Erin tried not to watch the clock for David's return, but it was getting harder and harder the later it became. She had agreed to his meeting with Carolyn a few days ago, for breakfast, but then a case had come up in St. Louis that had demanded their attention, and so that breakfast meeting had turned into a dinner date when he returned. She wasn't jealous, per se, but she also desperately wanted to know what was so important to the woman that she needed to talk to her fiancé and only him. Sighing, she turned onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, trying not to worry more as she listened to the sounds of the house settle around her.
A part of her wanted to see if she could somehow manage to get Catherine into their room without waking her, needing someone to cuddle close to her chest as she focused on the fact that sometimes ex-wives were needy. Even if she never thought that she would be that way with Alan, especially not now that he was also seriously seeing someone. The children were a little tight-lipped about her, thought Tabitha had let her know that none of them really liked her all that well, saying that she was no Papa Dave. Just as she was about to get out of bed, she heard familiar footfalls on the stairs and knew that he had returned home to her at last.
Sitting up, Erin smoothed her nightgown down her torso and took a deep breath as she scooted back against the headboard before fluffing her hair a little and licking her lips as she anticipated his entrance. "You're home at last," she breathed out as the door opened, feeling her smile fade away at the sight of his face. "What's wrong, darling?"
"Can you give me a few minutes to change please, Erin? I, I need a bit to calm my thoughts."
"Of course," she murmured, pulling her knees up tight to her chest as she watched him slowly strip. Everything about his posture told her that he was hurting over something, and the longer the silence extended between them, the more certain she became that this was that damned sword of Damocles moment, and he was going to break her heart by saying that they were no longer right for each other. A very tiny voice in the back of her mind told her that she was being irrational, but it was hard to listen to that voice over the pounding of her heart.
There was nothing sexy about the way he stripped down to his skin before pulling on silk pyjama bottoms and taking care of his clothes, but there was also nothing more that Erin wanted to do to him in that moment than kiss him and hold him close to her heart. "I think that I'm still in shock, Erin," he said as he pulled back the covers on his side of the bed and took a seat. He turned his body so that he was looking at her, and that was when she noticed that he was crying. He never cried like this, and she licked her lips again, this time out of concern.
"What happened, David?" she asked as she stretched out her body and scooted closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist as she waited for him to speak once more. "David?"
"I know that you didn't want to seem jealous of Carolyn, but I understand why you would be, since she was so insistent that she would only speak with me. She wouldn't even look at pictures of the children when we had breakfast together. I thought that was strange, but then we arranged this dinner, so I figured I would find out what was bothering her."
"And did you?"
He nodded as he rested his head on her chest, breathing deeply. "She's dying. She has an aggressive form of ALS, and there's not much time left."
"Oh, god, now I feel bad for being jealous. That is the saddest news to receive, darling." She moved her head so that she could kiss the crown of his head, listening to the way that he shakily breathed in and out, as if struggling not to cry. "Did she tell you if she knows how long she has? Or have her doctors just given her a tentative…"
Her voice trailed off as she tried to put into words how to appropriately ask the question in her mind. David shook his head and pulled away so that he could look up into her eyes. "Erin…"
"What?" she asked, slipping her hand between them so that she could spread it out on his chest as they took a few tandem breaths. "You can tell me, darling."
"I'm trying to find the words, stellina." She nodded as they fell quiet once more, knowing that David would talk when ready. "She asked me something, something that I told her I needed to discuss with you before I gave her my answer."
Erin didn't particularly like the sound of that, and she sucked her lower lip between her teeth as she stared at him. From the way that he was looking back at her, she knew that he was waiting for her response. "And what could she possibly ask you that you would have to get my permission for you to do? Does she want to sleep with you one last time before she can't remember what that's like?"
He let out a long breath. "I wish it was something as simple as that, Erin. She, she wants me to administer her last, fatal, dose of medication. Carolyn wants to leave this earth on her own terms, and while I understand that, I also don't want to lose her yet. I feel like she could have several good months left, where she could take time to say goodbye, but she's intent on making this decision now. That was when I told her that I would have to discuss it with you, since it is such a weighty thing to consider. I didn't feel comfortable with giving my answer until you and I had discussed it. Because I have my gut reaction answer, but I want to hear what you think before I tell her."
There was another moment of silence before she clutched David close to her chest once more, feeling herself start to choke up as well. A part of her wanted to sob, to release the emotions clawing at her throat, but she also didn't want to feel like her grief was more important than his in that moment. Finally, she took a deeper breath and opened her mouth to speak. "I believe that your gut is telling you to tell her no, which I completely understand. However, I would encourage you to think about what answering yes might do to your heart. Because she's going to need support, no matter what the outcome of your decision is, since she is dying. It's not fair that she's placed this burden on you, but you two were so close once upon a time. I will support your decision, no matter what, but I truly think that you should weigh your yes and your no before you tell her as much."
"You're right, that's not the answer that I wanted, but it does give me something to think about. Thank you, Erin." He pulled away from her so that he could look into her eyes, and as Erin smiled sadly up at him before leaning in and kissing him delicately as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of her as they continued to kiss, hoping that the comfort of her body might put some of his demons to rest that evening.
