Author's Note:
Sorry this chapter took longer than expected to be published...it was much longer than I originally intended to be. Almost had to cut some corners.
This is another Link Patrol Unit chapter, but one with a Valentine's Day flair to it. This chapter also includes a few brief references to Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury. I was gonna include Fury Bowser, but I had no idea how to work him into the story, so...you'll see how I approach things with that in this chapter. Guest reviews!
"Do the residents know that Naoto is a girl? (Call me slow for asking). Will an Ys IX chapter happen in the summer? (Since that's when the Switch version comes out). A nod or reference to the Persona Dancing All Night games? Will the Demi-Fiend, Raidou, and Dante show up for the Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne chapter? (Maybe have Dante reference the events of the game?). And finally, is Cloud planning on trying to revive or make a clone of Aerith?"
A few residents don't know, but I won't list any names. I might do an Ys IX chapter. I think I've already made a reference to the Dancing All Night games before. Those folks might not show up for the Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne chapter (if said chapter ever happens). And what is Cloud planning on doing? You'll just have to see for yourself. On to The Reader:
"...unfortunately, February 21st is a Sunday. So unless you wanted to go nuts and post a chapter on Saturday night, the proposal will be an offscreen moment, which is sad, considering that Link and Zelda is THE Nintendo couple. Having a Link/Zelda offscreen proposal is like having Jim and Pam or Chandler and Monica not having their proposal shown. That's a letdown."
Would I post a chapter on Saturday night? Perhaps. I have done crazier things in the past (more specifically last year). But we shall see...
Episode 269: Matchmaking
Toon Link: In the criminal justice system, offenses outside of Smash battles are considered especially heinous. In Seattle, at the Smash Mansion, the dedicated police officers who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the LPU, the Link Patrol Unit. These are their stories.
Young Link: DUN DUUUUN!
When Peony came to Seattle, he had one goal in mind - to mend his relationship with Peonia, and have his daughter appreciate him more. After attending a dad meeting held by Barret, Peony felt like he had a lot to prove. And he was determined in every way to prove himself as a father.
From the very moment that he walked out of the meeting room that day, Peony started taking Barret's words of advice to heart. He showed respect to Peonia, expecting respect in return. He listened to Peonia more often, going with the flow. And he loved Peonia for the way that she was. By doing those little things, Peony felt like the best father on planet earth.
Peony felt like a changed man, and he had Barret Wallace to thank. Although the explorer depended on Mario to help him be a better dad, it was Barret who showed him the way. Nothing like some advice from a fellow dad to improve yourself.
"Master Hand is having a Valentine's Day party on Sunday," Peach said to Mario, as the two were eating pancakes at the breakfast table. Peonia was also at the table, noodling around on her Rotom Phone. "I think you need a valentine to get in, though."
"Wouldn't that mean-a Master Hand can't attend his own-a party?" inquired Mario, applying some sound logic as he flipped a page in his morning newspaper. "He never has a valentine, but he invites-a himself to every Valentine's Day thing!"
"You know how much Master Hand enjoys being above the rules and all...so, are you going to RSVP, so you won't forget like last year?"
"What does RSVP even mean?" wondered Hunter as he entered the kitchen; he was wearing an anklet around his left heel. "'Resist Some Vile Pubes'?"
"No, Hunter, it's just an abbreviation for some French saying," corrected Spyro, who was just chilling on the kitchen counter. Yes, he had to ask Mario and Peach for permission. "One that I don't feel like pronouncing."
Spyro: I was kinda hoping that Hunter would spend at least a week in jail, but the judge just slapped him with a house arrest charge. Just like he did with Dr. Cortex. Hunter obviously can't leave the house, because then he would get himself in more trouble... *pauses, then smiles* ...maybe I can find a way to force him out. Yeah...
Hunter: Being under house arrest is pretty rad. I have an actual excuse now for being lazy and not doing anything. (Although Mario and Peach didn't care about how much I lounge around beforehand.) I should've been on house arrest a long time ago!
"Peonia! What would you like for breakfast today, dear?" Peony came inside the kitchen to ask his daughter, who looked up from her Rotom Phone. "Ask and it shall be given to you!"
"I would love some waffles, the French toast kind," replied Peonia, as Peony readily pulled out the waffle maker from one of the kitchen cabinets. "With some eggs and bacon on the side. Oh, and some strawberries, too!"
"My girl is going all-in for breakfast! Haha! That's what I like to see!" Peony grabbed some bacon and a carton of eggs from the fridge, as Peonia looked on with a smile. Mario and Peach could tell that things were coming along nicely between Peony and Peonia.
"I see that 'dad seminar' of Barret's has worked wonders," Peach whispered with Mario, as Peony frantically looked around in the fridge for some waffle batter. Or at least some waffle mix.
"Yes, it's very lovely to see," Mario whispered back, as he always found it wholesome seeing a fellow dad doing nice dad things. "Peony, we already have a box-a of French toast waffles in the freezer!"
"In the freezer?" Peony raised an eyebrow as he opened the fridge...and saw a box of French toast waffles staring right at him. "...now I'll be! A box of premade waffles. That's some next-level stuff!"
"You're so silly, dad," Peonia giggled at Peony; usually when she said stuff like that, it would be in a very critical tone. The fact that she was taking things lightly was a sign of progress.
"You just love-a to see it," Mario said to Peach, after witnessing the wholesome moment with Peony and Peonia. Just then, the doorbell rang. "A guest at this time-a of the morning? Wonder who it could-a be."
Mario would get up from the breakfast table and open the front door, seeing Barret standing by. Barret didn't look like he was in dire need of anything, which made Mario feel slightly relieved.
"Morning, Mario, sorry if this is the wrong time," Barret greeted the plumber, who was wearing a housecoat with his boxers exposed. How could Mario present himself like that, with guests around? "You got a minute?"
"Of course!" Mario happily replied as he joined Barret outside. The low morning temperatures made the plumber shiver, due to his attire (or the lack thereof). "So what's-a up?"
"That Valentine's Day thing is happening on Sunday, right? And I wanna make things right before everything goes-a down."
"Are you looking for a valentine, so you could-a get in? I heard that Pauline is still-a available. Though she might-a not oblige..."
"I don't need a valentine for myself...I need a valentine for my baby girl, Marlene! I'm worried that I might be scaring off some of her potential suitors..."
"Potential suitors? You already have some-a one in mind for your daughter?" That didn't appear to be the case, as Barret eyed around suspiciously.
"No, but I just keep scaring them away! For instance, when I try to approach someone like Yusuke, he'll just shriek and run off!"
"I mean, Yusuke's scared-a of most things - he's scared of objectively bad-a artwork, for crying out loud. I'll never understand why a bunch-a of stick figures together frightens him so much..."
"Mario, you have to help me." Barret put his hands on Mario's shoulders, showing the plumber how truly desperate he was. "I don't want any man to turn Marlene down for the Valentine's Day thing because of me!"
"I'm afraid I won't-a be of much assistance." Mario gently took Barret's hands off his shoulders, as Barret looked down and sighed. "Why don't you try asking the buddy cops?"
"Toon Link and Young Link?" Barret frowned at Mario, in disbelief that the plumber would even give out such a suggestion. "You want them to find a valentine for Marlene? They'll just arrest her for looking too pretty!"
"You won't know how good they are unless-a you ask..." Mario did his best to entice Barret, and eventually, Barret would come around. It wasn't like Barret had any other option. "...it's-a either them or Wolf."
"Wolf, as in Wolf O'Donnell? Why the heck would I ask him to find Marlene a valentine?! Unless you mean..."
Yes, Wolf was still a matchmaker, and yes, he was still doing it just to mess with the minds of the other residents. As he once said before, everyone treated his "advice" as gospel, which gave him all the more reason to keep carrying on with his matchmaking business. Who knew that his peers could be so easily manipulated?
"Honestly, you two should just marry each other already," Wolf suggested to Jessie and James of Team Rocket, in the matchmaking room. Meowth was there, as a third party of sorts. "You are friends, aren't you?"
"We're not just friends...we're business partners," clarified James, trying to be all technical as Wolf scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Although our standing with Team Rocket is still murky, at the moment..."
"I wouldn't want James as a husband, he's too much of a sissy," said Jessie, getting her true feelings off her chest as James looked very offended. "I mean, what grown man carries a rose around with him?"
"It's to show women how much of a heartthrob I am!" James angrily stood up and was shouting at Jessie, flustered and angry. "How else am I supposed to make the ladies swoon?"
"What ladies? You can't even speak to a single woman without getting turned down or slapped in the face. Your track record with women is just as bad as Bowser's."
"Well, at least I'm not a skirt chaser! I'm not the kind of man to chase after a woman; I let her come to me! Well...sometimes I let her."
"So, uh...you got anything for me?" Meowth asked Wolf, as Jessie and James were arguing with each other behind him. "Is there any Pokemon that I should keep my eye on?"
"Not in particular, but I can impart some advice," replied Wolf, as Meowth grinned from ear to ear and leaned in closer to the mercenary. "Never go after the Glameows. They're really fast, if you catch my drift. Especially after they evolve."
"You mean they're fast in both ways?" Wolf would nod his head in response, as Meowth had a concerned look on his face while backing away. "Wow, I never would've guessed that..."
Wolf: Though it's pretty uncommon, I also give out romantic advice to Pokemon. Mainly for those that are ready to breed and whatnot. So yeah, I have matchmaking services for all sorts of creatures. I don't discriminate. Love never discriminates. *pauses* Most of the time.
"You know what, I've had just about enough with you!" James said to Jessie as he angrily marched away from his partner-in-crime. The disrespect was becoming too much for him to handle.
"What's the matter, big boy, can't handle the truth?" Jessie questioned James as she trailed behind James, not stopping until she got an answer. "Go ahead and keep living in your own delusion!"
"So are you two still getting married, or what?" Wolf asked Jessie and James, who were quarreling with one another as they exited the matchmaking room with Meowth following them out. Wolf groaned as he chased after Team Rocket...only to run into the buddy cops, Toon Link and Young Link.
"Wolf O'Donnell...we've been needing to speak with you," Toon Link said to the mercenary, who had no time for the buddy cops. Team Rocket was going down the hallway, getting farther away from Wolf.
"Not now, I got a future married couple to hook up." Wolf tried to get away from the buddy cops, only for Young Link to grab his tail and prevent his movement. Wolf tried to break free but to no avail.
"We've heard a complaint about your matchmaking services," Young Link said to Wolf; Wolf getting a complaint about his matchmaking ways was oddly enough a rarity for him. "Said complaint is from Kanji Tatsumi. Are you aware of this man?"
"Of course I know who Kanji is, I wasn't born yesterday!" Team Rocket was now out of sight from Wolf, much to Wolf's great chagrin. "What is this 'complaint' that he has about me?"
"Kanji said that he consulted you for romantic advice on Tuesday," Toon Link explained to Wolf, with Young Link still maintaining a vice grip on Wolf's tail. "According to this report here, you advised Kanji to feel his girlfriend, Naoto Shirogane, 'in mysterious ways'. Is this true?"
"Yeah, that advice was inspired by a song I was listening to. Think it was one of Knuckles' rap songs. Why is Kanji angry with me again?"
"Because he followed your advice and felt Naoto in mysterious ways. Now, Naoto won't speak to him. Do you wish to take any fault, Wolf?"
"Fault for what? I didn't tell Kanji how he should be feeling Naoto. If he did it inappropriately, then that's on him!"
"What are y'all even talking about...?" someone asked, as Wolf and the buddy cops looked over and saw Barret standing by. Safe to say that Barret overheard much of the conversation.
"Nothing, just doing our jobs!" replied Toon Link as he made Barret look even more bewildered. "We were just about to press charges against Wolf."
"Why am I the one being arrested here?" frowned Wolf; he was arrested by the buddy cops a few times, and he didn't want another arrest to go on his record. "If anything, Kanji should be arrested for feeling on Naoto in..."
"Can y'all just stop talking about feelin' on each other?!" barked Barret, as the very words that he said, without context, would give anyone pause. "It sounds awfully suspect."
"What you just said was awfully suspect..." Young Link muttered under his breath, his voice low enough so Barret wouldn't hear. Didn't want a knuckle sandwich from the terrorist.
"Look, I'm not here looking for trouble, I just need to do my baby girl a solid. I need to find her a valentine for the Valentine's Day party on Sunday!"
"Is that so?" grinned Toon Link as he took out his hat, brushed his hair back, and took out a bottle of breath spray. He squirted some breath spray into his mouth, before giving a smile that no woman could resist.
"Not looking for a young boy, thank you very much..." Grumbling to himself, Toon Link put away his breath spray and put his hat back on.
Toon Link: When it comes to finding a valentine for Valentine's Day, I'm always willing to provide some of my services. Usually with a fee. But no matter how hard I try, not a single lady accepts my favor. Either there's something wrong with me...or them.
"If Marlene needs a valentine, then I'm your guy," Wolf assured Barret as he clicked his fingers at the terrorist. One good look at Wolf was all Barret needed to know that he couldn't trust the mercenary.
"Don't do it, Barret - Wolf will get some schmuck to feel on your daughter in mysterious ways," Toon Link advised the terrorist, wanting him to make the right decision for his daughter. "Do you want some poser to feel on Marlene in mysterious ways?"
"No, but I would appreciate it if you stop it with this...'mysterious ways' crap," replied Barret, with the buddy cops slowly making him uncomfortable. "You wouldn't have a perfect valentine in mind for Marlene, do you?"
"We could do some 'scouting' around the mansion if you need us to," offered Young Link, knowing that there were single men aplenty within the mansion. Some more deprecating than others.
"Scouting, eh? Not sure what that entails, but screw it, I don't have a choice. You boys can do whatever." The buddy cops cheered, exchanging a high-five with Young Link letting go of Wolf.
"You're making a big mistake, buddy..." Wolf warned Barret as he walked down the hallway, expecting the buddy cops to fail in their task. "...now to find Jessie and James. Least they got the arguing part of their marriage down."
Bowser wanted to go outside today, but there was one problem...he was still barred from leaving the mansion. So to end his ban for good, the Koopa King stopped by Master Hand's room to negotiate some things with Master Hand himself. Usually, negotiations with Master Hand turn out bad...but only for the negotiator.
"Master Hand has got to hear me out this time, for sure," Bowser said to himself as he waited outside Master Hand's room. Word has it that Master Hand brought in some new residents to the mansion. "This might be my last chance!"
"I know that you two will fit in just fine around here," said Master Hand as he came out from his room, speaking with two twin girls. The two twins looked like they were prison guards, which frightened Bowser a little. "Especially with Joker and..."
"Oh no, is this what I think it is?" Bowser increasingly grew afraid as he stared at the twins, backing away just for good measure. "Don't do it, Master Hand - I'm too awesome to go to jail!"
"Whoever said you were going to jail? Is it because of these two? Have no fear! Caroline, Justine, say hello to Bowser here."
"Hello, inmate!" greeted one of the twins, Caroline, as Bowser shrieked and fell to the floor with his hands covering his head. "No, wait, I can explain!"
"It's too late, you scared him even more..." the other twin, Justine, said to her twin sister, who was now feeling bad about herself. "...what a nice start."
"Bowser, relax, these twins aren't going to arrest you!" Master Hand assured the Koopa King, who slowly looked up at the giant hand. His whole body was trembling with fear. "These two will join the buddy cops, as part of the patrol team."
"Okay then, I was just making sure!" responded a quickly relieved Bowser as he stood back up, slowly coming around with Caroline and Justine. "The two twins kinda creep me out with their looks, but that'll take some time getting used to..."
"As part of the patrol what now?!" frowned Toon Link, as he and Young Link rushed to the premises and knocked Bowser down in the process. He got a good look at Caroline and Justine, holding in his resentment.
"Yes, these two will be joining forces with you and Young Link in patrolling the mansion," explained Master Hand, daring not to ask where the buddy cops came from or how they were able to hear him from afar. "You two could use some backup."
"Perhaps...or maybe this is part of your plan to replace us!" Young Link accusingly pointed at Master Hand, who could only respond with a hearty laugh. "That crooked laugh of yours is all the evidence we need."
"Caroline and Justine won't be replacing you - they'll just be working alongside you. I already negotiated with Igor, and he agreed to let these twins stay here at the mansion."
"Well, Igor is a big, fat idiot." Hearing that made Caroline want to fight Young Link, as Justine had to restrain her sister. "With a big, fat nose at that."
"Uh, speaking of negotiations...may I speak with you, Master Hand?" asked Bowser, picking himself up off the floor a second time. "If it's not too much trouble..."
"Is it about your ban?" inquired Master Hand, leading him to sigh deeply; Bowser had asked him repeatedly to end his ban since Thanksgiving. "Maybe this time, I'll actually hear you out...but don't give your hopes up!"
"Don't worry, Master Hand - I have the perfect case this time around!" Master Hand let out another sigh, as he led Bowser inside his room. He left the buddy cops alone with Caroline and Justine, as Toon Link and Young Link saw the wardens as competition.
"You girls think that you can just steal our shine, and get away with it?!" Toon Link asked Caroline and Justine, having no choice but to show them who ran things around the mansion. "Not on our watch!"
"Yeah, we won't bow down to creeps like you," vowed Young Link as he pointed at Caroline and Justine, showing them who was boss. "If you think you can just waltz in here, and..."
"Don't get it twisted, boys - we're just here to do our jobs," Caroline said to the buddy cops, taking out her baton and patting it in her hand. "Nothing less."
Master Hand: I don't know how the buddy cops will perceive Caroline and Justine moving forward, but the least I can do for now is hope that those boys will get along with the twins over time. If they can't get along, then I'll just have to take away their police badges...I'm sure that everyone would love me for that!
"So boys, what do you think we should do today?" Caroline asked the buddy cops, ready to get started with her mansion patrol duties. She and Justine wanted to make a good first impression on Master Hand.
"Secret meeting!" Toon Link shouted to nobody in particular, as he pulled Young Link over so he could speak with the Hylian in private. "I think we should sabotage Caroline and Justine. Just a little."
"It's not like Master Hand will send them back to Igor, regardless of what kind of crap they pull," Young Link whispered back, before looking at Caroline and Justine. The wardens were staring deep into his soul. "We should just give them some random task, so they won't bother us."
"Ooh, I know, how about we ask them to help us with Marlene? Wink, wink..." Toon Link would wink at Young Link with a slick smile, as Young Link quickly picked up on the cue.
"Hehehe...I like the way that you think, Starsky." Their secret meeting over with, the buddy cops approached Caroline and Justine. "Starsky and I have an important first mission for you ladies."
"A first mission? What kind?" inquired Justine, as she and Caroline were eager to hear what the mission entailed. The buddy cops already had them around their string...so far so good.
"There's a man in this mansion, Barret Wallace, who has an adopted daughter named Marlene," Toon Link gave the background info of the mission to Caroline and Justine. "There is also a Valentine's Day party at the mansion, happening on Sunday."
"A valentine is required to get in, and Barret needs help finding the perfect valentine for his daughter," added Young Link, with Caroline and Justine listening closely to every word. "We need you two to find a handsome man worthy of Marlene's caliber."
"So are we going to be doing some matchmaking?" asked Caroline, getting all excited as she clapped her hands together. The buddy cops both nodded their heads while smiling to themselves. "This is gonna be so much fun!"
"Should be interesting," remarked Justine, not nearly as excited as her twin sister but ready to hit the ground running. "Where should we start first?"
"You should start getting to know Marlene first," suggested Toon Link, hoping that he and Young Link won't see the twins for the rest of the day. "Know her a bit, so you'll know what man will be the right fit for her."
"Whatever choice you make, don't let Marlene's valentine be an animal," Young Link advised the twin sisters, as he wagged his finger at them. "We don't take bestiality too kindly around here..."
"If that's so, then what's Bowser still doing here?" That was a question that not even Young Link could answer himself. "His bestiality's the only reason he was ever popular in the first place."
"We will be conducting our own investigation on Marlene Wallace," Caroline informed the buddy cops as she and Justine walked away. All this talk about bestiality scared off the twin sisters. Must've been planned. "We'll report to you whenever our work is done..."
With there being plenty of men within the mansion, there were many potential valentines for the buddy cops to ask. But the thing was, some men might have found a valentine already for Valentine's Day. Something the buddy cops apparently did not consider.
"Sorry boys, but I already have a valentine," Touma said to toon Link and Young Link in the Star Records' room, seated at the Star Records desk with his feet rested on the table surface. "Just asked Eleonora, and she obliged!"
"Tell Eleonora that she's too good for you," Toon Link commanded Touma, who gave the Hylian a funny face. Touma would never say that to Eleonora, considering how friendly he was with her. "Or tell him that you're too good for her. Whichever one is less likely to get you slapped."
"I don't need to tell her a thing! Eleonora and I are gonna be valentines for Valentine's Day, and there's nothing you can do to change it." Touma folded his arms, showing the buddy cops that he was steadfast in his decision.
"Touma, what are you doing in my seat?" Itsuki asked the redhead, as he and the Oribe sisters - Tsubasa and Ayaha - came inside the Star Records room carrying some white copy paper.
"Oh, nothing...just keeping this seat warm and comfy for ya!" Touma would sit back in the chair, only to fall out of the chair and onto the floor. The Oribe sisters giggled at Touma, while Itsuki smirked and shook his head.
Touma: Been telling Itsuki for years to get a reclining swivel chair for the Star Records room. But he would always turn down my suggestion and say that such a chair would be too "unprofessional". In what world is being relaxed while at work deemed unprofessional? It's no wonder the others call him bland and boring. *pauses* Except for Tsubasa. She's the kind of girlfriend who's too chicken to admit the truth.
"Smooth...real smooth, Akagi," Itsuki said to Touma, who was left rubbing his head in pain. Itsuki led the Oribe sisters to a printer at the back of the Star Records room - one that was installed pretty recently.
"Don't mind if we ask, but are you two valentines for the Valentine's Day party on Sunday?" Young Link went over to inquire with Itsuki and Tsubasa, who were both loading the printer with copy paper. Itsuki and Tsubasa exchanged amused looks.
"What kind of silly question is that?" giggled Tsubasa, finding herself in disbelief that Young Link would have the gall to ask such a question. "Of course, we are! Did you expect anything different?"
"That wasn't the kind of answer I was expecting...way to set me up for nothing, Tsubasa." Young Link turned around and saw his partner-in-crime looking out the window with binoculars. "You see something, Starsky?"
"Come here Hutch, you gotta check this out..." Toon Link said to Young Link, who came over to the window. "You see that?" Young Link looked out at the window where Toon Link was pointing at and saw Link out in the front yard.
"Is Link...proposing to a tree?" Young Link furrowed his brow, as he watched Link get down on one knee and propose to a tree in front of him. "I sure do feel for Princess Zelda right now."
"Getting dumped for a non-sentient tree...that's gotta be a new low for the princess." Toon Link put away his binoculars, as he pulled away from the window. "I can only imagine how she would feel if she saw that."
"I'll say. Champion Link would never propose to a tree, he would..." Young Link suddenly paused, as a perfect candidate for Marlene's valentine came to mind. "...does Champion Link have a girlfriend?"
"Technically he does, but his girlfriend is off living in a different time period. Talk about a very long-distance relationship. Wanna see if he's available?"
Champion Link was in the lounge, busy brandishing his Master Sword when he heard a knock at the entrance. The Hylian stopped what he was doing and looked up, seeing Moira standing by.
"Greetings...my name is Moira O'Deorain," Moira introduced herself to Champion Link as she entered the lounge. By the looks of it, Cloud might've invited her to the mansion. "Is there by any chance that you know where Cloud Strife is?"
"Uh, I think he's still busy doing stuff with Aerith," replied Champion Link, as Moira frowned; Champion Link wasn't sure whether he should feel intimidated by that or not. "She's a lady friend of Cloud's."
"I know who Aerith is, you significant speck..." Moira quickly caught herself, thinking that she was a little too rude - while also worried that she might've said too much. "...pardon me for my impoliteness. Do you know when Cloud will be done?"
"Beats me, but you can chill here until he's available." Moira chose not to chill in the lounge, frowning as she disappeared. "Or maybe not..."
Champion Link: Pretty weird conversation I had, but I'm sure that ginger guy meant well...That was a woman I was speaking to?!
With Moira gone, Champion Link went back to brandishing his Master Sword. But he would be interrupted a second time when fellow Hylians Toon Link and Young Link entered the lounge.
"We just wanted to ask you a question," said Toon Link as he and Young Link sat on the couch. Champion Link felt a bit uncomfortable sitting in-between the buddy cops. "An honest question, if you will."
"Do you have a valentine for Valentine's Day?" Young Link asked Champion Link, with his hands clasped together. Champion Link eyed around the lounge, which could mean a whole lot of things.
"I might still be available..." replied Champion Link, while he continued to eye around the lounge. The Hylian sounded pretty nervous.
"Good! So that means you'll be Marlene's valentine for Sunday," Toon Link said to Champion Link, who eyed around the lounge once more.
"...there's a pretty good chance that may happen." Champion Link was clearly hiding something, but he wouldn't say what it was to the buddy cops. Probably didn't want to risk being arrested.
"Champion Link!" Researcher Zelda called out the Hylian's name as she ran inside the lounge. Champion Link gulped nervously when he saw the princess. "We're still on the hook for Sunday, right?"
"Not now, princess, we're about to present Champion Link an offer of a lifetime," Toon Link said to the princess, as Young Link attempted to shoo her away. "You can come back after we're done."
"I just want to ask Champion Link a question. I need to know if we're still going to be valentines for that Valentine's Day thing Master Hand's got planned." Hearing this devastated the buddy cops, for they assumed that Champion Link was available.
"Your valentine is Researcher Zelda?" Young Link looked at Champion Link out of disbelief, holding in the urge to smack the Hylian in his mouth. "But how? You two don't even like each other like that!"
"It's just a one-time-only thing, for your info..." Champion Link frowned as he brushed the buddy cops away from him and off the couch. "...we're only doing this out of formality."
"But why be with this lousy princess, when you can be with someone even better?" Toon Link proposed to Champion Link, as Researcher Zelda stood by with a scowl on her face. "Like Marlene Wallace, for instance."
"Champion Link is my valentine for Sunday," Researcher Zelda informed the buddy cops, making sure that her words would be ingrained in their heads. "And there is not a thing you can do to change his mind."
"Obsessive much? Or are you just secretly jealous of Marlene?" Young Link questioned Researcher Zelda, who threw her arms up in defeat. "That is very unlike you, princess."
"Champion Link?" Researcher Zelda said to the Hylian, expecting an answer out of him. The buddy cops were starting to get on her nerves.
"Yes, Researcher Zelda...we will be valentines on Sunday," confirmed Champion Link, as Toon Link grunted and Young Link punched a couch pillow in frustration.
"Thank you. That's all I needed to know." Getting the answer that she came for, Researcher Zelda left the lounge, as Champion Link went back to brandishing his Master Sword.
"Way to screw over Marlene..." Toon Link frowned at Champion Link, as he and Young Link left the lounge. Champion Link smirked to himself; he found it amusing whenever the buddy cops were needlessly frustrated.
"'Way to screw over Marlene,'" Champion Link repeated Toon Link's words sarcastically, shortly after the buddy cops left; suddenly, a large drop of some black paint fell on the floor, narrowly missing Champion Link. "Did that...come from the ceiling?"
Every year at the mansion, after the Super Bowl, there was always a lot of Super Bowl party snacks leftover. More snacks meant more options for lunch. Joker was in the kitchen right now, fixing himself some lunch - which mostly consisted of sub sandwiches from Jersey Mike's. Always a sub above.
"Take all the sub sandwiches, why don't you..." Link said to Joker as he came inside the kitchen. Joker was about to defend himself, only for Link to laugh. "...ah, I was just messing with you. You can take as many as you want."
"Saw you proposing to a tree outside earlier," Joker said to Link, who was looking pretty guilty. Turns out the buddy cops weren't the only ones to catch Link in the act of proposing.
"I was, uh...that was practice. Practice for, you know, the big thing." Link could say explicitly what the "big thing" was, but he wanted to keep it secret. "It's a really, really big thing..."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it, it's big, really big, I know...I'm not stupid, Link. I know what you're trying to pull." That made Link extremely nervous, as Joker placed the sub sandwiches in the microwave.
Joker: Passed by Link's room the other day, and saw February 21st circled in red on the calendar. It's so obvious what's going to happen.
"Alright then, smart guy, what is it that I'm trying to pull?" Link challenged Joker, folding his arms as Joker turned the microwave on. "Show me how smart you really are."
"I don't know, you tell me," replied Joker, as he put Link on the spot. The young man was testing the Hylian, but Link loved a good challenge.
"Why should I tell you, when you claim to know the answer yourself? You're starting to make yourself look bad, Joker."
"And you look bad yourself for keeping a secret. Especially from so many people." Link had nothing to say about that, as the Hylian was left speechless.
"Hello...inmate," a voice greeted behind Joker, one that sounded somewhat creepy. Lightly spooked, Joker turned around and saw Caroline and Justine standing by.
"Caroline, Justine...what a surprise." Joker scratched the back of his head, as he didn't expect to see the twin sisters in the kitchen of all places. "Heard some rumors that you would be joining the mansion."
"You know those young twin girls, Joker?" Link asked the young man; part of Joker wanted to say yes, while the other part wanted to say no. "I see that you know your way with females of all ages..."
"Guess you could say it's a quirk of mine..." Joker sheepishly replied before Justine struck the young man in the back of his right leg with her baton. "Ow! What the..." Caroline struck Joker's left leg with her baton, bringing Joker down to the floor.
"You have nothing to worry about," Caroline assured the young man, holding her hand over his mouth. Link looked on in concern as Caroline held Joker from the front, with Justine holding the young man's legs.
"You never saw anything," Justine said to Link as she and Caroline dragged Joker out of the kitchen. Link just stood there, completely bewildered, as King Dedede walked inside the kitchen. Just when the microwave was done.
"Anyone claiming these sandwiches?" the fat penguin inquired, after looking inside the microwave and taking the sub sandwiches out. With no one answering, Dedede shrugged took the subs, and walked away.
Bowser was still in Master Hand's room, presenting his best case to Master Hand for why his ban should be rescinded. Master Hand forced himself to listen to every word that came out from Bowser's mouth, wishing there was a giant face for him to facepalm.
"Say, for instance, Krystal has to deliver her baby," Bowser presented this scenario to Master Hand, hoping to change the giant hand's mind. "A few months before the baby's even supposed to be due. What if Mario or any of Krystal's neighbors can't come, for some unexplained reason? Surely someone from the mansion would have to deliver the baby...hint, hint, yours truly."
"You do realize that we have a nurse who could deliver the baby, right?" Master Hand asked Bowser, bringing to mind Leia. Bowser knew from the get-go that Master Hand would allude to Leia.
"Yes, but what if Leia's busy, or too sick to tend to Krystal? Someone else would have to do it - like me, for example. I could come in and save the day, but how can I do that when I'm banned from leaving the mansion?"
"Why do you want to deliver a baby so bad? Do you even have experience delivering babies?" In response to Master Hand's question, Bowser readily pulled out two blades - the blades that he planned to use on a pregnant Daisy back in episode 65. "Oh, dear..."
"I have the tools, but sadly I don't have enough experience. Always wanted to deliver babies the old-fashioned way, but nobody would ever give me a chance! Those fools, they must like their hospital bills..."
Bowser: I wanted to deliver Daisy's second child, but Mario already took Daisy to the hospital. Master Hand was partially to blame since he held me up with that Kwanza celebration that Knuckles was holding. But I dislike Mario more than I dislike Master Hand, so he gets more blame in my eyes.
"Bowser, this doesn't help your case any," Master Hand said to the Koopa King, trying to be as frank as he possibly could. "Do you want your ban lifted, just so you could deliver babies and hack up some woman's stomach?
"No, I just want my freedom back!" replied Bowser as he put his pregnancy tools away. Heh, pregnancy tools. "Everyone else is free to leave the mansion, but I can't! Sometimes I feel like I'm in prison..."
"To be fair, I know some folks who have never gone outside. Futaba has never stepped foot out of this building, to my knowledge. Almost like she's trying to 'cutify' being a social hermit."
"She's not even that cute, but okay...just end my stupid ban, Master Hand!" Bowser was getting really desperate, as he got down on both of his knees. "I miss playing outside with my kids...and favorite child."
"So you went from wanting to deliver babies...gruesomely, to wanting to play outside with your kids. You are a messed up individual, Bowser." Master Hand didn't want to hear another word out of Bowser's mouth, as he floated away.
"No, Master Hand, I have much more to tell!" said Bowser as he chased after Master Hand...only for Master Hand to vanish away from his room. Bowser immediately sighed afterward. "I was so close..."
Suddenly, a drop of black paint fell from the ceiling - the same paint that Champion Link saw in the lounge. The paint landed on Bowser's arm, and Bowser didn't really think much of it.
"Plumbing around here has been pretty shoddy as of late," was all Bowser had to say, as he wiped the black paint off his arm and left Master Hand's room. "Now, where to go from here..."
Lloyd was ready to embark upon his food delivery service after his test run last week was a solid success. But obviously, he couldn't deliver food without any...well food. Luckily, the Yiga Clan came through for the swordsman, as well as a few select residents.
"Let Master Kohga know we have all the bananas we need," Lloyd said to a Yiga clansman, who was standing around in the pantry with a handful of bananas. "Tell him that we're still running short on some pears."
"But...but these are red bananas!" stated the Yiga clansman, as Lloyd refused to budge. The clansman sighed, holding his head down in sadness as he walked away with the red bananas.
Pit: Thomas actually came through and sent us some food that we need for our food pantry. He even sent some flavored dietary supplements, which I didn't know that we needed until now. *holds up dietary supplement* But from the looks of it, this kind of stuff seems to be meant for athletes only. The people we will be delivering our stuff to probably aren't athletes, so...this could count as false advertising.
"Ryuji said that he and Yosuke raided an entire grocery store," Pit said to Lloyd as he approached the swordsman with shopping bags in both of his hands. "Literally shopped till they dropped! Someone had to drag them out of the store."
"Awesome! Just place those bags on the shelf somewhere," commanded Lloyd, as Pit placed the shopping bags on a pantry shelf. Lloyd took out a notepad. "What am I crossing off?"
"Mr. Lloyd Irving!" shouted Toon Link, as he and Young Link ran to the pantry to speak with Lloyd. "We both know that you have been a busy man, as of late."
"Guess you could say that again," Lloyd grinned as he held his hands on his fists. He was getting a lot of praise for his delivery service, and it gave him a jolt of confidence that he never felt before. "You fellas wanna be a part of history, too?"
"Ew, no...absolutely not." Just like that, Lloyd went from the proudest man on earth to resisting the urge to kill Toon Link. "We were just curious if you had a valentine for Valentine's Day."
"Yes I do have a valentine, thank you very much...and her name is Collette Brunel." The buddy cops didn't seem too happy about that. "Why are you both frowning like that?"
"Doesn't she like, live in some faraway place?" asked Young Link, as he recalled Collete hailing from a village called Iselia. "You honestly believe she'll come all the way to the mansion, just for Valentine's Day?"
"She came to the mansion the last Valentine's Day. I want her to be here, so she can see the great progress I'm making with my..."
"Bump that...there are women around here desperate for a valentine," Toon Link said to Lloyd, expecting the swordsman to care for these women in particular. "And you know, Marlene Wallace is one of them..."
"Are you trying to pair me up with Barret's daughter? Because it's not gonna work on me. I don't want Barret constantly breathing down my neck."
"But you have nothing to worry about, Barret is a changed man. Or so we have inferred. He will be no problem for you!"
"Yeah, well, I won't believe it until I see it. Barret can't start acting fake for me!" Lloyd was perfectly content with Collette being his valentine, and there was not a thing the buddy cops could do to change the swordsman's mind.
"Fine then...Barret will just continue to be devastated," replied Young Link, as he and Took Link frowned and walked away. "Don't come crying to us if Barret ever wants to kick your butt." As the buddy cops left, an interesting thought crept into Lloyd's mind.
"Hm, come to think of it, Marlene might be too old for me now..." Lloyd said to himself, never believing that those words would ever come out of his mouth. "...meh, she's out of my league anyway."
"Uh, Lloyd? I found this black paint all over our food," Pit said to Lloyd, as he was holding several loaves of bread covered in black paint. Lloyd looked on with great concern, figuring out what should be done.
"Just put them on the dining room table, we can clean them off later." So Pit went to the dining room, as Lloyd looked around the pantry with the inventory list in his hand. Where on earth was that black paint coming from?
Falco had yet to hang out with Fox, and whenever the avian pilot went a full day without hanging with his best friend, he always felt some type of way. Falco repeatedly sent text messages to Fox today, asking where he was, and Fox would always respond with something along the lines of "handling important matters". Such text messages were very ambiguous to Falco...and it made the avian pilot feel all the more skeptical.
"Heard Fox's voice coming from Sonic's room," AltaĂŻr said to Falco, who asked the assassin about Fox's whereabouts. If you ever wanted to know where anyone was in the mansion, AltaĂŻr was your go-to guy to ask.
"Thanks for the tip, man," Falco thanked AltaĂŻr before he and the assassin went their separate ways. Falco went to the nearby elevator and pressed the button...and when the elevator door opened, he saw the buddy cop standing inside.
"Falco Lombardi...we meet again," Toon Link greeted the avian pilot, who sucked up his pride and let out a groan as he entered the elevator.
"I saw you like two hours ago, you don't have to treat me like I'm special." Falco pressed a button on the elevator dashboard, as the elevator door closed. "Unless your lives are that uninspiring..."
"Is Ema Skye going to be your valentine on Sunday?" Young Link asked Falco; Falco always turned to Ema Skye when it came to finding a woman for Valentine's Day. "Or do you wanna go with a different woman, for a change?"
"I suppose I could change it up, for this year." The elevator was going slower than usual; Falco wanted off on the elevator ride ASAP. "Who ya got in mind?"
"Two words - Marlene Wallace," replied Toon Link, as Falco was now fixing to stick with Ema for another year. "She's the perfect valentine for any man to have. She's cute, she's nice, she has a positive attitude, and..."
"...and she has Barret as her father. No way am I taking any chances with that man." The last thing Falco would want is for Barret to monitor him.
"I see...you must be one of those shallow men that considers a father when choosing your significant other. What about Katt Monroe, your girlfriend? I bet you don't even know who her dad is! So why do you choose to still be with her?"
"Bruh, why are you making all these assumptions?" At long last, the elevator came to a stop, as the elevator door opened. Falco hopped out in a hurry. "Bunch of nosy brats..."
"No, Falco, wait, we're not done yet!" It was too late, as the elevator door immediately closed. Falco went down the hallway, en route to Sonic's room.
Falco: Admittedly, I don't know that much about Katt's personal life. I know that she came from some planet about Zoness, but that's about all I can tell you. She might be an only child, or maybe she has a bunch of siblings I don't know about. I've never met or seen her parents before, but I know they think of me as a good guy...by default. Personally, I wouldn't blame 'em.
Falco went to Sonic's room and held his ear against the bedroom door. He heard Fox's voice, alright - and aside from Sonic, he heard Tails and Corrin's voices as well. It was anyone's guess as to what was going on in there.
"Open up, Fox!" shouted Falco as he knocked on the bedroom door, making his presence known. "Your best friend is standing by!"
"That's cool, man," responded Fox, showing no desire or willpower to even answer the door, as Falco grunted. Captain Falcon walked by, garnering Falco's attention.
"Falcon, can you do me a solid and Falcon Punch this door down?" Falco asked Captain falcon as he pointed at Sonic's bedroom door. "I promise to bolt the door back on its hinges after you're done."
"I dunno, Falco; Fox and Sonic told me not to go in there," replied Captain Falcon, with Falco wondering what that even had to do with his request. "I reckon that they don't want any guests over!"
"I don't care what they told you, just punch that door down!" Not wanting to make Falco anymore angry, Captain Falcon approached Sonic's bedroom door and got himself all charged up.
"Falcon...PUUUUUNNNCH!" Engulfed in flames, Captain Falcon punched the door down. This alarmed Fox, Sonic, Tails, and Corrin, all of whom were gathered in Sonic's room.
"Always the impatient one..." remarked Fox when he saw Falco standing in the hallway, as he pinched the crown of his nose and shook his head. "...why is he always like this?"
"Thought you could hide from me, huh Fox?" Falco asked his friend as he stepped inside Sonic's room, before stepping on a sheet of paper. Falco looked down, and picked up the sheet of paper, looking at it. "What is this?"
"Just a bunch of science jargon you probably wouldn't understand," replied Sonic as he tried to pull the sheet of paper out of Falco's hands. But Falco wouldn't give it up. "Give it here, you won't understand it!"
"Hold on bruh, I'm trying to read this here..." Falco's eyes went down the page, as the avian pilot was trying to make sense of the info he was digesting. "...why is this all about DNA and stuff?"
"That's what we've been trying to figure out ourselves," replied Tails, as Sonic finally got the sheet of paper out of Falco's grasp. "It's a science report from a woman named Moira O'Deorain."
"She's some freaky ginger lady that I saw Cloud speaking with last week," explained Sonic, as he took out his cellphone and showed it off to Falco. "Took pictures of the report on my phone, and printed it out for Tails and a few others to see!"
Fox: Cloud has been acting very suspicious ever since I inquired about his secret project. He's not even much of a suspicious guy to begin with, which only makes him more suspect in my eyes. That's why I met with Sonic and Tails, in the hopes of cracking the code.
Corrin: Sonic invited me to his room, only because I was privy to Cloud's secret plans. Who knew that eavesdropping on someone's phone call could get me involved in important matters? Yet my brother claimed that eavesdropping always led to trouble...that Leo obviously doesn't know anything.
"Moira O'Deorain? Isn't she an associate of Sombra's?" asked Falco, aware that Moira and Sombra were both Talon operatives. (Although Sombra's allegiance to talon was questionable.) "Could Cloud be working with..."
"FREEZE!" shouted Toon Link, as he and Young Link arrived at Sonic's bedroom. Rolling his eyes, Falco turned around and saw the buddy cops, with their arrows pointed at the avian pilot.
"You never gave us your final answer, Lombardi," Young Link said to Falco, greatly befuddling the avian pilot. "Do you want Marlene to be your valentine on Sunday, or not?"
"You want Marlene to be your valentine?" Fox questioned Falco, finding himself impressed by the move that his friend was seemingly making. "Does Barret know about this? Should I tell him?"
"Shut up..." Falco whispered angrily to Fox, before directing his attention back to the buddy cops. "...look, boys, I don't want or need Marlene as my valentine. Can't you just accept that?"
"Barret is gonna smack you if you don't let his daughter be your valentine..." Toon Link threatened Falco, in an attempt to guilt-trip the avian pilot. His attempt didn't work, as Falco just waved him off.
"Barret can smack me for all I care, it won't change a thing. Go find another man for Marlene, if you're really that desperate." Seeing that Falco would no longer oblige, the buddy cops left the premises.
"Do you have a valentine, Tails?" Sonic asked the yellow fox, who gave the blue hedgehog a frown. Sonic laughed in response. "Too big of an age gap between you and Marlene now, huh?"
Bowser was still banned from leaving the mansion, as he was unable to change Master Hand's mind. The Koopa King would drink his cares away, sipping some root beer as he entered the dining room.
"Well, Bowser, you gave it your best shot...but it wasn't good enough," Bowser said to himself as he took a seat at the dining room table, drinking all of his root beer in just one gulp. "At this rate, you can't ever leave the..."
Bowser suddenly stopped speaking, when he looked on the dining room table and saw a bunch of food, all covered in the black paint that he had seen earlier. Then Bowser felt something wet underneath his elbow, which he rested on the table, and saw black paint running down the table from where the food was.
"Yuck, what even is this stuff?!" wondered Bowser as he jumped out of his chair, shaking his arm to get the black paint off. His attempts were unsuccessful, while he hopped away from the table...
...and crashed through the back door, finding himself outside. Shulk and Fiora, who were busy gathering apples from a nearby tree, looked over and saw Bowser sprawled out on the ground.
"Bowser? Are you even supposed to be outside?" Fiora asked the Koopa King, as she remembered the ban that Master Hand threw upon him. Bowser slowly got up on his feet, before realizing where he was.
"What is this? Is this...outside?!" Bowser wondered in pure amazement, acting as if he was outdoors for the first time in his life. "Am I finally out of the mansion? Is it really happening?!"
"Master Hand sure had Bowser cooped up in there," Shulk said to Fiora, as Bowser fixated his attention on a butterfly flying by. Looked like a little child, the way he was gawking. "You should really get back inside, Bowser, before..."
"Of course! I should be outside! I'm a villain, for crying out loud. I don't have to abide by any stinking rules! Master Hand doesn't own me!"
"That's not the right attitude to have..." But Bowser did not care in the slightest, as he ran away relishing in his freedom. If Bowser was bound to get in trouble with Master Hand for leaving, then so what? Bowser will just break the giant hand's rules again.
"Free at last! Free at last! Nothing can stop me now. I'm on fire!" Bowser ran away, running as far as his legs could take him. He was enjoying his freedom perhaps a bit too much.
"What is that black stuff on his arm...?" Fiora asked Shulk out of concern, as she saw the black paint on Bowser's arm. Bowser was all concerned about the paint a minute ago, but not anymore...
The buddy cops asked everyone - they asked Touma, Champion Link, Lloyd, and even Falco if they wanted to be Marlene's valentine. And all of them turned down the offer. But there was one person the buddy cops hadn't asked, one person that could finally bring their quest to an end...
"Are you at a legal enough age to consider Marlene your valentine?" Toon Link asked Vault Boy, whom the buddy cops caught at the vending machine room.
"We just need to know how old you are," Young Link explained to Vault Boy, hoping that the mascot for Vault-Tec was the one for Marlene. "So Vault Boy, how old are you?" Vault Boy thought to himself, for a moment or two...before smiling and giving a thumbs up.
"Just playing hard to get, aren't ya? No point in asking our follow-up question." Toon Link frowned at Vault Boy, as he and Young Link left the premises. "Wasting our time..."
Isabelle: No matter what I say to Vault Boy, he always gives the same old answer - the smile and thumbs up. Whenever I ask him how his day is going, or what he had for lunch, or even if he's going through some kind of mid-life crisis...he gives that same old smile. I'm starting to believe that he's hiding a lot of depression. It's always the smiley ones that are the most depressed.
"Toon Link, Young Link, we finally found a valentine for Marlene!" Caroline called out to the buddy cops, who had just left the vending machine room. The buddy cops didn't expect Caroline and Justine to find anyone so soon, if at all.
"You actually found someone?" inquired Toon Link as he turned around, and saw Caroline and Justine head down the hallway...bringing Joker with him. Joker was all dressed up from head to toe in a red tuxedo, and he looked nervous as heck.
"We decided to go with someone that we were familiar with," Justine explained to the buddy cops, who weren't sure what to make of the twin sisters' selection. So much they wanted to say. "Spruced Joker up with a tuxedo that we found ourselves."
"WHERE ON EARTH IS MY RED TUXEDO?!" Travis was heard screaming down the hallway, obviously not in a very good mood. "I hate it when this happens..."
"...we saw it lying around on someone's bed. Thought it was for the taking." Caroline and Justine showed zero remorse for their actions, leading the buddy cops to believe that they were both sociopaths.
"Did you even scout Marlene, as we asked you to do?" Young Link asked Caroline and Justine, believing that they missed an important step. One that they believed was the most important step of the process.
"We were going to, but we saw Joker in the kitchen and...we made up our minds!" replied Caroline, as he pulled on Joker's pants leg endearingly. All of a sudden, Joker no longer wanted Caroline and Justine in the mansion any longer.
"I really don't want to do this..." remarked Joker, who wanted no part of being Marlene's valentine - especially since he had a valentine already, in his girlfriend Makoto. Didn't want to find himself in any trouble.
"Um, girls, I hate to burst your bubble, but..." Young Link started, about to spill the beans to Caroline and Justine, only for Toon Link to quickly cover the Hylian's mouth.
"Secret meeting!" Toon Link shouted, again to nobody in particular, as he pulled Young Link over for yet another private discussion with the Hylian. "This is it, this could be our big break!"
"How? How would Caroline and Justine making Joker Marlene's valentine be our big break?" It was a very underwhelming big break in Young Link's eyes.
"Think about it - Caroline and Justine reveal Joker to Marlene, they tell Marlene that Joker's her valentine, Makoto catches wind of this and tells Master Hand, Master Hand reprimands both Caroline and Justine for their error..."
"...and then he removes those two from the mansion!" Young Link would finish for Toon Link, whose smile indicated that his partner was right on the money.
"Right you are, buddy!" Master Hand would never remove Caroline and Justine from the mansion over a simple misunderstanding, but the buddy cops just didn't want anyone stealing their shine. "So how about it?"
"Let's give it a whirl..." Ending their private meeting, the buddy cops approached Caroline and Justine, with Young Link ready to speak with the twin sisters. "...Caroline, Justine, Starsky and I approve of your choice. So why don't you present to Marlene her valentine?"
"WHAT?!" yelled Joker, as he couldn't believe that the buddy cops would sell him out like that. "How can you do this to me?"
"Here is a picture of Marlene, just in case," Toon Link said to Caroline and Justine as he handed them a picture of the grown-up Marlene. Always kept one around, just for "reference".
"Thank you," Justine thanked Toon Link, as he accepted the picture from the Hylian. "We will be on our way now." Caroline and Justine turned around and went down the hallway, taking the ever-reluctant Joker with them.
Barret: Know this might be an unpopular opinion around here, but deep down I think that those buddy cops aren't so bad after all! I'll say that they're pretty trustworthy if you really give them the chance. Now that opinion might change if those boys pair Marlene up with some bum, but we'll see how it goes...
"Toon Link! Young Link!" shouted Master Hand as he appeared in the hallway, having something very important that he had to give. "Are the two of you busy, by any chance?"
"Somewhat," replied Toon Link, who was willing to drop everything just to satisfy Master Hand. Whatever it took to keep him and Young Link uninterrupted. "What is it?"
"I sense that Bowser is out of the mansion...he tried to convince me to end his ban earlier today, but I wouldn't give in. And now he's showing disobedience by choosing to be outside without my permission! I need you two to reel him back in, so I can..."
"Yeah, yeah, we get it," Young Link nodded his head as he and Toon Link walked away. "We'll bring him back for ya. Always asking us to do your dirty work..."
"Thanks, you two!" As the buddy cops walked away, Master Hand looked down on the floor and saw something that caught his attention. "How did those black paw prints get here...?"
Bowser didn't get too far from the mansion, as he remained in the mansion premises. The Koopa King was lying on the hammock, getting his nap in. The forecast called for snow showers today, so there was some snow raining on Bowser.
"Ah...this is the life," Bowser sighed in relief, with his eyes closed as he let the snow showers rain on his face. Any other instance he would be complaining about the wet weather conditions, but Bowser was just happy to be outside again.
"Papa? Whatcha doin' outside?" Bowser Jr. asked his father, approaching him while carrying a large paintbrush. Bowser sat up, glad to see his son. "Aren't you supposed to be banned from going out of the mansion?"
"Hey Junior! I was just enjoying my freedom, trying to get my nap in. Trying to get into power nap mode. You actually believed that Master Hand could keep your old man locked inside forever?"
"Ha, not even for a second!" Depending on how you interpret that answer, Bowser Jr. might be lying. "I knew you would come to your senses."
"Well, it took me longer than necessary, but all I had to do was rediscover my villain mojo. Now tell me, junior, why do you have that paintbrush?"
"I was doing some painting, no biggie. Had a huge can of black paint, but somebody knocked it over! Now nobody's too scared to fess up..."
"Of course they're scared...they're too scared of you." Bowser would point at Bowser Jr, making his son feel awfully confident. "Once the culprit grows a nerve, they'll find the courage to confront ya."
"You're right, papa! They really must be scared." Bowser would never say anything like that to his other kids, the Koopalings - Bowser Jr. was his favorite child, for a reason.
"Atta boy! Now if you excuse me, I gotta get back to my nap." Bowser yawned as he laid back down on the hammock, quickly falling asleep. "Don't disturb me, junior..."
"No worries, papa, I won't disturb you at all..." Bowser Jr. was smiling deviously, as he held his paintbrush over Bowser. The tip of the paintbrush was covered with black paint. "...I've been waiting forever to do this!"
As Champion Link had informed Moira, Cloud was busy doing things with Aerith. What "busy things" was Cloud doing? Link would find out himself when he entered the gardens and saw Cloud and Aerith...with a group of five color-assorted cats.
"Uh...are we starting a cat adoption center?" Link asked Cloud and Aerith, who looked up and saw the Hylian. Cloud, who was holding a green cat, quickly placed the cat down and stood up when he saw Link giving him a weird look.
"There's a pretty good explanation for this," the swordsman said to Link, doing his best to look and act all dignified. Link couldn't be fooled. "You see, these cats here..."
"Cloud and I found them gathered around a lake," Aerith explained to Link, as she picked up a cat and brought it over to the Hylian. "We brought them here to the gardens for safekeeping."
"I suppose that was a nice gesture..." Link saw that Aerith was offering the cat in her hands to him, seeing that he had no choice in the matter. So the Hylian accepted the cat from Aerith...only for the cat to scratch his face, and make him yelp in pain.
"Looks like that cat likes you already," Cloud said to Link sarcastically, with Aerith giggling as Link dropped the cat onto the ground. The cat landed on the ground and walked away back to the other cats.
Link: Wasn't that surprised by how that turned out...practically every animal on this planet hates me. Except for horses. They usually treat me well. Only when they choose to, that is...
"Didn't know you were much of a cat person, Mr. Strife," a certain geneticist said to Cloud, who turned around and saw Moira standing behind him. Moira was smirking at Cloud with her arms behind her back.
"Oh! Moira O'Deorain," Cloud greeted the geneticist, who grabbed the swordsman and pulled him away. Link and Aerith looked on curiously as Moira brought Cloud to the back of the gardens.
"I've been doing some more DNA testing back in my lab." Moira dug into her pocket, pulling out a report that she wanted to share. "Thought that maybe you would want to take a look."
"Very interested in what you have for me." Cloud was about to accept the report from Moira, but not before furrowing his brow. Almost as if the swordsman saw something in the distance.
"What's with that face?" inquired Moira, as Cloud saw Falco in the interior of the mansion looking all suspicious. Moira turned her head around to look, as Falco darted away. "Someone there?"
"No, just a false alarm." With Falco gone, Cloud accepted the report from Moira, stuffing it in his pocket. "Will I expect to see you next week?"
"Indubitably - just to see how things are progressing along. If there's anything that I need to know..."
"Cloud? You still there?" Aerith called out to the swordsman, and that was Moira's cue to disappear away. She did it at the nick of time, as Aerith and Link had just shown up.
"You and Moira must've had one private discussion," Link said to Cloud, interested in knowing what the subject matter was. "Talking about science, I assume?"
"Exactly why I wanted to speak with her last week," replied Cloud, making sure not to give away any confidential info. "She has a very fascinating mind."
"Always knew you had an interest in science," Aerith smiled at Cloud, as she placed her hand on the swordsman's shoulder. Cloud just nodded his head in acknowledgment.
"Well? Did you see it?" Fox asked Falco, who came running down to the beauty salon entrance where Fox was standing around. "You saw it for yourself?"
"Sonic was right...Cloud really is working with Moira!" replied Falco, after having seen the partnership in his own eyes. "Working with an androgynous woman...I can't believe it."
"Okay, Falco, you're acting like Moira's ugly or something. Oh, and by the way, were there any initials mentioned. Like 'ARP'?"
"Nah, Moira just wanted to give Cloud some 'report'. So nothing major." At least Falco got to see what had Fox and Sonic so suspicious about Cloud.
"A report, huh? Must be some mumbo jumbo about DNA, I assume. Whatever, let's just head back to Sonic's room."
Fox: Managed to bring Falco on board. So now we have two pilots, a hedgehog, a fox, and some prince living in a fantasy-land as part of our little group...Yes, I also made Falco apologize to Corrin for destroying his shrine. Took a lot in him to go through with it.
Fox and Falco would walk away, as Marlene exited the beauty salon with Makoto. Like any other lady living in the mansion, Marlene got all the perks at the beauty salon.
"Those manicures sure were nice," remarked Marlene, as she was looking at her nails. Makoto was doing the same. "Wouldn't it say it's high quality, but..."
"It's still better than nothing," replied Makoto, with a smile. Suddenly, the brunette's smile faded away when she saw Caroline and Justine approaching her...with Joker. "Is that Caroline and Justine? And Joker...?"
"You must be Marlene Wallace," Justine said to Marlene, as she and Caroline finally found the young woman. Justine glanced at the picture of Marlene, to make sure the right person was found.
"What are you doing with Joker? Why is he all dressed up?" Makoto saw how Caroline and Justine were holding onto Joker, who was even more nervous now that his girlfriend was in his midst.
"We had to make him look presentable," Caroline candidly explained, oblivious to how ticked off Makoto was feeling right now. "After all, he's destined to be Marlene's valentine!"
"Save me, Makoto..." Joker quietly begged his girlfriend, as he felt light droplets of sweat run down his face. Makoto had to set Caroline and Justine straight.
"I'm sorry, girls, but Joker...he's my boyfriend," the brunette informed Caroline and Justine, having just learned of this information. "So I'm afraid that he's my valentine."
"So does that mean...Joker's already taken?" asked Caroline, fearing that she and Justine dun goofed up, as Makoto nodded her head. Both Caroline and Justine felt utterly foolish. "Those lousy police officers!"
"You must be referring to Toon Link and Young Link, aren't you?" Caroline and Justine got straight up played by the buddy cops...Makoto should've known.
"Alright then...Marlene, may I speak with your father?"
Usually, during a snow shower, one might find snow on their vehicle. Which would be a hindrance if you wanted to drive somewhere. Mario had a few errands to run, so he went outside to clean some snow off the windshield of his car before taking off. As he stepped outside with his shovel...
"Why do I hear loud-a screaming?" wondered Mario, as he held his hand close to his left ear. The screaming sounded awfully familiar to the plumber. "Is that...Bowser? No, it can't be..."
"Help, somebody, help me!" Bowser Jr. cried for help, making Mario feel concerned. The young Koopa ran up to Mario, as he was scared straight. "Mario, you gotta help me! I've angered my own dad..."
"You angered Bowser? He sounds-a pretty upset." Judging by those screams, it was perhaps the most upset that Bowser's ever been. "What did you do to him to make-a him so angry?"
"JUNIOR, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" vowed Bowser, as Mario saw the Koopa King at the mansion's front yard, covered in black paint. Bowser Jr. was definitely a goner.
"I painted my papa with black paint when he was asleep, as a prank...and now he wants me dead!" Because of his prank, Bowser Jr. went from Bowser's favorite child...to his prey. "You gotta save me, Mario!"
"I got-a your back, Bowser Jr..." Mario confidently said to the Koopa, as he bravely approached Bowser. Then again, he had dealt with an angry Bowser plenty of times, so maybe bravery wasn't required that much.
"Scram, Mario, it's not you that I want!" Bowser shouted at the plumber, as he was just dying to wrangle Bowser Jr.'s neck to no end. "It's my son! Bring Junior over here this instant!"
"Bowser, chill-a out, man," Mario said to the Koopa King, trying to reason with a man who didn't want to be reasoned with. "It was just a prank..."
"Just a prank?! You call being painted while asleep a prank?! Not in my book! Move it, Mario - I don't even wanna kill you anymore!"
"You don't wanna kill-a me anymore?" This was evidently news to Mario, as the plumber raised an eyebrow out of intrigue. "Am I hearing this right?"
"Yeah, that's right! Wanted you dead since last year, just so I could finally have Peach for my own! But you're not my target anymore, Mario...it's Bowser Jr. that I want now!"
"You wanted to kill-a me...just so you could-a be with Princess Peach?" Mario was fixated on Bowser's confession - having learned the reasoning behind Bowser's ban - as he found himself laughing. "Have you really become-a that desperate, Bowser?"
"Shut up, I've had just about enough of you!" Bowser smacked Mario away, as he gave the petrified Bowser Jr. a death glare. "Bowser Jr, get ready for a spanking of a lifetime!"
"No, Bowser, don't-a do it!" Mario was on the ground, and could only watch helplessly as Bowser angrily marched over to Bowser Jr, who was trembling in fear. Could anyone save the young Koopa from his incensed father?
Suddenly, some help was on the way, as a bright light was shone in Bowser's face. Bowser covered his face to block the light, as he turned around and saw the buddy cops, who were shining their police flashlights on the Koopa King.
"Bowser, you are under arrest!" Toon Link shouted at the Koopa King, as he and Young Link stood from the porch. "Hands up where we can see them!"
Toon Link: Hutch and I rarely use our police flashlights. We typically use them for extreme measures. And maybe an occasional light show for an audience of little kids.
"Can't you see that I'm in the middle of something?!" Bowser growled at the buddy cops, with his hand over his eyes to block the light. The Koopa King walked away, as he was heading towards the lake. "Why don't you head back inside, and let me handle my business?!"
"I think we're getting him to submit - let's get closer!" Young Link said to Toon Link, as the buddy cops hopped off the porch and walked towards Bowser, continuing to shine their flashlights upon him. The buddy cops drew Bowser closer to the lake, intending to send the Koopa King into the water.
"Alright, that's enough!" Bowser had reached the edge of the lake, as he got the sense of what the buddy cops planned to do. "If you think I'm just gonna fall into that lake like an idiot, then think again! I'm not gonna..."
Bowser would find himself interrupted when a Lapras swam over to the Koopa King and bumped its head into the back of his head. Bowser suddenly lost his balance, as he fell into the lake.
"Papa!" Bowser Jr. cried out as Mario got up, running to the lake and diving right in. No way the plumber would let his longtime rival Bowser drown like that. "Oh man, oh man, oh man..."
Young Link: Is it too soon for us to give that Lapras a police badge? We could make it an honorary member. Sure could use a lot of those.
A couple of fateful seconds later, after he dove into the water, Mario pulled himself out of the water...with Bowser in tow. Bowser Jr. was relieved, as Mario used Lapras to pull himself and Bowser up to shore.
"Papa, you're still alive!" cheered Bowser Jr. as he ran over to Mario and Bowser, with the latter coughing out water. Bowser looked very groggy. "Sorry for pranking you earlier."
"Now's not the time-a for apologies, Bowser Jr," Mario said to the young Koopa, seeing that Bowser was completely out of it. "Let's just get your dad-a back inside the mansion first..."
With the help of the buddy cops, Mario brought Bowser back inside the mansion and to Master Hand's room. Bowser sat in Master Hand's room against the wall, pretty much passed out, until he felt five tongues licking his face.
"What the..." said Bowser as he suddenly awoke, seeing five cats licking his face - the same cats that were in the gardens. Bowser gently pushed the cats away, as he saw Cloud, Aerith, Mario, Bowser Jr, and the buddy cops staring at him.
"About time you woke up," Cloud said to Bowser, as the five cats started to lick the black paint off of Bowser. As the cats did their thing, Bowser looked around and got a good sense of his surroundings.
"You should be thanking Mario, he literally saved your life," Aerith told Bowser, who was looking at Mario out of sheer bewilderment. Mario smiled, as he tipped his hat to the Koopa King.
"You...rescued me from that lake, Mario?" Bowser asked the plumber, who gave a simple nod. Bowser was now looking on in disbelief. "Wow, what a guy..."
Cloud: It was a good thing that the paint Bowser Jr. used to prank his dad was just normal paint. Had that paint been magical, things could've gotten way worse than imagined...
"Bowser, I am very disappointed in you," Master Hand said to the Koopa King, as he magically appeared in his own room. Bowser knew that he was going to get it now. "Just couldn't stay inside the mansion, could you?"
"Master Hand, I can explain!" replied Bowser, as he quickly stood up so he could plead his case. "I was just trying to get this black paint off of me when I accidentally winded up outside. It's not like I did it on purpose!"
"Yeah, Master Hand, it was mostly my fault," Bowser Jr. informed the giant hand, not wishing for his father to suffer from a huge punishment. "The black paint, I mean. I had a large can of paint, and someone knocked it over and got paint all over the mansion!"
"Would explain why I heard a few complaints about paint dripping from the ceilings..." Master Hand suddenly remembered the trail of black paw prints he saw in the hallway, as he saw the cats licking Bowser. "...I bet those cats had something to do with it."
"Aerith and I saw them covered in black paint when we spotted them at the lake," explained Cloud, who didn't think much about the paint at the time. "Why the paint was dripping from the ceiling, that I can't explain..."
"Hey, what's going on in here?" asked Lloyd as he came inside Master Hand's room with his checklist for the food pantry. He saw everyone gathered around, as well as the cats. "Brought a bunch of cats in, and you didn't even invite me?"
"I was just in the middle of reprimanding Bowser, for neglecting his ban," Master Hand explained to Lloyd, who saw Bowser being licked by the cats. A part of Lloyd felt jealous about Bowser. "Leaving the mansion, when I told him not to..."
"And he also snapped on Bowser Jr, for pranking him," added Toon Link, as he was feigning to put Bowser behind bars indefinitely. "A big no-no, in my book."
"Well, how do you know that Bowser was angry because he got pranked?" asked Lloyd, almost as if he was about to prove Bowser's innocence. Wouldn't that be something? "What if he was just holding in his anger?"
"What do you mean by that?" Master Hand asked Lloyd, who looked primed to save Bowser's butt for good. Lloyd was Bowser's last hope.
"Think about it, Master Hand. You banned Bowser from leaving the mansion since October, right? He's probably held in his anger about it since then. And when he got pranked by Bowser Jr, all that rage Bowser held inside was unleashed!"
"Come to think of it, being barred from going outside for four to five months could drive anyone crazy..." Perhaps not for social hermits like Futaba, for instance. "...I could say why Bowser went outside when the opportunity presented itself."
"Does this mean...I'm finally off the hook?" Bowser asked Master Hand, hoping that the giant hand would finally end his ban. He could feel the taste of freedom on the tip of his tongue.
"I dunno, do you still have plans to kill Mario just so you could be with Peach?" With that question in mind, Bowser looked towards Mario, who responded with a very friendly smile.
"Considering that he saved my life...I feel weirdly indebted to him, in a way. So I no longer have plans to kill him. Heck, I've even gotten over Princess Peach last week...temporarily, that is. She's all yours, Mario! For the time being..."
Mario: Had no idea what propelled-a me to save Bowser. Even if Bowser drowned-a in the lake and died, he would still find a way to come-a back alive. I'm starting to believe-a that I've been dealing with multiple Bowser clones, all my life.
"Toon Link, Young Link, where are y'all?!" Barret was heard shouting from the hallway, and he was not in a good mood. The buddy cops suddenly remembered the task Barret had given him.
"Oh snap, we never found a valentine for Marlene!" panicked Young Link, as he and Toon Link ran out of Master Hand's room.
"Did Barret seriously ask the buddy cops for help...?" Cloud asked Aerith out of disbelief, as he questioned Barret's decision-making skills.
As it turned out, Barret wasn't angry with the buddy cops for failing to find Marlene a valentine. He was angry because Caroline and Justine offered Joker to Marlene as her valentine, and the buddy cops didn't tell them that Joker was already taken. Makoto spilled the beans to Barret, who met with the buddy cops in the foyer.
"Thought I could trust you boys..." a disappointed Barret shook his head at the buddy cops, as Marlene, Caroline, and Justine were standing around. Caroline and Justine looked remorseful, and the same could be said for the buddy cops.
"We were close to finding a valentine, but we got side-tracked," explained Toon Link, but Barret didn't want to hear the Hylian's excuses.
"Side-tracked from what? What a dumb excuse that is. And why did you have these girls do the work for you?" Barret pointed at Caroline and Justine, who were pretty ashamed.
"It's their first day at the mansion...we wanted them to prove themselves," replied Young Link, as Barret shook his head disappointingly yet again. Barret took Young Link's reply as another excuse.
"Girls, I'm sorry that those boys had to waste their time," Barret apologized to Caroline and Justine; if anyone deserved an apology, it was Joker. Barret then turned his attention to Marlene. "As for you, Marlene, I'm sorry that..."
"No, it's okay...I wasn't planning on attending that Valentine's Day party anyway," confessed Marlene, as Barret and the buddy cops held their mouths agape. "Still have yet to fully settle down."
"But Master Hand said that everyone had to be there!" You know Master Hand - participation mattered for everyone under the mansion roof. "Just because you're still new here doesn't make you exempt."
"Okay, well, if you're that concerned..." Suddenly Bowser came down the hallway from Master Hand's room, as Marlene pointed at the Koopa King. "...what about him, as my valentine?"
"You're joking, right?" Barret was hoping that Marlene was joking after his daughter pointed at Bowser. Bowser just heard the word "valentine" come out of Marlene's mouth, as he perked up.
"I mean, I'll take whatever I can get," the Koopa King said to Barret, not entirely expecting the terrorist to hear him out. "Yukiko and Futaba have already used up their usefulness."
"Yeah, well, I'm not taking any chances with you. You can go find some other woman; Marlene is off-limits."
"We might have a valentine for you, Bowser..." Caroline said to the Koopa King, as she and Justine joined together. Everyone in the foyer watched in amazement as the warden twins fused together...
...to become a young girl with platinum hair and golden eyes. While also wearing a blue dress to boot. The buddy cops were left stunned.
"Hello, I am Lavenza," the young girl introduced herself to Bowser, who was just as stunned as the buddy cops were. "You are looking for a valentine, yes?"
"...sorry, little miss, but I don't mess around with young girls like you," replied Bowser as he sheepishly walked away, an uncanny feeling overwhelming him. "I'll just catch some flack from Master Hand for choosing to go single on Valentine's Day."
Bowser: Look, I might be an evil villain and all, but I still have some standards. Attending a party with a little girl as my valentine? No siree!
"I'll get a pass for not attending the party on Sunday, right?" Marlene asked Barret, adamant in her decision to not attend Sunday's Valentine's Day party. "Master Hand might give me a pass, for still being pretty new."
"I can tell you one thing...if that Master Hand yells at my sweet Marlene about anything, he's gonna get it from me!" assured Barret, as Marlene smiled; it was always great for an awesome like Barret to have your back. "Now how about some hot chocolate?"
"It is getting pretty chilly in here...I wouldn't mind some." So Barret and Marlene went to the kitchen, leaving the buddy cops alone with Lavenza. Both buddy cops were shook.
"Today has been an eventful day, hasn't it?" Lavenza smiled at the buddy cops, as she eager to know them a bit better. "Oh, don't look so afraid...this is only my true form."
"That's your final form?" Toon Link asked Lavenza, who split back to Caroline and Justine. Young Link fainted to the floor after the split occurred. "Oh my..."
"So, what do you think?" Caroline asked the buddy cops, wondering what their opinions on Lavenza were. Both Hylians were pretty much left speechless.
Toon Link: Caroline and Justine...they can fuse together, apparently. We seriously need to learn our own fusion dance.
Young Link: Sadly, it turned out that Marlene didn't even want a valentine all this time, but we saved Bowser Jr. from potentially being killed by his dad, so it's all good. AT the end of the day, we still got the job done.
Toon Link: Caroline and Justine are going to be permanent residents here, so we have no choice but to bring them up to speed. Having them removed would only be fruitless attempts. Just got to accept it, and move on. Hutch...you know what to do.
Young Link: *sings Law and Order theme song*
