Author's Note:
Oh ho ho! You weren't expecting back-to-back chapters of Smash Life, didn't you? Well consider yourselves welcome. And enjoy!
Episode 250: Touchdown
Shortly after Cortex opted to leave the mansion, for the time being, Pit would follow the evil genius' lead, much to the shock of Viridi and everyone else. While Cortex's decision was pretty understandable, Pit's decision almost blind-sighted everyone, from Master Hand and Cloud to even Mario and the neighbors. Nobody ever expected Pit to go and be on his own, especially given his lack of street smarts.
But Pit refused to be undeterred by his lack of skill, and sought to make the most of the opportunity he put himself in. The producers of Smash Life, LeVar and Brad, had one of their cameramen look for Pit, and document the angel as he made it happen around Seattle. To the surprise of LeVar and Brad, and the cameraman...Pit secured a job interview!
The job interview would take place at Target, and Pit had filled out a Target application after he found one lying around on the sidewalk one day. Now Pit would no longer have to worry about wandering around town, doing who-knows-what, as he now found a purpose. A job that would undoubtedly keep him busy.
Pit: I have left the Smash Mansion after many awesome years, and am officially on the job market! And I gotta say, it's very exciting.
"For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and trivia about myself," Pit said to the interviewer as he stepped inside the room, holding three sheets of paper that were stapled together. The angel handed the sheets of paper to the interviewer, who had no idea what to do with them.
Pit: I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.
"How would I describe myself? Three words," Pit said to the interviewer, having studied a dictionary he read at a library one day. "Hard-working, Alpha male, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable."
"Um, I think that's enough..." the interviewer responded, taking note of how tenacious Pit was. She could tell that the angel really wanted the job.
"Hold on, I have a few more...Diligent. Trustworthy, Cold-Blooded Killer, Easy-Going, Refined...did I already say three words, or do I have to go on?"
Pit: There is nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon.
Somehow, someway, Pit got the job after making a good impression on the interviewer, (or maybe Target was that desperate). The angel was now wearing a Target uniform, although he kept most of his toga intact.
"Well, kid...you got the job," the manager of Target said to the angel, unaware of the huge mistake he was potentially making. "Congratulations."
"Thank you very much, manager guy whose name I just forgot!" Pit thanked the manager, who ruefully regretted his decision as Pit gave him a salute. "Promise I won't let you down!"
Pit: I got this job to make some money while I continue my employment search. And uh, it's fine for the time being. *hears manager calling to him* Oops! Break's over!
One of the main reasons why Link offered his man of the mansion job to Cloud was because of the fact that he wanted to remain a regular, ordinary resident. Something that weighed in his mind over time. Sure, he didn't mind being the alpha male, but part of him wanted to remain a normal resident living in the mansion, just like everyone else. That was fairly understandable.
However, that still didn't stop Link from being annoyed by the others - whether it was from his fellow residents, or even one of the neighbors. As the Hylian was eating some lunch in the dining room, Fox stopped by with his phone.
"Yo, Big Shrimp...check this out," Fox said to Link, garnering the Hylian's attention before a ringtone started playing from his phone. "Rockin' Robin" was the song, and the singer had a voice that almost sounded vaguely familiar to Link.
"Is that you singing?" Link asked Fox, as he was able to discern the singer's voice. A whole lot of autotune was used in the song, an almost gratuitous amount.
"All four parts. Recorded it on my computer. It took me forever. But thanks be to autotune - it can easily fool people into thinking you're talented."
"Nice job." Link couldn't care less about Fox's new ringtone, as he resumed eating his roast beef sandwich in peace.
"Thank you very much, I appreciate it." The ringtone kept on playing, as the peace that Link was hoping would return felt so far away.
"You gonna answer it?" Link couldn't believe that Fox had yet to answer the phone - mad disrespect to whoever was calling the pilot.
"I called it myself. I just thought you'd get a kick out of the new ring."
"Yikes..." Fox was now vibing to his new ringtone, smiling as he bobbed his head to the beat.
"Side note. I'd just like to say I'm thrilled and humbled to be standing in the presence of the real man of the mansion. The man who won, fair and square."
"Thank you...but the man you're looking for is Cloud. He's the one you should be humbled by."
"I feel I have a lot to learn from you, even though you only have like two weeks of experience. Whether you wanna admit it or not. So here's to the future...Fox and the Shrimp! Doesn't sound like a catchy band name, but we can make it work..."
Link: Can't believe I'm saying this but...I miss Pit having Pit around. Congratulations, universe. You win.
Master Hand for the life of him couldn't believe that Pit had left the mansion. When he first heard the news, the giant hand thought that it was a joke, a tall tale told by one of the residents just to stir up some needless drama. He also thought that Pit was so dumb, that he wouldn't know if he truly left the mansion or not. All in all, Master Hand didn't expect Pit to survive, on his own.
Still, the giant hand wasn't fully convinced that Pit was gone, and was convinced that the angel was hiding somewhere in the mansion to make it seem like his absence was legit. It was up to Cloud to inform Master Hand that Pit's decision to leave the mansion was legitimate, while also making any of Master Hand's cynicism about the situation go away.
"Yes, Pit has left the mansion, on his own terms," Cloud informed Master Hand, as Falco conspicuously came inside Master Hand's room while drinking from a smoothie. "It was his own personal decision; not me, nor anyone else, had any bearing on it.
"The cost of being stupid," remarked Falco, before taking a slurp from his smoothie as he garnered Cloud and Master Hand's attention.
"What are you doing here..." For the most part, Falco had been spying on Cloud ever since Cloud became man of the mansion, and this was another one of those moments.
"Yes, well, it is a big loss," stated Master Hand as he lamented over Pit, hoping that the angel's absence from the mansion would be short-lived. "Pit was truly the life of the party..."
"Pit, the life of the party?!" snorted Falco as he almost choked on his smoothie while laughing. Would've been tragic if we were to drop his smoothie on the floor. "Now that's rich!"
"I'd say that this is a moment of addition by subtraction," Cloud had this to say about Pit being away from the mansion. "Morale at the mansion might improve."
"What does that even mean?" Master Hand questioned Cloud, thinking that Pit was some kind of glue that kept the mansion and its residents together. "That is impossible. How can morale possibly improve without Pit?"
"Having an idiot out of the mansion would make a big difference..." remarked Falco as he stroked his chin; Master Hand believed that Cloud and Falco were hating on Pit, presumably out of jealousy.
"Whatever...but, there is some good news. We got some new peeps coming in. And Travis Touchdown is one of them! The others will be here next week. Addition by addition. So we are going to have a big party today to welcome Travis and hopefully that will lift everybody's spirits."
Yes, Travis Touchdown was about to become a mansion resident, after spending over a year in a nearby camper to keep himself away from Badman. The otaku was initially very neutral on living at the mansion, but slowly came around over time when Master Hand enticed him. And now, he was going to be living at the mansion - almost a dream come true.
"How's my favorite mansion doing today?!" asked Travis as he stepped inside the foyer, bringing his suitcase with him. Cloud had helped Travis transfer his belongings from the camper to the mansion, and even helped the otaku pick out his room.
"Hey Travis! Welcome to the Smash Mansion," Kirby greeted the otaku, showing up at the foyer with Incineroar. Travis wondered why Pit wasn't with Kirby and Incineroar, but he was just happy that someone came to greet him.
"Sup fellas! Looks like we're gonna be living together now. Mansion buddies, amirite?"
"travis arrives at the mansion...it's a touchdown," remarked Sans as he entered the foyer, with his hands in the pockets of his jacket. Travis wanted to laugh at Sans' joke, but just couldn't find the energy to do it. "hey, travis, wanna hear a joke?"
"Well I'm already here, so...do your worst." Travis had braced himself, getting his laughing muscles ready. Provided said muscles even existed...
"why did the otaku cross the road?" Sans would pause for a brief moment, for the kicker. "because there was a funko pop sale at the anime store."
"That's...not even a joke, was I supposed to laugh at that?" Travis felt more hurt than anything.
"wait, there's more...why did the otaku die?" Sans paused once again for the kicker, as he allowed the question to marinate. "because the merchandise sale ended minutes before he got there."
"Okay, that's not very funny..." Now more personally hurt, Travis grabbed his suitcase and hurried down the hallway. "...forget you, Sans."
"didn't like the joke? i thought of it like, two seconds before you came in." Travis ignored Sans, as he kept on walking. Travis passed by Viridi in the hallway, and yes, Viridi still had Pit very much on her mind.
"Hi Viridi...or should I say, Little Miss Cactus," Travis greeted the goddess of nature, with a slick smile. Frankly, Travis' fondest memory of Viridi was the goddess snapping on Pit for hanging out with D. Va at the camper. Quite a memory to have.
"Travis..." Viridi uttered the otaku's name, as she and Travis walked past each other.
As the man of the mansion, one of Cloud's duties was tending to the needs and cares of the mansion's pets. Cloud was busy feeding the Duck Hunt Dog some dog food, when Falco came over to speak with the swordsman.
"Hey, boss," Falco greeted Cloud, as he gave the swordsman a pat on his back. Did Falco ever refer to Mario as a boss, did Mario ever receive the same treatment?
"Hey, what's up?" Cloud asked Falco, putting away the bag of dog food. It was heavy, but if Cloud could carry his Buster Sword with no problems, then a heavy bag of dog food was like lifting a dumbbell to him.
"Noooothin'. Ehrrrrrrrrr. Heh. Man. Thank goodness it's Friday. Am I right?"
"Yep...you could say that again." So far, Cloud wasn't bothered by Falco...yet, but he was giving the avian pilot a lot of chances. The swordsman had a lot of patience.
"Gonna go crash Fox and Krystal's place. Get my beer on. Get my Friday Night Smackdown on. What are you doing later, wanna hang out?"
"I don't know. Maybe. Might be busy later tonight." Cloud never realized how big of a cop-out "being busy tonight" was until now. The powers of having a little authority.
"Well, I will take that as a maybe." After he put away the bag of dog food in the kitchen cabinet, Cloud walked away. "Where are you going?"
"Bathroom. Going to the bathroom." Cloud expected Falco to go away, but the aivan pilot decided to walk with the swordsman.
"Oh, well, I'm going to the fitness center, to get some weight-lifting in. I'll walk with you."
Falco: *lurking by the bathroom door* Yeah, things are going pretty good. Gettin' a lot of face time with the new boss.
Fox: Falco is convinced that Cloud is the man of the mansion, but we all know who the real alpha is...Link. Him passing the mantle to Cloud was just for show, it was an act to show how generous he was. When in actuality, Link is secretly operating behind the scenes. Cloud is essentially the Black Zetzu to Link's Kaguya...Travis would totally appreciate that reference.
After he settled down in his room, and finished unpacking his suitcase, Travis was in the library for one reason, and one reason only...to look for manga books. An otaku couldn't stay in a mansion that had a library lacking in manga.
"You know where the manga section is?" Travis asked Ashley, who was looking at the bookshelves for any spellbooks. Ashley despised having conversations at the library, but she was willing to make an exception, for the newcomer Travis.
"Do we even have a manga section?" Ashley asked the de facto librarian, Gil, who was nearby. Gil whistled to himself as he walked away, refusing to answer the question. "I'm sure there's a manga section somewhere."
"Man, I sure hope so...especially with all the anime guys and gals in the mansion. But mostly the anime gals." As Travis resumed his search, Viridi would approach the otaku.
"Travis? I have a question," Viridi said to the otaku, who turned around and gave the goddess of nature his full attention. "Would you like to join the party planning committee? I was recently named a new member."
"Party planning committee, eh? Pit told me about it. It's the one with a lot of women, right?"
"It's only a few women...but yeah." If there was anything Travis loved as much as anime, it was getting down with the ladies. Specifically those that weren't out for his blood.
"You're not asking me because I'm a ladies' man, are you?"
"No. No. Certain events have transpired. And I've thought about certain things. And I'm sorry for the way those certain events transpired." Viridi started to cry, and Travis, wanting to comfort the goddess of nature, gave her a hug.
"Woah, it's okay, it's okay...there's no need to cry or anything. You don't have to be sad..."
"I'm sorry, it's just...I just wanted to make some changes about certain things and certain situations. Pit 'banned' himself from the mansion, and I fear that it's all my fault..."
"Okay, alright, alright! I'll join. I'd love to. If it'll make you stop crying. I'll take the offer."
"Thank you." Viridi was now sniffling, wiping away her tears as Travis ended the hug. Viridi walked away, as King Dedede came around the corner.
"Can I join too?" the fat penguin excitedly asked Viridi, after he heard the goddess of nature discuss the party planning committee with Travis. Anything to get closer to the ladies.
"Never in a million years...get lost, you creep." King Dedede stomped his foot on the floor out of bitter frustration, as Viridi left the library.
Given that he was Pit, one would expect the angel to be sucking at his job at Target - misplacing certain products on the shelves, and leaving a bad impression on the shoppers. But instead...Pit was performing very well at his job! The hard work of the angel greatly impressed the other Target workers, who had never seen anyone put in so much work on their first day on the job.
"You sold those two printers?" one of the Target employees asked Pit, who nodded his head with a smile and gave a thumbs up. "Nice work!"
"It was mostly just child's play," scoffed Pit, taking it easy as he folded his arms behind his back. "Give me something hard to sell."
Mario was at the mansion, surveying Cloud and seeing how the swordsman was handling himself. The plumber saw the swordsman in the living room, as a plant caught his eye.
"Wow. What is wrong-a with this thing?" questioned Mario as he walked over to the plant in question. Poor plant was dying, like it was on its last breath. "It looks-a terrible."
"Do you want me to ask Alph if he stopped watering it?" asked Futaba, who was sitting on the couch watching television. Alph was usually in charge of watering the plants around the mansion.
"Yeah. And you know what? Ask some-a one about the toys-a in my foyer, too. Those toys are always arranged-a and lined up in a very pleasing way. Brightens up my mood-a when I stop by the mansion."
"Oh, that was mostly Pit's doing. He picks out the toys that he puts on display."
"Really? Pit did that?" asked Cloud, as Falco came into the living room as he observed the swordsman in front of him. "That was very nice of him. We need more attitude like that around here."
"Feel ya, dawg," Falco said to Cloud, as he rested his arm on the swordsman's back. Cloud was now greatly annoyed with Falco, if he wasn't already.
"Yeah, do you? You really feel me?"
"Absolutely. One hundred percent!"
"What did I say?" Cloud took a step back from Falco, seeing if the avian pilot heard anything that was being discussed.
"Mario said..." Falco made a bunch of gibberish noises, some of which were enough to make Cloud cringe. "...which is like, 'Right on'. And Futaba was like 'blah blah blah' and you were like 'Yeah, pshh.' Nailed it."
"Oh, no...this is getting out of hand." Tired of Falco, Cloud rushed out of the living room, as Falco was hot on his heels.
Mario: Love that Falco, right? Solid fellow. Pretty smart. Very easy to get along.
Cloud: Only one problem with Falco, though - he is starting to like me. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person. A little. Not super crazy, per se...but there's something about him that's really creeping me out. I can't really explain it.
Mario: I see what's going on...he's always up in-a your bidness.
Cloud: My...what now?
Mario: That's just-a ebonics for "being in my face and annoying the beeswax out of me", Cloud. I don't understand how someone could have-a so little self-awareness...
Master Hand called Travis to his room, wanting to discuss the party he had planned later that evening. The giant hand expected Travis to be stoked for the party, but in all honesty, the otaku didn't seem to care.
"I really have no preference," Travis said to Travis with a shrug of his shoulders, alarming Master Hand as he made the giant hand gasp. "We don't even have to have a party!"
"No, Travis - don't be ridiculous!" Master Hand snapped on Travis; if you were a new guy at the mansion, and Master Hand wanted to throw you a party, you better accept the party...or accept the dire consequences. "Of course we are going to have a party. A celebration of Travis. Travis Touchdown night. And I want it to be Travis-specific."
"Master Hand, we don't have to do this...you never threw a party for Banjo on his first day at the mansion, did you?"
"No, no, no. I mean, we're doing this not because you're a loser. Your loser-ness does not define you. Your otaku-ness is what defines you to me! And I think we should celebrate your otaku lifestyle. So I'm gonna have Rosalina fetch some fireworks from the Yiga Clan. And a robot dog, while she's at it. I'll have Min Min make some ramen noodles - those noodles are the best!"
"Why don't you have me riding in on some anime creature into the party scene? Like Godzilla, or some nine-tailed fox thing?"
"Ah, a nine-tailed fox...don't know where I can find one of those, but I'll let you ride on top of Koromaru. If Minato and friends are fine with it, of course."
In addition to selling Target products with little to no effort, Pit was also engaged in helping out the customers. He was helping one right now, in the electronics section.
"Need any help?" Pit asked a woman, who was looking at the flat-screen TVs on display. Finding the right television was always the hardest choice for any shopper.
"Oh, no, thank you, I'm just looking," the woman replied, appreciative of the fact that Pit came over to offer any assistance. Great employee etiquette.
"Great. I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all." Pit stood in place, waiting for the woman to ask him for help. "I'm waiting..."
"Okay." Now bugged out by Pit, the woman grabbed her shopping cart and moved away, as Pit remained where he was. He was expecting the woman to come back and ask him a question any minute now...
Link was in the lounge, keeping to himself as he was reading the latest edition of Swordsman Weekly. Fox entered the lounge, seeing Link sitting by himself.
"I think I could go for some shrimp right about now," said Fox, before taking out a fishing rod. Asked Red the Pokemon Trainer for permission to borrow it. "Oh, got my rod here." Fox took the casts off... "Whizzzzz." ...before hurling the hook at Link, catching the Hylian. "Click, click, click, click, click, click, click." Annoyed, Link put down his magazine, as he got up and left the lounge. "Ah! I got one! I got one! Ahhhh!"
With Pit gone away from the mansion, Zelda took up the opportunity to clean out Pit's room - a simple yet time-consuming task that Pit seldom did. Palutena would command Pit to clean his room, but the angel always refused to listen. Nobody knew the last time Pit cleaned his room, which he shared with Dark Pit...and not even Dark Pit knew himself!
"It's only a miracle that roaches haven't infested this room yet," remarked Zelda, who was checking underneath Pit's bed and pulled out several bags of microwave popcorn. All of which were unopened.
"Eh, I just spray the room down with bug spray, just to be safe," replied Dark Pit, who was more vigilant about keeping the room neat and tidy than Pit ever was. "I have to keep the bug spray away from Pit, he hurts himself every time he uses it..."
"Hey Zelda," Link greeted his girlfriend as he entered the room, hoping that he wasn't interrupting her work. "So Fox is in rare form today..."
"Yeah, you should not encourage him." Zelda lifted up Pit's mattress, and saw a bunch of candy wrappers underneath. Has Pit ever been to a dentist before?
"Encourage him? I'm the victim, okay? He's fishing for me. We've got to do something."
"Look, I'm kind of busy at the moment cleaning Pit's room. I've seen so much of Pit's dirty laundry lying around on the floor that I'm actually starting to lose count. So, I'm sorry. I can't."
"Fine then." Link left the room, allowing Zelda to resume cleaning up the room. "Party pooper..."
Link: Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv Albert? Fox is acting like Marv Albert. Great sportscaster. Big weirdo creep.
Fox: 150 pounder. Check it out. Whew! *"displays" Link who looks clearly annoyed*
Refusing to fly solo, Link looked around the mansion for anyone willing to help him get back at Fox by pranking him. Begrudgingly, the Hylian went to the arcade room, where Sonic was playing an arcade game.
"Hey Sonic, you got a moment?" Link asked the hedgehog, who was playing some Space Invaders; Sonic was gunning for the top score, currently held by Crash.
"Sure thing, what's up?" asked Sonic, able to multitask as he had his eyes glued to the screen.
"You wanna pull a prank on Fox?" Sonic mulled over the offer, weighing all the pros and cons.
"Not right now, but maybe ask me again in like an hour or two. Or three."
"You were always a good-for-nothing hedgehog..." Link left the arcade room, as his mind was now made up. The Hylian...was flying solo.
"Yeah, man, same..." Seconds later, Sonic paused the game as he watched Link leave the arcade room. "...yo, Link, what did you just say about me?"
With Cortex gone from the mansion, Cloud asked the residents to get rid of anything that pertained to Cortex's campaign. Cloud wanted the campaign to be a footnote, with any evidence of its existence eliminated from the mansion.
"How's the workload on those Golden Boy t-shirts?" Cloud asked Wendy Koopa, who was stuffing a bunch of Golden Boy t-shirts in some suitcases. "Handling it okay?"
"Sort of; Cortex had made a lot of these!" replied Wendy, holding up a Golden Boy t-shirt. With the design the t-shirt had, Wendy understood why the Golden Boy t-shirt never took off.
"Yes, he did." Cloud continued on his way, encountering Doc Louis and Little Mac. "Have either one of you kept in touch with Pit?
"Oh, sure, we talk all the time," replied Doc Louis, as he took a bite from his chocolate bar - before laughing at Cloud. "I'm just kidding! Feels great to be free from that boy!"
"Don't joke around like that, Doc...what about you, Little Mac? You and Pit are pretty close."
"No, sorry," answered Little Mac; he acknowledged that him and Pit were close, but only for all the wrong reasons. Many of which Little Mac refused to mention.
Little Mac: Master Hand not being at the mansion felt to me like a vacation of sorts. Pit not being at the mansion, however long that'll be, would have the same merit.
Pit was killing it on his first day at Target, doing whatever he could to prove his worth. The angel was doing everything - manning the register, stocking the shelves, and even checking people's receipts at the entrance. Which is what he was doing at the moment.
"Really comin' down out there," a customer spoke with Pit, who was tying his shoelaces, albeit terribly. In his defense, Pit very rarely wore anything other than sandals. "Commute is gonna be hectic pretty soon."
"I have snow tires and chains," stated Pit, trying his hardest not to flex on the customer. Even if most of the stuff he was saying was flat out untrue. "Plus exceptional hand-eye coordination." You could make a reasonable argument that he was telling the truth there.
"So um, where were you workin' before this?"
"Smash Mansion. Lived there my whole life. Or at least the parts of my life that I can vaguely remember."
"What kind of company is that?" Pit scoffed at the customer, as he could tell that she was an out-of-towner.
"It's not a company...it's a lifestyle. A grind. A movement. Target might be good, but it's nothing compared to the Smash Mansion. One of Seattle's finest hallmarks!"
"I never heard of it." Pi so desperately wanted to school the customer, but he couldn't do it right now. Work was now the angel's number one priority.
"Whoa. Really? Have you heard of Smash Bros? Everyone and their mom knows Smash Bros!"
"You gonna be like that, huh?" The customer had enough of Pit, as she grabbed her shopping bag and left. Pit snapped his fingers, as the customer left the store.
Customer: I don't like him, his stupid hair or his beady blue eyes. That's all I got to say on the matter.
No matter where Link went, Fox was always there, getting on the Hylian's last nerve. As Fox was in the gaming room, jamming out to some tunes on his phone, Link was concocting his plan to prank the pilot.
"In your he-ead, in your he-eyd-ed," sang Fox, with his airpods in his ears as he was grooving to the beat. "Zombie. Zombie. Zombie. Ey, ey, ey, ey. In your he-eyd-ed."
"Would you like to pull a prank on Fox?" LInk asked Leaf, having changed his mind about flying solo; Leaf was feeding some Pokemon food to her Squirtle.
"Oh, I'm kind of in the middle of..." replied Leaf, before she saw Fox vibing all around the gaming room. Something about seeing Fox vibing caused something to click in Leaf's mind. "...yes please."
"Okay, good. Stay right here." So Leaf stayed put and continued feeding her Squirtle, as Link grabbed Fox's phone which was sitting on a pool table. Link inadvertently caused some balls to fall unto the floor in the process, which Fox witnessed.
"Oh. Good move, shrimp, nice one," Fox said to Link, who made sure that the pilot couldn't see his phone. Fox went back to vibing, as Link ran back to Leaf while still keeping the phone concealed.
"Are there any messages?" Link handed the phone to Leaf, expecting the Pokemon trainer to unlock the phone. Little did Link know that the phone was password-protected; perhaps he was only used to making emergency calls only.
"Nope, no messages," replied Leaf, before checking the phone for any notifications that Fox might have. "No notifications either...so weird."
Mario was pretty excited about Travis Touchdown being at the mansion. The plumber got to know the otaku when he came to Seattle early last year, and thought of him as a guy that was easy to get along with. Not even the most otaku traits of Travis bothered Mario.
"Nice to have Travis here," Mario said to Viridi, who was tending to the flowers in the gardens. Pit was supposed to tend to the flowers, with Viridi showing him the ropes, but sadly those days were momentarily short-lived.
"Yeah..." responded Viridi, looking despondent as she poured water all over the flowers. Mario sensed the goddess of nature's sadness, and wished to cheer her up.
Fox's constant vibing around the gaming room had come to an end, much to the great dismay of the pilot. Why was the pilot so dismayed, you ask? It was because he didn't have his phone with him, to play his songs! Fox frantically searched around the gaming room, hoping that his phone wasn't misplaced.
"Big Shrimp, have you seen my cellphone anywhere?" Fox asked Link, double-checking the pool table that he left his cellphone on. He was looking through the holes and everything.
"No, I haven't seen it at all," replied Link, who was biting his bottom lip to prevent himself from smiling. Fox's ringtone was playing throughout the gaming room, and it was driving Fox insane.
"Because someone is calling right now. There is a call. Oh, where did I put my phone...?" Link turned around and saw Leaf, giving the Pokemon trainer a thumbs up as she smiled.
All done with cleaning Pit's room, Zelda was now tasked by Master Hand to make preparations for Travis' party. When given the choice between the living room and the gaming room, Travis chose the former, saying that he only wanted a small party (which greatly bothered Master Hand, for whatever reason). So Zelda was setting up decorations in the living room, along with Viridi who had finished up her work in the gardens.
"Viridi?" Zelda called out to Viridi, having some stuff that she needed to tape to the wall. Basically a bunch of anime posters that Master Hand had X to print out.
"Oh," replied Viridi, before handing Zelda the roll of scotch tape that she needed to tape the posters. Zelda, like Mario, could tell that Viridi was visibly upset.
"Is everything okay?" Without answering, Viridi quietly went back to resuming her task, which was inflating the balloons.
"No." Viridi's one-word answers were of much concern to Zelda, and it was of much concern to Mario as well, as the plumber showed up in the living room. Clearly something needed to be done.
Fox's ringtone was still going off in the gaming room, as Fox's auto-tuned singing voice was becoming a bit of a hindrance. It was an even bigger hindrance to Fox, who felt like losing his mind as he searched every inch of the gaming room for his phone. (It was hidden inside Squirtle's mouth; hopefully the phone was waterproof.)
"What's going on?" Fox asked Link as he was looking for answers, grasping at the straws. If Fox had hair on his head, he would've pulled out every single hair strand that existed.
"What are you talking about?" asked Link, keeping up the facade as he held a magazine over his mouth. The Hylian was smiling underneath.
"Where is my FREAKING phone?!"
"You know what? Maybe it's in the ceiling."
"Maybe you're in the ceiling!"
"Okay, that was one of the worst comebacks I've ever heard. If not the worst. You should feel pretty ashamed of yourself...Fox..."
"Fox, do you mind?" Rosalina scolded the pilot, who was looking underneath the mother of Luma's blue dress. Rosalina swatted Fox's hands away, pulling her dress away.
"I don't trust you, Rosa!" Fox shouted at the mother of Lumas as he pointed at her, very clearly losing his mind over his phone. And Link was enjoying every minute of it.
Wanting to turn Viridi's frown upside down, Mario brought Cloud along and met with Viridi in her room, for a sit-down conversation. Mario and Cloud allowed Viridi to share her true feelings, telling the goddess not to hold anything back.
"I feel so bad about Pit, him being on his own and all," Viridi said to Mario and Cloud, still worried to death about the well-being of her boyfriend. "But I feel even worse that he was working with that stupid Dr. Cortex..."
"Maybe Pit just-a wanted to lend a helping hand," assumed Mario, who wished to know what Cortex saw in Pit in the first place. "In retrospect, that was a bad-a decision on his part, given what had transpired-a behind the scenes."
"But why Cortex, of all people? That evil genius isn't much of a genius at all...he can't even stop a brain dead bandicoot, with all his stupid inventions!"
"Cortex is a genius, Viridi, he just...doesn't apply him-a self most of the time." All of the time sounded more like it, as Uka would have you believe. "Some-a times, he gets too big-a of a head, no pun intended, and it makes everything-a he does backfire."
"Shut up! You're just trying to save face for that loser...the same loser that manipulated my precious Pit! To think that Pit only left the mansion out of 'solidarity' with Cortex..."
"No, Viridi, Cortex didn't manipulate Pit...Brio manipulated Pit, and Cortex. He played-a both of them like a fiddle. And he almost-a got away with his evil plot, too!"
"Yeah, I know, X told me all the details...but Cortex should've never let Brio in the mansion in the first place. That's when everything went downhill. I'll always blame him."
"Anything you want-a to say, Cloud?" Mario asked the swordsman, who had yet to say a single word during the discussion. Cloud sat in silence, taking in everything that was discussed between Mario and Viridi while formulating his own thoughts.
"Why would Pit work for Cortex as much as he did?" Cloud asked this hypothetical question to Viridi, not expecting the goddess to answer right away. "I think I know why. It's because Pit wanted to show how worthy he was."
"Yes, you have a point...Pit worked his butt off to keep Cortex happy. Even if everything Cortex did was all for naught..."
"Do you think that would enjoy gardening, or watering flowers? Like you've been making him do as of late? Pit just isn't interested in that kind of stuff."
"No he's not - I just used that as an excuse for us to spend quality time together. Doing the things I like to do. But if he wanted to do his own thing...then I'd be happy to play along."
"You were kinda like that before Cortex launched his nonsensical campaign. There's no saying that you can go back to the same-old, same-old..."
Cloud decided what he was going to do - he was going to find Pit, and ask him to return to the mansion. Provided that Pit actually wanted to return. The swordsman would be traveling with Mario as he looked for Pit around Seattle, wherever the angel may be.
"Zelda, Mario and I have some important stuff to do around town," Cloud informed the princess, who was putting on the finishing touches in the living room for Travis' party. "Make sure this party gets rolling and I will be back shortly."
"Wait up. Where are you going?" Falco asked as he came into the living room, wanting to tag along with Cloud and Mario. Cloud was not open to having a third wheel for the ride, especially if that third wheel was Falco. "Do you want me to come with?"
"Um...no thanks, we're good. We don't need anyone else coming along for the ride."
"Just listen, I forgot to tell you the plan for tomorrow. You're gonna love it! You, me, soda, beers, buzzed. Wings. Shots. Drunk. Football, college football - Clemson, Alabama, Texas, you name it. Slaughter. Then a quick nap at Fox's place and we'll hit the club somewhere...in Canada. Vancouver."
"No. I don't want to do any of that." Cloud wasn't even remotely interested in any of the things Falco mentioned. But the part about the wings sounded pretty enticing...
"Duh! Which is why I was just joking about doing that."
"No, just stop. Stop. Stop doing it. You're going to drive me crazy."
"Fine. Have it your way. I'll just go back to my room, and sit there and be quiet. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship." Falco threw his arms up in defeat, leaving the living room and leaving Cloud alone for good.
Link: Fox has yet to find his phone, and he's still losing his marbles over it while it's still ringing. Quite frankly, I'm enjoying the whole charade a lot more than I probably should.
Fox was about to lose it, as his ringtone was still ringing throughout the entire gaming room. Taking a break out of the gaming room to compose himself, Fox returned to the gaming room, although he was still angry and ready to burst at any minute.
"Excuse me, for a moment..." Fox addressed the residents in the gaming room, as Link and Leaf and everyone else present looked at the pilot. "...I've been led to believe that a lot of people here for some reason think it's funny to steal someone's personal property and hide it from them. Here's a little newsflash! It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freaking unfunny! It's so unfunny, that I might even punch a hole in the wall!"
And that was exactly what Fox did, as he screamed before turning around and punching a hole in the wall. Link's eyes went wide, as he slowly began to realize the damage he had done.
"That...was an overreaction," Fox said to the crowd, before laughing sheepishly as he analyzed the damage he had done to the wall. "Gonna hit the vending room, get some snacks. Does anybody want anything? Leaf, you good?
"Yeah, I'm good," replied Leaf, who wanted to smile so bad. She wasn't expecting such an explosive reaction from Fox; she always thought of the pilot as being even-keeled.
"Sure? Okay." Fox sheepishly left the gaming room, reflecting on the violent action that he had just exhibited. He wasn't going to tell Krystal about that incident anytime soon.
Thanks to some intel from members of the documentary crew, Mario and Cloud learned about Pit working a job at Target, which was only a mile or two away from the mansion. Mario and Cloud would head down to Target, where they saw Pit helping a customer.
"Well, that question is meaningless," Pit said to the customer, who was inquiring about some printer paper for his printer. Mario and Cloud approached Pit, watching the angel in his new natural habitat. "Just go with the copy paper. It's your funeral. See how that works out for you."
"Pit! It's been a while," Mario said to the angel, as the customer walked away. Pit went from annoyed to ecstatic in a snap, after seeing two of his amigos.
"Mario! Cloud! You guys came to see me!" exclaimed Pit, as he ran up to greet the plumber and swordsman. Almost wanted to give them a big, fat hug, regardless of whether they asked for one or not. "I feel so honored..."
"What's-a new with you?" Mario checked out Pit's work clothes, seeing the angel rock a red Target t-shirt and some khaki shorts. The plumber even thought Pit looked good wearing shoes, let alone any footwear other than sandals.
"Aside from this kickin' job I got...not much. I'm just a man now, trying to pave my own path, being more independent..."
"It takes a big man to admit his mistake," Cloud said to Pit, who was now aware of what Cloud was about to discuss. "And you, Pit, can be that big man. Mario and I, we had a word with your girlfriend, Little Miss Cactus..."
"Oh man, you did? Is Viridi still angry with me that I worked with Cortex? I should've never worked with him, in the first place...it was a mistake, on my part. I own up to it."
"We went over everything we could with Viridi. And what I told her is, you were working for Cortex because you wanted to prove your worth. To prove that you were dependable, and hard-working and not just some angel with below-average intelligence. I think you owe Viridi an apology."
"Agreed - heck, I didn't even tell her that I would be working with Cortex, when I accepted the offer! Left her completely in the dust, all this time. I almost gave Kirby and Incineroar the cold shoulder treatment, too."
"Don't mind if I ask, but...how's this place-a treating you?" Mario asked Pit, interested if the angel liked working at Target. Pit scoffed, indicating that his levels of enjoyment weren't particularly that high.
"The boss isn't funny. He sucks the life out of the party. Even worse, I don't get to wear my ties! Why won't this place let me wear my ties, like I do around the mansion?"
"Pit...the thing you wear around-a your neck...it's a scarf." Apparently Pit didn't know this until now, as he looked up at the sky in sudden realization.
"If that's the case...then I got scarves and ties mixed up this whole time! Knew it wasn't a good idea to start a career in fashion design."
"So, maybe you should come back," Cloud suggested to Pit, who mulled over returning to the mansion. "You should come back. Please. Master Hand won't stop talking about how you were 'the life of the party'."
"Master Hand actually said that about me?!" Pit was used to Master Hand not saying positive things about him. If Master Hand did say something positive, he would say it to another person, never letting Pit know. "I'm definitely coming back now! But only on one condition."
"And what condition is that?" asked Mario, willing to accept anything PIitasked of him and Cloud if it meant bringing the angel back to the mansion.
"I don't want to be on laundry duty anymore. Nor do I wanna do anyone's laundry. Whether it's for Cortex, or anyone else."
"We can talk about laundry duty with Lady Palutena," proposed Cloud, as Pit grinned and pumped his fist. No more laundry duty for him. "As for the other stuff, we'll get sorted out too."
Fox was back at home, taking the time to cool off after Link and Leaf harassed him. Speaking of Link and Leaf, the two were inspecting the hole in the wall Fox had made.
"Yikes, that's half-inch drywall," remarked Link as he looked at the hole, seeing how deep it went. A lot deeper than Link expected it to be.
"I think we broke his brain," smiled Leaf, before she and Link were snickering among themselves. It wasn't that often the usually calm and collected Fox lost his mind.
"'It's not freaking funny!'" Link imitated Fox, laughing a bit more as he wiped away a tear from his eye. "Oh, that was rich..."
The party had started in the living room, and the man of the hour, Travis, was there. Not that many people showed up, which was just fine with Travis - but not fine with Master Hand.
"Are you enjoying your party?" Viridi asked Travis, who was chilling in the back away from most of the festivities. Master Hand wouldn't like how lowkey Travis was acting.
"Actually, I didn't think I would, but turns out..." answered Travis, only for Viridi to walk away before the otaku could finish his sentence. "...it's great."
"Ladies and gentlemen!" exclaimed Mario, as he and Cloud arrived at the living room. "May I present-a to you...Pit!" Pit came running into the living room, sliding to his knees as he played the air guitar.
"Yay..." everyone (mostly) cheered, as there was scattered applause in the living room. Viridi was delighted to see Pit return, as she came over to the angel.
"Welcome back," the goddess of nature smiled at Pit, who stood up and took both of Viridi's hands, holding them gently.
"Thank you," Pit thanked Viridi, while Kirby and Incineroar stood in the background happy to see their friend back home.
"Okay, Pit, you can let-a go of her hands," Mario said to Pit, trying to stand in-between the angel and Viridi. "You're gonna break it." Pit would let go of Viridi's hands, before looking around the living room. "Not bad, huh?"
"You did this for me?" Pit saw a banner hanging up in the living room, which read "Welcome home, Travis". "Wow, I didn't know my name was spelled like that...thought my name had three letters, instead of six."
Pit: So today I learned that my tie around my neck is actually a scarf, and that my name has six letters. My life up until this point must be a big, fat lie.
The party resumed after Pit made his return, as everyone was having a good time. One of the partygoers, Bayonetta, was drinking some ginger ale, which she brought to the party.
"Oh...where did you get this stuff?" Waluigi asked Bayonetta, after taking a sip of the ginger ale.
"Paradiso," replied Bayonetta, who had drunk three cups of the ginger ale. Couldn't help herself. "They make the best beverages up there."
"What's the name of the store you got it from? And which aisle?"
"I don't remember...they don't have that many stores in Paradiso, you know."
"Well, draw me a map..." Waluigi handed a sheet of paper to Bayonetta, who scoffed as she walked away. Waluigi frowned in disgust.
Waluigi: As the "unofficial" man of the tower, it is my duty to be welcoming anyone that is new to the mansion. Travis and I already have a bit of history; he schooled me all the time in video games, so much he kicked me out of his camper because I wasn't "good enough competition". But I'm a changed man now, so the Waluigi he used to know is long gone!
While Bayonetta brought a drink to the party, Mario, for some strange reason, brought a pair of maracas. The plumber, taking out his maracas, went over to Zelda and King K. Rool.
"Zelda, I will shake-a mine and then you will shake-a yours," Mario said to the princess, who was way too dignified to do such a thing.
"No, I will not," replied Zelda, remaining steadfast; King K. Rool would shake his own maracas for Mario, as his man-boobs were jiggling. Mario left the premises, disappointed and disturbed, while Zelda had her hands over her mouth, giggling.
King K. Rool: Why was Mario so disturbed for? I can do it just as good as a woman can!
"So does this remind you of your lifestyle right now?" Master Hand asked Travis as he appeared in the living room, questioning why Travis was away from the others.
"It reminds me a lot of One Piece, with Luffy and the boys," replied Travis, taking in all the sights and sounds of the party. Master Hand held Travis' comment with high regard.
"Wow. Thank you. Wow, that's...thanks so much. I sure do appreciate it."
While Mr. Game and Watch patched up the hole in the wall in the gaming room, Link went to the kitchen to see what Cilan was cooking for dinner. There he found Zelda, who was taking a break from the party.
"Let me guess, you went ahead and pranked Fox," Zelda said to Link, who was whistling innocently with his hands behind his back. "Just couldn't help yourself, couldn't you?"
"Had to get in touch with my silly side," replied Link, as Zelda gave him an understanding smile. "Fox was annoying me, so...sometimes you have to fight fire with fire."
The maracas weren't the only Mexican thing Mario brought to the party; the plumber also brought a pinata. A pinata of Goku, to be exact. It was the only fitting pinata he could find.
"And now, ladies and gentlemen, the big-a finale!" announced Mario, as he handed a broom to Pit. Travis, who was standing next to Pit, assumed that Mario was handing the broom to him. "Sir, would you do the honor?"
"Oh, man!" exclaimed Pit, who had been waiting his whole life to beat the living daylights out of a pinata, as the Flying Man started to put a blindfold on Pit. "No, no, no. I don't need it. Beat it."
The Flying Man took a step back, as Pit got into a screaming rage and knocked the pinata unto the floor. The angel whacked the pinata aggressively with the broom, watching as it broke into many pieces. Viridi smiled, watching Pit do his thing.
It was good to have Pit back.
Cloud: It takes a big man to admit his mistake and that's what Pit did. (Did I seriously refer to him as a man?) The important thing is I learned something. I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I'm going to do them favors.
Mario: Right, Cloud wants people to suck-a up to him because of how much they love him. Wants people to fear how much-a they love him.
Cloud: I never said that...
Krystal: So Fox and I had a little chat about his incident in the gaming room today, and I asked him to look into doing anger management. Can't have my husband acting like that when the baby comes. *smiles*
