Disclaimer: I now own all the gifts for Christmas, even if it's just for a few more days. But I don't own Castle.
Here comes the last chapter, apart from the epilogue. It's a short chapter, so I can do a quick update. The epilogue will probably be online in a few days as well. I hope all of you who celebrate have lovely holidays!
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Kate had been eagerly waiting for Castle to return, unable to find sleep with the increasing throbbing in her shoulder. But she refused to call a nurse to give her new painkillers; no, she wanted her mind to stay clear. So, she tried to distract herself by trying to process this day, which wasn't an easy task at all. All the questions surrounding Maddox came back to her mind, but she couldn't answer a single one of them. The uncertainty of what all of it meant scared her. But then she thought of the fact that in a few weeks, she would be back at the precinct, and what better spot could there be to fight whatever she had to face? And she knew her team was on her side, no matter what. Maybe they could already shed some light on the confusion she was feeling. She made a mental note to talk to them as soon as possible.
She didn't want to dig into whatever they may know. No, she had meant what she said to Castle. But still, she longed to understand what had happened today and why it was Maddox who was dead now instead of her. A deep and painful sigh escaped her throat when she realized it once more: she was alive. It felt like she had been granted another chance, and she was determined to use it. Just as much as the chance Captain Gates was willing to give her.
The thought of telling Castle about her talk with Gates thrilled her. It was an excellent distraction from her fear that she might still be in the crosshairs for what she did today. In retrospect, she figured it had been naïve to believe that letting Esposito and Ryan be the official head of their investigation would keep her out of harm's way. Castle had been right, whoever was behind all of this would have no doubt she was involved in this, too. But with all the unknown factors in this puzzle, it was impossible to predict what it would mean for her. But she was convinced she would find out one way or the other.
A shiver went down her spine, and she startled when the door cracked open. Her whole body tensed, her instincts telling her to be alert, but she immediately relaxed when the familiar face appeared in the doorframe. Softly smiling, she said, "Hey, there you are again." He returned her smile, but within a heartbeat, she could tell something was troubling him. "What happened?" She asked, frowning, and her plans to tell him about their future at the precinct were forgotten. Slowly, he closed the door behind himself and made his way over to her bed and back to his chair. He didn't sit down but rested his hands on it, avoiding her gaze for a moment as he tried to find the right words. The truth didn't come over his lips as easily as he had planned.
"Smith called me," he finally brought out in a reluctant tone. When Kate gasped, he looked up at her, trying to read on her face what was going on in her mind. But all he could see was confusion. "What did he say?" She asked and sounded anxious. He wanted to take that away as fast as possible. "The deal still stands," he said, but the confusion on her face grew even deeper. "Smith managed to destroy every evidence you have been at Maddox house. He said they will suspect it, but without proof, they won't touch you." Kate stared back at him, and slowly, her mind started to click. "Smith killed Maddox in the car crash?" Now, it was Castle who looked confused. "It was a car crash?" Kate nodded with a deep crease on her forehead as she tried to put the new pieces of information into place. "Gates told me."
"Oh," Castle mumbled. "So, she knows?" Kate slightly shrugged her shoulder that wasn't fixated by tapes and bandages, still the movement hurt. "Not really, but she knows something is going on." She closed her eyes and slightly shook her head. "What is going on, Castle?" She just couldn't wrap her mind around it. It took Castle a few moments to piece together the fragments of information that reconstructed what had happened. "Smith said Maddox had his brother's house under surveillance, whatever that means, so he would be alarmed when someone found the connection to his brother. Smith seemed to have some sort of access to the surveillance, too."
Kate slowly nodded. That was the first thing she heard about all of this today that started to make sense. "That's how he knew we were coming." She looked up at Castle. "And the bomb had been placed there beforehand in case he would ever need to cover his tracks?" Castle thought about it for a second. "Probably. And it would also have been a good way to get rid of everyone on his heels if it had worked like he planned." Kate's brow furrowed slightly. "What does that mean?" Castle sighed and walked around the chair to sit down as he reached for her hand. "The bomb didn't blow up like it was supposed to. It was supposed to blow up the entire house. If it had…" He didn't even dare to finish the sentence. He had pictured that scenario multiple times while he had waited for the doctors to come. He didn't want to relive the scene again. "We all have been very lucky."
In concentration, Kate looked down at Castle's fingers wrapped around hers. "So, how does Smith know these details of what Maddox had planned? Was he at the scene?" A little smirk hushed over Castle's lips. Even after a day like this, she didn't fail to connect the dots in a matter of seconds. "Yes, he was. He made sure to get rid of the evidence left at the house connecting you to Maddox." The little epiphany Kate had felt before faded into confusion again. "What evidence?" Castle chuckled darkly. "Maddox wrote a letter." A deep frown narrowed Kate's brows before they shot up when she searched her memory for anything to explain this.
"The piece of paper Esposito read right before the explosion!" Realization hit her like a slap to the face. "He knew we were coming, and that letter was addressed to me." Castle nodded, even though he didn't know for sure, but it was the only thing that made sense. "I bet he was sure you would be the one to rush into the house. He wouldn't have guessed you would let anyone else go first. Probably, he even expected you to come alone." Kate still looked at him with the expression he knew all too well from every time they had a breakthrough in a case.
"And now Smith has the letter?" Castle nodded again. "It should have been destroyed in the explosion, and I think it would have burned anyway, but it seemed like Smith wanted to make sure no one would find it." A little wave of gratitude for the unknown man washed over Kate. If the police had found that letter, it would have forced her to open up about the deeper connection she had to Maddox than her own shooting. No matter if she wanted to or not, it would have started an investigation on him and who hired him. And no matter what she did then, come clean about everything like Montgomery and Smith or if she had decided to keep the silent vow she had made to protect Montgomery's reputation, the outcome would have been the same. And she was pretty sure that time it wouldn't end in a hospital bed for her but in the cemetery.
Kate swallowed hard at realizing how much she owed to Smith and Montgomery. Montgomery's name was another one she could put on the list of people for whom she had to stick with the decision she made, the one her mother had convinced her to make. She looked over at Castle and could read on his face that he was desperate to know what was going on in her mind. "We were very lucky indeed," she mumbled, slightly squeezing his hand. "I'm glad Smith took the letter, though I would want to read it." The corner of Castle's mouth twitched in anxiety, and she quickly added, "Only to understand what was going on in Maddox's head." Castle exhaled slowly, he dreaded the next moment, but he was still convinced honesty was the only way they could work through all of this together.
"You might want to talk to Esposito, he read that letter. He asked me to tell you he wants to talk to you. I'm sure it's about that letter." Kate's eyes lit up, and Castle's heart skipped a beat. That spark in her eye was too familiar to ignore it; he knew it from everytime she got a lead on a case. But to his relief, it didn't turn into the burning need he was used to when it came to her mother's case, but slowly started to fade again as the wheels seemed to turn in Kate's head. She slowly nodded. "I will. He has no idea we know about what it said in that letter. And he doesn't know that it doesn't matter anymore. I owe him an explanation, and Ryan too." She softly smiled at Castle as she saw his face relaxing. "And I need to thank him too." Castle returned her smile, but his brow was still slightly furrowed. "So, you want to tell them everything? You think that's a good idea?"
"Yes, I do. They deserve to know, and after today, I have no doubt they wouldn't be able to understand my decision if I'm not entirely honest with them. And we both know every word is safe with them." Her smile grew a little wider. "In some way, they are family, too." Her eyes lit up even more when she remembered something. "Did you talk to Alexis?" At the mention of his daughter's name, Castle couldn't stop his own face from lightening up, and the last remains of concern lingering in his chest started to vanish. "Yes!" He shook his head, a look of happy disbelief on his face. "You have no idea how happy I am." She smiled brightly at him and gently squeezed his hand that was still resting on the little bump on her stomach. "Oh, I think I do." She softly shook her head. "This day has been one hell of a rollercoaster." He chuckled softly. "Definitely."
When she remembered some more news she had to add to this mix of emotions, Kate let out a little laugh. Castle gave her a confused look, though it felt like that sound was some sort of remedy to heal the damage this day had caused. He made a mental note to make her laugh as much as possible from now on. "What?" He asked, eager to know what was going through her head. She looked at him, the grin on her face a little teasing. "You won't believe how my talk with Captain Gates went." His eyebrows rose, he had completely forgotten about the captain. He had been just as sure as her that this would end her career at the NYPD. But looking at her beaming smile, he guessed he was in store for a surprise. And he didn't have to ask for Kate to continue.
"Looks like our steely Captain Gates has a soft spot when it comes to pregnant cops." Castle frowned, not understanding what she meant. Again, Kate didn't make him ask. "She told me that she felt like she had to choose between kids and the job and regretted that she didn't dare to combine both. And when I told her I wanted to step out of the job for my family, she wouldn't let me. She'll have me back at the precinct as soon as I have recovered." Castle's jaw dropped, and Kate had to chuckle at the view. "And the best part, she'll have you back too." Her face was beaming with happiness and waiting for him to react, but he was still processing her words.
"You told her what?" He was still caught on that point, feeling like he maybe misunderstood her. She furrowed her brow slightly, a little disappointed he wasn't already happily jumping around the hospital room like she had expected him to. "I told her if I had to decide between my job and my family, I would choose my family." Castle shook his head in disbelief. Her decision to let her mother's case rest for her own safety and to protect their child was one thing. But also intentionally giving up her job, the one thing that mattered most to her, that somehow made her who she was, was something completely different. "I can't believe you did that." He mumbled. His frown grew deeper as she was the one who didn't seem to understand now. "Why? Like I said, I choose us, this family, over everything else. And that includes the job." It took him a few seconds to answer. "I know you said that. But you actually did it; that's something else." She attempted something that should have been a shrugging of her shoulders, but her broken bones quickly reminded her that wasn't a good idea. She swallowed down the pain and answered, "Yeah, but I want to stick to my word. And I meant what I said."
Another wave of pride washed over him, and he got up from his chair to press a kiss to the top of her head. "I love you." He mumbled, knowing she was smiling without looking at her face. "I love you too." She answered. He straightened up, looking down at her. "And what did you say about me? What Gates said about me?" He thought he remembered her words, but this time, he was sure he somehow got them wrong because he had been distracted by what she had said just before that part. The smile on Kate's face grew into a big grin. "When I go back to work, you can do too. She called it 'including you into her act of mercy'." His eyes grew wide as he stared at her. "Are you serious?" She nodded. "Yes, I am. That's what she said."
After a few more seconds of staring at her, he burst into laughter, maybe a little bit more than would have been fitting, but the exhausting day slowly seemed to dizzy up his mind. Fighting back the laughter and searching for his voice, he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. He looked at Kate, who seemed to be just as amused as she was confused. "Do you have any idea how much time you spent worrying about Gates kicking you out the last few months? How much effort we invested to keep us and the baby a secret?" Another little laughter bubbled from his mouth, and Kate briefly wondered if they had given him some medication he couldn't handle. "Turns out all you had to do was to be honest with her all along." He stopped as a memory crossed his mind. "I hate to say it, but my mother was right all along."Now, it was Kate who laughed. "Come on, not even you would have theorized something like this for Gates." He shook his head, still grinning, and stepped back to the side of her bed again. "You're right. But it's nice to be surprised." Looking up at him, she nodded. "Yes, it is."
"As we are talking about surprises, I might have another one for you." Kate frowned at the cheeky smile on Castle's lips. "Do I really want to know it?" She asked hesitantly, and Castle nodded. "When I talked to Esposito, I asked him something, and I somehow forgot to check in with you about it first." She just gave him a puzzled look. "I asked him if he wanted to be the godfather to our baby. Seeing what he did today, it seemed like the least thing to do. Sorry, I didn't ask you first." Looking at her and waiting for her reaction, he could see her blushing and looking down at her bed sheets. He furrowed his brow. "What is it?"
She brought her gaze back to his and looked like he had just caught her doing something forbidden. "I have to make a similar confession, too. I asked Lanie if she wanted to be the godmother weeks ago." Both of them started to smile at each other. "Well, the more godparents, the better." Castle chuckled, and Kate joined in. "We better hope things with the two of them work out. Otherwise, we will have to celebrate very tense birthday parties each year." Smiling softly at her, Castle placed his hand on the little bump on her stomach once more. "Well, if this baby isn't reason enough to make things work, what would be?"
Kate smiled down at the little bump under their hands. "You may have gotten a point there." Turning her gaze back to Castle, she said, "Do you think you could take me to Espo? I would love to talk to him." Castle smiled at her but firmly shook his head. "No chance, I won't have you leaving this bed. And trust me, I've seen him, he's not running away." Kate gave him a frustrated stare, but it just bounced off of Castle, he was too used to it by now to be bothered by it. "Oh, come on, Kate, you just came out of surgery. Walking around the hospital is the last thing you are supposed to do right now." She slightly pouted her lips. She knew he had a point, but still, she didn't like not getting her way. But she had to admit, she was exhausted. And her shoulder ached more with every passing minute. Thinking about it and trying to settle back into the pillow behind her back, she winced a little.
Castle got up and shifted the pillow a little. "See? No, you'll stay here and get some rest." He bowed over her and pressed a button over her bed. Her gaze followed his hand, and she frowned at him. "What are you doing?" She asked, a little unnerved. "Calling a nurse to give you some more painkillers." Kate instantly shook her head but regretted it when a sharp pain cut through her shoulder at the movement. "Kate, I won't discuss that. You need to rest, and you can't as long as you are in pain." He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Don't worry," he whispered. "In a few months, I will let you be your heroic self again." He tenderly brushed his palm over her belly. "Fine," Kate muttered. She would never admit a part of her liked his overprotectiveness.
So when the nurse came in and, after briefly disappearing again to get the medication, Kate didn't protest when the young woman injected something into the intravenous access on the back of her hand that immediately started to make her feel a little dizzy and let the tiredness take over. But she didn't mind. The feeling that she needed to stay alert every moment was gone. All that had to be sorted out had been resolved, and in a wondrous way, it all had somehow turned out for the better. As she started to drift off to sleep, the last feeling that was present in her chest was gratitude for everything she had and the chance she got to keep it. Through the haze, she felt Castle's hand holding hers, and it was enough to make her let go and finally fall asleep.
