Author's Note:
LEMME TALK TO YA!
Well, this is pretty late for a new chapter to be published, eh? Well, I've been out and about the past few days, so I didn't have much time to write this chapter. Finishing up chapter 392 was also a factor. I just wanted to be all caught up, at this point.
But speaking of catching up...I may have to do that again in the very near future. So I'm sure that you're waiting for me to reply to your reviews, as I implied I would do in the last author's note, but there has been a change of plans. A major change of plans. For I have some big news...
...I'm going on a hiatus! Again! (You can't say this is unprecedented because it's happened before.) But have no fear, this one won't be as long as the last one in 2020. I planned on mentioning this earlier, but I'll be going on a week-long vacation in the last week of July. And rather than taking just that week off, I decided, why not take the entire month off? So yeah, this will pretty much be the only chapter of Smash Life you'll see in July.
I've been considering going on a hiatus for a while now, probably ever since I completed chapter 389. Frankly, it wasn't until after chapter 392 was posted that the decision was set in stone. Obviously, I'll have to get all caught up to speed when I return after July, but with this time off I can reassess the story and think about the next course of action. This story is inevitably going to end (presumably around the end of the year), and I want it to end with a bang.
In the meantime, you can read the other stores on the Smash archive, or literally anywhere else on this site. Hopefully, none of you will be panicking about the fact that this story won't be updated for a month...because then that would be weird. And concerning. Begging for me to return won't do ya even good, so don't even think about doing that.
Now that I got that out of the way, I'll leave you all with this chapter. It's on the shorter side since I didn't have much time as stated I've earlier. Nowhere near as long as the last chapter. Writing those long chapters might have been a contributing factor to the hiatus, but I won't say how much.
Anyways...see you all on the flippity flip!
Episode 393: List
Sora was a guy known for coming up with ideas out of the box. Granted, most of that can be credited to the many adventures he had in his own universe, but there was no denying that Sora sometimes had a brilliant mind. For better and for worse.
Kairi and Riku, Sora's best friends, were usually the soundboard for Sora's bright ideas before Sora makes his pitch to Master Hand. With Sora planning to meet with Master Hand later today, he wanted to make sure to run his idea by his best friends first.
"Really, Sora? Bastille Day?" Kairi questioned Sora, who presented his idea to the girl and Riku in the hallway. As was to be expected, both Kairi and Riku were skeptical. "What connection do you even have to that?"
"I'm friends with Quasimodo, just like Riku," explained Sora as he looked towards Riku to back him up, only for Riku to remain silent. "That's my connection to Bastille Day."
"Never said that I was friends with Quasimodo, but okay," stated Riku, in his usual position of back against the wall with his arms folded. While Sora was besties with every Disney character he met, Riku could never replicate the same energy.
"Also, who would even celebrate Bastille Day, none of us are French!" argued Kairi; the closest person that she could think of was Rayman, but he and his friends lived outside the mansion.
"Well, that didn't stop Master Hand from making everyone celebrate Boxing Day!" attested Sora, leaving Kairi and Riku both clueless as he made them exchange looks with one another. "You've...never heard of Boxing Day before? Live under a rock much?"
"Ah, the three amigos!" Master Hand greeted Sora and company as he came down the hallway, with Sora hoping that the giant hand wasn't eavesdropping on his conversation. "Still worked up about The Little Mermaid, Sora?"
"He's now confounded that Tinker Bell is Native American," replied Riku as he tried to hold in his laugh, only to force one out through his sly smile. Sora looked at Riku in pure disbelief.
"I thought that she turned black, just like Ariel," stated Sora, as Kairi was now the one that was laughing. Had to hold her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter.
Sora: Master Hand stays in his room about half the time unless something's going down. But whenever he ventures out, he does these weird treks around the mansion. And you never know who he's gonna zero in on for these really intense small talks. You just hope it's not you. And yet, you hope it is you too. It's strange.
"Master Hand!" Isabelle called out to the giant hand as she ran down the hallway, wanting to speak with Master Hand. A small notepad flew out of her clipboard and landed on the floor near Kamui. "I'm bored. Let's have a conversation."
"I'll oblige! Describe your day so far," Master Hand instructed Isabelle, with fingers crossed that the Shih Tzu would leave out the least important details. Mainly stuff that had to do with restocking printing paper in the printing room.
"Well, I woke up." Excellent conversation starter, Isabelle - way to have Master Hand hooked and hanging unto your every word. "And I hit the snooze..."
"And when you recount your day, never say you woke up. It's a waste of your time. That's how every day's begun, for everyone, since the dawn of man!"
"Very smart, very smart. Suddenly, I was awake. And I've been doing this thing..."
"Hey, Master Hand!" Sora said to the giant hand, remembering the meeting he was supposed to have with him. "We have that casual chit-chat scheduled. I text you about it last night to confirm. And again this morning."
"Don't know who you text, because I don't have a cellphone," confessed Master Hand, as Sora had a thousand-mile stare feeling like a fool. "Whoever got your texts must've thought that a telemarketer was harassing them."
Sora: First item on the agenda: can I get everyone to celebrate Bastille Day? Item number two, connect with the guy. Master Hand, what does he think of me? Don't know, super care. I've known the guy for a number of years, but I don't feel like I know him enough.
"Fiora, Fiora! Psst. Fiora!" Kamui whispered to the Homs standing down the hallway further from Master Hand and company. Kamui motioned over to Fiora, who came over to a notepad that fell from Isabelle's clipboard.
"Hm?" said Fiora, only to see the notepad that was on the floor; Fiora picked up the notepad, took a gander at then, and then looked back at Shulk and beckoned to him. Shulk motioned to Fiora that he was on the phone, and he and Fiora were beckoning to each other...only for Fiora to win the battle.
"Can I call you right back? Thank you very much," Shulk finished up his call, before putting his phone in his pocket and coming over to Fiora and Kamui. Fiora handed him the notepad, which had a list of names. "What is this?"
It was hard to imagine Pit and Ryuji getting along after that wrestling feud they had last year. With Pit preferring the mainstream giant WWE, and Ryuji preferring the lesser-known AEW, the two were at odds.
But thanks to a watch party involving some classic Japanese wrestling, Pit and Ryuji were on friendly terms with one another. So friendly now, that they were able to have peaceful wrestling conversations with one another in the cafe. Much to the chagrin of Joker.
"If you ask me, Vacant is the greatest champion in WWE history," Pit discussed with Ryuji, treating this Vacant entity as if it were greater than the likes of Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair combined.
"Only champion to win both men's AND women's titles, baby!" exclaimed Ryuji, before chugging a big swig of his canned soda. Joker was listening to the conversation against his will, his mind being numbed.
"Vacant isn't that special..." muttered Joker, only repeating to himself as a cope for the conversation he had to endure. Sonic entered the cafe, and Joker caught him sneaking past the counter. "Sonic, what are you..."
"Shh," Sonic shushed Joker, holding a wrapped gift in his hand; Sonic placed the gift close to Pit, giving the angel a wink as he got from behind the counter.
"Oh! Ryuji! When's your birthday?" Pit asked the delinquent as he grabbed the gift, while Sonic exited the cafe and peeked through the doorway.
"This Monday," replied Ryuji, looking forward to celebrating his birthday as he smiled and folded his arms behind his back. For one day, Ryuji was going to be the king of the world.
"That's awfully convenient because...happy early birthday!" Pit handed Ryuji the wrapped gift, and Ryuji's eyes almost bulged out when he saw it. Snatching the gift, Ryuji hastily unwrapped it and gasped at what it was.
"AEW: Fight Forever?! Are you for real?!" Ryuji was feeling like a little kid on Christmas, holding the wrestling video game as if it was a crown jewel. "How did you know that I wanted this?"
"Heard about your interest through the grapevine." Pit was feeling happy about himself, as Ryuji proceeded to kiss the game cover. Joker and even Pit found that to be excessive. "Sheesh, even I never kissed my new games..."
"Thank you for having standards," Kirby thanked Pit, as Ryuji was sniffing the game cover after he was done kissing it. Gotta get that new video game smell into his nostrils.
Ryuji: *holds video game cover up to camera* AEW: Fight Forever, baby! Been wanting this game forever, ever since it was first announced. Over two years! With how long I had to wait, this game better be as great as everyone says it will be.
Sonic: Thanks to Proto Man and Bass, I got the game pretty much the day I ordered it. The best free shipping ever. I had to pay $60 for it, so I assume that it's worth the money. And it better be worth the money, too...that $60 was going into Shaymin's new playpen.
"Screw it, I'm playing this game RIGHT NOW!" exclaimed Ryuji, almost running into Lucario as he raced out of the cafe. Lucario looked over his shoulder at Ryuji as he approached the counter.
"Guess we won't be seeing Ryuji for the remainder of the day," remarked Lucario, having caught a glimpse of the AEW video game that Ryuji was holding onto like Gollum holding onto the Ring. "Not that I'm complaining..."
Sora got what he wanted, as he was speaking with Master Hand in the giant hand's room. But would Master Hand hear out his Bastille Day pitch? Let's jump right in and find out...
"Bastille Day, the second Friday of July. Thoughts?" Sora proposed to Master Hand, leaving the door open for Master Hand to give his input.
"What are your thoughts?" asked Master Hand, as he threw the question right back at Sora. Sora was taken aback by Master Hand's manuver.
"Just making chit-chat. Kind of a medium year for women's soccer, no?" Sora was unsure where that came from, but at least he was having a decent convo with Master Hand. Right?
"Master Hand? Master Hand! It's-a me, Mario!" Mario called out from behind the door as he was knocking aggressively - and impatiently. Two things that should never go together when it comes to door-knocking.
"Door's open, you fool," responded Master Hand, and so Mario came on inside the room. Once Mario stepped foot inside Master Hand's room... "Sora, do you mind excusing yourself?"
"But what about..." Sora was about to say, only to catch himself as he had no choice but to leave. "...we'll talk more later." So Sora excused himself from the room, while Master Hand was entirely focused on Mario.
"This has been dwelling on my mind for a week, and now I feel inclined to ask you about it...what do you know about the list that Iori gave me?"
"What-a list?" Mario nervously asked as he tried to act stupid, but such a tactic didn't work on Master Hand. Unless under very certain circumstances.
The list that fell out of Isabelle's clipboard was all the rage with Shulk, Fiora, and Kamui, as the three were looking at the list together in the living room. An awfully curious Falco saw the three crowded together and wanted in on what they were looking at.
"What are you looking at?" Falco asked Shulk and company as he tried to look over their shoulder. Shulk had to push Falco away when the avian pilot was getting too close.
"It's, it's nothing," replied Shulk, although his quick response and the way that he pushed Falco far from him made Falco think otherwise.
"It can't be nothing." Falco refused to stop bothering Shulk until he got the answer that he wanted, and so Shulk ultimately caved in.
"It's just a list of our names, split into two columns. Might belong to Master Hand." It wasn't a substantial enough answer for Falco, but it was a good enough for him.
"What?" King Dedede crinkled his nose at Shulk, while he was sitting on the couch watching television with Palutena and Slippy Toad. Shulk groaned, not in the mood for giving a second explanation.
"Okay, just wait one second, alright? I will copy it. Do any one of you have a pen?"
"I would give you one, but Rush swallowed it," replied Kamui, who had found an ink pen earlier only for it to be accidentally devoured by Mega Man's pet dog. "Mega Man's working on getting the pen out of..."
"...nope. Don't wanna hear it. Okay. Um, I'll take a photo of it. Falco, can you throw me my phone? It's on that small table there."
"I got you," Falco assured Shulk as he grabbed the Hom's phone and accidentally threw it past Shulk, breaking a window in the process. "Nice catch."
"If he shows up, distract him," Fiora said to everyone in the living room as she took the list from Shulk, before running to the printing room to make a few copies. Or a lot of copies. Who knows.
"We need a warning signal," suggested Slippy, as Shulk believed that a warning signal would do more harm than good. Especially if Slippy was the one that was sounding it off.
"We don't need a warning signal, Slippy," assured Shulk, as Slippy was the very last choice for sounding a warning signal of any kind. "He can literally pop up at any given minute..."
"WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!" Slippy's warning signal was so loud, that it made everyone in the living room cover their ears. Master Hand even showed up!
"Ahhh!" Palutena screamed as she fell backward on the couch as soon as Master Hand arrived. The goddess of light brought the couch, King Dedede, and Slippy down along with her, as all four comments fell on the floor.
"Palutena! You okay?" Falco asked the goddess of light as he came to her aid, while King Dedede and Slippy got no love. Even Shulk and Kamui came to Palutena's aid only.
"Yeah..." replied Palutena, as Falco inspected her for any signs of injury; Falco looked over his shoulder to see if Master Hand was still looking, before going back to his inspection.
"One, two, three!" After the count of three, Falco, Shulk, and Fiora helped Palutena up to her feet, dusting her off once she was standing upright.
"Thanks, guys." Seeing that Palutena was safe, Master Hand vanished and returned to his room. Like the others, Master Hand didn't seem to care about King Dedede or Slippy all that much.
"All done!" confirmed Fiora as she returned to the living room at the most opportune time, holding the original list - and several copies of the list she had made. Plenty of lists to go around.
"Which side of the list am I on?" asked King Dedede, as he and Slippy remained on the floor feeling unloved. Not a single soul cared enough to help him.
"Right," answered Shulk, as King Dedede let out a resounding "Yes!" that made Shulk baffled. "Why are you...how do you know?"
The list was obviously a big deal, and Link and Zelda deserved to know about it. While Shulk and Fiora couldn't get in contact with Zelda, they did manage to speak with Link in his bedroom as they showed him the list.
"Really great list of names guys," Link said to Shulk and Fiora after skimming through the list and handing it back to Shulk. Wasn't much that the Hylian could really say. "Thank you so much. Good work."
"Uh, no, actually, that was in Isabelle's clipboard," Shulk explained to Link, as he now had the Hylian's full attention. Link's interest was piqued. "We think it might belong to Master Hand."
"It was left on the floor and we photocopied it," added Fiora, holding one of the copies that she had made. She even had several other copies in her pocket. "Many of the others are in the know."
"Oh, okay. I don't want any part of this," stated Link, putting his hands up as he walked past Shulk and Fiora. Even as a person of authority, there were some matters that Link didn't wish to be caught up in.
"Maybe it's a list of people Master Hand's gonna kick out." The thought of Master Hand kicking her out of the mansion brought some sadness to Fiora, who had to be cheered up by Shulk.
"It's not that Fiora," Shulk assured his girlfriend, soothing her before a single tear ran down her face. "You know, I was thinking it reminds me of those lists Yoshi used to make."
"This is if we were all on a cruise ship and had to divide into lifeboats," explained Yoshi as he showed his aforementioned lists to Nia, Dromarch, and Chrom in the gaming room. "This is if we were on a cruise ship and had to divide into life rafts. Here's something. Who would eat who in an 'Alive' situation? No...that can't be it."
"I gotta say, kinda seems like the left side's the side to be on," smiled Chrom, pleasantly surprised to see his name on the left side of the list. "Me, Rosalina, King Dedede, Joker. No offense Nia."
"Excuse me?" Nia frowned at Chrom with her hands on her hips, looking to scratch up the prince's face. Dromarch was in no mood for holding Nia back.
"Come on Nia, don't be such a right-sider," Yoshi chided the Gormotti, who angrily lashed out against the green dinosaur as she scratched his face with her claw. Yoshi appeared unfazed by Nia's attack, blinking twice. "Ah, who am I kidding, I'm a right-sider too..."
Sonic was the one who purchased AEW: Fight Forever, so he believed that he reserved the right to see how the game worked. The blue hedgehog would find Ryuji in the living room, playing his beloved video game with a smile on his face.
"One...two...THREE!" Ryuji counted down, as he won the match; the delinquent would celebrate with a cheer as he triumphantly raised his fist.
"Nice win," Sonic commended Ryuji as he applauded, catching the attention of Ryuji. Ryuji looked at Sonic the happiest that the blue hedgehog had seen him.
"Sup Sonic? Check it out - it's AEW: Fight Forever! Wanna hop in?" Ryuji pointed at the Joy-Cons that were on the television stand, and Sonic showed no sign of grabbing them.
"Nah, I'm good. I'm just gonna spectate, for now." Upset that he didn't have a player two, Ryuji restarted the match as he looked to win yet again.
"Gonna go two for two. Wish me luck!" Once the bell rang, Ryuji got down to action as his wrestler was grappling with the opponent. During the early goings of the match, Sonic couldn't help but notice something...off.
"Why do the graphics look like they're from a PS2 game?" Sonic was already offering criticism, and Ryuji waved off the blue hedgehog.
"The developers did it on purpose, wanted to go for the nostalgia effect. The graphics are to remind people of the early 2000s wrestling video games!"
"I see! So it's more of an arcade game than a wrestling simulator." Sonic watched as Ryuji delivered a leg drop to his opponent, with Ryuji getting a little too into it as he mashed the button.
"If that's what you wanna call it, sure." Ryuji ran the ropes and performed yet another leg drop, getting excited as he stood up from the couch. Then the game started to glitch out...and Ryuji didn't seem to care.
"Think I've seen enough..." Sonic couldn't bear to watch any more of the gameplay, as he slowly backed out of the living room. "...you keep on having fun with your game."
"You have no idea what you're missing out on. Man, this game is so much FUN!" Ryuji was so engrossed, that his eyes were literally glued to the television screen. Sonic sped away seconds later.
"Did you guys figure it out?" Kairi asked Sora and Riku as she encountered her friends in the middle of the hallway. Each Keyblade wielder had a copy of the list in their possession.
"I can't seem to crack it," replied Sora, whose name happened to be on the list - on the left side. Sora was potentially part of a special group.
"Go and ask Master Hand what it means," Riku suggested to Sora, putting his friend up to the challenge. But Sora seemed hesitant to speak with Master Hand, worried about the consequences he might face.
"He'll know that we looked at his stuff. Which he had Isabelle hold in her clipboard. Wonder what else he's hiding..."
"Just say you saw the list by accident," suggested Kairi, but Sora couldn't bring himself to do that. That would only land him in big trouble.
"I'm already working on this Bastille Day thing for you guys and it's starting to stack up. Feels like a lot. One thing at a time."
"Yeah, that's all you had to do today was ask about Bastille Day." And that gave Sora incentive...albeit a nervous one at that.
Cloud wasn't intrigued by the hoopla about the list, as evidenced when he was relaxing on the couch in the lounge. The swordsman's eyes were closed, and one of them opened as Cloud saw Mario standing by.
"Hey Mario, what's up?" Cloud asked the plumber, not moving from his current position as he continued to relax on the couch. The dude had his shoes on the couch, the audacity of him...
"Master Hand...the list," Mario uttered those very words to Cloud, who was fully alert as his eyes went fully wide open. "He knows..."
"It was only a matter of time." Cloud turned to his side, his body language showing that he didn't care enough to care. But Mario, he seemed to care a lot.
Mario: Worked-a to keep the list a secret. Wanted to decipher its-a meaning before unveiling it to Master Hand. Now Master Hand knows, and so does-a everyone else. I passed by Dante, and I hear-a him talking about a list! Perhaps it was his grocery list. But Dante doesn't even go out shopping! *puts hand over chest* Just take a chill-a pill, Mario, don't get too paranoid...
Sora was standing outside Master Hand's room, continuously knocking on the door. Master Hand was easily annoyed as he sighed. Shulk, who had accompanied Sora, was just as annoyed.
"Yes, for Pete's sake Sora, come in!" shouted Master Hand, as Sora was granted permission to access Master Hand's room. Sora opened the door and stepped inside, and conveniently enough he saw Master Hand with Isabelle.
"What's up?" Sora greeted Master Hand and Isabelle in the friendliest way possible, although it fell flat with the giant hand and Shih Tzu. "Weird thing. Totally awkward, but you left your notepad in the hallway, Isabelle."
"Great. Thank you!" Isabelle offered her thanks, as Shulk handed her her notepad. The Shih Tzu took out her clipboard and clipped her notepad back on.
"And it was open. And people saw this," said Shulk as he showed Master Hand and Isabelle a copy of the list of names that he and many others knew about. "A lot of people are just kinda going nuts and like wondering what it is."
"What is this?" asked Master Hand as he couldn't make out the list - if only he had eyes so he could wear some glasses.
"It's a photocopy from Isabelle's notepad." Upon further inspection, Master Hand finally recognized the list...and gasped out of shock.
"You read the list? And photocopied it. And distributed it!
"No. They did. And they asked me and Sora to ask about it."
"Ah, please. Here's what it is. It's a doodle! Some people, like Isabelle, doodle when they let their minds run. They draw houses and penises. Funny how the houses are always colonials and the penises are always circumcised. Don't you think? Well, I doodle too, but I'm not an artist. So I draw words and lists!"
"That is fascinating!" remarked Sora, while the more skeptical Shujlk was not buying a single thing that came out of Master Hand's mouth. Not after Master Hand was talking about circumcision and stuff.
"Might as well have been sketching a cube," Isabelle sheepishly admitted, as Shulk furrowed his brow at the Shih Tzu. Shulk could tell that something was off.
Sonic wasn't the only person who believed that Ryuji's precious wrestling game wasn't up to snuff; a few folks passed through the living room, each offering their own criticisms. Bowser, who was watching Ryuji play with his "World's Best Dad" mug in hand, had the bluntest critique.
"This game looks like mediocre trash," Bowser gave his two cents on the video game, prompting Ryuji to pause and look at the Koopa King with contempt.
"It's supposed to be fun..." Ryuji said to Bowser through clenched teeth, glaring at Bowser for a few moments before unpausing. Bayonetta overheard Ryuji as she entered the living room, shaking her head.
"Same exact words he said to me," Bayonetta said quietly to Bowser, as she and many other residents were lectured by Ryuji on just how "fun" AEW: Fight Forever was. "He thinks the game will be 'patched' soon."
"I'd love to see the look on his face if this patch never happens," giggled Bowser - nothing that the Koopa King more than to say to someone, "I told you so".
The mysterious list was all the rage in the gaming room, as everyone was talking up a storm about it. They were trying to find out the significance of the list, and what the individuals on the left side and the individuals on the right side had in common.
"I gotta say, I think it's kinda cool not knowing," Red the Pokemon Trainer gave his two cents on the situation, liking how the entire mansion was hooked unto a simple list. "It's like one of those movies that ends on a note of mystery. Did the butler do it? Are they ghosts? You know? It's kinda sophisticated."
"Everybody hates those endings!" proclaimed Wendy, acting as if she was a strong movie connoisseur. Mewtwo passed by Wendy and caught Pigma looking at the list upside down, before turning it.
"I was looking for patterns," Pigma explained to Mewtwo, before turning the list sideways. Mewtwo could only watch and judge Pigma, who flipped the list in another direction.
"I know," responded Mewtwo as he continued on his way, choosing to let Pigma be great. Not like he ever deemed Pigma great to begin with.
"It's all a mind game," insisted Eight, coming off as a major Master Hand sycophant. Such a haphazard attitude may or may not get him punched in the face. "He wanted us to see the list. He's a genius. You guys just don't get him."
"I made a list like this for Congress when I worked for FOXHOUND in the 90's, they're meaningless," said Snake, finding the fascination surrounding the list to be laughable. Led him to believe that his peers had too much time on their hands.
"Guys, really, it's okay," Corrin assured everyone in the gaming room, although he was mainly addressing a select few who was freaking out. "I don't think there's any reason for anybody to worry."
Corrin: I am on the wrong side, and I am freaking out here.
Mario left the mansion and he left that place knowing that many of the residents were aware of the list. How Master Hand obtained the list, Mario did not know, but that was a question to be answered another day.
"Hey, I just got a text from Falco, that there's gonna be some big meeting," Fox approached Mario outside holding his phone, as he saw the plumber heading to his house. "Know anything about it?"
"Ask-a me again later..." replied Mario, looking as if he had a lot of thoughts racing through his mind. Fox watched as Mario walked past him and went inside his house, without giving any eye contact.
"Eh, must not be that important. Falco loves blowing stuff out of proportion. Just like that fight that happened at breakfast! Like I'd want to see Futaba fight somebody...
Because the list was now a known commodity, Master Hand was forced to hold a meeting in the lecture hall to address the list and everyone's concerns. As everyone waited for Master Hand's arrival, the residents discussed among themselves what the list meant.
"Peppy, you do puzzles all day," Little Mac said to the hare who was, in fact, doing a crossword puzzle right now. Trying to get it done before the meeting. "What do you have?"
"Well, you take the first letter from each name, assign it a number, add 'em all up, and SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT!" answered Peppy, hoping that he got a good laugh out of Little Mac...only for Little Mac to stare at him blankly. "No?"
Peppy: I came up with a new thing this summer. I act like I'm telling someone how to do something. I go on with a long description and then I say, 'And shove it up your butt!' It's stupid, but it's my thing now.
"I know! It's alphabetical," exclaimed Pit, believing that he cracked the code; the angel patted himself on the back, as Dark Pit skimmed over the list and facepalmed at Pit's stupidity.
"Here's how we find out," proposed Kazuya as he thought of the perfect idea - the only idea that could solve the ongoing mystery. "Let's line up and compare the lines, see if we learn anything. Left-siders over here. Right-siders, line up over there. Face each other. Match it by height and relative weight. Fight to the death!"
"Only you would think that anyone should fight to the death," Ganondorf shook his head at Kazuya - and a split second later a fight broke out as left-sider King Dedede was beating up right-sider Donkey Kong. "Dedede, really?"
"Just taking what Kazuya said to heart!" King Dedede said to Ganondorf, dropping his hammer on Donkey Kong who was putting up some resistance. Kazuya watched the skirmish with a smirk.
"Warning! Warning! Warning!" Slippy sounded the warning alarm, as Master Hand appeared at the lecture hall stage. King Dedede and Donkey Kong ceased their fighting and returned to their seats as the lecture hall got quiet.
"I'd like to invite the following people to join me for lunch: Chrom, Daisy, Kirby, Sora, Rosalina, King Dedede, Joker, and Corrin," announced Master Hand, as the eight individuals whose names were called were primed for either the best or worst experience of their lives. Lunch with Master Hand. "Daisy's not here, is she? Isabelle, send Daisy a text."
"What about the guys on the right side of the list?" asked Captain Falcon, who was one of the right-siders along with Nia. What would the right-siders get?"
"Nia, Donkey Kong, Lucario, Robin, Terry, Captain Falcon, the Inklings, Yoshi, Tails...better luck next time I guess. That's all I can tell you for now."
"Feels great to be a left-sider," smiled King Dedede, as the thought of going out to lunch with King Dedede made him all tribalistic. "Let's do this guys!"
"Alright, well, I will see you all in a bit," Joker said to his Phantom Thief friends as he got up from his seat, about to follow the other left-siders out of the lecture hall. "I'll text you guys when we get there. Let you know what's going on."
"Guess I dodged a bullet," Nia said to Dromarch, under the guise that lunch with Master Hand was a trap. She viewed any get-together that Master Hand organized to be a trap.
"Well, you should be really excited about our very own pizza party," Captain Falcon smiled at Nia as he put his arm on the Gormotti, unaware that he put himself in danger of getting his face scratched up. "Pizza party!"
One person that missed the meeting was Ryuji who, as you guessed it, was in the living room still playing his video game. Figuring that Ryuji should know about the meeting, Robin consulted the delinquent.
"Missed a meeting at the lecture hall," Robin informed Ryuji, who was standing up and mashing buttons on the Joy-Con controllers like crazy. "Apparently, it had to do with that...are you even listening to me?"
"Not now, too busy having fun," replied Ryuji, nearly lost in his own world as he was hyper-focused on winning his match. Robin glanced at the screen and saw Ryuji's opponent stuck in a ladder set up in the middle of the ring.
"...alrighty then." Understanding that he was blissfully ignored, Robin calmly left the living room and allowed Ryuji to keep on doing his thing. Captain Falcon entered the living room a second later and looked to clear Ryuji out.
"We're gonna have a pizza party real soon," Captain Falcon notified Ryuji, amused from seeing the wrestler stuck in the ladder and spazzing out. "So I suggest that you take your buggy wrestling game up to your room."
"Game won't be buggy anymore once it gets patched!" guaranteed Ryuji as he paused his match, before taking the Switch with him to his room. "Sorry that you can't see the fun aspect, Falcon. Every game has bugs."
"Yeah man, that new Tetris game sure is riddled with bugs..." Once Ryuji was out of his hair, Captain Falcon laughed at the delinquent as he got down to moving the furniture.
The left-siders were in for a treat (or a trap), as Master Hand treated the eight to lunch at a restaurant. The eight individuals sat around a table as their waiter came by to pick up their orders.
"Uh, I will have the chicken piccata with a side salad," said Joker, as he was the first to place his order. The waiter jotted Joker's order down on his notepad.
"That sounds good," commented Master Hand, who was floating above the table as the waiter moved on to King Dedede. What was Dedede going to order? Probably something ginormous.
"Chicken piccata, side salad," King Dedede placed his order, showing a lack of originality; surely the rest would be more original.
"Chicken piccata, salad on the side, please," Kirby placed his order, as Joker looked around fearing that he might have started a trend.
"I'll start with a side salad and uh, oh, chicken piccata," Chrom placed his order, having started off strong only to end up a follower just like Kirby and Dedede.
"Chicken piccata, side salad," Corrin placed his order, saying verbatim the same thing that King Dedede said. That alone made him the least original one - not a surprise in the slightest.
"Side salad, chicken piccata on the side," Daisy placed her order, daring enough to have not one but two side dishes. Screw having a main dish.
"I'll start with a side salad, then a chicken piccata," Rosalina placed her order, following up on Sora and putting herself in the running with Corrin for the least original left-sider.
"Steak, rare," Sora placed his order, finally breaking the trend and thinking for himself, unlike the rest of his peers. Good on you for being original, Sora.
"Joker, you alright?" Master Hand asked the young man, who was lost in a trance after seeing how unoriginal his fellow left-siders were. "What are you doing?"
"Good. What? Nothing," replied Joker as he was snapped out of his trance, playing things off as he grabbed his glass of water and took a small sip.
Tails: My entire life, I was the one left out, and I said to myself: Tails, if you just achieve some success, you'll be part of them. You'll be part of the happy ones. But instead, people just used my success as a new way to shut me out.
Kazooie: *poking her head out of Banjo's backpack as Banjo walks by* Hey, this ain't no Breakfast Club.
With Joker and Kirby out for lunch, the trio Pit, Viridi, and Incineroar were entrusted to hold it down at Cafe Leblanc. Viriid found it to be a romantic moments occasion, minus the presence of Incineroar. Makoto was sitting at the counter when she heard her phone beep.
"Oh! Text from Joker," Makoto perked up as grabbed her phone off of the countertop, checking the text message that Joker sent. "'This is...'...hmm."
"Profound man, your boyfriend," Pit shook his head sarcastically at Makoto, pretending to be blown away at how much Joker had a way with words.
"Pit, you busy? Got a minute?" Sonic asked the angel as he returned to the cafe, with a face that screamed to Pit "Buyer's Remorse". Pit looked at Joker, about to ask the young man for permission.
"Take five," Joker said to Pit, allowing the angel to step from behind the counter and speak with Sonic. The conversation would take place in a far corner of Cafe Leblanc.
"What's up? How's Ryuji liking the game?" Pit asked Sonic, who was looking down at the floor as he heaved a sigh. Pit was getting the sense that Ryuji wound up hating the game, which was less than ideal for him.
"For the most part, he likes it," replied Sonic as he brought relief to Pit...but Sonic still was wearing that "Buyer's Remorse" look on his face. "But the game though...it's not that good."
"I gave Ryuji a crappy video game as his early birthday gift?! That sucks!" Pit was about to fall down to the floor in despair, but then a curious question entered his mind. "Why does he still play it though?"
"You know Ryuji, he'll unconditionally like anything that has AEW's name attached to it. He'd buy a country album and play it to death if it was AEW-produced!"
"I'd do the same if it came from WWE." Pit did own a few wrestling music albums; he wouldn't mind adding a country album of all things to his collection. "Let's go speak with Lavenza, she'd know what to do."
"Chrom, what does Morgan think of the street?" Master Hand asked the prince, who was fine dining while eating his chicken piccata. "Sesame Street, I mean." A strange question for Master Hand to ask out of the blue.
"Oh, I didn't know anybody called it..." replied Chrom, who was led to assume that his granddaughter was some kind of street rat in the vein of Aladdin. Would be oddly fitting, given that she was a mage. "...she likes it a lot; she, uh, loves Elmo."
"Elmo, my word, it's the Elmo era! Sesame Street was created to reflect the environment of the children watching it. Complete self-absorption of Elmo is brilliantly reflective of our time. Ours is a cultural ghetto. Wouldn't you agree?"
"Yeah, she does like Elmo." Chrom had little to no evidence suggesting that Morgan liked Elmo, or even watched Sesame Street, but he was playing along for the sake of conversation.
"Cultural ghetto?" questioned Sora, sounding as if he was in disagreement, but the Keyblade wielder was right on board. "Totally, totally agree!"
"Apt. Apt analysis, Master Hand," Kirby said to the giant hand, as he also agreed that everyone was currently living in a cultural ghetto. Whatever that meant.
"The thing that I like about Elmo is the tickling," smiled King Dedede, strangely feeling the need to make this known to everyone sitting at the table. That's when Corrin began to feel uncomfortable.
"I should not be here," said Corrin as he arose from his seat, forfeiting the rest of his chicken piccata as he had a family to get back home to. "I'm in the...was in the wrong...I'm sorry. Uh, just picture me back there. I was never here."
"Stay..." Master Hand commanded Corrin, and that one-word command effectively made Corrin sit back down and continue eating his meal.
Captain Falcon promised the right-siders a pizza party, just to make up for the fact that they weren't invited to lunch by Master Hand. Said party took place in the living room, and Captain Falcon was trying to liven up the mood.
"Great group! Pizza party!" exclaimed Captain Falcon, doing a whole bunch of dancing and finger-pointing to get the party crowd excited. It hardly had any effect, and no one was brave enough to tell Falcon the truth.
"How is this a pizza party?" questioned the female Inkling, as there was no pizza to be found. Can't have a pizza party without the main course.
"Well, why don't you ask me again when the five pizzas get here?"
"Yeah, well, that's just pizza. You need at least one other element for it to be a party."
"Okay. You guys ever had Margarita pizza? Fresh tomato with a dollop of mozzarella cheese!"
"That's pizza," stated Lucario, and Captain Falcon would simply ignore the aura Pokemon as he chose to be great. "That's regular pizza."
Joker: Told Pit that he can take five, and he's well past the five-minute mark. Knowing him, I should've given him twenty...
Pit and Sonic retrieved Lavenza from Mini Mementos, and were consulting with the young girl in the foyer for some sage advice. The two recounted all the details to Lavenza, who was left facepalming after hearing the entire story.
"This is why I need to be more involved..." remarked Lavenza, as she was easily disappointed with Pit and Sonic. But Sonic more so than anything. "...tell me how buying a video game is supposed to make Pit feel worthy, Sonic."
"It was his idea," Sonic outed Pit as he pointed at the angel, as Lavenza's wave of disappointment went from Sonic to Pit. Sonic didn't mean to call Pit out - he was merely speaking facts.
"Is doing good acts for others not a good way to build self-worth?" Pit asked Lavenza, willing to pay Sonic back should Lavenza answer no. The only problem he'd run into would be finding $60 lying around.
"Not necessarily, but building positive relationships is the best way to go about it," stated Lavenza, and Pit had a plethora of folks to work with in that regard. "Do you have a positive relationship with Ryuji?"
"Funnily enough, we were at each other's necks for the longest. Then somewhere down the line, the flip switched...I mean, the switch flipped. Now we're best wrestling buds!"
"Ha, you sound like my older sister Elizabeth just now. What I would do is, build upon your companionship with Ryuji. Let him see the light within you."
"You know, I feel comfortable enough now to ask you this question...what made you pick this group?" Sora asked Master Hand, as he and the others were almost done with their meal. For the folks not named Sora, that chicken piccata hit the spot.
"I just think you guys are winners and I wanted to have lunch with you," replied Master Hand, and Sora found that to be the most heartwarming thing he had heard from the giant hand. A few folks were a little skeptical.
"Well, what about the other guys?" asked Daisy, wondering how Master Hand felt about the right-siders. Sora happened to know what they were, as he had a big smile on his face.
"Losers," replied Sora as he smiled at Master Hand, believing that he took the words - or word - out of Master Hand's mouth. Master Hand was looking hesitant.
"I don't...I don't wanna say..." responded Master Hand, as Sora kept on smiling at him; it was only a matter of time until Master Hand's hesitancy wore off. "...ha, I guess I think they're losers."
"Haha, I knew it! Haha! Yes! Let's go!" Sora was surprisingly happy about the right-siders being called losers, as he gave King Dedede a fist bump.
"Probably shouldn't have said that..." Master Hand was expressing a lot of regret, as Joker's jaw completely dropped. The disbelief was unimaginable.
Makoto was interested in checking out Captain Falcon's pizza party, but she only stopped by the living room just to see how crappy the party was. On a positive note for Captain Falcon, the pizza did arrive!
"Aha! Their interpretation of Margarita pizza," exclaimed Captain Falcon as he checked the pizza in the pizza boxes, while Makoto checked her phone after receiving a text notification. "Fans of classic pizza will be psyched."
"Let's see what his text says," Maktoo said quietly as she opened up the text message on her phone. "'This is getting very weird. Will explain later.'" That left Makoto worried that Joker was in bad hands.
"Oh, text from Sora!" exclaimed Tails, as he received a rare text message from Sora. The yellow fox pulled up the text message - which was sent to him and the other right-siders - and read it out loud. "'Suck it losers.'" Tails suddenly looked discontent, just as the rest of his right-side peers did.
Forced to play his video game in the comfort of his bedroom, Ryuji was on an undefeated streak as he won every match he played in. Whether he was playing as the exhilarating Jeff Hardy or the rebellious CM Punk, Ryuji could not be stopped.
"Whole lotta blood in this match," remarked Ryuji, wrestling in a no-disqualification match as Pit and Sonic stood at the doorway of the bedroom. "Not that I'm complaining..."
"Yikes! Chris Jericho's looking like Miss Trunchbull!" exclaimed Sonic, as Ryuji's selected wrestler was Chris Jericho; Sonic hated to imagine how Jericho looked in real life.
"You were right about this game not looking good..." Pit said to Sonic, analyzing the graphics and how the wrestlers looked overall. "...I owe my copy of WWE 2K20 an apology."
"But you said you loved that game, and that it was the best...ah, who am I kidding, you say that about every wrestling game you ever owned."
Sonic: The one thing I can say about those wrestling games, is that they at least feel different every year they're released. Unlike Madden or NBA 2K - they should just rename those series "Yearly Annual Roster Update". Because that's what those games feel like.
"Hey, Pit! Glad you could take time out of your busy today to play with yours truly," Ryuji said to the angel after noticing him and Sonic, as he quickly gestured to the pair of Joy-Cons next to him. "Promise I'll go easy on ya!"
"Why are you beating up a female wrestler?" Pit asked Ryuji, watching as Jericho was on the screen fighting a female wrestler. "Is that not domestic abuse?"
"Nope! In the ring, we call it equal rights." Much to Ryuji's dismay, Pit was unable to distinguish between the two. "Just pick up the Joy-Cons..."
"Okay." So Pit hopped on the bed next to Ryuji and grabbed the Joy-Cons as Ryui exited the game. Back at the main menu, Ryuji went to the "select a wrestler" screen.
"I'm gonna be CM Punk, 'cause he's the best in the world. What about you, who are you picking?" Took Pit a while, but he decided who he was going to wrestle after going through the entire roster.
"Don't know who this guy is, but he looks pretty cool." Once Pit selected his wrestler, it was time for the match to begin after the wrestlers' entrances. Ryuji struck first blood as he punched Pit in the face.
"How are you liking this game so far? Having fun yet? Isn't this game so fun?!" Ryuji had the upper hand on Pit, as he didn't let him get any offense in. Pit could barely even move without going down to the mat.
Then suddenly, Pit paused the game and looked at Ryuji proudly. Ryuji looked afraid as if Pit was about to make a statement before rage-quitting.
"You know, not every video game has to be fun," stated Pit, as Sonic anxiously awaited the words that would exit Pit's mouth. "This game could be literal hot garbage, and you'd still praise it."
"...are you saying that you don't like this game?" Ryuji precariously asked, knowing that all hope for him would be lost if Pit agreed with everyone else that the game wasn't that great.
"For months, you were talking up a storm, this and that about how this game was gonna be a game changer. And look! This game hardly looks game-changing at all!"
"It's supposed to give off a nostalgic...just wait until they patch in the...the DLC is going to save...IT'S JUST FUN, OKAY!" At this point, the excuses were starting to run out.
"Your constant carping reminded me a lot of the old you. The one who would always support AEW, whether they're good or bad! Seeing you play this game, I see that the old Ryuji is still intact..."
"Yeah, now that I think about it, I have been going over the top..." Ryuji sheepishly scratched the back of his head, as he reflected upon his behavior today. "... the game isn't the greatest thing ever, sure, but I'm just happy that it's out finally."
"I'm happy that we don't have to hear you talk about it anymore. But from now on, how about you keep the fun to yourself? If you know what I mean."
"Heh, I'll do my best." Ryuji fist-bumped Pit, as Sonic looked on amazed at how effective Pit's rambling was. "Have to say, Pit, you may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but you're alright. I appreciate you, man."
"I appreciate me, too. So how about we unpause this game so I can kick your butt?! Once I find out what this dude's finisher is, you'll be sorry!"
"Way to go..." Sonic smiled at Pit, who finally turned the tide in the match once Ryuji unpaused the game. It was now Pit doing the punching. Lavenza joined Sonic at the door and saw Pit, assuming that Pit did a job well done.
A depressing aura was filling the living room, as the right siders learned from Sora that they were losers. While some folks like Lucario were taking it in stride, others like Nia were letting the negative comments get to them.
"Okay, not to point out the glaringly obvious, but doesn't the fact that I'm in this group make anyone feel just a little bit better?" Robin asked the right-siders as he ate some pizza crust, only to wince in pain a second later. "Oh! This crust is sharp!"
"Yeah, anyone can take one look at me and be like, 'Oh, loser,'" grumbled Nia, grumpily sitting on the couch with her arms folded. Dromarch rubbed his head against Nia, and it wasn't enough to cheer up his Driver.
"Chin up, my lady," Dromarch said encouragingly to Nia before taking a look at everyone gathered in the living room. "Be honest. Look around this room. Does this look like a group of losers?"
"Oh. Hey guys!" exclaimed the female Inkling, as she saw the likes of Kirby, King Dedede, Joker, and Sora enter the living room. "We had so much fun. We had Margarita pizza. We all hung out. Got to know each other better. How was your lunch?"
"It was excellent," replied Kirby as he grabbed a slice of pizza, which Captain Falcon allowed. Kirby needed some fuel before returning to his job at the cafe. "Good times."
"Oh, we did," replied Sora, blissfully unaware of the damage he caused when he sent that text message. "It was the best time."
King Dedede: I knew it! I just knew, my whole life, that everyone was wrong about me. My parents, my teachers, my friends, the doctors. Everyone. Some of those people don't really exist anyway, but I'm gonna mention them for the sake of it!
"That was certainly an odd lunch," remarked Joker, following up on Kirby as he too grabbed a slice of pizza. It was the young man's turn to be unoriginal. After grabbing his slice, Joker noticed Nia looking salty. "You alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," replied Nia, her face suggesting otherwise as she was frowning and looked down at the floor. Joker shrugged off Nia as he left the living room.
"Loser, losers," King Dedede taunted Donkey Kong and Lucario, holding the "L" sign to his forehead with his hand. Much to his dismay, Donkey Kong and Lucario didn't care enough to notice. Sora saw what Dedede was doing, and was expressing some doubts...
"Uh, Master Hand? Can you come out here, please, it's really important!" Sora called out to the giant hand, and Master Hand showed up a second later. Sora didn't think that would work. "Just wanted to clarify something. Some people here are under the misconception that some people may be considered, uh, let's say top-tier and others would be second-tier."
"I never said that," clarified Master Hand, who didn't like it when people put words in his mouth. Or even worse, try to guess what he was thinking. "I said winners and losers. Is that what you're talking about?"
"Oh, that, it might...that might actually be what I'm thinking of. Can you clarify that?"
"To tell you the truth...I got it all wrong. The people on the right side, are the true winners. But those on the left side, those are the losers."
"Losers, how?" asked one of the losers, Joker, as he finished his slice of pizza. He hadn't been called a loser in well over a minute.
"Basically, you are all wanted in some manner or fashion. Wanted by Dimentio. For reasons, I don't know, but just know that Dimentio wants you. Wanted you to have one last meal together before Dimentio kidnaps you in the middle of the night or something."
"So that's what the list was all about? Dimentio wants to use us as pawns...then what is the other side of the list for? With Captain Falcon and them?"
"That was just for fun and speculation. Isabelle drew the names at random, and I just rolled with it. Had everyone talking, so...it got the job done."
Zelda was out of the loop about the list, for she was busy spending some quality time with her gal pal, Peach. Ready to return to the mansion, Zelda had some last words with Peach at the front door of the princess's home.
"The rest you can find on Pinterest," Peach discussed with Zelda, as the two princesses spent most of their day together talking about gardening. "Download it on your phone, it's easy!"
"News flash, Peach...I don't have a phone," stated Zelda, as Peach was reminded of the very fact as she smacked herself on the forehead.
"Ooh, you're just as bad as Marth! He doesn't have a cell phone, let alone a house phone. Or maybe he did have a house phone, but he threw it out."
"At least I know how to operate an air fryer; Marth has no clue how to even turn his on! Why Olimar bought him that in the first place, I will never know..."
Olimar: I didn't buy Marth that air fryer; I originally owned it, but then it sucked so I gave it to Marth. One man's trash is another man's...trash.
"Well, it's never too late to join the 21st century," Peach responded as she playfully teased Zelda, optimistic that the princess (and Link) would get a phone soon. Would be convenient since the Hylians were, you know, the authority. "Hope we can hang out again!"
"Likewise. Thank you for having me over," thanked Zelda, as she walked off the doorstep and walked back to the mansion. Peach watched as Zelda left, before closing the front door.
"Zelda will get her phone before Link, I can see it now..." Peach returned to the living room and saw Mario sitting on his favorite sofa and looking at the list he obtained a few episodes ago. "So preoccupied with that silly list..."
"If the others know about it...then I guess-a you should too," said Mario as he handed the list to Peach, taking her by surprise. Seeing that Mario was being serious, Peach took the list from him.
"Always knew you'd come around." So Peach skimmed through the list and saw the eight names that were inscribed, her interest fading. "So Daisy's on here, but not me? Here, you can have it back..."
"Master Hand!" Sora shouted the giant hand's name as he barged inside his bedroom. The gall of him to do that with Master Hand, of all people. "The second Friday of July, we're gonna celebrate Bastille Day, and everyone's gonna be in on it."
"You want to celebrate Bastille Day?" Master Hand questioned Sora, who nodded his head as he expected Master Hand to give his approval. "And you are aware that the Bastille was originally a medieval fortress, and was later used as a state prison. So we're essentially celebrating a state prison."
"I don't care." Leaving the ball in Master Hand's court, Sora exited Master Hand's room and the first person that he ran into was Riku. "So I spoke with Master Hand, and I think he's gonna approve the Bastille Day celebration!"
"Better bring every single French person on board, then," responded Riku as he walked away from Sora, having his doubts about Bastille Day working out at the mansion. "And no, Rayman doesn't count."
Rayman is a long-time friend of the mansion...so technically he does count. Can't gatekeep him forever, Riku.
