A/N: Welcome to my Christmas story of 2020; I hope you'll enjoy this one!
Chapter 1
Johanna Beckett breathed deeply as she picked up a blouse she had bought that morning and slipped it onto a hanger, her gaze straying to her four year old granddaughter who was sitting in the center of her bed, studying the pictures in the photo album that she had snatched off the nightstand. A Christmas cartoon that she had insisted on watching upstairs while her grandmother tended to the bags of items they had bought was being ignored and Johanna was half tempted to turn it to something more pleasing as background noise…after all, she was already overloaded on Christmas songs thanks to the loop of them being played on the sound systems at Macys and Bloomingdales…and the radio since her tiny shopping companion had declared that it was her turn to pick the music in the car. It hadn't been her turn…but she couldn't seem to say no to McKenzie Grace Castle.
Christmas, Johanna thought to herself with a soft sigh; how was it the Christmas season already? Her granddaughter was a ball of energy about all the holiday things to come in the next few weeks leading up to Santa's arrival and the pile of gifts that would be under the Christmas tree. She loved to see her granddaughter excited and she did her best to live up to the level of holiday excitement that McKenzie expected of her…but it wasn't easy. Another sigh crossed her lips as she hung the blouse in the closet and reached for the skirt she had bought. She had been home for seven and a half years now and while she felt she had made great progress at putting the past behind her, this time of year was still hard for her to get through. She still longed for the Christmases of the past, when things had seemed as close to perfect as they could get. That longing was why she had dug out the photo albums the night before…but things couldn't ever be that way again and she had made her peace with it for the most part. On the other hand though, she still felt a little bitterness about the holidays she had been robbed of…still felt the melancholy and disappointment of not having the type of holidays that her parents had had and enjoyed at this stage of their lives. It seemed like a family Christmas was just something that the combined Beckett-Castle families couldn't get right. It pained her…she imagined it always would but she did the best with what she was given.
"Is this picture my mommy?" McKenzie asked, pulling Johanna from her thoughts.
She laid aside the skirt and crossed the room to look at the picture that her granddaughter was pointing at. "Yes, that's your mommy; that was the Christmas when she was four years old."
"That's how old I am!" her granddaughter exclaimed.
"I know," she said wistfully; running her hand over McKenzie's dark curls. She was growing so quickly and she wished she could slow it down just as she had wished she could slow down Katie's childhood.
"Who's that girl with her?" McKenzie asked.
"That's your cousin Claire when she was a little girl," Johanna answered. "Your mommy and Claire were the best of friends when they were growing up."
"Aren't they friends anymore?"
She smiled. "Of course they are, Kitten; they just don't see each other as much as they did when they were kids but I know for a fact that Claire still loves your mommy and your mommy still loves Claire too."
Satisfied with the answer, McKenzie's attention returned to the photo album and Johanna drifted back to the closet to finish putting away the clothes she had bought.
"Grandma?" McKenzie asked.
"What?"
"Is Santa coming tomorrow?"
"No; you have a few weeks to wait, sweetheart. Have you finished your letter to Santa?"
"Not yet; I need to look at the toy book some more."
"I thought you might," Johanna remarked; thinking of the toy book that Amazon had sent in the mail that her granddaughter had already combed through at least ten times. "Don't forget that you need to help write a letter for your little brother too; he's too little to do it so you'll have to help make his list. We don't want Santa to forget that you have a baby at your house this year."
"I won't forget Landen," McKenzie replied. "Do you think he will like the toy I got him today?"
She offered her granddaughter a smile. "I'm sure that Landen will love his Christmas present from you."
"Grandma?"
"Yes, dear?"
"How come you have a big Christmas tree in these pictures but you only gots a little Christmas tree now?" McKenzie asked.
"That's because Grandpa and I use the big tree at the cabin," she answered.
"You need a big tree here."
"I think our small tree is just as nice," Johanna replied. "Grandpa and I use the bigger tree at the cabin because that's where we are for Christmas."
"Why?"
"Because that's our tradition," she said smoothly; not wanting to get into a discussion about how their one attempt at a family Christmas had been a disaster.
"But what about Santa?!"
"Now, McKenzie; you know that Grandpa calls Santa and tells him that we need him to come to our house early to leave your presents before we leave. You don't need to worry; Santa will make his usual delivery here."
"How does Grandpa know Santa's phone number?"
Johanna hung up the jacket she had bought for work and turned to look at her granddaughter once more. "All Grandpas know Santa's number."
"Why?"
"So they can make sure little boys and girls get what they want for Christmas," she answered.
"Can I have Santa's phone number?" McKenzie asked.
"No; children aren't allowed to have the number."
"Why not?"
"Because so many kids would be calling him all day and all night that he'd never get anything done," Johanna remarked; "So that's why Grandpas get to know the number."
"Can't Grandpa call him and then I can talk to him?"
"No; you have to write a letter and you'll get to talk to him when Mommy and Daddy take you to see him at Macys," she told her. "That's the rule."
"Okay," her granddaughter sighed.
She smiled. "Don't worry, sweetheart; Santa won't forget you; he never has."
"When is he coming to your house?"
"Not yet; not until it's closer to Christmas."
"Can't he come the same day he comes to my house and then I'll have lots of presents on the same day?" McKenzie asked.
She shook her head. "Grandpa and I will be at the cabin, honey. You and Landen will spend the night and we'll have our Christmas before we leave but we'll call you every night while we're away just like always."
"I don't want you to go away," her granddaughter said sadly.
"It's only for a little while," Johanna soothed; "And you'll be so busy with your new toys that you won't even notice. Mommy's taking time off from work and she'll be home with you all day for a little while and I know how much you like that."
"But if you stay home we can come visit you," McKenzie stated.
"Honey; it's going to be fine just like always. You know Grandpa and I go on vacations sometimes and that we always call you while we're away and we always miss you the whole time."
"You don't have fun without me, do you?" her granddaughter asked.
Johanna shook her head. "Not the kind of fun you mean."
"You have fun without me!?"
"Only grown up fun that you wouldn't like," she told her. "Other than that, we don't have any fun at all without you."
"What's grown up fun?"
"Going on dates," Johanna said teasingly. "Little girls aren't allowed to go on dates; that's why we can't take you with us."
"I go to lunch date with you and Grandpa," her granddaughter protested.
"Lunch dates are different; Grandpa and I go on dinner dates when we're alone and we go see movies that little girls wouldn't like and we go to grown up places to hear music and you wouldn't be allowed in those places because you're too little and then there's lots of kissing and you wouldn't want to see that," she teased.
McKenzie giggled; watching as Johanna took a dress from the shopping bag. "Are you going to wear that dress for your grown up date?" she asked.
"No; I'm going to wear this dress to church on Christmas Eve," her grandmother replied, placing the dark green dress on a hanger. "I always wear a nice dress to church on Christmas."
"Why?"
"Because church is extra special on Christmas Eve so it's nice to dress up for it."
"Because it's Baby Jesus' birthday?"
She nodded. "That's right."
"Grandma?"
"What?" she asked with a laugh; her granddaughter was on a questioning kick today.
"What do you do at church on Christmas?"
"Well the priest reads the story of how baby Jesus was born; you remember me reading you the storybook you have about it, right?"
"Uh huh; can we read it again?"
"Of course we can," Johanna replied. "On Christmas Eve, they tell the story in church and it's decorated really pretty with lots of flowers and candles because it's such a special day. The little kids have a pageant…"
"What's a pageant?"
"It's like a play," she explained.
"Like Grammy does!?" McKenzie asked; her eyes lighting up.
"Yes, I guess you could say that; only in the pageant, the kids are the ones acting; they have a little girl as Mary; do you remember who Mary is?"
"Baby Jesus' mommy."
"That's right, good girl. They have a little boy play Joseph; and then other little kids are the wise men and shepherds and angels and sometimes they use a real baby as baby Jesus and other times they use a doll."
"I want to see a pageant!" McKenzie said.
"Maybe one day you will. Your mommy was in the Christmas pageant when she was your age," Johanna stated; "The pictures are in there."
"Was she Mary?"
"No; she was an angel with her cousin Claire; they sang Christmas songs in the pageant and my mommy, your great grandma Naomi, played the piano while all the little angels sang."
McKenzie flipped the pages in the album, quickly finding the pictures of Kate in her angel costume for the Christmas pageant. "There's Mommy as an angel!"
Johanna moved back across the room to look at the photos. "There she is; she was the cutest angel up there and she had so much fun."
"I want to be in a pageant like my mommy was," McKenzie stated. "Grandma, can I go to Christmas church with you and be in the pageant?"
"I'm afraid not, sweetheart. I go to church up at the cabin."
"You could stay home," her granddaughter insisted. "I want to be in a pageant like my mommy. I can do it."
"Oh I'm sure you could," Johanna assured; "You know, we have a video of Mommy when she was in the pageant."
Before they could discuss it further, a cry sounded in the hallway, drawing Johanna's attention to the doorway just as her husband appeared with their ten month old grandson in his arms. Her brow rose, her gaze questioning as she met his eye. Jim grinned as he moved toward her. "He wants to see my supervisor."
A smile touched her lips. "And why is that? Did male bonding time take a bad turn?"
Jim held Landen out to her. "Not at all; it's just that like all Beckett men, he wants a beautiful woman to hold him while he goes to sleep."
"Smooth; very smooth," she replied, taking the baby into her arms as he reached for; Landen's cries easing as he snuggled into the crock of her neck.
"It's true; see he already stopped crying. That's the power of a beautiful woman, sweetheart."
She smirked at him in amusement. "You think so?"
Jim nodded, a grin tugging at his lips. "I know it for a fact…see you hold him now and later you can hold me."
"Mhmm," she said giving him a knowing look. "Why do I get the idea that you have more in mind than just holding?"
"You're suspicious like that," he remarked with a laugh before pressing a kiss to her lips. "But see, he's all content now with his grandmother; ready to nap now that he's being held by a beautiful woman. I told him I wasn't offended in the slightest that he prefers you to snuggle up with at nap time."
"Are you sleepy?" Johanna murmured to Landen as he raised his head to look at her. "Did Grandpa wear you out?"
"Mama," he murmured, rubbing his eye.
"Mama will be home in a little while," she promised, rubbing his back. He laid his head back down, his tiny fingers curling into her shirt. "I'll go get him put down for his nap."
"Grandma; what about the video?" McKenzie asked.
"What video?" Jim inquired as he sat down on the foot of the bed to look at the photo album his granddaughter had been looking through.
"The one of Katie when she was in the Christmas pageant at church," Johanna answered. "Maybe Grandpa can find it while I put Landen down for his nap."
"Will you find it, Grandpa?" McKenzie asked.
"We'll find it, sweet pea," he told her before glancing to Johanna. "Should I look in that box that your brother gave you of videos he had transferred to DVDs?"
"Yes; it's probably in there since he's the one who taped the pageant. If it's not; look in the usual places."
"Alright," he replied. "Come on, sweet pea; let's go look for the video."
"Piggyback ride," McKenzie exclaimed as she latched on to him.
"Okay, piggyback ride it is," Jim said as he got up. "Hold on tight. I guess we're swapping kids, Jo."
She smiled, her lips brushing against Landen's soft brown hair in. "That's okay; McKenzie needs a piggyback ride and I need to cuddle my sweet boy for a little while."
"Even trade then. We'll wait for you before we play the tape once we find it."
"Okay," she replied, following them out of the room.
"Grandpa, don't you think we need a big Christmas tree here?" McKenzie asked as they headed for the stairs.
"Grandma likes the little one here; it's just as nice as a big one," Jim answered.
"I think we need a big one," their granddaughter remarked.
Johanna sighed softly, carrying Landen to the guest room which had been turned into a partial nursery for their grandson. She grabbed his favorite soft blue blanket and settled down in the rocking chair with him. "Ma," he murmured as she laid the blanket over him.
"Grandma's got you, sweet boy," she replied as she began to rock him. "You like my little tree, don't you? I know you like the lights; you look at them all day long. Sissy wants a big tree here but I don't see that happening. She's got one at your house."
Landen babbled at her sleepily and she smiled, breathing in his soft baby scent as she pressed kisses to his hair. "I know; you're sleepy; you don't want to hear me ramble," she whispered lightly.
The baby let out a sleepy huff, his tiny fingers clutching the material of her shirt once more and she smiled a little; wondering if he got that habit from her; after all, she often fell asleep with her hand curled into Jim's shirt or around his wrist. She softly hummed a lullaby as she rocked her grandson; reveling in the quiet moments spent with him; his small body relaxing against her as sleep washed over him. Johanna closed her eyes, allowing the silence of the room to wrap around them; it was so nice to have a baby in the house again. So nice to have two grandchildren to cuddle now…and she knew Jim was in his glory having a grandson. She smiled a little; he hadn't had to work that day so she had taken McKenzie to do a little shopping so that he could have some one on one time with his grandson. They had been happily playing together when she and McKenzie had arrived home. Jim loved his granddaughter too; loved her with all of his heart and would've welcomed a second granddaughter…but he had wanted a grandson…cautiously wished for one clear up to the day that Katie had gone into labor…and he had been rewarded in the form of Landen James Castle. Johanna brushed a kiss against Landen's head; truth be told, she had wished for a boy too…not just for Jim but because she thought it would be nice to have one of each…and it was so very wonderful to have this little boy in their lives.
This would be Landen's first Christmas and a part of her hated to be away from him on the exact day but she knew they'd have their usual early Christmas celebration with the kids and she'd make herself happy with that; after all, she didn't really have any other choice in the matter…and early Christmas was better than no Christmas with them at all. But still she sometimes caught herself growing wistful…and slightly bitter…and a hundred little things in between that she had to keep smothered so that her grandchildren's holiday wouldn't be marred in any way. She could make do with what she was given…and McKenzie would have to do the same despite her idea of changing how things were done. Johanna sighed quietly, holding her grandson a little tighter. She hated to say no to her granddaughter…hated when she felt like there was no other option but saying no…but she knew her hands were tied; that McKenzie wouldn't have the holidays with her that Katie had had with Naomi McKenzie and Elizabeth Beckett. It just wasn't in the cards.
"Grandma; we're ready!" McKenzie's voice called from downstairs.
Johanna breathed deeply and rose from the chair, brushing another kiss to Landen's head as she carried him to the crib and carefully laid him down. She brushed her fingers softly against his cheek; making sure that his blanket posed no hazard to him before she backed away from the crib and grabbed the baby monitor to take downstairs with her. She didn't often watch the home movies of Christmases past; they always made her ache; but for McKenzie she would…after all; it was the best she could give her right now.
Awhile later, after watching the home movies of Katie's Christmas Pageant and the one taken on Christmas that same year at her mother's home, Johanna began to feel like she had made a mistake. She worried her lip a little as McKenzie looked at the photo album with Jim. She had gotten nostalgic…had told her granddaughter all about the magical Christmas she used to have. She told her about the tradition of going to Christmas Eve Mass with her mother and grandmother; told her about lighting candles in memory of loved ones…of how Katie spent Christmas Day visiting her grandparents homes. She told her all about the baking of cookies, cakes and fudge; Elizabeth Beckett's gingerbread houses and her own grandmother's family famous biscotti.
McKenzie had taken it all in along with photographic evidence…and was now happily chatting to her grandfather about how she wanted to do all those things she had heard about. Johanna sighed softly; Katie and Rick were going to wring her neck…or at least she was sure Rick would once he heard McKenzie's new kick. He'd probably keep the kids home for a few days until she forgot about it. She would make herself okay with that as long as it kept the family waters calm.
"Grandma, we need to go shopping again," McKenzie stated, pulling her from her thoughts.
"What for, Kitten?" Johanna asked.
"I need a special church dress like you," the little girl replied.
She gave her a soft smile. "Honey, you can't go to church with me."
McKenzie nodded. "I can; and I can be in a pageant."
"Sweetheart; it's not that easy," she explained. "Besides; you know Grandpa and I go to the cabin for Christmas…I'll be going to church there and you'll be home with mommy and daddy and Landen."
"Well you could stay home and then I can go to church with you," McKenzie replied. "Grandpa, can't you and Grandma stay home?"
Jim rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know, sweet pea; Grandma likes going to the cabin for Christmas."
"She will like Christmas at home with me and then I can go to church with her and she won't be by herself."
"I'm not by myself," Johanna assured.
"But your mommy and grandma are in heaven now," McKenzie replied; "You need me to go with you."
"Grandpa goes with me," she told her. "But I appreciate that you want to keep me company."
"I can still go with you."
"Honey," she sighed; "Your mommy and daddy might not want you to go."
"Mommy will say yes; she always let's me go with you Grandma."
"Your daddy might say no," Johanna said; knowing that there was no question about the fact that her son-in-law didn't want her straying into his own family traditions.
"Mommy's the boss," McKenzie stated. "Mommy will say yes."
"We don't need to worry about who the boss is," Johanna said.
"It's Mommy," her granddaughter said with conviction, interrupting her.
"I'd put money on that theory," Jim remarked.
"I would too," Johanna agreed; "But McKenzie; it's not going to be possible. Grandpa and I are going on our little vacation."
"Please; Grandma; stay home this time," her granddaughter pleaded. "We can make cookies and fudge and cake…can we make a gingerbread house like Grandpa's mommy did?"
Her heart ached as she watched Jim press a kiss to the top of McKenzie's head; that hint of longing for his mother sweeping across his face; a feeling she knew all too well. The traditions they'd had with their parents that they had hoped to carry on with their own grandchildren had been left behind…carried on only in small ways during their time alone together at the cabin; he took her to church on Christmas Eve…and she got up early on Christmas morning and made gingerbread so the house would smell like the treat his mother had always made.
"We'll see," she said softly; "But you know we always make some Christmas cookies for when you come over to have Christmas with me and Grandpa."
"I know; but if you stay home we can make more stuff," her granddaughter stated. "I still want to be in the pageant too…I want to be an angel like Mommy was and sing songs."
"It's not up to me," Johanna told her. "Your mommy and daddy would have to give their permission and they might not want you to be in one."
"Mommy will say yes."
"Mommy doesn't always say yes," Johanna reminded her granddaughter. "You didn't get that pony."
"I will get the pony," her granddaughter replied; "I just got to wait for Daddy to buy a stable."
Her brow rose. "And when is Daddy buying a stable?"
"When he finds the right one; he said it might take awhile but he's looking for it."
Jim nearly choked on the laughter he was struggling to hold back. "We should've thought of that one, Jo."
She nodded. "We missed the boat on that one. We had to appease Katie with logical answers that she wasn't keen on at the time."
"Grandma; are you going to stay home for Christmas with me?" McKenzie asked.
"We'll talk about it later," Johanna remarked. "For now, while Landen is still sleeping; how about I make us some hot chocolate and we'll play Candy Land?"
"Will you put marshmallows in it?!"
"Don't I always?"
"The pretty color ones?"
"Of course, baby; you come into the kitchen and I'll let you put them in," Johanna said. "While we're doing that, Grandpa can set up the game on the coffee table and make sure Scarlett doesn't steal a piece this time like she did last time."
McKenzie scooted off the couch, leaving the photo album abandoned between Jim and the cat. "Let's make the hot chocolate, Grandma."
"Very smooth transition, sweetheart," Jim commented, catching his wife's eye.
"It worked," she replied.
"For now," he called after her. "But it won't work for long."
Johanna followed McKenzie to the kitchen; she had that feeling too.
"Mommy's coming," McKenzie exclaimed upon hearing footsteps on the porch early that evening. "Mommy's coming, Landen."
"Mama!" Landen babbled, a smile on his lips as Johanna rose from the sofa, shifting him onto her hip.
"Let's go let her in," Johanna said.
"I'll go get Grandpa," McKenzie stated.
"No; Grandpa's on the phone about work; he'll come out when he's finished," she told her as a knock sounded at the door.
"Mama!" Landen exclaimed, squirming his grandmother's arms.
Johanna couldn't help but laugh. "Let's go let Mama in, sweet boy."
She headed for the door, McKenzie hot on her heels and Landen's fingers toying with her earring. She unlocked the door and pulled it open to reveal her son-in-law instead of her daughter. "Where's Katie?" Johanna asked.
"Where's Mommy?" McKenzie echoed, looking out the door.
"Dada!" Landen squealed, his arms reaching for his father.
Castle smiled. "Well at least one person is happy to see me," he stated as he stepped inside and took his son from his mother-in-law's arms.
"Where's Mommy?" his daughter demanded to know; disappointment filling her green eyes.
He sighed. "Mommy had to stay at work a little longer; she'll be home soon."
"Is something wrong?" Johanna asked.
"No, she just needs to finish up some work on a case. She told me to go ahead and get the kids since I'm no help to her with paperwork."
She nodded; she had hoped her daughter was doing pick up as usual…McKenzie's new kick about wanting to go to church with her and have Christmas with her would have been much easier to explain to her daughter. She hated having to explain things to Rick…it never ended well. They were better than they used to be but they seemed to have unspoken agreements about topics that weren't to be discussed and lines that weren't to be crossed…and Christmas was one of those lines; she had learned that the hard way.
"Is something wrong, Johanna?" Castle asked; gauging her mood and the fact that she wasn't looking at him. "Did the kids misbehave?"
"Of course not!" she exclaimed. "They were perfect as always."
"Perfect?" he teased. "My children? Miss hides everything under the bed and Mister I'll scream the house down if you wash my hair?"
"I'll have you know that the only thing under McKenzie's bed here is Scarlett when she decides to take a nap there and as for Landen, I washed his hair last weekend and he did just fine."
"I refuse to believe that without evidence."
"McKenzie was here, she knows. Did your brother cry when I washed his hair?"
"No, he was laughing at Grandpa cause he was making ducky noises at him," McKenzie answered.
"See," Johanna replied with a smile.
Castle nodded. "Where is Jim; I'd like to know about these magical ducky noises."
"He's taking a call about work."
"How convenient," he quipped. "But since I can tell that you have something on your mind, why don't you just get it out in the open."
"McKenzie; why don't you go upstairs and get your backpack; make sure your bear and your toys you brought are in it and then get Landen's blanket from his room; I forgot to bring it downstairs," Johanna said as she turned and headed back for the living room.
"Okay, Grandma," her granddaughter said as she hurried for the stairs.
"Don't run on the stairs," Johanna called after her.
"I won't."
Castle followed Johanna into the living room as Landen's small hands explored his face while babbling to him. "Did you have a good day, little man?" he asked him.
"He's been very happy today," Johanna commented. "No teething trouble today."
"That's good," he said, kissing his son's head. "Now what's the problem, Johanna?"
"I made a mistake and I take full responsibility for it," Johanna said, her words hurried as her gaze flicked away from her son-in-law.
Castle's brow furrowed as he watched her worry her bottom lip. "What do you mean? The kids look fine."
"Not a child care mistake," she remarked; "A holiday related mistake, I'm afraid."
Castle shifted Landen into a more comfortable position in his arms. "I don't think I understand."
Johanna shifted on her feet. "Well…I…I left Landen with Jim for a couple hours while I took McKenzie on a few errands with me…"
"Jim's proven himself to be a quite capable babysitter when left to his own devices," Castle quipped.
"Of course he is; but it isn't about that," his mother-in-law went on. "Before we went to the store to get a few groceries, McKenzie and I stopped in Macy's…"
"You took her to see Santa before we could," he said flatly; a flare of anger flickering in his veins as he had been waiting for Kate's weekend off so they could take the kids to see Santa and have their picture taken.
"No!" Johanna exclaimed. "He wasn't even there yet when we were there; we went early to beat the crowds."
"Then what is the problem?" he asked; his patience beginning to wear thin as he wondered what his mother-in-law had done.
"I bought a dress."
"For McKenzie?"
"For me."
"And how does that relate to making a mistake that you're taking responsibility for with me? Shouldn't this be one of those things you take up with Jim?"
"Jim stopped caring about me buying dresses on a whim a long time ago," Johanna remarked. "The mistake comes in when McKenzie asked me where I was going to wear the dress."
"Just spit it out, Johanna."
"I told her I was going to wear it to church…on Christmas Eve…."
"And?" he asked as his son grabbed hold of his nose.
"And…she asked me about what church is like on Christmas…and I made the mistake of telling her about the little pageant…and how Katie was an angel in the Christmas pageant when she was McKenzie's age…"
"And?" he repeated.
And now she wants to go with me and she wants to be in the pageant," Johanna hurried to say. "But I told her no. I know how you feel about her being involved with the Catholic Church…which is why you shouldn't have given your consent to her being baptized but I don't want to have that discussion again. I've told her she can't go…but I can't promise she's not going to bring it up to you…because she has that habit of bringing things up that you don't want her to…kind of like her father…so…just know that I'm sorry and I didn't mean to get her started on this and the next time I buy a dress when she's with me, I'll lie about what I'm doing with it. I'll also understand if you don't want to bring the kids back for a few days until she forgets."
Castle sighed deeply and sat down on the couch, shifting Landen to his lap as his mother-in-law remained standing. "I'm sure since you told her no that it will be the end of it."
"Yeah; I thought so too…but you know McKenzie…she tends to be determined…and she wants to go and she wants to be in the pageant."
"She doesn't even know what a pageant is."
Johanna shifted on her feet. "She knows…she asked me so I told her, I didn't think she'd want to do it which is why I told her it was a little play…which she then equated to being like what Martha does…which just made it even more appealing…and I mentioned Katie being in one when she was little…and then she needed to see pictures…and the video."
"Well…that's nothing new," Castle remarked. "You always give her photographic evidence of everything Kate ever did in her life."
"Oh like you don't take a ton of pictures of your kids," Johanna retorted.
"Touché; but as for the pageant angle; it's not like we could get her into a Christmas play this late in the game; it's only a few weeks away."
"I could actually…my sister-in-law Valerie and her best friend are in charge of the pageant at the church my family has always attended. I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem at all…Ally's going to be in the pageant and so is Sophie."
"And you made a phone call?" he asked; wondering if he was about to be dragged into a world of pageant rehearsals with his four year old.
"No! Of course not. I wouldn't do that without permission…besides; I told her Jim and I will be going to the cabin like we always do for Christmas."
"Well then I'm sure that probably puts an end to it," Castle replied.
"She wants us to stay home," Johanna said somewhat quietly.
Her son-in-law regarded her with a raised brow. "So you're staying in town now?"
Johanna shook her head. "No…I remember the agreement we made…that Jim and I would be given a day to celebrate Christmas with our grandchildren and that we'd then go to the cabin as usual so that we wouldn't be interfering in your family Christmas and traditions."
Castle sighed a little; how did he and Kate always end up in this awkward position with her parents when it came to holidays? Especially when it came to Christmas. "Johanna; I don't want you to feel forced to leave town…I'm sure that's a feeling that would bring back bad memories."
"I don't want to discuss that," she remarked. "But I don't feel forced…we like going to the cabin and I'm content with my given day to celebrate with McKenzie…and now Landen. You and Katie will have to let me know what day we can do that so Jim and I can make our plans to leave."
"I don't want you to go!" McKenzie exclaimed as she came down the stairs, dragging her Barbie backpack by the strap as she clutched Landen's blanket in her hand. "Daddy, tell Grandma to stay home for Christmas."
"That's not my choice to make, Jellybean," he answered. "That's up to Grandma and Grandpa."
"But I need Grandma to stay home so I can go to Christmas Church with her and be in the pageant like my mommy was," his daughter replied.
"McKenzie; it's probably too late for you to be in a pageant…I'm sure they've already picked children for all the parts," Castle replied. "If you want to go to church, Mommy and I will take you but it's not a place where you get to play…you have to sit still for a long time."
"No," she said shaking her head. "I want to go with Grandma…she told me she used to go with her mommy and her grandma…they're in heaven now," she said solemnly.
"I know," Castle replied; "I know that Grandma misses them a great deal."
"She does," McKenzie said with a nod; "But she said they're angels now and they watch over us and live in her heart. She says she lights special candles at Christmas church for her mommy and grandma so they know she's thinking about them."
Johanna gave her son-in-law a sheepish smile. "I like to tell her about her family…about the things we did and how I keep their memory alive. I want her to know her heritage…but I really didn't mean to set her off on a kick about this, Rick; honestly, I didn't."
Castle studied his mother-in-law's face, seeing sincerity that she hadn't meant to start this kick for McKenzie of taking on her grandmother's traditions…and he could also see the hint of unease in her features that she had found herself in this situation. "It's alright," he assured. "I want the kids to know about your family, Johanna; they deserve to know them in the best way they can."
"Daddy," McKenzie said as she leaned against his knee. "Do you know who I saw on the video I watched with Grandma and Grandpa?"
"Who, Jellybean?"
"I saw Grandma's mommy!"
"You did?" he asked; his voice tinged with the excitement he knew his daughter wanted.
"Uh huh; she played the piano like Grandma does."
"I've heard that Grandma's mommy was very good at playing the piano," he replied.
His daughter nodded. "She did a good job. Grandma Naomi smiled a lot."
"Kind of like you," Castle said, tickling her side.
McKenzie giggled. "Grandma said I have Grandma Naomi's smile."
"I bet she's right," he replied; thinking back to the year before when Johanna had made the statement that McKenzie had Naomi McKenzie's trait of always wanting things to be kind and sweet. "Did you see anyone else on the video?"
"Uh huh; I saw Grandpa's mommy too! You know what?" she asked excitedly.
"What?"
"Her hair looked like Mommy's! Grandma said that Mommy has her Grammy Lizzie's hair color."
"Mommy's told me that," Castle replied, adjusting his grip on Landen who squirmed. "You have your Grandma's hair color."
"I know," McKenzie remarked. "I saw Grandma's daddy on the video too."
"Did you?"
"Uh huh. Grandma's going to show me more videos that her mommy and daddy are in so I can see them again. I saw her grandma too; she talked a little funny."
"She had an accent," Johanna said gently. "Remember, I told you, she was born far away in Italy and she came to live in America when she was a little girl."
McKenzie nodded. "I remember."
"Sounds like you had a good day," Castle stated as he met his daughter's gaze once more.
"Yeah; but I still think Grandma needs a big tree…and that she should stay home for Christmas so Santa don't have to come early to her house. Mommy will tell her to stay home; I'll tell Mommy."
"On that note, we better be getting home," Castle stated. "We'll get dinner ready for Mommy since she's going to be a little late; do you think you can help me with dinner?"
"I can do that, Daddy," she said as Johanna grabbed her small purple coat and helped her put it on while he got Landen ready to go.
After double checking the diaper bag and McKenzie's backpack and summoning Jim from the office so that they could say their goodbyes, Johanna followed her son-in-law and grandchildren to the door.
"See you tomorrow, Grandma," McKenzie said as she trailed after them onto the porch.
"You're home with Daddy tomorrow, sweetheart. I have go to work for a little while; it's my last day of the semester," Johanna replied. "I'll see you Friday…I guess…"
"They'll be here," Castle said as he met her eye. "I'm sure this whole thing will blow over…don't worry about it."
"You know I'm not really capable of that, Rick."
He nodded. "Try anyway."
Johanna managed a small smile. "I'll see what I can do. Get those kids in the car; it's cold out."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Don't ma'am me, you know I hate it," Johanna replied.
"I know…but sometimes I can't resist," he called out as they made their way down the steps of the porch. "I'm sure Kate will call you later; thanks for babysitting."
"I'm always happy to do that," she answered. "If Katie's too tired to call just tell her I love her."
"I will," he promised.
She watched as he loaded the kids into the car and then got in himself before she retreated back inside to the warmth of her house. As she locked the door, her husband's hands slipped around her waist. "Are you ready to hold me?" he teased lightly.
Johanna laughed softly as she turned to face him, his arms pulling her closer. "Maybe after dinner."
"So strict with that rule," he quipped before stealing a kiss.
She smiled and then laid her head against his chest for a moment. "Don't worry," he murmured knowingly. "McKenzie will forget about pageants by the time she comes back."
"She wants us to stay home for Christmas."
"We can if you want," he replied; holding her tightly.
Johanna shook her head. "It's probably best if we just do what we always do; besides, if we stay home we won't have any of our special ornaments since they're at the cabin."
"We can always go get them if you change your mind."
"I'm not going to change my mind…I'd much rather be at the cabin with you than sitting here at home hoping they'll come over when we both know they're not. All of our other decorations are at the cabin too; I only have a few things for here at the house…you know I got rid of all the stuff I bought the first Christmas I was back…and I got rid of a lot of the older stuff too that didn't have sentimental value."
"You could always buy some new things for the house if you want to stay home," he told her.
"No…it's easier at the cabin…and it's nice for us to have time to ourselves for a few days."
"We can still go to the cabin; we'd just go for the New Year instead," Jim remarked.
She sighed a little. "I know…but we'll go for Christmas; hopefully McKenzie will be distracted soon."
Jim pulled back a little to look her in the eye. "I think your granddaughter wants to have Christmas with you the way it was when Katie was little…she's seeing that in the pictures she was looking at and on those videos she saw today of the pageant and of Christmas at your mother's house. She wants to do all those things you used to do with Katie."
"It's not my place," she replied. "It's Katie's place to do those things."
"It's Katie's place…but it's your place too," he remarked. "Katie always did holiday things with your mother and my mother and it never took away from the things we did with her."
"I know; but the difference is; our parents were welcome to do things with her on the holidays. Katie loved baking things with my mother and helping to decorate her tree; she loved going to the church Christmas party with your mother and making the gingerbread house with her. She loved helping my father with the outside Christmas decorations…and we were glad for her to have those things with them. Katie and Rick have their own traditions and we're not a part of them…and it was made clear a long time ago that Rick prefers their traditions to be the only ones that McKenzie knows."
"I know…but McKenzie's older now…and she has a voice of her own and she knows how to make her desires known…and she's rarely refused when it's something that matters so much to her," Jim replied.
"The decision isn't mine," Johanna stated. "It's her parents decision…and it will be the same one they make every year…so I'm just going to keep our plans intact for going to the cabin."
"And if the plan changes?" Jim asked.
"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it," she answered as she slipped away from his embrace. "But I'm sure it's not something I have to worry about."
Jim watched her as she headed for the kitchen; she said she wasn't going to worry…but he knew better. She would worry…and their tenacious granddaughter would keep at her about the topic of staying in the city until she either became distracted by a different topic…or someone admitted defeat. He just wasn't sure which would party that would be…but he had a feeling that a season of change was upon them once again.
A/N: Kate will be in the next chapter.
