Maisie Lockwood was having a bad year. Well, not strictly bad, but weird. A mix of bad and weird. Which she supposed was par for the course, since her whole life had been bad and weird, but the last year in particular had been on a whole new level. There was the whole mess with Biosyn, of course, but that was somehow the least of her problems. After that, there'd been a run-in with a dragon and ensuing interdimensional weirdness of the variety that made people click away if they hadn't been following previous fanfictions, after leaving a nasty/confused comment, of course.

And please don't.

Anyway, for those who keep up with the frankly nonsensical multiverse that had tainted an otherwise perfectly good franchise (except for the third one), you might remember that Maisie (Dominion Maisie, not Fallen Kingdom Maisie) was now living in a human and dinosaur populated utopia based in the universe of the first Jurassic Park. And if this confuses you, this is your second warning to click away. I will not warn you again, and rest assured, you will not like what happens next if you don't, because I am currently living in your walls.

Anyway, it was Christmas Eve, about eleven at night, and Maisie had just returned from the North Pole after a rather troubling incident involving a magic sleigh chase. But that's another story, quite literally.

After this misfortune, she was looking forward to a restful evening and the following holiday celebration, though it wouldn't be the same as the time she spent with-

CHOO-CHOO!

She got out of bed and opened her blinds.

"Oh, what now?"

A train was chugging along her street. Most children would have gone outside to investigate, but Maisie was used to this sort of thing, and after the events of the night, quite done with this bullshit. So she went back to bed.

About five minutes later, a rock crashed through her window, and a voice came from the street below.

"Aw, shit. Didn't think it would actually break through. Did it hit you? Are you dead?"

She recognized that voice.

"Go away, Moonwatcher!" she called.

Moonwatcher, despite her name, was neither a hippie nor an ape, except in the way that all humans are apes, though it was unclear if Moonwatcher was even human at all. Mostly, she was just annoying. She often tried roping characters into little adventures that she could write about. It wasn't charming in the slightest.

"Come on, Maisie! We're going on a magical journey to the North Pole!"

"I just went!"

"Oh, uh, really?"

"Yes, I told you when I got back!"

"Hm, well . . . I forgorabouddit. But listen, this conductor costume was very expensive-"

"Moonwatcher, I'm not going to do a Polar Express parody."

"What about an homage?"

"No!"

She got back in bed, then flinched as a second rock hit her head. She growled, then ran up to the window.

"Is there free food, at least?"

"We have hot chocolate."

"Free hot chocolate?"

"It's included in the price of admission."

"What's the price of admission?"

"It's free."

You can see why nobody liked Moonwatcher.

Maisie rolled her eyes.

"Fine, but we're getting through this quickly. And no songs."

"No worries, we couldn't get the rights to them anyway."

Maisie ran down the stairs and out the front door. Moonwatcher was wearing a conductor's outfit that looked overpriced for what it was. Something of the Spirit Halloween variety.

"Welcome to the Polar Express."

She gave a rancid smile, then led Maisie onto the train.

"Say, are you actually qualified to run a railroad-"

Moonwatcher, meanwhile, was waving her lamp chaotically.

"HEY TRAIN DRIVER, DRIVE THE TRAIN."

It started chugging along, and Maisie sighed heavily.

"So I guess this is just child endangerment, huh?"

"Christmas-themed child endangerment," Moonwatcher corrected her, "But it's, like, whimsical and totally under control. Nothing bad can happen on the Polar Express."

Maisie tightened her lips.

"Fun."

She paused for a moment.

"Hey, is this train supposed to be beeping? Trains make many sounds, but usually not beeping."

"This is a ma-a-agic train."

Maisie sighed.

"Fine. Let's just get this over with."