Author's Note:

The new Hyrule Warriors game, Age of Calamity, was released this week. Naturally, I included a couple of characters from the game in this chapter. A chapter that I wrote while dealing with writer's block. Hands down the worst thing any writer has to deal with - would never wish it on anyone else. But anyway...enjoy!


Episode 257: Shotgun

Champion Link enjoyed being at the Smash Mansion. He enjoyed getting to hang out with his best friends, Link and Cloud. He enjoyed Cilan and Dunban's cooking, along with all other snacks the mansion provided. He even enjoyed attending movie night every Friday, even though such events always ended in chaos. You wouldn't believe how many times there were popcorn and candy littered on the lecture hall floor - with Pit and friends usually being the ones to blame.

But if there was one thing that Champion Link missed the most, it was getting to hang out with his fellow Champions - Mipha, Daruk, Revali, and Urbosa. Most especially, he missed spending time with Princess Zelda - or at least the Zelda that he knew from his time. (We'll just call her Commander Zelda, so she won't be confused with the other two Zeldas.) Commander Zelda was the one person Champion Link missed the most.

Hearing how much Champion Link lamented over not being able to see his pals again, Cloud took it upon himself to surprise Link by bringing Commander Zelda and the Champions over to the mansion. In addition, Cloud opted to bring in two other individuals, both of whom Champion Link had spoken about in passing.

"How do you think Mario is going to react when he sees her for the first time?" Link asked Cloud, who was in the teleportation room watching Mega Man work the teleportation device. "What with her having the same name as..."

"I just hope that Mario doesn't embarrass himself too much," replied Cloud, cutting off Link as he rubbed his hand through his blonde, spiky hair. "He should just act like he met her before."

"Wow, Cloud, that's some pretty crappy advice...you've always sucked at giving people advice. Can't be a good leader giving bad advice!"

"Says the guy whose swimming advice almost caused King Dedede to drown...that was some bad advice right there."

"King Dedede's fat, his weight dragged him to the bottom of the pool! Probably should've told him to lose some weight before we started the swimming lesson.."

Cloud: The Four Champions and their princess are at the mansion already, but there are two other folks from Calamic Hyrule (as I like to call it) coming over. According to Link, both of them are Sheikah, and one of them is an incarnation, apparently. Got no clue which one it is, but I'm not the one for keeping count...

Mega Man: The people of Hyrule sure love their incarnations...wonder if the people who make all these Hyrulian legends and stuff have any ounce of originality in them. Hyrule needs to stop having a Link or Zelda saving their land.


Master Hand's decision to let Sora back in the mansion, while keeping his friends Riku and Kairi around, was met with a mostly mixed reception. While the residents didn't mind Riku and Kairi, most of them didn't really care for Sora. But if there was any silver lining, it was that Riku and Kairi could keep Sora from being less annoying than usual. Hard to be that annoying when you have your best friends around.

Mario had the chance to meet with both Kairi and Riku in the last episode, and the plumber sought out to build upon the new relationships that he had built. So to make Sora's friends feel like they were at home, Mario would stop by the mansion with a plate of cookies that he, Spyro, and Hunter baked. As one might imagine, Mario did most of the work.

"Are those supposed to be muffins?" Lucina asked Mario, Spyro, and Hunter, all of whom were standing outside Sora's room waiting on Riku and Kairi to appear. Lucina took a gander at the cookies, disturbed by how bloated they looked.

"No, Lucina, my dear, these are-a chocolate chip cookies," Mario replied confidently, as Lucina furrowed her brow and held her head back. "Do you not see the chocolate-a chips? Muffins can't have-a chocolate!"

"Weird, because the last time I checked, chocolate muffins were a thing. Are you trying to defend your lousy baking skills, Mario?"

"Now you know how I feel..." Spyro said to Lucina; the purple dragon repeatedly told Mario how lousy he was at baking, and Mario tuned him out each and every time.

"You have glasses, don't-a you Lucina?" Mario asked the princess, remembering when she got a pair of glasses back in episode 75. "If you had-a them on, you would see that these are clearly cup-a cakes...I mean cookies!"

"Even you are acknowledging it," said Lucina as Mario mentally kicked himself in the foot. Or leg. Or whichever body part they felt like hurting the most. "Don't tell me you plan to give those atrocities away..."

"We're giving these to Sora's friends," replied Hunter, before grabbing a chocolate chip cookie and offering it to Lucina. "Wanna sample one?" Lucina pushed the cookie away, before walking away for her own good.

"No thanks...I'll just treat myself to actual cookies in the kitchen." Lucina hurriedly ran to the nearby staircase, making her grand escape.

Lucina: Dads are usually the worst cooks - and the worst bakers. I should know from experience; Father once baked me a cake for my birthday, and he baked the cake in the oven...with the icing already on. How bad was it? It took him all night to get the icing off the baking pan. Amazing how a man's culinary skill deteriorates when they achieve fatherhood.

Mario and company wouldn't have to wait much longer, as they saw Sora, Riku, and Kairi walking down the hallway. The three friends looked like they had fun times in the arcade room, as evidenced by their friendly conversation.

"Even in a different universe, I'm still better than you Sora," Riku taunted his friend, letting him know who the real numero uno was. "Might as well start accepting it now."

"Not gonna lie, Riku, you had me in that Space Invaders game," said Sora, who was humble enough to not admit defeat, but respect his opponent. "But next time, I'll cream you!"

"Not unless I cream you first, Sora," said Kairi, as Sora and Riku stopped walking and looked at Kairi, shocked. Then the two Keyblade wielders started laughing, and Kairi would laugh along with them.

"Hola amigos!" Mario approached Sora and friends with his tray of chocolate chip cookies, as Spyro felt slightly humiliated. "That's Spanish for 'hello friends'. Uh, do your pals-a like cookies, Sora?"

"I mean, I don't really know anyone who doesn't like...cookies," replied Sora, trailing off when he saw the cookies on the tray. "Are those chocolate chip muffins?"

"Dang it!" Ticked off, Mario threw the tray on the floor, making Kairi gasp by how angry he was. "Hunter, I told-a you that using the baking powder was a horrible idea!"

"...but you encouraged it in the first place!" Hunter defended himself, as Mario punched the air. Sora and friends kept their distance from Mario. "When you asked me whether or not we should use all the baking powder, I said yes!"

"THAT WAS JUST A SUGGESTION, YOU NITWIT!" Even angrier with Hunter, Mario charged at the cheetah and sent him to the floor. The plumber was then wrangling with Hunter, as Spyro idly stood by.

"Nobody can even pay me enough to stop this..." Spyro remarked with a sigh, before turning his head to Sora and friends as he shook his head. "...this is just a microcosm of what went down in the kitchen."

"Right..." said Sora as he backed away from the brawl, with Riku and Kairi following the Keyblade wielder's lead. "...Riku, Kairi, might I interest you both in some golf? I'll show you the ropes..."

"Another game for me to dominate you, I'm down," agreed Riku as he and Kairi turned around and went down the stairs. Mario continued to wrangle with Hunter, as Spyro curiously sniffed the chocolate chip "cookies" wasted on the floor.

"Why do they smell like rotten eggs...?" wondered Spyro as he grimaced, making a very disgusted face. Hopefully, Mario didn't take any baking pointers from Palutena or Chef Kawasaki.


In addition to being a superb swordsman and a crossdressing expert, Champion Link was a bit of an amateur cook. Granted his skills paled in comparison to Cilan's, but the Hylian could still whip up a decent meal. Which was more than what Chef Kawasaki could do. With no one else in the kitchen, Champion Link was making himself some lunch - mushroom soup, to be exact.

"Does anyone not read expiration dates anymore?" questioned Champion Link as he was looking at a gallon of milk...which expiration date was last month. "Well, I already used the milk, so..."

"Did someone say expired milk?!" asked Cilan as he quickly ran inside the kitchen, as if Champion Link had summoned him. The connoisseur snatched the gallon of milk out of Champion Link's hands and gasped at the expiration date. "October 30th?! I told Isabelle to throw this out weeks ago!"

"You trust Isabelle? She can't even remember people's birthdays! Heck, she can't even remember my birthday!"

"Truth be told, Champion Link...I don't think you remember your own birthday yourself." That got Champion Link thinking, as the Hylian stared into space.

Champion Link: Do I even have a birthday, to begin with? Maybe the Hylian gods just put me on the earth and called it a day. Would that technically make them my parents?

"Oi, Champion Link, you're gonna save some of that mushroom soup for the rest of us, aren't ya?"

Champion Link was suddenly greeted by this voice, as he looked towards the kitchen entrance and saw Daruk. The Goron made his way inside the kitchen, joined by his fellow champions - Revali, Urbosa, and Mipha.

"I bet he doesn't even want to share with us..." Revali had this to say about Champion Link as he huffed and folded his arms. "...he's always been the most selfish one."

"Daruk! Mipha! Urbosa! Revali! You guys made it!" Champion Link said to the four Champions, beyond ecstatic to be greeted by their presence. "I can't even begin to tell you how much I missed you guys..."

"The feeling is quite mutual, Link," Urbosa said to Champion Link before a foul smell slowly reached the Gerudo's nostrils. The smell came from the mushroom soup cooking on the stove. "Although your mushroom soup is quite...unpleasant."

"Yeah, about that...I was using expired milk the whole time. Didn't know it was expired till later...guess I was really that hungry!"

"At least you did your best," Mipha said to Champion Link, rarely having a bad thing to say about the Hylian. Cilan saw all the camaraderie going on with the five Champions before him, wanting to show a nice gesture.

"May I interest you all with some salmon risotto?" the connoisseur asked the five Champions as he flexed his fingers, in a mood for cooking. Champion Link didn't mind, but as for the other Champions...

"What does that dork know about salmon risotto?" Revali asked Champion Link, as Cilan felt some type of way while trying to keep his composure.

"One, Cilan's not a dork, and two, he's a very good chef. He could easily cook us some salmon risotto with his eyes blindfolded."

"And with one hand tied behind my back," added Cilan, as the five Champions all gave the connoisseur skeptical looks. "Okay, what about two hands tied behind my back, with the utensils in my mouth? Not good enough for you?"

"Let's not get too ahead of ourselves, Cilan..." Just then, Champion Link heard two girls giggling, and it sounded like both of them were coming to the kitchen. One of the giggling voices sounded awfully familiar to Champion Link...

"Really? He was running away from a baby Bokoblin?" giggled Researcher Zelda as she entered the kitchen with Commander Zelda, who was wearing her blue long-sleeved shirt and black...and tight-fitting pants.

"And it was holding a giant ax...it was the cutest thing," replied Commander Zelda, before encountering Champion Link and company in the kitchen. Champion Link, having heard the story, was looking kinda ticked off. "Oh...Link!"

"Princess Zelda..." Champion Link said to Commander Zelda, hiding his humiliation discreetly behind his stoic face. "...I take it that you've been telling the others embarrassing stories about me?"

"Good heavens, no! I was just...it was a make-believe story, it never really happened. Isn't that right?" Commander Zelda looked towards the four Champions standing around Champion Link, expecting them to bail her out.

"You should've seen the look on Link's face, it was hilarious!" Daruk said to Cilan with a grin on his face, as he recollected the story that Commander Zelda had just told. Champion Link grunted and facepalmed, before rubbing his hand down his face.

"Got any more embarrassing stories about me that you want to share, princess?" Champion LInk asked Commander Zelda, who smiled sweetly and innocently to remove all blame. Sure didn't work on Champion Link.

"No...but we can do some catching up if you want," replied Commander Zelda, who had lots of free time to make up with Champion Link. "There was so much that you missed out on!"

"Why not do some catching up with some homemade salmon risotto?" Cilan offered to Commander Zelda, expecting the princess to give a rousing exclamation of approval. "Since you're a princess, I'll make it extra special!"

"That would be lovely, thank you very much." Appreciating the kind gesture from Cilan, Commander Zelda went to the dining room...but before she headed in, she turned around and glanced at the five Champions. "Come along now - we can't talk in the kitchen with Cilan busy!"

"She's actually giving that green-haired creep a chance..." muttered Revali as he and the other Champions followed Commander Zelda into the dining room. As Cilan gathered all the ingredients he needed for his salmon risotto, Pit entered the kitchen, standing next to Researcher Zelda.

"Must be nice to be visited by your best pals..." Pit said to Researcher Zelda, seeing Champion Link socializing in the dining room with his fellow Champions - and Commander Zelda, which caught the angel's eye. "...sorry you have to see that, Researcher Zelda."

"See what? Champion Link being with the princess?" asked Researcher Zelda, as Pit nodded his head with a sly smile that made Researcher Zelda frown. "What are you even getting at, Pit?"

"Aw c'mon, we all know that you have the biggest crush on the Champ..." Disgusted by Pit's insinuation, Researcher Zelda angrily slapped the angel before storming out of the kitchen. Pit smiled even harder as Researcher Zelda left. "...yup, she can't even deny it."


Sora was showing the others how great of a friend he was, by immersing Riku and Kairi with the ins and outs of the mansion. The Keyblade wielder was now in the gaming room with his two favorite people, showing them the golf simulator. Riku wanted to play actual golf outside, but he'd take whatever he could get.

"Ha, another hole in one!" celebrated Riku, tossing his golf club on the floor like a bat flip as the golf ball on the screen landed in the hole. Celebrated seconds before the ball even went in, what a ballsy move. "Didn't expect to be this good at golf."

"Speak for yourself, Riku - I'm way below average at this golf simulator thing," Sora said to the silverette, apparently believing that playing against his friendly rival would turn his fortunes around. "Wish there was a way for me to get better."

"Not holding the golf club like a Keyblade would be a good start..." As Riku teased Sora, Sonic and Crash both approached the golf simulator. Kairi, who was standing by as a spectator, noticed the hedgehog and bandicoot duo.

"Hey, you guys want to play some golf, too?" the girl asked Sonic and Crash, who by the looks on their faces weren't in the mood for golf. If that was the case, then what exactly were they here for?

"Sora! My friend Crash has a bone to pick with you," Sonic told the Keyblade wielder as he pointed at him. Sora just stared at Sonic, looking confused.

"A bone to pick...with me?" questioned Sora as he pointed at himself - the very last thing he wanted was for anyone to hold a grudge against him.

Sonic: Wanna know what this mansion is missing? A good old-fashioned beef! Everyone in the mansion is too buddy-buddy these days, we need some bad blood to balance out all that feel-good crap. Something like a gang war to keep things exciting. Something that can negate the huge man crush that Ike has for Soren. We need to see bloodshed, fists thrown, and valuable items thrown out of windows. Just gotta keep everyone's hands off the gaming consoles, those can stay.

Min Min: For whatever reason, Sonic is trying to start some beef - or a "gang war" as he called it - between the bandicoots and Sora, Riku, and Kairi. I fail to see the logic in this supposed feud, aside from each side having three people, but I suspect Sonic's karate fight with Mario apparently served as an inspiration...

Sonic: It's gonna be the bandicoots vs the Keyblade Hero 3! (Yes, I know, it sounds super cheesy.) So far, only Crash has gotten with the program - Coco and Crunch will take some time to ease in. Aku will be the guy that gets caught in the crossfire. Never be a pacifist, kids!

"Crash heard you talking crap about him," Sonic said to Sora, leaving him even more confused. Sora looked at Riku, who just had to laugh. "Said that he as dumb as a pile of bricks!"

"Sounds like an insult to the pile of bricks, all things considered," said Meta Knight, overhearing Sonic as a few residents drew closer. Sonic was attracting a pretty small crowd.

"Not only that, but you claimed that wumpa fruit was the most disgusting fruit on the planet!" Sonic saw the small crowd around him, as he was starting to go all-in on Sora. "How can you diss Crash's favorite food like that?"

"Yeah Sora, not cool!" Yoshi scolded the Keyblade wielder, easily buying into the lies that Sonic was spreading. Only Yoshi was buying in, which meant that Sonic had to step up his game.

"Even worse? You were talking crap about Coco as well! Don't think I didn't hear your conversation with Donkey Kong! Calling Coco a dumb, stereotypical blonde...do you not have any chill? Good grief!"

"Come to think of it, Sora was telling me about a 'dumb blonde' the other day..." said Donkey Kong as he looked up, scratching his chin in thought as the pressure was mounting on Sora. Or at least that's what Sonic believed.

"See? I'm not making stories up just to make Sora look bad. He legitimately called out Coco!" Crash grew incensed with Sora, as he was mean-mugging the Keyblade wielder. At this point, Sora had no choice but to defend himself.

"That's not true - I would never talk bad about Crash's sister," the Keyblade wielder stated, knowing that mocking others' intelligence - let alone mocking anyone in genera - was not in his DNA. "Not in a million years!"

"Alright Sora, if the dumb blonde you were talking about wasn't Coco...then who was it?" Sonic would look at Sora in an inquisitive manner as he tapped his foot, expecting the Keyblade wielder to falter. And falter Sora did, as his eyes moved left and right.

"Okay, full disclaimer, I forgot the name of the lady I was talking about...but it wasn't Coco." Even after Sora's alibi, Sonic still wasn't convinced.

"Saving your hide by pretending that you forgot...how shameful." Now Riku was growing tired of Sonic, as he stood in front of Sora to stick up for his best friend.

"Look, Sora isn't the one to insult anyone's intelligence," the silverette said to Sonic, proving how much of an awesome best friend he was. "That's not him - he's all about building others up, rather than bringing them down!"

"Wow, that's so cheesy...especially for a guy who stole Crunch's protein bars," retorted Sonic, as this revelation made those gathered around to gasp out of shock. Riku, stealing protein bars from someone else? That was enough to ruin his building reputation.

"Protein bars? Why would I steal protein bars for? That's a pretty weak accusation, Sonic."

"Crunch won't stop complaining about how his protein bars have gone missing. When did they go missing? Last Friday. What happened last Friday? You and Kairi spent your first day at the mansion!"

"But I've barely even interacted with Crunch, so why would I steal from him? Do you even have any evidence of me stealing protein bars?"

"I would have evidence...had Kairi not deleted the security footage!" Sonic accusingly pointed at Riku, making the small crowd gasped in shock yet again. "She helped you cover your tracks."

"Um, don't mind if I butt in, but...only X and Samus have access to the mansion's security footage," the female Inkling stated, making Sonic's claim about Kairi losing a lot of credibility. "So how would Kairi..."

"It's simple: she stole the password from Samus when she and Samus first met. She did it...through witchcraft. 'Cause Kairi's a witch."

"Me being a witch? You're really making up stuff as you're going along, Sonic," Kairi said to the hedgehog, who remained steadfast in his accusations. The legitimacy of the beef between the Crash clan and Keyblade Hero 3 depended on it!

"See how quick Kairi was to dispel the accusation? That's how you know she's guilty of being a witch. She's always so quick to..."

"I think we've all heard enough..." Riku said to Sonic as he unsheathed his Keyblade, ready to teach the blue hedgehog a very painful lesson if necessary. "...why don't you take your lies somewhere else, and leave?"

"My bad...sorry you can't handle the truth. Or take the heat. Let's go, Crash." Having said his piece, Sonic left the gaming room with Crash, as Riku put away his Keyblade after Sonic left.

"Man, Sonic had no business calling us out like that," Sora said to Riku, slightly bothered by the false accusations against him. "What do you think that was all about?"

"He's probably just jealous," Riku shrugged as he returned to the golf simulator; Sora smiled in response, signaling some sign of agreement. "Maybe he can't handle what awesome friends you have."

"Ha, I bet! Sonic was never like that before. If he really is jealous, I'm sure he'll be over it quickly."

Sonic: Do I have any regret over starting this beef? Eh...not really. With Cortex out of the picture, for the time being, Crash and his siblings need someone to antagonize against - and Sora, Riku, and Kairi are the perfect foil. Crunch and Riku are the tough guys; Coco and Kairi are the sweet, innocent ladies; and Crash and Sora are the...are the good guys. You thought I was gonna call my friend stupid, didn't ya?


Mario was feeling glum over how his chocolate chip cookies turned out, as he sat on the staircase in the foyer with Spyro and Hunter. Because he didn't want the cookies to go to waste, Mario had no choice but to eat them himself...

"Back away, Hunter, he might actually throw up this time," Spyro advised the cheetah, who moved out of harm's way as Mario's face was turning colors that it probably shouldn't. Seconds later, Mario had a big gulp, as his face went back to normal.

"It's okay, boys, false-a alarm," Mario said to Spyro and Hunter, the latter feeling relieved as he returned to his spot on the stairs. The former, however, was growing concerned for Mario.

"You can't just keep on swallowing your own vomit like that. I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure that's not healthy..."

"Well, I don't see you eating these-a cookies..." Mario ate another chocolate chip cookie, as he forcibly chewed it and swallowed it reluctantly. Reaching his breaking point, the plumber fainted on the stairs, spilling the cookies in the process.

"I think he might be dead," Hunter whispered to Spyro as he and the purple dragon were both looking at Mario. Cappy was looking at Mario as well, poking the plumber repeatedly to revive him. "Would this be ruled as a suicide?"

"Uh, what happened to Mario?" Link asked Spyro and Hunter as he and Cloud reached the staircase, seeing Mario sprawled out over the stairs. "And why did he waste all those muffins?"

"Those are chocolate chip 'cookies,'" answered Spyro, as both Cloud and Link gave some very skeptical looks. "Yeah, that was the same reaction I had when Mario took 'em out of the oven."

"Now I see why Peach does all of the cooking..." remarked Cloud as he walked over to Mario, with Cappy still poking the plumber in the side of his face. "Mario, I don't know if you can hear me or not...but we like for you to meet someone."

"As in like, a meet-a and greet?" asked Mario as he sprung up, immediately full of life as Spyro and Hunter jumped back. Almost made the two fall down the stairs with his exuberance. "Who could-a it be?"

"Champion Link said he missed seeing his friends, the Champions, so I brought them and Commander Zelda over to the mansion. After that, I brought in two ladies that are pretty close to Champion Link. I figured that you would..."

"Oh, is this supposed to be the foyer? Sorry we were late, we both got a little...sidetracked."

Two Sheikah women would arrive at the staircase; one of them looked like a mad scientist. The other one was somewhat of a klutz, nearly tripping on her way to the staircase and almost dropping the Sheikah Slate in her hands. Mario knew the women were Sheikah, just from how they looked; their hair color was the dead giveaway.

"Ah, you two must-a be Sheikah!" Mario said to the Sheikah ladies as he got down from the staircase to greet them. "You both remind-a me so much of Impa."

"Funny you should mention that...since my name's Impa," the clumsy Sheikah spoke up, as Mario looked at her funnily before bursting out laughing. Cloud and Link exchanged looks of worry with one another.

"Haha, you must be a jokester! Everyone knows there's only one-a Impa, and I feel very fortunate to have worked-a with her."

"Mario I hate to burst your bubble...but that's an Impa from the past," Link had to explain to the plumber, who felt like his entire reality was shattered. "Royal Advisor Impa. She advises Champion Link and Commander Zelda."

"An Impa from Champion Link's-a time? You mean-a to tell me...THERE'S MORE-A THAN ONE IMPA?!" The very thought of multiple Impas existing throughout Hyrule's history was enough to make Mario's brain fry.

"Oh, boy..." facepalmed Cloud as he was disgusted with Mario's ignorance. Evidently, Mario didn't read the Hyrulian tome in its entirety.

Cloud: Mario really showed our Sheikah guests just how much of a fool he was. So I gotta hand it to you, Mario - you sure know how to make me look bad along with yourself.

"Yes, there's more than one Impa..." Link said to the mind-blown Mario, disgruntled that he even had to mention that fact. "...oh, and that woman with the glasses is Advisor Impa's sister, Purah."

"Aw yeah, that's me!" exclaimed the spectacled Sheikah, Purah, as she grinned and flashed a hand sign for Mario. Mario was unsure to make of Purah, as he struggled to figure out what the Sheikah's hand sign meant.

"Is that supposed-a to be a gang sign?" the plumber asked Purah, furthering embarrassing Cloud with his profound ignorance. "Do you have a Sheikah street-a gang in Hyrule?"

"Ignore that hand sign - that's just a quirk of hers," Cloud said to Mario, lowkey wishing that the plumber would shut up for good. Purah got a closer look at Mario, staring right at his face.

"You're Mario, eh? I think the Champions told me about you. Revali wouldn't stop talking about how you had a potbelly."

"I have a potbelly?" Mario furrowed his brow, before unbuttoning the button fly of his overalls...revealing some exposed fat. Mario sheepishly buttoned up the button fly real quick. "Revali has no idea what he's-a talking about."

"Also, your mustache looks to be in tip-top shape!" Purah was now pulling on the neds of Mario's mustache, just like how a little kid would. "What kind of hair ointments do you use?"

"Ow, stop-a that, it hurts!" Wincing in pain, Mario aggressively Purah's hands away from his mustache. "Only my wife is allowed-a to pull on my mustached like that..."

"You let Peach pull on your mustache?" Spyro asked Mario with an extremely inquisitive stare, as Mario's eyes darted around suspiciously. Perhaps some things were better off not being said...

"Since you already have great chemistry with Impa, Cloud thought that you have the same energy with this...other Impa," Link explained to Mario, with Purah clearing her throat and frowning at Link to get the Hylian's attention. "As well as Purah."

"So I get to hang-a out with some Sheikah ladies...eh, I'm-a down," Mario shrugged before he walked away from the staircase, with Spyro and Hunter following after the plumber. "Follow me, Impa and Purah - hop aboard-a the Mario train! Choo choo!"

"Full speed ahead!" exclaimed the ever excitable Purah as she followed after Mario, while Advisor Impa stayed behind with Cloud and Link.

"I just hope that Purah doesn't tire out Mario too much," Advisor Impa said to Cloud and Link; as a sister, she was aware of how off-putting Purah's excitement can be. "She can really push his buttons..."

"Believe me, it'll be the other way around," assured Cloud, watching as Mario, Spyro, and Hunter left the mansion; Purah stayed around the front door, waiting on her sister. "You'll have nothing to worry about."

"Okay then, that's all I needed to..." Advisor Impa looked down, seeing the wasted "cookies" around her feet and on the bottom stairs. "...are those supposed to be muffins?"

"Impa! Are you coming or not?" Purah called out to her sister, doing her best not to grow impatient. She wanted to be at full throttle of the Mario train.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Advisor Impa ran to Purah, giving a quick wave to Cloud and Link as she left the mansion. Link picked up one of the cookies, sniffed it, and took a bite out of it before grimacing.

"Blegh! Why did I even try...?" wondered Link as he spat out the contents on the floor, before gagging from the seemingly horrid taste. For the Hylian, the taste was like expired cookie dough mixed with sour vinegar.

"You are prone to making questionable choices sometimes..." remarked Cloud as Link fell down on the floor, coughing to get the taste out of his mouth. Needless to say, it didn't work.


Predictably, Sora got creamed on the golf simulator by Riku, who always seemed to have the Keyblade wielder's number. Looking to keep his mind off his harrowing loss, Sora went to the vending machine room, with Kairi accompanying him.

"Today would be nice, Captain Falcon," Sora kindly said to the racer, who was standing in front of a vending machine thinking of what snack he should get. Captain Falcon tapped his chin repeatedly, thinking long and hard.

"What to choose, what to choose...a bag of pretzels, or spicy crayfish potato chips?" Captain Falcon asked himself as he weighed his two options. For Falcon, choosing the right snack was a matter of life or death. But only on a minor scale.

"Spicy crayfish potato chips?" questioned Kairi, who was unable to comprehend what her ears had just heard. "Sounds like such a make-believe flavor."

"Do people from your universe not eat sea-salt ice cream, Kairi? That sounds just as damning, if not more!"

Captain Falcon: For a while, I thought that sea-salt ice cream was just an imaginary ice cream flavor that some sicko came up with - then I found out that they sell ice cream like that at the Tokyo Disney Resort! Japan has always set the barometer for weirdness extremely high - sometimes without even trying - so I'm not even surprised with them at this point.

Popo: Kairi's favorite ice cream is apparently sea-salt, just like her annoying boyfriend Sora...but it's okay, it's all good, she can still be saved. One day, she'll see the light. Her boyfriend, too.

"Meh, I'll just get some Doritos instead," Captain Falcon finally decided, as he ordered himself a bag of Doritos. Once he got his bag of Doritos out of the vending machine, Falcon left the premises.

"Weird how you have to pay for vending machine snacks, at the very place you live in," Kairi said to Sora as she and the Keyblade wielder finally had the vending machine all for themselves. "Master Hand must run a tight ship!"

"Nah, he's just super greedy like that," responded Sora before digging his hand through his pocket. "Luckily that's why I have a..." Sora suddenly stopped speaking, as the panicked look on his face meant that something was amiss.

"Something wrong, Sora?" Clearly, there was something wrong as Sora was frantically looking through the pockets of his pants. And the pockets on his shirt. Who knew the man had so many pockets on him?

"That wallet Link gave me, it's gone missing! Oh man, I promised Link I would take good care of it..."

"Um, Sora...you might wanna take a look inside the vending machine..." Kairi was looking at the vending machine, and Sora would look as well...seeing a wallet through the glass, sitting among the snacks. Sora pressed his hands against the vending machine glass, bewildered as ever.

"How did it even end up in there?! This is messed up..." Sora held his head low as Gerudo Ganon entered the vending machine room, seeing Sora in his plight, and let out a slightly mocking laugh.

"Haha, that Crash Bandicoot got you good!" the demon lord said to Sora as he went over to the vending machine full of drinks. "I saw him put that wallet of yours in that vending machine."

"But why would he do that for? Crash would never do me like that. How did he even know that wallet belonged to me?"

"He did walk out of your room with it, so...yeah, there's that. But a dollar and a half for that wallet, that's a nice deal!"

"Sora isn't going to pay for something that belongs to him," Kairi stated to Gerudo Ganon, knowing that Crash wasn't fully responsible for Sora's wallet being stuck in the vending machine.

"I'm afraid that's his issue, not mine..." Gerudo Ganon got himself a drink from the vending machine, but really it wasn't a drink...rather, it was a water bottle. One that caught Sora's attention.

"Hey, that's my water bottle!" Sora said to Gerudo Ganon as he pointed at the water bottle in the demon lord's hand. "Rex gave that to me as a bit of a 'welcome back' gift."

"Well, it's my water bottle now. Maybe if you hadn't made fun of Crash's teeth, your water bottle wouldn't be in the vending machine in the first place!"

"I made fun of Crash's teeth?" As Sora struggled to think of a time when he made fun of Crash, Gerudo Ganon laughed as he left the vending machine room. Alph would enter the room, seeing Sora lost in thought.

"Do you have any cash on you, Alph?" Kairi asked the young astronaut, who tried not to be flustered. Speaking with certain females made Alph blush. "Sora's wallet got stuck inside the vending machine."

"Pennies or nickels?" asked Alph, as he took out two bags - one with pennies and the other with nickels. Kairi wasn't yet familiarized with the currency system so she didn't know which choice to make.

"...whichever one works best." So Alph handed Kairi the bag of nickels, and Kairi inserted the coins in the vending machine through the coin slot.


Master Hand was particularly angry with Cloud today - not because Cloud gave him the cold shoulder that morning, but because the swordsman never informed him about Commander Zelda and the Champions visiting the mansion. But the giant hand would manage to catch up with the visitors of Hyrule, and had brought them to his room so he could give them a gift.

"Championship belts, one for each Champion!" exclaimed Master Hand as Isabelle handed Mipha, Revali, Daruk, and Urbosa a wrestling championship belt. "Had Isabelle order these online, since I couldn't find a way to steal them outright."

"Typical Master Hand - only playing by the rules when he has no other choice!" chuckled Daruk, who found it a struggle to put the championship belt around his waist. If only there was one that came in his size...

"I ordered those belts a long time ago," Isabelle explained to the Champions, with Daruk being the only one mildly interested in Master Hand's gift. "Master Hand didn't think about giving them away until now."

"I don't need this waste of gold about my waist...I'm good," said Urbosa, greatly disrespecting Master Hand as she tossed her championship belt on the floor. Master Hand gasped in shock, almost ready to faint.

Revali: This "championship belt" is just a stupid little toy for adults, the gold in it is not even real for crying out loud. You mean to tell me that people like collecting crap like this for fun? People these days must be bored out of their minds...

"And for you, sweet princess, a rose..." Master Hand said to Commander Zelda as he offered the princess a rose. Commander Zelda, unsure of what to make of her gift, accepted the rose. "...for you are like a kiss from a rose."

"That sounds...a little cheesy, but thank you anyways, Master Hand," Commander Zelda thanked the giant hand, who was absolutely beaming with pride. Looking through Master Hand's open bedroom door were Pit, Kirby, and Incineroar, having watched Master Hand give out his gifts.

"I think one of those belts was supposed to be a birthday gift for you," Kirby said to Pit, as Daruk finally got his championship belt around his waist. Sure constricted the Goron a bit, but major props for actually getting it on.

"This whole time, I thought Researcher Zelda was crushing hard on Champion Link..." remarked Pit, who was struggling to come to terms with the fact that Researcher Zelda has ZERO feelings for Champion Link.

"That...has been obvious since the day Researcher Zelda came to the mansion. I bet she doesn't even like the Link from her time. Not all Zeldas and Links can be romantically entwined."

"But are Champion Link and Commander Zelda entwined? They sure do spend a lot of quality time together."

"True, but that doesn't mean a thing. I see no romantic tension between them - they're probably just friends."

"'Just friends' is just some fancy secret code for 'secret lovers'. Those two should totally tie the knot!"

"And just how do you plan on going about with that?" Kirby instantly regretted even asking this question; Lord knows what diabolical things Pit could come up with that mind of his.

"We need something that's quick, easy, and impromptu..." Pit gasped when an idea came to mind, as he had a eureka moment of concerning proportions. "...why not do a shotgun wedding? One in the backyard!"

"Shotgun weddings only work when the wife-to-be is already pregnant. Commander Zelda is obviously not pregnant."

"True dat, but we could find a way to make her so! Do you think that Hylia is powerful enough to impregnate Commander Zelda?"

"I highly doubt that would be even possible..." Given that Commander Zelda was an incarnation of Hylia, her being impregnated by Hylia would be like some form of self-impregnation. Would be one for the record books.

"Screw it...I'll just start up some rumors." Now in a matchmaking mood, Pit entered Master Hand's room, with Pit heaving a sigh as he and Incineroar entered the room as well.

"Master Hand, do you have bigger championship belts?" Daruk asked the giant hand, feeling the pain around his waist. His stomach felt like it was about to burst from the pressure. "This belt is too tight-fitting..."

"Tight-fitting like Commander Zelda's pants?" asked Master Hand as Commander Zelda gave the giant hand a wary look. Seconds later, Master Hand noticed Pit and company standing in his presence. "Pit, if you want a championship belt like the Champions here, you can forget it."

"I don't need a belt...for I have an announcement to make," responded Pit, taking a deep breath...before pointing his finger at Commander Zelda. "...Commander Zelda is pregnant!"

"I'm what now?" questioned Commander Zelda, understandably confused just like everyone else in Master Hand's room. Now that Pit had everyone's attention, it was time for some explaining.

"Commander Zelda was impregnated, by a mysterious deity of Hyrulian origin. She was too hesitant to tell anyone, so I had no choice but to spill the beans."

"Pit, Commander Zelda isn't Mary Magdalene," Master Hand said to the angel, wishing for him to go away; he didn't want the Champions to think of Pit as an even bigger idiot than they imagined.

"Even if she was pregnant...how did you find out?" Mipha asked Pit, asking what was perhaps the most pressing question. Good thing Pit had an answer for just about any question posed to him.

"I'm an angel, duh! I know divine intervention whenever I see it. I literally felt the fetus in Commander Zelda's womb when she stepped foot in the mansion."

Pit: Wanted to flaunt my knowledge of babies on the Champions, but they're from times past. They couldn't handle my genius. The ultraviolet scan would scare 'em to death! *pauses* Is that the right term, ultraviolet scan?

"Please ignore Pit, he's talking out of his butt," Isabelle calmly advised Commander Zelda and the Champions, not wanting for anyone to feel alarmed by Pit's fake announcement. "It's what he likes to do best."

"I'm going to have to ask you and your friends to leave," Master Hand said sternly to Pit, the angel's mere presence starting to bother him. "I don't need you messing with our guests!"

"Yeah, Princess Zelda isn't pregnant!" Champion Link said to Pit, standing up for his friend and siding with Master Hand - the latter of which he never thought he would've done, ever. "If she was, she would tell me. You're just spreading lies!"

"Fine, I fess up...Commander Zelda's not pregnant," confessed Pit as he threw his arms up in defeat...but the angel wasn't going down for the count yet. "...but, there's no denying that she and Champion Link would make for a nice married couple!"

"Champion Link and Commander Zelda, married..." said Master Hand as the thought of the two Hylians being married sounded alluring to him. "...that has a pretty nice ring to it. I'd love to see it happen!"

"Not happening," Urbosa said to Master Hand, being the only champion having enough guts to stand up to the giant hand. "Princess Zelda won't be married unless her father, King Rhoam, says so."

"Then let's bring in King Rhoam and get his seal of approval. What great father would turn down their daughter being married, to a Link no less?"

"Master Hand, I don't think we need to bring in the king of Hyrule..." Isabelle said to the giant hand, not wanting to waste any of King Rhoam's precious time. King Rhoam had more important things to worry about.

"You are so right, Isabelle, we don't need to tell King Rhoam...we'll just go ahead and get his daughter and Champion Link married! Then Commander Zelda can go back home, and tell daddy the big news."

"...not what I was getting at." It was too late, Master Hand's mind was already made up - Champion Link and Commander Zelda were getting married, whether either Hylian wanted it or not.

"Shotgun wedding, wooooo!" cheered Pit as he pumped his fists in the air, before doing some kind of celebratory lap around Master Hand's room. Champion Link was glaring down Pit, wishing he could do more than just punch the angel in his face.

"I am very sorry, you two," Mipha quietly extended her sympathies to Champion Link and Commander Zelda, fearful over what Master Hand was capable of doing. A committed Master Hand always a scary sight.

"It's fine, Mipha, we'll find a way to call off this...wedding," Commander Zelda assured the Zora, who responded with a warm smile.


Sora and Kairi were able to get in some quality time together and were now looking to see where Riku was. The two walked through the hallway before coming to a stop when they saw a crowd of residents standing together.

"Haven't seen this many residents crowded together before," remarked Sora as he and Kairi bustled their way through the crowd, seeing Falco at the front recording on his phone. "Falco, what's going on?"

"About time you made it...your best friend's getting choked out," snickered Falco, as Sora and Kairi saw Crunch choking out Riku. Crunch had Riku pressed against the wall, hand wrapped around the silverette's neck, as Sora and Kairi were both mortified.

"Thought you could get away with stealing my deodorant, huh?!" Crunch frowned at Riku, who was struggling to break free from the chokehold. Crunch had a very firm grip. "Pretty low of you, man!"

"Why would I wanna steal from you?" Riku questioned Crunch, his hands unable to pry off Crunch's fingers. A truly rare sight of Riku being owned. "Does it look like I'm the kind of guy that would want trouble?"

"Tell me why my deodorant was in your room. Not only it just magically teleported itself over there!"

Sonic: I moved Crunch's deodorant to the room that Sora and friends are staying in. Left it right on Riku's dresser. Crunch fell for it. *snorts*

Samus: I'll never understand why the men of this mansion get so worked up over deodorant...the dorks who play Smash hardly use deodorant anyway, so why should they? Makes perfect sense if you ask me.

"You have to do something, Sora..." Kairi whispered to the Keyblade wielder, who nodded his head knowing that intervention was necessary. So Sora stepped away from the crowd, as he bravely confronted Crunch.

"Put Riku down!" the Keyblade wielder commanded Crunch, who turned his head for a brief moment before continuing his chokehold on Riku. "I said, put him down! He doesn't deserve that."

"How would you like it if someone stole one of your belongings?" Crunch asked Sora as he refused to let go of Riku - at least until the silverette apologized. "Your pal messed with the wrong guy!"

"Maybe he did, but that doesn't warrant him being choked out like that. Riku probably didn't mean it!"

"Yeah, he 'probably' didn't mean to steal my deodorant...like you expect me to believe that!"

"For the last time, I had nothing to do with this!" Riku pleaded his case to Crunch, hoping that his breathing wasn't being cut off. "Someone moved your deodorant to my room...it wasn't me!"

"Can you let go of Riku, please?" Kairi asked Crunch, speaking in a very kind manner. Her kindness seemed to have won over Crunch, as the bandicoot sighed and released his hold on Riku.

"Bruh why are you putting him back down?!" Falco frowned at Crunch, who gently placed Riku back on his feet and dusted off the silverette's shoulder. "Wasn't even done recording!"

"Welp, back to watching the Duck Hunt Dog humping his bed again..." said Red the Pokemon Trainer as he, Falco, and the other residents dispersed from the scene. Sora, Kairi, and Riku were left alone with Crunch.

"You got away this time...for now," Crunch said to Riku, giving him this warning message before turning around and heading on his own way. Riku watched as Crunch left, his hand on his aching neck.

"So weird...I was nowhere near his room!" Riku said to Sora and Kairi. "I feel like somebody tried to set me up." Kairi might've had a clue as to who was responsible, as she remembered an incident earlier today.

"This might be Sonic's doing," the girl said to Sora and Riku, finding the theory to be very plausible. "Remember what he did in the gaming room?"

"Yeah, I remember - he must be trying to create some strife between us and the bandicoots!" said Sora, as the stuff Sonic had said to him earlier still weighed in his mind. "But what does he even have to gain from doing that?"

"He probably thinks it's funny," replied Riku before taking out his Keyblade, getting his game face on. "I'd say we teach that hedgehog a lesson..."

"You're not planning on using your Keyblade on Sonic, are you?" Kairi asked Riku, who looked down at his Keyblade before sheepishly putting it away.

"Uh, no, I just...got a little too excited there. In over my head. Happens to the best of us."


Mario welcomed Advisor Impa and Purah to his house, giving the Sheikah ladies the freedom to do whatever. Purah, being the tech nerd that she was, was fascinated by all the appliances in the household.

"She sure loves that giant screen," Advisor Impa said to Mario and Peach, holding her Sheika Slate and watching as her sister was using the TV remote to flip through the channels on the living room TV. Every time Purah changed to a different channel, she became more fascinated.

"Is that a person cooking in their kitchen?" asked Purah as she saw a chef making an egg omelet on the television screen. "Do people actually sit down and watch stuff like this?"

"Television appeals to a wide-a array of audiences..." replied Mario, sounding like some kind of television spokesman. Purah would change the channel yet again, to a channel with dogs. "...everyone has a different-a interest."

"Well if there's one thing I learned, the people in charge of this television are pretty obsessed...or pretty bored." Purah changed the channel once more, as there was now a romantic bedroom scene playing on the screen.

"Okay, Purah, you can change-a the channel now, that man and woman are-a too close...mama mia, the man's undressing him-a self...the woman is smiling...PURAH CHANGE IT RIGHT-A NOW!"

Spyro: Purah has yet to notice that Mario and Peach have a microwave. For the record, it's probably a good thing.

"You have a lot of fascinating things in your house," Advisor Impa said to Mario and Peach, watching as Purah moved from the television to the computer. Purah gleefully turned on the computer as Mario grabbed the TV remote and turned the television off.

"Meh, we have-a the essentials," replied Mario, as Purah was gawking at the login screen on the computer - more specifically the background. "Okay, well, not-a all of it is essential..."

"Did you take a picture of this?!" Purah asked Mario she pointed at the background, which was just a generic beach photo. "The quality of this image is simply amazing!"

"Your sister seems too easily impressed," Peach said to Advisor Impa as Purah was trying to log into the computer, using all sorts of passwords. When that didn't work, Purah looked around and saw Mario's cellphone lying around.

"Keep-a your hands off my phone!" Mario commanded Purah, who went ahead and snatched the plumber's phone away. Purah pushed Mario away as she pulled up Mario's emergency contact list.

"A lot of interesting contacts you have...why is one of them a musical instrument?" Purah asked Mario, peering rather inquisitively at Banjo's name. The profile pic of Banjo didn't do much to quell the Sheikah's concerns.

"You're not talking about-a Banjo, are you? If you call-a him right now..." And that's exactly what Purah did, as she hit the call button. She desired to know what Banjo was all about.

"Howdy Mario!" Banjo greeted over the phone, as Mario looked away and angrily shook his fists at the heavens. Both Advisor Impa and Peach found the plumber's mini rage fit quite endearing. "You want some more sunflower seeds?"

"Wow! You sure don't sound like a banjo," replied Purah, with Mario angrily looking on with his fists tightening. "Not much of a banjo voice, I'll say. Or are you the bear in that picture?"

"Oh my goodness, Mario, your voice! Did you decide to be a woman?! It's okay, we can talk things out if we need to..."

"I'm not Mario...I'm just calling on his phone. So are you a bear, or a banjo? Answer my question!"

"Maybe Gruntilda had something to do with this! Mario would never turn into a woman on his own accord. Grunty must've cursed him!"

"...good-a bye, Banjo," Mario said to the bear as he finally got his phone from Purah, before ending the call. "Purah, why don't you try asking next-a time?"

"Sorry..." Purah apologized to Mario as she lowered her head...before looking up and seeing the fridge in the kitchen. "...ooh, is that a fridge?!"

"I assume that the Champions are having fun..." assumed Advisor Impa as Purah ran to the fridge, opening it and marveling at all the food inside.


The Champions weren't exactly having fun, as they were forced by Master Hand to attend Champion Link and Commander Zelda's shotgun wedding. Master Hand had Volnutt, Steve, and Alex set up the chairs in the backyard, as he watched over the three workers.

"Other than the Champions, how many people will be in attendance?" Wolf approached Master Hand; the mercenary was asked to officiate the wedding.

"Whoever Pit can entice to show up," replied Master Hand, not having that much faith in Pit to raise enough awareness about the wedding. "Participation won't really matter much this time."

"If only that was applied to some of the other events...could've saved me from attending that stupid baby shower..."

"You wanna say that louder?!" Master Hand got up in Wolf's grill, ready to squeeze the life out of the mercenary if he had to. Wolf backed down.

"Uh, would you look at the time...I gotta rehearse my lines!" Wolf ran away, saving his own hide as Master Hand went back to overseeing Volnutt and the two craftsmen. Soon, the giant hand was joined by Master Kohga.

"I was told that Champion Link was getting married to a Zelda," the leader of the Yiga Clan said to Master Hand, having learned of the wedding from Pit. "Is this true, Master Hand?"

"Indeed it is, pal. You don't have a problem with it, do you?" Apparently, the thought of Master Kohga being at Champion Link and Commander Zelda's wedding didn't phase Master Hand that much.

"Are you kidding me?! I have no problem with it whatsoever! Can I invite the clansmen? This wedding will be rocking!"

"That's the spirit! Now go out there and spread the word!" So Master Kohga ran off, about to share news about the wedding to the Yiga clansmen - and anyone willing to lend him an ear.

"Tell me you seriously aren't inviting that guy," Volnutt said to Master Hand, fearing that Master Kohga's presence at the wedding would bring potential harm. Especially if the rest of the Yiga Clan was in attendance.

"I didn't invite him...he invited himself. At least I think he did, subconsciously. I'll have a front-row seat just for him!"

Volnutt: I'm not entirely opposed to the shotgun wedding - it sounds like a scam the more I think about it. Might be all for show - just a way for Master Hand to "flex" his influence. Either that, or he just wants to move Champion Link out of the mansion. That whole lecture about depression that Champion Link did on Halloween must've been the final straw.

"All the chairs have been set up, Master Hand," Alex informed the giant hand as she showed up with Steve. "Shall we retrieve the bride and groom?"

"No need...we're already here," sighed Commander Zelda as she and Champion Link showed up at the backyard. Part of them didn't want to be here, but Master Hand would've hunted them down anyway.

"Hello, Bride Commander Zelda and Groom Champion Link," Steve greeted the two Hylians; Champion Link and Commander Zelda would have to get used to those names, at least until they could find a way to call the wedding off. "All the chairs have been..."

"Yes, we can see, the chairs have been set up...Master Hand, why go forth with this wedding when we don't even have a budget?"

"It's a shotgun wedding, Commander Zelda - we don't need a budget! We'll just get you and the Champ married, and call it a day. It's as simple as that!"

"Aren't we moving too fast?" asked Champion Link, as Master Hand was bothered by the brief onslaught of questions. "We don't even know how the ceremony will carry out!"

"Again, shotgun wedding. We'll just make up rules on the fly if we have to. Gotta go with the flow!"

"Sounds pretty haphazard to me...but what about the flowers, the bouquet?" Champion Link's question was left unanswered, as Master Hand vanished away. "And there he goes..."

"I have a gift, for the bride," said Steve as he approached Commander Zelda, handing her a box. "It is a box of chocolates. Enjoy."

"Don't accept it, the chocolate's not real," Champion Link whispered to Commander Zelda as he was speaking from experience. "It tastes like rocks. Only with a bitter aftertaste."


The Keyblade Hero 3 - Sora, Riku, and Kairi - were on to whatever Sonic was cooking up, and were looking to put an end to the hedgehog's plot. The trio went to the lounge, where they coincidentally saw Coco speaking with Zelda and Researcher Zelda.

"Look at what he did to my laptop!" Coco said to the two Zeldas as she showed them her laptop, which had a message written on the screen. "COCO SUCKS...-KAIRI" was the message, written in red.

"You're positive that Sonic did that?" Zelda asked Coco, who wasn't sweating that much over the damage dealt to her laptop. For the most part, the message could be wiped off easily with a cloth or something.

"He literally showed me that message and claimed that it was Kairi's doing. But I'm not stupid - I know how bad Sonic's handwriting is."

"This is very childish of him - who does he think he is, Bowser? He should be punished." That was Sora and company's cue to enter the lounge, having heard just about enough from Coco.

"It seems like you've been victimized as well," Riku said to Coco, as he massaged his neck; it was still in pain, although said pain was subsiding a bit. "Your brother choked me out after he accused me of stealing his deodorant. I had nothing to do with it."

"Yeah, and my wallet was stuck inside a vending machine, and I was told that Crash was responsible!" added Sora, who was aware that Crash wasn't smart enough to pull off a feat like that. Crash could barely even tie his shoes, for crying out loud!

"Stolen deodorant...wallet inside a vending machine..." mused Coco as she thought over the two incidents that both Sora and Riku had to endure. "...and now this message on my laptop. Yup, totally sounds like Sonic's doing!"

"Sonic is definitely trying to start some bad blood between you guys," stated Researcher Zelda, seeing the hedgehog create some kind of rift between the bandicoots and the Keyblade wielders. "The last thing we would want is..."

"Princess Zelda! I must inform you about the wedding in our backyard," Master Hand said to the princess as he magically appeared in the lounge; the phrase "wedding in our background" took a while for Zelda to process.

"Somebody's getting married?" asked Zelda, thinking of what couple at the mansion was getting married on short notice. "Are Robin and Lucina finally tying the knot?"

"No, you silly goose! It's a far more superior couple - Champion Link and Commander Zelda. We're gonna send Commander Zelda back to Hyrule with an absolute bang!"

"I thought those two were just friends..." said Researcher Zelda, as Master Hand laughed heartily at the princess. To Master Hand, Champion Link and Commander Zelda were now the newest IT couple.

"That's what they want you to think. But everyone knows that every Link and Zelda in existence are destined for love. Even you ladies know this!"

"Not quite..." Researcher Zelda wasn't interested in love; magic was her biggest priority over anything. "...Champion Link and Commander Zelda aren't seriously getting married, are they?"

"Of course they're getting married! I wouldn't be telling you guys about it if that wasn't the case!" The two Zeldas shared dubious looks with one another, as Coco and the Keyblade Hero 3 also shared the princesses' doubt.

"Is participation at this wedding required?" Sora asked Master Hand; as a seasoned resident, the Keyblade wielder knew how "vital" it was to attend every mansion function imaginable.

"It's a shotgun wedding, so attending it is optional." Everyone let out a sigh of relief when they heard that. "That being said...I want Zelda at this wedding, to see a fellow Hylia girl be wedded!"

"'Fellow Hylia girl'..." uttered Zelda as she visibly cringed at the very term. "...not exactly the best moniker, in my opinion."

Master Hand: The shotgun wedding will be the greatest shotgun wedding of all time. It will be the shotgun wedding to end all shotgun weddings. Why is it named "shotgun wedding" in the first place? Is it because the groom got shot to death when everyone found out that the bride was pregnant? Humans have a weird way of naming things...

Master Hand vanished away, making his return back to the backyard. Zelda was asked to attend the shotgun wedding, and there was a chance Cloud was asked to attend as well.

"Researcher Zelda, you and the others go settle the score with Sonic," Zelda said to her right-hand woman, who nodded her head in affirmation. "I'll go see what this 'wedding' is all about..."

"I'm on it!" replied Researcher Zelda, as Zelda left the lounge. Researcher Zelda suddenly heard the sound of keys clicking away on a keyboard, as she saw Coco typing away on her laptop.

"Forgot that I have access to the security footage," Coco said to Researcher Zelda as she pulled up a window where all the security cameras were displayed. "We might be able to expose Sonic for good..."


Purah was still obsessing over the appliances in Mario's household, as the Sheikah was now in the laundry room. She was watching a washing machine through the machine's glass door, in complete awe.

"She put in detergent, but not any clothes..." Spyro said to Mario as he and the plumber were looking at Purah. "...it's gonna make the machine full of suds!"

"As far as I know, a sud-a filled washing machine doesn't sound-a like a hazard," said Mario, alarming Spyro with his carefree and nonchalant attitude. "Purah, did you clean-a off the dust collector?"

"Why would a machine that washes clothes need a dust collector?" Purah turned around and asked Mario, whose eyes went wide with worry. Purah was going to set Mario's house on fire!

"Mama mia!" Coming to the rescue, Mario stopped the washing machine and took out the dust collector, cleaning it off. A few wads of dust landed on the floor, as Mario calmly inserted the dust collector back inside the machine.

"Really, that was you were scared of? Some lousy dust clusters? Drama queen..." "As Purah turned the washing machine back on, the sound of the doorbell ringing was heard.

"You look like you just fought off a horde of Bokoblins," Advisor Impa said to Mario, who was sporting a slight fear-stricken face as he made his way over to the front door. Opening the door, Mario saw Pit on the doorstep.

"Congratulations, Mario - you are invited to attend the wedding of Champion Link and Commander Zelda!" Pit announced to the plumber, who made a funny face when he heard the news. Advisor Impa, who was Champion Link and Commander Zelda's closest friend, acted adversely to the news.

"Champion Link and Commander Zelda...are getting married?" the Sheikah asked, as Purah overheard her sister and came out from the laundry room.

"They're getting WHAT now?!" exclaimed Purah, more excited about the prospect of Champion Link and Commander Zelda being married than the concerned Advisor Impa. "Ooh! Those two definitely aren't wasting any time!"

"Shotgun wedding, baby!" shouted Pit, as the wedding was starting to make sense now for Mario. Advisor Impa, on the other hand, was still trying to accept the reality unfolding. "Yeah, you and Peach totally should come, Mario."

Advisor Impa: Those two getting married doesn't sound...that bad...I mean, Champion Link is already the leader of the royal guard, so he would make for a pretty decent prince...did anyone ask King Rhoam for permission?

"Advisor Impa, you're Commander Zelda's best friend, right?" Pit asked the Sheikah, whose mind was too wrapped around the wedding to even speak. "You should be her maid of honor!"

"Pit, the wedding's about to start!" Master Hand called out to the angel, sounding a tad impatient. He was dying to see the knot tied. "Don't leave us waiting like you did at that fundraiser! Made me...I-I mean, us, lose so much money..."

"Coming!" Pit ran off, giving Mario a two-finger salute as he departed. Mario was on the fence about attending the wedding, so he looked towards Advisor Impa and Purah to see if they were interested.

"This wedding with Champion Link and Commander Zelda sounds...forced," remarked Advisor Impa, and "forced" was the right word to describe it. "Whose idea was it to have those two marry in the first place?"

"Obviously Master Hand's idea," replied Mario, although it was Pit who had planted the idea in Master Hand's mind. It was his fault from the beginning. "He's-a probably expecting me, so...gotta be there."

"Wait, so you don't think Champion Link and Commander Zelda genuinely wanted to get married?" Purah asked Advisor Impa, as Mario went to go retrieve Peach. "Man, Impa, you're no fun at all!"

"Those two shouldn't be forced into a situation they're not comfortable with," Advisor Impa said to Purah, as Mario returned to the living room with Peach a moment later. "Master Hand should've left them alone..."

"We're off to attend-a the wedding," Mario informed Advisor Impa and Purah; he and Peach would dress up, but neither of them was in the mood. "Any one-a of you want to come?"

"I'm in!" responded Purah as she joined Mario and Peach. With one Sheikah in the fray, Mario turned his head to Advisor Impa, who was looking unsure.

"I really don't want to attend the wedding, but..." started Advisor Impa, before something clicked in her mind as she looked down at the Sheikah Slate she was holding unto the entire day. "...you know what, scratch that thought. I'll go with you."

"Atta girl!" Purah was all smiles, as Advisor Impa was now going to the wedding. Advisor Impa might have something up her sleeve...


Researcher Zelda and Coco caught up with Crunch, and Coco was showing her brother security footage on her laptop with the Keyblade Hero 3 standing by. Crunch was shaking his head as he saw security footage of Sonic placing his deodorant on Riku's dress, and sticking Sora's wallet inside the vending machine. Sonic walked way from both incidents, whistling innocently.

"See, Crunch? Sonic was framing Riku," Coco explained to the burly bandicoot, who frowned as he stroked his chin. "Riku was innocent this whole time!"

"Mess with a man's belongings, and get someone else in trouble..." said Crunch as he shook his head, displeased by what he had seen. "...that's not right. I say we clobber that hedgehog!"

"I'm down with that," agreed Riku as he was about to take out his Keyblade. Kairi put his hand in front of Riku, stopping him in the act. "Or maybe not..."

"Why don't we just hash it out with Sonic?" suggested Researcher Zelda, as the others were mutual towards the idea. "The last thing any of us want to hear is Sonic whining..."

"You know, I can put up with Sonic's whining for a few days. Depending on how we treat him, he probably won't' be whining as much..."


Mario, Peach, Advisor Impa, and Purah were at the wedding, sitting in the front row. Not that many folks were in attendance, but Master Hand didn't mind. As he said, attendance was optional.

"Surprised by the turnout," Urbosa said to her fellow Champions Mipha, Daruk, and Revali, as they were all standing at the makeshift altar with Wolf. Her face immediately fell when she saw Master Kohga in attendance. "Why is he here?"

"Is that Master Kohga?" frowned Revali when he saw Kohga, shaking his head as he left the altar. Leaving was not the wisest decision for him. "Screw this, I'm outta here..."

"GET BACK IN YOUR POSITION, YOU STUPID BIRD!" Master Hand boomed at Revali, who grunted as he went back to his spot on the altar, throwing his arms up in defeat. Attendance definitely wasn't optional for the Champions.

Cloud: The "wedding" - and I don't use those air quotes lightly - is pretty lame. Neither Champion Link nor Commander Zelda dressed up for the occasion - although it's not like I don't blame them. And Wolf is the officiant. That fact alone should tell you everything you need to know about the wedding.

"Kinda wish there was a wedding reception," Fox discussed with Mario as he and Krystal were seated in the front row. "I could really go for some appetizers right about now!"

"Why not make-a some appetizers later, in your 'high-tech' kitchen?" asked Mario, with Fox about to retort only for Mario to put his finger on the pilot's mouth. "Hold-a that thought, I think it's about-a to start..."

Pit stood at the altar, playing the trumpet to get the wedding start. Everyone was looking confused...for Pit was playing the wrong song. The angel was playing "Taps".

"Whoops, wrong song," Pit apologized to the crowd before playing a wedding tune through the trumpet. Wolf, standing at the altar, smiled as he saw Champion Link walking down the aisle.

"He's not wearing a suit...how lame," Fox commented on Champion Link wearing his usual threads, unaware of how much the Hylian didn't care about some wedding attire. Once Champion Link stood on the altar, Commander Zelda came down the aisle next.

"They're certainly missing a ring-a bearer and a flower girl..." remarked Mario, seeing how lacking in energy Commander Zelda was as she walked down the aisle. Once Commander Zelda joined Champion Link at the altar, Pit stopped playing the trumpet and stepped away.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here..." started Wolf, only to pause and frown when he saw Champion Link and Commander Zelda just staring at each other, not even holding hands. "...um, are you two gonna hold hands?"

"It's a shotgun wedding - we can do whatever rules we want," replied Champion Link, using Master Hand's very words against Wolf. Wolf groaned and shook his head as he carried on with the proceedings.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to see a man and a woman - one, a legendary hero, the other, an incarnation of a goddess, be wedded. We are here as witnesses, to join Champion Link and Commander Zelda in matrimony to be honorable among all."

"Go on, go on..." said Advisor Impa, almost as if she was waiting for her big moment to shine.

"If anyone here wishes to object, and show why these two cannot be together - let them speak now or forever hold your..."

"I OBJECT!"

The only person in attendance brave enough to object was Advisor Impa, who stood up and let her voice be heard. As expected, Master Hand reacted negatively to the objection as he appeared above Advisor Impa.

"What did you just say?" the giant hand asked Advisor Impa, speaking to her as if he was about to kill her ruthlessly on the spot. "What gives you the right?"

"Champion Link and Commander Zelda will not be married. As their Royal Advisor, I will not allow it!" Advisor Impa's title didn't mean much to Master Hand, who just laughed at the Sheikah in response.

"Oh no, the so-called royal advisor is going to stop the wedding!" Master Hand spoke in a mocking tone, as Advisor Impa was unfettered by any of the giant hand's teasing. "I'm so scared! Where's my mommy?"

"May I mention that I'm also the Royal Advisor for King Rhoam, ruler of Hyrule?" Now that got Master Hand's attention, as the giant hand shut up quickly. "I serve more than just the princess..."

"Hey now, let's not get any kings up in here...I did this wedding without Rhoam's input, and I want to keep it that way."

"Speaking of Rhoam's input...I believe there was something he said about his daughter getting married." Pulling out her Sheikah Slate, Advisor Impa was using one of the Runes on the tablet.

"She must be using the Camera Rune; it's still a work in progress," Purah whispered to Mario and Peach, watching her sister do her thing.

"Take a look at this..." Advisor Impa pulled up the image she was looking for on the Sheikah Slate and showed it to Master Hand. Although he had no eyes, Master Hand could see the image clearly.

"Is that supposed to be some kind of message?" asked Master Hand, trying to make out the text in the image presented to him. "'As a command from King Rhoam, Princess Zelda...is not allowed to marry Link of the Royal Guard'?"

"Exactly what it says..." Advisor Impa put away her Sheikah Slate, as Master Hand was looking shook. "...so, Master Hand, you have no choice but to call off the wedding. Or, you can face King Rhoam's wrath..."

"I already got myself in hot water with one king...can't let the same happen with another!" Acting fast, Master Hand tore down the decorations from the makeshift altar and removed those standing on it. "Wedding's over, wedding's canceled! Everyone go home!"

"Aw c'mon!" growled Master Kohga, as the wedding guests were free to leave. The Yiga Clan leader looked at Advisor Impa, shaking his fist at the Sheikah. "You will pay for this..." Kohga vowed to Advisor Impa.

"Since when did you care so much...?" wondered Advisor Impa as Master Kohga stormed off.

Master Hand: Already got on Garon's bad side, after Corrin was sending those letters to his siblings in Nohr. Garon was convinced that I was abusing Corrin, and treating him like scum! Such blatant lies. If the residents can take the abuse, why can't Corrin? A sissy is what he is. I already made one king angry...it's not worth it angering another.

Advisor Impa: Took a picture of that message while I was testing out the Camera Rune on the Sheikah Slate. It's not really a very concrete message; King Rhoam only wrote it after some Beedle person crept all over the princess. Thankfully, the king has softened since then; the princess can marry as she chooses. *smiles*

"Nice-a work!" Mario commanded Advisor Impa, who smiled as Master Hand floated away sobbing for whatever reason - perhaps ruined by the missed opportunity of matrimony. "You might-a be just as good as Impa."

"Which Impa are you referring to?" asked Advisor Impa, as Mario struggled to think of a fancy name or moniker, or anything. Soon Commander Zelda approached Advisor Impa, with the Champions of Hyrule behind her.

"Impa...thank you," the princess thanked Advisor Impa, giving the Sheikah her heartfelt gratitude. "What we would've done without you..."

"Yeah, maybe Cloud was right to bring you and Purah aboard," said Revali, before looking around as he saw the wedding guests leave. "Speaking of Purah, where is she?"

"Right here!" exclaimed Purah as she appeared behind Advisor Impa, before wrapping her arm around the Sheikah. "You sure showed that giant hand who's boss, sis."

"Huh, I guess I did..." Advisor Impa smiled, beaming with pride as she looked down at the Sheikah Slate. That tablet was a work in progress, but it saved Champion Link and Commander Zelda from an unfortunate fate.

"I could sure go for some grub right now," said Daruk, hearing his stomach grumbling; he was no longer wearing his championship belt around his waist, thank goodness. "I'm starvin'!"

"I can bake-a you all some chocolate chip-a cookies," Mario offered to Daruk and company, as they gave the plumber skeptical looks. "Might've failed the first-a time, but...I can always redeem-a myself!"

"...I'd rather take my chances with the salmon risotto," said Champion Link as he walked towards the mansion, with the others following after him. "Cilan might still have some left over."

"No, wait, give-a me a chance!" Mario chased after Champion Link and company, not wanting to let his redemption be squandered. "You guys believe-a in second chances, don't you?"


Glad that she was now free from the wedding, Zelda was back at the mansion, looking to see how Researcher Zelda was handling things. She saw the princess outside the fitness center, looking nervous.

"There you are," Zelda said to Researcher Zelda, seeing the apparent nervousness on the princess' face. "Why do you look like that? Did you get the chance to speak with Sonic?"

"Um...about that..." Researcher Zelda nervously replied before Wii Fit Trainer pushed a resident out of the fitness center in a wheelchair. The person in the wheelchair...was Sonic.

"Leia says you're all good to go, Sonic!" Wii Fit told the hedgehog, whose arms and feet were covered in casts. Zelda was shocked to see the injuries Sonic had sustained. "Riku and Crunch got you good."

"Trust me, I'll get them back later..." vowed Sonic, as Wii Fit simply smiled for she knew no other way to react. "...when I'm not in pain." Wii Fit went back inside the fitness center, as Sonic saw the two Zeldas staring at him. "What are you looking at?"

"Riku and Crunch had their way with Sonic...and I was powerless in stopping them," Researcher Zelda explained to Zelda, before bowing her head in an apologetic manner. "I am so sorry..."

Sonic: Learned a painful, yet valuable lesson today - rivalries should be genuine, formed organically instead of by force. You might harm friendships, create unnecessary drama...or even worse, end up in a wheelchair like me. Crash won't even speak to me after he learned the truth...although he can't speak anyway, but you know what I mean. So I say this...keep your friends close, and your enemies close away.