Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.
How long Olivia had sat there, nestled close to Elliot, she didn't know. At one point, she could recall him having asked her if she were hungry, something she emphatically declined. It wasn't exactly a refusal to eat, she was certain that by the time the dinner hour rolled around, she'd feel more sufficiently recovered and able to guarantee that whatever she consumed would stay where it belonged.
Though she was content to sit in the silence with her partner, the lingering quiet was starting to become unnerving. Too talked out to make much conversation herself, Olivia instead asked Elliot to fill the void, to share with her what life had been like for him during the days, weeks, and months following his departure from SVU and what had ultimately led to his move overseas. Much like her own story, Olivia understood that it might not be an entirely happy one, but it was only fair that he be granted the opportunity to speak as well.
"First things first, I want you to know that I got every one of your messages. While I couldn't listen to them at the time, I never once deleted or erased them, it just took some time before I was able to hear them without falling apart."
Elliot tensed briefly as he felt Olivia shift against him, only to relax when the movement had been a result of her snuggling closer, and not moving away.
"I hadn't originally intended to leave NYPD. Yes, what had happened with Jenna had devastated me, left my confidence shaken. That and the fact that she was so young, even though ultimately I knew I'd had no other choice. It was when I was spending time at home during my mandatory leave that Kathy began to put the idea in my head about turning in my papers."
From her position leaning against Elliot's chest, Olivia could breathe deeply and surround herself with the familiar scent of his aftershave, that mingled so perfectly with the slight hint of cologne that he had always used. She allowed that to ground her as she considered just how vulnerable her partner must have been back then, still so raw from what had happened in the precinct that fateful day. Likewise, she knew how much his duty to his family mattered to him, which is why she had always been able to understand why he had given in to the suggestions brought about by his wife. It didn't erase the hurt Olivia had felt – nothing would ever correct that feeling of abandonment – but gaining a new perspective on the fact that perhaps Elliot might not have been entirely complicit in it all made his disappearance a bit easier to swallow.
"It was Kathy who suggested we get away, that I find a job in the private sector working security. With only Eli at home, it would be easier for us to relocate. You have to believe me, Liv, I wanted to contact you, to tell you the truth myself. But every time I picked up the phone, I just couldn't go through with it. I know that makes me a coward."
Turning slightly – the first she had moved since Elliot had started speaking - but only so she could look her partner in the eye, Olivia spoke the words that had just opened up in her heart.
"It doesn't make you a coward, El, it makes you human. Yes, I was hurt by what you did, I'm never going to lie about that, but I did the same thing to you. Not just once, but twice. What matters is that we've learned from those mistakes."
"What do you mean?"
"We're talking more now, more than we ever really have before. When you had to go out of town on that case this last time, you came to tell me in person. It's also the whole point of why we're spending the week here at this hotel, to open up about the things we've been holding in for far too long."
Tucking herself back under Elliot's chin, Olivia indicated that he should continue with his story. Though they'd always avoided it before, she wanted to know about what it had been like for him living overseas. She could only imagine how much he had missed his adult children, and that the separation had to have been difficult, even with all the advancements in technology that allowed for improved communication.
From the sounds of things, they had spent the first couple of years traveling around Europe, not really settling permanently in Italy until 2015. Olivia added a mental note to tell Elliot about her own trip to Paris at some point this week. Even if he may not necessarily approve of who her companion had been at the time, she knows that hearing that she actually took advantage of vacation time after he left will matter to him.
Eventually, Elliot got to the point where he, Kathy, and Eli had moved to Rome. From the sounds of things, life between the Stablers immediately after Elliot's retirement had been rocky, especially after the shock had passed and reality settled in. Knowing Olivia well enough to understand that she would never judge him, Elliot felt comfortable enough in admitting that he had harbored some resentment toward his wife. Though she didn't want to think ill of the dead, Olivia couldn't help but feel the same. She didn't think that Kathy had hated Elliot's career as a cop – or even her as a partner - enough to try and take that away from him, although she hoped that the actions had genuinely come from a good place. From the sound of things though, the couple had worked through their issues. Things hadn't been perfect, but he and Kathy had been content.
It also had delighted Olivia to hear Elliot talk about how easily Eli had picked up a second language, unlike how he himself had struggled. That was when Elliot mentioned how he had always marveled at the fact that Olivia was fluent in so many languages, because it always came as a struggle for him.
Eventually, Elliot's story tapered off. He wasn't done – neither of them were- but it was as though he sensed they both needed a break. Glancing at his watch, an idea began to form in Elliot's mind. As he tried to think about the best way to put his plan into motion, he hoped that what he said next would be appreciated.
Though she had calmed down considerably since the panic attack that had been inevitable from telling the tale of what she had endured, Elliot could tell that Olivia was still very much shaken. He wanted to do something to help, and every instinct within him was screaming that the best thing he could do was offer to let her have some time to herself to process. Granted, he wouldn't have left her own her own in the immediate aftermath, but now that things had settled, he believed that perhaps some space might be beneficial. He also knew Olivia well enough that she wouldn't ask for it, not after having felt so vulnerable already.
"So, Liv. I was thinking."
"There's a first time for everything, El. You know that."
The fact that Olivia was cracking jokes only served to strengthen Elliot's theory, and he forged ahead.
"Very funny. Seriously, I had an idea I wanted to run by you."
Shifting her position, even though a part of her was reluctant to move, Olivia pivoted slightly until she was facing her partner.
"What is it?"
"How would you feel to some time to yourself? I don't want you thinking I'm abandoning you, because that's not it at all. I just thought maybe you'd appreciate an hour or so of quiet, maybe relax in the bath or something and unwind. I can run to the gym for a workout, and then maybe stop at a deli after and bring back some soup and sandwiches for our dinner?"
Olivia was deeply touched by the offer. The idea of another bath sounded incredibly inviting, and although she hated to ask Elliot to leave for any reason – especially after he had splurged on this luxurious room – the prospect of having some time to herself was appealing. Plus, there was also the fact that her stomach was still incredibly sensitive, and the idea of a light dinner as opposed to the more extravagant options on the room service menu sounded wonderful.
"I'd love that, El. As long as you're sure you don't mind. I don't want you to feel as though I'm pushing you away."
"Of course not. You put yourself through a lot emotionally to share with me what you did. I thought maybe you'd like the chance to pamper yourself a little."
Olivia wrapped her arms around Elliot by way of a response, turning her forehead into the crook of his neck to deepen the embrace. When they pulled apart, their arms were still touching, and Elliot used the moment to press his lips against Olivia's forehead.
"I'll go and get my things so I can head to the gym. You soak in the tub for as long as you like. Whenever you're finished, send me a text, and I'll know it's okay to come back. Also, think about what you'd like from the deli. You can let me know your order when you message me, too."
Olivia nodded, and with a gentle squeeze to his partner's shoulders, Elliot stood. He wandered into the sleeping quarters of their suite and grabbed his gym bag. In truth, when he'd initially brought it along, he'd only been planning to use the exercise facilities that the hotel offered, but there was a branch of the chain he belonged to just a couple of blocks away. It was perfect, really, as one of Olivia's favorite delis was also in that same area.
As Elliot was on his way out, he saw Olivia padding into where he had just come from, one of the plush bathrobes in her hands. He could also hear the water running in the bathroom, a sure sign that his partner was already filling the tub so she could enjoy a luxurious soak. Suddenly remembering a purchase from that morning, he dropped his duffel by the door and went to fetch the bag he had brought back from the store.
"Here, Liv. I almost forgot to give you this. I picked it up for you earlier, when we were out after breakfast. I thought maybe you'd like to use them at some point this week."
Peering into the bag, Olivia saw not just one, but two scented candles. While not the same brand that she kept in her private quarters in her office, they were, in fact, the same scent – lavender. Knowing the soothing fragrance would go a long way in contributing to her relaxation efforts, Olivia could only thank Elliot again for his thoughtfulness. A part of her wanted to ask how he'd figured out her secret, but she knew never to underestimate his skills as a detective or his resourcefulness.
Waving goodbye to her partner, Olivia headed into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. After lighting the candles and placing them on the ledge of the tub, she turned off the harsh overhead lights and stripped off the robe she was wearing. Then, she took out her cell phone and opened the music app on her phone, selecting her relaxation playlist. Soothing sounds began to fill the room, and as Olivia stepped into the tub and sank down into the sea of bubbles, a sigh of relief escaped her lips. This was exactly what she had needed.
Olivia wasn't sure exactly how long she had stayed in the tub, she just knew that after her bath was done, she felt completely refreshed. She'd even taken the opportunity to wash her hair before getting out, then applied moisturizer over her body to soothe her skin. Slipping the robe back on, she cleaned up after herself, and blew out the candles. Sending a message off to Elliot, she requested that he pick something out for her to eat, indicating that she simply couldn't make up her mind, but that she trusted his judgment.
Opting to allow her hair to dry naturally, Olivia padded into the bedroom area of the suite, dressing in a comfortable pair of knit drawstring pants and an NYPD tee shirt, which she covered back up with Elliot's hoodie that she had been wearing previously. After returning her robe to it's hook in the bathroom, she settled on the sofa, personal tablet in hand. Propping her feet up, Olivia opened one of the e-books she'd recently purchased for herself and began to read.
She had just finished the first chapter when Elliot came through the door, having texted her a few minutes earlier when he'd first parked in the underground garage, so as not to startle her again. Olivia marked her place, and powered off the tablet. She wasn't certain exactly what Elliot had brought for their dinner, but whatever it was, it smelled amazing.
"Welcome back, El. How was your workout?"
"Great. Feel better after your bath?"
"Much. Thank you."
Setting the brown paper bag in his hands down on the table, Elliot returned to where Olivia had stood to greet him. Giving her a hug, he couldn't help but issue a gentle reminder.
"You never have to thank me for that, Liv."
"Did you need to shower first before we ate?"
Shaking his head, Elliot explained that he'd been able to take care of that at the gym. His next question involved where Olivia would prefer to sit for their meal, something that earned him the first genuine smile he'd seen from his partner all day.
"We're going to be eating soup, Elliot. I don't know about you, but I'd prefer not to wear mine."
"The table it is."
Curious as to just what her partner had brought, her stomach truly interested in food for the first time that day - not counting breakfast where she had more or less forced herself to eat – Olivia began rifling through the contents of the bag, and setting containers out on the table. As she did so, Elliot explained each item.
"Matzo ball soup for you, because you mentioned that your stomach was still tender. I also know how much you love club sandwiches, so I got us one each of the turkey and roast beef clubs, I thought maybe we could share?"
"That sounds great, El. What else is there?"
"Personally, I wasn't in the mood for soup, so I got fries for myself, but I had them make it a double order, because I'm sure you'll be stealing some."
"You always did know me best when it came to my deli order."
Pressing a kiss to the back of Olivia's head, Elliot pulled out one of the chairs at the table for her, so she could sit. Appreciating the chivalrous gesture, she sat, and then watched as her partner refused to let her do anything, instead insisting on fussing over arranging their plates. He'd even thought to buy a jug of iced tea so they could have something to drink with their meal.
"This looks amazing. Thank you."
The pair tucked into their dinner, Olivia starting with her soup first, wanting to eat it while it was still hot. The fragrant aroma of the broth was soothing to her senses, and the taste reminded her of a time back in her first year of working SVU as Elliot's partner. She'd come down with a particularly nasty cold, but had refused to take any time off. After returning to her desk from a nap in the cribs that Elliot had insisted she take during a lull in work, Olivia had found a container of this soup waiting for her. Apparently he had originally wanted to buy her chicken noodle, but had gotten some solid advice from Munch that some good old fashioned 'Jewish penicillin' would be a better option. From that time forward, any time either one of them had been sick, they'd brought one another matzo ball soup.
When her soup was half gone, Olivia picked up a quarter of her sandwich, opting to start with the turkey first. Now that her stomach was feeling stronger, she also made Elliot's prediction come true by reaching across the table and snagging a few of his fries. She didn't often indulge in fried foods these days lately, too mindful of maintaining her figure, but these were hot, crispy, and perfectly salted, and she was helpless to resist.
By the time she had eaten her fill, Olivia still had half a sandwich remaining. With Elliot's help, the leftovers were wrapped up and stored in the mini fridge to be saved for a midnight snack, along with some slices of cheesecake he had bought for their dessert. After cleaning up, the partners settled on the sofa once more. Olivia was about to suggest watching another movie to help pass the time, when another idea struck her. Yes, they had already talked a great deal today, but that didn't mean the conversations couldn't continue. Not everything that had happened to her during the years Elliot had been absent from her life had been bad.
"Hey, El? How would you like to hear the story of how I came to be Noah's mom?"
Of all the things Olivia could have told him, the fact that Noah was adopted was one that Elliot hadn't been expecting. Not that it changed a thing – she was just as much Noah's mother in his eyes as if she'd given birth to him herself – but ever since he'd found out his partner had a son, guilt had taken over. Elliot had been berating himself for having missed the important milestones in not only Olivia's life, but her child's. That, and he thought he had lost out on the opportunity to see Olivia Benson pregnant. In his mind, he should have been there for it all – the morning sickness, the sonogram updates, feeling the first kick. Also to knock out whatever loser had abandoned Olivia with a baby. Though, if Elliot were being honest, if that were truly his intention, the first punch would need to be directed
at himself. He had been the one to abandon Olivia without a word. All of the things that he had missed out on were his fault.
The one thing that didn't surprise Elliot in the slightest was that Noah had been found during a case. Naturally, his heart ached for the tragic backstory and rough early start that the young baby had had to deal with. But, knowing Olivia's huge heart and depth of compassion, of course she had fallen for the little one at first sight.
All the same, Elliot's heart broke as he heard more of Noah's story, at the way his background paralleled Olivia's so closely. It was obvious that Ellie had loved her son, she was just a victim of tragic circumstance. And of course, Olivia would have stopped at nothing to find out who Noah's mother had been, to try and reunite the boy with his parents. Then, when he had become a ward of the sate, Elliot could so clearly envision Olivia at each and every hearing, determined to find a positive outcome for the young life that had been so drastically altered before it had even begun. Learning that Trevor Langan had been Noah's advocate had come as a bit of a surprise, but Elliot was grateful that the boy had had someone in his corner.
As Olivia detailed what had happened the day Judge Linden granted her custody of Noah as a foster mom, Elliot's own eyes welled with tears. Even if at the time the situation had only been temporary, he recognized what it would have meant to his partner. It wasn't the first time she had been granted custody of a child – the last time he recalled had been Calvin, which had broken Olivia's heart to have the boy taken away from her. But with Noah, the guarantee for the adoption was more certain, and he couldn't imagine how happy that would have made Olivia.
"I wanted to call you that night, you know? The first night I brought Noah home. Not that the others at SVU weren't thrilled for me, but I knew you would truly understand what it meant. I wanted to hear you tell me that I'd be a good mom, because I'd always loved watching you as a father, the way you adore your kids."
"I'd have given anything to have been there, Liv. But this is something I know for certain – Noah is so lucky to have you as a mom. He couldn't have found anyone better."
"You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that."
After taking a moment to compose herself, Olivia continued to talk about her son, about how his adoption was finalized. She even included the more harrowing details of Johnny D and about how conflicted she had been to publicly reveal that she had discovered the identity of her son's biological father. But after everything that had transpired regarding her testimony in court following Lewis, she hadn't been willing to take the chance of of withholding information.
"I'm not sorry to hear that the man is dead, especially after what you told me happened in the courtroom. I am sorry that the results of that day caused you to lose another partner. But Amaro is a better man than I was, because at least he gave you the courtesy of telling you goodbye."
Reaching out a hand and laying it on the side of Elliot's face, Olivia brushed her thumb over his cheek.
"Don't sell yourself short, Elliot. Yes, you made a mistake, and yes, you hurt me. But never once have I thought less of you as a man as a result of it."
Licking her lips, Olivia continued, wanting to clear the air about something she had said to Nick just prior to his departure to California. Not that Elliot would have known about that, but the words had weighed on her ever since. She could remember telling Nick that she had grown more in the four years with him than she had during her partnership with Elliot. But what she hadn't explained was that she'd had no choice. Logically, Olivia knew Elliot would never have held her back. If she had wanted to advance in her career, he would have not only helped her study for her exams, but have likely driven her to them himself. Likewise, during her time with Elliot, she'd never had a more steadfast supporter in having a family. To this day, Olivia could recall waiting for an elevator at the old precinct and confessing to her partner that she had been turned down for adoption. His adamant tone had been the only thing to reassure her that the agency was wrong, her self doubt having taken control and convinced her that they were right.
Not even aware of the fact that she was crying, Olivia felt the moment Elliot's arms wrapped around her. Leaning into his warmth, she let herself be comforted. If she were being truly honest with herself, though, the tears weren't entirely from a place of sadness or trauma. This particular release of emotion was more cathartic, more freeing, and her soul felt ten times lighter that she had finally been able to share with Elliot what it had meant to her to become a mother.
Locked within the safety of her partner's embrace, Olivia was able to talk about Noah's toddler years, and even confessed how she had relied on memories of Elliot's own children when raising her son. In particular the times her partner had come to work after a sleepless night when one or more of his kids had been sick. He hadn't even realized at the time that his own venting to Olivia – because he could hardly lean on Kathy when she had been as worried as he and was counting on him to be strong – would have ultimately given Olivia the advice she could draw from during Noah's own difficult times. The first fever he experienced under her care, the first earache. Even the diagnosis of asthma, as terrifying as it had been, had been easier to manage knowing somewhere out in the world there was someone who would have had the confidence in her to handle it all.
"No matter how upset I was with you, El. I never once forgot about you. Whether you believe it or not, you were there for me more than you realize, even if it wasn't always in person. It was your voice I heard in my head whenever I needed it most."
There was still plenty more to share about Noah, and Elliot was eager to hear it all, but he could tell how weary Olivia was getting. Even though the hour was a relatively early one considering what they were typically used to, it was obvious she was tired. Yet Elliot knew if he were to suggest sleep, he'd be met with a protest. So, instead, his idea was to table the the heavy conversation for the following day, and spend some time together unwinding.
"How would you feel if we picked this up again tomorrow? It can be whatever you want to talk about, and I'd obviously love to hear more about Noah. For now, though, what do you say to spending the rest of the night relaxing with some mindless entertainment?"
"That sounds perfect."
Elliot offered to call down to room service for one of the movie snack packs he had seen listed on the menu, but Olivia declined. She wasn't opposed to taking advantage of the treat at another point during their week, but she just wasn't in the mood for it right now.
What she was in the mood for, however, was the cheesecake that was currently taking up residence in the mini fridge in their room. Olivia hadn't forgotten about the dessert they'd stored away for later, and now that things had settled, her sweet tooth was making itself known.
Correctly guessing that Olivia would enjoy a cup of coffee to compliment the cheesecake, but knowing that it was far too late in the day to consume caffeine, Elliot instead chose to brew a pot of decaf using the in-room coffeemaker and available supplies. The small carafe wouldn't yield much, just enough for one cup each, but it would be the perfect amount to accompany their late night snack.
While Elliot was making the coffee, Olivia took advantage of the opportunity to complete as much of her nighttime routine as possible. Of course, brushing her teeth would have to wait until after she'd eaten, but she could at least take care of washing her face and applying the moisturizer she used before bed. She had a feeling that once she settled in and got comfortable, she wasn't going to want to move much.
After taking care of what she'd needed to, Olivia left the bathroom and found that the table in front of the sofa had been set up with two mugs of steaming coffee, hers fixed just the way she liked it – yet another thing her partner hadn't forgot about her. Likewise, there were slices of cheesecake, but instead of one lone variety, it appeared as though Elliot had chosen a sampler of sorts.
"This looks amazing, El."
"Glad you like it, Liv. So what were you in the mood to watch tonight?"
"At the risk of sounding like a terrible mother, anything that doesn't involve superheroes."
With a soft laugh, Elliot simply passed over the remote, indicating that the choice was entirely up to her. A part of Olivia wondered if Elliot thought that she'd pick some sort of romantic comedy, and she briefly considered doing just that only so she could see his reaction. Instead, she opted for a documentary series about museums around the world, something that she'd always meant to watch, but had never quite seemed to find the time. If Elliot was shocked by her selection, he didn't let on. Then again, Olivia acknowledged to herself that while deep down, he was still the same man she had always known and loved, his years living in Europe had allowed for Elliot Stabler to become more refined and cultured than he had ever been before.
As much as Olivia tried to make it last, the cheesecake disappeared quickly. She was, however, able to savor the coffee and make it stretch until the last of the creamy confection was gone. Content, she shifted awkwardly on the sofa in an attempt to make herself more comfortable, trying to arrange her long legs in a way that she wouldn't kick Elliot.
Ever observant to his partner's distress, Elliot was yet again ready with a solution. Reaching for the remote, he paused the program playing on the screen, paying no heed to the protests coming from his right.
"Liv, I just want to ask something. You look like you're having trouble relaxing, and while this sofa is cozy, it doesn't offer much space to stretch out. Would you rather move into the bedroom and finish watching the shows in there? If it's space you're wanting, you can have a bed all to yourself."
Olivia shook her head, then hurried on to clarify in case Elliot misunderstood the gesture as a refusal to his request.
"No, I don't need space. You actually read my mind, I just wasn't sure how to phrase it. That and part of me is worried once I get settled and under the blankets, I'm going to fall asleep on you."
"If you do, then we'll just try and watch this documentary again tomorrow night."
Nodding her consent, Olivia stood. She made an attempt to clean up the mess that was littering the coffee table, only to be stopped almost immediately.
"I'll take care of that, you go and do whatever you need to get yourself ready. Did you want me to bring you in a bottle of water?"
"Yes, please. And El? Thanks."
A short ten minutes later, the two were settled in the same king size bed they had slept in the night before. Feeling the most content she had all day, Olivia lay on her side and rested her head on Elliot's chest as they picked up the program from where they had left off. In the back of her mind, she reminded herself of what she needed to ask before falling asleep. For now though, she was just going to let herself be held.
One hour of the documentary series had turned into two, then three. Before either of them realized, it was nearing midnight, and Olivia was as restless as ever. She knew the reason behind it, it was just that she was hesitant to put voice to it. Of course, she need not have worried, because Elliot was able to pick up on her unease, and as he had been doing so effortlessly lately, found a way to calm her nerves.
"Today was a rough day for you, Liv. We still have a long way to go before we need to head back to our regular lives, so what do you say we take a break tomorrow, and just enjoy the amenities the hotel has to offer?"
The idea was an appealing one. Olivia couldn't remember the last time she had talked this much or this openly about the events in her life – both good and bad. It was likely not even Lindstrom had heard her be that vocal.
"That sounds great, El. What did you have in mind?"
As the credits were still on screen, Elliot pressed the pause button to prevent the auto-play feature from skipping ahead to the next episode. Though he was reluctant to make Olivia move for any reason, he wanted to see her better, so he shifted to his side, relieved when she did the same, mirroring his position.
"I was thinking we sleep in, have a late brunch delivered from room service. Maybe spend some time in the heated indoor pool, or even head out of the hotel and catch a movie or something."
"I love that."
Nodding in the direction of the TV across the room, Elliot posed another question to his partner.
"Did you want to keep watching, or would you like to try and get some sleep?"
Gnawing on her lower lip, Olivia reluctantly broke eye contact. It was time for her to confess what had been worrying her all night.
"I do want to sleep – if I'm being honest, I'm exhausted, there's just one problem. With everything I talked about today, I'm worried I might have nightmares. I haven't had any in so long, but with the memories being so fresh, I can't guarantee I won't wake up screaming."
"What do you need me to do? Would you rather have the bed to yourself?"
Appreciative for Elliot's gentle understanding, Olivia found the confidence to not only ask for what she wanted, but also warn him of her fears.
"No, I want you to stay. I'm going to need you to wake me up if I do start having problems, and help ground me once I'm aware. There's just one thing I'm worried about."
"Name it."
"Sometimes I come out swinging."
Elliot reached out and rested his palm against Olivia's cheek, a gesture that reflected what she had done for him earlier that evening.
"That doesn't bother me, Liv. I can take a punch, and I'd rather do that than see you trapped in a living hell."
"Thanks. I guess it would be good to try and sleep. I'm not even going to bother to set an alarm for tomorrow, especially after what you've suggested."
"Sounds good to me. Did you need me to leave a light on somewhere tonight so in case you do wake up, you are able to see where you are and recognize it better?"
Yet again, Olivia was deeply touched by the consideration Elliot was showing her.
"If you don't mind. But not in here, I think that would be too harsh. Maybe we could eave the bathroom light on, and keep the door open?"
"Whatever you need."
They took turns with their final trips to the bathroom for the night and getting ready for bed, Olivia having a final request that Elliot apply an extra spritz of cologne to the shirt he was planning on sleeping in. While she couldn't guarantee it would keep the nightmares at bay, she knew it was a scent she could always associate with safety, so Olivia hoped that if she woke disoriented and disturbed, she would recognize that and remember exactly who she was with.
While Elliot was busy, Olivia also took the opportunity to change for a second time that evening. Not that she wasn't already comfortable in the clothes she had been lounging in, but a part of her longed for the soothing feel of her favorite pair of pajamas against her skin. Whether it was purely her imagination, or the memory of ghosts of long ago, the phantom scars that still lingered on her body seemed to ache more than usual tonight.
Once the bathroom was free, Olivia brushed her teeth and tongue thoroughly, even going so far as to use an extra swig of mouthwash to rinse. She wasn't afraid of bad breath, but more so that she might wake with the taste of vodka still burning in her throat and on her lips.
Remembering to leave the bathroom light on and the door open, Olivia padded back to the bedroom. There, she found that Elliot had turned down the covers and the scent of his cologne was prevalent in the air. Inhaling deeply, she felt the tension she was carrying in her body begin to evaporate somewhat, and crawled into bed next to her partner. Wrapped up in Elliot's arms, and with her head resting against his chest, Olivia allowed the tender way he was stroking her back to lull her to sleep.
Much as Olivia had anticipated, William Lewis did play a featuring role in her dreams that night, but to her surprise, he wasn't the only one. There was one other person present, and that was Elliot. While she may have been forced to relive her traumatic ordeal, her partner played a very crucial part in her rescue. Not only was Elliot there to wield the metal bar against Lewis himself, but it was he who carried Olivia out of the beach house to safety, and never once left her side in the aftermath.
Olivia woke suddenly, startled but not overly distressed, and though it took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust, she immediately recognized who was sharing the bed with her. True to form, instead of being concerned for her own well being, her first thought was whether or not she had disturbed Elliot, and was relieved to hear that his breathing was still even. Allowing her body to relax back into the mattress, Olivia inhaled deeply, surrounding herself with the comforting scent of her partner's cologne. Despite all efforts to conceal it, a choked sob escaped from her lips, and she covered her mouth with her hand in an attempt to keep quiet. It was no use, however, because her distress had been noticed, and Elliot was immediately alert.
"Liv? Talk to me."
His voice may have been slurred from sleep, but there was no question what Elliot's primary focus was. Grateful that he hadn't asked whether or not she were okay, because that answer was unknown to even Olivia herself, she instead reached for his hand and squeezed once, unable to offer a verbal reply right away. Once she was able to speak, she didn't hesitate to reassure him.
"I'm alright. Just feeling a bit unsettled. I'm not even sure what woke me."
That was obviously a lie, but Olivia hoped Elliot wouldn't call her out on it. Anyone else would be easily convinced by the untruth, or at least know enough not to push their luck, but Elliot wasn't anyone else.
"Want to try that again? I promise I won't push you into talking about anything you don't want to, but we've agreed to not hold things back anymore."
He was right. Of course he was. Leave it to Elliot to be able to use logic and reason in the middle of the night.
"I was dreaming about Lewis. But it was different this time, unlike all the nightmares I've had about him before. He'd broken into my apartment, taken and tortured me like usual, but on that last day, at the beach house, you were there to save me."
Even in the dim light that was filtering in, Olivia could see the unshed tears in her partner's eyes.
"I swear to you, Olivia, if I'd known, if I'd had any clue just what had been happening, nothing would have kept me away."
"I believe you. But like I told you earlier today, even though you weren't there in person, I still carried your strength with me. I think this dream just allowed me to manifest it in a more direct way. It's not necessarily a bad thing."
They still hadn't quite discussed just how Elliot had managed to stay so blissfully unaware for so long. He had briefly tried to explain, but Olivia was still too raw to listen, and the middle of the night was also not the time or place to start that conversation. Instead, Elliot tried to focus on making Olivia feel safe.
"Is there anything I can do for you right now? If you're not able to fall back to sleep right away, I'm happy to stay awake with you."
"No, that's not necessary. I'm a bit rattled, but not to the point that I won't be able to sleep anymore tonight. The extra cologne you put on is helping."
Wanting to do more to offer comfort, Elliot rubbed his partners back again. He had briefly considered stroking her hair to soothe her, but was reminded of something Olivia had said earlier in the day about Lewis having used her longer tresses at the time to drag her around. The last thing he wanted was to trigger her further when she was already on edge. The pair lay in silence for awhile, the only sound in the room Olivia's shaky breathing until it gradually began to even out as she calmed down. Just as Elliot thought she might have drifted off once more, a voice cut reached his ears.
"El? Can I ask you for something."
"Anything, Liv."
Pushing herself up on one elbow so she could look Elliot in the eye, Olivia made her request.
"Will you kiss me? I know that this might not be the most romantic or ideal situation, and I'm not asking for anything more, I think we both know I'm not in the headspace for that at the moment. But -"
"Shhh"
Olivia felt as Elliot placed two fingers to cover her lips and gently hushed her, stopping her rambling mid-sentence. Any fears that he would deny her request evaporated immediately when she saw the understanding and tenderness written in his expression. It was almost a year ago now that she had been standing in her kitchen with this man and denied herself the very thing she was now asking for, but now she was ready – heart, mind, and soul. It wouldn't evolve beyond anything more tonight, and it wouldn't be the first kiss they had ever shared, but it would be another pivotal step forward.
Turning once again so they were both on their sides, Elliot closed the distance, his palm gently cradling Olivia's cheek. Their lips met in a tender kiss, soft as a whisper. He wasn't going to dare take it any farther than that, but her gentle exhale gave him a slight nudge of encouragement, and he tentatively began a tender exploration of Olivia's mouth. Their tongues danced together languidly for the briefest of moments as their breath mingled as one. When Elliot ultimately pulled back to meet Olivia's gaze, her eyes were shining once more, but instead of the distress that had been evident earlier, there was nothing but pure happiness in them.
Reclining back against the pillows, Elliot brought Olivia down with him to relax against his chest once more, his arm wrapped securely around her. Whispering words of love, he promised to stay awake until she fell back to sleep, and only then would he join her in slumber. Content and at peace, even with the whirlwind of everything that had happened that day, Olivia allowed herself to be held by the man she loved.
