Chapter 37 – Miscommunication (long)
After sitting there a bit totally confused, Jack went, pulled his boots back on then slipped his coat on and went next door. He needed to talk to his best friend. Jack knocked on Lee's door. Jack and Lee sat down. Jack shook his head and put his head in his hands. He didn't know where to start or how to fix the problem.
"That bad, my friend?" Lee said.
"Elizabeth asked about making supper for my birthday." Jack said. "I told her that I didn't want anything for my birthday and that I don't celebrate since my father died the day after my twelfth birthday. She doesn't understand that I don't want anything."
"Was she planning a party?" Lee asked.
"No." Jack said. "Supper for the two of us."
"Then what is the problem?" Lee asked.
"I don't know." Jack said.
Jack got up and started pacing back and forth.
"She got mad." Jack said. "She just asked if I thought that my father would want me to quit living or if I should be unhappy forever just because he was gone. Then after she said that, she tried to get up and I held her close and tried to kiss her temple. She then pushed away from me and went to sit at her desk. I don't understand."
"What did you say about what she asked?" Lee asked.
"Nothing." Jack said.
"There is your problem." Lee said. "She asked you a question and you didn't answer her. Then you tried to kiss her and change the subject."
Jack just stopped and looked at Lee. Lee didn't say anything else, he knew that he had gotten through to Jack. It was now up to Jack to figure out what to do. Jack nodded a goodbye to Lee and then went back to his own house. Jack hung up his coat and slipped his boots back off. He went and sat on the couch. He knew that he needed to talk to Elizabeth, but he could tell that she was still mad. He was going to give her a little bit to calm down. Jack stood up, went and got some paper. He sat at the table and wrote something out. When he was done, he folded it up and put Elizabeth's name on the outside. He left it on the table and left. He needed a ride to clear his head. He knew that he shouldn't because he could feel his leg after riding for a long time the day before, but it was the only thing that he could think of to clear his head. Jack knew that he would deal with the pain, clearing his head and thinking was more important at the moment. Jack walked to the livery and saddled Thor. Normally he would take Sergeant, but he knew that Thor hadn't been ridden regularly. Jack had put the saddle on Thor and took his Mountie saddle bags, before leaving town he stopped by the jail and grabbed one of the rifles and ammo.
Elizabeth had barely noticed Jack come back in and sit at the table. She hadn't noticed that he left again. When she stood to ask him what he wanted for supper, she couldn't find him in the house. That was when she saw the note on the table. She sat down and picked it up. She careful opened it and read the following –
Bella, Please forgive me. I didn't mean to upset you. I understand that you
didn't want to throw a party, but just make a special supper for your husband on his birthday. Despite my feelings about my birthday, it was not right of me to stop you from trying to do something nice. Again I am sorry. I going for a ride to clear my head,
I don't know when I will be back. See you later. Love Jack.
Elizabeth reread the note. She was upset that Jack would leave and then she realized that she had done the same thing when she walked away from him on the couch to write in her journal. She had needed to clear her head and he was allowed to do the same. Elizabeth wasn't sure exactly what time that Jack left, but she was starting to get worried about him. It was past supper time and getting dark. She decided that if Jack was not back by 9pm, she was going to head into town and talk to Bill and/or Joe. Elizabeth started typing while she was waiting for Jack to come back. She also kept an eye on the clock.
At 8:45, Elizabeth started getting ready to head into town. She had just stepped off the porch when she saw the red serge. She was confused, Jack hadn't been wearing his uniform when he left. Elizabeth hurried toward town to realize that it was Joe. She instantly started to panic.
"Is Jack okay?" Elizabeth asked when she reached Joe.
"What do you mean?" McGinty asked.
"Jack left earlier for a ride and hasn't come back yet." Elizabeth said.
"I came here looking for Jack." McGinty said. "I needed to talk to him."
"I need to find him." Elizabeth said.
Elizabeth started to head to town and McGinty grabbed her arm to stop her.
"Slow down." McGinty said. "Let's go back to your house and talk about this."
"No." Elizabeth said in a raised voice. "I need to find Jack."
McGinty kept trying to steer Elizabeth back to the house and she continued to protest. Lee heard the raised voices and came out to see what was going on. He saw Elizabeth upset and talking to McGinty. He went over to find out what was going on. He learned that Jack had gone for a ride after he talked to him and that McGinty had come looking for him to talk. Elizabeth was worried that something happened to Jack.
"Elizabeth." Lee said. " You stay here where it is warm. I think I know where he might have gone. I will go see if I can find him."
"I will go with you." McGinty said.
"I don't want to be alone." Elizabeth said.
"Fine." Lee said . "We will leave you with Abigail. Just give me a minute."
Lee returned to his house, changed into his boots and a heavier jacket. Then he walked to town with Elizabeth and McGinty. Lee knocked on the cafe door and Abigail answered. She saw an upset Elizabeth standing there with Lee and McGinty.
"What happened?" Abigail asked.
"Jack and Elizabeth had a little fight earlier." Lee said. "He went for a ride and hasn't come back. Elizabeth is worried. McGinty and I are going to go look for him. I think I know where he might be. Can Elizabeth stay with you?"
"Yes, come in." Abigail said. "Boys be safe."
Elizabeth went in with Abigail. Lee and McGinty turned and headed to the livery. When they got there, they saw that Sergeant was still in his stall. That heightened Lee's worry just a little. McGinty looked around and realized that Thor was missing.
"He took Thor." McGinty said. "Jack was worried because he hadn't been ridden a lot lately. He has been trying to rotate which horse he takes when it isn't Mountie business."
"Who is Thor?" Lee asked.
"Elizabeth's horse." McGinty said.
McGinty went to saddle his horse and Lee to see about getting a horse for him to ride. As they were doing that, Lee heard someone coming in. He turned and saw Jack leading a horse into the barn.
"Where have you been?" Lee asked. "Elizabeth is worried sick. McGinty and I were just going to come look for you."
"Sorry." Jack said. "I hadn't planned on being gone this long."
McGinty walked over to greet Jack.
"Here let me take the horse." McGinty said. "Go to the cafe and see your wife. She is really upset. I had wanted to talk to you, but it can wait until tomorrow."
"Are you sure?" Jack asked.
"Yes." McGinty said. "Go see Elizabeth, she needs you more. I can talk to you later."
Lee talked to the livery worker and let him know that he wouldn't need the horse after all. McGinty took Thor and led him to a stall to be brushed. Lee walked with Jack to the cafe and filled him in on what Elizabeth had said. Jack apologized for causing trouble, but wouldn't tell Lee why he was gone so long. Lee left Jack at the cafe and headed back to his house. Jack knocked on the side door of the cafe. Abigail was concerned because the guys hadn't been gone that long. She was surprised to see Jack standing there.
"Elizabeth here?" Jack asked.
As soon as Elizabeth heard his voice, she ran to his arms and hugged him tight. She then leaned up and kissed Jack. She didn't want to let him go. He hugged her back and held her tight. He knew that he had once again caused her pain and he felt bad. He didn't like when Elizabeth was upset.
"Sorry." Jack said. "I meant to be back sooner."
"Are you okay?" Elizabeth asked.
"Yes." Jack said. "Let's go home."
They thanked Abigail and headed back to the row house. Jack didn't talk much on the way home, but Elizabeth could see that he was limping a little. She wondered what happened, but didn't want to ask right then. She was just happy that Jack was back. Elizabeth knew that she needed to talk to Jack, but she wasn't sure what to say. She waited until they were in the house. She took her coat off and hung it up. She then sat down and pulled her boots off. She went over and stoked the fire. She was watching Jack, he was quiet and it was concerning. Finally she couldn't take it anymore.
"Jack." Elizabeth said. "Will you please come talk to me? I am sorry about the way that I acted before. I understand that there are issues around your birthday. I am sorry that I pushed you. I just wanted to do something nice for you. You are my husband and I wanted to make you supper for your birthday. We don't have to do anything else, I promise that I will not throw you a party. I know that you don't want that."
"I am sorry, also." Jack said. "I know that you just wanted to make me a special supper. I talked to Lee and realized that I was being unreasonable. I should have talked to you before, other than my mother, I have never had anyone care enough to want to do something for my birthday. I didn't mean to upset you and I feel bad that I worried you."
"Are you okay?" Elizabeth asked. "You were limping earlier and looked a little pale. I don't want to push you, but I just want to make sure that you are okay."
"I didn't notice that I was limping." Jack said. "When I was out riding earlier, I got slapped with some branches when I went off the trail. I thought I heard something and I wanted to check it out. I am not sure about being pale. I feel fine. My leg is sore, but other than that, I feel okay."
"Okay." Elizabeth said. "Like I said. I don't want to push you, but I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay. Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat."
"No." Jack said. "I am not hungry. I just want to go to bed."
"Fine." Elizabeth said. "But I want to check your leg."
Jack closed his eyes so Elizabeth wouldn't see him roll them.
"Yes, I guess it wouldn't hurt." Jack said.
Jack banked the fires and made sure that the doors were bolted. Elizabeth turned down the lanterns and they headed up to bed. They both changed, Elizabeth checked Jack's leg and saw that it was a bit red, but otherwise fine. They then crawled under the covers. Jack pulled Elizabeth close, but didn't do anything other than hold her. She wasn't going to complain, she loved being close to Jack. She loved the feeling of being in Jack's arms and being held close to him, but for some reason it was different that night. Jack held her, but he felt so far away. She wondered what was bothering Jack, she had tried to talk to him, but he didn't seem to want to talk. She wondered if it was just his birthday or was there something else going on. She wished that Jack would open up to her, but she also knew that he had a hard time opening up and talking about things. She would drop it for the time being but keep an eye on him. She hoped that things would get better.
Elizabeth wanted to try and plan something for Friday. Maybe she could arrange for them to go on a ride together, she would have to talk to Bill and McGinty. She just hoped that Jack wouldn't be mad if she tried to do something. She would have to try to talk to him again later in the week. Sleep didn't come easy for Elizabeth that night. Elizabeth wasn't the only one that had trouble sleeping. Jack lay there thinking and getting nowhere. He thought about what Elizabeth had asked him about not wanting to be happy. He knew that his father would want him to be happy. He wondered if he was punishing himself because his father died. It had taken a long time for him to be happy and not feel guilty. Ever since his father died he hated his birthday. He knew that it had been wrong of him to treat Elizabeth the way that he had, but he was feeling sorry for himself again and taking it out on her. He knew that she was just trying to do something special for him and he shouldn't have been mad. Jack also thought about what he had to do that week. He looked forward to keeping busy. He would let Elizabeth know that it would be okay to make him a special supper on Thursday night. He just wanted to get through the week and hopefully he would start to feel better. He hated all the feelings that his birthday brought up.
Monday came fast for both Jack and Elizabeth. They got up and got ready for the day. Neither had slept well. It wasn't that they had gone to bed mad, but they had gone to bed without talking through everything that was going on. Elizabeth wanted to help Jack, but she didn't know how if he wouldn't talk to her. Jack just wanted the week to be over and maybe he could push the feelings he was feeling away until he was stronger and had the energy to work through them. Jack felt that so much had happened in the last couple of months and he hadn't had time to process everything. As happy as he was to marry Elizabeth, he also knew that it was a huge change in his life. Then you add in the difficulties with her family, learning about his family's past, getting hurt and now his birthday, well it was just too much for Jack at the moment.
Elizabeth crawled from bed and quickly dressed. Jack watched her and he could tell that she wasn't herself either. He laid there a moment and waited until Elizabeth went down before getting dressed. He didn't want to fight and thought it would be easier to just give her some space, since that was what he needed as well. Elizabeth made breakfast for them and then lunch for them each to take with. Jack walked Elizabeth to school and made sure that the fire was going before he left. They hadn't said much to each other that morning. Both wanted to talk and could tell that the other had something to say, but neither took the time to say what they were feeling. Elizabeth was upset that Jack didn't give her a kiss before he left the schoolhouse, but she didn't have time to dwell on it. She needed to get ready for the students.
Elizabeth struggled that day at school. The kids had tons of energy and Elizabeth had trouble getting them to focus. She snapped at Cody and Robert for talking after she had asked them to stop. She snapped at Anna for asking the same question a couple of times. Elizabeth realized she had snapped at the children and felt bad. She took a couple of deep breaths and tried to refocus them. She just wished that she had the energy to deal with everything that was going on. She decided that she would let the children out for lunch a few minutes early. She hoped that they would run off some of their energy and the afternoon would be better. Elizabeth grabbed her lunch and went and sat on the steps to keep an eye on the children. It was a fairly warm day for the middle of February and she was grateful that she could let the children out. Elizabeth ate her lunch and watched the children run and play. As they were playing, she looked over to the jail a few times hoping to see Jack, but he never came outside.
Jack had had a pretty good morning other than being tired. He rode and checked on the two families that hadn't been at services the day before. They were both fine, but had not been feeling the greatest during the week. They all just wanted to make sure that no one got sick from being out in the cold. When Jack got back to town, he pulled the disaster plan out of his messenger bag. He wanted to work on it some more. He wanted it done as soon as he could so that he could send it off to headquarters and also give them time to try to get the things that they would need. Bill and Joe helped Jack with the plan. Jack still had a number of unanswered questions, but they had done as much as they could at that point. Jack planned to type it up that afternoon. He pulled out his lunch because he needed a break. He ate a little early and then he went for a walk. He stopped by the mercantile and sent out a couple wire messages. He then went over and talked to Lee. Jack was thinking about Elizabeth and there was a part of him that wanted to walk over to the school and interrupt her day, but he figured that would upset her more then it would help.
Elizabeth had a better afternoon. The children were a little better behaved. They realized that Elizabeth wasn't in a good mood and chose not to push the matter anymore then they already had. Elizabeth did assign a writing project that would be due on Friday and spelling words for the week. She had planned on sending math home as well, but chose not to because she didn't want the parents to complain. Before she let the children go, she apologized for snapping at them that morning, but reminded them that they all had bad days. She thanked them for being better behaved that afternoon. After the children were gone, Elizabeth took a few minutes to sit at her desk and collect her thoughts. She knew that she needed to talk to Jack, but she didn't know what else that she could say to him. She thought about stopping and talking to Abigail, but just wanted to go home.
Jack also had a better afternoon. He spent most of the time typing. He was able to get one full copy typed up and started on a second. He wanted to get the plan posted to headquarters that week. He thought about taking the stuff home and typing that night, but he didn't know what Elizabeth had planned. He knew that he was riding rounds in the morning, but he figured that he would have time to type it after rounds. Jack excused himself and let Bill and McGinty know that he would be at his house if he was needed.
As Jack walked home, he thought about things. He felt bad for worrying Elizabeth, but he also felt that he was entitled to his feelings. His father may have died years ago, but that didn't change the hurt that it brought. The upcoming anniversary of his death brought those feelings to the surface. It didn't help that Jack had thought more about his dad in the last six or seven months than he had in years. Jack also wondered how much was the anniversary and how much was all the changes in his life. He knew that he needed to talk to Elizabeth, but he still wasn't sure what he could say that could get her to understand without upsetting her. Jack turned around and headed back to town. He needed to talk to Abigail if possible. He figured that if anyone had insight it would be her. Jack walked into the cafe and saw that it wasn't busy, so he asked if he could talk for a moment. Abigail wondered what was going on. After the previous night Abigail figured something was going on. She also figured that it had something to do with Jack's upcoming birthday. She knew about his father and that could be hard.
"What is going on?" Abigail asked.
"You know that it is my birthday this week." Jack said.
"Yes." Abigail said. "I also know that your father died the day after your birthday, is this what this is about?"
"I guess." Jack said. "Elizabeth was talking about doing something special for my birthday, then I got upset and she didn't understand why I didn't want anything to do with my birthday. I know now that she just wanted to make a special supper for her husband on his birthday. She accused me of not wanting to be happy and to keep punishing myself. She said that because I lost my father, I don't want to be happy. I want to be happy, but sometimes that is hard. I was eleven when my father got hurt and twelve when he died. I don't think that she understands how much it still hurts. He was my father. He didn't see me grow up. He didn't see me enter the academy or graduate. He didn't see me as a Mountie. He didn't see me get married. He won't see become a father. My birthday just brings all those feelings back to the surface. I don't usually think about those things and when I do, I realize that they are normal feelings and I get past them quickly. It is harder this year because there have also been so many changes in my life."
"I understand." Abigail said. "There are times that the emotions overwhelm me and I need a moment to myself. Birthdays and holidays are worse. I don't think that Elizabeth has ever experienced a loss like that and that is why she can't understand. Try to explain how you feel and let her know that you want to talk to her, but that you also need time."
"I will try." Jack said.
"Anytime." Abigail said. "Maybe write out your feelings first and that way you have already started working through them and it will be easier. I had to do that when my father died and Noah was upset with me."
"Thanks again." Jack said.
