Author's Note:
Huh? What's this? Another LPU chapter? Haven't done one of these since February. Was gonna do one in May, but those plans were nixed. Also, the funny thing about this chapter...it only took me THREE DAYS to write it. Maybe that's why I did a LPU chapter in the first place, because I got started writing much later than I usually do. Let's see what guest reviews I got this week...
"Dude...You're now only 5 chapters away from reaching Episode 300, and there's a chance that you might reach the 4-million-word barrier. How does it feel to achieve such important achievements? Do you ever imagine that on that fateful Christmas 2015 that you will create something this huge?"
No, I did not! Never would've imagined it, ever. Funny story - I had actually planned on ending this story two years ago, on my birthday, which would've been fitting. But that was before Super Smash Bros Ultimate was announced. And the rest, well, is history. Reaching the 4-million word count, but to be able to write 300 chapters of this story is crazy to think about. Guess you could say I have quite the work ethic. Another anonymous review:
"This kinda sounds random, but I've been watching Steins Gate lately. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I just want to tell you about it. Is Steins Gate considered eligible for a chapter? Since it's from a visual novel and all, and it's available on the Switch. I mean, you've made a Fate chapter, so it just makes sense if you made a chapter for Steins Gate."
You do have a point there. I might know enough about Steins Gate to do a chapter on it; if not, I can watch a few anime episodes and get the gist of it. The Reader has a question about a past villain:
"...whatever happened to Zant and his so-called "coalition"? Are you saving them for the final arc? I can see that final arc happening in mid-2022 or early 2023."
Good question! The coalition will be kept a secret, for now. The general plan is to save them for the final arc, but I can always change it up to something else. A JRPG enjoyer has a suggestion:
"I have an idea on how the sauna could work for both males and females. How about you have some kind of schedule. Males can use it from 6PM to 7PM, while females can use it from 8PM to 9PM. That's how I can see it happen. Could lead to something like P4's hot springs scene."
The residents could make it work. Lloyd could make it work...if he eventually comes around. And I would be open to do Persona 4's hot springs scene with the sauna. David has more questions:
"Will we finally see Corrin react to Star Wars: The Bad Batch in the next chapter? (Season 1 ended kinda anti-climatic). Will the Digimon Survive chapter be pushed back to 2022? Is Pasadena O'Possum from Crash Tag Team Racing going to appear? (Since Nitro Fueled brought her back as a secret character). A Tetris Effect or Metal Slug Tactics chapter? (Both games are getting a Switch release). And finally, what are your thoughts on the PS2 Grand Theft Auto games (III, Vice City, and San Andreas) being rumored to get a Switch remaster?"
If I have room for it, then yes. The Digimon Survive chapter will be pushed back (if I plan to do one). I like Pasadena O'Possum, so I would be open to having her appear (along with Ebenezer Von Clutch). I can do both chapters. And Grand Theft Auto coming to the Switch sounds crazy to think about. Kinda funny how the only Nintendo consoles they appeared on were the Game Boy and Game Boy Advance. Last is BowserFan327:
"Btw have you heard about the upcoming anime Star Wars Visions? I could see the younger smashers binging it when it comes out at the end of September."
Stars Wars...and anime...Star Wars...and anime...are we gonna get a Marvel anime next? Who knows. I haven't heard much about Star Wars Visions, but maybe I can do a reference to it later on.
Episode 296: Mustache
Toon Link: In the criminal justice system, offenses outside of Smash battles are considered especially heinous. In Seattle, at the Smash Mansion, the dedicated police officers who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the LPU, the Link Patrol Unit. These are their stories.
Young Link: DUN DUUUUN!
Steve had a crush on Impa for a pretty long time. It all started on Christmas Eve of last year when the craftsman attempted to woo the Sheikah. With a sparkling red diamond, no less. Even though Impa rejected Steve, it made her all the more attainable in the craftsman's eyes.
Ever since Impa returned to Seattle to serve as Zelda's maid of honor, Steve has worked tirelessly to win her heart. He would go up and beyond to accomplish his goal, doing things such as building a shrine to show his love. But one fateful day, when he saw Impa hanging out with Hunter and telling the cheetah that he liked him...Steve's precious little heart was crushed.
King Dedede, the Cassanova wannabe, saw Steve down in the dumps that day and gave him an offer he couldn't refuse. He offered to help the craftsman become a model boyfriend - one that Impa possibly couldn't resist. While learning under King Dedede's tutelage, Steve knew for a fact that Impa one day would be his.
Looking forward to another day of learning under King Dedede's wing, Steve woke up in his room in his normal clothes. He never wore pajamas, because he was obviously too classy for that. The same could be said for his roommate, Alex.
"Good morning, Alex," Steve greeted the craftsman as he gave her a simple wave.
"Good morning, Steve," Alex returned the favor; keep in mind that this is how the morning convos between the two usually go.
"How are you feeling, on this fine beautiful Friday?"
"I am feeling very well. How about yourself, Steve?"
"I am feeling just fine. Can not complain. Thank goodness there is no rain today."
"You are certainly right about that. Haha, haha."
"Indeed. Haha." Yup...that was pretty much the standard of Steve and Alex's morning conversations. Talk about a lot of class.
Steve: Alex and I are nothing more than friendly craftsmen. We have never seen each other as romantic partners, or significant others. We both know our limits - very rarely do we step out of our comfort zone.
As Steve walked out of his room, he was suddenly greeted by King Dedede. King Dedede grabbed the craftsman and pulled him close to him, with a big smile on his face.
"Today's the big day, Steve-O!" King Dedede said to Steve, as he had some big plans for him and the craftsman. Plans that would steer Steve in the right direction in regards to becoming the model boyfriend.
"You are right, today is the big day," said Steve, who was just as excited about today as King Dedede was. "It is the anniversary of the end of the American Civil War!"
"I'm not talking about that, silly! I was talking about the really important thing...your big makeover." King Dedede, giving Steve a makeover? There was so much wrong to be spurred from that.
"Oh yes, my big makeover. How could I forget?" Steve smacked himself on the forehead, disgruntled that his memory had failed him this morning. Hopefully, it wouldn't be a routine thing for the rest of the day.
"Don't beat yourself up, Steve - I forget stuff too. Like how I forgot to flush the toilet. Feel sorry for the person that uses that bathroom in particular."
"Then it is a good thing that I don't use the toilet. So King Dedede, when will my big makeover begin?"
"We'll start right after breakfast. I had to do some last-minute stuff before you woke up..."
While Peach was already in the kitchen making breakfast, her husband Mario was still sleeping away in bed. The plumber would finally wake up, yawning as he stretched out his arms. Upon opening his eyes, the first person that he saw was Cappy.
"Top-a of the morning to ya, Cappy," Mario greeted the talking hat, who was staring at the plumber as if he was seeing some kind of ghost. "Why are you giving me those-a buggy eyes?"
"You look very...different today, Mario," replied Cappy, as Mario felt nothing different about him. Felt the same as he did the day before. "For some reason, I can't quite put my finger on it."
"Meh, it must-a be all in your head." Mario hopped out of his bed and grabbed his housecoat, putting it on as he entered the bathroom. To his and Cappy's shock, the bathroom mirror was cracked.
"My goodness! The mirror's completely cracked!" Cappy saw that the mirror was horribly cracked, like a cracked car windshield after a nasty car accident. "Guess that means this house is subject to seven years of bad luck."
"Does-a that logic applies to bathroom mirrors?" Mario and Cappy took some time to ponder over that very thought, before ultimately giving up. "That's probably a question for another day."
As Cappy placed himself atop Mario's head, Mario went down the stairs and to the kitchen. Peach was cooking some bacon and eggs while speaking and Spyro and Hunter.
"The mirror was cracked when I woke up this morning," Peach discussed with Spyro and Hunter, who were both in the living room watching some television. "Were you boys responsible?"
"I did hear a loud noise this morning," recalled Spyro, as the smell of bacon reached Mario's nostrils and caused the plumber to smile. "Maybe another raccoon found its way inside the house."
"Mmm...is that honey-glazed bacon you're cooking, Princess-a Peach?" Mario asked Peach, who turned her head towards her husband...only to gasp deeply at the mere sight of him. Peach dropped her skillet on the stove, before cupping her hands over her mouth.
"Mario...are you okay?" Peach asked the plumber, who was wondering why his wife was looking extremely shocked. Curious, Spyro and Hunter both took a peek at Mario...and their eyes went wide.
"AAAAHHH, IT'S HORRIBLE!" shouted Hunter as he ran to his room in retreat. "KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE!" Whatever was going on with Mario physically was apparently enough to give Hunter potential nightmares.
"What's-a horrible?" inquired Mario as he turned his head back, looking around at the space behind him. "Did Luigi show-a up in my house again wearing no clothes?" Seconds later, Peach fainted to the floor.
"M-Mario, is everything alright? Do you need a talk?" Spyro asked the plumber these questions, as the purple dragon was struck with fear. A fear that he didn't even know was possible whenever Mario was involved.
"Why are you guys-a acting so weird?" Alarmed by everyone's behavior, Mario decided to take his business elsewhere. "If you're gonna act-a like that, then I'll just have-a breakfast with my neighbors!"
"I would highly advise you not to do that." Spyro's warning did not affect Mario, who walked past the purple dragon and left his house. "Think about the other person, Mario!"
Spyro: Oh man, if Mario finds out what's wrong with him...it won't be very pretty. Depending on who was responsible, Mario won't be in a happy mood, and everyone would suffer for it. *sniffs the air* Why do I smell smoke... *turns around* ...oh no, the bacon! Too bad I can't reach the stove...
With Peach unconscious, Hunter hiding in his room, and Spyro most likely having to handle breakfast by himself, Mario was off to enjoy breakfast somewhere else. His first stop was to visit Marth, as he knocked on the hero-king's front door, which would be opened by Lilina.
"Hello - mind if I join-a you all for breakfast?" Mario asked Lilina, who was staring at the plumber with a very concerned look. "If you can't have-a me over, then it's fine."
"Um...Roy?" Lilina called out to her husband, who came over to the front door along with Marth. "Is this Mario?" Both Roy and Marth were looking at Mario, and they couldn't believe what their eyes were seeing.
"What kind of dumb-a question is that? Of course, I'm Mario!" Mario felt like questioning Lilina's intelligence, but it wouldn't be wise to do that in front of Roy.
"Well, he sounds an awful lot like Mario," replied Roy, as he and Marth were giggling. Mario looked at the two swordsmen, wondering what was so funny.
"A little daring today, aren't we?" Marth asked Mario, giggling slightly more than Roy was. Mario had never heard Marth laugh or giggle so much before, which was a major cause of concern for him.
"What, you never seen-a me in my housecoat before?" questioned Mario, wondering what the big deal was. "Better be blad that my housecoat isn't open. Wouldn't wanna see me in-a my boxers." Nobody would, Mario. Nobody would.
"HAHAHAHA!" Marth suddenly erupted into a laughing fit that caught everyone off-guard. The hero-king walked away to preserve his dignity, while still laughing away.
"Sooooo can I join-a you all for breakfast?" Mario asked Roy and Lilina, as this was the million-dollar question that he desired to have answered.
"Judging from how Marth is handling himself, I don't think we can have you over," responded Roy, holding in his own laughter so he wouldn't have a laughing fit like Marth's. "I'm so sorry, Mario."
"Okay then, you all enjoy yourselves. Go no clue what Marth found-a so funny." Mario walked away as Lilina closed the door, with some loud laughing from Roy heard seconds afterward.
"Berkut, look!" Rinea called out to the paladin, as she and her husband were outside. The noblewoman pointed at Mario as she grabbed Berkut's attention. "Mario looks..."
"No, don't say it," Berkut warned Rinea, grabbing the noblewoman's hand as he hurried to his house. "Let's hurry back inside, where that grotesque sight won't haunt us!" Berkut and Rinea returned to their house, as Mario just stood there dumbfounded.
"I hope they weren't-a talking about me," remarked Mario, assuming that Berkut didn't wish to associate with him because he was still "working class scum". Or something along the lines of that. "Off to the mansion I go, I guess..."
"Maybe they were referring to some swamp monster Rinea saw in the distance," assumed Cappy, as Mario headed to the mansion. On his way there, he saw Bowser and Lemmy heading to the mansion themselves with some berries in her hands.
"Thanks for helping me pick out some berries for breakfast, Lemmy!" Bowser thanked the Koopaling, whom he went berry-picking with only because Bowser Jr. wasn't available. Lemmy was typically his second option. "Just don't tell the others that they're bitter. Hehe..."
"Bowser!" Mario called out to the Koopa King, who was a foot away from the porch. Bowser and Lemmy turned their attention to Mario, with the latter looking a little afraid. "What's-a on the menu for breakfast this morning?"
"Uh..." uttered Lemmy, as the sight of Mario was beginning to frighten him. Bowser saw how increasingly afraid Lemmy was and quickly understood what had him so scared in the first place.
"C'mon Mario, seriously?" Bowser scolded the plumber, putting one hand over Lemmy's eyes as he guided the Koopaling up the porch steps. "Have some decency! My kids can see you!"
"But my house-a coat isn't even open!" Mario shouted at Bowser, who hastily entered the mansion while making sure that Lemmy's innocence was still intact. "Why is everyone acting so strange-a today...?"
Mario: So apparently me wearing my housecoat is causing everybody to freak-a out. Could you imagine if I had gone-a commando?
The dubious reactions for Mario wouldn't end, as the plumber went up the porch steps to the front door of the mansion. He would be stopped by the canine guards, Copper and Booker, who didn't seem to recognize Mario.
"State your business!" Copper shouted at Mario, treating him as if he was some kind of stranger. Mario furrowed his brow, wondering why Copper was acting so hostile with him.
"Wait a minute..." Booker said to Copper, as he got a good look at Mario. The bulldog inspected the plumber from head to toe, and soon his mind was completely made up. "...this is Mario!"
"How can you be so sure? This crook looks like a Mario imposter." A Mario imposter? How could Mario possibly be an imposter of himself? Was he committing self-identity theft?
"No, Copper, I'm the real-a deal," Mario informed the Akita, as he felt a big sneeze coming on. One that was so big, it was hard to resist. "Don't know why you're acting ah...ahh...ACHOO!"
No matter how much resistance Mario put up, the plumber ultimately sneezed as he got mucus all over Booker. Much to Booker's chagrin. Mario rubbed his finger underneath his nose...and felt something amiss.
"Huh? Where's-a my mustache?" the plumber questioned, before touching all over his lower face for his mustache. Without his mustache, the plumber felt incomplete, insecure even.
"I would recommend looking into a mirror," suggested Copper, since Mario didn't have a mirror to look in, due to his bathroom mirror being cracked, he took out his phone instead. He opened up his camera app, and...
"...MAMA MIA! My mustache is gone!" Mario saw his mustache-less visage on his camera; the horror on his face could not be understated. "No wonder the others acted-a so weird around me."
"I'm so sorry, Mario," Booker apologized to the plumber, on behalf of himself and Copper. He knew how much having a mustache meant to Mario. "Is there anything that we can do to..."
"But who could've done-a this?" Certain that someone shaved off his mustache during his sleep, Mario was already wanted to know who the culprit was. Couldn't have been Bowser, based on his earlier reaction. "Ooh, if I find-a out that it was Villager..."
"Should we enlist the buddy cops in finding the culprit?" Copper asked Booker, knowing that Toon Link and Young Link could easily crack the case. If they had their minds straight, that is.
Lloyd's sauna was a major success, and much like Cafe Leblanc, it was the hottest new craze in the mansion. However, there was only one teensy weensy problem that Lloyd had...and it was Samus. Hoping to send a message, Samus would sit in the sauna and prove to Lloyd that the sauna was for women too and not just for men. The bounty hunter had been doing this over the course of the week, and Lloyd was getting tired of it.
In fact, the swordsman was so tired of what Samus was trying to do, that he asked the buddy cops to get rid of the bounty hunter. He brought Toon Link and Young Link to the sauna, where Samus was already present.
"There she is, sitting in my sauna...menacingly..." Lloyd said to the buddy cops as he pointed at Samus, who was...just sitting in the sauna with a white towel wrapped around her body. Not menacing in any sense of the word.
"Absolutely sick what she's doing," Young Link shook his head, watching with pure disgust as Samus did practically nothing to warrant Young Link's remark. All she was doing was sitting, and that was too much for the buddy cops to bear.
"Somebody ought to put that vile woman in her place," stated Toon Link as he pounded his fist in the palm of his hand. He hoped to teach Samus a lesson - and it would be a long time coming for the buddy cops.
"Exactly! That's where you guys come in," Lloyd said to the buddy cops, having full confidence that the duo could rid the sauna of Samus for good. "Just go in there and do your thing. I'll hop in if necessary."
So the buddy cops entered the sauna, trying to look as gangsta as possible as they confronted Samus. Samus was busy noodling around on her phone when she looked up and saw Toon Link and Young Link glaring at her.
"Hello boys, don't mind me," Samus said to the buddy cops, before going back to her phone. "Just spending some time here until Cilan is done with breakfast." Out of nowhere, Toon Link slapped the phone out of Samus' hand.
"What gives you the right?" Toon Link interrogated Samus, who was greatly unbothered by the Hylian's interrogation tactics. No matter how intimidating the Hylian was. "Who told you to be in this sauna?"
"My conscience did. Now if you excuse me..." Samus reached down for her phone, only for Young Link to kick it away from the bounty hunter's hand.
"Your conscience is wrong," Young Link informed Samus, letting the bounty hunter know who was the boss around here. Samus almost felt like laughing. "Don't you know the rules?"
"This sauna has rules now? This is news to me." Samus was testing the buddy cops' patience; it was a thing that she liked to do with the Hylian duo. "Did Lloyd have them posted up outside the sauna?"
"Alright Miss Aran, we can do this the easy way...or the hard way," Toon Link said to Samus as he and Young Link took out their swords. That's how you know that they were being serious. "Either you agree to leave the sauna peacefully, or..."
"NOOO, GET AWAY FROM ME!" Lloyd shouted from outside the sauna, leading the buddy cops to believe that he was in grave danger. Toon Link and Young Link couldn't afford to leave Lloyd in a perilous situation, so they put away their swords and ran off.
"Good riddance..." muttered Samus before getting down on the floor as she looked for her phone. "...where did he kick my phone off to?"
Samus: Lloyd is such a weakling. This entire week I've been sitting in his precious little sauna, and he's too chicken to tell me straight up to leave. So scared, that he asked the buddy cops to "take care" of me. You know you're a sad little man when you have to depend on those dorks to solve your problems.
The buddy cops ran outside, where they saw Lloyd looking scared. The reason why Lloyd was scared was that Mario -the man standing in front of Lloyd with Copper and Booker - was without his mustache. Yes, a mustache-less Mario was that frightening.
"Back off, man!" Lloyd begged Mario as he took a few steps back, wishing that he had his swords with him. If there was ever a time for him to use self-defense, it was now.
"Chill-a out, Lloyd, it's just me," Mario assured the swordsman, who soon saw the buddy cops out of the sauna. Lloyd hid behind the two. "Is me not having my mustache-a that scary to you?"
"Well duh! Just grow it back already, you're scaring me!" Lloyd couldn't bear to look at Mario's face anymore, so he closed his eyes and turned his head away. The buddy cops knew that they had to take action.
"Don't come any closer, Mario," Toon Link said to the plumber, as he and Young Link walked towards Mario. No longer protected, Lloyd got down on the floor holding his hands over his head.
"Please don't arrest him," Copper pleaded to the buddy cops, as the Ice Climbers Popo and Nana came down the hallway and witnessed the scene playing out. "His mustache has gone amiss!"
"We know that he's not at fault here," Young Link told Copper, knowing that Mario wouldn't be dumb enough to shave off his mustache. "We'll just take him to our police station, and ask him some questions."
"Okay...but if I miss-a out on breakfast, you boys will-a be very sorry," said Mario, as he followed the buddy cops to their police station. He expected the interview process to go as smoothly as possible - and be as short as possible.
"Mario without his mustache...such an unpleasant sight, man," remarked Lloyd, too afraid to look up; Popo saw how struck with terror Lloyd was, as he found himself scratching his chin.
"What on earth are you thinking about?" Nana asked Popo, who was in too much deep thought to answer the question. The more Popo thought, the more wary Nana became. "Does it have something to do with delivering ice cream?"
"How many times have I told you to stop reading my mind?" Popo asked Nana with a frown, as he single-handedly confirmed Nana's biggest fears. Popo was seeing nothing but big profits today.
With no time to waste, the buddy cops took Mario to their police station so they could ask him questions concerning his mustache. As he sat at the interrogation table waiting for things to get started, Mario looked at the board and saw pictures of the buddy cops' "suspects" on it. Most of the suspects were the new residents - Kazuya as "Daddy Issues", Dante as "Pizza Dude", Dovahkiin as "Irreplaceable Knee", and Shantae as "Monkey Business".
"Have you ever come around-a to arresting the suspects on the board?" Mario asked the buddy cops; hopefully, he wouldn't get an arrest warrant for inquiring about the Hylians' patrol duty.
"Not yet," replied Young Link, as he and Young Link both sat down at the table across from Mario. A box of doughnuts separated the two parties. "But they're gonna get theirs real soon."
"Alright, Mario, we're gonna ask you a couple of questions," Toon Link said to the plumber as he took out a clipboard and an ink pen, ready to record all of Mario's answers. "Promise to only speak to the truth, and nothing but the truth?"
"Sure, whatever gets-a me outta here the quickest," replied Mario, who knew that the buddy cops would ask a few nonsensical questions. He had to be on his A-game, while also keeping his cool.
"Good! First question...where were you between the hours of twelve in the morning and five?" And right off the bat, Toon Link's first question had to be a nonsensical one. Came a lot sooner than Mario expected.
"I was asleep...in-a my bed...with Peach." A very straightforward answer. The buddy cops didn't believe that Mario was telling the truth, but Toon Link still recorded the plumber's response anyway.
"Uh-huh...and during this time anyone touching your mustache? Or your hair?" Unless Mario wasn't in a deep sleep, the answer to that question was obvious.
"No, I didn't feel a single thing. But if anyone did touch-a my mustache...it would-a be Cappy." That was the worst possible answer that Mario could've provided.
"Then it's confirmed - it was Cappy who shaved off your mustache!" confirmed Young Link as he pointed at Cappy. Ready to plead his innocence, Cappy appeared from Mario's head and confronted the buddy cops.
"Please, no, you got it all wrong!" the talking hat said to Toon Link and Young Link, fearful over the possibility of being arrested. Being a hat would give him some leeway, though. "I didn't even notice that Mario's mustache was gone!"
"A very unlikely story," remarked Toon Link, as Cappy's increased panicking only made the talking hat more guilty in the buddy cops' eyes. "Hutch, get the handcuffs. The ones we typically use for Isabelle. Those should fit on..."
"He's telling the truth," interjected Mario as he stood up for Cappy, right before Young Link could make a sudden move. "He said that something about me looked-a different today, but he didn't know exactly what it was."
"Oh really? Then that must mean Cappy is dumb as rocks," inferred Young Link, as Cappy felt highly insulted. Cappy would've slapped Toon Link in the face for his comments - if he could actually inflict pain.
"Or he's just selectively blind," assumed Toon Link; Cappy would accept that over being called dumb. "Either way, this means Cappy is not the culprit." Cappy let out a sigh of relief, as he returned to Mario's head.
Cappy: Could you imagine arresting a hat? I certainly couldn't. But I've seen those buddy cops arrest a literal scooter that they accidentally tripped over, so I wouldn't have put it past them.
Villager: Have you guys seen my scooter? It's been missing for five months now. This is what I get for riding it around indoors...
"Do you know anyone that would be in your house between twelve and five?" Toon Link asked Mario, who took the time to think. Only a very small amount of individuals meet the criteria.
"Maybe Luigi - he does have a key to my house," answered Mario; there was also the fact that Luigi was highly prone to sleepwalking, as best exhibited in episode 40. "But I don't think-a that he would shave off my mustache, out of spite."
"Or would he?" asked Young Link, trying to come off as dramatic as possible as he raised his voice and widened his eyes. Mario and even Toon Link gave the Hylian dubious looks. "Because, you know...little brother syndrome."
"I think Mario as a point, Hutch," Toon Link said to Young Link, who meekly nodded his head as he cooled off and sat back down in his chair. "Luigi doesn't have the guts to shave off Mario's mustache. It's not in his character."
"What if we never find-a out who's responsible?" fretted Mario, who really wanted to give the person responsible a piece of his mind. "I'd hate for this to become some sort-a of mystery."
"There is one thing you can do, for now..." proposed Toon Link, as Mario was anxiously eager to hear what the Hylian had to say. "...due to your new look, you'll have to join the Witness Protection Program."
"The Witness Protection Program? Me?" The very thought of Mario joining a state government program like that was unthinkable. "But why?"
"No one will ever recognize again without your mustache. Also, you tend to scare people with your clean-shaven look. So unless your mustache doesn't grow back, this will be for the best."
"I have fast-a growing hair, what do you mean?" Mario watched as Young Link went to the buddy cops' desk, and pulled out some papers from a drawer. "What are those papers for?"
"It's an application for the Witness Protection Program," replied Toon Link as he laid out the documentation in front of Mario. Mario stared at the documents, wondering if they were even legit. "We printed them off from a government website."
"Government website? What-a kind?" Mario shuffled through the documentation, unnerved by the lack of white space. Too much text on one sheet of paper was absolutely no good. "This looks like some random-a pamphlet."
"It's the real deal," stated Toon Link, as he and Young Link moved towards the police station exit. "You fill out the documentation, while Hutch and I try and look for the culprit."
"Help yourself to some doughnuts, if you like," Young Link encouraged Mario before he and Toon Link left the police station together. Mario stared at the doughnuts in front of him, as he let out a shrug.
"This is probably the closest thing I'll get to an actual breakfast..." the plumber supposed, as he grabbed a glazed doughnut from the box and ate it. Having doughnuts for breakfast wasn't that bad.
At the dining room, the residents were all enjoying breakfast and enjoying each other's time. Well, most of them were. Word about the clean-shaven Mario had quickly spread around the breakfast table, thanks in part to Bowser, Lloyd, and Popo.
"I would take a picture, but I didn't want to disturb you guys," Bowser said to a few residents, as he strongly valued everyone's innocence. "Mario nearly gave my son Lemmy nightmares."
"I managed to take a picture of Mario without his mustache," announced Yukari as she held up her phone, looking around to see who was interested. "Anyone wanna see?"
"No, Yukari! You'll scar everyone for life!" Several of the residents didn't seem to care, as they ran over to Yukari to see the picture. Yukari pulled up the picture, as she felt a laugh coming on. "Don't say I didn't warn you..."
"Woah! Is that really him?!" asked Captain Falcon, as he and everyone standing around Yukari were laughing their butts off. Bowser was surprised by everyone's reactions. "Sheesh!"
"He looks like an even bigger dork without the mustache," commented Cilan, who found the picture of Mario too good to be true. You know you're down bad when Cilan called you a dork. "No wonder he kept it for so long!"
"Move over, I wanna see!" shouted Iris as she ran over to Yukari, pushing Cilan to the side so she could get a good look at clean-shaven Mario. Just like everyone else, the former champion of Unova laughed at the picture.
"What's the matter with you guys? Does that image not scare you?" Bowser asked Yukari and company, not knowing what the group found so funny. The fact that everyone was laughing so much made the Koopa King feel bad about himself.
"If this is what makes you afraid, then that makes you a big softie," Riku said to Bowser, who tried to run over to the silverette to throw some hands. Fortunately, Ryu came in to restrain the Koopa King.
Riku: It's funny that Bowser gives so many of us crap for having fears, yet seeing Mario without his mustache was enough to strike fear in him. I suspect that his Peach-related jealousy has something to do with it. Or maybe he's just all bark no bite, as usual.
"Send me that picture to my phone," Sonic requested to Yukari, as he and the other several residents returned to their seats. As Sonic sat down next to Crash, Popo came over to speak with him and the bandicoot.
"Seeing Mario clean-shaven has got me thinking," Popo discussed with Sonic and Crash, who were both worried that the Ice Climber might start some shaving business on the side. Shaving hair and delivering ice cream, all at the same time. "What if we..."
"What if we what?" asked Aku as he magically appeared, wanting in on the discussion at hand. With Crash being a part of the ice cream gang, Aku was privy to Popo's business. "Is this another one of your fanatical ideas?"
"Can you let me finish, man? Since Mario's new look seems to scare certain people, what if we use him for our ice cream expenditure?"
"No offense, Popo, but I think we would have to ask Mario for permission first," replied Sonic, as Kazuya walked by and gave an attentive ear. Popo and company didn't notice Kazuya...as Kazuya expected.
"We don't have to ask for permission if we can 'convince' him right." The finger quotes that Popo used caused Kazuay to furrow his brow. "If that doesn't work, we can just kidnap him."
"I have a very bad feeling about this..." remarked Aku, as both Sonic and Crash kept their mouths shut. Neither man wanted to speak out against Popo, and Kazuya was disappointed in them both for being so gutless.
"Aw, c'mon! It'll be a rousing success. The part where Mario helps us sell ice cream, I mean. We'll discuss more after breakfast." Done with his conversation, Popo walked away as Sonic and Crash exchanged worried looks with one another.
"Amazing how those two have managed to stick with him for so long..." Kazuya muttered quietly under his breath, as he had this to say about Sonic and Crash. Heihachi happened to walk by, overhearing what his son had said.
"If you're so concerned, then how about you do something about it?" Heihachi asked Kazuya, who responded by glaring at his old man. Heihachi innocently held up his hands as he walked away. "Hey, just a suggestion..."
With Spyro and Hunter unable to wake up Peach after she had fainted, the two friends asked Link and Cloud to come over and wake up the princess themselves. Link brought over a few smelling salts and brought them up to Peach's nose.
"These salts are a little old, but they should do the trick," stated Link as he held the smelling salts underneath Peach's nose. The salts were still potent enough, as Peach woke up in seconds.
"Rise and shine, princess," Cloud said to Peach, who sat up on the couch she was on as she yawned and stretched out her arms. It took her only a few seconds to get a sense of her surroundings, and see everyone around her.
"Link, Cloud, I just had the strangest dream!" Peach said to the two swordsmen, as she had plenty to tell the duo. Even though she didn't have much to say. "Mario had cut off his mustache, and was clean-shaven."
"I'm sorry, Peach, but that is NOT a dream," Spyro informed the princess, who looked alarmed as she did not wish to believe the purple dragon. "Mario's mustache is no more."
"But why would he shave it off? He promised me to keep that mustache until we happily die together." A very weird thing for Mario to promise to his wife, unless Peach forced him to do it.
"You can't predetermine death like that," Cloud said matter-of-factly to Peach, who appeared visibly hurt by the swordsman's comments. "Just saying..."
"The buddy cops told me that someone must've shaven off Mario's mustache in his sleep," Link explained to Peach, and that was a much easier reality for Peach to accept. "They're currently searching for the culprit as I speak."
"Only a person jealous of Mario would do such a thing," said Peach, hoping that whoever was responsible - man or woman- would get their just desserts. "Yet I can't seem to think of anyone..."
After breakfast was over, Steve was told by King Dedede to wait in his room. So the craftsman went to his room and put on the blue tuxedo he wore in the previous episode, as he waited for King Dedede to arrive.
"Sorry if I kept you waiting," King Dedede apologized to Steve as he showed up at the craftsman's room, holding a box that had something special inside. "Had to spruce up the big surprise."
"The big surprise is in that box?" inquired Steve as he took a peek at the box, anxious to know what was inside. "Is it a wedding ring for Impa?"
"Easy there, tiger! We haven't even reached that stage yet." It was abundantly clear that Steve was thinking far too ahead. "Before we get there, we have to get started with your big makeover."
"Yes, of course. My big makeover! How could I forget?" The second time today that Steve forgot something...the craftsman was seriously off his game. Not a good look for a classy man of his pedigree.
"If you wanna impress Impa, you gotta be the man. And if you wanna be the man...you gotta look like the man! You feel what I'm saying?"
"So I have to become Becky Lynch to impress Impa?" Maybe Alex could achieve that look since she had the required hair color. Steve, Not so much.
"...man, without the capital M. Knew I should've specified. Now Steve, are you ready for your big makeover to begin?"
"I am more than ready." Although his face didn't show it, Steve was full of excitement as King Dedede opened the box. Opened it up very slowly, only for suspense and effect. Very carefully, Dedede took off the lid and pulled out of the box...
...a black mustache. But not just any ordinary mustache, mind you. The mustache looked very similar to Mario's...in fact, it was Mario's!
"Ta-da! Got you a black mustache!" King Dedede presented the mustache to Steve, daring not to tell the craftsman how he acquired it. "One that should compliment you well."
"It looks very shiny," observed Steve; King Dedede applied a whole bunch of hair products to the mustache, to make it look more presentable. "How much did you have to pay for it?"
"Uh...only thirty-five dollars, plus tax." King Dedede eyed around the room, fearing that the truth would not set Steve free, but rather cause him to lose his trust in the fat penguin. "Shipping was free, though."
King Dedede: Cut off Mario's mustache this morning, before Peach woke up, and applied some of Peach's hair products to it before breakfast. I had to be extra careful to cut around the nose - one bad move, and I would've had to glue the bad boy together.
Taking out a bottle of glue, King Dedede put some glue on Mario's mustache and attached the mustache on Steve's face, right under his nose. In Dedede's mind, it was one hundred percent a perfect fit.
"Presto!" exclaimed King Dedede, as he took out a mirror and showed it to Steve. Steve saw his reflection in the mirror, checking himself out as he rubbed his hand through the mustache.
"I can already feel my testosterone levels rising," the craftsman remarked - with a mustache like that, Steve's classiness must be rising as well. Soon Alex came inside the room and got a good look at the new-and-improved Steve.
"Nice mustache, Steve," Alex said to the craftsman, as she was digging the new look. Fearing that Alex was trying to make a move on Steve, King Dedede grabbed the craftswoman and shoved her out of the room.
"This is between me and Steve, thank you very much!" the fat penguin shouted at Alex, before aggressively slamming the door. King Dedede was not yet done with Steve's makeover.
"Is there anything else that I need?" Steve asked King Dedede, who looked good and hard at Steve's face. King Dedede snapped his fingers, smiling as he knew what else Steve needed to become the man.
"Every great man has a beard," replied King Dedede, who he knew just where to find a beard. And it would requrie the use of a shaver. "Wait right here and don't move - I will be back!"
Mario had gone through the Witness Protection Program documentation multiple times, and he found nowhere to sign. He had Cappy look over the documentation himself to see if there was anything that he missed, but Cappy was more interested in reading the info listed.
"'Witnesses are admitted into the program if they were a witness to organized crime, drug trafficking, or any serious state felony that could result in retaliation against a witness," Cappy read, as a bored Mario tapped his ink pen on the interrogation desk to pass the time. "'This program is designed to protect witnesses from those who would harm them for testifying.'"
"But I have-a nothing to testify," Mario pointed out, as Cappy skimmed down the page that he was reading before flipping over to the next one. "I just had my mustache-a shaved off!"
"Well, it says here that members receive nearly $60,000 from the government for six months. Maybe you could designate Peach, Spyro, and Hunter as..."
"Sorry, Cappy, but it's not gonna work-a that way." Giving up all hope, Cappy moaned as he placed the documentation back on the table.
Cappy: What's so wrong with having a cool sixty grand in your pocket? Maybe it's true what Yuffie said...Mario doesn't want to be rich. Being Nintendo's golden boy has completely spoiled him!
Mario's boredom would seemingly come to an end, as the plumber heard the doorknob to the police station's door twist. Then the door suddenly came down, as Banjo barged inside along with Sonic, Crash, Dante, the Inklings, and the Ice Climbers.
"Thanks for the heads up, Banjo..." a dizzy Kazooie sarcastically thanked the bear, who had used his bird friend as a weapon to knock the door down. Banjo might've given poor Kazooie a concussion.
"Mario...salutations," Dante greeted the plumber as he clicked both of his fingers at him. Mario got the sense that the ice cream gang came to rescue him from his boredom...but he also got the sense that they had something in store for him.
"Really digging the new look," the female Inkling giggled at Mario, who did not appreciate being laughed at. Nor did he appreciate anyone being scared of him. "Out with the old, in with the new, huh?"
"For the record, I woke-a up like this," stated Mario, wondering how much longer he could go without his mustache. He felt naked without it. "Now what do you guys-a want?"
"Relax, man - we don't need that hostility," Dante said to Mario, before putting his hands down on the interrogation table as he leaned in close to the plumber. "We just need that clean-shaven face of yours."
"Nana and I saw how much fear you put into Lloyd about an hour ago," Popo said to Mario, with Nana wishing that her name wasn't mentioned. "We could use you for making some sales."
"You wanna use-a my new look to scare people into buying ice cream?" Mario asked Popo, as he had every right to be skeptical about the Ice Climber's idea. "Isn't that a weird business tactic?"
"Popo has been scaring people into buying ice cream for weeks now," stated Nana, who felt like she was being held hostage by Popo for the same time period. "He has yet to learn his lesson..."
"And I don't need to, because business is booming baby!" exclaimed Popo, seeing nothing but dollar signs with clean-shaven Mario at the helm. "So Mario, what will it be?"
"You can get a break from the buddy cops if you join us," Dante enticed Mario, who was partially coming around - much better than filling out paperwork.
"I'll go with-a you guys - but only for today," Mario said to the ice cream gang, as Popo celebrated by pumping his fist. "Don't know how I'll enjoy being used-a like this..."
With breakfast being over, the buddy cops' search for the mustache-shaving culprit would finally pick up. The duo was standing around at Cafe Leblanc, which was pretty dark until Joker turned on the lights as he entered the cafe with Pit.
"Joker...Pit...we meet again," Toon Link greeted the young man and angel, as he and Young Link were sitting on the barstools. Pit didn't mind the buddy cops as much, but Joker was slightly concerned.
"How long have you two been in here...?" Joker asked the buddy cops; moments such as these were why the young man kept the cafe closed off during the usual business hours.
"Since the start of breakfast," replied Young Link, as his response did not make Joker feel any less worried. "We missed out on some French toast, but today it will be worth it."
"Are you both aware that Mario's mustache was shaven off?" Toon Link asked Joker and Pit, confident that the two baristas were both aware of Mario's misfortune. He knew that word of the incident was spread at the breakfast table.
"I got a picture of it on my phone," replied Pit as he pulled up the picture of Mario, and showed it to the buddy cops. The buddy cops stared at the image like it was top secret evidence. "Yukari sent it to everyone. Mostly everyone..."
"Oh she did, did she?" Toon Link handed the phone back to Pit, trying to figure out what Yukari's true intentions were. "Must be part of your smear campaign against Mario!"
"A smear campaign against Mario? Me?" Joker furrowed his brow, as he put on his cafe apron and got behind the counter, ready to get to work. "What do I possibly have against that man?"
"The fact that he's more handsome than you are," replied Young Link, and Joker found that extremely hard to believe. "It irked you seeing Mario looking handsome with his mustache, so you had one of your boys shave his facial hair off."
"I can't believe you, Joker..." Pit frowned at the young man, shaking his head in disbelief at him. Joker frowned back at Pit, who meekly lowered his head as he grabbed his cafe apron.
"Riddle me this, then...which one of my 'boys' did it?" Joker asked the buddy cops, who couldn't think of a right answer for the young man. "Since you two are a bunch of know-it-alls."
"...we're still gathering information on that," replied Toon Link, as he took out his notepad and wrote down a list of the names of Joker's male Persona friends. The Hylian was sure to make it through the list before the end of the day.
"If you boys are that desperate to find out who shaved off Mario's mustache...why don't you speak with King Dedede?" Little did Joker know that he was doing the buddy cops a huge favor. "He's always obsessed with being handsome."
"He has no game, despite his claims of the contrary, but he's still a worthy suspect," replied Toon Link as he finished writing down the lists of names on his notepad. "Thank you for the tip, Joker."
Every Friday (or Saturday), Rosalina was usually in charge of doing the laundry. The mother of Lumas was in the laundry room right now, handling the ladies' laundry while Ganondorf kept her company.
"Did you check to see if Master Hand sniffed those clothes?" Ganondorf quipped at Rosalina, who watched as the washing machines washed the clothes. Rosalina slowly turned her head to Ganondorf, with a look of disgust. "Just pulling your tail..."
"Still can't believe that he does that," replied Rosalina, who found Master Hand oddly quiet since last week. Zagreus really must've embarrassed him. "You mind staying here? I'll be right back."
"I'll be on the lookout for Master Hand." Ganondorf kept his eyes peeled, as Rosalina left the laundry room to handle some outside business. One individual that Ganondorf didn't have his eyes peeled for was King Dedede, who poked his head inside the laundry room smiling mischievously.
"Hehehehe..." King Dedede cackled evilly as he took out an electric shaver. He saw Ganondorf out in the open, minding his own business, seeing the demon lord as prey.
Pac-Man: King Dedede just asked me if he could borrow my electric shaver. I asked him why, and he said that it was part of his efforts to turn Steve into the man. "The kind of man that would win Sheik's heart," he claimed. I think he's lowkey setting Steve up for his very own funeral!
If the buddy cops wished to find King Dedede, they first had to figure out his whereabouts. So the two Hylians asked Cilan where King Dedede ran off to, and the connoisseur didn't have much of an answer.
"King Dedede barely showed up for breakfast this morning," Cilan said to the buddy cops, cooking some stew over the stove; Iris sat on the counter next to the connoisseur, swinging her legs about. "Got himself a glass of orange juice, and left!"
"He was in such a rush, too," added Iris, as Toon Link jotted this information down. He didn't really have to, but maybe he was only doing it out of habit. "Almost killed Diddy running out of the dining room."
"So he almost got away with reckless manslaughter..." stated Young Link as he wrote up a ticket to hand out to King Dedede later. "...we'll make sure that he remembers what he did."
Midway through writing the ticket, Young Link and company suddenly heard some loud screaming. The screaming came from a few stories up, which should show just how loud it was.
"Golly, that scream sounded like it came from Ganondorf, remarked Iris, only to gasp excitedly when a more tantalizing prospect entered her mind. "Or maybe it was a dragon! Could be a new dragon Pokemon..."
The ice cream gang was back on the road, and they were using Mario to make some big sales. The Inklings brought the clean-shaven plumber to one house and had him standing at the front door, where one woman was scared out of her mind.
"Is that supposed to be Mario?!" the woman shrieked, who thought that Mario was an imposter with his clean-shaven look. She shielded her eyes with her hands as she looked away. "Ew! Get him away from me!"
"We'll make him go away...but only for a fee," the male Inkling said to the woman, as he and the female Inkling held up some ice cream. The woman slowly uncovered her eyes, seeing what kind of ice cream the Inklings were offering.
"I'll take as much as you want me to! Just get him off my property!" So the Inklings sold some ice cream to the woman and happily left with Mario after the transaction was made. Something about that exchange made Mario feel some type of way.
Aku: Most of Popo's customers are now scarred for life from seeing Mario without his mustache...this doesn't feel right.
Not everyone was scared of Mario's being clean-shaven - some were amused by how the plumber looked. Sonic and Crash discovered this the hard way when they were making a sale at a frat house.
"Haha, he looks so stupid!" a frat boy chuckled at Mario, as his frat friends stood at the front door of the frat house pointing and laughing at the plumber. Sonic and Crash both felt bad for Mario.
"We are selling ice cream, you know..." Sonic reminded the frat boy at the front door, who wiped away a tear from his eye as his laughter died down. The other frat boys calmed down as well.
"Alright, we'll buy your ice cream. Just for giving us that laugh." The frat boys would come through for Sonic and Crash, as they bought some ice cream from the two friends. As Mario, Sonic, and Crash returned to the van, Aku appeared.
"How are you feeling, Mario?" the floating mask asked the plumber, who did not appreciate how Popo was using him. Mario knew he should've said no.
"Meh, I've felt worse," Mario replied with a half-hearted shrug, doing whatever he could to keep himself upbeat. "Lot of mixed-a emotions right now."
"Nice work, gentlemen!" Popo commended Mario and company, standing at the van with Dante, as Sonic and Crash handed the Ice Climber the money. "Mario, you are really coming through for us."
"Don't mention it..." mumbled Mario as he crawled back inside the van; Popo saw how done with life the plumber was but didn't think much about it.
"I think he misses having his mustache," Dante whispered to Popo, as Sonic and Crash went back inside the van. Popo was inclined to agree with the vigilante. "We should help him grow it back."
"After we're done selling ice cream, for the day," stated Popo, as he got inside the van with Dante following after him "He still has a lot left to offer us." Dante closed the van door, as Banjo drove off down the road.
King Dedede was back in Steve's room, and Steve hadn't moved to the fat penguin's delight. In fact, Steve had stood in the same spot the whole time, not moving a single muscle! His wait would pay off, as King Dedede found him some facial hair to help complete his look.
"Feeling manly enough yet?" King Dedede asked Steve, applying some orange facial hair around the craftsman's jawline to form some kind of beard. Any guess as to where the fat penguin got this facial hair from?
"Yes, I am slowly becoming the man that Impa would love to be with," replied Steve, and once King Dedede was done, he took out his mirror and showed it to Steve. Steve saw his new beard in the mirror and was most impressed.
"Looking like a million bucks, Steve-O! With that mustache and beard combo, there's no way that Impa could turn you down." There was a knock at the front door, and King Dedede growled as Alex entered the room.
"Don't mind me, just getting my sword," Alex said to King Dedede and Steve as she grabbed her wooden sword off her dresser. The craftswoman came to a stop, looking at Steve as she cocked her head to the side. "Is that..."
"Your eyes are not meant to see the new-and-improved Steve. Begone with you!" King Dedede grabbed Alex and shoved her out of the room, before slamming the door the second time today. That craftswoman was really testing his patience.
"I could use a hair upgrade," Steve said to King Dedede as he touched the top of his head, feeling incomplete without a new hairdo. King Dedede was more than happy to grant the craftsman's request.
"Right on, king! What kind of style are you looking for? Mohawk? Dreadlocks? Cornrows?" None of those styles would work on Steve, all things considered.
"I was thinking more along the lines of Simon Belmont's hair." Steve rocking some blonde hair would be a...very strange sight to behold.
"So you wanna have some luscious blonde locks, eh? I can make it work." King Dedede checked his imaginary pocket, making sure that he still had Pac-Man's shaver.
Taking a break from Star Records, Fox paid his neighbor Pac-Man a visit. He was at the eater of ghosts' house, helping him set up a new flatscreen television in his living room.
"You didn't have to be here, Falco," Fox said to the avian pilot, as he and Pac-Man were holding the flatscreen TV in their hands. A lot heavier than it looked. "Pac and I got this."
"I know - I just came for the moral support," replied Falco, watching as Fox and Pac-Man gently placed the TV on the television stand. Pac-Man wiped away the sweat from his forehead, happy after a job well done.
"Phew, finally made it through the hard part!" the eater of ghosts sighed in relief as he grabbed a TV remote, inserting some double-A batteries inside. "The other hard part is getting the TV programmed..."
Suddenly, Pac-Man's front door came crashing down to the floor, as a certain demon lord warlock punched the door off its hinges. Ganondorf angrily marched inside Pac-Man's house, his face noticeably devoid of facial hair.
"Woah, Ganon! Ever heard of knocking?" Pac-Man asked Ganondorf, who grabbed the eater of ghosts by his...erm, neck, and squeezed it real tight. Fox and Falco kept their distance.
"Did you give King Dedede your shaver?" Ganondorf asked Pac-Man, shaking him silly in the hopes of getting an answer out of him quicker. "Answer me!"
"Yes, I did!" confessed Pac-Man, who found himself gasping for air; Ganondorf had a tight squeeze on his air ducts. "He said he was gonna use it to make Steve look handsome!"
"And you actually believed him?" Falco asked Pac-Man, who was dropped to the floor by Ganondorf as he caught his breath. "You got some very poor judgment, bruh."
"Shut up, Falco..." Pac-Man frowned at the avian pilot as he clutched his neck - or where his neck would be - before turning his attention to Ganondorf. He finally noticed that there was something amiss. "Ganondorf, what happened to your beard?"
"King Dedede happened," lamented Ganondorf, who now had quite the score to settle with the fat penguin as he folded his arms. "He shaved off my beard in the laundry room, and ran away with the hair clippings."
Ganondorf: I was defenseless - King Dedede had me in a sleeper hold as he shaved my beard. He was lousy with the shaver, I'll say - he almost got my eyebrows! I'd never go to him for a haircut.
"So what do you want us to do about it?" Fox asked Ganondorf, hoping that his question wouldn't offend the demon lord. At least not enough to warrant a devasting warlock punch.
"Oh, nothing...I just wanted to come here and vent," admitted Ganondorf, letting loose as he casually took a seat on Pac-Man's living room couch. "I still owe you a warlock punch later, Pac-Man."
"Can't you just warlock punch King Dedede instead?" Pac-Man whined to Ganondorf, who got himself comfy as he laid his legs on the couch. Didn't even bother taking off his shoes, the madman.
"That's what happens when you follow up on posers," Falco whispered to Pac-Man, patting the eater of ghosts on his back. Pac-Man lowered his head and sighed depressingly.
The buddy cops were unable to locate King Dedede, and nobody knew the fat penguin's current whereabouts. So to save themselves some time, they decided to stop by their police station to give Mario the 4-1-1. But when they arrived...no one was there!
"Mario? Cappy?" Toon Link called out as he and Young Link searched high and low for the two individuals. "Where are you?" It soon became apparent to the buddy cops that Mario had escaped.
"How did they get out?" wondered Young Link as he checked the window; it was still locked, as it was before the buddy cops left. "What did Mario capture?"
"He couldn't have captured anyone from the outside, the door was locked. At least I thought it was locked..." As the buddy cops sought to solve the mystery of Mario's current whereabouts, Alex crept inside the police station.
"I see that you boys are in great distress," Alex said to the buddy cops, who quickly pulled out their weapons and pointed them at the craftswoman. It was mostly out of instinct. "What is the issue?"
"Mario left our police station," explained Toon Link, as he slowly lowered his guard; Young Link would do the same. "It was the only place where he could feel safe after his mustache got shaved off."
"We were just about to tell him that King Dedede might be the one who shaved off his mustache," added Young Link, as he suddenly got Alex recalling an incident that occurred earlier today. "But now..."
"Mario's mustache was not shaved off," stated Alex, as she had the full attention of the buddy cops. Toon Link and Young Link were both confused, yet intrigued at the same time. "I saw it on Steve's face."
"But how did it go from Mario's face to Steve's..." pondered Toon Link as he stroked his chin, putting the puzzle pieces together in his mind. "...wait, isn't Steve supposed to be King Dedede's 'protege'?"
"His protege for being a model boyfriend," responded Young Link; he couldn't for the life of him understand why anyone would seek King Dedede for advice in literally anything. "King Dedede is a hundred percent the culprit!"
"Yes, he is the culprit," confirmed Alex, pretty much stating what Young Link had already made known. Perhaps some things were meant to be repeated twice. "Also, I saw King Dedede attach Ganondorf's beard to Steve's face."
"Then that would make him a double offender. Which means double the punishment he's gonna get!"
Even though Master Hand wasn't really a terrorist, it was still a talking point among those who were privy to such (false) information. Take for instance Joker and Pit, who were both discussing the topic with Akihiko and Sans at Cafe Leblanc.
"Personally, I would've wanted Master Hand to be outed as a terrorist," confessed Akihiko, wondering if there was an actual terrorist living among him within the mansion. "Only to see the potential fallout."
"Some people just want to watch the world burn..." Joker had this to say about Akihiko's statement, as he took a sip from his coffee. Simon entered the cafe, catching everyone's attention...but for the wrong reasons.
"My hair...it's gone!" Simon alerted those inside the cafe, pointing at his now bald head. A bald Simon was a sight for everyone to behold.
"Not gonna lie, you look pretty amazing bald," Pit offered his two cents to Simon, who was highly offended as he readily took out his chain whip. Pit backed down in a hurry. "But hey, a bald head isn't meant for everyone!"
"talk about a hairy situation," chuckled Sans, as Simon turned his ire to the skeleton. He cracked his whip at Sans, grunting as he missed his head. "haha...close shave."
Richter: Normal Simon is already unbearable enough. But bald Simon? That's an entirely different beast that I don't want to handle. Not to mention that Simon looks...distracting with that chrome dome. One of those sights that's hard to look away from.
"One moment, I was in the library reading a book," Simon explained to everyone in the cafe, rubbing his hand over his baldness. "Heard a strange droning noise...next thing I know, my hair was all gone!"
"Strange droning noise, hm..." mused Joker, thinking of an object that matched the description Simon provided. "...someone must've used a shaver on you."
"A shaver, you say? Must be some new kind of demon!" Simon had a personal vendetta against shavers now; every barber in existence was bound to be on the vampire hunter's hit list.
"You seriously never heard of a shaver before? Oy..." Akihiko shook his head at Simon; Simon had lived in modern times for three years, yet he still had so much to learn.
"Hey Simon, if you don't want to go bald any longer..." Pit said to the vampire hunter, who ran over to the angel to hear what he had to say. "...Ashley's got some hair tonic you can use."
"Is it healthy hair tonic?" inquired Simon; given that Ashley was a young witch, Simon always had doubts about whatever concoctions she made. "Would it turn me into a bloodthirsty demon?"
"...probably not, but it has a very solid track record! Tell Ashley that I recommended it."
With her wedding two months away, Zelda had to make sure she had all the essentials before the big day. She met with Impa at the shrine and was going over a checklist with her maid of honor.
"Let's see, we got the wedding rings, the flowers, the bridal party...but no officiant," Zelda went over her list, as she noticed that the officiant role had yet to be filled. Before the princess could make a suggestion, there was a knock at the door.
"I'll get the door," Impa said to Zelda as she got up and opened the door. The Sheikah, who tried to remain neutral, suddenly became mad when she saw Steve standing at the doorstep.
Aside from his sharp blue tuxedo, Steve also caught Impa's attention with his face; he had Mario's mustache, Ganondorf's beard, and Simon's blonde hair. The cringe was out of this world for Impa.
"It is I, your future lover," Steve greeted Impa as he handed the Sheikah a rose. Impa stared at the rose for a few seconds, before slapping it away.
"Please say less..." Impa implored Steve, who was standing there in place with no sudden movements. Just like the classy man that he was. "...better yet, get away from me."
"You wouldn't have the gall walk away from your love like that, would you?" As Steve found out, Impa did as she slammed the door and walked away.
"Check to see if he's still there," Zelda suggested to Impa, right before the Sheikah returned to the couch. Begrudgingly, Impa went back to the front door and opened it...and Steve was still standing there, unmoving.
"Admit it, you like me more than you like Hunter," Steve said to Impa; he was still hurt after seeing Impa being with Hunter a few episodes back. "He is half the man that I am."
"I never liked him, I was just making him feel appreciated," stated Impa, who felt slightly disgusted when Hunter's name was brought up. "I don't love him, and I'll never love me."
"Yes, you don't love me...for now. But take a look, Impa. This is how a real man looks. If for any reason you reject me now..."
Steve ultimately ended up being rejected, as Impa slammed the door on him a second time. The poor craftsman was in shambles, lowering his head as King Dedede appeared from some shrubbery.
"Not even my big makeover could make a good impression on her," Steve said to King Dedede, starting to feel that all hope was lost. This was perhaps his biggest chance yet at winning over Impa.
"Keep your head up, champ," King Dedede encouraged Steve as he patted the craftsman on his shoulder. "You'll get her next time!"
"I'm afraid there won't be a next time..." someone warned King Dedede, as he and Steve saw the buddy cops draw near. Accompanying the buddy cops was Alex, who immediately caught King Dedede's attention.
"YOU!" King Dedede pointed at Alex, as he knew exactly why the craftswoman came with the buddy cops. "You snitched on me, didn't you?"
"It was nothing personal," Alex nonchalantly replied, as Toon Link took out a pair of handcuffs that were King Dedede's size. "Looks can kill...for you, at least. But only metaphorically."
"Get him!" Toon Link commanded Young Link, who let out a battle cry as he ran towards King Dedede and dropped him to the ground. King Dedede was begging for mercy, as Toon Link hopped on top of the fat penguin to put on the handcuffs.
"Come with me," Alex approached Steve, grabbing the craftsman's hand before taking him away. Steve watched helplessly as his mentor, King Dedede, got bullied by the buddy cops.
The ice cream gang was almost done making their rounds selling ice cream, using the clean-shaven Mario as their selling point. They stopped by Rayman's house, where Globox couldn't help but laugh at Mario's mug.
"You'd make for a great garden gnome, Mario!" Globox said to Mario, and this was the most unflattering comment that Mario heard all day. The plumber was even blushing. "Globox thinks so!"
"Been telling Mario that for years now, even with the mustache," remarked Popo, as Mario made a mental note in his head to give Popo a black eye soon. "So are you gonna buy some cream or not?"
"Globox would be open to buying some." Upon hearing that, Rayman came running to the front door, as he couldn't believe the very words that came out of Globox's mouth.
"Nuh-uh, we're not buying any ice cream," the limbless hero stated Mario and Popo, acting as if the ice cream gang had visited his house before. "Not today."
"We'll take some chocolate ice cream, please!" Barbara said to Popo as she joined her friends at the front door, happily handing the Ice Climber a credit card. Rayman facepalmed as Popo took out a credit card scanner.
Rayman: Popo has been selling us ice cream almost every day. I stopped buying after the third day, but Globox and Barbara are both too greedy to even get a clue. The dude could literally go to other houses! And to think it all started because Globox shared my credit card on social media...
"Thanks for your service!" Popo waved to Rayman and friends, as he and Mario returned to the van. On their way there, Mario heard his phone ringing and saw that Pit was calling him.
"Hi, Mario!" Pit greeted Mario after the plumber answered the call. "Has your mustache fully grown back yet?" Oh how much Mario desired to say yes...
"Take a wild-a guess," answered Mario, sounding very defeated in his tone. Fortunately, Pit had some good news for him.
"Ashley has some magic hair tonic she's gonna let Simon and Ganondorf use. You in or not?" Suddenly intrigued, Mario's eyes went wide.
"Mind if I head-a over to the tower?" Mario asked Popo, in the hopes of getting his mustache back...and to get away from the Ice Climber as well.
"Eh, you made us enough sales today..." replied Popo as he reflected upon how much profit Mario's clean-shaven face brought to his business. "...I guess I can let you go."
"Thank-a you so much!" Now in the mood for singing George Michael's "Freedom", Mario happily returned to his phone call with Pit. "I'll be on-a my way, Pit!"
Master Hand wasn't acting his usual self lately, still feeling embarrassed after Zagreus spilled the tea on him in the last episode. The giant hand needed something to cheer him up again...and Red the Pokemon Trainer came through, with the picture of Mario that Yukari took.
"He looks so ridiculous!" wheezed Master Hand, laughing while on the floor of his bedroom. Red idly stood around holding his phone, wondering when Master Hand would stop. "I must see this Mario in person!"
"Better hurry, his mustache might've grown back by now," Red told Master Hand, who knew that he had no time to waste. Time was of the essence!
Thanks to a tip he got from Jacky Bryant, Master Hand appeared at the foyer of the tower, where Mario was. To the giant hand's dismay...Mario had grown his mustache back. Also present in the foyer were Ganondorf and Simon, who got their beard and hair back, respectively.
"Your mustache seems to be back in perfect form," Ashley said to Mario, as she held a bottle of hair tonic in her hand. Mario stroked his mustache, as Master Hand looked highly disappointed.
"Dang it! I was too late..." grumbled Master Hand, as he magically disappeared and went back to his room. Mario and company watched as Master Hand left, and thought nothing much of it before returning to their usual business.
Ashley: My hair tonic works much faster than my hair potions. They're what I like to call a "quick fix", in case of an emergency. The others better be happy that I'm super reliable...
"Ah, I see you got your mustache back, Mario," Toon Link said to the plumber, arriving at the foyer with Young Link, Steve, and Alex. "So much for you joining the Witness Protection Program."
"It was all thanks to Ashley that we look like our usual selves again," Ganondorf said to Toon Link, scratching his fingers through his beard. Ashley nodded her head towards the buddy cops, acknowledging the good deed she had done. "No thanks to King Dedede..."
"King Dedede? Was-a he the one who shaved-a my mustache?" asked Mario, who now had some serious questions as to how King Dedede even got inside his house. Those screendoors looked pretty jammed this morning...
"He actually cut it with scissors while you were asleep," replied Young Link, pulling out a pair of scissors that he found during King Dedede's arrest. "Admitted as such after we arrested him."
"I am sorry that my mentor had to put you through so much torment," Steve apologized to Mario Ganondorf, and Simon, placing his blocky hand on the plumber's shoulder. Mario found Steve's hand to be oddly sharp. "He should have known better. I just wanted to be...'the man'."
"No, Steve...you should have known better," Alex interjected, as she tried to give her fellow craftsman a stark warning. "King Dedede is a bad influence."
"Speaking of King Dedede..." said Simon as he took out his chain whip, looking to teach King Dedede a painful lesson. "...I think we should remind him just who he decided to mess with."
King Dedede was in his jail cell at the buddy cops' police station, having been arrested for messing with Mario, Ganondorf, and Simon. As the fat penguin played the harmonica (found one lying on the cell floor), he was soon visited by Toon Link and Young Link.
"You have some visitors," Young Link informed King Dedede, who stopped playing as he put the harmonica away. The buddy cops stepped the side as Mario, Ganondorf, and Simon all appeared...King Dedede got nervous real quick.
"Hey fellas, hehe..." King Dedede nervously greeted Mario and company, who were all looking to get their hands on the fat penguin. "...I see you got your mustache back, Mario!"
"How nice-a of you to notice..." responded Mario, intensifying his glare as he and Ganondorf cracked their knuckles. King Dedede grew even more nervous as Toon Link unlocked the cell door.
"Okay, Toon Link...what are you doing?" King Dedede took a few steps back, as the buddy cops allowed Mario and company inside the cell. "This isn't funny, you know..."
"Let him have it, gentlemen!" shouted Toon Link, as Mario and company cornered King Dedede. Toon Link closed the cell door before he and Young Link walked away.
A hairy situation King Dedede found himself in...as Sans would say.
Toon Link: Everything is now back to normal. Mario got his mustache back, which means that the universe is no longer in flux. Provided that was in ever such a state. Maybe some pigs were flying somewhere in Antarctica, who knows. Theme music, Hutch!
Young Link: *sings Law and Order theme song*
