Erin frowned as she looked at the report that Aaron had turned in. There was another mention of the fact that Emily was having some issues with the team, nothing too serious, but it was becoming more of an issue as the weeks went by. Letting out a soft sigh, she knew what would have to happen next, and it was something that she was not looking forward to. Picking up her phone, she quickly dialed Emily's phone in the bullpen and waited for her to pick up. "Hello?"
"Agent Prentiss, this is Chief Strauss. I need to see you in my office for a few minutes. And before you worry, it's nothing necessarily bad, we just need to have a little chat."
"I'll be there in a few moments." The short answer and the abrupt way she hung up the phone told Erin that the woman was frustrated with her, even with the caveat, but that would be addressed when they spoke face to face. Letting out a long breath, Erin closed the report from Aaron and placed it in her outbox before mentally preparing herself for the meeting to come. She knew that Emily wouldn't be too unkind once she was in front of her, she didn't dare flout the rules of propriety that much, but the dismissive way she would speak to her would get under Erin's skin the longer it went on. She had to allow that to just roll off her back, in order to keep the upper hand in the situation, so that she could find out what was going on, and what she might do to fix things for Emily.
"You wanted to see me?"
Erin looked up to see Emily in her doorway, and she nodded as she gestured for the younger woman to take a seat in front of her desk. "I did. I have a few things to discuss with you today, Emily, and I'll ask that you give me some time to explain and ask before you interrupt."
She gave Erin a tight nod as she took a seat, folding her hands over her stomach as she stared at her blankly. "I will try, I suppose."
"That's all I ask. I suppose that I'll open our dialogue with a question that you can answer, as that will help me gauge the direction of our conversation this morning. How are you doing, honestly?"
That question seemed to take Emily aback, as if it was the last thing that she had been expecting, and she shook her head a little before letting out a huff of breath. "I don't know, honestly. It's been a month since Christmas, so my mood should have been lifting a little, since I don't really like that season. But it seems like everything I've done since coming back to the team has been off, somehow. I feel like there's this wall between them and me."
Erin nodded, understanding where Emily was coming from, but not really knowing how to reach out and let her know that she understood her so well. "It hasn't gone unnoticed by the team."
"I think that you mean it hasn't gone unnoticed by Hotch," she interrupted laconically, and Erin tried to smother her giggle behind her hand. "You don't have to hide that reaction from me. I know that you probably know him much better than the rest of us do, thanks to Elise. So that reaction is warranted."
"True. So, what do you think is creating this divide between you and the team?"
Emily looked away from her, as if she didn't want to tell her the real truth that was in her heart. "I don't know if I can trust you with this, but I suppose that I have to reach out to someone, and you're here. I have this lingering feeling that I'll never quite be able to live down what happened between Doyle and myself. I slept with him."
"You had to make the role you were playing look convincing. There's no shame in that."
"Tell that to Morgan. He thinks that I should have been purer and more chaste. He doesn't understand that Doyle was so suspicious of everyone around him that if I hadn't slept with him, I wouldn't have gotten as close to him as I did, and we might not have been able to capture him. Even if he did manage to escape."
"So you're letting the opinions of one team member affect you that much?"
Emily rolled her eyes a little. "No. But it's a combination of everything, you know. Almost dying, living under an assumed name for months and still having to look over my shoulder because I didn't know if Doyle would still be able to hunt me down, coming back home and having it not feel like home. And then, you showed your vulnerability to us all in Florida, even though that pissed Morgan off more than anything, and it felt like I had lost my place in the team. Garcia is so fond of you, and even Jayje seems to have come to the dark side, so to speak. Where does that leave me? On the outside, looking in on the family that once was mine. It sucks. And I don't know how much longer I can do this."
That news was a surprise to Erin and she frowned a little as she leaned forward to look into Emily's eyes. "After everything you did to claw your way back to life, to return to your friends, you would walk away from it?"
"I don't know. A part of me feels like that might be the only answer to make things right. If I stay in DC, I'm certain that Mother could arrange a cushy job for me, one that wouldn't involve the risk of this job."
"And you would be miserable."
Emily frowned. "You can't know that, ma'am."
"I have worked with you for a few years now. I've read what Aaron has written about your performance and work ethic in the reports following each case. Hell, I've read your reports. And in those words, I've gotten to know you, and the others on your team, quite well. And I know that if you were to just walk away from all this, to truly take the civil service exam and become an Ambassador, you would be miserable. You live for helping people during the worst moments of their lives and in helping put the horrible people who commit those crimes behind bars, whenever possible."
"I hate that you know me that well," Emily muttered, looking at her with a deep frown on her face. "And I hate the fact that you're right. I just, I never expected burnout to be this real. I can't take a break, as I wouldn't want to leave the team shorthanded. Before you ask, Hotch has already asked that I come to him when I'm having a bad day. I just…"
"You don't want to tell him how often those bad days come?" Emily nodded. "I completely understand that, Emily. And if you don't feel comfortable telling Aaron about all those bad days, my door is open to you, too. I know that we didn't start things out on the right footing, but I would like to make amends for that, if you'll let me."
"I suppose that I could think about that, yes. And it would be nice to have an impartial ear to talk at about some of these things." Emily rose to her feet and gave Erin a quick smile. "Thank you for this. I appreciate it, maybe more than you know." Without another word, she turned on her heel and left the office, Erin watching after her as she thought about where things might go from there.
