Author's Note:

Got a nice little breather chapter for you all. Just wanted to take it easy this week, that's all. Totally not like feared being thrown off schedule or anything. Attending RAW this past Monday had nothing to do with it. Nope. No siree. Uh...guest reviews?

"Majora's Mask is on NSO now. Will there be some love for Young Link and Skull Kid in future chapters? Just to add, Majora's Mask is coming to NSO on February 25."

Good to know. I can highlight Young Link and Skull Kid a bit in the future. Another anonymous review:

"Any anime you watched recently? Just want to know."

Haven't been keeping up with any anime as of late, but the most recent one I watched is Jujutsu Kaisen, I believe. Also checked out "The Hero Is Overpowered but Overly Cautious". What drew me to that one, I have no clue. Questions from David:

"The court jester E. Gadd is writing about couldn't be NiGHTS or is it? Will Kirby's buddies like Rick the Hamster show up for the Forgotten Land chapter? Is the Portal themed chapter gonna be called 'The Part Where He Kills You'? (A reference to the game's 9th chapter). A Kid Icarus Uprising anniversary chapter? And finally, what are your thoughts on the 3DS and Wii U eShops closing and the backlash Nintendo is getting?"

Perhaps. We'll see. The chapter will simply be called 'Portals' (boring title, I know). There will be a Kid Icarus Uprising chapter. And honestly, I thought that the eShops for both consoles were already closed. Didn't see much backlash though. The last review is from An NFL fan:

"Well, football season is over. What am I gonna talk now? Of course! I almost forgot! USFL is returning this Spring! I know, there are no Seattle team in USFL, but can we at least get a glimpse of it in the future chapters?"

Sure! I'm very interested in seeing how this second iteration of USFL turns out. If it goes bankrupt like the original league, we riot. Moving on:

"And speaking of Spring football, XFL is collaborating with NFL on health and safety innovation, and they also helped for player development. What do you think of it?"

That is a genius move. The XFL could be like a developmental league for the NFL in a way, so kudos to the NFL for catching up with the other leagues. Anything involving the improvement of health and safety on the field is a huge plus. Now since Dwayne Johnson is an investor in the XFL, I can't help but wonder how many times we'll see his face...especially when it comes to XFL promotional stuff.


Episode 323: Carpet

The mansion, for the most part, always had hardwood flooring - and for good reason. Hardwood floors were much easier to clean, as any spill or smudge could be cleaned up in a jiffy. Whether by Mr. Game and Watch, or his groundskeeping assistant Dark Pit.

That isn't to say that the entire mansion had hardwood, however. Master Hand's room, for instance, was the only bedroom in the mansion that had carpet flooring. There have been many attempts by Isabelle where she would convince Master Hand to change the flooring, but Master Hand would say no each and every time.

At times, Master Hand asserted that his room was the best room in the mansion, "for obvious reasons". But that was all in the past - Master Hand was a changed man now, contrary to what others believed (see: Aran, Samus). And that said, he no longer believed that his room was superior to everyone else's. But did that mean he would get with the times, and get hardwood flooring for his room just like everyone else? Only time would tell.

"Whoa!" shouted Master Hand as he was about to enter his room, as a foul yet pungent smell entered his nonexistent nostrils. "Yuck, yuck. Yuck. Yuck!"

"What is it?" asked Isabelle, hearing Master Hand's cry as she ran over to where the giant hand was.

"Wow! What happened in there? There is a stink in there, my word! What is...what is that?"

"What is what?" Isabelle's attention was soon drawn to a brown pile lying on the floor of Master Hand's room, which was stinking up the joint. "Oh...I don't know."

"Is it a bird? Is it dead or something?"

"No, I don't think it's a bird."

"How could that happen? How could...right in the middle of the carpet."

"What's goin' on?" inquired King K. Rool, being the nosy fiend that he was as he stopped by Master Hand's room.

"Um, somebody vomited right in the middle of the carpet in my room."

"I don't think that's vomit." K. Rool took a look for himself, as the smell from the pile prevented him from doing a close inspection.

"Check it out. Don't be a wuss, just get..." So K. Rool reluctantly entered Master Hand's room, before giving his cup of coffee to Isabelle for her to hold. "...no, she's not holding your coffee. Go!"

"Oh, that's ridiculous..." Once K. Rool entered Master Hand's room, Master Hand immediately closed the door. Quite frankly, K. Rool didn't last that long as his nostrils were begging for mercy. "...Master Hand?"

"What is it?" Master Hand heard K. Rool knocking on the door, knocking repeatedly. The smell was that bad. "No, just tell me what it is."

"Master Hand, I..I...I gotta get outta here. I can't hold my breath that long."

"Open the door up!" Isabelle told Master Hand, who did as he was told as he opened the door. K. Rool ran out of the room, gasping for air.

King K. Rool: It smelled terrible.


Ever since he made even with Ryo Sakazaki, Waluigi vowed to put an end to his shirt-chasing ways. The lanky man every now and then had a reoccurring itch to find a woman, only for it to subside moments later. But today, something happened that reawakened Waluigi's strong desire to find a soulmate.

Waluigi was sitting on the floor in his room, glossing through a chair catalog. He always wanted a new chair for his room, specifically for his desk. But as he looked through the catalog, his objective took a very drastic turn.

"Did you pick a new chair?" Ashley asked her roommate Waluigi as she entered the room, holding a spellbook in her hand. "It's been a while."

"Ashley, when I first opened this catalog, I thought I was just going to be picking out a chair," Waluigi said to the young witch as he looked up at her - and Ashley knew exactly what Waluigi was about to say next.

"But instead, you found something to distract you from ever picking out a chair."

Ashley: Waluigi started the process of selecting a new chair for the room about three weeks ago. And normally I wouldn't care, but he promised me his old one. It's way better. It's one of these. *makes a shrrhhh sound of a chair moving downward as Ashley slumps down* I really want it.

"Have you ever seen this woman?" Waluigi asked Ashley as he held up the open catalog. Ashley took a quick gander, but only if it meant appeasing Waluigi.

"The one in the really great mesh black high-back swivel chair?" asked Ashley, as she saw an attractive chair model sitting in a black swivel chair. It was no wonder that Waluigi was instantly hooked.

"Look at her smile. Those eyes, look at her eyes. She's got – I don't know what it is actually, she dresses like a professional and yet, you know there is a side of her that could just curl up on a couch."

"Or in a great chair." Ashley only saw the woman as being attractive just for chair modeling, unless proven otherwise.

"Oh, yeah, maybe, but remember after that new year's celebration when I said that I was swearing off women?"

"I definitely remember that new year's celebration." Ashley only remembered it for the instance when Waluigi embarrassed himself, by faceplanting into some food while trying to get himself a drink. It was one of Waluigi's many new lows.

"I think what I meant was that I was completely swearing off several women in particular. I think that fate put this catalog in my hands.

"Actually, I put the catalog in your hands because you have to pick out a new chair."

Waluigi: What is it like being single these days? I like it. I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I'm optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate and desperate situations yield the quickest results.


Master Hand and company congregating around the room attracted a small crowd, with Lucario, Wolf, Dark Pit, and others stopping by to check out what was going on. Isabelle entered the room to check out the smell, only to leave seconds later.

"Phew! Oh! No, mm-mm," the Shih Tzu said, shaking her head in dismay as she quickly retreated. Lucario and the others investigated the smell for themselves and had a very similar reaction.

"I cannot believe a pipe burst and left that in there," said Master Hand, as Dark Pit was the only brave enough soul to stay in Master Hand's room and investigate the brown pile.

"That's no burst pipe," stated Lucario, who had briefly checked around the walls and the ceiling for any possible leakage. There was none in sight.

"How do you know that? What is it, then?" As Master Hand continued to grow discouraged, Dark Pit inspected the brown pile - touching it, even.

"Hi, guys - somebody makin' soup?" asked Pigma as he stopped by the room, strangely enchanted by the smell. Wolf and everyone else of a normal-functioning mind gave the pig strange looks.


With Snake and Hal still in China, the residents that were sent out to spy on the two remained in the country - and that meant Pit had yet to return home. Needing somebody to fill the void, Joker asked one of his pals to fill in for Pit for the time being.

"Care for a refill, Tifa?" Joker asked the woman, who was sitting at the cafe counter having finished her glass of iced coffee. Judging by the smile on her face, Tifa enjoyed the brew.

"No thanks, that really hit the spot," replied Tifa as she handed the glass back to Joker, more than satisfied with her drink. "Gotta say, your new iced coffee maker is pretty good!"

"Joker, I'm-a back!" announced Mario as he showed up at Cafe Leblanc wearing his cafe apron. The plumber hurriedly ran inside the cafe, nearly knocking Iori down to the floor en route to the counter.

"Mario you're late...again," Joker scolded the plumber, who smiled sheepishly as he quickly fastened his cafe apron. Mario was a fine choice for a fill-in - although Joker was already having some second doubts.

Spyro: With Pit out of town, Mario agreed to fill in his spot at Cafe Leblanc. Honestly, I can't see him doing any worse than Pit - granted I've never seen Pit work behind the counter in person, but I've heard all the stories. At least Mario would have the common sense to not put gummy bears in someone's bowl of curry.

"What can I get-a for you, Miss Lockhart?" Mario asked the woman, eagerly tapping his fingers on the counter awaiting Tifa's answer. Joker was about to say something, only to hold his tongue.

"Nothing, I'm good," replied Tifa as she got up from the barstool before heading towards the exit. Mario looked kinda upset as Tifa left the cafe. "I'll see you guys around!"

"I didn't drive-a her away, did I?" a puzzled Mario asked the other baristas, with Joker facepalming while Kirby, Viridi, and Incineroar kept silent. "What did-a I do wrong?"


Being that he was the de facto man of the tower, Waluigi was given the power by Crazy Hand to organize tower meetings - whether necessary or unnecessary. The meeting that Waluigi called for was of the latter variety, as he and his fellow tower denizens met up in the tower's meeting room.

"Ladies and gentleman, would you please open your supply catalogs and kindly turn to page 85?" Waluigi asked of the tower denizens, each of whom was equipped with a chair catalog. Waluigi had made multiple copies. Everyone did as they were told, flipping to page 85.

"Is this his new chair?" Alucard whispered to Ashley after he had flipped to page 85. He believed that Waluigi picked out a fine choice.

"No, he hasn't picked one yet," Ashley whispered back, leading Alucard to stare at page 85 with much confusion.

Alucard: When Ashley gets Waluigi's old chair, I get Ashley's old chair. Then I'll have two chairs, just for reading books on. Only one to go.

Waluigi: I am ready to start dating again. Getting back on the market. So, FYI, for those of you who are thinking about fixing me up with any of your friends, use the woman on page 85 as a template. That will be all.


It was up to Mr. Game and Watch to save the day, and get rid of the brown pile in Master Hand's room. The 2-D man got the job done as he cleaned up the mess with his cleaning tools.

"Here he comes. All cleaned?" Master Hand asked Mr. Game and Watch, who exited the room while giving a thumbs up. Which must be hard, given that he had no thumbs. Master Hand went inside the room, only to exit quickly.

"Did the best that I could," Mr. Game and Watch said to Master Hand, who was left coughing; clearly the foul stench was still lingering.

"It's still stinky. Even worse than before. You probably scrubbed it into the fibers of the carpet, didn't you? Total permeation."

"Hey, what's going on here?" inquired Link as he and Cloud showed up at Master Hand's room, only to suddenly stop in place as the stench from the room restricted any further moment. The smell was gonna be around for quite a while...

Master Hand: *while in his reeking room* I am a big Fear Factor fan. I'm a big fan of anything Joe Rogan does, podcast aside, so this is sort of like my audition tape. Um… *clearing throat* ...I can't stand it, I can't stay in here another second. No! *vanishes away*

Cloud: What? I did not do that. That sounds disgusting.

Link: *barely stifling laughter* It wasn't me. Um…it wasn't me. *regains composure* It was not me.

"Oh, wow," Link grimaced after smelling the stink, as he had to cover his nose. Cloud couldn't stand the stink any longer and had to walk away.

"Hey, Link, I was thinking that maybe we would be roommates while they change my carpet," Master Hand proposed to the Hylian, who wasn't that keen on the idea. Master Hand would arguably take up a lot of space, and then some.

"That might be a little difficult with the only two beds. But there's definitely a room available somewhere."

"Yeah, an available room..." Master Hand was reluctant to pounce on the opportunity, for he wished to remain on the first floor.

"...which I guess I'll be taking." Seeing how begrudging Master Hand was, Link had no choice but to move out. Zelda might not be so pleased.

"No, no, no! Seriously, I don't mind sharing."

"No, no, no, seriously, I'll be upstairs."


Left in a good mood after drinking her coffee, Tifa was walking through the hallway when she ran into her friend Cloud. Cloud was seen holding his nose, which made Tifa amused.

"Wario let another big one rip?" Tifa asked the swordsman, who took his hand away from his nose after the coast was clear. "Or was it King K. Rool?"

"It was neither of those two," replied Cloud, inhaling and exhaling as he relished in the fresh air. Almost felt like he was breathing for the very first time. "Somebody apparently left a stinking mess in Master Hand's room."

"Sure that it wasn't you?" Tifa was teasing Cloud as she poked her finger in the swordsman's face. And Cloud wasn't having any of it.

"Like I would ever stoop that low..." Cloud slapped Tifa's hand away, pressing forward as his nostrils were pleasantly greeted by the allure of clean air. "..whoever was responsible, though, is seriously gonna get it."


As stated by Waluigi in his talking head, he was back on the market. The lanky man was going around the tower asking his pals if they knew any women. Preferably single women - he would hate to have a repeat of the King situation.

"Listen, man, I am completely over my other crushes, so, would you set me up?" Waluigi asked Dr. Wright as he spoke with the mayor in his room. Dr. Wright was sitting at his desk, penning a letter.

"If I had someone to set you up with, Waluigi, then I'd take her for myself," replied Dr. Wright, who wrote his letter with a white feather and some black ink. Talk about a throwback, a blast from the past.

"I thought that you were engaged?"

"Nope. My fiance broke up with me."

"What?! Wow, that's a terrible man. Sheesh, she's crazy. Umm, are you still on good terms with any of her friends?"

"Not anymore. It's a bitter situation." Dr. Wright was seemingly at peace with the called-off engagement, although Waluigi was upset that Dr. Wright left him high and dry.

"Yeah...ugh. She's...you don't deserve her. Alright." Waluigi would leave the room, leaving Dr. Wright to finish writing his letter in peace.


Forced to occupy another room, Link went upstairs to find the room that was available. That room happened to have already one occupant - however, the other occupant already moved out. The person that stayed in this particular room was Shantae.

"Hey, Shantae," Link greeted the young woman as he entered her room. He didn't have to bring much - just his Master Sword and maybe his wallet.

"Are you moving in here?" Shantae curiously asked Link as she was folding up her clothes on the currently unused bed.

"Um, just for the day while Master Hand's taking over my room."

"Because Dante used to stay here, but he had to move out because of an allergy."

"Allergy to...the bed?" Link stared at the bed Shantae was folding clothes on, seeing nothing wrong with it. No bed bugs, no questionable spots, nothing.

"Weird..." Shantae shook her head as she folded up the rest of the clothes, while Link took the time to get comfy with his temporary digs.


Waluigi's next stop was the tower's library, where he saw Ghirahim and Lyn. Ghirahim was busy checking out a Hylian book on the bookshelf when he was approached by Waluigi.

"Oh hello, Ghirahim," Waluigi greeted the demon, who smiled creepily at Waluigi as he placed the book back where it was. "I bet that you have a bunch of very liberal girl-type friends that trust you implicitly because they know you'd never touch 'em, because of your condition. Umm..."

"Condition? What condition?" frowned Ghirahim, his creepy smile immediately turning upside down as he angrily confronted Waluigi. Waluigi was backing away, as Ghirahim whipped out his sword. "Don't tell me those lousy rumors about me have started up again."

"Waluigi? I have a friend who's single," Lyn called out to the lanky man, capturing his attention and making his fear vanish away as he was all ears. Ghirahim put his sword away, leaving Waluigi alone. "Serra. She's gorgeous and she's got a feisty personality, too."

"Hmm, I see, feisty. So she's not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly, sassy opera singer?"

"Umm, no, she's a cleric. We fought many battles together."

"Oooo. Is she into Western medicine or Eastern medicine?"

"Um, I don't know Waluigi." Shouldn't the answer be super obvious to Waluigi?

"Is she a dress wearer or a pants wearer? Could we share a rowboat? Could a rowboat support her?"

"What are you asking?" Lyn definitely did not like the questions that Waluigi was asking.

"I think I'm being very clear what I'm asking. Would an average size rowboat support her without capsizing?" A very brief moment of silence, as Lyn kept her lips pursed. "It bothers me that you're not answering the question.

"No, alright no, she can't fit in a rowboat."

"Dang it, I knew it! I knew it, Lyn! Wah!"

Waluigi: What is wrong with these people? I would do anything for them and they're just hanging me out to dry.

Lyn: I made it all up, Serra can actually fit in a rowboat. I just didn't trust her to be with Waluigi if he was going to act like that.


At first, Link didn't think that having Shantae as some company wouldn't be so bad. But unfortunately, the Hylian had absolutely no idea what he was in for, as he was trying to relax on his temporary bed. Emphasis on "trying to relax".

"I'm serious, the closet doors will not shut," Shantae complained to Link, who was looking up at the ceiling with a thousand-mile stare reflecting on his many poor life choices. "I mean, it only takes so long to measure to make sure that clothes will hang up because aren't all hangers like that big? So I don't understand why the closet engineer didn't think of that. So now I'm doing this new thing where I just leave piles of clothes on the floor and then I walk around the piles to get an outfit..."


While Link was forced to put up with Shantae, his wife Zelda was tasked with finding out who was responsible for leaving behind the mess in Master Hand's room. The sooner that the task was done, she thought, the sooner that Master Hand would leave her and Link's room.

"Was it you, Duck Hunt Dog?" Zelda asked the dog, who was in the living room licking his privates. An awful sight for any non-canine being to behold. "I take it that's a no..."

"Very busy, aren't you princess?" a certain cyborg ninja asked Zelda, as Gray Fox revealed himself after turning off his camouflage. Zelda was startled to see Gray Fox standing right behind her.

"Guess you could say that. Shouldn't you be at the tower?" Zelda seldom saw Gray Fox around at the mansion, so his presence certainly arose questions.

"Waluigi is out of his element; he's gone back to his skirt-chasing ways. I escaped here just to get away." Once that meeting concluded, Gray Fox hurried out of that tower in a hurry.

"Oh, well that's understandable. Feel free to stay for as long as you like." So Zelda walked away and left the living room, continuing her search for the culprit.

"With pleasure..." Gray Fox would leave the living room as well, as he had a mission to carry out himself.


Tired of the monotony of being in Link's room all day long, Master Hand ventured out into the gaming room to see what his residents were up to. The giant hand spotted Lucario playing some table soccer with his good friend Meta Knight.

"Have you two seen Anna anywhere?" Master Hand asked Lucario and Meta Knight as they played their table soccer game. So far, Lucario was dominating Meta Knight.

"No we haven't, but we'll keep you posted after our game is over," replied Lucario, as he continued his dominance over Meta Knight; Master Hand floated away as he left Lucario and Meta Knight alone.

"I'd be doing so much better if this table was lower!" complained Meta Knight, who was too short to operate the rods. His stubby arms were just as short. "Curse my small height..."

Master Hand: Anna and I have grown closer ever since the start of fall...or something like that. We could be the mansion's biggest power trip since power couple would obviously carry the wrong connotation. We can spend the whole day with our pants off, and when anyone notices, we'll convince them that they're crazy. Just need to find some pants first.

Master Hand soon came across Little Mac, whom he saw speaking on a phone. It was an amusing sight for him, seeing Little Mac using a phone while still wearing his boxing gloves. Did that guy ever take those gloves off?

"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today," Master Hand said to Little Mac, who was trying to conduct his phone call in peace. But that was too hard to ask for with Master Hand nearby.

"Excuse me one second, please," Little Mac spoke into the phone, before turning his attention to Master Hand with a scowl on his face. "What is it that you need right now that you can't wait until I'm off the phone with this chick?"

"You're holding a conversation with a girl not named Leia Rolando?! Sound the alarm!" Master Hand would laugh afterward, floating away as Little Mac failed to see what was so funny.

Master Hand: I can recall this one time, where Anna held the head of a mansion guest in the toilet for like a minute. You know, as a prank. Guy had no sense of humor about it. Probably why he wasn't added to Smash. This was before Anna and I grew closer, mind you.

"What did you hit me for?" Kazuya asked Master Hand, who hit the businessman in his arm. The fact that Master Hand did it unprovoked only made Kazuya even angrier.

"Charley horse!" exclaimed Master Hand, expecting Kazuya to happily play along...but Kazuya simply wasn't the kind of guy for such fun.

"You shouldn't have hit me, Master Hand," Kazuya scolded the giant hand as he distanced himself from him, as Master Hand was left wondering how much of a party pooper Kazuya was.


Disgruntled with how things were turning out for him, Waluigi called everyone back into the meeting room for another meeting. The lanky man was incensed, marching back and forth in the meeting room with his fingers together.

"Dating shouldn't be hard for somebody like me, but it is and you know why?" asked Waluigi as he eventually came to a stop, addressing the crowd. "Because nobody here is willing to help me. Nothing would ever get done in this mansion without a formal request, would it? Well, fine. Here goes."

"I don't think that this is..." Phosphora was about to speak up, only to be silenced when Waluigi held up his finger. When Waluigi's finger goes up, everyone's mouth goes shut...or something like that.

"Well, now okay, I know that this is probably not appropriate, but I need help. Because I want to play ball with my kids before I get too old. And before that happens I need to get laid. And before that happens I need to be in love. And I don't wanna hear, 'Ah, I can't help la la la.' No. No. I'm a catch and I am not going to be the one who got away. So, this is what we're going to do. Laktu is going to hand out index cards and I want you all to write down the name of an eligible woman for me to date by the end of the day. No, by the end of the hour or you are temporarily banned."

"Write legibly people," Lakitu said to the tower denizens as he hopped on his cloud and went around the room, passing out notecards to everyone. Waluigi watched as the cards were handed out.

"Don't forget to fill out those cards. My love cards." Waluigi hoped that the denizens would fill out the cards, with the extra motivation he gave them.


Link was still subjected to Shantae's endless carping, as Shantae was running her mouth about who-knows-what. The Hylian would respectfully leave the bedroom for his own sanity, but he was too much of a nice guy to pull off such a move.

"Beyonce, pink the color, Pink the person, hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome," Shantae said to Link, who was struggling to keep his eyes open. He couldn't take it much longer. "Snow cones..."

"Hey Link, Master Hand wanted me to ask you how to raise your desk chair," Akihiko said to the Hylian as he stopped by Shantae's room. "He was just curious, that's all."

"It's the lever on the side," explained Link, as Shantae was staring at Akihiko with a smile on her face. What on earth was that half-genie thinking about?

"That's what I told him. Thanks." With that info in mind, Akihiko left the room as Link heard Shantae sighing happily a moment afterward. That happy sigh made Link awfully concerned.

"Isn't he the cutest?" Shantae asked Link, who believed that he was way underqualified to answer such a question. "Would you talk to him for me and see if he likes me?"

"I thought you already had a boyfriend," replied Link, hoping that Wendy Koopa hadn't shared any false details with him. Shame on him for following up on Wendy's gossip. "Also, I don't think I can..."

"Oh, please Link? Please, please, Link. Please, please, please? He's so cute. I like him so much. And I would do it, but I'm too shy. Please, Link, please, please, please, please, Link. Please, please, please..."


Done at the gaming room, Master Hand went upstairs to the Star Records room where Fox, Falco, and Itsuki were going over some stuff. They had a bunch of files and supplies on the Star Records desk.

"Hey, Master Hand, what's up?" Fox asked the giant hand, whose lack of response made Fox a bit wary. And then seconds later, Master Hand threw the files and supplies around like a madman.

"Ahhhh! Woohoo!" cheered Master Hand, as the three heads of Star Records stared at the giant hand with completely puzzled looks. "Come on, come on, come on, come on! Record labels rule!"

"Should we pick up our stuff?" Itsuki asked Falco, wondering how long Master Hand's fun-filled reign of terror would last. Master Hand was enjoying himself.

"Nah, let him have his fun," replied Falco as Master Hand was tossing sheets of paper around the Star Records room, making a big mess in the process.

"Somebody tell Samus to watch out...she's next!" shouted Master Hand after he was done messing with the Star Records' stuff. Messing with Samus at the workshop sounded like a death wish, but only Master Hand could make it out alive.

"You're gonna throw her things on the ground?" Fox asked Master Hand, who was at least considerate enough to clean up his mess. Some of his mess.

"Maybe! But I apologize for my behavior just now...part of me wanted to feel like a kid again. Even though I was never really a kid, ever..."

Itsuki: He wanted to "feel like a kid again"? Oh no...don't tell me that Ryuji successfully indoctrinated Master Hand!

Fox: What happened in Master Hand's room was wrong. I understand it... *chuckles* ...it makes sense... *regains composure* ...but it...it was still wrong.

Master Hand: Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet? I don't know. It could be done out of hate. It could be done out of love. It could be completely neutral. Maybe somebody hates Mr. Game and Watch. And, well, he didn't do a very good job, obviously, because my room still reeks like you would not believe. But you know what? I am beginning to think that what happened to my carpet was an act of terrorism against the mansion. The only thing that makes any sense.


Thinking of a lady's name to write down on their "love card" was pretty difficult for some, as many tower denizens were having brain farts trying to think of a name. No matter how much brainpower they used, they couldn't think of a single woman.

"There's nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card," said Rodin, as he was sitting in the tower's lounge tapping his pen against his head. He would write Bayonetta's name, but he couldn't because A) Bayonetta was already in a relationship with Luka Redgrave, and B) Rodin respected Bayonetta too much.

"Well, I'm just gonna set Waluigi up with my fat friend, he can just deal with it," said Jill, as the drill user wrote down her friend's name. At least she wasn't fat-shaming her friend - though no good friend would ever set up their pal with Waluigi.

"Who are you putting down?" Nikki asked Skull Kid, who was writing on his notecard in secret. Skull Kid looked over his shoulder and saw Nikki trying to take a peek at him.

"Your mom," replied Skull Kid as he quickly got up and ran away. Feeling slighted, Nikki chased after Skull Kid, running as far as her little legs could carry her.


A cameraman duo was sent to Beijing, to record Pit and friends' exploits as they spied on Snake and Hal. Frankly, this duo had to fly back to the US on short notice due to a family emergency. But not all hope was lost.

If anyone wanted an update about how things were going in China, they would have to contact either one of Pit, Bayonetta, or Villager. Poor Luminary being left out with no phone...

"To be honest with you, this might be considered illegal," Pit said to the baristas, as his face was on Mario's phone; the angel could be seen somewhere in downtown Beijing. "Does China have live streaming laws in place?"

"Pit, this is a video chat..." stated Mario, as Pit was walking through the streets of Beijing. To the baristas, it looked like Pit had no idea where he was going.

"Oh, so that's why you were calling me at first! Thought I had declined the call by mistake. Well, you called at the right time, because I've been..."

"Guess who made Pit leave this mansion for good? THIS GUY!" bellowed Ryuji, arms raised triumphantly in the air as he entered the cafe. Mario put his video chat with Pit on hold as he hid his phone.

"Ryuji, it's been almost two weeks," Joker said to the delinquent, who was doing some Joker-inspired dance moves in the middle of the cafe. "Enough."

Tom Nook: No one except for me and a few select individuals is aware that Pit left in secret with Bayonetta and the others. I would tell Ryuji the truth, but I think it would be best if we just let him gas himself up. Give or take, he'll suffocate himself in the end.

"You guys should be thanking me," Ryuji said to the baristas after he was done celebrating his victory over Pit. A fake victory, at that. "I rid you of that punk loser Pit forever."

"I miss being with Pit," admitted Viridi, leading Ryuji to wonder what was wrong with the goddess of light. But Ryuji left it alone, seeing the bed that Viridi chose to lie down in.

"Ha! Well, I certainly don't miss him. And neither should anybody else!" Ryuji was cackling to himself, as he resumed his Joker-inspired dancing. Mario went to a far corner of the cafe as he took his phone back out, resuming his video call with Pit.

"Something happened?" Pit asked Mario after the call resumed, while Ryuji could be heard cheering in the background. "And what's with the cheering?"

"That is none-a of your concern," replied Mario, before turning around and looking over the counter to see Ryuji acting a fool. "Now what-a were you saying?"


Some time had passed after Master Hand trashed the Star Records room, as the three heads of Star Records were left to clean up the remaining mess. Master Hand returned to the room, as he surveyed their progress.

"Hi, guys...I'm just floating around," said Master Hand as he floated around the room, watching as Fox, Falco, and Itsuki were picking up papers left and right. As well as some questionable printed-out pictures of Katt Monroe. Falco was responsible for those.

"We haven't finished getting things in order from your last visit," Itsuki informed Master Hand, as he placed a stack of papers that he collected on the Star Records desk. "We're still a bit swamped over here."

"Oh, and I'm not? Why would you say that? Because I'm having fun? How about I make it up to you?" Master Hand went out of the Star Records room for a brief moment and later came back with many hundred dollar bills. "Some money for the idol singers you have to resign next month."

"That sounds awfully thoughtful of you," replied Fox, who deeply appreciated Master Hand's efforts for trying to keep the idol singers signed with Star Records. Fox and company watched as Master Hand counted up some cash.

"Seventy, eighty, one, two three. Eighty-three hundred dollars. Still a whole lotta money and I'm going to leave it right over here where everybody can see it. Putting my money where my mouth is."


Waluigi received his first notecard (love card, call it what you want), and it came from Knuckles. It even had the woman's number on it! Ever an eager beaver, Waluigi ran to his room to give this woman a call.

"Okay, Wendy. Hot and juicy redhead lady," said Waluigi as he was sitting in his room, dialing a phone number. "Give this a try." The lanky man waited as the dial tone sounded, anxiously awaiting to speak with this Wendy woman.

"Hello, this is Wendy's," some Wendy's phone operator answered the call, and it was glaringly obvious that Knuckles set Waluigi up for failure. The obviousness of the situation had yet to reach Waluigi.

"Hello Wendy, this is Knuckles's friend, Waluigi." A bit of laughter was heard from the other end, which made Waluigi furrow his brow.

"This isn't Wendy." Refusing to believe the phone operator, Waluigi double-checked the phone number that was listed on the notecard that he was given.

"Oh, I'm sorry, could you put her on, please?"

"Dude, this is a Wendy's restaurant."

"Dang it, Knuckles..." Waluigi muttered under his breath, before regaining his composure as he now had to act professionally. "...okay, um, could I just have a frosty and a baked potato please?"

"You have to come to the restaurant to order food."

"Well, I'll send somebody to come and pick it up. Just have it ready."

"It's ready now." The food was ready now? Whatever Wendy's restaurant that Waluigi called was on their game.

"Well put it aside." Waluigi hung up the phone, slightly embarrassed that he called a restaurant instead of a smoking hot babe, as Laiktu entered his room. "Um...yeah."

"Okay, I have collected the rest of the ladies for thee," Shovel Knight informed Waluigi as he placed the notecards he collected from the denizens on the lanky man's bed.

"Good. Good because this batch was awful. Umm..." Waluigi went through the notecards, finding one in particular that attracted his attention. "...this one says 'chair model.'"

"I wrote that. Waluigi, thou should not have to settle. This is my pledge to thee. I will find her and I will bring her to thee and as God as my witness, she shall bear thy fruit!"

"That sounds good." Waluigi smiled at Shovel Knight, believing that the knight in shining armor was smiling in return. "Go get her. But wait, before you go...go to Wendy's, get my food. Come back and then go."


Finally, some good news for Master Hand - Mr. Game and Watch ordered some new hardwood flooring for the giant hand's room, and it had just arrived! News about the new carpet came to Master Hand courtesy of Isabelle, and Master Hand was a happy camper. So happy, that he was...dancing near his room.

"What...what's that?" Dark Pit asked Master Hand, carrying the hardwood panels as he showed up at Master Hand's room with Mr. Game and Watch. Master Hand was doing some tap-dancing, with his fingers as legs - and with a cane to boot. "Whatcha doing?"

"Nothing," replied Master Hand, who immediately stopped dancing after he saw Donkey Kong and the others staring at him.

"I think he's dancing," snickered Mr. Game and Watch, as Master Hand threw the cane away to avoid any further suspicions. But it was no use, as Dark Pit and Mr. Game and Watch were both laughing at him.

"You know what, guys? It's none of your concern. It was official business, so...is this done?"

"Nope. We have yet to put the carpet in. It might take us a while, so you might wanna stick tight."

"Extreme Home Makeover puts together a house in an hour. If you were on that crew, you would be fired like that." Master Hand snapped his fingers, letting Mr. Game and Watch and Dark Pit know how stuff went down.

Zelda: Somebody did something bad to Master Hand's carpet. Maybe that's all we need to know.


Shovel Knight went on a quest to find the chair model that Waluigi saw in the chair catalog...but he ran across a roadblock. One that had him call somebody on the phone just to confirm things.

"That is fantastic, thank thee very much," Shovel Knight spoke on Guile's phone, as Guile patiently stood around waiting for his phone back. "This is just what I needed."

Shovel Knight: The furniture company gave me the name of the advertising agency. They gave me the name of the photographer. The photographer, a Spaniard, used a Vancouver-based modeling agency. The agency gave me the following information. *reads from notepad* Deborah Shoshlefski. 142 Meadow Lane. Dead. Car accident. Case closed.

Left with no choice but to tell Waluigi the bad news, Shovel Knight spotted the lanky man in the library. As expected, Waluigi was beyond devastated.

"She's dead?" Waluigi asked Shovel Knight, who confirmed as such by making a knife-slitting sound while drawing his finger across his neck. "She's so young."

"She was so young and now she is dead - as dead as every dead animal who has ever died," confirmed Shovel Knight; Waluigi was in a great deal of distress, putting his hands on his head. "Why not doest thou sit down?"

"Waluigi, you didn't even know her," Zero said to the lanky man, who was led to a chair by Shovel Knight and sat down on it.

"Try not to be so hurtful, Zero," Waluigi said to the robot, as he got himself comfy in the chair. But the chair's comfiness wasn't enough to ease his mood.

"Zero, how darest thee!" Shovel Knight scolded the robot, who looked on in shock - since when did Shovel Knight stick up so much for Waluigi?

"Please, not at a time like this." Waluigi let out a deep sigh, as he wanted nothing more than to be left alone. Yuri approached Waluigi, a move that was far from the lanky man's wishes.

"Okay Waluigi, you know what? I might have someone for you," Yuri said to the lanky man, who was a hundred percent certain that his tail was being pulled yet again. He was used to being played for a fool.

"Oh really? What's her name? Burger King?" Waluigi would happily date a woman named Baskin Robbins, at this point.

"No, I mean it. She's really nice and sweet and you guys might actually get along." Yuri handed a card to Waluigi, who wasn't yet fully won over.

"I don't, I don't think I'm ready. Is she hot?" Waluigi looked at the card, unsure of whether he should trust Yuri or not.

Yuri: The lady I'm setting Waluigi up with, I heard that she's really sweet and…whatever, I just can't take Waluigi like this.

Waluigi: No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again. Wah.


Zelda's quest to find the culprit led her to Sephiroth, whom she saw lingering around near the arcade room. Sephiroth was beyond offended when Zelda asked him if he was responsible.

"Do I look like the kind of man that would defecate in someone's room?" Sephiroth asked Zelda, as he imagined whoever the culprit was to be the most childish person in existence. "Answer that for me."

"I don't know, maybe put found some poop and...placed it in a bag, and went from there," assumed Zelda, as Sephiroth could only snort in response to the princess's theory.

"I would never touch feces...let alone look at it." Sephiroth refused to let Zelda waste any more of his time, as he walked away. Soon Dr. Wily approached Zelda before he could let the princess getaway.

"Do we have clearance on destroying the time machine?" Wily asked Zelda; another time that the time machine remained in the basement was another day lost for him.

"Not yet, still working on it." On that note, Zelda walked away as she kept her eyes peeled on the culprit wherever they were. "I'll get back to you soon."

"Whaddaya mean, you're still working on it?! How hard is it to just simply ask..." Wily soon paused, as he heard his phone ringing. The robot inventor took out his phone, saw the caller ID, and answered the call. "Yes, Yuri?"


While the two mansion groundskeepers placed the new carpet in Master Hand's room, Master Hand was forced to wait outside the hallway. As he did, he saw Sonic and Knuckles pass by.

"Who do you think did it?" Sonic asked Knuckles, as the blue hedgehog was eating a chili dog.

"Are you kidding? I thought it was you," replied Knuckles, as Sonic could only snort in response.

"Really? I thought it was you!" Having enough of the conversation, Master Hand appeared in front of Sonic and Knuckles, bringing them to a halt.

Master Hand: This was no act of God. A person did this. A person who lives in this mansion. Maybe all of them.

"You know what? Maybe you don't deserve that chili dog," Master Hand said to Sonic, as he threatened to smack the chili dog out of the hedgehog's hand. Or even worse...devour the chili dog right in front of him. "Especially if you're going to be like that."

"That doesn't seem fair," said Sonic as he shield his chili dog away from Master Hand like it was his precious child. Sonic treated his chili dogs much like how Doc Louis treated his chocolate bars.

"You wanna talk about fair? Do you need to smell my old carpet? You explain to me how that was fair, and I'll explain to you how this is fair. Plus I just...I think that picking today was sort of taking advantage. I am a victim of a hate crime. You know what I'm talking about, Knuckles."

"That's not what a hate crime is," clarified Knuckles, fearing that Knuckles was taking things out of context - and also blowing things out of proportion.

"Well, I hated it! A lot! You know what? If the guilty person could just come forward and take their punishment, we'd be done. But if not, then everyone will be punished."

"What would be our punishment?" inquired Sonic; he hoped that whatever punishment Master Hand doled out didn't affect his chili dogs.

"I would put everybody on timeout. No television, no cellphones, no nothing. Just nothing but the consequences of your own actions."


Waluigi at The Roost, where the woman that Yuri picked out for him would be. Or at least where she was headed. Anyway, Waluigi was sitting in The Roost, waiting for the woman to show up...and waiting for his heart to be broken.

"Thank you very much," Waluigi said to Brewster, sitting at the counter after he gave his order to the pigeon. "Our suspect has straight brown hair. She is wearing blue jeans and a black top. So...behold our bachelorette. Give her ten for looks and a three for her ability to describe herself. Hello, my lady." Waluigi saw a woman walk past by, and the woman didn't acknowledge the lanky man's existence.

"Waluigi?" another woman called out to the lanky man, who turned around and saw a middle-aged woman looking at him. "Is your name Waluigi?"

"Is who a Waluigi what?" One good look at the woman, and already Waluigi wasn't a huge fan. He didn't want to throw up, but he felt like doing it.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm supposed to be meeting someone named Waluigi..."

"Oh, that's not, yeah I'm not...okay..."

"Waluigi?" Brewster said to the lanky man, as he held up the cup of coffee that he prepared for him. "Large hot chocolate with caramel and a shot of peppermint...and a dash of pigeon milk, of course."


Out of his own curiosity, Gray Fox went to the teleportation room, just to see if Master Hand was bringing some unwanted guest to the mansion against their own will. As the cyborg ninja snooped around, he quickly hid when he saw a Boo appear. It was the same one from last week.

"Welp, nothing good to be found in Master Hand's..." Boo started, only to be suddenly transfixed by the teleportation device. The ghost smiled even harder as he rubbed his hands together. "...well, well? What do we have here?"

"Guilty as charged..." Gray Fox said quietly, as he activated his camouflage; the Boo was looking even more and more suspicious in his eyes.


Waluigi did a little small talk with the woman, and learned what her name was - Elspeth. Just the name alone much Waluigi even less of a fan. The lanky man felt even more disturbed when he found out that Elspeth's day job was being a landlady. Which made him wonder...how did Yuri end up being friends with Elspeth in the first place?

"So you get the rent checks every month and what happens next?" Waluigi asked Elspeth, as he sat next to her on the counter. Elspeth looked at Waluigi, confused by the question.

"You're asking what I do with the checks that people write to me?" asked Elspeth, as she ate a scone; coffee wasn't the only item that Brewster ever serves at The Roost.

"Just making conversation." Waluigi looked forward, wondering how much longer he could stand being with Elspeth. Already he felt like throwing in the towel. "Why is it so hard to meet people? I...you know...it's uh...all I want is somebody nice and sweet and someone I can talk to and share an experience with, you know? Why is it so hard for people like us?"

"I don't know," As it turned out, Elspeth wasn't much for conversation; Waluigi found himself carrying most of whatever conversation he started.

"You wanna see what I missed out on? This is gonna blow your mind, guaranteed." Waluigi took out his phone and showed Elspeth an image of Ryo Sakazaki's girlfriend, King. "Look at that."

"She looks like a man." Elspeth found herself fixated on King's haircut, focusing on it for a bit before Waluigi put his cellphone away.

"Yeah. Yeah, and you can't see her whole body. Just know that she belonged to somebody else, and I was foolish to fall in love with her."

"I'm gonna head out." It took Elspeth a while to realize that she and Waluigi wouldn't work out together - and it was a truth that Waluigi realized the very moment he saw Elspeth's face.

"Oh, okay. Well, umm...I enjoyed this conversation. It was very nice. It was like talking to the sweet old lady on the bus."

"That's incredibly rude."

"Now you ruined it..."


Wanting a refreshing drink, Akihiko went to the vending machine room to grab an energy drink from the vending machine. When the young man stepped out of the room, he soon ran into Link.

"Hey! What's up?" Akihiko asked Link as he opened his bottle and took a quick swig. Couldn't hurt to get a swig in before a potentially lengthy conversation.

"Nothing much," replied Link, taking a deep breath as he mentally prepared himself for the question that he was about to ask. "Let me ask you something. It's actually a little awkward...what do you think of Shantae?"

"I don't know. Depends if you like a little junk in..." Akihiko quickly noticed the cameraman that was standing by, documenting the conversation. "Umm...she's really cool."

"Are you interested in her?"

"Did she say something?"

"She said lots of things."

"Do you know if she's looking for a long-term thing or if she'd be cool just hangin' out?

"I have no idea."

"Can you find out?"

"Yeah. Sure. I got you."

Shantae: Definitely could do long-term. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together...I'm like, up for anything. Just don't tell him anything, okay? *winks at camera*


Waluigi returned to the tower, unsatisfied as he couldn't reel in the woman of his dreams. Part of him felt like he was played by Yuri, and so he went to the young woman so that he could give her a piece of his mind.

"Elspeth the landlady?" Waluigi spoke with Yuri in her room, showing her how dismayed he was as he sported an angry, annoyed scowl. "Really Yuri, is that what you think of me?"

"She's sweet and cute," replied Yuri, who was only being half-sincere. Although half-sincere, in this case, was quite generous. "I thought you'd get along."

"Well, I'm looking for a passionate affair, not companionship. I'm a man...of intensity, of cool and youth and, and passionately."

Yuri: I would've gone with my friend Hisoka, but she wasn't in town and I didn't want her to suffer. So I called in an audible. Big thanks to Dr. Wily for giving me that landlady's business card. And telling her where exactly to go.

Left in anguish and heartbreak, Waluigi retreated to his room and sat on his bed like a lump on a log. He wasn't alone toiling in his despair, though, for Shovel Knight was there to comfort him the best way he could. He was already in Waluigi's room, weirdly enough.

"I don't know, man," Waluigi said to Shovel Knight, who was rubbing the lanky man's back with a reassuring hand. "I was excited about meeting somebody new. Put my heart out there. It's just..." Waluigi let out a depressed sigh, as Shovel Knight patted his back.

"Dost thou know what thou needest? Closure," Shovel Knight said to Waluigi, before bringing the lanky man's head closer to him. "There was a woman in thy life who affected thee very deeply, and she left before thou could say goodbye. I think thou need to say goodbye."


Master Hand was in the foyer, speaking with King Dedede. Not a single soul fessed up about leaving behind the mess in Master Hand's room, meaning that an inevitable punishment was going to be brought down upon everybody's behinds.

"You know what my biggest fear is?" Master Hand asked King Dedede, whose go-to answer would've been Anna - but that was in the past now. "My biggest fear is turning into Polygon Man. Or even worse...reverting back to my old ways.'

"Master Hand, you should have much bigger fears than that," responded King Dedede, leading Master Hand to sigh as the phone in the foyer was heard ringing. Isabelle went to go answer it.

"I wasn't talking literally, King Dedede. Yeah, being anything resembling that crazy loser would be worse. Happy? Why am I talking to you?"

"Master Hand, it's for you," Isabelle said to the giant hand as he gave him the phone. The Shih Tzu held up the phone up to where she imagined that Master Hand's ear would be.

"Hello, yes, I'm looking for a nerd named Master Hand," the caller said to Master Hand, speaking with a female voice that sounded goofy. Familiar, even.

"Who is this?" asked Master Hand, who couldn't quite put his finger on who was calling him. "How did you get this number?"

"Your mom, you nerd!" The caller would reveal herself to Master Hand, as Anna was standing in the hallway smirking with a cellphone in her hand.

"Oh, my word. Anna. Anna cabana. Anna Hannah Montana. How you doin'?

"Hey, did you get that package I left for you?"

"Uh...no. Did see a package today, Isabelle? How big was it?"

"It was pretty big. You shouldn't have missed it."

"Did you see a big package? Where did you leave it?"

"Left it in the middle of your room."

"Really? Guys, did you see a big package in my room?"

"You mean the thing?" asked King Dedede, mentioning the brown stinking mess that was in Master Hand's room. It was all coming together for Master Hand, as he started laughing uproariously.

"Are you kidding me? Oh!" exclaimed Master Hand, happy and relieved that he finally cracked the code, as Anna was smiling to herself.

"It was a special delivery!" stated Anna, elated to see that Master Hand appreciated his gift so much. The pile in the room that left Master Hand in disarray was now cherished by the giant hand.

"That was Anna! Oh, you're...you are dead. You are dead, my friend! That is hilar...oh man! Of course, it was you."

"Sit on the throne, Master Hand."

"Oh. Yeah, yeah! It was Anna!"

Master Hand: It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don't expect everybody to understand. It was done out of love, just like I thought. These people are so…these are good people. We have fun. *giggles* We just have fun! Oh, I'm just so sorry that I threw the thing out.

Anna: *crinkles nose* A brown mess that was left in Master Hand's room? That wasn't me. The special delivery was actually a new chair that I got for Master Hand. Thought that it was a perfect fit for his room.


Shovel Knight brought Waluigi to the graveyard where the late chair model's grave was, hoping to bring some closure to the lanky man. Waluigi and Shovel Knight were standing over the chair model's headstone, as the only thing missing was some Seattle rain to really set the tone for the atmosphere.

"How did she die?" Waluigi asked Shovel Knight, who had yet to be filled in about the grim details of the chair model's death.

"I guess thou could say she died of blunt force trauma and blood loss," replied Shovel Knight, as Waluigi grimaced and turned his head away - such an awful way to go out. "She got in a car accident and plowed into the side of an airplane hanger."

"She was so innocent."

"She was stoned apparently."

"You know I used to think that I had this perfect person out there waiting for me, but knowing that, that's just silly because she's dead. What do you do?"

"Thou wait until next year's chair catalog comes out and thee find someone who's still alive. Keep moving on!"

Keep moving on...some very wise words to live by.