a stupid idiot. Don't put yourself in that position."
Master Hand: Am I really the "all-knowing one"? Eh...sometimes I just like to flaunt that title, to show my superiority over every meaningless peon that exists in my universe. Masahiro Sakurai's the only exception, obviously.
"If we're going to search for Bowser and bring him back, we need a few search parties to look around the city," explained Master Hand, as he looked out the window in his room. "Bowser could be anywhere...in a hotel, at a hospital, or in the sewers. The sewers is where he and his hideous children belong."
"Or maybe Bowser left-a the city, and is traveling around-a the country!" assumed Mario; being indefinitely banned from the mansion would be a great time for some cross-country travels. "But I doubt Bowser has the funds to pull it off. Not to mention that he's very frugal..."
"I want you to gather as many people as possible, and split them up into groups so they can look for Bowser. The more groups we have, the merrier. And make sure the Koopalings remain at your house - we can't afford to let them get in the way of the search."
"Heard-a ya loud and clear, Master Hand. Cappy and I shall pick-a out the groups accordingly."
Once he picked out random residents from the mansion, Mario would meet with his search groups in the foyer. You had the Four Swordsmen - Link, Champion Link, Cloud, and Sora - in one group; Pit, Viridi, and Kirby in another group; the ninja pals - Sheik, Greninja, Yuffie, and Asuka - in another; Lucina, Robin, and Chrom working together; Sonic, Crash, Coco, and Aku also working together; and Layton, Luke, and Ema formed in an alliance. Mario also had his own group as well, consisting of Simon, Richter, Dark Samus, and himself.
"Listen up-a people, and listen good!" Mario said to the crowd, ready to lay down some ground rules. "We only have one-a task today, and that's finding Bowser and bringing him back-a to the mansion."
"So let me get this straight - we're bringing back Bowser because Lara wants to see him, NOT because he has learned his lesson from two months ago," clarified Cloud, failing to see the logic behind the task of finding Bowser. "We're just trying to appease someone."
"Yes, it might sound-a backward, but it's what Lara wants...and since she's a guest, she deserves-a everything she wants and then-a some. Hold on, that sounds backwards as-a well..."
"Quick question, before we leave...do you mind if we have a quick lunch?" asked Sonic, as he raised his hand. Mario gave the blue hedgehog a stern glare. "What's with the look? Everyone knows you can't go around town on an empty stomach!"
"I thought you had-a lunch a few minutes ago..." Mario was starting to sound very impatient; he really wanted to find Bowser so Lara would feel content. The plumber was never this adamant in fulfilling someone's wish.
"No, we didn't even have lunch yet! Or at least some of us. But my stomach's growlin', and I can't take it no longer! At this rate, I'd have to eat my best bud Crash, just to soothe my..."
"Don't you even dare..." threatened Coco, staring into Sonic's soul and making the hedgehog shiver in fright. He had never seen Coco so intimidating before.
"It was...just a joke...please don't hurt me..." Sonic took two steps away from Coco, using Aku as a shield.
Simon: Don't know much about Bowser, but Mario did give me a good description of him - a giant, monstrous turtle that can breathe fire. Judging by the sound of it, Bowser could be a demon. And demons happen to belong in the same category as vampires. Therefore, Bowser must DIE!
Richter: I'm on Simon watch duty...should be fun. Should be fun...
"We have no time-a for lunch, we should find Bowser right-a away," said Mario, as he opened the front door. He looked outside, trying to be all dramatic and such, as he let out a giant exhale. "I'll-a be the first to admit, I'm probably the last-a person to worry about-a Bowser's whereabouts, but he has been gone-a for a long time..."
"Pfft, he hasn't been gone that long, it's only been a handful of weeks," scoffed Link, only volunteering to search for Bowser because Mario deliberately forced him to. "He's probably just fine where he is!"
"...but with-a that being said, we should bring-a him back before he goes off and do some-a thing stupid. Being away for so long-a might make him go crazy, if he hasn't already. So we'll split-a up, and look around town for Bowser!"
"Really wish I had some lunch right now..." grumbled Sonic, feeling his stomach growling once more as he and the others followed Mario out of the mansion.
Fox and Falco were both very grateful that Maiko didn't get away with taking one of their idol singers - or all of their idol singers. Thanks to their shenanigans, they were able to drive Maiko away from the mansion, but not before the former model discovered Donkey Kong, and took him to Japan with him. Both Fox and Falco didn't expect their letter ploy to work, but they were grateful that their precious idol singers were still signed with Star Records.
But with that being said, both pilots felt bad. They felt bad for Diddy, with the spidermonkey's uncle taken away from him. And Fox and Falco were willing to do something about that.
So, the two best friends agreed to a plan - fly a plane to Japan, find Maiko, take back Donkey Kong, and fly back to the United States safe and sound. Easier said than done. First line of order, however, was finding some plane tickets.
"You know, if I were you, I'd purchase the plane tickets with my own money," Itsuki said to Fox and Falco, when the pilots spoke with him in the Star Records room. "I know you two aren't that great with finances, but you do have some spare cash in your wallets, right?"
"What is this 'spare cash' that you speak of, Itsuki?" questioned Fox as he leaned in close to the young man, all up in his grill. "Everyone knows 'spare cash' just isn't enough for two plane tickets, let alone one. Are you trying to guilt trip us?"
"No, no, no, not at all...I was just curious to know if you had any funds outside of Star Records. You both spend a lot of money generated by the record label; I had thought that you had expenses outside of Star Records, all saved up."
"Why do you wanna know so bad, why do you care so much about your personal lives?" questioned Falco, also getting very hostile with Itsuki. "Do YOU have some personal stash of money saved up somewhere? Huh, huh?!"
"Yes I do, Mr, Lombardi, yes I do...and, since I value my personal stuff too much, as much as you do, I'm not telling you where my personal assets lie. I'm just not that kind of person."
Itsuki: My money, if you must now, is kept away inside a chest. One that Gil gave me as a present. He said that storing things inside chest is great, because you almost always forget it's there. And it's right - I haven't been worried about my money ever since!
Gil: Ha ha, told those losers that storing your belongings in chests doesn't make you insecure!...Well I haven't told anyone, yet, but I'll tell 'em when the time calls for it. One day, Link will see the light.
"We know you aren't, Itsuki - but thanks for answering, even if you gotten us nowhere," thanked Fox, as he and Falco left the Star Records room. "That guy sure was no help..." muttered Fox, once he and Falco were in the hallway.
"Tell me about it, I almost felt vindicated just by hearing the man speak," agreed Falco, as he and Fox approached an elevator; Falco would press the button. "Why did we ever make him a head of Star Records?"
"Because he's a talentless bum who can't do anything else other than being Tsubasa's lousy boyfriend. Don't get me started on the man's acting skills, I've seen those deleted scenes from that Force Five show."
Once the elevator door opened, Fox and Falco stepped inside, and Bayonetta would step inside as well. Both pilots had to keep their distance, so they wouldn't feel sweaty and overwhelmed.
"What's the matter boys, can't handle my stuff?" Bayonetta smirked, as the cameraman entered the elevator before the door closed. Fox and Falco were hugging the elevator wall, looking at Bayonetta like a bunch of scaredy cats. "Promise you I won't bite..."
"No, Bayo, we're good, honestly we're good," replied Fox, trying his best to visualize Bayonetta as being unattractive. The poor pilot couldn't even do that, Bayonetta was simply too beautiful.
"If so, then why don't you stand up like normal men? They way you're both situated, you look like poor helpless dogs at a homeless shelter..." Taking the initiative, both Fox and Falco rose up to their feet, although it seemed like they were trying to help each other up. Bayonetta had no choice but to smirk at how the pilots were reacting.
"Looks like we reached our stop..." said Fox, as the elevator came to a stop at the second floor. The elevator door opened, and Fox and Falco were both bustling to get out, away from Bayonetta. But unfortunately for them, Bayonetta would also exit the elevator as well, following the pilots.
"You boys still look a bit shaken up...am I too alluring for you?" the Umbra Witch asked the pilots, as she struck a seductive pose. She knew exactly what she was doing, that dastardly woman. "I can't help that..."
"We know you can't Bayonetta...but we're trying to get some important business done," replied Falco, dragging himself and Fox away from the wall they were leaning against helplessly. "We're trying to find some money so we can buy plane tickets to Japan, and rescue Donkey Kong."
"How do you know Donkey Kong wants to be 'rescued', what if he wanted to stay in Japan?" Fox and Falco never really thought about that - they saw how despondent Diddy was without DK, and wanted to turn the spidermonkey's frown upside down. "Maybe he won't stay in Japan for the music career, but just for the culture! For the fun!"
"Sure, but I think Donkey Kong misses being with us at the mansion. More importantly, he misses spending time with Diddy. Poor DK must be lonely up in that recording booth in Japan, forced to record songs against his will..."
Fox: Say, Falco, you were the one that wrote that fake Kiria letter, weren't you?
Falco: That's right fam, it was me - was gonna pen it under Eleonora's name, but Maiko wouldn't believe it. Eleonora is too nice and mellow. Kiria is a no-nonsense kind of woman that would slap you silly for giving her a wink. She was the right candidate.
"If you really feel that way, then I guess I can't talk you out of it..." remarked Bayonetta, looking down at the floor, before looking back up at the pilots. "...tell you what, why don't I give you some money to buy the plane tickets?"
"Yes, thank you Bayo, you are the best!" thanked Fox, going from being scared of Bayonetta because of her sexual appeal, to outright happy that she came through. "Don't know what we would do without you!"
"Hold your horses, fox boy...if you want the money, then you're gonna have to do me a favor. My necklace - the one I got as an early Christmas gift from Luka - has gone missing, and I don't know where it is. I have nothing to flaunt my beauty with!"
"So what do you want us to do, find it or something?" asked Falco, and then Bayonetta pulled out an object...a Shake Weight, much to Fox and Falco's confusion. The Shake Weight was an oscillating dumbbell, and neither Fox nor Falco knew why Bayonetta even had one.
"I have a very sneaky suspicion that someone has my necklace...so I want you boys to go around and exchange this Shake Weight with someone, and see if you can get my necklace in return. This dumbbell has to belong to someone."
"Uh, we'll just have to see for ourselves," replied Fox, as he accepted the Shake Weight from Bayonetta. The fox looked at the Shake Weight, held it with both of his hands, and shook it for a few seconds. "Man, they made it look some hard in the commercials..."
If Layton, Luke, and Ema wanted to find Bowser, they would have to look around the most likely places where Bowser would hang out. Layton figured the most likely place would be a bar, and so that's where he and his gang headed.
"Oh wow, I've never been to a public bar before, this will be such a fun experience!" exclaimed an overexcited Luke, rubbing his hands together as the three investigators approached a bar in Seattle.
"You've been to a cafe run by French maids, this is like the same exact thing Luke," stated Layton, as the investigators entered the bar. Business was booming; most of the seats were taken, save for a few high chairs that Layton, Luke, and Ema sat in. The bartender saw the three, and approached them.
"Ah, two new customers, just what the doctor ordered!" the bartender gleamed, as he was rubbing a glass with a white cloth. "Let's see who we got here...a man with a top hat, some female Emmett Brown, and...a little kid? What is he doing here?"
"Dwarfism," answered Ema, as the bartender gave a knowing nod. Must suck to be so gullible. "It can be such a pain in the butt sometimes..."
"You can say that again, tell it to my mom...I still have no clue how she was able to conceive a handsome hunk like myself. So what can I interest you three with? You want the special for today, or..."
"Is ther by any chance that a giant turtle frequents your bar?" Layton asked the bartender, whose eyes grew slightly wide. Seemed like Layton and company were getting somewhere. "Has spikes on the back of his shell...does it ring a bell?"
"You must be talking about Bowser, aren't ya? Yeah, of course I know the guy! Comes here very often, for a drink or two. He really is the life of the party. Only when he's sober enough, though."
Bartender: Lemme tell ya, Bowser is a beast when it comes to the arm-wrestling matches we have...Bowser values his strength so much, that he puts money on the line in every match. His opponent's money, I mean. You won't believe how many dudes Bowser made broke in less than ten seconds.
"Do you know where Bowser goes off to after coming to this bar?" asked Layton, hoping the bartender had the answer. If not, it would be back to square one.
"Can't say I do, Bowser usually comes here during the nighttime," replied the bartender, as he continued to clean the glass in his hand. "But I do wonder sometimes, since he claims to be homeless. Thought he said he owned a castle..."
Having been given a Shake Weight by Bayonetta, Fox and Falco had to exchange the dumbbell with someone in the mansion, in the hopes that they could receive Bayonetta's necklace in return. The pilots went to the fitness center, believing that the Shake Weight belonged to Wii Fit Trainer.
"Me, owning the Shake Weight? Please..." scoffed Wii Fit, as she was doing push-ups on the floor and clapping at the same time. What a showoff. "I've used it before, and the progress for building muscle and losing weight is absolutely minimal. Only someone desperate would use that piece of crap."
"Someone desperate, huh..." said Fox, as he looked around in the fitness center. He saw Lloyd standing by, drinking from a bottle of Gatorade. "Yo, Lloyd, is this Shake Weight yours?" Fox asked the swordsman.
"Just who do you think I am, Fox?" frowned Lloyd, feeling extremely offended by Fox's question. He couldn't believe the pilot would ask such a thing. "Some loser that needs some jank dumbbell to become an athlete? Nah man...I'ma do it, the right way!" Lloyd went back to drinking his Gatorade, as he stormed out of the fitness center.
"Poor guy is gonna get some bad high blood pressure soon..." remarked Falco, shaking his head, before looking to his right and seeing King Dedede. The penguin looked excited, his mouth agape. "...King Dedede, you okay?"
"There it is, you found it!" Dedede exclaimed, as he snatched the Shake Weight away from Fox and cradled it like a newborn baby. "I've been looking all over for this! Thanks for finding it, boys!"
"Actually, it was Bayonetta who found it - she just told us to return the Shake Weight to its rightful owner," explained Fox; reunited with his Shake Weight, King Dedede began using it, shaking it rather aggressively. "Speaking of Bayo, there isn't by any chance you know where her missing necklace is, do you?"
"Would you boys do me a favor, and give Olimar back his whistle?" King Dedede dug into his pocket, and tossed a whistle to Fox, covered in spit. "Tried that bad boy out on my Waddle Dees, but it didn't do anything...either that, or my lackeys are deaf. Then again, they don't have ears..."
"The sooner we return the whistle to Olimar, the quicker we can find that stupid necklace..." Falco quietly told Fox, as the pilots left the fitness center.
Chrom: In order to find Bowser, we would have to take into account his favorite things. What does he like the most? What does he enjoy more than anything else? None of us three know Bowser as well as we should, but we've generated some vibes about where his preferences lay...
"You have got to be kidding us, Father..." Lucina would say to Chrom...as she, her dad, and Robin were looking for Bowser at a herbal tea shop. Robin wasn't really looking - he was just getting a whiff of the aroma diffuser at the front of the shop. "Why would Bowser be here, of all places?"
"Think about it Lucina - Bowser loves to drink herbal tea out of that 'World's Best Dad' mug I gave him a long time ago," Chrom explained his reasoning, as Lucina rolled her eyes. "Maybe he spends his time at this shop, looking for the perfect blend."
"Well at least you're being productive..." Lucina had this to say, after looking at how Robin was goofing off. The small from that aroma diffuser must be too hard for the mage to resist.
But Robin would stop, however, when he saw a herbal shop employee walk up behind the front desk, giving the mage a weird look. Robin immediately saw the employee, and stopped what he was doing.
"May I...may I help you sir?" the employee asked Robin, wondering if Robin really wanted an aroma diffuser for himself. He was treating the thing like it was his personal nicotine.
"No, no ma'am, I was just...looking for someone," Robin smiled sheepishly, as he scratched the back of his head. "Have you seen a guy named Bowser anywhere? Giant turtle dude with a spiky shell?"
"And the sharp claws and teeth? Yeah, he comes to our shop every now and then, with his mug. Says he's always looking for the so-called 'perfect blend'. And he does it without even paying..."
"Aha, I knew it all along!" Chrom pointed at the employee, momentarily scaring her as she clutched her pearls. "...about the perfect blend part, I mean. Told you Bowser would come here, Lucina!"
"Sir, if you don't calm yourself down, I'll have to ask you and your friend to leave..." Chrom didn't want to take that risk, so he kept his mouth shut.
Fox and Falco went to the gardens, hoping to exchange Olimar's whistle for Bayonetta's necklace. Fox would give the whistle back to Olimar, who had to use a disinfecting wipe on his trusty item.
"Dedede sure knows how to leave a whistle soaked in slobber, doesn't he..." sighed Olimar, once he was finished cleaning out his whistle. Given how small the whistle was, the task was quite difficult for Olimar. "...but thank you, Fox and Falco, for giving me back my whistle. I know King Dedede wouldn't do it."
"Ain't that the truth," responded Fox; King Dedede was the kind of person that wouldn't give you a glass of water, even if your very life depended on it. "So, do you have Bayonetta's necklace? We figured that maybe you had it, for...I dunno, your wife..."
"Heh, I wish I had a necklace for my wife...but frankly, I do not have Bayonetta's necklace. Don't know where it is. But if you could, could you return this rubber duck back to Lucas for me?" Olimar gave Falco a yellow rubber duck. "Left it in the lake outside."
"Sure thing, buddy ol' pal!" Falco gave a thumbs up, as he and Fox turned around and left the gardens. "Getting sick and tired of this nonsense..." the avian pilot would whisper to his best friend.
"You and me both, pal, you and me both," Fox whispered right back, hopefully getting closer to finding that necklace.
Olimar: Lucas is a teenager, he doesn't need that rubber duck...should've given it to my kids instead. And if I had Bayonetta's necklace, I would've given it to my wife! It's not like Bayonetta needs any jewelry. Besides, my wife is light years ahead of her in the looks department...And no, I'm not being biased. The truth hurts, sometimes.
Assuming that Bowser would be hanging out at a place full of people, the foursome of Sonic, Crash, Coco, and Aku went to Discovery Park, on the search for the giant koopa. They searched high and low, but Bowser would nowhere to be found.
"HAS ANYONE SEEN KING BOWSER ANYWHERE?" Aku shouted to everyone at the park, from the old dudes seated on the bench reading a newspaper, to the young mothers walking by with their baby in a stroller. And not a single person paid Aku any mind. "I guess people find it hard to take a floating mask seriously."
"...or maybe you've shouted the same exact thing too many times already," suggested Coco, while her brother Crash was peering inside a baby stroller, expecting Bowser to be inside. "Just give it up already, Aku."
"Leave the man alone Coco, it's not like Aku can do anything else," said Sonic, as he was looking around a nearby pond. In a curious state of mind, the hedgehog looked inside the water, seeing a dark figure below the surface. Sonic would reach his hand into the pond, grabbing the figure...
...and instead of pulling out Bowser, the hedgehog instead pulled out Greninja, by the tongue. Sonic looked at the ninja Pokemon all weirdly, though he was more disturbed by the fact that he was holding Greninja's tongue.
"Now, attack!" shouted a voice, as a few shurikens were thrown at Sonic. The hedgehog saw these shurikens out of instinct, and moved out of the way, as the shurikens landed on the ground. Sonic looked up in a nearby tree...and saw Sheik, Yuffie, and Asuka.
"Dang it, we went after the wrong guy!" frowned Yuffie, bitter that she wasted her shurikens on Sonic. Speaking of Sonic, the hedgehog was acting like he had seen his life flash before him. "We should've went with a different plan, don't you think Sheik?"
"That was what I've been saying the whole time..." replied Sheik, as she leaped down from the tree. Yuffie and Asuka followed suit. "Sorry about those shurikens Sonic, we didn't mean to startle you."
"Yeah, you didn't mean to nearly kill me in a public park..." grumbled Sonic, refusing to look at Sheik in the eye. "...such an insincere apology from a woman and her friends trying to kill me!"
"For the record Sonic, I use needles, not shurikens...you should've known that, you've known me for the longest now. If anything, you should be angry at Yuffie and Asuka, aside from me."
"Sure, put the blame on your best friends...nice one, Sheik, nice one." Now done with Sonic, Sheik gave a rueful look at Yuffie and Asuka, as the two ninja pals just smiled innocently.
Sheik: Why do I favor using needles so much? It's simple, really - needles are invisible, and naked to the human eye. They travel very fast too, faster than you can blink. One would rather be killed by something they can't see, rather than something exposed to the naked human eye.
"Now, if you excuse me, my pals and I have a Bowser to look for," said Sonic, walking away from the ninja pals, as a old man seated on a bench suddenly perked up. "Perhaps you should do that, over trying to kill your fellow contemporaries."
"Bowser? Excuse me sonny, but did you say, Bowser?" the old man on the bench asked Sonic, who stopped and turned around. Sonic looked at the old man cautiously, thinking he was a creeper.
"Yes, yes I did say Bowser," replied Sonic, nervously eyeing around the surrounding area as he grew increasingly in uncomfortableness. And none of the ninja pals were willing to help him out. "What, do you know him or something?"
"In a way, I do...sometimes, he would sit next to me on this very bench, and talk about all his wants and cares...about how some mustached plumber and an egotistical talking hand kicked him out of his home. As strange as that story sounds, I feel for the poor guy..."
"I'm sure that's pretty hard to do," remarked Sonic, as Crash joined the hedgehog. Wait until Sonic hears what Lara had to say about Bowser being banned. "What are these, so-called 'wants and cares' Bowser speaks of?"
"Oh, you know, about having a companion...one for himself, and one for his children. Granted I don't know how a guy like him even has children, with his...unappealing visage, but he's always looking out for them. Despite being away from what he considers home."
"This man tried so hard not to call Bowser ugly..." Sonic quietly said to Crash, finding himself snickering. "Well, uh, thanks old man, for the information. Don't know if it'll help any...but you've enlightened me. A little."
When she was invited to the mansion, Kumatora was told by Master Hand to instruct Lucas in the art of self-defense. The giant hand told the tomboy about that one time Lucas went about kicking people in the junk, and getting away with it every time. To ensure such incidents would never happen again, Kumatora would have Lucas do things like fighting a Century BOB (BOB stands for "body opponent bag") in the practically unused dancing room.
"Well what are you waiting on Lucas, destroy that thing already!" Kumatora yelled at the PSI whiz, who slightly found himself intimidated by the Century BOB. He didn't know whether it was the punching bag's face, or its lack of arms.
"I don't wanna hurt him...he looks too innocent," stated Lucas, as Kumatora sighed deeply and faceplamed. She'll never get anywhere with Lucas if her best friend kept acting like this.
"Lucas, it's a unsentimental being, it has no life...its only purpose is to be senselessly beat up to no end. Pretty much like a Sandbag. Just throw some kicks or punches at the thing already. We don't have all day..."
"Okay..." Lucas walked towards the Century BOB, with the crappiest fighting stance known to man, not ready to back down. "...quick question: what if the Century BOB were to grow arms, or legs? What would I do then?"
"JUST DESTROY IT!" And destroy it Lucas did, letting out a manly scream as he kicked and punched with all his might. He unleashed all his fury on the Century BOB, letting it know who's boss. Lucas had his eyes closed during the entire charade, and once he opened his eyes...
...he saw the Century BOB, still standing there in one piece. Not a single scratch.
"You were standing five feet away from the thing..." scolded Kumatora, as Lucas held his head down in shame. "...oh for Pete's sake..."
Lucas: I have no clue if that Century BOB can talk, but if he can, I know he'll thank me later...
As Kumatora moved the Century BOB closer to Lucas, Fox and Falco would enter the dancing room, after being told about Lucas' whereabouts. Falco still had the rubber duck.
"Yo, Lucas, we got your rubber duck, come and get it," announced Falco, grabbing Lucas' attention as the teen turned around. Falco would toss the rubber duck to Lucas...only for Kumatora to catch it midair.
"Um, what do you think you're doing?" the tomboy questioned, giving Lucas a stern look. "Thought we both agreed to get rid of this stupid rubber duck. This duck is why people always assume you're a little kid."
"I'm sorry, Kumatora, I just...miss having it, that's all," apologized Lucas; Kumatora sighed, as she placed the rubber duck in the pocket of her hoodie.
"People assume Lucas is a little kid regardless of that rubber duck..." Fox said to himself, as Kumatora approached the pilots. She dug into another pocket of her hoodie, and pulled out a star-shaped medallion.
"Since you boys appear to be in the business of giving people stuff...why don't you take this medallion to Geno?" asked Kumatora, handing the medallion to Fox. "Hope it won't be any trouble."
"Kumatora, I think all that kicking and punching I did made me feel sweaty and exhausted..." stated Lucas, unsure if he could train anymore. Kumatora looked up to the heavens, shaking her head in disdain.
Pit, Kirby, and Viridi went to Safeco Field - home stadium of the Seattle Mariners - with Pit expecting to be in attendance at a Mariners game. He and his crew were standing at the ticket gate, expecting to be let inside.
"Kid how many times do I have to tell you, there is no game today," the person running the ticket gate told Pit. In fact, this person wasn't even running anything - he was just working around the stadium, when he saw Pit and company come along.
"The Mariners play the Angels today, do they not?" questioned Pit, refusing to move a single inch until he was inside the stadium. Viridi and Pit did their best to maintain their poise, during Pit's display of idiocy.
"They are playing the Angels...in Los Angeles. If you want to see a Mariners home game so bad, then you're gonna have to wait until the 24th, when Oakland comes into town. Can't wait that long? Too bad..."
"Alright peeps, we know what our next line of mission is...we'll have to look for Bowser elsewhere!" Pit led Kirby and Viridi away from the ticket gate, as the person that dealt with Pit returned to his previous task. "Kirby, use my phone and order the plane tickets! We're heading...to Los Angeles!"
Pit: *looks down at his pants* Wonder if they have a large number of Bloods in Los Angeles today...
A fair distance away from Safeco Field were the Four Swordsmen, who were in a parking lot in front of a green van. This van was playing loud psychedelic music, and Link knocked on the passenger door, as a bearded hippie dude opened it.
"Wassup dudes?" the man asked the Four Swordsmen, as a pungent aroma exited the van that caused the swordsmen to hold their noses. "Whoops, sorry about groovy smell dudes...been cooking up some stuff in the lab."
"Have you seen this guy anywhere?" asked Link, as he held up a picture of Bowser, with his hands up like he was a suspect. Someone must've taken that picture of Bowser, when he was doing something embarrassing or suspicious.
"He looks familiar...yeah, I have seen him! See him all the time, at Discovery Park! Or is it Olympic Sculpture Park? I've been between both places, so my memory is kinda jumbled up. Or maybe my experiments are messing up my mind, my mojo."
"So it's either Discovery Park, or Olympic Sculpture Park...good to know. What do you see Bowser doing? Is he terrorizing people? Pranking people? Plotting his next evil plan to take over the world?"
"If you consider sitting by yourself lonely at the lakeside to be plotting evil stuff, then yeah." The way the man said that, made the Four Swordsmen worrisome. "I tried speaking with the man, but he just lashed out at me. I wouldn't approach him, if I were you..."
"Thanks for the info, man," thanked Cloud, as he and the swordsmen walked away...only for Cloud to come right back to the van. "But before we go, can you do the public a favor, and stop with this whole experimentation thing? It smells even outside your van..."
"Not my fault you guys have very sensitive noses...but, I gotta be one with the people. I'll do whatever I must." The Four Swordsmen would walk away, as the hippie man closed his van door.
Back at the mansion, Fox and Falco would return the star medallion to Geno, who was walking the Duck Hunt Dog...in the ball pit room, with the dog on the treadmill. Learning from the best, a la Hisui.
"I was wondering where this medallion was..." remarked Geno, as he accepted his medallion from the pilots. "Where did you find it?"
"I dunno, we got it from Kumatora first," replied Falco, as the Duck Hunt Dog was breaking a sweat on the treadmill, his tongue hanging out. "You might wanna go ask her...if you dare."
Geno: Hisui is such a genius...walking the Duck Hunt Dog on the treadmill is great! The dog gets his walk in, and you put in zero effort. Master Hand somehow has yet to see the treadmill, which makes this a huge a win.
"Nah, don't wanna take that risk..." said Geno, as he placed the medallion around his neck. Kudos to him doing that without the use of hands. "Before you guys leave, I need you to return this chess piece to Meta Knight." Geno took out a chess piece - a queen - and tossed it to Fox. "Found it lying on the floor one day."
"We'll give it back to him soon," assured Fox, as he and Falco left the ball pit room. "We're getting close to that necklace, Falco, I can already feel it..."
That hippie fellow the Four Swordsmen spoke with claimed that he saw Bowser at either two parks - Discovery Park, and Olympic Sculpture Park. Mario was at the latter park, along with Simon, Richter, and Dark Samus.
"Fun-a fact, this is where my twin-a brother Luigi got married, to Daisy," Mario said to his crew, like they were supposed to care. They found that information meaningless towards the mission at hand.
"Was your brother too cheap to marry in a chapel?" asked Simon, whose mindset regarding weddings was obviously in the past. "What person would want to be married outdoors? It kills the mood!"
"Everyone has a different preference, you know," stated Richter, who often despised having to be Simon's minder. Especially since he was a descendant of Simon. "To each their own!"
"If people really prefer being baked outside in the sun, over being in the comfort of the chapel, then that's up to them. I won't judge a person's desire to burn up to a crisp in the sun, and die on the best day of their..."
"Hush, I think I see-a him..." Mario shushed Simon, as everyone stopped in place. Mario looked towards a giant pond, with a large creature seated near it. It had horns, a spiky shell, and claws.
This creature was none other than Bowser, and he was sitting by himself. Mario carefully approached Bowser, and got a good look of his face; Bowser looked pretty sad, staring at his reflection in the pond.
"Tough-a life, huh?" Mario asked Bowser, as he took a seat next to Bowser. Bowser saw the plumber seated next to him, and gave him a faint smile.
"I've been waiting for someone like you to show up, not gonna lie..." replied Bowser, as he went back to looking at his reflection. He was holding his "World's Best Dad" mug tightly in his hands. "...it ain't easy being so lonesome. How are the kids?"
"They've been worried-a sick about you, Bowser Jr. being the most-a worrisome. But Peach and I have been-a spending time with them, so they don't feel-a so down...our efforts have-a been fruitful. I think."
"Really appreciate that, I really do. Always looking out for an arch-nemesis! If only the Koopalings had a mother to fill the void...you have no idea how long I've been looking for one."
"Uh huh...you mean some-a one like Lara? Since we're-a on the topic, why bring-a Calamity Ganon to the mansion, all because you couldn't win-a Lara's heart? Seems extreme and over the top-a don't you think?"
"Well I was just...jealous and bitter. So many losers like Olimar and Robin are married or in love, and I can't even kiss a single girl! Not to mention that so many people - yourself included - didn't think I would have a chance with Lara!"
"I mean, you're a turtle, and Lara's a human, it would-a never work out. It's why Peach keeps-a rejecting you. Biology would-a never allow a turtle and a human to mingle together. Unless you like-a bestiality."
"BEGONE DEMON!" shouted Simon, as he came running towards Bowser. Richter would save the day, by tackling the vampire hunter and sending him into the pond. Mario and Bowser watched dumbfoundedly, as Dark Samus came close to them to get a closer look.
Simon: Tried to get my hands on that demon Bowser, but Richter stopped me before I could do anything. Richter must secretly be a demon!
"...the heck is going on?" wondered Bowser, as Richter pulled out Simon from the pond. Simon was looking up at Richter like he was his new mortal enemy.
"The guy with the blonde-a hair is Simon, and the man pulling him-a out is Richter," Mario would introduce the Belmonts to Bowser, as Bowser observed how old-fashioned the vampire hunters looked. "They're new-a to Smash. Just-a like her." Mario pointed behind Bowser, and the koopa turned around and saw Dark Samus.
"Woah, Dark Samus?!" Bowser exclaimed, nearly falling into the lake. Good thing nobody was around. "How did Master Hand get her? He really is a madman!"
"Sure is...Dark Samus, along with Simon and-a Richter, came along with-a me so we could-a find you. Had a whole bunch-a of other search parties going around-a town looking for you too."
"Hold up, you guys came to look for me? Well why did you wait until the last minute, why didn't you do it earlier?! For all you know, I could've been dead! Or moved to a different country! Or even stuck in space! Why look for me in the first place?"
"Because Bowser, I've given some-a thought...about letting you return-a to the mansion." Upon hearing this, Bowser's eyes grew wide. He leaned closer, expecting Mario to say more. "At this point you've probably learned-a your lesson..."
"Learned my lesson I did! Thank you for letting me back in, Mario, you're such a guy!" Bowser eagerly shook the plumber's hand. Did the koopa really learn his lesson, or was he faking it? His reaction seemed genuine, to be fair.
"Okay, enough-a already, stop it!" Bowser stopped shaking Mario's hand, as Mario adjusted his white glove. "Some-a one is waiting to see you, once we return-a to the mansion. You'll enjoy their-a company, I know."
"Yeah, well, I'll just have to be the judge of that! Is it a woman? She better be wife material, that I know..." While Bowser fantasized over who the guest was, Mario took out his phone, and called Chrom.
"Hello, Chrom?" Mario said into his cellular device, once Chrom answered the call. "Just wanted to let-a you know that we found-a Bowser...let the others know."
Meta Knight obviously couldn't play chess with a missing chess piece, but that didn't stop the Star Warrior from playing checkers. He was playing a game of checkers right now, in his room with MegaMan .EXE.
"You're off your game, Meta Knight..." .EXE said to Meta Knight, his eleven red pieces dominating Meta Knight's lone black piece. It was a no-win situation for Meta Knight; no matter what he did, it would be a guaranteed loss.
"In all fairness, checkers isn't my strongest suit," stated the Star Warrior, as he moved his black piece towards the top of the board, hoping to acquire a king piece. Like that would do him any good. "Chess is always and forever will be my cup of tea."
Meta Knight: Only had one humiliating loss in chess, and it was...to Lloyd. Unlike some people out there, I didn't spend my time sulking over the loss, and contemplate my entire life. I just sat in the bathtub for three weeks straight, staring up at the ceiling. Didn't come out for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Stabbed anyone who approached me with my sword. Left me at peace...
"Really sucks that you lost your chess piece," remarked .EXE, moving a red piece across the board as Fox and Falco entered the room. "Losing something like that in a mansion this big must be terrible!"
"You mean this chess piece?" asked Fox, as he held up the queen chess piece. Meta Knight and .EXE looked up at the pilots, and the former sprung up in the air and snatched the chess piece.
"My queen, you have returned!" rejoiced Meta Knight, placing the chess piece on his dresser. "Thank you, Fox and Falco, I was afraid I would never play chess again...now, I must give you something you must give to someone else."
"No thanks, we've done enough of that throughout the day," said Falco, as Meta Knight pulled out a drawer from his dresser. "I mean we love doing favors for other people, but we...did...too many..."
Falco trailed off, when Meta Knight pulled out an object from his drawer and held it up...Bayonetta's necklace, the one purchased in episode 52. Fox and Falco looked at the necklace, their pupils dilated.
"I've been meaning to return this necklace to Bayonetta, but I never had the time to..." Meta Knight started, before Fox and Falco ran to the Star Warrior and hugged him tightly. Hard to tell whether Meta Knight appreciated it or not.
"WE LOVE YOU META KNIGHT!" smiled Falco, as he and Fox squeezed Meta Knight tight. .EXE found himself scratching his head in confusion, as the pilots ended the hug and dropped Meta Knight (gently) unto the floor, before taking the necklace.
"C'mon, Falco, let's give this necklace back to Bayonetta!" Fox told his buddy, the pilots' arms locked together, as he skipped happily out of the room. "Tokyo, Japan, here we come!"
"What does the necklace have to do with Japan...?" pondered .EXE, as Meta Knight remained on the floor. His brain was unable to process what had transpired.
Lara remained at Mario's house, watching some television in the living room to pass the time until Mario returned with Bowser. The Koopalings continued playing Dungeons and Dragons, while keeping a close eye on their "future mom".
"Looks like it's about to rain..." Peach observed the clouds through the kitchen window, when she heard the doorknob to the front door twist. The door soon opened, revealing Mario. "Mario, you've returned!"
"Returned-a I have, but I didn't come alone..." responded Mario, as Simon, Richter, and Dark Samus followed the plumber inside...along with Bowser. Peach, Lara, and the Koopalings were quick to take notice.
"Hi, everyone," Bowser casually waved to everyone, acting all casual and whatnot - until Bowser Jr. ran to the koopa and hugged him, followed by the Koopalings.
"Welcome back, papa!" exclaimed Bowser Jr, feeling the sudden need to shed a tear. Words couldn't describe how much the young koopa missed his papa. "We really missed you!"
"Ha, I missed you youngins too..." smiled Bowser, allowing the Koopalings to hug him for as long as they wished. "Same goes for you, Princess Peach...and Lara?!" Bowser was stunned to see the tomb raider, in the living room.
"Hey," Lara smiled, as Bowser pushed his children away from him so he could walk to Lara. He was looking at the tomb raider in the eye, acting like he was seeing a ghost.
Mario: I would've blocked-a Bowser from Lara, like last-a time, but I'll give the man his chance-a to shine...no matter how much I think-a Lara is in the wrong. Does-a Lara have a boyfriend?
"Isn't this a quaint surprise..." remarked Bowser, folding his arms as he was standing in the presence of the woman he desperately wanted. "...figured you'd be in London right now, with your best friend or something."
"Well, I had returned from a trip to South America," explained Lara; just thinking about how that trip turned out made the tomb raider act and feel sheepish. "After undoing a Mayan apocalypse I started. But everything is alright down there..."
"That's good to know - who knows, I might restart that apocalypse myself. Gotta get back in that villain groove. Listen, Lara, I know you probably heard something about that...monster thing targeting the mansion..."
"Mario told me - about some Calamity Ganon monster that you brought to the mansion. I've been told that you orchestrated the entire thing, so you could put an end to your 'villain decay'. Is it true?"
"Actually, I sent Calamity Ganon to the mansion because...I wanted to stick it to those losers who thought I couldn't win you over. I, erm, have romantic feelings for...you." This was Bowser's first time admitting his love for Lara, and it was music to the tomb raider's ears.
"Wait, so you like me? In a romantic sense? Is that why the Koopalings called me their 'future mom'?" Bowser felt some sweat pour down his face when Lara said that; the koopa should punish his kids, for spilling the beans.
"...I guess you could say that. I had the hots for you, I really did - got these spiffy items from some wedding planners called the Broodals, in the hopes of marrying you one day. Had a backup plan if things didn't go according to plan, which is where Calamity Ganon came along."
"Okay...don't mean to burst your bubble, Bowser, but you do realize we're both entirely different species, right?" Bowser had to admit this was true, no matter how much he liked Lara.
"True, true, but Falco is in love with a cat, and nobody has ever said there's anything wrong with it! So why not a koopa and a human? What could go wrong? Peach?" Bowser looked towards the princess, who looked down and walked away.
"Admit it Bowser, we're just not meant for each other. I know there's some...female, turtle person out there, waiting for a soulmate. You should aspire to be with her, rather than with me. It'll work best for everyone!"
"I suppose...I suppose you're right. Sorry you had to hear all of that. I was afraid that you might've slapped me, but thankfully you've spared me. You're so nice...you really should be my wife!"
"Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss..." Bowser Jr. and a few select Koopalings chanted; not wanting to let his kids down, Bowser leaned in close to Lara...only for the tomb raider to push him away.
"Save that for your 'future' wife," Lara told Bowser, turning his face away from her. "Not the one in your dreams..."
Bowser: Kylie Koopa better have a mom that I don't know about...
Fox and Falco returned the necklace to Bayonetta in the Umbra Witch's room, and Bayonetta was looking at herself in the mirror, her necklace around her neck. She never saw a mirror she didn't like.
"Absolutely flawless..." the Umbra Witch smiled, posing in the front of the mirror while Fox and Falco waited patiently. Bayonetta would face the pilots once she was finished. "I suppose I have to give you the money now, don't I?"
"It was a part of the deal," replied Fox, holding out his hand. Bayonetta smirked, as she reached for the wallet on her dresser and pulled out so many Benjamins, it made Fox and Falco's eyes go wide. A cool $2,500.
"Just so you know, this is the earnings Luka made from working for Rodin," explained Bayonetta, giving the money to Falco. "Guard the money with all your life. Last thing you'd want is a sad Diddy, hmm?"
"Making Diddy happy again is our number one goal," replied Falco, stuffing the money into his pocket. Should've put it in his wallet instead, unless he didn't have it with him. "We can't thank you enough for coming through, Bayonetta."
"Better be glad that I decided to play nice today...go run along now, you might want to get those plane tickets soon, before calamity happens. Early bird always gets the worm!"
"Yeah we should be going now," said Fox, as he and Falco left the premises. "Thanks again!" Bayonetta smiled to herself, as she went back to looking at herself in the mirror. Sometimes she was so full of herself...
Once the residents returned to the mansion (namely Pit, Viridi, and Kirby, who were this close to hitchhiking on a flight to Los Angeles thanks to Pit), Master Hand called everyone to the meeting room, to formally introduce Bowser back to the mansion. Lara would've attended, but she didn't feel like coming over. Following that event, Bowser opted to chill out for a bit, relaxing in the living room and watching some football with Cortex.
"Darn it Bowser, why'd you have to return so soon?" frowned Cortex, letting the koopa king know how he really felt. "Without you, I could've made my name as the most evil villain in the mansion!"
"I think Ganondorf would have something to say about that," retorted Bowser, eating from a bag of popcorn. It was close to dinnertime, but do you honestly expect Bowser to care? "Still can't understand how Ganon hooked up with Rosalina...how's that possible?"
"It's more possible than the likes of you and Lara together..." Thinking about that pairing made Cortex chuckle. "...when will you realize that such a pairing will never, ever exist?"
"For your info, I finally realized it today...but you wouldn't know that, since you'll never find a girl, ever. At least I have better luck with women than you." Cortex had nothing to say, so he kept his mouth shut.
About time Bowser admitted the error of his ways.
