Author's Note:

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back...welcome back, welcome back, welcome back...

...wow. It's hard to believe, but it's been THREE MONTHS since this story was last updated. Haven't logged into my Fanfiction account since then, and haven't read a single chapter of Smash Life since then as well. Heck, I haven't even read any of the reviews for this story since late May! So, yeah, it's really been a while.

What's been going on with me since the hiatus began? Let's see...I got a new laptop, I played New Horizons for the first time (that's right, I didn't get the game when it first came out), and I'm currently in the process of landing a new job. That's all I can think of, at the top of my head. And now, just like the NBA, and MLB, and NHL...I decided to end my hiatus, and make my return.

So why did I decide to go on a hiatus? The main reason was because of burnout (yes, people, it happens, don't act all surprised). I've been working on this story nonstop since it first started in December of 2015, and I only took a short break around the holiday season. So when I went into hiatus, I would say that it felt like a...arelease of sorts.

I got more stuff done, compared to when I was writing this story. Not only that, but I've been going to bed much earlier on Thursday nights! Not that it's worth mentioning, but a good night's sleep is always important. Sure beats staying up later than you probably should, just to reach a certain deadline.

But yeah, I felt a bit more relieved during the hiatus. I never felt drained from writing too much, and it felt great to not be writing during all my free time. Sure, it took me until at least mid-July to find the motivation to write again, but the time spent away from it was worth it. And everyone knows that you can't teach motivation.

Also, the hiatus served as a time of some self-reflection. Over time I slowly began to realize sometimes I can be a bit of a pushover, and it's something I tended to overlook...but now, those days are over. Not sure what that will mean for reviews in the future, but we'll see what happens.

Now, back to the story. In my last author's note, I mentioned that I would make up lost time, and so I did my best to hold up my end of the bargain. With that in mind, I decided to write...wait for it...not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, but FIFTEEN chapters of Smash Life (take that, LeBron). But here's the catch - these chapters will be published one by one over a fifteen day period, starting tonight, and will continue until at least September 19th. I had planned on publishing multiple chapters at once, but I realized that would be too much trouble. This review is gonna be weird, reading it in the future...but I digress.

And now, I bid you all with this new chapter. It's inspired by an episode of Seinfeld - one of the best episodes of the series, in my opinion - so I hope you enjoy!


Episode 234: MarineBiologist

To the amazement of everyone but his own minions, Dr. Neo Cortex was still in the running for man of the mansion. Nobody was sure how or why the evil genius was in the race, but Cortex made the most of every opportunity he had.

In fact, Cortex considered himself to have the highest chances at winning the gig out of any of the other male candidates. With a VP in Dr. Nitrous Brio, and a campaign manager in Pit, Cortex felt like he couldn't be stopped.

However, that isn't to say that the evil genius hasn't seen any mishaps along the way. He had Pit write out a speech for him, and it was...pitiful, to say the least. Then he had Handsome Jack and Zachary Hale Comstock to teach him how to make the residents submit to him, through conviction, and that didn't turn out so well. But, if there was one thing Cortex excelled at with his campaign, it was making merchandise, and he was making some in the printing room.

"Well, did he bring it up in the meeting?" asked Rise, speaking into her cellphone while Cortex was busy printing out some t-shirts through Zero's magical printer. Cortex took out a few t-shirts, and showed it to Rise.

"You see these T-shirts?" Cortex said to Rise, revealing the t-shirts to Rise. "For weeks, I've been coming up with a brilliant t-shirt concept, and now I found one! I call him...Golden Boy!"

"I'm on the phone here..." Rise would walk away from Cortex, who only drew near to the idol singer. Obviously the evil genius couldn't care about Rise's business.

"Golden Boy is going to be a huge hit around the mansion, I tell you. Here touch Golden Boy!" Cortex held one of the t-shirts towards Rise, only for Rise to push it away.

"No thanks..." Sighing and snapping his fingers in disgust, Cortex walked away from Rise as he allowed the singer to go back to her phone call. "Yeah, I'll hold."

"Hey Cortex, is that some new merch you got there?" Spring Man asked the evil genius, as he entered the printing room. Seeing Spring Man so interested made Cortex perk up.

"Why yes it is, thank you for noticing Spring Man!" Cortex happily replied, showing off one of the Golden Boy t-shirts to Spring Man. "But, taking a look at the collar, some of the t-shirts are fraying. I can't let Golden Boy die. Each wash brings him one step closer, that's what makes the T-shirts such a tragic figure."

"Golden Boy, huh? Very...interesting name. Why don't you just let Golden Boy soak in the sink with some Woolite?"

"No! The reason he's iron man - just like me - is because he goes out there and plays every game. Wash! Spin! Rinse! Spin! You take that away from him, you break his spirit!"

"Oh! What? He is! Oh! this is so fantastic!" Rise exclaimed into the Rise, suddenly sounding elated as Spring Man and Cortex looked over. "I'm so excited! Yes I'm excited! I'll be starting real soon! Anything for your show, Touma! I can't wait!"

"What show? Force Five?" inquired Spring Man, after Rise ended her phone call. Rise was all smiles, happily grinning from ear to ear.

"Yeah! Touma wants to shoot a music video for his superhero show, and he wants me to write the song for it. I'm pretty stoked!"

Rise: Force Five has been airing for about two years now, and Touma thinks that now is the perfect time for a music video to promote the show. The video itself might be cheesy, but the lyrics won't...it might cause some creative dissonance, but it's no biggie.

Spring Man: Now that I think of it, Golden Boy is the name of some manga that came out in the nineties...is Cortex comparing himself to the main character, or something like that? I would say that I'm surprised, or concerned, but like everyone else I'm used to Cortex's delusions.

"You should get those in the music video to wear Golden Boy," Cortex enticed Rise, who had every right to be skeptical about the idea. "Just to send a message to the viewers."

"Like the viewers would actually care..." frowned Rise, as Cortex angrily tossed one of his Golden Boy t-shirts to the floor. "...also, Touma isn't going to promote any meaningless campaign in his video."

"Then might I suggest a title for Touma's music video? How about 'War and Peace' - that sounds very fitting. Or maybe even...'War-What Is It Good For?'! That one sounds more Japanese."

"Why don't you go speak with Touma and bother him with those stupid ideas of yours?" Rise exited the printing room, with Cortex quickly following after her.

"What stupid ideas am I proposing? As a candidate, I strongly believe that I have the best ideas for my constituents!"

"Great, now you're sounding like a president...can you please get away from me?" As Rise picked up her pace, Cortex was hot on her heels.

"A Force Five music video sure could use some monsters! Why don't I call one of my minions, and see if they're interested in being in the video? Dingodile or Tiny Tiger - the choice is yours!"


Peach was chilling in her living room, doing typical motherly things. Such as knitting, for instance - can't let the knitting club know. As Peach knitted a pink cloth, someone knocked on the front door. Mario answered the door, and saw Luigi carrying some mail.

"You can't-a handle the truth!" shouted Luigi as he saluted Mario and Peach. Spyro, who was resting on the living room floor, when he looked up at Mario.

"What did you say just now?" Spyro asked Luigi, looking at the plumber like the strange man that he was.

"I'm working on-a my Jack Nicholson, You can't handle the truth!" Luigi would salute once more, as Spyro rolled his eyes and looked away.

"Is this our mail?" Peach asked Luigi, as she stopped knitting; Luigi brought the mail over to the princess, and dropped it on the table next to her.

"Well, most-a of it is actually mine," explained Luigi, as Peach went through the mail. A lot of it was junk mail, which was tossed to the floor. "I don't want Yuffie to read-a it."

"Oh! Your Alumni Magazine." Peach out a magazine from the mail, and it was an alumni magazine from Columbia University. Who knew that Mario went to college?

"Wait, so is this some-a of Yuffie's mail?" Mario asked Luigi, as Peach shuffled through the mail and tossed the junk mail unto the floor. "Is it like a bunch of post-a cards and stuff?"

"No, nothing out-a of the ordinary," replied Luigi, acting rather nonchalant about the situation. Wouldn't be acting that way if Yuffie was around. "None of that mail-a belongs to her, though."

"She doesn't open-a the mail?"

"Oh, she'll open, I'll guarantee-a you that..."

"You've caught your own-a house guest opening envelopes!"

"Yeah...I guess-a you could say that."

"What did she have-a to say about it?"

"I was just-a curious! That's all I can tell-a you."

"Isn't that against-a the law? Or am I mistaken?"

"Maybe I can get her locked-a up...not that I would want such a thing, of course!"

Luigi: Yuffie has been-a stealing mail as of late - our mail included - only because-a of the unemployment checks. I got no clue as to why she would-a even do such a thing - she must want to split-a the money with her ninja pals. Not sure what Kat and-a Ana would do with a hundred bucks each, though.

"Hey Mario, you're in the Alumni magazine!" Peach said to her husband, as she looked at the alumni magazine. "Listen to this: 'The famous plumber known as Mario has appeared on a local public service announcement, denouncing the sale of toxic candy at a local shop in Seattle'...Luigi, why aren't you featured in the magazine? I see Wario featured, but not you." Wario attended Columbia University too?!

"He can't-a handle the truth!" replied Mario, poking fun at Luigi and his weird Jack Nicholson impersonation. Luigi shook his head at his twin brother. "You know I had to do it, Luigi."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll get a feature one day, Luigi...now if you excuse me, I must see if we have any mail of our own..."


Peach was outside, checking for any mail in her mailbox. Nothing was inside; maybe perhaps a package would come later today. As Peach was about to head back inside her house, she saw Itsuki approaching her.

"Ah, Princess Peach!" the young man called out to the princess, as he quickly ran over to her while searching through his jacket. "I thought that maybe you could use this." Itsuki pulled out an electronic device, and gave it to Peach. "Here it is - it's an electronic organizer, all yours!"

"An electronic organizer?" squealed Peach, as she accepted the device from Itsuki. Itsuki was a very thoughtful fellow. "I didn't even know they still made these!"

"Yeah, I didn't know either until I found out earlier this week. You can use that bad boy for phone numbers, addresses, keep appointments, everything. It even has an alarm that beeps!"

"It does?" Peach would see for herself, testing out the alarm as it started beeping while flashing a red light. Peach was so easily impressed. "Oh wow, it does!"

Itsuki: Been giving out some electronic organizers to the residents, just as a very thoughtful gesture. Something actually useful, unlike the t-shirts that Cortex thinks are going to be a "huge hit". I just gave one of the electronic organizers to Rise a few minutes ago; I've got my fingers crossed that she doesn't abuse the karaoke feature. Why is that even installed, I will never know...

"I can't believe this, Itsuki - I've been wanting to get one of these things!" exclaimed Peach, cradling her electronic organizer like how a little child cradles a teddy bear on Christmas morning. " Are you sure you can't use one of these things?"

"Oh no, I'm just giving them out," replied Itsuki, glad that Peach liked her gift. "And besides...I got all my appointments up here." The young man then pointed at his head, flashing a smile.

"Where'd you get this? You must have a lot of money on your hands if you purchased a lot of these."

"Got them from the bank. I opened a new account, just so Fox and Falco wouldn't see."


Inside the living room of the mansion, Link and Wario were chilling on the couch, watching some television. The two were watching a nature program together, and the program reminded Wario of something he saw on National Geographic last night.

"Did you see that whale thing on TV last night?" the lanky man asked Link, as if the Hylian was supposed to be in the know.

"No I didn't...I don't care for Animal Planet stuff," replied Link, as he relaxed in the comfort of his seat on the couch. "The narrator sounds too British for my taste."

"That special they showed last night made me such a huge whale fan. These marine biologists were showing how whales communicate with each other with these squeaks and squeals, what a fish!"

"It's a mammal..." Although Link was correct, Warioi refused to believe the Hylian at the behest of his own ignorance.

"Whatever." Wario looked towards the table next to Link, and saw a tape recorder resting on the surface. "Hey, new tape recorder?"

"Yeah, got it from Itsuki. Said he purchased a bunch of those things from a bank." Just then Cloud entered the room, wanting to speak with Link.

"Hey Link, it's about time for that stupid golf thing," the swordsman informed his best friend, not at all sounding enthralled about golfing. You'd be hard-pressed to find anything that Cloud was remotely excited about. "You still in?"

"Yeah, I'm coming." Link got up from the couch and left the living room with Cloud, as Wario resumed watching television. As the fatso watched two lions duke it out in the savannah on the television screen, Pit poked his head from behind the couch, spying on him...


For anyone at the mansion tired of playing the same old golf simulator, there was a more fun alternative, and that was actually playing golf...outside in the open field. With a few golf courses open around Seattle, Sonic took advantage of the opportunity and asked a few select individuals - Link, Cloud, Fox, Falco, and Itsuki - to join him for a few golfing escapades. While the five invited individuals were already there, Sonic appeared to be running a bit late.

"It isn't like Sonic to be this late..." grimaced Fox, as he checked the time on his phone; the pilot and others didn't have all day. "...are you sure this is the right golf course, Falco?"

"I was told Jefferson Park," stated Falco, as he was on the lookout for Sonic. "Or it might've been Jackson Park...I always get Jackson and Jefferson mixed up! Just like Jackson 5, and Jefferson Airplane."

"Nobody gets those two mixed up. It's just you, buddy." Now feeling like an idiot, Falco snapped his fingers in disgust.

Falco: Golf courses truly are ahead of their time. They encouraged physical distancing, before such a practice ever went mainstream. It's almost like the people in charge of golf courses can predict the future!

"Sup guys!" greeted Sonic as he showed up at the golf course, bringing along a few golf bags - even though Fox and company already had golf bags with them.

"Hey Sonic, about time you made it," replied Cloud, who was lowkey hoping that Sonic had an untimely accident on his way to the golf course. Whatever it took to avoid golfing.

"Who wants to have some fun?!" Sonic was very over-excited about golfing - probably because he really enjoyed being out of the mansion.

"I do," answered Itsuki as he raised his hand. Sonic couldn't tell if the young man was that excited or not.

"Same here," answered Link, also raising his hand. Sonic expected Cloud to follow suit, only to be met with disappointment.

"Are you just sayin' you want to have fun or do you really want to have fun?!" asked Sonic, very skeptical about the five men he invited. Didn't wanna be the only one having fun on the golf course.

"I really want to have some fun," affirmed Itsuki, wondering what else Sonic could possibly want from him.

"I'm just saying that I want to have some fun," Link also affirmed; Sonic felt that the others no longer needed any encouragement, and so he calmed himself down.

"Right now, there are 600 Titleists that I got at the driving range in the trunk of my car," explained Sonic as he pointed at his blue corvette parked from a distance, where a bunch of Titleists were sitting inside."Why don't we drive out over to where the water is and hit them...into the ocean! Now picture this...we find a nice sweet spot between the dunes, we take out our drivers, we tee up and the ball goes sailing up into the sky, holds there for a moment and then...gulp!" Sonic demonstrated all of this with a golf swing, as the others looked confused.

"That...sounds like too much work," Cloud offered his two cents, although to Sonic it sounded like the swordsman wanted to mail it in and head back home. And he wasn't wrong to think that. "Why don't we go get some lunch first?"

"Yeah, let me just stop by the cash machine and I'll get some subs somewhere," replied Itsuki, as he walked away; can't go wrong with some subs on a brisk Friday afternoon.

"You go on ahead, we'll go find a spot," Fox said to Itsuki, allowing the young man to leave the premises. Sonic was about to walk off as well, only for Fox to stop him. "We're not using the Titleists..."


Itsuki was at an automatic teller machine, getting some money. There was a woman standing behind waiting, waiting to use the machine.

"Cash advance...yes..." said Itsuki, as he was pressing buttons on the ATM machine; he looked behind, and saw the woman patiently standing by. "No...balance inquiry...no...no...processing...processing...processing..." Itsuki opened the box and got out his money,and then looked at the woman and said, "I won!"

"Well look at you..." the woman smirked, as Itsuki walked away...only to walk back, before the woman would approach the ATM machine. Only because he recognized the woman's face.

"Wait just a minute, aren't you...a Pokemon professor?" Itsuki pointed at the woman, recognizing not only her face, but her hair and attire.

"Yes I am - Professor Juniper, of the Unova region! And you must be Itsuki Aoi. I've heard all about your work at Star Records."

"Yeah, just pluggin' along..." Itsuki sheepishly giggled, with hands in his pockets, as Pit crept from behind the ATM machine.

"I found this Alumni magazine lying on the ground." Professor Juniper showed Itsuki an issue of the Alumni magazine. "I saw Mario in there...and curiously enough, I also saw Wario in there as well. You must know him, right? Did he really attend..."

"...Columbia University? Some say he did. He's kind of modest about it, I assume."

"According to that feature I read about him, he sounds like a complete goofball. I mean did he ever get anywhere?"

"He's into marine biology..." Pit whispered to Itsuki, loud enough for Itsuki to hear. Itsuki heard the whisper, as he frowned mightily.

"Marine biology?" the young man questioned, with Pit ducking behind the ATM machine as Professor Juniper's eyes widened.

"George is a marine biologist?!" Juniper exclaimed, never expecting Wario to invest himself in such a particular field. Marine biology sounded like something that Wario would have very little interest in.

"He specializes in whales!" Pit whispered to Itsuki once more, before ducking behind the ATM machine to conceal himself. Itsuki frowned once more.

"He specializes in whales...?" uttered Itsuki, left in great disbelief as he wondered who was speaking such falsehoods. Regardless, Professor Juniper was amazed.

"I can't believe it..." the Pokemon professor remarked, resting her hand on her face. "I mean, I would never have thought..."

Pit: I asked Dr. Cortex what he wanted me to do today, and he told me to go out and "thin the herd". Had no idea that he was an eugenicist (just learned what that was the other day), but I guess it's my fault for not seeing the signs sooner.

"Uh, yeah...he specializes in whales," chuckled Itsuki as he scratched the back of his head, forced to run along with the falsehoods he planted inside Professor Juniper's head. Courtesy of Pit. "He's working on lowering the cholesterol level in whales...all that blubber, quite unhealthy. You know, it's the largest mammal on earth but as George says 'they don't have to be'."


After playing golf with Sonic and the others, Itsuki returned to the mansion...and the first thing he did was find Wario. The young man felt like he was obligated to tell Wario what he told Professor Juniper.

"Professor Juniper? You saw Professor Juniper?!" Wario asked Itsuki, after the young man told him in the middle of the hallway.

"Isn't that something?" smirked Itsuki as he folded his arms; he might brag about meeting Professor Juniper to the others, if he was a more braggadocious kind of dude.

"How'd she look? Did she look hotter in person?" Being that he was in a relationship, Itsuki felt slightly awkward about answering Wario's question.

"She looked great..." Itsuki eyed around the hallway, feeling a bit more awkward than he really should. "...oh, and she asked about you."

"She did?! I feel so honored!" Warioi felt so honored, he could literally explode with joy. Would be a first for mankind. "What did she say?"

"She asked about a feature you were in, in some Alumni magazine. She was like, 'do you know Wario?'."

"Wario! She said Warioi? She knows my name. Professor Juniper knows my name, all thanks to that Alumni magazine. She's now the 'it' girl!"

"She asked for your number, I think she's gonna get in touch with you." Wario was now so happy, he could literally melt with joy. Would also be a first for mankind.

Itsuki: Professor Juniper was the first woman ever to ask for Wario's phone number and contact info. She just made history...the wrong kind of history, I'm afraid.

"Okay, I'm telling you right now if you're kidding around I'm not gonna be able to be friends with you anymore," Wario warned Itsuki as he pointed at the young man. Itsuki couldn't be any less bothered, since he wasn't even friends with Wario to begin with. "I'm serious about that. You got that?"

"I got no problem with that," replied Itsuki with a shrug, having absolutely nothing to lose for he had no existing friendship to terminate.

"Good. Because if this is a lie, if this is a joke, if this is your idea of some cute little game...we're finished!"

"Expect a call." Wario's eyes widened, looking away while trying to process things. Itsuki couldn't help but smirk.

"Oh my goodness, he's not kidding..." Wario said to himself, before bringing his attention back to Itsuki. Itsuki's smirk slowly faded away.

"Now I should tell you at this point she's under the impression that you are a...a marine biologist?" Itsuki knew that Wario couldn't handle this information, as the fatso had a puzzled look on his face.

"A marine biologist...why am I a marine biologist?" Wario was unsure of how he should feel about it - whether he should be chill, or very confused.

"I may have mentioned it."

"But I'm not a marine biologist!"

"I'm aware of that. Very much aware."

"So what's the big deal, why did you tell her?"

"You don't think it's a good job?"

"I didn't think it was a job. It's just that..."

"Oh. It's a fascinating field!"

"What if she calls. What will I say?"


Moments after Wario spoke with Itsuki in the hallway, the fatso received a call from guess who? Professor Juniper. He was in the lounge, feet resting on a table that was pushed closer towards the couch, almost touching even, as he spoke with Juniper.

"Algae, obviously plankton, I don't know what else I can tell you," Wario spoke with Juniper over the phone. Takamaru frowned and peeked inside the lounge, curious about Wario's phone conversation. "Oh I just got back from a trip to the Galapagos Islands, I was living with the turtles. It was amazing."

"Since when did you go to the Galapagos Islands?" Takamaru asked Wario, only for the fatso to shush him. Takamaru just shook his head and walked away, as Wario continued his phone call with Professor Juniper.


Rise was walking through the hallways of the mansion, speaking with Touma and K.K. Slider. Touma was in charge of the production of the music video, while K.K. Slider was responsible for providing instrumentation and whatnot.

"I highly suggest working in an enclosed space, to eliminate the distractions," K.K. Slider suggested to Rise, wanting the idol singer to consider her options. "I don't know how you like to work, but I can arrange for an office space if you want."

"Rise can work up in the treehouse...she'll be much better there," stated Touma, speaking for Rise; Rise just gave the redhead a questionable stare. "It'll keep her from all the bickering and interference and daily rigors of mansion life."

"I know of a groovy ghostwriter who used to write in the village square, in Smashville. The faces inspired him."

"I bet he didn't need any inspiration...God spoke through his pen!"

"You know, I was thinking of a title for the music video - like 'War and Peace'," Rise said to Touma and K.K. Slider, who just looked at the idol singer like she was crazy. "Although the video would be even more highly acclaimed if it was published under something like...'War - What Is It Good For?'."

"What are you even talking about...?" K.K. Slider questioned Rise, not at all minding the ideas that Rise presented - he was just worried about which part of her brain she was pulling them out from.

"Yes, K.K. Slider, it was Cortex who was talking about war and peace. And then he was talking about...uh, what war is even good for. Come to think of it, the second title I suggested sounds a little...Japanese.

Rise: I didn't really want to use Cortex's suggestions, but I didn't want to make him feel bad. I would never get to hear the end of it, either. So I'm stuck in a no-win situation...

"Must be her sense of humor," K.K. Slider said to Rise, having very mixed feelings about Rise's spiel. Suddenly, Rise's organizer - the one she received from Itsuki - started beeping.

"What is that noise?!" questioned Touma, acting like someone just set off a bomb within the vicinity. He and K.K. Slider frantically looked around, as Rise dug her hand in her pocket.

"It's coming from my pocket, it must be my new organizer," replied Rise, as she took out her organizer and showed it to Touma and K.K. Slider, who jumped back in fright.

"Turn this thing off! It could be a bomb, it might explode any minute!"

"Press the top button!" K.K. Slider cried out to Rise, who was trying to turn off the organizer while K.K. and Touma were left paralyzed with fear.

"I'm trying! I'm trying!" Rise did not know how to turn off her organizer yet; Itsuki should've done a better job showing her the kinks.

"HERE! Gimme that thing!" Touma furiously snatched the organizer out of Rise's hands, and tossed it out of a nearby open window. The redhead then huffed and puffed, letting out his anger, as Rise smiled sheepishly.


While Fox and the others returned to the mansion, Sonic was still at the golf course, playing some golf. He was at the waterside, getting ready to hit a ball, as he swung with all his might.

"Let's see how far this bad boy can fly!" shouted Sonic as he looked up in the air for the golf ball...only to look down and see that it was still on the tee. The hedgehog grunted, tossing his golf club unto the ground.


Wario felt uncomfortable following his phone conversation with Professor Juniper, for he told the prestiged professor a bunch of things that weren't even remotely close to being true. So he stormed to the Star Records room, to tell Itsuki how he felt.

"I did it for you," Itsuki said to Wario, just chilling in his chair at the Star Records desk. Wario wasn't chilling at all, frowning from ear to ear.

"Yeah, but what did you have to tell her that for?" Wario questioned Itsuki, wanting to sucker punch the young man in the face. "You put me in a very difficult position, Marine Biologist! I'm very uncomfortable with this whole thing."

"You know, with all do respect I would think it's right up your alley." Itsuki couldn't possibly believe that to be true.

"Well it's not up my alley! It's one thing if I make it up. I know what I'm doing, I know my alleys! You got me in the Galapagos Islands living with the turtles! I don't know where the heck I am."

"To be fair, Link told me about how you were interested in that whale stuff, the squeaking and the squealing." That wasn't the real reason behind Itsuki's intent - the young man was just as much in a pickle as Wario was.

"Why couldn't you have made me an architect? I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect, to get the ladies. And now, Professor Juniper wants to see me later today! I'm gonna tell her what's going on. Maybe she likes me for me."


Grateful to be back at the mansion, Cloud was off doing stuff with Link, surveying the mansion for any trouble afoot. The swordsman and Link had just left the gaming room, when they came across a bitter and ticked off Sonic.

"You guys want these?" Sonic asked Link and Cloud, before angrily tossing his golf bags at the swordsmen's feet. "I don't want 'em!

"What's the matter with you?" Cloud asked a now pouting Sonic, who yelled in frustration before pacing around in the middle of the hallway.

"I stink! I can't play! The ball is just sitting there, and I can't hit it! I only hit one really good ball that went way out! I have no concentration!"

"There's no need for you to be so incensed," Link did his best to soothe Sonic, who dug into his imaginary pockets as sand came pouring out.

"Sand, I can get rid of the sand. Got sand in my imaginary pockets, and on my chest!" Sonic kept emptying his imaginary pockets, as more sand came out.

"Hey, you're getting it all over the floor! Couldn't you just do this outside?"

Link: Huh, I thought that imaginary pockets were just a myth...I guess that in the case of people like Sonic, who believe that "nudity is the best way to live", imaginary pockets are important for everyday life!


Shortly after Wario left, Itsuki remained in the Star Records, handling business while Fox and Falco kept him company. Just then, the phone on the desk rang, and Itsuki quickly picked it up.

"Hello...hi Zelda," greeted Itsuki, before he remained silent - sounded like Zelda was telling the young man a lot of stuff. "Can you hold on a second?" Itsuki then looked towards Fox and Falco. "Hey, listen to this - Zelda found an electronic organizer, my name was in it, and she wants me to help track down the owner."

"How did she find it?" asked Falco, who was salty that he had yet to receive an organizer from Itsuki. Made him think less of Itsuki as a friend.

"It hit her in the head! What are the odds of that happening?"


Itsuki would pay Zelda a visit in the fitness center, where she was in Leia's office. Why was Zelda at the fitness center in the first place, you ask? Itsuki was there to find out.

"So I was just walking along, minding my own business, when all of the sudden that thing comes flying out of nowhere and clunks me right on the head," Zelda explained to Itsuki, pointing at the electronic organizer sitting on Leia's stand.

"Very sorry to hear that," responded Itsuki as he looked at the organizer, wondering how it even got outside. "It must've gotten you real bad."

"Villager took me to Leia's office out of caution, and Leia put me in this thing that feels like a coffin for forty-five minutes. Have you ever been in one of those things? I almost went berserk in there..."

"It's a good thing you don't have to worry about insurance..." Suddenly the organizer beeped, and Itsuki picked it up and shook his head. "...what is it with this thing?"

"I don't know, it never shuts up. So anyway, you can see why I would be interested in finding this person."

"Absolutely. You should not have to pay for that." The organizer would beep once more, as if it was agreeing with Itsuki's remark.

"Stop it! Stop it! It's starting to drive me insane..."

"Let me have a look at this thing...gotta find that off switch."

"You know, Villager told me he thought they saw it coming out of a window, on the fifth floor of the mansion."

"It must've been Heihachi, acting like a typical rich snob. Using the world for his personal garbage can."

"I am rather fortunate your name came up. I just pushed a button."

"I would like to know what my name is doing in this organizer to begin with. I know it doesn't belong to Heihachi...he doesn't even have one!"

Heihachi: That wretched Itsuki gave those electronic organizer thingies to all his pals in the mansion...and yet he had the gall to snub me! It's probably part of his special initiation, it's a part of some cult...and I've been a member of enough cults to know how initiation works. Itsuki can't hide anything from me!


Itsuki returned to the Star Records room, chilling at the desk. Rise came marching in, and just like Wario, the idol singer had a bone to pick with Itsuki.

"Oh, hey," Itsuki smiled at Rise, who angrily came marching towards the young man. Safe to say that Rise wasn't in a very pleasant mood.

"Hey, 'great' organizer that you gave me," responded Rise, as she glared down Itsuki, who didn't seem at one bit fazed by Rise's anger.

"Oh, you like it huh? I figured it would be a big hit."

"It wouldn't stop beeping in the car so Touma threw it out the window."

"I'm very sorry to hear that...I should reprimand Touma, for throwing stuff senselessly."

"I transferred almost everything in there, including some lyrics I wrote for Touma's video. And now it's likely gone forever...I'm lost now, Itsuki."

Suddenly Sonic came busting inside the Star Records room, scratching all over his body. Fox and Falco, who were still in the Star Records room, looked at Sonic curiously along with Itsuki and Rise.

"Sonic, what's the matter with you, why are you scratching all over your body?" Fox questioned the hedgehog, before furrowing his brow. "You stole my body lotion again, didn't you?"

"The sand, it's everywhere!" complained Sonic, as he was scratching underneath his armpits. "It's in my hair, underneath my arms, and in places I can't even mention out loud!"

"You can go ahead and mention it, we're not little children," Falco said to Sonic, only to receive a questionable look from Fox. Falco just shrugged his shoulders. "What?"

"I'll see you later..." Rise said to Itsuki, before leaving the Star Records room. Once she stepped into the hallway, Rise ran into Cortex, who was with Pit.

"Ah, Ms. Rise Kujikawa - my favorite idol singer!" Cortex greeted Rise, who could only cringe; Rise knew that Cortex was just pandering to her. "Did you give my suggestions to Touma?"

"You mean those lousy titles you suggested? 'War: What Is It Good For?'...bet you patted yourself on the back for thinking of that."

"Ha ha, you bet I did! Got that second title from a song I heard on the radio the other day. Dr. Brio already claimed to have invented it."

"I can see that you're not that original...it's no wonder you're always kept losing to Crash." Pit snickered at Rise's remark, only to be silent when Cortex frowned at him.

"You told Touma that he should name his music video 'War- What Is It Good For?', yes? Please tell me he said yes..."

"You really wanna know what happened?" Cortex was eagerly waiting, smiling as he rubbed his hands together.

"Ooh, ooh, can I take a guess?" Pit excitedly asked, raising his hand like he really had to go use the restroom.

"Go ahead Pit, be my guest..." While Pit would say something stupid, Rise had no other choice but to entertain the angel.

"Lemme guess...he threw your organizer out the window?" Rise was left stunned by Pit's perfectly accurate guess, as she looked at the angel shocked.

"What, how did you know that?

"Because I know who has it."

"What, how did you find it?"

"Because someone got hit in the head with it, and your name was on the thing! Found it all out while it was at the fitness center."

Pit: I actually enjoy being Cortex's campaign manager. I feel like a lapdog, doing all of Dr. Cortex's bidding. *pauses* No, lapdog isn't the right word...I'd say that I feel like a government packmule! Wait, that's not any better...and it doesn't even make any sense...

"Well where is it, give it to me!" demanded Rise, as she held out her hand to Cortex and Pit. She wasn't leaving until she got her organizer back.

"Sadly neither Pit nor I have the organizer that you're looking for," Cortex said to Rise, making the idol singer all frustrated.

"Why not? Pit knows the person who has it, right? Who has my organizer, Pit?"

"If you must know...it's Princess Zelda," confessed Pit, who contemplated whether or not he should've told Rise that. "But the thing is, she's not returning it until she, uh, gets the money back for the hospital bill."

"Hospital bill? Seriously?. Didn't know that the organizer hit her that bad...but I didn't do it, Touma did it! He should have to pay for it!

"How much is Touma getting from Star Records for making that music video?" inquired Cortex; he hoped to "borrow" as much money generated as possible to fund his own campaign.

"Not sure yet, but in the worst-case scenario...I'm gonna go with one million." One million smackaroos for Cortex to steal...erm, borrow.

"Well, that's a start. Better get Touma to start making that music video, right away!"

"Or we can go ahead and get my organizer back...and you two are coming with me!"


Wario and Professor Juniper were both walking along the beach, with Wario going into detail about marine biology and stuff. Professor Juniper was listening to every word that came out of Wario's mouth, interested in hearing the fatso's acumen.

"Then of course with evolution the octopus lost the nostrils and took on the more familiar look that we know today," Wario explained to Professor Juniper, obviously making up crap on the fly. It was the only way to go. "But if you look really closely you can still see a bump where the nose used to be."

"Really now, is that so?" asked Professor Juniper with a smirk, thinking that some of the stuff that Wario was saying deserved some merit.

"Yeah, but enough about fish I can talk about other things like...architecture. That's my second biggest passion."


Rise stood outside the treehouse near the mansion, with Cortex and Pit. Touma was up in the treehouse with K.K. Slider, planning out the music video with the hippie dog.

"You sure that Touma is up there in that treehouse?" Pit asked Rise, as he pointed up at the treehouse in question. "Left my underwear up there...just pretend you never heard that."

"This is where he and K.K. Slider are handling their pre-production phase," replied Rise, looking up at the treehouse with a few second doubts. "I'm crazy for doing this!"

"You want to get your organizer back, don't you?" Cortex asked Rise, sneering at the idol singer with his hands on his hips. "Better now than never!"

"Why are you so interested, you want to take out Zelda? Is this some part of your evil plan?"

"Good heavens, no! This is nothing of the sort. Who do you think I am, Doctor Doom?"

"Well you're no Doctor Doom..."

"And you're not Utada Hikaru..."

"Whatever..." Rise rolled her eyes at Cortex, before looking towards Pit who was mindlessly scratching his butt. "...Pit, do you have the tape-recorder?"

"Got it right here!" replied Pit, digging into his pocket and taking out the tape-recorder. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Yeah .I got to get Touma on tape. If Zelda ends up in the 'Pacific Northwest Journal Of Medicine', I'm not going to pay for it."

"Speaking of Zelda...here she comes!" Pit saw Zelda coming towards the treehouse, feeling a lot better since she was attacked by that organizer.

"Hi, Princess Zelda, do you have the organizer with you?" Rise asked the princess, who pulled out the electronic organizer for Rise to see. The organizer started to beep.

"Alright, let's go!" exclaimed Cortex, as he, Pit, and Rise climbed up the ladder to the treehouse. "We'll meet you back here in ten minutes hopefully with the money, princess."

Zelda: What's this I hear about some "hospital bill" I need to pay off...is someone going around spreading rumors again?


Wario and Professor Juniper were still walking along the beach, with Wario still educating Juniper with some of his marine biology knowledge...or the lack thereof. So far, Professor Juniper was impressed.

"Your parents must be so proud of you, Wario," the Pokemon professor said to the fatso, making him feel all sorts of proud inside. "Having their son be a marine biologist..."

"Oh, they're busting!" grinned Wario, amazed that he was able to convince Professor Juniper and leave a good impression on her. "I'm their most prized possession!"

Wario and Professor Juniper's walk along the beach would come to an end, when they encountered a large crowd of people gathered around the shore. There seemed to be quite a commotion taking place.

"What are those people doing over there?" Professor Juniper asked Wario, who squinted his eyes as he made out the commotion going on.

"Must be a bunch of protestors...but I don't see any signs!" observed Wario, before he saw a large body resting on the shore. "But I do see a large fish...or mammal..."


Rise and company stood outside the treehouse, knocking on the door. Why did the treehouse even have a door? MIght wanna ask Donkey Kong about that, the treehouse was his doing.

"Hold on, I said hold on!" a cranky Touma shouted from inside the treehouse, before he opened the door and saw Rise and company. "Oh! Rise! Come in. Glad you could spare a minute from your busy schedule! I take it you brought Pit and Cortex, just to torture me?"

"Nah, these two knuckleheads just wanted to tag along," replied Rise, as she and the others entered the treehouse. "You know, a single woman alone outside could be dangerous."

"Exactly. That's why I started these sneakers," stated Cortex, as he showed off a pair of Air Jordans on his feet. Touma laughed in disbelief. "In case of any trouble...zip, I'm gone!"

Touma: *laughs uncontrollably* Who in their right mind would wanna buy Cortex a pair of Air Jordans?! Who would wanna waste their money on that guy?

Diddy Kong: Dr. Cortex begged me to buy him a pair of Air Jordans...easily one of the worst investments I've ever made. Second only to that "expensive water" I purchased, which was only just regular water.

Brio: Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I was the one who invented Air Jordans...Michael Jordan and the Nike brand, I've let them take all the credit.

"Yeah, the sneakers...the Americans and their sneakers..." said Touma, although Cortex wasn't exactly an American; he was more Australian than anything. "Always running from something. Well, Rise, why don't you make yourself comfy, and I'll give you the details about the music video!"


Zelda stood outside the treehouse, waiting for Rise and the others. The organizer was still beeping, which drew the attention of the buddy cops, Toon Link and Young Link, on their outdoor patrol.

"Ugh, what do you boys want?" Zelda asked the buddy cops, dealing with them at one of the worst times possible.

"If you can't turn that thing off, we're going to have to ask you to leave," Toon Link said very sternly to Zelda. He had no grounds to speak to Zelda like that; the princess was a candidate for the woman of the mansion, after all.

"I'm waiting for three people! It's not my fault this dumb thing won't turn off..."

"Well you can wait for them outside," replied Young Link, as Zelda looked at the Hylian funnily. Was he being serious right now?

"I'm already outside." Young Link was suddenly all pent up with anger, as the Hylian was now mean muggin' Zelda. Toon Link had to hold back his partner-in-crime, although Young Link didn't really need anyone to hold him back at all.

"Take it easy Hutch, she was just using a Jedi mind trick on you..." Toon Link did his best to soothe Young Link, who was still mean mugging Zelda as Toon Link walked him away. "...better find a way to turn that device off, Princess Zelda - it might disturb the public."

"There's no public around to disturb, so...I think I'm good." Zelda went back to waiting, as the buddy cops left the premises.


Wario and Professor Juniper were standing with the crowd at the beach, trying to figure out what was going on. Just as Wario said, there was a large fish - or mammal - that was present.

"What's going on over here?" Professor Juniper asked someone standing in the crowd, after she and Wario made their way through the folks to the open.

"There is a beached whale, she's dying," a woman replied, watching in peril as the whale in question was lying along the shore. The poor whale was on her last breath.

"Is anyone here a marine biologist?" someone in the crowd shouted, as the time for a hero to save the whale drew nigh. Wario looked around, sensing the opportunity at hand.

"I am a marine biologist!" the fatso proclaimed, as everyone looked at him; Wario looked up at the sky with his finger pointing upwards, feeling heroic. "I shall save the whale!"


Up in the treehouse, Touma and K.K. Slider had gone over some stuff with Rise. It was during this meeting that K.K. Slider revealed that he was lowkey writing some lyrics in his downtime - lyrics for Touma's music video.

"Here's what I wrote, you can just go from there," K.K. Slider said to Rise as he handed her the lyrics on a piece of paper. "We'll see you next week, cool cat. Same time, same place."

"It was great being a part of this meeting!" exclaimed Cortex, as he was ready to leave; he was hoping that Touma would use one of his title suggestions. "Can't wait to see the final product!"

"Wait, Touma, before I go...do you remember earlier today, when we were in the hallway and my organizer started beeping and you threw it out the window?" Rise asked Touma, holding up both Cortex and Pit. Cortex, who just had one foot out the door, stomped his foot in frustration.

"How could I forget?" replied Touma, insulted that Rise had the audacity to ask if he remembered something. "What do you think I am, some old geezer?!"

"Well would you believe that the organizer hit somebody on the head?" Touma could not believe it, as he was starting to feel guilty.

"Right in the head! Boing!" said Pit as he followed up Rise, while imitating a boing effect. Touma was feeling shame for hurting somebody, only to be interrupted when he heard a squeaking noise.

"What is that noise?!" Touma frowned, as he looked around the treehouse for the sound. "What is it today with these annoying sounds?"

"Um, nothing, you must be hearing things." Identifying where the beeping noise was coming from, Touma looked towards Pit and grabbed his toga. The redhead pulled out a tape recorder from underneath the toga, and frowned.

"A recorder?! Pit, you and Cortex were spying on me, weren't you? That's probably why you came with Rise!"

"That's not a recorder, it's a radio...that beeping sounds means it's malfunctioning." Touma refused to believe Pit for a second, as he threw the recorder out through the treehouse window...


...only for it to land on Zelda's head. Zelda winced in pain, as she saw that the recorder that descended from above lying on the ground.

"First an electronic organizer, and now a tape recorder..." the princess sighed, as she picked up the recorder off from the ground. "...I need to find out who this belongs to."


Sonic: It's absolutely criminal how much sand I have all over me...and I'm not even wearing clothes, for crying out loud! If those golf balls just cooperated, and landed in the ocean like I wanted it to...

Sonic stood in his room, now trying to get some of the sand out of his shoes. After emptying his left shoe, the hedgehog tossed the shoe on the floor, with his left foot exposed.

"Hey Sonic, I was thinking that maybe you were interested in a game of table tennis..." Roy said to the hedgehog when he showed up at his room, only to trail off when he saw Sonic's left foot. The swordsman screamed in fright, as he ran away.

"What's wrong, never saw a barefoot hedgehog before?" Sonic questioned Roy, who was running down the hallway screaming for his life. The hedgehog shook his head and sighed, as he removed his other shoe.


At the beach, everyone was yelling at Wario to save the whale. Thing was, Wario had absolutely no clue how to go about it!

"Come on!" "Save the whale!" "Hurry up, it's gonna die!" These were some of the remarks that people were shouting at Wario, who was nervous to the brim. Wario stood at the side of the whale, nervously biting his fingernails.

"Save the whale, Wario...I believe in you!" Professor Juniper encouraged the fatso, giving him enough confidence to save the whale. Just like that, Wario saw his nervousness vanish away, as he looked more confident.

"I believe in me, too..." said a now determined Wario, as he marched into the ocean. Nothing could stop him now...


"So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified!" Wario was now telling his heroic story to Fox, Falco, and Itsuki in the Star Records room, with the three gentlemen listening to every word. "But I pressed on and as I made my way passed the breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you at that moment I was a marine biologist! "

"You're a marine biologist? That's news to me!" remarked Big Top, sitting happily on top of the Star Records desk. Itsuki had a slight smile on his face.

"The sea was angry, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli! I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, 'Easy big fella!' And then as I watched him struggling I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!"

"Mammal," Fox corrected Wario, who waved off the pilot; whales will forever be fish to Wario, the renowned marine biologist.

"What did you do next?" Falco asked Wario, interested in how the rest of the story played out. The avian pilot was never so captivated by any story Wario told before.

"Then from out of nowhere a huge title wave lifted, tossed like a cork and I found myself on top of him face to face with the blowhole," Wario continued, using a whole bunch of imagery to paint the scene of the story. "I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down on top of me but I knew something was there so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction!"

Wario dug into his pocket, and pulled out...a golf ball! The three heads of Star Records looked at the golf ball with heavy intrigue, as Wario held the golf ball like it was some prized artifact.

"What is that, a Titleist?" said Fox, recognizing the ball from when he and the boys went out playing golf with Sonic. "Must've been a hole-in-one!"

"I bet the crowd went wild when you saved that whale!" said Falco, as Wario gleamed while placing the golf ball back in his pocket. Wario was sure to tell his whale story for days.

"Oh yes they did, Falco, they were all over me!" nodded Wario, extremely proud of saving the whale's life. Even wanted a plaque, to commemorate the occasion. "It was like Rocky. Juniper came up to me, threw her arms around me, and kissed me. We both had tears streaming down our faces. I never saw anyone so beautiful. It was at that moment I decided to tell her I was not a marine biologist!"

"Wow! What'd she say?" Falco was leaning in closer to Wario, hoping to hear some good news.

"She told me to get lost and I took the bus home." Falco was now met with disappointment, as he looked down at the floor in shame.

Wario: Professor Juniper and I didn't kiss, I made it all up. I like to make up imaginary scenarios where I passionately kiss hot women. It's a...it's a coping device.

"Hello, Mr. Aoi? Are you there?" Isabelle asked from outside the Star Records room, knocking on the door. The shih tzu came inside the room, delighted to see Itsuki. "The search committee wants to have a word with you."

"This better be good..." remarked Itsuki as he got up from the desk, feeling uneasy as he followed Isabelle out of the room. Fox and Falco looked on, with bated breath.


Itsuki went down to Master Hand's room to speak with the search committee, expecting to hear some good news. However, what the young man got instead was the complete opposite.

"We had been receiving complaints all day about your electric organizers," Tom Nook said to Itsuki, placing an electric organizer on the table in front of him. "We've heard that these organizers either caught on fire, electrocuted people, and almost gave some seizures."

"And even gave one person post-traumatic stress disorder," added Isabelle, as Itsuki was starting to feel a bit down. "Not sure how that's even possible, but..."

"This is going to hurt my candidacy, isn't it?" asked Itsuki, as him being out of the running was now completely inevitable. His chances were now ruined.

"I'm afraid so, Mr. Aoi..." replied Tom Nook, looking down and shaking his head. He saw some potential in Itsuki, too. "...we can't have a man of the mansion give out trinkets that can harm the mansion's residents. So, Isabelle and I have no choice but to leave you off the hook."

"It's for the best," Isabelle said to Itsuki, who nodded in defeat as he got up from his chair. Itsuki never would've imagined going out like this.

"Well, it was a great experience...guess I'll just only be a head of Star Records, then. Thank you for everything, you two." Itsuki would leave the room, bummed out that his faulty electric organizers had done him in.

But Itsuki wouldn't feel bummed out any longer, as he ran into Tsubasa the moment he walked out of Master Hand's room. Just the person he wanted to see.

"Hey Itsuki, were you speaking with Tom Nook and Isabelle just now?" Tsubasa asked her boyfriend, all smiles; she had no idea what was coming next.

"Yes I was - it was a pretty short conversation," replied Itsuki, as he sheepishly scratched the back of his head. "We had a short little meeting and...they told me that I'm out of the running for man of the mansion."

"Oh? You're out, for good?" Tsubasa was stunned, taken back by what Itsuki had said.

"Yep, those electric organizers I gave out...they were acting very faulty. One almost even injured poor Princess Zelda. Those organizers sadly led to my demise."

"Well I'm sorry to hear that...but hey, at least you're still in charge of Star Records! At least you can't lose that."

"Sure can't..." Tsubasa would catch Itsuki by surprise, by giving him a kiss on his cheek as a sign of encouragement.

"Even though you're out of the running...you still did your best." Tsubasa would smile at Itsuki before walking away, as Itsuki smiled himself.

Perhaps some golfing with Fox and Falco would make Itsuki feel a little better.