Author's Note:
Ladies and gentlemen...boys and girls of all ages...it is with the deepest sadness and utmost that I've decided to end Smash Life. I know that this is a big shock and all, but I have lost the desire and motivation to keep writing this story. Bad timing, given how things are going so far, but I hope you all understand. With that being said...
...APRIL FOOLS! Hah!. Been wanting to do that.
So as you may know, there was a poll on my profile - Fridays or Saturdays. The (five) people have voted, and the decision has been made...starting with this chapter, Smash Life will from now on be regularly updated on Fridays. (Except for special occasions.) So, uh, yeah. There you have it. Let's answer a few reviews:
"Apparently, Kingdom Hearts is celebrating its 20th anniversary. Anything you want to do to celebrate?"
As you know, I'm a huge fan of the series, so I'll celebrate with a big fat Kingdom Hearts chapter. My treat. Another anonymous review:
"I agree with ultimatecc. Give Lavenza her chainsaw! (Am I going too far?)"
Maybe a little too far...don't know how in-character that would be for Lavenza. One last anonymous review:
"Hello again, it's me. The guy whose joke you used. I saw JRPG enjoyer's comment, and I quite agree. Mini Mementos were a special place, and seeing the specialty being ruined made me sad. And now, I know how to fix it. One day, when some random residents want to go to the Mini Mementos, they'll see a sign said, "We are currently under reparation. Only the Persona guys are allowed to enter. Now get lost." And then they leave. But then, cut to a scene inside the Mini Mementos. Every Persona character there is having fun. Cue some talking head from Minato saying "We put that sign there" or some stuff."
Love it. Mini Mementos does feel a bit less special with the secret being out, so I'll use this idea. Moving on:
"Also, I know it's a bit morbid, but if you can, you can have Sonic on stocks. For the punishment of revealing the secret. At first, I want Sonic to be on a guillotine, but that one's too far. He can't leave the stocks until he said sorry and he will not reveal Mini Mementos' secret again. Sincerely. If Sonic is BSing his apology, keep him in the stocks longer. What do you think?"
A little extra, but I can make it work. On to David:
"Now that Pit and Ryuji have made peace, how will Pit react to the news of Triple H's retirement? Is there gonna be a fallout regarding the Shadow Persona characters? Has Diddy Kong or Banjo and Kazooie mentioned Conker at all? Will some of the Senran Kagura characters return if the Neptunia X Senran Kagura chapter happens? And finally, what are your thoughts on the upcoming Ninja Turtles Collection game and will there be any references to it? (Like Pit or other Smash Residents that collect Ninja Turtles merch)."
Pit will be very saddened. There won't be that much fallout. No mention of Conker as of yet. A few Senran Kagura characters may return. And the TMNT collection looks cool - a whole lotta content, can't go wrong with that. Might even sneak in a few references. Last up is The Reader:
"Well, it's official. The sequel to BOTW will be delayed to Spring 2023. Looks like you won't be able to cover it.
Had a gut feeling it would be delayed. I can respect the decision. Would love to cover the game before this story ends, but...it is what it is. Moving on:
"Also, just saying. If more people go to Mini Mementos, that would mean less people on the sauna room, the gaming room, the arcade room, and even Cafe Leblanc. That sounds bad, don't you think?"
You're right, it would make all those attractions obsolete. Something has to be done. The aforementioned suggestion would be a pretty good start.
Now since this is April Fools, I would have to do something extraordinary, something out of the box. Hope you all enjoy this chapter...hehehe...
Episode 328: AprilFools
Life at the Smash Mansion was good, for the most part. Luigi's only son, Charles, had recently turned five years old and was gifted a new "pet" in Elfilin. The idol singers (and the other talent) signed new contracts with Star Records - and were even promised to have their own home. Mini Mementos, which was originally a secret hideout spot for the Persona gang, was now a known commodity to everyone else...much to Minato's great chagrin.
Even with the looming threat of Dimentio and his "revenge tour" against the mansion, everyone was in a chill mood. And with spring having already begun, that could only mean one thing...spring cleaning! It was a tradition like no other, as Master Hand, well, had stuff cleaned around the mansion and then some.
Of course, the Smash Life documentary crew would love nothing more than to have footage of the mansion during its spring cleaning phase. They were all set to go, as the cameramen and other crew members were all ready...in New York City?
"Wakey wakey, Ratchet!" the robot known as Clank greeted Ratchet, standing at the foot of the Lombax's bed. Ratchet eventually woke up, yawning as he stretched out his arms.
"Did I remember to hit the snooze button?" Ratchet asked mid-yawn, as he sat up against his pillow and saw Clank standing at the edge of his bed. "Oh, good morning, Clank."
"Good morning to you, Ratchet - and Happy April Fools' Day!" As Ratchet was about to get out of his bed, he couldn't help but notice that he had some unwanted company.
"Uh...what's that cameraman doing in our room?" Ratchet saw a cameraman filming him with his camera, with a boom operator right behind him. The Lombax felt heavily violated.
"We have a very special visit from the documentary crew." It only took a moment for Ratchet to realize which documentary crew Clank was referring to. "Polygon Man was kind enough to let them in."
LeVar: Yeah, Master Hand was super serious about spring cleaning this year - so serious, that he wouldn't let any one of us be on the mansion grounds this week. Remarkably, this is the first time ever that he discouraged us from filming.
Brad: Since we have a weekly quota to fill, we decided to head cross-country to New York, and see what the All-Stars are up to at the manor. Polygon Man allowed us to film - provided that we agreed to attend his "secret" tea party later.
Levar: Why is it that the most powerful dudes in charge have the weirdest secrets?
"So these dudes are gonna follow me around all day...nice," grumbled Ratchet as he put his bedroom slippers on and hopped out of the bed. "Anything else that I need to know?"
"Rivet will be visiting the mansion today, as a potential new resident," replied Clank, interesting in hearing Ratchet's reaction. The only thing he got was an awkward silence between him and his Lombax friend.
"...well? Aren't you gonna say 'April Fools!' or something?" Ratchet didn't anticipate Clank waiting this long to say the phrase, and the long wait was making him uncomfortable. "I'm waiting."
"Ratchet, I am serious; Polygon Man is considering adding Rivet to this establishment." The fact that Clank knew about this while Ratchet did not almost make Ratchet feel some type of way.
"Ah, I get it now...Polygon Man is back in desperation mode. Always comes on at the worst time." Seemed like Polygon Man's desperation mode now claimed Ratchet's friend.
Polygon Man: It's been almost ten years, ten years since we had a new resident join the manor. In that timeframe I've tried my best to reel in a new catch, but to no avail. Revolver Ocelot already expressed his disinterest in joining. Vergil turned down my invite, likely at the discretion of the other Dante. Booker Dewitt wouldn't even return any of my text messages, the gall of him! So rude. But I'm confident about today. Today will be a game-changer. And Ratchet's lady friend will no doubt make today a success.
After he was done with his morning routine and all that jazz, Ratchet (and Clank) joined the other manor residents for breakfast. Like how they did in the mansion, the manor residents ate in the dining room, enjoying each other's presence...or at least they tried to. Aside from the All-Stars themselves, folks that ate in this dining room include Bentley the Turtle, Carmelita Fox, Captain Qwark, and many, many others.
"No, Murray, you can't have any more hashbrowns!" Bentley tried to discourage his hippo friend, who was about to reach for a tray of hashbrowns. "Doctor's orders, remember?"
"In that case...YOLO!" bellowed Murray, before grabbing the tray of hashbrowns and stuffing it down his mouth. Upset that his warning was not heeded, Bentley facepalmed and shook his head, sighing.
"Yo mama's so ugly, police officers use her face as a scare tactic!" PaRappa said to PJ Berri, as he and his friend were having a yo mama throwdown. PJ was the one who challenged PaRappa.
"Huh...yo mama's so stupid, she uses a pair of scissors to open Ziploc bags," retorted PJ, dishing it right back at PaRappa. PaRappa couldn't let PJ outdo him; he had to step up his game.
"Oh yeah?! Well, you're mama's so..." The yo mama throwdown came to an end, as PaRappa stopped speaking when he felt a giant shadow towering over him. Very slowly, PaRappa nervously looked up and saw Kratos peering down.
"I believe that those pancakes are mine," Kratos said to PaRappa in a threatening tone, eyeing the pancakes that were in front of the dog. PaRappa saw the pancakes, with sweat running down his face.
"O-Of course these are your pancakes! How could I be so foolish?" PaRappa quickly grabbed the pancakes and handed them to Kratos; Kratos ate the pancakes in front of PaRappa, almost taunting him, before returning to his seat.
Kratos: Yes, I am well aware that those pancakes belonged to PaRappa. I just like scaring the cretins into giving me their breakfast portions. And dinner portions. And even their lunch, as well. Sometimes, intimidation is the best form of flattery.
"Apparently, I'm the leader for Rivet's 'welcoming committee,'" Ratchet discussed with Jak, Daxter, and Keira, sharing with them some info that Polygon Man had given him while he was using the bathroom. "You guys got any advice?"
"I dunno - just be yourself," Jak suggested as he gave a shrug, before looking over at Daxter and seeing the ottsel shake his head in disapproval. "What?"
"'Just be yourself...'" Daxter repeated what Jak said but in a mocking, sardonic tone - one that was enough to even make Keira giggle. "...can you be any more generic?"
"Not like you have anything better to suggest." Realizing that Jak had a point, Daxter kept his mouth shut as Jak returned his attention to Ratchet.
"It's not so much that I don't want Rivet to join the manor," Ratchet gave his honest thoughts on Rivet's residency status, eating a few of his scrambled eggs. "She just has no idea what she will be in for."
"Hey, not everyone here is that bad," stated Keira, only to see Ratchet's nemesis Dr. Nefarious quarreling with Zarok over a measly sausage link. "Only a few bad grapes, no big deal..."
"Only a few bad grapes?" snorted an eavesdropping Emmett Graves, after he had taken a sip of coffee. You could never go wrong with coffee in the morning. "Understatement of the century right there!"
"Like you're the one to talk..." muttered Chloe Frazer, Nathan's ex-girlfriend; Emmett looked to throw hands with the Australian hunter as he put his coffee down and rose up from his seat.
"Woah, hold it right there!" shouted Buzz! game show host...Buzz, playing peacemaker as he rushed in and sat Emmett back down. "Why can't we just all get along? I mean, look at me - I get along with everyone!"
"Guys, Fat Princess's villagers are stealing food from the kitchen!" alerted Spike, as the monkey catcher saw a bunch of villagers storming out of the kitchen with food in their hands. They were bringing the food to Fat Princess, who was sitting at the front of the breakfast table.
"Again?!" Buzz clenched his fists, watching the villagers feeding Fat Princess food; the game show host then hurried to the kitchen. "They'll be very sorry if they bother those onion bagels!"
"Onion...bagels?" Chop Chop Master Onion perked up, eating a bowl of cereal only to drop his spoon to the table with his mouth now agape. PaRappa's karate master felt as if he was being personally afflicted.
"Anyway, I'm sure that you'll do just fine!" Keira had this to say to Ratchet, after everything that had gone down. Ratchet begged to differ, sighing in defeat as Buzz could be heard screaming from the kitchen.
Being an undead skeleton, Sir Daniel Fortesque couldn't really eat human food. So for the most part, he stood outside the dining room, watching everyone eat. Every morning, Sir Dan lived vicariously through his peers enjoying their breakfast.
However, that wasn't the only thing he did when standing outside the dining room entrance. He also had his eyeballs fixated on a female resident of the manor - a mummy by the name of Princess Kiya. Kiya happened to be the love interest of Sir Daniel, having met the skeleton at a museum in 1817. Their love was still going strong, after over two centuries.
"Um, Sir Dan? You're kinda blocking my path," Cole MacGrath said to the skeleton, as he was dying to return to the dining room. His waffles and eggs were getting cold.
"Right this way, good sir!" exclaimed Sir Dan, demonstrating chivalry as he moved to the side; Cole gave the skeleton a weird look before entering the dining room, and Sir Dan immediately reassumed his usual spot.
"I'm telling you, the Patapon doing their 'band rehearsal' after midnight is the worst," Sly Cooper said to Sackboy as the two All-Stars exited the dining room, only to bump into Sir Dan. "Oh! Good morning! Sir Dan! How's it going!"
"Hey, fellas - care to help a brother out?" Sir Dan showed a little enthusiasm, doing a swing of his arm while smiling. Sackboy smiled in response, while Sly looked...surprised.
"You have a brother?" It took Sly a while to understand what Sir Dan meant (since Sir Dan was rarely that hip, if ever) but the raccoon grinned once it clicked in his mind. "Ah, you want us to help you!"
"Right!" Then Sir Dan got super serious, as he put his hands on Sly's shoulders and stared straight into his eyes. Sly eyed around, feeling uncomfortable. "Urgent help is needed..."
"If it's another 'hand stuck in garbage disposal' situation, then you can count me out." Sly gently grabbed Sir Dan's hands, and took them off his shoulders. "I've disinfected my hands enough times already."
"No, it's not...I wish to go on a date with Kiya." Sir Dan immediately got straight to the point, and his remark hit Sly and Sackboy like a bunch of bricks. Both All-Stars were surprised, impressed even.
"Look who's finally stepping out of their comfort zone! Nice!" Sly was smiling and nodding his head at Sir Dan, as he had to give the skeleton some props.
Sly: Sir Dan would ask me to help him prepare for his date with Kiya. I don't blame him - I'm the most romantic guy at the manor. And the most attractive. *folds his arms behind his head* Totally not biased, by the way.
"Got a place in mind?" Sly asked Sir Dan, smiling even harder as he rubbed his hands in anticipation. Sir Dan took out a card from his imaginary pocket...do skeletons even have those?
"Ta-da!" Sly presented the card to Sly and Sackboy, who both looked at it together. It was a card for a restaurant called Lüchow's, and it looked awfully old-fashioned.
"You know what, the fellas and I can get you hooked up." Sly backed his way into the dining room, pointing at Sir Dan. "We got it covered, Sir Dan!"
"Alright!" Sir Dan watched as Sly entered the dining room, with Sackboy following after him, and he sighed happily as Dr. Nefarious was in the back secretly eating a sausage link. "Going on my first date..."
"First what now?!" Dr. Nefarious overheard Sir Dan, nearly choking on his sausage link. Isaac Clarke saw Nefarious choking, as he ran over to him.
"See, doc? This is what we meant when we said that you couldn't handle human food!" Clarke shouted at Nefarious, as he applied the Heimlich maneuver. Soon Nefarious spat out the sausage link, as his life was saved.
"Thank goodness..." A relieved Nefarious held his neck, before looking at Clarke - and slapping him in the face. "...that's for making me look weak."
Last year, Master Hand instituted a mansion-wide bracket challenge for March Madness. The manor had a bracket challenge of their own this year, albeit on a much smaller scale. It was started by Nathan, who had challenged a few select residents.
"Pretty decent day outside," remarked Nathan, who was out on the manor balcony basking in the early morning sun. Toro Inoue approached Nathan from behind, with a piece of paper in hand.
"Nathan, Nathan, check out my bracket!" Toro said to the treasure hunter, grabbing his attention as he tugged on his left pants leg. Nathan took the piece of paper from Toro, as he analyzed his bracket.
"Toro, I can see a whole lot of white-out on this." Nathan noticed that Toro had made many revisions to his bracket; Toro's bracket might put Yoshi's to shame.
"Nonsense - I got every pick right! I knew from the very start that Saint Peter's would make a Cinderella run to the Elite Eight."
"Riiiiight..." In an act that made Toro grasp, Nathan took the piece of paper and ripped it in half, before tossing the pieces over the balcony. "...word of the wise, kiddo - winners win, cheaters don't."
"That's not even true...no one has EVER said that!" Leaving in a huff, Toro angrily marched away as Nathan went back to enjoying his alone time.
Nathan: Started a bracket challenge a few weeks ago - me and a few other fellas pooled in some cash, and whoever has the best bracket by the tournament's end wins the jackpot! The amusing part is, most of the guys I challenged knew next to nothing when it came to sports. And, what's even more amusing is...I'm kinda in the same boat.
PaRappa: I'm a part of Nathan's bracket challenge, and it's...well, it could be going a lot better for me. Probably the worst part about it is Captain Qwark; dude won't stop talking about the Kansas Jayhawks - and how much he dislikes them.
Captain Qwark: Rock Chalk? More like SUCK CHALK! *pauses* One day it will catch on.
Nathan's alone time would be interrupted again, as he had more company moments after Toro left. Joining him on the balcony were two peas in a pod - Big Daddy and Little Sister.
"Mr. Bubbles wants someone to play with," Little Sister said to Nathan, who forced himself to turn around and give her attention.
"That's cool," responded Nathan, displaying neutrality as he nodded his head. He could tell that Big Daddy and Little Sister wouldn't leave until they got what they wanted.
"Mr. Bubbles is asking nicely..." If Little Sister couldn't win Nathan over, Big Daddy pounding his drill in the palm of his hand most certainly would.
"Okay, fine, I'll bite...but just this one time." Left with no other choice, Nathan followed Big Daddy and Little Sister inside the manor, having to put his alone time on hold. For now, he hoped.
Following a joyous breakfast that involved him stealing portions from the other residents, Kratos returned to his room to gather a few things for his manly activities later. When he did an inventory and looked around the room, however, he noticed that something was missing.
"Where's my Guardian Shield?" the demigod wondered, as he started grabbing stuff and tossing it around in search of his shield. He got the bedroom floor cluttered in a matter of seconds.
"Making another mess, aren't we?" asked a certain clown, as Sweet Tooth entered the room and sighed when he saw Kratos making a mess. "I literally had this room cleaned the other day."
Sweet Tooth: Kratos and I are technically considered "rivals", yet Polygon Man made the two of us roommates. Stupid decision, I know.
"Sweet Tooth! Where in blazes is my Guardian Shield?" Kratos asked the clown, tossing a spare loincloth behind him as he continued his search. The loincloth landed on the face of Sweet Tooth, who was left unfazed.
"You're asking me like I ever use your crappy shield," responded Sweet Tooth, instantly triggering Kratos; Kratos turned around and growled at Sweet Tooth. "It's not that big of a deal."
"What did you just say?!" Kratos marched over to Sweet Tooth, who grabbed the spare loincloth and took it off his face. Kratos got all up in Sweet Tooth's grill. "Say it again, to my face!'
"It's just a shield, buddy - go find a new one." That triggered Kratos even more, as the demigod grabbed Sweet Tooth by the neck and held him close to his face. Even then, Sweet Tooth remained unfazed.
"That Guardian Shield is a gift given to me by Laufey...she gave it to me on the anniversary of the night we met!" This bit of backstory didn't intrigue Sweet Tooth, as the clown yawned in response.
"Using some stupid lore to make a shield feel special...shameful." Sweet Tooth kept talking his talk, and that made Kratos squeeze the clown's neck even harder. And that got Sweet Tooth to change his tune. "Uh, why don't you look for your shield outside of this room?"
"Good idea..." Kratos released his hold on Sweet Tooth, who immediately clutched his neck. Kratos then pulled his Leviathan Axe from the clutter on the floor. "...I will search valiantly for my shield, within the manor. If I find out that someone stole it, they will PAY!"
"Pay with their life, or with cash or credit?" Sweet Tooth was asking Kratos with genuine curiosity, and his question got Kratos to furrow his brow. "Serious question, by the way."
"The answer should be obvious..." Kratos stormed out of the room, a man on a mission, and let out an obligatory war cry once he was in the hallway. Sweet Tooth shook his head, as he got to cleaning his room.
"Maybe one of these days he'll act like a normal person..." Sweet Tooth muttered under his breath as he picked up his clothes, grabbing a pink sweater along the way. The clown looked around, before bringing the sweater to his nose and inhaling and exhaling happily.
Ratchet was the designated leader of the manor's welcoming committee, and so he had to dress to impress. Or so Polygon Man believed. To make sure that Ratchet looked the part, female residents Kat and Lucy Kuo were tasked with getting the Lombax prepped.
"If you ask me, I despise doing this as much as you do," Lucy said to Ratchet, who was in the living room having his bowtie adjusted in front of a mirror. Ratchet was wearing a black tuxedo, looking all spiffy.
"At least you aren't being forced to act as some glorified tour guide," Ratchet said to Lucy, only to shriek when Kat sprayed some fragrance on his face. "Gah! Watch the eyes, will ya?!"
"Can't look the part if you don't smell the part," Kat said to Ratchet with a smile, as frowned at the young woman. Clank was watching Ratchet, sitting on the couch arm while swinging his legs.
"Fun fact, ladies - I bought that tux for Ratchet years ago," Clank shared this bit of information with Kat and Lucy, as he couldn't help but smile. "Now he finally decides to wear it!"
"Stop it Clank, you're embarrassing me..." Ratchet felt humiliated as he buried his face in his hands, and that's when Kat sprayed him with fragrance a second time. Ratchet shrieked once more. "...how about a warning?!"
"I'm sorry, you ruined the fragrance putting your hands on your face like that," Kat apologized to Ratchet, who looked ready to throw hands - a good thing that the Lombax knew better than to put his hands on a woman.
If anyone was deserving of wearing a tuxedo, it was Sir Dan - the skeleton was primed to go on a date with Kiya soon. He was sitting on the same couch that Clank sat on, humming a happy tune as Spike's arch-enemy, Specter, walked past by.
"What are you so happy about?" Specter asked Sir Dan, having heard his humming tune; if Sir Dan was happy about something, Specter believed that it was the indicator of something bad.
"I'm going on a date with Princess Kiya!" Sir Dan exclaimed to Specter, who felt happy for the skeleton - or at least he tried to. Specter's smile was so incredibly forced, only a fool would think that it was sincere.
"Good for you! Have fun!" Specter applauded Sir Dan for a bit, before walking away as he pulled out a notepad and wrote in it. "Note to self: find romantic partner before the end of April..."
Specter: I've invented a modified Monkey Helmet, my hovercraft, and even a time machine. Creating an artificial girlfriend should be a walk in the park. Might even create my own army of girls to follow me around! Greatest power move in the book.
"Alright Sir Dan, I got the crew!" announced Sly as he entered the living room, bringing with him Bentley and Murray...and Sackboy, oddly enough. "Sackboy wanted in on the fun."
"Two's company, three's a crowd, and four's a..." said Murray, only to stop speaking when he had a brainfart. A precarious situation to be in, as a drop of sweat ran down Murray's face. "...what word do they use with four?"
"May I see this restaurant card Sly told me about?" Bentley asked Sir Dan as he held his hand out; Sir Dan took out the card from his imaginary pocket or whatever and gave it to Bentley.
"The restaurant is named Lüchow's," Sir Dan explained to Bentley, who looked at the card closely only to adjust his glasses when a particular detail caught his attention.
"Wait a minute! The restaurant is defunct. This is a vintage card!" Bentley could tell because there was a line at the bottom of the card, which listed the date that Lüchow's was demolished.
"...so does that mean the date is off?" Sir Dan's smile was flipped upside down, as he feared his day being potentially ruined. Sly had to save face real quick, and fortunately, he was good at that kind of thing.
"Far from it, pal!" the raccoon said to Sir Dan, as he was able to lift the skeleton's spirits for a brief moment. "There's a Manhattan restaurant that Carmelita and I went to for our date. We can go there."
"You think that Kiya will like it?" Sir Dan was making a rookie mistake in love, worrying about his woman's feelings about a date venue, and Sly knew that he had a lot to learn.
"Don't worry about what Kiya will like...worry about how much you're gonna charm her." Sly leaned in close to Sir Dan and poked him in the chest. Sir Dan giggled in response. "That's your main prerogative."
"Oh dear - I think Sir Dan's trying to upstage you in the 'best dressed' department, Ratchet," Clank warned his Lombax friend, as he saw Sir Dan in his tuxedo. Ratchet was finally done being prepped by Kat and Lucy, with the former spraying one last bit of fragrance on the Lombax just for good measure.
"Good, let him upstage me, I don't care," responded Ratchet as he walked away, with Kat chasing after him; Ratchet started picking up speed. "Get that fragrance away from me, Kat!"
"Ratchet, wait, I think I missed a spot!" Kat called out to the Lombax, whom he chased into the hallway. Clank laughed, shaking his head in amusement.
Nathan could be hanging out with his friends right now, but the treasure hunter instead was stuck having fun with Big Daddy and Little Sister. But mostly Big Daddy. What kinds of fun stuff did Big Daddy want to do? According to Little Sister...one of them was jump rope.
Usually, when Little Sister and Big Daddy played jump rope, Little Sister did the jumping while Big Daddy twirled the rope with another person. But today, the roles were strangely reversed; Little Sister would be the one twirling the rope (with Nathan), while Big Daddy did the jumping.
"We're ready when you are, Mr. Bubbles!" Little Sister said to Big Daddy, who was standing in the center of the room; Big Daddy had yet to move a muscle, as the rope was at his feet.
"I doubt that he can jump, he's too fat," Nathan surmised, as Little Sister cupped her hands and gasped at the treasure hunter. "I apologize for speaking facts. Calling it how it is."
"Grr..." Big Daddy growled at Nathan, as he marched over to the treasure hunter and towered over him. Little Sister got in between Big Daddy and Nathan, holding her arms out in front of the latter.
"Don't hurt him, Mr. Bubbles! I'm sure he didn't mean it." Looking for confirmation, Little Sister turned her head around at Nathan, who was smirking. "Isn't that right?"
"Meant every word I said." Now Nathan had Big Daddy even more agitated, as he had the monster try to get his hands on him. Little Sister did her best to hold back Big Daddy, struggling mightily.
"You're so strong...and big! Did you put on some weight?" Little Sister inadvertently hurt her friend's feelings, as she had Big Daddy growling. "I didn't say anything...hehe."
"Is Evil Cole having another 'exorcism'?" asked resident commander Colonel Radec, as he heard Big Daddy's growling noises from afar. Radec poked his head inside the room and saw Little Sister restraining Big Daddy from a smug-looking Nathan.
"You know, for such a big guy you don't seem that tough," Nathan said to Big Daddy, left untouched as he had his arms folded. He knew that Big Daddy couldn't get to him, not with Little Sister standing in his way.
"Why do I always have to be the one to do this..." Colonel Radec sighed deeply, as he held his gun up in the air and fired a shot. The gunshot was loud enough to garner Nathan and company's attention, as Big Daddy finally calmed down.
"Mr. Radec!" Little Sister called out the commander's name, as Colonel Radec placed his gun back in its holster. Little Sister, feeling apologetic, had her hands clasped together. "We are sorry if we made too much noise."
"That is 'Colonel Radec' to you, young lady," Colonel Radec said to Little Sister, before approaching Nathan and leaning in close to the treasure hunter so he could speak with him privately. "What was with all the racket?"
"'Mr. Bubbles' wanted a playmate," Nathan whispered to Colonel Radec, before turning around to see if Big Daddy and Little Sister were eavesdropping. "Unfortunately, I was selected..."
"I might know why he wants a playmate so...come with me outside, I'll tell you a secret." So Nathan followed after Colonel Radec, as he and the commander walked out of the room.
"I'll be right back with you guys," Nathan promised to Big Daddy and Little Sister, clicking his fingers at the two before he made his exit.
Kratos was going around the manor, as he was on the search for his Guardian Shield. Not only did he look in certain spots, but he also asked his fellow residents if they had seen his shield anywhere. Much to his chagrin, no one knew...not even ModNation Racers veteran Tag.
"Tell me where my shield is!" Kratos barked at Tag, whom he was holding against the wall in the middle of the hallway. Poor Tag was struggling to break free. "Your silence is only making you guilty."
"Leave Tag alone, he can't even talk!" PaRappa's love interest, Sunny Funny, shouted at Kratos as she and her friend Katy Kat were standing to the side. Kratos turned his head to Sunny at Katy, frightening them both.
"Stop making excuses for him! I am trying to make him speak." Kratos reverted his attention back to Tag, tightening his hold on the racer. "Now speak, or else I'll rip your head off!"
"If only there was someone to save him..." As Sunny felt increasingly worried for Tag, she and Katy turned around and smiled when they saw a certain dog heroically standing behind them. "...is that who I think it is?"
"No need to fear...because Joe Chin is here!" shouted Joe Chin, able to sense Tag being in danger as he struck a magnificent pose. "Step aside, ladies!"
"Our hero! You go do your thing, Joe Chin!" Katy said to the big-chinned dog, as she and Sunny moved out of the way. Joe Chin got in a three-point stance as he eyed Kratos, before sprinting towards the demigod.
But Kratos, aware that Joe Chin was about to pounce on him, used his axe to send the dog away. Sunny and Katy both winced, with Sunny shielding her eyes, as Joe was sent back and landed on the floor.
"At least I still have my handsome face..." remarked Joe Chin, somehow mustering the strength to whip out his mirror and see his reflection. A single scratch on his face probably would've broken him.
"I can tell that you won't cooperate..." Kratos said to Tag, as he dropped the racer to the floor and left him to rot in pain. "...shouldn't have wasted my time with you." The demigod walked away, as Sunny and Katy checked on Tag once the coast was clear.
Spike: Nah, I haven't seen Kratos's Guardian Shield anywhere. But if I did, though, I would totally have it pawned in a hurry. You got any idea how much that kind of Greek weaponry would sell for? Legit Greek weaponry?!
Kratos carried on with his search as he went down the hallway, checking inside any room and closet he passed by. Eventually, he came across Nathan, who was having a private conversation with Colonel Radec.
"So let me get this straight..." Nathan said to Colonel Radec, as Kratos maintained his distance while keeping himself out of focus. "...Raiden was Big Daddy's old playmate?"
"Raiden was the only person here that would willingly agree to 'play' with Big Daddy," explained Colonel Radec; Raiden has been missing the manor for an awfully long time. "And since he's not around anymore..."
"So does he go around looking for a new buddy? Kinda wish that he hadn't picked me." Nathan was also surprised that he wasn't selected by Big Daddy (and Little Sister) until now.
"The last person, Emmett, had to cut him off. So now you're his newest victim." As much as Nathan didn't like Colonel Radec's word choice, he knew that it was terribly accurate.
Jak: It's gonna be three years this summer since any of us last saw Raiden. According to Toro, Raiden chased Zant inside some portal during the fallout from that treaty signing...and that was the last time he was with us.
Daxter: That Zant creep was a real piece of work! Using a treaty to pit us against the mansion...if I ever see him, I'ma give him one of these! *stands on Jak's shoulder and does some shadowboxing*
Jak: You actually think that you can hurt him with those small hands?
Daxter: You want a piece of me?! *frowns at Jak* These small hands can really pack a punch...
Cole MacGrath: I'm Raiden's roommate. Or, well, I used to be his roommate. But now with Raiden gone, I have the room all for myself! Wherever Raiden is, I hope he's stuck there forever. Good riddance.
"I'd say give him a day or two before you cut him loose," Colonel Radec advised Nathan, as Kratos turned and walked away since the conversation was going on too long for his liking. "Just don't curse him out as Emmett did."
"I'll hold my tongue if I have to," responded Nathan, hoping to return to Big Daddy and Little Sister before they started throwing a massive fit. "Hey, you think there's a way that we could bring Raiden back?"
"Doubt it..." But then, Colonel Radec thought of one manor resident that might have the technology to get the job done. "...on second thought, you might want to speak with the Professor."
"The Professor, eh? I'll talk with him about it later." Nathan watched as Kratos walked away, walking down the hallway as he stepped over the still downed Joe Chin.
Sir Dan was all ready to go for his date. He had his tuxedo on, he was wearing a black top hat, and he was even rocking a cane to boot. The skeleton waited outside the manor, as Sly and his pals were off finding Kiya so they could escort her.
"What are you all dressed up for?" Mr. Grimm asked Sir Dan, as he and Zeke Dunbar approached the skeleton. Sir Dan tipped his hat to both men. "Going to a fashion show for undead people?"
"I'm going on a date with Princess Kiya!" Sir Dan excitedly replied, expecting Mr. Grimm and Zeke to be happy for him...instead, Mr. Grimm started throwing up, while Zeke laughed his butt off.
"Kiya is actually going on a date with YOU?!" Zeke laughed at Sir Dan; he was always under the impression that Kiya was merely fronting as Sir Dan's girlfriend, just to be nice to Sir Dan. "How much did you pay her?"
"I'll be using these gold coins as the tip." Sir Dan pulled out a bag of gold coins, and as he did so...his arm ripped off. Sir Dan felt embarrassed, as Zeke was laughing even harder.
"Please tell me this is a joke..." said Mr. Grimm after he was done vomiting, as Zeke fell to the ground and kept laughing away. "...something about a skeleton and mummy being in love makes me squeamish."
"It's the real deal," confirmed Sir Dan, oblivious to Mr. Grimm's dissatisfaction as he picked up his arm and reattached it. Finally, Sly and his friends came outside, bringing Kiya with them.
"Thanks for making the reservation for us, Carmelita," Sly thanked Carmelita Fox, who was accompanying Sly and company; Carmelita had called the restaurant owner ahead of time.
"It was the least that I could do," responded Carmelita, putting her phone away after she checked herself out on her camera. "Ruffians like you would barge right in and demand a table."
"Ah, you know me far too well.." Sly had a smirk on his face, as he and the others brought Kiya to Sir Dan. Should be worth noting that Kiya had her vision concealed during the escort.
"Okay Kiya, you can open your eyes now!" Murray said to Kiya, who did as she was told as she opened her eyes...but all she saw was darkness.
"Murray, you have to take her hands away from her face!" Bentley said to the hippo, who had his hands covering Kiya's eyes. Realizing his error, Murray quickly took his hands away.
"That is much better," smiled Kiya after she could see again...and then, her breath was taken away when she saw the handsomely dressed Sir Dan. It was as if she was seeing the most handsome creature on planet earth.
"Viola!" exclaimed Sir Dan, extending his arms and legs to amp up the presentation. Kiya slowly walked over to Sir Dan so that she could get a closer look at her man.
"You look...amazing." You best believe that those words from Kiya made Sir Dan feel all kinds of special. "Just like you did back when you visited the Whitechapel in England."
"Stop it...this is too much!" a still laughing Zeke said to Sir Dan and Kiya, as the sight of the two lovebirds together was too much for him to handle. The laughing stopped, however, when Carmelita had her gun pointed at Zeke.
"Where's your girlfriend at?" Carmelita asked Zeke, the mean look in her eyes enough to make Cole's friend stop. Zeke recomposed himself, as he stood up and looked serious.
"Ready for our date?" Sir Dan asked Kiya, only for his eyes to widen feeling as if he might've goofed up. Panicking, the skeleton looked toward Sly. "I think I spilled the beans..."
"It's okay, I knew what was going on the moment I saw you," Kiya assured Sir Dan, as she was fully prepared for her date. She had been waiting for this moment for a long time.
Zarok: Sir Dan is going on a date with Princess Kiya? Why are you telling me this? What did you want me to do - bid them good luck and lie about how happy I am for those two? I couldn't care less about Sir Dan and his pathetically desperate girlfriend. You know you're scraping the bottom of the barrel when you choose to go out with that skeletal fiend.
How would Sir Dan and Kiya get to their date? Wasn't like Sir Dan owned a car that he could take Kiya in. When all hope seemed lost for Sir Dan, a taxi pulled up into the manor's driveway, and it was being driven by Mooselini.
"Does anyone need a lift?" asked Mooselini as she poked her head out of the driver's window, her eyes fixated on Sir Dan and his black tuxedo. "Got plenty of room in the back!"
"Much appreciated, Mooselini, but Murray's gonna take these two lovebirds in the Cooper Van," Sly informed the moose; upon hearing this, Murray smiled as he did a small celebratory dance. "Isn't that right, buddy?"
"Yeah, this is a perfect time!" replied Murray as he took out his keys and pointed them at the Cooper Van parked in the driveway. "I gave the van all sorts of new upgrades!"
"Oh really? What kind of upgrades?" asked Bentley; Murray would demonstrate as he pressed a button to unlock his vehicle...only for one of the headlights to fall right off.
"Uh...that wasn't one of them." Murray sheepishly ran over to the van and placed the headlight back on, patting it as if it would help fasten it on. "I can show you some in the van."
"Maybe another time," Kiya said to Murray, as she was anxious to go on her date; the anticipation was killing her. "I would like to go on our date, please."
"Then let's get this show on the road!" exclaimed Sly, as he and the others got inside the Cooper Van. Murray got in the driver's seat, as he turned the van and pulled out of the driveway.
"And...they're off," remarked Mr. Grimm, his urge to vomit finally gone as he watched the Cooper Van head down the road. Zeke was watching along with him, shaking his head in dismay.
"She's gonna have a terrible time..." the man said, only to change his tune when he felt Carmelita tapping her gun on his shoulder. "...I mean, she's gonna have a terribly fun time!"
Much like the mansion, the manor had its own police force in Syd - Hekseville's very own and a one-man army. Unlike the buddy cops, Syd didn't take his police duties at the manor that seriously; he was just there to keep the peace as much as possible and then some.
"Left this lying on the floor in the bathroom," Syd said to Dr. Nefarious, as he showed the robot a candy wrapper he found. Nefarious stared at the wrapper as if he had never seen it before.
"Yes, and your point?" Nefarious asked Syd, as he felt slighted that he was being confronted over the matter. "You want a sticker for finding it or something?"
"I've been told that you were the one who left this behind. Let this be a warning to you, Dr. Nefarious...littering is wrong."
"Well, I'm a villain, so what?! Also, is it only considered littering if it's done outdoors?" Choosing not to argue with Nefarious, Syd dropped the candy wrapper in a nearby trash can.
"No point in arguing with you..." As Syd walked down the hallway, Nefarious started gagging a few seconds later, only to spit out a chocolate bar afterward.
Syd: To be perfectly honest with you, I wasn't expected to fulfill any of my police obligations at the mansion until Polygon Man put me up to it a few years ago. Polygon Man will stop at nothing to one-up the mansion - and copy them in the process. Hardly ever any original thought in his mind.
Eventually, Syd ran into Kratos, who was searching every inch of the manor for his shield. Kratos assumed that Syd was the right guy to ask about his shield's current whereabouts.
"I would like to report a missing Guardian Shield," Kratos made his request known to Syd, who couldn't help but furrow his brow in response. "This is a serious matter!"
"Perhaps I can send out a search party to help you find your shield," Syd said to Kratos, taking out a notepad and writing down some made-up names just to fool the demigod. "How does that sound?"
"Sounds good to me. I will put my faith in this search party in regards to locating my shield...they will potentially die should they let me down."
"Won't be happening on Polygon Man's watch, I'm afraid." Done writing down on his notepad, Syd resumed his trek as he and Kratos went their separate ways. Soon Syd encountered Ratchet and Clank, who were both ready for Rivet's arrival. Somewhat ready, that is.
"Think we should tell Rivet to turn away?" Ratchet asked Clank, strongly considering making contact with Rivet and giving her a heads up. "We don't want her to waste her time - and our time."
"Polygon Man is the one wasting our time here," stated Clank, knowing that defying Polygon Man was as risky as defying Master Hand. "We sadly have no choice in the matter..."
"Ratchet and Clank!" Syd addressed the two friends, standing upright and center as he gave off a professional vibe. One that Ratchet didn't ask for. "Anything you wish for me to do before Rivet's arrival?"
"Uh...nothing, in particular," replied Ratchet, not asking much from Syd; he just preferred the officer (and others) to represent the manor well. "Just be on your best behavior, I guess."
"Easier said than done." Syd soon saw Fat Princess walk by, with her legion of villagers trailing behind her...each one carrying food. "Why are you stealing the dessert, Fat Princess?"
"I wasn't stealing, I asked for permission!" Fat Princess snapped at Syd as she stopped and turned around at the officer, with her hands on her hips. "Asked my conscience for permission, that is."
"Surprised she didn't ask her villagers instead," Clank quipped to Ratchet, who chuckled slightly as one of the villagers fed Fat Princess a piece of cake. Syd wouldn't stand for any of Fat Princess's shenanigans.
"That's it..." frowned Syd as he tried to grab an entire pie from a villager, ensuing a tug-of-war over the pastry. Then the other villagers ganged up on Syd and brought him down to the floor as they beat him up.
"That's right, boys! Give him some of mama's cooking!" Fat Princess cheered on for her Villagers, as a helpless Syd called for help. Neither Ratchet nor Clank desired to help him.
"We'll go find someone to help you, Syd!" Ratchet half-promised to the officer, before he and Clank made a run for it to save themselves. "We're gonna be so screwed when Rivet's here..."
Since jump rope was a no-go, Nathan was forced to do another "fun" activity with Big Daddy and Little Sister - but mainly Big Daddy. The other activity that Big Daddy had in mind? Hopscotch.
Nathan was outside in the mansion's backyard, drawing some white chalk on the black concrete. Little Sister came over to Nathan, with her hands on her knees, as she observed Nathan's progress so far.
"You have to make the squares bigger," Little Sister advised Nathan, seeing how small the squares were. Nathan was in no mood for starting over. "They have to be big enough for Mr. Bubbles, don't you know?"
"Not my fault that 'Mr. Bubbles' has ginormous feet," grumbled Nathan, satisfying Little Sister by drawing one big square - one that encircled the original hopscotch drawing. "There. Happy now?"
"Mr. Drake, what gives?" Captain Qwark questioned the treasure hunter, as he and Prince Fleaswallow stepped onto a basketball court - the same court that Nathan was drawing on. In Fleaswallow's hands was a basketball.
"We were gonna play some hoops, man," Fleaswallow said to Nathan in his Jamaican accent, dribbling the ball onto the court a few times. "Gonna school Qwark harder than I did with the boys at the jailhouse court."
"Affirmative!" Captain Qwark smiled confidently as he clenched his fists and looked towards the sky - only to glance over at Fleaswallow mere seconds later. "You were in jail?"
"Thought that you knew? I'm a man on the run...dancin' to the beat of my drum." Apparently, Captain Qwark did not know this, as his mouth went agape.
Prince Fleaswallow: What did I go to jail for? Can't tell you. But running my flea market while running from the pigs has helped me keep a low profile. So I'm pretty grateful for that.
Captain Qwark: *frowning* We had a criminal in our midst this whole time, and nobody has ever bothered to care?! *storms off* SYD!
"This court is reserved for Mr. Bubbles and Nathan only," Little Sister informed Captain Qwark and Fleaswallow, as Big Daddy was now standing behind her and Nathan. Big Daddy's presence was enough to make Qwark and Fleaswallow change their minds.
"Right you are, Little Sister, right you are!" Captain Qwark, fearfully responded, as he grabbed Fleaswallow by the shoulders and trotted him away. "Why not play some table soccer instead, frog prince?"
"Got a stolen soccer table at my flea market that we can use," Fleaswallow said to Captain Qwark, who suddenly heard his communication device ring. Qwark knew that it was something major.
"Hold that thought..." Captain Qwark released his hold on Fleaswallow, as he took out his communication device and answered the call. "...hello? Hello, Polygon Man! Yes, you reached the right...ooh! A special mission, for me?"
"Those dastardly monkeys tore off my bedsheets before I went to bed," said an elderly man wearing a lab coat as he passed by the basketball court; it was the Professor, and accompanying him was his daughter, Natalie. "Even worse, they pulled down their pants and flashed me!"
"There he is..." Nathan said quietly when he saw the Professor, putting his chalk down as he turned his attention to Little Sister and Big Daddy. "...I'll be right back, gonna ask someone for some more chalk."
"At least you didn't get pantsed like how Spike did," Natalie said to the Professor, as she struggled to hold in her laughter. Nathan came running in front of Natalie and the Professor, bringing them to a halt as he stopped in place.
"Nathan! You almost scared us," the Professor scolded the treasure hunter, holding his chest as he took the time to recompose himself. "You better have a good reason for doing that."
"I'm glad you asked, Professor," smiled Nathan, with the Professor giving an attentive ear as Nathan now had his full attention. "So you know that Raiden has disappeared forever, right?"
"Yes, I am most aware." The subject of Raiden brought much intrigue to the Professor, who was pulling in his mustache. "I have done all that I could to find out where he is."
"None of my grandpa's tracking devices were able to find Raiden," stated Natalie, who had assisted the Professor several times in his search for the mercenary. Quite frankly, the Professor's efforts yielded zero results.
"Here's a thought...what if Raiden's still stuck inside the Twilight Realm?" Nathan asked the Professor, whose eyes went wide with intrigue as his interest was suddenly renewed. "And guess who's from the Twilight Realm?"
"Zant..." replied the Professor, as he was putting together the pieces in her mind. The gears in his head were turning. "...Spike did claim that Raiden went inside those 'twilight portals' that Zants goes into."
"Then maybe he's been stuck there since then," inferred Natalie; to be stuck in the Twilight Realm for that long must be torture for Raiden. "Must be why none of your devices were able to find him!"
"That could be very much so. And what you insist that we should do, Nathan?" The Professor expected Nathan to have a wicked good idea in mind - and fortunately, Nathan already had done.
"Got it in ya to build a machine that creates a portal to the Twilight Realm?" Nathan asked the Professor, who took things such as time, effort, and margin of error into consideration. He would always have Natalie as his assistant to make things easier.
"Sounds like a long shot...but it's worth a try!" The Professor would shake hands with Nathan, signifying him being on board with the treasure hunter's idea.
"Asked him for any chalk yet?" Little Sister called out to Nathan, wondering what was taking him so long; she couldn't hear any of Nathan's conversation with the Professor, though she was confused as to why he shaking hands.
"Give me a sec!" Nathan called out to Little Sister, before turning his attention back to the Professor. "Let me know when you're ready..."
Sly's gang (and Sackboy) were in the Cooper Van in New York City, as Murray was taking Sir Dan and Kiya to a French restaurant for their date. Given that the restaurant was in the heart of Manhattan, Murray had to put up with the difficult New York traffic.
"Move it, I say! MOVE IT!" Murray shouted at a taxi driver, honking his horn multiple times at him. The taxi driver finally moved, but only a couple of feet. "Sorry guys, it's hard to keep my cool when traffic's backed up like this."
"It's all good, Murray - just take it easy," Sly encouraged his hippo friend, only to look down and see Sackboy sitting in his seat fidgeting. "What's the matter with you, Sackboy?"
"Uh oh, Sly, I think Sackboy has to use the bathroom!" alerted Bentley, as he recognized Sackboy's frantic movements from anywhere. Sackboy looked like he was about to burst!
"Fun fact: I had planned to put a toilet in this van, as part of the new upgrades," stated Murray, holding up his index finger matter-of-factly while the traffic moved at a slightly faster pace. "Sadly, it was too expensive."
"That's impossible, Sackboy can't even pee!" frowned Sly, despite having little to no evidence to back up his argument. "Sir Dan, Kiya, can you believe this?"
"I have to poop," Sir Dan said to Sly, who smacked his forehead and rubbed his hand down his face. Hey, if Sans and Brook from One Piece can poop (supposedly, that is) then Sir Dan certainly could as well.
"We should go find the nearest restroom at once," Kiya recommended to Sly, who was gutted that all this stuff was going down at the worst possible time. Murray was nowhere close to reaching his destination.
"You guys want me to make a pit stop? I'm down," said Murray, changing course quickly as he pulled the Cooper Van out of the traffic jam and pulled up into a nearby exit. A move that Sly didn't call for.
"Murray, no, you don't have to..." Sly said to the hippo, but it was too late as Murray had already pulled into a new lane. Sly stopped speaking as he gave up, throwing his arms up in defeat.
In addition to the basketball court, the manor also had a golf course for the residents to play golf. This golf course was mainly frequented by Hot Shots Golf veterans Suzuki, Jasmine, and Nick, who were at the course right now with their caddy, Hannah. Jak, who was in the mood for golfing today, was the fourth golfer present.
"FORE!" shouted Jasmine, as she proceeded to strike the ball with a powerful swing of her golf club. The golfer watched as her ball flew in the air, before landing near the hole.
"SQUARE ROOT OF SIXTEEN!" shouted Nick, doing his own fancy-schmancy thing as he swung with his golf club. He struck the ball, which later landed in the bunker much to his dismay.
"Psst, what's the square root of sixteen?" Daxter whispered to Jak, who shook his head as he pinched the crown of his nose. "C'mon, tell me! You know math isn't my best subject."
"Nick, it wasn't even your turn yet!" Jasmine giggled at the golfer, who was feeling sheepish after his ball landed in an undesirable location. His shame was there for everyone to see.
"Uh...I was just trying to test you guys," admitted Nick, holding his golf club behind his back; if that was indeed a test, then Daxter failed miserably.
"WHERE IS MY GUARDIAN SHIELD?!" Kratos was heard screaming from the distance, as everyone feared the demigod's eventual arrival. Once Kratos arrived at the golf course, he had a mean look in his eyes.
"I see that he's not in a happy mood!" remarked Suzuki, as Kratos came charging towards everyone screaming at the top of his lungs. Hannah hurriedly hopped off of the golf cart she was driving around, which Kratos flipped over.
"Run for the hills!" shouted Hannah, and the golfers quickly followed suit as they and Hannah made a run for it. The only person that remained was Jak.
"Um, Jak, did you hear what Hannah said?" an increasingly nervous Daxter asked his friend, who watched as Kratos raided the golf cart and threw all sorts of golf equipment out. "She said to run for the..."
"I heard..." replied Jak, who was unmoving as he patiently waited for Kratos to finish up whatever he was doing. Once he was done trashing the golf cart, Kratos looked up and locked eyes with Jak.
"YOU!" Kratos shouted at Jak as he marched towards the fellow All-Star, with manly might exuding with his every step. Daxter was biting his fingernails as Kratos drew closer. "Surely you must know where my shield is."
"And what if I don't?" Jak refused to back down from Kratos, who was staring down at the man in front of him. Daxter wished that Jak would back off, though.
"Don't you dare talk back to me that way! If you know where my shield is, or if you know anyone who might have stolen it, then just say it now or forever hold your peace."
"If I did know where your shield is, wouldn't I just return it to you?" Jak continued to test Kratos, and Daxter was growing nervous as he whipped out a jar of fingernails for him to bite on. "Also, the person who could've stolen your shield...might be the one you least expect."
"Then I can assume it was your rodent friend who stole it." Kratos now shifted his focus to Daxter, who was so nervous at this point that he just might faint. "Worthless rodent, give me my shield!"
"That's a worthless ottsel to you, mister!" Daxter snapped on Kratos, his nervousness vanishing away as he had to put Kratos in his place. "Uh, minus the worthless part..."
"Daxter didn't take your shield, Kratos," Jak informed the demigod, who didn't know whether Jak was telling the truth or not. "And neither did I. We don't know where your shield is."
"Then I will have to resume my search indoors..." said Kratos, choosing to spare Jak and Daxter as he walked away and left the golf course. The demigod let out a frustrated groan, as his search was going on longer than intended.
"Is he gone?" Suzuki asked Jak and Daxter, as he and the other golfers emerged from their hiding spots once the coast was clear. Suzuki was hiding in the bunker, as he pulled out a golf club "Hey, look what I found - my old golf club!"
"Good for you, pal," Jak said to Suzuki, cringing as he saw the golf kiss his beloved golf club repeatedly. A happy reunion.
After having to maneuver past more traffic, Murray finally arrived at a gas station - a pretty rare commodity in Manhattan. The hippo pulled the Cooper Van up to the convenience store, as Sir Dan and Sackboy both hopped out.
"Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!" shouted Sir Dan, running with the wind as he and Sackboy hurried inside the convenience store. Sly and Bentley got out of the van afterward.
"They couldn't even wait on us..." remarked Sly as he shook his head, while Bentley got himself adjusted in his wheelchair. "...hold it down for us, Murray."
"Sir, yes sir!" Murray saluted Sly, who nodded towards the hippo before he and Bentley went inside the store. Murray opened his door, as he was about to get out himself. "Don't mind me, Kiya! Gonna get some fresh air...and also release some fresh air, if you catch my drift."
"Take your time," Kiya said to Murray, yawning and stretching her arms as she reclined in her seat and closed her eyes. Murray got out of the van and closed the door...
...but as he made his exit, his hand accidentally hit the gear stick, which now shifted to reverse. What's more, the Cooper Van was still running! The Copper Van rolled its way out of the parking lot in reverse and into the traffic, somehow able to avoid being hit. A truck driver saw this unfold in real-time.
"Bummer..." the truck driver smirked as he entered the convenience store. A now relieved Murray returned to the parking space, rubbing his stomach.
"Glad I got those farts out of my..." the hippo remarked with a smile, only to stop in place and gasp when he saw that the Cooper Van was missing. "...oh no! This is horrible! Somebody stole the van! And the new CD player! And the new vacuum jack. And the matching drink holders. And the custom floor mat!"
Then it finally hit Murray - like a vicious slap to the face. It was at that moment he realized what he lost the most, and it shook him to the core and brought him down to his knees.
"No, no no!" the hippo panicked, practically losing his mind as he had his hands on his head. "I didn't even realize! How could I have missed it? They took the bean bag hump caddie, too! And the ice trays! And Bentley's sun visor! And my maps and dice and my compass that always points east..."
"Murray, why are you kissing the ground?" Sly asked the hippo, who was now kissing the spot where the van was as if it was sacred. Murray stopped and turned around at Sly, who was standing outside the store with the others.
"Back so soon?" Murray sat up, smiling nervously as he did little to dispel any concerns about the Cooper Van's current whereabouts. "Pretty short bathroom break, huh?"
"Yeah, turns out that Sackboy actually did have to pee! Heard the toilet flush and everything. As for Sir Dan pooping...he made that up."
Sly: As I expected, Sir Dan didn't have to "poop" - he just wanted to relieve some stress before his date. Butterflies in the stomach, it happens to the best of us! *pauses* But Sir Dan doesn't even have a stomach...
"Let me address the giant elephant in the room..." said Bentley, clearing his throat to prepare his vocal cords for the question he was about to shout out. "...WHERE ON EARTH IS OUR VAN?!"
"The Cooper Van? Yeah, it was stolen," Murray admitted in a very casual tone as he stood up, as he left everyone in shambles. "Got stolen while I was busy passing gas."
"You allowed our van to get stolen...?" Sly asked Murray, doing his best to hold in his emotions and not snap at the hippo. The Cooper Van being gone was no small matter; it was the Cooper Gang's only mode of transportation. "...with Kiya inside?"
"It sounds bad, but it's all good. You know why Kiya's gonna take out the thief and drive the van back to this store!" Murray said this confidently with the swing of his arm, although no one was buying in. "I said, Kiya's gonna take out the thief and drive the van back to this store!" Murray swung his arm a second time, and still no response. "I said..."
"KIYA!" Sir Dan cried out, fearing for his love's well-being as he fell down to his knees. Sly and company had never seen the skeleton so depressed before - and the despair was making Murray feel bad.
"You're in big trouble, Murray..." Bentley frowned at the hippo, who held his head in shame as Sackboy comforted Sir Dan. Patting Sir Dan's leg was all that Sackboy could do to console the skeleton.
Much like Master Hand, Polygon Man had a room all for himself. And in this room, he was playing a game of mahjong. His opponent was Nariko, who was considered to be the best mahjong player in the entire manor.
"So, this mahjong game...it must be checkers for sophisticated Asian men," Polygon Man said to Nariko, as he struggled to move a tile on the mahjong board. Which was expected, given that he had no hands.
"...that's not even the third-worst take you've made all week," Nariko shook her head at Polygon Man, before making her own move. A knock was at the door, as Cole entered Polygon Man's room.
"Polygon Man, it's for you," the man said to the head honcho of the manor, as he was holding his phone in his hand. Polygon Man's phone. "Captain Qwark's on the phone."
"Yes, Captain Qwark?" Polygon Man spoke into the phone as he leaned in close; he expected to hear some great news from the galactic superhero.
"Great news, Polygon Man!" exclaimed Captain Qwark - those were the exact words that Polygon Man wanted to hear. "We have found and captured our guest, and we're heading back."
"You sent him out to capture someone? A 'guest'?" Nariko frowned at Polygon Man, who was trying his hardest to ignore the warrior's concerns. "What on earth is wrong with you?"
"Good work, Captain Qwark! I'll be outside for his arrival," Polygon Man said to the superhero, before motioning Cole to leave the room at once. Didn't want Nariko to grow any more suspicious.
Polygon Man appeared outside the manor, as he was eagerly expecting the guest that he had Captain Qwark find. Curious, Nariko joined Polygon Man outside to see this guest for herself.
"I'm so excited..." Polygon Man said to Nariko, full of glee as he watched Captain Qwark landing his spaceship in the manor's front yard. "...pinch me, Nariko, I must be dreaming!"
"I'd rather not..." responded Nariko, keeping her hands to herself as she had her arms folded. Captain Qwark exited his ship along with a fellow resident, Ricardo Velasquez. We'll just call him Rico, for short.
"We brought the guy you wanted!" Rico called out to Polygon Man, as he and Captain Qwark had a man in their possession. The man was all tied up and had a cloth over his head, as Qwark and Rico escorted him to the manor and positioned him in front of Polygon Man.
"Here he is, Polygon Man...our very special guest!" Captain Qwark said to the giant hand, before taking away the cloth...revealing the man to be Wayne. Master Hand's favorite athlete.
"Wh-Where am I?" wondered Wayne as he looked around, getting used to his new unfamiliar surroundings before looking up at Polygon Man. "Who are you?"
"Welcome, friend, to the All-Star Manor!" Polygon Man greeted Wayne, expecting the basketball player to be overjoyed but was only met with bewilderment. "I've been told that you make for some swell company during most holidays."
"But April Fool's Day isn't even a real...did Master Hand tell you that?" Wayne's potential fears were realized, seeing that Polygon Man and Master Hand were tight with one another.
Polygon Man: If I want Rivet to be sold on the manor, I'm gonna need a few "local" celebrities to be present and make us look good. Luckily, Master Hand told me about a so-called friend of his who happened to stay in New York City...
Wayne: Literally the craziest thing just happened. So there I was at the practice facility, getting my reps in...when those two dudes grabbed me and tied me up and put that cloth over my head. Ran out of the building like it was nothing. They kidnapped me during practice, man. During practice!
Rico: All the other players on the court were just staring at me and Qwark when the kidnapping went down. Either they were confused, or they were too scared to intervene. Captain Qwark wants it to be the latter so that he can puff up his own ego.
"You are our honored guest...sort of," Polygon Man explained to Wayne, who didn't feel any better upon hearing this. "We have a special visit today, and you'll be here to help us with our...presentation."
"Can I go back to the practice facility, please?" Wayne implored Polygon Man, for he had a game tomorrow to prepare for. And it was an away game, too. "And to tell you the truth, I'd much rather be stuck at the mansion."
"NO! I mean..." Polygon Man wanted to sneak diss the mansion, but he ultimately decided against it since he and Master Hand were on good terms now. "...why don't you stay over for lunch?"
"Whatever gets me back to practice the quickest." Wayne was forced to accept his current fate, as Captain Qwark and Rico pushed him forward. "Hey, man! Not so hard..."
"You will need plenty of protein if you wish to be as strong and mighty as me!" Captain Qwark said to Wayne, observing the basketball player's lanky frame as he and Rico escorted him inside the manor. Cole would pass by, holding Polygon Man's phone.
"Someone's going all out today..." the man remarked when he saw Wayne, as he made his way over to Polygon Man. "...Polygon Man, Rivet just called. She's on her way."
"Perfect timing!" exclaimed Polygon Man, happy that Captain Qwark and Rico had already secured Wayne just in time. "Tell Ratchet and his crew to meet me outside. Wanna go over a few things."
Sly and company were in a pickle, as the Cooper Van was nowhere to be found. The Cooper Van, which was stuck in reverse thanks to Murray, was at an unknown location - and even worse, Kiya was still inside. She was taking a nap right when the incident occurred.
"The Cooper Van got stolen in broad daylight, apparently," Sly spoke with Carmelita over the phone, as Sir Dan remained in despair. Sackboy was still comforting the skeleton. "It's all Murray's fault; he left it unattended."
"I just had to pass some gas!' Murray expressed his innocence to Sly, although nothing he could say would be able to absolve him of any blame. "Also, Kiya will drive the van back to this gas station in no time."
"Keep telling yourself that, buddy..." Sly said to Murray, before returning to his phone conversation with Carmelita. "...so yeah, just giving you the 4-1-1."
"Woah, look at that!" shouted Bentley as he pointed up at the sky; Sly and company looked up, as they saw a spaceship flying overhead. "That must be Rivet's ship."
Big Daddy playing hopscotch didn't last that long, as his giant feet proved to be quite an issue. So instead he, Little Sister, and Nathan embarked upon another activity...arts and crafts, which took place in the living room. Big Daddy and Little Sister were cutting colored paper, while Nathan was only giving half the effort.
"Look what I made, Mr. Bubbles - a star!" Little Sister said to Big Daddy, showing him a star that she cut out herself. Big Daddy showed off his own creation - a fish. A very jacked-up fish, at that.
"Only a blind person would call that a masterpiece," quipped Nathan, giving his honest thoughts on Big Daddy's creation. The treasure hunter then saw Natalie standing at the living room entrance, beckoning to him.
"Where are you going?" Little Sister asked Nathan, who got up from his seat after Natalie caught his attention. Nathan could tell that Little Sister didn't want him to leave.
"Gonna grab a quick bite to eat." Nathan hurried away from the table, and Big Daddy and Little Sister looked at each other as Nathan followed Natalie out of the living room.
The sharply dressed Ratchet was standing outside the manor, expecting Rivet's arrival. He was gathered with the rest of the welcoming committee - Sydney Cutter, Emmett's right-hand man; Ashelin Praxis, daughter of Baron Praxis; and Captain Qwark. Qwark was a last-minute addition by Polygon Man.
"Why are you part of the welcoming committee again?" Ratchet asked Captain Qwark for clarification; he was worried about the superhero being a distraction.
"Is it not obvious?" asked Captain Qwark as he flexed his muscles for Ratchet, expecting the Lombax to be impressed. Ratchet had seen him flex so many times for him to be impressed anymore. "You are looking at the greatest hero in this galaxy! You are looking at a man who can..."
"...forget that I ever asked." Ratchet effectively shut down Captain Qwark, who moped as he put his arms down. Clank looked up at the sky, as he saw a ship flying towards the mansion.
"Here she comes," the robot announced as he recognized the ship from the distance. The ship landed, and a purple Lombax got out moments later. Ratchet recognized her from the jump.
"Be cool," Ratchet advised the welcoming committee, before putting on a smile as Rivet locked her ship. Rivet headed towards the manor, with Ratchet wanting to be the first to greet her...
"Welcome to the All-Star Manor, Rivet!" Captain Qwark loudly greeted the Lombax, running towards her and giving her a big, fat hug. Ratchet groaned and facepalmed, as Qwark squeezed Rivet tight and held her up in the air. "Nice to meet you!"
"Uh, nice to meet you too, buddy!" replied Rivet, feeling awkward as she eyed around; it was abundantly clear that this was her first time ever meeting Captain Qwark. And what a meeting it was...
"Why do I hear a muffled voice?" Captain Qwark placed Rivet back on her feet and looked behind the Lombax, startled to see a gold robot similar in appearance to Clank attached to her back. "Egad! It's a bootleg Clank!"
"Who are you calling a bootleg Clank?" Rivet pulled the Clank look-alike from behind her and showed her to Captain Qwark, who shrieked and jumped back like a coward. "This is my robot buddy, Kit. Say hi, Kit!"
"Greetings!" Kit waved to a still fear-stricken Captain Qwark, only to look back at Rivet and ask, "Why does he look like Captain Quantum?"
"He must be from Ratchet's universe...and he's just as cowardly," assumed Rivet as she placed Kit on the ground, before leading her past Captain Qwark. Qwark sighed in relief afterward.
Rivet: Wasn't even a minute yet, and someone was already scared of Kit. And it wasn't like she was doing her killer robot thing. *flexes her fingers* So yeah, we're off to a great start...
"Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes," Ratchet smiled to Rivet, as the two Lombaxes were meeting for the first time since their previous adventure. Clank and Kit got to meet again, as well.
"Hi, Ratchet," Rivet greeted the Lombax, checking out how well-dressed he was. Was left wondering why Clank wasn't wearing a tux himself. "I see you're all dressed up for the occasion."
"Polygon Man named me the head of the welcoming committee, so I had no choice in the matter..." Ratchet sheepishly scratched the back of his head, as Kit had something she wanted to ask Clank.
"Is he always that afraid?" Kit whispered to Clank concerning Captain Qwark, who was staring at Kit with fear in his eyes. Clank was feeling second-hand embarrassment from Qwark's behavior.
"He's like that on his best days...and his worst," replied Clank, summing up Captain Qwark's cowardice the best way he could. Sometimes he found it awfully hard to put it into words. "He's only a superhero in name, quite frankly."
"We are exceedingly glad to have you here," Cutter said to Rivet, exhibiting friendliness and hospitality as he placed his hand on the Lombax's shoulder. "I am positive that you will have a Rivet-ing time with..."
"...can you not?" Ashelin frowned at Cutter, saving Rivet from any further cringe - and she was cringing already. Cutter, feeling bad about his lame pun, cleared his throat. "It's not often we have guests over, so consider yourself lucky."
"Captain Qwark, are you coming?" Ratchet called out to the superhero, who was still afraid of Kit. So afraid, that he wouldn't even return to the welcoming committee.
Inside the manor's foyer, Sweet Tooth was having a conversation with Yunica, one of Kat's friends...or rather, enviers. Yunica had an issue with a certain resident and believed that Sweet Tooth was the best person to address that issue with.
"I think that Dollface is a little crazy," Yunica admitted to Sweet Tooth, who was beyond baffled that the cyborg didn't realize this fact until later. "Don't you think so?"
"She considers Calypso 'good-looking' - let that speak for itself," replied Sweet Tooth, only to hear some loud, angry screaming coming from down the hallway. "Uh oh, here he comes..."
"Someone tell me where my shield is!" boomed Kratos as he came inside the foyer, with Sweet Tooth wisely making a run for it. Yunica unfortunately was not wise, as she remained where she was.
"Did you lose it?" Yunica asked Kratos, who responded by grabbing the cyborg and holding her in the air as he yelled loudly. "Hey, put me back down - my legs are pretty fragile!"
"You expect me to respect your fragility?" Before Kratos could throw Yunica against the wall (or something worse than that), he heard the front door open. The welcoming committee led Rivet and Kit inside the manor; Captain Qwark was keeping his distance.
"Before you let anyone fool you, the residents usually tend to...get along," Ratchet explained to Rivet and Kit, only to trail off when he saw Kratos holding Yunica in the air. Ratchet was left speechless.
"Oh, you must be Rivet...nice to meet you, I'm Yunica!" Yunica introduced herself to Rivet, not letting her current predicament stop her from being friendly. Kratos got a good look at Rivet, seeing how worthy she was.
"Lombax girl!" Kratos called out to Rivet, as he dropped Yunica to the floor like she was trash. The demigod walked over to Rivet, aggressively pushing Ratchet so that he could get a closer look.
"I would highly advise you to leave her alone, she's..." Clank tried to reason with Kratos, who made the robot shut up by giving him a mean, nasty glare. Clank was immediately put in his place.
"Not sure if the others caught you up to speed, but my Guardian Shield has gone missing." Kratos brought his face closer to Rivet, who was hardly intimidated by Kratos's might. "If I ever see you..."
"Kratos, why are you bothering the new girl?" Polygon Man scolded the demigod, as he made his appearance in the foyer. Kratos was forced to back away from Rivet. "Do I have to put you in timeout?"
"...absolutely not! I was checking to see what her worth was." Kratos left the foyer and resumed his search, with Polygon Man's presence forcing him to leave. "I'd say that she's worthy..."
Ashelin: Pretty strange to have a grown man - a demigod, at that - be put in timeout. But in Kratos's case...it completely makes sense.
"My apologies, you shouldn't have gone through that," Polygon Man apologized to Rivet, relieved that Kratos hadn't laid a finger on the Lombax. Kratos would definitely be in timeout then. "Kratos isn't exactly butterflies and rainbows..."
"Nah, it's cool," smiled Rivet, who was grateful that Kit hadn't unleashed her "killer robot stuff" on Kratos. "You look way bigger in person, Polygon Man..."
"Hahaha! I get that a lot, I really do. Thank you for the first impression, welcoming committee." Polygon Man obviously couldn't let Ratchet and company's efforts go unacknowledged. "So! Are you ready to become an All-Star, Rivet?"
"Eh, why not. Not like I have anything better to do in my spare time." It didn't make sense for Polygon Man to name a new All-Star after all these years...unless...
"I guess this means I can finally take this tux off, right?" Ratchet asked Polygon Man, itching to take off his tuxedo as he began unfastening his bowtie.
"Not yet..." That was bad news for Ratchet, who was just about to take his bowtie off his collar. What else did Polygon Man want from him? "...I want you to be part of the manor tour. I'll be in charge!"
"Do I really have to?" The manor tour seemed forced to Ratchet, but Polygon Man didn't seem to care as he got up in the Lombax's grill.
"You follow me, friend..." Polygon Man said menacingly to Ratchet, who sighed in defeat as he readjusted his bowtie. "...Clank, you stay; Qwark, Cutter, and Praxis, you're all free to go."
"OH, THANK GOODNESS!" cheered Captain Qwark as he pumped his fists in the air, leading to weird, judging looks from the others. "Uh, I mean...boo, boo I say! Boo this awful decision!"
Kratos, thinking that his Guardian Shield was thrown out by accident, was now outside the mansion going through the recycling bin. He was tossing stuff out left and right, as his sister Athena approached him.
"Why are you the one who always has to make a big mess?" Athena asked Kratos, who stopped when he had heard Athena's voice. Kratos looked toward Athena, looking as if he had seen a ghost.
"Athena...you're supposed to be DEAD!" growled Kratos as he confronted the goddess. He would know since he had killed Athena herself. "How on earth are you even alive?!"
"How many times must we go through this..." Athena facepalmed at her brother, sighing as she shook her head in disappointment. "...Polygon Man had brought me back from the dead so that I could live here."
"Impossible! Since when did Polygon Man hold such divine power?" A part of Kratos wanted to kill Polygon Man, but that was a mission for him to carry out for another day. "Dead people have no right to..."
"Dead people have no right to what, exactly?" a man asked Kratos, who was suddenly confronted by Logan Graves - Emmett's brother. "Keep on talking, I'm listening..."
"Forget that I ever said anything..." Tired of everyone confronting him, Kratos walked away from Athena and Logan as he pressed on with his search. "...where is my Guardian Shield?!"
"Guardian...Shield?" Logan looked on in thought after Kratos had departed, as he recalled seeing the Guardian Shield somewhere. "I think that bony guy might have taken it..."
Sweet Tooth had retreated to the kitchen and was going through the fridge, eventually pulling out an ice cream cone. It was a fudge cone that he had saved for this particular Friday.
"Ah, ice cream cones...man's sweetest delight," Sweet Tooth happily remarked, as he...admired the ice cream cone in his hand. Didn't lick it or anything, just admired how beautiful it was. At least it was better than him killing anyone - such as Wayne, who was hanging out in the kitchen against his will.
"Are you a real cat?" Wayne asked Toro's good friend Kuro, who was reading a magazine with ladies in it. It probably sucked compared to Master Hand's beloved Fully Clothed Women. "You look like some weird alien dude."
"I consider myself to be a ladies' man, first and foremost," Kuro told Wayne, who cautiously inched away from the black cat. Polygon Man brought Rivet and company to the kitchen.
"This here is the kitchen," Polygon Man said to Rivet as if he expected the Lombax to be hugely impressed right off the bat. "Ratchet, Clank, tell our guest a little something about our wonderful kitchen!"
"It is a place where many wonderful meals are prepared," stated Clank, blatantly stating the obvious, as Polygon Man showed his displeasure by frowning at the robot. "Was that not a good description?"
Sunny Funny: We don't really have an official chef at the mansion, so usually either someone volunteers or we have a rock-paper-scissors tournament to decide who will be doing the cooking. (Nathan wins those, as much as he hates it.) Depending on who's cooking, you might end up having an ice cream sundae for dinner!
"Seems like an ordinary kitchen to me," remarked Rivet, and Polygon Man took that as a sign that the Lombax didn't like what she saw. Thankfully for him, Wayne was in the kitchen.
"Look! We have a famous athlete from the New York area in our midst," Polygon Man brought Rivet's attention to Wayne, who tried to keep to himself as he pulled out his phone. "Our manor is known for attracting many big names in the Big Apple."
"Sounds superfluous, but okay..." Rivet was hardly impressed by Wayne, and she could easily tell that he was at the manor against his will. Polygon Man's urge to leave a lasting impression on Rivet was fleeting.
"Does this manor have any interesting spots?" Kit asked Polygon Man, having no idea why showing Rivet the kitchen was such a big deal. "Like a pool, or maybe a personal movie theater?"
"We do have a game room if that's what you're asking..." replied a slowly defeated Polygon Man, as he led his group out of the kitchen. If Rivet didn't like this game room, it would be all over for Polygon Man.
"Try not to have too high expectations," Ratchet cracked a smile at Rivet, who smiled in return; Wayne watched as the others left the kitchen, scratching his chin in thought.
"Want a free ice cream cone?" Sweet Tooth asked Wayne, as he offered him the same fudge cone that he spent his time admiring. "Promise I won't kill ya if you say no."
"Sure, I'll take it," replied Wayne as he accepted the ice cream cone from Sweet Tooth, giving it a good lick or two. It was better than he expected.
Sly and company were walking around Manhattan, searching for their Cooper Van. No matter where they looked, they couldn't find the vehicle anywhere.
"Didn't you say that you gave the van upgrades?" Bentley asked Murray, as he wheeled his wheelchair along the sidewalk. Most of these upgrades were mentioned by Murray earlier. "What about the keys, were those upgraded too?"
"Of course!" shouted Murray, an imaginary light bulb dinging above his head as he pulled out the car keys for the van. "I had these car keys upgraded so that they can locate the Cooper Van."
"Now you tell us," said Sly, wishing that Murray had mentioned this info earlier. Could've saved everyone from endless walking. "What can it do, exactly?"
"Glad you asked! If I press this button..." Murray pressed a button on the keychain, feeling like Steve Jobs in the flesh as he gave the demonstration. "...the van starts playing rave music, to give away its location."
"And why did it have to be rave music...?" Speaking of rave music, Sly heard some loud party tunes from nearby - and it came from a car lot. "Wait, I can hear it! This way, guys!"
So Sly led everyone to the car lot...and would you know it, the Cooper Van was there blasting rave music from the indoor speakers. The only problem was, it was guarded by guard dogs...two Rottweilers, who were barking at the van as the rave music played.
"Those Rottweilers look really mean..." Bentley gulped nervously, as he was too chicken to deal with the guard dogs himself. But one man...or skeleton...brave enough to confront the dogs was Sir Dan, who heroically stepped up to the plate.
"Alright, Sir Dan!" Murray cheered on for the skeleton, only for his excitement to turn into fear when Sir Dan pulled out a certain shield...the Guardian Shield. "Is that Kratos's shield...?"
"Mhmm..." replied Sir Dan, as he eyed down the two Rottweilers; he ran towards the Rottweilers, letting out a battle cry as he attacked the canines with the shield he apparently stole.
"Keep it up!" Sly encouraged Sir Dan, who roughed up the Rottweilers to the point where he had them whining. Now fearing Sir Dan, the Rottweilers ran away as they left the van alone.
"Good job, Sir Dan!" Bentley commended the skeleton, who struck a heroic pose as everyone came over to the Cooper Van. "Might've gone too hard on those dogs, but at least the coast is clear..."
"What is this awful music...?" Kiya was heard from inside the Cooper Van, sounding like she had just woken up. Hearing his lover's voice, Sir Dan stopped posing as he opened the van door, seeing Kiya.
"Ta-da!" Sir Dan said to Kiya as he struck another pose while showing off the Guardian Shield. Kiya was delighted to see Sir Dan, and everyone else.
"Hello, Sir Dan," Kiya greeted the skeleton, only to realize that she was no longer at the gas station once she took a look outside. "Um, where are we?"
"Not at the restaurant, obviously," replied Sly as everyone got inside the Cooper Van, with Murray sitting in the driver's seat and putting his seatbelt on. "Step on it, Murray!"
"Got it!" shouted Murray as he turned on the ignition...only for the engine to start sputtering. The hippo knew what the problem was. "Uh oh...must've run out of the gas!"
"You've gotta be kidding me..." Sly groaned, opening the van door as he was the first to get out. "...alright, everyone, we're walking on foot. Get those directions out, Bentley."
"I left the directions back home," admitted Bentley, as Sly smacked his forehead; at this point, Sackboy was the only person that hadn't let Sly down.
The manor's game room was on the third floor, and it had several attractions such as a pool table, two tables for table tennis, and...well, that's about it. Kat's former enemy-turned-ally Raven was playing a game of table tennis with Dante. No, not the one from the mansion - the alternate universe one. Dollar Store Dante, as Fox once referred to him.
"Remember, no cheating this time," Dante warned Raven, bouncing the ball that he was about to serve. Raven was a gravity shifter, and Dante didn't want her to use that to her advantage.
"Says the man who has to go for a pump fake every serve," replied Raven, and Dante knew that he was guilty too as he smiled deviously. "Don't know how to switch it up, do you?"
"Hey, I always gotta keep my opponent on their toes. That being said...serve's up!" Dante threw the ball up in the air, and for some reason, it didn't come back down. He and Raven were both looking up at the ceiling.
"Did that ball just disappear, or..." Little did Raven know that Dante was still holding onto the ball, and he served the ball right past the woman. Raven was caught off-guard, noticing at the last minute "...hey, that was an illegal serve!"
"Not an illegal serve in my book." Since it was the match point, Dante had won the match - by no means was Raven satisfied with the results. "To the victor go the spoils..."
"This is your game room?" questioned Rivet, as Polygon Man brought the Lombax and others to the game room. Rivet drew Raven and Dante's attention. "Why does it look so...plain?"
"It's a work in progress," replied Polygon Man, who had been peddling that lie with the manor residents for years now. "But look who's here! It's Dante!"
"Um, am I not relevant, Polygon Man?" Raven asked the giant head; if he physically could, Polygon Man would've given Raven the hand.
"Disclaimer: he's not the real Dante," Ratchet quietly disclosed to Rivet, as he and the fellow Lombax shared a laugh together. Polygon Man didn't like the information that was told.
"Shut up, she's not supposed to know that..." Polygon Man quietly scolded Ratchet, while keeping a close eye on Dante...who was keeping a close eye on Rivet. Dante looked like he was about to start up some trouble.
Polygon Man: Dante is my other selling point for Rivet...for better and for worse. He will be the guy that will truly make or break how Rivet feels about the manor. Everything counts upon him.
"Hey, Ratchet, who's your girlfriend? Is that Rivet?" Dante asked the Lombax in a teasing manner; Ratchet furrowed his brow, appalled that this question was even asked.
"She is not my girlfriend..we're only friends," Ratchet set it straight to Dante, who found another way to get under the Lombax's skin.
"Silly me, she's not your girl...it's that markazian chick, Talywn Apogee. Do you two still keep in touch with one another, or did you break her off?"
"You have a girlfriend, Ratchet?" Rivet asked the Lombax, who didn't appreciate Talwyn being brought up out of the blue. He didn't want to explain stuff, let alone explain himself.
"Can we please carry on with this stupid manor tour?" Ratchet asked Polygon Man, wanting to get as far away from Dante as possible. He might not even talk to the vigilante for the rest of the day.
"I didn't think that you would ask!" replied Polygon Man, as he led the group out of the game room...Wayne was just outside the game room, holding his ice cream cone.
"This is getting kinda interesting..." Wayne remarked, putting his cone down on the floor as he trailed closely behind the manor tour group. Dr. Nefarious passed through the hallway, only to spot the fudge cone on the floor.
"This is it...I must make it count!" the robot exclaimed as he grabbed the fudge cone and ate it whole. Seconds later, he began screaming in agony. "AAAAAAH! BRAINFREEZE!"
Big Daddy and Little Sister went to the kitchen looking for Nathan, only to be told by Kuro that Nathan had never gone to the kitchen at all. That left the duo curious about where Nathan had run off to.
"Don't worry, Mr. Bubbles, we'll find Nathan soon," Little Sister assured Big Daddy, as the two friends were walking through the hallway. They had walked past Kratos, who had heard what Little Sister said.
"If you're looking for Nathan...he might be with the Professor," Kratos passed this information on to Little Sister and Big Daddy, who stopped in place as Kratos pressed on. "...saw the Professor in the basement."
"The basement?" Taking Kratos's word for it, Little Mac led Big Daddy to the basement which just so happened to be nearby. Some commotion was heard from down below.
"Hurry Spike, catch that monkey!" The Professor was heard shouting amid some erratic monkey sounds, as Little Sister had her ear pressed against the basement door. "Don't let it pickpocket Nathan; he might take his wallet."
"Hmm?" Little Sister opened the basement door as she and Big Daddy took a peek inside. Down below they saw the Professor working on a machine, Natalie helping him, Spike chasing after a monkey with his net...and Nathan standing by.
"Got ya!" shouted Spike as he finally caught the monkey, holding his catch in his net. The monkey tried to fight his way out of the net, but he knew that there was no point in trying.
"Nathan?" Little Sister called out to the treasure hunter, who panicked for a bit when he saw her and Big Daddy...but mainly Big Daddy. "Did you ever get your quick bite to eat?"
"Y-Yes I did, I enjoyed it!" smiled Nathan, who had nowhere to run as Big Daddy came marching down the basement stairs. "Just wanted to see what the Professor was working on..."
"Our machine is only halfway complete," stated the Professor, who was working hard on making his machine functional. Big Daddy got closer to Nathan, as Natalie looked on. "Only a couple more parts and..."
"Um, grandpa?" Natalie called out to the Professor, bringing his attention to Nathan...who was put in a chokehold by Big Daddy. Big Daddy lifted Nathan up in the air, carrying him over to the machine.
"Look, it's not what you think..." Nathan wheezed to Big Daddy, who proceeded to chokeslam the treasure hunter unto the machine. Nathan yelped in pain as he bounced off of the machine and fell to the floor.
"Ack, not the machine!" the Professor screeched, checking for any damages while Spike and Natalie checked on Nathan. "Gah, it's broken. We'll have to start over from scratch."
"What was that for?" Spike scolded Big Daddy, who looked like he wanted another piece of Nathan. Had another chokeslam in him. "You literally brutalized him for no reason!"
"Nathan is supposed to have a playdate with Mr. Bubbles," stated Little Sister, ready to throw a massive tantrum if Spike got angrier with her. "But I see that he would rather spend it with you..."
"What? No, no, you got it all wrong..." Spike shook his head as he instantly stood up, as he head to clear some things up. "...Nathan wanted to bring back an old friend of Big Daddy...I mean, Mr. Bubbles."
"And old friend?" Little Sister cocked her head to the side, as Nathan sat up against the Professor's machine while Natalie continued to tend to him. "Do you mean...Raiden?"
"Nathan heard about how Big Daddy missed Raiden, so he wanted to bring him back," Natalie explained to Little Sister, while Nathan was gasping in pain. "That's why my grandpa was building this machine."
"Wanted to bring him back from the Twilight Realm," added Spike, one of the few individuals who had seen Raiden go through the Twilight portal. "Since that's where he ended up..."
"Can I get an ice pack, please?" requested Nathan, as Natalie and Spike helped the treasure hunter up to his feet. Nathan was wincing in pain along the way. "My back's killing me..."
"Right this way," Natalie said to Nathan, as she and Spike escorted him away. They escorted him past Big Daddy and Little Sister, who were looking on with a little regret.
Polygon Man showed Rivet and Kit as much of the manor as he could, showing them a personal gym, a pantry, and a few select bathrooms...for some weird reason. Now it was time for the grand finale.
"Here's the room that you two will be staying in," Polygon Man said to Rivet and Kit, bringing them to a mostly empty bedroom - a bed, nightstand, and dresser were the only pieces of furniture present. Rivet and Kit got a good look at their potential new digs.
"It's very homely, I'll give it that," commented Kit, as Rivet sat on her bed to see how comfortable it was. Ratchet and Clank were checking out the room themselves, standing at the doorway.
"You think she'll like it here?" Clank asked Ratchet, wanting his friend's honest thoughts on Rivet's living situation as Rivet moved on to her dresser.
"How she gets along with the others is a big factor but..." started Ratchet, before taking a brief moment to put his thoughts together so that he could give Clank a decisive answer. "...I can see this place being her new home."
"I think she should hit the bricks," someone standing outside the room eavesdropping said to Ratchet and Clank, who both turned around and saw Wayne. "Save herself some trouble."
"Have you been following behind us all this time?" Clank asked Wayne, who lowkey gave away his answer when his eyes darted around suspiciously.
"Rivet, check the top drawer on the nightstand...there's something inside," Polygon Man said to the Lombax, who stopped inspecting her dresser as she moved on to her nightstand. Rivet opened the top drawer, as she was told to do, and gasped when she looked inside.
"Woah! An envelope!" the Lombax exclaimed as she pulled out the envelope in question - it looked similar to the Smash invites that Master Hand would send out in the mail. "Is it for me?"
"Don't open it, it might be a trap..." Wayne warned Rivet, but Rivet didn't hear him as she sat on her bed. Pulling Kit up to the bed, Rivet eagerly ripped the envelope open.
"Wonder what this letter says," said Rivet as she pulled out a letter from the envelope, taking the time to unfold it. Her face soured in a hurry when she read the letter's brief contents...and this is what the letter said:
Dear Rivet, to whom it may concern,
HAHAHAHAHA! APRIL FOOLS! From your personal favorite, Polygon Man.
Again, April Fools, sucker! Hahahaha!
Sincerely, Polygon Man
P.S.: April Fools!
"It's an April Fools joke..." remarked Kit after she read the letter for herself, as Rivet was now ticked with Polygon Man beyond measure. "...we've been fooled this whole time!"
"I tried to warn you," Wayne said to Rivet, as he saw the April Fool's joke from a mile away. The basketball player walked away, seeing his warning was not heeded.
Master Hand: Once Smash ended, I had a surplus of Smash invites leftover. Mainly envelopes. I gave all the envelopes to Polygon Man and had them redesigned and everything so that he can trick anyone into thinking they're an All-Star! Makes for the perfect April Fool's joke. Now, why are you in my room? Thought that I told you bums to stay away!
"APRIL FOOLS!" Polygon Man laughed in Rivet's face, adding salt to the wound; an angry Rivet tossed her letter to the floor. "This whole time, you had no idea! Oh my..."
"Knew it was too good to be true..." frowned Rivet as she stood up from the bed, before looking towards Ratchet and Clank. "...bet you guys were in on too, weren't you?"
"No, we had no idea!" Ratchet pleaded his innocence to Rivet, and Ratchet would do the same as he shook his head. "This whole time Clank and I thought that it was legit..."
"Sure...I can't even tell if you're pulling my tail or not." Rivet was now ready to head back home, leaving the bedroom as she brushed past Ratchet. "...let's go, Kit. We made a huge mistake coming here."
"Coming!" Kit called out to Rivet as she hopped down from the bed, stopping to speak with Ratchet and Clank before she could leave. "Please forgive Rivet. I know you two weren't in the wrong."
"We're glad that you could see it that way," replied Clank, and Kit nodded her head as she left the room. Clank sighed afterward, wishing that he could've given Rivet a warning.
"Well, I have an important phone call to make," Polygon Man said to Ratchet and Clank, anxious to call Master Hand and tell him about his April Fool's prank. On that note, Polygon Man exited the room...although he had a hard time doing so, as he got stuck. "Stupid giant head of mine..."
Nathan was in the living room, sitting on a couch as he had a heating pad attached to his aching back. Accompanying him was his wife, Elena Fisher, sitting on the couch next to him.
"Why can't we just move out already?" Nathan asked Elena, fancying himself a house close to the manor. Or maybe even a condo. "Didn't ask to get roughed up like this."
"You know how possessive Polygon Man is," replied Elena, knowing how her husband felt; she had been asking Polygon Man to move out for years. "It's bad enough that he badgered the so-called 'backgrounders' to live with us."
"Nathan, Elena, have you seen Rivet anywhere?" Ratchet asked the couple as he showed up in the living room, wanting to speak with Rivet before she left. "She's the Lombax chick."
"Saw her outside; she didn't look too happy." As Ratchet left the living room, he accidentally bumped into Big Daddy, who was with Little Sister. Not the kind of person you would wanna bump into.
"Whoops...didn't see you there!" Ratchet nervously chuckled at Big Daddy, maneuvering past the monster. Big Daddy and Little Sister went over to Nathan, who feared another chokeslam.
"Mr. Bubbles would like to apologize about earlier," Little Sister said to Nathan - who knew that Big Daddy was capable of having a change hurt. Nathan and even Elena found that hard to believe.
"What, for hurting my back AND breaking the machine?" asked Nathan - no more playdates with Big Daddy for him. "I was just trying to help, man."
"He didn't know that you were wanting to bring back Raiden all this time. And for that, he is very sorry."
Professor: It appears that I have hit a snag with my machine. Sadly, I don't have the necessary technology to access this Twilight Realm. Unfortunately for Nathan, the project will be put on hold for a foreseeable future.
Cole MacGrath: The Professor's machine can't bring back Raiden? Good. Let Raiden be stuck forever. *pauses* I'm so selfish...
"Friends?" Little Sister asked Nathan, as Big Daddy held out his hand to the treasure hunter. Big Daddy seemed pretty genuine to Nathan.
"Eh...why not," replied Nathan, and so he shook Big Daddy's hand without any trouble. All water under the bridge. "Friends."
With his "work" done at the manor, Wayne was looking to return to his team so that he could get back to practice. He waited outside the mansion, expecting a taxi to pull up...and one eventually did, as Mooselini pulled up to the manor.
"Told you there wasn't enough room in my taxi!" Mooselini said to Sly and company, who all exited from the taxi. Murray had taken up most of the space, as Sly fell out of the taxi gasping for air.
"Thanks for the ride anyway, Mooselini..." Sly thanked the moose, happy that she answered her call. Even if he didn't enjoy the taxi ride. "...hopefully that tow truck will get our van towed."
"Think I left those directions in my room," said Bentley as he was about to enter the mansion...only to stop when Kratos stepped out through the front door. "Oh no, here comes Kratos!"
"Is that...my shield?!" Kratos boomed when he saw Sir Dan, holding onto his Guardian Shield; Sir Dan saw Kratos glaring at him, and panicked. "I WILL MAKE YOU A DEAD MAN AGAIN, FORTESQUE!"
"Heh, sucks to be him," smirked Wayne, watching as Kratos made chase after the screaming Sir Dan. Sir Dan messed with the wrong demigod.
"Daniel!" Kiya called out to Sir Dan, who got ambushed from behind by Kratos as was savagely attacked. Poor Kiya had to look away.
Bentley: I have a theory - Sir Dan's shield broke - since his shields break so easily - and he wanted a new one. Why he would steal Kratos's shield...that I don't know.
Elsewhere outside, a still salty Rivet was gathering her things, as she and Kit were preparing to head back home. Ratchet awkwardly approached Rivet, hoping there weren't any hard feelings.
"Wanna pull another April Fool's prank on me?" Rivet asked Ratchet, sensing the Lombax's presence as she wouldn't even give him eye contact. That's how upset she was. "Go ahead..."
"No, absolutely not! I had no idea that it was a prank," stated Ratchet, wanting to mend the fences so that Rivet wouldn't leave as an unhappy camper. "Polygon Man was treating it seriously."
"I guess you were fooled too, huh?" Rivet was slowly easing up, as her anger was steadily subsiding. Ratchet's efforts were far from done.
"You wouldn't be the first...Polygon Man has done this before, outside of April Fools." This got Rivet's attention, as she finally made eye contact with Ratchet. "Didn't think that he would pull that stunt on you..."
"So he just likes to prank people like that, in his spare time?" When things at the manor have been dormant for nearly a decade, you tend to do some silly stuff. "That's kinda messed up."
"Kinda is an understatement...but I'd say we put him in his place." Ratchet whipped out his OmniWrench, looking to put a hurting on Polygon Man. "What do you say?"
"After all that stuff he did..." Rivet had the same line of thinking that Ratchet did, smiling as she took out her own OmniWrench. "...I'd say he deserves it. Where is he?"
Back at the Smash Mansion, Master Hand was on the phone with Polygon Man, with Zelda idly standing by. Polygon Man had given Master Hand a call to tell him about his April Fool's prank.
"You exchanging contact info with Polygon Man was such a bad idea..." Zelda said to Master Hand, who was barely listening to the princess as he was more concerned with his phone call.
"See? Told you that those fake invites would do the trick!" Master Hand spoke into the mansion's house phone, laughing it up, as Polygon Man was likely laughing on the other end. "That's why...what...why does it sound like you're being attacked?"
"Oh, Master Hand! I brought-a those pears, just like you asked!" Mario called out to the giant hand from behind the door, about to see Master Hand for the first time today. Too bad Master Hand was busy at the moment.
"Zelda, get the door." So Zelda went ahead and answered the door, expecting to see none other than Mario...but the princess was in for a surprise when she opened the door.
"Um, Master Hand...?" Zelda called out the giant hand, who dropped the phone and floated to the front door. He gasped when he saw who was standing on the porch.
"It's-a me, Mario!" exclaimed Mario...except it wasn't Mario! It was Faux Mario from episode 253, with the same mustache and attire and everything. And the same light-skinned complexion.
"You're not Mario...what are you doing back here?!" Master Hand growled at Faux Mario, wanting answers right away. "Mario's not even black!"
"Finally noticed, huh? About time..." Faux Mario, speaking in his normal voice, handed a bag of pears to Zelda before tipping his hat to Master Hand. "...Happy April Fools, Master Hand."
"MARIO!" Master Hand yelled at the top of his lungs, and Faux Mario smirked as he closed the door. Turns out that not even Master Hand is immune to the tomfoolery of April Fools Day.
But to be fair, is anyone else is?
