There seemed to be too much work to do, what with Erin having to complete an entire extra case report, thanks to the fact that she had to work up exactly what had happened to Maeve and why it had warranted BAU involvement without making it seem like they had railroaded the local police. Especially since Aaron had never bothered calling the police to let them know what was going on. The red tape had been almost too much to believe, but she finally felt like she was catching up to move on to her regular workload.
Just as she was about to sign off on the paperwork that Director Sheppard wanted, Erin heard a soft voice clear their throat, and she looked up in surprise to see Doctor Reid standing in her doorway, looking disheveled and unkempt, a far cry from his usual grooming. His face was drawn, looking as if he had aged a decade overnight, which made sense, given what he had been through. "Come in, Doctor Reid, and take a seat."
He nodded as he slowly made his way over to her desk, slumping down into the chair in front of her desk as a fresh stream of tears rolled down his face. "I think that I should be in San Francisco, with the team."
"Aaron told me that you were taking some time to grieve your loss."
Doctor Reid looked up at her, his red rimmed eyes staring into her face as he licked his lips nervously. "You never took time off after Haley was murdered in front of you. You threw yourself right back into work."
"And you know how unhealthy that was for me."
He shrugged. "Yes, but, carrying the guilt gets easier over time, I've watched as you've managed to rebuild your life and move on from everything."
"And yet, you were the one who saw my very public breakdown when I had not let go of everything. You know that I've struggled with alcohol, again, that was made embarrassingly public by Agent Morgan, and I know that you have had your own struggles. Something like this will cause you to want to disappear into the closest source of oblivion that you can get your hands on. I was blessed to have an amazing support system outside of the BAU who looked after me and cared for me when I was at my lowest. If I may be blunt, you do not have that sort of support system in place. Penelope was quite put out that you wouldn't answer her when she came to visit."
"Yes, well, she can be a lot."
Erin chuckled as she nodded. "I know that full well. But she means the best, and her love is just expressed in effusiveness. It took me a while to understand that, because I tend to be quieter and more reserved, a little like I think you tend to be. But I don't think that's why you came to see me, is it?"
Doctor Reid shook his head before taking a deep breath. "I want to ask, how do you deal with the memory of Haley's murder? It will be different for us, thanks to my eidetic memory, but I have the feeling that a moment like that is burned indelibly on your brain."
"You're right, it is. And there are nights when my dreams are haunted by the look of desperate understanding and acceptance that was on her face. But we both knew that Aaron was on his way, and ultimately that our children would be safe, even if we paid the highest cost. But there are other nights when my dreams are filled with the happiest times that we shared before everything went to hell." She turned her head to look at the pictures on her desk, her smile turning sad as she looked at Haley's smiling face. "Those dreams, when they come, are the sweetest, because they help me deal with the loss of my friend. I can only imagine that the pain is sharper for you, because of what she means to you."
"Meant."
Erin shook her head as she pressed her hand over her heart. "Means. Haley will always be a part of my life, because I interact with Jack and Jessie so much. I will always carry a little piece of her in my heart because we worked so hard to build a friendship out of something that could have been so acrimonious. As long as there is someone alive who remembers those that we lost with love, they never leave us. And even years down the road, when the pain isn't quite so sharp, the memories not so tinged by regret, you will still carry Maeve in your heart. This, I believe."
"I haven't been sleeping, I don't want to dream."
"Dreams are useful to helping you deal with your grief. And it will be the one place that you can interact with her, even if it is just your mind filling in the blanks of how you think she'd react. Believe me, I have had several long conversations with Haley, and Alex, and so many others that I've lost along the way, either to death or parting of the ways, while I've dreamt. There is a sweetness in dreams, even though there will be some sadness, too."
Those words seemed to mollify him, and he nodded as he got to his feet. "Thank you, but I still feel like I'm going to head out to San Francisco. The team needs me, and I need to find my way forward."
"When you get there, give David my love. And be gentle with your heart, give yourself time to grieve. Don't be afraid to lean on the team, they'll always have your back." He nodded before opening the door to her office, almost running into Agent Anderson on his way out. "Hello, Grant."
"Chief Strauss," he said with a small smile as he took the seat that Doctor Reid had so recently left. "I know that it's been a few weeks since you handed over those weird gifts that you and Doctor Blake received, and I'm sorry for the delay. I actually had to send the contents back two times, because I so desperately wanted the results to be different than what they were. And before you say it, yes, I know about the Einstein quote that talks about repetition and insanity, but when it's this important, I had to do it."
"And let me guess, there was no DNA evidence or anything else that would possibly help give us any idea of just who is stalking you and Doctor Blake."
Erin shuddered a little as he nodded. "I wish that this didn't make me feel so uneasy, but it does. And I am so glad that you're handling things, because it allows me to compartmentalize what's happening. But when you say that we've acquired a stalker, it just makes it seem that much more real. I just hope that he screws up somehow and gives us a clue when he next decides to leave a letter or package on our doorsteps."
"You could also set up a hidden camera on your property, to see who's leaving things for you."
"That is a good idea, actually. I'll have to let David know that we'll be doing that when he gets home from California. Thank you, Grant."
"It's my pleasure. I just don't want to see anything bad happen to another member of the team, especially after what happened to Doctor Reid. And I will keep looking for a way to try and glean any information that I can from the effigies of you and Doctor Blake. There has to be something I've missed, after all."
Erin nodded as the younger man rose to his feet, giving him a small smile as he left the office, her mind occupied with how she would be able to find this person before he got any closer to their lives.
