Author's Note:
Only a couple more days until Byleth is playable in Smash...they're gonna be the best sword fighter in the game, I'm calling it right now. Please don't quote me on this, though. Now let's answer some reviews...
Since both Byleths are gonna be residents, how will Sothis fit in all of this? Is the Final Fantasy VII Remake chapter gonna be pushed back? (Since the game got delayed to April) Will X have more scenes due to a mii costume of him coming out in January 28? (Maybe finally have him interact with his siblings) a scene of Zero interacting with Bass? (Dr. Wily created both of them) and finally, do you think the Byleth reveal has caused divisiveness among the fans?
Sothis will still be seen by Byleth and Beleth, and no one else. The FFVII remake chapter, sadly, will be pushed back. X might have more scenes, if I can squeeze them in - don't know about him interacting with his siblings. A scene with Zero and Bass sounds like it should've happened already. And yes, the Byleth reveal has caused much discord in the Smash community...I figured that there would be some pushback, because Fire Emblem, but I wasn't expecting the reveal to be more universally hated than Corrin's reveal. Which is something I never expected to see. Derick Lindsey has a question about the last chapter:
"Did Spyro and Hunter ever get to throwing out Mario's Christmas tree or did they go "Screw it let Mario deal with it"?"
They did it off-screen, while Mario was at the tower. PinkRose4452 has two questions:
"1. What are your thoughts on the delay of the Final Fantasy VII Remake? Also, will the chapter be delayed as well?
2. What are your thoughts on the Smash Direct and Byleth coming to smash as well?"
1. I don't mind the delay, as long as FFVII turns out to be a more polished game.
2. I liked the Smash Direct - it's always great to see Sakurai's dorkiness unfold before our eyes. Who knew that he could count in binary? Can't wait to try out Byleth in Smash, although I'm still surprised that they'll be released so soon.
Last up is Prometheus:
"1) Welp...all the babies were released and attacked Byleth when he/she was released. What a shame...Girl Byleth is cute though and was verbally attacked on the internet.
2) Who do you think will be the next Meme Mii Fighter costume? (Meme meaning like cup head and sans)
3) You could of done a chapter on Super Kirby Clash, right?"
1) Female Byleth didn't deserve any scorn from the community, but as for male Byleth, or should I say, Beleth...meh.
2) Sans and Cuphead were both pretty big meme Mii Fighters, so predicting the next one is kinda tough. Maybe Big Smoke has a chance...
3) I could have, but honestly, I totally forgot that game ever existed. I saw it on my Switch other day and thought to myself, "When I did download this game?!" Don't know what I would do in a Super Kirby Clash chapter, so the chances of such a chapter being published are slim.
Episode 214: PokerFace
Byleth and Beleth had made their presence known at and around the mansion, a few times. First it was in July, when they brought the three houses to Seattle for a bit of a vacation. Then it was in September, when they were a part of Marth's first ever fantasy football draft. And then it was in December, when they came over for Christmas and were forced by Master Hand to stick around for Boxing Day.
Those three times, Byleth and Beleth were nothing more than guests, coming over to visit and whatnot. But today, for the first time ever, the two professors would now be residents of the Smash Mansion, after being cordially invited to Smash. Sure, some people were against it, but that didn't stop Master Hand from sending out the invitation.
Relinquishing their duties in teaching the Black Eagles and Blue Lions, respectively, Byleth and Beleth were ready to begin their stay at the mansion, as the two showed up at the mansion's front yard. They were expecting Master Hand, but he was nowhere to be found.
"I'd get out my sword if I were you," Beleth advised Byleth, as he took out his sword for good measure while he looked around the surrounding area. "Someone could be planning a sneak attack on us..."
"And why on earth would it be us, the new guys?" questioned Byleth, who was nowhere near as cautious as she just stood around, expecting Master Hand. "What a way to welcome someone to the mansion..."
"Guh-huh!" exclaimed Banjo, running out of the mansion through the front door and rolling his way down the stairs. Byleth and Beleth looked confused, as Banjo happily shook the professors' hands...at the same time. "Welcome to the Smash Mansion, you two!"
"Uh...thanks?" Byleth was now more curious than ever, wondering when Master Hand would show up, if ever. "Where is Master Hand?"
"Dang it Banjo, you came out two seconds late!" frowned Master Hand, magically showing up at the front yard to scold the bear. Banjo stopped shaking Byleth and Beleth's hands and cowered in fear. "You ruined the big introduction!"
"Ah, there you are, Master Hand," Beleth greeted the giant hand, whose anger went away when he saw the two newest residents standing before him. "You sure look like your usual self today."
"Byleth, Beleth, welcome back! Group hug!" Master Hand would give Byleth and Beleth a group hug, which was just the giant hand squeezing the two professors tight with his hand. Byleth and Beleth were both squished, as Banjo joined in on the "group hug".
"My intestines...feel as if they're being crushed..." wheezed Beleth, before Master Hand finally released the professors from the "group hug". Byleth and Beleth were both left gasping for air.
Beleth: Since we've already made our presence known at the mansion, we felt like we didn't need to be introduced snazzy presentation at the lecture hall in front of everyone. Which, I which, works out for the best - some people might have stuff to do. Although Master Hand would beg to differ.
Byleth: We already know what to expect at the mansion, after we got our early dose from our first visit. Now as for the other new two guys, that might be a different story...
"Master Hand, Master Hand, sorry I'm late!" shouted a fellow that was running to the mansion, running across the street and causing cars to swerve off the road. That fellow was Cuphead, who came running to Master Hand with a briefcase full of his belongings.
"It's all good, Cuphead, you made it here on time," Master Hand assured the talking cup, who was panicking as if he had made another deal with the Devil. "Made it earlier than I had originally..."
"Please forgive me, I'm so sorry! I missed my cab, because I was too busy packing my stuff, and the Elder Kettle was berating me for being late! And here I am, late for showing up..."
"Again, Cuphead, you're not late, you're on time. Goodness gracious, you're even worse than Marianne was! And that's not hard to do!"
"Spare me, Master Hand, I didn't mean to do it!" Cuphead was now begging on his knees, pleading to a sighing Master Hand. Byleth, Beleth, and Banjo were all looking amused. "Don't kick me out of the mansion on my first day as a resident!"
"WHAT PART OF YOU'RE ON TIME DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!" Master Hand boomed at Cuphead, yelling so loud that he could've caused the talking cup's nonexistent eardrums to burst. "I don't vibe well with whiny people, just so you know..."
"Yes, Sothis, that is indeed a talking cup," Byleth said to Sothis, the girl that only Byleth and Beleth could see in their consciousness. Because of this, it looked as if Byleth was talking to an imaginary friend of hers.
"Is she going to be okay?" Cuphead asked Beleth, as he pointed at Byleth who was still having a conversation with Sothis. Beleth had no problem whatsoever, since he could hear everything that Sothis was saying.
"She'll be fine - it's just something she likes to do on the side," Beleth informed Cuphead, who looked at Byleth for a moment or too before sighing in relief.
"Phew...thought I was the only one who did that stuff!" Cuphead looked towards Master Hand, having a question to ask. "Say, Master Hand, isn't there another person joining the mansion?"
Just then, a man wearing a long white hooded robe leaped down, sticking a perfect landing in front of Master Hand and company. Standing up with his back turned towards the group, the man turned around, most of his face shrouded by the hood over his head.
"Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad, at your service..." the man - the ruthless Syrian assassin known as Altaïr - introduced himself to Master Hand and company, bowing down in front of them. Talk about a cool yet formal way to introduce yourself.
"Not a single word..." Banjo whispered to Kazooie, who had poked her head out of Banjo's backpack to accuse Altaïr of something that he was not. Altaïr walked towards Master Hand.
"Thank you for sending me to these modern times, Master Hand," the assassin thanked the giant hand, holding out his hand for a handshake. "I will be enjoying my stay at your mansion."
"I would shake your hand...but I don't trust you," Master Hand said to Altaïr, who smirked as he retracted his hand. Good call by Master Hand, for Altaïr had a secret knife in his sleeve.
"I like the way you think, Master Hand - I can tell that we're going to get along pretty well." Altaïr looked down and saw Cuphead, who was gawking over him.
"An assassin guy from the past...so cool..." gleamed Cuphead, who was acting like he never saw an assassin from the Middle East before. To be fair, he hasn't.
"You're supposed to be some kind of walking, talking cup? Getting used to these modern times will take some time..."
Now joined by Isabelle, Master Hand would guide the four new residents to their rooms. The giant hand would opt to take the elevator, but he wanted to take the new residents throughout the mansion, so that people would welcome them and stuff. Master Hand and company were on the fifth floor of the mansion, where they saw Bowser speaking with Ganondorf.
"That Byleth isn't a real professor, what kind of professor wears hot pants?" Bowser asked Ganondorf, who nodded his head in thought as Master Hand brought the group of new residents closer. "Not to mention that her belly button is exposed!"
"Hello Bowser," Byleth greeted the koopa king, who shrieked and turned around at Byleth. Bowser was grinning from ear to ear, acting all innocent. "And hello to you two, Ganondorf."
"Good afternoon," Ganondorf cordially greeted Byleth, while Bowser was too nervous to say a single word. Which was why Ganondorf had to nudge him. "Come on, Bowser, say something to the new girl..."
"I LOVE IT WHEN YOU WEAR HOT PANTS!" Bowser blurted out, before covering his mouth in shame. Byleth at first looked perturbed by Bowser's outburst, but she shook it off a moment later.
Bowser: I just realize something...Byleth and Beleth are both professors! Which means that I'll no longer be able to have my engaging, thought-provoking lessons! (I hear you guys, laughing in the back...) Granted I haven't been teaching as much as I used to in the past, but it's so much fun scrambling people's brains around. Normal teachings are wack, but Bowser's teachings is where it's at!
"Good afternoon, Beleth," Ganondorf said to the professor, who nodded his head in acknowledgement as Bowser meekly walked away while still covering his mouth. Ganondorf looked over, and saw Cuphead. "Have we met before?"
"I'm Cuphead!" exclaimed Ganondorf, as he giddily shook the demon lord's hand. Ganondorf was still looking confused. "Let me sing you a song! Well, Cuphead and his pal Mugman, they like to roll the dice..."
"Please don't sing..." Master Hand pleaded to Cuphead, who stopped singing and moving his hips around. "...do it for the sake of our ears."
"You don't even have any ears yourself, Master Hand," Beleth pointed out, as Master Hand pointed his finger in the professor's face and startled him. Unwritten Rule #5: NEVER point out anything to Master Hand that would upset him.
"I am Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad, I come from a very distant past," Altaïr introduced himself to Ganondorf, walking to the demon lord and shaking his hand. "You could say that I'm an assassin."
"Yes, I can tell...I've heard stories about you. Mostly from Master Hand. I know you can't possibly assassinate me, right?" Ganondorf let out a slight chuckle, as Altaïr smiled deviously.
"No, but I can do this..." When Ganondorf least expected it, Altaïr kicked the demon lord in the shin, causing him to crumple unto the floor. Altaïr then snatched the rupees Ganondorf had dropped, before darting down the hallway.
"Altaïr, wait up for us!" Isabelle called out to the assassin, as the shih tzu and the others chased after Altaïr. Meanwhile, Ganondorf struggled to get up to his feet.
"So this is must be like...to be in Link's shoes..." the demon lord said, making unnecessary shots at Link. Because that's what Ganondorf does.
Master Hand and company managed to reach Altaïr in the nick of time, at the end of the hallway. Perfect spot too, since that's where the residents' rooms were at the end of the hallway.
"This is the room you'll be staying in, Byleth and Beleth," Master Hand said to the two professors, showing them their bedroom. "I can trust you two to not have affections towards one another, right?"
"We never had any romantic feelings towards each other to begin with," stated Beleth, as Master Hand let out a sigh. No problematic compilations would be arising anytime soon.
"Good, but if you start flirting with one another, I'll have to switch you around..." Master Hand floated over to Altaïr and Cuphead, showing them their room. "Altaïr, Cuphead, you'll be staying in this room together."
"My roommate is a cool-looking Arabian assassin, yippee!" cheered Cuphead, jumping up and down in delight. Altaïr was baffled, expecting Master Hand to tell him that he was only just kidding.
Altaïr: My roommate...is a cup. A walking, talking cup. For some reason, I feel like this is some kind of inside joke that I'm not yet a part of.
Mario had done some thinking over the past week or so, after what Fox and Falco had done to him in episode 212. The pilots aimed to solve Mario's "prostate problems", and in doing so violated Mario in more ways than one. Fox and Falco suddenly grew increasingly concerned about Mario's health and well-being after the plumber agreed to officiate Fox's wedding, and it seemed like the two reached a boiling point with Mario.
So to discuss matters with Fox and Falco, Mario invited the two pilots over to his house, so they could talk things out like adults. The plumber was busy tidying things in his living room, when he heard the doorbell ring.
"That must-a be them," assumed Mario, as he went to the front door and answered. There he saw Fox and Falco at the doorstep, strangely wearing Dragon Ball Z hairpieces on their head.
"Sup Mario, sorry we were late," greeted Fox, as he and Falco entered the house. Both pilots looked like they were wasted. "We didn't get back from Japan until late last night..."
"Bass returned Marianne, Sans, and Skull Kid back to the mansion, and pretty much left us in Tokyo," added Falco, as Mario closed the front door. "But, it was all for a good cause!"
"I'm sure you and the others had-a fun in Tokyo," said Mario, as he walked Fox and Falco to the living room. "Come and have a seat, you two."
"So what is it that you wanna discuss?" asked Fox, leaping unto one of the living room couches the coolest way he knew how. "Is it about the wedding? 'Cause I got some ideas, like having a chocolate fountain and..."
"Yes, it is about-a the wedding...but it has very little to do with some-a chocolate fountain." This made Fox very sad, as the pilot hung his head low in sadness. "What this conversation has to do with-a is..."
"...well if it isn't about a chocolate fountain, then is it about the wedding reception? That's where we wanted the chocolate fountain. Krystal helped us finalize the menu and everything."
"We're not here to talk about chocolate-a fountains or wedding receptions...we're here to discuss-a my role. At the wedding. Me being an officiant."
"Are you looking for some fresh threads, for when you're standing at the altar?" asked Falco, who was sitting on one of the living room tables rather than a couch. Because he wanted to be different. "Fox and I did some window-shopping at Men's Warehouse, in case you ever asked."
"Before you go ahead-a and buy me some tuxedo or some-a thing, I have something I need-a to say...I don't know whether I wanna an officiant or not."
"We're terribly sorry to hear that, Mario," said Fox, as he and Falco were trying to hide their disappointment. "What made you come to that decision?"
"It started ever since-a you came to my house, two weeks-a ago...when you tried to give-a me a 'prostate exam'. I haven't forgotten about it since, and it still leaves a bad-a taste in my mouth."
"A bad taste in your mouth? Don't you mean a bad taste in your butt?" questioned Falco, not caring at all if whatever he said made any sense.
"Can you let-a me finish? Anyways, that whole incident made-a me feel very uncomfortable, and I can't find-a myself officiating a wedding where the groom and his best-a man are weirdos."
"All because we tried to resolve your prostate issue? Were you not feeling a burning sensation when you were peeing?"
"Yes, but that didn't mean that I was having prostate-a problems! Why, I was so disturbed, that I even told-a Krystal!"
"Why would you even tell Krystal in the first place?!" frowned Fox, getting agitated as he stood up and glared down Mario. "That's pretty low of you, Mario."
"As if you trying to insert-a your fingers through my butt-a hole wasn't low enough?" Being put in his place, Fox softened the look on his face as he sat back down on the living room couch. "It was a good-a thing Dimitri and Dedue came to save-a me..."
"Sooooo...are you still undecided on being the officiant of Fox's wedding, or not?" asked Falco, he and Fox looking for a definite answer from Mario. The pilots would have to go back to the drawing board.
"As of now, I'm-a still undecided. But, if you two learn-a your lesson before the end-a of the day, then I'll be fully on-a board being a wedding officiant again."
"Mario, Poochy found his way inside the washing machine again!" Peach called out to the plumber, from the laundry area. "Weiss claims that she had nothing to do with it...this time!"
"I'll leave-a you two at it," Mario said to Fox and Falco, as he left the living room and rushed to the laundry area. "Princess-a Peach, I'm coming - don't let Poochy anywhere near-a the bleach!"
Fox: Mario says that we must learn our lesson...but what lesson is it?
Falco: Maybe we gotta do something to win Mario's trust again. But how?
Fox: Got me, Falco - I thought we built up enough trust with Mario, to the point where it couldn't be shaken. But I guess we just fooled ourselves.
Falco: You think we should we ask Krystal what to do
Fox: Why, so she could see us as being weak and distrusting? We gotta show Mario and Krystal that we're men! *pounds fist into the palm of his right hand* What better way to do that, by handling our own crap together?
Falco: Dang straight! *gives Fox a high-five, before wincing* Ow, think I chipped a feather...
While many of the residents didn't mind Byleth and Beleth being added to the mansion, there was one person that was against the professors being added, for his own personal reasons. Rex, for whatever reason, was feeling salty about Byleth and Beleth, and was seen sulking ever since it was announced that the two professors would be joining. Rex's saltiness was noted by Pyra and Mythra, who were looking for the swordsman right now.
"Rex? Rex! Where are you, Rex?" Pyra called out the swordsman's name, as she and Mythra wandered through the hallways looking for the swordsman. The two blades would come across Pit, who was minding his own business.
"Pit, have you seen Rex anywhere?" Mythra asked the angel, who was ogling at a few gold coins in his hand. How he even acquired said gold coins was a question that Mythra would have to ask another day.
"Saw him running down the hallway, he went that way," replied Pit, as he pointed down the hallway. "Looked pretty angry to me - maybe someone stole his lunch money! I know that feeling all too well..."
"Must be sulking again..." Mythra would heave a sigh, as Mythra and Pyra continued down the hallway. Pit went back to looking at his gold coins, cracking a smile.
"Got all these gold coins to my myself...I should probably stick them in my pocket, though. Otherwise something bad could happen!"
Then out of nowhere, Altaïr leaped down from the ceiling, jumping on top of Pit and sending him to the floor. The assassin then stole Pit's golden coins, before darting away from the scene.
"Help, someone help, I've been jumped!" Pit called out for help, although nobody would come to his aid. Either because they couldn't hear, or because they knew what Pit was all about. "Well, at least I still have my lunch money..."
Altaïr: I may not feel comfortable yet having a living teacup as a roommate, but that hasn't stopped me from doing one of the things I like to do best - pickpocket from other people. What with so many people at the mansion, the window of opportunity is bigger than you think. And I've already claimed my first prize... *holds up gold coins* ...wait a minute, is this...chocolate?
Pyra and Mythra would eventually find Rex at the end of the hallway, sulking with his head resting against a hallway window. The two blades came over to Rex, desiring to know why Rex was feeling so salty as of late.
"Rex?" Pyra spoke to the swordsman, who wished that he could run away right now. He was far removed from being the mood for speaking. "Everything alright?"
"Does it look like everything is alright?" retorted Rex, before turning around and looking at both Pyra and Mythra. "Just leave me alone, I'm not in the mood."
"That's why we're here, to find out why you aren't in the mood. You've been acting like this ever since we learned that Byleth and Beleth would be joining the mansion!"
"Whatever it is, it has nothing to do with those professors, I promise you." Pyra and Mythra leaned in closer to Rex, who was feeling the heat. "I'm just, uh...thinking about life, in general."
"And that requires sulking and being in an anti-social mood?" questioned Mythra as she folded her arms, stepping closer to Rex. "Spit it out, Rex..."
"Fine, I'll fess up...I'm just very jealous about Byleth and Beleth, that's all." The cat was now out of the bag, and Rex was finally relieved for admitting his fault. "Jealous that they got into Smash, and I didn't."
"Well that's nothing to be upset over, you should feel happy for those two! I mean, it's not your fault that you peaked too soon, and couldn't make the final cut."
"But Byleth and Beleth peaked much later than I did, and they still got invited into Smash!" Rex was about to pout again, but standing in the presence of Pyra and Mythra made it hard for him. "Favoritism at its finest..."
"You know, instead of moaning and complaining...why don't you have a word with Byleth and Beleth?" Pyra suggested to Rex, who was somewhat open to the idea. "Maybe then, you three will be on the same page."
"And then you'll stop sulking for once," said Mythra, who believed that Rex would be the biggest idiot in the mansion if objected Pyra's suggestion. "Believe me, nobody wants to see you sulk around all day."
"I suppose that having a quick conversation with those two wouldn't hurt..." shrugged Rex, as he walked away from the hallway window. "...you ladies don't have to follow me; I'll handle this on my own."
After being properly adjusted and stuff, Byleth and Beleth went down to the living room, where they saw Super Bowl decorations already hung up. Due to the two teams playing in the Super Bowl - the Kansas City Chiefs and the San Francisco 49ers - the whole living room was littered in red and gold.
"Clearly this mansion is in the football spirit..." remarked Beleth, who found it remarkable how everything looked in the living room a week before the big game. "...early bird gets the worm, I suppose."
"They even have all the food out on display," noticed Byleth, seeing smoked sausages, potato chips, and the like littered about on the living room table. All of it was covered in plastic wrap. "They sure are dedicated!"
"Aw sweet, he finally added the onion rings!" exclaimed Sonic, showing up in the living room and spotting a bowl of onion rings on plastic wrap. "That Cilan, he finally listened! Knew he had good taste!"
"Ah, Sonic the Hedgehog!" said Beleth, grabbing the attention of the blue blur. "Why don't you say hello to your newest fellow residents?"
"That's weird, I don't see Dante or Vergil anywhere around here..." Byleth and Beleth both looked displeased, as Sonic let out a hearty laugh. "...I was just messing with ya! Don't get so offended."
"Might I ask what you're wearing?" Byleth asked Sonic, who was wearing a jersey. But not just any jersey - a San Francisco 49ers jersey, with the number 25.
"Since you might be a filthy casual, I'll go ahead and explain...this is the jersey of the 49ers, one of the teams playing in the Super Bowl. Master Hand, in case you weren't already aware, hates the 49ers with a passion!"
"Never knew it was even possible to hate on a professional sports team...is there an actual reason for Master Hand's hatred, or is it just his usual pettiness?"
"The 49ers are the most hated rival of the Seahawks, Seattle's heart and soul. Because Master Hand likes to be pro-Seattle a lot...you probably get the point."
"And I take it you're wearing that jersey just to spite Master Hand?" inquired Beleth, wondering if Sonic knew the kind of trouble he was potentially getting himself into. Testing Master Hand was always dangerous.
"That is ONE of the reasons...there is a big reason why I'm doing this, and it mostly involves me trying to save my hide."
Sonic: Amy wants to make some chili with me, for the mansion's Super Bowl party. On the surface, it doesn't sound that bad...until your girlfriend asks Lady Palutena of all people, "to show her the ways". Asking Palutena for cooking advice is like asking MC Hammer to handle your finances. Due to my pretty high standards, I refuse to be cooking in the kitchen with Palutena - so I'm going on another suicide mission, and get myself in trouble with Master Hand so I'll be as far away from the kitchen as possible. And with this jersey on... *holds up 49ers jersey* ...it should be a piece of cake!
"Basically I'm trying to save myself from cooking with my girlfriend Amy...and Lady Palutena," Sonic explained his situation to Byleth and Beleth. "You two know how bad Palutena is at cooking, right?"
"I've had a taste of some clam chowder that Lady Palutena offered to me," replied Beleth as the very thought of this clam chowder made the professor queasy, almost wanting to vomit. "It was...way below my already low expectations."
"Exactly! Essentially, anything Palutena touches turns into hot trash. I would bail Amy out of this dilemma, but she's gotta learn her lesson first."
"How do you plan on ensuring that your plan will be a success?" asked Byleth, a lot more interested in whatever Sonic was plotting than she should. Little did she know that this would only be the beginning...
"For my plan to be a success, I'll need a Chiefs fan to play off of. That way, it would be easier for me to be 'accused', and then I'll be in Master Hand's doghouse. Do you know any Chiefs fans around here?"
"How should we know? This is only our first day at the mansion! Not like we would go around and interrogate everyone about their sports fandom, if they have one."
"Wow, you guys are no help at all..." Sonic walked away, having no choice but to do things on his own. "...I'll talk to you guys later, after my punishment is presumably over with. Hopefully Master Hand will send me over to the Yiga Clan!"
"Being sent to the Yiga Clan is a good thing now...?" wondered Beleth; guys like Ryuji, Junpei, and Yosuke would be inclined to agree.
Cuphead was constantly in the gambling mood. You'd think that the little fella would learn his lesson by now, after he and Mugman found themselves in hot water with the Devil, but sadly some things would never change. Cuphead was determined to get his gambling fix in, before the end of the day.
Whistling a happy tune, Cuphead entered the gaming room, under the great assumption that a lot of gambling took place there. And when he saw Link, Cloud, Knuckles, Ike, Soren, and a few others playing poker, Cuphead got all giddy.
"Got a two pair...again," frowned Link, laying all his cards down before slamming the poker table with his fists. "...why do I suck so much at this game, Cloud?"
"Got myself a flush," said Cloud, laying out his cards as Link grunted in frustration. Cuphead was all excited as Cloud looked towards R.O.B., who was accompanied by Ray and Chibi-Robo. "R.O.B., what did you get?"
"YOU REALLY DON'T WANNA KNOW..." replied R.O.B., before laying out its cards on the table...a king, queen, joker, ace, and ten card, all in the heart suit. "...ROYAL FLUSH AGAIN, BABY." R.O.B. pumped its robotic fists, while the other players groaned.
"Lost to that stinking robot again!" frowned Ike, slamming his cards and his poker chips on the table. R.O.B. was a whiz at card games, and nobody knew why. "You should've stopped R.O.B. while you had the chance, Soren!"
"Same could be said for yourself..." mumbled Soren, who couldn't care less about winning or losing. Partly because he was roped into playing poker, by Ike.
Ike: Feel like a lot of people at the mansion are sleeping on the legend of Soren. They see this guy, they see him come in the mansion looking all stone-faced and acting serious...and that's it, that's all they know about him. They're too afraid to pull the facade, layer by layer, and see Soren for what he truly is - the most awesome friend a guy could ask for. Which is why it's my sole duty to let the whole world know how cool Soren really is. It's also Soren's duty to let the world know about his coolness as well. We're brothers, and brothers have to be united!
"Hey guys, can I play poker with you?" asked Cuphead, grabbing a nearby barstool chair and placing it at the poker table. "Pretty please?"
"Look everyone, it's the new guy! Cuphead!" exclaimed Ike, as he pointed at Cuphead. Everybody in the gaming room looked at Cuphead and was either cheering or applauding, making Cpuhead blush.
"Someone's popular..." Cloud mumbled to Link, feeling fortunate that he never got this much love when he first joined the mansion. That rap Fox and Falco wrote for the swordsman in the first episode still bothered him.
"Cuphead, have you met my awesome friend, Soren?" Ike wrapped his arm around Soren, who pushed Ike's arm away. "He may not look like much, but he's the most awesome person in the world!"
"You and your disingenuous flattery..." said Soren, who was extremely tired of Ike talking up a storm about him. The dude just wanted to relax, and be at peace.
"Soren is also an accomplished poker player - he practically wins all the time! I've yet to experience a single poker game that he lost."
"But he lost to a robot...we all lost to a robot!" stated Link, still salty over the fact that he lost to R.O.B. The sting of defeat wouldn't be nearly as bad had he lost to anyone else.
"That's Soren's way of being humble - allowing others to win so that they could get their shine. Really helps with keeping his ego in check. But when Soren is on his A-game, he can't possibly be stopped!"
"Do you mind if I join you guys?" asked Cuphead, wanting to get in a few games of poker in before the end of the day. Would be a great way to get himself comfy with his fellow residents.
"Of course you can join! The more the merrier, as Master Hand would always say. But just so you know, there's no way you can beat Soren!"
"I'm pretty average when it comes to poker, at best," stated Soren, recognizing that he wasn't the best player poker player around. Nor was he the worst.
"So what are we wagering?" asked Cuphead as he rubbed his hands together in anticipation, thinking that putting stuff on the line would ante up the stakes.
"Uh...we don't really do wagers, when it comes to playing cards," replied Ike, as Cuphead snapped his fingers in disgust. But since Cuphead was a newbie, Ike had to appease to the cup fellow as much as possible. "But we can do some wagers, just this once."
"I'd be willing to put my iron boots on the line," volunteered Link, as Cloud looked at the Hylian like he was crazy. Who in their right mind would want those shoes? "They're pretty valuable, if you ask me."
"Then why haven't you sold them yet?" questioned Cloud, causing Link to bite his lip. It was a very valid question, one that Link could not answer.
"A great man always recognize value when he sees it. Whoever gets the iron boots will be the richer than their wildest dreams!"
"Guess that goes on to explain why you're always broke." Cloud began to shuffle up all the cards, as Link was left stumped.
"It's to teach myself a lesson...a self-learning lesson, if you will. Guys like you wouldn't understand..."
Sonic was snooping around the mansion, looking for any Chiefs fan in sight. The hedgehog firmly believed that with a Chiefs fan, his plot of winding himself in trouble with Master Hand would almost be guaranteed a rousing success. But the search was harder than Sonic expected.
"Hey Yoshi, you got a minute?" Sonic asked the green dinosaur, who walked out of the vending machine room with a bag of potato chips. "What are your honest opinions on this guy?"
"My honest opinions on who?" inquired Yoshi, before sonic showed him a picture of the Chiefs star quarterback, Patrick Mahomes. "Oh yeah, I know him! He got my second place in that fantasy football league I was in."
"That's awesome! So that must mean that you appreciate Mahomes a lot. Would you say he's your favorite quarterback?"
"Yeah, I'd definitely say so." This was music to Sonic's ears, who pumped his fist. The hedgehog was one step closer. "He's pretty high up on my list."
"Cool! If he's your favorite quarterback, then the Kansas City Chiefs have to be your favorite football team!" Yoshi just stared at Sonic like he was crazy, before bursting into a laughing fit.
"Me, having a favorite team? Ha, as if! I'm a neutral fan, I root for just about anyone. Except the Patriots" Sonic was back at square one, as the hedgehog snapped his fingers in disgust.
"How can you possibly be a neutral fan, when you're a fan of Mahomes? Why can't you just like the entire team, dang it?!"
"I just like certain players, okay? If I support a team, then I also have to support the players on the team that I don't like. You feel me?"
"Dumbest thing I've heard all day..." Sonic walked away, in a relatively bitter mood, as Yoshi walked away with his bag of potato chips.
But right after Yoshi opened his bag, Altaïr leaped down from above and ambushed Yoshi, sending him down to the floor. The assassin then stole the dinosaur's bag of potato chips, and darted away.
"I've been hit, I've been hit!" screamed Yoshi, his back in some serious pain after Altaïr had ambushed him. "Man down, I repeat, man down!"
Altaïr: Living at the present times has given me the chance to see what like of modern food people eat nowadays. With this bag of... *looks at bag of potato chips* ...sour cream and onion potato chips, I can become one with the modern human. *eats a potato chip, then frowns* What man in their right mind would put onions in a potato?
Rex knew that he couldn't stay silent - he couldn't run anymore. The swordsman had to speak with Byleth and Beleth, and let them know about how he truly felt about them both. Then, and only then, could he revert from his old ways, and be at peace with the newest fighters in Smash.
Rex would find Byleth and Beleth in the lounge, where they were seen speaking with Lip, the red-haired fairy from Popples. Lip was showing off her weapon of choice to Byleth and Beleth - a flower wand, better known as Lip's Stick.
"You're telling me that this wand can plant flowers atop people's...heads?" Beleth asked Lip with a concerned look and his brow furrowed; Lip happily nodded, as Rex quietly entered the lounge.
"It can also turn people into garbage blocks!" explained Lip, as Byleth suddenly started to share Beleth's concern. "But don't worry, that only works on bad guys."
"We should keep this wand away from Bowser, then," joked Byleth, flashing a smile at Beleth...who just stared and didn't react at all. Pretty hard for Beleth to win over Smash fans with that stone face of his.
"Byleth and Beleth...uh, hi," Rex awkwardly greeted the two professors, who turned around and saw the swordsman standing by. Rex was trying his hardest not to make the atmosphere in the lounge tense.
"You must be Rex," said Beleth, recognizing who Rex was as he handed the flower wand back to Lip. "Not that often we see you alone by yourself."
"We always see you constantly flanked by women, everywhere you go," said Byleth, as Rex flashed a toothy grin and scratched the back of his head. "Looks to me like you're making progress."
"He's been getting better over time," Lip murmured to Byleth and Beleth with a slick smile; Rex went from grinning to frowning in an instant after overhearing Lip, as he glared at the fairy.
"So, uh, how are you liking the mansion so far?" Rex asked Byleth and Beleth, asking as if it was the professors' first time ever being at the mansion. He had no idea where he was taking the conversation.
"We really like it so far, going to take some time living here and everything," replied Byleth, as Rex smiled and nodded his head. He legit had nothing else to say. "Why are you nodding your head like that?"
"Uh, sometimes it helps me get in the...you know when you have a song stuck in your head, and then you just...bang your head to the beat? That's what I'm doing."
"I had no idea it was possible to have songs stuck in your head," remarked Beleth, before he felt someone tap on his shoulder. Beleth looked over to his right. "Haven't got the slightest clue about this banging head thing either, Sothis..."
"...who was that you were speaking to?" Rex was pointing at the excess of thin air that Beleth was seemingly talking to. Little did Rex know that Beleth was actually speaking with Sothis.
"My apologies...that was Sothis. She's a girl that only Byleth and I can see in our consciousness." Unsure of what to make of this, Rex was giggling nervously, still pointing as he backed out of the lounge.
"Would you look at that...Pyra and Mythra must be calling for me!" Once he was in the hallway, Rex made a run for it. No doubt the swordsman thought that Byleth and Beleth were crazy now.
"Weird, I don't hear those ladies calling for his name..." said Byleth, before she shrugged her shoulders. "...must have voices in his head. Just like those songs."
"Yet he seems to think that we're the crazy ones," said Beleth, who was observing Rex's body language prior to the swordsman leaving the lounge. The professor looked over at Sothis, once more. "Sothis, please don't call Rex that..."
Cuphead won the first game of poker, and as a result, he won Link's pair of iron boots. You'd think that Soren would've won, after all that talking Ike did.
"Very gracious of you to let me get the win," Cuphead commended Soren, patting the Wind Sage on his left arm. The legend of Soren was now budding.
"It's the thought that counts, I suppose..." responded Soren, before he looked at Ike; Ike would give Soren an encouraging thumbs up.
"Alright, so what are we putting on the line next?" asked Cloud, who had nothing of value to gamble on. He'd much rather let the other men give up their belongings.
"Knuckles, you got anything?"
"I'd be willing to put my rap career on the line, for the next game of poker," said Knuckles, with a very unique proposition. What would he bet his rap career of all things, it wasn't material! "Whoever wins will get all my accolades and junk."
"Knuckles, you can't just give up your rap career like that." Wanting to prove Cloud wrong, Knuckles took out his cellphone, and started typing away. "And don't use social media to prove your point either..."
"I can offer my hoard of bananas," said one of the poker players, Donkey Kong. Cuphead was smiling at the prospect of having loads of bananas, all for himself. "Only if it means keeping them away from the Yiga Clan."
"Then a hoard of bananas, it is." Cloud looked towards R.O.B., who was still feeling ecstatic after the royal flush it got earlier. "R.O.B., it's your turn to shuffle the cards. And don't take out the ace cards, like Knuckles did..."
Sonic was still on the hunt for a Chiefs fan, and his search would lead him to Ridley. It wasn't a huge given that Ridley was a football fan, but it wouldn't hurt if Sonic asked the space dragon anyways.
"So you AREN'T a fan of the Kansas City Chiefs?" Sonic asked Ridley, who shook his head no and walked away. Sonic snapped his fingers in disgust, and walked away. "Dang it, he probably likes the Oakland Raiders..."
"You sure know how to play with fire, Sonic," Mewtwo said to the hedgehog, whom he encountered in the hallway. The psychic Pokemon remembered the actions Sonic had done in episode 162, and was surprised that Sonic was still a living man at the end of that day.
"Say, Mewtwo, you wouldn't happen to be a fan of the Chiefs, would you?" Sonic was really grasping for the straws if he was asking Pokemon about their fandom. "I bet that you can see the Chiefs winning the Super Bowl!"
"What a moronic question...does it look like I enjoy sports to begin with? Get out of your mind..." Mewtwo would float away from Sonic, who snapped his fingers in disgust once more.
Mewtwo: Here we go again, you peons asking me who will win the Super Bowl this year...which is a good thing I gazed into the future and saw the winning team, in case you ever asked. The team that wins the Super Bowl...is the team whose team colors are red and gold. And the MVP of the Super Bowl...is a football player. I'll let you figure out the answers yourselves.
As Mewtwo went down the hallway, Altaïr was spying on the psychic Pokemon from a distance. The assassin walked out of the room he was hiding in, staring down Mewtwo and observing his prey.
"Time to see what you're truly made of, Altaïr..." Altaïr said to himself, before he started to run towards Mewtwo stealthy. The assassin was soon pretty close to Mewtwo, a mere five inches away...
...and as he leaped at Mewtwo, Mewtwo teleported out of harm's way, causing Altaïr to land on the floor. Mewtwo would teleport back to the scene, looking down at Altaïr and laughing at him.
"A little too soon...better luck next time," Mewtwo said to Altaïr, before teleporting away for good. Altaïr, now met with failure, grunted and banged his fists on the floor before pulling himself up.
Fox and Falco met with Peppy and Slippy at the cafe, determined to learn whatever lesson Mario said they needed to learn. Perhaps Peppy and Slippy..well, maybe just Peppy, could show them the way.
"Tell me where things went wrong," Peppy asked Fox and Falco, before taking a sip from his cup of coffee. "When did Mario really start contemplating things?"
"When we tried to resolve his prostate issues," replied Fox, and Peppy, hearing this, did a spit take as he spat out his coffee unto Slippy's face. Slippy, being the weirdo that he was, didn't mind one bit.
"Mmm, milk chocolate cappuccino!" gleamed Slippy as he licked the coffee of his face, while Slippy started coughing and wheezing. Fox and Falco looked at Slippy like the weirdo he truly was.
"Since when did you two ever become doctors?" questioned Peppy, after all the coughing and wheezing was over with. "Why did you bother with Mario's...prostate?"
"Because he was having some urinary problems, and we wanted to do a solid," replied Falco, before holding out his hands in the form of a gun. He started doing a thrusting motion, one that made Peppy concerned. "We tried to stuff our fingers through Mario's butt hole, like this!"
"And you didn't think that Mario felt uncomfortable while you were doing that? Did you not care about how he felt?"
"Peppy, Mario was having some serious body problems, his feelings were the least of our concerns," Fox stated to Peppy, who began to facepalm. Slippy on the other hand found what Fox and Falco did to be heroic. "We were just looking out for him!"
"Do you think you might be looking out for him a bit too much? At some point, Mario might get tired of your constant care!"
"Has anyone ever been tired of anyone caring for them?" asked Falco, thinking he had a valid point - although it could easily be proven wrong. "Real talk..."
Just then, Byleth and Beleth entered the cafe, grabbing the attention of Fox and company. The person that was arguably the most excited to see the professors was none other than Slippy.
"Oh my goodness - the professors are here!" the frog squealed, as he leaped from his seat and landed in front of Byleth and Beleth. "Byleth, Beleth, I am your number one fan!"
"We have fans?" questioned Byleth, before she looked over at Sothis. "Yes, Sothis, this is the frog that tried to tongue me that one time..." Apparently Slippy knew who Sothis was, as the mere mention of her name made the frog squeal.
"Sothis is here?! Where is Sothis, how can i see her? Do I need my Silph Scope to see her? Or what about my high-tech goggles?"
Fox: You know you've officially made it at the mansion, when Slippy starts fangirling over you on your first day...
"We really came at the wrong time...let's go," Beleth told Byleth, grabbing his fellow professor's hand and marching out of the cafe. The professors were sure to return to the cafe soon...provided that Slippy was gone.
As Byleth and Beleth went down the hallway, they encountered Rex, who still had yet to get whatever he needed to say off his chest for good. He couldn't possibly squander his opportunity now...could he?
"Hello again, Rex," Byleth greeted the swordsman, who was unsure of what he was feeling so nervous for. Not like the professors were intimidating him or anything. "Did you get that song of yours out of your head?"
"Yep, I got it all out...my mind's all clear now," replied Rex, trying not to act corny...before he gave Byleth and Beleth a thumbs up. So much for not acting corny. "Look, I have something to say to you two..."
"Well just say it to us, then," ordered Beleth, before looking back behind him to make sure that Slippy wasn't around. He and Byleth would have to get a move on if Slippy felt compelled enough to chase the professors down.
"It's just that, um...I was thinking about some things...and I all I have to say is...I'm...I'm...I'm s-s-Sally..."
"Your real name is...Sally?" Beleth raised an eyebrow, before he and Byleth exchanged weird looks. Rex was ashamed of himself and his botched statement as he buried his face in his hands.
"Sally could be short for Rex's real name," assumed Byleth, as Beleth began to conjure a bunch of names that would go with Sally in his head. "Could be Salisbury."
"Even if that were so, Salisbury is a...very unique first name, I'll say. Do you wish to clarify yourself, Rex?"
"Yes I do...I actually didn't mean to say Sally," replied Rex, hoping that he cleared things up a bit. "What I meant to say was...I'm...I'm Sully."
"Is Sully even a real name?" Beleth asked Byleth, as Rex was left ashamed once more. The swordsman just couldn't stop fumbling his own words.
"That definitely sounds more like a nickname to me..." responded Byleth, before she brought her attention back to an aggravated Rex. "...are you sure that your real name is Sully, Rex?"
"Alright, alright...I think I got it this time," replied Rex, before taking a deep breath. If he botched things this time around, there would be a point of no return. "What I truly want to say is...I am...I am very surly."
"Well, uh...we are very sorry to hear that about you," said Beleth, and at this point Rex was hating himself. Wanted to punch his own self in the face. "We had no idea that you had such a bad temper!"
"Why can't I get it right for once?!" Rex stomped his foot angrily, as he marched away from in a very sour mood. Both Byleth and Beleth were left surprised by Rex's minor temper tantrum.
"He was right on the money about him being surly..." remarked Byleth, before Sothis grabbed the professor's attention. "...I'm sure he'll get over it, Sothis."
Cuphead won his second game of poker, and his prize was Donkey Kong's hoard of bananas. (DK wasn't giving away ALL of his bananas, mind you - just a medium-sized portion.) The new resident was on a roll.
"Here's a couple of bananas, I'll give you the rest later," Donkey Kong gave Cuphead some bananas that he pulled out from his imaginary pocket. Better hope that those bananas weren't contaminated or anything.
"You sure are in a pretty giving mood today Soren..." Cuphead said to the Wind Mage, with a slick smirk on his face. You better believe that the talking cup wasn't tired of winning yet.
"Or maybe I'm just off my game..." grumbled Soren, who couldn't care less how many times he lost. Same couldn't be said for Ike, though.
Ike: Soren lost more than two games of poker today...definitely a new personal record for the guy. I get it, he wants to make the new guy feel like he's at top of his game, but Soren also has to let Cuphead and the others know what he's all about! He's sabotaging his own reputation, and I think he's too apathetic to realize it.
"So what are we putting on the line in the next game?" asked Cloud, before looking at one of the poker players - Dr. Cortex, who was accompanied by Uka, while his pet goose was sitting in his lip. "You must have something you would give up, Dr. Cortex."
"I have the best prize yet...whoever wins the next game of poker will receive the love of my life, Tiki!" exclaimed Cortex, expecting to be met with cheers and hollers and the like. Instead, all the poker players were giving the made genius weird looks. "What's with your faces?"
"Are you somehow implying that Tiki is your...your girlfriend?" questioned Link, refusing to believe that Cortex and Tiki were a perfect match. The Hylian always found Cortex delusional for chasing after Tiki's affection.
"Fine then, I'll offer up something else...instead of Tiki, I'll offer Uka! Whoever wins will have to spend time with Uka until the end of the month, so they'll see the misery I have to put up with!"
"Now that's a wager I could get behind," remarked Uka, who would go as far as lighting the mansion on fire if it meant getting some time away from Cortex.
"You see, it is a prize that is, in actuality, a punishment. Although Uka here apparently seems to think otherwise...better hope that nobody wins!"
Sonic was still looking for a Chiefs fan, and was now speaking with Roy in the hallway. As expected, Roy claimed to have no fandom for the Chiefs...but the swordsman wouldn't leave Sonic empty-handed.
"If you're that desperate for a Chiefs fan, then you should go speak with Chrom," Roy suggested to Sonic, certain that Chrom could give Sonic the sauce that he needed so much. "He'll come through for ya."
"Man, I hope so...I gotta get myself out of cooking with Palutena, and fast!" said Sonic, as he saw Chrom's bedroom just down the hallway. "Thanks for the tip, Roy! I'll make sure to give you my full appreciation later."
So Sonic went down to Chrom's room, and took a peek inside through the bedroom door. When the hedgehog opened the door, he saw Chrom with his grandkids from the future, Morgan and Marc. Morgan and Marc were sitting on Chrom's bed, looking despondent as they were holding plates of steak...draped in ketchup.
"Do we really have to eat this stuff, grandpa?" moaned Marc, looking at his ketchup-covered steak as if it was a pile of Brussels sprouts. "It would feel so wrong if we took even a single bite..."
"Remember kids - if you wanna be like Patrick Mahomes, then you have to do everything Mahomes does best," replied Chrom, with Sonic mulling whether or not he should call Child Protective Services on the prince of Yliesse. "Imitation is the best form of learning."
Raven: Chrom, for whatever reason, decided to hop on the Chiefs bandwagon...which means that he's a Chiefs fan, apparently. He claimed that doing so would "resolve familial and marital issues, in the future". Still not sure where he's getting at with that logic.
Chrom: I see nothing wrong with being a Chiefs fan these days - much better than rooting for a lesser team, and getting clowned for it. Gotta strike while the iron is hot!
"Chrom, why are you torturing your own grandkids?" Sonic called out the prince, grabbing his attention and the twins' attention as well. "Seriously, ketchup on a steak? That's messed up! Way to ruin a steak!"
"I'm trying to teach my grandkids the ways of the next great football icon, Patrick Mahomes," Chrom explained to Sonic, who had his fingers close to his cellphone. Had Child Protective Services on speed dial, for moments like these. "They have to learn things the hard way."
"Save us..." Morgan pleaded to Sonic, in a whispering tone; Chrom overheard Morgan whispering, and frowned mightily at the girl.
"Because I'm a Chiefs fan now, it only seems right that I groom Morgan and Marc in the fandom, one step at a time. Seeing as the Seahawks theoretically won't be winning a Super Bowl anytime soon, I'd say that switching teams will be a great decision..."
"But isn't Robin a Saints fan or something?" asked Sonic; if you might recall, in episode 4, Robin mentioned that he was a fan of the New Orleans Saints. "Why not let him groom Morgan and Marc to like the Saints? Those two are his children!"
"I would, but knowing Robin, he would corrupt poor Morgan and Marc. He'd have them both sharing a grudge for zebras, if you catch my drift."
"Okay, I've heard enough nonsense for one day..." Sonic walked towards Chrom, wanting to share his plan with the prince. "...look, Chrom, I need you to do me a major solid. See this jersey I'm wearing?"
"Yes, that is a...49ers jersey, with the number 25." Chrom kept looking at the jersey, before looking at Sonic as if the hedgehog was crazy. "...I take it that you're trying to send a message to Master Hand?"
"Not really - I just need to get in trouble with Master Hand. Amy wants me to cook some chili with Lady Palutena, and everyone knows that any food that Palutena touches turns into a disaster. Gotta get myself out of dodge."
"And where do I come in? This seems like a job that you could easily do yourself." With their grandpa distracted, Morgan and Marc licked the ketchup off their steak - only for good measure.
"I need you to be the one to get me into trouble. It would be way more convincing if you did the honors, rather than myself."
"I don't like where this is headed...and yet at the same time, I do kind of like where it's headed! I'm down."
"Then let's get moving!" So Sonic led Chrom out of the room, and Chrom looked at Morgan and Marc before making his exit.
"Those two steaks better be gone by the time I get back!" Chrom told his grandkids, before leaving his bedroom for good. Morgan and Marc did make some progress...by licking off all the ketchup.
"Looks completely safe to eat the steaks now," Morgan said to Marc, who happily nodded in agreement.
Altaïr asked Master Hand for the mansion directory, and Master Hand, not bothering to ask any questions, gave the Syrian assassin what he wanted. Altaïr was now sitting in the foyer of the mansion, looking through the names in the directory and crossing out the names of the residents he jumped throughout the day.
"Pit? Easy picking...King Dedede? Easy picking...Dunban? Easy picking..." Altaïr crossed off the names in the directory one by one, with an ink pen he found lying around on the floor. "...Lloyd Irving? Hmph. It should've been illegal for him to be to so open for being attacked."
"Yooooo, is that Altaïr?" asked Fox, as he and Falco showed up in the foyer. Altaïr looked up and saw the pilots, understandably confused. "The great assassin from Syria that Master Hand was telling us about?"
"Am I hallucinating?" Altaïr dropped the mansion directory and the ink pen to the floor, standing up and looking at Fox and Falco as if he were seeing things. "A talking fox, dressed up in human clothes? That bird companion of his must be able to talk as well..."
"Give me some dap, bro!" Falco approached Altaïr and extended his hand, expecting Altaïr to give him some dap. But Altaïr was still confused, and clearly he had no knowledge about modern handshakes and stuff.
"As I suspected, you're able to talk as well...also, what on earth is a 'dap'? Is that some kind of ritual?" Falco would take a step back from Altaïr, in disbelief of the assassin's ignorance.
"Dude, Fox, this man is leaving me hanging...doesn't even know what a dap is! At this rate, he'll never get used to the current times!"
"Lay off the guy, he still looks like he needs some seasoning," advised Fox, as Falco rejoined his fellow pilot. Fox knew that he had some explaining to do. "Sorry for not introducing ourselves, Altaïr...I'm Fox McCloud, and that's my best friend, Falco Lombardi."
"Nice to meet you, Fox and Falco...but how are you both able to speak?" asked Altaïr, asking the pilots a very difficult question that would require A LOT of thinking, and also soul searching. "How can you both grasp the human language?"
"If it clears things up a bit...we're both from outer space," explained Falco, as Altaïr gave a very understanding nod. Everything was a bit more clear to the assassin.
"In that case, that must mean you're both aliens, extra-terrestrials...I expected to see one when I was brought here to this time period, but not this soon."
Fox: We managed to make someone believe that we're both aliens...we finally did it! At long last, our life-long mission has come to an end.
Falco: And now, we have nothing else to chase after...we have nothing to achieve, nothing to live for... *hangs head low in sadness, as Fox pats him on the back*
"Life on earth must be different from life from yoru planet, yes?" Altaïr asked Fox and Falco, who were doing their best to hide their smirks. They were really enjoying where the conversation was headed.
"Yeah, life is really different, if you ask me," replied Fox, as he folded his arms; Falco nodded in agreement. "More responsibilities, more stuff to do, more people that make you do things that you don't wanna do..."
"...like Mario; that man wants us to learn some lesson," interjected Falco, as the mere mention of Mario's name caused Altaïr to perk up a bit. "Frankly we still don't know what our lesson even is."
"Mario? As in, the famous plumber Mario?" asked Altaïr, wanting to know as much as possible about Mario. "Master Hand told me many stories about him, before we brought me to this mansion."
"Yeah, he's chilling over at his house. It's not that far from here." No longer interested in Fox and Falco, Altaïr quickly left the mansion. "Bruh, Altaïr, where are you going my man?!"
Cuphead won yet another game of poker, and now had the rights to have Uka as a companion. And Uka couldn't be any happier.
"From now on, until the end of January, you will be my most favorite person in the whole world," Uka told Cuphead, letting him know just how appreciative he was. Mainly for the fact that he wasn't Cortex.
"I feel so honored..." gleamed Cuphead, as Byleth and Beleth entered the gaming room. The professors didn't want to cause too much commotion, but with there being a lot of people around...
"Look everyone, it's Byleth and Beleth!" shouted Goemon, as he pointed at the two professors standing at the gaming room entrance. Everyone was hooting and hollering for Byleth and Beleth, who just smiled faintly in response.
"You're such a beautiful woman, Byleth!" Mr. Game and Watch said to the professor; tell her something she doesn't already know...
"Lookin' good with those stockings, Byleth!" Junpei said to the professor, with Beleth looking on feeling slightly jealous.
"Seems that everyone here likes you more than me..." the male professor said to Byleth, who didn't mind all the positive remarks. "But that's just the men, so..."
Byleth, you're the coolest gal around!" exclaimed Wendy Koopa, and now Beleth felt more irritated than he should be.
"Let's see what they have going on here..." Frowning, Beleth would take Byleth's hand, and march over to the poker table, where the poker players were about to start another game of poker.
"So what are we wagering on next?" asked Cloud, before looking behind himself and seeing Byleth and Beleth standing by. "Hey, you two - you wanna play some poker with us? We're wagering our stuff."
"You should totally join - that way, Soren can brag all he wants after he beats you," Ike enticed Byleth and Beleth, while Soren looked away and facepalmed.
"Sure, we could play a game or two," replied Byleth, as she and Beleth grabbed the nearest bar stools and placed them near the poker table before sitting in them. "Mind if I place a wager?"
"What are you putting on the line?" asked Cloud, before Byleth pulled out a bag and placed it on the poker table. There were a lot of coins inside the bag, as Cloud and the others suspected.
"The Gatekeeper at Fodlan gave me a bunch of gold coins, before I came to the mansion...seems like a pretty realistic wager for a game of cards, when you think about it."
Byleth: About those gold coins in the bag... *looks around, before leaning in close* ...they're not really gold coins. Just a bunch of worthless bronze coins that the Gatekeeper found in a fountain one day. Called it a "parting gift". Evidently he wasn't thinking that hard.
"A bag of gold coins, it is..." said Cloud, with Cuphead rubbing his hands in anticipation. Ike slapped Soren on the back, like that would help him win the next game. "...Link, your turn to deal the cards."
As Link dealt the cards, Rex showed up at the gaming room, accompanied by Pyra and Mythra. The swordsman gulped, when he saw Byleth and Beleth sitting at the poker table.
"Now's your big chance...don't squander it," Pyra said sternly to Rex, who exhaled deeply as he was overcome with nervousness. "Better out than in..."
"I'll go speak with Byleth and Beleth..." assured Rex, as he walked away from Pyra and Mythra. "...right after I figure out what to say." As Rex walked away, Mythra shook her head at the swordsman.
"He really wants us to stick around, doesn't he..." the blade sighed, as she was looking around the gaming room for somewhere to sit.
Master Hand was accompanying Isabelle through the hallway, speaking with any resident he encountered. The giant hand was with Zelda, and was laying down the law on the princess while Isabelle just listened.
"Remember, Zelda, you cannot root for the 49ers in the Super Bowl," Master Hand told the princess, expecting the princess to heed his words. "Rooting for them to win will greatly devastate the Seahawks fanbase."
"Highly doubt that any Seahawks fan would care about who I root for...but thanks for the heads up, Master Hand," responded Zelda, before turning around and walking away. Master Hand knew that Zelda will follow his mandate, but the giant hand just had to make sure.
"Probably should've mentioned this earlier, but I've been hearing from a few residents that they've been jumped today," Isabelle said to Master Hand, strolling with the giant hand down the hallway. "Said they had a possession of theirs taken away from them afterwards. You think Altaïr is responsible?"
"Of course, but what do these people expect?" questioned Master Hand, acting as if the residents knew what Altaïr was all about. Nobody was even formally introduced to the guy! "Altaïr is an assassin - blindsiding people is in his DNA!"
"But if he keeps this up, then he'll have a bad reputation at the mansion. Especially after everyone is acclimated with..."
"Master Hand, Master Hand, I found someone!" Chrom called out, as the prince came running down the hallway towards Master Hand and Isabelle. He was dragging Sonic along the way. "Found someone rooting for the 49ers!"
"No, Chrom, you can't do this to me!" Sonic told the Chrom, playing up the situation as much as he could. Chrom would toss Sonic in front of Master Hand, and Sonic just smiled and waved. "Uh...hi?"
"Sonic deserves to be punished! What he's doing is simply a DISGUSTING ACT!" Chrom thought something was up, as Master Hand just stared at Sonic and did absolutely nothing. "Master Hand...?"
"Once again, Sonic, just like last year, I made that whole mandate to make everyone support the city," Master Hand told Sonic, acting and sounding like a parent. Calm, yet stern. "If you wish to disrespect Seattle by rooting for a rival team, then all the power to you..."
"No, Master Hand, wait!" Sonic said to the giant hand, who turned around and went away; Isabelle had no choice but to follow. With no other option left, Sonic looked at Chrom, hoping for the prince to help him out.
"Master Hand, there's more!" Chrom called out to the giant hand, who showed no sign of stopping. "In addition to supporting the 49ers, Sonic also likes to put ketchup...on his STEAK!"
Hearing that struck a chord in Master Hand, as the giant hand stopped in place. He was seething deeply, as a concerned Isabelle looked on.
"Surely it's just something that Sonic prefers to do..." Isabelle grinned nervously, but Master Hand was too incensed to give the shih tzu any thought. Master Hand floated over to Sonic, all up in the hedgehog's grill.
"What in the name of Masahiro Sakurai's binary fingers is wrong with you, man?!" Master Hand boomed at Sonic, suddenly questioning the hedgehog's life decisions and how he was able to get far in life. "Are you HIGH?!"
"Oh, I just remembered - since I have your attention..." said Sonic, before turning around and showing off the back of his jersey. It wasn't the number 25 that triggered Master Hand - it was the name above that did the trick.
"Hold on, that jersey...that is the jersey of a traitor!" Master Hand angrily grabbed Sonic and squeezed him tight, and Sonic was loving it. "Isabelle, call Master Kohga, and tell him that he'll be expecting some company..."
"Kinda hard to call him, since he doesn't have a phone, but I'll do my best!" exclaimed Isabelle, before scurrying down the hall. With his role in Sonic's plan now fulfilled, Chrom meekly walked away, and let Sonic deal with Master Hand's wrath.
Isabelle: That number 25 jersey Sonic was wearing is the jersey of Richard Sherman. He used to play for the Seahawks for some time, but he left the team three years ago to go play for the 49ers down in the Bay Area. Master Hand has had a strange personal vendetta against him ever since. Also, just for future reference, it's probably best not to ask him about the Oklahoma City Thunder...
Sonic: Gonna be spending some time with Master Kohga and the Yiga Clan... *rubs hands together in excitement* ...no cooking with Lady Palutena for me! Sorry Amy - I would save you, but sometimes you gotta learn the hard way.
Chrom: *shows up* That's right, Sonic, that's the way to do it!
Sonic: *frowns at Chrom* Can you not?
Fox and Falco went to Mario's house, worried that Altaïr could be harming Mario, Peach, or anyone else in the Mario household. The pilots were outside, trying to listen through the window.
"You hear anything?" Falco asked Fox, who had his ear pressed against one of the windows outside. Fox couldn't make out a single sound.
"Can't hear a single thing..." replied Fox, taking his ear away from the window and walking to the front door, with Falco following him. "...guess we have no choice but to bust in."
"You take the lead." Fox and Falco were on the doorstep, and Fox knocked on the front door. As he and Falco took out their Blasters, they heard Jennifer crying.
"That's Mario's baby, she must be crying her eyes out!" Fox and Falco were now more vigilant than ever. "Altaïr is harming the kid!"
"When that front door opens we'll rush right in, kick Altaïr's butt, and soothe Jennifer. Get ready..." Soon the front door was opened by Peach, who greeted Fox and Falco with a warm smile.
"Good afternoon, you two!" Peach greeted Fox and Falco, who rushed inside the living room. They had their Blasters out, but lowered their guards when they didn't see Altaïr around...nor hear Jennifer crying. Only Mario, in the living room.
"The heck is Jennifer and Altaïr?" questioned Falco, him and Fox putting away their Blasters as they looked around. "We were too late, weren't we?"
"Too late for what?" Peach drew closer to Fox and Falco, wondering what they were talking about. Fox stomped his foot on the floor in anger.
"Dang it, we couldn't save Jennifer in time!" grunted Fox, jumping to conclusions and not at all questioning why Peach was so chill. "Altaïr kidnapped her, and possibly Mario as well! That Mario...we did nothing to save him!"
"I'm sorry, could-a you repeat that?" a voice asked, with a strong Italian accent. It came from the staircase.
"I said...we did nothing to save him?" Fox eyed around the living room, he and Falco confused.
"Say that one-a more time, but this-a time start with 'we' and say the two words-a after that."
"We did...nothing? We did nothing?" Just then, Mario came down from the stairs, greeting Fox and Falco with a smile.
"That's what I've been-a wanting you guys to do for so long..." Mario said to Fox and Falco, who were more confused than ever before.
"Wait, so you didn't want us to do nothing?" questioned Falco, as Mario entered the living room looking chill. "You didn't want us to save your daughter from Altaïr?"
"Oh, you mean the assassin guy? He's pretty swell-a company. Thought he wanted to pillage me and Princess-a Peach at first, but he just wanted to meet-a me in person."
"Mario, Peach, I've managed to soothe your infant child," Altaïr alerted the married couple, coming down the stairs with Jennifer in his hands. Jennifer was no longer crying, sucking on her thumb.
Altaïr: I know I'm not above assassinating anyone, but little children...little children are my weak points. Every assassin, no matter how good they are, has a weakness.
"Mind elaborating on what you mean, by wanting us to do nothing?" Fox asked Mario, who took a comfy seat in his sofa - a sofa that only he got to sit in.
"Ever since I agreed-a to be the officiant for your wedding, you and Falco have been caring about-a me...a bit too much," Mario explained to Fox, letting the pilot know how he truly felt. "Too much for your own-a good."
"I mean, we should...you are the officiant. Falco and I have to make sure that you're in tip-top shape, for the wedding!"
"But you took-a things too far! Asking me if I was-a busy, investigating anyone-a who would've wanted to kill-a me...I was sick and tired of it!"
"You're right...I suppose Falco and I kinda went over the top, at times. Or most of the time, rather..."
"That thing-a you did, when you tried to inspect-a my prostate...that was the boiling point-a for me. I couldn't be an officiant anymore, if you did-a stuff like that."
"If that's how you really feel, then Fox and I will promise to leave you alone, until the wedding," Falco said to Mario, with Fox nodding his head in confirmation. "We'll only come over if you need us."
"That's how it should-a be. Did you see me, Luigi, and Berkut pestering their best man? We stayed-a in our lane...and you, Fox, should do the same."
"So does this mean that you're fully on-board with being the wedding officiant again?" Fox asked Mario, asking him the million dollar question. Mario mulled his decision, putting the pilots on their toes.
"Provided that you and Falco hold-a up your promise...then yes, I'll be the officiant." Fox and Falco were pleased to hear this, as no major changes were made to their current plans.
"This might be the wrong time to ask, but...where do I put the child at?" asked Altaïr, who was getting tired of carrying Jennifer. "Is there a nursery around?"
Cuphead was on a roll, as he won yet another game of poker. Meaning that he claimed Byleth's bag of gold...erm, bronze coins. Which he could add to his collection of Link's iron boots, Donkey Kong's bananas, and even Uka. Could've also had Knuckles' rap career, or at least the echidna's rap accolades, if that were to be placed on the line.
Cuphead: I was on fire today, en fuego! Usually I lose a bit when it comes to playing poker, but I didn't lose a single game today! It was all thanks to Uka, too - a floating mask like him must be a good luck charm to anyone who wasn't Dr. Cortex.
Uka: I've only been with you for almost less than a hour...don't get too ahead of yourself.
Ike: The legend of Soren decided to take a day off today...or maybe it grew today, after seeing the heavy dosages of humility from Soren today. To let the new guy, Cuphead, win so many poker games takes loads of humility if you ask me.
"No, Sothis, you can't play with us," Byleth told the girl, while Cloud was busy dealing out the cards. "You'll freak everyone out just by picking up the cards!"
"Still believe that those two are hallucinating..." Link whispered to Cloud, thinking that Sothis wasn't real; Cloud ignored Link, and kept dealing the cards.
"Byleth, Beleth, can I speak with you?" Rex approached the two professors, unable to dispel his nervous feelings. "Before you start another game?"
"Of course, Rex," replied Beleth, he and Byleth giving the swordsman their full attention. Rex gulped nervously. "You're not going to throw another temper tantrum, are you?"
"No, no way...I'm not as surly as you think I am." Pyra and Mythra, who were sitting together, looked over at Rex, interested in how the swordsman would handle the conversation at hand. "I have something I need to get off my chest..."
"Well then, go ahead and say it, we're listening," said Byleth, and Rex got more nervous as those seated at the poker table were looking on. Rex had to make his feelings known, and fast.
"What I have to say is, um...what I have to say is...I'm sorry." Byleth and Beleth looked confused, while Pyra and Mythra looked like they both wanted to disappear.
"Sorry for what? What are you so sorry for?" Beleth asked Rex, who goofed up and had to climb out of the hole he dug himself into. "We never wronged you in the past, or anything."
"No, that's not it...what I really meant to say is...I've been secretly jealous of you guys, as of late."
"Jealous of what? Of our swords? What's there to be so jealous about?"
"The fact that you made it into Smash, and I didn't. You guys got an invite to fight in Smash, and all I got is an invite to live in this mansion."
"That's nothing worth being jealous about," stated Byleth, glad that Rex could let his feelings be known. "Not everyone gets to be in Smash."
"Crash Bandicoot," murmured Cortex, in-between coughs. Several folks at the poker table gave the mad genius weird looks.
"Granted, being a fighter in Smash would be a great opportunity for you...but someone did give some thought about adding you to the roster. Isn't that right?"
"I mean, you're right...I wouldn't even be at this mansion if that were so," replied Rex, lighting up a bit as he flashed a smile. "Had no idea where all those jealous feelings came from."
"At least you got it all out, and that's what matters," said Beleth, as he, Byleth, and Rex were now seemingly on the same page. Who knows if Sothis was included. "Better than holding those feelings in."
"Right you are...so, does that mean we're friends now?" Both Byleth and Beleth both looked unsure at the moment, until it seemed like Sothis was whispering into their ears.
"Sothis doesn't seem to mind, so I guess we could be friends. Or mutual companions, at the very least..."
"Friends, mutual companions...I'll take either one!" Pyra and Mythra were both looking on, the latter quite impressed.
"Surprised he didn't butcher it..." Mythra said to Pyra, watching Rex acting all chummy with Byleth and Beleth.
"All we had to do was give him a chance," stated Pyra, happy to see that Rex was now friends...or mutual companions...with Byleth and Beleth.
Sothis would just have to decide which title - friend or mutual companion - was more fitting.
