A/N: enjoy!
Also I'm sorry about the terrible Irish accent I tried to portray in this, I wanted it to be as real to the reader as possible considering the situation happening in the story.
Frankie held the cup of coffee in her hands, the warm heat from the fire filled the room. She stared out the window and caught a reflection of her rings in the window. She smiled and sipped the cup. The snow was coming down worse than ever, everyone had gone home it had been a couple of weeks since the wedding and married life was bliss.
"What you looking for?" Andrew came up behind her and pulled her hips to his, kissing her neck.
"Just looking." She smiled turning in his arms and trying not to spill the coffee between them.
"I love you." She added and kissed him softly. "I love you too beautiful." He replied to both the kiss and her statement. They were locked in for the night, Andrew was working and she was just… there. She helped where she could but it was a mess at the best of times. Andrew had been hired by a private company interested in the scroll to investigate it and things regarding that matter had never been so busy.
"Why don't you come and sit down, help me to unwind a little." He asked, she rolled her eyes. "Andrew!"
"Not that!"he categorically wasn't a sex crazed maniac. "I figured I could stare into your beautiful eyes, we could make out, maybe watch a film?" She laughed, stroking his cheek with her free hand.
"I'd love to." She replied and he took her hand over to the sofa and they sat down. She put her coffee down and curled up next to him. He watched her beautiful hair fall over her face and how she brushed it up into a band so it didn't get in the way. "Hey mister." She joked; "you come here often?"
"Only to see you." He smiled brushing her cheek lightly with his fingers. "Andrew?" Frankie asked and he nodded. "Would you rather, make out with the pope or make out with Daniel."
Andrew looked very confused and laughed. "Erm…what?"
"It's a game, you have to pick one, no outs." She said crossing her legs under her.
"I err…well…" he struggled. "I suppose I would have to say Daniel." She looked shocked. "No way!"
"Well at a push mind." He said.
"The popes old wrinkly lips can't tempt you?" She asked laughing.
"Maybe if I get flat iron on them first." He laughed mimicking the action.
"Okay ask me one, two completely disgusting things."
"Okay Frankie…" he thought for a minute. "Would you rather…kiss me here or here." He pointed she rolled her eyes and kissed him 'there' through his trousers. "Every time." She laughed, he laughed too. "Be kind of awkward if our parents were here."
"Would you rather be intimate in here or in there?" He asked quickly. She again rolled her eyes. He laughed and they both fell silent again for a moment.
She put her head in his lap and he flicked on a film for them to watch. An hour into the film Andrew was snoring and she flicked the tv off.
He didn't stir so she got up and draped a blanket over him. Kissing his forehead softly. Going to the front door she made sure it was locked, turning off most of the lights but one. She checked the back door and everything was ok. Going into the bedroom she slipped on her pyjamas and sat on the edge of the bed looking out across the snowy porch and grass to the lake beyond.
She went into her cupboard and pulled out her wedding dress holding it up against her she twirled. Then caught her reflection in the mirror. She hated not feeling beautiful, Andrew adored her and she understood that but she didn't feel beautiful. She put the wedding dress on the bed and sat down next to it. She picked at the little bits of fluff stuck to it.
Leaning over she grabbed the photo album that had been mailed to her from Jenn. Pictures of her hen do, pictures of the wedding… she thumbed through them, lingering on a picture she hated. Her fingers danced over her portrait and she sighed. Andrew made her feel like a goddess and when she looked at herself all she could see was a flabby freak.
It felt like she was living up to a standard that she couldn't, he played with her breasts a lot when they made love and now she was questioning them as well. Was it because they were to…flappy. She took off her pyjama shirt and slightly pulled her pyjama trousers down to see herself. Her breasts weren't perky, she didn't have that flat stomach, she had scars all over her back. The tattoo on her belly button looked squished, her arms felt flabby.
She took the picture out of the album and looked down at it. When she had things done and her bust pushed up she looked ok. But she soon sighed again, she sucked in her stomach very fractionally and touched her boobs.
She hated herself, the way she felt. Looking down at the picture she stared at it for a good few minutes, realising she didn't really look all that good for him there either. She had real problems with her self image and living up to his standards.
"Hey." He said walking in the room, stripping off and getting into bed. "It's cold." She didn't reply, he didn't even notice she was half naked. Had she become predictable and not exciting anymore?
"Andrew?" She asked.
"Yeah?" He replied, getting comfortable.
"Do I…look okay to you?" She asked scared.
"Yeah you look beautiful, you coming to bed?"
"I mean it, do you think I'm… flabby?"
"Well you could do with loosing a few beauty pounds." He joked, but this wasn't a joke to her, she stepped out of her clothes and stood completely naked.
"Is this what you really want?" She asked. He suddenly got up. "There's my beautiful goddess wife." He laughed pulling her in he began to kiss her neck.
"Andrew stop it!" She said meaningfully. "This isn't just about you getting your dick wet." She said angrily and not meaning to upset him but pushing him off her.
"What's wrong now?" He asked not meaning it the way it came out.
"Now?" She repeated, "I'm sorry am I being a drama queen again?"
"I didn't mean it like that!" He tried.
"No, I'm sorry that I'm burdening you with my drama!" She grabbed the first thing she could find and it was his shirt, slightly oversized she pulled it on, walking out the room.
"Frankie! Don't walk away!" He went after her, slipping his jeans back on. "What the hell is wrong?"
"I'm not feeling great okay?" She sighed. He made an audible groan and that came out completely wrong as well. "Oh I suppose that's too mundane for you as well now?" She walked away again.
"For gods sake Frankie stop walking away! I can't do anything right for you!"she started making a glass of water.
"There's always something wrong with you! It doesn't matter that I say you're beautiful, it doesn't matter that I tell you your smart and kind and funny! Whatever I say you always find fault I can't bloody win!"
"So do you just say it to shut me up?"
"Sometimes!" He said out of anger, she stood there slightly gobsmacked.
"Sometimes you can be the most annoying person! It's like a light that flicks on and off, one minute you're hot as hell the next you're looking like a spoilt child not getting what she wants!" Again that came out completely wrong. She was hurt before but now that took it to a new level.
"Well I'm sorry I'm not that perfect goddess you make me out to be, I'm sorry I have flabby, ugly arms and belly and breasts! I'm sorry you have to put up with it!"
"Well good!" He shouted back, she left the room and he stood there for a minute. "Frankie!" He went after her looking around the lounge he couldn't see her, going in the bedroom he found her packing a suitcase.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"I'm leaving!" She shouted. " I didn't realise how god damn selfish you are!"
"I'm selfish?!" He laughed. "All I ever do is be your shoulder to cry on! I've dealt with more drama since meeting you then I have in my whole life! Even Sam didn't pack in as many tears as you do!" That was the absolute definition of 'it.' She felt the tears welling as he continued.
"See you're crying now! What have I got to do?!"
"Wow who did I marry?" She asked. "Because you're not him!" She picked up her suitcase and slipped on some shoes.
"Well maybe it's time we got all this out in the open!"
She shook her head and left the room. He grabbed the suitcase and stopped her. "Frankie…" he realised what a prick he was being. "I'm sorry don't go."
"Fuck you!" She said and pulled it from his hand, walking to the door and unlocking it. He grabbed the suitcase and pulled her back in, shutting the door and pushing her back against it. Leaning in he pressed his lips to hers softly and breathed heavy.
"Get off me!" She pushed him but he didn't move. She ducked under his arm and walked without her suitcase to the back door, he followed her and laughed. "Frankie!"
"Frankie!" He said louder. She walked out the back door and started walking through the snow. "At least put some clothes on!" He shouted. She cried as she pushed her way through the snow, her whole body freezing, her legs going numb.
"Fine!" He shouted, "leave! Like you always do! Bloody women!" She fell in the snow, it was way too deep. Her knees grazed the stones and she broke down.
"Goodnight Vienna!" He shouted and slammed the door shut, went to the bedroom getting in bed. It was a few seconds before he started freaking out, he didn't know why he was saying the things he was.
He got up quick and ran to the door, she was still there in the snow, he threw the doors open and ran to her. He slid to a stop next to her and grabbed her, holding her in his arms.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please forgive me, please don't go." She cried and he felt incredibly bad, how could he do this to the woman he loved? What the hell was he thinking? "Please Frankie I'm so sorry please." He begged and held her to his chest, tears falling.
She stood up and turned away from him. Walking back to the cabin. He stood there a minute before walking after her. She went to the bathroom slipping off her clothes, she did her 'usual' sit down and sob move.
"Just go." She said not wanting to be the cry baby burden. "Why?" He asked and she repeated his words. "Frankie, I'm sorry." He said taking off his clothes he got in the shower with her, he sat there for a moment with her, holding her hands he kissed her palms gently stroking them. The water splashed over them and masked her tears, he ran his hand over her cheek anyway, pulling her in for a kiss, she replied knowing he never meant it – or at least she chose to trust that he didn't. He softly made out with her, tasting her and allowing her to calm down.
Before long she had calmed enough for him to get closer, he sat behind her in the shower, she leaned back into him and he wrapped his arms around her neck, kissing her neck, her shoulders, her arms and hands, kissing all he could reach. It was nice and warm in the shower and neither of them were moving. "I love you." He said brushing her wet hair back behind her.
"I'm sorry." She finally said, knowing she was the cause of it all. He shook his head. "Frankie being insecure about yourself is nothing to be sorry for, I shouldn't try and make you out to be perfect in every way, it obviously was getting to you…I wish you'd just said it and solved an argument." He brushed his lips across her skin from her neck up across her chin slightly. "You'll always be beautiful to me, I can't help the way I see you, I adore you. But don't think for one moment that means you have to be a Barbie doll. You're perfect the way you are, you have flaws and so do I but it's those flaws that make us who we are… you wouldn't change me and I wouldn't you…I love you Frankie, I'd go to the ends of hell to find you. My beautiful wife."
He paused before continuing, "I understand if you hate me…"
"Never." She said swiftly. He gently stroked her arms pulling her back against his chest. "Hey this is our first official married argument." He laughed and she did too.
He stood up and turned off the shower pulling her up. He lifted her up and smiled as he softly let her down on the bed. He wanted to make her feel good but she just wanted him. A half hour of foreplay turned into a long love making session, both of them getting what they needed from the other.
When they were both spent Frankie collapsed into his chest breathing heavy and he flipped her staying between her legs, softly nestled still. He supported himself up arms either side of her head. Morning had come but they were in no hurry. He watched her, gently resting under him. Angry at himself for hurting her, he had no right to say anything he did, he just said it to hurt her and he did. He hated himself for that. He brushed her blonde hair over her ear and just stared at her.
"What?" She said laughing a little.
"I love you my beautiful." He smiled softly. She ran her hands over his chest, touching him, feeling his muscles. "My handsome man."
"Always." He said, kissing her forehead.
She brought her hands up to his face and pulled him in for a long kiss. They simply couldn't get enough of each other, they'd been making love so often and it never got old, or boring or anything, it was the most amazing love making she'd ever had.
A part of her was still hurt from the things he said but she knew he didn't mean it, he wouldn't had married her if she'd have been so evil and pathetic surely? His skin was soft and warm and she was enjoying just touching him, having him over her like her protector, feeling his breath on her skin, watching his chest rise and fall, knowing he was the one forever.
"We need sleep." He said rather sadly. "I know." She gently stroked his arms. "Come here, let me hold you." He said rolling to her side and gently pulling her back to spoon with him. He pulled the covers over them and held her protectively gently kissing her neck, their hands and fingers locked, slowly he fell to sleep first and she too succumbed to the sunlight.
The next thing she knew it was 1pm and she couldn't feel her protector behind her anymore. "Andrew?" She sat bolt upright and shouted him. She had an odd sensation in the well of her stomach that something was going to happen. She couldn't hear him or see him, there were no noises coming from the cabin and she got up, wrapping the sheet around her. She got to the door and heard him talking faintly.
She peeked her head round the corner and spied him on the phone on the porch. He only had his underwear on, she furrowed her brow watching him. He seemed like something was wrong and she felt like something was wrong, it was such an odd sensation.
He finished and hung up the phone and fell to his knees. She quickly dumped the sheet and put on a dressing gown, running over to the door she flung it open and got down to him. He was absolutely sobbing, unable to speak. "Andrew what's wrong?"she begged him to tell her. He couldn't, he couldn't breathe, his whole world had just shattered.
"He's gone…" he finally got out. "Sean committed suicide last night."
Frankie gasped and shook her head, she wrapped her arms around him, pulling his head to her chest. He collapsed into her arms, suddenly her protector was nothing more than her baby. He couldn't control himself, he lashed out and punched the window through, shattering the glass, his hand covered in blood.
"Andrew!" She said stopping him. "Stop!" She shouted and grabbed him holding his arms and his body to hers. "Andrew shhh…. It's gonna be okay." She said, finally he needed her to be the protector, finally she had a role to him that she could play perfectly. If anyone could protect Andrew it was Frankie.
He continued to sob and she held him, rocking him in her arms. "It'll be ok my love. I'm here." She whispered kissing his head. After about half an hour or so he finally stopped crying enough to tell her what happened.
"Apparently he'd not been drinking or smoking or doing drugs… he was doing really well." Andrew said softly playing with the cord of her dressing gown, she was the only thing keeping him warm.
"He was doing really well when he left here." She said, kissing his head softly over and over between his words. "Then last night he had a big splurge, apparently he couldn't take it, had an argument with mammy and stormed off. The next thing mammy knew they'd found him in the park, he'd hung himself." Andrew burst into tears again and she shushed him a little, rubbing his arms and back, holding him tight to her chest.
"Andrew you should go back to Ireland and be with your family. They need you so much right now." She said, running her fingers through his hair.
"We have to leave immediately." He said. "I've booked us tickets."
"We?" She said with shock. "But darling this is your time."
"Frankie…" he said sitting up and looking at her in the eyes. "I can't do this without you. Please come with me." She was shocked he had asked her considering he was usually so strong. She nodded, "of course my love I'll go anywhere you need me to."
"Thank you." He said sniffing. "We should get ready the car will be here soon." He got up and pulled her up with him. She followed him into the cabin, so much to do.
An hour or so later, Frankie pulled hers and Andrew's suitcases out onto the front, talking to Donna on the phone. "I'm so sorry to spring this on you." Frankie said and did up her calf length black coat.
"Don't be! You two go! Neil and I will be up there till you come back, we'll look after the place." Neil was her new boyfriend.
"Thank you." Frankie said, "I'll leave the key under the plant pot."
"Gotcha. You give my love to Andrew and you two take care!"
"I will." Frankie said. "See you in a little while." They hung up and Frankie locked the door as Andrew came out, hiding the key. They walked down the drive with their suitcases and stopped at the end waiting for the cab. "Donna sends her condolences and her love." Frankie said. Andrew nodded and she walked over to him wrapping her arms around his waist. "I'm here my love." She said again, he leaned down and kissed her just as the car pulled up….
A very long journey later and Frankie and Andrew stepped out of the airport into Ireland. Dublin to be exact. She had their suitcases whilst Andrew got them a taxi. It was about an hour from the airport to Connie's house, Andrew's place of birth and home. They packed into the taxi and a man whom she couldn't understand a word of, asked them their destination. He told them and they were on the way.
The drive was long but Frankie marvelled at the sights. She'd never been abroad before. Although she knew Andrew had a lot on his mind and sightseeing wasn't one of them. It was weird driving on the wrong side of the road. The towns were small and a lot closer together than in the US. The houses weren't big and open, it looked like people were crammed in over here.
Turning into the street the cab driver stopped. A load of men were all stood outside a house and Andrew sighed. "Okay here's far enough." He said paying the guy. They got their suitcases after the driver turned the cab around and once he drove off they started walking, Andrew took Frankie's hand. "Just stay with me okay?" Andrew said, she nodded, who were these people? Hooligans? Mob? She spotted a familiar face emerge from the crowd.
"Liam." She waved, he didn't look good, he had blood on his face and red knuckles, a bottle of beer in one hand and it looked as though he had been crying.
"Well look who it is lads! Baby brother the ex priest and his tart come te support his mammy." Frankie was taken aback, was this the same lovely person at their wedding?
"Come te save the day have ya lad?" Liam spat evilly at Andrew. Andrew didn't say anything just stared at him.
"Fat load of good you were! Stuck over there with your tramp when ye brother needed yas!" Liam was clearly hurting Frankie thought, but it was definitely a weird way to show it. But then everyone expelled pain differently. Andrew still didn't say anything although he wanted to, he knew his brother was the closest to Sean and he would be hurting the most after Mammy.
The crowd parted as Andrew held onto Frankie and his suitcase, they slowly made their way through and into the house the men were all stood in front of. The house was a small council house, barely enough room to swing a cat. But Connie refused to leave it as that's where the boys grew up and where her husband had died. Plus the neighbours were all like one big family, everyone knew everyone else's business.
Stepping into the house Andrew dropped there belongings in the cupboard out the way for now, there were so many neighbours. The house, family he hadn't seen for years. Pictures of Sean in frames everywhere. Some of Andrew and Liam scattered the walls and Frankie looked at them as they walked in.
"Mammy." Andrew said and Connie broke down. Sobbing into his arms, Andrew cried too, feeling absolutely helpless for her. Frankie looked around, everyone was wearing black and crying, the house was so full, pictures of Andrew, Liam, Sean, Connie and her husband, on vacation and special days.
"Frankie." Connie managed to get out. Frankie gave her a hug, but she had to sit down as it was too much for her, a woman came over and spoke to Andrew. Frankie moved away, looking at the photos until someone came over. "You'll be Andrew's wifey then?"
"Hello, yes. I'm Frankie Paige…err Kiernan."
"Takes a bit of getting used to, when I first got married me husband be off calling me walker."
Frankie nodded, not sure whether she just had a stroke or she was speaking a different language. Andrew came over as the woman moved off back to Connie.
"Why don't you take the bags upstairs, we're sleeping in my old room, the attic."
"The where?" She asked but he moved off to quickly. She figured she'd knew it when she found it and took the suitcases from the cupboard. Taking them up the stairs she stopped on the first floor, bathroom was the first door, she made a mental note. The second room looked weird but it was very neat and tidy. It had to be Connie's room.
The third room was small, filled with posters of what they called football players over here. It was also very tidy except for a few clothes scattered around. The last room on this floors door was closed, the door was painted black, she figured black for a priest? She opened the door and was shocked. Bottles of alcohol littered every space, some completely empty others half or full. Dead cigarettes stubs filled every ashtray, overflowing in some areas. The walls were painted black but very roughly done so, as if someone had given up halfway. Clothes scattered every orifice, on the bed a letter sat covered in drug paraphernalia. Frankie sighed and stepped inside leaving the bags in the hall.
She picked up a leaflet for a drug rehabilitation program, scheduled for yesterday. She placed it back down, walking a little further in she saw photos of the wedding, all three brothers lined up in a row, smiling happily as if they didn't have a care in the world.
She felt a well of emotion well up inside her and she turned to walk out the room. Before she could she was thrust back against the wall and held there by her collar. Liam was seething, his breath stunk of alcohol and he covered her mouth so she couldn't scream she shook in fear and didn't move.
"You might fool Andrew but you don't fool me, yer slapper. Coming here with Andrew was a big mistake for ye so I suggest ye get the hell out of me brothers room before I slap ye into next week. If I ever catch ye in here again I'll kill ye, got it?"
Frankie nodded and he shoved her into the wall before letting her go and pointing at the door. She walked hurriedly past him just as Andrew rounded the stairs. "What's going on?" He asked, looking between them both. Liam walked out the room and slammed the door shut. He walked past Andrew and stopped, "keep ye hussy out me brothers room." He said angrily and continued down the stairs. Andrew walked over to her.
"Did he hurt you? Are you okay?"
"No I'm fine." She said straightening her jacket. "I shouldn't have been in there… I thought it was your room." He kissed her cheek and took her hand. Leading her up the stairs with the suitcases. A cross hung on the door outside and Frankie followed Andrew as he opened the door to a very tidy room, a double bed with a desk and a bible neatly placed on top. Around the room were pictures of science type things, Jesus and scripture quotes. A number of awards lined a bookcase and included some best selling books.
Lifting one of the pictures Frankie found a picture of him and Sam kissing. Andrew noticed and walked over. "Before she turned into a complete psychopath." He said ripping it off the wall and throwing it in the trash.
"Hey!" She said picking it out and pinning it back on the the wall. He looked at her curiously. "She's a part of your history. What made you the man you are today." She smiled. He nodded sadly and came over to her resting his forehead against hers. She wrapped him in her arms and held him tight. Kissing his head softly she pulled back and looked in his eyes. "Are you okay?" Stupid question Frankie. He nodded and took her hand leading her over to the bed. He took his jacket off and she did too. He laid down and she laid next to him stroking his cheek and kissing him softly. "I'm here. Let it out." She said she didn't want him to keep it all bottled up, he started to cry and she dried them with her thumb, kissing away the ones she missed. "Shhh…." She said. He cried until he couldn't anymore and she held him while he fell asleep in her arms.
It was very early the next morning when Frankie woke with a start. Andrew too sat bolt upright, neither of them had even changed, washed or eaten since they got here late yesterday afternoon.
"Liam!" Connie shouted running out in the street in her nightgown. Andrew got hurriedly up and ran down the stairs, Frankie followed close behind. "Mammy?" He asked.
"Liam's gone off with them hooligans again he's got ye fathers knife!" She said angrily. He could see Liam walking down the street with a group of guys from yesterday. "Frankie stay we me mammy." He ran off after Liam. Frankie gently took Connie's shoulders and led her back inside. She worried for Andrew but knew he could take care of himself.
Andrew rounded a few corners and finally caught up with the group. "Liam!" He said catching up to him. Liam swung round and looked Andrew in the eyes. "Who's side ye fighting for?"
"Liam going out and looking for trouble isn't the answer, it won't bring Sean back."
"If ye had been here you'd know!" He laughed. "Instead ye be fucking Frankie whilst ye brother lay fecking dying in the street!"
"Shut up about Frankie she's done nothing wrong!" He spat back angrily. "And what d'ya mean lay dying in the street he hung himself!"
"Ah that's what we told mammy, so she wouldn't know the truth and be worrying!" He furrowed his brow and looked at him. "Sean was killed doing a drug deal gone bad, now we're out to be fecking em up!"
"You know who it was?" He asked.
"Of course who else?" Liam said and pointed at the street they were heading for. "Fecking O'Shamus and the droolies!"
"Look I know your hurting Liam but…"
"That's it, take the fecking high road, O'Shamus and the droolies beat and stabbed ye brother to death and ye just sit there like usual." Liam said and Andrew stared at him. "What ye afraid of? Being a little pussy? Do it for Sean and stop hiding behind Mammy!"
"I have Frankie to think about now!" He said, "you know how much she…"
"She mean more to ye than blood?" Liam asked, interrupting him. "Since when did she come before us? We've always stuck together, fought for each other and when Sean was dying you were shagging ye bird! Feck her! Don't be a pussy all yer life Andrew the last thing you can do is make the people who killed your brother pay for what they did to you, to us!"
Andrew stared at him unsure where his mind was, stuck between grief and insanity. "Join us!" He said to Andrew, "don't let this be Sean's last words!" Andrew was fighting an internal battle, one he couldn't change the outcome of. Nothing was going to bring Sean back, but he could make them pay for what they did to him. But somewhere in there Frankie and Mammy came to mind, but they were just out of reach, the need to avenge his brother outweighed anything right now. They needed to pay for his death, Andrew could only see Sean laying in a pool of his own blood and he thought back to what he was doing, shagging Frankie, how could he? Bitterness towards her was creeping in, she demanded his time and attention the words he thought he didn't mean that he profusely apologised for seemed so real to him now, seemed like they were true, she had all his time and attention like a little cry baby and there he was pandering to her needs whilst his brother lay dying. The thoughts kept creeping around in his head and not letting him rest. Sean's face echoed in the back of his mind, probably his dying breath being one of why?
He hated Frankie for that, suddenly he understood why Liam was towards her the way he was, she shouldn't be here this was family business. He nodded and agreed to join. Liam patted his shoulder and smiled. "Welcome back brother…"
