Author's Note:
Would you look at this...another short chapter. Perhaps the shortest one I've written since the first one! (This author's note doesn't count.) Unfortunately I couldn't make a reference to Yoshi's Crafted World, as I promised, but I did give Yoshi a semi-important role in this chapter to suffice. On to the reviews:
"Has Lucina said any puns lately? Will the Neptunia chapter happen when the Super Neptunia RPG game comes out on June 30? Is Chrom ever gonna let go of his grudge towards Rex? Is Tifa wearing her game outfit or her outfit from Advent Children? And finally, what are your thoughts on Cuphead coming to the Switch?"
Nope. I'll do a Neptunia chapter (if I remember to). I might continue the Chrom-Rex rivalry, just so there can be a conclusion. Tifa is wearing her outfit from Advent Children. And I had a sneaky feeling Cuphead would be on the Switch - didn't think they'd announce it this soon. Another anonymous review:
"Can you make a couple out of characters from different game series?"
I already have instances of such couples within the story; I'm down with making another inter-series couple. Another anonymous review:
"Can you have mega man start to go crazy and start living on the roof of the mansion and the residents have to get him to come off the roof"
Um...sure? On to Howdy There:
"Ok, now we need a chapter of Master Hand either renting or hiring a new maid and it's Kawakami, just to see how that'd go with the Thieves"
Ooh...that sounds evil. I'll do it, just to mess around with Joker. Derick Lindsey's got some questions about Cuphead:
"1. Should we be expecting Cuphead to appear in the near future in this fanfic?
2. Does this mean we can hopefully get other Microsoft exclusives on Nintendo *cough Banjo Kazooie cough*?"
1. Cuphead will appear sometime in the future, along with Mughead.
2. I'm expecting to see more Microsoft exclusives on the Switch...as well as a Microsoft rep in Smash.
Next is PinkKittyRose:
"1. Will Marin make an appearance in the Link's Awakening Chapter?
2. Will there be a Cadence of Hyrule chapter?
3. Can Pit and his two BFFs, Kirby and Incineroar, make a group name for their friend group?
4. Since Tom Nook never worked with Andross, cause he was in the Assist Tower basement during his ban and got banned again because of what happened at the end of Chapter 168, is it ok if we can see Tom Nook working with Dante and the All Star manor, and of course, to get revenge on Master Hand?
5. How will the award winners be chosen for when the chapter comes up? Will we choose who will get that award?
6. As a fellow Zelda main, do you like Zelda even more in Ultimate overall, like that she's alot better overall, better taunts, more/alot of personality, more/alot of expression (which she's happy), etc.? Also, do you prefer the TP/Smash 4 design, or ALttP/ALBW/Ultimate design?"
1. Of course!
2. Maybe...or maybe not.
3. If I can think of a catchy name, then yes.
4. I'll be planning something for Tom Nook...can't give away any details.
5. You will see in this chapter. Most of the awards and award winners are pretty random.
6. Compared to Sm4sh, Brawl, Melee, and even Project M...I absolutely LOVE Zelda in Ultimate. Not only is she much improved, but she has a better down taunt, more personality, and SHE CAN SIDE-B WITHOUT FREE-FALLING! WHY COULDN'T THEY LET HER DO THAT IN THE PREVIOUS GAMES?!...But yeah, I like Zelda in Ultimate compared to her other Smash appearances. And I don't have a strong preference or either design, really.
Moving on to el pollo campero:
"...the KCAs are rigged, how does a game like Just Dance keep winning every year? :"
Heh, it's not as bad as Spongebob winning an award every year. Last up is GreaterDoomerUKI:
"So apparently I found out that ATLUS was owned by SEGA. That got me thinking are the rooms for the residents placed on there company or when they came to smash?"
More or less a little bit of both.
Episode 171: Smashies
Over the past few weeks, Master Hand had been hyping up the idea of having an awards ceremony, tailored for Super Smash Bros. The giant hand discussed this awards show with Isabelle and Ayaha, who were both planning and preparing everything, and he also discussed it with the residents, most of whom couldn't give a crap.
But tonight, the first ever Smashies would take place, and it would take place somewhere away from the mansion. Master Hand figured that the local change would decrease the likelihood of some bum from the All-Star Manor showing up, after the whole Big Daddy/Little Girl incident in the previous episode.
Thanks to Isabelle and Ayaha, Master Hand was able to secure the Marion Oliver McCaw Hall as the place for the Smashies. Master Hand expected tonight to be oodles of fun and laughter...but mostly laughter, since Master Hand hinted at laughing at the "losers" of the award ceremony.
Master Hand: Tonight is the Smashies, and it will be our second Smash Bros-related awards show. We had the first one a long time ago - didn't have that many trophies to hand around at the time. And this wil be everybody's favorite day. Everybody's looking forward to tonight because, you know, a lot of the people here don't get trophies very often. Like Wii Fit Trainer or Wario - I mean, who's gonna give Wario an award? Dunkin' Donuts? Plus, as an added bonus, it's really, really funny. A brawler will be out in public one day, and he'll tell a stranger, "Hey, did you get an award?" And the stranger will say, "No man. I mean, I slave all day and nobody notices me." Next thing you know, the brawler stops by the stranger's house, and smells something terrible coming from it. Stranger's hanged himself due to lack of recognition. So...
With the Smashies being held tonight, there was some interest about how it would turn out. Link was pretty interested, and the Hylian stopped by Zelda's room to see if his girlfriend was as interested as he was.
"So, you ready for the..." started Link, as he did some kind of drum roll on Zelda's bed. "...the Smashies?" Link made a big, giant smile, and Zelda couldn't care less as she merely looked up from the book she was reading.
"Um...I'll get back to you later on that," replied Zelda, before she resumed reading her book. Safe to say that the princess' level of interest was very low.
Zelda: You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? That's how I think the Smashies will turn out to be. It'll like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because some talking giant hand is making you.
Master Hand: A reason why I wanted to do another awards show was because of that fat loser, DJ Khaled...I was shocked beyond words when I heard that someone was stupid enough to name him as host of the Kids Choice Awards. Those poor children...but, watching that awards show taught me two things. One, DJ Khaled actually has an above-average grasp of the human language, and two, he sucks as a host. Which made the Kids Choice Awards suck as a whole. The Smashies will be my one chance to show everyone how an awards show is meant to be done!
Luigi was over at Mario's place, helping his twin brother hang up a picture frame on the wall, when Master Hand entered the house...through the front door! Truly a sight for sore eyes. But he wasn't alone, as he brought Ken with him.
"How about I show you some past winners from the last award show we had, Ken?" Master Hand said to the fighter, as he and Ken went over to Mario and Luigi. Luigi was standing on a ladder, trying not to fall. "We got the Italian Mario Lopez over here...Mario, why don't you show some of your trophies to Ken?"
"Oh, I can't because I keep-a them hidden," replied Mario - you know the plumber had a LOT of trophies in his trophy case. "I don't want to look at them-a and get cocky."
"Aw yeah, that's a really good idea," grinned Ken, as he stroked his chin and smiled. "I should probably do the same!" He has always been the humble one
"Mine are at home-a in a display case close to my bed," stated Luigi, as he accidentally banged the hammer against his thumbs. The plumber yelped in pain.
"Gyaaah...T.M.I., T.M.I my friends," Ken frowned, as Luigi sucked on his now aching thumb. All that sucking won't do a single thing.
Ken: T.M.I.? Obviously stands for too much information. Ah, it's just easier to say T.M.I. I used to say "Don't go there", but that's just...lame.
"And over there we have the one and only, Princess Peach," stated Master Hand, as he directed Ken's attention over to Peach, who was placing a magnet on the refrigerator door. "Now Peach has a lot of trophies, don't you princess? Why don't you show Ken some of your bling?"
"I don't know where they are, I think I threw them out," replied Peach; she probably did it during her spring cleaning.
"Oh, no you didn't. Quit playing with me, woman!"
"I think I did...I can't seem to find my trophies anywhere!"
"W-Why would you throw away something so valuable in the first place?"
"Say, will we have any appetizers at the Smashies tonight? I think the folks in charge of McCaw Hall might want us to bring our own food."
"Yes, we should bring-a our own food, just in case," responded Mario, as Master Hand groaned in frustration. The thought of Peach losing her trophies triggered the giant hand. "I would want one-a of those skillets of cheese, but when I get off stage, some-a one like King Dedede will have eaten all-a of them..."
At the computer room, Researcher Zelda was on the computer, watching video footage from the last Smash Bros award show. The film was very grainy, and in slightly low quality.
"To Marth, hero-king of Altena, it's the 'Show Me Your Moves' award!" announced Captain Falcon, seen in the video wearing a bowtie. Must've been hosting the awards show at the time. What were the chances he might be host again?
Researcher Zelda: Master Hand has video tape of the last Smash Bros awards ceremony and now, he's making me look through hours of footage to find highlights. So that way I'll know "what to expect"...
"That's supposed to be confidential," frowned Marth, who was in the video as he called out to Captain Falcon from where he was sitting.
"He has the award!" shouted Captain Falcon, leading to a moment of silence. Which was a really bad thing for an awards show host to deal with "...it's a type of song that we are going to play for the ladies. Hit it, Yoshi!"
The camera panned to Yoshi, who started playing the tune of "Mambo No. 5" on a recorder. Captian Falcon clapped along, and was the only one clapping as the camera panned back to him.
"A little bit of Peaaaach, all night long, a little bit of Zelda on the thing..." Captain Falcon sang along to the tune, and it was the most cringeworthy singing Researcher Zelda has heard in recent memory. "...a little bit of Nana everywhere..." Bowser sat in front of the camera, obstructing the view as the picture immediately went dark.
"Bowser sitting in front of the camera, and Master Hand didn't even edit this bit out..." remarked Researcher Zelda, as she was still able to hear Captain Falcon sing. Unfortunately, for her ears.
"...a little bit of Roooy eating chicken tenders...a little bit of Link with some ribs, a little bit of..." Captain Falcon continued to sing, although he was no longer in tune with the song. Didn't stop him from singing his heart out!
Having his butt whooped by Incineroar at a game of pool, Pit opted to hang out with Viridi in the gaming room, so he could not only recover from the sting of defeat, but also walk away from brutal humiliation. When the angel approached Viridi, he saw the goddess of nature with Kohaku and Coco, with the three girls giggling.
"Hey guys, what's so funny?" Pit asked Viridi and company, hoping there was some kind of inside joke being told. The angel would hate to be left out of one. "You're not laughing at me, are you?"
"No, Pit, we're not laughing at you," assured Viridi, who still had a smile on her face. "You know I would condone such a thing!"
"Alright then, so who are we laughing at? Is it King Dedede? I could laugh at him all day!"
"Um, we're just something somebody wrote. You probably wouldn't understand..."
"Who? Charles Schulz? Is he back from the dead?!" Would be a miracle if that were true.
"No, just something that was written in the wall at the beauty salon," replied Kohaku, before letting out a laugh.
"Well what is it, who wrote it?" Kohaku's laughter made Pit even more anxious about what was so funny.
"Um, it's kind of private," replied Viridi, as her response only made Pit more anxious by the second.
"It's about Incineroar," Coco whispered to Pit, whose eyes grew wide. Not with surprise, but rather fury.
"That is defacement of public property!" Can't be public property if you live in it. "So you better tell me, girls, or I'll have to jack you all up!"
"Okay, now I'm laughing at you," Viridi told Pit, giggling at her boyfriend's attempt at being a tough guy. Slightly embarrassed, Pit marched away from the premises, as Viridi and the other girls shared a laugh together.
In order for the Smashies to go well, Master Hand needed a suitable host for the job. He would go with Captain Falcon, but if the footage Researcher Zelda saw was any indication, Falcon hosting the Smashies would be a bad idea. So, the giant hand had to go completely out of the box...
"Would you like to host the awards show...Master Kogha?" Master Hand asked the leader of the Yiga, in his lair. A bunch of Yiga clansmen were up and about in the lair, pushing around carts of stuff and whatnot.
"I'd love to, but as you can see, I'm quite busy at the moment," replied Kohga, with his hands on his hips. "We're doing our first ever spring cleaning!"
"I mean you're aren't doing much...your lackeys are doing the work for you. Once the awards show is over, you can come back to our hideout, and get some shuteye, while your lackeys finish the rest of spring cleaning."
"Sorry Master Hand, but I must turn down your offer. Turns out I have more stuff to clean out in my lair than I imagined!"
Kohga: Spring cleaning will be a big help for us in the future. The more stuff we get rid of, the more space we'll have to store our bananas! Those lousy Kongs will have nothing, NOTHING on us!
"Come on, Master Kogha, this is important," said Master Hand, stressing the importance of the Smashies. "I mean, this is validation to the residents that guys like yourselves think the Smashies is cool and hip. So..."
"To be fair, I don't really approve of this, 'awards show'," Kohga offered his two cents, as Master Hand gasped in horror. Screw people who didn't share the same opinions as Master Hand! "Seems like you're always doing too much!"
"It's not that I'm doing too much, it's just that...you know what, how about we speak about this in private?" Master Hand led Kogha away from his lair, and took him to a secret tunnel in the hideout. A Yiga footsoldier was pushing his cart by when he saw Master Hand and Kohga sneak away.
"Wonder what they're discussing..." the footsoldier said out of intrigue, as he stopped pushing his cart and walked over to where Master Hand and Kogha was. He pressed his ear against the rocky wall, so he could listen closely.
"...come on, Master Kogha!" shouted Master Hand, easily sounding very upset. "You're dropping an A-Bomb on me here." If only Kohga or the Yiga footsoldier even knew what an A-Bomb was.
"Really? I'm dropping some kind of bomb on you?" asked Kogha, sounding very dismissive of how whiny Master Hand had become.
"Well, yeah, I mean, what is...what I"m trying to say, is..."
:You already had a cocktails party near the beginning of the year, for no reason."
"No reason?! It was a very special party! It was mainly a setup for Crazy Hand and I to discuss things."
"And must I mention that relief fundraiser you told me about? The one that somehow lost you a lot of money?"
"Okay, no, that was a FUN raiser. I think I made that very clear in the fliers, fun, F-U-N. People these days just have crap comprehension skills."
"Okay, well, I don't understand why anyone would have an earthquake FUN raiser, Master Hand. I mean, that doesn't even make sense."
"Well, I think a lot of people were very affected by the footage. But that won't stop you from hosting the Smashies, right?"
Kogha looked at Master Hand and sighed, before walking away. The eavesdropping Yiga footsoldier walked away, too. Back to square one for Master Hand...
Lloyd: This is a little character I would like to do, at the Smashies, granted I have permission. *places a green turban with a yellow feather on his head* It's, uh, loosely based on Karnack, one of Carson's classic characters. *puts an envelope to his head* Here we go. The PLO, the IRA, and the hot dog stand behind the warehouse. *tears open envelope and pulls out card, before clearing his throat* "Name three places that have a better health care plan than Smash Mansion." But here's the problem. There's no open bar because of Master Hand and it's the reason why comedy clubs have a two drink minimum. It'll be fine, I just...wish people were going to be drunk. Would be pretty funny.
With his mind on the message written about Incineroar, Pit tried to sneak his way inside the beauty salon, so he could see what the message was. The angel only got one foot inside the salon, when Rosalina caught him red-handed.
"Pit, get out of here!" Rosalina frowned at the angel, who jumped away from the beauty salon entrance. "How many times do we have to tell you, no boys allowed! Without permission, that is..."
"No no no no, it's not what you think," Pit waved his hands in front of him, wanting to plead his case. He was looking over at the massage beds, where Makoto and Haru were having their backs massaged.
"Why are you peering over at the massage beds?!" Rosalina had caught Pit red-handed once again.
"What were you doing over there? Didn't look like you were getting a massage to me."
"You, young man, are a pervert! What would Lady Palutena think of you?!"
"I'm not a pervert, I have a girlfriend!" Like that's gonna help you any, Pit...
With his attempt to secure Master Kohga as host of the Smashies being an utter failure, Master Hand stopped by the computer room, to see if Researcher Zelda was still watching the footage of the last Smash awards.
"The award for 'Longest Engagement' goes to..." Captain Falcon started, as he took out the name card from the envelope. "...Princess Zelda!" Captain Falcon started clapping for Peach, and everyone else in the video did as well.
"Woo hoo! Hopefully Link and Zelda actually get married soon," remarked Master Hand, as Researcher Zelda rolled her eyes at the giant hand. "Otherwise that award will be a total waste, in hindsight. Ah, Link's accepting the award."
Link was seen in the video walking up to the stage, and accepting the award from Captain Falcon on Zelda's behalf. Zelda probably wasn't in the mood.
"Thank you, Link," Captain Falcon told the Hylian, who flashed a thumbs up to the crowd. "Are there any words you'd like to say, on Zelda's behalf?"
"Ah...w-we'll see you next year!" guaranteed Zelda, showing nervousness in his response. "If we have this again next year..." The Hylian sheepishly walked off the stage, taking the trophy with him and handing it to Zelda.
"Yeah, oh, I hope not! Wait, what am I even saying..."
"I'm never retiring that award, it's the best one," Master Hand told Researcher Zelda, no doubt thinking of how proud the princess felt for Zelda in the video. "It'll be a staple of the Smashies!"
"I just think, um, 'world's longest engagement' isn't that grand of an award," Researcher Zelda offered her take, hoping that Master Hand wouldn't kill her. "Since we're all expecting a couple to get married.:
"That's why it's funny. Every year that a couple - like Fox and Krystal for instance - don't get married, it gets funnier each and every year."
"Well I think if you use the same jokes it just comes across as lazy. Just some food for thought."
"Oh...lazy. Uh huh. Got it." Master Hand took Researcher Zelda's response to heart. That "Longest Engagement" award might not be a thing at tonight's Smashies...
Pit returned to the gaming room, and stood on top of a table. Like he had an important message to deliver to everyone.
"Excuse me, everyone, could I have your attention please?" shouted Pit, as everyone gave the angel their uninvited attention. "I just wanted to say that the women in this mansion (except for Viridi) are TERRIBLE! Especially the ones who wrote that stuff about Incineroar on the wall at the beauty salon. Having a salon is a privilege. It is considered a ladies-only room, for a reason. And if you cannot behave like ladies, well then you are not going to have a beauty salon!"
"You're gonna get rid of the beauty salon, just like that?" asked Viridi; on what grounds did Pit stand on to do such a thing?
"We're just going to replace the salon with a barbershop for the men. Women are free to come, if they like. Actually...no, they're not allowed."
"But where else can I go and get my nails painted?" wondered Wendy, as she looked at her own painted nails.
"Be prepared to hold, folks, from 9 A.M. to..." Pit would soon be cut off, after Master Hand appeared in the gaming room.
"Master Hand, Pit is trying to ban us ladies from the beauty salon," Viridi told the giant hand, who was unsure if the goddess was joking or not. "Said he's gonna replace the salon with a barbershop!"
"That's just ridiculous, Pit banning the ladies from the beauty salon, let alone banning anyone, is just laughable," responded Master Hand, who wanted no part of Pit's silly nonsense. "So just don't...I really don't have the time for this right now."
"No, there needs to be some repercussions," stated Pit, wanting to deliver the fist of justice to whoever wrote the incriminating message about Incineroar.
"Just don't talk about it, okay?"
"We need repercussions for people's behavior!"
"Are you listening, I said don't talk..."
"And it's important that we work together to..."
"I SAID STOP IT!" boomed Master Hand, and Pit immediately shut up in an instant.
Hours before the Smashies could begin, Master Hand gathered everyone in the meeting room for an important meeting. Mario, Luigi, and their folks were invited to attend said meeting.
"Okay, look, I know there have been a lot of rumors flying around about the Smashies this year," addressed Master Hand, oblivious to how apathetic and uncaring more than three-fourths of those in attendance were. "How there is no money, and how there is no food, and how the jokes will be really bad, but WHAT THE HECK EVERYBODY!? I mean, the Smashes are about the best, in every, one of us. Can't you see that? I mean, okay, we can do better. so, tonight, we are inviting the denizens of the Assist Tower to attend the awards with us."
"Yes!" cheered Jacky, as he pumped his fist. He would refuse to attend an awards show if he didn't have his main man around, Akira.
"Yeah, not bad, right? So let's make this the best Smashies ever."
"Best Smashies ever, let's do it!" Jacky clapped his hands, as everyone filed out of the meeting room. Everyone except for Mario, who was grabbed and pulled away by Master Hand before he could leave through the door.
"What-a do you want, Master Hand?" asked Mario, knowing that he would play a big role at the Smashies. It was truly inevitable.
"I'm not sure if you know this or not, but I don't have a host for the Smashies yet," explained Master Hand, as Mario was left not that surprised by this information. "Tried asking Master Kohga but he turned me down."
"Why not go with-a Captain Falcon? He hosted the last-a awards show we had."
"Well I could, but he'll embarrass himself again. Cringed every time he fell down the steps. Got so bad, we nearly had to call the EMTs! I really don't wanna go through that again."
"Okay...so what exactly is-a your solution?" Suddenly Master Hand pointed at Mario, getting his index finger all up in the plumber's face.
"Because I have no other option, I want YOU to host the Smashies." Mario had a gut feeling it was coming. "I've got the material prepared - I just need you to practice it and have it ready in time for the Smashies."
"The material's already prepared? Oh, thank-a goodness, thought I would've had to come-a up with material on my own!" Mario wiped the sweat away from his forehead, as he let out a relieved sigh.
Mario: I think I'm more-a than ready to host the Smashies - Master Hand trusts me with-a pretty much anything else, so I'm sure he could trust-a me to host an awards show by myself. I've proven my worth-a to Master Hand...for better and-a for worse.
"Excellent! We'll be heading out in the bus around six," stated Master Hand; the McCaw Hall shouldn't be that far from the mansion. "I'm counting on you, Mario!" And with that, Master Hand vanished away, leaving Mario all alone.
"Wait just a darn-a minute, he never gave-a me the material to practice!" the plumber frowned, as he left the meeting room to go speak with Master Hand.
It was 7 o' clock in Seattle, which meant that it was time for the Smashies to start. The residents of the mansion and the tower were gathered together at McCaw Hall, ready for the Smashies to begin. K.K. Slider, the emcee for tonight, walked unto the stage.
"Welcome, my groovy cats, to the Smashies Awards Show!" K.K. Slider spoke into the microphone, in front of a crowd full of people too busy talking with each other to give K.K. Slider their attention. "Before we get started, a few announcements. Keep your acceptance speeches short, I have wrap it up music, and I'm not afraid to use it...now give it up, for Devon!"
The talking in McCaw Hall would come to an end, as hip hop music started playing. Mario skipped unto the stage, as K.K. Slider tossed his mic at the plumber, accidentally hitting him below the belt. Fortunately he didn't hit him as hard. The hit didn't faze Mario one bit, as the plumber started b-boying in pain.
"The Smashies, how can I explain-a it? Awards you like-a to hate it, I'm psyched-a you all made it," Mario rapped in front of the crowd, as everyone cringed at Mario's rapping skills. Even Peach was cringing. "You never had to fight-a so hard and feel that no one notices you. You're just some bum-a on the roster and no one even says hello." Mario's lines were provided by a teleprompter, one that Cloud was standing in front of. "Move Cloud, I can't-a see! Gah..."
Coco: The Smashies, so far, is just like Fox and Falco's "special entertainment" for Link a long time ago; it's kind of like a kid's birthday party, and you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there. But the kid's having a really good time, so you're, kind of there. That's kind of what it's like.
"You down-a with the Smashies?" Mario spoke into the mic, before pointing his mic at a crowd of uncaring people. "I said, you down-a with the..."
All of a sudden, the music stopped, as Mario looked at K.K. Slider who was chilling out near the turntables. Near K.K. was a janitor, who was peacefully sweeping the stage with his broom.
"The janitor tripped on the cord," explained K.K. Slider as he pointed at the janitor, who smiled sweetly as he peacefully walked away from the cord he tripped on.
"Alright, alright, joke-a landed. So we are here, thank you all for-a coming to the 2019 Smashie Awards." Mario ripped off his plumber attire, to reveal a tuxedo he was somehow able to wear underneath. "I am your-a host, Mario And I just want to tell-a you please, please, do not drink-a and drive. Because you may hit a bump-a and spill the drink!"
"We're gonna need some food and drink..." remarked Master Hand, as he started thinking about a change in venue. Where else could Master Hand take over a hundred people to, within Seattle?
Luckily, Master Hand would find an answer...through a suggestion from Crazy Hand, as the giant hand ordered Toad and Kapp'n to take everyone from the McCaw Hall to the Black Cypress - a restaurant over at Pullman, Washington. Since the restaurant was close to five hours away, and since Master Hand nor Crazy Hand wished to waste any time, the two hands picked up Toad and Kapp'n's vehicles, respectively, which were full of people, and teleported them to Pullman...by teleporting themselves. Genius.
"You know, Master Hand, maybe we don't really need that teleportation device anymore," Volnutt said to the giant hand, as everyone filed inside the Black Cypress. Master Hand had his way with the owner of the restaurant, forcing him to reopen the Black Cypress although it was meant to be closed.
"Shut up and get inside that building," ordered Master Hand, as Volnutt hurriedly entered the Black Cypress. "We got an awards show to continue!"
Soon everyone was inside the Black Cypress, as Mario stood on a stage provided by the Black Cypress owner. Since the restaurant was open, all the waiters and waitresses had to return, for a night shift. You can best believe none of them were happy with that.
"Oh, just put these on the group tab," Wario told a waitress, seated at a table with Fox, Falco, and Krystal. Fox was hanging out a lot with Wario over the week, and Wario wished to know why.
"Nope, no group tab, we're going to be doing separate checks," Master Hand told the waitress, who nodded as she jotted her notes down on her clipboard and walked away.
"You said we could do group tabs, since the guys from the tower were joining us," stated Fox, who expected Wario to buy that wedding ring. Only a matter of time.
"I did. And why didn't you convince Krystal to come along?"
"I did, she's legit sitting right next to me..." Master Hand brought his attention over to Krystal, who smiled and waved.
"Well I hope you enjoy the rest of the night, Krystal," Master Hand told the vixen. "Make sure to keep Fox in check, will ya?" Master Hand hovered away from the table, as Fox looked at the giant hand in disbelief.
Fox: Say, Wario, how's the wedding ring coming along?
Wario: *scratches his head* Wedding ring? *widens eyes in realization* Oh, the wedding ring! Yeah, it's coming along just fine - I'm still finalizing the final design. I'll get back to you about it once it's done.
Fox: Neat-o! Remember, there has to be blue. Blue is Krystal's favorite color.
Wario: Got it! *gives thumbs up to Fox, who smiles and walks away* ...I don't actually have to buy that wedding ring, do I?
Moments after the Master Hand and Fox exchange, K.K. Slider pressed a button on his keyboard, as the keyboard let out an "OOOOH YEEAAAAAH!". Mario looked at the hippie dog, wondering if such a soundbite was even necessary.
"Shut it," Mario told K.K. Slider in a low voice, while walking to the front of the stage towards the mic. Which was also provided by the owner of the Black Cypress. "So guys, what's-a up with relationships? I feel like there's-a so many of them going on, among us. Relationships are all sorts-a of shapes and forms. I remember when Yoshi went on a hot-a date, with this girl-a Yoshi from Yoshi Island."
"Really? I didn't know female Yoshis existed," remarked a surprised K.K. Slider, as Mario angrily gritted his teeth. No one interrupted the plumber during his monologue and got away with it.
"No, that...for the sake-a of the story. And things were getting hot-a and heavy."
"Yeah?" K.K. Slider had his brow furrowed, perplexed by which direction the story was taking.
"And the female Yoshi was about-a to drop an egg..."
"Yeah!" K.K. Slider suddenly liked where the story was heading, as he had a giant smile on his face.
"...when she struck-a Yoshi with the nastiest spike anyone has-a ever seen."
"Actually, what had happened was..." Yoshi, who was onstage to present the trophies, raised his finger to make a point, as Mario got angry at the green dinosaur. "...she tongued me until I cried uncle. Kinda funny, since I never had an uncle..."
"Dang it, Yoshi, you ruined-a my joke! Gah..." Out of frustration, Mario spiked the microphone unto the stage, before kicking the air.
"I'm so sorry..." apologized Yoshi, as Mario picked up the microphone off the floor. The plumber sported a much happier visage, smiling at the crowd.
"Ignore-a that outburst, everyone." Mario cleared his throat, before smiling even more. "Let's get this-a party started! Wahoo!"
"Hey, let's go check out that restaurant down the street," Ryuji whispered to Joker, nudging his best friend as he grinned.
"Yeah, let's get out of here," nodded Joker, as he and Ryuji got up. Makoto looked up, seeing her man leave.
"Um, Joker, where are you going?" the brunette asked the young man, who kept on walking. Zelda saw Joker and Ryuji, and also saw how sad Makoto looked.
"Uh guys, why are you-a leaving?" Mario asked Joker and Ryuji, catching them trying to make their getaway. "Princess-a Zelda, show's just getting started." The plumber also caught Zelda, who was following after Joker and Ryuji.
"Sorry, Mario," was all Zelda could say, as she followed Joker and Ryuji out of the Black Cypress.
"You staying, Link?" Cloud asked Link, who was left all alone as there was an empty chair next to the Hylian. "Your girl practically left you."
"I'm staying, gotta eat somewhere," replied Link, as he folded his arms behind his head. "Pretty sure Zelda's coming back."
Makoto: That Ryuji...he must be taking Joker to some bar, isn't he? Always finding some stupid reason to get wasted...
Following a singing performance by Mario that was so cringeworthy it didn't even deserve to be documented, let alone remembered, it was time for the first Smashie to be presented. Mario stood at the stage, holding an envelope as Yoshi held the Smashie trophy.
"And now.. to some-a one who constantly racks-a up damage, and always seems-a to land the biggest KOs..." Mario started, as he pulled out the card from the envelope. "...the 'K.O. Kingpin' award goes-a to...Bowser!"
Everyone cheered for Bowser, as the koopa king walked up to the stage, giving high-fives along the way. To those who wanted them, anyways.
"Way to go, King Bowser!" Yoshi congratulated the koopa king, who swiped his Smashie award away from the green dinosaur. Bowser then looked at his award, and saw something amiss.
"My award says, 'K.O. Kipping'," stated Bowser, as he pointed at the incorrect text printed at the base of the Smashie award. You could literally hear Master Hand sighing very deeply, from the distance.
"I told them kingpin...idiots," grumbled Master Hand, who was watching from the sidelines along with Crazy Hand.
"We'll fix-a it up for you," Mario assured Bowser, who frowned as he returned to his seat. "You don't have-a to display that."
Zelda managed to catch up with Joker and Ryuji, who were moments away from entering the restaurant Ryuji had laid his eyes on earlier. As Makoto feared, the restaurant was actually a bar.
"You have to come back!" Zelda told Ryuji, whom she was arguing with. Joker was chilling out near the wall, keeping to himself.
"Why should we?" questioned Ryuji, frowning with his hands in his pockets. "A few hours ago, you thought the Smashies was stupid. And now, you wanna change your tone?"
"Master Hand obviously cares about the Smashies a lot - the least you can do is show him some support!"
"Well you can count us out!" Ryuji grabbed Joker's shoulder, and walked his best friend into the bar. "We're going inside this bar!"
"Fine then. I guess Makoto will just have to settle with being alone for the rest of the night." This gave Ryuji some pause, as the delinquent stopped in place.
"She does have a good point..." Joker said to Ryuji, who refused to have his mind changed. Unless he's the one changing it.
"But, have it your way then. I'll see you boys after the awards show..." Zelda returned to the Black Cypress, leaving Ryuji (and Joker) in an awkward position.
Zelda returned to the Black Cypress, to see more of the Smashies...and a part of her wished she hadn't returned, given what Mario was doing on the stage.
"Herro everybodee," greeted Mario, wearing false teeth and fake glasses with his eyes squinted while speaking in a stereotypical Asian accent. "Oh, dat wir be fwar. Ah, me so horny."
"Hey? How are ya?" Link greeted Zelda, who returned to her seat, as the Asian folk in the crowd looked in disbelief at Mario's insensitive comedy act. Remember, Master Hand came up with the material. "I thought you left?"
"Oh no, I just, I decided to stay," replied Zelda with a smile, opting to let things with Ryuji and Joker play out.
"Okay! Well, you're just in time for Ping - Mario's 'Asian' counterpart. He's been doing this after the last award was presented."
Zelda: Hmm, I never would've imagined Mario having an "Asian" counterpart...I'd love to see him and his "Asian" friend meet one day.
It was time to present another award, following Mario's Ping impersonation.
"This next award goes-a to somebody, who really lights-a up the battlefield with-a their stunning looks," Mario spoke into the microphone, as Zelda drank from a glass of wine. Link had to keep an eye on her. "Somebody, who-a I think a lot of us cannot keep-a from checking out. The 'Hottest in Smash' award-a goes to...Cloud Strife! Give him a hand!"
Perplexed by how he even received this award, Cloud walked up to the stage, with many folks either applauding Cloud or whistling. With K.K. Slider playing music from his turntables, Mario sang "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate...albeit horribly, as Cloud joined the plumber onstage and received his Smashie from Yoshi before retreating back to his seat.
Cloud: What am I going to do with the award? Nothing. I don't know what I'm going to do. That's the least of my...concerns right now.
Master Hand: Just an FYI, most of the awards Crazy Hand and I came up with are mostly subjective. Well, most of them are.
"And the 'Tight Butt' award goes-a to Princess Daisy, who won-a over fellow princess Peach," continued Mario, as Yoshi took out another Smashie. "Not because she's a profound-a stickler, but because she has a great-a caboose. So Daisy...come-a on down!"
"No thanks, you can keep it," responded Daisy, refusing to have such a Smashie award in her household. Luigi could accept the award, on her behalf.
"I think that glass might be empty," Link told Zelda, who was trying to drink from an empty glass.
"No, Link, you don't get it - the ice melts and then it's like second drink!" replied Zelda, before letting out a laugh that was nigh uncharacteristic of her.
"Second...drink? Should I even ask what that is?"
After a brief musical performance, which involved Mario beatboxing for the crowd with K.K. Slider (thankfully) providing backdrop music, it was time for Mario to give out yet another award.
"The 'Bottom Barrel' award goes-a to our very own Bowser Jr!" announced Mario, as Bowser Jr. walked up to the stage. A father and his son winning on the same night, how about that? "
"Get on up-a here!" Yoshi called out to Bowser Jr, who joined the dinosaur onstage. "Here you go, Bowser Jr!" Yoshi handed the Smashie award to Bowser Jr, who needed to ask some very pressing questions.
"'Bottom Barrel', what does that even mean?" questioned the young koopa, as he looked at his trophy.
"Um, not everything means-a something, it's just a joke," replied Mario, seeing how upset Bowser Jr. was looking.
"Yeah, but why'd you give it to me?
"I don't-a know, it's just...I didn't pick-a out the winners, okay?"
"My trophy is literally a stupid barrel..."
"I know. Master Hand nor-a Crazy Hand couldn't find anyone below-a you on the tier list they saw-a online."
"Okay, but what does that have to do with..."
"Just sit down son!" Bowser barked at his only biological son, as Bowser Jr. sighed and walked off the stage.
Mario: *sweaty and chugging water from a bottle* It's so freakin' hot in-a here. Now I know what John-a Cena was going through when he wrestled-a in Saudi Arabia. Man! I got K.K. Slider and Yoshi sucking the funny out-a of the room, but you do what you can do. *music starts playing in the background* Ah, he's early with-a the cue. Here-a we go!
As K.K. Slider played "Little Dancer" by Elton John from his turntables, Mario on the stage, singing once more. Lord have mercy on everyone's ears tonight.
"You have-a won a tiny Smashie..." Mario sang to the tune of the Elton John classic, as most of the crowd had already checked out mentally. Didn't stop Mario from keeping the fun rolling along.
"Stop singing Mario, you're gonna make our ears bleed," cried out Hammer Bro; even with his ears covered by his hands, Hammer Bro could still hear Mario's dreadful singing.
"You know what, we're just bugging out-a and having some fun, so if you can't-a handle it..." Hammer Bro suddenly hurled a hammer at Mario, who shrieked as he jumped out of the way. "Hey, cool it you-a guys, really!" Hammer Bro's attack led to some of the others throwing objects at Mario, as the crowd booed and jeered the plumber.
"You suck man, get off the stage!" jeered Touma, before throwing a wet napkin at Mario. Mario was dodging things left and right, and was looking effortless in doing so.
"Cut the music, cut-a the music!" Mario shouted at K.K. Slider, who nodded as he turned off the Elton John song. Mario was panting on stage, having dodged numerous objects, before clearing his throat.
"I had a few-a more Smashies to, uh, give-a out tonight, but I'm just going to cut it short. And wrap-a it up so everybody can enjoy-a their food. Um...thanks for listening, those who listened." Mario sounded a lot less enthusiastic than usual. "This last Smashie is-a for Kevin, this is the "Stinkiest Dirtbag" award. It's not only for stinking up-a every stage he fights on, but for the time that I went-a into the bathroom after him, and it was really, really smelly. So..."
"Congratulations, King K. Rool!" Yoshi congratulated the Kremling, who walked onstage to accept his trophy.
King K. Rool: It's true, I always stink up the bathroom. Got so bad, that the residents banded together and agreed that I should never use a bathroom in the mansion ever again. So I just take care of my business at the neighboring houses!
Wario: What's this? K. Rool won the stinkiest brawler award over ME? Is this real life?! Somebody pinch me, I must be dreaming!
"Yay K. Rool, woo hoo for K. Rool!" cheered Zelda, who was acting a little loopy. Greatly concerning to Link and Cloud, but Link most especially. "For stinking up the joint."
"Hooray King K. Rool, about time you earned something significant!" clapped Sonic, as Rool glared down the hedgehog.
"Woo! Hey, I haven't gotten one yet! Where's my trophy?"
"Yes, I have not gotten one either," stated Link, refusing to leave empty-handed. Especially if Rool won an award, and not him. "So, keep going."
"Smashies! Smashies! Smashies! Smashies!" Zelda started chanting, pumping her fists, and Link, out of sheer accord, chanted along with her. Cloud wanted no part of the chants. Soon many others started joining in.
"Alright, alright, alright, okay!" exclaimed Mario, having his spirits lifted by Zelda and LInk and many others. "We'll keep on-a rolling. Okay, this is the gym-a rat award. This goes to Little Mac, for all the training and-a preparation he did for Smash."
"Here here! Speech, speech, speech, speech!" chanted Zelda, with several others joining her, as Little Mac walked unto the stage. Something was really wrong with Zelda.
"Well, before getting into Smash, I was still training my butt of, so I don't..." Little Mac started off his speech, only to be interrupted by Zelda who belched loudly. Looks like the princess had too many drinks. "...so, I don't know what to think about this award. But at least I didn't get smelliest brawler like King K. Rool." Little Mac chuckled, walking off the stage, as Doc Louis smiled and wiped away a proud tear.
"This next award is going to our own-a Princess Zelda...the original one," continued Mario, as Zelda went from being drunk to being momentarily sober, fearing for the worst. "I think most of us-a know what award Zelda is going to be getting tonight."
"If he goes through with it, I'm gonna flip..." murmured Link, who was looking on with nervous anticipation, as Mario took out the card from the envelope.
"It is the 'Best Dressed' award! Because Zelda always-a has the best, most elegant dresses on when-a smashing!"
"Get on up here!" Yoshi called out to Zelda, who drunkenly walked up to the stage. "Princess Zelda, ladies and gentlemen!" Everyone clapped and cheered for Zelda, who grabbed the mic and her trophy from Yoshi.
"I have so many people to thank for this award..." Zelda addressed the crowd, as Link looked on while giggling to himself. "Okay, first off, my dresses. Because I couldn't have done it without them." Everyone clapped for Zelda's dresses. "Thank you. Let's give Mario a round of applause for MC-ing tonight because this is a lot harder than it looks." Everyone clapped for Mario, despite the plumber's bad singing. "And also because of K.K. Slider and maybe Yoshi."
"Rock on, groovy girl," K.K. Slider smiled and pointed at Zelda, as everyone clapped for the hippie dog. Not a single person clapped for Yoshi.
"Um, so, finally, I want to thank Hylia. Because Hylia gave me this Smashie." Link had no idea whether to laugh or take Zelda seriously, so he gave her a grin. "And, I feel Hylia in this restuarant tonight. WHOOOOOOOO!" Zelda hoisted her trophy up in the air, cheering.
"Princess-a Zelda, ladies and gentleman!" exclaimed Mario, before Zelda hugged and kissed Mario on the cheek before walking offstage. "Oh! Thank you."
Link: What a great time for the Smashies. We got to see Ping. And we learned of Master Hand's true feelings for Cloud. Which was touching. And, we heard the lyrics for a few classical songs change. Which for me, has ruined them for life.
"Isn't Zelda technically a descendant of Hylia?" Cloud asked Link, hoping that his knowledge of Hyrulian legend didn't fail him.
"Shh don't think about it..." Link shushed his best friend, as Zelda sat back down in her seat holding her Smashie. She was looking at Link and smiling, as Link noticed. "What?"
"Nothing," replied Zelda, who was still smiling.
"Okay."
"What?"
"I don't know, what?"
After an awkward pause, Zelda started laughing to herself, as Link laughed along with her...before Zelda fell out of her chair.
"Oh man!" exclaimed Cloud, as he and Link jumped out of the way. Everyone had their attention on Zelda, who was seemingly out cold. "Zelda must be really drunk!"
"Quick, Leia, the woman is having a seizure!" exclaimed Master Hand, as he, Crazy Hand, and Leia hurried over to Zelda. "Grab her tongue, grab her tongue!"
"I'm not grabbing her tongue," stated Leia, expressing her limits in regards to her being a nurse and caring for others.
"Wow, what a WIMP!" Crazy Hand exclaimed distastefully, as Leia rolled her eyes. "We need something to CUSHION her head. Anyone have a THROW pillow?"
"I can use my shirt as a makeshift pillow," replied Falco, moving Leia to the side as he came over to Zelda. The avian pilot jumped on top of Zelda and tried to take off his jacket, but to no avail. As Falco struggled to take off his jacket, Zelda slowly lifted her eyes...
"Falco, get off of me!" the princess barked at the pilot, who got off of Zelda. Falco was still struggling to take off his jacket.
"You need some help with that, man?" Fox approached Falco, who walked away from his best friend.
"Nah, I got this...just give me some time!" replied Falco, not wanting Fox to make him look bad.
Crazy Hand: Was the Smashies a SUCCESS? Let's see...Mario made Zelda laugh SO hard, that she FELL out of her chair, and she ALMOST broke her neck. So Mario KILLED, almost...if only he actually got the job DONE!
Zelda: *visibly drunk* I just want to say, that this was the best, Smashies, ever! WHOOOOOOOOO!
Link: Woah, woah, careful. *pulls Zelda away from camera, as Joker and Ryuji appear in the background*
Ryuji: Did we...miss something?
Joker: *shrugs*
Black Cypress Owner: We have a strict policy here not to over serve. Apparently, that pointy-eared brunnete was sneaking drinks off other people's tables. She may not have a driver's license for me to Xerox, but she is never welcome at this restaurant ever again.
Everyone filed into Toad and Kapp'n's buses after the Smashies was over, with the winners holding on to their trophies.
"Great work tonight, gentlemen," Master Hand commended Mario, Yoshi, and K.K. Slider, before the three entered Toad's bus.
"Thanks, we had to check-a her pupils to make sure there-a wasn't a concussion," stated Mario - what was that plumber even talking about? Zelda's incident?
"Yes, that too, but I mean with how the Smashies turned out. Great work all-around."
"I feel bad about what I wrote at the beauty salon," Zelda told Link, showing remorse as she was going through some kind of drunken relapse. Link was helping the princess to the bus, with Midna watching Zelda's step.
"No you don't, know get inside that bus!" barked Midna, as Zelda entered the bus with Link's assistance. Joker and Ryuji followed after Link and Zelda, both men receiving a very stern look from Makoto for leaving earlier.
On the bus ride back home, Link and Zelda were sitting together, with Zelda resting her head on Link's shoulder. How sweet...
"Hey, Link, can I ask you a question?" asked Zelda, as she looked up at her boyfriend.
"Ask away, my fair princess," replied Link. Zelda just stared at Link, like she forgot what she wanted to say.
"I just wanted to say thanks."
"Ha, not really a question I was expecting..."
Whatever was on Zelda's mind, just might have to wait for a little bit longer.
