Author's Note:

Two years ago, No More Heroes III was first revealed at E3 2019. Fast-forward to the present, and the game is now on the market. To celebrate, this chapter will feature plenty of Travis Touchdown. It was intended to be a bit longer, and even include an appearance from FU, but that never happened due to some internet problems I ran into. Mostly due to an internet outage in my area. But thankfully, the internet got its act together in time for me to post this chapter...and answer some reviews.

"Speaking of cutting someone's hair, I'm surprised you didn't have a talking head where Chrom and Rex commented about their good times related to Chrom's hair (Remember that?)."

Yes, I remember...those were some fun times. But yeah, not having that talking head with Chrom and Rex was a missed opportunity. Another anonymous review:

"A random suggestion, but can Jesse (Male or Female) from Minecraft Story Mode appear in the story? And what's your opinion on the rise of new Minecraft YouTubers, led by the green man Dream?"

Perhaps; both male and female versions could show up. Also, it's amusing to see so many new Minecraft Youtubers on the come-up - almost like Minecraft is having a rebirth of sorts. I will admit, I don't have a particularly strong opinion about Dream, but I do see his face (ba dum tiss) now and then whenever I go on YouTube. Another anonymous review:

"On Friday, your story mentioned Becky Lynch. On Saturday, Becky Lynch returned in Summerslam, and won the SmackDown title. Are you an associate of Vince?"

Haha, what a coincidence! But no, I'm not an associate of Vince McMahon. I've never met the man in my life, though I wouldn't mind meeting him one day. Just to pick at his brain. One last anonymous review:

"Just wanted to remind you that Ultimate Summit 3 is happening this Thursday to Sunday. Hope you didn't miss it like you missed Melee Summit 11."

Ooh, Ultimate Summit 3! It's already Saturday, so...I might have a little catching up to do. Signing off with David:

Is there gonna be a Blue Reflection chapter when the sequel comes out? (Best watch the anime since it takes place after the first game and before the second). Wouldn't Noctis be the Roman Reigns of Final Fantasy instead of Cloud? (Since they kept pushing Reigns around the years XV was coming out). Will any past game characters return for Link and Zelda's wedding? And finally, do you think AEW employing CM Punk and Bray 'The Fiend' Wyatt is gonna hurt the company? (Since they keep signing ex-WWE superstars)."

Perhaps. Noctis being the Roman Reigns of Final Fantasy kinda makes sense, when you think about it. Several past game characters will return for the wedding. And AEW having CM Punk and Bray Wyatt employed would hurt, in a sense...because they have too many wrestlers! I think they should just focus on building stars with the talent they have right now and create meaningful storylines before signing the new big fish in the pond. It's almost like Smash - everyone and their grandma loses their marbles about AEW signing the newest ex-WWE star. Then AEW signs them, and then everyone is off to speculating about signing the next ex-WWE star, whether it be Daniel Bryan or someone else. As of right now, there are way too many wrestlers on AEW's roster, and there's no sense of hierarchy like the one WWE has, with your main eventers and midcarders and so on and so forth. Everyone feels equal, almost. And don't even get me started on how the women's division is presented. Whoops...almost went on a tangent there. On to the chapter!


Episode 297: Reunite

Believe it or not, the otaku known as Travis Touchdown used to be a top-ranked assassin. Ranked at the very top of the United Assassins Association, he went out of his way to kill assassins ranked higher than him en route to Rank 1. After achieving the top rank, Travis decided to live in isolation...at least until he met Mario and the others and became a mansion resident sometime afterward.

The woman that got Travis into the assassination game in the first place? Sylvia Christel, a rather flirty woman who helped Travis rise to the top rank of the UAA. She would flirt with the otaku with every chance that she had, and left Travis with no choice but to return her advances. Just as long as she didn't throw him off his game.

Due to living in isolation, Travis hadn't seen Sylvia in years. Occasionally, he would think about the woman, before his mind drifted to something else. Whether it was video games or professional wrestling. Travis had Sylvia on his mind today, as he was at Cafe Leblanc enjoying some curry.

"Still miss you, babe..." remarked Travis as he was looking at an image of Sylvia on his phone. Sans was peering over otaku's shoulder from his barstool just to get a good look at Sylvia.

"who's that random chick?" the skeleton asked Travis, as he couldn't help but ask; Sans had been looking for a pretty long time. "she's got some revealing clothing, that's for sure."

"This 'random chick' is Sylvia Christel. This is one of her more risque photos...she thankfully started dressing more modestly in the more recent years."

"Sylvia Kristel? Are you talking about the late actress?" Joker asked Travis, as he was thinking of a certain seventies actress from the Netherlands. Talk about a deep cut.

"No, this is a different Sylvia...this one's my wife." Apparently, this was big news to everyone in the cafe, as Sans, Joker, and Pit were left stunned. "Why is that such a big shock to you guys?"

"You married a dead Dutch lady, Travis?!" an astonished Pit asked Travis, as he now had very high concerns about the otaku's moral compass. "Hate it when necrophilia happens!"

"This is Sylvia Christel...my wife." Travis showed Pit an image of Sylvia Christel, before showing him a picture of Sylvia Kristel. "This is Sylvia Kristel. Their last names are spelled differently."

"Oh okay, thank goodness..." Pit held a hand over his chest as he took a deep breath, as he began to cool down. "...for a moment, I thought you were pulling a Katie Vick. But only ten times worse!"

Pit: Since Travis is married, does that mean he has children?...Does he have a son and a daughter? Those poor kids...

"I understood that reference," Travis cracked a smile at Pit, appreciating the angel for being a man of culture as he put his phone down on the cafe counter. "But yeah, Sylvia and I are happily married."

"I never would've guessed that," remarked Joker as he was cleaning out a glass with a white towel. So many questions he wanted to be answered. "Why did you live in that camper if you were married?"

"To keep my family safe. I knew those assassins were still after me, so I took off to the Pacific Northwest to keep them at bay. Sylvia and the kids didn't mind; they completely understood. Sylvia still loves me."

"those assassins must make a killing at their jobs," snickered Sans, as he was the only person in the cafe that found his pun funny. Suddenly Travis saw his phone ringing, and when he checked the caller ID...his eyes bulged out when he saw Sylvia's name.

"Guys, be quiet, Sylvia's calling me!" Travis alerted the others, as he was stoked about answering a phone call from his wife. "She hasn't called me in a year."

"Sounds like she doesn't love you like that..." Pit muttered under his breath, as Travis grabbed his phone off the counter only to fumble with it in his hands. Eventually, he got a hold of it.

"What's up, babe?" Travis spoke into the phone, coming off as cool and collected as he coolly rested his elbow on the counter. Being on the phone with his wife really gave the otaku a confidence boost.

"Don't you 'what's up, babe,' me!" Sylvia shouted at Travis, her angry tone along with her French accent sending chills down Travis's spine. "Many times I've tried to call you, and you never answered!"

"What number did you even call me from? Was it the one that had the last four digits ending with 1231? Thought that was some crazy psychopath stalker calling me."

"Well, that was from the house phone. Our new house phone, I mean. Either way, you never returned my calls, and that makes me mad."

"Eh, you'll get over it. So what are you calling for? Got a new job? One of the kids achieved a new milestone?" Travis eagerly awaited whatever good news Sylvia planned to tell him, smiling from ear to ear.

"Neither. I'm just letting you know that I'm coming over to the mansion today." Just like that, Travis's face immediately fell flat. That was NOT the kind of news that he was expecting.

"Oh, so you're coming by to pay me a visit, huh?" Travis nervously chuckled as he scratched the back of his head, with Pit and company looking on with amused faces. "That's...that's awesome."

"I spoke with some Isabelle person over the phone today - she told me that you were living at the mansion. And since we hadn't seen each other in a few years...I think it's now or never. Don't you think so?" The look on Travis's face would suggest otherwise.

"You're right about that! I should get myself all dressed up before I see you." Was Travis hinting at a makeover? Better not call King Dedede.

"No, that won't be necessary. Just be your natural self! I'll see you in a few." And with that, Sylvia ended her phone call with Travis, who put his phone down as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"This isn't good...Sylvia can't see me like this. She'll think that I'm the same old Travis! Bet you that she wants to see the real me."

"No husband should be this reluctant to see his wife again, after a few years," Joker remarked with a smirk, as his comments lifted some pressure off of Travis's shoulders. "Just play it cool!"

"If you need us in your corner, we'll happily oblige," Pit said to Travis, giving the otaku some encouraging words as he pumped his fist. "We'll even take the day off if we have to!"

"...never said we could do that, but the ball is in your court, Travis." Deciding on whether he should go about it alone, or have some moral support, Travis stroked his chin in thought.

"Wouldn't hurt to have a few fellas at my side," replied Travis as he finally came to a decision. "You boys are coming along!" Pit gave out a celebratory fist pump, while Joker sighed in slight disappointment.

"i can run the shop in your place," Sans offered to Joker; the thought of Sans running Cafe Leblanc by himself nearly gave Joker nightmares. "would be a latte of fun, being the only barista..."

"Please don't make any of those crappy puns..." Joker pleaded to Sans, as he couldn't believe that he was letting the skeleton take over the cafe. It would either be one of the best decisions he made...or one of the worst. Absolutely no in-between.

Sans: used to hang out a lot at the grillby's pub back in Snowdin. i was a regular customer over there, came in every day! that alone should give me enough experience; i know all the ins and the outs. it'll be a way for me to espresso myself.
Joker: *walks past Sans, staring at the skeleton* Remember, no puns?
Sans: and the best part is? no killjoys around.


Chrom was seemingly at odds with his daughter, Lucina. The prince was miffed after Lucina allegedly went on a trip to Tokyo with her friends and didn't bother to invite him...even though Lucina actually went to the beach. There has been tension between Chrom and Lucina, ever since.

But thanks to a little pep talk he had a few episodes ago, Chrom was now ready to face his daughter, and tell him how he really felt. But first, he had to rehearse what he was going to say. And the prince would do that...in the mirror room.

"Look, Lucina, we need to talk..." Chrom practiced his lines in front of a mirror, before shaking his head in dismay. "...no, that's not a good way to start." Chrom paced back and forth, as Link and Cloud both passed by the mirror room.

"Psst, Cloud, check that out..." Link whispered to the swordsman, as Chrom in the mirror room caught the Hylian's attention. Cloud took a peek at Chrom, amazed by how much of a dork the prince was acting.

"How about we just skip the formalities?" Chrom didn't like that introduction either, as he shook his head once more and grunted. "Now it sounds like I'm challenging her to a fight to the death!"

"This guy is always finding new ways to out-dork himself," remarked Cloud, as he began to feel bad for Lucina, Robin, and just about anyone that was related to or associated with Chrom. "What do you think he's doing?"

"Whatever it is, it's gonna stop," replied Link as he stepped inside the mirror room; Cloud had no choice but to follow after the Hylian. "I'm feeling second-hand embarrassment from watching this!"

"So, how was your trip to Tokyo?" Chrom rehearsed his lines, as he spoke into the mirror, while Link and Cloud drew near to the prince. "Should I even mention her trip to Tokyo...?"

"Hey," Cloud greeted Chrom as he simply placed his hand on the prince's shoulder; Chrom shrieked as he jumped out of fright, his feet a couple of inches off of the floor.

"Lucina you weren't supposed to hear that!" Chrom suddenly turned around, only to find relief when he saw Link and Cloud standing by. The dorkiness from Chrom was out of this world. "Oh, it's just you two..."

"Let me guess, Chrom - you're still at odds with your daughter." That was most certainly the case, as Chrom solemnly nodded his head. "Have you at least tried speaking to her?"

"Do common greetings count?" So Chrom only communicated with Lucina through hellos, good mornings, and good nights? That was a very worrying sign. "We haven't quite evolved beyond that..."

"And you waited until now to fix things?" Not only did Cloud see Chrom as a massive dork, but he was also starting to lose some respect for the guy. "Why not handle it earlier?"

"Because I just didn't know what to say, okay?!" Getting all flustered and emotional, Chrom growled as he turned his back to Link and Cloud and pulled on his hair. Link inched over to Chrom, reaching for the prince's pockets...and pulled out the stress ball that he gave Chrom.

"Stress ball?" Link offered the stress ball to Chrom, who turned around and swiped the ball out of Link's hands. Chrom squeezed the ball real tight, his frown turning upside down as his frustrations dissolved.

"Thank you, Link," Chrom thanked the Hylian, putting the ball back in his pocket once he squeezed it enough times. "Maybe I'm just overthinking things. Overthinking what I want to say..."

"Just let it come naturally," Cloud suggested to Chrom, confused as to why the prince was making himself so stressed. "Speak from the heart. You can do that, can't you?"

"Doing that got you your wife," Link said to Chrom, as he and Cloud were instilling the prince with enough confidence to face Lucina face-to-face. "So why wouldn't it work on your only daughter?"

"You're right...I just have to play it cool," responded Chrom, before taking in a deep breath and letting out a great exhale. There was one question he had to ask Link and Chrom, though. "Should I ask Lucina to take me to Tokyo, after I'm done speaking with her?"

"C'mon, let's get outta here," Cloud said to Chrom as he took the prince and guided him out of the mirror room. Chrom was standing in the hallway, with Link and Cloud keeping him company. "Now go and speak with your daughter."

"Yes sir... I mean, man! Yes, man!" Saving himself from further embarrassment, Chrom ran down the hallway on his way to speak with Lucina. "I won't let you boys down, I promise!" the prince called out to Link and Cloud.

"He's going to let us down so bad..." Link said to Cloud, who couldn't agree anymore with the Hylian. "...heck, he's gonna let his own self down!"


Popo and the ice cream gang would go out and deliver some ice cream, but there was one problem...their trusty driver, Banjo, was nowhere to be seen. Popo, Nana, Sonic, Crash, Dante, and the Inklings were present outside in the mansion's driveway, yet Banjo and Kazooie were mysteriously absent.

"Banjo! Kazooie! Where are you guys?" Sonic called out to the bear and bird duo, as Popo and Dante were busy counting the ice cream inventory in the van. Didn't seem like Banjo and Kazooie would be showing up anytime soon.

"Missing your driver, eh?" Mario asked Sonic and company, as he showed up along with Spyro and Hunter. The plumber was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, which alarmed (and disturbed) the others.

"Uh...why are you only wearing a towel?" the female Inkling asked Mario, fearing that the plumber's towel would drop to the ground for whatever reason. Would be a very unwelcome sight for many unfortunate souls.

"What-a do you think? The boys-a and I are gonna check out the sauna." Mario adjusted his towel, giving the others major anxiety in the process. "It's gonna be our first-a time."

"I could've been wearing a towel myself," Hunter said to Sonic and company, even though none of them cared about the cheetah's decision. "But you guys are already used to me being naked all the time, so...yeah."

"There's a lot of things about you that everyone's used to..." Spyro said to Hunter; he would spend a whole day going through the list of qualities about his best friend that everyone mostly tolerated.

Spyro: Some might say that Lloyd is being sexist for making the sauna only for men. But you know what I think? It's the perfect response for the beauty salon being "ladies only". Without asking for permission, that is. Maybe this whole issue could lead to some kind of truce, where guys can go to the salon and girls can go to the sauna without any trouble. But I've lived next to the mansion long enough to know that camaraderie like that rarely happens.

"You fellas haven't seen Banjo around, have you?" Popo asked Mario and his friends after he and Dante were done checking the ice cream inventory. "We need him to drive our van!"

"If I had to guess, he might be at the sauna right-a now," guessed Mario, and that was bad news for Popo and company - but mainly Popo. Banjo might find himself too relaxed to drive around town. "He did mention something about-a wanting a break..."

"A break? Right now? We're not even done selling ice cream! It's not even the end of summer yet!" No breaks until the end of summer? Popo was showing all the signs of being a terrible boss.

"Relax, buddy - Banjo deserves his break," Dante said to Popo, who began to pout as he folded his arms. The thought of Banjo going on a break without asking for permission only irked Popo even more. "Besides, this could be a blessing in disguise for our driver-in-training..."

"And who the heck is that?" inquired Nana, only to be struck with fear when Dante slowly turned his head towards her with a mischievous grin. "I told you, I'm still considering it..."

"Well, you can put your consideration on hold, for now," Popo said to Nana, as he now had a bone to pick with Banjo. No one went on break before were all done selling ice cream and got away with it. "Mario, I demand that you take me to the sauna!"

"You didn't really have-a to demand it, but...sure, whatever," responded Mario, only agreeing just to placate Popo. Popo looked like he was ready to strangle Banjo to no end.


In the last episode, Samus was apprehended in the sauna by the buddy cops. Toon Link and Young Link tried to forcibly remove the bounty hunter from the sauna until the case of Mario's missing mustache drew the two buddy cops away. Samus was back at the sauna today, doing what she did best - sitting around while sending a message to Lloyd. Since the buddy cops couldn't get the job done...desperate times called for some desperate measures.

"There she is, Master Hand, she's back at it again," Lloyd said to the giant hand as he brought him inside the sauna. The swordsman was pointing at Samus, who was on her phone minding her own business. Next to her was Pikachu; she felt like she needed a buddy to keep her company.

"Yes, I can see Samus; what is she doing?" asked Master Hand, who was under the impression that Samus was doing something malicious in the sauna. Like murdering another resident, or even discussing the pros of capitalism.

"Don't you see? She's in the sauna! This sauna is for men only!" No matter how much Lloyd stressed his point, Master Hand failed to see what Samus was in the wrong for. "You have to remove her!"

"I disagree," Samus voiced her opinion, showing no signs of moving from her spot. Especially not with Pikachu at her side. "The gents don't seem to mind my presence that much."

"Yes, Samus has been very pleasant," Kazuya said to Master Hand, as he found no resentment towards Samus. Lloyd was pulling on his hair. "If only my own father could be that way..."

"But she's not even a dude!" griped Lloyd, disgruntled that the other men seemed to share Kazuya's sentiments. Not a single person objected to what Kazuya had said. "This isn't right, Master Hand."

"All I can say is, Samus knows her rights," commented Master Hand, seeing Samus' presence in the sauna as a major non-issue. "And she can express her rights as she freely chooses."

"You tell him, Master Hand!" Banjo cheered on for the giant hand, as he pumped his fist in support. The bear would stop smiling when he looked towards the sauna entrance...and saw Popo standing with Mario. "Uh oh..."

"Ahem?" Popo cleared his throat at Banjo, having to remind the bear of his important duties today. "Have you forgotten something, Banjo? Something, I don't know...important?"

"Leave the bear alone," commanded as he stood in front of Banjo, giving Popo a mean look. "If he wants to be here, then so be it." Popo was shaken to the core, taking a few steps back out of fear.

"Hey, who died and made you the boss of Banjo?" Dante shouted at Kazuya as he stepped inside the sauna, pointing at Kazuya. Dante and Kazuya were staring each other down; you could cut the intensity with a knife.

"If anyone around here is the boss of Banjo...it's me," stated Kazooie as she poked her head out of Banjo's backpack. The moment that he saw Kazooie, Lloyd gasped and pointed at the redbird.

"We have female in our midst!" the swordsman sounded the alarm, although not a single dude in the sauna cared. Not even Master Hand himself. Lloyd ran over to Banjo, prying the backpack off of the bear.

"Lloyd, what is your problem?!" Kazooie was helpless, as Lloyd snatched the backpack away from Banjo and tossed it out of the sauna. Kazooie screamed as she and the backpack were sent flying, and Lloyd felt proud of what he just did.

"Well, Banjo...looks like Lloyd just threw your bird companion out," Dante said to the bear, as Mario turned around to see if Kazooie was okay. "Surely that means you'll leave the sauna, right?"

"No, I think I'm too relaxed to leave," replied Banjo, much to the chagrin of Popo and Dante - with Popo being the only one to take Banjo's decision personally. Banjo folded his arms behind his head, as Kazuya looked on approval.

Kazuya: It was me who convinced Banjo to go to the sauna. The further he is away from that ingrate Eskimo Popo, the better off he'll be because of it. Thankfully, the others don't look like lost causes; there might be hope for them yet.

"Let's go, Dante..." Popo said to the vigilante in a depressed tone as he walked away from the sauna. Dante looked back at Banjo, to see if the bear would make a move, before following after Popo.

"Hope we weren't late," Hunter said to Mario, as he and Spyro showed up at the sauna with some grub from the living room. Luckily for them, the sauna didn't have a no-food policy. "Did we miss the Jerry Springer stuff?"

"What? No, none of that stuff happened," replied Mario, before looking for a good spot in the sauna to relax in. Even after all the hoopla, Samus remained in the sauna, and it bothered Lloyd greatly.

"My presence is no longer needed...I'm outta here," announced Master Hand, failing to see whatever issue was apparent in the sauna as he was ready to vanish away.

"Master Hand, wait!" Lloyd called out, only for Master Hand to disappear seconds later. Lloyd ran out of the sauna, as Samus smirked.


Before Travis could meet up with Sylvia, he first had to change up his look. The otaku didn't want his wife to think that he was the same-old, same-old after two long years. It wouldn't be anything too drastic, mind you - just a big enough change that Sylvia would appreciate.

Obviously, changing up Travis's look would require a makeover. King Dedede performed a makeover last week, when he tried to turn Steve into a man that Impa couldn't resist. But after it was revealed that he used hair from Mario, Ganondorf, and Simon to complete this new look for Steve...things between the fat penguin and the craftsman haven't been the same.

"No, Steve, you have to give me another chance!" King Dedede begged the craftsman, as he was holding onto his leg. Steve kept on walking down the hallway, even though it was a struggle.

"You cut off Mario's mustache," Steve said to King Dedede, as if messing with Mario's mustache was the most unforgivable act in the universe. "That alone is unforgivable."

"But I just wanted you to look manly! You obviously couldn't grow a mustache yourself, so I had to cheat. Cheat to win."

"And you know what they say about cheaters? Cheaters never win." Steve finally shook King Dedede off of him, leaving the fat penguin in the dust as he kept on walking. King Dedede threw a fit as he banged his fists on the floor.

"I can't believe it, I lost my very own protege!" King Dedede did his best to hold back tears, as the trio of Pit, Joker, and Travis showed up. "How can he possibly win Impa's heart without me?"

"King Dedede, are you okay?" Joker asked the fat penguin, who stopped his near-crying fit as he turned his attention to the young man. "Did you and Steve have a falling out?"

"Yes - all because I wanted to help him become a model boyfriend, apparently." King Dedede picked himself up off the floor, brushing the fit he had to the side. "I've been begging him since Monday to give me a second chance."

"We're very sorry to hear that, King Dedede," Pit told the fat penguin, as neither Joker nor Travis shared any of the angel's sympathy. "Maybe it was just a simple misunderstanding!"

"I don't know what I did wrong. I just wanted to give Steve a makeover!" The moment that King Dedede said the word "makeover", Pit's ears instantly perked up as he smiled.

"Funny you should mention that..." Pit rubbed his hands in anticipation, before walking over to Travis and putting his hands on the otaku's shoulders. "Travis here could use a bit of a makeover himself!"

"My wife is coming to town," Travis explained to King Dedede, who looked like he was more than ready to snap. The amount of anger on the fat penguin's face was palpable. "Why are you looking like that?"

"Oh, nothing...I just remembered that I was supposed to stop by the dry cleaners this morning. Shame on me." King Dedede eased off on his anger, but it was pretty clear that he was feeling some type of way.

King Dedede: Travis has a wife?! The man who spends his day playing video games and collecting wrestling memorabilia somehow managed to get married?!...And he has kids, too?! I refuse to admit that my way of romancing is a failure; the ladies that are falling for these men are just seriously blind, that's all. Travis being married proves it.

"You can freshen him up a bit, can ya?" Pit asked King Dedede, who took a very long look at Travis with his hand underneath his chin. Dedede still had feelings of jealousy towards Travis, but he was willing to make the otaku look suave for his wife...just for today, that is.

"He has some potential...I can pull it off," replied King Dedede - at least with Travis, the fat penguin wouldn't have to pull off drastic measures like shaving off someone's hair. "Wanna go ahead and close down your cafe until we're through?"

"That won't be needed - Sans will be running the cafe in our absence," Joker assured King Dedede, with bitter regret dripping in every word the young man spoke. "Might even be the end of our cafe as we know it..."


Contrary to what Joker believed, Sans was running Cafe Leblanc without any trouble. The skeleton was able to attract the same amount of folks as the cafe usually did, as the residents didn't mind him as the only barista. And even though he was discouraged by Joker to use any puns while on the job, he still used 'em anyway. It was in his nature.

"minato and yukari...talk about a perfect blend," Sans said to the couple, staring at them creepily from behind the counter while making some coffee. The skeleton's perpetual smile didn't make Minato or Yukari feel any less uncomfortable.

"I miss Pit already..." mumbled Yukari as she got up and walked away; Minato had to follow suit, due to the protocols of being Yukari's boyfriend. Unwritten Rule #29: Never leave your significant other behind, no matter the circumstance. "...huh, can't believe I actually said that."

"You missed Pit when he was gone those three weeks," Minato said to Yukari, who immediately shushed her boyfriend as she retreated out of the cafe. Some things weren't worth mentioning, at least out in the open.

"Hey Sans, can we get some more curry over here?" Donkey Kong called out to Sans, sitting next to Diddy Kong and waving his hand to grab the skeleton's attention. Sans would come through for the Kongs, pouring a hearty helping of orange curry in their bowls.

"never a dahl moment when I'm around," remarked Sans, feeling all smug inside as he placed the orange curry back where it was. After he did so, the skeleton saw Lucina seated at the counter, with Pichu.

"I really don't know what I should say to him," Lucina discussed with Pichu, stroking the tiny mouse's back while he rested on the counter. "Robin says that I should be upfront about it, but I don't know..."

"spending some time with pichu?" Sans asked Lucina as he came over to the princess, wanting in on whatever conversation she was having. "that's cool beans. hehe."

"Thanks for the pun, Sans...but I wouldn't say that we're having quality time. I just needed someone to share my feelings with. That's where Pichu came in."

"Pichu, Pichu!" exclaimed Pichu, providing a very ambiguous answer that was either a voice of agreement or just a random cry for attention. Either way, he earned himself a pat on the head by Lucina.

Lucina: Father and I haven't spoken to each other that much ever since my day at the beach. I think he's angry with me for having him so worried. Or maybe he's just jealous. Could be both.

"Aha! I've finally found you," exclaimed Chrom when he saw Lucina, arriving at the cafe as he slid to a halt. Judging by the amount of perspiration on his face, Chrom had searched high and low for his daughter.

"Hello, father," Lucina greeted Chrom, seeing his presence as the cue for her to leave. The princess grabbed Pichu off of the counter, as she was about to make her grand escape. "It was nice speaking with you, Sans..."

"Wait, Lucina, stay right where you are!" Chrom ran over to Lucina, right before the princess could even stand up. "There is something that I've been meaning to ask you."

"Oh dear...what is it?" Lucina did her best to keep an open mind, holding in any possibility of her snapping on her dad. Chrom cleared his throat, ready to ask Lucina his question.

"I know you've been very quiet about this for weeks now, but...how was your trip to Tokyo?" Lucina had yet to tell Chrom that she really went to the beach, fearing that doing so would only make her dad feel spiteful.

"You went on a trip to Tokyo?" Diddy asked Lucina, as Chrom's question effectively placed Lucina on the hot seat. "During the Olympics?"

"With a few of my friends," admitted Lucina, daring not to mention any of her friends by name. Chrom knew at least one friend, Owain, due to a phone call. "Or should I say, a couple."

"Why didn't you invite us, your family?" Chrom asked Lucina, hoping that he wasn't making his daughter feel bad about herself with his interrogative questions. "It could've been the perfect family vacation!"

"I hate to tell you, Chrom, but I don't think that Lucina actually went to..." Donkey Kong was about to inform the prince, only for Sans to rush over and cover the gorilla's mouth. Sans had the biggest grin on his face.

"Let it play out," Sans whispered to Donkey Kong, sensing that things between Chrom and Lucina were just getting started. "This could be good..."


The ice cream gang had learned from Kazooie that Banjo was indeed at the sauna and that the bear was too comfy to leave. Nana took this as a sign that Popo wouldn't be bothered to sell any ice cream today, but sadly she underestimated the Ice Climber. She and the others were forced to wait outside, as Popo and Dante were inside the mansion...doing whatever. Nana held the backpack that had Kazooie inside.

"All done!" announced Popo as he and Dante stepped out of the mansion. In Popo's hand was a card, which he handed to Nana. "Here you go, Nana."

"Is this...a fake driver's license?" Nana furrowed her brow as she that she was holding a fake driver's license. The picture Popo used to make it was super unflattering, and the personal information inscribed couldn't be any further from the truth.

"We asked Snake to make one for us," explained Dante; Snake did have a machine for creating fake IDs, as some of you might recall. "You might need it when you're driving on the road."

Snake: Making a fake driver's license for Nana was easy. All I did was make up a bunch of numbers and whatnot. The only part I struggled on was the birth date, but I hope that the highway patrolman won't mind Nana being born on December 13, 1931. *pauses* If he's a loli, that is.

"I told you, I'm not prepared to drive," stated Nana, willing to hold out on driving as long as she had to. Popo was showing a lot of patience, much to her great surprise. "What if I'm not good at it?"

"You won't know if you're good at something unless you give it a try," Sonic said to Nana, interested in seeing how the Ice Climber could handle being behind the wheel. "Besides, think of the bragging rights!"

"Yeah, imagine being able to drive before Popo could," the male Inkling said to Nana, as he had Popo feeling all self-conscious. Sweat running down his face from discomfort, Popo snatched the fake driver's license away from Nana.

"You know what, maybe this is too soon for Nana..." the Ice Climber said as he was about to retreat into the mansion...only to be stopped by Dante. Popo froze in place, as Dante smirked at him.

"Not throwing in the towel, are we?" Dante asked Popo, before grabbing the Ice Climber and leading him to the van. "Let's give your sister or girlfriend...or whatever, a fair shot."

"Is this such a good idea?" Nana asked Dante, with worrisome questions racing through her head. She was almost feeling light-headed from fear. "What if I crash the van, and kill everyone?!"

"If we die...then we die." Dante gave a carefree shrug as he opened the van door; the thought of death didn't even phase him. "Well, some of us might die."

"YOLO!" Sonic randomly shouted as he and the others went inside the van. The only person left standing was a hesitant Nana, as Kazooie poked her head out of Banjo's backpack.

"See, this is why being Mr. Nice Guy stinks," Kazooie whispered to Nana, seeing how much regret the Ice Climber had. "Take it from me - being rude solved all of my problems! No one bothers me!"

"Nana, you coming or what?" Dante asked the Ice Climber, as he patted his hand on the driver's seat. "The van's not gonna drive itself, you know!"

"Should've said no while you had the chance..." Kazooie poked her head back in Banjo's backpack, as Nana nervously gulped and entered the van. Time for Nana to follow through on her promise - one she probably shouldn't have made.


Lloyd was standing outside Master Hand's room, banging on the bedroom door. He wanted Master Hand to give Samus a piece of his mind...Lloyd's mind, rather, and demand that the bounty hunter leave the sauna at once. But Master Hand had yet to respond.

"Let me in, Master Hand! LET ME IN!" Lloyd shouted at the giant hand, who had likely tuned out the swordsman by this point. As Lloyd kept banging on the door with his fists, Fox and Falco came down the hallway.

"Not gonna lie, seeing her lose the women's title like that gave me some George Floyd flashbacks, even to this day," Falco said to Fox, as the pilots were discussing the recent Summerslam event. Fox halted, as he gave Falco a crazy look.

"Dude, it's just pro wrestling...don't take it too seriously," Fox advised Falco; he usually gave words of advice like this whenever Falco reacted emotionally to certain wrestling results. Both good and bad.

"Oh, so I should write an angry letter to Vince McMahon, discussing how racist he is? Because I've been busy drafting one, just in case."

"If Vince really was racist, he wouldn't have those black guys and gals champions in the first place..." Fox would stop speaking, as he and Falco looked over and saw Lloyd begging Master Hand to let him in.

"I know you can hear me, man," Lloyd called out to Master Hand, as Fox and Falco exchanged brief looks before coming over. "Don't make me kick this door down! Promise I won't injure myself, like last time."

"Master Hand's giving you the cold shoulder, huh?" Falco asked Lloyd, who stopped banging on the door and turned around at the pilots. Lloyd solemnly nodded his head. "Yup, been there, done that..."

"We have a serious act of disobedience afoot." Lloyd took his attention away from Master Hand as he stood up, hoping that Fox and Falco would both aid him with his cause. "Samus is in my sauna."

"O...kay?" responded Fox as he eyed around, not seeing what the big deal was. That only made Lloyd keener on educating the pilot. "Is she giving off too much sexual tension?"

"No, but even worse...she's a woman!" That response didn't do much to help Lloyd's cause - in fact, it only made the swordsman look very sexist in the eyes of Fox and Falco. "No women are allowed in the sauna."

"Seriously? Is that why Krystal complained about you kicking her out?" Poor Fox was on the receiving end of a long rant from his wife that day. "I'm sorry, Lloyd, but this is just juvenile."

"What Samus is doing is juvenile. She knows the rules, but she refuses to acknowledge them! We have to remove her at once."

"Who is this 'we' that you speak of? I'm not helping you, you can count me out." And Falco would feel the same way, as he folded his arms defiantly and nodded his head.

"Help me just this once and I'll apologize to Krystal for kicking her out of the sauna." With an offer like that, Fox was immediately on board. A ticked-off Krystal gave that man so much grief and terror.

"You got yourself a deal!" exclaimed Fox as he happily shook hands with Lloyd. Falco watched the handshake take place, with an extremely dumbfounded look on his face.

"You have got to be kidding me..." the avian pilot groaned as he threw his arms up in defeat; if Fox was on board with something, in all likelihood Falco was on board as well.


King Dedede was getting Travis prepped up for Sylvia, giving the otaku a new look. Meanwhile, Pit and Joker were on the porch, as the angel and young man were both on the lookout for Travis's wife.

"Pit, are you expecting a package today?" Kirby asked the angel, as he and Incineroar stepped out unto the porch. "Hope it's not that pack of 'offensive crayons' you wanted to get."

"No, I'm looking out for Travis's wife," replied Pit, as he was looking through a pair of binoculars that he borrowed. "She's coming over today."

"Travis has a wife? Oh, dear..." Kirby was suddenly afraid that Travis being married would somehow give Pit enough motivation to force the pink puffball to elope with Adeleine.

"By the way, those crayons came in the mail the other day. Whoever made them really messed up with the labeling."

Pit: I got a coloring book from Villager, but he never gave me some crayons to color it with. So I had to buy a pack of crayons off of Amazon. I bought the offensive crayons was because I thought that it would help the pages pop out more. The word "offensive" had to mean something, it was the selling point, after all.

Kirby: Finally found that box of crayons that Pit ordered. *takes out a box of crayons* The way these crayons are labeled concerns me. Brown is "Travel Ban Brown", black is "Lives Matter", cyan is "Cyantology", peach is "Your Parents' Divorce Was Your Fault"...that was a long one there, and white is...Privilege. Privilege. I'll let that one speak for itself.

"Wait, I think she's here!" alerted Joker, as he saw a car pull up into the mansion's driveway. The car came to a stop, as a blonde woman with glasses stepped out of the vehicle.

"Is Travis coming?" asked Pit, as Incineroar quickly opened the front door and looked inside the foyer. The heel Pokemon turned around, shaking his head. "What's taking Dedede so long...?"

"Let's just play it cool until Travis shows up. And please don't embarrass yourself, Pit." Joker acted like a natural, as the blonde woman with glasses walked up the steps to the porch. Her presence was dignified, almost commanding even.

"Greetings, gentlemen...I am Sylvia Christel," the woman greeted Joker and company, speaking in a thick European accent. "This is the Smash Mansion, yes?"

"Are you Russian?" Pit asked Sylvia, having the urge to ask the woman his question before it slipped his mind. A humiliated Joker sighed as he pinched the crown of his nose.

"Close enough - I'm half-Ukrainian." Sylvia was also half-Japanese, though you wouldn't know that at first glance. "Is Travis home? I promised that I would get to see him today."

"Yup, he's home! Boy let me tell ya, Travis is one heck of a..." Pit would find himself interrupted, as Incineroar covered the angel's mouth in the nick of time.

"...pooper, what he meant to say was Travis is one heck of a party pooper," Joker would answer for Pit, who was muffling through Incineroar's hand as he tried to pry the heel Pokemon off of him.

"Ah, yes, I'm well aware. Sometimes, Travis is the life of the party...and the death of the party as well." So many quirks about Travis that Sylvia forced herself to get used to. "Is he waiting for me inside?"

"He's getting himself dressed," replied Joker, and Sylvia, curious as to what the young man meant, cocked her head to the side. "Gotta dress to impress, isn't that right guys?"

"Yes, that is correct," replied Kirby, smiling and awkwardly nodding his head, before he and Incineroar retreated inside the mansion. Pit, who wasn't even paying any attention, was busy picking his ear.

"If you want, you can wait inside the foyer until Travis is ready to see you. I promise that he won't hold you up too long."


"So you were at the beach, that whole time?" Chrom asked Lucina at the cafe, as Lucina finally admitted to her dad that she went to the beach. She didn't reveal her intentions for going to the beach, though. "The beaches in Tokyo were open during the Olympics?" Oy vey...

"Um...yeah, I guess," replied Lucina as she eyed around the cafe, while those inside Cafe Leblanc were listening to the conversation between Lucina and Chrom. "The beaches were pretty much open."

"And you never thought about inviting me, or Robin or the kids?" Way to leave out your own wife, Chrom. "I'm especially hurt that you didn't invite me, your loving father."

"Look, Father, it was nothing personal. Since it's the summer, I just wanted to get away for a little bit. I deserve a break from the..."

"Are your friends more important than me? What does Owain have that I don't?" For starters, Owain was slightly more charming and knew how to be charismatic without coming off as a huge dork. Chrom couldn't hold a candle to him.

"Nothing - I just wanted to spend some time with my friends again. You know I haven't seen them in a good while." No matter how much he tried, Chrom had to admit that Lucina was right about that one.

"Yes, it has been very long...but still, you could've saved some room for me." Chrom was coming off as salty, and that wasn't the right attitude to have if he wanted to be back on the same page as his daughter.

"Lucina seriously dodged a major bullet..." Donkey Kong whispered to Diddy, as the Kongs and Sans watched the conversation play out in front of them.


Inside the foyer, Sylvia was waiting for her husband Travis to show up. Pit and Joker kept the woman company while being mindful of any male that happened to pass by.

"Hey there, good-lookin'..." King K. Rool smiled at Sylvia as he passed by; like how any normal woman would in this situation, Sylvia frowned in disgust at K. Rool. "...what's cookin'?"

"Keep it moving, K. Rool, she's already taken," Joker informed the Kremling, who refused to believe that Sylvia was off the market. "She's Travis's wife." And that only put K. Rool in even more disbelief.

"You know another guy named Travis?" The lack of response from both Joker and Pit told K. Rool all that he needed to know, as the Kremling sighed depressingly and walked away. "How do incels like Travis land hot chicks...?"

"Tell me he did not just call my dear Travis an incel..." Sylvia said to Pit and Joker, seconds after King K. Rool left the foyer. K. Rool's word choice may or may conflict with King Dedede's new makeover for Travis.

"It was just a joke!" replied Pit, although Sylvia was hesitant to believe the angel as she furrowed her brow. "A harmless joke. One that was made in love."

"I don't know...that ugly crocodile came off a bit jealous there. Travis must not be that adored around the mansion, is he?"

"Oh, Sylvia...I'm here! Hope I didn't keep you waiting too long. Had to make sure that I was on my A-game. Which I usually am."

Sylvia immediately stood up from the couch that she was sitting on, as Travis came down the stairs with King Dedede. And Travis was looking...different. His hair was slick and combed back, he was wearing a new pair of sunglasses, and the jacket and pants that he wore were an upgrade from his usual getup.

"Missed me, babe?" Travis asked Sylvia as he took out a toothpick and placed it in his mouth. He was acting more like a greaser than an otaku...and so far, Sylvia was digging it.

"Oh, Travis!" Sylvia squealed with glee as she ran over to her husband, making out with him profusely in the middle of the foyer. Pit looked disgusted, cringing hard, as Joker playfully covered the angel's eyes.

"Perfection..." King Dedede smirked, feeling like a proud father as he watched Travis and Sylvia make out. What a weird thing to make him so proud.

King Dedede: I didn't really have an inspiration for Travis's makeover. Just know that I watched a ton of Grease. Binge-watching is only good when you have nothing better to do in your life...which unfortunately happens to me a lot.

Travis and Sylvia's makeout session would catch the attention of Link and Cloud, who entered the foyer and saw the two lovebirds. They weren't as disgusted as Pit was, but it was an unwelcome sight to walk into.

"Wow, someone really missed me!" remarked Travis, as his makeout session with Sylvia finally came to an end. Pit had never felt so relieved before. "Sensed a lot of passion there."

"You know it's been too long, Travis," smiled Sylvia as she was about to reach in for another kiss - only for Travis to stop her by putting his finger on her lips.

"Nuh uh uh! I think one is enough." Travis would turn around, and see Link and Cloud looking at him trying not to look awkward. "Link, Cloud! Meet my lovely wife, Sylvia!"

"Don't be such a gawker," Cloud said to LInk as he nudged the Hylian forward. Link nervously gulped as he approached Sylvia, hoping that the woman wouldn't physically harm him.

"You can call me Link," Link introduced himself to Sylvia as he held out his hand. Sweat poured down his face as he feared Sylvia retaliating against him...or just leaving him hanging.

"You didn't have to introduce yourself - I already know who you are," Sylvia smiled at Link, as she shook the Hylian's hand. Link exhaled in deep relief as Sylvia turned her attention to Cloud, who was standing by. "Ah, you must be Cloud Strife."

"The one and only," responded Cloud as he walked over to Sylvia, gently brushing Link to the side with a light shove. Link took it in a heavy stride. "So it's just you who came today, huh?"

"Quite frankly, yes...one of Travis's friends, Bad Girl, told me that she wanted to come. But she couldn't make it. I assume that the author wasn't too fond of her potty mouth."

Pit: I'm sorry, did Sylvia just break the fourth wall? Better not let her get anywhere near Cranky Kong...the self-awareness would be out of this world!...Do I acknowledge that a fourth wall exists? Er...just don't tell Lady Palutena!

"Yeah, Bad Girl is one crazy chick," remarked Travis, as Link, Cloud, and Joker desired to know the identity of the author that Sylvia mentioned. Cranky Kong would be more than happy to fill the three in. "Not even Master Hand could handle her!"

"How about we get a move on, get you lovelies situated?" King Dedede asked Travis and Sylvia, designating himself as the couple's planner. It would give him some influence, after his recent fallout with Steve.

"Alright, you lead the way, Dedede!" Travis said to the fat penguin, as he and Sylvia followed King Dedede out of the foyer. Link and Cloud convened with Pit and Joker, watching as King Dedede and the couple left.

"You guys trust those two with King Dedede?" Cloud asked the others concerning Travis and Sylvia, as he was full of skepticism. Mostly justified skepticism. "Because I sure don't..."

"I wouldn't even trust King Dedede near Zelda," replied Link, who saw nothing but very bad things on the horizon. "Travis and Sylvia have no idea what they're getting into."

"Indeed," a certain craftsman spoke, startling Link and company as Pit screamed and jumped back out of fright. The four saw Steve standing in their midst - who knows how long he was standing there.

"Steve? I take it that you share Link and Cloud's cynicism?" Joker asked the craftsman, who nodded his head; Steve had every right to be skeptical of King Dedede, having experience from dealing with the fat penguin himself.

"King Dedede is holding on to his personal glory - a highly deluded personal glory at that. One that is attributed to his romantic beliefs. He must be stopped."

"Maybe we shouldn't have asked King Dedede to give Travis a makeover..." said Joker, fearing that he and Pit had made a huge mistake. One that was bigger than ceding control of Cafe Leblanc to Sans for a day.

"Let's just see how things play out with King Dedede and Travis and Sylvia," suggested Link; who knows, maybe King Dedede would use today as an opportunity to change for the better. But the chances of that were very much slim...if not nonexistent.


Mario, Spyro, and Hunter were all in the sauna for the first time, and the sauna was everything that they could hope for. It was definitely a spot in the mansion that they would frequent more often.

"Anyone here knows if this sauna has wi-fi service?" Hunter asked the men (and Samus) in the sauna, as Mario and Spyro gave the cheetah dubious looks. "Just asking."

"You don't even have a phone..." Spyro pointed out to Hunter, devastating the cheetah every time he mentioned this fact. "...and if you did, you would already have it broken in like three days."

"I know, I know...I was just trying to start a conversation, that's all." Hunter walked away in defeat, as Spyro laid back down on the sauna floor and allowed the sauna smoke to soothe him. Seated a few feet away from Spyro was Samus, who was enjoying herself.

"Lloyd hasn't been nearly as annoying today," the bounty hunter said to Pikachu, as she scratched behind the mouse Pokemon's ears. Pikachu was really enjoying it too, as evidenced by his big smile. "Or perhaps I spoke too soon..."

"Samus Aran!" Fox shouted the bounty hunter's full name, as he and Falco stood together at the sauna entrance. The pilots marched over to Samus, standing over her and looking all intimidating.

"Um, should I be afraid?" Samus asked the pilots, seeing that they were only wearing towels around their waist. Made her take them less seriously than she already did. "Now isn't a good time for..."

"Shut your trap, woman!" Falco silenced Samus as he pointed in the bounty hunter's face. "We're not gonna let you tarnish this place any longer."

"Yeah, Samus, your presence is ruining our sauna experience," stated Fox, as Samus rolled her eyes and looked away. It was apparent to the bounty hunter who the pilots were working for. "And you know why?"

"Let me guess...it has something to do with me being a woman," groaned Samus, amazed at how Lloyd was able to reel in Fox and Falco to do his bidding. "Where have I heard that one before..."

"You honestly think that you can sit somewhere in defiance, to send some kind of message? Who do you think you are, Rosa Parks?!"

"Did I ever say that I was Rosa Parks? It's not my intention to be like her. But I am sending a message, though."

"Not your intention...so you're admitting to being a racist," Falco accused Samus, as he shook his head in major disappointment. "We expected better from you, Samus."

Samus: The other day, it was Ryu and Ken. Yesterday was the Ganons. And today...Fox and Falco. If Lloyd keeps this up, he might bring have to bring it President Briden to have me removed from the sauna. But no matter what, I won't budge...

"Isn't this the life, Banjo?" Kazuya asked the bear, who was the most relaxed he's ever been while in the sauna. "You must feel like you're at peace."

"It's close enough," replied Banjo, as Kazuya happily smiled in response. Kazuya's plan to keep Banjo away from Popo was a successful boon. "But other than Kazooie, I do miss driving that van around."

"No! Don't think about the van. Let your mind relax. Breathe in..." Heeding Kazuya, Banjo would breathe in. "...and breathe out." Banjo exhaled seconds later, feeling more at ease than he did before.

"Woah, that sure did the trick! Feels like I'm on cloud nine. What was I talking about again?" Banjo had seemingly forgotten talking about the van, and Kazuya considered that a positive sign.

"Nothing but utter nonsense. Now close your eyes...and feel." So Banjo did as he was told and closed his eyes, inching closer to some kind of nirvana. One that would be momentarily interrupted, when Mario's phone rang.

"Who could-a that be?" wondered Mario as he took out his phone, seeing that Sonic was calling him. The plumber answered the phone. "Hello, Sonic?"

"Hey Mario, got some bad news," responded Sonic, as Mario heard police sirens in the background on Sonic's line. "Nana was driving, and she...she crashed Dante's van."

"Nana crashed-a the van?! Mama mia!" This quickly caught the attention of Kazuya, who looked over at Mario with an eyebrow raised. "Did anyone-a get seriously hurt?"

"Nope! The crash wasn't that bad; we made it out just a fine. Maybe a couple of bruises. There's an ambulance here, though."

"That's reassuring to hear. I take it that you guys need a ride? I would-a do it myself, but I'm busy at the moment..."

"No, you're not," Spyro said to Mario, who frowned at the purple dragon and shushed him. Spyro grumbled as he went back to resting on the floor.

"We'll take anyone you send over. Just as long as it's not Link. His truck gives me motion sickness." So Mario looked around the sauna and saw Fox and Falco, who were both still harassing Samus.

"If you don't get your butt outta here in the next minute or two, Falco and I will drop our towels," Fox threatened Samus, as he and Falco had their hand around their waistline. "Don't do it to yourself...and everyone else."

"I know that you two are wearing boxers underneath," Samus said to the pilots, who both looked away as neither man refused to admit that the bounty hunter was right. "Come on boys, there's no shame in wearing Hanes..."

"Fox, Falco, can one of you two pick-a up Popo and the others?" Mario came over to ask the pilots, as Samus wished the plumber had said both instead. "Their van crashed."

"Dang, that sucks to hear," replied Falco, leading Mario to think that the avian pilot would volunteer to pick up the ice cream gang. "But sadly, we can't leave - injustice is afoot!"

"Don't listen to them - they're making stuff up," Samus advised Mario; you'd think that Pikachu would've shooed the pilots away by now, with just a simple Thunderbolt. Even a Thunder Jolt would've sufficed. "Just following pecking orders from Lloyd..."

"No, Falco...I think you should go," Fox said to the avian pilot, as he placed his hand on his shoulder. Falco stared at Fox as if he was being betrayed. "This is my battle. You go pick up our friends; I'll take it from here."

"Are you serious?" The look that Fox was giving Falco definitely said so. Falco groaned as he walked away. "Moments like these are why I need a wife to get myself out of crap..."

"Have a safe-a trip!" Mario called out to Falco, who waved off the plumber as he exited the sauna. Kazuya watched as Falco left, hoping that the avian pilot would bring the ice cream gang back home safe and sound.


Lucina finally admitted to Chrom that she went to the beach, and now Chrom was asking his daughter all sorts of questions about her beach day. Keep in mind that Chrom still believed that the beach day occurred in Tokyo.

"Cynthia won a volleyball tournament?" asked Chrom, as Lucina was telling her dad about the countless number of volleyball games she and her friends had. "She did it against Yarne?"

"Surprisingly, Yarne didn't run from the ball as much as I thought he would," replied Lucina, before taking a sip from some coffee that Sans offered her. "Really held his own."

"Wish I was there to see it. Which I would've done if, you know, my sweet daughter of mine hadn't left me behind."

"she did it for good reason," stated Sans, as he casually rested his elbow on the counter. Donkey Kong and Diddy tried to shush Sans, as Chrom looked at the skeleton in disbelief.

"What good reason would that be? I'm her father, after all." Chrom was chuckling nervously, as Lucina looked down at the floor with her lips pursed.

"a bumbling father, you mean. constantly sticking your nose in trouble. it's no wonder why lucina wanted to stay away from you."

"Is it true?" Chrom asked Lucina, who looked away so she wouldn't tell her dad how she truly felt. Chrom never felt so hurt before.

"...not entirely," replied Lucina, wishing that Pichu was big enough to hide behind. Using the tiny mouse Pokemon to conceal her face honestly wouldn't do her any good.

"What's so about me that you want to stay away from? Is it my haircut? Is it how I dress? Do I have to get a new wardrobe to make it up to you?"

"Those are all physical attributes," Donkey Kong said to Chrom, and that's when Chrom realized - it wasn't the outer things about him that irked Lucina. It was the inner.

"I just...needed a break, that's all," Lucina finally admitted to Chrom, grabbing her arm as she looked down at the floor. Chrom nodded his head, as he finally smelt the roses.

"Well, Lucina, I was going to tell you how I felt..." Chrom heaved a heavy sigh as he walked away from Lucina, downtrodden as ever. "...but now that you let your feelings known, I don't even know anymore. So much for speaking from the heart."

"Father..." Lucina called out to Chrom, but it was too late; Chrom had already left the cafe, as the tension between him and his daughter was strained even further. Lucina regretted sharing her thoughts with Chrom, but it was better out than in.

"dads, amirite?" Sans asked Lucina, who was too saddened to respond as she went back to drinking her coffee - albeit in silence. "kinda wish I had a dad. unless he ran away. wouldn't blame him."

Sans: chrom should totally tell lucina some dad jokes, to get on her good side again. and you know what makes a joke a dad joke? when it becomes apparent. *giggles*


King Dedede had brought Travis and Sylvia to the arcade room, where the married couple could do some catching up. Sylvia expected Travis to be distracted and play an arcade game or two but to her surprise, her husband was showing some restraint.

"Broke a record on this game, on only my first try," Travis bragged to Sylvia as he patted the Space Invaders arcade machine, treating it like it was his favorite child. "Or maybe second try."

"How about we play a game together, you and me?" Sylvia asked Travis, stroking the otaku's chest to sway her husband's mind. Travis didn't mind the attempt, as he smiled.

"Not today, Sylvia...I'd hate to embarrass ya." Travis gently took Sylvia's hand away from him, as Sylvia moped. Travis then looked behind him and saw King Dedede standing by.

"Do it, do it, do it..." King Dedede quietly encouraged Travis as he shook his fists. The encouragement was enough to force Travis to make up his mind.

"Fine, we'll play a game or two." So Travis dug into his pockets for some tokens, as Sylvia smiled in delight. "Crap...King Dedede, you got any tokens?"

"I can get you some, stay right there!" King Dedede ran off to the token machine to get some tokens for Travis and Sylvia. Catching Dedede with the corner of his eye was Pit, who was pretending to play an arcade game before dashing out of the arcade room where Link, Cloud, Joker, and Steve waited.

"Nothing suspicious from King Dedede so far," Pit gave the 4-1-1 to Link and company, before taking a brief peek inside the arcade room. "He's being kinda chill for the most part."

"Perhaps we misjudged him," remarked Link, getting the sense that King Dedede had no underlying motives whatsoever. "We overestimated him. Next time we should...estimate him."

"The only thing we should be estimating about him is his weight," quipped Joker, before turning his attention to a certain craftsman...only to see nothing but space where he looked. "Hey, where's Steve?"

"He couldn't have gone that far," said Cloud as he and the others looked around for Steve. Eventually, the men looked inside the arcade room and saw Steve speaking with Travis and Sylvia. "Oh no..."

"Whatever you do, do not trust King Dedede," Steve warned Travis and Sylvia, with the latter finding it difficult to take the craftsman seriously. "He is nothing but a menace."

"Why does he speak like that?" Sylvia whispered to Travis, as she didn't know what disturbed her more - Steve's voice, or the way that he was standing in place, keeping it classy. "I thought he was a craftsman, not a robot!"

"Honestly, I have trouble determining which one he is," confessed Travis, who found it off-putting how close Steve was standing to him and Sylvia. For such a classy man, Steve sure didn't value others' personal space. "Can you...back up, buddy?"

"Why should I? I am merely warning you the dangers of King Dedede." Steve refused to leave the premises until both Travis and Sylvia acknowledged King Dedede as a threat, and neither person would budge.

"Finally got you guys some tokens!" exclaimed King Dedede as he came over to Travis and Sylvia with a handful of tokens...only to drop said tokens on the floor when he saw Steve with the couple. "Steve, what are you..."

"Silence, scoundrel," Steve interrupted King Dedede, who found himself deeply insulted. Cloud and company were even surprised. "I will not Travis fall victim to you, just like how I did."

"Fall victim to what?" Sylvia furrowed her brow as she looked at Travis, who was just as confused as she was. "What is he even talking about, Travis?"

"Okay, Steve, that's enough!" Link shouted at the craftsman, finding the right time to intervene as he marched inside the arcade room. "You leave those two alone this instant!"

"Yeah, what he said!" King Dedede followed up Link, as Steve wouldn't leave until Travis and Sylvia both heeded his message. "Vamoose! Begone!"

"Yes, I should vamoose...just like how I should've vamoosed from you a long time ago," Steve made these parting words to King Dedede, before leaving the arcade room altogether. Who knew that classy dudes could be so savage?

"Steve, c'mon, don't be like that..." King Dedede said to the craftsman, as he watched him leave. Travis looked at Dedede and shook his head, before leaving the arcade room as well.

"Travis!" Sylvia called out to her husband, as she chased him out of the arcade room. Cloud, Joker, and Pit watched as Sylvia chased after Travis down the hallway; two of them felt pretty bad.


Traveling in his Landmaster, Falco found the ice cream gang in downtown Seattle, in the city's Crowne Plaza. A few police cars and an ambulance were present, as well as a tow truck that was ready to tow Dante's now damaged van.

"I know a mechanic who can get this van back in tip-top shape," Dante spoke with the tow truck driver, with a few bandages around his arm. He had more bruises than the others did. "She'll be in town shortly."

Dante: Nico's a super handy mechanic, she can repair the van without breaking a sweat. The best part is, I don't even have to pay a dime... *smirks*

Done speaking with the tow truck driver, Dante went over to the Landmaster, and Falco had the hatch open. Dante got inside, being the last person in the ice cream gang to enter.

"You punks better be grateful I already had a full tank," Falco said to the ice cream gang, as he pressed a button to close the hatch. "Otherwise, you woulda had to walk your way home..."

"Don't feel so bad, Nana," Kazooie comforted the Ice Climber as she poked her head out of Banjo's backpack, which Nana was holding. "The accident wasn't your fault. Those boys really put you on the spot!"

"Hopefully, Popo learns a lesson after this," responded Nana, keeping her voice relatively low; Popo was sitting right next to her. "Maybe after today, I won't be trusted to drive the van..."

"I was actually kinda hoping that someone had died during the crash," Popo randomly confessed to Nana, who along with Kazooie gave the Ice Climber a completely shocked look. "Selling ice cream would've meant more if it was done in their honor."

"You should...you should keep that to yourself." Nana inched away from Popo, before saying to Kazooie, in a quiet voice." "I think he's been taking one too many crazy pills."

"Ain't that the truth..." whispered Kazooie, not understanding how Popo could have such a happy disposition after saying what he just said. "...it's about time that somebody put him in check."

"You guys ready to take off?" Falco asked the ice cream gang, as he was waiting for a response. But a response never came. "You never said if you were ready, so...I'll take your prolonged silence as a yes." Falco turned on the jets, as the Landmaster lifted off of the ground and flew away.


With Falco flying back to the mansion, his buddy Fox was still working on convincing Samus to leave the sauna. Samus remained in the same ol' spot, petting Pikachu, as Fox was fruitless in making her move.

"Think of the example you're setting for the other ladies," Fox said to Samus, who was on the verge of tuning out the pilot completely. "How would they feel, seeing you being stubborn like this?"

"That's not the example I'm trying to make," replied Samus, finding Fox hard-headed for convincing her to leave for so long. "I want the ladies to see that they can stand up to doofuses like Lloyd."

"Resorting to name-calling isn't going to help your cause, Samus, I'll let you know that..." As Fox continued to stand over Samus, his arms crossed, Mario heard his phone ring and saw that Falco was calling him.

"Hello, Falco," Mario greeted the avian pilot after he answered the call, as a nearby Kazuya paid an attentive ear. "How did it go? You got everyone?"

"Yeah, got the whole gang in the Landmaster," confirmed Falco as he sounded a little cautious - almost like he was driving with one hand. Never drive a vehicle while operating a cellphone, kids. "On our way home."

"Superb! Hope-a to see you and the others soon. Safe-a travels!" Mario ended his phone call as he put his phone away, and that was Kazuay's cue to approach the plumber.

"You have a history of ending long-standing problems, yes?" Kazuya curiously asked Mario, who was startled by the businessman. Must be those menacing eyebrows; it was a Mishima family trademark.

"I have resolved some, as a former man-a of the mansion. Even when I moved-a out, I was still the mansion's biggest problem-a solver." Wouldn't expect anything less from Mario.

"Great. Then that means you should have no trouble putting an end to Popo's charade." It took Mario a while to understand what Kazuya meant, and once he realized it, he was overwhelmed with worry.

"Y-You want me to end Popo's ice cream-a business?" This was Mario's big fear, and it was soon confirmed as Kazuya nodded his head. "But why...?"

"Because Popo is horribly misguided. He is a fool seeking vainglory, using dubious methods to achieve his goals. Would you stand for that?"

"Well, probably not...but Popo deserves a fair chance. Lloyd ran his food-a truck and it was a success, so why not give-a Popo a similar chance?"

"Look at Banjo - look at how relaxed he is, now that he's away from that cretin." Kazuya brought Mario's attention to Banjo, who was busy easing his cares away in the sauna. "This is the most serene I've seen him!"

"It feels like I don't have my arms anymore..." remarked Banjo as he had his eyes closed, before lifting both of his arms. The bear opened his eyes and saw his arms on either side of him. "...guh-huh, I still have 'em!"

"If you want to do the right thing, Mario, I suggest that you ask Popo to end his business once and for all." Kazuya offered Mario these words to ponder over, as he left the plumber. "Take it into consideration..."

Kazuya: In this life, you have winners and losers. Popo is a loser in every sense of the word; I fear that it will be a long time until he realizes it, and comes to grips with reality.

"Man, Popo would be one upset dude if you asked him to pull the plug on delivering ice cream," Spyro said to Mario, as he heard most of the conversation while resting on the floor. He looked up at Mario, who let out a sigh.

"I may have to hold-a out on telling him...on purpose," remarked Mario, as a very loud yelp was heard from the sauna. Came from where Samus was sitting.


Sylvia followed Travis to the living room, where the otaku was sitting on the couch. Sylvia was sitting next to him, with a comforting hand on his back.

"Did that Steve ruin your day?" Sylvia asked Travis, who had his face buried in his hands. He was too ashamed to look up at his wife. "That robot...or craftsman...will get what's coming to him."

"Sylvia's, there's something that I gotta get off my chest," said Travis, as he found the courage to look at Sylvia in the eye. "This isn't the real me."

"Silly Travis, you can't fool me. You're still the same Travis that I know...unless you are an alien!" Sylvia got up off the couch as a precaution, staring at Travis while on edge.

"No, I'm not an alien. The fact of the matter is..." Travis would stand up as he ran his hand through his hair, getting the hair gel out. "...I was just trying to front for you."

"You were?" Sylvia stood there perplexed, as Travis took off his jacket and shades. He would take off his pants as well, but that would only leave him in his underwear.

"I didn't want to you think that I was the same old Travis, so I had King Dedede change up my look. Me being stagnant...probably would've made you mad."

"Mad about what?" Sylvia's perplexed face turned into a smile, as she found her husband overreacting. "I loved you even back then, did you not? You didn't have to switch things up for me."

"Yeah, you were very...very seductive, I'll give you that." All that seduction eventually led to Sylvia marrying Travis - who would've thought. "I didn't mind how you were a couple of years ago..."

"...and I don't mind how you are now. You'll always be my sweet, sweet Travis." Sylvia walked closer to Travis, all on the man's chest. "So...how about another kiss, sweetheart?"

"I dunno..." Travis made it known earlier that he wouldn't be smooching Sylvia - but the otaku changed his mind. "But since you asked..."

Travis kissed Sylvia, and soon enough the two were making out, again. Link, Cloud, Pit, and Joker crept around the corner and saw the love play out.

"Looks like those two are still intact..." remarked Link, as Pit looked like he was about to throw up. Chrom almost felt the same way, as he passed through the living room.

"Get a room, you two..." the prince frowned at Travis and Sylvia, before running into Link and Cloud. "...Link and Cloud! Didn't see you boys there."

"Very on-brand for you, Chrom," responded Cloud, preparing himself to ask Chrom the million-dollar question. "So how did it go with Lucina?" A drop of sweat ran down Chrom's face.

"I'd...rather not say." Chrom scurried out of the room, as Cloud and the others watched him leave. It was obvious to the four that the rift between Chrom and Lucina was very high.


Falco made it back to the mansion on his Landmaster, as the ice cream gang filed out of the flying vehicle. As one might believe, everyone was relieved to be back home.

"Remember guys, today was a learning lesson," Popo said to his peeps, fortunate enough to have made a few sales before the van crashed. "Every misfortune is a stepping stone for success!"

"Yeah, whatever...I'm just happy to be back home," said Sonic, as he and Crash and the Inklings headed to the mansion. Nana was about to do the same thing until Dante stopped her.

"Gonna need to see that fake license..." Dante said to Nana as he held out his hand; Nana nonchalantly pulled out the fake driver's license and placed it in Dante's hand. "...thank you."

"Guess that means you're off the hook," Kazooie said to Nana, poking her head out of Banjo's backpack. For some reason, Nana looked defeated. "Why are you looking like that?"

"I'm off the hook...for now," replied Nana, dreading the thought of Popo giving her a second chance. Especially if Kazuya kept Banjo away. Trying to think positive, Nana headed inside the mansion.

"Landmaster, you never let me down..." Falco said to his trusty vehicle, patting it on the roof. Fox would come over to Falco, and he scared the avian pilot causing him to scream. What for?

"Is the swelling going down any?" asked Fox, who had the biggest black eye Falco had ever seen. A black eye so nasty-looking, it could give Falco nightmares. "Leia said I might need more ointment..."

Fox: Learned a valuable lesson today...if you mess with Samus for too long, she'll retaliate in the most painful way possible. Was it worth getting chewed out by Lloyd, since I couldn't get Samus to leave? No. But Lloyd should apologize to Krystal if he knows what's good for him.


Pit and Joker were making their way to the cafe, to see how Sans was handling himself. Upon arrival, they saw Lucina leave the cafe holding her head down.

"Hey," Lucina greeted Pit and Joker as she walked by, merely acknowledged the duo's existence. Pit and Joker looked at each other for a brief moment, before entering the cafe and seeing Sans serving some curry to Zelda.

"marriage has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" Sans told this pun to Zelda, before freezing when he saw Joker staring at him. "Uh...hi, Joker! Back so soon?"

"Hate to say this, Sans, but your time is up," Joker informed the skeleton, as he and Pit put their aprons back on. Sans' time as the only barista was fun while it lasted. "How did he do, princess?"

"Only got a small sample size, but Sans did fine," Zelda offered her consensus - although, in Sans' mind, he did an excellent job. Or even a legendary job.

"What was up with Lucina?" Pit asked Zelda, as he was miffed by the behavior Lucina exhibited when she hurried out of the cafe. "Did you upset her with a crappy pun, Lucina?"

"She was already upset when I showed up. There obviously must be something dwelling on her mind."

"Hope it's nothing to do with Robin," remarked Joker, fastening his apron by tying a knot behind his neck. "Interfering with one couple was enough for me..."

Lucina's problems had nothing to do with Robin...it was frankly more paternal-based.