Fans of Res Nullius should not despair. I have been reconsidering making it into a pure Fate/Zero fanfic, but I haven't decided whether to keep it as a Harry Potter crossover, or do the pure fanfic. However, I have decided to put working on it on the backburner while I work on my non-fanfics.

That being said, I had this weird notion for the past little while. I've been reading Homestuck, and there's a lack of substantial crossovers with Harry Potter, save for a few. Then again, lengthy Homestuck crossovers are thin on the ground anyway. And I had this really weird notion: what if Harry became a Troll, somehow?

Now, Homestuck's story is incredibly convoluted, and on doing some research, I decided to do away with the explanation the webcomic has for why Troll society is so violent and such. Here, it's not due to outside influence, or at least not that from characters in the webcomic. Sburb and Sgrub don't exist. Instead, I'm transplanting Alternia and the twelve main Trolls into the Potterverse, albeit far from Earth.

This is more of a pilot episode. I won't be making this into a full fic any time soon for a number of reasons. Firstly, I want to actually finish Homestuck first to get a better handle on the Trolls' characters (at the moment, I've only just begun the Hivebent arc). Secondly, as stated above, I want to take a break from fanfic writing, and this was more to get an idea onto paper and out of the way so I can write my normal stories with less hindrance (in theory, anyway). I hope you enjoy it anyway.


OFIUCO AMDUAT AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

CHAPTER 1:

THE TROLL WHO LIVED

They called him mad. But madness was a relative thing on Alternia, and he was sure that if they saw these bipeds known as humans, they'd call them mad too. Such was the lament of those who dealt with dull and boring minds.

Doctor Apollo Amduat(1) was having a wonderful time on Earth, though it was starting to pall a little. He had vivisected a few humans (after anaesthetising them, of course: the sound of screaming aliens were rarely pleasant, save for a few planets), taken samples, had managed to steal select samples of the primitive media on this world (they didn't even have a proper computer network, or at least one as widespread as back home), and even now was looking for a test subject. Not for vivisection, of course. Rather, for making into an heir.

Apollo Amduat was considered insane by Troll standards because he enjoyed innovation and thinking outside the square. In fact, only some damned good inventing managed to prevent him from being culled when he couldn't produce the material for the filial pails. The human way of reproducing, while not necessarily better (it certainly seemed more messy), at least looked fun. None of that cold formality.

He was also considered insane because he stayed behind on Alternia, one of the few adult Trolls to do so. Oh, he knew the Condesce kept a fairly close eye on him, at least when he was home. She kept an eye on any adult Trolls who were on Alternia, of which there were few, the rest being part of her armies. Paranoid about revolt.

In any case, Apollo was merely continuing the family tradition of mad science. The problem was, his father, Yttral(2), had removed that very ability during an experiment involving a particle accelerator, a malfunctioning Sylladex, and Apollo's Lusus. Apollo was therefore desiring to find a potential heir. Not just because he wanted an heir, but also because he was worried a mite about the possible stagnancy of the almost literal gene pool of the Trolls, and thought introducing the genes from an alien species might help shake things up. Certainly, the human genome, with the right modifications, could be compatible.

Of course, finding the right heir, test subject, etc was difficult. Human children got rather samey after a while, in much the same way their adults did. Oh, they had more variety than trolls in terms of hair and skin colour, but once you got past that, they got a little boring. All of them had red blood, for crying out loud! He didn't know whether a lack of haemospectrum was good or bad.

Apollo was currently looking at the feeds from a microprobe he had set up on the roof of Little Whinging Primary School. It was a school in a place called England. The local language spoken here was, at least in terms of the spoken language, virtually identical to that spoken back home. The alphabet was another matter, but what could you do?

The reason why he was looking at said microprobe was that he had just obtained interesting readings from it. A discharge of exotic energy had just happened nearby, and he was now watching a recording, trying to pinpoint it. He didn't need to look far.

A group of rather obnoxious children (okay, not quite as obnoxious as many Trolls, but obnoxious by human standards, anyway) had been chasing another. But the chased boy had suddenly and somehow ended up on the roof, teleporting! Even now, he was standing there, practically next to the microprobe. He had the dark hair of a troll, messy, barely covering a jagged scar on his forehead. His green eyes were interesting, though. They seemed unusually vivid for a human.

What was more, his audio feed was picking up the boy's mutterings. "How…how did I do that? Uncle Vernon's not going to like this…he hates freaky stuff. He'll lock me in the cupboard."

Which was interesting indeed. While Troll upbringing was somewhat fractious and dangerous, it wasn't so for many human children, especially in certain countries. And in general, human children were nurtured rather more than Troll children. So to hear of such a Troll-like upbringing…

Apollo smiled. It seemed that he found an heir. Well, it was more of a whim than anything else, but a kid with a Troll-like upbringing in a relatively soft country, and with a mysterious ability to teleport?

Which was why he used the Appearifier to zap him on board his ship. When the boy appeared, stumbling out of the very air, Apollo greeted him with a grin. "Greetings, human grubling! You have been selected at not-at-all random to be my heir!"

The child gaped at him, with understandable fear. But mixed in with that fear was, well, interest. Apollo would be unusual, a tall, grey-skinned biped with sharp teeth, a mop of messy black hair, eyes with orange sclera, and similarly-coloured horns. He was dressed in his most flamboyant sciencecoat today, which one of his colleagues once generously called a 'rainbow having dysentery(3)'.

"I am Doctor Apollo Amduat! Now, what is your name, human grubling?"

After a moment, the boy finally spoke his name in an understandably timorous voice. "Harry Potter…"


There were many ways that Petunia Dursley would want to wake up, and many ways she didn't want to. One of the ways she didn't want to wake up was tied to a chair with a bruised face and a headache rivalling just about every hangover she had ever had. And yet, here she was, doing so, her husband and her son also tied to chairs, and also stirring.

They were in a darkened room, and she could see little outside of a circle of light. Strange smells permeated the room, and Petunia knew she could hear the sound of raspy breathing. Hell, she even thought she heard a malicious snicker.

Vernon, of course, once he regained consciousness, took umbrage at his situation. "What the bloody hell is going on here?!" he bellowed hoarsely.

Once more, the malicious snicker rang out. Then, what sounded like the voice of a teenaged girl rasped out. "Hell's a pretty appropriate term, humans."

"Terezi, cut the fucking drama and let's get this fucking thing over and done with. I don't want to look at these freaks any longer than I have to, or else I'm going to be fucking puking things up from meals I haven't even had yet! Seriously, Ofiuco, did you live in a fucking zoo?" This was a teenaged boy's one, as was the next one.

The voice that came was strangely familiar, if aged, but Petunia couldn't quite recognise it. "Well, there was a walrus, a giraffe, and a baby whale, so I guess so, Karkat. I had to be zookeeper and servant to these animals."

"Fuck. I thought we had it fucking bad with our Lusii. I take back every fucking thing I said about your whining. I'm finding it a fucking trial just looking at them. My eyes need scrubbing with the best slime we have."

"Pipe down, Karkat," came another girl's voice, a more deep, confident one. "Anyway, they're repulsive, true, but this ought to be fun. Thanks for letting me attend, Terezi."

"Thank Ofiuco for that," the first voice, presumably Terezi, said. "I may have forgiven you for that blinding me thing, Vriska, but normally I wouldn't send you an invite to such things."

"Hey, I love FLARP, Terezi. And this is going to be pretty F FLARP. I wouldn't miss this for the world. Plus, my Lusus will get off my back for a while. Or drop dead of cholesterol poisoning. Either way is fine."

Vernon had decided to bellow. "Shut up! I demand to see my lawyer! I have rights!"

Again, the snicker from Terezi. "Silly human. You mean a defence lawyer, right? Well, we don't have these things on Alternia. Troll law is very different to your quaint Earth customs. Tavros, lights!"

Suddenly, the lights snapped on, and the Dursleys found themselves…in a courtroom. Well, an almost childish mockup of a courtroom, decorated in scrawls of chalk. The judge was a cartoonish scrawl, labelled His Honourable Tyranny, and had horns. A gallows was scrawled next to it.

There was also a small stand, doubling as what was either a jury box…or a public gallery. And it was populated by a number of children, all about thirteen or so. Another was standing near a box labelled, rather messily, L3G1SL4C3R4TOR T3R3Z1 PYROP3. And they were all clearly not human.

Oh, they looked vaguely human, enough that, if you ignored the twilight-coloured horns and the grey skin and the orange sclera of their eyes, they could pass for human, all with messy black hair. Oh, and the teeth, the very sharp teeth they were showing.

Vernon's complexion purple in anger and a little fear. "Freaks! You freakish brats let us go this instant!"

"Newsflash, you corpulent fuck," a boy with a shirt with the astrological sign for Cancer sneered. His voice was that of the one addressed as Karkat. "Here on Alternia, you're the fucking freaks. And you're a long way from home, fuckface. Like, we're talking fucking light sweeps, or years, whatever the fuck you have on your dirtball of a planet. You even know what that means? It means you're in the shit. And we Trolls are shitting on you."

The one standing near the box, a girl who was wearing red-tinted sunglasses and a shirt with the sign for Libra, spoke. "Karkat, as much as I like to hear you swear up the place, need I remind you that this is a courtblock, and any further outbursts will have you summarily ejected?" This was the voice Petunia had associated with Terezi. She then turned her gaze to Vernon, and said, "And any further outbursts from you will have you summarily executed."

"You can't do anything to me," Vernon sneered. "I have rights."

Terezi sighed. "Ofiuco?"

"On it." This came from a boy, wearing glasses, and with a very familiar face. As he emerged from behind another of these things, Petunia felt her breath hitch in her throat. There was the scar, jagged, zig-zagging out from his messy fringe, faded now. His eyes had green irises, so much like that bitch of a sister of hers. His shirt bore what looked like a U with a wavy line on it(4).

"You! BOY! YOU'VE…" Suddenly, Vernon couldn't speak.

"Silence in the courtroom," Harry Potter, or at least the Troll he had become said, having waved a hand. "I mean, courtblock. I forget, Terezi, do you have bailiffs to maintain order?"

Terezi cocked her head. "Hmm…Linewhippers keep order in the court, so I guess you're the Linewhipper here, Ofiuco."

"Ofiuco?" Petunia asked, confused. "But his name is Harry."

Harry glared at her. "I wouldn't know it, given how many times you and your family called me 'freak' or 'monster' or, when you were feeling very, very generous…'boy'. I am not Harry Potter anymore, save to my friends. You aren't my friends, or my family. The best outcome for the day you can hope for is being eaten alive by a Lusus. Vriska's, to be precise."

A girl with glasses, the sign for Scorpio on her shirt, and horns that looked like the pincer and tail of a scorpion, waved with a vicious grin. "And my Lusus is a giant spider. Just saying!" Vriska said with cheerful sadism.

"My name is Ofiuco Amduat(5)," Harry said with finality. "Terezi?"

The girl with the red-tinted glasses grinned. Well, she almost always grinned, but her grin, filled with a lot of sharp little teeth, widened. She waltzed up to Petunia, a cane in hand (was she blind? She didn't act blind), and then began staring at her, the Troll's lips set in a scowl rather than a grin. They stared at each other, Terezi in cold contempt, and Petunia with fear. Then, Terezi slapped her, once, then twice.

"Stop hitting Mum, you freak!" Dudley screamed.

"Oh? Would you rather I did the same for you?" Terezi purred. "This is the job of a Legislacerator, Dudley. Plus…" She slapped Petunia hard enough to draw blood. "Red blood. Not quite candy-red, but still…" She sniffed it, and then licked it off her face. "Delicious. I love red things."

"Careful, Terezi," said a girl who was dressed like a cat, and whose horns looked vaguely like cat ears. "Kanaya might think you're purrloining her rainbow-drinking thing."

"It's fine, Nepeta," Harry said. "She likes seeing my blood too. I'm used to it."

"Monster," Petunia choked out.

"Troll, actually," Terezi said. "Now…I wanted to ask you a few questions. I doubted I would get it from the walrus or the baby whale, as Ofiuco here puts it, but I thought I'd ask you. Oh, your guilt has been determined. Don't get me wrong, the stuff you put Ofiuco through when he was still Harry is stuff some of us have to put up with. But, well, I didn't think humans would stoop so low. And, well, we know Ofiuco has magic, even before his old man Trollified him. So…I'm going to ask you a few questions, and you're going to answer them. Now…how did his parents die?"

"A car crash! They were drunken dolescum, and…"

Terezi tapped her gently with the cane, but the gesture was enough to shut Petunia up. She sniffed the air. "As I thought…the sweet scent of deceit. Ooh, how I love it!" This time, she hit Petunia across the face with her cane. "Try again. Pulling wool over my eyes doesn't work when I'm blind."

Petunia snarled. "They were freaks, like him! They got blown up with some other freak who was attacking them! WE NEVER WANTED HIM! HE WAS LEFT ON OUR DOORSTEP BY THAT OLD FREAK DUMBLEDORE!"

"Who's Dumbledore?!" Harry demanded.

Petunia, after a moment, sneered. "Headmaster of the magical school your whore of a mother went to!" And then, it all spilled out of her, the hatred and jealousy for her sister, and for magic, of the wizards and witches, of what little she knew about the war her sister got caught up in. "If I knew you were going to turn out like this, I would have strangled you in that damned basket!" she finished.

Harry looked at her calmly, too calmly, and Petunia realised her mistake too late. The calmness was a serene anger. You could see it in his eyes, so much like her sister's. After a moment, he said, "Terezi, I think I have heard enough."

"As have I. But…I believe in sporting chances." Terezi grinned viciously, and pulled out a coin, double-headed, but with a scratched face. "I see the clean side up, you go free. Otherwise…Vriska?"

Vriska scurried forward, what looked like a raygun in her hands. "This thing is an Appearifier. It's currently set to where my Lusus is, and my Lusus is a big fucking spider. You'll get zapped there, and become its next meal. Any questions?"

Petunia didn't trust herself to reply. Dudley merely squealed, "You can't do this!"

"Jegus, he's so fucking dense, he makes black holes look envious!" Karkat snarled.

"He eats like one too," Harry snarked. "I had to cook for them, and not a single thank you either. At least Lusii are animals. They didn't have an excuse. Terezi?"

Terezi's grin widened, and she flipped the coin. When it landed on the floor, Petunia, seeing the clean side show, sighed in relief. "What are you so happy about, Horseface?" Terezi demanded.

"The coin's exonerated me," Petunia said.

"Coin? Surely you jest?" Terezi snarled, whipping off her glasses, revealing eyes that were little more than seas of solid red. "The prosecution counsel sees no coin. I'M BLIND, REMEMBER?!"

Vriska grinned, wielding her Appearifier. "Time for the sentence to be carried out?" she asked.

"Yes," Terezi said, replacing her glasses. "Any final farewell to your former family, Ofiuco?"

Harry merely shrugged. "Have pity on me!" Petunia wailed.

"I have pity for you. Goodbye, Aunt Petunia. It hasn't been pleasant."

Before Petunia could protest any further, Vriska shot them with the Appearifier…


…and they were somewhere else. With a massive pale spider looming over them. Petunia had enough time to scream for a long time, as it ate Vernon first, then Dudley, and then herself. Her last thought was regret that she hadn't killed the little bastard when she had the chance. That, and the fact that being eaten by a spider the size of a fairly large building was enough to make anyone arachnophobic. If she knew that she and her family would kill the spider by giving it a terminal case of food poisoning and cholesterol overdose, it would have given her little comfort.

As it was, Vriska was happy that her Lusus was dead. And so too was Ofiuco Amduat, formerly known as Harry Potter (save to his friends, anyway), albeit for different reasons. Still, he never knew that, soon, he would be drawn back to the world of his birth, like it or not…

CHAPTER 1 ANNOTATIONS:

Wow. I think that's the darkest and most evil that I've ever written Harry. Then again, he has been raised for a certain number of years by the Trolls. And for those of you unfamiliar with Homestuck, it's a pretty twisted, violent society. Okay, Troll childhoods make Harry's raising by the Dursleys look sane, but their guardians (the Lusii mentioned above) are monsters. And as you noted with the scene above (which is heavily based on Terezi's little mock-trial of a stuffed dragon toy, Senator Lemonsnout, from the Homestuck webcomic), he's not nice to anyone who's wronged him.

I'm going for a Harry/Terezi pairing here, by the way. And while this part of the story is set during the early events of The Prisoner of Azkaban, the main part of the story will take place during The Goblet of Fire.

Incidentally, any Homestuck fans who come across this, well, I've done my research into Troll society, and yes, I am aware that, in the webcomic canon, they weren't always a violent society, but were made that way due to outside influence. For the purpose of this story, they have been like this, and Sgrub doesn't exist, or Sburb for that matter.

1. Amduat is the name of a serpent in Egyptian mythology, symbolic of the state from which all creation arose. Apollo was chosen because of his association with healing, and with his son Asclepius, both of whom are thought to be the figure in the Ophiuchus constellation, which is what he and Harry are of (the Trolls in Homestuck are themed after constellations of the Zodiac, and have six letters for each of their names).

2. Yttral is named for the mad (even by Dalek standards) and eccentric Dalek scientist from the webcomic Second Empire. Apollo Amduat is partially based on him.

3. I coined this term (though it may have been used by others before me) to describe the Sixth Doctor's coat. Imagine a dark-haired, horned Hiroto Minaka from Sekirei, wearing the Sixth Doctor's coat, and you pretty much have Apollo Amduat.

4. That's the starsign of Ophiuchus. I can't copy and paste it, the formatting of this website gets rid of it.

5. Ofiuco is the name for Ophiuchus in Italian and Spanish.