Hello dear fellow Shamy-enthusiasts!
This story is the sequel to my last story "As It Is In Heaven". If you haven't read that one, please do it before you start reading the sequel. Otherwise, this one will not make sense to you and the characters will seem very OOC.
Before you start reading, I would like you to know that, unlike my former stories, I have not completely written this one yet. My first draft for the main storyline is complete, but there are lots of side stories that I still have not finished. Therefore, the editing process will take a lot of time and while I feel ready to start posting this story, I do not want to rush myself, because this alternative universe means a lot to me, and I want to do it right.
That's why I decided to only update once a week for the time being. For now, the new chapters will be posted every Saturday or Sunday, depending on how much I get to do during the week. I might go back to updating twice a week at some point, but I cannot promise anything yet. As some of you might remember, I went back to work a few months ago after years of maternity leave, and while I enjoy being back at work very much, it also means that I have even less time now next to my three little kids. But since writing is one more of the things that I love doing and I absolutely do not want to give up on that, I am starting small for now and hope you will have patience with me.
As the title might tell you, this one will mainly deal with Sheldon and Amy finding a balance in their lives and coming to a decision on how and where they will spend their lives.
I have to be honest, I really struggled with writing it. This is the first time I am writing a story where Sheldon and Amy are already a very committed couple, headed for marriage with their physical relationship all figured out. It is very much a story that deals with "what happens after the happy ending" and my biggest fear was that it would turn out to be boring, which of course I hope not to be the case.
If you like highly dramatic stories, I have to disappoint you. There will be no major drama between Sheldon and Amy in this one. They will face a few obstacles together and both will have to figure out a few things about their lives individually and then there will be some bigger drama for a few of the other characters, but there will be (almost) no big cliffhangers, only very little mentioned violence, no death threats… basically just lots and lots of Shamy fluff, spiked with a little bit of minor drama and a few other characters' issues mixed into it.
The choir and its members will still be playing a role in this story, but in general the focus will be much more on their Pasadena-friends this time.
Also, there will be four different POVs and they will alternate every chapter. This first one is written from Amy's and Missy' POV, the next one will be from Sheldon's and the fourth character (that I am pretty sure some of you will be able to guess after reading this first chapter).
Although I am a bit nervous about sharing this story already before finishing every detail and working out every sidestory, I am also really excited to start this journey and I hope that you, dear reader, will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.
As always, I would very much like to hear your thoughts!
Balancing Heaven And Earth
Chapter 1 – "Can't Take My Eyes Off You"
Amy's POV
"Hey, Connie. I'm sorry, it has been a while. I was not in the area the last few weeks. But I was thinking about you every day."
Amy put down the watering can and started plucking out a bit of the weed that was overgrowing the little patch of land where Sheldon's grandmother had been buried for more than a year now.
It was a beautiful day, but – typical for a summer's day in Texas – very hot and just like during her first two summers in this small town, Amy was struggling a bit with the humidity.
She gently brushed her fingers across the cold surface of the gravestone before she traced the engraved letters that spelled the name of her cherished friend.
"I cannot believe, it has been over a year since you've been gone. I still...", she breathed in deeply. "I still miss you so much, Connie. I wish you were still here. I wish I could talk to you in person. There have been… so many things happening in my life."
It was a quiet afternoon. She was the only person on the cemetery and despite the heat, she enjoyed the peacefulness surrounding this place.
Amy chuckled as she tried to remember the last time, she had gotten to enjoy a little bit of peace and quiet during the day. It must have been weeks ago.
She sat down on the grass, careful not to get her dress dirty. After all, she still had a wedding to attend, and she wanted to look her best next to her handsome fiancé.
Then, she inspected the grave.
The fact that she had not been here all summer showed. Mary and Missy had done their best to maintain this last resting place of the woman they all had loved so much, but of course they had their hands full with two little children and while they had watered the plants once a day, it was just not enough in the heat of this summer in Texas.
Many of the flowers Amy had planted in the spring had withered already. She made a mental note to drive to the garden center the next day and buy new ones to plant soon.
She closed her eyes then and summoned an image of the woman who had been her first, and for a long time her only friend in the world.
She could picture her clearly, as if she was sitting in front of her.
The kind expression on her face. Her knowing glance whenever Amy tried to hide anything from her. Her mischievous grin when she was up to something.
And she could hear the laughter she had grown to love over the two years she had gotten to live with her. The encouraging words. The curious questions.
"So…", she started. "A lot has happened since last we spoke…"
Amy smiled softly. The last time she had sat here had been on the day of Jared and Greg's wedding. That was only a day before she had left for California again. And she did not have enough time or privacy to tell the big news then.
"So, surprise… Sheldon and I are engaged.", she exclaimed. "Although, I am sure you knew that already. But Connie, let me tell you, even you would have never guessed the way he asked me to marry him."
Amy smiled and looked at her ring. Connie's ring. It was sparkling in the sun and like always when she looked at it, Amy cherished the fact that she shared this connection to her dear friend.
She thought back to Sheldon's proposal all those weeks ago.
The first one. So spontaneous. On the floor of the men's room, just minutes after she had found him lying there unconscious. Thinking she had lost him forever.
And then, the second one. Even in her wildest dreams, she could have never imagined Sheldon doing something like that.
It had checked all the boxes of a traditional romantic proposal.
Sheldon had taken her out to a French restaurant. Just as dessert was served, he had surprised her with a bouquet of red roses. She still had no idea where he had hidden those. That alone had shocked her, but then, out of nowhere, a string quartet had appeared, playing Bach's "Air" for them.
And as if that hadn't been enough, just when she had wanted to look at Sheldon to ask him what this was about, he had dropped down on one knee and presented her with the ring. Connie's ring. While giving the most romantic speech she had ever heard.
He had started out by telling her, she was his constant in this ever-changing universe. And that, like the universe, his love for her was infinite and ever-expanding.
He had told her how much she had changed his life for the better. How the chaos in his mind cleared and his heart overflowed with love for her whenever he was with her.
And then, he had asked her to be his wife and promised her to love her and challenge her intellectually and try to be the man she deserved on every day for the rest of their lives.
As he spoke, her eyes had filled with tears and she had said yes, of course, and everyone in the restaurant had clapped. The waiter had brought champagne and then, later that night, Sheldon's friends had thrown them an engagement party.
It had been the absolute perfect night. A night, she would never forget.
But still…
"Can I tell you a secret, Connie?", she whispered and looked around to make sure no one would hear her. "If I were to choose, I would want Sheldon's first proposal to be the one that counts. I know he put so much effort into the second one but… I don't know. Something… felt off that day. The first proposal… that was him. My Sheldon. Medford-Sheldon."
She had barely uttered the words, when she started feeling guilty.
"It's not like I did not have a great summer with Sheldon in Pasadena.", she quickly continued. "I mean… I always wanted to have more friends. You know that, Connie. And Sheldon's friends… they are wonderful. And they were nothing but nice to me from the beginning."
She smiled as just that moment her phone buzzed in her purse. Even without looking, she knew it was either Penny or Bernadette. Both of them had been texting her all day, ever since they had dropped her and Sheldon off at the airport in the morning.
"You should have seen me, Connie.", Amy said and giggled lightly. "Can you imagine, me going on shopping trips with gals my age? Having girls' night at a club, drinking cosmopolitan while sharing gossip… the only thing that would have made that better was if you could have been there with us. You would love Sheldon's friends. All of them."
Amy smiled again as she thought of Sheldon's best friends.
After only spending a few weeks with them, she saw them as family already. They were amazing.
Penny and Bernadette had welcomed her with open arms right away and treated her like a sister.
Leonard had told her so many crazy stories about his time being Sheldon's roommate.
And just the week before, Howard had taken her to a Neil Diamond concert while Sheldon spent the evening working in his office.
It had been great. All of it.
"We really had such a fun summer, Connie.", she continued. "And Sheldon… I have never seen him so happy. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he was unhappy this past year here in Medford, especially after things between us progressed, but somehow it always felt as if he was missing something. And now that I have seen him in Pasadena… it's like he's whole again."
Amy smiled sadly.
"If I am honest, a small part of me was still hoping that we might stay here in Medford after all. I thought, maybe he would realize over the summer that he wants to stay close to his family. Close to the choir. Close… to you. But more and more, I realize, moving to Pasadena will be inevitable. I know I should be grateful for him being willing to stay here for the time being. And I am. I am also grateful that, if we do move, I will have friends from the beginning. Friends who like me and treat me well. It is more than I had for the most part of my life."
She meant it. But then again…
"It's like…", she breathed out audibly. "Sheldon has this whole life. He and his friends… they have all these routines. Everything works on a schedule. Game night. Pizza night. Chinese Food night. Comic book night. Don't get me wrong, Connie, I love this playful side about Sheldon. His hobbies… while some of them seem tedious to me, I realize, they are part of who he is. A part that I hadn't known before. And I enjoyed spending time with Penny and Bernadette while the guys were busy with their games. I guess, I just… need to figure out how exactly I fit into all of it."
Amy sighed.
"It's all good, Connie, I promise. I am not complaining. I have no reason to. This summer… it was for him. Sheldon needed this. He needed to reconnect with his friends and do all the things he missed out on these past years. I understand. And I understand that he did not think too much about being intimate with me. I mean, he did tell me in the beginning that he's not a very physical person and he might forget about it. And of course, it was even easier to forget about it, after his friend Raj moved into the spare room."
She could feel tears prickle in her eyes. And she cursed herself for it. She had promised herself not to do this.
It was not as if she did not like Raj. She just had not really found a connection to him yet, like she had with all of Sheldon's other friends, but maybe this would just take some time.
Besides, Sheldon had included her in this decision. She had agreed to it, so she had no reason to complain.
The apartment would be empty most of the time anyway, with her and Sheldon living here in Medford for the time being. And Raj had complained all summer about living above some weird guy's garage.
Letting him move in had been the right thing to do.
Even if it meant less alone-time with Sheldon.
And even more distractions for him. Lately, he and Raj had often stayed up to play video games while she went to bed early. Which, again, was not that bad. It had given her the opportunity to read a few books she had wanted to read for a long time.
"We had so much fun this summer.", she repeated. "It was great. Really, really great. But…", she sighed again. "I guess, part of me missed what we had this past year. Here in Medford. It's like… even when we had other things to deal with… Missy… the choir… we were still so focused on… us. We spent so much time together just him and me. Medford-Sheldon… he gave me so much attention. Most of the time, even with others around, it felt like I was the only person in the room for him."
More tears were gathering in her eyes, and she got even angrier at herself.
"I know, Connie. I am just being stupid. And selfish. As I said, Sheldon needed this summer. He and his friends, they lost so much time already. And here I am whining because I miss his attention on me. I know I am pathetic. It's just that…"
Now that she had started admitting the things she had mostly kept inside during the summer, it was hard to stop herself.
"We have lost time as well. We have lost ten years. A few weeks ago, Sheldon was begging me to marry him. As soon as possible. He was talking about children and… and I am turning forty in a few months so it's not as if we have infinite time for that. But then… it's like he got distracted and isn't thinking about these things anymore."
She took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her face. This was so stupid. Why was she getting this emotional?
"But I guess, that's okay. This summer was special. To Sheldon and to his friends. And now, at least for some time, Sheldon and I can get back to the way we were before. For the next months, we will be living in your house, going to choir practice, spending time with Mary and Missy and the children and… maybe we will start planning our wedding. Everything will be fine. I know it."
She took a few deep breaths, until she heard a familiar voice.
"There you are. And here I was thinking I had lost my date for the wedding."
Amy turned her head and smiled.
There he was. The man of her dreams.
Her heart jumped at the sight of him.
He was so handsome standing there in his tuxedo, his incredibly blue eyes radiating in the sunlight.
It occurred to Amy that this was the exact place where they had talked to each other for the first time more than a year ago.
She remembered how angry he had been at her then. She had felt all her hopes being crushed right that moment.
And now, a year later, he was coming to get her here. To be his date for their mutual friends' wedding.
Amy had no idea what was happening, but she felt the undeniable urge to hug him, so she got up and threw herself into his open arms.
He squeezed her to his body, and she inhaled his scent as she buried her head into his chest.
"Amy, is something wrong?", he mumbled into her hair.
"No, it's just…", she whispered. "I've been talking to Connie. It has been a while."
He softly grasped her chin and lifted her head.
"You have been crying.", he noticed, as he studied her face. He looked concerned.
She bit her lips.
"She's been gone for over a year.", she murmured. "I miss her. And I missed this place."
Sheldon kissed her cheek softly and gave her a weak smile.
"I miss her too.", he admitted and glanced at the gravestone. "Maybe we can come back here tomorrow to talk to her some more. Together."
He looked at her differently now than he had all summer. And even his voice sounded different.
Medford-Sheldon had resurfaced. Finally. And she would enjoy having him back, if only for a while.
"Sounds good.", Amy whispered and smiled at the man she loved so much. "But I guess we should go now. The wedding is starting any second."
Sheldon took her hand, and they walked out of the cemetery and into the church together.
Amy took her seat next to Sheldon and greeted Mary who was sitting at his other side.
Almost exactly a year ago, Amy had seen Sheldon in person for the first time right in this place while she was singing Connie's favorite song.
Even if it had been one of the saddest days in her life – losing Connie had shaken her to her core – her heart had done a little looping the moment she had spotted him, the man she had been dreaming of for so long, sitting next to his mother in this very church.
And when she had seen the sadness and despair in his eyes, all she had wanted was to comfort him. Give him a hug. Tell him he was not alone.
She also remembered the thrill that had coursed through her. The anticipation of finally meeting him for real. Would he be as special and wonderful as Connie had described him? Would he recognize her? Would he like her? Or would he find her boring and unattractive? Was the blonde girl she had seen him with all these years before still in the picture? Or if not her, then maybe another one?
Amy grinned, as she remembered the misunderstandings that led to the false image of him. The one she had been carrying for years.
She was snapped out of her thoughts, when the choir, conducted by Jared who had taken over for Sheldon over the summer, started singing.
Amy let her gaze wander over all of them and when Missy smiled and waved at her, she waved back.
But her attention was drawn to the man standing in the front.
Daniel. The oldest member of the choir who was looking to the back of the church expectantly.
A younger man, maybe sixty years old, was standing next to him.
"That's Daniel's son.", Mary whispered over to Amy. "And look, those two young women across from him, those are Daniel's granddaughters. They are Ruth's bridesmaids today. Isn't that lovely?
Amy nodded, but before she could say anything, the back door was creaked open and then her eyes filled with tears, when Ruth appeared.
She was wearing a simple, ivory gown that was showcasing her timeless beauty. Her silver hair was neatly styled and framed her gentle face perfectly. Her eyes spoke of wisdom and serenity and a life well-lived as she slowly and gracefully walked to the front, accompanied by the choir singing an 'a capella'-version of 'You Raise Me Up'.
Amy felt Sheldon grasp her hand tightly.
It was a small, but emotional ceremony and when the old couple exchanged rings and promised to love and care for each other for the rest of their lives, not a single member of the audience could hold back their tears.
Daniel and Ruth had decided against a big party, but instead invited the members of the choir and a few selected friends to the small practice room at the back of the church for an informal gathering. They had insisted to do it this way, because it was the choir that finally brought them together, so that was where they wanted to celebrate, even if it wasn't very fancy.
The men of the choir had moved the big table a bit to the side, so there was enough space for a small dance floor while everyone was still able to sit down together and the women, guided by Olivia, the pastor's wife, had decorated everything.
Amy and Sheldon had not been sitting down for a long time, when Jeremy made his way to the front of the room.
"And now, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Horton.", he said in his loud, deep voice.
Amy squeezed Sheldon's hand tightly as they watched Ruth and Daniel make their way to the dance floor. In that moment, they both looked much younger than they really were.
"I hope they have many, many happy years left.", she whispered into Sheldon's ear, and he nodded in agreement.
Jeremy sat down at the little keyboard someone had brought inside and played a few chords.
Amy watched as the choir began to sing the first verse.
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you
You'd be like Heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much
At long last, love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you
Again, Jared was conducting in Sheldon's place and even if Amy knew, it would only be a matter of time until he would be taking over permanently, she still found it strange, seeing him up there while she and Sheldon sat in the audience and just listened.
Of course, the others had offered them a place on stage, but that would have just been for show.
After spending the whole summer in Pasadena, neither of them knew how to sing the songs, Jared had so carefully picked out and prepared.
But at last, she was back again. In Medford. The first home she had ever been truly happy in.
Already looking forward to the following weeks, when she would finally get to go to choir practice with Sheldon being the conductor again.
She was looking forward to meeting up with Missy, giddy to ask her future sister-in-law to be her maid of honor. Going dress shopping with her and maybe also with Mary if she wished to be included.
The second song started, and other couples joined Ruth and Daniel.
Amy's heart leaped in her chest, as Sheldon extended his arm to lead her to the dance floor.
Sometimes, Amy still could hardly believe she was engaged to this man. Sometimes, it really felt just too good to be true.
For so long, she had been dreaming of him. Imagining a universe where this exceptional, brilliant, handsome man could be interested in her. And then he had shown up and with every day she knew him, she had only fallen harder for him.
Not just for his mind or his brilliance or his looks. But also, for him. For his kind, sometimes naïve nature. For his honesty. Even for his more quirky behaviors. And then, especially for the way he cared about his sister. His nephew. And at last… for her.
And as he took her into his arms and they danced together slowly, Amy couldn't help but imagine what their first dance as a married couple would look like.
All eyes would be on her and Sheldon as he would spin her around on the dancefloor, accompanied by the beautiful music sang by their choir.
Amy sighed. Oh, she could hardly wait to finally be married to him.
Not long afterwards, they returned to the table where they were joined by Jared and Greg.
"Amy!", Jared exclaimed as he hugged her tightly. "It's been far too long. I have missed you."
Amy smiled softly. "I missed you too, Jared.", she admitted.
Jared had been such a good friend to her these past years. And during one of her darkest times, after Sheldon had been attacked and stopped speaking to her for three months, he had been her only real support.
Over the summer, he had sent her so many uplifting texts and she had called him every time she had felt homesick, but she had not seen him in person since his own wedding.
"You look happy.", she told him, as she watched him closely. "Married life is treating you well, I see."
Jared nodded and smiled brightly.
"It is. But who am I telling this. You will see for yourself soon enough."
Amy side-glanced at Sheldon. Yes. She would. Soon. Hopefully.
The conversation shifted from Jared and Greg's summer in Texas to hers and Sheldon's adventures in Pasadena, during which Jared more than once gave her a strange look while Sheldon kept talking about everything they had experienced with his friends.
Just as Greg started telling them about the houses, he and Jared had been looking at, Daniel's son who Ruth had helped him raise, clinked his glass and gave the first speech of the evening.
"As many of you know, I have never met my biological mother.", he started. "And I never felt the need to. Because ever since I was a little boy, Ruth has filled this role for me. She was the one to tuck me in at night. She read me bedtime stories. She was there at my first day at kindergarten. She was the one I talked to, the first time I had a crush on a girl, and she was the one who consoled me whenever my heart was broken. I could list so many more occasions, but then they would never get to leave for their honeymoon."
Everyone laughed at that.
"Ruth.", he continued. "I remember, at times you would offer to help me track down my biological mother and you were surprised when I had no interest in that. The thing is, because I had you in my life, I never missed her. But I always dreamt of a day when you, my real mother, would finally marry my father and we could be a real family. And finally, today, the day has arrived. My biggest dream came true. My parents have gotten married. I know you had to wait a really long time for this day. I want you to know, I waited for it almost as long as you did. I love you, Ruth. And I wish you and Dad a long and happy life together."
As if that had not been emotional enough, his two daughters came forward next and recited a poem for "grandma and grandpa" and when Amy saw Ruth's tears of joy, she cried with the old woman.
And hour later, the festivities were slowly coming to an end. Most people left and Jared and Sheldon were just finishing a conversation about the choir and all the progress that had been made over the summer.
Amy excused herself to say good-bye to Ruth and Daniel who hardly noticed her, as they were so caught up in their own little world.
She stepped outside and finally took out her phone.
As expected, there were several messages of both Penny and Bernadette.
"We miss you already.", they had texted. And "Girls' night will not be the same without you."
Amy sighed. It was ironic. All summer she had missed her friends here in Medford and now a part of her was sad she would not get to attend girls' night in Pasadena for a while.
"Missing you too.", she replied and quickly put away her phone when she saw Sheldon coming out the door and approaching her.
A shiver ran down her spine, when he offered her his arm to walk home together.
She had always liked it when he did this. From the first day, this had made her feel special. And sadly, it was another thing Pasadena-Sheldon had never done during the summer.
It was only a short walk and when Sheldon opened the door for her, she let her eyes roam around the place, and a calmness spread out in her chest.
Yes. This was it. Home.
"So…", she started after putting away her purse. "Do you want tea?"
"Maybe later.", he replied.
Amy turned around surprised.
Having tea at night was kind of their little tradition. Even in Pasadena they had often had tea together after saying good-bye to Sheldon's friends at night.
But when she met his gaze, she knew exactly why he did not feel like it tonight.
"Sheldon…", she whispered, as she saw the fire in his eyes.
He closed the distance between them and put his arms around her waist before kissing her sweetly but with an intensity that almost took her breath away.
His lips pressed against hers hungrily and she was grateful for the way he was holding her steady by her waist.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her tiptoes, so she could be closer to him, and he pulled her body flush to his.
They kissed for a while like this. Sensually and tender. Her heart pounding away in her chest.
Amy couldn't help but sigh when the kiss ended. She could have cried too, out of happiness because of this perfect moment. She wrapped her arms even closer around Sheldon's shoulders and he hugged her tightly.
"Have I told you, how pretty you looked tonight?", he mumbled into her ear, tickling her with his hot breath.
She shook her head and grinned. No, he had not. At least not with words.
But he had looked at her in a way that made her feel pretty anyway.
"Well, you do.", he said then and kissed her once more, his fingers playing with the silky fabric of the teal dress Penny had helped her pick out a few days ago. "And I can't stop thinking about the fact the next wedding we will attend together will be our own."
She gasped. "Yeah?"
So, he did still think of marrying her soon.
"Yes. I will be standing in the front, looking at you as you walk down the aisle towards me. We will celebrate with all our friends. And later that night… I will help you out of your dress, similar to this one, but white, and then I will enjoy performing my marital duties with my beautiful, brilliant wife."
Already, he had removed the little jacket and was starting to press soft kisses on her neck, down her cleavage.
"Sheldon…", she moaned softly and grasped the lapels of his tuxedo, his words still resonating inside her. She could not believe the effect this man had on her. It only took so little for her body to start aching for him.
How she had missed this. Him. Medford-Sheldon and the way he looked at her.
And the way he made love to her a little later. So full of passion and love and wonder.
Their bodies fused together, just like their hearts. It wasn't that new anymore, this part of the human experience that had always been a mystery to her. And yet, like every time, the things she felt in that moment almost overwhelmed her.
And the reason for that was not just the pleasure she felt. It was this man. This man, who had uncovered parts of her that had remained hidden before. This man who had entered her life and just… been willing to love her like no one had ever loved her before.
It was so easy, to let go of all the weird thoughts and emotions from before and just give herself to this moment of being one with the love of her life. Nothing else was important when she was in his arms. Just him and her and this little world they had built for themselves.
"I missed this.", she whispered into his ear a few hours later, as they settled into bed, freshly showered and dressed in their night clothes.
But she regretted her words, when he looked at her imploringly.
"What do you mean, you missed this?", he asked. "We have spent every night together for the last months."
She bit her lips. No, she would not allow herself to make him feel bad or guilty after this wonderful evening with him.
"It's nothing… I guess, I just missed being here. Your family. The choir. Medford. Us being in this house together, going to sleep in this bed. It's been a long time since we've been here."
He kept looking at her strangely, but finally gave her a soft smile.
"I guess, I missed it too.", he admitted and pressed a soft kiss on her cheek. "Things do feel… different, when we are here."
So, he had noticed it too.
She sighed contently, when Sheldon pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her.
She would enjoy being here for a while. Having Medford-Sheldon back for the time being.
And maybe, she would find a way to transfer at least a little part of him to Pasadena when the time came.
Missy's POV
Missy looked out of the window and sighed deeply.
It was early in the morning, and like so often, she was the first one awake in her mother's house.
It still felt strange, living here with her children. But even though she still had all of the money, meemaw had saved up for her, she just could not bring herself to start looking for an apartment.
Living with her mother was not how she had pictured her adult life to be, but living alone with her children would feel even more lonely than this situation and she would feel even more like a failure.
And like almost every day, she asked herself how she could have been so stupid.
How could she have married Robbie?
How could she let him convince her to quit her job?
How could she let him alienate her from all her friends?
Now here she was. A forty-year-old woman. Twice divorced and with two little children. Without a job. Without friends. Without hope for the life, she used to picture for herself.
Living with her mother of all people. Her mother who she knew loved her deeply but who had never really approved of her life choices.
Pitying herself like the pathetic loser she was. All by her own fault.
She sighed again and kept staring at the house across the street. It was still dark. Sheldon and Amy were still asleep.
This summer had been so lonely without them. She had missed both of them terribly.
It had made her realize how much it had meant to her, reconnecting with her twin brother over this past year. And it had also made her realize how important Amy had become to her.
Even if they had almost nothing in common, Amy had somehow become her best friend. The person she liked to turn to the most.
And while they had spoken on the phone almost daily during the summer, Missy could feel her slipping away into this different life surrounded by the people who had become Sheldon's family over the years.
She knew, this would be even worse if the two of them really went through with their plan to move to Pasadena.
"Mommy?", she heard a gentle voice.
She smiled softly as she saw her son emerge from his bedroom – well, technically Sheldon's room – and come into the kitchen in his pajamas.
"Good morning, Joshi.", she exclaimed, trying to sound happier than she was and placed a kiss on the little boy's head. "Do you want breakfast? The pancakes will be ready soon."
But Joshi shook his head.
"Can I go over to Uncle Shelly's house?", he asked excited. "You said he'd be here today. I want to play trains with him. With the new one he showed me on the phone. The one he bought in California."
"Uncle Shelly is still sleeping.", she said softly. "But I am sure, he will come over later with Auntie Amy."
"Aw, man. But I want to play with Uncle Shelly now.", Joshi whined and slumped down at the breakfast table. "I want to tell him that I am a big boy now and that I am starting first grade on Monday."
"You missed him, huh?", Missy said as she poured pancake batter into the frying pan.
"Yeah.", Joshi nodded. "But now he's back again. And we will play together every day and he and Auntie Amy will be taking me to the zoo and the train museum. And they will never leave again."
Missy smiled sadly, as she prepared a plate for her son and watched as he was eating.
She did not have the heart to tell Joshua that this was probably not true.
Maybe because part of her wanted to believe in it just as much as he did.
