The next few days felt rather boring, honestly. Zim gave Dib the space he wanted, but quickly found himself missing him…and not just for the sensation of touch. He found himself missing just talking with Dib, or seeing the way Dib's face lit up when he got to describe something new or learn something from Zim.

But he doubted missing him was what Dib would consider 'urgent' enough to go to him. And he…didn't want to risk the chance Dib might actually leave. Even with the distance between them…at least Zim knew his human was safe.

And he could leave him snacks and meals to find in the fridge, and keep an eye on him through the security footage…

Which was actually what he was doing right now. It was late at night, but Dib had gone to the upstairs kitchen, rooting around in the fridge for something to eat before he went to bed. Zim bit his lip, leaning forward…

Dib grabbed a prepared sandwich. He gave it a skeptical look, but still took a bite out of it, heading back downstairs. He had thankfully decided to keep using his bedroom, after a few nights of sleeping on the couch proved that Zim wasn't going to abruptly drag him away and keep him locked up forever.

Zim's antennae twitched as something floated up behind him. "Hello, Minimoose," he said.

"Nyeh," his purple minion said, floating closer and gently headbutting his cheek. Zim smiled a little, patting them with one hand, keeping his eyes trained on Dib as he continued to prepare for bed.

At least he was until Minimoose floated in front of him to look him in the eye, blocking his view. "Nyeh nyeh!"

"Obsessed!?" Zim scoffed. "Ridiculous! Zim is not obsessed with a smelly human." Minimoose gave him a look…and so to prove it, Zim reached forward to turn off the security feed, with only one last look at Dib.

Minimoose still gave him a look, gesturing to him…and after a few seconds, Zim sighed, shrugging off the blanket he had been using as a makeshift cape. It barely smelled like Dib anymore, anyway. "See? Not obsessed," he said, crossing his arms.

His minion still seemed a little skeptical. They sat in the next closest chair, levitating Zim's chair to tip it backward until he was lying on his back…and pulled a pair of glasses out of nowhere, placing them over their eyes. "Nyeh?"

"You want to play therapist?" Zim said, raising an eyebrow. He normally wouldn't get involved with this game, considering himself too busy, usually sending Minimoose to hang out with GIR or the Computer. But he did have some things he wanted to get off his chest…

So he made himself comfortable, folding his hands over his belly. "This all started several weeks ago, when I thought of a new plan to defeat Dib…"


Over the next hour, he described the recent events between him and Dib. Minimoose interjected a few times to ask how he felt, forcing Zim to quietly admit that he enjoyed Dib's company, and was maybe…a little bit…upset at the space now between them.

Minimoose looked at their little notepad, flicking through pages with their nubs before looking up at Zim again. They then searched for something on a screen Zim couldn't see, printing out a small sheet of paper that they passed to Zim.

"Eh?" Zim accepted it, looking it over. It appeared to be some kind of short quiz. Minimoose handed him their pen, and Zim started to look over the questions.

He wanted to maintain things and not hurt Dib? Yes. Did he care about Dib's needs and interests? Well, he'd been caring for him, and loved listening to him talk enthusiastically, so…yes. Was he interested in conversation and spending time together, not just physical touch? Yes, which he had just come to realize. Had his feelings changed even after the fight? …no, if anything, it made him realize how much he needed Dib around.

Once he finished answering all the questions, he handed the pen and paper back to Minimoose. After scanning it, they wrote something on it in large letters, and then turned it around for Zim to see.

Diagnosis: Love

"Love?" Zim said with a scoff. What a ridiculous weakness. He didn't have it, of course, and Minimoose knew that. Humans did, though…maybe the diagnosis was for Dib? Which was…Zim hummed, thinking about it.

"Hmm. I suppose if the Dib was in love with Zim, that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing..." Zim mused. It wasn't a bad thought at all…

"Nyeh!" Minimoose said forcefully, jabbing a nub at Zim.

Zim gasped, hands flying to his chest in shock. "Me!? Impossible! Irkens don't have such a ridiculous weakness as love!"

"Nyeh! Nyeh nyeh nyeh!"

Zim gasped again. "How...dare you!?"

Minimoose huffed, nodding and giving Zim a rather determined look. Zim turned away, crossing his arms.

"Away with you!" Zim said, waving his minion away. "I won't hear of this ridiculousness anymore!"

"Nyeh..." Minimoose sighed, but slowly floated away.

Zim huffed, his arms still crossed. Utterly ridiculous. Irkens didn't fall in love, they were superior to species that did so. And the idea of an Irken loving someone of an inferior species? Even more ridiculous!

Love was a weakness, plain and simple, and Irken soldiers like Zim had no weaknesses! Humans, on the other hand, were filled to the brim with weakness, and their obsession with love was one of them.

Thinking back, that had been the basis of his original plan that led to all of this. He might not have given Dib 'love', but he gave him affection, and the two were sometimes linked in humans' brains. And what a weakness it was, bringing Dib to his knees, his addiction all but forcing him to surrender.

…was that 'love'? To want someone so much you'd surrender to their will, just for the chance they could return a drop of affection? Zim grimaced. If that was love, he wanted no part of it, and he further hated the suggestion that his feelings were remotely similar.

The Dib surrendering to his will, though…yes, that was a pleasant thought. He'd been planning for it since the first day they had met, and had so many wonderful and devious ideas ready!

Though…a lot of those would involve harming the Dib. And while that would have been appealing even just a few months ago, Zim now disliked the idea of executing them.

No, now he wanted to have his Dib stay at his side. To look to him for affection, to melt at Zim's touch…perhaps Zim would let him explore his superior Irken body again, though he would refuse to be pinned down!

As long as Dib would be close with him again, and never leave him, all would be well. The idea that Dib could leave, could slip through his fingers…it made Zim shiver, not even wanting to consider how he would feel.

…but this was wrong, it was the opposite of how things should be! Dib was meant to become dependent on Zim, not the other way around! Ugh, it was disappointing for an elite to be so…attached to anything. The Empire was ruthless, and attachments got in the way of that. There was no need for silly things other species had like family units, friends, or love—

Something seemed to click in Zim's mind, sending a bolt of electricity through his body that froze him in place. There were so, so many ways species saw love, all of them considered useless to the Empire. But he vaguely remembered hearing that…loving someone meant wanting to spend your life with them. That you'd do anything to make that a reality.

It lined up with how he felt towards Dib.

"Oh, no," he moaned, clutching his head in his hands. "No, no, no!"

Love was impossible for Irkens! This couldn't be happening, it was…it was unthinkable! He was normal, he was a perfect elite, he couldn't have a weakness such as this!

Something had to be wrong. A virus had gotten implanted in his PAK, or a few wires had been nudged out of alignment, that had to be it. "Computer!" he barked, swiveling back to the screen. "Run a full diagnostic on Zim's PAK!"

A wire dropped down from the ceiling, latching onto his PAK with a small zap of electricity that Zim barely flinched at. He leaned forward as the screen turned on, opening a program to scan him.

For a millisecond, dozens of errors began popping up on the screen, but they vanished just as quickly when Zim's filter kicked in. Those error messages were obviously false, so he had simply installed a program in his PAK to filter out the ones that kept popping up.

He watched the results of the scan…but it came back clean. No viruses. No damage. No real error messages. Zim just stared at the screen, gulping.

Perhaps the problem lay in the errors that were blocked…but no, no, those were all false. He was normal. He just needed to find what was making him feel abnormal.

The cord plugged into his PAK detached, retreating into the ceiling. Zim sighed, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. If the issue didn't stem from his PAK, there wasn't really a way to fix it—fiddling with his organic brain wasn't possible. And any physical abnormalities should have been quickly fixed by his PAK, anyway.

…did he want to fix this problem, though?

He shook his head. Of course he needed to fix this! These feelings were…were so un-Irken! And yet, being around the object of his affections made him feel so good…

Maybe he could…hide this abnormality from the Empire, as much as he loathed the idea of doing so. But whatever the cause was wouldn't appear if his PAK was ever scanned, and those false errors would be hidden unless a large amount of computing power and energy was used to push past his filter. If he never told anyone about his feelings, they'd never know!

Even if withholding information was taboo, Zim was already brightening at the idea. And deep down, how forbidden it was thrilled him a little, giving him the same jolt of adrenaline he felt whenever he knew something dangerous was going to happen.

He could be with his Dib, do as he pleased with him, and still be the greatest, most beloved solider of Irk! He grinned, spinning in his chair and kicking his feet. This plan was perfect, and he began to giggle maniacally.

And of course Dib must love him back by now! If he just told his human about his realization, that he saw him as a true equal and in a romantic light, he would stay. Every problem would be easily solved and tied in a neat little bow.

He got up and opened his mouth, preparing to rehearse what he would say—but stopped short, losing his voice. He frowned, raising a hand to his mouth to cover it.

It was one thing to think about borderline treasonous things. But to actually say such a thing out loud? To fully admit he…loved Dib? He bit his lip, his throat squeezing. No, that was…it was too much. He couldn't.

But humans…ugh, humans were so complex in their little relationships. So many levels and milestones that seemed totally arbitrary to him. If he remembered right, it was very common for humans to be together and romantic without necessarily loving each other. A trial run…courting!

"Yes, that's it!" he said to himself. "Computer, show me some common forms of human courtship!" If he could replicate them, he could show his interest to Dib, convince him to stay, and he'd get what he wanted without admitting to the deep, raw, forbidden feelings sitting deep in his spooch!

The Computer obliged without much complaint, and Zim spent some time scanning through everything. He was quite pleased to find that sharing meals was very common, as were the movie evenings he had enjoyed with his human. But there had to be something more, something blatantly romantic to humans…

Certain types of gifts seemed to fit, mostly flowers and boxes of chocolates. Pairing the two together would be an obvious gesture of romance!

"GIR!" he yelled into the nearest radio. "Come find me immediately—I have an important mission for you!"

There was a banging sound in the vents…and then, GIR tumbled out, rolling around on the floor before jumping to his feet and smiling at Zim. "Whatchu need?"

"I need you to go to the nearest store that sells sweets," Zim said. "Retrieve as much chocolate as you can and bring it back here!"

"Candy!?" GIR said, excited.

"Yes, GIR, candy," Zim said. "But it specifically has to be chocolate. And you can't eat all of it."

"Nyeh?" Minimoose floated in, curious about the conversation.

"Ah, excellent timing," Zim said. "Minimoose, you are a great and responsible minion! Go to the sweets station with GIR and help him bring back as much chocolate as possible."

Minimoose nodded…but then paused, giving Zim a bit of a look and tilting their head. Zim huffed, turning away and crossing his arms. "It…may have to do something with our conversation. Or not!"

That made Minimoose beam happily at him. They nodded again, and his minions headed upstairs to set out on their new mission. That took care of chocolates, so now Zim just had to figure out where to get flowers.

The real ones wilted over time. Zim wanted to give Dib something that could either be used or would last as long as possible. He wandered through his base until he found his fabric synthesizing room, used to make new disguises or uniforms. The materials here would be excellent for what he had in mind—they were durable, but also soft and colorful.

He went to the nearest chair, sitting and fiddling with the controls. "Synthesize a rose," he ordered, making a design with soft red petals and a compact green stem. Roses were the best flowers for romance!

The machines kicked to life. And it took only a few seconds to make such a small item, which was handed to Zim by a small robotic arm. He hummed and twirled the fake rose around. It was fine, but it just didn't...seem to be something Dib might like.

"Computer," he said. "Make a copy of this, but with...a black stem and blue petals, instead."

The Computer sighed, but the machine came back to life, printing out a second fake flower. A robotic arm handed the newest version to Zim, and he held up the two flowers side-by-side.

Yes, he believed that the 'unnatural' colors of the second rose would appeal much more to his human's taste.

"Eleven more blue-and-black roses!" he ordered, tossing the plain red one over his shoulder.

The Computer sighed again in a deeper pitch, but the machine came to life again, generating rose after rose. Zim gathered them all up, grabbing a random piece of paper and wrapping it around the stems, tying it all together with a bit of string. Perfect.

Now all that was left was to wait for his minions to bring back the chocolates. He set the roses aside and began to pace impatiently.

GIR and Minimoose came back within the hour, GIR carrying a stack of chocolate boxes that was taller than him. Minimoose was helping by levitating the top of the stack to keep them all from toppling over. GIR's lips were also, of course, stained with chocolate.

"Excellent work, you two!" Zim said, taking the stack of chocolate boxes from them and setting them next to the roses. This was perhaps too much to give to Dib all at once...he grabbed the two boxes on top, handing one to each of his minions, to their delight.

Both of them ran (or floated) off, and Zim turned his attention back to the full stack. "What, no reward for me?" the Computer huffed.

"You don't have a mouth, why would you want chocolate?" Zim countered. Still, he glanced around and picked up the original fake rose, holding it up. "You can have this one, I suppose."

"...thanks, I guess." A claw dropped down from the ceiling, pulling the rose out of Zim's hand and yanking it up and out of sight.

Now Zim could finally devote his attention fully to the chocolate in front of him. He picked up two more boxes, comparing the two before deciding which one he thought Dib would like better, setting the other off to the side.

Eventually, he decided that one of the variety boxes of chocolates would be the best. Especially since each chocolate was supposed to have a smooth inside of cream or caramel, which he figured would be an alright texture for Dib.

He set the roses on top of the box of chocolates, looking down at them with his hands on his hips. With these perfect gifts, Dib would be sure to hear him out.

Eagerly, he scooped up both of them, hurrying over to Dib's corner of the base, and then beelining for Dib's bedroom. Grinning, he raised his fist and was about to knock on his door.

Wait. Dib was sleeping right now. He needed the rest, and...Zim imagined he wouldn't react well if he was woken up for this.

So, he sat down and decided to wait, pulling out his tablet to draw a few doodles. It would just be a few hours before his human woke up and came out.


Morning came, and after a bit more waiting, he could hear Dib getting up and shuffling around. Zim quickly jumped to his feet, holding his gifts at the ready and vibrating with excitement.

Dib opened his door, yawning…and suddenly flinched, startled when he saw Zim standing just inches away, grinning maniacally at him. "Uh…good morning?"

Zim bounced up, shoving the bouquet and the box of chocolates into Dib's arms. Dib frowned and looked down at them, still tired and puzzled. "Zim has brought you the standard gifts of human courtship!" he declared, beaming at Dib.

"…courtship?" Dib's brow furrowed, and he looked back and forth between Zim and his gifts…before his eyes widened, his cheeks turning pink. "…Zim?"

"Yes, Zim has decided that he would like to…'court' the Dib," Zim said. "As an equal. You are, eh…you have…many good qualities. That greatly appeal to Zim. And…I enjoy spending time in your presence."

The more he spoke, the more flustered he felt…but Dib's eyes were shimmering with something warm and wonderful, which emboldened Zim to keep going. "I know that you've enjoyed Zim's presence," he boasted. "So! I would like to continue being together…but with us as fully equal partners." He held out his hand and waited, trying not to show how frantically his spooch was pulsating.

Dib hesitated for several long, agonizing seconds, carefully scanning Zim over to see if he could spot anything wrong. He glanced again at the gifts Zim had thrust on him…and huffed in amusement, smiling a little when he looked at his rose bouquet.

"It's usually called 'dating' and not 'courting' nowadays," he said, reaching out and clasping Zim's hand in his own. "But yes, that sounds amazing."

Zim smiled up at Dib, feeling an anxious weight drop from his shoulders, leaving him feeling utterly buoyant. His feelings for Dib bubbled up tenfold, and he very nearly blurted them out. He quickly stopped himself though—not yet. Not yet.

Still, he was delighted, and he had to do something to share that with his dear human, who was the one to make him so happy. So, he rose up on his PAK legs until he was exactly at Dib's height, cupped both of his cheeks in his hands, and leaned forward to press their lips together.

Dib jolted a little, but was quick to kiss him back, lifting his hand and gently holding Zim's wrist. Zim sighed a little, a low purr rumbling at the very back of his throat. He kept their lips pressed together as long as possible…up until Dib started tapping at his shoulder. He pulled back, and Dib gasped for air, though he still looked very pleased. Zim smirked, feeling a bit smug.

"Has Zim made his Dib happy?" Zim said. Dib blushed, even his ears turning a little pink as he nodded. Zim's smug smirk widened. "Good…because you've made me very, very happy."

He pulled one hand back, but was still cupping one of Dib's cheeks, and Dib tilted his head to lean into the touch. "I just…I'm glad you see me as an equal," he admitted. "I was worried, but I hoped…"

"I know." Zim nodded, recalling Dib mentioning his worries over being a pet or trophy. "You're my partner, truly. You can trust that, and trust me."

Dib beamed at him. Zim continued, "Being partners like this…I never realized how much I would want this! Our lives, tangled together, as we share everything with each other…"

"Heh. You're sweet when you get poetic," Dib said with a little giggle.

"And now, we can team up and share a mission! With both of our abilities combined, this feeble Urth won't stand a chance!" Zim cackled.

"Wait, what!?" Dib said, quickly stepping away from Zim, much to his disappointment. Zim gave him a confused look. "Since when did 'dating' equal 'world-conquering'?"

"Well, it would mean the two of us are equals, yes?" Zim said. "Which means we can rule the world together, side-by-side!"

"I'm not going to just stand by and let you take over the world!"

"You don't have to," Zim assured him. "There are plenty of ways you can help! I mean, you've already become pretty experienced with Irken technology and weapons, and I'm sure you know plenty of weaknesses we can take advantage of..."

"No!" Dib snapped. "I'm not helping you take over Earth, and I'm not going to just let you take over! I want to protect Earth, that's what I always wanted!"

Zim tilted his head. "But why? They don't give you the recognition or attention you deserve. They're downright cruel to you! Why do you want to protect them so much?"

"Because!" Dib said. "B-Because…even if…some people are jerks, there are still good people out there. And there's a lot on this planet that's worth protecting, so I'm going to do it."

"Oh, Dib…" Zim cupped his cheek. "It's very noble of you to be so protective of them. But they don't deserve it. You, on the other hand, deserve everything."

Dib grimaced at him, pushing his hand away. "I'm really not better than anyone else," he muttered. "I…you shouldn't talk like I'm in a separate category than everyone else."

Zim tilted his head. "But…you are. You're better than all of them."

"I get you're trying to be nice, but I really don't appreciate you insulting my whole species to try and make your point," Dib snapped. "I'm not letting you take over the world, and that's all there is to say about it!"

"But this filthy planet would be so much better once we take control!" Zim argued. "We'd turn it into the shining jewel of the Empire, and finally this pointless space rock will have worth!"

Dib gave him a bitter look. "…it has worth to me," he said quietly. "And if you don't understand that…" He glanced down at the gifts in his hands. "I don't think…this would work out."

The ground was pulled out from under Zim's feet, gravity tilting sideways and leaving him unbalanced. He…he must have misheard. "What?"

"Ugh…crap." Dib sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I just…I want to be with you, honestly. But I'm not going to throw away all of my principles for it. I can't." He muttered something to himself under his breath…but Zim still caught something like, 'not this time'.

"I don't understand," Zim said, still confused and feeling unbalanced.

"It's me or Earth, Zim," Dib said. "You have to choose."

"But I don't want to," Zim said. "I want both."

"You don't get both," Dib scolded. "You want to conquer Earth?" Zim nodded on instinct. "Then you've made your choice."

He turned around, and Zim surged forward, grabbing his wrist. Dib turned to look at him coldly over his shoulder. "Leave me alone."

With that, he yanked himself out of Zim's grasp, stormed back into his room, and closed the door.

Zim just…stood there, hand still extended, staring at the closed doorway. Mere minutes ago, everything was perfect…and now it wasn't. He still felt lost and ungrounded, and the one person he knew would reorient him had just walked away.

…what was he supposed to do now?