Chapter 16 – the best-laid schemes of mice and lesbians
Azula's second week at The Northern Lights was over. At long last, Azula felt like she could see the light at the end of the tunnel for the restaurant. Azula was eager to share the good news with the staff, and she was a little frustrated that her announcement of an employee meeting at the end of their work week late on Saturday evening was being met with dissatisfied grumbling.
"Alright, just forget that I used the words employee meeting to describe what I had in mind," Azula growled in frustration at her rebellious staff. Following another successful dinner service, they were once again hanging out together in the upstairs apartment. Katara and Yue were leaning in against each other in the loveseat. Suki was smushed in between Aang and Toph on one of the sofas, while Sokka was busy cracking open a bunch of beers nearby.
"So, how would you describe what you had in mind?" Yue asked, facing Azula with a cheeky grin.
"I don't know," Azula shrugged. "Debrief, maybe? All I know is that I have good news to share with you all," she said. "And perhaps a few more ideas and suggestions as we move forward."
"I like good news," Katara smiled. "That's something seemingly always in short supply around here."
"Well, let me change all of that," Azula replied gleefully. "I have made the calculations, and I wanted to announce that for this past week, the restaurant has been turning a profit!" There was much hooting and hollering following her announcement, with Sokka distributing the beers and everyone taking hearty celebratory chugs, even Azula, despite finding the taste of beer offensive to her palate. "Granted, it's still some way off from the target I've set for us, but it's encouraging that we're already no longer in the red and back in the green. I hope the owners will agree with my suggestion to redirect some of this profit to employee bonuses."
"That seems fair," Sokka nodded. "I mean, everyone has been working very hard and we all deserve it."
"And if we continue this way, Sokka and I could even start paying ourselves modest salaries," Katara spoke excitedly. "Ah, I shouldn't get ahead of myself, but I'll probably start looking for a cheap place to rent tomorrow."
"Those bonuses will come just in time," Aang said, looking relieved. "The landlord has been really coming down on us," he added, nodding at Toph. "Maybe now we can get him off our backs. And maybe we can also disarm some of those booby traps that were keeping him at bay."
"Let's not be hasty about this. Our landlord is still a total prick. Also, I hate the idea of not getting any use out of our Home Alone inspired booby traps," Toph shook her head. She had already received a small raise for her promotion to the kitchen staff. Azula knew that if Aang proved himself worthy of promotion, he would need a raise as well. Fortunately, for a restaurant with such a small core team, it wasn't a huge issue now that they were profitable once again.
"We got use out of one of the traps, remember?" Aang sighed, not looking particularly happy.
"Oh, that's right," Toph snapped her fingers. "He stepped on that large rusty nail and developed sepsis. Serves him right, because it happened just when he was on his way to serve us a notice of eviction. Anyway," Toph shrugged, taking another big swig of beer. "Just because we're earning more, that's no reason to suddenly be on time with our rent payments. It's still just a shitty studio apartment, right? Nah, let's keep the booby traps right where they are."
"Alright, but can we at least disable the swinging blade trap?" Aang sighed. "That one is just nasty. Besides, it's not even from Home Alone."
"Alright, fine… you can disable the swinging blade trap," Toph groaned. "Pussy," she added, chuckling.
"I feel like this employee meeting is getting completely derailed," Azula complained bitterly. "Can we get it back on track, please?"
"We agreed not to call it an employee meeting," Yue pointed out, winking at Azula.
"Alright, fine! This debrief is getting derailed!" Azula huffed in frustration. "Anyway, that was it, I didn't have some kind of a detailed investor report prepared for you. We're doing much better financially. That's the main takeaway."
"What do you think was the main reason for this improvement, Azula?" Katara asked earnestly.
"Honestly? Our food costs are way down compared to what they were when Jet was still here," Azula replied. "Also, we're flipping tables at a rate that I'm almost happy with. There's still room for improvement everywhere, but we're getting there. Next week, we'll continue fine tuning some of our changes."
"You said you were going to share your ideas and suggestions," Suki reminded her.
"I was planning to maintain my focus on the kitchen next week," Azula said. "I hope that by the end of the week I will feel ready to announce that the overhaul of the kitchen has been successfully completed."
"Those vegan options are coming along nicely," Aang grinned. "I'm feeling good about my presentation. Perhaps I won't even need the whole week to prepare and we can do the presentation early."
"And I probably need one more week of boring office work," Sokka said. "But I'm looking forward to returning to the kitchen as soon as I'm able to."
"I'm just relieved that your finger is healing well and seems to have retained all of its mobility," Katara sighed. Azula was trying her best to keep a neutral expression, but she noticed Suki giving her an anxious stare filled with desperation. Azula was still not certain how to keep Sokka out of the kitchen. Perhaps she would have to talk with Aang and Toph about booby trapping the kitchen to keep Sokka out, but Azula had a feeling that Katara would disapprove of her brother having his scalp singed clean off with a blowtorch or getting smashed in the face with a can of paint.
"Well, I hope to present the final version of the restaurant's menu by the end of the next week. We still need to kick a few items off the menu and I need a better understanding of what is selling and what isn't. And if everything goes well, we will be able to replace these underperforming dishes with our new vegan options," Azula said, giving Aang an encouraging stare and deciding to simply ignore the Sokka issue for now. They were all happy and relaxed ahead of their day off on Sunday, and Azula didn't want to start an argument that would surely become heated. After all, Azula still had an entire week during which she could just keep kicking this Sokka-shaped can further down the road. After all, this was a tactic used by politicians all over the globe and it always produced fantastic results.
"It all sounds very exciting," Katara smiled. Azula was particularly glad to see Katara happy, because she knew that Katara was feeling a little disillusioned about her role at the restaurant. Azula was definitely having more and more concrete ideas on where she saw Katara's place, but it was contingent upon getting Sokka out of the kitchen once and for all.
"Thank you," Azula said. "I have one more change that I want to introduce as soon as possible, and it's something that has been bugging me for a very long time. I'm talking about your insane decision to remain closed on Sundays."
There was immediate muttering from everyone present. "That's always been the tradition of The Northern Lights, ever since the early days when my father opened the restaurant," Sokka was the first to spoke up. "It was important for my dad as a family man to have that one sacred day of the week for his wife and children. That's the kind of tradition that I feel is worth preserving." Much to Azula's frustration, everyone was nodding along to Sokka's words.
"Besides, from what I have heard, it's the Fridays and Saturdays that are the busiest days for restaurants, and Sundays actually aren't that important," Katara added.
"Well, you couldn't be more wrong," Azula sighed. "While it is true that Fridays and Saturdays are generally busier, Sundays are not far behind and they are ahead of Monday to Thursday by a wide margin. Also, I did some research and discovered that 93% of the restaurants in Caldera City are open on Sundays, so we are really shooting ourselves in the foot by not opening on Sundays. I'll show you the data if you don't believe me. I just need to run and fetch my laptop. I think I left it in the car."
"Wait, Azula," Katara stopped her. "There's no need to show us the data. I believe that it lines up with what you're saying."
"Are you sure?" Azula asked, feeling a little disappointed. "I have prepared several highly informative graphs that further illustrate my points. I spent a couple of hours on putting it all together."
"Maybe you can show it to me later," Katara gave her a soft smile that made Azula's knees go weak and wobbly. "It's not about the data, anyway. I just don't know about working from Tuesday to Sunday. I know we're still in a crisis mode and this is the time for everyone to work really hard and maybe put in some extra hours, but I don't want to overwork my staff, who are also my best friends."
"Work and life balance is very important, Azula," Aang lectured. "I got that advice from a fortune cookie yesterday."
"All the kindergartens are closed on Sundays and I can't afford to pay for an extra day of babysitting," Yue exclaimed. She looked very stressed, almost on the verge of panic. "If I have to work on both Saturdays and Sundays, I… I would probably have to quit."
"Wait, you're all getting way ahead of yourselves," Azula shouted, having to raise her voice to cut through all the muttering. "Yue, you won't have to quit, I promise," she said quickly, wanting to reassure the worried looking blonde. "And none of us will have to work six days a week, not unless we want to. Which is something that I will totally do, but I won't expect anyone else to follow my example. I'm doing it because I'm just that determined to win the competition with my brother."
"Also, because you're totally bonkers," Sokka snorted. "And I mean that as a compliment," he added, winking at her.
"Whatever," Azula huffed. "Anyway, my plan goes like this. We all have Mondays off, right? All of you can have your second day off during the week. For example, Yue you could have Monday and Saturday or Sunday off. Katara, you could be free on Tuesdays. Toph, how about a Wednesday off work? Aang, would you like a free Friday? Do you see what I mean? The only restriction is that we can't have, for example, both Katara and Yue taking their second day off at the same time. But we can still make a schedule that suits everyone. I'll be happy to help. I love scheduling."
"Of course, you would," Toph laughed, shaking her head. "Anyway, I actually don't mind the change, but then again, why would I? All days look the same to me, am I right?" There were some very hesitant chuckles at Toph's words. "Hey, I'm allowed to make that joke, and you're allowed to laugh, you pussies," Toph frowned.
"Anyway, I guess now that you have explained what you meant, I don't really have any issues with it either," Yue said, looking relieved. "We can try it, sure."
"Well, as long as the owners agree that it doesn't upset this important tradition started by their father," Azula said. It took her a few moments to realize that what she had said almost sounded sarcastic even if she hadn't meant it like that.
"I think this change is still in the spirit of what my father had in mind when he opened the restaurant," Sokka said. "The state of permanent crunch is a very serious issue in this line of work, you know that better than I do, Azula." Azula had to nod in response to Sokka's words. To disagree would be intellectually completely dishonest. "All of us here are already working between fifty to sixty hours per week, which is obviously insane. But at least this would keep our hours at a level where they are now, so… I'm happy to give it a try."
"Same here," Katara nodded in agreement. "I'm sure we can all come to an agreement on when we take our second day off, so I don't foresee this being a problem."
"Well, good to have you onboard," Azula said, feeling relieved. She was always prepared to fight Katara and Sokka for the changes she believed in, but it was so much better when she didn't have to do that. Relieved, Azula reached for her purse and retrieved the final few pre-rolled joints she had brought with her from Ba Sing Se. "Alright, I have nothing more to say, so I'm going to shut up now so that we can celebrate our successful week," Azula grinned, passing out the joints. "That's the last of my supply, so make sure to enjoy them and pray that I can find a new dealer soon…"
At first, Mai had not been sure what to make of Azula's invitation to hang out. The truth was that despite Mai considering Azula one of her best and oldest friends, their relationship had always been fraught with challenges. It hadn't been always easy to deal with their uneven power dynamics brought about by Ozai Nakamura's wealth and influence, and further amplified by Azula's forceful personality.
On top of all that, there was also the toxic rivalry between Azula and Zuko. When awkward attraction began to blossom between Mai and Zuko, Mai had first discovered just how jealous and possessive Azula could be. In a way, this competition between the restaurants felt very familiar to Mai. Back in high school, Azula and Zuko had competed for her time and company, in ways that could become frighteningly vicious. Over the years, Azula had definitely been a contributing factor to some of the many bust-ups between Mai and Zuko, however, Mai had never held any particular grudge towards Azula for these incidents because she had a pretty good idea why both Azula and Zuko were so badly fucked up. Also, whenever Azula did something shitty, she inevitably felt guilty about it, which was when Mai and Ty Lee would exploit this weakness by getting Azula to treat them like queens and literally throw money at them.
So, Mai was just a little wary ahead of this meeting with Azula, because there was always the distinct possibility that Azula would try to turn her on Zuko or attempt something else just as manipulative. Still, on the off chance that Ty Lee was right and Azula simply wanted to catch up with her oldest friends, Mai had allowed herself to be convinced to come along. So, here they were, sitting at a table in a street café in downtown Caldera, enjoying coffee with croissants on a bright and sunny Sunday morning.
Over the years, Mai had come to expect that Azula would show up to any event wearing one of her stylish suits, so it was a surprise to see her showing up in ripped jeans and a rather simple black leather jacket. Azula was also wearing very little makeup, which suggested that she was trying to maintain a low profile. The same couldn't be said about Ty Lee who was wearing a tiny pink sundress together with a matching pink scarf and heart-shaped sunglasses. The introductions had been warm with Ty Lee hugging Azula and then seeing that Azula and Mai would leave it awkward nods, Ty Lee had smushed them both together in a forceful hug.
"So," Ty Lee began with a determined look on her face. "It seems as if Mai and I once again find ourselves pulled into one of these crazy competitions between you and Zuko."
"Yes, on Zuko's side," Azula nodded, but despite her words, there didn't seem to be any venom in her voice.
"Let's be real, he has always needed all the help he can get against you," Mai snorted. "Ty Lee and I are just evening out the odds, making things fairer."
"Exactly!" Ty Lee exclaimed, nodding fiercely. "Besides, I don't really believe in this whole thing about taking sides. You're always going to be one of my true besties, Zula, and no silly competitions will change that. And I also think there's nothing wrong with a friendly competition. I don't think it has to change anything between us."
"I want to agree with you, Ty Lee," Mai said. "And hopefully Azula feels the same."
"Oh dear, there goes my fiendishly clever plan to recruit you both to my cause," Azula snorted. "No, I honestly don't care if you're helping Zuko or not. I know my brother and I am an expert on how to destroy him in our competitions." Mai's tongue was itching to make a quip that Azula's last competition with Zuko was clearly an exception, or else they wouldn't be having this restaurant war, but Mai decided against annoying Azula. There just was no reason to break the peace, not yet. "Is it so hard to believe that I simply wanted to catch up?" Azula asked. "It's been months since we last met, Mai. And Ty Lee, it's been… a year and a half since your silly little circus visited Ba Sing Se?"
"I miss that traveling circus," Ty Lee sighed wistfully. "But yes, it's been frightfully long. I'm glad we're doing this, though. We should make these meetings regular."
"I wouldn't be opposed to that," Mai nodded. "Provided this goes well."
"Why wouldn't it?" Azula smiled. "Anyway, it's not that I'm trying to learn some secrets about your restaurant, but there is one thing I'm very curious about. I know you were planning to open this coming Monday, but then last night you moved the opening back to Wednesday? That seemed like a very sudden change."
Mai and Ty Lee exchanged glances. Then Ty Lee burst into laughter. "Come on, Mai, we have to tell her about that," Ty Lee giggled. "It's too funny not to."
"Yes… I suppose I agree," Mai smirked. She turned to face the perplexed looking Azula. "A few days ago, Zuko hired a new employee. It's someone you know. A guy called Jet."
"Jet? Jet Patel?" Azula groaned. "Ugh, of course, Zuko would hire that asshole."
"Yes, and let me give you a heads up, Azula. Jet seems to be carrying a pretty big grudge towards you," Mai said.
"Seriously?" Azula looked surprised. "It's not like he has anyone else to blame but himself. He was stealing from the restaurant. He didn't exactly give me any choices but to fire him."
"He claims that you invented these accusations of theft simply because you wanted him out," Mai continued.
"That's bullshit," Azula exclaimed heatedly. "I can-… ugh, no, he's not worth the effort. You know what? If Zuko wants to let this wolf in sheep's clothing into his restaurant, why should I care? The strife that Jet will bring is only going to benefit me. But let me give you a friendly warning in return, Mai. Keep a close eye on the till and don't let Jet anywhere near the money."
"I'll keep that advice in mind," Mai replied. She was a little skeptical about some of Azula's claims, however, Jet was the kind of guy that simply rubbed her the wrong way, and Azula appeared earnest when talking shit about Jet. It definitely seemed like a good idea to be careful when dealing with Jet Patel in the future.
"Anyway, you were about to tell me about the postponed opening, but then you started telling me about Jet," Azula reminded her.
"Yes, because the two things are connected," Mai replied. "When Jet showed up looking for work, we had already filled out our kitchen staff and waitstaff. So, Zuko decided to hire him to do basic maintenance around the place, which also apparently included plumbing."
"Jet is your… plumber?" Azula gasped before bursting into the kind of laughter that made some of the other customers at the café glare at her.
"Sort of," Mai sighed. "We had some issues with the employee toilet. The piping in these old downtown buildings is ancient, so it's not a big surprise that the toilet becomes clogged ever so often. Come Friday evening, and Jet was walking around the restaurant, preening with undeserved sense of accomplishment and claiming that he had fixed the issue. But when we arrived on Saturday morning…"
"We could smell the disaster way out on the street," Ty Lee grimaced, gagging a little. "And listen, I have cleaned an elephant's diarrhea at the circus, but even that wasn't as gross and disgusting as all the sewage we had to clean up at the restaurant."
"You have my sympathies," Azula winced, looking a little pale in the face. Mai smirked at the reminder about how touchy Azula was when it came to personal hygiene. She would have probably fainted at the sight that had awaited them inside The Blue Spirit. "Don't tell me that you kept Jet on the payroll after such a disaster?" Azula asked.
"I was going to push Zuko into giving him a boot, because all that cleaning and then also having to pay an actual competent plumber to sort things out really pissed me off," Mai said. "But when I was ready to make my speech about firing him, Jet did something that made me reconsider."
"He pulled out a bunch of joints and handed them out like candy," Ty Lee giggled. "Ten minutes later we were all high and not sure why we were angry with him to begin with. And in all honesty, I'm willing to forgive. Supplying your coworkers with weed is a very important and irreplaceable role at any workplace."
"Yeah, I've heard that he's something of a weed magnate," Azula said, wincing slightly. "Listen… I hate to ask, but maybe you can do me a favor. You know, in the name of our old friendship."
"We're not killing Jet," Ty Lee insisted. "Or, I don't know, maybe we are, but it's going to cost you."
"What?" Azula stared at Ty Lee as if she had lost her mind, which was probably true. "I don't want you to kill Jet. All I want is for you to buy some Vitamin M from him. I don't have a local supplier in Caldera City, and my old stash just ran dry. Do you think you could buy some stuff from him if I gave you the money? But obviously, you can't tell him that it's for me, or he'll lace it with ipecac."
"Sure, I'll take care of it, Zula," Ty Lee smiled, pocketing a couple of fifty dollar bills that Azula slipped her.
"Anyway, we told you something about our restaurant, perhaps now it's time for you to share some stories about The Northern Lights," Mai suggested.
"I'm not sure what to tell you," Azula shrugged. "We've been hard at work overhauling things on the fly, and it's starting to pay off. We have quite the head start on you, Mai. You better make sure your opening isn't delayed any further, or you'll fall too far behind."
"We're handling it," Mai said, hoping that her fake confidence would fool Azula.
"Azula is terrible at telling funny stories," Ty Lee sighed. "We always have to drag interesting stuff out of you. Let's see," Ty Lee mused. "Alright, so Jet hasn't been talking shit just about you. I came across him when he was texting with someone, muttering and calling them ungrateful. From what I could tell he was texting with a girl named Katara?"
"He was talking smack about Katara? How dare he? Jet Patel is a complete asshole who doesn't deserve to kiss the ground Katara walks upon," Azula burst into a passionate rant before catching herself and blushing fiercely. "I mean, yes, Jet was in a relationship with Katara Enuaraq, one of the owners of the restaurant. Obviously, now that I exposed his thievery, that relationship is over."
Mai quickly glanced at Ty Lee, looking for the reaction of her friend. Azula sounded very passionate when speaking about Katara, and from the way Ty Lee was grinning, Mai suspected that Ty Lee had also made the same conclusion about why Azula became so heated. "Do you have a picture of this Katara?" Ty Lee asked innocently.
"What?" Azula looked a little surprised, blushing again. "Well, not as such, but… I think I have the photo she used in the submission for the Kitchen Nightmares stored somewhere on the cloud. Let me see," Azula said, tinkering with her phone. She then held it out for Mai and Ty Lee to see. "That's Katara and her brother, Sokka," Azula explained as Mai regarded the picture of a very beautiful Water Tribe girl.
"Oh my, she's very pretty," Ty Lee gushed. "You're so lucky, Azula."
"What do you mean?" Azula asked, sounding very worried.
"Well, now that Katara is once again single, there's nothing standing in your way," Ty Lee exclaimed dramatically. "It's spring and the air is full of love! You should just go for it, Zula!"
"I don't know what you're talking about, you madwoman," Azula countered unconvincingly. "Anyway, why don't we talk about your love life instead of making speculations about mine. Especially when I am still together with Chan, who is my boyfriend," Azula added, seemingly remembering at the last moment that she supposedly had a boyfriend.
"Don't give me that spiel, Azula," Ty Lee sighed. "Remember, I was there when you fell apart after realizing that you wouldn't be able to keep sleeping with Chan, and I held you when you were panicking about your true sexuality being exposed. Just… don't even try that with us, okay?"
"Okay," Azula mumbled in a very small voice, looking unusually chastised. "Anyway, I was honestly curious about your own failed attempt at settling down in a serious relationship."
"It just didn't work out," Ty Lee shrugged. "I guess monotonous relationships just aren't my thing."
"Don't you mean monogamous relationships aren't your thing?" Azula asked, looking a little frustrated, while Mai was struggling not to laugh.
"Yes, that's what I said, monotonous relationships," Ty Lee nodded confidently.
"Azula?" Mai cut in, seeing that Azula was about to correct Ty Lee again. "Just roll with it," she added, snickering. "Trust me… it's for the best."
Azula left her rendezvous with Mai and Ty Lee in an upbeat mood. She hadn't expected the meeting to go poorly just because they were on the opposing sides in this restaurant competition, but considering that they hadn't sat down like this for a very long time, it was hard to know just what to expect.
Overall, Azula had experienced a sort of comforting familiarity from hanging out with her closest childhood friends. Even Mai and Ty Lee knowing the truth of her sexual preferences failed to stress Azula out. In the past, she had angered Mai plenty of times while clashing with Zuko, because she felt that Zuko was trying to steal her best friend. Still, even at her angriest, Mai had never used the knowledge of Azula's homosexuality against her. There was no reason to think that Mai would use this information now, for the sake of a competition in which she was only involved by proxy.
Having agreed to schedule another meeting soon, Azula left the street café feeling unusually cheerful. Her next stop was The Jasmine Dragon bakery, and while normally Azula would feel a little conflicted about hanging out with her mother and uncle, on the back of this positive meeting with Mai and Ty Lee, Azula felt up to facing her family instead of simply asking Kiyi to sneak out and meet her at the nearby park or back at Azula's apartment.
It took Azula a while to drive across the city and reach her destination. This particular location served as the headquarters of Iroh's little network of charming little café's, attempting to lure in the guests and locals of Caldera City with its selection of aromatic teas and delicious baked goods. All the baking was done at this location, and several minivans with silly looking green dragons painted on their sides then delivered the freshly baked goods to The Jasmine Dragon cafeterias all across the city. From what Azula could tell, it was a very well-run operation and Iroh's business would probably be a lot more successful, if not for Ozai occasionally using his influence to keep his older brother in his place and pulling off the occasional nasty scheme to stymy the growth of Iroh's business.
As Azula got out of her car in the visitor parking lot, she was immediately hit by a powerful wave of delicious aromas of freshly baked goods wafting forth from the bakery. The smells were even stronger inside the building, making Azula salivate even if she had already enjoyed a pair of fresh croissants for breakfast. It was hard to pick out any single aroma from this overpowering bouquet, but the scent of cinnamon was particularly heavy in the air.
"Hey! You made it!" Azula was pulled out of her aroma-induced trance by Kiyi's voice, her half-sister charging at her and wrapping her arms around Azula's waist. "I'm going to tell mom that you're here," Kiyi said once she had released Azula from her grip. "You can wait for us at the office," she added, pointing towards the doors at the end of the hallway.
"Ugh, fine," Azula sighed, never one to miss the chance to complain about Kiyi's displays of sisterly affection that Azula secretly loved. As Kiyi dashed off to fetch Ursa, Azula was left with no other options than to head towards Iroh's office. "Oh," Azula gasped with surprise when she unexpectedly ran into her uncle, standing by his desk and looking ready to pour tea into the cups already laid out for them. "Uh… hello, uncle. I didn't think you would be in on Sunday," she finished lamely.
"Well, I heard something about a planned family gathering," Iroh smiled at her. "And I'm still a part of this family, aren't I?"
"Of course," Azula replied uncertainly. It wasn't that Azula had a bad relationship with her uncle. It was more that they had no real relationship to speak of, and that was hard to change considering her father's opinion on his brother. If Ozai even knew that Azula was here, speaking with Iroh, she would be treated to a massive tongue-lashing and threats of being disowned. The truth was that Azula had a lot of respect for Iroh because he had managed to build a thriving business in spite of great adversity. However, Azula had always been wary about getting too close with Iroh because she was concerned that her uncle was playing for Team Zuko a little too openly.
"It's very rare that the two of us get to sit down and have a talk," Iroh continued. "I hope you are not upset at me for seizing the opportunity."
"Not at all," Azula said. "It seems that your business is doing well, uncle."
"I can't complain," Iroh nodded, smiling. "Life has been treating me well enough. But I suspect the same goes for you. You look well, niece."
"Thank you," Azula replied politely, but any further pleasantries were interrupted by Ursa and Kiyi barging into the office. Ursa was wearing a hairnet and a rather bulky looking apron that was smudged with what looked like both jam and egg yolks. Still, despite the very unflattering clothing that Ursa wore, Azula couldn't deny that her mother had retained her striking beauty well into her forties. In her hands, Ursa carried a large tray with freshly baked goodies, including cinnamon rolls, poppy seed buns, chocolate covered profiteroles and soft and buttery looking pretzels.
"Ah, and there we have some freshly baked offerings to go with our tea," Iroh looked excited as he eyed the tray. "Sit down, everyone, and let's dig in."
"I would give you a hug if not for this messy apron and also knowing that you hate hugs," Ursa smiled at Azula as they all sat down in Iroh's office which looked more like a comfortable living room than someone's workspace.
"Azula actually loves hugs, she just doesn't want you to know," that dirty little traitor Kiyi said, grinning innocently.
"Hush, Kiyi, don't embarrass your sister," Ursa grinned at her favorite daughter. "Anyway, I hope that our esteemed visitor will find these humble offerings to her liking. We truly tried our best to impress you, impossible as it might be to impress a master chef. Still, it's good to finally have you with us, Azula. And it only took us three weeks of you being in Caldera and five attempts to arrange a visit."
"Whatever, three weeks is still better than the three years it took you to get in touch with me," Azula snapped irately.
Ursa winced, the pained expression in her eyes making Azula instantly regret lashing out. It was now almost five years since Azula had properly reconnected with her mother, upon finally earning her father's permission to travel around freely. Azula had thought that by now she was fully over these long-harbored feelings of abandonment, but Ursa still sometimes managed to say things that triggered Azula. She hated having such a thin skin, but it seemed as if on this issue it was something that would never change.
"I suppose I haven't earned the right to tease you, and perhaps I never will," Ursa sighed. "But that's fair," she said, reaching out and taking Azula's hand. "But I am very happy to see you, honey. We all are." Kiyi and Iroh both nodded along at that.
"I know," Azula said, relaxing slightly. "Thank you, mother." She reached out and picked up a pretzel, savoring a bite. It was as soft and buttery as it looked. "By the way, this is absolutely delicious," she gave the well-deserved compliment.
"I'm very proud of my team of bakers," Iroh said, patting his bulging stomach. "Although, their ever-growing prowess has not been good for my ability to maintain any sort of healthy diet." Everyone laughed politely at that before Iroh continued. "Anyway, Azula, I have heard about your latest competition with Zuko. I'm sorry, but I simply find it deplorable that your father still continues to pit you two against each other."
"Why would you expect that to change?" Azula shrugged. "You know that father believes in the survival of the fittest. And I intend to survive by proving that I am more fit than Zuko."
"Don't you wish it wouldn't be like that, though?" Iroh asked. "Wouldn't you rather have a normal relationship with your brother?"
"Is this where you tell me that I should concede and let Zuko win?" Azula asked. "Because I doubt that you're telling Zuko to do the same."
"Actually, that's where you're wrong, Azula," Ursa sighed. "Zuko stopped by for a visit yesterday and your uncle tried to tell him the same. You're both adults in your mid-twenties. We would love to see you both rejecting your father's toxic ideology and forge your own path in life, without feuding, but perhaps instead supporting each other."
"Do you really think that Zuko and I would know how to do anything else but to compete?" Azula shrugged, feeling incredulous. "Sorry, but by this point we're like two leopards who can't change their spots. And somehow, I doubt that Zuko was any more receptive to your idea than I am."
"Unfortunately, he was not," Ursa admitted, looking very downcast.
"Well, obviously," Azula said. "You and Iroh simply don't realize how much blood, sweat and tears we both have poured into our careers up until now. To just so casually walk away and start from the scratch? You know how our father would view that. He would probably do everything he can to make us fail. No, what you're asking for is completely unreasonable."
Iroh and Ursa exchanged disappointed stares. "Well, we tried," Iroh sighed.
"I know you mean well," Azula half-lied. She was almost fully convinced that Ursa was earnest in her wish to see her children getting along, but she was not entirely sure that Iroh was not simply trying to secure an advantage for Zuko. Perhaps this suspicion was unfair, and perhaps the perception that Iroh had been there for Zuko far more than he had been there for Azula was a little biased, but it was hard to let go of these preconceptions. "I just think you need to accept that Zuko and I will always be at each other's throats," Azula added, only then realizing that Kiyi had gone completely silent, looking like she was about to burst into tears. "Is something wrong, Kiyi?" Azula asked, feeling a surge of guilt from a source she could not immediately identify.
"My birthday is in three weeks," Kiyi sniffed. "I had hoped to invite both you and Zuko…"
"Ah…" Azula realized, mentally slapping herself. "You can still do that, I think? It's not like Zuko and I will immediately jump to violence. We've been in the same room without starting some kind of drama. It's happened before, so it could happen again."
"Alright, good," Kiyi stopped sniffling, clearing her nose. "Maybe we can teach you two how to get along," she said hopefully, despite Azula's obvious skepticism. Azula did not want to express this negativity, however, because despite how much she thought that Kiyi was being ridiculous right now, she didn't want to make her half-sister cry. Still, Azula was not enjoying how this reunion seemed to be all about her toxic relationship with Zuko, which was not exactly her favorite topic of conversation. At this point, she was eager to shift the gears.
"Do you want to go and hang out in the park?" Azula asked Kiyi. "That should cheer you up."
"Sure, but we're taking all these goodies with us," Kiyi grinned, pointing at the tray.
"But you haven't even finished your tea!" Iroh despaired, looking scandalized.
"I'll finish it later," Azula lied. She had no intention of coming back inside when she returned to drop Kiyi off.
"Just let them go and have their fun," Ursa smiled softly. "I should return to work, anyway. I hope you won't remain a stranger, Azula," she said, getting up to leave.
"I already said I would be there for Kiyi's birthday, right?" Azula sighed. Ursa merely looked amused as she walked away. Azula then patiently waited for Kiyi to find a Tupperware for all the pastries that she clearly didn't intend to leave behind. Azula and Kiyi then said farewell to Iroh and left the bakery, getting into Azula's car for a short drive to the nearby park.
"So," Azula spoke up while driving. Kiyi had strapped herself into the passenger seat next to her, busy munching on a poppy seed bun. It looked very tasty, but Azula really hated the way the poppy seeds stuck to her teeth and she could already see that Kiyi's teeth looked absolutely hideous, validating Azula's decision to stick with the cinnamon rolls and pretzels. "Is the babysitting business still booming?" Azula asked. "I know Yue is very happy with you."
"And I'm very happy with her," Kiyi nodded, speaking around chunks of the poppy seed bun. "I'm now Kya's primary babysitter. It was a no-brainer after Yue gave me a small raise."
"That was very nice of her," Azula said, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. It sounded like Yue had rewarded Kiyi before getting a raise herself, which implied that Yue was not always the most pragmatic when it came to spending money. "I had a feeling that it would be a good opportunity for you."
"It's been very good. Almost crazy how nice both Yue and Kya are," Kiyi nodded. "Yue talks about you quite a lot, by the way."
Azula slammed on the breaks very suddenly, having nearly ran over an old scarecrow on a pedestrian crossing. "Damn it," Azula swore, angry at how easily she became flustered these days. The old scarecrow yelled at her for a bit before staggering away, letting them continue on their way. "Anyway, is she talking about me with you? What is she saying?" Azula pressed.
"She mostly just asks me a lot of questions, like she's trying to find out more about you," Kiyi explained. "She's especially curious about your boyfriend and other people you've dated in the past." Azula felt herself blushing lightly at Kiyi's words. "But mostly she talks about you with Katara or Suki. It's even worse when the three of them get together. They talk about little else but you."
Azula laughed awkwardly as they finally pulled into the parking lot adjacent to the public park. "That's utterly ridiculous, Kiyi," she shook her head in disbelief. "You make it sound like they're completely obsessed with me, and that would be just silly."
"Alright, it's time for my presentation on the object of our shared obsession," Yue Taqqiq spoke proudly, standing in front of a large whiteboard in the upstairs apartment above the restaurant. "Azula Nakamura."
"Okay," Suki laughed. She was sharing the loveseat with Katara, both of them grinning at Yue. "This seems like a totally normal thing to do."
"Shut up, I have a very scientific presentation to share with you," Yue laughed in response as she took a black marker and divided the whiteboard in two columns. She then wrote 'evidence for straight Azula' atop of one column and 'evidence for gay Azula' atop of the other.
"I thought you were going to draw the Kinsey scale, or something," Katara snorted.
"I've heard those tests are bullshit, anyway," Suki said.
"Yes, what I have in mind is far more scientific than the Kinsey method," Yue nodded, starting to write on the whiteboard. She put 'claims to have a boyfriend' as evidence for straight Azula before writing the same, only with boyfriend in parenthesis as evidence for gay Azula. "I know this Chan Takahashi is a real person because I've seen him in the papers and on TV, but I have barely ever heard Azula mentioning him," Yue explained.
"It is weird," Katara admitted. "Though, I am prepared to take Azula at her face value."
"Well, maybe," Yue shrugged. "But over this past week I have used the scientific method to gather more evidence for my research, and I plan to present it to you now."
"You used the scientific method?" Suki asked, looking ready to burst into laughter. "Wait, we need to hear more about this. What do you mean?"
"Well, I pulled questions from various online tests to determine if someone is gay or not," Yue explained proudly. "Then I texted these questions to Azula, but without telling what they were for. I have finally compiled all the answers, and I think you'll agree that they paint a clear picture."
"This is fantastic," Katara giggled like mad. "Please enlighten us, Dr. Taqqiq!"
"First of all, I present you the evidence in the shape of music that Azula is into," Yue said, writing on the whiteboard. "Her Spotify playlists have all the icons with sapphic following, Queen Taylor, Halsey, Allie X, and most importantly, Hayley Kiyoko."
"Damn, that sounds… incredibly gay," Suki gasped, with Katara nodding along.
"I'm glad you agree that the evidence is starting to pile up," Yue nodded smugly. "Next, we have more evidence from the movies. Most of Azula's favorites are gory body horror," Yue shuddered lightly. "Still, I think there's some evidence to be found here as well. I don't know much about these movies, but Hostel 2 is pretty gay, isn't it, Suki?"
"Extremely so," Suki laughed. "That's a dead giveaway, right there."
"Also, the sisters in Ginger Snaps are pretty queer, right?" Yue asked.
"Absolutely," Katara nodded. "We watched it together, don't you remember?" Yue blinked, trying to refresh her memory. "Back in high school? When we were dating? We decided to see if getting drunk would make us less scared while watching horror flicks."
"Oh, that's right!" Yue snapped her fingers. "I may not have been paying much attention to the movie," she winked at Katara. "And I don't know about the booze making us less scared, but it certainly made me hornier."
"I remember that as well," Katara chuckled, blushing lightly.
"Anyway, there's more," Yue said. "Azula loves the Scream franchise, obviously, including the TV show."
"Is that really gay, though?" Katara wondered.
"I mean, the show certainly had a lot of strong gay vibes," Suki clicked her tongue. "And the movies… it's possible that Azula is crushing on strong female protagonists. I totally get that. I would happily dress up as the Ghostface if it meant that Sam would homoerotically stab me to death."
"You're crazy, Suki," Katara laughed. "I mean, I would obviously do the same, but for Tara."
"Right," Suki rolled her eyes, turning to look at Yue. "Anyway, do you have more evidence for us, Dr. Taqqiq?"
"Oh, I could go on and on about the evidence of Azula preferring the colors of the lesbian flag, I could talk about her fashion sense, and so on," Yue replied. "But I think it's time to move on to imperial evidence."
"Don't you mean empirical evidence?" Suki grinned.
"Shush, don't question the expert!" Yue mock-glared at Suki. "It's the evidence you obtain by observing your victim."
"Hmm, it's kind of hot to think about Azula as our victim," Katara giggled insanely.
"Yes, anyway," Yue continued, refusing to be interrupted. "The next batch of evidence was obtained by measuring the victim's reaction to in-person interactions. Azula's reaction to smiling and prolonged eye-contact is blushing. Azula's reaction to subtle flirting is severe blushing. Reaction to touch and incidental body contact is positive, but hesitant. She's definitely hungry, but scared."
"Okay, the evidence feels overwhelming by now," Suki sighed.
"Is it, really?" Katara asked, not looking as convinced. "I think we should put greater stock on Azula herself denying it."
"Well, I have some additional evidence to convince you, Kat. And in order to exclude subjectivity, Suki helped me with these observations. We are both in agreement that Azula is blatantly checking all of us out at every opportunity, especially when we dress a little sexier," Yue explained. "Kat, when you wore that extremely short dress you just bought, Azula was literally eating you up with her eyes."
"Or eating you out with her eyes," Suki quipped.
"Also, I swear that every damn time Suki bends forward to pick up something in the kitchen, Azula is always staring at her ass," Yue chuckled. "Not that I can blame her, she's clearly a woman of taste," she winked at Suki, who shot her finger guns in return.
"And Yue, last night, when you opened the top buttons of your shirt and showed off your bra and the tops of your tits, Azula went totally red in the face and started sweating bullets," Suki laughed. "Come on, Kat. Azula is deeply closeted gay, or at least bisexual."
"It's hard to argue with that conclusion, I suppose," Katara admitted. "So, what should we do with this… knowledge?"
"Obviously, we need to drag Azula out of the closet, even if she's kicking and screaming," Suki said with determination. "It would be for her own good. I could go for it and kiss her, just to see how she reacts."
"Wait, no, that's potential sexual harassment at workplace if we have completely misread the signs," Katara protested. "We need to be very careful. Azula might have some valid reasons for not outing herself, and we should respect that."
"As easy as it is to get carried away where Azula is concerned, I agree with Kat," Yue sighed. "I think we need to be patient and encouraging, and perhaps we can get Azula to open up about it to us."
"I guess you're right," Suki sighed reluctantly. "But I have another question. If Azula admits that she's into girls, what do we do then?"
"What do you mean?" Yue asked, not sure what Suki was talking about.
"I think what Suki means is that if Azula is actually into girls and available, how do we avoid coming to blows if we all start chasing her," Katara said.
"Right, I didn't think about that," Yue sighed. "But you know how much I love you, guys. I would never want to endanger what we have for the sake of chasing Azula, no matter how alluring that might be."
"Well said," Katara nodded, rising together with Suki. The three girls then shared a tight group hug to cement their resolution. "If one of us manages to land Azula, I promise to be happy for them."
"Or we could make it a group effort," Suki suggested. "But then, whoever manages to get with Azula would have to share her."
Yue exchanged stares with Katara. "I mean… sure, why not?" Yue shrugged, laughing. "But do you seriously think that Azula would go for something as crazy as that?"
