DISCLAIMER: Obviously I don't own any of the characters in Harry Potter or anything belonging to Harry Potter World, it belongs to the only and only creator J.K. Rowling.

~~AM~~

Entry Eight

January 08, 2001

Four days have passed since I left my husband side. Four long days of waiting and waiting, hoping he come through the door and embrace me. It was a shit show today, Pansy came to my room and sat with me asking me what happen last night, and I just told her what had happen and that was it. Then Blaise came in, asking the same questions and I told him the same thing. I was annoyed of being interrogated, like I was the one in the wrong. Blaise reassured me it wasn't my fault, he just wanted to know what happen because apparently the other guy told him something different. Blaise wouldn't say, he knows my husband for a long time, and doesn't want to deal with the consequences. You see, my husband is ruthless, his specialty is using knives. Blaise has always been neutral and provides us with the safe haven when we need it, especially when we finally had time to be away.

Before I was blessed with these shackles, I was a general. We were the trio, Theo, Draco and I. When shit couldn't be completed by the other death eaters, it was always us who had to clean up their messes and fix their bullshit. Theo and Draco were the attackers, while I broke curses and made sure we came back alive. Our missions always included hunting down order members and bringing them back alive or dead. It was more the latter unless we were ordered otherwise. My sweet, kind, loving husband was a different person when he put that mask on. A ruthless killer, no emotions, it was like he changed his whole personality when he put that mask on. I think we were all like that, Draco was always serious, and the same with myself. When I think back on it, I went into a void, everything was by instinct, I didn't have to think about what I had to do, if I should do it this way or that. Even when I ended up getting cornered, there was no fear or hesitation in what I needed to do. I always got myself out of sticky situations, I had one advantage when dealing with wizards or witches, I was a master at wandless magic. From the very beginning, since I was a baby, I was able to use wandless magic. Then I got my first wand, after what happen the first time with Narcissa's wand, I had to get myself a wand, a 11 ΒΌ Yew wand with Dragon heartstring core. Now that I think about it, I wonder where that little ol' stick is at now. The funny thing about my silly wand is that no one can use it, even as a spare. Whatever spell, curse or charm will backfire on whoever wield it, it's either broken, lost or in someone's possession. Can you imagine, the Dark Lord carrying around my wand in his cloak, just there, being of no use. Its funny to me and also makes me think about how I could have put a tracking spell on it, so at least Theo could of checked where it was at.

These are times I feel incredibly thick as fuck. While I sat in my stupor, I wonder if the Dark Lord would think drinking my blood like he did with the unicorns, he would gain enhance power or something. Sometimes these thoughts would come, would he really try to drink my blood. How gross would that be and inhumane, but it's not like I am some pure saint myself. I think if it was something he wanted to do, he would have done it already.

Right now, it's a glimmer, a glimmer of hope. Even though today was a shit show, with just everything that is happening, I find moments where I can smile and laugh to myself. Enjoying the moment, but those are the times I worry about the most. Like the calm before the storm. I try to be optimistic, but something always happens. I don't hold my breath anymore, I just let it happen. Basically a "whatever happens, happens." Kind of mentality. There are times when I think I can take on the world, and shoulder it all, then my husband comes in treating me like a delicate flower, any moment will fall apart. I get the princess treatment all the time, I've become accustomed to it. In my former days, I felt like tungsten, unbreakable. Compared to now, like a dandelion, any moment flutter into the breeze. My poor husband, I can only wonder what he goes through and how he manages to keep me by his side. How much love and admiration he must continue to exhaust his energy into me. I feel homesick when he is away, my dear husband, you are my home. Where my heart is full, my body loved, and my dark lonely soul understood. Tonight, I see my glimmers, what makes me feel peace and happiness. My glimmer is always my husband.

To my love Theo,

You have enchanted me, body, mind, and soul. In a world of death and darkness, your very existence shines light to brighten up my world. You are my home, my very place I feel comfort, love, and peace. You give me hope and warmth, I feel content inside your hugs. You give me strength with your gentle touches. I love you to the end of the universe and back, in this lifetime and the next. I will forever be yours. I love you Theodor Nott.

XO

Mrs. Nott